desire_v for_o four_o or_o five_o year_n together_o before_o her_o end_n and_o then_o she_o die_v upon_o a_o sudden_a without_o be_v so_o much_o as_o visit_v and_o much_o less_o confess_v but_o the_o happiness_n be_v that_o according_a to_o the_o custom_n which_o she_o have_v hold_v there_o be_v little_o more_o than_o eight_o day_n expire_v after_o her_o last_o confession_n this_o make_v i_o a_o very_a glad_a woman_n when_o i_o know_v of_o her_o death_n and_o she_o stay_v a_o very_a short_a time_n in_o purgatory_n nor_o be_v it_o yet_o above_o eight_o day_n since_o our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v how_o he_o carry_v my_o sister_n soul_n into_o glory_n in_o all_o these_o year_n from_o the_o time_n when_o the_o particular_a concern_v she_o be_v tell_v i_o till_o her_o very_a death_n i_o forget_v not_o that_o which_o have_v be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v concern_v she_o as_o neither_o 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that_o i_o be_v in_o confusion_n even_o to_o appear_v in_o her_o presence_n she_o show_v i_o the_o dispatch_n which_o she_o bring_v from_o rome_n and_o in_o those_o fifteen_o day_n which_o she_o stay_v with_o i_o we_o take_v order_n how_o we_o will_v make_v these_o monastery_n and_o till_o i_o have_v speak_v with_o she_o it_o never_o have_v come_v to_o my_o knowledge_n that_o our_o rule_n till_o it_o be_v relax_v do_v ever_o command_v that_o none_o of_o the_o religious_a house_n of_o our_o order_n shall_v have_v any_o propriety_n in_o any_o good_n nor_o have_v myself_o have_v any_o purpose_n to_o find_v any_o monastery_n at_o all_o without_o revenue_n for_o my_o intention_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v be_v free_a from_o the_o care_n of_o procure_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o we_o may_v be_v in_o necessity_n to_o use_v but_o this_o bless_a woman_n have_v be_v instruct_v by_o our_o lord_n be_v grow_v to_o understand_v that_o truth_n very_o well_o without_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o 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and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o find_v patience_n for_o be_v rich_a but_o i_o humble_o beseech_v he_o with_o tear_n to_o ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o may_v be_v poor_a like_v he_o and_o i_o find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n even_o in_o have_v revenue_n and_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o great_a a_o cause_n of_o disquiet_n yea_o and_o even_o of_o distraction_n also_o that_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o dispute_v the_o business_n with_o those_o learned_a man_n i_o write_v also_o about_o it_o to_o that_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o assist_v we_o and_o he_o send_v i_o two_o sheet_n of_o paper_n which_o he_o have_v write_v by_o way_n of_o contradiction_n to_o i_o and_o he_o ground_v himself_o in_o theology_n for_o the_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o do_v it_o yea_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o have_v study_v the_o point_n very_o well_o to_o which_o i_o answer_v he_o that_o for_o not_o follow_v my_o vocation_n and_o for_o not_o perform_v the_o vow_n which_o i_o have_v make_v of_o poverty_n and_o embrace_v the_o counsel_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n in_o all_o perfection_n i_o mean_v not_o to_o make_v use_n of_o his_o theology_n nor_o of_o his_o learning_n and_o therefore_o that_o in_o this_o case_n he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o excuse_v i_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o glad_a when_o i_o find_v any_o creature_n who_o will_v help_v i_o and_o the_o lady_n with_o who_o i_o be_v assist_v i_o particular_o herein_o there_o be_v other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o instant_o at_o the_o first_o that_o they_o like_v it_o well_o but_o afterward_o when_o they_o consider_v it_o better_o they_o
have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v most_o particular_o serve_v and_o glorify_v by_o it_o and_o that_o the_o soul_n which_o will_v consecrate_v themselves_o to_o he_o therein_o may_v prove_v to_o be_v holy_a and_o happy_a in_o a_o very_a eminent_a degree_n as_o long_o as_o they_o will_v continue_v attentive_a and_o careful_a not_o to_o swerve_v from_o that_o spirit_n which_o be_v derive_v to_o they_o from_o heaven_n through_o s._n teresa_n by_o her_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o other_o holy_a mean_n which_o spirit_n of_o she_o though_o it_o evident_o appear_v both_o by_o the_o exercise_n and_o example_n of_o all_o heroical_a virtue_n yet_o particular_o it_o seem_v to_o aim_v and_o point_n at_o the_o regular_a and_o constant_a use_n of_o recollection_n &_o mental_a prayer_n whereof_o she_o speak_v often_o and_o with_o most_o particular_a desire_n and_o care_n and_o appoint_v two_o hour_n to_o be_v employ_v every_o day_n therein_o beside_o all_o other_o devotion_n of_o any_o kind_n which_o be_v practise_v by_o all_o her_o holy_a religious_a and_o be_v real_o that_o time_n which_o give_v they_o more_o abundant_a joy_n than_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o indeed_o she_o take_v many_o occasion_n not_o only_o to_o recommend_v it_o earnest_o to_o the_o child_n and_o successor_n of_o her_o own_o order_n but_o exhort_v also_o all_o creature_n who_o will_v have_v the_o happiness_n to_o be_v the_o true_a servant_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n to_o take_v fast_o hold_v by_o this_o anchor_n in_o their_o navigation_n through_o the_o sea_n of_o this_o world_n in_o which_o sea_n not_o only_o they_o who_o be_v best_a ship_v but_o even_o such_o other_o also_o as_o have_v be_v cast_v over_o board_n from_o grace_n into_o the_o storm_n and_o tempest_n of_o a_o sinful_a life_n may_v yet_o by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n prove_v able_a yea_o and_o moral_o certain_a through_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n to_o recover_v the_o assure_a port_n of_o salvation_n for_o in_o the_o judgement_n of_o this_o 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must_v indeed_o be_v whole_o not_o only_o from_o the_o firm_a purpose_n of_o commit_v any_o sin_n whether_o it_o be_v great_a or_o small_a but_o even_o from_o the_o very_o fasten_v her_o affection_n in_o any_o manner_n of_o inordinate_a way_n to_o any_o creature_n of_o any_o kind_n though_o yet_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v unlawful_a in_o itself_o and_o a_o most_o particular_a care_n must_v also_o be_v take_v by_o all_o such_o as_o will_v follow_v the_o footstep_n &_o direction_n of_o this_o glorious_a saint_n upon_o which_o she_o press_v so_o very_o often_o &_o so_o very_o hard_o in_o twenty_o place_n of_o this_o excellent_a work_n that_o a_o soul_n which_o pretend_v to_o serve_v our_o bless_a lord_n in_o this_o kind_n as_o she_o ought_v must_v resolve_v both_o very_o faithful_o &_o very_o early_o to_o dispose_v herself_o to_o do_v it_o with_o true_a &_o perfect_a liberty_n of_o spirit_n that_o be_v with_o a_o absolute_a intention_n &_o determination_n to_o do_v it_o mere_o because_o it_o be_v the_o holy_a will_n of_o our_o b._n lord_n and_o because_o he_o have_v make_v it_o the_o mean_n whereby_o she_o may_v obtain_v the_o pardon_n of_o her_o sin_n and_o acquire_v all_o christian_a virtue_n through_o increase_n of_o grace_n and_o pay_v both_o frequent_a &_o ardent_a act_n of_o homage_n &_o grief_n &_o love_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n &_o procure_v a_o imitation_n of_o those_o heroical_a virtue_n which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o express_v in_o his_o bitter_a passion_n and_o above_o all_o thing_n the_o saint_n require_v we_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o have_v any_o mercenary_a respect_n at_o all_o to_o receive_v gust_n &_o spiritual_a delight_n or_o other_o high_a favour_n from_o he_o in_o this_o life_n but_o to_o remit_v all_o such_o thing_n to_o the_o next_o and_o so_o that_o we_o may_v ever_o do_v he_o true_a service_n to_o leave_v it_o with_o all_o indifferency_n &_o conformity_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n whether_o he_o will_v dispense_v all_o his_o favour_n to_o we_o at_o one_o payment_n in_o the_o next_o world_n or_o else_o by_o part_n &_o portion_n in_o this_o and_o whosoever_o shall_v be_v of_o a_o different_a mind_n will_v not_o only_o disoblige_v the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n herself_o but_o may_v also_o make_v this_o book_n both_o a_o unprofitable_a &_o unuseful_a yea_o &_o even_o a_o inconvenient_a study_n for_o his_o soul_n but_o to_o return_v to_o the_o glorious_a action_n of_o this_o saint_n that_o beside_o the_o institute_n or_o redress_v this_o order_n where_o she_o have_v both_o man_n and_o woman_n though_o yet_o chief_o her_o own_o sex_n in_o her_o eye_n she_o shall_v also_o be_v only_o but_o a_o woman_n be_v able_a so_o to_o work_v upon_o man_n as_o in_o despite_n of_o less_o rigour_n &_o no_o little_a envy_n to_o bring_v they_o to_o take_v as_o it_o be_v the_o law_n at_o her_o hand_n and_o notwithstanding_o the_o pride_n of_o old_a adam_n to_o overworke_n they_o to_o cooperate_v with_o the_o grace_n of_o the_o new_a and_o to_o make_v they_o not_o disdain_v to_o accept_v of_o her_o instruction_n and_o to_o apply_v themselves_o to_o the_o imitation_n of_o this_o virgin_n will_v not_o allow_v we_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n but_o wonder_v save_v that_o it_o be_v most_o evident_o the_o hand_n and_o the_o strong_a hand_n of_o almighty_a god_n who_o enable_v and_o strengthen_v this_o dear_a servant_n of_o he_o to_o be_v the_o instrument_n of_o so_o heroical_a a_o work_n and_o all_o this_o be_v so_o excellent_o set_v down_o by_o the_o say_a doctor_n lewis_n de_fw-fr leon_n as_o that_o i_o will_v do_v both_o the_o saint_n and_o her_o child_n the_o right_a to_o show_v they_o the_o very_a fountain_n itself_o from_o whence_o the_o relation_n spring_v and_o not_o deface_v or_o disgrace_v it_o by_o any_o imperfect_a description_n of_o my_o own_o you_o be_v therefore_o to_o understand_v and_o consider_v for_o these_o circumstance_n be_v not_o impertinent_a to_o the_o substance_n that_o some_o year_n after_o the_o death_n of_o this_o excellent_a creature_n s._n teresa_n and_o long_o before_o she_o be_v declare_v a_o saint_n by_o the_o judgement_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n in_o the_o process_n whereof_o there_o use_v ever_o to_o be_v even_o a_o excess_n of_o difficulty_n in_o weigh_v and_o admit_v of_o all_o proof_n there_o grow_v a_o question_n about_o the_o publish_n of_o her_o write_n and_o work_n and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o nothing_o may_v be_v do_v therein_o either_o by_o any_o indiscreet_a zeal_n or_o other_o accident_n the_o council_n royal_a of_o spain_n which_o be_v a_o body_n of_o great_a authority_n &_o wisdom_n commit_v the_o review_n of_o whatsoever_o the_o saint_n have_v leave_v behind_o she_o in_o that_o kind_n to_o be_v consider_v by_o some_o fit_n &_o grave_a person_n that_o so_o that_o which_o shall_v be_v find_v to_o be_v true_o she_o may_v be_v distinguish_v from_o other_o thing_n and_o so_o proceed_v to_o be_v public_a by_o authority_n this_o person_n be_v a_o learned_a and_o renown_a man_n a_o father_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n &_o a_o doctor_n who_o live_v in_o madrid_n at_o that_o time_n his_o name_n be_v lewis_z de_fw-fr leon_n as_o i_o say_v before_o who_o together_o with_o acknowledge_v and_o approve_v yea_o and_o admire_v her_o write_n whereof_o this_o life_n of_o she_o be_v the_o chief_a employ_v himself_o also_o with_o great_a care_n to_o set_v they_o out_o himself_z and_o when_o this_o book_n go_v to_o the_o press_n he_o dedicate_v it_o to_o the_o prioress_n and_o religious_a woman_n of_o the_o teresian-carmelites_n who_o then_o be_v new_o found_v in_o madrid_n and_o here_o you_o shall_v be_v entertain_v with_o as_o much_o of_o that_o dedicatory_a epistle_n as_o import_v the_o excellency_n both_o of_o the_o holy_a mother_n s._n
my_o parent_n but_o by_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n my_o father_n be_v a_o man_n of_o much_o charity_n towards_o poor_a people_n and_o of_o compassion_n towards_o the_o sick_a yea_o and_o he_o have_v so_o much_o pity_n even_o of_o his_o servant_n that_o he_o can_v never_o resolve_v to_o keep_v any_o slave_n for_o the_o tenderness_n which_o he_o have_v towards_o they_o and_o there_o be_v once_o a_o slave_n in_o his_o house_n who_o belong_v to_o a_o brother_n of_o he_o he_o cause_v he_o to_o be_v treat_v and_o feed_v as_o if_o he_o have_v be_v one_o of_o his_o own_o child_n and_o say_v through_o his_o great_a compassion_n that_o he_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o see_v such_o as_o he_o be_v unless_o they_o may_v be_v make_v free_a he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o much_o truth_n nor_o do_v ever_o any_o creature_n hear_v he_o either_o detract_v or_o swear_v he_o be_v excee_o honest_a and_o chaste_a my_o mother_n also_o be_v enrich_v with_o many_o virtue_n and_o she_o pass_v through_o this_o life_n of_o 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buy_v heaven_n where_o they_o be_v to_o see_v and_o enjoy_v his_o divine_a majesty_n very_o good_a cheap_a and_o myself_o also_o desire_v much_o to_o die_v so_o though_o not_o yet_o for_o the_o love_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v myself_o to_o bear_v he_o but_o rather_o that_o i_o may_v come_v by_o so_o compendious_a a_o way_n to_o enjoy_v those_o great_a felicity_n which_o i_o have_v read_v to_o be_v impart_v in_o heaven_n i_o associate_v myself_o therefore_o to_o this_o brother_n of_o i_o to_o consider_v what_o mean_v there_o may_v be_v for_o our_o obtain_v this_o end_n and_o so_o we_o grow_v to_o resolve_v that_o we_o will_v go_v into_o barbary_n among_o the_o moor_n and_o beg_v by_o the_o way_n as_o we_o go_v that_o so_o we_o may_v come_v by_o degree_n to_o loose_v our_o life_n there_o for_o our_o lord_n and_o it_o seem_v that_o he_o give_v we_o courage_n enough_o for_o this_o purpose_n even_o in_o that_o tender_a age_n of_o we_o if_o we_o can_v have_v find_v any_o mean_n to_o 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to_o set_v up_o some_o little_a oratorye_n or_o chapel_n after_o the_o manner_n of_o heremitage_n the_o best_a we_o can_v and_o we_o assemble_v little_a stone_n for_o that_o purpose_n which_o will_v instant_o be_v fall_v down_o again_o and_o so_o we_o meet_v with_o no_o mean_n to_o put_v out_o good_a desire_n in_o execution_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o be_o not_o without_o some_o feel_n of_o devotion_n to_o consider_v how_o soon_o it_o please_v almighty_a god_n to_o give_v i_o this_o kind_n of_o tenderness_n towards_o he_o which_o afterward_o i_o grow_v to_o loose_v through_o my_o own_o fault_n i_o give_v alm_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v though_o it_o be_v but_o little_a i_o procure_v to_o be_v much_o alone_a for_o the_o better_a do_v my_o devotion_n which_o be_v many_o and_o especial_o that_o of_o the_o rosarie_n to_o which_o my_o mother_n be_v much_o affect_v and_o she_o endeavour_v also_o to_o make_v we_o so_o i_o take_v particular_a contentment_n while_o i_o be_v play_v with_o other_o child_n like_o myself_o to_o frame_v certain_a little_a thing_n like_o monastery_n as_o if_o we_o have_v be_v religious_a woman_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o desire_v to_o be_v one_o though_o yet_o not_o with_o such_o vehemency_n of_o affection_n as_o i_o do_v those_o other_o thing_n whereof_o i_o speak_v i_o remember_v that_o when_o my_o mother_n die_v she_o leave_v i_o a_o little_a less_o then_o twelue_v year_n old_a and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o begin_v to_o understand_v how_o great_a a_o loss_n i_o have_v sustain_v by_o lose_v she_o i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v and_o so_o i_o go_v besore_n a_o image_n of_o our_o bless_a lady_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v she_o with_o many_o tear_n that_o she_o will_v vouchsafe_v to_o be_v my_o mother_n and_o though_o i_o perform_v this_o little_a action_n but_o in_o a_o plain_a and_o simple_a manner_n yet_o i_o think_v i_o may_v well_o conceive_v that_o it_o have_v serve_v i_o to_o very_o good_a purpose_n for_o i_o have_v most_o evident_o find_v the_o favour_n of_o this_o sovereign_a virgin_n concern_v all_o thing_n wherein_o i_o have_v recommend_v myself_o to_o her_o care_n and_o in_o fine_a she_o have_v bring_v i_o about_o to_o herself_o it_o afflict_v i_o to_o the_o very_a hart_n to_o see_v and_o consider_v how_o poor_a those_o impediment_n be_v which_o keep_v i_o from_o remain_v entire_a and_o constant_a in_o those_o good_a desire_n which_o i_o begin_v to_o have_v but_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n since_o it_o seem_v thou_o will_v vouchsafe_v to_o save_v i_o and_o i_o beseech_v thy_o divine_a majesty_n that_o it_o my_o be_v so_o and_o to_o show_v i_o so_o great_a favour_n as_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o may_v it_o not_o please_v thou_o not_o for_o my_o interest_n and_o profit_n but_o for_o that_o high_a reverence_n which_o be_v due_a to_o thyself_o to_o take_v order_n that_o this_o house_n of_o my_o hart_n wherein_o thou_o shall_v for_o ever_o remain_v may_v be_v no_o more_o defile_v nay_o it_o go_v o_o lord_n to_o my_o very_a soul_n even_o to_o say_v thus_o much_o because_o i_o know_v and_o feel_v that_o the_o fault_n thereof_o be_v whole_o i_o for_o as_o for_o thou_o i_o find_v clear_o enough_o that_o there_o want_v nothing_o at_o all_o on_o thy_o part_n to_o secure_v i_o for_o be_v total_o thou_o own_o even_o from_o that_o tender_a age_n of_o i_o and_o if_o i_o will_v be_v content_a to_o seek_v some_o colour_n to_o complain_v of_o my_o parent_n with_o as_o little_a reason_n also_o can_v i_o do_v that_o since_o i_o can_v never_o discover_v any_o thing_n in_o
also_o with_o have_v begin_v so_o to_o use_v prayer_n as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o carry_v my_o pain_n with_o much_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n the_o conversation_n of_o my_o hart_n be_v whole_o with_o he_o and_o i_o carry_v these_o word_n of_o job_n very_o usual_o both_o in_o my_o thought_n and_o in_o my_o mouth_n since_o we_o have_v receive_v blessing_n and_o benefit_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n why_o shall_v we_o not_o also_o suffer_v affliction_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o this_o help_v to_o give_v i_o courage_n at_o length_n come_v the_o feast_n of_o our_o b._n lady_n in_o august_n for_o till_o then_o from_o the_o april_n before_o have_v my_o torment_n continue_v though_o yet_o it_o have_v be_v great_a in_o the_o three_o last_o month_n i_o than_o make_v haste_n to_o go_v to_o confession_n for_o i_o ever_o take_v much_o contentment_n to_o confess_v often_o my_o friend_n think_v that_o it_o be_v fear_n of_o death_n which_o invite_v i_o to_o be_v so_o devout_a and_o so_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v put_v into_o apprehension_n my_o father_n will_v not_o let_v i_o confess_v o_o inordinate_a and_o irregular_a love_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n since_o though_o i_o have_v so_o catholic_n a_o father_n and_o so_o full_a of_o prudence_n and_o consideration_n in_o all_o his_o action_n which_o even_o abound_v in_o he_o for_o this_o can_v not_o be_v a_o effect_n of_o ignorance_n yet_o he_o may_v have_v do_v i_o hurt_n enough_o by_o this_o mean_n that_o night_n i_o fall_v into_o such_o a_o trance_n as_o continue_v to_o keep_v i_o near_o four_o day_n without_o the_o use_n almost_o of_o any_o of_o my_o sense_n and_o short_o they_o come_v to_o give_v i_o the_o sacrament_n of_o extreme_a unction_n and_o every_o hour_n or_o rather_o every_o moment_n it_o be_v expect_v when_o i_o shall_v expire_v they_o be_v as_o diligent_a in_o say_v the_o creed_n devil_n in_o my_o hear_n as_o if_o i_o have_v understand_v they_o yea_o sometime_o they_o hold_v i_o for_o so_o certain_o to_o be_v dead_a that_o afterward_o i_o find_v the_o drop_n of_o the_o holy_a candle_n wax-candle_n about_o my_o eye_n the_o affliction_n of_o my_o father_n be_v great_a for_o his_o not_o have_v permit_v i_o to_o go_v to_o confession_n many_o outcry_n and_o many_o prayer_n be_v make_v to_o almighty_a god_n for_o i_o and_o bless_v be_v he_o who_o be_v please_v to_o hear_v they_o for_o the_o grave_n remain_v open_a in_o the_o church_n of_o my_o monastery_n a_o day_n and_o a_o half_a where_o my_o body_n be_v expect_v to_o be_v inter_v and_o my_o funeral_n have_v be_v already_o celebrate_v by_o the_o religious_a man_n of_o our_o order_n in_o another_o town_n where_o it_o be_v conceive_v that_o i_o be_v dead_a our_o lord_n be_v yet_o please_v at_o length_n that_o i_o shall_v teturne_v to_o myself_o and_o so_o instant_o i_o will_v needs_o go_v to_o confession_n i_o receive_v also_o the_o b._n sacrament_n with_o many_o tear_n though_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o be_v not_o shed_v with_o that_o sense_n and_o grief_n for_o only_o my_o have_v offend_v almighty_a god_n which_o may_v have_v serve_v to_o save_v my_o soul_n if_o the_o error_n into_o which_o i_o be_v bring_v by_o they_o who_o have_v tell_v i_o that_o they_o be_v not_o matter_n of_o mortal_a sin_n which_o afterward_o i_o see_v plain_o that_o they_o be_v may_v not_o serve_v my_o turn_n for_o the_o torment_n wherewith_o i_o remain_v be_v intolerable_a and_o my_o understanding_n not_o very_o sharp_a but_o rather_o dull_a though_o yet_o as_o i_o conceive_v my_o confession_n be_v entire_a of_o all_o thing_n whereby_o i_o may_v think_v that_o i_o have_v offend_v god_n for_o this_o mercy_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o allow_v i_o among_o other_o that_o after_o i_o have_v once_o begin_v to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n i_o never_o omit_v to_o confess_v any_o thing_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n though_o it_o be_v but_o venial_a though_o 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offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o love_n yet_o at_o least_o thou_o shall_v forbear_v to_o do_v it_o for_o fear_n for_o he_o may_v have_v take_v thy_o life_n from_o thou_o a_o thousand_o time_n when_o thou_o be_v in_o a_o more_o dangerous_a state_n and_o i_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o say_v too_o much_o if_o i_o do_v speak_v of_o a_o thousand_o time_n more_o though_o he_o perhaps_o may_v chide_v i_o who_o command_v i_o to_o use_v moderation_n in_o the_o recital_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o yet_o i_o doubt_v that_o i_o have_v paint_v they_o out_o too_o favourable_o and_o fair_a but_o i_o beg_v of_o he_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v not_o once_o think_v of_o make_v i_o diminish_v my_o fault_n because_o the_o magnificence_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v to_o be_v discern_v thereby_o and_o how_o much_o he_o be_v please_v to_o suffer_v and_o endure_v from_o a_o soul_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o and_o let_v it_o also_o please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o may_v rather_o consume_v i_o quite_o then_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o leave_v to_o love_v he_o more_o the_o six_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o how_o much_o she_o owe_v our_o b._n lord_n for_o his_o give_v she_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n in_o so_o great_a affliction_n and_o how_o she_o take_v the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n for_o her_o intercessor_n and_o how_o advantageous_a that_o devotion_n prove_v to_o be_v i_o remain_v during_o those_o four_o day_n of_o agony_n or_o trance_n in_o such_o state_n that_o only_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v able_a to_o know_v the_o unsufferable_a torment_n which_o i_o feel_v in_o myself_o my_o tongue_n be_v deep_o bite_v by_o i_o in_o many_o place_n my_o throat_n with_o have_v take_v nothing_o and_o by_o reason_n also_o of_o my_o very_a great_a weakness_n can_v not_o swallow_v so_o much_o as_o a_o drop_n of_o water_n without_o choke_v i_o thought_n i_o be_v total_o disjoint_v and_o my_o head_n in_o extreme_a disorder_n i_o be_v also_o 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the_o end_n that_o my_o say_a ghostly_a father_n grow_v hereafter_o into_o a_o clear_a knowledge_n of_o i_o by_o this_o mean_n may_v assist_v i_o in_o my_o weakness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o that_o so_o at_o length_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o pay_v some_o little_a part_n of_o that_o much_o service_n which_o i_o owe_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n who_o let_v all_o creature_n praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_o the_o first_o chapter_n she_o show_v haw_v our_o lord_n begin_v to_o stirre-up_a her_o soul_n in_o her_o childhood_n to_o the_o perform_n of_o virtuous_a action_n and_o of_o the_o help_n which_o it_o give_v in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n to_o be_v bear_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n the_o very_a have_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n and_o such_o as_o live_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n together_o with_o those_o favour_n which_o i_o receive_v from_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v able_a to_o have_v make_v i_o good_a if_o i_o have_v not_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a my_o father_n be_v delight_v in_o read_v good_a book_n and_o use_v to_o have_v they_o in_o spanish_a that_o so_o his_o child_n may_v also_o read_v they_o this_o consideration_n together_o with_o the_o care_n which_o my_o mother_n have_v to_o make_v we_o say_v our_o prayer_n and_o to_o put_v we_o into_o a_o way_n of_o devotion_n to_o our_o bless_a lady_n and_o some_o other_o particular_a saint_n begin_v to_o awake_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o when_o i_o be_v to_o the_o best_a of_o my_o remembrance_n about_o six_o or_o seven_o year_n old_a it_o assist_v i_o also_o towards_o this_o good_a end_n to_o find_v that_o there_o be_v no_o mean_n for_o i_o to_o win_v the_o favour_n of_o
