myself_o have_v receive_v so_o great_a favour_n from_o almighty_a god_n can_v ever_o procure_v to_o come_v to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o that_o for_o i_o it_o will_v suffice_v if_o i_o say_v those_o vocal_a prayer_n to_o which_o i_o be_v bind_v as_o other_o do_v but_o that_o since_o now_o i_o do_v not_o even_o thus_o much_o well_o what_o sense_n be_v there_o that_o i_o shall_v pretend_v to_o do_v more_o and_o that_o this_o be_v to_o express_v little_a reverence_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o underualue_n his_o favour_n it_o be_v fit_a to_o think_v and_o know_v all_o this_o but_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n have_v be_v extreme_o ill_o do_v and_o be_v thou_o bless_v o_o lord_n who_o bring_v i_o the_o remedy_n for_o this_o temptation_n seem_v to_o have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o a_o beginning_n to_o that_o other_o which_o the_o devil_n bring_v upon_o judas_n but_o that_o traitor_n the_o devil_n dare_v not_o tempt_v i_o so_o open_o but_o will_v fain_o have_v come_v by_o little_a and_o little_a to_o set_v upon_o i_o as_o he_o do_v upon_o he_o and_o now_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n let_v all_o they_o who_o use_v mental_a prayer_n consider_v well_o that_o which_o follow_v very_o well_o let_v they_o know_v that_o during_o the_o time_n when_o i_o forbear_v it_o my_o life_n be_v much_o worse_o than_o before_o and_o let_v it_o be_v well_o consider_v what_o a_o fine_a kind_n of_o remedy_n the_o devil_n bring_v i_o and_o what_o a_o dainty_a ridiculous_a humility_n it_o must_v be_v which_o can_v fill_v i_o with_o so_o deep_a a_o disquiet_n for_o indeed_o how_o can_v this_o soul_n of_o i_o appease_v itself_o the_o ignorant_a foolish_a creature_n go_v away_o as_o fast_o as_o she_o can_v from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o rest_n she_o have_v her_o favour_n and_o regalo_n present_a to_o her_o memory_n and_o she_o find_v that_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o world_n be_v so_o loathsome_a as_o even_o almost_o to_o provoke_v a_o vomit_n but_o i_o be_o amaze_v how_o i_o can_v endure_v it_o though_o belike_o it_o be_v with_o some_o kind_n of_o hope_n that_o at_o the_o worst_a hand_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o remain_v free_a from_o sin_n for_o i_o never_o as_o i_o remember_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v now_o more_o than_o one_o &_o twenty_o year_n ago_o gave-ove_a a_o be_v resolve_v to_o return_v to_o prayer_n but_o o_o how_o ill-grounded_a and_o address_v be_v this_o hope_n of_o i_o for_o the_o devil_n will_v fain_o have_v turn_v i_o over_o till_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n that_o so_o from_o thence_o he_o may_v conduct_v i_o to_o hell_n but_o yet_o now_o afterward_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n &_o read_v which_o be_v indeed_o the_o way_n to_o see_v real_a truth_n &_o look_v down_o upon_o that_o wicked_a course_n which_o i_o be_v hold_v and_o often_o importune_v our_o bless_a lord_n with_o many_o tear_n i_o be_v yet_o so_o very_o wretched_a that_o i_o know_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n how_o to_o help_v myself_o but_o then_o again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o grow_v to_o give-ove_a these_o good_a thing_n and_o employ_v myself_o upon_o certain_a idle_a pastime_n and_o expose_v myself_o to_o many_o occasion_n of_o ill_a and_o enjoy_v very_o few_o help_n and_o i_o may_v rather_o venture_v to_o say_v none_o at_o all_o but_o only_o such_o as_o may_v help_v i_o to_o fall_v for_o what_o may_v i_o ever_o hope_v but_o what_o i_o have_v say_v i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o be_v very_o learned_a have_v great_a merit_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n for_o he_o awake_v i_o out_o of_o this_o sleep_n and_o he_o make_v i_o as_o i_o think_v i_o have_v already_o express_v receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n every_o fortnight_n and_o so_o my_o misery_n be_v then_o not_o altogether_o so_o great_a i_o begin_v to_o come_v back_o again_o into_o myself_o though_o yet_o withal_o i_o forbear_v not_o to_o commit_v some_o offence_n against_o our_o lord_n but_o because_o i_o have_v not_o lose_v my_o way_n i_o go_v still_o on_o with_o fall_v &_o rise_v though_o yet_o but_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o he_o who_o never_o gives-ove_a to_o go_v forward_o will_v arrive_v at_o length_n by_o go_v soft_o though_o it_o be_v late_o for_o my_o part_n i_o conceive_v that_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o loose_v her_o way_n and_o to_o leave_v her_o prayer_n be_v indeed_o but_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o thing_n and_o our_o lord_n deliver_v we_o from_o it_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n it_o be_v heerupon_o to_o be_v infer_v and_o i_o desire_v even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v be_v much_o observe_v that_o although_o a_o soul_n shall_v come_v to_o such_o pass_n as_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v do_v her_o great_a favour_n in_o prayer_n she_o must_v not_o yet_o be_v confident_a of_o herself_o since_o she_o may_v yet_o come_v to_o fall_v again_o and_o let_v she_o not_o by_o any_o mean_n expose_v herself_o to_o heed_n occasion_n of_o sinne._n let_v she_o be_v careful_a to_o consider_v thus_o much_o for_o the_o deceit_n of_o which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o serve_v himself_o in_o this_o occasion_n be_v very_o great_a for_o though_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v impart_v to_o the_o soul_n be_v most_o certain_o from_o almighty_a god_n yet_o the_o traitor_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o serve_v himself_o of_o that_o very_a favour_n in_o whatsoever_o he_o can_v and_o especial_o for_o the_o disadvantage_n of_o person_n who_o be_v not_o strong_a in_o virtue_n and_o mortification_n nor_o be_v absolute_o untie_v and_o loose_a from_o all_o thing_n belong_v to_o this_o world_n for_o man_n in_o fine_a must_v know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o prayer_n sufficient_o strengthen_v and_o fortify_v as_o i_o will_v declare_v afterward_o for_o the_o put_v themselves_o into_o occasion_n and_o danger_n how_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n soever_o they_o may_v have_v this_o be_v a_o excellent_a doctrine_n and_o it_o be_v not_o i_o but_o teach_v by_o almighty_a god_n himself_o and_o so_o i_o shall_v be_v glad_a that_o all_o ignorant_a person_n like_v i_o may_v learn_v it_o for_o though_o a_o soul_n be_v never_o so_o high_a in_o this_o state_n yet_o must_v she_o not_o trust_v herself_o so_o far_o as_o to_o go_v out_o to_o combat_v but_o she_o will_v have_v acquit_v herself_o well_o if_o she_o can_v defend_v herself_o so_o that_o in_o this_o state_n and_o condition_n it_o will_v be_v necessary_a for_o she_o to_o carry_v defensive_a arm_n against_o the_o devil_n for_o yet_o she_o have_v not_o strength_n enough_o wherewith_o to_o assault_v he_o and_o much_o less_o to_o tread_v he_o under_o foot_n as_o yet_o they_o will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v who_o shall_v find_v themselves_o in_o that_o state_n whereof_o i_o will_v discourse_v afterward_o but_o this_o be_v that_o devise_n and_o cosening-trick_n whereby_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o take_v we_o that_o when_o once_o he_o see_v a_o soul_n arrive_v to_o be_v so_o very_o near_o to_o our_o lord_n and_o which_o can_v judge_v so_o very_o well_o of_o the_o difference_n between_o the_o blessing_n which_o belong_v to_o this_o life_n and_o the_o next_o and_o of_o the_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n bear_v to_o that_o soul_n from_o this_o very_a love_n he_o make_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o confidence_n and_o security_n grow_v as_o that_o she_o shall_v never_o forsooth_o be_v able_a to_o fall_v from_o that_o which_o she_o be_v enjoy_v at_o that_o time_n and_o she_o also_o seem_v there-upon_o to_o eye_v her_o reward_n so_o very_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v easy_o bring_v to_o hold_v it_o even_o impossible_a for_o she_o to_o quit_v that_o which_o be_v so_o very_o delightful_a and_o gustfull_a even_o in_o this_o life_n for_o so_o base_a and_o filthy_a a_o thing_n as_o worldly_a pleasure_n be_v now_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o vain_a confidence_n do_v the_o devil_n grow_v to_o deprive_v she_o of_o the_o distrust_n which_o otherwise_o she_o will_v have_v of_o her_o own_o strength_n and_o thus_o she_o expose_v herself_o as_o i_o be_v say_v to_o danger_n and_o begin_v with_o a_o foolish_a kind_n of_o good_a zeal_n to_o be_v give_v the_o fruit_n of_o her_o garden_n away_o to_o other_o without_o any_o limit_n as_o believe_v now_o that_o she_o have_v no_o more_o cause_n so_o to_o be_v afraid_a concern_v herself_o and_o that_o this_o be_v not_o forsooth_o out_o of_o pride_n for_o the_o soul_n understand_v well_o enough_o that_o she_o be_v able_a to_o do_v nothing_o of_o herself_o but_o through_o the_o much_o temptation_n confidence_n which_o she_o have_v in_o almighty_a god_n yet_o all_o this_o be_v without_o discretion_n because_o
sometime_o not_o so_o soon_o and_o since_o of_o late_a i_o be_o grow_v able_a to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n more_o often_o it_o proceed_v from_o this_o that_o these_o vomit_v come_v to_o i_o at_o night_n before_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o they_o put_v i_o to_o much_o more_o pain_n and_o then_o i_o must_v procure_v to_o hasten_v and_o facilitate_v they_o by_o the_o use_n of_o feather_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n because_o if_o i_o have_v not_o those_o vomit_n the_o sickness_n which_o i_o feel_v be_v extreme_a but_o indeed_o i_o be_o i_o think_v almost_o never_o without_o many_o kind_n of_o pain_n and_o sometime_o they_o be_v very_o sharp_a one_o and_o especial_o at_o my_o very_a hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v also_o true_a that_o the_o cruel_a palsy_n and_o other_o infirmity_n of_o fever_n which_o be_v wont_a to_o come_v very_o thick_a upon_o i_o be_v now_o find_v to_o oppress_v i_o more_o seldom_o so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o be_o well_o in_o those_o respect_n and_o i_o have_v make_v so_o little_a account_n of_o these_o misery_n for_o these_o eight_o year_n together_o that_o sometime_o i_o be_o even_o glad_a i_o have_v they_o as_o conceave_a that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v peradventure_o serve_v in_o some_o sort_n thereby_o this_o be_v my_o discourse_n and_o now_o my_o father_n believe_v that_o this_o which_o i_o tell_v he_o here_o be_v indeed_o the_o true_a cause_n of_o my_o omission_n for_o himself_o never_o use_v to_o lie_v and_o consider_v in_o what_o sort_n and_o of_o what_o matter_n i_o be_v then_o discourse_v to_o he_o he_o have_v no_o reason_n to_o think_v but_o that_o i_o say_v true_a and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o he_o may_v believe_v i_o the_o better_a i_o tell_v he_o also_o then_o that_o i_o well_o see_v myself_o not_o to_o be_v without_o some_o fault_n and_o that_o i_o have_v enough_o to_o do_v to_o be_v able_a to_o assist_v in_o the_o choir_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n even_o this_o reason_n of_o corporal_a sickness_n be_v no_o sufficient_a cause_n to_o make_v i_o give_v any_o good_a thing_n over_o for_o there_o be_v no_o need_n of_o corporal_a strength_n for_o such_o thing_n as_o these_o but_o only_o of_o love_n and_o custom_n since_o our_o lord_n afford_v we_o always_o opportunity_n if_o we_o will_v ourselves_o i_o say_v always_o because_o though_o infirmity_n and_o other_o occasion_n my_o hinder_v one_o sometime_o from_o spend_v many_o hour_n in_o solitude_n yet_o there_o will_v not_o want_v some_o other_o time_n wherein_o we_o may_v have_v health_n enough_o for_o this_o business_n yea_o and_o even_o in_o other_o occasion_n as_o also_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o sickness_n itself_o the_o true_a prayer_n may_v be_v make_v since_o it_o be_v the_o soul_n which_o love_v by_o offer_v up_o that_o pain_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o in_o remember_v for_o who_o it_o be_v endure_v and_o in_o conform_v one_o self_n to_o god_n holy_a will_n therein_o and_o in_o a_o thousand_o such_o other_o thing_n as_o will_v occur_v and_o thus_o may_v one_o exercise_v love_n for_o there_o be_v no_o necessity_n at_o all_o for_o a_o person_n either_o to_o be_v in_o solitude_n or_o else_o that_o there_o must_v be_v no_o mental_a prayer_n at_o all_o if_o we_o will_v take_v a_o little_a care_n we_o may_v arrive_v to_o obtain_v great_a blessing_n at_o those_o time_n when_o our_o lord_n even_o take_v time_n for_o prayer_n from_o we_o by_o mean_n of_o our_o sickness_n and_o pain_n and_o myself_o have_v find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a as_o long_o as_o my_o conscience_n be_v pure_a and_o good_a but_o my_o father_n through_o the_o opinion_n which_o he_o hold_v of_o i_o and_o the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o believe_v all_o that_o i_o have_v say_v or_o rather_o he_o not_o only_o believe_v but_o have_v also_o pity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o be_v then_o grow_v to_o find_v himself_o in_o so_o eminent_a and_o high_a a_o state_n of_o spiritual_a life_n he_o remain_v not_o with_o i_o very_o long_o and_o therefore_o have_v visit_v i_o he_o return_v home_o as_o hold_v his_o stay_n there_o to_o be_v loss_n of_o time_n and_o i_o who_o be_v willing_a to_o spend_v it_o upon_o other_o vanity_n be_v not_o trouble_v very_o much_o at_o his_o departure_n it_o be_v not_o only_o with_o he_o but_o with_o other_o person_n also_o who_o i_o procure_v that_o they_o shall_v addict_v themselves_o to_o mental_a prayer_n even_o whilst_o i_o be_v walk_v on_o in_o those_o vanity_n for_o still_o as_o i_o find_v they_o apt_a to_o use_v vocal_a prayer_n i_o tell_v they_o how_o they_o shall_v grow_v to_o have_v the_o use_n of_o meditation_n and_o i_o do_v they_o good_a and_o give_v they_o book_n for_o i_o have_v still_o a_o good_a desire_n that_o other_o shall_v serve_v almighty_a god_n even_o from_o the_o very_a first_o time_n that_o i_o use_v mental_a prayer_n as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o since_o now_o i_o serve_v not_o our_o lord_n myself_o so_o well_o as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o like_v not_o that_o that_o light_n shall_v be_v lose_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o but_o that_o other_o might_n also_o serve_v he_o by_o my_o mean_n and_o this_o i_o here_o recount_v that_o so_o the_o great_a blindness_n wherein_o i_o be_v may_v be_v the_o better_o see_v which_o induce_v i_o to_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o whilst_o yet_o i_o go_v procure_v to_o do_v good_a to_o other_o about_o this_o time_n my_o father_n fall_v into_o the_o sickness_n whereof_o he_o die_v short_o after_o but_o i_o go_v to_o attend_v and_o recover_v he_o whilst_o myself_o be_v more_o sick_a in_o soul_n than_o he_o be_v in_o body_n through_o many_o vanity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o not_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o according_a to_o my_o understanding_n i_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n even_o in_o all_o this_o worst_a &_o wicked_a time_n whereof_o i_o speak_v for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v conceive_v otherwise_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n have_v continue_v therein_o i_o endure_v some_o affliction_n and_o trouble_v in_o his_o sickness_n and_o i_o think_v i_o also_o make_v he_o some_o part_n of_o poor_a amends_o for_o the_o pain_n which_o he_o have_v take_v with_o i_o in_o i_o for_o now_o be_v ill_a enough_o in_o myself_o i_o yet_o strain_v very_o hard_o to_o do_v he_o service_n and_o beside_o i_o well_o consider_v that_o by_o the_o only_o loss_n of_o he_o all_o my_o comfort_n and_o regalo_n be_v to_o be_v lose_v for_o it_o all_o be_v shut_v up_o in_o only_o he_o i_o animate_v myself_o also_o so_o much_o towards_z the_o not_o show_v he_o that_o i_o be_v in_o any_o pain_n and_o in_o continue_v so_o even_o till_o he_o expire_v as_o if_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o trouble_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o when_o i_o see_v he_o come_v to_o be_v upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o loose_v his_o life_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o my_o own_o very_a soul_n have_v then_o be_v tear_v out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o i_o love_v he_o much_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n to_o make_v our_o lord_n be_v high_o praise_v to_o see_v the_o death_n which_o my_o father_n die_v together_o with_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o also_o have_v to_o die_v and_o the_o counsel_n which_o he_o give_v we_o after_o he_o have_v receive_v extreme_a unction_n and_o how_o he_o charge_v we_o to_o recommend_v he_o to_o god_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v beg_v mercy_n of_o he_o for_o his_o soul_n and_o that_o we_o must_v serve_v he_o ever_o and_o consider_v that_o all_o this_o world_n must_v come_v to_o end_v with_o tear_n he_o also_o tell_v we_o how_o sad_a he_o be_v at_o the_o hart_n for_o not_o have_v serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n better_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o be_v some_o religious_a man_n i_o mean_v that_o he_o have_v be_v so_o and_o that_o of_o the_o most_o strict_a who_o be_v in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o very_o certain_a that_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o our_o lord_n give_v he_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v not_o to_o live_v because_o before_o that_o very_a time_n he_o do_v not_o think_v he_o be_v sick_a though_o yet_o he_o be_v so_o in_o good_a earnest_n but_o afterward_o though_o he_o seem_v to_o mend_v much_o in_o point_n of_o health_n and_o though_o the_o doctor_n bid_v he_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o yet_o he_o make_v no_o account_n of_o that_o but_o only_o attend_v to_o put_v his_o soul_n in_o good_a order_n that_o sickness_n of_o he_o begin_v with_o a_o very_a grievous_a pain_n round_o about_o his_o shoulder_n which_o never_o leave_v he_o and_o sometime_o it_o press_v he_o
