and_o trouble_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o well_o it_o may_v be_v so_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o day_n have_v be_v very_o great_a my_o heart_n have_v not_o answer_v the_o expression_n of_o thanks_o which_o have_v be_v utter_v by_o the_o mouth_n of_o those_o that_o speak_v they_o to_o god_n no_o no_o my_o heart_n have_v not_o stir_v and_o be_v draw_v out_o towards_o my_o god_n the_o thought_n of_o his_o love_n have_v not_o ravish_v my_o soul_n alas_o i_o scarce_o feel_v any_o holy_a spark_n to_o warm_v my_o soul_n this_o day_n this_o day_n which_o be_v a_o day_n of_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o any_o in_o all_o my_o life_n the_o day_n in_o which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o opportunity_n to_o give_v thanks_o for_o all_o the_o mercy_n of_o my_o life_n and_o thanks_o itself_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n than_o the_o rest_n all_o other_o mercy_n be_v to_o prepare_v for_o this_o this_o be_v the_o work_n of_o a_o glorify_a saint_n even_o a_o saint_n in_o heaven_n before_o the_o bless_a face_n of_o god_n it_o be_v his_o everlasting_a business_n to_o sing_v the_o song_n of_o thanksgiving_n and_o praise_n to_o the_o most_o high_a but_o my_o thought_n have_v not_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o sweet_a foreta_v of_o this_o bless_a work_n which_o i_o may_v have_v have_v this_o day_n o_o god_n i_o beseech_v thou_o forgive_v my_o sin_n and_o lay_v not_o my_o deadness_n to_o my_o charge_n but_o overlook_v all_o my_o transgression_n and_o look_v on_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n i_o be_o thou_o lord_n and_o not_o my_o own_o this_o day_n i_o have_v under_o my_o hand_n and_o seal_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o witness_n nay_o in_o thy_o own_o presence_n who_o art_n witness_v sufficient_a be_v there_o no_o eye_n to_o see_v i_o or_o ear_n to_o hear_v i_o thou_o lord_n that_o know_v all_o thing_n know_v that_o i_o have_v devote_v my_o all_o to_o thou_o take_v it_o and_o accept_v my_o sacrifice_n help_v i_o to_o pay_v my_o vow_n will_v thou_o not_o accept_v i_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o more_o sincere_o and_o believe_o o_o lord_n i_o unfeigned_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o aright_o o_o will_v thou_o strengthen_v my_o weak_a desire_n i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n thou_o that_o can_v make_v i_o what_o i_o be_o not_o o_o make_v i_o what_o thou_o will_v have_v i_o be_v in_o thou_o there_o be_v all_o fullness_n and_o to_o thou_o i_o desire_v to_o come_v by_o christ._n will_v thou_o now_o cast_v i_o off_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o unreserved_o lord_n i_o confess_v the_o devil_n tempt_v and_o the_o flesh_n say_v spare_v something_o what_o let_v all_o go_v and_o i_o find_v in_o i_o a_o carnal_a selfish_a principle_n ready_a to_o close_v with_o the_o temptation_n but_o thou_o can_v prevent_v and_o conquer_v all_o and_o speak_v death_n to_o these_o corruption_n and_o bid_v the_o tempter_n be_v go_v it_o be_v thy_o pleasure_n here_o to_o suffer_v thy_o dear_a child_n to_o be_v tempt_v but_o fuffer_v not_o temptation_n to_o prevail_v against_o thy_o spirit_n and_o grace_n if_o temptation_n be_v like_o a_o torrent_n of_o water_n to_o smother_v quench_v or_o hide_v the_o flame_n yet_o will_v thou_o never_o let_v all_o the_o spark_n of_o thy_o grace_n be_v put_v out_o in_o the_o soul_n where_o once_o thou_o have_v true_o kindle_v it_o but_o lord_n suffer_v not_o such_o flood_n to_o fall_v on_o my_o soul_n where_o the_o spark_n be_v so_o small_a already_o that_o it_o be_v even_o scarce_o discernible_a o_o quicken_v it_o and_o blow_v it_o up_o to_o a_o holy_a flame_n most_o gracious_a