1690._o that_o i_o have_v particular_o mention_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n etc._n etc._n i_o must_v acquaint_v all_o peruser_n of_o this_o book_n that_o i_o be_o not_o asbamed_a to_o do_v it_o for_o the_o advance_v of_o free_a and_o rich_a grace_n some_o passage_n of_o the_o life_n of_o gervase_n disney_n from_o my_o first_o marriage_n especial_o with_o many_o particular_n before_o such_o as_o either_o occur_v to_o memory_n or_o by_o the_o help_n of_o my_o diary_n i_o be_v capable_a of_o take_v in_o which_o i_o have_v endeavour_v as_o impartial_o to_o view_v my_o dark_a side_n as_o bright_a and_o both_o for_o these_o reason_n by_o the_o former_a i_o discover_v the_o miserable_a corruption_n of_o my_o wretched_a nature_n the_o wiles_n and_o subtlety_n of_o a_o busy_a devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v by_o the_o latter_a i_o will_v discover_v the_o wonderful_a free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o i_o who_o be_v one_o of_o the_o worst_a 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part_v with_o he_o for_o â—he_n do_v not_o believe_v he_o be_v long_o for_o this_o world_n and_o say_v he_o i_o ground_n my_o persuasion_n upon_o this_o when_o i_o pray_v for_o his_o recovery_n i_o find_v strange_a restraint_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_o much_o dampt_v &_o strain_v but_o when_o i_o pray_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v fit_v he_o for_o himself_o and_o crown_v he_o with_o happiness_n to_o eternity_n when_o i_o beg_v for_o the_o eternal_a welfare_n of_o his_o soul_n i_o be_o then_o much_o enlarge_v thus_o the_o secret_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v with_o that_o good_a man_n that_o true_o fear_v he_o for_o the_o child_n die_v at_o that_o time_n thâ—_n i_o suppose_v as_o likely_a to_o live_v according_a to_o haimâ—â—â—â—_n conjecture_n as_o any_o of_o we_o be_v all_o 〈…〉_z of_o the_o smallpox_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o brother_n cornelius_n who_o have_v that_o distemper_n young_a and_o my_o sister_n mâ—…y_n who_o through_o god_n goodness_n escape_v the_o infection_n by_o 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flame_n mr._n flavel_n himself_o die_v a_o martyr_n for_o christ_n the_o year_n before_o viz._n 1665_o remarkable_a in_o that_o dreadful_a mortality_n by_o the_o plague_n good_a man_n he_o dare_v not_o fly_v from_o it_o when_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o that_o plague_n seem_v to_o be_v go_v out_o against_o the_o city_n he_o be_v willing_a be_v a_o minister_n to_o hazard_v his_o own_o body_n for_o the_o advantage_n of_o other_o soul_n and_o so_o true_o he_o do_v for_o be_v take_v at_o a_o religious_a meeting_n he_o be_v carry_v before_o some_o magistrate_n who_o after_o some_o debate_n with_o he_o plain_o tell_v he_o they_o will_v set_v before_o he_o life_n and_o death_n and_o leave_v he_o to_o make_v his_o choice_n they_o tell_v he_o he_o must_v either_o promise_n never_o to_o preach_v at_o a_o conventicle_n more_o or_o they_o must_v commit_v he_o to_o a_o prison_n at_o that_o time_n sore_o infect_v with_o the_o sickness_n he_o be_v too_o great_a a_o champion_n for_o christ_n and_o a_o more_o faithful_a servant_n to_o his_o lord_n and_o master_n than_o to_o stand_v long_o to_o consider_v a_o answer_n but_o ready_o tell_v they_o as_o to_o their_o former_a proposal_n he_o do_v abhor_v the_o thought_n of_o a_o compliance_n by_o desert_v his_o saviour_n service_n and_o as_o to_o their_o latter_a threaten_v he_o be_v free_o willing_a to_o comply_v with_o the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n and_o can_v hearty_o say_v his_o will_v be_v do_v so_o that_o he_o be_v o_o height_n of_o wickedness_n and_o cruelty_n commit_v to_o prison_n there_o present_o take_v the_o infection_n and_o in_o a_o few_o day_n