not thought that his Book was disgraced if he wrote not over again all that every one else had written before him But my fault lay 1. In believing Dr. Stillingfleet who tells us That these Papers were written in K. Edward's Reign which made me look for them in Dr. Burnet's Second Volume where they are not And another affirming to me that he saw them in that second Volume and I perusing it purposely a second time confirmed me But Dr. B. saith Dr. Stillingfleet was mistaken many years and that they were written long before in the Reign of Hen. 8. and so he hath them in his first Volume which I had not perused not expecting them there And for this hasty judging I beg his Pardon As to these little private Histories of mine own Family forementioned I was loath to cast by mine own Mother-in-Laws Life She being a person of so long and extraordinay Holiness living long with Sir Robert Harley whose Lady was her Cousin-German and after at Shrewsbury and after with my Father and me c. in so great Communion with God contempt of the World and all its Pomp and Vanity so great Victory over the flesh and so long desires to die and especially in much constant fervent successful Prayer that had marvellous answers as very few Christians attain And I was loath to have cast by the Narrative of my Wifes Mother for some Reasons not now to be mentioned and because her Daughters extraordinary Love to her made her just honour very dear to her But her Character is in the Sermon truly given you But I am convinced by the judgment of my Friends that publick things are fittest for publick notice And I feel that Love Grief and Nearness affect me with the matters that are so near me and as it doth not much concern the world to know whether I am sick or well dead or alive or whether ever I had a being though it concerns me So I should think of the concerns of my Friends Affection makes us think our own or our Friends affairs to be such as the world should be affected with I perceive this weakness and submit That which is left out of the Narrative of my Wifes Life is the occasions and inducements of our Marriage and some passages between some Relatives and her which the world is not concerned yet at least to know If this that is written seem useless to any it will not hurt them if they leave it to others that find it more suitable to them All things be not agreeable to all That may be useful to persons of her own quality which is not so to many others To her Nephews and Neeces and some other Kindred who were also near to her and for whose sake above most others I write it you cannot think that it will be altogether useless O that they would all imitate her in all that is praise-worthy and needful to themselves The grand Objection I foresee will be That I seem but to predicate some of mine own good Works by praising hers And must I needs bury the memory of them as hers for fear of the sting of such Objectors I have told them truly It is not my own acts but those that were properly hers that I there mention It is not her giving of my Money which I there recite but that which either was her own and none of mine or else procured by her for those uses and the Works such in which I was but the Executor of her Will She is gone after many of my choicest Friends who within this one year are gone to Christ and I am following even at the door Had I been to enjoy them only here it would have been but a short comfort mixt with the many troubles which all our Failings and Sins and some degree of unsuitableness between the nearest and dearest cause But I am going after them to that Blessed Society where Life Light and Love and therefore Harmony Concord and Ioy are perfect and everlasting Reader While I give thee but the Truth forgive the effects of Age Weakness and Grief And if before I get over this owned Passion I publish also a few Poetical Fragments partly suited to the condition of some sick or sad afflicted Friends and partly to my own if thou accept them not forgive them only and neglect them As the man is such will be his thoughts and works The Lord prosper our preparation for our great approaching Change To leave this world for ever and enter upon an endless Life where we shall speed according to the preparations of this little inch of time doth certainly bespeak the most scrious Thoughts the wisest and speediest Care and Diligence the most patient Suffering the most unwearied Labour the most frugal use of all our Time the most resolute resistance to all Temptations and to the Faithful the most joyful Hopes July 23. 1681. Rich. Baxter A Breviate of the Life of Margaret the Daughter of Francis Charlton Esque and late Wife of Richard Baxter who dyed June 14. 