god_n o_o do_v it_o here_o who_o have_v do_v it_o for_o many_o a_o soul_n o_o what_o have_v i_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o spark_n of_o grace_n why_o the_o least_o spark_n be_v worth_a ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o thanks_o than_o i_o can_v ever_o express_v and_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a and_o unthankful_a as_o be_v before_o confess_v and_o be_v that_o a_o sign_n of_o grace_n unthankful_a dead_a and_o dull_a i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o but_o yet_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v from_o god_n gift_n in_o i_o that_o i_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o and_o that_o this_o day_n i_o have_v desire_v to_o devote_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o will_v be_v more_o holy_a and_o more_o heavenly_a even_o as_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v i_o be_v nay_o i_o do_v know_v the_o time_n when_o i_o have_v none_o of_o these_o desire_n and_o have_v no_o mind_n to_o god_n and_o the_o way_n of_o godliness_n and_o do_v i_o not_o know_v that_o there_o be_v many_o in_o this_o condition_n who_o have_v no_o desire_n after_o christ_n and_o holiness_n here_o then_o be_v matter_n of_o comfort_n give_v i_o from_o he_o that_o do_v accept_v the_o desire_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n even_o the_o lord_n christ_n who_o will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n i_o see_v then_o that_o i_o have_v yet_o matter_n of_o rejoice_v and_o must_v labour_v to_o be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o remain_a sin_n as_o may_v tend_v to_o my_o future_a joy_n in_o believe_v but_o not_o so_o as_o to_o be_v discourage_v and_o frighten_v from_o god_n who_o be_v long-suffering_n and_o abundant_a in_o mercy_n rouse_v up_o thyself_o then_o to_o god_n my_o soul_n humble_o but_o believe_o repent_v that_o thou_o have_v be_v so_o unthankful_a and_o insensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n this_o day_n receive_v up_o up_o and_o lie_v not_o down_o so_o heavy_o god_n have_v hear_v prayer_n for_o thou_o and_o give_v thou_o life_n and_o opportunity_n to_o serve_v he_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o all_o the_o outward_a mercy_n thy_o heart_n can_v desire_v he_o have_v give_v thou_o dear_a godly_a able_a friend_n such_o as_o can_v help_v thou_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n yea_o he_o have_v set_v they_o to_o beg_v spiritual_a mercy_n for_o thou_o who_o prevail_v for_o temporal_a for_o thou_o and_o oft_o for_o many_o other_o why_o then_o shall_v thou_o not_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o wait_v in_o hope_n that_o he_o have_v hear_v their_o prayer_n this_o day_n for_o thy_o soul_n as_o former_o for_o thy_o body_n they_o be_v thing_n command_v of_o god_n to_o be_v ask_v and_o we_o have_v his_o promise_n that_o seek_v we_o shall_v find_v it_o may_v be_v this_o night_n many_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n will_v yet_o pray_v for_o my_o soul_n i_o doubt_v not_o some_o will_n and_o shall_v i_o not_o be_v glad_a of_o such_o advantage_n i_o hear_v this_o day_n that_o i_o must_v not_o forbear_v thanks_o because_o the_o mercy_n be_v yet_o imperfect_a else_o we_o shall_v never_o give_v thanks_o on_o earth_n though_o therefore_o my_o grace_n be_v yet_o but_o a_o spark_n and_o weak_a my_o body_n weak_a my_o heart_n sad_a all_o these_o administer_v matter_n of_o thanks_o and_o praise_n as_o well_o as_o of_o supplication_n let_v i_o therefore_o keep_v close_o to_o both_o they_o be_v the_o life_n of_o my_o life_n while_o i_o live_v here_o and_o have_v daily_a need_n of_o supply_n from_o god_n let_v i_o daily_o be_v with_o he_o and_o live_v as_o in_o his_o presence_n