transplant_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n after_o i_o be_v acquaint_v with_o this_o worthy_a divine_a and_o have_v taste_v and_o receive_v some_o benefit_n by_o his_o ministry_n being_n introduce_v at_o first_o by_o john_n southam_n a_o journy-man_n drugster_n in_o london_n a_o very_a serious_a young_a man_n and_o one_o i_o must_v bless_v god_n for_o i_o become_v a_o 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about_o that_o time_n now_o it_o be_v that_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o sin_n be_v more_o grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n than_o the_o forsake_v of_o they_o the_o sin_n i_o once_o love_v i_o now_o loathe_v and_o will_v if_o that_o have_v be_v possible_a have_v give_v ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o now_o it_o be_v i_o by_o experience_n feel_v what_o before_o i_o will_v not_o believe_v that_o the_o best_a of_o sin_n sweet_n be_v real_o most_o intolerable_o bitter_a i_o now_o experience_v the_o truth_n of_o that_o passage_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o a_o reverend_a author_n mr._n hardcastle_n say_v he_o let_v every_o person_n that_o lie_v under_o a_o temptation_n to_o commit_v sin_n serious_o consider_v thus_o if_o i_o commit_v this_o sin_n i_o must_v either_o repent_v of_o it_o or_o i_o must_v not_o if_o i_o do_v not_o repent_v it_o damn_v i_o and_o if_o i_o do_v repent_v aright_o i_o shall_v find_v it_o cost_v i_o more_o pain_n and_o trouble_v and_o sorrow_n than_o the_o sin_n be_v worth_a that_o i_o do_v commit_v and_o this_o i_o have_v often_o think_v upon_o since_o upon_o any_o temptation_n conscience_n now_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n and_o be_v more_o than_o a_o thousand_o witness_n against_o i_o now_o i_o do_v by_o sad_a experience_n feel_v the_o truth_n and_o terror_n of_o that_o single_a text_n a_o wound_a conscience_n who_o can_v bear_v and_o this_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v that_o when_o i_o do_v not_o sinful_o stop_v its_o mouth_n it_o be_v a_o faithful_a monitor_n to_o i_o that_o scripture_n terrify_v i_o great_o the_o soul_n that_o sin_n shall_v die_v and_o here_o be_v my_o argument_n upon_o it_o the_o law_n say_v the_o soul_n that_o sin_n must_v die_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o but_o thou_o o_o soul_n have_v sin_v and_o what_o be_v the_o conclusion_n why_o very_o dreadful_a thou_o must_v die_v i_o set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o repentance_n but_o must_v confess_v till_o the_o lord_n do_v save_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n shine_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o think_v that_o bare_a repentance_n be_v enough_o without_o consider_v that_o true_a and_o save_a repentance_n consist_v in_o forsake_v as_o well_o as_o in_o confess_v sin_n but_o here_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n such_o consideration_n as_o these_o that_o his_o holy_a and_o righteous_a law_n be_v break_v and_o satisfaction_n must_v be_v make_v that_o he_o himself_o be_v just_a and_o his_o justice_n must_v be_v satisfy_v and_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o duty_n and_o repentance_n though_o i_o shall_v use_v they_o as_o mean_n be_v yet_o no_o good_a foundation_n to_o build_v my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n upon_o that_o though_o i_o can_v shed_v a_o thousand_o tear_n and_o those_o of_o blood_n for_o one_o vain_a thought_n they_o will_v be_v no_o better_o than_o puddle_n water_n to_o justify_v and_o save_v i_o now_o do_v those_o scripture_n stâ—ir_v i_o in_o the_o face_n 1_o cor._n 6._o 9_o know_v you_o not_o that_o the_o unrighteous_a shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n be_v not_o deoeive_v neither_o fornicator_n nor_o idolater_n nor_o adulterer_n nor_o effeminate_a nor_o