which_o they_o who_o be_v good_a may_v well_o enjoy_v without_o any_o disadvantage_n to_o their_o goodness_n because_o they_o owe_v no_o more_o since_o they_o do_v not_o promise_n clausure_n but_o as_o for_o i_o who_o be_o wicked_v it_o will_v certain_o have_v carry_v i_o down_o to_o hell_n unless_o our_o lord_n have_v draw_v i_o out_o of_o this_o danger_n by_o very_a many_o remedy_n and_o mean_n and_o most_o particular_a favour_n and_o so_o i_o think_v a_o monastery_n of_o woman_n with_o liberty_n expose_v they_o to_o very_o great_a hazard_n and_o rather_o appear_v in_o my_o eye_n as_o a_o way_n whereby_o they_o who_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v wicked_a may_v walk_v on_o towards_o hell_n then_o as_o a_o remedy_n for_o their_o weakness_n i_o mean_v not_o this_o by_o my_o monastery_n for_o therein_o be_v so_o many_o who_o serve_v our_o lord_n so_o much_o in_o earnest_n and_o with_o so_o great_a perfection_n that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n through_o his_o goodness_n can_v fail_v of_o do_v they_o favour_n neither_o be_v this_o monastery_n also_o of_o the_o most_o open_a and_o dis-enclosed_n and_o beside_o all_o good_a religious_a order_n be_v observe_v in_o it_o but_o i_o speak_v what_o i_o be_v speak_v of_o other_o which_o i_o know_v and_o have_v see_v i_o say_v therefore_o that_o those_o other_o give_v i_o cause_n to_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o they_o for_o they_o have_v need_n of_o particular_a motion_n and_o call_v from_o our_o lord_n and_o not_o once_o but_o very_o often_o that_o so_o they_o may_v be_v save_v consider_v how_o much_o the_o honour_n and_o recreation_n of_o the_o world_n be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v authorize_v and_o how_o little_a such_o as_o they_o be_v understand_v the_o very_a much_o to_o which_o they_o be_v oblige_v so_o that_o i_o beseech_v god_n they_o hold_v not_o that_o sometime_o for_o virtue_n which_o be_v sin_n as_o myself_o do_v often_o yea_o and_o there_o be_v so_o great_a difficulty_n in_o make_v this_o be_v well_o understand_v that_o there_o be_v need_n of_o no_o less_o then_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o shall_v serious_o put_v his_o hand_n to_o the_o work_n if_o father_n will_v take_v my_o counsel_n since_o they_o will_v not_o procure_v to_o put_v their_o daughter_n where_o they_o may_v walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n but_o rather_o be_v in_o more_o danger_n than_o they_o shall_v perhaps_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n i_o will_v advise_v they_o at_o least_o to_o consider_v their_o own_o honour_n and_o rather_o to_o marry_v they_o very_o mean_o then_o to_o put_v they_o into_o such_o monastery_n as_o those_o unless_o they_o be_v very_o virtuous_o incline_v yea_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n that_o even_o this_o may_v serve_v the_o turn_n yea_o or_o else_o let_v they_o rather_o continue_v they_o in_o their_o own_o house_n for_o if_o they_o will_v needs_o be_v wicked_a it_o can_v be_v there_o keep_v private_a but_o for_o a_o very_a short_a time_n but_o here_o it_o may_v be_v long_o conceal_v though_o yet_o in_o the_o end_n our_o lord_n be_v ever_o wont_a to_o discover_v it_o and_o then_o they_o do_v not_o only_o hurt_v themselves_o but_o also_o the_o rest_n and_o sometime_o those_o poor_a creature_n have_v the_o less_o fault_n because_o they_o do_v but_o that_o which_o they_o find_v in_o use_n but_o still_o it_o be_v matter_n of_o much_o compassion_n to_o see_v many_o who_o have_v real_o a_o mind_n to_o forsake_v all_o and_o conceive_v that_o they_o go_v to_o serve_v our_o lord_n and_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o danger_n of_o this_o world_n do_v yet_o by_o this_o mean_n grow_v to_o embark_v themselves_o in_o ten_o world_n all_o together_o where_o they_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v or_o how_o to_o help_v themselves_o for_o youth_n and_o sensuality_n and_o in_o fine_a the_o devil_n both_o invite_v they_o and_o incline_v they_o to_o follow_v something_n which_o do_v altogether_o belong_v to_o a_o world_n and_o so_o in_o effect_n they_o come_v to_o hold_v they_o good_a i_o think_v in_o this_o they_o be_v like_o those_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a man_n the_o heretic_n who_o first_o make_v themselves_o blind_a and_o then_o give_v themselves_o to_o understand_v that_o those_o opinion_n which_o they_o follow_v be_v good_a and_o so_o they_o come_v to_o believe_v they_o to_o be_v true_a though_o yet_o indeed_o and_o upon_o the_o matter_n they_o believe_v they_o not_o for_o in_o their_o heart_n there_o be_v somewhat_o which_o tell_v they_o still_o that_o it_o be_v naught_o o_o great_a misery_n i_o say_v o_o extreme_a great_a misery_n of_o religious_a person_n and_o i_o speak_v not_o here_o of_o woman_n now_o more_o than_o of_o man_n where_o religious_a observance_n be_v not_o keep_v and_o where_o in_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o monastery_n two_o way_n be_v hold_v one_o of_o virtue_n and_o religious_a life_n and_o another_o which_o be_v utter_o in_o want_n thereof_o and_o where_o they_o all_o go_v as_o it_o be_v equal_o hand_n in_o hand_n or_o rather_o i_o say_v ill_o when_o i_o say_v equal_o for_o it_o use_v to_o happen_v so_o for_o our_o sin_n that_o the_o more_o imperfect_a make_v up_o the_o great_a number_n and_o so_o as_o they_o use_v to_o be_v more_o they_o use_v to_o be_v also_o more_o favour_v and_o true_a religious_a observance_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v so_o rare_a in_o those_o place_n that_o as_o well_o that_o religious_a man_n as_o that_o religious_a woman_n who_o shall_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o give_v themselves_o whole_o and_o in_o good_a earnest_n to_o follow_v their_o vocation_n and_o rule_n will_v have_v cause_n to_o be_v in_o more_o fear_n of_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o religious_a of_o their_o own_o house_n then_o of_o all_o the_o devil_n in_o hell_n yea_o and_o they_o will_v need_v to_o use_v more_o caution_n and_o dissimulation_n in_o speak_v of_o that_o intercourse_n and_o friendship_n which_o such_o person_n shall_v procure_v to_o hold_v with_o almighty_a god_n then_o of_o other_o inclination_n and_o friendship_n which_o the_o devil_n find_v mean_n sometime_o to_o bring_v into_o monastery_n i_o can_v therefore_o meet_v with_o no_o reason_n why_o we_o shall_v be_v amaze_v to_o see_v so_o many_o misery_n in_o the_o church_n since_o they_o who_o ought_v to_o be_v pattern_n for_o other_o that_o so_o all_o man_n may_v grow_v to_o be_v virtuous_a by_o their_o example_n have_v total_o blot_v out_o that_o work_v which_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o saint_n in_o old_a time_n leave_v register_v in_o our_o religious_a order_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v such_o remedy_n to_o these_o mischief_n as_o he_o know_v best_o to_o be_v needful_a amen_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n when_o i_o begin_v to_o use_v such_o conversation_n as_o these_o i_o little_o think_v that_o so_o great_a distraction_n and_o other_o damage_n will_v grow_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o that_o kind_n of_o proceed_v when_o i_o see_v they_o be_v so_o much_o use_v by_o other_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o so_o general_a a_o thing_n as_o it_o be_v for_o secular_a people_n to_o make_v visit_n to_o the_o religious_a in_o many_o monastery_n will_v be_v of_o no_o great_a prejudice_n to_o i_o than_o it_o be_v to_o other_o who_o i_o see_v to_o be_v virtuous_a and_o good_a but_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n that_o those_o other_o be_v much_o more_o virtuous_a than_o myself_o and_o that_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o much_o danger_n to_o i_o be_v not_o perhaps_o of_o so_o very_a much_o to_o they_o though_o yet_o i_o fear_v it_o be_v of_o some_o and_o at_o the_o best_a hand_n i_o be_o sure_a enough_o that_o it_o be_v no_o better_o than_o time_n very_o ill_o employ_v and_o spend_v and_o be_v once_o with_o a_o certain_a person_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v in_o the_o very_a beginning_n of_o my_o acquaintance_n with_o she_o that_o such_o friendship_n will_v be_v no_o way_n convenient_a for_o i_o and_o to_o give_v i_o also_o advise_v and_o light_n in_o so_o great_a a_o darkness_n as_o that_o be_v for_o christ_n our_o lord_n represent_v himself_o before_o i_o with_o much_o rigour_n and_o give_v i_o well_o to_o understand_v how_o great_o he_o be_v disgu_v at_o my_o proceed_n i_o see_v he_o only_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o yet_o much_o more_o distinct_o and_o more_o clear_o than_o i_o can_v possible_o have_v do_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o body_n and_o he_o remain_v so_o deep_o imprint_v there_o that_o although_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o above_o six_o and_o twenty_o year_n ago_o i_o think_v he_o be_v still_o as_o present_v to_o i_o now_o as_o he_o be_v then_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a
that_o i_o shall_v shed_v those_o tear_n do_v show_v i_o favour_n enough_o for_o his_o part_n since_o i_o forget_v the_o sense_n and_o tenderness_n thereof_o so_o soon_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n that_o she_o may_v help_v i_o to_o obtain_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o profit_v the_o more_o in_o that_o last_o time_n when_o i_o pray_v before_o the_o picture_n because_o then_o note_n i_o be_v grow_v into_o very_o great_a distrust_n of_o myself_o and_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o almighty_a god_n to_o my_o think_n i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o will_v blessing_n never_o rise_v from_o thence_o till_o he_o grant_v i_o the_o humble_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o be_o full_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o do_v i_o good_a for_o i_o have_v go_v improve_v much_o ever_o since_o that_o time_n now_o i_o continue_v to_o hold_v this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n because_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n i_o procure_v to_o represent_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o my_o mind_n as_o be_v then_o within_o my_o very_a self_n and_o jever_n also_o find_v it_o to_o prove_v better_o with_o i_o in_o my_o opinion_n when_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v he_o all_o alone_a for_o he_o be_v alone_o and_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afflict_v i_o think_v he_o be_v to_o admit_v i_o yea_o and_o to_o assist_v i_o too_o as_o a_o person_n who_o be_v in_o necessity_n and_o misery_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o simplicity_n i_o have_v many_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o use_v to_o find_v myself_o very_o well_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o i_o be_v in_o my_o kingdom_n when_o i_o may_v accompany_v he_o there_o i_o think_v also_o much_o upon_o that_o sweat_n together_o with_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o he_o sustain_v then_o and_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v permit_v to_o wipe_v that_o most_o painful_a sweat_n from_o his_o face_n but_o i_o remember_v how_o in_o fine_a i_o never_o dare_v resolve_v to_o presume_v to_o do_v it_o so_o grievous_o do_v my_o sin_n represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o howsoever_o i_o remain_v there_o by_o he_o as_o long_o as_o my_o thought_n will_v give_v i_o leave_v but_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o have_v store_n of_o such_o as_o torment_v i_o most_o night_n during_o many_o year_n before_o i_o go_v to_o rest_v and_o when_o i_o be_v recommend_v myself_o to_o god_n ere_o i_o sleep_v i_o ever_o think_v a_o little_a upon_o this_o passage_n of_o his_o prayer_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o that_o even_o before_o i_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n for_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v gain_v many_o indulgence_n by_o it_o and_o at_o least_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o my_o soul_n get_v much_o by_o this_o mean_n because_o thus_o i_o begin_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n even_o without_o express_o know_v what_o it_o be_v and_o then_o it_o be_v as_o usual_a for_o i_o not_o to_o omit_v this_o custom_n as_o not_o to_o fail_v of_o blessing_n myself_o with_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o cross_n before_o sleep_v but_o to_o return_v to_o what_o i_o be_v say_v of_o the_o torment_n which_o my_o thought_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o this_o manner_n of_o proceed_v without_o discourse_n of_o the_o understanding_n have_v this_o in_o it_o that_o the_o soul_n must_v both_o gain_v much_o and_o loose_a much_o i_o mean_v all_o consideration_n and_o discourse_n be_v lose_v for_o as_o for_o profit_v they_o profit_v much_o who_o use_v it_o since_o all_o such_o prayer_n be_v love._n but_o to_o arrive_v to_o this_o point_n &_o pitch_n it_o will_v cost_v every_o body_n a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n except_o such_o as_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o conduct_v in_o a_o short_a time_n to_o quiet_a prayer_n of_o which_o kind_n i_o know_v some_o and_o for_o they_o who_o go_v by_o this_o way_n it_o will_v be_v good_a to_o have_v some_o book_n or_o other_o at_o hand_n that_o so_o they_o may_v recollect_v themselves_o quick_o as_o for_o i_o 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a_o sweet_a repose_n or_o sleep_v of_o all_o the_o power_n which_o be_v yet_o neither_o total_o lose_v nor_o yet_o do_v they_o know_v how_o they_o work_v this_o gust_n and_o delight_n and_o suavitie_n be_v great_a beyond_o all_o comparison_n than_o the_o former_a for_o the_o water_n of_o this_o grace_n gets-up_a to_o the_o very_a throat_n of_o the_o soul_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o now_o it_o can_v go_v forward_o nor_o know_v how_o to_o do_v it_o nor_o yet_o will_v by_o any_o mean_n return_v backward_o but_o enjoy_v a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o glory_n it_o be_v as_o when_o a_o man_n be_v already_o with_o the_o holy_a die_v candle_n in_o his_o hand_n so_o that_o now_o there_o want_v very_o little_a of_o die_v but_o it_o be_v of_o that_o very_a death_n which_o be_v desire_v for_o she_o be_v enjoy_v the_o great_a delight_n that_o can_v be_v imagine_v in_o that_o agony_n of_o she_o and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n then_o even_o to_o die_v as_o it_o be_v entire_o to_o all_o 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all_o tongue_n to_o praise_v our_o lord_n she_o utter_v a_o thousand_o holy_a impertinency_n but_o yet_o she_o do_v ever_o endeavour_v to_o hit_v right_a in_o please_v he_o who_o hold_v she_o there_o in_o that_o manner_n i_o know_v of_o a_o certain_a person_n who_o though_o she_o be_v no_o poet_n yet_o instant_o do_v she_o happen_v to_o make_v certain_a verse_n all_o extempore_o which_o be_v very_o significant_a in_o the_o way_n of_o complaint_n &_o declare_v her_o pain_n very_o well_o though_o they_o be_v not_o make_v by_o her_o own_o understanding_n alone_o but_o for_o the_o better_a enjoy_v that_o glory_n which_o give_v she_o so_o delightful_a a_o pain_n she_o complain_v thereof_o to_o her_o god_n she_o wish_v that_o she_o may_v be_v all_o tear_v in_o piece_n both_o in_o body_n and_o soul_n to_o show_v the_o joy_n she_o find_v to_o feel_v this_o pain_n what_o torment_n can_v then_o be_v set_v before_o she_o which_o then_o she_o will_v not_o be_v glad_a to_o endure_v for_o the_o 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o_o my_o king_n i_o most_o humble_o beseech_v and_o beg_v at_o thy_o hand_n that_o since_o when_o even_o now_o i_o be_o not_o whole_o out_o of_o this_o holy_a celestial_a frenzy_n or_o folly_n which_o through_o thy_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o so_o whole_o without_o any_o merit_n of_o i_o thou_o do_v i_o the_o great_a favour_n to_o impart_v either_o all_o such_o person_n as_o with_o who_o i_o shall_v have_v occasion_n to_o converse_v may_v be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v mad_a fool_n for_o thy_o love_n or_o else_o dispose_v thou_o so_o of_o i_o as_o that_o
