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resistance_n to_o all_o temptation_n and_o to_o the_o faithful_a the_o most_o joyful_a hope_n july_n 23._o 1681._o rich._n baxter_n a_o breviate_v of_o the_o life_n of_o margaret_n the_o daughter_n of_o francis_n charlton_n esque_n and_o late_a wife_n of_o richard_n baxter_n who_o die_v june_n 14._o 1681._o chap._n i._o her_o parentage_n and_o the_o occasion_n of_o our_o acquaintance_n §_o though_o due_a affection_n make_v i_o willing_a to_o give_v the_o world_n a_o narrative_a which_o else_o i_o have_v omit_v yet_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n have_v not_o so_o forsake_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v willing_o deliver_v any_o falsehood_n through_o partiality_n or_o passion_n but_o as_o i_o know_v more_o of_o this_o person_n than_o any_o other_o for_o the_o good_a of_o the_o reader_n and_o the_o honour_n of_o god_n grace_n in_o she_o i_o shall_v by_o god_n assistance_n true_o report_v the_o thing_n which_o i_o know_v §_o 2._o we_o be_v bear_v in_o the_o same_o county_n within_o three_o mile_n 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do_v it_o resolute_o and_o cheerful_o and_o scorn_v to_o run_v away_o and_o turn_v your_o back_n that_o you_o may_v do_v it_o without_o censure_n where_o you_o be_v unknown_a use_v well_o the_o mean_v god_n here_o vouchsafe_v you_o and_o do_v your_o duty_n with_o a_o quiet_a mind_n and_o follow_v god_n in_o your_o remove_n §_o 8._o much_o more_o of_o such_o counsel_n she_o transcribe_v but_o i_o forbear_v recite_v more_a she_o end_v those_o paper_n with_o these_o word_n the_o best_a creature-affection_n have_v a_o mixture_n of_o creature-imperfection_n and_o therefore_o need_v some_o gall_n to_o wean_v we_o from_o the_o faulty_a part_n god_n must_v be_v know_v to_o be_v god_n our_o rest_n and_o therefore_o the_o best_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o a_o creature_n o_o miserable_a world_n how_o long_o must_v i_o continue_v in_o it_o and_o why_o be_v this_o wretched_a heart_n so_o loath_a to_o leave_v it_o where_o we_o can_v have_v no_o fire_n without_o smoke_n and_o our_o dear_a friend_n must_v be_v our_o great_a grief_n and_o when_o we_o begin_v in_o hope_n and_o love_n and_o joy_n before_o we_o be_v aware_a we_o fall_v into_o a_o answerable_a measure_n of_o distress_n learn_v by_o experience_n when_o any_o condition_n be_v inordinate_o or_o excessive_o sweet_a to_o thou_o to_o say_v from_o hence_o must_v be_v my_o sorrow_n o_o how_o true_a chap._n v._o her_o temper_n occasion_v these_o trouble_n of_o mind_n §_o 1._o the_o soul_n while_o in_o the_o body_n work_v much_o according_a to_o the_o body_n disposition_n 1._o she_o be_v of_o a_o extraordinary_a sharp_a and_o pierce_a wit._n 2._o she_o have_v a_o natural_a reservedness_n and_o secrecy_n increase_v by_o think_v it_o necessary_a prudence_n not_o to_o be_v open_a by_o which_o mean_n she_o be_v oft_o misunderstand_a by_o her_o near_a friend_n and_o consequent_o often_o cross_v and_o disappoint_v by_o those_o that_o will_v have_v please_v she_o and_o as_o she_o can_v understand_v man_n much_o by_o their_o look_n and_o hint_n so_o she_o expect_v all_o shall_v know_v her_o mind_n without_o she_o express_v it_o which_o breed_v her_o frustration_n and_o discontent_n 3._o and_o she_o have_v a_o natural_a tenderness_n and_o troubledness_n of_o mind_n upon_o the_o cross_n of_o her_o just_a desire_n too_o quick_a and_o ungovernable_a a_o sense_n of_o displease_a word_n or_o deed_n 4._o