my_o lord_n who_o haste_n in_o such_o sort_n vouchsafe_v to_o make_v so_o filthy_a a_o fishpond_n as_o i_o be_v become_v so_o pure_a and_o clear_v a_o water_n as_o that_o it_o may_v serve_v for_o thy_o own_o table_n be_v thou_o adore_v and_o praise_v o_o thou_o regalo_n of_o the_o angel_n who_o have_v vouchsafe_v thus_o to_o exalt_v so_o base_a a_o worm_n this_o profit_n of_o the_o soul_n remain_v for_o some_o time_n therein_o and_o now_o she_o can_v already_o understand_v clear_o enough_o that_o the_o fruit_n be_v none_o of_o her_o own_o and_o she_o begin_v to_o give_v part_n of_o it_o to_o other_o without_o ever_o feel_v any_o want_n of_o it_o herself_o she_o now_o begin_v also_o to_o give_v sign_n and_o appearance_n of_o be_v the_o owner_n of_o some_o such_o soul_n as_o it_o to_o be_v a_o jewel-house_n fit_a for_o the_o treasure_n of_o heaven_n and_o to_o carry_v great_a desire_n of_o make_v other_o partake_v they_o and_o humble_o to_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n that_o she_o may_v not_o be_v alone_o in_o possess_v they_o she_o begin_v now_o to_o profit_v her_o neighbour_n without_o almost_o understand_v it_o herself_o and_o without_o her_o seem_a to_o do_v any_o thing_n therein_o but_o they_o who_o receive_v the_o benefit_n understand_v it_o well_o for_o already_o do_v those_o flower_n yield_v so_o high_a and_o apparent_a a_o scent_n that_o it_o invite_v all_o the_o world_n to_o come_v near_o they_o they_o know_v that_o she_o have_v great_a virtue_n and_o they_o see_v that_o the_o fruit_n be_v very_o tempt_v and_o they_o will_v fain_o help_v she_o to_o eat_v it_o and_o now_o if_o the_o earth_n of_o this_o garden_n be_v manure_v and_o digged-up_a very_o deep_a with_o persecution_n with_o detraction_n and_o with_o sickness_n as_o there_o be_v few_o who_o arrive_v thus_o far_o without_o these_o thing_n and_o if_o also_o it_o be_v very_o clean_o strip_v of_o all_o proper_a interest_n the_o water_n sink_v so_o very_o deep_o into_o this_o soil_n that_o it_o will_v scarce_o be_v ever_o dry_a again_o but_o yet_o if_o it_o be_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o earth_n as_o that_o with_o be_v earth_n it_o have_v also_o such_o a_o quantity_n and_o company_n of_o thorn_n as_o i_o remain_v with_o in_o the_o beginning_n and_o if_o it_o want_v a_o rooting-out_a of_o the_o occasion_n of_o ill_a and_o be_v not_o withal_o so_o grateful_a as_o so_o high_a a_o favour_n require_v that_o soil_n grow_v again_o to_o be_v dry_a and_o in_o that_o case_n if_o the_o gardner_n prove_v negligent_a and_o slack_a and_o if_o out_o lord_n through_o his_o own_o only_o goodness_n do_v not_o again_o resolve_v to_o bestow_v rain_n upon_o it_o you_o may_v well_o give_v this_o garden_n for_o destroy_v and_o lose_v for_o just_a thus_o do_v it_o happen_v to_o i_o several_a time_n and_o real_o i_o be_o even_o amaze_v to_o reflect_v upon_o it_o yea_o and_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a for_o i_o to_o believe_v it_o if_o the_o case_n have_v not_o be_v whole_o i_o own_o but_o now_o i_o write_v thus_o much_o for_o the_o comfort_n of_o such_o soul_n as_o be_v weak_a like_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v never_o despair_v nor_o so_o much_o as_o once_o leave_v to_o have_v confidence_n in_o the_o greatness_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o comfort_n although_o they_o shall_v fall_v even_o after_o our_o lord_n have_v bring_v they_o to_o so_o incomparable_a favour_n as_o be_v mention_v here_o they_o must_v not_o yet_o despair_v unless_o they_o will_v be_v total_o lose_v for_o there_o be_v nothing_o which_o will_v not_o be_v get_v with_o tear_n and_o so_o the_o employ_v of_o one_o water_n will_v be_v the_o mean_n of_o get_v another_o one_o of_o the_o thing_n by_o which_o i_o have_v be_v animate_v with_o be_v that_o miserable_a creature_n which_o i_o be_o to_o write_v this_o discourse_n and_o to_o give_v this_o kind_n of_o account_n of_o my_o wicked_a life_n and_o of_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o and_o that_o not_o whilst_o i_o be_v serve_v he_o but_o offend_v he_o have_v be_v this_o and_o real_o i_o wish_v now_o that_o i_o be_v some_o person_n of_o great_a authority_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v the_o better_o believe_v in_o this_o particular_a and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v the_o divine_a majesty_n of_o my_o dear_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v bestow_v this_o favour_n upon_o i_o i_o say_v then_o that_o no_o one_o even_o of_o those_o creature_n who_o have_v begin_v to_o use_v mental_a prayer_n be_v to_o be_v dismay_v with_o say_v if_o i_o shall_v return_v to_o be_v wicked_a again_o it_o will_v be_v worse_o for_o i_o to_o go_v forward_o with_o the_o use_n of_o prayer_n for_o the_o thing_n which_o i_o believe_v be_v that_o it_o will_v be_v worse_o if_o he_o give-ove_a his_o prayer_n and_o forbear_v to_o reform_v his_o life_n but_o if_o he_o shall_v not_o give-ove_a his_o prayer_n let_v he_o be_v confident_a that_o it_o will_v bring_v he_o again_o to_o the_o port_n where_o he_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o see_v the_o lantern_n and_o arrive_v safe_a the_o devil_n make_v so_o fierce_a battery_n against_o i_o and_o i_o pass_v so_o long_o without_o prayer_n as_o conceave_a that_o be_v so_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_v it_o will_v be_v a_o act_n of_o more_o humility_n to_o desist_v from_o it_o that_o i_o give_v it_o over_o for_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a or_o for_o a_o year_n at_o least_o for_o of_o the_o half_a year_n i_o remember_v it_o not_o so_o very_o precise_o but_o this_o be_v likely_a to_o be_v and_o be_v then_o indeed_o no_o other_o thing_n then_o for_o i_o to_o put_v myself_o even_o into_o hell_n without_o need_v any_o devil_n for_o that_o purpose_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o great_a be_v that_o blindness_n and_o how_o unhappy_o do_v the_o devil_n hit_v right_a for_o his_o purpose_n in_o lay_v so_o heavy_a a_o load_n upon_o we_o herein_o the_o traitor_n know_v very_o well_o that_o he_o have_v lose_v that_o soul_n which_o continue_v with_o perseverance_n in_o prayer_n and_o that_o all_o those_o fall_v which_o he_o procure_v to_o give_v we_o will_v but_o assist_v we_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n to_o make_v afterward_o the_o great_a leap_n towards_o his_o service_n the_o devil_n i_o say_v know_v very_o well_o how_o much_o this_o import_v he_o but_o o_o my_o dear_a jesus_n what_o a_o thing_n it_o be_v to_o see_v a_o soul_n in_o this_o state_n falne-back_a indeed_o to_o sin_n when_o yet_o thou_o by_o thy_o mercy_n do_v lend_v he_o that_o hand_n of_o thou_o to_o rise_v again_o o_o how_o will_v such_o a_o one_o come_v to_o know_v the_o multitude_n of_o thy_o greatness_n and_o mercy_n together_o with_o his_o own_o misery_n here_o come_v this_o creature_n in_o to_o understand_v thy_o majestical_a way_n and_o to_o annihilate_v himself_o in_o good_a earnest_n here_o be_v the_o soul_n not_o once_o presume_v so_o much_o as_o to_o lift_v her_o eye_n up_o to_o heaven_n though_o yet_o she_o raise_v her_o thought_n to_o consider_v the_o unspeakable_a obligation_n which_o she_o have_v to_o thou_o she_o here_o grow_v all_o devote_a to_o the_o queen_n of_o heaven_n that_o she_o may_v help_v to_o appease_v thou_o heer_n she_o invoke_v those_o saint_n who_o fall_v after_o thou_o have_v once_o call_v they_o to_o thy_o service_n to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v be_v assist_v by_o they_o heer_n she_o conceive_v and_o find_v that_o whatsoever_o cross_n thou_o send_v she_o they_o be_v all_o of_o they_o too_o easy_a and_o light_n because_o she_o see_v already_o that_o she_o deserve_v not_o the_o very_a ground_n upon_o which_o she_o go_v heer_n enter_v the_o frequent_v the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o church_n and_o that_o vigorous_a livelie_a faith_n which_o now_o remain_v in_o her_o hart_n as_o see_v the_o great_a power_n and_o virtue_n which_o god_n infuse_v into_o it_o the_o praise_v thou_o for_o have_v leave_v such_o unguent_n and_o other_o medicine_n for_o the_o cure_n of_o our_o sore_n which_o close_v not_o only_o the_o skin_n but_o take_v they_o utter_o away_o in_o a_o word_n she_o be_v amaze_v at_o all_o these_o thing_n and_o who_o o_o thou_o lord_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o to_o be_v amaze_v at_o so_o great_a mercy_n and_o at_o such_o a_o overflow_a kind_n of_o favour_n upon_o our_o treason_n which_o be_v so_o abominable_a and_o foul_a that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v understand_v how_o my_o hart_n come_v not_o even_o to_o splitt_v when_o i_o write_v thus_o much_o because_o i_o find_v myself_o so_o very_o wicked_a and_o yet_o the_o while_n it_o seem_v as_o if_o i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v thou_o a_o kind_n of_o recompense_n &_o satisfaction_n
may_v hope_v from_o those_o terrible_a and_o perpetual_a torment_n since_o that_o time_n as_o i_o be_v say_v there_o be_v nothing_o which_o seem_v not_o easy_a to_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o one_o moment_n of_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v suffer_v there_o and_o i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a wonder_n that_o have_v so_o often_o read_v diverse_a book_n which_o give_v i_o some_o notice_n of_o a_o part_n of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n i_o fear_v they_o so_o little_a and_o hold_v they_o in_o so_o small_a account_n consider_v in_o what_o case_n i_o be_v then_o and_o how_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o receive_v contentment_n in_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o final_o be_v to_o carry_v i_o on_o to_o so_o wretched_a a_o place_n as_o that_o be_v be_v thou_o eternal_o bless_v o_o my_o god_n for_o how_o well_o have_v thou_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o thou_o love_v i_o incomparable_o better_a than_o i_o do_v myself_o how_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n have_v thou_o deliver_v i_o from_o that_o dark_a and_o horrible_a dungeon_n and_o how_o often_o have_v i_o return_v to_o cast_v myself_o in_o thither_o again_o even_o against_o thy_o will_n from_o hence_o also_o i_o get_v a_o facility_n to_o be_v in_o very_o great_a pain_n for_o the_o many_o soul_n of_o these_o lutheran_n which_o be_v condemn_v to_o hell_n and_o especial_o because_o they_o have_v once_o be_v member_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n by_o their_o baptism_n i_o gain_v also_o great_a impulse_n to_o do_v good_a to_o soul_n and_o real_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o for_o the_o save_n of_o any_o of_o they_o from_o so_o grievous_a and_o everlasting_a torment_n i_o can_v suffer_v many_o death_n with_o a_o very_a good_a will_n for_o i_o consider_v that_o if_o we_o see_v a_o person_n in_o this_o world_n who_o we_o love_v undergo_v any_o great_a affliction_n or_o pain_n it_o seem_v that_o even_o our_o natural_a disposition_n invite_v we_o to_o have_v compassion_n of_o the_o case_n and_o so_o much_o as_o that_o pain_n be_v great_a so_o much_o the_o more_o and_o therefore_o now_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n which_o be_v for_o ever_o to_o be_v enchain_v to_o the_o endure_v of_o that_o supreme_a affliction_n and_o misery_n of_o all_o misery_n who_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v it_o and_o what_o hart_n can_v ever_o brook_v it_o without_o strange_a trouble_n and_o since_o we_o be_v move_v here_o to_o so_o much_o compassion_n of_o man_n who_o misery_n have_v yet_o a_o term_n prefix_v and_o at_o the_o further_a they_o be_v to_o end_v with_o their_o life_n how_o shall_v we_o be_v able_a to_o get_v patience_n for_o think_v of_o the_o infinite_a torment_n of_o those_o other_o consider_v what_o a_o huge_a number_n of_o soul_n the_o devil_n be_v daily_o carry_v into_o hell_n this_o consideration_n also_o make_v i_o desire_v that_o in_o a_o business_n of_o so_o mighty_a importance_n we_o may_v not_o be_v satisfy_v with_o less_o than_o the_o do_v of_o the_o very_a uttermost_a we_o can_v on_o our_o part_n and_o that_o we_o leave_v nothing_o at_o all_o unattempted_a to_o secure_v ourselves_o by_o that_o mean_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o give_v we_o all_o his_o grace_n for_o this_o purpose_n when_o i_o consider_v that_o howsoever_o i_o be_v former_o most_o wicked_a yet_o have_v i_o some_o little_a care_n to_o ferue_v almighty_a god_n not_o yet_o do_v i_o then_o commit_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v take_v and_o swallow_v down_o by_o the_o world_n as_o familiar_o as_o to_o turn_v the_o hand_n and_o with_o this_o i_o endure_v huge_a sickness_n and_o i_o do_v it_o with_o that_o great_a patience_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o for_o that_o purpose_n and_o i_o be_v also_o not_o incline_v to_o murmur_v and_o detract_v or_o to_o speak_v hardly_o of_o any_o creature_n nay_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o i_o scarce_o have_v power_n to_o with_o any_o body_n any_o ill_n nor_o be_v i_o covetous_a nor_o envious_a for_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v ever_o remember_v at_o least_o to_o any_o such_o proportion_n as_o may_v result_v to_o the_o great_a offence_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o some_o other_o thing_n also_o there_o be_v wherein_o though_o i_o be_v very_o wicked_a i_o have_v usual_o the_o fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n before_o i_o and_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o i_o see_v where_o the_o devil_n 471._o have_v take_v up_o and_o provide_v my_o lodging_n and_o it_o be_v true_a that_o consider_v what_o my_o fault_n have_v be_v it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o yet_o deserve_v more_o punishment_n but_o howsoever_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n i_o declare_v that_o it_o be_v a_o most_o horrible_a torment_n and_o and_o that_o it_o be_v a_o dangerous_a thing_n that_o the_o soul_n shall_v take_v contentment_n and_o be_v at_o rest_n which_o be_v fall_v every_o minute_n into_o mortal_a sinne._n nay_o rather_o for_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n let_v we_o remove_v all_o the_o occasion_n thereof_o for_o our_o lord_n will_v help_v we_o all_o as_o he_o have_v do_v i_o and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n not_o to_o give_v over_o to_o hold_v i_o fast_o in_o his_o hand_n least_z if_o he_o do_v i_o return_v to_o fall_v for_o in_o that_o case_n i_o see_v already_o what_o be_v to_o become_v of_o i_o for_o ever_o but_o i_o beseech_v our_o b._n lord_n again_o not_o to_o suffer_v it_o even_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n amen_n but_o now_o after_o my_o see_v all_o this_o as_o also_o many_o other_o great_a thing_n and_o secret_n which_o our_o lord_n through_o his_o own_o mercy_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o concern_v the_o glory_n which_o be_v design_v in_o the_o next_o life_n for_o the_o good_a and_o the_o torment_n for_o the_o wicked_a and_o i_o procure_v now_o to_o light_v upon_o some_o way_n or_o mean_n whereby_o i_o may_v do_v penance_n for_o so_o much_o ill_a as_o i_o have_v commit_v and_o may_v be_v able_a also_o to_o do_v somewhat_o towards_o the_o obtain_n of_o so_o great_a a_o good_a i_o desire_v even_o to_o fly_v out_o of_o the_o sight_n of_o mankind_n and_o now_o at_o length_n once_o for_o all_o to_o divide_v myself_o from_o the_o world_n and_o to_o part_v from_o it_o and_o my_o hart_n will_v now_o be_v quiet_a no_o long_o but_o yet_o be_v not_o that_o disquiet_n of_o i_o any_o troublesome_a kind_n of_o thing_n but_o rather_o of_o contentment_n and_o gust_n and_o it_o be_v evident_a that_o it_o come_v from_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v heat_n enough_o to_o this_o soul_n of_o i_o for_o the_o digest_v of_o other_o and_o strong_a meat_n than_o she_o have_v former_o take_v cause_n and_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v what_o i_o may_v possible_o he_o able_a to_o do_v for_o almighty_a god_n and_o the_o first_o thing_n i_o think_v be_v to_o follow_v that_o first_o call_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v i_o to_o lead_v a_o religious_a life_n and_o that_o by_o the_o 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this_o light_n nor_o yet_o of_o any_o other_o thing_n at_o all_o which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o that_o with_o such_o a_o sovereign_a kind_n of_o delight_n as_o can_v possible_o be_v declare_v for_o all_o our_o sense_n enjoy_v such_o a_o superior_a degree_n of_o sweetness_n that_o it_o can_v no_o way_n be_v full_o express_v and_o therefore_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v best_a to_o say_v no_o more_o i_o have_v once_o be_v above_o a_o hour_n in_o this_o condition_n when_o our_o lord_n show_v i_o admirable_a thing_n and_o seem_v not_o to_o depart_v from_o be_v near_o i_o he_o speak_v these_o very_a word_n to_o i_o see_v here_o my_o daughter_n what_o they_o lose_v who_o be_v against_o i_o &_o do_v not_o thou_o forbear_v to_o let_v they_o know_v it_o but_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n what_o good_a will_v my_o say_n it_o do_v to_o they_o who_o their_o own_o action_n blind_a so_o deep_o if_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n do_v not_o give_v they_o light_v 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to_o make_v little_a account_n of_o that_o and_o they_o also_o who_o love_n god_n in_o good_a earnest_n and_o have_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o life_n be_v certain_o wont_a to_o die_v with_o more_o sweetness_n it_o also_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o these_o favour_n do_v i_o very_o much_o good_a towards_o the_o bring_v i_o into_o a_o knowledge_n of_o our_o true_a country_n and_o to_o see_v that_o we_o be_v mere_a pilgrim_n here_o and_o it_o be_v a_o precious_a kind_n of_o thing_n to_o find_v what_o pass_v there_o above_o and_o to_o understand_v where_o in_o fine_a we_o be_v to_o live_v for_o ever_o and_o whensoever_o one_o go_v to_o settle_v and_o stay_v for_o good_a and_o all_o in_o any_o country_n it_o give_v a_o great_a assistance_n towards_o the_o endure_a all_o the_o incommodity_n of_o the_o journey_n when_o we_o know_v that_o the_o end_n of_o it_o be_v to_o be_v such_o as_o that_o we_o may_v in_o fine_a be_v in_o great_a repose_n and_o happiness_n 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yet_o can_v not_o be_v too_o great_a a_o demonstration_n when_o i_o weigh_v how_o deep_o i_o offend_v thou_o afterward_o now_o i_o think_v that_o i_o have_v reason_n before_o in_o not_o desire_v so_o great_a a_o dignity_n as_o this_o consider_v how_o ill_o i_o be_v like_a to_o employ_v it_o but_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o permit_v that_o i_o may_v use_v this_o favour_n so_o ill_o twenty_o year_n together_o and_o will_v content_v thyself_o to_o be_v the_o person_n affront_v that_o i_o may_v be_v the_o person_n