abuser_n of_o themselves_o with_o mankind_n nor_o drunkard_n nor_o reviler_n nor_o extortioner_n shall_v inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o that_o of_o gal._n 5._o 19_o now_o the_o work_n of_o the_o flesh_n be_v manifest_a which_o be_v these_o adultery_n fornication_n uncleanness_n lasciviousness_n idolatry_n witchcraft_n hatred_n variance_n emulation_n wrath_n strife_n sedition_n heresy_n envy_n murder_n drunkenness_n revel_v and_o such_o like_a they_o that_o do_v such_o thing_n shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n the_o most_o of_o these_o sin_n that_o do_v entitle_v to_o eternal_a wrath_n and_o vengeance_n i_o can_v not_o charge_v myself_o as_o guilty_a of_o yet_o some_o i_o can_v and_o the_o least_o of_o they_o in_o their_o own_o nature_n i_o find_v be_v damn_v and_o will_v serve_v to_o exclude_v i_o out_o of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n now_o through_o grace_n be_v i_o ready_a to_o cry_v out_o o_o what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v and_o a_o little_a serious_o to_o inquire_v into_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n by_o he_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n and_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o that_o all_o the_o impure_a stream_n of_o my_o life_n have_v proceed_v from_o that_o most_o corrupt_a fountain_n mar._n 15._o 19_o and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o bewail_v the_o outward_a act_n of_o sin_n but_o the_o inward_a principle_n of_o corruption_n lead_v to_o it_o now_o i_o
riperyear_n of_o lose_a time_n in_o youth_n will_v prove_v sad_a and_o cost_v dear_a and_o be_v assure_v that_o time_n be_v lose_v that_o be_v spend_v either_o in_o eat_v drink_v sleep_v visit_v or_o sport_n more_o than_o necessity_n require_v 13._o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v again_o make_v thou_o head_n of_o a_o family_n and_o bless_v thou_o with_o child_n as_o well_o as_o servant_n take_v care_n of_o their_o soul_n train_v they_o up_o for_o god_n and_o let_v thy_o house_n be_v a_o nursery_n for_o heaven_n take_v a_o account_n every_o week_n of_o their_o proficiency_n in_o spiritual_n and_o always_o esteem_v of_o those_o child_n and_o servant_n most_o that_o love_n fear_v and_o serve_v god_n best_a travel_v in_o birth_n to_o see_v christ_n form_v in_o thou_o and_o know_v that_o if_o any_o go_v from_o thy_o house_n to_o hell_n through_o thy_o neglect_n their_o soul_n will_v be_v require_v at_o thy_o hand_n 14._o make_v religion_n thy_o business_n and_o always_o account_v the_o serve_v of_o god_n and_o the_o save_v thy_o soul_n to_o be_v the_o great_a work_n thou_o be_v send_v into_o the_o world_n about_o and_o continue_v in_o the_o world_n for_o give_v not_o christ_n the_o world_n leave_n much_o rather_o let_v the_o world_n have_v he_o 15._o get_v right_a and_o wellgrounded_n evidence_n for_o heaven_n o_o lay_v not_o a_o sandy_a foundation_n for_o the_o building_n that_o be_v to_o stand_v to_o eternity_n 〈…〉_z some_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n will_v find_v in_o the_o first_o part_n of_o this_o treatise_n other_o in_o rogers_n evidence_n for_o heaven_n examine_v thy_o state_n often_o and_o impartial_o and_o never_o be_v satisfy_v till_o the_o interest_n betwixt_o christ_n and_o thy_o soul_n be_v complete_v and_o clear_v up_o 16._o sit_v loose_a from_o the_o world_n and_o seek_v not_o great_a thing_n for_o thyself_o here_o my_o circumstance_n in_o the_o world_n be_v such_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v thou_o much_o more_o than_o what_o be_v settle_v upon_o marriage_n but_o all_o i_o can_v i_o have_v and_o a_o little_a with_o the_o lord_n blessing_n be_v better_a than_o the_o great_a revenue_n of_o many_o wicked_a make_v sure_a of_o a_o estate_n in_o heaven_n live_v much_o upon_o invisibles_n choose_v