she_o have_v a_o disease_a unresistible_a fearfulness_n her_o quick_a and_o too_o sensible_a nature_n be_v over-timerous_a and_o to_o increase_v it_o she_o say_v she_o be_v four_o time_n before_o i_o know_v she_o in_o danger_n of_o death_n of_o which_o one_o be_v by_o the_o smallpox_n and_o more_o to_o increase_v it_o her_o mother_n house_n apply-castle_n near_o wellington_n be_v a_o garrison_n it_o be_v storm_v while_o she_o be_v in_o it_o and_o part_n of_o the_o house_n about_o it_o burn_v and_o man_n lay_v kill_v before_o her_o face_n and_o all_o of_o they_o threaten_v and_o strip_v of_o their_o clothing_n so_o that_o they_o be_v fain_o to_o borrow_v clothes_n 5._o and_o the_o great_a work_n upon_o her_o soul_n in_o her_o coversion_n move_v all_o her_o passion_n 6._o and_o then_o her_o dangerous_a sickness_n and_o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n to_o so_o young_a a_o convert_n must_v needs_o be_v a_o very_a awake_n thing_n and_o come_v on_o she_o before_o she_o have_v any_o assurance_n of_o her_o justification_n do_v increase_v her_o fear_n 7._o and_o in_o this_o case_n she_o live_v in_o the_o churchyard_n side_n where_o she_o see_v all_o the_o burial_n of_o the_o dead_a and_o keep_v a_o death_n head_n a_o skull_n in_o her_o closet_n still_o before_o she_o and_o other_o such_o mortify_a spectacle_n increase_v her_o sad_a disposition_n §_o 2._o and_o the_o excessive_a love_n which_o she_o have_v to_o her_o mother_n do_v much_o increase_v her_o grief_n when_o she_o expect_v death_n §_o 3._o though_o she_o call_v it_o melancholy_n that_o by_o all_o this_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o yet_o it_o rather_o seem_v a_o partly_o natural_a and_o partly_o a_o adventitious_a disease_a fearfulness_n in_o a_o tender_a over-passionate_a nature_n that_o have_v no_o power_n to_o quiet_v she_o own_o fear_n without_o any_o other_o cloud_n on_o her_o understanding_n §_o 4._o and_o all_o be_v much_o increase_v by_o her_o wisdom_n so_o stifle_v all_o the_o appearance_n of_o it_o that_o it_o all_o inward_o wrought_v and_o have_v no_o ease_n by_o vent_n §_o 5._o and_o have_v keen_a spirit_n and_o thin_a sharp_a blood_n she_o have_v a_o strong_a hemicrania_n or_o headache_a once_o a_o month_n and_o oft_o once_o a_o fortnight_n or_o more_o from_o the_o age_n of_o fifteen_o or_o sixteen_o year_n all_o these_o together_o much_o tend_v to_o hinder_v she_o from_o a_o quiet_a and_o comfortable_a temper_n §_o 6._o and_o in_o a_o word_n all_o the_o operation_n of_o her_o soul_n be_v very_o intense_a and_o strong_a strong_a wit_n and_o strong_a love_n and_o strong_a displeasure_n and_o when_o god_n show_v she_o what_o holiness_n be_v she_o think_v she_o must_v present_o have_v it_o in_o so_o great_a a_o degree_n as_o the_o ripe_a saint_n do_v here_o attain_v and_o that_o because_o she_o have_v not_o as_o much_o heavenly_a life_n and_o sense_n and_o delight_n in_o god_n as_o she_o know_v she_o shall_v have_v and_o desire_v she_o conclude_v of_o it_o that_o she_o have_v none_o that_o be_v sincere_a §_o 7._o one_o of_o the_o first_o thing_n by_o which_o her_o change_n be_v discover_v to_o her_o mother_n and_o friend_n be_v her_o fervent_a secret_a prayer_n for_o live_v in_o a_o great_a house_n of_o which_o the_o middle_a part_n be_v ruin_v in_o the_o war_n she_o choose_v a_o closet_n in_o the_o further_a end_n where_o she_o think_v none_o hear_v she_o but_o some_o that_o overhear_v she_o say_v they_o never_o hear_v so_o fervent_a prayer_n from_o any_o person_n §_o 8._o yet_o she_o