improve_v for_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o now_o o_o my_o god_n that_o i_o make_v thou_o any_o promise_n of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o that_o i_o will_v keep_v no_o promise_n which_o i_o have_v make_v thou_o though_o yet_o my_o intention_n be_v not_o such_o at_o that_o time_n and_o yet_o i_o find_v my_o action_n to_o have_v grow_v afterward_o to_o be_v such_o that_o i_o may_v very_o well_o think_v i_o scarce_o know_v what_o kind_n of_o intention_n i_o have_v 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time_n i_o conceive_v myself_o not_o to_o have_v offend_v god_n much_o but_o my_o sickness_n be_v so_o great_a that_o it_o deprive_v i_o almost_o of_o my_o sense_n yea_o and_o sometime_o i_o be_v whole_o deprive_v the_o diligence_n which_o my_o father_n use_v for_o my_o recovery_n be_v also_o very_o great_a and_o when_o the_o doctor_n of_o those_o part_n find_v no_o remedy_n he_o procure_v to_o get_v i_o remove_v to_o a_o certain_a place_n where_o there_o be_v great_a fame_n of_o the_o cure_v many_o other_o infirmity_n and_o so_o they_o assure_v themselves_o that_o they_o will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v also_o with_o i_o that_o friend_n who_o i_o mention_v to_o be_v in_o that_o house_n go_v with_o i_o for_o she_o be_v of_o year_n and_o in_o the_o monastery_n where_o she_o live_v they_o make_v no_o vow_n of_o clausure_n i_o stay_v almost_o a_o year_n in_o that_o other_o place_n and_o during_o three_o month_n thereof_o i_o suffer_v so_o excessive_a torment_n by_o the_o manner_n of_o the_o cure_n which_o be_v very_o rigorous_a that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v they_o and_o though_o i_o do_v endure_v they_o yet_o i_o think_v it_o be_v not_o my_o body_n which_o can_v do_v it_o as_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v this_o cure_n be_v to_o be_v take_v in_o hand_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o summer_n and_o i_o go_v in_o the_o begin_n of_o winter_n all_o this_o mean_a time_n i_o remain_v in_o the_o house_n of_o that_o sister_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o who_o dwell_v in_o the_o country_n because_o i_o be_v then_o near_o the_o place_n and_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o troublesome_a to_o be_v go_v and_o come_v to_z and_o fro_o when_o i_o depart_v from_o that_o uncle_n of_o i_o who_o i_o declare_v myself_o to_o have_v visit_v in_o the_o way_n he_o give_v i_o a_o certain_a book_n which_o be_v call_v the_o three_o a._n b._n c._n which_o treat_v of_o the_o manner_n of_o prayer_n with_o recollection_n now_o though_o in_o that_o first_o year_n i_o have_v read_v some_o 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accident_n do_v i_o hurt_v enough_o towards_o the_o make_v i_o turn_v back_o often_o yea_o and_o for_o the_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o but_o such_o a_o one_o will_v have_v daily_o assist_v i_o to_o lay_v aside_o and_o leave_v those_o occasion_n which_o i_o take_v to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n in_o these_o beginning_n his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v to_o do_v i_o so_o great_a favour_n that_o at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o time_n when_o i_o remain_v there_o which_o be_v about_o nine_o month_n in_o this_o way_n of_o solitude_n though_o i_o be_v not_o so_o free_a from_o offend_v god_n as_o the_o book_n appoint_v which_o i_o neglect_v as_o hold_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v still_o so_o watchful_a over_o myself_o i_o be_v careful_a not_o to_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n and_o i_o will_v to_o god_n i_o have_v always_o be_v so_o but_o of_o veniall_n i_o make_v no_o great_a account_n and_o this_o be_v that_o in_o fine_a which_o destroy_v i_o but_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o regale_n i_o so_o much_o by_o this_o way_n that_o he_o vouchsafe_v i_o the_o favour_n to_o give_v i_o quiet_a prayer_n and_o sometime_o it_o come_v so_o far_o as_o to_o arrive_v to_o union_n though_o i_o understand_v neither_o the_o one_o nor_o the_o other_o nor_o how_o much_o they_o both_o deserve_v to_o be_v prize_v but_o i_o believe_v it_o will_v have_v be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o happiness_n for_o i_o to_o have_v understand_v the_o certainty_n thereof_o true_a it_o be_v that_o this_o union_n rest_v with_o i_o for_o so_o short_a a_o time_n that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v arrive_v to_o be_v but_o as_o of_o a_o aue_fw-la maria_fw-la yet_o i_o remain_v with_o so_o very_o great_a effect_n thereof_o that_o with_o not_o be_v then_o so_o much_o as_o twenty_o year_n old_a i_o think_v i_o find_v the_o whole_a world_n under_o my_o foot_n and_o so_o i_o remember_v well_o that_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o carry_v great_a compassion_n towards_o such_o as_o followed_z the_o way_n of_o the_o world_n though_o it_o be_v but_o even_o in_o lawful_a thing_n i_o procure_v the_o best_a i_o can_v to_o carry_v our_o lord_n who_o be_v our_o true_a good_a still_o present_a with_o i_o and_o even_o within_o i_o and_o this_o be_v the_o manner_n of_o my_o prayer_n if_o i_o think_v upon_o any_o passage_n or_o mystery_n i_o represent_v it_o to_o the_o interior_a of_o myself_o and_o other_o time_n i_o spend_v in_o read_v good_a book_n which_o be_v all_o the_o recreation_n that_o i_o have_v for_o god_n give_v not_o i_o the_o talon_n
also_o with_o have_v begin_v so_o to_o use_v prayer_n as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o carry_v my_o pain_n with_o much_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n the_o conversation_n of_o my_o hart_n be_v whole_o with_o he_o and_o i_o carry_v these_o word_n of_o job_n very_o usual_o both_o in_o my_o thought_n and_o in_o my_o mouth_n since_o we_o have_v receive_v blessing_n and_o benefit_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n why_o shall_v we_o not_o also_o suffer_v affliction_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o this_o help_v to_o give_v i_o courage_n at_o length_n come_v the_o feast_n of_o our_o b._n lady_n in_o august_n for_o till_o then_o from_o the_o april_n before_o have_v my_o torment_n continue_v though_o yet_o it_o have_v be_v great_a in_o the_o three_o last_o month_n i_o than_o make_v haste_n to_o go_v to_o confession_n for_o i_o ever_o take_v much_o contentment_n to_o confess_v often_o my_o friend_n think_v that_o it_o be_v fear_n of_o death_n which_o invite_v i_o to_o be_v so_o devout_a and_o so_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v put_v into_o apprehension_n my_o father_n will_v not_o let_v i_o confess_v o_o inordinate_a and_o irregular_a love_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n since_o though_o i_o have_v so_o catholic_n a_o father_n and_o so_o full_a of_o prudence_n and_o consideration_n in_o all_o his_o action_n which_o even_o abound_v in_o he_o for_o this_o can_v not_o be_v a_o effect_n of_o ignorance_n yet_o he_o may_v have_v do_v i_o hurt_n enough_o by_o this_o mean_n that_o night_n i_o fall_v into_o such_o a_o trance_n as_o continue_v to_o keep_v i_o near_o four_o day_n without_o the_o use_n almost_o of_o any_o of_o my_o sense_n and_o short_o they_o come_v to_o give_v i_o the_o sacrament_n of_o extreme_a unction_n and_o every_o hour_n or_o rather_o every_o moment_n it_o be_v expect_v when_o i_o shall_v expire_v they_o be_v as_o diligent_a in_o say_v the_o creed_n devil_n in_o my_o hear_n as_o if_o i_o have_v understand_v they_o yea_o sometime_o they_o hold_v i_o for_o so_o certain_o to_o be_v dead_a that_o afterward_o i_o find_v the_o drop_n of_o the_o holy_a candle_n wax-candle_n about_o my_o eye_n the_o affliction_n of_o my_o father_n be_v great_a for_o his_o not_o have_v permit_v i_o to_o go_v to_o confession_n many_o outcry_n and_o many_o prayer_n be_v make_v to_o almighty_a god_n for_o i_o and_o bless_v be_v he_o who_o be_v please_v to_o hear_v they_o for_o the_o grave_n remain_v open_a in_o the_o church_n of_o my_o monastery_n a_o day_n and_o a_o half_a where_o my_o body_n be_v expect_v to_o be_v inter_v and_o my_o funeral_n have_v be_v already_o celebrate_v by_o the_o religious_a man_n of_o our_o order_n in_o another_o town_n where_o it_o be_v conceive_v that_o i_o be_v dead_a our_o lord_n be_v yet_o please_v at_o length_n that_o i_o shall_v teturne_v to_o myself_o and_o so_o instant_o i_o will_v needs_o go_v to_o confession_n i_o receive_v also_o the_o b._n sacrament_n with_o many_o tear_n though_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o be_v not_o shed_v with_o that_o sense_n and_o grief_n for_o only_o my_o have_v offend_v almighty_a god_n which_o may_v have_v serve_v to_o save_v my_o soul_n if_o the_o error_n into_o which_o i_o be_v bring_v by_o they_o who_o have_v tell_v i_o that_o they_o be_v not_o matter_n of_o mortal_a sin_n which_o afterward_o i_o see_v plain_o that_o they_o be_v may_v not_o serve_v my_o turn_n for_o the_o torment_n wherewith_o i_o remain_v be_v intolerable_a and_o my_o understanding_n not_o very_o sharp_a but_o rather_o dull_a though_o yet_o as_o i_o conceive_v my_o confession_n be_v entire_a of_o all_o thing_n whereby_o i_o may_v think_v that_o i_o have_v offend_v god_n for_o this_o mercy_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o allow_v i_o among_o other_o that_o after_o i_o have_v once_o begin_v to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n i_o never_o omit_v to_o confess_v any_o thing_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n though_o it_o be_v but_o venial_a though_o yet_o still_o i_o think_v that_o without_o doubt_n my_o soul_n may_v have_v run_v hazard_n not_o to_o be_v save_v if_o i_o have_v die_v then_o in_o regard_n that_o on_o the_o one_o side_n my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v be_v so_o mean_o learn_v and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n and_o indeed_o on_o many_o side_n in_o regard_n that_o in_o myself_o i_o be_v so_o wicked_a but_o this_o be_v always_o a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o when_o i_o return_v to_o a_o thought_n of_o this_o passage_n and_o consider_v how_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o our_o lord_n have_v raise_v i_o again_o from_o death_n to_o life_n i_o be_o fill_v with_o so_o huge_a a_o amazement_n that_o i_o remain_v even_o as_o it_o be_v all_o quake_a within_o myself_o and_o now_o i_o think_v it_o be_v well_o o_o my_o soul_n that_o thou_o will_v gather_v this_o just_a resolution_n from_o that_o great_a danger_n out_o of_o which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o deliver_v thou_o that_o although_o thou_o will_v not_o fly_v from_o offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o love_n yet_o at_o least_o thou_o shall_v forbear_v to_o do_v it_o for_o fear_n for_o he_o may_v have_v take_v thy_o life_n from_o thou_o a_o thousand_o time_n when_o thou_o be_v in_o a_o more_o dangerous_a state_n and_o i_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o say_v too_o much_o if_o i_o do_v speak_v of_o a_o thousand_o time_n more_o though_o he_o perhaps_o may_v chide_v i_o who_o command_v i_o to_o use_v moderation_n in_o the_o recital_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o yet_o i_o doubt_v that_o i_o have_v paint_v they_o out_o too_o favourable_o and_o fair_a but_o i_o beg_v of_o he_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v not_o once_o think_v of_o make_v i_o diminish_v my_o fault_n because_o the_o magnificence_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v to_o be_v discern_v thereby_o and_o how_o much_o he_o be_v please_v to_o suffer_v and_o endure_v from_o a_o soul_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o and_o let_v it_o also_o please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o may_v rather_o consume_v i_o quite_o then_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o leave_v to_o love_v he_o more_o the_o six_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o how_o much_o she_o owe_v our_o b._n lord_n for_o his_o give_v she_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n in_o so_o great_a affliction_n and_o how_o she_o take_v the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n for_o her_o intercessor_n and_o how_o advantageous_a that_o devotion_n prove_v to_o be_v i_o remain_v during_o those_o four_o day_n of_o agony_n or_o trance_n in_o such_o state_n that_o only_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v able_a to_o know_v the_o unsufferable_a torment_n which_o i_o feel_v in_o myself_o my_o tongue_n be_v deep_o bite_v by_o i_o in_o many_o place_n my_o throat_n with_o have_v take_v nothing_o and_o by_o reason_n also_o of_o my_o very_a great_a weakness_n can_v not_o swallow_v so_o much_o as_o a_o drop_n of_o water_n without_o choke_v i_o thought_n i_o be_v total_o disjoint_v and_o my_o head_n in_o extreme_a disorder_n i_o be_v also_o as_o it_o be_v all_o roll_a up_o and_o contract_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v a_o bottom_n of_o packthridd_n for_o in_o this_o do_v the_o torment_n of_o those_o day_n fix_v themselves_o without_o my_o be_v able_a once_o to_o stir_v either_o hand_n or_o foot_n arm_n or_o head_n unless_o they_o move_v i_o any_o more_o then_o as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a only_o i_o think_v i_o be_v able_a to_o wag_n one_o single_v finger_fw-la of_o my_o right_a hand_n now_o for_o any_o body_n to_o touch_v i_o in_o any_o kind_n there_o be_v no_o mean_n at_o all_o for_o my_o whole_a person_n be_v so_o affect_v and_o afflict_a as_o that_o there_o be_v no_o endure_v to_o have_v it_o touch_v in_o a_o sheet_n they_o will_v be_v remove_v i_o now_o and_o then_o according_a to_o the_o occasion_n with_o one_o at_o one_o end_n thereof_o &_o another_o at_o the_o other_o and_o this_o last_v till_o easter_n only_o this_o i_o have_v by_o way_n of_o ease_n that_o if_o i_o be_v not_o approach_v and_o touch_v these_o torment_n will_v be_v cease_v many_o time_n and_o then_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o my_o be_v in_o less_o pain_n i_o be_v content_a to_o affirm_v myself_o to_o be_v well_o but_o indeed_o i_o be_v much_o afraid_a lest_o my_o patience_n shall_v begin_v to_o fail_v i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o a_o little_a please_v to_o find_v myself_o without_o those_o sharp_a and_o continual_a torment_n though_o yet_o i_o have_v they_o after_o a_o unsupportable_a manner_n together_o with_o a_o very_a great_a detestation_n of_o food_n whilst_o i_o have_v those_o fierce_a cold_n which_o indeed_o
i_o still_o desire_v to_o recover_v my_o health_n though_o yet_o i_o endure_v my_o sickness_n with_o great_a alacrity_n and_o i_o will_v be_v think_v and_o consider_v sometime_o that_o if_o by_o enjoy_v my_o health_n i_o may_v chance_v be_v damn_v it_o will_v be_v better_o for_o i_o to_o remain_v still_o as_o sick_a as_o i_o be_v but_o howsoever_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o serve_v almighty_a god_n much_o better_o if_o i_o can_v enjoy_v my_o health_n now_o this_o be_v the_o abuse_n and_o error_n which_o deceive_v we_o not_o to_o resign_v ourselves_o entire_o to_o the_o disposition_n and_o good_a pleasure_n of_o our_o lord_n who_o know_v best_a what_o be_v fit_a for_o us._n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o get_v many_o mass_n say_v for_o this_o purpose_n and_o i_o resort_v also_o to_o the_o use_n of_o other_o solid_a and_o approve_a prayer_n for_o i_o be_v never_o a_o friend_n of_o certain_a odd_a devotion_n which_o be_v use_v by_o diverse_a person_n and_o especial_o by_o woman_n with_o some_o odd_a ceremony_n which_o i_o can_v never_o endure_v since_o i_o understand_v that_o they_o savour_v of_o superstition_n howsoever_o other_o folk_n be_v move_v by_o they_o and_o so_o i_o take_v for_o my_o advocate_n and_o lord_n the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o he_o and_o i_o have_v see_v clear_o that_o this_o father_n and_o lord_n of_o i_o have_v draw_v i_o as_o well_o out_o of_o this_o necessity_n as_o out_o of_o other_o great_a when_o there_o be_v question_n of_o honour_n and_o loss_n of_o the_o soul_n and_o that_o with_o more_o benefit_n and_o advantage_n then_o even_o myself_o can_v tell_v how_o to_o desire_v nay_o i_o can_v remember_v that_o hitherto_o i_o ever_o desire_v any_o thing_n by_o his_o mean_n which_o he_o have_v fail_v to_o obtain_v for_o i_o and_o it_o be_v able_a even_o to_o amaze_v i_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o almighty_a god_n have_v do_v i_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o bless_a saint_n and_o the_o danger_n both_o of_o body_n and_o soul_n out_o of_o which_o he_o have_v deliver_v i_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o it_o seem_v our_o lord_n have_v give_v the_o grace_n and_o power_n to_o other_o saint_n to_o succour_v man_n in_o some_o one_o kind_n of_o necessity_n of_o they_o but_o i_o find_v by_o good_a experience_n that_o this_o glorious_a saint_n succour_v we_o in_o they_o all_o and_o that_o our_o lord_n will_v make_v we_o understand_v that_o as_o he_o will_v be_v subject_a to_o s._n joseph_n upon_o earth_n and_o that_o by_o enjoy_v the_o name_n of_o his_o father_n and_o by_o be_v as_o it_o be_v his_o director_n and_o tutor_n he_o may_v command_v he_o so_o also_o he_o will_v now_o in_o heaven_n grant_v whatsoever_o this_o saint_n shall_v desire_v this_o truth_n have_v also_o be_v see_v by_o the_o experience_n of_o other_o who_o i_o have_v desire_v to_o recommend_v themselves_o to_o this_o saint_n and_o now_o many_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v devote_a to_o he_o and_o myself_o also_o have_v fresh_a experience_n of_o this_o truth_n for_o my_o part_n i_o procure_v to_o celebrate_v his_o festivitie_n with_o all_o the_o solemnity_n i_o be_v able_a to_o use_v but_o yet_o with_o more_o vanity_n then_o true_a spirit_n desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v perform_v with_o much_o curiosity_n and_o exactness_n though_o yet_o still_o with_o good_a intention_n but_o i_o ever_o have_v this_o of_o ill_a that_o if_o our_o lord_n enable_v i_o at_o any_o time_n to_o do_v any_o thing_n which_o be_v good_a it_o will_v be_v full_a of_o imperfection_n and_o fault_n whereas_o towards_o the_o do_v any_o thing_n amiss_o and_o for_o the_o exercise_v of_o curiosity_n and_o vanity_n i_o use_v much_o diligence_n and_o dexterity_n and_o cunning_a our_o lord_n pardon_v i_o for_o it_o and_o now_o i_o will_v fain_o persuade_v all_o the_o world_n to_o be_v devote_a to_o this_o glorious_a saint_n for_o the_o great_a experience_n which_o i_o have_v have_v of_o the_o blessing_n that_o he_o obtain_v for_o we_o of_o almighty_a god_n nay_o i_o have_v never_o know_v any_o one_o who_o be_v serious_o devote_a to_o