1681. CHAP. I. Her Parentage and the occasion of our acquaintance § THough due affection make me willing to give the world a Narrative which else I had omitted yet the fear of God hath not so forsaken me that I should willingly deliver any falshood through partiality or passion but as I knew more of this person than any other for the good of the Readers and the honour of Gods grace in her I shall by Gods assistance truly report the things which I knew § 2. We were born in the same County within three miles and an half of each other but she of one of the chief Families in the County and I but of a mean Freeholder called a Gentleman for his Ancestors sake but of a small Estate though sufficient Her Father Francis Charlton Esq was one of the best Justices of the Peace in that County a grave and sober worthy man but did not marry till he was aged and gray and so dyed while his children were very young who were three of which the eldest daughter and his only son are yet alive He had one surviving Brother who after the Fathers death maintained a long and costly suit about the Guardianship of the Heir yet living This Unkle Robert was a comely sober Gentleman but the wise and good Mother Mary durst not trust her only Son in the hands of one that was his next heir And she thought that Nature gave her a greater Interest in him than an Unkle had But it being in the heat of the late Civil War Robert being for the Parliament had the advantage of strength which put her to seek relief at Oxford from the King and afterwards to marry one Mr. Hanmer who was for the King to make her interest that way Her house being a sort of a small Castle was now garisoned for the King But at last Robert procured it to be besieged by the Parliament's Soldiers and stormed and
I was sensible of my neglect of it And now here is comfort that I have to deal with a God of mercy that will hear a poor repenting sinner a God that will in no wise cast out those that come to him but loveth whom he loveth to the end This is the God whom I have chosen and taken for my portion the same God is his God his Guide and Comforter The whole world is but a house where Gods children dwell a little while till he hath fitted them for the heavenly Mansions and if he send them out of one room into another to do his work and try their obedience and if he put some in the darkest corners of his house to keep them humble though he separate those that are most beloved of each other it is but that they may not love so much as to be loth to part and come to him who should have all their love However it fareth with his children in this house or howling wilderness the time will come and is at hand when all the children shall be separate from the Rebels and be called home to dwell with their Father their Head and Husband and the elect shall all be gathered into one Then farwell sorrow farwell hard heart farwell tears and sad repentance And then blessed Saints that have believed and obeyed Never so unworthy crowned thou must be This was the project of redeeming-redeeming-love When the Lord shall take our carkasses from the grave and make us shine as the Sun in glory then then shall friends meet and never part and remember their sad and weary nights and days no more Then may we love freely What now is wanting to dispel all sorrow from my heart Nothing but the greater hopes that I shall be one of this number This this can do it No matter if I had no friend near me and none on earth if God be not far from me it 's well enough and whatever here befalls the Church and people of God it 's but as for one day and presently the storm will be all over Let me therefore cast all my care on God Let me wait on him in the way of duty and trust him let me run with patience the race that is set before me looking to Jesus the Author and finisher of my faith and believingly go to him in all my troubles and let me so labour here that I may find rest to my soul in the Rest that remaineth for the people of God Rest O sweet word The weary shall haver est they shall rest in the Lord. April 10. on Thursday night at twelve of the clock a day and night never to be forgotten by the least of all Gods mercies yea less than the least Thy unworthy unthankful hard-hearted creature M. Charlton § 5. Is not here in all these Papers which I saw not till she was dead a great deal of work for one day besides all the publick work of a Thanksgiving day If I should give you an account of all her following Twenty One years what a Volume would it amount to If you ask why I recite all this which is but matter well known to ordinary Christians I answer 1. It is not as matter of knowledg but of soul workings towards God 2. Is not this extraordinary in a Convert of a year or few months standing 3. The love of God and her makes me think it worth the publishing They that think otherwise may pass it by but there are souls to whom it will be savoury and profitable § 6. Yet she continued under great fears that she had not saving Grace because she had not that degree of holy affection which she desired And before in her sickness her fears increased her disease and danger I will here for the use of others in the like case recite some scraps of a Letter of counsel as I find them transcribed by her self I Advise you to set more effectually to the means of your necessary consolation your strange silent keeping your case to your self from your mother and all your friends is an exceeding injury to your peace Is it God or Satan that hindereth you from opening your sore and make you think that concealment is your wisdom If it be pride that forbids it how dare you obey such a commander Many of our sores are half healed when well opened if Prudence foresee some forbidding inconvenience you have prudent friends and two prudent persons may see more than one But because you will not tell us I will disjunctively tell it you 1. Your trouble of soul is either some affliction 2. Or some sin 3. Or the doubt of your sincerity and true grace I. If it be affliction dare you so indulge impatience as