eat_v of_o it_o for_o just_a so_o do_v the_o soul_n not_o satisfy_v herself_o nor_o be_v content_a to_o feed_v upon_o the_o meat_n of_o this_o world_n because_o she_o find_v that_o in_o herself_o which_o give_v her_o satisfaction_n it_o be_v the_o far_o great_a contentment_n which_o she_o have_v in_o almighty_a god_n and_o her_o desire_n also_o be_v to_o satisfy_v even_o those_o desire_n of_o she_o and_o this_o be_v that_o which_o she_o procure_v there_o be_v also_o another_o kind_n of_o union_n which_o even_o yet_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o a_o absolute_a and_o entire_a union_n though_o it_o be_v great_a than_o that_o of_o which_o i_o be_v speak_v before_o and_o not_o altogether_o so_o great_a as_o that_o of_o this_o three_o water_n and_o your_o reverence_n will_v be_v very_o glad_a suppose_v that_o our_o lord_n bestow_v they_o all_o upon_o you_o if_o you_o have_v they_o not_o already_o to_o find_v it_o write_v thus_o and_o direct_o to_o understand_v what_o it_o be_v for_o it_o be_v one_o kind_n of_o favour_n for_o our_o lord_n to_o impart_v the_o same_o very_a favour_n and_o another_o to_o understand_v what_o grace_n and_o favour_n that_o be_v yea_o and_o yet_o another_o to_o be_v able_a to_o unfold_v and_o declare_v how_o it_o pass_v and_o howsoever_o it_o may_v seem_v that_o there_o may_v no_o more_o than_o the_o first_o of_o these_o three_o be_v needful_a for_o the_o keep_n of_o the_o soul_n from_o be_v in_o a_o kind_n of_o confusion_n and_o fear_v and_o for_o enable_v it_o to_o go_v forward_o with_o more_o courage_n in_o the_o way_n of_o our_o lord_n even_o tread_v with_o the_o very_a foot_n thereof_o upon_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n yet_o be_v it_o a_o favour_n of_o so_o great_a advantage_n to_o understand_v it_o that_o it_o be_v reason_n that_o both_o he_o who_o have_v it_o and_o even_o he_o also_o who_o have_v it_o not_o shall_v praise_v our_o lord_n much_o for_o it_o because_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v it_o 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that_o be_v without_o be_v control_v by_o the_o understanding_n it_o will_v make_v a_o body_n wonder_v extreme_o to_o see_v what_o a_o coil_n it_o keep_v and_o what_o a_o war_n it_o make_v and_o procure_v to_o put_v all_o out_o of_o order_n for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o sure_a it_o tire_v i_o and_o i_o be_o also_o sure_a that_o i_o abhor_v it_o and_o i_o have_v often_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o if_o it_o must_v needs_o distract_v i_o still_o after_o this_o manner_n he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o take_v it_o from_o i_o in_o these_o occasion_n and_o sometime_o i_o presume_v to_o say_v thus_o to_o he_o when_o o_o my_o god_n be_v this_o whole_a soul_n of_o i_o to_o be_v entire_o unite_v in_o thy_o praise_n and_o not_o divide_v thus_o into_o piece_n without_o be_v so_o much_o as_o able_a to_o serve_v herself_o of_o herself_o but_o here_o do_v i_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n discern_v the_o mischief_n which_o have_v be_v bring_v upon_o we_o by_o sin_n since_o it_o make_v we_o be_v so_o subject_a to_o the_o not_o do_v of_o what_o we_o so_o much_o desire_v which_o be_v to_o be_v ever_o busy_v about_o almighty_a god_n i_o say_v this_o happen_v to_o i_o diverse_a time_n and_o one_o of_o those_o time_n be_v this_o very_a day_n and_o so_o i_o may_v the_o better_a remember_v it_o for_o in_o fine_a i_o see_v my_o soul_n even_o dissolve_v and_o defeat_v herself_o through_o the_o desire_n which_o she_o have_v to_o be_v whole_o there_o where_o she_o find_v herself_o for_o the_o most_o part_n to_o be_v already_o and_o yet_o that_o this_o be_v impossible_a because_o both_o the_o memory_n and_o imagination_n do_v still_o make_v such_o war_n upon_o she_o that_o they_o suffer_v she_o not_o to_o work_v like_o herself_o and_o though_o they_o be_v not_o able_a to_o do_v she_o any_o hurt_n in_o regard_n that_o the_o other_o power_n and_o faculty_n be_v want_v yet_o indeed_o they_o may_v well_o be_v think_v to_o do_v hurt_v enough_o by_o the_o disquiet_n they_o give_v but_o yet_o still_o i_o say_v that_o they_o do_v she_o proper_o no_o hurt_n because_o indeed_o they_o have_v no_o strength_n nor_o do_v they_o fix_v themselves_o in_o any_o one_o be_v or_o state_n and_o in_o regard_n that_o the_o understanding_n do_v not_o help_v the_o imagination_n in_o that_o which_o it_o represent_v either_o more_o or_o less_o it_o can_v fasten_v upon_o any_o thing_n but_o skipp_n up_o &_o down_o from_o one_o to_o another_o and_o it_o be_v like_o those_o importunate_a and_o unquiet_a little_a gnatt_n which_o buzz_n and_o whizz_v by_o night_n here_o and_o there_o for_o just_a so_o be_v these_o power_n wont_a to_o go_v from_o one_o to_o another_o this_o comparison_n seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v extreme_o proper_a for_o though_o these_o inferior_a faculty_n have_v not_o strength_n and_o mean_n to_o do_v harm_n yet_o be_v they_o troublesome_a enough_o to_o such_o as_o feel_v they_o not_o do_v i_o know_v what_o remedy_n there_o be_v against_o this_o inconvenience_n for_o hitherto_o almighty_a god_n have_v not_o enable_v i_o to_o find_v any_o out_o &_o if_o he_o have_v i_o will_v have_v be_v very_o glad_a to_o use_v it_o for_o it_o torment_v i_o as_o i_o say_v very_o often_o but_o in_o this_o be_v our_o misery_n make_v apparent_a to_o we_o and_o so_o also_o do_v the_o power_n of_o almighty_a god_n shine_v very_o clear_o in_o it_o since_o this_o faculty_n of_o the_o soul_n which_o be_v loose_a can_v put_v we_o to_o so_o much_o trouble_n and_o so_o tire_v we_o whilst_o yet_o those_o other_o which_o be_v employ_v and_o do_v attend_v so_o near_o to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n make_v we_o feel_v so_o much_o ease_n &_o joy_n the_o last_o remedy_n upon_o which_o i_o have_v fall_v after_o my_o have_v weary_v myself_o many_o year_n be_v that_o whereof_o i_o speak_v in_o quiet_a prayer_n that_o we_o shall_v make_v no_o more_o account_n thereof_o than_o we_o will_v of_o some_o starke-madd-foole_n but_o to_o let_v it_o still_o alone_o in_o tell_v that_o impertinent_a idle_a tale_n wherein_o god_n only_o can_v impose_v silence_n and_o since_o in_o fine_a it_o remain_v to_o we_o here_o in_o the_o nature_n of_o a_o slave_n we_o must_v be_v content_a to_o endure_v it_o as_o jacob_n do_v lya_n for_o our_o lord_n do_v we_o favour_n enough_o to_o permit_v that_o we_o may_v enjoy_v rachel_n i_o say_v that_o it_o remain_v as_o a_o slave_n by_o reason_n that_o it_o can_v draw_v the_o other_o power_n or_o faculty_n to_o it_o how_o vehement_o soever_o it_o may_v strive_v but_o rather_o they_o draw_v it_o often_o to_o they_o without_o any_o difficulty_n at_o all_o yea_o and_o sometime_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o have_v pity_n to_o see_v even_o the_o imagination_n itself_o so_o very_o much_o disquiet_v and_o lose_v through_o desire_n to_o be_v in_o company_n with_o the_o other_o faculty_n and_o power_n of_o the_o mind_n and_o then_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v content_a that_o it_o also_o may_v be_v burn_v up_o in_o the_o fire_n of_o that_o divine_a taper_n where_o those_o other_o be_v already_o even_o consume_v to_o dust_n and_o where_o have_v as_o it_o be_v even_o lose_v their_o natural_a be_v they_o be_v enjoy_v so_o great_a blessing_n in_o a_o supernatural_a kind_n in_o all_o these_o way_n of_o this_o last_o fountain-water_n whereof_o i_o have_v speak_v the_o peaceful_a rest_n and_o glory_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v so_o great_a that_o even_o the_o body_n do_v very_o manifest_o participate_v of_o that_o joy_n and_o delight_n i_o say_v it_o do_v so_o very_o manifest_o yea_o and_o the_o virtue_n also_o of_o the_o mind_n increase_n and_o grow_v strong_a as_o i_o have_v say_v
disorder_n and_o though_o she_o can_v do_v nothing_o of_o herself_o forasmuch_o as_o may_v concern_v the_o ministry_n of_o the_o exterior_a part_n yet_o leave_v she_o not_o to_o understand_v yea_o and_o also_o to_o hear_v as_o if_o a_o thing_n be_v speak_v to_o she_o from_o far_o off_o i_o say_v not_o that_o she_o either_o understand_v or_o hear_v when_o she_o be_v in_o the_o high_a part_n of_o the_o rapt_v i_o say_v in_o the_o very_o high_a at_o those_o time_n when_o the_o faculty_n or_o power_n be_v lose_v because_o then_o they_o be_v very_o straight_o unite_v to_o almighty_a god_n and_o then_o in_o my_o opinion_n she_o neither_o see_v nor_o hear_v but_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o the_o former_a prayer_n of_o union_n this_o total_a transform_v of_o the_o soul_n into_o god_n be_v wont_a to_o continue_v little_a yet_o for_o the_o time_n it_o last_v no_o power_n of_o the_o soul_n either_o feel_v or_o do_v so_o much_o as_o know_v what_o pass_v there_o and_o this_o seem_v to_o be_v after_o this_o manner_n to_o the_o end_n that_o man_n may_v understand_v that_o it_o be_v not_o god_n will_n that_o we_o shall_v know_v it_o and_o belike_o we_o be_v not_o capable_a thereof_o at_o least_o it_o have_v pass_v thus_o with_o i_o but_o now_o your_o reverence_n will_v peradventure_o ask_v i_o how_o then_o it_o can_v come_v to_o pass_v that_o a_o rapt_v shall_v be_v able_a to_o last_v so_o many_o hour_n to_o which_o i_o answer_v that_o the_o thing_n which_o have_v often_o occur_v to_o i_o be_v this_o that_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o in_o the_o former_a prayer_n we_o enjoy_v rapt_n by_o certain_a interual_n and_o interruption_n for_o the_o soul_n do_v many_o time_n ingulfe_n itself_o or_o rather_o to_o speak_v both_o more_o proper_o and_o more_o true_o our_o lord_n ingulf_v the_o soul_n into_o he_o and_o entertain_v she_o so_o a_o while_n and_o then_o there_o remain_v that_o only_o faculty_n of_o she_o which_o be_v the_o will._n now_o i_o think_v that_o business_n and_o 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house_n nor_o will_v she_o do_v any_o thing_n at_o all_o but_o according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n thereof_o nor_o will_v she_o be_v lady_n so_o much_o as_o of_o herself_o no_o nor_o of_o any_o thing_n nor_o even_o of_o any_o single_a well_o of_o that_o garden_n and_o if_o there_o be_v any_o thing_n in_o she_o which_o be_v good_a she_o desire_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v dispose_v thereof_o for_o she_o will_v not_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o possess_v any_o kind_n of_o thing_n whereof_o the_o propriety_n may_v be_v she_o own_o but_o covet_v that_o all_o thing_n may_v be_v entire_o do_v in_o conformity_n to_o the_o
they_o shall_v not_o speak_v thereof_o but_o this_o serve_v my_o turn_n to_o little_a purpose_n for_o there_o chance_v to_o be_v one_o at_o the_o gate_n when_o i_o be_v call_v who_o publish_v it_o over_o all_o the_o convent_n but_o now_o what_o difficulty_n and_o trouble_n and_o fear_n do_v the_o devil_n use_v to_o provide_v for_o such_o person_n as_o dispose_v themselves_o to_o approach_v to_o almighty_a god_n when_o i_o be_v treat_v with_o that_o servant_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n who_o be_v great_o so_o and_o a_o man_n also_o of_o very_o good_a discretion_n about_o the_o passage_n of_o my_o whole_a life_n and_o of_o my_o soul_n he_o declare_v to_o i_o what_o every_o thing_n be_v as_o a_o man_n who_o understand_v that_o language_n very_o well_o and_o he_o encourage_v i_o much_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v evident_o the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n which_o wrought_v in_o i_o happy_a but_o that_o i_o must_v return_v again_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n because_o 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assist_v both_o i_o and_o he_o to_o the_o end_n that_o he_o may_v understand_v my_o condition_n and_o in_o what_o sort_n i_o be_v to_o govern_v myself_o and_o i_o remain_v with_o a_o resolution_n not_o to_o swerve_v at_o all_o from_o any_o thing_n which_o he_o have_v or_o shall_v command_v i_o and_o therein_o have_v i_o continue_v till_o this_o very_a day_n our_o lord_n be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o have_v give_v i_o grace_n to_o obey_v my_o ghostly_a father_n though_o yet_o after_o a_o imperfect_a manner_n and_o they_o have_v in_o effect_n ever_o be_v these_o bless_a man_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n howsoever_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o have_v follow_v they_o after_o a_o imperfect_a manner_n but_o now_o my_o soul_n begin_v to_o receive_v a_o evident_a kind_n of_o amendment_n and_o improvement_n as_o i_o will_v here_o declare_v the_o four_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o former_a discourse_n and_o show_n how_o her_o soul_n go_v profit_v when_o once_o she_o have_v begin_v to_o obey_v she_o also_o declare_v for_o how_o little_a purpose_n it_o serve_v to_o resist_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n go_v daily_o impart_v they_o to_o she_o after_o a_o more_o complete_a manner_n but_o now_o my_o soul_n remain_v so_o supple_a and_o tractable_a by_o mean_n of_o this_o last_o confession_n of_o i_o that_o i_o think_v there_o can_v be_v nothing_o to_o which_o i_o will_v not_o dispose_v myself_o and_o so_o i_o instant_o begin_v to_o change_v in_o many_o thing_n though_o yet_o my_o ghostly_a father_n do_v not_o soul_n press_v i_o much_o but_o rather_o seem_v to_o make_v little_a account_n of_o they_o and_o this_o wrought_v even_o so_o much_o the_o more_o upon_o i_o for_o he_o carry_v i_o rather_o on_o by_o way_n of_o give_v i_o certain_a liberty_n in_o little_a thing_n then_o of_o pressure_n unlosse_n myself_o can_v find_v in_o my_o hart_n to_o do_v it_o for_o love._n in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o continue_v upon_o the_o point_n of_o two_o month_n use_v all_o the_o diligence_n that_o possible_o i_o can_v to_o resist_v the_o favour_n and_o regalo_n of_o almighty_a god_n as_o for_o my_o exterior_a conversation_n and_o proceed_v there_o be_v already_o a_o apparent_a change_n to_o be_v see_v in_o i_o for_o already_o our_o bless_a lord_n begin_v to_o give_v i_o courage_n to_o do_v certain_a thing_n which_o the_o person_n who_o see_v and_o know_v i_o hold_v to_o be_v extreme_a and_o even_o in_o the_o very_a house_n itself_o and_o in_o respect_n of_o what_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o do_v before_o they_o may_v indeed_o be_v account_v to_o hang_v that_o way_n though_o yet_o still_o it_o all_o fall_v short_a enough_o of_o that_o to_o which_o i_o be_v oblige_v both_o by_o the_o habit_n which_o i_o have_v take_v and_o by_o the_o profession_n also_o which_o i_o have_v make_v from_o that_o resistance_n which_o i_o make_v to_o the_o gust_n and_o regalo_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o gain_v thus_o much_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n come_v to_o be_v please_v to_o be_v my_o instructor_n himself_o for_o before_o it_o seem_v that_o for_o the_o dispose_n i_o towards_o the_o receive_n of_o any_o such_o regalo_n as_o those_o there_o be_v need_v that_o i_o shall_v retire_v and_o shut_v myself_o as_o it_o be_v up_o into_o corner_n and_o i_o also_o dare_v not_o as_o it_o be_v move_v or_o stir_v but_o afterward_o i_o quick_o find_v how_o little_a all_o that_o serve_v to_o the_o purpose_n for_o when_o i_o procure_v to_o divert_v myself_o most_o so_o much_o the_o more_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n cover_v i_o as_o it_o be_v all_o over_o with_o that_o kind_n of_o suavitie_n and_o glory_n as_o seem_v even_o to_o compass_v i_o in_o on_o every_o side_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a for_o i_o to_o escape_v from_o it_o and_o real_o so_o it_o be_v for_o as_o for_o i_o i_o take_v so_o much_o care_n to_o decline_v it_o that_o it_o do_v even_o put_v i_o to_o pain_n and_o yet_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v even_o still_o to_o have_v more_o care_n to_o be_v do_v i_o favour_n and_o to_o express_v himself_o that_o way_n in_o those_o two_o month_n i_o say_v much_o more_o than_o he_o have_v former_o do_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v the_o better_a know_v that_o this_o business_n do_v now_o no_o long_o depend_v any_o way_n upon_o myself_o and_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o grow_v to_o carry_v a_o new_a and_o fresh_a kind_n of_o love_n towards_o the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o my_o prayer_n begin_v to_o settle_v itself_o like_o a_o building_n which_o now_o have_v mortar_n in_o it_o that_o may_v make_v the_o part_n stick_v together_o and_o i_o begin_v also_o to_o incline_v myself_o more_o to_o the_o do_v of_o penance_n wherein_o i_o be_v grow_v a_o little_a slack_a by_o reason_n of_o my_o so_o great_a infirmity_n for_o that_o holy_a man_n to_o who_o i_o make_v my_o confession_n tell_v i_o that_o some_o kind_n of_o penance_n which_o he_o name_v will_v do_v i_o no_o hurt_n and_o that_o perhaps_o almighty_a god_n give_v i_o sickness_n in_o the_o quality_n of_o penance_n since_o i_o will_v impose_v none_o upon_o myself_o he_o will_v i_o also_o to_o do_v certain_a act_n of_o mortification_n which_o be_v not_o very_o please_v to_o i_o though_o yet_o i_o went-through_a with_o they_o all_o because_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v command_v they_o and_o his_o divine_a majesty_n give_v he_o also_o grace_n to_o direct_v they_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v glad_a to_o obey_v he_o my_o soul_n go_v then_o
do_v it_o himself_o as_o indeed_o he_o do_v nor_o yet_o can_v i_o ever_o imagine_v that_o it_o will_v prove_v to_o take_v effect_n with_o i_o as_o yet_o it_o fall_v out_o to_o do_v because_o already_o i_o have_v use_v some_o endeavour_n that_o way_n and_o the_o affliction_n which_o i_o receive_v by_o it_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o resolve_v to_o give_v over_o the_o attempt_n as_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o hold_v not_o to_o be_v inconvenient_a to_o continue_v but_o now_o here_o our_o bless_a lord_n impart_v both_o liberty_n and_o strength_n to_o i_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n i_o tell_v this_o very_a thing_n to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o i_o give_v over_o that_o friendship_n according_a to_o what_o i_o have_v be_v command_v and_o it_o do_v they_o no_o little_a good_a with_o who_o i_o have_v be_v wont_a to_o converse_v to_o see_v this_o resolution_n grow_v in_o i_o almighty_a god_n be_v ever_o bless_v and_o praise_v who_o give_v i_o that_o liberty_n and_o power_n in_o one_o god_n moment_n which_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a to_o purchase_v and_o obtain_v of_o myself_o by_o the_o multitude_n of_o those_o great_a diligence_n which_o i_o have_v use_v many_o year_n in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n though_o yet_o i_o have_v employ_v myself_o so_o earnest_o upon_o this_o attempt_n that_o it_o have_v cost_v i_o a_o good_a part_n of_o my_o health_n but_o now_o this_o have_v be_v wrought_v and_o grant_v by_o he_o who_o be_v the_o omnipotent_a and_o true_a lord_n of_o all_o creature_n it_o put_v i_o not_o even_o to_o the_o least_o pain_n or_o trouble_v at_o all_o the_o five_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o treat_v here_o of_o the_o way_n and_o manner_n of_o understand_v those_o word_n or_o speech_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o utter_v to_o the_o soul_n though_o yet_o without_o hear_v any_o voice_n or_o sound_n and_o of_o some_o error_n or_o abuse_n which_o may_v happen_v herein_o and_o how_o the_o right_a may_v be_v know_v from_o the_o wrong_n it_o be_v of_o much_o use_n and_o profit_n for_o such_o as_o see_v themselves_o in_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n for_o it_o be_v declare_v very_o well_o and_o the_o doctrine_n contain_v great_a instruction_n menander_n think_v it_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o declare_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n this_o speech_n be_v which_o our_o lord_n express_v to_o the_o soul_n and_o what_o she_o also_o feel_v to_o the_o end_n that_o your_o reverence_n may_v understand_v it_o for_o from_o this_o very_a time_n when_o our_o lord_n do_v i_o this_o favour_n as_o i_o have_v say_v the_o same_o thing_n be_v very_o usual_a with_o i_o even_o till_o this_o very_a present_a as_o i_o shall_v let_v you_o see_v by_o that_o which_o follow_v i_o say_v therefore_o that_o they_o be_v certain_a word_n very_o distinct_o form_v and_o that_o howsoever_o they_o be_v not_o hear_v with_o our_o ear_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yet_o be_v they_o understand_v much_o more_o express_o and_o clear_o then_o if_o they_o be_v so_o hear_v and_o to_o seek_v to_o forbear_v to_o understand_v they_o yea_o and_o to_o resist_v the_o understanding_n they_o how_o much_o soever_o it_o may_v be_v be_v a_o vanity_n and_o a_o most_o impossible_a thing_n when_o in_o this_o world_n we_o have_v a_o mind_n not_o to_o hear_v we_o may_v stop_n our_o ear_n or_o else_o attend_v to_o other_o thing_n if_o we_o will_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o although_o peradventure_o we_o may_v hear_v the_o word_n yet_o we_o shall_v not_o in_o that_o case_n understand_v they_o but_o word_n now_o in_o this_o discourse_n which_o almighty_a god_n make_v to_o the_o soul_n there_o be_v no_o remedy_n at_o all_o but_o they_o make_v i_o harken_v to_o they_o whether_o i_o will_v or_o no_o &_o they_o oblige_v the_o understanding_n to_o be_v very_o entire_a &_o attentive_a for_o the_o comprehend_v thereof_o for_o he_o who_o be_v able_a to_o do_v all_o thing_n be_v resolve_v that_o we_o shall_v understand_v he_o and_o that_o which_o he_o resolve_v must_v be_v do_v and_o so_o he_o come_v to_o be_v know_v to_o be_v the_o true_a lord_n of_o we_o all_o i_o have_v very_o well_o experiment_v this_o truth_n for_o the_o resistance_n which_o i_o make_v he_o do_v last_o upon_o the_o point_n of_o two_o year_n through_o the_o great_a fear_n wherein_o i_o be_v yea_o and_o even_o now_o i_o make_v those_o trial_n sometime_o but_o it_o serve_v i_o to_o little_a purpose_n i_o will_v fain_o declare_v the_o error_n and_o abuse_n which_o may_v here_o occur_v though_o for_o a_o man_n who_o have_v much_o experience_n i_o think_v there_o shall_v be_v few_o or_o none_o but_o indeed_o the_o say_a experience_n will_v be_v great_a as_o namely_o to_o know_v the_o difference_n when_o the_o spirit_n be_v good_a and_o when_o it_o be_v ill_a and_o when_o perhaps_o the_o thing_n may_v also_o be_v but_o a_o apprehension_n of_o the_o very_a understanding_n itself_o which_o may_v occur_v or_o when_o the_o very_a spirit_n itself_o may_v speak_v to_o the_o very_a selfsame_a spirit_n and_o i_o know_v not_o very_o well_o whether_o this_o may_v happen_v or_o no_o though_o even_o this_o very_a day_n i_o have_v a_o kind_n of_o opinion_n that_o it_o may_v when_o these_o word_n be_v indeed_o of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v find_v the_o truth_n thereof_o in_o many_o thing_n which_o be_v tell_v i_o two_o or_o three_o year_n before_o and_o they_o all_o fall_v out_o to_o prove_v true_a and_o till_o now_o not_o any_o one_o of_o they_o fail_v there_o be_v also_o other_o thing_n whereby_o it_o grow_v to_o prove_v very_o plain_a that_o the_o spirit_n be_v of_o god_n as_o i_o will_v declare_v afterward_o to_o other_o i_o it_o seem_v that_o a_o person_n recommend_v a_o thing_n to_o almighty_a god_n with_o great_a earnestness_n and_o apprehension_n may_v grow_v to_o make_v himself_o conceive_v that_o he_o come_v to_o understand_v in_o some_o sort_n whether_o the_o thing_n shall_v be_v do_v or_o no_o and_o this_o i_o say_v be_v very_o possible_a but_o he_o who_o understand_v thing_n after_o this_o other_o manner_n will_v clear_o discover_v what_o it_o may_v be_v so_o great_a a_o difference_n there_o be_v between_o the_o two_o and_o if_o indeed_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o the_o understanding_n device_n and_o make_v how_o subtle_o and_o how_o delicate_o soever_o the_o matter_n go_v he_o understand_v that_o there_o be_v some_o part_n of_o himself_o in_o that_o which_o be_v ordain_v and_o say_v for_o it_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n then_o for_o a_o man_n to_o set_v a_o discourse_n on_o foot_n or_o to_o harken_v to_o what_o another_o man_n say_v for_o then_o the_o understanding_n find_v that_o it_o do_v not_o harken_v then_o because_o it_o work_v and_o the_o word_n which_o it_o go_v frame_v in_o that_o case_n be_v as_o it_o be_v fantastical_a and_o mute_a and_o confuse_a and_o be_v not_o deliver_v with_o that_o clearness_n which_o those_o other_o have_v and_o now_o here_o it_o be_v in_o our_o own_o power_n to_o divert_v ourselves_o or_o else_o to_o hold_v our_o peace_n when_o we_o speak_v but_o in_o this_o other_o case_n we_o have_v no_o such_o power_n at_o all_o another_o sign_n there_o be_v which_o be_v of_o more_o importance_n than_o all_o the_o rest_n for_o these_o thing_n which_o be_v say_v by_o ourselves_o have_v no_o manner_n of_o operation_n and_o work_v no_o effect_n at_o all_o but_o the_o other_o when_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o speak_v be_v not_o only_o of_o word_n but_o work_n and_o though_o they_o be_v not_o word_n of_o devotion_n but_o of_o reprehension_n they_o instant_o dispose_v the_o soul_n and_o they_o enable_v she_o and_o make_v she_o relent_v and_o they_o give_v light_n and_o regale_n she_o and_o appease_v she_o and_o if_o she_o be_v in_o state_n of_o dryness_n and_o commotion_n and_o disorder_n these_o word_n take_v all_o away_o as_o if_o it_o be_v with_o the_o hand_n yea_o and_o yet_o much_o better_o than_o so_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n business_n be_v then_o to_o show_v his_o mighty_a power_n and_o that_o his_o word_n be_v deed_n i_o think_v there_o be_v such_o a_o difference_n as_o there_o be_v between_o our_o speak_n or_o hear_v neither_o more_o â—orlesse_a for_o that_o which_o i_o speak_v i_o go_v order_v as_o i_o be_v say_v with_o my_o understanding_n but_o if_o another_o speak_v to_o i_o i_o do_v no_o more_o than_o hear_v without_o any_o trouble_n at_o all_o to_o myself_o one_o of_o these_o kind_n of_o word_n be_v like_o some_o thing_n whereof_o we_o can_v well_o determine_v whether_o it_o be_v not_o as_o of_o a_o man_n who_o be_v half_a asleep_a but_o this_o other_o be_v find_v to_o come_v from_o a_o voice_n so_o