he_o and_o perform_v he_o particular_a service_n who_o i_o find_v not_o also_o to_o go_v proceed_v on_o in_o virtue_n for_o real_o he_o assist_v those_o soul_n much_o which_o recommend_v themselves_o to_o he_o and_o to_o my_o best_a remembrance_n there_o be_v diverse_a year_n wherein_o i_o have_v desire_v somewhat_o of_o he_o upon_o his_o festival_n day_n and_o i_o have_v ever_o find_v it_o grant_v and_o if_o peradventure_o my_o petition_n have_v some_o little_a of_o the_o indirect_a belong_v to_o it_o he_o redress_v it_o and_o set_v it_o straight_o for_o my_o great_a good_a if_o i_o be_v any_o such_o person_n as_o have_v authority_n to_o write_v i_o will_v glad_o enlarge_v myself_o here_o to_o make_v particular_a relation_n of_o the_o favour_n which_o this_o glorious_a saint_n have_v obtain_v both_o for_o i_o and_o other_o but_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v do_v no_o more_o than_o i_o be_o command_v i_o must_v be_v short_a in_o many_o thing_n than_o i_o will_v and_o more_o large_a in_o other_o then_o be_v needful_a like_o one_o in_o fine_a who_o have_v little_a discretion_n for_o the_o do_v of_o any_o thing_n which_o be_v good_a only_o i_o beg_v for_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o whosoever_o can_v believe_v i_o will_v try_v the_o truth_n of_o what_o i_o say_v for_o he_o shall_v find_v by_o experience_n how_o great_o a_o good_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o recommend_v himself_o to_o this_o glorious_a patriarch_n and_o to_o be_v devote_a to_o he_o especial_o such_o as_o give_v themselves_o to_o prayer_n shall_v always_o be_v affectionate_a to_o this_o saint_n for_o i_o know_v not_o how_o one_o can_v think_v of_o the_o queen_n of_o the_o angel_n at_o those_o time_n when_o she_o suffer_v so_o much_o during_o the_o infancy_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n and_o not_o give_v thanks_n to_o s._n joseph_n for_o the_o great_a assistance_n which_o he_o give_v they_o at_o that_o time_n whosoever_o want_v a_o master_n who_o may_v instruct_v he_o to_o pray_v let_v he_o take_v this_o glorious_a saint_n for_o his_o guide_n and_o he_o shall_v never_o loose_v his_o way_n i_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o i_o may_v have_v commit_v no_o error_n in_o presume_v to_o speak_v of_o this_o saint_n for_o though_o i_o thus_o profess_v and_o publish_v myself_o to_o be_v devote_a to_o he_o yet_o have_v i_o be_v ever_o faulty_a in_o the_o not_o do_v he_o real_a service_n and_o in_o not_o imitate_v his_o virtue_n but_o now_o he_o do_v like_o himself_o by_o procure_v that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o rise_v and_o walk_v and_o be_v no_o long_o a_o cripple_n and_o so_o i_o do_v also_o like_o myself_o in_o make_v so_o ill_o use_v of_o this_o favour_n but_o now_o who_o will_v ever_o have_v imagine_v that_o i_o can_v so_o soon_o fall_v back_o again_o after_o my_o receive_n so_o many_o regalo_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o almighty_a 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in_o i_o according_a to_o the_o experience_n which_o i_o have_v have_v some_o year_n by_o that_o little_a which_o i_o be_o able_a to_o understand_v of_o myself_o and_o still_o thou_o hold_v and_o keep_v thy_o hand_n over_o i_o and_o i_o find_v myself_o full_a of_o desire_n and_o good_a purpose_n and_o in_o some_o sort_n i_o have_v prove_v also_o even_o by_o experience_n of_o many_o thing_n in_o these_o late_a year_n that_o i_o will_v by_o no_o mean_n do_v any_o thing_n which_o shall_v contradict_v or_o cross_v thy_o will_n how_o little_a soever_o it_o may_v be_v though_o yet_o i_o well_o believe_v that_o i_o
who_o be_v virtuous_o incline_v and_o hence_o flow_v down_o my_o tear_n together_o with_o a_o indignation_n to_o consider_v what_o i_o find_v in_o myself_o for_o i_o see_v that_o still_o i_o be_v as_o upon_o the_o pitch_n of_o return_v to_o fall_v again_o although_o my_o firm_a purpose_n and_o desire_n do_v then_o i_o mean_v so_o long_o as_o those_o favour_n last_v stand_v fast_o and_o firm_a a_o great_a inconvenience_n it_o be_v for_o a_o soul_n to_o find_v herself_o solitary_a and_o single_a among_o so_o many_o danger_n and_o i_o think_v that_o if_o i_o have_v any_o creature_n to_o who_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v all_o this_o it_o will_v have_v help_v i_o not_o to_o fall_v again_o at_o least_o for_o shame_n of_o the_o world_n if_o i_o will_v not_o be_v ashamed_a to_o offend_v god_n i_o will_v therefore_o advice_n advise_v they_o who_o make_v mental_a prayer_n and_o especial_o at_o the_o beginning_n thereof_o to_o procure_v some_o friendship_n and_o familiarity_n with_o other_o who_o 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and_o follow_v that_o it_o pass_v for_o a_o kind_n of_o gallanterie_n to_o talk_v of_o it_o and_o so_o upon_o the_o matter_n they_o publish_v the_o offence_n which_o they_o commit_v against_o almighty_a god_n by_o this_o mean_n i_o know_v not_o whether_o they_o be_v impertinency_n which_o i_o utter_v if_o they_o be_v your_o reverence_n may_v be_v please_v to_o tear_v they_o and_o if_o they_o be_v not_o i_o beseech_v you_o sir_n assist_v and_o instruct_v my_o simplicity_n by_o add_v much_o to_o they_o upon_o this_o subject_n for_o the_o business_n of_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n go_v now_o so_o weak_o on_o that_o they_o who_o procure_v to_o serve_v he_o have_v need_n support_v and_o succour_v one_o another_o that_o so_o they_o may_v be_v able_a to_o get_v forward_o so_o very_o much_o be_v the_o vanity_n and_o foolish_a entertainment_n of_o the_o world_n grow_v to_o be_v in_o fashion_n and_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o there_o be_v few_o eye_n in_o the_o world_n to_o discern_v their_o fault_n but_o if_o any_o body_n on_o the_o other_o side_n do_v but_o begin_v to_o give_v himself_o to_o almighty_a god_n there_o be_v so_o many_o who_o will_v murmur_v at_o he_o that_o he_o shall_v find_v himself_o to_o have_v need_n enough_o to_o get_v company_n which_o may_v appear_v in_o his_o defence_n till_o such_o time_n as_o he_o be_v confirm_v in_o not_o be_v trouble_v for_o what_o he_o be_v put_v to_o suffer_v which_o if_o he_o chance_v not_o to_o be_v he_o may_v perhaps_o grow_v to_o see_v himself_o in_o some_o straits_n and_o perhaps_o this_o may_v have_v be_v the_o reason_n why_o some_o saint_n have_v use_v to_o retire_v themselves_o into_o desert_n but_o as_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o humility_n not_o to_o put_v any_o confidence_n in_o a_o man_n self_n so_o yet_o be_v it_o no_o sin_n against_o piety_n to_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o help_v he_o to_o live_v among_o they_o with_o who_o he_o be_v oblige_v to_o converse_v but_o thus_o charity_n 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such_o person_n as_o have_v the_o knowledge_n and_o practice_v of_o mental_a prayer_n i_o have_v still_o walk_v on_o with_o fall_v and_o rise_v till_o i_o have_v even_o drop_v down_o headlong_o into_o hell_n for_o i_o want_v not_o many_o friend_n who_o will_v not_o fail_v to_o help_v i_o to_o fall_v but_o towards_o the_o recover_n and_o raise_v i_o up_o i_o find_v myself_o so_o absolute_o alone_a that_o now_o i_o be_o no_o less_o than_o amaze_v to_o consider_v how_o i_o remain_v not_o still_o lay_v flat_a and_o i_o praise_v the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n for_o it_o be_v he_o and_o only_o he_o who_o give_v i_o his_o help_a hand_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o ever_o and_o for_o ever_o amen_n the_o eight_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o the_o great_a good_a it_o do_v she_o towards_o the_o not_o lose_v her_o soul_n not_o to_o have_v whole_o given-ove_a her_o prayer_n as_o also_o what_o a_o excellent_a remedy_n that_o be_v towards_o the_o gain_n of_o whatsoever_o good_a 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i_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n so_o pertinacious_a and_o so_o ungrateful_a towards_o he_o who_o have_v vouchsafe_v it_o so_o great_a favour_n and_o i_o wish_v i_o can_v get_v leave_n to_o declare_v that_o multitude_n of_o time_n that_o i_o fail_v of_o my_o obligation_n to_o almighty_a god_n in_o this_o number_n of_o year_n by_o reason_n that_o i_o be_v not_o apply_v to_o and_o support_v by_o the_o strong_a pillar_n of_o prayer_n i_o pass_v through_o this_o tempestuous_a sea_n almost_o twenty_o year_n between_o these_o fall_n and_o rise_n though_o i_o rise_v ilfavourd_o enough_o since_o i_o return_v again_o so_o quick_o to_o fall_v in_o this_o kind_n of_o life_n tend_v towards_o perfection_n but_o yet_o in_o so_o base_a a_o way_n as_o that_o i_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o venial_a danger_n sin_n and_o for_o such_o as_o be_v mortal_a it_o be_v true_a that_o although_o i_o fear_v they_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o even_o that_o as_o i_o ought_v since_o i_o absent_v not_o myself_o from_o the_o danger_n thereof_o but_o i_o will_v be_v bold_a to_o say_v that_o it_o be_v one_o of_o the_o most_o painful_a kind_n of_o life_n that_o can_v possible_o be_v imagine_v for_o i_o neither_o enjoy_v the_o sweetness_n of_o god_n nor_o yet_o the_o satisfaction_n of_o the_o world_n when_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o the_o contentment_n of_o the_o world_n the_o remembrance_n of_o what_o i_o owe_v to_o god_n give_v i_o pain_n and_o whilst_o i_o be_v converse_v with_o his_o divine_a majesty_n the_o inclination_n &_o affection_n of_o the_o world_n give_v i_o disquiet_n and_o this_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o war_n so_o very_o painful_a that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o find_v mean_n to_o endure_v it_o for_o one_o month_n and_o much_o more_o how_o i_o can_v do_v it_o for_o so_o many_o year_n notwithstanding_o that_o i_o yet_o clear_o see_v the_o great_a mercy_n which_o almighty_a god_n show_v i_o herein_o since_o i_o be_v to_o treat_v of_o many_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n that_o still_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o courage_n to_o give_v myself_o to_o prayer_n i_o say_v courage_n for_o as_o for_o i_o i_o see_v not_o what_o one_o thing_n there_o be_v of_o so_o many_o as_o be_v to_o be_v find_v in_o the_o whole_a world_n wherein_o there_o be_v need_n of_o a_o great_a then_o to_o treat_v of_o commit_v treason_n against_o a_o king_n and_o to_o know_v that_o he_o know_v it_o well_o and_o yet_o never_o to_o go_v out_o of_o his_o presence_n for_o howsoever_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o we_o be_v always_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o almighty_a god_n yet_o i_o think_v that_o they_o who_o converse_n with_o he_o in_o prayer_n be_v in_o his_o presence_n after_o a_o more_o particular_a manner_n for_o they_o be_v see_v then_o that_o he_o see_v they_o whereas_o other_o may_v perhaps_o remain_v some_o day_n in_o his_o presence_n and_o yet_o without_o remember_v that_o he_o look_v upon_o they_o true_a it_o be_v that_o within_o that_o time_n there_o be_v i_o believe_v many_o month_n and_o sometime_o peradventure_o a_o whole_a year_n that_o i_o keep_v myself_o from_o offend_v our_o lord_n and_o give_v myself_o much_o to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o i_o also_o use_v some_o yea_o and_o many_o diligence_n that_o i_o may_v never_o grow_v more_o to_o offend_v he_o and_o because_o all_o that_o which_o i_o write_v now_o be_v to_o be_v deliver_v with_o entirenes_n of_o truth_n i_o declare_v myself_o here_o as_o you_o see_v but_o i_o remember_v little_a of_o those_o good_a day_n and_o therefore_o it_o may_v be_v think_v they_o be_v few_o and_o the_o ill_a one_o many_o yet_o few_o of_o those_o few_o pass_v away_o without_o my_o allow_v a_o good_a long_a time_n for_o prayer_n unless_o i_o be_v either_o very_o sick_a or_o extreme_o busy_a the_o worse_a i_o be_v in_o my_o health_n the_o more_o i_o be_v unite_v with_o god_n and_o i_o procure_v that_o such_o person_n as_o use_v to_o be_v with_o i_o at_o those_o time_n may_v be_v so_o too_o and_o i_o beg_v it_o of_o our_o lord_n and_o we_o speak_v very_o often_o of_o he_o and_o so_o unless_o it_o be_v that_o one_o year_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v in_o eight_o and_o twenty_o year_n which_o have_v pass_v since_o i_o begin_v first_o to_o use_v mental_a prayer_n i_o have_v endure_v this_o battle_n and_o strife_n of_o treat_v both_o with_o god_n and_o the_o world_n more_o than_o eighteen_o year_n in_o those_o other_o year_n whereof_o i_o be_o yet_o to_o speak_v the_o cause_n of_o the_o war_n be_v change_v though_o of_o itself_o it_o be_v no_o inconsiderable_a thing_n but_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o be_v then_o as_o i_o conceive_v in_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o in_o a_o knowledge_n of_o the_o vanity_n of_o whatsoever_o this_o world_n can_v be_v it_o do_v all_o prove_v delightful_a and_o pleasant_a as_o i_o will_v show_v hereafter_o now_o the_o reason_n why_o i_o have_v relate_v all_o this_o be_v first_o as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o to_o the_o end_n that_o the_o mercy_n 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man_n have_v write_v of_o the_o benefit_n which_o he_o obtain_v who_o exercise_v himself_o in_o prayer_n i_o mean_v mental_a prayer_n and_o glory_n be_v to_o almighty_a god_n for_o be_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o yet_o if_o that_o be_v not_o true_a though_o i_o have_v little_a humility_n yet_o be_o i_o not_o withal_o so_o insolent_a as_o that_o i_o will_v presume_v to_o speak_v upon_o this_o subject_n but_o of_o that_o whereof_o i_o have_v some_o experience_n i_o may_v vet_n presume_v to_o say_v somewhat_o and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o whosoever_o have_v begin_v to_o frequent_v the_o use_n of_o prayer_n i_o wish_v he_o not_o to_o give_v it_o over_o whatsoever_o sin_n he_o commit_v in_o the_o mean_a time_n since_o this_o be_v the_o mean_n by_o which_o he_o may_v recover_v himself_o again_o which_o he_o will_v find_v to_o be_v of_o much_o more_o difficulty_n without_o it_o and_o let_v not_o the_o devil_n tempt_v he_o to_o leave_v it_o as_o he_o do_v i_o upon_o a_o pretence_n of_o humility_n but_o let_v he_o firm_o believe_v that_o his_o word_n can_v never_o want_v truth_n who_o say_v that_o if_o we_o will_v repent_v ourselves_o in_o good_a earnest_n and_o resolve_v to_o offend_v the_o divine_a majesty_n no_o more_o he_o restore_v we_o to_o the_o same_o friendship_n which_o we_o have_v before_o with_o he_o and_o do_v we_o the_o same_o favour_n which_o he_o do_v we_o before_o and_o sometime_o they_o prove_v to_o be_v much_o great_a if_o the_o repentance_n deserve_v it_o and_o whosoever_o have_v not_o yet_o begin_v this_o exercise_n i_o beseech_v he_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v no_o long_o deprive_v himself_o of_o so_o great_a a_o benefit_n there_o be_v nothing_o to_o be_v fear_v here_o but_o much_o to_o be_v desire_v for_o though_o a_o man_n shall_v not_o proceed_v so_o far_o as_o to_o strive_v to_o gain_v such_o perfection_n as_o may_v prepare_v and_o as_o it_o be_v deserve_v those_o gust_n and_o regalo_n which_o god_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v to_o such_o person_n yet_o the_o least_o which_o he_o shall_v get_v will_v be_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o i_o know_v so_o much_o of_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o may_v conclude_v for_o certain_a enough_o that_o no_o body_n ever_o take_v he_o for_o a_o friend_n who_o he_o do_v not_o well_o requite_v for_o his_o pain_n for_o mental_a prayer_n be_v no_o other_o thing_n in_o my_o opinion_n than_o a_o treaty_n about_o make_v friendship_n with_o almighty_a god_n and_o a_o frequent_a and_o private_a commerce_n hand_n to_o hand_n with_o he_o by_o
our_o lord_n himself_o bear_v their_o charge_n since_o for_o the_o little_a pain_n they_o take_v he_o give_v they_o so_o much_o gust_n that_o so_o they_o may_v the_o better_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v the_o take_n of_o that_o pain_n in_o his_o company_n of_o these_o gust_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v to_o such_o as_o persevere_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o mental_a prayer_n there_o shall_v be_v more_o discourse_n hereafter_o and_o i_o will_v not_o make_v it_o here_o only_o this_o i_o will_v be_v bold_a to_o say_v that_o of_o all_o those_o so_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o ever_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v i_o the_o very_a gate_n be_v prayer_n and_o if_o that_o come_v once_o to_o be_v shut_v i_o know_v not_o how_o god_n shall_v do_v we_o favour_n for_o though_o he_o shall_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o enter_v into_o a_o soul_n to_o regale_n both_o it_o and_o himself_o in_o it_o there_o be_v no_o mean_n by_o which_o to_o do_v it_o since_o he_o must_v have_v it_o all_o to_o himself_o and_o it_o must_v be_v clean_o and_o pure_a and_o it_o must_v also_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o receive_v favour_n and_o if_o ourselves_o on_o the_o other_o side_n bring_v many_o impediment_n and_o take_v no_o course_n to_o remove_v they_o how_o shall_v we_o ever_o think_v he_o can_v come_v to_o we_o and_o how_o can_v we_o conceive_v that_o he_o will_v help_v we_o now_o to_o the_o end_n that_o his_o mercy_n may_v be_v see_v and_o the_o great_a benefit_n which_o it_o be_v for_o i_o not_o to_o have_v give_v over_o my_o pray_v and_o read_v i_o will_v here_o declare_v since_o the_o understanding_n of_o it_o import_v so_o much_o what_o battery_n the_o devil_n raise_v against_o a_o soul_n to_o gain_v it_o and_o what_o diligence_n and_o as_o it_o be_v art_n and_o mercy_n be_v use_v by_o b._n lord_n for_o procure_v to_o reduce_v it_o to_o himself_o that_o so_o other_o may_v preserve_v themselves_o from_o those_o danger_n from_o which_o i_o keep_v not_o myself_o and_o above_o all_o thing_n i_o humble_o desire_v man_n for_o that_o great_a love_n wherewith_o our_o lord_n go_v endeavour_v to_o win_v we_o back_o again_o to_o himself_o that_o they_o will_v keep_v themselves_o careful_o out_o of_o the_o this_o occasion_n of_o sin_n for_o when_o once_o we_o be_v engage_v therein_o there_o be_v no_o trust_n or_o confidence_n to_o be_v have_v where_o we_o be_v encounter_v and_o assault_v by_o so_o many_o enemy_n whilst_o we_o the_o while_n be_v subject_a to_o such_o weakness_n which_o disable_v we_o to_o make_v any_o defence_n i_o will_v fain_o be_v able_a here_o to_o make_v a_o draught_n and_o description_n of_o that_o captivity_n wherein_o my_o soul_n be_v at_o those_o time_n for_o i_o well_o understand_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o