let_v he_o be_v the_o chief_a in_o all_o my_o thought_n my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o let_v i_o remember_v to_o be_v earnest_a for_o my_o poor_a relation_n and_o dear_a friend_n and_o the_o church_n and_o people_n of_o god_n in_o general_n and_o let_v i_o strive_v to_o keep_v such_o a_o moderate_a sense_n of_o sorrow_n on_o my_o soul_n as_o occasion_n require_v i_o have_v now_o cause_n of_o sorrow_n for_o part_v with_o my_o dear_a friend_n my_o father_n my_o pastor_n he_o be_v by_o providence_n call_v away_o and_o go_v a_o long_a journey_n what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v with_o he_o i_o can_v foresee_v it_o may_v be_v he_o be_v prepare_v some_o great_a mercy_n for_o we_o and_o for_o his_o praise_n i_o know_v not_o but_o such_o a_o day_n as_o this_o may_v be_v keep_v here_o on_o his_o account_n the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v for_o he_o be_v wise_a and_o good_a we_o be_v his_o own_o let_v he_o do_v with_o we_o what_o he_o please_v all_o shall_v be_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unprofitable_a under_o mercy_n and_o mean_n it_o may_v grieve_v i_o now_o he_o be_v go_v that_o there_o be_v so_o little_a that_o come_v from_o he_o leave_v upon_o my_o soul._n o_o let_v this_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o be_v more_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o remain_a help_n and_o mean_n and_o if_o ever_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v this_o mercy_n again_o o_o let_v i_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o this_o night_n
man_n affection_n work_v to_o prepare_v his_o dear_a kinswoman_n for_o death_n but_o he_o die_v and_o most_o of_o his_o before_o she_o chap._n iu._n some_o parcel_n of_o counsel_n for_o her_o deliverance_n from_o this_o distress_a case_n which_o i_o find_v reserve_v by_o she_o for_o her_o use_n §_o 1._o while_o in_o her_o languish_n and_o after_o it_o she_o be_v still_o cast_v down_o condemn_v herself_o as_o a_o graceless_a wretch_n and_o her_o good_a mother_n and_o friend_n afraid_a that_o her_o grief_n will_v increase_v her_o sickness_n as_o it_o do_v their_o sadness_n and_o yet_o she_o obstinate_o conceal_v it_o from_o all_o save_v a_o few_o sad_a complaint_n to_o one_o person_n who_o write_v thereof_o some_o fragment_n which_o she_o extract_v for_o her_o use_n i_o shall_v here_o recite_v they_o for_o other_o that_o have_v the_o same_o fear_n §_o 2._o the_o miscarriage_n of_o a_o relation_n trouble_v she_o this_o be_v set_v down_o when_o god_n have_v do_v so_o much_o for_o you_o will_v you_o leave_v it_o in_o the_o power_n of_o a_o unconstant_a creature_n to_o trouble_v you_o and_o rob_v you_o of_o your_o peace_n be_v the_o joy_n in_o the_o holy_a ghost_n so_o subject_a to_o the_o malice_n of_o your_o enemy_n or_o the_o weakness_n of_o your_o friend_n delight_n yourself_o in_o a_o all-sufficient_a constanr_n god_n and_o he_o will_v be_v to_o you_o a_o sufficient_a constant_a delight_n and_o will_v give_v you_o the_o desire_n of_o your_o heart_n i_o see_v you_o be_v yet_o imperfect_a in_o self-denial_n while_o you_o be_v too_o sensible_a of_o unkindness_n and_o cross_n from_o your_o friend_n and_o bear_v they_o with_o too_o much_o passion_n and_o weakness_n know_v you_o not_o yet_o what_o the_o creature_n be_v and_o how_o little_a to_o be_v expect_v from_o it_o do_v you_o not_o still_o reckon_v to_o meet_v with_o such_o infirmity_n in_o the_o best_a as_o will_v be_v injarious_a to_o other_o as_o they_o be_v troublesome_a to_o themselves_o it_o be_v god_n that_o we_o most_o wrong_a and_o yet_o he_o bear_v with_o we_o and_o so_o must_v we_o with_o one_o another_o have_v you_o expect_v that_o creature_n shall_v deal_v as_o creature_n and_o sinner_n as_o sinner_n