and_o so_o make_v those_o wretch_n tremble_v for_o already_o we_o know_v well_o enough_o that_o the_o devil_n be_v not_o able_a to_o stir_v unless_o our_o lord_n permit_v he_o what_o then_o may_v be_v the_o ground_n of_o all_o these_o disorder_n it_o be_v certain_o that_o i_o be_o more_o afraid_a of_o they_o who_o be_v so_o fright_v by_o the_o devil_n then_o of_o the_o devil_n himself_o for_o he_o be_v utter_o unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v whereas_o these_o other_o especial_o if_o they_o be_v ghostly_a father_n may_v put_v soul_n to_o much_o disquiet_n and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v pass_v some_o year_n through_o so_o great_a trouble_n that_o now_o i_o be_o even_o amaze_v to_o consider_v how_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v it_o but_o bless_v be_v our_o lord_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o in_o so_o good_a earnest_n amen_n the_o six_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o go_v relate_v and_o declare_v such_o thing_n as_o happen_v to_o she_o which_o make_v her_o loose_a fear_n and_o to_o be_v strengthen_v in_o a_o beleif_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a spirit_n which_o speak_v to_o she_o i_o esteem_v the_o courage_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v vouchsafe_v to_o give_v i_o against_o all_o the_o devil_n of_o hell_n to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o since_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o go_v cowardly_o on_o and_o to_o be_v fearful_a indeed_o of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o offend_v the_o majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v a_o extreme_a inconvenience_n for_o since_o we_o have_v a_o king_n who_o be_v omnipotent_a and_o so_o great_a a_o lord_n that_o he_o can_v do_v what_o he_o list_n and_o who_o bring_v all_o thing_n into_o subjection_n under_o himself_o there_o be_v no_o fear_n at_o all_o to_o be_v have_v and_o therefore_o as_o i_o be_v say_v we_o have_v no_o cause_n to_o doubt_v so_o that_o we_o walk_v sincere_o and_o with_o purity_n of_o conscience_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n i_o shall_v be_v glad_a to_o have_v all_o the_o fear_n in_o the_o world_n to_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o one_o instant_n of_o my_o whole_a life_n who_o be_v able_a in_o the_o very_a selfsame_a instant_n to_o destroy_v and_o annihilate_v we_o all_o as_o long_o as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v with_o we_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n who_o can_v stand_v against_o we_o without_o have_v his_o head_n break_v for_o his_o pain_n you_o will_v peradventure_o say_v that_o this_o be_v very_o true_a but_o yet_o now_o on_o the_o other_o side_n where_o shall_v we_o find_v that_o soul_n which_o stand_v so_o straight_o as_o that_o she_o may_v be_v whole_o please_v to_o he_o and_o because_o she_o be_v not_o so_o she_o be_v in_o fear_n i_o answer_v that_o i_o be_o sure_a that_o that_o pure_a and_o innocent_a soul_n be_v none_o of_o i_o which_o indeed_o be_v very_o wretched_a and_o unprofitable_a and_o surcharge_v even_o with_o a_o thousand_o misery_n but_o yet_o still_o we_o have_v this_o comfort_n that_o almighty_a god_n do_v not_o proceed_v with_o such_o rigour_n as_o man_n do_v for_o he_o know_v and_o consider_v our_o frailty_n and_o the_o soul_n have_v way_n of_o understanding_n and_o find_v in_o itself_o by_o great_a conjecture_n whether_o real_o she_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o no_o for_o in_o such_o as_o arrive_v once_o to_o this_o state_n our_o love_n to_o he_o be_v not_o now_o a_o kind_n of_o dissemble_a or_o disguise_v love_n as_o it_o use_v sometime_o to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n but_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o so_o great_a impulse_n and_o even_o impetuosity_n of_o desire_n to_o see_v almighty_a god_n as_o i_o shall_v afterward_o declare_v or_o rather_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o and_o all_o thing_n be_v wont_a to_o afflict_v all_o thing_n to_o weary_a &_o tire_v and_o all_o thing_n do_v even_o torment_v she_o unless_o it_o be_v only_a god_n or_o for_o god_n there_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o any_o repose_n which_o do_v not_o displease_v she_o because_o she_o find_v herself_o absent_a from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o so_o it_o falls-out_a to_o be_v very_o evident_a that_o thing_n pass_v not_o here_o in_o a_o dissemble_a way_n it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o in_o former_a time_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o great_a tribulation_n and_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o many_o detraction_n by_o occasion_n of_o a_o certain_a business_n whereof_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o speak_v afterward_o from_o all_o that_o house_n where_o i_o live_v yea_o and_o from_o my_o order_n and_o i_o be_v afflict_v upon_o many_o accident_n which_o occur_v then_o at_o which_o time_n it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o utter_v these_o express_a word_n to_o i_o of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o omnipotent_a i_o will_v accomplish_v all_o that_o which_o i_o have_v promise_v thou_o and_o indeed_o he_o accomplish_v it_o afterward_o very_o well_o but_o even_o instant_o there_o remain_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o strength_n in_o i_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v present_o have_v put_v myself_o to_o adventure_v upon_o other_o thing_n though_o they_o shall_v cost_v i_o much_o more_o trouble_n for_o the_o do_v he_o service_n and_o can_v have_v suffer_v also_o much_o more_o for_o he_o and_o this_o very_a self_n same_o thing_n have_v happen_v to_o i_o so_o often_o that_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o count_v the_o time_n and_o he_o have_v make_v i_o and_o make_v i_o still_o such_o reprehension_n by_o occasion_n of_o those_o imperfection_n which_o i_o commit_v sometime_o that_o they_o be_v able_a even_o as_o it_o be_v to_o annihilate_v the_o soul_n at_o least_o they_o bring_v so_o much_o in_o their_o company_n as_o that_o she_o be_v mend_v by_o they_o for_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o i_o have_v say_v do_v not_o only_o give_v we_o the_o counsel_n but_o the_o remedy_n at_o other_o time_n he_o bring_v back_o to_o i_o the_o memory_n of_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o former_a life_n and_o this_o he_o most_o ordinary_o use_v to_o do_v whensoever_o he_o intend_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o any_o extraordinary_a favour_n and_o he_o do_v it_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o the_o soul_n discern_v herself_o as_o if_o she_o be_v real_o plant_v at_o the_o very_a day_n of_o the_o last_o universal_a judgement_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o perspicuity_n and_o claritie_n that_o she_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o herself_o at_o other_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o inform_v i_o of_o certain_a danger_n concern_v both_o myself_o and_o other_o about_o thing_n which_o do_v not_o happen_v till_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o but_o they_o all_o be_v ever_o fulfil_v and_o some_o of_o they_o may_v also_o be_v name_v if_o there_o be_v cause_n so_o that_o there_o be_v so_o many_o particular_n whereby_o it_o may_v be_v understand_v that_o these_o thing_n be_v of_o almighty_a god_n as_o that_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o can_v but_o be_v know_v and_o acknowledge_v the_o most_o secure_a proceed_n consist_v in_o that_o such_o a_o person_n do_v not_o fail_v to_o impart_v her_o whole_a soul_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o learned_a man_n and_o that_o she_o do_v entire_o obey_v he_o at_o least_o this_o be_v the_o course_n which_o i_o take_v and_o without_o this_o i_o can_v have_v no_o rest_n nor_o be_v it_o indeed_o fit_a that_o we_o woman_n shall_v have_v any_o since_o we_o have_v no_o learning_n and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o hurt_n at_o all_o in_o this_o but_o many_o advantage_n and_o benefit_n as_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v tell_v i_o many_o time_n i_o say_v many_o time_n i_o have_v once_o a_o ghostly_a father_n who_o mortify_v i_o very_o much_o and_o sometime_o he_o do_v even_o afflict_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n and_o disquiet_v i_o in_o extraordinary_a manner_n and_o yet_o it_o be_v he_o who_o in_o my_o opinion_n do_v i_o the_o most_o good_a of_o they_o all_o and_o though_o i_o love_v he_o very_o much_o yet_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o leave_v he_o for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v much_o prejudice_v by_o those_o inconvenience_n which_o he_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o concern_v my_o prayer_n but_o yet_o ever_o when_o i_o be_v determine_v to_o do_v this_o i_o instant_o understand_v that_o i_o be_v to_o forbear_v it_o and_o i_o receive_v such_o a_o reprehension_n from_o our_o lord_n as_o defeat_v and_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v i_o more_o than_o all_o that_o which_o my_o ghostly_a father_n can_v
this_o end_n some_o little_a poor_a good_a work_n which_o i_o do_v if_o i_o do_v any_o i_o become_v devote_a to_o some_o saint_n to_o the_o end_n that_o by_o their_o mean_n i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o devil_n i_o perform_v the_o devotion_n of_o nine_o day_n i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o saint_n hilarion_n and_o to_o s._n michael_n also_o the_o archangel_n for_o i_o have_v late_o apply_v myself_o to_o he_o for_o this_o purpose_n and_o i_o importune_v also_o mame_v other_o saint_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v by_o their_o intercession_n to_o conduct_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o truth_n i_o say_v that_o they_o will_v find_v some_o mean_n to_o perfect_v this_o business_n of_o i_o with_o his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o fine_a after_o the_o end_n of_o two_o year_n which_o both_o i_o and_o other_o person_n have_v whole_o employ_v with_o all_o their_o prayer_n and_o i_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v either_o to_o conduct_v my_o soul_n by_o some_o other_o way_n or_o else_o vouchsafe_v to_o declare_v that_o this_o way_n wherein_o i_o go_v be_v right_a for_o now_o those_o word_n and_o speech_n which_o i_o have_v relate_v that_o our_o lord_n will_v be_v utter_v to_o i_o sometime_o be_v grow_v very_o ordinary_a &_o even_o continual_a that_o chance_v and_o occur_v to_o i_o which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v as_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n and_o it_o be_v upon_o the_o festivitie_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n peter_n i_o see_v stand_v very_o near_o i_o or_o rather_o to_o say_v better_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v for_o indeed_o i_o see_v nothing_o at_o all_o with_o the_o eye_n either_o of_o my_o body_n or_o of_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v close_o by_o i_o and_o i_o find_v in_o fine_a that_o it_o be_v he_o in_o my_o opinion_n who_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o but_o now_o i_o who_o be_v extreme_o ignorant_a till_o then_o that_o there_o may_v be_v any_o such_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o such_o a_o vision_n 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to_o be_v understand_v but_o yet_o certain_o in_o my_o opinion_n there_o be_v none_o which_o can_v suit_n very_o well_o to_o express_v this_o kind_n of_o vision_n for_o as_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o high_a kind_n as_o i_o be_v tell_v afterward_o by_o a_o certain_a holy_a man_n and_o of_o great_a spirit_n call_v fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n who_o i_o shall_v mention_v afterward_o more_o at_o large_a and_o the_o same_o have_v be_v also_o tell_v i_o by_o other_o great_a learned_a man_n and_o that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o those_o favour_n where_o the_o devil_n can_v least_o intermeddle_v or_o intrude_v himself_o of_o all_o other_o so_o have_v we_o hear_v no_o word_n or_o term_n at_o all_o wherewith_o to_o declare_v it_o at_o least_o we_o who_o know_v so_o little_a though_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a will_n peradventure_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o better_o for_o when_o i_o say_v that_o i_o neither_o see_v this_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n nor_o of_o the_o mind_n 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not_o that_o any_o sun_n be_v see_v nor_o any_o clearness_n or_o brightness_n at_o all_o but_o only_o a_o certain_a light_n which_o illuminate_v and_o inform_v the_o understanding_n though_o yet_o without_o see_v any_o light_n to_o the_o end_n that_o the_o soul_n may_v enjoy_v so_o high_a a_o good_a now_o this_o bring_v great_a benefit_n with_o it_o yet_o be_v it_o not_o like_o such_o a_o presence_n of_o god_n as_o many_o time_n be_v feel_v in_o the_o mind_n and_o especial_o by_o such_o person_n as_o be_v arrive_v to_o union_n and_o quiet_a prayer_n who_o in_o resolve_v to_o begin_v to_o make_v that_o prayer_n seem_v to_o find_v the_o person_n ready_a at_o hand_n to_o who_o to_o speak_v and_o we_o seem_v to_o understand_v that_o he_o hear_v we_o by_o the_o effect_n and_o spiritual_a feeling_n which_o we_o find_v of_o great_a love_n and_o faith_n and_o other_o firm_a purpose_n and_o resolution_n accompany_v with_o much_o tenderness_n of_o denotion_n this_o be_v a_o great_a favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o let_v he_o esteem_v it_o much_o who_o have_v it_o for_o it_o be_v a_o very_a elevate_v and_o high_a prayer_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v no_o vision_n but_o here_o it_o be_v understand_v that_o almighty_a god_n be_v there_o by_o the_o effect_n which_o as_o i_o have_v say_v he_o work_v in_o the_o soul_n for_o in_o this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o give_v hemself_n then_o and_o there_o to_o be_v feel_v but_o now_o here_o it_o be_v clear_o find_v that_o christ_n jesus_n the_o son_n of_o the_o virgin_n be_v present_a in_o that_o other_o manner_n of_o prayer_n there_o be_v certain_a influence_n of_o the_o divinity_n represent_v but_o here_o together_o with_o they_o we_o find_v that_o the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n also_o of_o christ_n our_o lord_n do_v accompany_v we_o to_o do_v we_o favour_n my_o ghostly_a father_n than_o ask_v i_o this_o question_n who_o tell_v you_o that_o it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n himself_o tell_v i_o so_o answer_v i_o and_o that_o many_o time_n but_o yet_o even_o before_o he_o tell_v i_o so_o it_o be_v he_o print_v upon_o my_o understanding_n that_o it_o be_v he_o yea_o and_o even_o before_o this_o he_o tell_v i_o so_o and_o yet_o still_o i_o see_v he_o not_o if_o any_o man_n who_o i_o have_v never_o see_v but_o only_o have_v hear_v news_n of_o he_o shall_v come_v to_o speak_v with_o i_o i_o be_v either_o blind_a or_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o shall_v tell_v i_o who_o he_o be_v i_o shall_v believe_v he_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o so_o
shall_v be_v like_o it_o well_o may_v one_o represent_v it_o to_o his_o own_o imagination_n and_o stand_v look_v upon_o it_o for_o some_o time_n and_o consider_v his_o shape_n and_o complexion_n and_o so_o go_v perfect_v it_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o recommend_v that_o image_n over_o to_o his_o memory_n for_o who_o can_v take_v this_o power_n from_o the_o mind_n and_o thus_o much_o be_o i_o able_a to_o do_v by_o the_o strength_n of_o my_o own_o understanding_n but_o in_o that_o other_o whereof_o we_o be_v speak_v there_o be_v no_o mean_n for_o this_o for_o we_o must_v behold_v that_o just_a then_o when_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o represent_v it_o to_o we_o and_o just_a also_o what_o he_o will_v &_o how_o he_o will_v nor_o be_v there_o in_o this_o case_n any_o mean_n either_o to_o add_v or_o diminish_v any_o thing_n how_o much_o soever_o we_o may_v endeavour_v it_o either_o towards_o the_o see_v it_o or_o forbear_v to_o see_v it_o when_o we_o will_n for_o know_v whensoever_o we_o shall_v dispose_v ourselves_o to_o fix_v our_o sight_n fast_o upon_o behold_v any_o particular_a thing_n the_o sight_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v instant_o lose_v it_o happen_v to_o i_o two_o year_n and_o a_o half_a that_o very_o ordinary_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o this_o favour_n and_o it_o be_v now_o more_o than_o three_o since_o he_o have_v deprive_v i_o of_o the_o so_o continual_a use_n of_o this_o vision_n by_o afford_v i_o another_o of_o a_o high_a kind_n as_o perhaps_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o and_o i_o find_v that_o he_o will_v be_v speak_v to_o i_o and_o i_o the_o while_n behold_v that_o extreme_a beauty_n of_o he_o and_o observe_v the_o suavitie_n with_o which_o he_o utter_v those_o word_n by_o that_o most_o lovely_a and_o divine_a mouth_n and_o sometime_o also_o with_o rigour_n whilst_o i_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n have_v a_o kind_n of_o extreme_a desire_n to_o see_v the_o colour_n of_o those_o eye_n and_o the_o size_n and_o shape_n which_o they_o have_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o relate_v the_o same_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n i_o can_v never_o yet_o obtain_v to_o see_v they_o and_o my_o diligence_n will_v not_o serve_v to_o procure_v it_o but_o the_o vision_n be_v rather_o absolute_o lose_v and_o though_o suaviter_fw-la it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o sometime_o i_o see_v he_o look_v upon_o i_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o sweetness_n and_o compassion_n yet_o this_o spectacle_n be_v of_o so_o mighty_a a_o force_n that_o the_o soul_n be_v not_o able_a to_o endure_v it_o but_o remain_v in_o so_o high_a a_o rapt_v that_o to_o the_o end_n she_o may_v the_o better_o enjoy_v the_o whole_a she_o whole_o lose_v the_o sight_n of_o this_o most_o beautiful_a object_n so_o that_o in_o fine_a and_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n it_o serve_v to_o little_a purpose_n either_o to_o will_v or_o not_o to_o will_v any_o thing_n here_o and_o it_o grow_v to_o be_v clear_a enough_o that_o our_o lord_n look_v for_o nothing_o in_o these_o case_n but_o for_o humility_n and_o confusion_n of_o ourselves_o and_o for_o a_o mind_n to_o take_v that_o which_o be_v give_v and_o to_o praise_v he_o who_o be_v please_v to_o impart_v it_o and_o it_o hold_v in_o all_o true_a vision_n without_o exception_n that_o a_o creature_n can_v do_v nothing_o at_o all_o either_o towards_o the_o more_o or_o the_o less_o and_o that_o all_o our_o diligence_n put_v together_o be_v neither_o able_a to_o do_v any_o thing_n nor_o undo_v for_o our_o lord_n will_v have_v we_o see_v very_o clear_o that_o this_o be_v no_o work_n of_o we_o but_o only_o of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o so_o as_o that_o we_o be_v little_o move_v to_o be_v the_o proud_a by_o they_o but_o they_o rather_o make_v we_o more_o timorous_a and_o more_o humble_a whilst_o we_o find_v that_o as_o our_o lord_n deprive_v we_o of_o a_o power_n to_o see_v that_o which_o we_o desire_v so_o he_o can_v also_o take_v these_o favour_n yea_o and_o his_o grace_n from_o we_o too_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o we_o may_v be_v utter_o lose_v we_o must_v therefore_o be_v always_o walk_v on_o with_o fear_n as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v live_v here_o in_o this_o bannishment_n our_o lord_n have_v almost_o ever_o represent_v himself_o to_o i_o as_o after_o his_o lord_n resurrection_n he_o have_v also_o do_v it_o sometime_o in_o the_o sacred_a host_n sometime_o for_o strengthen_v i_o when_o i_o chance_v to_o be_v in_o tribulation_n he_o show_v i_o his_o wound_n and_o sometime_o also_o he_o vouchsafe_v that_o i_o shall_v see_v he_o just_a so_o as_o he_o be_v upon_o the_o cross_n and_o sometime_o as_o in_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o also_o some_o seldom_o time_n with_o his_o crown_n of_o thorn_n upon_o his_o head_n and_o at_o other_o time_n carry_v his_o cross_n yet_o this_o as_o i_o be_v say_v use_v to_o occur_v but_o in_o the_o time_n of_o some_o necessity_n either_o of_o my_o own_o or_o of_o other_o but_o yet_o always_o as_o a_o glorified_a body_n and_o i_o have_v suffer_v affront_n and_o vexation_n enough_o in_o declare_v these_o thing_n and_o have_v grow_v subject_a thereby_o to_o great_a persecution_n and_o fear_n they_o make_v themselves_o so_o very_o sure_a that_o all_o this_o be_v the_o devil_n that_o there_o want_v not_o certain_a person_n who_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v exorcife_v for_o that_o purpose_n yet_o this_o give_v i_o very_o little_a trouble_n but_o the_o thing_n which_o i_o feel_v in_o good_a earnest_n be_v either_o when_o my_o ghostly_a father_n be_v afraid_a to_o hear_v my_o confession_n or_o else_o when_o i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o they_o be_v tell_v tale_n but_o yet_o still_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o make_v myself_o sorry_a for_o have_v see_v these_o celestial_a vision_n nor_o will_v i_o give_v any_o one_o of_o they_o all_o for_o all_o the_o greatness_n and_o delight_n of_o this_o whole_a world_n for_o i_o ever_o hold_v these_o thing_n to_o be_v a_o very_a great_a favour_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o i_o esteem_v they_o to_o be_v a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o treasure_n yea_o and_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v assure_v i_o thereof_o many_o time_n withal_o i_o find_v myself_o grow_v hereby_o to_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n very_o much_o and_o so_o to_o he_o will_v i_o ever_o be_v go_v to_o complain_v of_o all_o the_o trouble_v i_o have_v and_o i_o always_o come_v out_o of_o prayer_n both_o with_o comfort_n and_o addition_n of_o strength_n as_o for_o they_o i_o will_v not_o presume_v to_o contradict_v they_o for_o i_o see_v it_o make_v thing_n worse_a as_o seem_v to_o they_o that_o it_o be_v want_v of_o humility_n in_o i_o but_o i_o communicate_v they_o still_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o whensoever_o he_o find_v i_o afflict_v he_o be_v careful_a that_o i_o shall_v receive_v much_o comfort_n from_o he_o as_o my_o vision_n grew-on_a to_o increase_v one_o of_o they_o who_o assist_v i_o before_o who_o be_v a_o man_n that_o use_v to_o confess_v i_o sometime_o when_o the_o sub-rectour_a be_v not_o in_o the_o way_n to_o hear_v i_o begin_v to_o tell_v i_o how_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a that_o it_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o then_o they_o grow_v to_o saint_n command_v i_o since_o there_o be_v no_o other_o mean_n to_o resist_v he_o that_o i_o shall_v always_o be_v cross_v and_o blessing_n myself_o when_o i_o shall_v chance_v to_o see_v any_o vision_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v use_v some_o exterior_a action_n or_o sign_n of_o scorn_n that_o so_o he_o may_v be_v sure_a i_o hold_v he_o certain_o to_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o that_o perhaps_o by_o this_o mean_n he_o will_v come_v no_o more_o but_o that_o yet_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a of_o nothing_o because_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o still_o and_o will_v also_o take_v that_o temptation_n from_o i_o now_o this_o be_v painful_a enough_o to_o i_o for_o consider_v that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o believe_v but_o that_o it_o be_v almighty_a god_n this_o proceed_n be_v very_o terrible_a for_o i_o to_o undergo_v nor_o be_v it_o also_o possible_a for_o i_o as_o of_o myself_o to_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v take_v from_o i_o but_o yet_o in_o fine_a i_o perform_v all_o those_o act_n which_o they_o command_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n with_o much_o instance_n to_o free_v i_o from_o it_o and_o i_o do_v it_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n i_o beg_v it_o also_o by_o the_o prayer_n of_o s._n peter_n and_o s._n paul_n in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v have_v the_o first_o of_o all_o my_o vision_n upon_o the_o day_n of_o their_o festivitie_n our_o lord_n