captivity_n and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v very_o well_o to_o what_o i_o whas_fw-ge a_o slave_n nor_o can_v i_o entire_o believe_v that_o that_o which_o my_o confessor_n think_v fit_a to_o aggravate_v no_o more_o be_v so_o very_o ill_o as_o yet_o i_o be_v apt_a to_o find_v it_o a_o certain_a person_n tell_v i_o when_o i_o go_v to_o he_o once_o with_o a_o scruple_n that_o error_n although_o i_o be_v in_o state_n of_o use_v high_a contemplation_n yet_o such_o occasion_n and_o conversation_n be_v of_o no_o inconvenience_n to_o i_o this_o happen_v to_o i_o towards_o the_o latter_a end_n when_o i_o by_o the_o favour_n of_o god_n go_v separate_v myself_o more_o and_o more_o from_o great_a danger_n but_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o whole_o avoid_v occasion_n but_o now_o when_o they_o observe_v my_o good_a desire_n and_o my_o exercise_n of_o mental_a prayer_n they_o think_v i_o do_v great_a matter_n but_o as_o for_o i_o my_o soul_n understand_v well_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o to_o perform_v what_o i_o be_v oblige_v for_o one_o to_o who_o i_o owe_v so_o much_o i_o have_v now_o both_o pity_n and_o grief_n to_o consider_v how_o much_o my_o soul_n suffer_v at_o that_o time_n and_o the_o little_a help_n it_o get_v from_o any_o but_o almighty_a god_n beside_o the_o great_a facility_n and_o owerture_n which_o they_o make_v for_o i_o towards_o certain_a pastime_n and_o contentment_n by_o make_v i_o believe_v that_o they_o be_v lawful_a but_o now_o the_o torment_n also_o which_o i_o have_v by_o hear_v sermon_n be_v not_o little_a for_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o hear_v they_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o if_o i_o see_v any_o man_n preach_v with_o spirit_n &_o very_o well_o i_o carry_v a_o most_o particular_a affection_n to_o he_o and_o that_o without_o any_o endeavour_n of_o i_o nor_o do_v i_o know_v how_o i_o come_v to_o have_v it_o i_o thought_n no_o sermon_n seem_v so_o ill_o to_o i_o which_o i_o can_v not_o glad_o hear_v though_o other_o will_v be_v of_o opinion_n that_o he_o preach_v not_o well_o but_o then_o if_o the_o sermon_n be_v good_a it_o give_v i_o a_o very_a particular_a satisfaction_n to_o speak_v of_o god_n or_o hear_v he_o speak_v of_o do_v in_o effect_n never_o weary_v i_o i_o mean_v after_o i_o have_v once_o begin_v to_o use_v mental_a prayer_n yet_o on_o the_o one_o side_n i_o be_v much_o comfort_v with_o hear_v sermon_n but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n they_o torment_v i_o because_o i_o understand_v thereby_o that_o i_o be_v not_o by_o many_o degree_n any_o such_o creature_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v be_v i_o humble_o beg_v of_o our_o b._n lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o but_o i_o believe_v by_o what_o i_o can_v now_o conjecture_v that_o i_o be_v want_v in_o the_o point_n of_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o importance_n total_o disconfide_v in_o myself_o i_o seek_v for_o remedy_n and_o i_o use_v many_o diligence_n but_o i_o understand_v not_o that_o all_o be_v good_a for_o nothing_o unless_o first_o we_o strip_v ourselves_o entire_o of_o all_o confidence_n in_o ourselves_o and_o lodge_v it_o all_o upon_o almighty_a god_n i_o desire_v to_o live_v a_o true_a life_n for_o than_o i_o understand_v well_o enough_o that_o indeed_o i_o do_v not_o live_v but_o that_o i_o fight_v with_o the_o very_a shadow_n of_o death_n but_o there_o be_v no_o body_n who_o will_v give_v i_o life_n and_o as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o take_v it_o and_o he_o who_o be_v only_o able_a to_o give_v it_o have_v no_o reason_n to_o bring_v i_o succour_v since_o he_o have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o so_o very_o often_o i_o have_v yet_o forsake_v he_o the_o nine_o chapter_n she_o declare_v by_o what_o mean_v our_o lord_n begin_v to_o awake_a her_o soul_n and_o give_v her_o light_n in_o so_o great_a darkness_n and_o to_o strengthen_v also_o her_o virtue_n that_o so_o she_o may_v offend_v he_o no_o more_o but_o now_o my_o soul_n be_v already_o grow_v to_o be_v very_o weary_a and_o yet_o the_o ill_a habit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v &_o the_o ill_a custom_n which_o i_o have_v use_v will_v not_o permit_v she_o to_o be_v unwearied_a and_o take_v rest_n it_o happen_v to_o i_o one_o day_n upon_o my_o go_v into_o the_o oratory_n that_o i_o see_v a_o picture_n which_o have_v be_v bring_v in_o thither_o to_o be_v keep_v for_o they_o have_v borrow_v it_o to_o serve_v for_o a_o certain_a festivitie_n which_o be_v to_o be_v celebrate_v in_o the_o house_n about_o that_o time_n the_o picture_n be_v of_o christ_n our_o lord_n full_a of_o wound_n &_o sore_n and_o it_o be_v so_o devout_o make_v that_o when_o i_o look_v upon_o it_o it_o move_v i_o much_o for_o it_o represent_v very_o well_o what_o he_o have_v endure_v for_o us._n and_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o little_a gratitude_n to_o our_o lord_n which_o i_o have_v conceive_v and_o express_v for_o those_o wound_n of_o he_o be_v such_o that_o i_o think_v my_o very_a hart_n do_v even_o splitt_v and_o i_o cast_v myself_o earnest_o down_o near_o the_o picture_n with_o a_o great_a shower_n of_o tear_n beseech_v our_o lord_n humble_o and_o earnest_o that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v i_o so_o far_o once_o for_o all_o as_o that_o at_o length_n i_o may_v offend_v he_o no_o more_o i_o be_v beside_o very_o much_o devote_a to_o the_o glorious_a s._n marie_n magdalen_n and_o i_o think_v much_o and_o often_o of_o her_o conversion_n and_o especial_o whensoever_o i_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n for_o know_v at_o that_o time_n that_o our_o lord_n be_v most_o certain_o in_o my_o very_a bosom_n i_o place_v myself_o at_o his_o foot_n as_o conceave_a that_o my_o tear_n will_v not_o be_v despise_v by_o he_o i_o know_v not_o very_o well_o what_o i_o say_v but_o yet_o i_o know_v that_o he_o who_o be_v please_v
that_o i_o shall_v shed_v those_o tear_n do_v show_v i_o favour_n enough_o for_o his_o part_n since_o i_o forget_v the_o sense_n and_o tenderness_n thereof_o so_o soon_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n that_o she_o may_v help_v i_o to_o obtain_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o profit_v the_o more_o in_o that_o last_o time_n when_o i_o pray_v before_o the_o picture_n because_o then_o note_n i_o be_v grow_v into_o very_o great_a distrust_n of_o myself_o and_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o almighty_a god_n to_o my_o think_n i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o will_v blessing_n never_o rise_v from_o thence_o till_o he_o grant_v i_o the_o humble_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o be_o full_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o do_v i_o good_a for_o i_o have_v go_v improve_v much_o ever_o since_o that_o time_n now_o i_o continue_v to_o hold_v this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n because_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n i_o procure_v to_o represent_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o my_o mind_n as_o be_v then_o within_o my_o very_a self_n and_o jever_n also_o find_v it_o to_o prove_v better_o with_o i_o in_o my_o opinion_n when_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v he_o all_o alone_a for_o he_o be_v alone_o and_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afflict_v i_o think_v he_o be_v to_o admit_v i_o yea_o and_o to_o assist_v i_o too_o as_o a_o person_n who_o be_v in_o necessity_n and_o misery_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o simplicity_n i_o have_v many_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o use_v to_o find_v myself_o very_o well_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o i_o be_v in_o my_o kingdom_n when_o i_o may_v accompany_v he_o there_o i_o think_v also_o much_o upon_o that_o sweat_n together_o with_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o he_o sustain_v then_o and_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v permit_v to_o wipe_v that_o most_o painful_a sweat_n from_o his_o face_n but_o i_o remember_v how_o in_o fine_a i_o never_o dare_v resolve_v to_o presume_v to_o do_v it_o so_o grievous_o do_v my_o sin_n represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o howsoever_o i_o remain_v there_o by_o he_o as_o long_o as_o my_o thought_n will_v give_v i_o leave_v but_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o have_v store_n of_o such_o as_o torment_v i_o most_o night_n during_o many_o year_n before_o i_o go_v to_o rest_v and_o when_o i_o be_v recommend_v myself_o to_o god_n ere_o i_o sleep_v i_o ever_o think_v a_o little_a upon_o this_o passage_n of_o his_o prayer_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o that_o even_o before_o i_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n for_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v gain_v many_o indulgence_n by_o it_o and_o at_o least_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o my_o soul_n get_v much_o by_o this_o mean_n because_o thus_o i_o begin_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n even_o without_o express_o know_v what_o it_o be_v and_o then_o it_o be_v as_o usual_a for_o i_o not_o to_o omit_v this_o custom_n as_o not_o to_o fail_v of_o blessing_n myself_o with_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o cross_n before_o sleep_v but_o to_o return_v to_o what_o i_o be_v say_v of_o the_o torment_n which_o my_o thought_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o this_o manner_n of_o proceed_v without_o discourse_n of_o the_o understanding_n have_v this_o in_o it_o that_o the_o soul_n must_v both_o gain_v much_o and_o loose_a much_o i_o mean_v all_o consideration_n and_o discourse_n be_v lose_v for_o as_o for_o profit_v they_o profit_v much_o who_o use_v it_o since_o all_o such_o prayer_n be_v love._n but_o to_o arrive_v to_o this_o point_n &_o pitch_n it_o will_v cost_v every_o body_n a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n except_o such_o as_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o conduct_v in_o a_o short_a time_n to_o quiet_a prayer_n of_o which_o kind_n i_o know_v some_o and_o for_o they_o who_o go_v by_o this_o way_n it_o will_v be_v good_a to_o have_v some_o book_n or_o other_o at_o hand_n that_o so_o they_o may_v recollect_v themselves_o quick_o as_o for_o i_o 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after_o have_v be_v sinner_n be_v convert_v to_o our_o lord_n as_o conceave_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v help_n by_o their_o mean_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v also_o be_v induce_v to_o forgive_v i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v they_o save_o only_o that_o i_o be_v discomfort_a by_o this_o consideration_n as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o that_o our_o lord_n call_v they_o but_o once_o and_o they_o return_v not_o to_o fall_v from_o he_o any_o more_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v fall_v so_o often_o that_o it_o afflict_v i_o to_o the_o very_a hart_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v encourage_v again_o for_o i_o never_o disinherit_v his_o mercy_n though_o i_o doubt_v of_o myself_o very_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o mighty_o do_v that_o obstinate_a stiffness_n amaze_v i_o to_o which_o my_o soul_n must_v needs_o have_v be_v subject_a whilst_o it_o receive_v so_o many_o help_n at_o thy_o hand_n and_o all_o in_o vain_a and_o it_o strike_v i_o with_o much_o fear_n to_o consider_v how_o little_a i_o be_v able_a to_o win_v upon_o myself_o all_o that_o while_n and_o how_o i_o remain_v still_o bind_v up_o from_o resolve_v to_o give_v myself_o whole_o to_o thou_o but_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v the_o say_a confession_n i_o think_v that_o case_n which_o have_v be_v he_o be_v also_o now_o direct_o i_o own_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n but_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o his_o conversion_n and_o read_v how_o he_o hear_v that_o voice_n
in_o the_o garden_n it_o be_v to_o my_o think_n as_o if_o our_o lord_n have_v make_v it_o to_o be_v utter_v for_o i_o so_o quick_a be_v that_o sense_n which_o i_o have_v thereof_o in_o my_o hart_n and_o i_o be_v for_o a_o very_a great_a while_n even_o dissolve_v as_o it_o be_v in_o tear_n and_o feel_v a_o great_a affliction_n and_o vexation_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n howmuch_o do_v a_o soul_n grow_v to_o suffer_v and_o what_o torment_n do_v it_o endure_v for_o the_o lose_n of_o her_o liberty_n while_o yet_o she_o be_v create_v and_o ordain_v to_o be_v the_o lady_n of_o herself_o and_o to_o command_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o in_o a_o wonder_n how_o i_o can_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v so_o great_a torment_n but_o bless_v be_v almighty_a god_n who_o give_v i_o life_n till_o i_o may_v get_v out_o of_o that_o so_o deadly_a a_o death_n and_o now_o i_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v obtain_v great_a strength_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o that_o divine_a majesty_n and_o that_o now_o he_o may_v grow_v to_o be_v please_v to_o hear_v my_o outcry_n and_o have_v compassion_n of_o my_o so_o many_o tear_n upon_o this_o my_o affection_n to_o spend_v more_o time_n with_o he_o begin_v to_o increase_v and_o to_o take_v myself_o also_o out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o ill_a occasion_n for_o when_o they_o once_o be_v go_v i_o begin_v to_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n again_o at_o least_o i_o think_v i_o may_v conclude_v myself_o then_o to_o love_v he_o but_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o i_o understand_v not_o as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v understand_v in_o what_o the_o true_a love_n of_o god_n do_v consist_v and_o to_o the_o best_a that_o i_o be_o able_a to_o judge_v i_o do_v even_o scarce_o make_v a_o end_n of_o dispose_v myself_o final_o to_o resolve_v to_o serve_v he_o when_o his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v already_o to_o vouchsafe_v i_o new_a regalos_n and_o favour_n and_o it_o seem_v that_o what_o other_o must_v be_v glad_a to_o endeavour_v to_o get_v with_o much_o labour_n our_o lord_n be_v 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in_o great_a dryness_n of_o devotion_n i_o desire_v he_o to_o give_v i_o some_o little_a spiritual_a gust_n but_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o reflect_v upon_o what_o i_o have_v do_v i_o remain_v so_o full_a of_o confusion_n by_o it_o that_o the_o only_o vexation_n i_o have_v to_o see_v myself_o with_o so_o little_a humility_n do_v give_v i_o that_o very_a advantage_n which_o i_o have_v presume_v to_o beg_v i_o be_v not_o ignorant_a that_o it_o may_v be_v no_o way_n a_o unlawful_a thing_n to_o desire_v it_o but_o i_o conceive_v that_o this_o be_v true_a for_o they_o who_o be_v well_o dispose_v to_o receive_v it_o by_o their_o have_v procure_v true_a devotion_n with_o all_o their_o power_n which_o consist_v in_o not_o offend_v almighty_a god_n and_o in_o be_v incline_v and_o resolve_v to_o do_v all_o that_o which_o be_v good_a and_o i_o think_v those_o tear_n of_o i_o be_v but_o faint_a and_o feminine_a tear_n and_o without_o any_o force_n or_o strength_n since_o i_o obtain_v not_o that_o by_o 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read_v that_o there_o will_v come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o and_o without_o either_o expectation_n or_o any_o immediate_a preparation_n on_o my_o part_n such_o a_o evident_a feel_n of_o the_o favour_n presence_n of_o almighty_a god_n as_o that_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n doubt_n but_o that_o either_o he_o be_v within_o i_o or_o else_o i_o all_o ingulfed_a in_o he_o this_o be_v not_o in_o the_o manner_n of_o a_o vision_n but_o i_o think_v they_o call_v it_o mystical_a theology_n and_o it_o suspend_v the_o soul_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o she_o seem_v to_o be_v whole_o out_o of_o herself_o the_o will_n be_v in_o act_n of_o love_a the_o memory_n seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v in_o a_o manner_n lose_v the_o understanding_n in_o my_o opinion_n it_o discourse_v not_o &_o although_o it_o be_v not_o lose_v yet_o it_o work_v not_o in_o that_o kind_n as_o i_o be_v say_v but_o remain_v as_o it_o be_v amazed_z to_o consider_v how_o much_o it_o understand_v though_o yet_o it_o please_v god_n that_o it_o 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thing_n as_o these_o upon_o which_o whosoever_o shall_v have_v care_n to_o profit_n will_v be_v able_a to_o fall_v many_o time_n though_o yet_o he_o have_v just_a then_o no_o particular_a design_n that_o way_n and_o if_o together_o with_o these_o reflection_n the_o party_n fall_v out_o to_o be_v possess_v and_o seize_v with_o any_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n the_o soul_n will_v be_v all_o regale_v the_o hart_n will_v be_v full_a of_o tenderness_n and_o relent_a and_o tear_n will_v also_o abound_v which_o sometime_o we_o shall_v seem_v to_o have_v get_v as_o it_o be_v by_o force_n and_o at_o other_o time_n