christ_n for_o a_o portion_n and_o thou_o be_v make_v for_o ever_o 17._o be_v content_n with_o thy_o condition_n here_o whatever_o it_o be_v and_o expect_v suffering_n a_o christian_n life_n here_o be_v militant_a if_o thou_o continue_v to_o keep_v thy_o face_n heavenwards_o which_o i_o trust_v thou_o will_v then_o may_v the_o devil_n the_o world_n and_o the_o flesh_n be_v frequent_o sally_v out_o against_o thou_o but_o o_o pray_v that_o thy_o faith_n fail_v not_o and_o that_o god_n grace_n may_v be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o 18._o labour_v to_o persevere_v in_o the_o good_a way_n of_o god_n maintain_v thy_o integrity_n and_o hold_v out_o unto_o the_o end_n whatever_o it_o cost_v thou_o be_v a_o follower_n of_o those_o who_o through_o faith_n and_o patience_n inherit_v the_o promise_n or_o thing_n promise_v all_o thy_o bitter_n here_o will_v serve_v to_o make_v heaven_n more_o sweet_a to_o thou_o and_o be_v faithful_a unto_o death_n christ_n will_v give_v thou_o a_o crown_n of_o life_n 19_o get_v off_o from_o thy_o own_o bottom_n place_n no_o confidence_n in_o the_o flesh_n look_v off_o from_o thy_o own_o righteousness_n thy_o own_o duty_n thy_o own_o service_n when_o thou_o do_v the_o best_a in_o point_n of_o justification_n and_o depend_v and_o rest_v only_o on_o christ_n upon_o who_o account_n alone_o thou_o can_v be_v accept_v and_o save_v it_o be_v christ_n righteousness_n alone_o impute_v to_o thou_o for_o justification_n and_o impart_v to_o thou_o for_o thy_o sanctification_n that_o can_v or_o will_v bestead_v thou_o 20._o be_v rich_a in_o good_a work_n and_o go_v about_o do_v good_a hold_v on_o thy_o charitable_a way_n of_o do_v good_a to_o body_n but_o especial_o befriend_v poor_a soul_n be_v always_o as_o kind_a as_o thy_o circumstance_n will_v allow_v to_o those_o worthy_a good_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n thou_o and_o i_o be_v always_o behold_v to_o and_o i_o be_o persuade_v shall_v be_v blessing_n god_n for_o as_o instrument_n in_o his_o hand_n of_o our_o good_a to_o eternity_n 21._o allow_v thyself_o in_o no_o sin_n for_o the_o least_o sin_n love_v and_o allow_v be_v certain_o damn_v when_o god_n have_v at_o any_o time_n convince_v thou_o of_o a_o sin_n and_o conscience_n have_v fly_v in_o thy_o face_n and_o thou_o be_v full_a of_o terror_n go_v to_o god_n down_o upon_o thy_o knee_n and_o beg_v pardon_v grace_n and_o mercy_n leave_v he_o not_o till_o thou_o have_v obtain_v that_o blessing_n and_o always_o have_v a_o care_n of_o relapse_n for_o though_o we_o find_v a_o david_n and_o lot_n and_o other_o of_o the_o dear_a servant_n of_o god_n record_v in_o scripture_n guilty_a of_o some_o great_a miscarriage_n yet_o we_o find_v they_o sore_o break_v for_o those_o thing_n and_o humble_v and_o not_o repeat_v and_o relapse_v again_o into_o they_o 22._o prepare_v for_o eternity_n get_v and_o keep_v oil_n in_o thy_o lamp_n that_o it_o be_v not_o to_o buy_v when_o thy_o lamp_n shall_v be_v find_v burn_v put_v on_o thy_o wedding-garment_n and_o be_v prepare_v etc._n etc._n 23._o mourn_v not_o for_o i_o excessive_o i_o be_o go_v but_o thy_o god_n and_o my_o god_n stay_v with_o thou_o and_o i_o trust_v will_v guide_v thou_o by_o his_o counsel_n till_o he_o conduct_v thou_o to_o his_o glory_n i_o be_o dead_a but_o god_n live_v thou_o have_v no_o husband_n on_o earth_n what_o then_o if_o thy_o maker_n be_v but_o thy_o husband_n thou_o have_v cause_n enough_o to_o rejoice_v what_o though_o they_o that_o have_v see_v i_o shall_v in_o this_o world_n see_v i_o no_o more_o this_o be_v my_o comfort_n let_v it_o be_v thou_o he_o do_v see_v i_o that_o have_v see_v though_o my_o weak_a yet_o my_o sincere_a yerning_n and_o groan_n after_o he_o he_o see_v i_o that_o will_v never_o say_v i_o know_v you_o not_o be_v a_o god_n that_o will_v not_o forget_v covenant_n he_o see_v