himself_o vouchsafe_v to_o tell_v i_o that_o they_o will_v so_o take_v care_n of_o i_o as_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v and_o according_o i_o have_v often_o see_v and_o that_o very_o clear_o though_o yet_o not_o by_o way_n of_o any_o imaginary_a vision_n or_o represent_v person_n these_o two_o glorious_a saint_n who_o be_v so_o much_o my_o good_a patron_n stand_v by_o i_o upon_o my_o left_a hand_n and_o that_o after_o a_o very_a evident_a manner_n but_o now_o this_o order_n of_o those_o other_o to_o make_v sign_n of_o contempt_n and_o scorn_v whensoever_o i_o have_v that_o vision_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v put_v i_o to_o a_o mighty_a kind_n of_o pain_n for_o when_o i_o see_v he_o present_a before_o my_o eye_n it_o be_v impossible_a for_o i_o to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v the_o devil_n though_o they_o shall_v have_v tear_v i_o into_o a_o thousand_o piece_n to_o make_v i_o do_v it_o and_o therefore_o it_o be_v a_o strange_a kind_n of_o penance_n which_o they_o put_v upon_o i_o but_o now_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v so_o perpetual_o cross_v myself_o i_o take_v a_o cross_n into_o my_o hand_n and_o this_o i_o do_v in_o effect_n always_o but_o indeed_o i_o use_v not_o those_o sign_n of_o scorn_n so_o very_o often_o for_o that_o afflict_v i_o too_o much_o for_o i_o well_o remember_v the_o affront_n &_o injury_n which_o the_o jew_n have_v put_v upon_o our_o lord_n &_o so_o i_o humble_o beseech_v he_o to_o pardon_v i_o if_o i_o do_v the_o like_a since_o i_o do_v it_o by_o way_n of_o obedience_n to_o they_o who_o he_o have_v appoint_v in_o his_o own_o place_n and_o i_o pray_v he_o not_o to_o lay_v it_o to_o my_o charge_n since_o they_o be_v the_o person_n who_o himself_o have_v place_v in_o his_o church_n he_o tell_v i_o then_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o and_o that_o i_o do_v well_o in_o obey_v they_o and_o that_o he_o will_v bring_v they_o at_o length_n to_o understand_v the_o truth_n but_o when_o they_o for_o 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after_o a_o most_o curious_a make_v and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v see_v he_o just_a so_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o and_o so_o i_o do_v and_o now_o i_o no_o long_o see_v the_o wood_n whereof_o the_o cross_n be_v make_v but_o only_o these_o precious_a stone_n and_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o no_o other_o see_v they_o but_o myself_o when_o lord_n they_o begin_v to_o command_v i_o to_o make_v these_o trial_n or_o proof_n and_o to_o use_v resistance_n to_o those_o favour_n they_o grow_v on_o to_o a_o high_a increase_n for_o though_o i_o may_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o divert_v myself_o yet_o i_o never_o be_v out_o of_o prayer_n nay_o i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o prayer_n even_o whilst_o i_o sleep_v for_o here_o all_o be_v growing-on_a and_o growing-up_a in_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o the_o make_v also_o of_o a_o pitiful_a kind_n of_o complaint_n which_o i_o utter_v to_o he_o and_o my_o not_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v it_o nor_o be_v it_o in_o my_o power_n though_o i_o have_v desire_v it_o and_o least_o of_o all_o when_o i_o procure_v it_o to_o give_v over_o my_o think_v upon_o he_o but_o yet_o still_o i_o obey_v they_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v though_o yet_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v little_a or_o nothing_o therein_o now_o our_o lord_n do_v never_o free_v i_o from_o obey_v they_o but_o howsoever_o it_o be_v true_a that_o he_o command_v i_o to_o do_v as_o they_o bid_v i_o he_o yet_o give_v i_o assurance_n otherwise_o yea_o and_o instruct_v i_o also_o about_o what_o i_o shall_v say_v to_o they_o and_o the_o same_o he_o do_v also_o to_o this_o day_n and_o he_o teach_v i_o so_o conclude_v reason_n of_o all_o thing_n that_o they_o give_v i_o all_o sufficient_a assurance_n and_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v begin_v very_o late_o to_o perform_v what_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o promise_v i_o before_o as_o namely_o to_o assure_v i_o yet_o better_a that_o it_o be_v he_o for_o there_o grow_v in_o i_o so_o great_a a_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o it_o can_v get_v into_o my_o hart_n and_o it_o be_v of_o a_o very_a supernatural_a kind_n nor_o be_v it_o i_o who_o procure_v it_o i_o then_o find_v myself_o even_o as_o it_o be_v to_o die_v through_o a_o desire_n wherein_o i_o be_v to_o see_v almighty_a god_n nor_o can_v i_o come_v to_o know_v how_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o seeke-out_a this_o kind_n of_o life_n but_o by_o the_o way_n of_o death_n there_o come_v upon_o i_o so_o great_a impetuosity_n or_o impulse_n of_o this_o love_n that_o howsoever_o they_o be_v not_o so_o insupportable_a not_o yet_o altogether_o of_o so_o high_a value_n as_o those_o other_o be_v which_o i_o relate_v before_o yet_o know_v i_o not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o for_o nothing_o can_v now_o give_v i_o satisfaction_n nor_o be_v i_o able_a even_o to_o contain_v my_o very_a self_n but_o real_o it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o if_o my_o soul_n have_v be_v direct_o tear_v out_o of_o my_o body_n o_o most_o admirable_a kind_n of_o artifice_n of_o our_o lord_n what_o manner_n of_o choice_n and_o delicate_a industry_n be_v that_o which_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o use_v towards_o this_o miserable_a slave_n of_o thou_o for_o thou_o do_v hide_v thyself_o from_o i_o and_o yet_o withal_o do_v even_o then_o press_v upon_o i_o so_o very_o close_o with_o thy_o love_n by_o give_v i_o such_o a_o delightful_a and_o savoury_a kind_n of_o death_n as_o that_o the_o soul_n by_o her_o good_a will_n will_v never_o be_v deliver_v from_o the_o same_o whosoever_o have_v never_o try_v and_o feel_v these_o so_o great_a impetuosity_n of_o divine_a love_n it_o be_v impossible_a that_o he_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o understand_v they_o for_o this_o be_v not_o a_o kind_n of_o restlessness_n of_o the_o breast_n or_o hart_n nor_o any_o of_o that_o kind_n of_o devotion_n which_o be_v wont_n sometime_o as_o it_o be_v to_o stop_v the_o breath_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o the_o soul_n be_v not_o able_a to_o contain_v herself_o but_o this_o be_v a_o inferior_a kind_n of_o prayer_n to_o that_o and_o herein_o we_o be_v to_o procure_v to_o remove_v such_o kind_n of_o promptitude_n and_o vehemence_v as_o those_o and_o to_o endeavour_v to_o retire_v they_o sweet_o into_o themselves_o so_o to_o appease_v and_o calm_v the_o soul_n for_o this_o comparison_n be_v in_o some_o sort_n as_o when_o little_a child_n cry_v and_o sob_v sometime_o so_o thick_a as_o that_o they_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o choke_v and_o when_o the_o nurse_n give_v they_o drink_v that_o excess_n of_o their_o passion_n and_o expression_n begin_v to_o cease_v and_o so_o in_o this_o case_n also_o be_v reason_n to_o take_v the_o bridle_n into_o the_o hand_n for_o perhaps_o the_o very_a natural_a condition_n and_o constitution_n of_o the_o person_n himself_o may_v be_v the_o thing_n which_o contribute_v somewhat_o to_o this_o state_n of_o mind_n at_o that_o time_n and_o therefore_o let_v consideration_n be_v use_v for_o fear_v lest_o all_o shall_v not_o be_v perfect_a and_o lest_o a_o very_a great_a part_n thereof_o fall_v out_o to_o have_v some_o what_o of_o the_o sensual_a in_o it_o and_o let_v this_o child_n be_v still_v by_o some_o regalo_n or_o other_o of_o love_n which_o may_v induce_v it_o to_o exercise_v and_o express_v the_o love_n itself_o which_o he_o also_o bear_v by_o a_o moregentle_a and_o sweet_a kind_n of_o way_n and_o not_o thus_o as_o it_o be_v by_o go_v to_o cuff_n but_o let_v they_o go_v retire_v that_o very_a love_n of_o they_o into_o the_o more_o inward_a part_n
the_o very_a first_o by_o experience_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o only_o thing_n whereof_o i_o have_v need_v at_o that_o time_n for_o then_o i_o can_v not_o give_v myself_o so_o well_o to_o be_v understand_v as_o now_o i_o can_v at_o least_o not_o so_o far_o as_o to_o express_v it_o home_o for_o since_o that_o time_n it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o to_o declare_v to_o i_o the_o favour_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v i_o but_o former_o it_o be_v necessary_a enough_o for_o i_o to_o find_v a_o person_n who_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o same_o thing_n by_o experience_n if_o i_o will_v hope_v that_o he_o shall_v perfect_o understand_v i_o and_o declare_v to_o i_o what_o every_o thing_n be_v now_o this_o father_n give_v i_o very_o great_a light_n for_o i_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n understand_v what_o that_o can_v be_v which_o concern_v those_o vision_n which_o be_v not_o imaginary_a or_o represent_v by_o the_o imagination_n and_o i_o think_v also_o that_o i_o understand_v as_o little_a of_o those_o other_o which_o i_o see_v with_o the_o only_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o those_o only_a which_o be_v visible_a by_o our_o corporeal_a eye_n seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v indeed_o of_o importance_n and_o of_o these_o i_o have_v receive_v none_o at_o all_o but_o now_o this_o holy_a man_n give_v i_o light_n in_o all_o and_o declare_v it_o to_o i_o and_o require_v i_o not_o to_o be_v trouble_v any_o long_o but_o that_o i_o shall_v bless_v and_o praise_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o sure_a that_o these_o be_v true_a effect_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o that_o although_o it_o be_v no_o article_n of_o faith_n yet_o nothing_o can_v be_v more_o certain_o true_a nor_o which_o i_o may_v more_o firm_o believe_v and_o he_o comfort_v himself_o very_o much_o with_o i_o and_o show_v i_o all_o courtesy_n and_o favour_n and_o ever_o after_o he_o have_v great_a care_n of_o i_o and_o he_o communicate_v diverse_a of_o his_o affair_n and_o business_n with_o i_o and_o find_v that_o i_o have_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n of_o those_o thing_n which_o he_o have_v already_o put_v in_o practice_n for_o indeed_o in_o as_o much_o as_o concern_v desire_n our_o lord_n have_v give_v they_o to_o i_o with_o great_a resolution_n and_o find_v also_o that_o i_o be_v so_o full_a of_o courage_n in_o order_n to_o that_o end_n he_o take_v particular_a contentment_n to_o treat_v with_o i_o for_o whensoever_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v one_o to_o this_o state_n there_o be_v truth_n no_o joy_n or_o comfort_n which_o can_v be_v equal_a to_o the_o meeting_n with_o some_o such_o other_o person_n as_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v some_o beginning_n thereof_o for_o then_o perhaps_o i_o have_v not_o much_o more_o than_o a_o beginning_n by_o what_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o conceive_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o i_o have_v it_o vet_n but_o as_o for_o he_o he_o have_v extraordinary_a compassion_n of_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o one_o of_o the_o very_o great_a affliction_n of_o this_o life_n be_v that_o which_o i_o have_v endure_v namely_o the_o opposition_n and_o contradiction_n of_o good_a man_n and_o that_o still_o i_o will_v be_v a_o little_a obnoxious_a in_o the_o same_o kind_n because_o i_o must_v ever_o be_v in_o need_n of_o help_n and_o that_o he_o fear_v there_o be_v no_o body_n in_o that_o city_n who_o will_v understand_v i_o but_o that_o he_o will_v speak_v with_o my_o ghostly_a father_n &_o to_o one_o also_o of_o those_o other_o who_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o most_o discomfort_n which_o be_v that_o marry_v cavallier_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o for_o he_o as_o be_v a_o person_n who_o love_v i_o perhaps_o more_o than_o the_o rest_n do_v continual_o make_v war_n upon_o i_o and_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o a_o tender_a and_o holy_a soul_n and_o consider_v how_o late_o before_o he_o have_v find_v how_o wicked_a i_o be_v he_o know_v not_o how_o to_o make_v himself_o sure_a that_o all_o be_v right_a but_o now_o the_o holle_fw-ge man_n fray_n pedro_n grow_v to_o talk_v with_o those_o two_o person_n afforesayd_a and_o he_o show_v they_o cause_n and_o reason_n why_o they_o shall_v both_o quiet_a and_o assure_v themselves_o and_o disturb_v i_o no_o more_o as_o for_o my_o ghostly_a father_n there_o be_v no_o very_a great_a need_n of_o much_o diligence_n but_o as_o for_o the_o cavalier_n it_o suffice_v not_o for_o he_o to_o hear_v what_o fray_n pedro_n say_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o mean_n to_o keep_v he_o from_o fright_v i_o so_o very_o much_o as_o he_o have_v do_v before_o but_o then_o we_o resolve_v together_o that_o i_o shall_v write_v to_o fray_n pedro_n of_o all_o that_o which_o may_v succeed_v to_o i_o afterward_o and_o to_o recommend_v one_o another_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n for_o so_o great_a be_v his_o humility_n as_o to_o make_v some_o little_a account_n of_o the_o prayer_n of_o this_o miserable_a creature_n which_o give_v i_o confusion_n enough_o but_o he_o leave_v i_o with_o extreme_a comfort_n and_o gust_n and_o direct_v i_o to_o proceed_v secure_o on_o with_o my_o prayer_n and_o to_o make_v no_o doubt_n at_o all_o but_o that_o it_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o whensoever_o i_o may_v be_v in_o any_o doubt_n for_o my_o own_o great_a security_n i_o shall_v impart_v whatsoever_o occur_v to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o then_o i_o shall_v hold_v myself_o for_o safe_a but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o counsel_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o be_v entire_o secure_a because_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o guide_v i_o still_o by_o the_o way_n of_o fear_n which_o sometime_o make_v i_o apt_a to_o doubt_v that_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o hand_n in_o the_o business_n whensoever_o they_o will_v needs_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v so_o and_o thus_o indeed_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n no_o creature_n be_v able_a to_o give_v 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lady_n i_o use_v to_o recommend_v myself_o much_o now_o it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o former_o sometime_o yea_o and_o so_o it_o do_v also_o yet_o though_o not_o so_o often_o to_o find_v myself_o in_o so_o excessive_a trouble_n and_o affliction_n of_o mind_n together_o with_o fierce_a infirmity_n affliction_n and_o torment_n of_o body_n that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o at_o other_o time_n i_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o corporal_a misery_n which_o be_v more_o grievous_a but_o yet_o not_o find_v myself_o subject_a then_o to_o the_o sense_n of_o such_o sorrow_n of_o mind_n as_o now_o i_o have_v i_o pass_v with_o much_o alacrity_n through_o they_o all_o but_o whensoever_o they_o of_o both_o kind_n come_v together_o the_o misery_n of_o it_o be_v so_o great_a as_o that_o it_o give_v i_o affliction_n enough_o and_o as_o for_o those_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o i_o then_o forget_v they_o all_o and_o there_o only_o remain_v but_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o memory_n of_o they_o as_o of_o a_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v dream_v and_o this_o serve_v but_o to_o give_v i_o so_o much_o the_o more_o pain_n for_o the_o understanding_n grow_v in_o those_o case_n to_o be_v all_o obscure_v and_o dull_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o it_o make_v i_o enter_v into_o a_o thousand_o suspicion_n trouble_n and_o doubt_n as_o if_o i_o have_v not_o former_o understand_v thing_n well_o and_o that_o perhaps_o i_o follow_v fancy_n in_o stead_n of_o truth_n and_o that_o it_o may_v have_v be_v misery_n enough_o for_o i_o to_o be_v deceive_v myself_o without_o seek_v
little_a in_o the_o monastery_n the_o devil_n also_o will_v be_v sure_a to_o help_v to_o be_v partly_o a_o mean_n that_o i_o may_v remain_v little_a at_o home_n for_o always_o by_o my_o impart_v to_o some_o of_o the_o religious_a there_o those_o good_a thing_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v of_o other_o with_o who_o i_o use_v to_o converse_v they_o receive_v much_o advantage_n and_o good_a but_o yet_o once_o be_v there_o with_o a_o certain_a person_n it_o happen_v that_o she_o say_v both_o to_o i_o and_o other_o what_o say_v you_o if_o we_o shall_v become_v like_o those_o religious_a woman_n who_o go_v barefoot_a for_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a in_o time_n to_o make_v some_o monastery_n of_o that_o kind_n but_o now_o i_o have_v also_o these_o very_a same_o desire_n begin_v to_o treat_v the_o business_n with_o that_o widow_n my_o companion_n and_o friend_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o who_o have_v also_o the_o same_o desire_n with_o i_o upon_o this_o she_o begin_v to_o cast_v 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not_o fail_v to_o be_v make_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v serve_v much_o in_o it_o and_o that_o it_o shall_v be_v call_v by_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n and_o that_o himself_o will_v keep_v we_o safe_a at_o one_o of_o the_o gate_n and_o his_o mother_n our_o b._n lady_n at_o the_o other_o and_o that_o christ_n our_o lord_n will_v continue_v with_o we_o and_o that_o the_o place_n shall_v prove_v to_o be_v even_o a_o star_n which_o will_v yield_v great_a brightness_n and_o splendour_n of_o itself_o and_o that_o though_o other_o religious_a order_n be_v then_o relax_v man_n must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o be_v but_o little_o serve_v by_o they_o and_o what_o shall_v become_v of_o the_o world_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o religious_a person_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v tell_v my_o ghostly_a father_n that_o he_o have_v command_v i_o all_o this_o and_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o not_o to_o oppose_v it_o nor_o to_o divert_v i_o from_o it_o and_o this_o vision_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o be_v follow_v by_o so_o great_a effect_n that_o the_o speech_n which_o be_v use_v therein_o be_v such_o and_o utter_v in_o such_o a_o manner_n that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o doubt_v but_o that_o it_o be_v he_o how_o soever_o i_o be_v still_o in_o extreme_a pain_n because_o the_o great_a disquiet_n and_o trouble_n which_o i_o be_v sure_o the_o thing_n will_v cost_v do_v partly_o represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o extreme_o well_o content_a i_o be_v in_o that_o first_o house_n and_o though_o former_o i_o have_v treat_v of_o this_o other_o business_n yet_o it_o be_v not_o with_o any_o such_o resolution_n and_o certainty_n as_o if_o it_o may_v be_v sure_a to_o take_v effect_n now_o here_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o reward_n set_v itself_o instant_o before_o i_o for_o the_o do_v it_o but_o yet_o when_o i_o see_v that_o it_o be_v likely_a to_o be_v a_o thing_n of_o very_o great_a disquiet_n and_o trouble_v i_o be_v still_o in_o a_o kind_n of_o doubt_n what_o i_o will_v final_o do_v and_o yet_o they_o be_v so_o many_o several_a time_n that_o our_o lord_n renew_v his_o speech_n to_o i_o upon_o this_o subject_n represent_v so_o many_o cause_n and_o reason_n for_o it_o that_o i_o see_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v his_o will_n so_o that_o now_o i_o think_v no_o more_o of_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o to_o acquaint_v my_o ghostly_a father_n with_o it_o and_o so_o i_o give_v he_o all_o that_o which_o have_v occur_v in_o write_v as_o for_o he_o he_o dare_v not_o resolut_o will_v i_o to_o give_v it_o over_o but_o see_v that_o there_o be_v little_a appearance_n to_o carry_v it_o through_o according_a to_o the_o discourse_n of_o natural_a reason_n in_o regard_n that_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n who_o be_v the_o only_o person_n who_o be_v to_o do_v it_o have_v very_o little_a or_o no_o mean_n to_o effect_v it_o he_o wish_v i_o to_o treat_v of_o it_o with_o the_o prelate_n who_o be_v my_o superior_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v therein_o what_o he_o ordain_v but_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o these_o vision_n with_o that_o prelate_n but_o that_o lady_n treat_v with_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o that_o she_o desire_v to_o erect_v a_o new_a monastery_n and_o the_o provincial_n do_v very_o glad_o give_v way_n for_o he_o be_v a_o friend_n of_o all_o religious_a observance_n and_o piety_n and_o so_o he_o afford_v all_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v needful_a and_o tell_v she_o that_o he_o will_v admit_v and_o accept_v the_o house_n they_o speak_v then_o of_o the_o revenue_n which_o it_o be_v to_o have_v and_o we_o never_o incline_v to_o let_v it_o consist_v of_o more_o than_o thirteen_o religious_a &_o this_o for_o many_o reason_n but_o before_o we_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o matter_n thus_o far_o we_o write_v to_o the_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o all_o that_o which_o pass_v and_o he_o counsel_v we_o to_o proceed_v in_o this_o design_n and_o he_o send_v we_o his_o opinion_n upon_o the_o whole_a business_n but_o now_o this_o purpose_n of_o we_o be_v no_o soon_o know_v over_o the_o town_n than_o there_o do_v instant_o grow_v to_o be_v such_o a_o persecution_n against_o we_o as_o can_v be_v write_v in_o few_o word_n the_o scoff_n the_o icare_n the_o laugh_a the_o say_n that_o it_o be_v a_o foolery_n and_o senseless_a toy_n that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v well_o enough_o in_o my_o monastery_n but_o for_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n they_o cast_v such_o a_o load_n of_o persecution_n upon_o she_o that_o they_o even_o overlay_v she_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o thought_n that_o they_o have_v partly_o some_o reason_n but_o be_v thus_o distress_v and_o recommend_v myself_o one_o day_n to_o almighty_a god_n his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v to_o comfort_v and_o encourage_v i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o now_o i_o may_v see_v through_o what_o difficulty_n those_o saint_n have_v pass_v who_o have_v found_v the_o religious_a order_n of_o the_o church_n and_o that_o we_o be_v to_o pass_v through_o many_o more_o persecution_n than_o i_o can_v imagine_v but_o that_o yet_o we_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v at_o all_o he_o tell_v i_o also_o some_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o deliver_v to_o my_o companion_n and_o the_o thing_n at_o which_o i_o wonder_v most_o be_v that_o instant_o we_o be_v comfort_v in_o respect_n of_o all_o that_o which_o be_v pass_v and_o encourage_v for_o all_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v future_a and_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o there_o be_v not_o in_o all_o that_o town_n any_o one_o person_n of_o prayer_n nay_o in_o fine_a there_o be_v scarce_o any_o one_o at_o all_o who_o do_v not_o oppose_v we_o at_o that_o time_n and_o who_o think_v not_o this_o design_n to_o be_v a_o most_o senseless_a thing_n there_o be_v so_o many_o jest_n and_o learing_n and_o stir_n in_o our_o very_a monastery_n that_o now_o even_o the_o provincial_n oppose_v himself_o stiff_o against_o we_o and_o he_o change_v his_o former_a opinion_n and_o now_o will_v no_o long_o admit_v the_o house_n but_o say_v that_o the_o rent_n be_v both_o little_a and_o beside_o not_o very_o secure_a and_o that_o there_o be_v very_o great_a contradiction_n he_o seem_v to_o have_v reason_n in_o all_o and_o in_o fine_a he_o gave-ove_a the_o business_n and_o will_v not_o admit_v the_o house_n now_o we_o who_o have_v already_o receive_v the_o first_o blow_n upon_o our_o own_o head_n be_v great_o trouble_v at_o it_o but_o particular_o it_o strike_v i_o much_o that_o the_o provincial_n be_v now_o find_v to_o be_v opposite_a for_o