delight_v and_o enjoy_v though_o yet_o still_o both_o the_o first_o and_o the_o two_o middle_a one_o and_o even_o the_o last_o have_v all_o of_o they_o their_o several_a cross_n to_o carry_v yet_o in_o a_o different_a kind_n but_o in_o fine_a all_z they_o who_o will_v follow_v christ_n our_o lord_n must_v go_v by_o that_o very_a way_n where_o he_o go_v unless_o they_o will_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v lose_v and_o happy_a be_v those_o trouble_n which_o be_v endure_v here_o since_o even_o here_o they_o be_v so_o superabundant_o recompense_v and_o pay_v i_o must_v now_o serve_v myself_o of_o some_o comparison_n which_o yet_o i_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o forbear_v in_o regard_n that_o i_o be_o a_o woman_n and_o will_v fain_o set_v that_o down_o very_o simple_o and_o plain_o which_o they_o command_v i_o to_o say_v but_o this_o language_n of_o spirit_n be_v so_o very_o hard_o to_o be_v declare_v by_o such_o as_o be_v unlearned_a like_v i_o that_o i_o must_v seek_v some_o particular_a way_n how_o to_o do_v it_o and_o it_o be_v likely_a that_o i_o shall_v seldom_o hit_v tight_a in_o make_v the_o comparison_n serve_v but_o in_o that_o case_n it_o may_v pass_v for_o your_o recreation_n to_o see_v how_o very_o improper_a and_o rude_a i_o be_o to_o my_o remembrance_n i_o have_v either_o read_v or_o hear_v this_o use_n comparison_n which_o follow_v here_o for_o my_o memory_n be_v so_o very_o imperfect_a that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o upon_o what_o occasion_n i_o meet_v with_o it_o first_o but_o it_o content_v i_o at_o least_o for_o the_o present_a in_o order_n to_o what_o i_o have_v in_o hand_n he_o who_o begin_v in_o the_o way_n of_o prayer_n must_v conceive_v that_o he_o be_v beginning_n to_o frame_v a_o orchard_n or_o garden_n for_o the_o contentment_n and_o delight_n of_o his_o lord_n though_o yet_o it_o be_v in_o a_o very_a unfruitful_a soil_n and_o full_a of_o weed_n his_o divine_a majesty_n now_o be_v he_o who_o must_v be_v please_v to_o plant_v good_a herb_n and_o 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a_o sweet_a repose_n or_o sleep_v of_o all_o the_o power_n which_o be_v yet_o neither_o total_o lose_v nor_o yet_o do_v they_o know_v how_o they_o work_v this_o gust_n and_o delight_n and_o suavitie_n be_v great_a beyond_o all_o comparison_n than_o the_o former_a for_o the_o water_n of_o this_o grace_n gets-up_a to_o the_o very_a throat_n of_o the_o soul_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o now_o it_o can_v go_v forward_o nor_o know_v how_o to_o do_v it_o nor_o yet_o will_v by_o any_o mean_n return_v backward_o but_o enjoy_v a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o glory_n it_o be_v as_o when_o a_o man_n be_v already_o with_o the_o holy_a die_v candle_n in_o his_o hand_n so_o that_o now_o there_o want_v very_o little_a of_o die_v but_o it_o be_v of_o that_o very_a death_n which_o be_v desire_v for_o she_o be_v enjoy_v the_o great_a delight_n that_o can_v be_v imagine_v in_o that_o agony_n of_o she_o and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n then_o even_o to_o die_v as_o it_o be_v entire_o to_o all_o 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not_o as_o it_o be_v breath_n if_o we_o do_v not_o divert_v our_o self_n then_o with_o great_a endeavour_n yea_o and_o even_o so_o i_o think_v we_o can_v scarce_o do_v it_o entire_o at_o that_o time_n a_o multitude_n of_o word_n be_v conceive_v here_o by_o the_o soul_n in_o praise_n of_o our_o lord_n but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o they_o be_v without_o any_o order_n unless_o our_o lord_n himself_o be_v please_v to_o order_v they_o for_o at_o least_o the_o understanding_n serve_v here_o for_o nothing_o the_o soul_n will_v fain_o cry_v out_o in_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n &_o she_o be_v then_o in_o such_o condition_n as_o that_o she_o know_v not_o how_o to_o contain_v herself_o this_o be_v now_o a_o very_a favourie_a kind_n of_o disquiet_n and_o now_o yea_o even_o very_o now_o the_o flower_n open_v themselves_o to_o blossom_n and_o already_o do_v they_o begin_v to_o yield_v their_o odour_n and_o here_o the_o soul_n will_v be_v glad_a that_o all_o the_o world_n may_v be_v able_a to_o see_v and_o understand_v her_o glory_n that_o so_o almighty_a god_n may_v be_v praise_v and_o that_o they_o may_v be_v able_a to_o assist_v she_o therein_o and_o that_o she_o may_v give_v they_o part_v of_o her_o joy_n as_o not_o know_v how_o to_o enjoy_v it_o all_o herself_o i_o think_v she_o be_v now_o to_o be_v like_o she_o of_o the_o gospel_n who_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o call-in_a all_o her_o neighbour_n or_o else_o like_a the_o admirable_a spirit_n of_o the_o royal_a prophet_n david_n who_o may_v feel_v some_o such_o thing_n in_o himself_o as_o this_o when_o he_o play_v upon_o his_o harp_n and_o sing_v in_o honour_n and_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o find_v myself_o very_o much_o devote_a to_o this_o glorious_a king_n and_o i_o wish_v that_o all_o the_o world_n be_v so_o especial_o all_o we_o who_o be_v sinner_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n what_o kind_n of_o thing_n be_v a_o soul_n when_o she_o find_v herself_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o this_o she_o will_v fain_o become_v all_o tongue_n to_o praise_v our_o lord_n she_o utter_v a_o thousand_o holy_a impertinency_n but_o yet_o she_o do_v ever_o endeavour_v to_o hit_v right_a in_o please_v he_o who_o hold_v she_o there_o in_o that_o manner_n i_o know_v of_o a_o certain_a person_n who_o though_o she_o be_v no_o poet_n yet_o instant_o do_v she_o happen_v to_o make_v certain_a verse_n all_o extempore_o which_o be_v very_o significant_a in_o the_o way_n of_o complaint_n &_o declare_v her_o pain_n very_o well_o though_o they_o be_v not_o make_v by_o her_o own_o understanding_n alone_o but_o for_o the_o better_a enjoy_v that_o glory_n which_o give_v she_o so_o delightful_a a_o pain_n she_o complain_v thereof_o to_o her_o god_n she_o wish_v that_o she_o may_v be_v all_o tear_v in_o piece_n both_o in_o body_n and_o soul_n to_o show_v the_o joy_n she_o find_v to_o feel_v this_o pain_n what_o torment_n can_v then_o be_v set_v before_o she_o which_o then_o she_o will_v not_o be_v glad_a to_o endure_v for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n she_o clear_o see_v that_o the_o martyr_n do_v very_o little_a on_o their_o part_n when_o they_o suffer_v torment_n for_o the_o soul_n know_v then_o very_o well_o that_o her_o strength_n come_v to_o she_o by_o some_o other_o way_n then_o from_o herself_o but_o now_o what_o will_v she_o feel_v when_o she_o come_v back_o to_o employ_v her_o wit_n upon_o know_v how_o to_o live_v again_o in_o this_o world_n and_o to_o return_v both_o to_o the_o care_n and_o compliment_n thereof_o and_o certain_o i_o think_v i_o be_o far_o from_o have_v exaggerated_a any_o thing_n concern_v this_o manner_n of_o joy_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v a_o soul_n possess_v even_o in_o this_o place_n of_o bannishment_n for_o all_o that_o which_o i_o have_v say_v of_o it_o be_v very_o poor_a and_o mean_v in_o comparison_n of_o what_o it_o be_v in_o itself_o bless_a be_v thou_o for_o ever_o o_o lord_n and_o let_v all_o thing_n praise_v thou_o for_o ever_o and_o be_v please_v o_o my_o king_n i_o most_o humble_o beseech_v and_o beg_v at_o thy_o hand_n that_o since_o when_o even_o now_o i_o be_o not_o whole_o out_o of_o this_o holy_a celestial_a frenzy_n or_o folly_n which_o through_o thy_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o so_o whole_o without_o any_o merit_n of_o i_o thou_o do_v i_o the_o great_a favour_n to_o impart_v either_o all_o such_o person_n as_o with_o who_o i_o shall_v have_v occasion_n to_o converse_v may_v be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v mad_a fool_n for_o thy_o love_n or_o else_o dispose_v thou_o so_o of_o i_o as_o that_o
benediction_n and_o he_o will_v address_v your_o life_n by_o your_o meditation_n upon_o he_o for_o he_o be_v the_o best_a original_a and_o pattern_n which_o we_o can_v possible_o have_v and_o indeed_o what_o can_v we_o desire_v more_o then_o to_o have_v so_o perfect_a a_o friend_n at_o hand_n who_o will_v never_o give_v we_o over_o in_o our_o affliction_n and_o tribalation_n as_o they_o of_o this_o world_n be_v wont_a to_o do_v most_o bless_a be_v that_o man_n who_o love_v he_o with_o all_o sincerity_n of_o truth_n and_o who_o be_v always_o carry_v he_o close_o to_o himself_o let_v we_o look_v upon_o the_o glorious_a s._n paul_n who_o seem_v as_o if_o he_o can_v not_o suffer_v that_o ever_o the_o name_n of_o jesus_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o fall_v often_o enough_o from_o his_o mouth_n as_o one_o who_o do_v not_o fail_v to_o carry_v it_o well_o imprint_v upon_o his_o hart_n and_o since_o i_o understand_v of_o that_o other_o abstract_a course_n whereof_o i_o speak_v i_o have_v reflect_v 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to_o abuse_v and_o cozen_v so_o many_o good_a man_n and_o i_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a that_o i_o think_v all_o the_o mischief_n and_o heresy_n which_o have_v be_v raise_v and_o bring_v late_o into_o the_o world_n be_v but_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o this_o be_v a_o false_a kind_n of_o humility_n which_o the_o devil_n invent_v of_o purpose_n for_o my_o disquiet_n to_o try_v if_o he_o can_v bring_v my_o soul_n to_o despair_v and_o i_o know_v so_o well_o by_o experience_n that_o this_o be_v a_o trick_n of_o the_o devil_n that_o now_o when_o he_o find_v that_o i_o understand_v he_o he_o torment_v i_o not_o so_o often_o herein_o as_o he_o be_v wont_a the_o certainty_n of_o this_o truth_n be_v clear_o find_v by_o the_o restlessness_n and_o disquiet_v wherewith_o he_o begin_v and_o by_o the_o bussle_v which_o he_o keep_v in_o the_o soul_n all_o the_o while_o it_o last_v and_o by_o the_o obscurity_n and_o affliction_n which_o he_o bring_v to_o it_o and_o by_o the_o 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devil_n have_v no_o such_o power_n as_o to_o destroy_v her_o faith_n yet_o have_v she_o even_o that_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o it_o be_v no_o comfort_n to_o she_o at_o all_o but_o rather_o when_o she_o behold_v god_n great_a mercy_n he_o make_v it_o serve_v she_o for_o so_o much_o the_o great_a torment_n because_o she_o seem_v to_o have_v be_v oblige_v thereby_o to_o have_v serve_v almighty_a god_n so_o much_o the_o more_o this_o be_v a_o invention_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o that_o of_o the_o most_o painful_a and_o subtle_a and_o disguise_v that_o i_o have_v ever_o find_v and_o therefore_o i_o will_v wish_v your_o reverence_n if_o perhaps_o he_o may_v procure_v to_o tempt_v you_o hereafter_o in_o this_o kind_n to_o look_v upon_o it_o with_o a_o light_n in_o your_o hand_n and_o to_o procure_v to_o know_v he_o well_o if_o he_o leave_v you_o understanding_n enough_o for_o do_v it_o and_o believe_v not_o here_o that_o knowledge_n and_o learning_n will_v serve_v the_o turn_n for_o though_o 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himself_o from_o that_o danger_n in_o like_a manner_n do_v it_o occur_v to_o the_o soul_n which_o now_o seem_v but_o mere_o by_o custom_n not_o to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n for_o i_o speak_v not_o here_o of_o that_o protection_n which_o our_o lord_n afford_v she_o though_o yet_o that_o be_v the_o thing_n which_o import_v most_o but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n our_o faith_n be_v deaden_v or_o at_o least_o lay_v asleep_o as_o the_o other_o virtue_n also_o be_v in_o such_o time_n as_o those_o though_o yet_o they_o be_v not_o utter_o lose_v for_o she_o well_o believe_v even_o then_o that_o doctrine_n which_o the_o church_n teach_v and_o she_o pronounce_v it_o also_o with_o her_o mouth_n whereas_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n the_o devil_n do_v so_o press_v and_o dull_a this_o faith_n that_o she_o seem_v to_o have_v but_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o knowledge_n of_o god_n as_o man_n have_v a_o notice_n of_o thing_n which_o be_v speak_v of_o in_o their_o hear_n but_o yet_o from_o very_o far_o 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he_o be_v subject_a and_o that_o those_o devil_n may_v be_v suffer_v to_o torment_v i_o in_o his_o place_n provide_v always_o that_o i_o may_v not_o offend_v our_o bless_a lord_n in_o any_o thing_n by_o it_o and_o it_o be_v very_o certain_o true_a that_o short_o after_o this_o i_o endure_v most_o grievous_a torment_n for_o the_o space_n of_o a_o month_n and_o these_o two_o particular_n which_o i_o have_v now_o relate_v do_v happen_v then_o but_o our_o lord_n in_o the_o mean_a time_n be_v please_v that_o they_o shall_v leave_v to_o afflict_v that_o person_n any_o more_o for_o so_o man_n send_v i_o word_n because_o i_o have_v already_o signify_v to_o they_o what_o have_v occur_v to_o i_o during_o that_o month_n and_o as_o for_o he_o his_o soul_n get_v strength_n daily_o and_o he_o grow_v to_o be_v absolute_o free_a nor_o can_v he_o satisfy_v himself_o with_o give_v thanks_n not_o only_o to_o our_o bless_a lord_n but_o even_o also_o to_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v do_v somewhat_o therein_o but_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o the_o opinion_n which_o he_o have_v that_o our_o lord_n do_v sometime_o show_v i_o favour_n be_v of_o benefit_n to_o he_o for_o he_o say_v that_o whensoever_o he_o find_v himself_o to_o be_v much_o assault_v and_o press_v he_o use_v to_o read_v my_o letter_n and_o that_o present_o thereupon_o he_o shall_v find_v himself_o ride_v of_o the_o temptation_n he_o grow_v to_o be_v much_o amaze_v to_o understand_v of_o what_o i_o have_v suffer_v and_o how_o also_o himself_o come_v to_o be_v free_a yea_o and_o even_o i_o come_v also_o to_o wonder_v at_o it_o
lord_n with_o such_o a_o abundance_n of_o mercy_n have_v not_o dispatch_v all_o that_o business_n alone_o for_o till_o he_o out_o of_o his_o own_o goodness_n do_v so_o your_o reverence_n will_v already_o have_v see_v that_o on_o my_o part_n there_o be_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o only_o rise_v and_o fall_v over_o and_o over_o i_o will_v fain_o express_v this_o point_n home_n for_o i_o believe_v that_o many_o soul_n grow_v to_o be_v abuse_v and_o deceive_v because_o they_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o fly_v before_o almighty_a god_n give_v they_o wing_n i_o conceive_v that_o i_o have_v former_o use_v this_o comparison_n but_o it_o come_v also_o very_a well_o in_o here_o for_o i_o find_v that_o many_o soul_n be_v much_o afflict_v upon_o this_o occasion_n as_o namely_o when_o they_o begin_v with_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n to_o go_v forward_o in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o some_o do_v even_o give-ove_a all_o for_o love_v thereof_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v exterior_a thing_n and_o yet_o see_v more_o advantageous_a effect_n and_o fruit_n of_o such_o virtue_n as_o our_o lord_n have_v infuse_v into_o the_o soul_n of_o other_o who_o be_v more_o proficient_a then_o into_o they_o and_o that_o they_o can_v perform_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v set_v down_o in_o those_o book_n which_o be_v write_v of_o prayer_n and_o contemplation_n which_o man_n be_v advise_v to_o use_v so_o to_o make_v themselves_o ascend_v up_o the_o better_a and_o the_o high_a to_o this_o dignity_n and_o in_o fine_a when_o they_o can_v instant_o obtain_v these_o thing_n they_o discomfort_n and_o afflict_v themselves_o as_o for_o example_n not_o to_o care_v a_o straw_n if_o any_o body_n shall_v speak_v ill_a of_o we_o but_o rather_o to_o take_v more_o contentment_n in_o it_o then_o when_o they_o praise_v we_o to_o have_v very_o little_a esteem_n of_o our_o honour_n to_o be_v perfect_o untie_v from_o the_o care_n of_o kindred_n and_o friend_n and_o not_o to_o desire_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o rather_o to_o be_v weary_a of_o their_o company_n unless_o they_o be_v person_n of_o prayer_n and_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o must_v in_o my_o opinion_n come_v from_o the_o gift_n of_o almighty_a god_n because_o i_o hold_v they_o for_o supernatural_a blessing_n and_o very_o contrary_a to_o our_o own_o natural_a inclination_n and_o therefore_o let_v they_o not_o be_v afflict_v but_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o our_o lord_n that_o so_o what_o now_o they_o have_v in_o desire_n his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o afterward_o with_o effect_n and_o fruit_n by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n and_o by_o their_o do_v on_o their_o part_n what_o they_o can_v for_o it_o be_v a_o most_o necessary_a thing_n for_o this_o weak_a and_o poor_a nature_n of_o we_o to_o place_v a_o great_a confidence_n in_o our_o b._n lord_n &_o not_o to_o put_v ourselves_o out_o of_o hart_n nor_o to_o think_v but_o that_o if_o we_o will_v proceed_v with_o courage_n we_o shall_v be_v victorious_a and_o because_o i_o have_v much_o experience_n hereof_o i_o will_v speak_v a_o word_n or_o two_o by_o way_n of_o advice_n to_o your_o reverence_n for_o you_o must_v not_o think_v though_o it_o may_v appear_v as_o if_o it_o be_v true_a that_o any_o virtue_n be_v already_o gain_v unless_o it_o be_v first_o compare_v and_o experiment_v by_o the_o vice_n which_o be_v contrary_a to_o it_o and_o we_o must_v always_o remain_v doubtful_a and_o suspicious_a and_o not_o cast_v off_o our_o care_n as_o long_o as_o we_o be_v the_o owner_n of_o our_o life_n for_o our_o weakness_n stick_v close_o and_o fast_o to_o we_o unless_o as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o the_o whole_a benefit_n be_v impart_v to_o we_o by_o divine_a grace_n to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v know_v what_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n be_v worth_a and_o that_o there_o be_v never_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o can_v be_v term_v all_o but_o in_o company_n of_o many_o danger_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o some_o few_o year_n ago_o that_o not_o only_o i_o be_v not_o inordinate_o tie_v to_o the_o love_n of_o any_o of_o my_o kindred_n but_o rather_o that_o i_o be_v weary_a of_o they_o and_o it_o be_v real_o very_o true_a that_o there_o be_v time_n when_o i_o will_v not_o so_o much_o as_o endure_v their_o conversation_n but_o yet_o afterward_o there_o occur_v a_o certain_a business_n of_o much_o importance_n which_o oblige_v i_o to_o remain_v with_o a_o certain_a sister_n of_o i_o who_o former_o i_o have_v love_v with_o very_o extraordinary_a affection_n and_o now_o be_v come_v again_o to_o converse_v with_o she_o we_o suit_v not_o so_o very_o well_o with_o one_o another_o for_o though_o she_o be_v better_a than_o i_o yet_o be_v of_o a_o different_a condition_n from_o i_o in_o regard_n that_o she_o be_v marry_v the_o conversation_n be_v not_o always_o that_o which_o i_o can_v have_v wish_v and_o therefore_o i_o like_v to_o be_v alone_o as_o much_o as_o convenient_o i_o may_v but_o yet_o after_o a_o while_n i_o find_v that_o her_o trouble_n and_o affair_n bring_v i_o more_o resentment_n and_o care_n by_o much_o than_o such_o other_o do_v as_o belong_v to_o any_o christian_a neighbour_n of_o i_o at_o large_a and_o this_o give_v i_o some_o little_a disgust_n against_o myself_o for_o so_o in_o fine_a i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o i_o be_v not_o so_o very_o free_a and_o untie_v as_o i_o have_v former_o conceive_v and_o that_o moreover_o i_o be_v to_o have_v avoid_v the_o occasion_n to_o the_o end_n that_o so_o this_o virtue_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v begin_v to_o give_v i_o may_v have_v get_v strength_n and_o i_o have_v procure_v through_o his_o favour_n to_o proceed_v in_o this_o manner_n ever_o since_o when_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o impart_v a_o virtue_n to_o a_o soul_n it_o be_v to_o be_v hold_v in_o great_a account_n and_o by_o no_o mean_n be_v we_o to_o expose_v it_o to_o the_o danger_n of_o be_v lose_v so_o be_v it_o in_o those_o thing_n which_o concern_v reputation_n and_o honour_n and_o so_o also_o in_o other_o and_o your_o reverence_n may_v well_o believe_v that_o not_o all_o they_o and_o we_o who_o esteem_v ourselves_o to_o be_v absolute_o untie_v from_o all_o thing_n be_v yet_o so_o indeed_o and_o we_o have_v need_n enough_o not_o to_o be_v slack_a or_o negligent_a herein_o for_o whatsoever_o person_n there_o be_v who_o feel_v any_o care_n at_o all_o of_o any_o one_o point_n of_o honour_n in_o himself_o let_v he_o believe_v i_o if_o he_o mean_v to_o profit_v in_o spirit_n that_o there_o be_v ever_o a_o certain_a tie_n at_o the_o end_n of_o it_o and_o it_o be_v by_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o chain_n as_o that_o there_o be_v no_o file_n in_o the_o world_n but_o god_n and_o prayer_n and_o very_o much_o endeavour_v on_o our_o part_n which_o will_v possible_o be_v able_a to_o divide_v it_o &_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o fast_o a_o knot_n that_o i_o be_o amaze_v to_o see_v the_o mischief_n which_o it_o bring_v sometime_o i_o see_v certain_a person_n who_o seem_v to_o be_v even_a saint_n by_o their_o work_n for_o they_o do_v so_o very_a many_o and_o so_o great_a one_o that_o the_o world_n do_v even_o admire_v they_o and_o exclaim_v after_o this_o manner_n dear_a god_n and_o how_o come_v it_o to_o pass_v that_o such_o a_o soul_n as_o that_o do_v still_o inhabit_v the_o earth_n be_v he_o not_o already_o at_o the_o very_a top_n of_o perfection_n what_o be_v this_o and_o what_o can_v detain_v such_o a_o man_n from_o be_v a_o direct_a and_o downright_a saint_n who_o do_v so_o great_a thing_n for_o god_n but_o my_o answer_n to_o this_o question_n be_v that_o this_o man_n have_v yet_o perhaps_o some_o little_a consideration_n &_o care_n of_o preserve_v some_o point_n of_o honour_n for_o himself_o yea_o and_o the_o worst_a of_o this_o business_n be_v that_o he_o will_v by_o no_o mean_n believe_v that_o in_o very_a deed_n there_o be_v any_o such_o thing_n and_o that_o happen_v because_o sometime_o the_o devil_n make_v he_o conceive_v that_o he_o be_v even_o oblige_v to_o have_v a_o great_a care_n of_o it_o well_o yet_o let_v they_o harken_v to_o i_o i_o beseech_v they_o and_o together_o even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o they_o will_v believe_v this_o poor_a little_a miserable_a ant_n who_o our_o lord_n command_v to_o speak_v that_o unless_o they_o free_v themselves_o from_o this_o caterpillar_n though_o perhaps_o it_o may_v not_o destroy_v the_o whole_a tree_n because_o some_o other_o virtue_n do_v still_o peradventure_o remain_v yet_o even_o all_o those_o very_a virtue_n will_v be_v worm-eaten_a nor_o will_v it_o ever_o be_v a_o beautiful_a