desire_v i_o to_o draw_v up_o a_o form_n suit_v to_o her_o own_o condition_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v it_o now_o reserve_v among_o her_o paper_n but_o i_o can_v tell_v whether_o she_o ever_o use_v it_o have_v affection_n and_o freedom_n of_o expression_n without_o it_o i_o have_v think_v to_o have_v annex_v it_o for_o the_o use_n of_o afflict_a penitent_n but_o it_o will_v be_v but_o a_o digression_n in_o this_o narrative_a chap._n vi_o of_o our_o marriage_n and_o our_o habitation_n §_o 1._o the_o unsuitableness_n of_o our_o age_n and_o my_o former_a know_a purpose_n against_o marriage_n and_o against_o the_o conveniency_n of_o minister_n marriage_n who_o have_v not_o sort_n of_o necessity_n make_v our_o marriage_n the_o matter_n of_o much_o public_a talk_n and_o wonder_n and_o the_o true_a open_n of_o her_o case_n and_o i_o and_o the_o many_o strange_a occurrence_n which_o bring_v it_o to_o pass_v will_v take_v away_o the_o wonder_n of_o her_o friend_n and_o i_o that_o know_v we_o and_o the_o notice_n of_o it_o will_v much_o conduce_v to_o the_o understanding_n of_o some_o other_o passage_n of_o our_o life_n yet_o wise_a friend_n by_o who_o i_o be_o advise_v think_v it_o better_a to_o omit_v such_o personal_a particularity_n at_o least_o at_o this_o time_n both_o in_o her_o case_n and_o i_o there_o be_v much_o extraordinary_a which_o it_o do_v not_o much_o concern_v the_o world_n to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o from_o the_o first_o thought_n of_o it_o many_o change_n and_o stoppage_n intervene_v and_o long_a delay_n till_o i_o be_v silence_v and_o eject_v with_o many_o hundred_o more_o and_o so_o be_v separate_v from_o my_o old_a pastoral_n charge_n which_o be_v enough_o to_o take_v up_o all_o my_o time_n and_o labour_n some_o of_o my_o dissuade_v reason_n be_v then_o over_o and_o at_o last_o on_o septemb_n 10._o 1662._o we_o be_v marry_v in_o bennet-fink_n church_n by_o mr._n samuel_n clerk_n yet_o live_a have_v be_v before_o contract_v by_o mr._n simeon_n ash_n both_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o mr._n henry_n ashurst_n and_o mrs._n ash._n §_o 2._o she_o consent_v to_o these_o condition_n of_o our_o marriage_n 1._o that_o i_o will_v have_v nothing_o that_o before_o our_o marriage_n be_v she_o that_o i_o who_o want_v no_o outward_a supply_n may_v not_o seem_v to_o marry_v she_o for_o covetousness_n 2._o that_o she_o will_v so_o alter_v her_o affair_n that_o i_o may_v be_v entangle_v in_o no_o lawsuit_n 3._o that_o she_o will_v expect_v none_o of_o my_o time_n which_o my_o ministerial_a work_n shall_v require_v §_o 3._o when_o we_o be_v marry_v her_o sadness_n and_o melancholy_n vanish_v counsel_n do_v something_o to_o it_o and_o contentment_n something_o and_o be_v take_v up_o with_o our_o household_n affair_n do_v somewhat_o and_o we_o live_v in_o inviolated_a love_n and_o mutual_a complacency_n sensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n of_o mutual_a help_n these_o
take_v where_o the_o mother_n and_o the_o child_n be_v and_o see_v part_n of_o their_o building_n burn_v and_o some_o lie_v dead_a before_o their_o eye_n and_o so_o robert_n get_v possession_n of_o the_o child_n but_o at_o last_o she_o by_o great_a wisdom_n and_o diligence_n surprise_v they_o and_o secret_o convey_v they_o to_o one_o mr._n bernard_n in_o essex_n and_o secure_v they_o against_o all_o his_o endeavour_n §_o 3._o the_o war_n be_v end_v and_o she_o as_o guardian_n possess_v her_o son_n estate_n take_v he_o as_o only_a son_n as_o