i_o who_o have_v see_v my_o soul_n in_o travel_n and_o those_o pang_n of_o desite_fw-la after_o he_o that_o no_o other_o have_v o'could_v thou_o but_o hear_v what_o i_o confident_o hope_v through_o the_o morit_n and_o mediation_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o shall_v before_o thou_o â—â—est_v this_o paper_n my_o god_n in_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o mercy_n say_v to_o this_o effect_n yonder_o be_v poor_a such_o a_o one_o come_v to_o my_o gate_n let_v he_o in_o he_o choose_v i_o for_o a_o portion_n whilst_o on_o earth_n and_o give_v himself_o according_a to_o his_o weak_a measure_n up_o to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v he_o off_o sure_o this_o will_v abate_v thy_o sorrow_n sure_o than_o thou_o will_v not_o wish_v i_o so_o ill_a as_o to_o be_v on_o earth_n again_o well_o live_v in_o the_o faith_n of_o this_o and_o walk_v comfortable_o with_o thy_o god_n god_n have_v make_v thou_o indeed_o whilst_o on_o earth_n to_o i_o the_o great_a outward_a blessing_n that_o ever_o i_o enjoy_v o_o let_v i_o not_o want_v thy_o company_n in_o heaven_n and_o now_o my_o dear_a on_o earth_n i_o commit_v thou_o to_o the_o keep_n and_o mercy_n of_o the_o great_a jehovah_n i_o resign_v thou_o to_o that_o god_n who_o be_v thy_o maker_n and_o thy_o husband_n serve_v he_o and_o thy_o generation_n according_a to_o his_o will_n here_o that_o thou_o may_v sleep_v in_o jesus_n and_o be_v find_v in_o he_o gervase_n disney_n postscript_n or_o a_o continuation_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a passage_n of_o my_o life_n since_o the_o other_o the_o last_o of_o june_n 1686._o since_o my_o last_o particular_a view_n of_o my_o diary_n design_v in_o the_o treatise_n of_o my_o life_n i_o find_v my_o his_o and_o down_n and_o that_o i_o be_o but_o a_o poor_a vile_a and_o weak_a creature_n unable_a of_o myself_o to_o answer_v by_o a_o holy_a and_o humble_a carriage_n the_o lord_n be_v great_a goodness_n to_o i_o in_o late_a signal_n deliverance_n out_o of_o trouble_n and_o that_o upon_o better_a term_n than_o i_o can_v expect_v i_o be_v now_o no_o soon_o at_o ease_n and_o rest_n through_o the_o lord_n mercy_n and_o at_o liberty_n than_o i_o grow_v secure_a and_o begin_v to_o be_v too_o regardless_o of_o soul-concerns_a i_o too_o little_o remember_v and_o consider_v promise_n make_v when_o under_o affliction_n and_o neglect_v too_o much_o to_o pay_v those_o vow_n my_o circumstance_n when_o in_o trouble_v be_v a_o snare_n to_o i_o in_o some_o particular_n in_o my_o diary_n the_o 19_o of_o september_n 1685_o i_o find_v myself_o blessing_n god_n for_o his_o protection_n and_o care_n of_o i_o in_o my_o journey_n and_o
abide_v some_o pleasant_a place_n what_o need_v more_o mis'ry_a than_o not_o see_v thy_o face_n judg._n away_o thou_o curse_v miser'ant_a it_o be_v too_o late_a possess_v the_o mis'ry_n of_o a_o wretched_a state_n to_o hell_n be_v go_v let_v rack_n increase_v thy_o pain_n and_o fiend_n torment_v thou_o with_o their_o dolorous_a strain_n here_o thou_o do_v wallow_v in_o thy_o sensual_a pleasure_n and_o now_o must_v burn_v in_o flame_n that_o know_v no_o measure_n prisoner_n ah_o lord_n if_o i_o must_v go_v with_o curse_n and_o ire_n and_o that_o to_o such_o a_o woeful_a place_n as_o fire_n yet_o let_v i_o beg_v this_o boon_n i_o never_o may_v continue_v any_o long_a time_n there_o or_o stay_v let_v i_o pass_v swift_o thrâ—_n and_o then_o have_v ease_n let_v this_o the_o anger_n of_o my_o god_n appease_v material_a fire_n be_v sad_a man_n kindle_v here_o what_o then_o be_v flame_n that_o burn_v with_o brimstone_n there_o judg._n away_o wretch_n stay_v no_o long_o cease_v thy_o woo_n 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they_o devil_n ransack_v all_o your_o hoard_v and_o give_v they_o treasure_n such_o as_o hell_n afford_v unmerciful_a come_v forth_o