how_o little_a of_o this_o kind_n of_o trouble_n have_v you_o feel_v especial_o take_v heed_n of_o too_o much_o regard_n to_o matter_n of_o mere_a reputation_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o man_n else_o you_o be_v like_o a_o leaf_n in_o the_o wind_n that_o will_v have_v no_o rest_n look_v on_o man_n as_o nothing_o and_o be_v content_a to_o approve_v yourself_o to_o god_n and_o then_o so_o much_o honour_n as_o be_v good_a for_o you_o will_v follow_v as_o the_o shadow_n if_o every_o frailty_n and_o unkindness_n of_o the_o best_a friend_n must_v be_v your_o trouble_n it_o be_v to_o be_v impatient_a with_o the_o unavoidable_a pravity_n of_o mankind_n and_o you_o may_v as_o well_o grieve_v that_o they_o be_v bear_v in_o sin_n and_o make_v your_o acquaintance_n and_o it_o shall_v be_v use_v as_o a_o mercy_n to_o keep_v you_o from_o inordinate_a affection_n to_o friend_n it_o be_v a_o mercy_n to_o be_v drive_v from_o creature-rest_n though_o it_o be_v by_o enemy_n keep_v a_o fix_a apprehension_n of_o the_o inconsiderableness_n of_o all_o these_o little_a thing_n that_o cross_v you_o and_o turn_v your_o eye_n to_o god_n to_o christ_n to_o heaven_n the_o thing_n of_o unspeakable_a weight_n and_o you_o will_v have_v no_o room_n for_o these_o childish_a trouble_n yet_o turn_v not_o the_o discovery_n of_o this_o your_o weakness_n into_o dejection_n but_o amendment_n i_o perceive_v you_o be_v apt_a to_o hold_v to_o the_o sense_n of_o your_o own_o distemper_n than_o to_o think_v what_o counsel_n be_v give_v you_o against_o they_o §_o 3._o on_o another_o occasion_n she_o record_v these_o word_n how_o hard_o be_v it_o to_o keep_v our_o heart_n in_o go_v too_o far_o even_o in_o honest_a affection_n towards_o the_o creature_n while_o we_o be_v so_o backward_o to_o love_n god_n who_o shall_v have_v all_o the_o heart_n and_o soul_n and_o may_v too_o strong_a love_n to_o any_o though_o it_o be_v good_a in_o the_o kind_n may_v be_v sinful_a and_o hurtful_a in_o the_o degree_n 1._o it_o will_v turn_v too_o many_o of_o your_o thought_n from_o god_n and_o they_o will_v be_v too_o oft_o run_v after_o the_o belove_a creature_n 2._o and_o by_o this_o exercise_n of_o thought_n and_o affection_n on_o the_o creature_n it_o may_v divert_v and_o cool_v your_o love_n to_o god_n which_o will_v not_o be_v keep_v up_o unless_o our_o thought_n be_v keep_v more_o to_o he_o yea_o though_o it_o be_v for_o his_o sake_n that_o you_o love_v they_o 3._o it_o will_v increase_v your_o suffering_n by_o interess_v you_o in_o all_o the_o danger_n and_o trouble_n of_o those_o who_o you_o overlove_v §_o 4._o when_o she_o seem_v to_o herself_o near_o death_n you_o now_o see_v what_o the_o world_n and_o all_o its_o pleasure_n be_v and_o how_o it_o will_v have_v use_v you_o if_o you_o have_v have_v no_o better_a a_o portion_n and_o god_n have_v not_o teach_v you_o a_o happy_a choice_n providence_n now_o tell_v you_o that_o they_o be_v vanity_n and_o if_o overvalue_v worse_a but_o if_o you_o learn_v to_o see_v their_o nothingness_n you_o will_v be_v above_o the_o trouble_n of_o lose_v they_o as_o well_o as_o the_o snare_n of_o too_o delightful_a enjoy_v they_o pardon_v all_o injury_n to_o man_n and_o turn_v your_o thought_n from_o they_o and_o keep_v your_o heart_n as_o near_o as_o possible_a to_o the_o heart_n of_o christ_n and_o live_v as_o in_o his_o arm_n who_o be_v usual_o sweet_a when_o the_o creature_n most_o fail_v we_o if_o we_o do_v but_o turn_v our_o heart_n from_o it_o to_o he_o §_o 5._o another_o time_n can_v you_o find_v that_o you_o be_v resolve_o devote_v to_o christ_n and_o yet_o doubt_v whether_o christ_n be_v resolve_o and_o sure_o you_o be_v you_o willing_a or_o faithfull_a than_o he_o hence_o she_o gather_v herself_o as_o follow_v when_o i_o read_v the_o