herself_o and_o use_v his_o estate_n as_o careful_o as_o for_o herself_o but_o out_o of_o it_o conscionable_o pay_v debt_n of_o her_o husband_n repair_v some_o of_o the_o ruin_a house_n and_o manage_v thing_n faithful_o according_a to_o her_o best_a discretion_n until_o her_o son_n marry_v take_v his_o estate_n into_o his_o own_o hand_n §_o 4._o she_o be_v before_o unknown_a to_o i_o come_v to_o kederminster_n twenty_o mile_n desire_v i_o to_o take_v a_o house_n for_o she_o alone_o i_o tell_v she_o that_o i_o will_v not_o be_v guilty_a of_o do_v any_o thing_n which_o shall_v separate_v such_o a_o mother_n from_o a_o only_a son_n who_o in_o his_o youth_n have_v so_o much_o need_n of_o her_o counsel_n conduct_v and_o comfort_n and_o that_o if_o passion_n in_o she_o or_o any_o fault_n in_o he_o have_v cause_v difference_n the_o love_n which_o bring_v she_o through_o so_o much_o trouble_n for_o he_o shall_v teach_v her_o patience_n rather_o than_o forsake_v he_o she_o go_v home_o but_o short_o come_v again_o and_o take_v a_o house_n without_o my_o knowledge_n §_o 5._o when_o she_o have_v be_v there_o alone_o a_o while_n her_o unmarried_a daughter_n margaret_n about_o seventeen_o or_o eighteen_o year_n of_o age_n come_v after_o she_o from_o her_o brother_n resolve_v not_o to_o forsake_v the_o mother_n who_o deserve_v her_o dear_a love_n and_o sometime_o go_v to_o oxford_n to_o her_o elder_a sister_n wife_n to_o mr._n ambrose_n vpton_n than_o canon_n of_o christ_n church_n both_o yet_o live_a in_o this_o time_n the_o good_a old_a mother_n live_v as_o a_o blessing_n among_o the_o honest_a poor_a weaver_n of_o kederminster_n stranger_n to_o she_o who_o company_n for_o their_o piety_n she_o choose_v before_o all_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n in_o which_o time_n my_o acquaintance_n with_o she_o make_v i_o know_v that_o notwithstanding_o she_o have_v former_o be_v somewhat_o passionate_a she_o be_v a_o woman_n of_o all_o that_o manly_a patience_n in_o her_o great_a trial_n that_o prudence_n and_o piety_n and_o justice_n and_o impartiality_n and_o other_o virtue_n which_o i_o mention_v in_o her_o funeral_n sermon_n of_o her_o death_n anon_o it_o be_v her_o daughter_n case_n that_o this_o be_v the_o prologue_n to_o chap._n ii_o of_o her_o conversion_n sickness_n and_o recovery_n §_o in_o her_o vain_a youth_n pride_n and_o romance_n and_o company_n suitable_a thereto_o do_v take_v she_o up_o and_o a_o imprudent_a rigid_a governess_n that_o her_o mother_n have_v set_v over_o she_o in_o her_o absence_n have_v do_v her_o hurt_n by_o possess_v she_o with_o ill_a thought_n of_o strictness_n in_o religion_n yet_o she_o have_v a_o great_a reverence_n for_o some_o good_a minister_n especial_o mr._n tho._n wright_n and_o she_o think_v that_o she_o be_v not_o what_o she_o shall_v be_v but_o something_o better_a she_o know_v not_o what_o must_v be_v attain_v in_o this_o case_n come_v to_o kederminster_n for_o mere_a love_n to_o her_o mother_n she_o have_v great_a aversion_n to_o the_o poverty_n and_o strictness_n of_o the_o people_n there_o glitter_a herself_o in_o costly_a apparel_n and_o delight_v in_o her_o romance_n but_o in_o a_o little_a time_n she_o hear_v and_o understand_v what_o those_o better_a thing_n be_v which_o she_o have_v think_v must_v be_v attain_v and_o a_o sermon_n of_o mr._n h._n hickman_n at_o oxford_n much_o move_v she_o on_o isa._n 27._o 11._o it_o be_v a_o people_n of_o no_o understanding_n therefore_o he_o that_o make_v they_o will_v not_o save_v they_o etc._n etc._n