to conclude against your future comforts while you have Gods love and title to salvation Dare you say that these are of so small weight that a cross like yours will weigh them down and that you will not rejoice in all the promises of life eternal till your Cross be removed II. If it be sin it is either past or present if past why do you not repent and thankfully accept your pardon If present it is inward corruption or outward transgression Which ever it be if you love it why do you grieve for it and groan under it If you grieve for it why are you not willing to leave it and be holy If you are willing to leave it and would fain have Gods grace in the use of his means to make you holy this is the true nature of Repentance And why then are you not thankful for grace received for Pardon Adoption and your part in Christ more than you are troubled for remaining sin Should none rejoyce that have sin to trouble them and keep them in a daily watch and war Read Rom. 7. 8. if you will see the contrary If any man sin we have an Advocate with the Father Iesus Christ the righteous and he is the propitiation for our sins Dare you refuse your comforts on such reasons as would deny comfort to all the world He that saith he hath no sin is a lyar And will you for this deny the known duty of thanks and praise for all that you have received You have been taught to difference between cause of Doubting and cause of filial humiliation And if it were any particular sin that needs particular help and counsel why do you not open it for help which its probably would do more against it than many years secret trouble and dejection alone will do 3. If it be doubts of your sincerity and grace why do you refuse to reason the case and say what it is that persuadeth you that you are graceless that we may try it by the word of God What evidence is it that you want You have confest that sometime you are convinced of sincerity and can you so easily deny what you have found as to conclude your self so miserable as you do Should all do
do it resolutely and cheerfully and scorn to run away and turn your back that you may do it without censure where you are unknown Use well the means God here vouchsafes you and do your duty with a quiet mind and follow God in your removes § 8. Much more of such counsels she transcribed but I forbear reciting more She ends those Papers with these words The best creature-affections have a mixture of creature-imperfections and therefore need some gall to wean us from the faulty part God must be known to be God our rest and therefore the best creature to be but a creature O miserable world how long must I continue in it And why is this wretched heart so loth to leave it where we can have no fire without smoak and our dearest friends must be our greatest grief and when we begin in hope and love and joy before we are aware we fall into an answerable measure of distress Learn by experience when any condition is inordinately or excessively sweet to thee to say From hence must be my sorrow O how true CHAP. V. Her temper occasioning these troubles of mind § 1. THE soul while in the body works much according to the bodies disposition 1. She was of an extraordinary sharp and piercing Wit 2. She had a natural reservedness and secrecy increased by thinking it necessary prudence not to be open by which means she was oft mis-understood by her nearest friends and consequently often crost and disappointed by those that would have pleased her And as she could understand men much by their looks and hints so she expected all should know her mind without her expressing it which bred her frustrations and discontents 3. And she had a natural tenderness and troubledness of mind upon the crossing of her just desires too quick and ungovernable a sense of displeasing words or deeds 4. She had a diseased unresistible fearfulness her quick and too sensible nature was over-timerous and to increase it she said she was four times before I knew her in danger of death of which one was by the Small-Pox And more to increase it her Mothers house Apply-Castle near Wellington being a Garison it was stormed while she was in it and part of the housing about it burnt and men lay killed before her face and all of them threatened and stript of their cloathing so that they were fain to borrow cloaths 5. And the great work upon her soul in her coversion moved all her passions 6. And then her dangerous sickness and the sentence of death to so young a Convert must needs be a very awaking thing and coming on her before she had any assurance of her justification did increase her fear 7. And in this case she lived in the Church-Yard side where she saw all the Burials of the dead and kept a deaths head a skull in her Closet still before her And other such mortifying spectacles increased her sad disposition § 2. And the excessive love which she had to her Mother did much increase her grief when she expected death § 3. Though she called it melancholly that by all this she was cast into yet it rather seemed a partly natural and partly an adventitious diseased fearfulness in a tender over-passionate nature that had no power to quiet her own fears without any other cloud on her understanding § 4. And all was much encreased by her wisdom so stifling all the appearances of it that it all inwardly wrought and had no ease by vent § 5. And having keen