evidence_n of_o my_o self-resignation_n to_o christ_n i_o shall_v as_o it_o be_v see_v christ_n stand_v over_o i_o with_o the_o tender_a care_n and_o hear_v he_o say_v i_o accept_v thou_o as_o my_o own_o for_o i_o must_v believe_v his_o acceptance_n as_o i_o perform_v my_o resignation_n o_o what_o be_v he_o provide_v for_o i_o what_o entertainment_n with_o he_o shall_v i_o short_o find_v not_o such_o as_o he_o find_v with_o man_n when_o he_o come_v to_o seek_v we_o it_o be_v not_o a_o manger_n a_o crown_n of_o thorn_n a_o cross_n that_o he_o be_v prepare_v for_o i_o when_o i_o have_v have_v my_o part_n of_o these_o in_o follow_v he_o i_o shall_v have_v my_o place_n in_o the_o glorious_a jerusalem_n §_o 6._o this_o fragment_n she_o write_v next_o for_o the_o sake_n of_o your_o own_o soul_n and_o life_n and_o friend_n and_o for_o the_o honour_n of_o that_o tender_a mercy_n and_o free_a grace_n which_o you_o be_v bind_v to_o magnify_v let_v not_o satan_n get_v advantage_n against_o your_o peace_n and_o thankfulness_n to_o god_n and_o the_o acknowledgement_n of_o his_o oblige_a love_n let_v he_o not_o on_o pretence_n of_o humiliation_n turn_v your_o eye_n on_o a_o weak_a distemper_a heart_n from_o the_o unspeakable_a mercy_n which_o shall_v sill_z yonr_a heart_n with_o love_n and_o joy_n notwithstanding_o all_o your_o lament_a infirmity_n you_o perceive_v not_o that_o it_o be_v satan_n that_o will_v keep_v you_o still_o under_o mournful_a sadness_n under_o the_o pretence_n of_o repentance_n and_o godly_a sorrow_n you_o be_v not_o acquaint_v with_o his_o wile_n you_o have_v cause_n of_o sorrow_n but_o much_o more_o of_o joy_n and_o your_o rejoice_v in_o god_n love_n will_v please_v he_o better_o than_o all_o your_o sad_a complaint_n and_o trouble_n though_o he_o despise_v not_o a_o contrite_a spirit_n i_o charge_v it_o on_o your_o conscience_n that_o when_o you_o be_v in_o prayer_n you_o confess_v and_o lament_v your_o distrustfnl_n suspicious_a unthankful_a uncomfortable_a thought_n of_o god_n and_o jesus_n christ_n more_o than_o all_o your_o want_n of_o sorrow_n for_o he_o and_o you_o trouble_v yourself_o for_o such_o kind_n of_o sin_n the_o honesty_n of_o who_o occasion_n may_v give_v you_o more_o comfort_n than_o the_o fault_n do_v sorrow_n i_o know_v we_o have_v not_o our_o comfort_n at_o command_n but_o see_v that_o your_o endeavour_n and_o strive_v be_v more_o for_o a_o comfortable_a than_o for_o a_o sorrowful_a frame_n of_o spirit_n two_o thing_n i_o must_v blame_v you_o for_o 1._o that_o you_o take_v the_o imperfection_n of_o your_o duty_n and_o obedience_n to_o be_v great_a reason_n for_o discomfort_n than_o the_o performance_n and_o sincerity_n be_v reason_n for_o comfort_n as_o if_o you_o think_v
thus_o that_o have_v not_o constant_a apprehension_n of_o their_o evidence_n and_o who_o assurance_n be_v hinder_v by_o imperfectious_a you_o have_v hear_v the_o contrary_n but_o suppose_v that_o you_o have_v yet_o no_o saving-grace_n or_o part_n in_o christ_n why_o stand_v you_o complain_v while_o christ_n stand_v entreat_v you_o to_o accept_v his_o mercy_n ishe_v not_o in_o good_a earnest_n the_o offer_n be_v free_a it_o be_v not_o your_o purchase_n and_o merit_n but_o consent_n that_o will_v prove_v your_o title_n why_o do_v you_o complain_v and_o not_o consent_v even_o to_o the_o baptismal_a covenant_n or_o if_o you_o consent_v why_o do_v you_o complain_v as_o if_o christ_n promise_n be_v not_o true_a or_o as_o if_o consent_n be_v not_o a_o a_o proof_n of_o saving-faith_n if_o you_o confess_v that_o you_o shall_v not_o doubt_v and_o be_v deject_v on_o such_o term_n methinks_v the_o cure_n shall_v be_v half_o wrought_v dare_v you_o indulge_v it_o while_o you_o know_v it_o to_o be_v your_o sin_n have_v you_o not_o sin_n enough_o already_o