which_o be_v but_o a_o kind_n of_o shadow_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v suffer_v in_o that_o place_n she_o begin_v also_o to_o declare_v the_o way_n and_o manner_n how_o that_o monastery_n be_v found_v in_o auila_n under_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n after_o a_o long_a time_n when_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v already_o do_v i_o many_o of_o those_o favour_n which_o i_o have_v here_o relate_v as_o other_o also_o which_o be_v very_o great_a i_o find_v one_o day_n whilst_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n though_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o that_o i_o be_v place_v in_o hell_n and_o i_o understand_v that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v see_v the_o place_n which_o the_o party_n devil_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o and_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v for_o my_o she_o sin_n this_o last_v but_o a_o very_a little_a space_n of_o time_n but_o yet_o if_o i_o shall_v live_v many_o year_n i_o hold_v it_o for_o a_o impossible_a thing_n that_o ever_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o forget_v it_o the_o entry_n thereof_o seem_v body_n to_o i_o to_o be_v after_o the_o manner_n of_o a_o long_a and_o straight_o lane_n or_o rather_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o low_a narrow_a long_a and_o dark_a oven_n the_o ground_n seem_v to_o be_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v like_o water_n all_o thicken_a with_o dirt_n and_o it_o be_v both_o very_a filthy_a and_o of_o a_o most_o pestilential_a smell_n and_o have_v a_o multitude_n of_o loathsome_a vermin_n as_o fly_n and_o worm_n and_o such_o other_o ugly_a creature_n in_o it_o at_o the_o end_n of_o it_o there_o be_v a_o certain_a hollow_a place_n as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o kind_n of_o a_o little_a press_n in_o a_o wall_n into_o which_o i_o see_v myself_o crowd_v with_o great_a constraint_n now_o all_o that_o be_v even_o delightful_a to_o the_o sight_n in_o comparison_n of_o what_o i_o feel_v there_o and_o this_o which_o i_o have_v say_v of_o it_o already_o i_o also_o find_v to_o be_v very_o imperfect_o describe_v but_o as_o for_o the_o feel_v part_n the_o very_a beginning_n to_o say_v what_o it_o be_v be_v a_o thing_n which_o can_v neither_o be_v well_o no_o nor_o even_o almost_o at_o all_o relate_v as_o it_o be_v indeed_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o feel_v a_o certain_a fire_n in_o my_o very_a soul_n though_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o declare_v it_o as_o indeed_o it_o be_v for_o all_o those_o almost_o insupportable_a torment_n which_o i_o have_v feel_v with_o all_o extremi_fw-la tie_n in_o this_o life_n and_o whereof_o the_o physician_n be_v wont_a to_o affirm_v that_o even_o in_o the_o corporeal_a way_n they_o be_v the_o great_a which_o can_v be_v suffer_v in_o this_o world_n as_o namely_o that_o shrinking-up_a of_o all_o my_o sinew_n when_o i_o instant_o grow_v lame_a by_o it_o beside_o many_o other_o torment_n in_o several_a kind_n as_o also_o that_o i_o have_v be_v vex_v much_o by_o the_o devil_n be_v all_o no_o more_o then_o absolute_o just_a nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o what_o i_o feel_v in_o that_o place_n beside_o my_o know_v with_o all_o this_o that_o no_o part_n of_o it_o be_v ever_o to_o cease_v but_o to_o continue_v without_o ever_o have_v a_o end_n and_o yet_o even_o all_o this_o which_o i_o have_v say_v be_v also_o nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o that_o continual_a agonize_a of_o the_o soul_n that_o press_v that_o stifle_v which_o be_v so_o very_o sensible_a a_o affliction_n together_o with_o that_o desperate_a kind_n of_o discontent_n and_o disgust_v and_o repine_v which_o i_o be_o no_o way_n able_a to_o express_v for_o to_o say_v that_o it_o be_v a_o continual_a tear_v of_o the_o soul_n into_o fitter_n be_v to_o say_v little_a since_o in_o that_o case_n it_o seem_v that_o it_o must_v be_v some_o other_o body_n who_o tear_n it_o but_o in_o this_o the_o soul_n itself_o be_v the_o very_a executioner_n which_o even_o tear_v itself_o there_o be_v beside_o all_o that_o another_o strange_a ingredient_n which_o be_v that_o interior_a kind_n of_o fire_n and_o that_o unspeakable_a despair_n upon_o those_o intolerable_a torment_n and_o sorrow_n i_o see_v not_o who_o it_o be_v that_o inflict_v these_o thing_n but_o i_o think_v i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v slice_v and_o mince_a and_o press_v and_o burn_v all_o at_o once_o and_o i_o say_v and_o say_v again_o that_o that_o interior_a fire_n and_o despair_n be_v the_o very_o worst_a of_o it_o all_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o most_o pestilential_a place_n and_o that_o without_o any_o possibility_n of_o ever_o so_o much_o as_o once_o hope_v for_o any_o comfort_n at_o all_o there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n to_o be_v think_v of_o as_o sit_v or_o extend_v myself_o nor_o be_v there_o any_o place_n void_a to_o receive_v one_o though_o yet_o they_o have_v put_v i_o into_o that_o thing_n which_o be_v like_o a_o hole_n in_o a_o wall_n because_o even_o those_o very_a wall_n which_o be_v also_o most_o hideous_a to_o the_o sight_n do_v even_o press_v their_o very_a self_n close_o towards_o and_o upon_o one_o another_o and_o every_o thing_n there_o help_v to_o choke_v there_o be_v also_o no_o light_n in_o that_o place_n but_o all_o be_v gross_a and_o even_o palpable_a darkness_n for_o my_o part_n i_o understand_v not_o how_o this_o can_v be_v for_o with_o have_v no_o light_n at_o all_o yet_o all_o that_o which_o may_v be_v able_a to_o give_v any_o vexation_n to_o the_o sight_n be_v discern_v and_o see_v our_o lord_n be_v not_o please_v at_o that_o time_n that_o i_o shall_v see_v any_o more_o of_o hell_n but_o afterward_o i_o have_v another_o vision_n of_o most_o fearful_a thing_n and_o of_o the_o punishment_n of_o certain_a particular_a vice_n and_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o discern_v and_o judge_v of_o by_o the_o sight_n these_o seem_v to_o be_v even_o more_o hideous_a than_o the_o former_a but_o yet_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o feel_v not_o the_o pain_n of_o it_o they_o make_v i_o not_o so_o much_o afraid_a for_o in_o this_o other_o present_a vision_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v real_o feel_v those_o torment_n and_o affliction_n in_o spirit_n even_o as_o if_o my_o very_a body_n have_v be_v suffer_v they_o there_o favour_n i_o know_v not_o how_o all_o this_o can_v be_v but_o yet_o i_o understand_v well_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v a_o very_a great_a favour_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v discern_v as_o even_o by_o the_o very_a sight_n of_o my_o own_o eye_n from_o whence_o his_o great_a mercy_n have_v deliver_v i_o for_o it_o be_v nothing_o to_o have_v hear_v talk_n of_o it_o nor_o that_o at_o other_o time_n i_o have_v consider_v several_a sort_n of_o torment_n though_o yet_o i_o do_v it_o not_o often_o for_o i_o like_v not_o that_o very_o well_o in_o regard_n of_o the_o fear_v it_o give_v i_o nor_o yet_o that_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o tear_v man_n in_o piece_n with_o hot_a pincer_n nor_o any_o other_o thing_n whereof_o i_o have_v read_v for_o all_z in_o fine_a be_v nothing_o if_o once_o it_o be_v compare_v to_o this_o since_o this_o be_v whole_o another_o kind_n of_o thing_n and_o the_o torment_n of_o this_o world_n compare_v with_o this_o be_v no_o more_o than_o a_o mere_a picture_n in_o comparison_n of_o the_o life_n the_o very_a burn_a which_o be_v feel_v in_o this_o world_n be_v but_o a_o very_a trifle_n in_o respect_n of_o that_o other_o for_o my_o part_n i_o remain_v astonish_v and_o amaze_v at_o it_o and_o so_o i_o be_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_o write_v these_o thing_n though_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o six_o year_n ago_o and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o real_a truth_n that_o even_o now_o in_o the_o very_a place_n where_o i_o be_o but_o think_v of_o they_o the_o natural_a heat_n of_o my_o body_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o even_o for_o very_a fear_n not_o do_v i_o ever_o remember_v what_o pass_v then_o but_o that_o all_o my_o affliction_n and_o trouble_n and_o whatsoever_o can_v be_v suffer_v in_o this_o life_n seem_v nothing_o to_o i_o and_o so_o also_o i_o think_v it_o seem_v that_o in_o part_n we_o complain_v here_o without_o reason_n and_o therefore_o i_o say_v again_o that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n that_o i_o ever_o receive_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o it_o favour_n have_v benefit_v i_o very_o much_o both_o towards_o the_o make_v i_o loose_v all_o fear_n and_o care_n concern_v the_o tribulation_n and_o contradiction_n of_o this_o life_n as_o also_o to_o give_v i_o strength_n towards_o the_o endure_a they_o and_o final_o to_o render_v thanks_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n for_o deliver_v i_o as_o now_o i_o
great_a preparation_n be_v also_o use_v and_o provision_n make_v for_o every_o one_o of_o they_o who_o shall_v desire_v to_o enjoy_v their_o spouse_n jesus-christ_n our_o lord_n hand_n to_o hand_n by_o live_v cheerful_o and_o everlasting_o in_o the_o say_a rule_n for_o this_o be_v that_o very_a thing_n which_o they_o be_v always_o to_o resolve_v they_o alone_o with_o he_o alone_o and_o they_o be_v to_o be_v no_o more_o than_o thirteen_o for_o i_o see_v by_o the_o opinion_n of_o many_o that_o this_o be_v fit_a and_o i_o have_v find_v it_o also_o to_o be_v true_a by_o experience_n that_o to_o preserve_v that_o spirit_n which_o they_o have_v and_o to_o live_v of_o alm_n it_o without_o ask_v any_o thing_n of_o any_o creature_n there_o will_v not_o be_v mean_n for_o more_o and_o ever_o let_v they_o be_v believe_v best_a who_o with_o many_o trouble_n of_o their_o own_o and_o by_o mean_n of_o the_o many_o prayer_n of_o other_o procure_v that_o that_o may_v be_v do_v which_o be_v best_a and_o so_o also_o by_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o great_a contentment_n and_o joy_n and_o the_o very_a little_a care_n and_o trouble_v which_o we_o see_v every_o body_n to_o have_v in_o this_o house_n as_o also_o by_o the_o much_o better_a health_n which_o now_o they_o have_v then_o former_o they_o be_v wont_a to_o enjoy_v it_o may_v be_v hold_v and_o hope_v that_o this_o course_n will_v fallout_a to_o be_v most_o convenienr_a and_o whosoever_o shall_v still_o conceive_v that_o the_o way_n of_o life_n here_o be_v too_o severe_a and_o sharp_a let_v he_o rather_o apply_v the_o fault_n to_o his_o own_o want_n of_o spirit_n than_o cast_v it_o upon_o that_o discipline_n which_o be_v observe_v here_o since_o person_n who_o be_v of_o delicate_a constitution_n and_o have_v no_o health_n of_o which_o to_o brag_v do_v yet_o so_o easy_o observe_v this_o rule_n because_o they_o have_v spirit_n and_o let_v those_o other_o go_v in_o god_n name_n to_o some_o other_o monastery_n where_o they_o also_o may_v be_v save_v according_a to_o the_o spirit_n which_o they_o shall_v have_v the_o seven_o and_o their_o tieth_n chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o the_o effect_n which_o use_v to_o remain_v in_o her_o soul_n when_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o any_o favour_n and_o she_o accompany_v this_o discourse_n with_o very_o profitable_a doctrine_n she_o declare_v also_o how_o we_o be_v to_o procure_v and_o great_o esteem_v the_o gain_n of_o one_o degree_n of_o glory_n more_o and_o how_o we_o must_v not_o for_o any_o trouble_n or_o pain_n forsake_v those_o benefit_n and_o blessing_n which_o be_v everlasting_a i_o be_o loath_a to_o recount_v any_o more_o of_o those_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v i_o than_o such_o as_o i_o have_v relate_v already_o yea_o and_o even_o they_o be_v more_o i_o doubt_v then_o need_v to_o be_v think_v to_o have_v be_v show_v to_o so_o miserable_a a_o creature_n as_o myself_o but_o yet_o to_o obey_v our_o lord_n who_o have_v command_v it_o and_o your_o reverence_n also_o who_o expect_v it_o i_o will_v declare_v some_o thing_n here_o to_o his_o glory_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o it_o may_v serve_v for_o the_o profit_n of_o some_o soul_n to_o see_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v vouchsafe_v so_o high_o to_o favour_v so_o wretched_a a_o thing_n as_o i_o be_o for_o then_o what_o will_v he_o not_o do_v for_o such_o other_o as_o shall_v procure_v to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o good_a earnest_n and_o every_o body_n will_v so_o be_v encourage_v hereby_o to_o give_v our_o lord_n contentment_n and_o gust_n since_o even_o in_o this_o mortal_a life_n of_o we_o he_o vouchsafe_v to_o impart_v to_o we_o such_o assurance_n and_o even_o pawn_n of_o his_o love_n but_o first_o it_o be_v here_o to_o be_v understand_v that_o in_o all_o these_o favour_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o do_v to_o a_o soul_n there_o be_v ever_o more_o glory_n or_o less_o as_o he_o himself_o be_v please_v to_o impart_v it_o more_o or_o less_o for_o the_o glory_n and_o gust_n and_o comfort_n which_o he_o impart_v be_v so_o much_o more_o in_o some_o vision_n then_o in_o other_o as_o that_o i_o be_v even_o amaze_v to_o find_v so_o great_a difference_n of_o enjoy_v even_o in_o this_o life_n for_o it_o happen_v that_o there_o be_v so_o great_a a_o excellency_n belong_v to_o some_o one_o regalo_n or_o gust_n which_o our_o lord_n impart_v in_o some_o one_o vision_n or_o in_o some_o one_o rapt_v that_o it_o seem_v a_o impossible_a thing_n to_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o desire_v any_o thing_n beyond_o it_o in_o this_o life_n nor_o do_v the_o soul_n indeed_o desire_v more_o nor_o will_v even_o wish_v for_o more_o joy_n and_o gust_n though_o yet_o since_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v how_o great_a the_o difference_n be_v in_o heaven_n between_o the_o glory_n which_o be_v enjoy_v by_o some_o &_o that_o which_o be_v enjoy_v by_o other_o i_o be_o come_v to_o see_v very_o clear_o that_o even_o here_o also_o there_o be_v no_o set_a limit_n in_o give_v when_o our_o lord_n please_v and_o so_o can_v i_o also_o wish_v that_o there_o be_v no_o limit_n set_v in_o my_o do_v service_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n but_o that_o i_o will_v employ_v my_o whole_a strength_n and_o health_n and_o life_n upon_o it_o that_o so_o i_o may_v not_o loose_v the_o least_o imaginable_a proportion_n of_o my_o enjoy_n any_o celestial_a blessing_n through_o any_o fault_n of_o i_o and_o herein_o i_o declare_v myself_o thus_o far_o that_o if_o this_o choice_n shall_v be_v offer_v i_o whether_o i_o will_v be_v subject_a to_o all_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n even_o till_o the_o end_n of_o the_o same_o world_n and_o then_o ascend_v by_o that_o mean_n to_o the_o enjoy_n of_o never_o so_o little_o more_o glory_n or_o else_o without_o any_o affliction_n at_o all_o to_o enjoy_v a_o little_a less_o glory_n i_o will_v most_o willing_o accept_v of_o all_o those_o trouble_n and_o affliction_n for_o a_o little_a more_o enjoy_v that_o so_o i_o may_v also_o understand_v more_o of_o the_o greatness_n of_o almighty_a god_n because_o i_o see_v that_o he_o who_o understand_v more_o of_o he_o do_v both_o praise_n he_o and_o love_v he_o so_o much_o the_o more_o i_o say_v not_o but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v full_o content_v and_o shall_v esteem_v myself_o very_o happy_a to_o be_v in_o heaven_n though_o it_o be_v but_o in_o the_o most_o inferior_a place_n thereof_o for_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v show_v a_o abundance_n of_o mercy_n thereby_o to_o such_o a_o one_o as_o have_v be_v design_v to_o hellfire_n as_o i_o be_v and_o i_o humble_o pray_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o will_v not_o cast_v his_o eye_n upon_o my_o great_a sin_n but_o that_o in_o fine_a i_o may_v go_v to_o heaven_n but_o that_o which_o i_o say_v be_v this_o that_o if_o our_o lord_n will_v give_v i_o grace_n to_o labour_n much_o for_o he_o and_o if_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o i_o will_v not_o upon_o any_o term_n how_o much_o pain_n soever_o it_o may_v cost_v i_o forgo_v the_o gain_n of_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o way_n of_o celestial_a glory_n by_o my_o fault_n miserable_a creature_n that_o i_o be_o who_o have_v once_o lose_v it_o all_o through_o my_o own_o great_a sin_n but_o here_o it_o be_v also_o to_o be_v note_v that_o in_o every_o favour_n or_o vision_n or_o revelation_n which_o our_o lord_n allow_v i_o my_o soul_n do_v still_o remain_v with_o some_o great_a advantage_n or_o gain_v and_o sometime_o with_o a_o gain_n which_o be_v very_o extraordinary_o great_a by_o mean_n of_o some_o of_o my_o vision_n for_o by_o my_o see_v christ_n our_o lord_n his_o admirable_a and_o excessive_a beauty_n remain_v imprint_v in_o i_o and_o i_o have_v it_o even_o to_o this_o day_n for_o in_o such_o a_o case_n as_o this_o one_o only_o time_n serve_v the_o turn_n and_o therefore_o how_o much_o more_o when_o it_o happen_v so_o very_o often_o as_o our_o lord_n have_v vouchsafe_v to_o impart_v it_o to_o i_o in_o particular_a i_o remain_v with_o one_o which_o be_v extreme_o considerable_a and_o it_o be_v this_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o a_o very_a great_a fault_n by_o which_o much_o hurt_n come_v upon_o i_o whensoever_o i_o begin_v to_o observe_v that_o any_o one_o have_v a_o good_a inclination_n to_o i_o for_o if_o i_o like_v he_o well_o i_o grow_v to_o carry_v so_o much_o affection_n to_o he_o as_o that_o my_o memory_n will_v bind_v i_o after_o a_o sort_n to_o be_v still_o think_v of_o he_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v not_o at_o all_o with_o any_o intention_n to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n