spirits and thin sharp blood she had a strong Hemicrania or Head-ake once a month and oft once a fortnight or more from the age of fifteen or sixteen years All these together much tended to hinder her from a quiet and comfortable temper § 6. And in a word all the operations of her soul were very intense and strong strong wit and strong love and strong displeasure And when God shewed her what Holiness was she thought she must presently have it in so great a degree as the ripest Saints do here attain and that because she had not as much heavenly life and sense and delight in God as she knew she should have and desired she concluded of it that she had none that was sincere § 7. One of the first things by which her change was discovered to her Mother and Friends was her fervent secret prayers for living in a great house of which the middle part was ruined in the Wars she chose a Closet in the further end where she thought none heard her But some that over-heard her said they never heard so fervent prayers from any person § 8. Yet she desired me to draw up a form suited to her own condition which I did and find it now reserved among her Papers but I cannot tell whether she ever used it having affections and freedom of expression without it I had thought to have annexed it for the use of afflicted Penitents But it will be but a digression in this Narrative CHAP. VI. Of our Marriage and our Habitations § 1. THE unsuitableness of our age and my former known purposes against Marriage and against the conveniency of Ministers Marriage who have not sort of necessity made our marriage the matter of much publick talk and wonder And the true opening of her case and mine and the many strange occurrences which brought it to pass would take away the wonder of her friends and mine that knew us and the notice of it would much conduce to the understanding of some other passages of our lives Yet wise Friends by whom I am advised think it better to omit such personal particularities at least at this time Both in her case and mine there was much extraordinary which it doth not much concern the world to be acquainted with From the first thoughts of it many changes and stoppages intervened and long delays till I was silenced and ejected with many hundreds more and so being separated from my old Pastoral Charge which was enough to take up all my time and labour some of my disswading Reasons were then over And at last on Septemb. 10. 1662. we were married in Bennet-Fink Church by Mr. Samuel Clerk yet living having been before Contracted by Mr. Simeon Ash both in the presence of Mr. Henry Ashurst and Mrs. Ash. § 2. She consented to these Conditions of our Marriage 1. That I would have nothing that before our Marriage was hers that I who wanted no outward supplies might not seem to marry her for covetousness 2. That she would so alter her affairs that I might be intangled in no Law-suits 3. That she would expect none of my time which my Ministerial work should require § 3. When we were married her sadness and melancholy vanished counsel did something to it and contentment something and being taken up with our houshold affairs did somewhat And we lived in inviolated love and mutual complacency sensible of the benefit of mutual help These
taken where the Mother and the children were and saw part of their buildings burnt and some lye dead before their eyes and so Robert got possession of the children But at last she by great wisdom and diligence surprised them and secretly conveyed them to one Mr. Bernards in Essex and secured them against all his endeavours § 3. The Wars being ended and she as Guardian possessing her Son's Estate took him as only Son as her self and used his Estate as carefully as for her self but out of it conscionably paid debts of her Husbands repaired some of the ruined houses and managed things faithfully according to her best discretion until her Son marrying took his Estate into his own hand § 4. She being before unknown to me came to Kederminster twenty miles desiring me to take a House for her alone I told her that I would not be guilty of doing any thing which should separate such a Mother from an only Son who in his youth had so much need of her counsel conduct and comfort and that if passion in her or any fault in him had caused difference the love which brought her through so much trouble for him should teach her patience rather than forsake him She went home but shortly came again and took a house without my knowledg § 5. When she had been there alone a while her unmarried daughter Margaret about seventeen or eighteen years of age came after her from her Brother's resolving not to forsake the Mother who deserved her dearest love and sometime went to Oxford to her elder sister Wife to Mr. Ambrose Vpton then Canon of Christs Church both yet living In this time the good old Mother lived as a blessing among the honest poor Weavers of Kederminster strangers to her whose company for their piety she chose before all the Vanities of the world In which time my acquaintance with her made me know that notwithstanding she had formerly been somewhat passionate she was a woman of all that manly patience in her great tryals that prudence and piety and justice and impartiality and other Virtues which I mentioned in her Funeral Sermon Of her death anon It is her daughters case that this is the Prologue to