all_o those_o who_o will_v no_o mercy_n show_v nor_o pity_n take_v on_o needy_a one_o below_o who_o will_v not_o spare_v some_o penny_n out_o of_o their_o store_n but_o send_v the_o hungry_a empty_a from_o their_o door_n and_o churlish_o will_v at_o the_o beggar_n scoff_n or_o else_o will_v look_v at_o he_o a_o great_a way_n off_o have_v bowel_n always_o shut_v against_o their_o cry_n and_o no_o regard_n will_v have_v to_o weep_a eye_n well_o take_v they_o devil_n to_o eternal_a pain_n let_v those_o who_o show_v no_o mercy_n seek_v in_o vain_a unrighteous_a come_v forth_o unrighteous_a person_n and_o unjust_a who_o in_o their_o deal_n here_o betray_v their_o trust_n widow_n and_o orphan_n by_o their_o loud_a cry_n have_v rend_v the_o heaven_n and_o have_v pierce_v the_o sky_n your_o overreach_v neighbour_n heretofore_o and_o grind_v of_o the_o face_n of_o the_o poor_a oppress_v some_o who_o ever_o you_o think_v fit_a and_o vex_v other_o who_o you_o can_v outwit_n all_o these_o and_o other_o such_o unrighteous_a gain_n be_v know_v to_o i_o your_o judge_n and_o for_o your_o pain_n take_v they_o now_o devil_n hurl_v they_o into_o the_o fire_n that_o be_v kindle_v and_o increase_v by_o my_o ire_n liar_n come_v forth_o you_o liar_n that_o will_v not_o refrain_v to_o tell_v a_o lie_n at_o any_o time_n for_o gain_n who_o be_v so_o much_o accustom_a to_o this_o sin_n as_o if_o your_o train_n up_o in_o hell_n have_v be_v affirm_v for_o a_o truth_n the_o thing_n which_o you_o at_o that_o time_n do_v well_o know_v to_o be_v untrue_a but_o this_o you_o oft_o have_v do_v without_o a_o thought_n that_o such_o a_o practice_n love_v be_v stark_o naught_o you_o have_v report_v lie_v but_o that_o be_v not_o all_o you_o often_o have_v invent_v they_o withal_o o_o what_o a_o case_n be_v you_o in_o who_o as_o soon_o as_o you_o can_v almost_o speak_v be_v 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dismal_a sentence_n you_o must_v hear_v you_o once_o be_v seem_a saint_n but_o now_o alas_o among_o the_o open_o profane_v you_o pass_v you_o seem_v to_o love_v my_o way_n and_o people_n too_o and_o once_o run_v very_o well_o who_o hinder_v you_o be_v heaven_n to_o you_o so_o unpleasant_a that_o you_o must_v for_o sake_n it_o for_o you_o know_v not_o what_o be_v my_o reward_n so_o mean_a you_o go_v away_o and_o will_v no_o long_o in_o my_o service_n stay_v and_o can_v the_o devil_n give_v you_o better_o pay_v what!_o face_n heavenwards_o and_o then_o retreat_n this_o make_v your_o lesser_a wickedness_n complete_a for_o when_o you_o have_v try_v both_o way_n a_o worse_a and_o better_o you_o vain_o choose_v the_o first_o and_o leave_v the_o latter_a then_o take_v they_o devil_n who_o will_v never_o be_v wise_a and_o let_v they_o know_v what_o it_o be_v to_o apostatise_v impenitent_a unbeliever_n come_v forth_o impenitent_n and_o hear_v your_o fate_n let_v unbeliever_n now_o lament_v 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but_o hasten_v to_o he_o dear_a than_o you_o all_o come_v then_o my_o soul_n be_v get_v alone_o make_v haste_n heaven_n banquet_n be_v prepare_v go_v and_o taste_v look_v yonder_o see_v how_o other_o flock_n and_o run_v and_o can_v thou_o linger_v thus_o my_o soul_n be_v go_v touch_v but_o this_o veil_n climb_v up_o that_o mount_n then_o stay_v thou_o be_v arrive_v at_o bloody_a golgotha_n pause_v here_o a_o while_n and_o pause_v thou_o shall_v see_v thy_o saviour_n bleed_v die_a dead_a for_o thou_o admire_v rich_a grace_n my_o soul_n o_o strange_a decree_n that_o christ_n must_v be_v the_o prisoner_n and_o not_o i_o it_o may_v have_v be_v my_o case_n that_o i_o must_v sup_v nay_o drink_v the_o dregs_o of_o this_o most_o bitter_a cup._n but_o look_v he_o yonder_o go_v that_o now_o must_v die_v my_o bless_a saviour_n suffer_v and_o not_o i._n nay_o look_v again_o my_o soul_n approach_v more_o near_o and_o see_v