may_v not_o happen_v to_o i_o as_o it_o do_v to_o lucifer_n who_o lose_v all_o by_o his_o own_o fault_n do_v not_o permit_v this_o o_o my_o lord_n i_o humble_o pray_v thou_o even_o by_o all_o that_o which_o thou_o be_v for_o it_o be_v no_o small_a fear_n which_o i_o have_v sometime_o though_o yet_o at_o other_o time_n yea_o and_o usual_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n give_v i_o a_o very_a confident_a hope_n that_o since_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o draw_v i_o out_o of_o so_o many_o sin_n he_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o so_o now_o as_o to_o let_v i_o be_v lose_v and_o this_o do_v i_o humble_o pray_v your_o reverence_n that_o you_o will_v ever_o desire_v in_o my_o behalf_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o think_v that_o those_o precedent_a favour_n be_v not_o so_o very_o great_a as_o this_o which_o i_o will_v now_o apply_v myself_o to_o relate_v and_o that_o for_o many_o reason_n &_o many_o blessing_n also_o and_o in_o particular_a for_o that_o great_a courage_n &_o strength_n which_o have_v still_o remain_v in_o i_o upon_o that_o account_n and_o therefore_o if_o those_o former_a may_v be_v consider_v every_o one_o by_o itself_o this_o other_o which_o i_o be_o go_v to_o relate_v will_v be_v find_v to_o be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o comparison_n at_o all_o between_o they_o i_o be_v one_o day_n and_o the_o same_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v upon_o the_o vigil_n of_o pentecost_n or_o whitsuntide_n after_o mass_n and_o i_o go_v to_o a_o more_o remote_a place_n where_o i_o often_o use_v to_o pray_v and_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v in_o a_o certain_a book_n of_o this_o feast_n which_o have_v be_v write_v by_o a_o carthusian_n and_o meet_v there_o with_o those_o sign_n which_o both_o beginner_n and_o proficient_n and_o perfect_a soul_n use_v to_o have_v and_o how_o they_o may_v come_v to_o understand_v whether_o the_o holie-ghost_n do_v inhabit_v their_o heart_n or_o no_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v read_v these_o three_o state_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o almighty_a god_n through_o his_o goodness_n do_v not_o leave_v or_o fail_v to_o be_v present_a with_o i_o after_o a_o particular_a manner_n for_o as_o much_o as_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o understand_v and_o whilst_o i_o be_v praise_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o that_o blessing_n i_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v read_v the_o same_o thing_n former_o when_o i_o want_v very_o much_o of_o that_o condition_n of_o mind_n and_o then_o i_o see_v that_o i_o want_v it_o as_o plain_o as_o now_o i_o understand_v the_o direct_a contrary_n concern_v myself_o but_o thus_o i_o come_v to_o know_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o and_o from_o thence_o i_o grow_v also_o to_o consider_v the_o place_n which_o my_o soul_n have_v deserve_v in_o hell_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o give_v great_a praise_n to_o almighty_a god_n in_o regard_n that_o now_o i_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v so_o extreme_o change_v that_o i_o can_v hardly_o almost_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v the_o very_a selfsame_a thing_n which_o it_o have_v be_v before_o be_v then_o in_o this_o consideration_n there_o come_v a_o great_a impulse_n or_o impetuositie_n upon_o i_o without_o my_o be_v able_a to_o understand_v the_o occasion_n thereof_o i_o think_v my_o very_a soul_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o get_v instant_o out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o now_o she_o can_v not_o possible_o contain_v herself_o any_o long_o nor_o find_v she_o herself_o at_o that_o time_n to_o be_v able_a to_o stay_v any_o long_o here_o in_o the_o painful_a expectation_n of_o so_o great_a a_o good_n now_o this_o be_v so_o excessive_a a_o impulse_n or_o impetuositie_n that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o tell_v even_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o nor_o so_o much_o as_o what_o i_o ail_v so_o extreme_o be_v i_o grow_v to_o be_v in_o disorder_n and_o though_o i_o be_v sit_v then_o yet_o be_v i_o not_o able_a even_o to_o sit_v and_o so_o i_o apply_v myself_o a_o little_a to_o lean_v for_o i_o find_v that_o all_o my_o natural_a force_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o but_o perceave_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o this_o case_n i_o see_v a_o dove_n upon_o my_o own_o head_n but_o such_o a_o dove_n as_o be_v very_o different_a from_o they_o of_o this_o world_n for_o she_o have_v not_o of_o our_o kind_n of_o feather_n but_o the_o wing_n be_v as_o of_o certain_a little_a shell_n which_o dar_v a_o huge_a splendour_n from_o themselves_o this_o dove_n be_v much_o great_a than_o any_o ordinary_a dove_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o hear_v a_o noise_n which_o she_o make_v with_o her_o wing_n for_o she_o be_v flutter_v about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o aut_fw-la maria._n but_o my_o soul_n be_v already_o in_o such_o condition_n that_o grow_v to_o loose_v herself_o she_o also_o lose_v the_o sight_n of_o the_o dove_n my_o spirit_n do_v then_o begin_v to_o quiet_v itself_o upon_o the_o entertain_n of_o such_o a_o guest_n as_o she_o have_v get_v though_o yet_o for_o my_o part_n i_o imagine_v that_o so_o wondrous_a a_o encounter_n and_o accident_n as_o that_o be_v may_v well_o have_v disquiet_v and_o fright_v it_o but_o she_o begin_v already_o to_o enjoy_v lay_v quick_o all_o fear_n aside_o and_o together_o with_o the_o self_n same_o joy_n grow_v to_o have_v quietness_n withal_o but_o yet_o still_o remain_v in_o the_o rapt_v now_o the_o glory_n of_o this_o rapt_v be_v extreme_o great_a and_o i_o remain_v during_o the_o most_o part_n of_o the_o whole_a festivitie_n of_o pentecost_n so_o stun_v and_o even_o as_o it_o be_v besort_a and_o befool_v that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o dot_v with_o myself_o nor_o be_v i_o able_a by_o any_o mean_n to_o understand_v how_o so_o high_a and_o great_a a_o favour_n as_o this_o be_v can_v possible_o find_v a_o rest_a place_n in_o i_o i_o neither_o hear_v nor_o see_v in_o effect_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a excess_n of_o my_o interior_a joy_n i_o understand_v how_o from_o that_o day_n forward_o my_o soul_n remain_v with_o a_o very_a great_a increase_n of_o improvement_n by_o enjoy_v a_o more_o sublime_a love_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o my_o virtue_n also_o have_v gain_v a_o great_a increase_n of_o strength_n now_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_n i_o see_v also_o at_o another_o time_n the_o same_o dove_n upon_o the_o head_n of_o a_o certain_a father_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n save_o that_o i_o think_v both_o the_o beam_n and_o the_o brightness_n of_o the_o very_a wing_n do_v spread_v and_o extend_v themselves_o much_o further_o and_o it_o be_v give_v i_o then_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v to_o win_v soul_n to_o god_n another_o time_n i_o see_v our_o bless_a lady_n put_v a_o white_a long_a garment_n upon_o the_o back_n of_o a_o certain_a graduate_n of_o the_o same_o order_n of_o who_o i_o have_v speak_v former_o diverse_a time_n and_o she_o tell_v i_o that_o she_o have_v give_v he_o that_o mantle_n for_o have_v assist_v in_o the_o business_n of_o this_o house_n and_o 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and_o i_o believe_v it_o have_v be_v more_o than_o a_o month_n wherein_o i_o do_v almost_o nothing_o else_o but_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v this_o soul_n back_o to_o himself_o and_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n i_o see_v a_o devil_n hard_a by_o i_o with_o certain_a paper_n in_o his_o hand_n which_o he_o be_v tear_v and_o he_o seem_v to_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a rage_n but_o this_o put_v i_o into_o much_o comfort_n because_o i_o conceive_v thereby_o that_o my_o suit_n be_v grant_v and_o so_o it_o be_v as_o i_o come_v to_o know_v afterward_o for_o the_o party_n have_v be_v at_o confession_n and_o have_v do_v it_o with_o great_a contrition_n and_o he_o return_v in_o so_o very_o good_a earnest_n to_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o hope_v in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n he_o will_v ever_o go_v advance_v in_o his_o service_n and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o amen_n in_o this_o particular_a of_o procure_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o bring_v soul_n out_o 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i_o see_v i_o be_o able_a to_o beg_v often_o and_o that_o with_o great_a importunity_n and_o though_o i_o carry_v not_o the_o particular_a care_n of_o they_o about_o i_o yet_o i_o think_v they_o come_v before_o i_o of_o themselves_o so_o that_o the_o difference_n between_o these_o two_o way_n of_o ask_v be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o declare_v for_o though_o i_o ask_v in_o one_o of_o these_o kind_n of_o thing_n wherein_o i_o forbear_v not_o to_o urge_v myself_o to_o beg_v they_o of_o our_o lord_n howsoever_o i_o feel_v not_o that_o kind_n of_o fervour_n in_o myself_o which_o i_o do_v in_o those_o other_o and_o though_o they_o chance_v to_o import_v my_o own_o particular_a very_o much_o yet_o be_v it_o in_o effect_n but_o as_o when_o a_o man_n chance_v to_o be_v toung-tyed_n who_o although_o he_o will_v fain_o speak_v yet_o he_o can_v do_v it_o and_o if_o he_o speak_v it_o be_v but_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o he_o see_v it_o can_v be_v understand_v 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reason_n i_o shall_v not_o so_o much_o as_o once_o desire_v even_o to_o live_v though_o yet_o i_o have_v other_o reason_n also_o not_o to_o desire_v it_o because_o i_o live_v not_o according_a to_o my_o obligation_n towards_o thou_o nay_o how_o full_a do_v i_o see_v myself_o of_o imperfection_n and_o with_o what_o faintness_n and_o baseness_n do_v i_o serve_v thou_o and_o real_o i_o think_v sometime_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o be_v even_o deprive_v of_o sense_n that_o so_o i_o may_v not_o understand_v so_o very_a much_o ill_n of_o myself_o as_o i_o do_v yet_o i_o beseech_v he_o to_o redress_v it_o all_o who_o know_v so_o well_o how_o to_o do_v it_o but_o i_o remember_v i_o speak_v before_o of_o my_o be_v in_o the_o house_n of_o a_o certain_a great_a lady_n where_o i_o assure_v you_o folk_n have_v good_a reason_n to_o have_v their_o wit_n well_o about_o they_o and_o always_o to_o be_v consider_v the_o vanity_n which_o worldly_a thing_n carry_v with_o they_o for_o she_o be_v a_o person_n very_o much_o esteem_v and_o very_o much_o praise_v and_o there_o be_v temptation_n enough_o towards_o less_o perfection_n through_o much_o distraction_n whereby_o one_o may_v easy_o have_v be_v shrewd_o take_v if_o i_o have_v look_v upon_o nothing_o but_o myself_o but_o he_o who_o judge_v right_o and_o look_n upon_o we_o with_o true_a sight_n indeed_o be_v careful_a not_o to_o give_v over_o the_o keep_v i_o ever_o safe_a in_o his_o hand_n and_o now_o when_o i_o be_o speak_v of_o have_v a_o true_a and_o real_a sight_n of_o thing_n i_o remember_v and_o consider_v the_o great_a trouble_n which_o any_o such_o person_n as_o who_o it_o have_v please_v almighty_a god_n to_o endue_v with_o a_o knowledge_n of_o that_o which_o indeed_o be_v truth_n must_v needs_o be_v put_v to_o when_o he_o be_v force_v to_o treat_v with_o other_o about_o thing_n which_o concern_v this_o transitory_a and_o troublesome_a world_n where_o all_fw-mi in_o fine_a be_v much_o disguise_v and_o mask_v as_o our_o lord_n himself_o tell_v i_o once_o but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n many_o of_o those_o thing_n which_o i_o write_v here_o be_v by_o no_o mean_n of_o my_o own_o head_n but_o they_o have_v be_v tell_v i_o by_o that_o heavenly_a master_n of_o i_o and_o because_o in_o all_o those_o thing_n which_o i_o be_o wont_a to_o affirm_v after_o a_o direct_a and_o positive_a manner_n i_o use_v to_o express_v myself_o by_o these_o word_n this_o i_o understand_v or_o else_o our_o lord_n tell_v i_o this_o i_o find_v myself_o with_o a_o very_a great_a scruple_n of_o either_o add_v or_o any_o way_n alter_v so_o much_o as_o any_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o and_o so_o whensoever_o i_o do_v not_o most_o express_o remember_v every_o circumstance_n of_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o be_v to_o be_v relate_v by_o i_o i_o be_o wont_a to_o deliver_v that_o always_o as_o in_o my_o own_o name_n or_o else_o because_o sometime_o they_o proceed_v from_o my_o own_o particular_a dictaman_n i_o use_v not_o to_o call_v any_o thing_n i_o which_o be_v good_a in_o itself_o because_o indeed_o i_o be_o far_o enough_o from_o be_v ignorant_a that_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v in_o i_o be_v good_a but_o i_o affirm_v only_o those_o thing_n as_o in_o my_o own_o name_n and_o they_o be_v deliver_v as_o by_o myself_o which_o do_v not_o come_v into_o my_o understanding_n and_o knowledge_n by_o way_n of_o revelation_n but_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o my_o god_n and_o how_o often_o do_v it_o happen_v to_o we_o here_o that_o even_o in_o the_o most_o spiritual_a occasion_n we_o be_v resolve_v many_o
in_o this_o diamond_n it_o be_v such_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n be_v shutup_a in_o it_o because_o there_o be_v nothing_o which_o can_v get_v out_o of_o that_o greatness_n it_o be_v a_o thing_n extreme_o to_o amaze_v i_o to_o be_v able_a to_o see_v in_o so_o very_o short_a a_o time_n so_o many_o thing_n together_o in_o this_o bright_a diamond_n and_o so_o be_v it_o also_o matter_n of_o extreme_a compassion_n and_o grief_n for_o i_o every_o time_n that_o i_o remember_v myself_o to_o have_v see_v that_o thing_n so_o very_o ugly_a and_o foul_a as_o my_o sin_n be_v shall_v be_v represent_v and_o show_v in_o that_o so_o clearness_n of_o light_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o whensoever_o i_o remember_v it_o i_o know_v not_o how_o it_o come_v to_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o endure_v it_o and_o i_o do_v real_o then_o remain_v so_o extreme_o out_o of_o countenance_n and_o ashamed_a that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o tell_v where_o to_o hide_v my_o head_n o_o vision_n that_o some_o creature_n or_o other_o be_v able_a to_o give_v this_o truth_n to_o be_v well_o understand_v by_o these_o people_n who_o commit_v dishonest_a filthy_a sin_n that_o so_o they_o may_v come_v to_o know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o secret_a and_o that_o almighty_a god_n have_v reason_n to_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o those_o wrong_n since_o they_o be_v act_v so_o true_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o that_o we_o carry_v ourselves_o with_o so_o base_a irreverence_n before_o he_o i_o see_v here_o also_o how_o just_o hell_n be_v deserve_v for_o any_o one_o mortal_a sin_n because_o it_o be_v pass_v our_o power_n to_o understand_v what_o a_o most_o grievous_a crime_n it_o be_v to_o commit_v it_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o so_o great_a a_o majesty_n and_o what_o a_o unspeakable_a distance_n and_o dissimilitude_n be_v find_v between_o that_o which_o he_o be_v and_o that_o which_o our_o sin_n be_v and_o how_o it_o appear_v even_o hereby_o so_o much_o the_o better_a how_o 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my_o hand_n be_v once_o in_o prayer_n in_o very_o great_a recollection_n and_o with_o much_o quietness_n and_o sweetness_n i_o think_v i_o be_v all_o emcompass_v with_o angel_n and_o very_o near_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v a_o humble_a suitor_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o the_o benefit_n and_o advantage_n of_o his_o church_n and_o he_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v the_o much_o good_a which_o a_o certain_a order_n shall_v do_v the_o world_n in_o these_o latter_a time_n and_o the_o great_a courage_n wherewith_o the_o member_n thereof_o shall_v defend_v and_o uphold_v the_o catholic_a faith_n be_v once_o in_o prayer_n near_o the_o bless_a sacrament_n there_o appear_v to_o i_o a_o certain_a saint_n who_o order_n be_v in_o some_o decay_n he_o have_v a_o great_a book_n in_o his_o hand_n which_o he_o open_v and_o will_v i_o to_o read_v certains_fw-fr letter_n in_o it_o which_o be_v very_o legible_a and_o large_a and_o they_o say_v thus_o in_o future_a time_n 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