our_o lord_n seem_v to_o have_v forward_v much_o in_o the_o way_n of_o spirit_n for_o he_o make_v they_o runne-on_a apace_o and_o not_o go_v foot_n by_o foot_n and_o his_o manner_n be_v to_o untie_v they_o sound_o and_o total_o from_o all_o creature_n and_o to_o put_v they_o to_o the_o exercise_n and_o practice_v of_o mortification_n for_o in_o this_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v impart_v a_o most_o particular_a talon_n to_o he_o as_o he_o have_v also_o do_v in_o many_o other_o thing_n now_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o begin_v to_o communicate_v my_o affair_n with_o he_o i_o instant_o understand_v his_o stile_n and_o way_n of_o proceed_v and_o i_o find_v that_o he_o have_v a_o holy_a and_o pure_a soul_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n have_v give_v he_o a_o particular_a talent_n in_o the_o try_v and_o know_v of_o spirit_n so_o that_o i_o be_v comfort_v both_o much_o and_o very_o soon_o after_o i_o have_v once_o communicate_v with_o he_o and_o our_o bless_a lord_n begin_v again_o to_o press_v i_o towards_o a_o treat_v of_o the_o business_n of_o the_o monastery_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v declare_v both_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o to_o this_o rectour_n the_o many_o ground_n and_o reason_n why_o they_o be_v not_o to_o dissuade_v and_o divert_v i_o from_o it_o and_o some_o of_o they_o make_v they_o hearty_o afraid_a to_o do_v it_o for_o this_o father_n rectour_n never_o do_v so_o much_o as_o doubt_v but_o that_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n because_o he_o have_v behold_v and_o consider_v the_o effect_n with_o very_o great_a study_n and_o care_n in_o fine_a after_o the_o consideration_n of_o many_o thing_n they_o dare_v not_o presume_v to_o divert_v i_o and_o my_o ghostly_a father_n do_v again_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o use_v all_o the_o endeavour_n i_o can_v and_o yet_o i_o be_v able_a to_o see_v very_o well_o what_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n it_o will_v give_v i_o in_o regard_n i_o be_v so_o utter_o alone_a and_o have_v very_o little_a power_n to_o effect_v any_o thing_n but_o we_o agree_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v carry_v with_o great_a privacy_n and_o therefore_o i_o procure_v that_o a_o certain_a sister_n of_o i_o who_o live_v elsewhere_a shall_v buy_v and_o build_v the_o house_n as_o if_o it_o be_v for_o herself_o and_o that_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v with_o money_n which_o our_o lord_n find_v mean_n by_o certain_a way_n wherewith_o to_o pay_v for_o it_o but_o it_o will_v be_v a_o long_a business_n to_o tell_v you_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n go_v provide_v it_o for_o as_o for_o i_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v very_o sure_a to_o do_v nothing_o which_o may_v be_v against_o obedience_n but_o i_o be_v not_o then_o to_o learn_v that_o if_o i_o tell_v any_o thing_n to_o the_o superior_n of_o my_o order_n the_o whole_a business_n will_v be_v lose_v as_o it_o be_v before_o yea_o and_o that_o if_o i_o do_v so_o now_o it_o will_v fallout_a to_o be_v worse_o in_o the_o point_n of_o get_v money_n for_o make_v the_o bargain_n for_o a_o seat_n and_o for_o build_v also_o the_o house_n i_o endure_v many_o trouble_n and_o some_o of_o they_o all_o alone_a though_o yet_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n do_v also_o the_o best_a she_o can_v but_o in_o fine_a she_o can_v do_v little_a and_o indeed_o so_o very_o little_a that_o upon_o the_o matter_n it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o nothing_o but_o only_o to_o take_v upon_o she_o the_o name_n and_o to_o lend_v it_o her_o countenance_n for_o all_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o trouble_n i_o be_v i_o and_o it_o come_v upon_o i_o so_o very_a many_o way_n that_o i_o do_v even_o wonder_v now_o how_o i_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v it_o then_o sometime_o when_o i_o be_v full_a of_o affliction_n i_o will_v be_v utter_v myself_o to_o almighty_a god_n after_o this_o manner_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o come_v thou_o to_o command_v i_o thing_n which_o seem_v impossible_a for_o though_o i_o be_v a_o woman_n yet_o if_o i_o have_v liberty_n perhaps_o something_o may_v be_v do_v but_o be_v tie_v up_o in_o all_o respect_n without_o money_n and_o without_o know_v where_o to_o get_v any_o whereby_o either_o the_o breve_fw-la or_o any_o thing_n else_o may_v be_v have_v what_o can_v i_o do_v o_o lord_n but_o be_v once_o in_o a_o certain_a necessity_n and_o not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o pay_v the_o workman_n s._n joseph_n my_o true_a father_n and_o patron_n appear_v to_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o money_n will_v not_o be_v want_v to_o i_o and_o therefore_o that_o i_o shall_v make_v the_o agreement_n and_o so_o i_o do_v even_o when_o i_o have_v no_o money_n at_o all_o and_o afterward_o our_o bless_a lord_n provide_v it_o by_o so_o strange_a way_n that_o they_o who_o hear_v of_o it_o be_v amaze_v but_o now_o i_o think_v the_o house_n show_v to_o be_v very_o little_a and_o indeed_o it_o be_v so_o and_o in_o that_o extremity_n that_o it_o seem_v not_o capable_a of_o be_v ever_o able_a to_o be_v a_o monastery_n and_o i_o have_v a_o good_a mind_n to_o buy_v another_o house_n but_o neither_o have_v i_o wherewithal_o to_o do_v it_o nor_o otherwise_o any_o mean_n to_o procure_v it_o though_o there_o be_v yet_o a_o very_a little_a one_o join_v to_o it_o whereof_o a_o church_n may_v be_v make_v but_o after_o i_o have_v communicate_v one_o day_n our_o lord_n say_v thus_o to_o i_o i_o have_v already_o will_v thou_o to_o begin_v as_o thou_o may_v and_o then_o after_o the_o manner_n of_o exclamation_n he_o say_v thus_o also_o to_o i_o o_o the_o tovetousue_v of_o the_o race_n of_o mankind_n which_o think_v that_o it_o shall_v want_n even_o earth_n upon_o which_o to_o tread_v how_o often_o have_v i_o sleep_v in_o the_o open_a air_n as_o not_o know_v where_o to_o lay_v my_o head_n upon_o this_o i_o be_v amaze_v and_o find_v that_o he_o have_v reason_n and_o so_o i_o go_v to_o that_o little_a house_n and_o order_v it_o and_o though_o it_o be_v very_o little_a yet_o it_o be_v just_a fit_a to_o make_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o monastery_n and_o i_o make_v it_o no_o more_o my_o business_n to_o compass_v a_o large_a seat_n but_o procure_v to_o build_v upon_o that_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o it_o may_v be_v fit_a to_o be_v inhabit_v all_o course_n and_o rude_a and_o without_o any_o other_o mystery_n but_o only_o that_o it_o may_v not_o be_v hurtful_a in_o point_n of_o health_n and_o so_o it_o shall_v ever_o remain_v upon_o the_o day_n of_o s._n clare_n i_o go_v to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n she_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o very_o great_a beauty_n and_o bid_v i_o be_v of_o a_o good_a courage_n and_o go_v on_o in_o the_o work_n which_o i_o have_v begin_v and_o that_o she_o will_v assist_v i_o and_o this_o have_v prove_v so_o true_a that_o a_o monastery_n of_o religious_a woman_n of_o her_o order_n which_o be_v near_o this_o do_v help_n to_o sustain_v and_o feed_v we_o and_o which_o yet_o be_v more_o she_o have_v by_o little_a and_o little_a bring_v this_o desire_n of_o i_o to_o such_o perfection_n that_o the_o selfsame_a poverty_n which_o that_o bless_a saint_n establish_v in_o her_o house_n be_v exercise_v also_o in_o this_o and_o we_o live_v of_o alm_n which_o point_n have_v cost_v i_o no_o small_a trouble_n in_o get_v it_o confirm_v by_o his_o holiness_n and_o to_o be_v further_o also_o establish_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o no_o innovation_n may_v be_v make_v not_o the_o house_n be_v ever_o capable_a of_o rent_n and_o now_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n even_o more_o than_o this_o and_o perhaps_o the_o same_o may_v grow_v by_o the_o intercession_n of_o this_o bless_a saint_n for_o his_o divine_a majesty_n provide_v we_o with_o all_o thing_n necessary_a in_o most_o complete_a manner_n without_o our_o ever_o ask_v any_o thing_n of_o any_o creature_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o all_o thing_n amen_n but_o i_o be_v about_o that_o time_n upon_o the_o day_n of_o the_o assumption_n of_o our_o b._n lady_n in_o a_o certain_a monastery_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n dominick_n order_n i_o be_v consider_v the_o many_o sin_n of_o my_o former_a time_n which_o i_o have_v confess_v in_o that_o house_n and_o the_o accident_n of_o my_o wicked_a life_n and_o sudden_o there_o come_v so_o great_a a_o rapt_v upon_o i_o that_o it_o take_v i_o in_o effect_n whole_o out_o of_o myself_o i_o than_o sit_v down_o and_o yet_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a either_o to_o hear_v mass_n or_o so_o much_o as_o to_o see_v the_o elevation_n for_o which_o i_o remain_v afterward_o with_o some_o scruple_n now_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o
whilst_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o that_o condition_n i_o be_v apparel_v with_o a_o certain_a lord_n garment_n of_o much_o whiteness_n and_o clearness_n and_o at_o the_o first_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v who_o it_o be_v that_o clothe_v i_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v our_o b._n lady_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n and_o my_o father_n s._n joseph_n on_o the_o left_a who_o apparel_v i_o then_o with_o that_o robe_n and_o it_o be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v that_o i_o be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v cleanse_v from_o my_o sin_n when_o thus_o i_o be_v apparel_v and_o find_v myself_o full_a of_o joy_n and_o glory_n it_o instant_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o our_o b._n lady_n lay_v hold_v upon_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o content_v she_o much_o to_o see_v i_o serve_v the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n that_o i_o be_v to_o believe_v that_o what_o i_o pretend_v concern_v the_o monastery_n shall_v be_v effect_v and_o that_o our_o lord_n and_o they_o two_o will_v be_v much_o serve_v there_o that_o i_o must_v not_o be_v afraid_a that_o ever_o there_o will_v be_v any_o fail_v therein_o howsoever_o some_o commandment_n which_o may_v fall_v out_o to_o be_v impose_v upon_o i_o will_v not_o be_v according_a to_o my_o gust_n for_o even_o themselves_o in_o fine_a will_v defend_v and_o keep_v we_o that_o her_o son_n have_v already_o promise_v that_o he_o will_v be_v and_o remain_v with_o we_o and_o in_o testimony_n that_o all_o this_o shall_v prove_v true_a she_o cast_v a_o fair_a and_o bright_a chain_n of_o gold_n about_o my_o neck_n with_o a_o cross_n fasten_v to_o it_o of_o great_a value_n but_o this_o gold_n and_o these_o precious_a stone_n be_v so_o very_o different_a from_o those_o of_o this_o world_n that_o there_o be_v no_o manner_n of_o comparison_n between_o they_o for_o the_o beauty_n of_o these_o be_v far_o other_o than_o any_o thing_n which_o we_o can_v imagine_v here_o nor_o do_v humane_a understanding_n arrive_v to_o know_v of_o what_o the_o garment_n be_v make_v nor_o how_o to_o fancy_v that_o clear_a whiteness_n to_o itself_o which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o represent_v for_o all_o that_o of_o this_o inferior_a world_n be_v no_o better_o than_o a_o kind_n of_o scratch_n with_o a_o coal_n as_o a_o man_n may_v say_v in_o respect_n of_o the_o other_o the_o beauty_n also_o which_o i_o see_v in_o our_o b._n lady_n be_v excessive_a though_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o determine_v the_o form_n or_o figure_n of_o any_o particular_a part_n which_o i_o may_v assign_v she_o but_o only_o the_o frame_n and_o air_n of_o the_o whole_a face_n together_o she_o be_v apparel_v in_o white_a with_o excess_n of_o splendour_n but_o yet_o of_o no_o such_o kind_n as_o dazzle_v but_o most_o dear_o sweet_a as_o for_o the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n i_o see_v not_o he_o so_o clear_o though_o yet_o i_o well_o perceive_v that_o he_o be_v there_o like_o those_o vision_n whereof_o i_o speak_v which_o be_v not_o see_v our_o b._n lady_n be_v extraordinaty_o young_a and_o she_o remain_v with_o i_o a_o very_a little_a while_n and_o i_o have_v excessive_a glory_n and_o gust_n by_o it_o and_o more_o in_o my_o opinion_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v enjoy_v before_o and_o i_o will_v certain_o have_v be_v glad_a enough_o if_o i_o may_v never_o have_v leave_v it_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o see_v they_o both_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n with_o a_o very_a great_a multitude_n of_o angel_n and_o i_o the_o while_n remain_v in_o much_o solitude_n though_o yet_o withal_o so_o comfort_v and_o elevate_v and_o even_o dissolve_v and_o recollect_v in_o prayer_n that_o i_o remain_v for_o some_o space_n of_o time_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o not_o to_o be_v able_a either_o to_o speak_v or_o stir_v but_o i_o be_v whole_o as_o it_o be_v out_o of_o myself_o and_o i_o continue_v with_o a_o great_a impulse_n of_o desire_n to_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v for_o almighty_a god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o such_o effect_n thereof_o and_o the_o whole_a passed-on_a in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o be_v never_o able_a though_o i_o endeavour_v much_o to_o doubt_v but_o that_o this_o visitation_n be_v of_o almighty_a god_n the_o queen_n of_o the_o angel_n leave_v i_o topp-full_a of_o comfort_n and_o of_o profound_a peace_n by_o what_o she_o say_v to_o i_o of_o obedience_n and_o the_o case_n be_v this_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o unwilling_a not_o to_o give_v this_o house_n up_o to_o the_o order_n and_o indeed_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o fit_a that_o they_o shall_v have_v it_o and_o he_o also_o deliver_v i_o the_o reason_n why_o it_o be_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n fit_a but_o that_o i_o shall_v send_v about_o it_o to_o rome_n by_o a_o certain_a way_n and_o he_o also_o make_v i_o know_v that_o he_o will_v cause_v it_o to_o be_v dispatch_v from_o thence_o and_o so_o it_o be_v and_o it_o be_v send_v by_o that_o very_a mean_n whereof_o our_o lord_n have_v tell_v i_o but_o we_o shall_v never_o have_v final_o be_v able_a to_o dispatch_v it_o of_o ourselves_o and_o upon_o the_o occasion_n which_o succeed_v afterward_o it_o be_v very_o fit_a that_o it_o shall_v be_v submit_v by_o way_n of_o obedience_n to_o the_o bishop_n yet_o then_o i_o know_v he_o not_o nor_o understand_v what_o kind_n of_o prelate_n he_o be_v but_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v so_o good_a and_o shall_v favour_v this_o house_n as_o much_o as_o be_v fit_a yea_o and_o even_o necessary_a for_o the_o encounter_v of_o that_o great_a contradiction_n which_o occur_v herein_o as_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o and_o to_o put_v it_o into_o that_o state_n wherein_o now_o it_o be_v and_o let_v he_o be_v ever_o bless_v who_o have_v so_o dispose_v of_o all_o amen_n the_o four_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o declare_v how_o at_o this_o time_n she_o be_v necessary_o to_o go_v from_o that_o place_n and_o she_o show_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o how_o her_o superior_a command_v she_o to_o go_v for_o the_o comfort_n of_o a_o certain_a lady_n who_o be_v much_o afflict_v she_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o that_o which_o happen_v to_o she_o there_o and_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v by_o her_o mean_n in_o stirring-up_a a_o very_a principal_a person_n to_o do_v he_o great_a service_n and_o how_o afterward_o she_o receive_v much_o favour_n and_o protection_n from_o he_o this_o be_v a_o admirable_a discourse_n and_o very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v but_o notwithstanding_o all_o the_o care_n i_o take_v that_o man_n may_v not_o know_v what_o we_o be_v do_v this_o whole_a business_n can_v not_o be_v carry_v with_o so_o much_o secrecy_n but_o that_o many_o must_v needs_o understand_v it_o and_o some_o of_o they_o do_v believe_v it_o and_o other_o not_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v hearty_o afraid_a that_o if_o the_o provincial_n shall_v come_v and_o they_o chance_v to_o tell_v he_o of_o it_o he_o will_v command_v i_o to_o give_v it_o over_o and_o then_o the_o whole_a design_n will_v be_v at_o a_o end_n but_o our_o lord_n ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o about_o à _fw-fr matter_n of_o twenty_o league_n off_o it_o occur_v that_o there_o be_v a_o certain_a lady_n very_o much_o afflict_v by_o the_o death_n of_o her_o husband_n and_o she_o find_v herself_o in_o such_o extremity_n thereby_o that_o her_o health_n be_v much_o concern_v and_o fear_v now_o she_o have_v get_v some_o notice_n of_o herself_o this_o miserable_a poor_a wretched_a sinner_n for_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n have_v ordain_v already_o that_o they_o shall_v speak_v well_o of_o i_o in_o her_o hear_n for_o the_o effect_n of_o other_o good_a thing_n which_o depend_v upon_o this_o this_o lady_n be_v very_o well_o acquaint_v with_o this_o provincial_n and_o he_o consider_v what_o a_o principal_a person_n she_o be_v and_o that_o i_o be_v in_o a_o monastery_n which_o keep_v not_o clausure_n our_o lord_n give_v she_o so_o great_a a_o desire_n to_o see_v i_o as_o conceave_a that_o she_o shall_v receive_v comfort_n by_o my_o mean_n that_o it_o be_v almost_o no_o long_o now_o in_o her_o power_n not_o instant_o to_o procure_v by_o all_o possible_a endeavour_n to_o get_v i_o thither_o and_o so_o she_o send_v to_o the_o provincial_n who_o be_v very_o far_o off_o at_o that_o time_n and_o according_o he_o also_o send_v i_o a_o express_a commandment_n under_o obedience_n that_o forthwith_o i_o shall_v transport_v myself_o thither_o with_o a_o companion_n now_o i_o come_v to_o know_v of_o this_o upon_o a_o christmasse-day_n at_o night_n and_o it_o put_v i_o into_o much_o disorder_n and_o give_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n