the_o doctrine_n of_o conversion_n as_o i_o preach_v it_o as_o now_o in_o my_o treatise_n of_o conversion_n be_v receive_v on_o her_o heart_n as_o the_o seal_n on_o the_o wax_n whereupon_o she_o present_o fall_v to_o self-judging_a and_o to_o frequent_a prayer_n and_o read_v and_o serious_a thought_n of_o her_o present_a state_n and_o her_o salvation_n §_o 2._o a_o religious_a maid_n that_o wait_v on_o she_o take_v king_n notice_n of_o this_o for_o she_o keep_v all_o her_o matter_n so_o secret_a to_o herself_o as_o be_v her_o great_a hurt_n all_o her_o life_n acquaint_v her_o mother_n with_o it_o and_o when_o it_o will_v be_v hide_v no_o long_o but_o her_o frequent_a closet-prayer_n be_v sometime_o overhear_v and_o her_o change_a course_n of_o life_n discern_v her_o mother_n who_o as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v discern_v before_o love_v her_o least_o of_o her_o three_o child_n begin_v to_o esteem_v she_o as_o her_o darling_n and_o all_o her_o religious_a friend_n and_o neighbour_n be_v glad_a of_o so_o sudden_a and_o great_a a_o change_n §_o 3._o i_o will_v here_o give_v you_o one_o of_o her_o self-judging_a paper_n which_o i_o find_v since_o her_o death_n upon_o she_o then_o sad_a conviction_n when_o i_o have_v on_o rom._n 8._o 9_o tell_v they_o how_o it_o may_v be_v know_v whether_o we_o have_v christ_n spirit_n or_o not_o she_o thus_o repeat_v the_o sign_n with_o her_o self-condemnation_n mark_v 1_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v the_o author_n of_o the_o scripture_n and_o therefore_o suit_v your_o disposition_n to_o it_o and_o guide_v you_o by_o it_o judgm_n 1._o i_o fear_v than_o i_o have_v not_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n for_o i_o yet_o feel_v no_o love_n to_o god_n word_n nor_o closure_n with_o it_o as_o suitable_a to_o i_o but_o i_o be_o question_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o or_o at_o best_o quarrel_v with_o it_o mark_v 2._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v from_o heaven_n from_o god_n our_o father_n and_o lead_v we_o upward_o unto_o he_o it_o be_v work_n be_v spiritual_a of_o heavenly_a tendency_n make_v we_o cry_v abba_n father_n and_o work_v the_o heart_n by_o unite_n love_n to_o god_n judgm_n 2._o it_o be_v not_o so_o with_o i_o for_o i_o have_v a_o spirit_n tend_v only_o to_o selfishness_n and_o sin_n mark_v 3_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n unit_v we_o to_o christ_n and_o one_o another_o by_o love_n and_o be_v against_o hatred_n division_n and_o abuse_v other_o judgm_n 3._o i_o then_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o cain_n for_o i_o can_v endure_v any_o that_o be_v not_o of_o my_o opinion_n and_o way_n and_o it_o incline_v i_o to_o malice_n and_o unpeaceableness_n and_o division_n mark_v 4._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v a_o spirit_n of_o holiness_n and_o do_v not_o favour_n licentiousness_n in_o doctrine_n or_o in_o life_n judgm_n 4._o though_o i_o be_o for_o strict_a principle_n i_o be_o loose_a in_o practice_n mark_v 5._o christ_n spirit_n incline_v to_o love_v humility_z and_z meekne_v and_o make_v man_n stoop_v to_o each_o other_o for_o their_o good_a judgm_n 5._o none_o more_o uncharitable_a proud_a and_o censorious_a than_o i_o mark_v 6._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n make_v man_n little_a low_a and_o vile_a in_o their_o own_o eye_n it_o be_v pride_n that_o puff_v up_o judgm_n 6._o my_o self-conceitedness_n show_v that_o i_o be_o unhumble_v mark_v 