and_o be_v it_o not_o unkindness_n to_o deny_v so_o great_a a_o mercy_n as_o the_o converting-grace_n which_o you_o so_o late_o feel_v and_o to_o suspect_v his_o love_n who_o be_v love_v itself_o and_o have_v so_o large_o express_v his_o love_n to_o you_o will_v you_o easy_o believe_v that_o your_o mother_n will_v kill_v you_o for_o such_o defect_n as_o you_o fear_v that_o god_n will_v damn_v you_o for_o yea_o though_o she_o be_v perfect_o just_a and_o holy_a be_v it_o congruous_a to_o hear_v minister_n tell_v man_n from_o christ_n that_o he_o beseech_v they_o to_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n and_o will_v refuse_v none_o that_o be_v willing_a of_o his_o grace_n and_o cure_v and_o at_o the_o same_o time_n to_o hear_v such_o as_o you_o almost_o ready_a to_o despair_v as_o if_o god_n will_v not_o be_v reconcile_v nor_o give_v grace_n to_o they_o that_o fain_o will_v have_v it_o but_o will_v be_v incline_v to_o reject_v humble_v soul_n reason_v not_o for_o your_o distrustful_a fear_n and_o sorrow_n but_o still_o disowne_v they_o and_o accuse_v they_o and_o then_o they_o will_v vanish_v by_o degree_n and_o die_v yea_o than_o you_o will_v sure_o oppose_v they_o yourself_o and_o god_n will_v help_v you_o can_v you_o look_v that_o god_n shall_v help_v you_o against_o the_o sin_n which_o you_o plead_v for_o and_o defend_v if_o faith_n and_o love_n be_v the_o vital_a grace_n distrust_v of_o god_n and_o deny_v his_o love_n must_v not_o be_v defend_v as_o no_o sin_n as_o the_o ungodly_a can_v expect_v the_o grace_n which_o they_o refuse_v so_o how_o can_v you_o expect_v the_o peace_n which_o you_o oppose_v and_o say_v as_o psal._n 77._o my_o soul_n refuse_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o say_v of_o your_o passionate_a fear_n and_o grief_n as_o jonas_n of_o his_o anger_n i_o do_v well_o to_o be_v angry_a even_o unto_o death_n be_v convince_v that_o christ_n be_v you_o if_o you_o accept_v he_o and_o consent_n and_o then_o that_o comfort_n be_v your_o interest_n right_a and_o duty_n and_o than_o you_o will_v do_v more_o to_o comfort_v for_o it_o yourself_o than_o i_o be_o endeavour_v when_o i_o chide_v you_o for_o your_o fear_n sure_o sinful_a sorrow_n be_v no_o desirable_a thing_n nor_o to_o be_v plead_v for_o you_o dare_v do_v nothing_o to_o the_o murder_n of_o a_o friend_n no_o nor_o to_o his_o grief_n and_o you_o be_v bid_v to_o love_v your_o neighbour_n as_o yourself_o away_o then_o with_o your_o weaken_v grief_n and_o trouble_n lest_o they_o prove_v a_o degree_n of_o self-murder_n if_o you_o care_v for_o yourself_o the_o comfort_n of_o your_o mother_n and_o friend_n and_o the_o honour_n of_o the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o god_n grace_n at_o least_o own_o it_o to_o be_v your_o duty_n to_o oppose_v sinful_a fear_n and_o to_o rejoice_v in_o god_n and_o serve_v he_o with_o delight_n and_o cheerful_a praise_n and_o do_v your_o best_a against_o all_o that_o be_v against_o this_o duty_n and_o suffer_v 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as_o ever_o any_o have_v while_o i_o be_o alive_a live_v on_o this_o side_n eternity_n there_o be_v hope_n the_o time_n of_o grace_n be_v yet_o continue_v if_o i_o be_v find_v in_o mercy_n way_n i_o know_v not_o but_o god_n may_v yet_o be_v gracious_a and_o give_v in_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v my_o life_n at_o his_o people_n prayer_n for_o i_o can_v but_o look_v on_o my_o life_n as_o a_o answer_n of_o their_o prayer_n and_o sure_o they_o desire_v my_o life_n only_o that_o i_o may_v live_v to_o god_n i_o desire_v it_o myself_o on_o no_o other_o term_n it_o be_v my_o earnest_a request_n that_o i_o may_v not_o live_v if_o not_o to_o he_o why_o then_o shall_v i_o be_v persuade_v by_o satan_n to_o think_v that_o god_n