to_o find_v that_o they_o resolve_v to_o carry_v i_o away_o as_o conceave_a that_o there_o be_v some_o goodness_n in_o i_o for_o consider_v how_o wicked_a i_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n endure_v it_o but_o so_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n i_o remain_v during_o all_o the_o time_n of_o matin_n or_o at_o least_o the_o far_o large_a part_n thereof_o in_o a_o very_a great_a rapt_v our_o lord_n declare_v to_o i_o then_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v to_o go_v and_o that_o i_o be_v not_o to_o harken_v to_o the_o opinion_n of_o other_o for_o few_o will_v think_v without_o rashness_n that_o they_o can_v advise_v i_o to_o go_v but_o that_o howsoever_o the_o journey_n may_v be_v of_o much_o trouble_n to_o i_o yet_o that_o he_o will_v be_v great_o serve_v thereby_o and_o that_o it_o will_v be_v also_o very_o convenient_a that_o i_o shall_v absent_v myself_o from_o hence_o till_o the_o breve_fw-la be_v come_v because_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o great_a plot_n provide_v against_o the_o time_n when_o the_o provincial_n shall_v be_v there_o but_o yet_o that_o i_o must_v be_v afraid_a of_o nothing_o for_o that_o in_o fine_a he_o shall_v assist_v i_o in_o the_o business_n upon_o this_o i_o be_v much_o comfort_v and_o encourage_v and_o i_o relate_v the_o whole_a story_n to_o the_o rectour_n who_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v by_o no_o mean_n forbear_v to_o go_v but_o other_o say_v that_o i_o must_v not_o do_v it_o by_o any_o mean_n and_o that_o it_o be_v but_o a_o invention_n of_o the_o devil_n to_o the_o end_n that_o some_o mischief_n may_v happen_v to_o i_o and_o that_o my_o best_a way_n will_v be_v to_o reply_v upon_o the_o provincial_n but_o i_o obey_v the_o rectour_n and_o consider_v also_o what_o have_v pass_v in_o prayer_n i_o begin_v my_o journey_n without_o fear_n but_o yet_o not_o without_o extreme_a confusion_n to_o consider_v under_o what_o title_n and_o occasion_n they_o call_v for_o i_o and_o find_v how_o much_o they_o be_v deceive_v it_o make_v i_o even_o importune_v our_o bless_a lord_n so_o much_o the_o more_o not_o to_o forsake_v i_o now_o it_o comfort_v i_o extreme_o that_o there_o be_v in_o that_o place_n whither_o i_o be_v go_v a_o college_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n and_o that_o i_o may_v be_v subject_a to_o that_o wherein_o they_o shall_v direct_v i_o when_o i_o be_v there_o for_o by_o this_o mean_n i_o conceive_v that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v in_o a_o kind_n of_o safety_n but_o when_o i_o arrive_v there_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v that_o the_o lady_n shall_v receive_v so_o much_o comfort_n that_o her_o amendment_n be_v quick_o see_v for_o she_o be_v every_o day_n better_a and_o better_o and_o this_o be_v the_o more_o esteem_v because_o as_o i_o say_v before_o the_o pain_n wherein_o she_o be_v do_v hold_v she_o in_o great_a difficulty_n and_o straits_n and_o it_o be_v likely_a that_o our_o lord_n grant_v her_o ease_n at_o the_o instance_n of_o the_o many_o prayer_n which_o certain_a holy_a person_n who_o i_o know_v do_v make_v in_o my_o behalf_n that_o so_o all_o may_v succeed_v happy_o to_o i_o she_o have_v also_o even_o in_o herself_o a_o great_a fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o be_v so_o full_a of_o virtue_n and_o goodness_n that_o her_o much_o christianity_n and_o piety_n supply_v for_o that_o which_o be_v want_v in_o i_o now_o she_o grow_v into_o a_o great_a love_n of_o i_o and_o i_o remain_v not_o a_o whitt_n in_o her_o debt_n when_o i_o see_v her_o goodness_n but_o yet_o in_o effect_n even_o all_o be_v trouble_v to_o i_o there_o for_o the_o regalo_n which_o they_o give_v i_o be_v no_o less_o than_o so_o many_o torment_n to_o i_o and_o their_o make_v so_o much_o account_n of_o i_o as_o they_o show_v do_v put_v i_o into_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o fear_n i_o therefore_o carry_v my_o soul_n so_o restrain_v and_o so_o retire_v within_o myself_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o be_v any_o way_n careless_a in_o that_o kind_n and_o so_o also_o be_v not_o our_o lord_n unmindful_a of_o i_o for_o he_o do_v i_o whilst_o i_o be_v there_o most_o excessive_a favour_n and_o they_o endue_v i_o with_o so_o true_a and_o so_o great_a liberty_n of_o spirit_n as_o to_o make_v i_o undervalue_v &_o despise_v all_o those_o testimony_n of_o estimation_n &_o honour_n which_o i_o find_v there_o &_o the_o more_o the_o more_o and_o so_o as_o that_o i_o fail_v not_o to_o treat_v with_o those_o lady_n who_o be_v so_o great_a with_o as_o much_o liberty_n as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v equal_a to_o they_o whereas_o yet_o they_o be_v of_o such_o quality_n that_o i_o may_v without_o any_o dishonour_n at_o all_o to_o myself_o have_v be_v even_o their_o domestic_a servant_n i_o draw_v a_o great_a advantage_n and_o benefit_n from_o thence_o and_o so_o i_o tell_v she_o i_o find_v that_o she_o be_v subject_a to_o some_o weakness_n and_o passion_n as_o myself_o be_o and_o how_o little_a she_o be_v in_o reason_n to_o esteem_v her_o greatness_n and_o power_n which_o still_o the_o more_o it_o be_v so_o much_o the_o more_o trouble_n and_o care_n it_o draw_v after_o it_o and_o they_o be_v fain_o to_o take_v such_o thought_n for_o live_v in_o such_o a_o form_n and_o method_n as_o be_v fit_a forsooth_o for_o their_o greatness_n and_o rank_n that_o upon_o the_o matter_n it_o scarce_o give_v they_o leave_v to_o live_v for_o they_o eat_v out_o of_o time_n and_o out_o of_o order_n because_o all_o forsooth_o must_v go_v in_o conformity_n to_o the_o state_n which_o they_o hold_v and_o not_o with_o any_o regard_n to_o their_o constitution_n and_o health_n nay_o sometime_o they_o must_v feed_v upon_o such_o meat_n as_o be_v more_o agreeable_a to_o their_o greatness_n then_o to_o their_o gust_n and_o so_o as_o that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o whole_o abhor_v so_o much_o as_o even_o to_o desire_v to_o be_v a_o great_a lady_n god_n deliver_v i_o from_o such_o ill-favoured_a gravity_n and_o greatness_n as_o this_o for_o though_o the_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o this_o kingdom_n and_o i_o believe_v there_o be_v few_o more_o humble_a and_o more_o affable_a than_o she_o yet_o real_o i_o have_v and_o have_v compassion_n of_o she_o to_o see_v how_o she_o pass_v many_o time_n not_o in_o conformity_n even_o so_o much_o as_o with_o her_o own_o inclination_n but_o to_o comply_v with_o her_o condition_n for_o even_o in_o point_n of_o servant_n there_o be_v very_o little_a trust_n to_o be_v repose_v and_o though_o she_o have_v they_o good_a yet_o must_v she_o not_o speak_v more_o confident_o and_o kind_o to_o one_o of_o they_o then_o to_o another_o and_o if_o she_o do_v whosoever_o be_v most_o favour_a by_o she_o must_v be_v sure_a to_o be_v less_o belove_v by_o other_o in_o fine_a this_o greatness_n be_v a_o great_a subjection_n and_o indeed_o one_o of_o the_o great_a lie_n which_o ever_o the_o world_n can_v tell_v be_v when_o it_o call_v such_o person_n as_o these_o lord_n and_o lady_n for_o as_o for_o i_o they_o all_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n then_o even_o slave_n and_o that_o a_o thousand_o time_n over_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v at_o that_o time_n whilst_o i_o remain_v with_o that_o lady_n in_o her_o house_n that_o the_o domestics_n also_o there_o improve_v much_o in_o the_o service_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n though_o yet_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v not_o free_a from_o some_o trouble_n yea_o and_o certain_a envy_n also_o which_o be_v express_v to_o my_o disadvantage_n by_o certain_a person_n in_o regard_n of_o the_o great_a affection_n which_o that_o lady_n bear_v i_o and_o perhaps_o they_o be_v so_o ill_o advise_v as_o to_o imagine_v that_o i_o have_v some_o thought_n of_o interest_n by_o what_o i_o do_v but_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o permit_v that_o they_o shall_v give_v i_o some_o few_o little_a trouble_n both_o in_o this_o kind_n and_o also_o in_o other_o lest_o else_o i_o may_v perhaps_o have_v grow_v to_o be_v intoxicate_v by_o the_o regalo_n which_o be_v vouchsafe_v to_o i_o on_o the_o other_o side_n but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o fetch_v i_o out_o of_o all_o those_o accident_n and_o adventure_n with_o the_o advantage_n and_o improvement_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n whilst_o yet_o i_o remain_v there_o a_o certain_a religious_a man_n and_o a_o very_a eminent_a person_n with_o who_o i_o have_v treat_v sometime_o though_o it_o be_v main_a year_n before_o do_v chance_n to_o arrive_v in_o that_o place_n and_o i_o be_v one_o day_n at_o mass_n in_o a_o monastery_n of_o his_o order_n which_o be_v near_o to_o the_o place_n where_o i_o keep_v be_v take_v with_o a_o
which_o howsoever_o i_o understand_v they_o not_o myself_o do_v yet_o fall_v out_o so_o fit_o for_o he_o that_o he_o be_v even_o amaze_v and_o our_o lord_n dispose_v he_o to_o believe_v that_o they_o come_v from_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o i_o on_o the_o other_o side_n though_o i_o be_v that_o poor_a miserable_a creature_n which_o i_o be_o do_v humble_o and_o earnest_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v perfect_o and_o entire_o convert_v that_o man_n to_o himself_o and_o make_v he_o abhor_v all_o the_o contentment_n and_o creature_n of_o this_o life_n and_o so_o for_o which_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o and_o that_o in_o so_o very_o perfect_a a_o manner_n that_o whensoever_o this_o servant_n of_o he_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o it_o make_v i_o in_o effect_n turn_v half_a fool_n and_o if_o i_o have_v not_o see_v it_o with_o my_o very_a eye_n i_o shall_v hold_v it_o for_o a_o doubtful_a thing_n how_o favour_n can_v possible_o be_v heaped-up_a so_o very_o high_a upon_o a_o creature_n in_o so_o short_a a_o time_n and_o shall_v hold_v he_o so_o busy_o and_o continual_o employ_v upon_o almighty_a god_n that_o already_o he_o seem_v not_o to_o live_v for_o the_o use_n of_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o keep_v he_o in_o his_o protection_n still_o for_o certain_o if_o he_o proceed_v after_o this_o rate_n as_o i_o hope_v in_o our_o lord_n he_o will_v his_o spirit_n be_v so_o deep_o root_v in_o the_o knowledge_n of_o himself_o he_o will_v grow_v to_o be_v of_o the_o most_o eminent_a servant_n he_o have_v and_o will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v good_a to_o many_o soul_n for_o he_o have_v get_v great_a experience_n concern_v thing_n of_o spirit_n in_o a_o very_a short_a time_n and_o these_o be_v gift_n which_o almighty_a god_n impart_v when_o and_o how_o he_o will_v without_o any_o precise_a respect_n either_o to_o the_o time_n which_o have_v be_v spend_v or_o else_o to_o the_o quality_n of_o the_o service_n i_o say_v not_o yet_o but_o that_o this_o may_v also_o import_v much_o but_o that_o our_o lord_n forbear_v sometime_o to_o give_v that_o to_o a_o person_n in_o twenty_o year_n of_o contemplation_n which_o yet_o he_o forbear_v not_o to_o bestow_v upon_o some_o other_o in_o one_o our_o lord_n know_v the_o reason_n of_o this_o and_o it_o be_v also_o a_o deceitful_a error_n which_o abuse_v we_o when_o it_o seem_v we_o may_v understand_v and_o obtain_v that_o by_o account_n of_o year_n which_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n be_v have_v without_o experience_n of_o the_o very_a thing_n as_o they_o be_v and_o so_o many_o err_v as_o i_o have_v say_v in_o think_v that_o they_o be_v fit_a to_o judge_v of_o spirit_n without_o have_v any_o themselves_o i_o say_v not_o but_o that_o a_o learned_a man_n though_o he_o have_v no_o great_a knowledge_n of_o spirit_n may_v govern_v another_o man_n who_o have_v spirit_n but_o this_o be_v to_o be_v understand_v both_o in_o the_o exterior_a and_o in_o the_o interior_a way_n so_o far_o as_o it_o may_v carry_v a_o conformity_n with_o the_o natural_a power_n by_o the_o work_n of_o his_o understanding_n and_o as_o for_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v supernatural_a he_o must_v be_v careful_a that_o all_o go_v on_o with_o consent_n to_o holy_a scripture_n and_o for_o the_o rest_n let_v he_o not_o vex_v himself_o nor_o conceive_v that_o he_o understand_v that_o whereof_o indeed_o he_o know_v nothing_o nor_o stifle_v and_o choke_v those_o spirit_n which_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v these_o thing_n be_v govern_v by_o another_o and_o a_o high_a lord_n for_o in_o fine_a they_o be_v not_o without_o a_o superior_a of_o their_o own_o be_v not_o amaze_v at_o this_o nor_o let_v these_o thing_n seem_v impossible_a to_o you_o for_o all_o be_v very_o possible_a to_o our_o lord_n but_o procure_v you_o to_o reinforce_v your_o faith_n and_o to_o humble_v yourself_o when_o you_o see_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n know_v how_o to_o make_v a_o poor_a old_a ignorant_a woman_n become_v a_o more_o know_a creature_n perhaps_o in_o this_o science_n than_o he_o who_o may_v be_v otherwise_o a_o very_a learned_a man_n for_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o humility_n one_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o do_v more_o good_a both_o to_o the_o soul_n of_o other_o and_o his_o own_o then_o if_o he_o grow_v to_o be_v contemplative_a without_o that_o virtue_n and_o i_o say_v and_o say_v again_o that_o if_o he_o be_v not_o a_o man_n of_o experience_n or_o if_o at_o least_o he_o have_v not_o very_o abundant_o of_o humility_n wherewith_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o understand_v not_o the_o business_n and_o that_o yet_o it_o be_v not_o impossible_a but_o that_o the_o thing_n in_o question_n may_v be_v true_a he_o shall_v both_o gain_v little_a himself_o and_o enable_v he_o also_o less_o to_o gain_v with_o who_o he_o deal_v but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n if_o he_o have_v humility_n he_o may_v be_v well_o out_o of_o fear_n that_o our_o lord_n will_v ever_o permit_v that_o either_o the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o shall_v be_v deceive_v but_o now_o concern_v this_o father_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v as_o our_o lord_n have_v give_v he_o experience_n in_o many_o thing_n so_o have_v he_o also_o endeavour_v to_o acquire_v all_o that_o which_o may_v be_v get_v by_o study_n in_o this_o kind_n and_o whensoever_o his_o own_o experience_n fall_v short_a he_o inform_v himself_o by_o their_o mean_n who_o have_v more_o and_o here_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o assist_v he_o by_o give_v he_o a_o great_a proportion_n of_o faith_n and_o by_o this_o mean_n he_o have_v do_v very_o much_o good_a both_o to_o his_o own_o soul_n and_o those_o also_o of_o other_o and_o i_o be_v one_o of_o they_o for_o our_o b._n lord_n consider_v the_o many_o affliction_n which_o i_o be_v to_o endure_v it_o seem_v will_v provide_v that_o since_o some_o of_o they_o will_v be_v bring_v upon_o i_o by_o such_o as_o be_v to_o govern_v my_o soul_n there_o yet_o may_v be_v 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he_o in_o prayer_n for_o they_o be_v not_o paint_a thing_n or_o put_v loose_o on_o but_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o have_v he_o bring_v to_o the_o touch_n and_o he_o have_v prove_v therein_o as_o one_o who_o understand_v very_o well_o the_o true_a value_n of_o that_o merit_n which_o be_v get_v by_o the_o well_o suffer_v of_o persecution_n and_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o greatness_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o much_o good_a will_v accrue_v to_o some_o of_o his_o order_n by_o his_o mean_n yea_o and_o even_o to_o the_o whole_a order_n itself_o already_o this_o begin_v to_o be_v understand_v and_o myself_o have_v see_v great_a vision_n and_o our_o lord_n have_v tell_v i_o some_o particular_n both_o of_o he_o and_o of_o the_o rectour_n of_o the_o college_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v and_o they_o be_v thing_n of_o great_a admiration_n as_o also_o of_o two_o other_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n but_o especial_o of_o one_o for_o who_o proceed_v and_o profit_n in_o the_o way_n of_o spirit_n our_o lord_n have_v already_o manifest_v some_o thing_n to_o the_o world_n by_o real_a proof_n i_o have_v also_o hear_v former_o of_o he_o but_o they_o be_v many_o instance_n which_o concern_v the_o person_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o and_o one_o of_o they_o i_o will_v here_o recount_v i_o be_v once_o with_o he_o in_o a_o locutorie_a or_o speaking-place_n of_o a_o monastery_n and_o so_o very_o great_a be_v the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n which_o my_o soul_n and_o spirit_n understand_v to_o be_v even_o burn_v in_o his_o that_o i_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v
almighty_a god_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o always_o and_o be_v a_o great_a friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o all_o perfection_n go_v to_o the_o court_n to_o follow_v the_o business_n and_o labour_v in_o it_o very_o much_o and_o so_o also_o that_o holy_a cavalier_n of_o who_o i_o make_v mention_v before_o do_v very_o much_o therein_o and_o show_v it_o favour_n in_o all_o kind_n he_o endure_v also_o great_a trouble_n and_o persecution_n for_o it_o otherwise_o and_o i_o find_v he_o ever_o like_o a_o father_n to_o it_o and_o so_o i_o do_v also_o to_o this_o day_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v still_o inspire_v they_o who_o be_v our_o friend_n with_o such_o a_o deal_n of_o fervour_n that_o every_o one_o of_o they_o take_v our_o business_n to_o hart_n as_o much_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v proper_o his_o own_o and_o as_o if_o his_o whole_a honour_n and_o life_n have_v be_v concern_v in_o it_o though_o yet_o they_o have_v indeed_o no_o other_o interest_n then_o only_o in_o regard_n that_o they_o think_v it_o do_v import_v the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o now_o it_o seem_v clear_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n assist_v the_o good_a and_o virtuous_a priest_n who_o be_v also_o a_o doctor_n and_o he_o indeed_o be_v one_o of_o they_o who_o help_v we_o most_o for_o the_o bishop_n employ_v he_o about_o it_o in_o his_o name_n in_o a_o certain_a great_a giunta_n or_o public_a meeting_n which_o be_v frame_v about_o it_o and_o therein_o he_o stand_v alone_o for_o we_o against_o they_o all_o and_o in_o fine_a he_o find_v mean_n to_o appease_v they_o for_o he_o make_v a_o kind_n of_o overture_n by_o a_o certain_a way_n which_o be_v sufficient_a to_o entertain_v and_o suspend_v their_o proceed_n &_o indeed_o there_o be_v not_o any_o one_o who_o can_v otherwise_o have_v suffice_v to_o keep_v they_o from_o resolve_v instant_o to_o employ_v even_o their_o very_a life_n for_o the_o overthrow_v of_o the_o business_n this_o servant_n of_o god_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v be_v also_o the_o man_n who_o give_v the_o habit_n to_o the_o religious_a and_o set-up_a the_o b._n sacrament_n there_o and_o he_o be_v subject_a to_o persecution_n enough_o for_o his_o labour_n this_o battery_n continue_v about_o half_a a_o year_n and_o to_o relate_v in_o particular_a manner_n the_o great_a trouble_n which_o pass_v in_o all_o that_o time_n will_v be_v along_o business_n for_o my_o part_n i_o wonder_v extreme_o at_o what_o a_o coil_n the_o devil_n keep_v against_o a_o few_o poor_a woman_n and_o how_o every_o body_n can_v understand_v that_o forsooth_o twelve_o religious_a and_o a_o prioress_n for_o they_o be_v no_o more_o can_v be_v think_v to_o be_v of_o such_o mischief_n to_o a_o whole_a city_n i_o mean_v such_o mischief_n to_o they_o who_o oppose_v it_o but_o as_o for_o the_o religious_a they_o be_v indeed_o of_o so_o austere_a life_n that_o if_o any_o hurt_n or_o error_n be_v to_o grow_v by_o that_o design_n it_o must_v be_v only_o to_o they_o and_o as_o for_o be_v of_o prejudice_n to_o the_o place_n it_o carry_v not_o so_o much_o as_o any_o appearance_n and_o yet_o they_o can_v meet_v with_o enough_o who_o will_v find_v mean_n and_o that_o forsooth_o with_o good_a conscience_n to_o cross_v it_o but_o yet_o now_o at_o length_n they_o come_v so_o far_o as_o to_o affirm_v that_o provide_v always_o that_o they_o will_v get_v revenue_n and_o live_v upon_o it_o they_o be_v content_a to_o give_v way_n and_o that_o the_o business_n may_v go_v on_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v then_o so_o weary_a to_o see_v all_o they_o who_o assist_v we_o in_o so_o great_a trouble_n which_o i_o regard_v much_o more_o than_o my_o own_o that_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v of_o opinion_n that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v very_o ill_o do_v to_o accept_v their_o licence_n under_o the_o condition_n of_o have_v revenue_n till_o the_o time_n may_v grow_v quiet_a by_o degree_n and_o that_o so_o we_o may_v get_v to_o be_v without_o it_o afterward_o at_o other_o time_n i_o be_v very_o imperfect_a and_o wicked_a begin_v to_o think_v that_o perhaps_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o mislike_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o since_o we_o can_v not_o obtain_v our_o end_n otherwise_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v already_o grow_v to_o consent_v to_o this_o accord_n but_o be_v in_o prayer_n the_o night_n before_o the_o final_a conclusion_n thereof_o when_o the_o accord_n be_v even_o already_o begin_v our_o lord_n command_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v consent_v to_o no_o such_o thing_n as_o they_o intend_v and_o that_o if_o we_o begin_v to_o take_v revenue_n they_o will_v never_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o forgo_v it_o and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n he_o also_o tell_v i_o the_o self_n same_o night_n that_o holy_a creature_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n appear_v to_o i_o for_o than_o he_o be_v dead_a and_o before_o also_o he_o die_v he_o write_v to_o i_o and_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o great_a opposition_n &_o persecution_n which_o be_v raise_v against_o we_o he_o say_v he_o be_v hearty_o glad_a that_o this_o foundation_n be_v make_v with_o so_o great_a contradiction_n and_o how_o that_o serve_v he_o for_o a_o sign_n that_o our_o lord_n will_v grow_v to_o be_v great_o serve_v in_o this_o monastery_n since_o the_o devil_n take_v such_o pain_n to_o hinder_v it_o but_o yet_o he_o persuade_v we_o still_o that_o we_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n accept_v of_o live_v upon_o revenue_n yea_o and_o he_o press_v this_o point_n in_o two_o or_o three_o several_a part_n of_o the_o same_o letter_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o we_o persist_v therein_o we_o shall_v grow_v to_o effect_v the_o business_n according_a to_o our_o own_o desire_n i_o have_v already_o see_v he_o at_o two_o other_o several_a time_n after_o his_o death_n and_o i_o behold_v the_o much_o glory_n wherein_o he_o be_v and_o he_o give_v i_o no_o apprehension_n of_o fear_n at_o all_o but_o rather_o joy_v i_o much_o for_o he_o never_o appear_v to_o i_o but_o in_o the_o quality_n of_o a_o glorified_a body_n yea_o and_o full_a of_o 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the_o rectour_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n who_o i_o mention_v before_o i_o have_v see_v some_o thing_n concern_v great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v he_o but_o i_o will_v not_o insert_v they_o here_o for_o fear_v of_o be_v too_o long_o there_o happen_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o he_o once_o for_o he_o be_v persecute_v and_o find_v himself_o great_o afflict_v and_o i_o hear_v mass_n one_o day_n see_v christ_n our_o lord_n upon_o the_o cross_n just_a then_o when_o the_o priest_n elevate_v the_o sacred_a host_n and_o he_o speak_v certain_a word_n to_o i_o wherewith_o i_o be_v to_o acquaint_v he_o for_o his_o comfort_n and_o other_o also_o he_o speak_v by_o way_n of_o prevention_n of_o some_o future_a inconvenience_n which_o may_v arrive_v and_o he_o represent_v also_o to_o he_o how_o much_o himself_o have_v suffer_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o that_o therefore_o he_o shall_v prepare_v himself_o to_o suffer_v and_o this_o give_v he_o both_o much_o comfort_n and_o much_o courage_n and_o all_o happen_v to_o he_o just_a so_o as_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v foretell_v of_o the_o religious_a of_o a_o certain_a order_n yea_o and_o of_o that_o whole_a order_n together_o i_o have_v see_v great_a thing_n for_o i_o have_v see_v they_o sometime_o in_o heaven_n with_o white_a banner_n in_o their_o hand_n &_o i_o have_v see_v as_o i_o be_v say_v other_o thing_n of_o great_a admiration_n and_o according_o i_o have_v this_o order_n in_o much_o veneration_n for_o i_o have_v treat_v and_o communicate_v with_o they_o much_o and_o i_o see_v that_o their_o life_n be_v agreeable_a to_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v