7._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n do_v work_v to_o the_o mortify_n of_o the_o flesh_n even_o all_o its_o inordinate_a desire_n and_o to_o self-denial_n judgm_n 7._o i_o be_o a_o stranger_n to_o the_o work_n of_o mortification_n and_o self-denial_n i_o can_v deny_v myself_o nothing_o but_o the_o comfort_n of_o well-doing_n i_o can_v deny_v my_o sloth_n so_o far_o as_o to_o go_v to_o prayer_n when_o i_o be_o convince_v of_o my_o necessity_n mark_v 8._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v a_o prevail_a spirit_n and_o do_v not_o only_o wish_v and_o strive_v but_o overcome_v the_o flesh_n as_o to_o its_o rule_n judgm_n 8._o the_o flesh_n prevail_v with_o i_o against_o the_o spirit_n mark_v 9_o christ_n spirit_n be_v the_o author_n of_o his_o worship_n ordinance_n and_o suit_v the_o soul_n of_o believer_n to_o they_o the_o word_n sacrament_n etc._n etc._n judgm_n 9_o they_o seem_v not_o suitable_a to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o against_o they_o and_o have_v rather_o not_o use_v they_o if_o i_o dare_v mark_v 10._o christ_n spirit_n be_v in_o all_o the_o saint_n and_o incline_v they_o to_o holy_a communion_n with_o each_o other_o in_o love_n especial_o to_o those_o in_o who_o this_o spirit_n most_o eminent_o work_v judgm_n 10._o it_o be_v not_o thus_o with_o i_o i_o desire_v not_o the_o communion_n of_o saint_n my_o affection_n be_v
your_o daily_a study_n and_o let_v i_o in_o writing_n see_v some_o fruit_n of_o your_o labour_n before_o i_o go_v hence_o and_o be_v see_v here_o no_o more_o be_v not_o want_v to_o your_o own_o comfort_n and_o you_o can_v displease_v god_n nor_o your_o mother_n who_o belong_v more_o after_o your_o eternal_a good_a than_o i_o can_v now_o utter_v my_o love_n to_o you_o all_o and_o prayer_n for_o you_o all_o i_o continue_v your_o most_o tender_o love_v mother_n m._n h._n §_o 22._o in_o another_o to_o oxford_n 1657._o all_o will_v work_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o hope_v you_o be_v one_o of_o those_o the_o lord_n direct_v your_o path_n that_o you_o may_v work_v out_o your_o salvation_n with_o fear_n and_o tremble_a in_o your_o youth_n and_o not_o let_v time_n slip_v till_o age_n which_o will_v come_v or_o death_n before_o it_o on_o all_o flesh_n and_o a_o account_n must_v be_v give_v of_o the_o precious_a time_n which_o we_o now_o neglect_v i_o have_v more_o to_o say_v but_o when_o i_o see_v you_o it_o will_v be_v do_v with_o more_o ease_n the_o lord_n keep_v you_o all_o and_o make_v you_o faithful_a to_o the_o death_n that_o you_o may_v receive_v the_o crown_n of_o glory_n which_o be_v the_o prayer_n of_o she_o that_o tender_v the_o good_a of_o your_o soul_n m._n h._n §_o 23._o in_o 1659._o in_o another_o she_o write_v thus_o my_o dear_a child_n my_o great_a trouble_n be_v that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o better_a account_n of_o your_o health_n of_o body_n yet_o sure_o the_o cure_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v of_o far_o more_o worth_a therefore_o i_o faint_v not_o else_o i_o can_v not_o subsist_v under_o the_o heavy_a stroke_n which_o i_o have_v just_o deserve_v who_o know_v but_o my_o sin_n may_v be_v some_o cause_n of_o thy_o distress_n of_o soul_n however_o let_v we_o return_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o he_o will_v heal_v all_o our_o breach_n and_o will_v bind_v up_o all_o our_o sore_n and_o will_v give_v we_o a_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n 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