a_o train_n of_o virgin_n follow_v there_o look_v there_o he_o pass_v by_o o_o bloody_a jew_n that_o dare_v the_o lord_n be_v anoint_v thus_o abuse_n see_v how_o they_o laugh_v and_o scoff_v and_o do_v at_o length_n force_v he_o to_o bear_v his_o cross_n above_o his_o strength_n press_v his_o weary_a limb_n they_o wag_v the_o head_n make_v he_o their_o sport_n and_o thus_o away_o he_o be_v lead_v methinks_v my_o heart_n do_v boil_v with_o rage_n to_o see_v the_o folly_n of_o these_o monster_n cruelty_n how_o can_v the_o bless_a lord_n to_o send_v forbear_v legion_n of_o angel_n for_o his_o rescue_n here_o why_o cause_v he_o not_o some_o fire_n from_o heaven_n then_o to_o fall_v upon_o these_o curse_a wicked_a man_n why_o do_v he_o not_o destroy_v this_o wicked_a race_n and_o pity_v more_o his_o son_n be_v distress_a case_n but_o stay_v my_o foolish_a heart_n thou_o do_v not_o know_v what_o spirit_n thou_o be_v of_o it_o must_v be_v so_o a_o debt_n be_v due_a to_o heaven_n and_o must_v be_v pay_v god_n call_v it_o in_o and_o payment_n must_v be_v make_v 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want_v and_o can_v come_v but_o here_o must_v stay_v and_o die_v answer_n i_o grant_v o_o soul_n it_o be_v faith_n alone_o that_o great_a unite_n grace_n by_o which_o thou_o must_v lay_v hold_v of_o christ_n the_o want_n of_o it_o be_v thy_o case_n well_o faith_n be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n thou_o know_v who_o bid_v thou_o believe_v and_o true_a repentance_n he_o must_v give_v or_o thou_o can_v never_o live_v well_o come_v sinner_n come_v away_o be_v always_o of_o this_o mind_n thou_o must_v both_o knock_v and_o call_v and_o seek_v if_o mercy_n thou_o will_v find_v lord_n mercy_n lord_n o_o poor_a soul_n cry_v thy_o mercy_n lord_n i_o crave_v or_o here_o i_o die_v in_o misery_n it_o be_v mercy_n i_o must_v have_v i_o do_v believe_v help_v unbelief_n my_o hold_n of_o christ_n i_o will_v keep_v if_o run_v i_o can_v after_o thou_o lord_n after_o thou_o i_o will_v creep_v then_o welcome_o sinner_n unto_o christ_n though_o come_v for_o a_o dole_n this_o faith_n though_o weak_a yet_o save_v be_v thy_o faith_n have_v make_v thou_o whole_a backslide_v sinner_n come_v to_o christ_n do_v but_o for_o this_o sin_n mourn_v and_o thou_o will_v be_v welcome_a unto_o he_o who_o bid_v repent_v and_o turn_v relapse_v sinner_n come_v away_o and_o thou_o shall_v quick_o see_v thy_o frequent_a fall_v no_o let_v at_o all_o to_o christ_n accept_v thou_o delay_v sinner_n hasten_v now_o before_o the_o door_n be_v shut_v he_o that_o say_v come_v will_v make_v thou_o room_n then_o sinner_n arise_v up_o the_o hung'r_a soul_n may_v come_v to_o christ_n and_o they_o that_o weary_a be_v the_o poor_a that_o have_v no_o price_n to_o pay_v may_v have_v he_o very_o free_a debauch_a sinner_n hasten_v in_o cast_v off_o thy_o sin_n and_o then_o he_o will_v be_v thou_o as_o well_o as_o i_o who_o die_v for_o the_o worst_a of_o men._n drunkard_n and_o swearer_n stay_v not_o out_o if_o you_o will_v but_o come_v in_o now_o such_o have_v be_v wash_v and_o cleanse_v too_o and_o come_v so_o may_v thou_o soul_n o_o i_o be_o full_o now_o convince_v if_o happy_a i_o will_v be_v i_o must_v away_o to_o jesus_n christ_n my_o loit'r_a ruin_n i_o object_n but_o when_o i_o come_v the_o devil_n call_v whither_o away_o so_o fast_o thou_o can_v no_o entertainment_n have_v with_o christ_n thy_o time_n be_v past_a thou_o be_v not_o one_o of_o those_o alas_o for_o who_o he_o shed_v his_o blood_n nor_o be_v thou_o a_o elect_a one_o stay_v here_o it_o be_v as_o good_a soul_n nay_o but_o i_o will_v try_v and_o hasten_v in_o o_o that_o i_o will_v go_v before_o and_o if_o i_o can_v entrance_n have_v i_o will_v wait_v at_o heaven_n door_n but_o yet_o methinks_v thy_o fierce_a assault_n encouragement_n do_v give_v if_o i_o but_o go_v be_v it_o be_v receive_v