give_v i_o to_o understand_v concern_v they_o i_o be_v one_o night_n in_o prayer_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o utter_v some_o word_n to_o i_o which_o bring_v i_o to_o remember_v how_o wicked_a my_o life_n have_v be_v and_o they_o give_v i_o confusion_n and_o pain_n enough_o for_o although_o they_o import_v not_o any_o rigour_n yet_o they_o endue_v i_o with_o such_o a_o tender_a kind_n of_o feeling_n and_o grief_n that_o the_o soul_n be_v even_o dissolve_v by_o it_o and_o we_o use_v in_o such_o case_n to_o find_v more_o benefit_n in_o the_o way_n of_o know_v out_o self_n by_o some_o one_o such_o word_n as_o these_o than_o we_o be_v able_a to_o acquire_v in_o many_o day_n by_o our_o own_o consideration_n of_o our_o misery_n for_o it_o bring_v such_o a_o truth_n to_o be_v even_o engrave_v in_o our_o soul_n as_o we_o can_v possible_o deny_v he_o represent_v to_o i_o also_o those_o inclination_n of_o i_o which_o i_o have_v former_o entertain_v towards_o creature_n with_o so_o much_o vanity_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o put_v a_o great_a value_n upon_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o have_v that_o i_o will_v lodge_v all_o my_o affection_n upon_o he_o which_o former_o i_o have_v employ_v so_o ill_o since_o he_o will_v accept_v thereof_o at_o other_o time_n he_o bid_v i_o remember_v that_o former_o i_o have_v sometime_o esteem_v it_o for_o a_o point_n of_o honour_n in_o i_o to_o go_v against_o his_o honour_n and_o yet_o at_o other_o time_n that_o i_o shall_v remember_v how_o much_o i_o owe_v he_o for_o that_o i_o use_v to_o commit_v the_o great_a offence_n against_o he_o whilst_o he_o use_v to_o be_v do_v i_o favour_n if_o i_o have_v any_o fault_n which_o be_v not_o few_o our_o lord_n give_v they_o so_o to_o be_v understand_v by_o i_o at_o those_o time_n that_o it_o make_v i_o even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v myself_o and_o because_o i_o have_v many_o fault_n he_o use_v i_o so_o many_o time_n it_o happen_v to_o i_o once_o that_o a_o ghostile_a father_n reprehend_v i_o and_o when_o i_o think_v to_o comfort_v myself_o in_o prayer_n it_o be_v there_o that_o i_o find_v indeed_o my_o true_a reprehension_n but_o now_o to_o return_v to_o that_o which_o i_o be_v say_v when_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o bring_v my_o wicked_a life_n to_o my_o remembrance_n which_o cost_v i_o a_o world_n of_o tear_n and_o when_o i_o also_o consider_v that_o i_o have_v do_v no_o good_a thing_n late_o which_o may_v even_o in_o my_o opinion_n deserve_v his_o favour_n i_o begin_v to_o consider_v a_o while_n whether_o he_o may_v not_o perhaps_o intend_v some_o new_a expression_n of_o goodness_n to_o i_o because_o whensoever_o i_o find_v myself_o receive_v any_o particular_a favour_n from_o our_o lord_n it_o be_v ordinary_o after_o i_o have_v even_o defeat_v and_o annihilate_v myself_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o our_o lord_n proceed_v thus_o with_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v see_v the_o more_o clear_o how_o far_o i_o be_o out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o deserue_v his_o favour_n short_o after_o this_o my_o spirit_n be_v so_o absorb_v and_o snatch_v away_o that_o in_o effect_n it_o seem_v to_o be_v absolute_o out_o of_o my_o body_n at_o least_o it_o be_v not_o understand_v that_o it_o live_v in_o it_o and_o then_o i_o see_v the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n in_o much_o more_o excessive_a glory_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v discern_v before_o now_o this_o be_v represent_v to_o i_o by_o a_o certain_a admirable_a and_o clear_a notice_n of_o his_o be_v place_v in_o the_o very_a bosom_n of_o his_o father_n nor_o yet_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o say_v of_o how_o this_o be_v for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o see_v myself_o present_a before_o that_o very_a divinity_n and_o yet_o without_o see_v myself_o and_o i_o remain_v so_o amaze_v and_o every_o way_n indeed_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o think_v there_o pass_v some_o day_n before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o return_v to_o myself_o for_o still_o i_o be_v conceave_a that_o i_o have_v the_o majesty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n present_a with_o i_o though_o it_o be_v not_o yet_o like_o the_o former_a for_o this_o i_o understand_v well_o enough_o but_o how_o soever_o it_o remain_v so_o engrave_v in_o my_o imagination_n that_o i_o can_v be_v ride_v of_o it_o how_o short_a soever_o the_o time_n be_v wherein_o it_o be_v represent_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v matter_n both_o of_o great_a comfort_n and_o of_o great_a benefit_n to_o my_o soul_n now_o i_o have_v see_v this_o very_a vision_n at_o three_o other_o time_n and_o this_o in_o my_o opinion_n be_v absolute_o the_o most_o sublime_a vision_n which_o ever_o our_o bless_a lord_n give_v i_o and_o it_o bring_v the_o great_a improvement_n and_o profit_n with_o it_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o the_o soul_n be_v great_o purify_v by_o it_o and_o that_o it_o do_v utter_o take_v away_o all_o strength_n from_o the_o sensuality_n of_o our_o self-love_n it_o be_v a_o vehement_a flame_n which_o seem_v to_o burn_v up_o and_o even_o annihilate_v all_o the_o desire_n of_o this_o life_n and_o since_o god_n be_v bless_v for_o it_o i_o have_v already_o no_o inclination_n to_o idle_a and_o impertinent_a thing_n it_o be_v here_o declare_v to_o i_o in_o distinct_a manner_n that_o all_o be_v vanity_n and_o in_o particular_a how_o vain_a all_o the_o superiority_n and_o signory_n of_o this_o world_n be_v and_o it_o fall_v out_o also_o to_o be_v of_o mighty_a instruction_n for_o the_o raising-up_a of_o our_o desire_n to_o be_v lodge_v upon_o the_o purity_n of_o truth_n and_o there_o remain_v a_o high_a kind_n of_o adoration_n and_o reverence_n of_o god_n imprint_v after_o a_o certain_a manner_n which_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o describe_v but_o it_o be_v of_o a_o very_a different_a kind_n from_o whatsoever_o we_o can_v acquire_v in_o this_o world_n it_o create_v also_o a_o huge_a amazement_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o consider_v how_o she_o ever_o dare_v or_o how_o any_o creature_n can_v presume_v so_o far_o as_o to_o think_v of_o offend_v such_o a_o supreme_a majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v declare_v sometime_o heretofore_o the_o effect_n of_o vision_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n but_o i_o have_v also_o say_v already_o that_o a_o soul_n receave_v more_o or_o less_o profit_n according_a to_o the_o proportion_n and_o manner_n of_o the_o vision_n as_o the_o same_o may_v be_v either_o more_o or_o less_o but_o in_o this_o it_o be_v extraordinary_o great_a when_o i_o come_v to_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o i_o do_v then_o record_v to_o myself_o that_o incomparable_a majesty_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o understand_v to_o be_v the_o very_a same_o which_o be_v in_o this_o most_o holy_a sacrament_n and_o many_o time_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v he_o in_o the_o sacred_a host_n where_o upon_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n will_v stand_v on_o end_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o be_v even_o annihilate_v outtight_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o if_o thou_o do_v
in_o this_o diamond_n it_o be_v such_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n be_v shutup_a in_o it_o because_o there_o be_v nothing_o which_o can_v get_v out_o of_o that_o greatness_n it_o be_v a_o thing_n extreme_o to_o amaze_v i_o to_o be_v able_a to_o see_v in_o so_o very_o short_a a_o time_n so_o many_o thing_n together_o in_o this_o bright_a diamond_n and_o so_o be_v it_o also_o matter_n of_o extreme_a compassion_n and_o grief_n for_o i_o every_o time_n that_o i_o remember_v myself_o to_o have_v see_v that_o thing_n so_o very_o ugly_a and_o foul_a as_o my_o sin_n be_v shall_v be_v represent_v and_o show_v in_o that_o so_o clearness_n of_o light_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o whensoever_o i_o remember_v it_o i_o know_v not_o how_o it_o come_v to_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o endure_v it_o and_o i_o do_v real_o then_o remain_v so_o extreme_o out_o of_o countenance_n and_o ashamed_a that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o tell_v where_o to_o hide_v my_o head_n o_o vision_n that_o some_o creature_n or_o other_o be_v able_a to_o give_v this_o truth_n to_o be_v well_o understand_v by_o these_o people_n who_o commit_v dishonest_a filthy_a sin_n that_o so_o they_o may_v come_v to_o know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o secret_a and_o that_o almighty_a god_n have_v reason_n to_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o those_o wrong_n since_o they_o be_v act_v so_o true_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o that_o we_o carry_v ourselves_o with_o so_o base_a irreverence_n before_o he_o i_o see_v here_o also_o how_o just_o hell_n be_v deserve_v for_o any_o one_o mortal_a sin_n because_o it_o be_v pass_v our_o power_n to_o understand_v what_o a_o most_o grievous_a crime_n it_o be_v to_o commit_v it_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o so_o great_a a_o majesty_n and_o what_o a_o unspeakable_a distance_n and_o dissimilitude_n be_v find_v between_o that_o which_o he_o be_v and_o that_o which_o our_o sin_n be_v and_o how_o it_o appear_v even_o hereby_o so_o much_o the_o better_a how_o great_a his_o mercy_n be_v since_o notwithstanding_o he_o know_v all_o this_o he_o yet_o endure_v us._n it_o have_v also_o make_v i_o consider_v that_o if_o such_o a_o vision_n as_o this_o can_v leave_v the_o soul_n so_o extreme_o astonish_v and_o amaze_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n will_v the_o day_n of_o judgement_n prove_v to_o be_v when_o this_o majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n will_v show_v itself_o with_o all_o clearness_n and_o so_o we_o shall_v also_o clear_o see_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n our_o sin_n be_v which_o we_o commit_v against_o he_o o_o my_o dear_a god_n what_o blindness_n be_v this_o which_o have_v seize_v i_o and_o i_o have_v often_o be_v amaze_v even_o whilst_o i_o have_v be_v write_v this_o and_o your_o reverence_n need_v be_v amaze_v at_o nothing_o but_o how_o i_o be_o able_a even_o to_o live_v whilst_o i_o be_o look_v both_o upon_o these_o thing_n and_o myself_o but_o let_v he_o be_v eternal_o bless_v who_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o endure_v such_o thing_n at_o 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this_o order_n shall_v flourish_v and_o have_v many_o martyr_n another_o time_n be_v at_o matin_n in_o the_o choir_n six_o or_o seven_o person_n be_v represent_v and_o set_v before_o i_o and_o i_o hold_v they_o to_o be_v of_o the_o same_o order_n and_o they_o have_v sword_n in_o their_o hand_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o be_v give_v thereby_o to_o understand_v that_o they_o shall_v defend_v the_o faith_n for_o be_v in_o prayer_n another_o time_n and_o rapt_v in_o spirit_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a spavous_a field_n where_o many_o be_v who_o fight_v and_o they_o of_o this_o order_n do_v also_o fight_v with_o great_a fervour_n they_o have_v their_o face_n beautiful_a and_o much_o inflame_v and_o they_o beat_v multitude_n of_o man_n down_o to_o the_o ground_n and_o killed_z other_o this_o battle_n seem_v to_o be_v give_v against_o heretic_n &_o i_o have_v see_v this_o glorious_a saint_n diverse_a time_n and_o he_o have_v tell_v i_o some_o thing_n and_o give_v i_o thanks_n 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i_o have_v communicate_v when_o he_o shall_v understand_v with_o all_o clearness_n and_o truth_n that_o true_a dominion_n consist_v in_o possess_v nothing_o he_o may_v take_v it_o then_o give_v thereby_o to_o understand_v that_o whosoever_o be_v to_o be_v a_o prelate_n must_v be_v very_o far_o from_o so_o much_o as_o desire_v it_o and_o yet_o further_o from_o procure_v it_o these_o favour_n and_o many_o other_o also_o have_v be_v and_o be_v still_o very_o ordinary_o show_v by_o our_o bless_a lord_n to_o this_o sinful_a woman_n which_o i_o think_v be_v not_o very_o necesarie_a to_o be_v relate_v since_o by_o those_o which_o be_v deliver_v already_o my_o soul_n together_o with_o the_o spirit_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o may_v be_v understand_v but_o let_v he_o be_v ever_o bless_v who_o have_v have_v so_o much_o care_n of_o i_o he_o tell_v i_o once_o by_o way_n of_o comfort_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o afflict_v myself_o and_o this_o he_o do_v with_o most_o tender_a love_n 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he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o and_o what_o say_v he_o will_v thou_o have_v do_v if_o it_o have_v not_o be_v for_o such_o as_o they_o that_o he_o dislike_v not_o that_o conversation_n shall_v be_v hold_v with_o such_o as_o be_v good_a but_o that_o my_o word_n must_v ever_o be_v well_o consider_v and_o holy_a and_o that_o so_o it_o will_v be_v rather_o profitable_a to_o i_o then_o hurtful_a not_o to_o give-ove_a communication_n with_o they_o now_o this_o impart_v a_o particular_a comfort_n to_o i_o for_o sometime_o it_o will_v seem_v to_o be_v a_o have_v too_o great_a a_o tie_n upon_o creature_n which_o make_v i_o once_o incline_v to_o give-ove_a the_o custom_n
sometime_o not_o so_o soon_o and_o since_o of_o late_a i_o be_o grow_v able_a to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n more_o often_o it_o proceed_v from_o this_o that_o these_o vomit_v come_v to_o i_o at_o night_n before_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o they_o put_v i_o to_o much_o more_o pain_n and_o then_o i_o must_v procure_v to_o hasten_v and_o facilitate_v they_o by_o the_o use_n of_o feather_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n because_o if_o i_o have_v not_o those_o vomit_n the_o sickness_n which_o i_o feel_v be_v extreme_a but_o indeed_o i_o be_o i_o think_v almost_o never_o without_o many_o kind_n of_o pain_n and_o sometime_o they_o be_v very_o sharp_a one_o and_o especial_o at_o my_o very_a hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v also_o true_a that_o the_o cruel_a palsy_n and_o other_o infirmity_n of_o fever_n which_o be_v wont_a to_o come_v very_o thick_a upon_o i_o be_v now_o find_v to_o oppress_v i_o more_o seldom_o so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o be_o well_o in_o those_o respect_n 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occur_v and_o thus_o may_v one_o exercise_v love_n for_o there_o be_v no_o necessity_n at_o all_o for_o a_o person_n either_o to_o be_v in_o solitude_n or_o else_o that_o there_o must_v be_v no_o mental_a prayer_n at_o all_o if_o we_o will_v take_v a_o little_a care_n we_o may_v arrive_v to_o obtain_v great_a blessing_n at_o those_o time_n when_o our_o lord_n even_o take_v time_n for_o prayer_n from_o we_o by_o mean_n of_o our_o sickness_n and_o pain_n and_o myself_o have_v find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a as_o long_o as_o my_o conscience_n be_v pure_a and_o good_a but_o my_o father_n through_o the_o opinion_n which_o he_o hold_v of_o i_o and_o the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o believe_v all_o that_o i_o have_v say_v or_o rather_o he_o not_o only_o believe_v but_o have_v also_o pity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o be_v then_o grow_v to_o find_v himself_o in_o so_o eminent_a and_o high_a a_o state_n of_o spiritual_a life_n he_o remain_v not_o with_o i_o very_o long_o and_o therefore_o have_v visit_v 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light_n shall_v be_v lose_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o but_o that_o other_o might_n also_o serve_v he_o by_o my_o mean_n and_o this_o i_o here_o recount_v that_o so_o the_o great_a blindness_n wherein_o i_o be_v may_v be_v the_o better_o see_v which_o induce_v i_o to_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o whilst_o yet_o i_o go_v procure_v to_o do_v good_a to_o other_o about_o this_o time_n my_o father_n fall_v into_o the_o sickness_n whereof_o he_o die_v short_o after_o but_o i_o go_v to_o attend_v and_o recover_v he_o whilst_o myself_o be_v more_o sick_a in_o soul_n than_o he_o be_v in_o body_n through_o many_o vanity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o not_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o according_a to_o my_o understanding_n i_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n even_o in_o all_o this_o worst_a &_o wicked_a time_n whereof_o i_o speak_v for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v conceive_v otherwise_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n have_v continue_v therein_o i_o endure_v some_o affliction_n and_o trouble_v in_o his_o sickness_n and_o i_o think_v i_o also_o make_v he_o some_o part_n of_o poor_a amends_o for_o the_o pain_n which_o he_o have_v take_v with_o i_o in_o i_o for_o now_o be_v ill_a enough_o in_o myself_o i_o yet_o strain_v very_o hard_o to_o do_v he_o service_n and_o beside_o i_o well_o consider_v that_o by_o the_o only_o loss_n of_o he_o all_o my_o comfort_n and_o regalo_n be_v to_o be_v lose_v for_o it_o all_o be_v shut_v up_o in_o only_o he_o i_o animate_v myself_o also_o so_o much_o towards_z the_o not_o show_v he_o that_o i_o be_v in_o any_o pain_n and_o in_o continue_v so_o even_o till_o he_o expire_v as_o if_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o trouble_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o when_o i_o see_v he_o come_v to_o be_v upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o loose_v his_o life_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o my_o own_o very_a soul_n have_v then_o be_v tear_v out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o i_o love_v he_o much_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n to_o make_v our_o lord_n be_v high_o praise_v to_o see_v the_o death_n which_o my_o father_n die_v together_o with_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o also_o have_v to_o die_v and_o the_o counsel_n which_o he_o give_v we_o after_o he_o have_v receive_v extreme_a unction_n and_o how_o he_o charge_v we_o to_o recommend_v he_o to_o god_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v beg_v mercy_n of_o he_o for_o his_o soul_n and_o that_o we_o must_v serve_v he_o ever_o and_o consider_v that_o all_o this_o world_n must_v come_v to_o end_v with_o tear_n he_o also_o tell_v we_o how_o sad_a he_o be_v at_o the_o hart_n for_o not_o have_v serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n better_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o be_v some_o religious_a man_n i_o mean_v that_o he_o have_v be_v so_o and_o that_o of_o the_o most_o strict_a who_o be_v in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o very_o certain_a that_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o our_o lord_n give_v he_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v not_o to_o live_v because_o before_o that_o very_a time_n he_o do_v not_o think_v he_o be_v sick_a though_o yet_o he_o be_v so_o in_o good_a earnest_n but_o afterward_o though_o he_o seem_v to_o mend_v much_o in_o point_n of_o health_n and_o though_o the_o doctor_n bid_v he_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o yet_o he_o make_v no_o account_n of_o that_o but_o only_o attend_v to_o put_v his_o soul_n in_o good_a order_n that_o sickness_n of_o he_o begin_v with_o a_o very_a grievous_a pain_n round_o about_o his_o shoulder_n which_o never_o leave_v he_o and_o sometime_o it_o press_v he_o
so_o hard_o that_o his_o affliction_n be_v very_o great_a i_o tell_v he_o once_o upon_o this_o occasion_n that_o since_o he_o have_v be_v so_o devote_a to_o that_o mystery_n when_o our_o lord_n carry_v his_o cross_n upon_o his_o back_n he_o may_v do_v well_o to_o conceive_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v he_o a_o feeling_n of_o some_o part_n of_o that_o which_o himself_o have_v undergo_v with_o so_o much_o trouble_v and_o my_o father_n be_v so_o comfort_v by_o this_o thought_n that_o i_o remember_v he_o not_o to_o have_v ever_o complain_v more_o he_o remain_v three_o day_n with_o very_o little_a show_n of_o understanding_n but_o yet_o the_o day_n whereon_o he_o die_v our_o lord_n restore_v it_o to_o he_o &_o that_o so_o entire_o as_o we_o be_v all_o even_o amaze_v to_o see_v it_o and_o he_o continue_v in_o it_o say_v the_o creed_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o he_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o first_o part_n thereof_o he_o expire_v when_o he_o be_v dead_a he_o look_v even_o like_o a_o angel_n and_o as_o such_o in_o manner_n of_o speech_n he_o ever_o seem_v in_o my_o sight_n to_o be_v both_o in_o soul_n and_o disposition_n or_o humour_n which_o he_o have_v extreme_o good_a nor_o do_v i_o know_v why_o i_o have_v speak_v thus_o much_o of_o he_o unless_o it_o be_v to_o confess_v and_o accuse_v my_o own_o wickedness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o since_o upon_o the_o sight_n of_o such_o a_o death_n and_o the_o knowledge_n of_o such_o a_o life_n i_o ought_v to_o have_v amend_v and_o reform_v i_o if_o it_o have_v be_v but_o to_o grow_v the_o like_a to_o such_o a_o father_n his_o confessarius_fw-la who_o be_v a_o dominican_n and_o a_o great_a learned_a man_n affirm_v that_o he_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o my_o father_n will_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o he_o who_o have_v confess_v he_o diverse_a year_n speak_v much_o of_o the_o great_a purity_n of_o his_o conscience_n this_o dominican_n father_n be_v a_o very_a worthy_a man_n and_o a_o true_a servant_n of_o god_n do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a for_o i_o confess_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o he_o undertake_v the_o profit_n of_o my_o soul_n with_o care_n and_o to_o make_v i_o well_o understand_v the_o way_n of_o perdition_n wherein_o i_o be_v walk_v he_o cause_v i_o also_o to_o communicate_v every_o fifteen_o day_n and_o begin_v first_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o speak_v with_o he_o afterward_o at_o length_n about_o my_o prayer_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o use_v it_o and_o that_o it_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n but_o do_v i_o good_a i_o begin_v therefore_o to_o use_v it_o again_o and_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o never_o leave_v it_o though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o for_o the_o present_a give-ove_a the_o occasion_n of_o my_o imperfection_n i_o therefore_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n pass_v a_o most_o sad_a life_n for_o in_o prayer_n i_o come_v to_o understand_v my_o fault_n on_o the_o one_o 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