CHAP. II. Of her Conversion Sickness and Recovery § IN her vain youth Pride and Romances and Company suitable thereto did take her up and an imprudent rigid Governess that her Mother had set over her in her absence had done her hurt by possessing her with ill thoughts of strictness in Religion yet she had a great reverence for some good Ministers especially Mr. Tho. VVright and she thought that she was not what she should be but something better she knew not what must be attained In this case coming to Kederminster for meer love to her Mother she had great aversion to the POVERTY and STRICTNESS of the people there glittering her self in costly Apparel and delighting in her Romances But in a little time she heard and understood what those better things were which she had thought must be attained And a Sermon of Mr. H. Hickman's at Oxford much moved her on Isa. 27. 11. It is a people of no understanding therefore he that made them will not save them c. The Doctrine of Conversion as I preached it as now in my Treatise of Conversion was received on her heart as the seal on the wax Whereupon she presently fell to self-judging and to frequent prayer and reading and serious thoughts of her present state and her salvation § 2. A Religious Maid that waited on her taking king notice of this for she kept all her matters so secret to her self as was her great hurt all her life acquainted her Mother with it and when it would be hid no longer but her frequent Closet-prayers were sometimes over-heard and her changed course of life discerned her Mother who as far as I could discern before loved her least of her three children began to esteem her as her Darling and all her Religious Friends and Neighbours were glad of so sudden and great a change § 3. I will here give you one of her self-judging Papers which I find since her death upon her then sad convictions When I had on Rom. 8. 9. told them how it may be known whether we have Christs Spirit or not she thus repeated the signs with her self-condemnation Mark 1. The Spirit of Christ is the Author of the Scriptures and therefore suiteth your disposition to it and guideth you by it Judgm 1. I fear then I have not the Spirit of Christ for I yet feel no love to Gods word nor closure with it as suitable to me but I am questioning the truth of it or at best quarrelling with it Mark 2. The Spirit of Christ is from heaven from God our Father and leadeth us upward unto him It s work is spiritual of heavenly tendency making us cry Abba Father and working the heart by uniting love to God Judgm 2. It is not so with me for I have a Spirit tending only to selfishness and sin Mark 3. The Spirit of Christ uniteth us to Christ and one another by love and is against hatred division and abusing others Judgm 3. Mine then is the spirit of Cain for I cannot endure any that are not of my opinion and way and it inclineth me to malice and unpeaceableness and division Mark 4. The Spirit of Christ is a spirit of Holiness and doth not favour licentiousness in doctrine or in life Judgm 4. Though I am for strict Principles I am loose in practise Mark 5. Christs Spirit inclineth to love humility and meeknest and makes men stoop to each other for their good Judgm 5. None more uncharitable proud and censorious than I. Mark 6. The Spirit of Christ makes men little low and vile in their own eyes it is pride that puffeth up Judgm 6. My self-conceitedness shews that I am unhumbled Mark 7. The Spirit of Christ doth work to the mortifying of the flesh even all its inordinate desires and to self-denial Judgm 7. I am a stranger to the work of mortification and self-denial I can deny my self nothing but the comfort of well-doing I cannot deny my sloth so far as to go to prayer when I am convinced of my necessity Mark 8. The Spirit of Christ is a prevailing spirit and doth not only wish and strive but overcome the flesh as to its rule Judgm 8. The flesh prevaileth with me against the spirit Mark 9. Christs Spirit is the author of his Worship Ordinances and suits the souls of believers to them the Word Sacraments c. Judgm 9. They seem not suitable to my soul I am against them and had rather not use them if I durst Mark 10. Christs Spirit is in all the Saints and inclineth them to holy Communion with each other in love especially to those in whom this spirit most eminently worketh Judgm 10. It is not thus with me I desire not the Communion of Saints my affections are
your daily study and let me in writing see some fruits of your labours before I go hence and be seen here no more Be not wanting to your own Comforts and you cannot displease God nor your Mother who longs more after your Eternal Good than I can now utter My Love to you all and Prayers for you all I continue Your most tenderly Loving Mother M. H. § 22. In another to Oxford 1657. ALL will work for good to them that love God I hope you are one of those The Lord direct your paths that you may work out your Salvation with fear and trembling in your Youth and not let time slip till Age which will come or Death before it on all flesh and an account must be given of the precious Time which we now neglect I have more to say but when I see you it will be done with more ease The Lord keep you all and make you faithful to the Death that you may receive the Crown of Glory which is the Prayer of her that tendreth the good of your Soul M. H. § 23. In 