will_v not_o give_v i_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o life_n may_v i_o not_o rather_o be_v encourage_v with_o patience_n to_o wait_v for_o further_a mercy_n it_o be_v a_o mercy_n that_o i_o be_o in_o any_o measure_n sensible_a of_o my_o danger_n and_o have_v any_o desire_n to_o be_v holy_a i_o will_v therefore_o stir_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o thankfulness_n and_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a i_o will_v acknowledge_v the_o mercy_n i_o have_v receive_v and_o the_o probability_n of_o future_a mercy_n and_o this_o by_o god_n assistance_n the_o devil_n shall_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o do_v §_o 8._o i_o will_v add_v one_o of_o her_o paper_n contain_v her_o resolution_n after_o her_o recovery_n in_o some_o few_o particular_n decemb._n 30._o be_v my_o worst_a day_n i_o do_v not_o then_o think_v to_o be_v alive_a this_o day_n i_o ought_v not_o to_o forget_v it_o on_o jan._n 1._o new-years-day_n i_o first_o bleed_v at_o the_o nose_n large_o and_o after_o mend_v the_o four_o day_n be_v keep_v in_o humiliation_n for_o i_o april_n 10._o be_v a_o day_n of_o thanksgiving_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v die_v i_o be_v more_o than_o ordinary_o sensible_a of_o my_o unprofitable_a life_n and_o have_v such_o conviction_n as_o usual_o people_n 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be_v a_o good_a friend_n but_o art_n and_o industry_n be_v necessary_a to_o the_o improvement_n and_o no_o wonder_n when_o we_o fetch_v not_o the_o help_n and_o comfort_n which_o we_o may_v have_v from_o god_n from_o christ_n himself_o from_o heaven_n from_o scripture_n for_o want_v of_o improve_n skill_n and_o industry_n o_o how_o easy_a be_v it_o when_o our_o friend_n be_v take_v from_o we_o to_o say_v thus_o and_o thus_o i_o may_v and_o shall_v have_v use_v they_o rather_o than_o so_o to_o use_v they_o while_o we_o have_v they_o i_o hope_v god_n will_v help_v i_o to_o make_v some_o better_a use_n of_o thou_o while_o we_o be_v together_o and_o at_o a_o distance_n o_o let_v not_o a_o hearty_a request_n to_o god_n for_o each_o other_o be_v any_o day_n want_v dear_a heart_n the_o time_n of_o our_o mutual_a help_n be_v short_a o_o let_v we_o use_v it_o according_o but_o the_o time_n of_o our_o reap_v the_o fruit_n of_o this_o and_o all_o holy_a endeavour_n and_o preparatory_a mercy_n 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be_v faulty_a and_o dull_a and_o my_o strength_n of_o nature_n fail_v be_v sure_a that_o he_o will_v be_v a_o thousand_o fold_n better_o to_o thou_o even_o here_o than_o such_o crooked_a feeble_a useless_a thing_n as_o be_v from_o hampden_n thy_o r._n b._n chap._n ix_o of_o her_o bodily_a infirmity_n and_o her_o death_n §_o 1._o her_o disease_a frightfulness_n and_o many_o former_a sickness_n i_o have_v mention_v before_o a_o great_a pain_n of_o the_o head_n hold_v she_o from_o her_o youth_n two_o or_o three_o day_n every_o fortnight_n or_o little_o more_o and_o upon_o every_o thing_n that_o do_v irritate_fw-la the_o matter_n she_o have_v a_o constant_a straitness_n in_o the_o lung_n a_o great_a incapacity_n of_o much_o exercise_n motion_n or_o any_o heat_a thing_n ever_o since_o her_o sickness_n 1659._o she_o have_v live_v in_o a_o ill-conceited_n fear_v of_o distraction_n which_o great_o hurt_v she_o it_o be_v because_o she_o have_v a_o aunt_n long_o so_o decease_a and_o her_o parent_n be_v natural_o passionate_a and_o her_o spirit_n overquick_a and_o her_o blood_n thin_a and_o mobile_n and_o though_o wisdom_n hide_v it_o from_o other_o in_o her_o converse_n she_o feel_v the_o trouble_n of_o she_o own_o mind_n in_o thing_n as_o aforesaid_a that_o much_o displease_v she_o and_o so_o live_v in_o a_o constant_a fear_n