1659. In another she writes thus MY dear Child My greatest Trouble is that I can have no better account of your health of Body yet surely the cure of the Soul is of far more worth Therefore I faint not Else I could not subsist under the heavy stroke which I have justly deserved Who knows but my sins may be some cause of thy distress of Soul However let us return to the Lord and he will heal all our breaches and will bind up all our Sores and will give us a house not made with hands eternal in the Heavens where we shall never be forc'd asunder and all Infirmities shall be left behind and we shall take up all pleasure in the enjoyment of our Heavenly Redeemer In the mean time let us with courage and confidence press hard toward the mark for the price of that calling which was set before us For the things which are seen are temporal but the the things which are not seen are eternal I can go no further but cannot forget to be Thy truly Loving Mother M. H. This was written to her in her sickness when for better Air she lay at Old Mr. Richard Foly's house at Stourbridge § 24. I have transcribed these to shew the mind and care of the good Gentlewoman and what cause I and my Neighbours had of comassion to her in her Sorrows when she was separated from an only Son whose welfare she had prosecuted with so strong affection and long labour and patience and began to have much comfort in this Daughter whom she had formerly least valued and thought she must so suddenly leave her Let those that think these too little matters to be told the World remember that Neerness Love and Sorrow may be allowed to make things greater to me than they seem to those that are not so concerned in them And that Mr. Fox in his Book of Martyrs publisheth a great number of as mean Letters as any of these even some of women and some written to the Martyrs as well as those written by them And while I say that I will add that though for Nineteen years I was so seldom from her that she had few Letters of mine yet those which she had I find now among her reserved Papers And that you may see what it was that I' thought she most desired and what she her self most valued I will here add one of them not venturing to trouble such with more as are affected little with any matters but their own which is the case of most I recite this rather than others partly also as an act of repentance for those failings of her just expectations by the neglect of such helps as I should have given her which I had here mentioned For though she oft said that before she Married me she expected more sowrness and unsuitableness than she found yet I am sure that she found less zeal and holiness and strictness in all words and looks and duties and less help for her soul than she expected And her temper was to aggravate a fault much more in her nearest and dearest friends than in any others and to be far more troubled at them But this use she made of my too cold and careless converse and of all my impatiency with her impatience and of all my hasty words that she that had long thought she had no grace because she reach 't not higher than almost any reach on Earth and because she had many Passions and Infirmities perceived by me and many other esteemed Teachers that we were all as bad as she and therefore grace doth stand with more faultiness than she had imagined and that all our teaching much excelled the frame of our souls and lives and was much more worthy to be followed and therefore that God would also pardon such failings as her own THough I have received none from you but one by Mr. H. I will not be avenged on you by the like I have nothing of News or business to communicate but to tell you that we are all here yet as well as you left us excepting what your absence causeth And yet I must confess I find that it is easier to be oft speaking to God when I have no body else to speak to than when there are other Competitors Expectants or Interpellators Just as I can easier now fill my Paper to thee with some speech of God when I have nothing else to put into it than I can when many other matters are craving every one a place It is our shame that the Love and Glory of God doth not silence every other Suiter and even in the midst of crowds and business take us up and and press every creature and occasion for their service But while we are weak and compassed with flesh we must not only consider what we should do but what we can do It is our great fault that we are no skilfuller and faithfuller in helping one another that we might miss each other on better reasons than meerly from the inclinations of Love I hope God will make us better hereafter that when we are asunder each of us may say I miss the help for Watchfulness and Heavenliness for true Love and Thankfulness to God which I was wont to have But O! what an enemy is a naughty heart which maketh us unable for our duty alone and makes us need the help of others and yet will not suffer us to use it when we have it When we are alone it maketh us impediments to our selves and when we are in company it maketh us impediments to others Yet is there none no not the weakest of Christians but there is much in them that we might improve But we are so bad and backward at it that Satan too commonly hath his end in making us unprofitable to each other If a good Horse or a good House be a valuable mercy how much more