which_o tend_v to_o have_v bring_v on_o she_o what_o she_o fear_v but_o her_o understanding_n be_v so_o far_o from_o fail_v that_o it_o be_v high_a and_o clear_a than_o other_o people_n but_o like_o the_o treble_a string_n of_o a_o lute_n strain_v up_o to_o the_o high_a sweet_a but_o in_o continual_a danger_n §_o 2._o about_o three_o year_n ago_o by_o the_o mis-perswasion_n of_o a_o friend_n drink_v against_o the_o colic_n a_o spoonful_n of_o powder_a ginger_n every_o morning_n near_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n together_o and_o then_o fall_v into_o some_o over-whelming_a thought_n beside_o it_o overthrow_v her_o head_n for_o a_o few_o day_n but_o god_n in_o great_a mercy_n soon_o restore_v she_o §_o 3._o ever_o since_o that_o time_n her_o headache_n abate_v and_o she_o complain_v of_o a_o pain_n in_o one_o of_o her_o breast_n and_o her_o uncurable_a timerousness_n settle_v she_o in_o a_o conceit_n that_o she_o shall_v have_v a_o cancer_n which_o i_o see_v no_o great_a cause_n to_o fear_v but_o she_o can_v neither_o endure_v to_o hear_v that_o it_o be_v none_o or_o that_o it_o be_v but_o in_o fear_v uncertainty_n prepare_v constant_o for_o a_o sad_a death_n and_o several_a friend_n neighbour_n and_o relation_n late_o die_v of_o cancer_n increase_v her_o fear_n but_o she_o seem_v to_o be_v prepare_v cheerful_o to_o undergo_v it_o §_o 4._o the_o many_o and_o weekly_a rumour_n of_o plot_n firing_n massacre_n etc._n etc._n much_o increase_v this_o fear_n as_o be_v aforesaid_a and_o the_o death_n of_o very_a many_o neighbour_n young_a strong_a and_o excellent_a christian_n of_o great_a use_n and_o many_o near_a friend_n do_v great_o add_v to_o her_o sadness_n and_o expectation_n of_o death_n but_o little_a of_o this_o be_v see_v to_o any_o she_o purposely_o carry_v it_o pleasant_o and_o as_o merry_o to_o other_o when_o she_o be_v trouble_v §_o 5._o the_o fear_n of_o a_o cancer_n make_v she_o take_v the_o water_n for_o physic_n often_o and_o she_o keep_v down_o her_o body_n so_o in_o her_o diet_n that_o about_o five_o ounce_n of_o milk_n or_o milk_n and_o water_n with_o a_o little_a chocolate_a in_o it_o morning_n and_o night_n and_o about_o one_o or_o two_o bit_n at_o dinner_n be_v her_o diet_n for_o many_o year_n §_o 6._o at_o last_o about_o ten_o week_n before_o her_o sickness_n almost_o all_o her_o pain_n go_v out_o of_o her_o breast_n and_o all_o fix_a in_o a_o constant_a pain_n upon_o the_o right_a kidney_n and_o with_o the_o pain_n her_o urine_n stop_v that_o about_o four_o part_n of_o five_o cease_v for_o about_o ten_o week_n she_o divers_a day_n drink_v barnet-water_n but_o i_o think_v they_o be_v the_o last_o occasion_n of_o her_o sickness_n and_o too_o much_o tincture_n of_o amber_n which_o work_v too_o powerful_o on_o her_o brain_n and_o sudden_o cast_v she_o into_o strong_a disturbance_n and_o deliration_n in_o which_o though_o the_o physician_n with_o great_a kindness_n and_o care_n do_v omit_v nothing_o in_o their_o power_n she_o die_v the_o 12_o day_n she_o fall_v sick_a on_o friday_n june_n 3._o 1681._o and_o die_v june_n 14._o §_o 7._o though_o her_o understanding_n never_o perfect_o return_v she_o have_v a_o very_a strong_a remembrance_n of_o the_o affect_a passage_n of_o her_o life_n from_o her_o childhood_n mrs._n corbet_n who_o she_o dear_o love_v and_o have_v new_o get_v into_o the_o house_n to_o be_v her_o companion_n with_o other_o standing_z by_z she_o cry_v out_o to_o i_o my_o mother_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o mr._n corbet_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o thou_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v in_o heaven_n and_o even_o in_o her_o last_o weakness_n be_v persuade_v of_o her_o 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