and_o if_o i_o turn_v be_v it_o live_a the_o die_a soul_n last_o farewell_n to_o all._n farewell_o the_o world_n i_o once_o do_v love_n i_o now_o have_v learn_v to_o live_v above_o farewell_o my_o friend_n and_o welcome_a grave_n i_o better_a friend_n in_o heaven_n have_v farewell_o dear_a wife_n i_o can_v stay_v christ_n bid_v i_o come_v i_o must_v away_o farewell_o my_o body_n make_v of_o dust_n i_o must_v to_o he_o in_o who_o i_o trust_v farewell_o those_o sin_n i_o leave_v before_o i_o be_o go_v where_o i_o will_v sin_v no_o more_o and_o farewell_n trouble_v at_o decease_n in_o heaven_n will_v be_v perfect_a peace_n farewell_o my_o earthly_a house_n and_o land_n a_o house_n i_o will_v have_v not_o make_v with_o hand_n farewell_o all_o sorrow_n doleful_a cry_n in_o heaven_n be_v no_o weep_a eye_n nay_o farewell_o all_o my_o worldly_a stuff_n a_o single_a christ_n make_v rich_a enough_o to_o let_v all_o go_v be_v sure_o best_a to_o enter_v on_o eternal_a rest_n yet_o do_v not_o say_v that_o i_o be_o dead_a i_o be_o but_o undress_v and_o go_v to_o bed_n i_o be_o go_v you_o see_v yet_o do_v not_o cry_v meet_v i_o in_o heaven_n when_o you_o die_v the_o welcome_a to_o heaven_n god_n welcome_o my_o child_n to_o endless_a bliss_n heaven_n joy_n to_o see_v thou_o here_o fear_v not_o this_o be_v thy_o father_n house_n taste_v free_o heaven_n cheer_v when_o thou_o thy_o saviour_n do_v accept_v this_o jointure_n he_o thou_o make_v it_o be_v heaven_n he_o purchase_v for_o thou_o accept_v be_v not_o afraid_a but_o why_o ashamed_a poor_a soul_n come_v in_o now_o thou_o be_v arrive_v above_o thy_o soul_n be_v cleanse_v thy_o sin_n forget_v think_v now_o of_o nought_o but_o love_n spread_v out_o the_o cloth_n of_o rich_a gold_n his_o foot-cloth_n it_o shall_v be_v if_o he_o be_v dress_v then_o bring_v he_o forth_o he_o will_v keep_v i_o company_n come_v all_o that_o here_o attend_v my_o throne_n put_v on_o he_o best_o attire_n set_v on_o the_o crown_n that_o will_v out_o shine_v the_o clear_a flame_n of_o fire_n well_o bid_v he_o welcome_a to_o the_o court_n he_o be_v one_o of_o royal_a birth_n i_o must_v befriend_v he_o now_o he_o be_v here_o he_o be_v my_o friend_n on_o earth_n he_o leave_v the_o world_n whilst_o in_o the_o world_n do_v show_v whilst_o he_o have_v breath_n he_o love_v i_o above_o the_o world_n be_v faithful_a unto_o death_n soul_n a_o bride_n a_o child_n a_o wife_n a_o friend_n ragged_a yet_o adorn_v so_o soon_o my_o dunghil_n change_v for_o a_o throne_n my_o midnight_n turn_v to_o noon_n upon_o a_o deathbed_n i_o do_v lie_v and_o there_o do_v toss_v and_o turn_v my_o friend_n about_o i_o weep_v stand_v but_o here_o shall_v never_o mourn_v a_o hymn_n on_o isaiah_n 8._o 17._o and_o i_o will_v wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n that_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o the_o house_n of_o jacob_n and_o i_o will_v look_v for_o he_o my_o god_n be_v withdraw_v and_o hide_v his_o face_n i_o can_v choose_v but_o mourn_v yet_o still_o i_o will_v wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o look_v for_o his_o return_n doctrine_n in_o verse_n sometime_o the_o lord_n not_o only_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o single_a saint_n but_o other_o while_n on_o this_o account_n whole_a church_n make_v complaint_n and_o when_o it_o be_v thus_o bewildered_a soul_n know'ng_v scarce_o what_o course_n to_o take_v but_o still_o they_o will_v pray_v and_o cry_v and_o call_v and_o after_o god_n will_v make_v i_o will_v seek_v the_o lord_n say_v such_o a_o soul_n and_o still_o upon_o he_o wait_v who_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o jacob_n house_n he_o will_v come_v though'_v come_n late_o a_o meditation_n upon_o matth._n 11._o 28_o 29_o 30._o come_v sinner_n come_v thy_o saviour_n call_v if_o penitent_a thou_o be_v and_o true_o weary_a of_o thy_o sin_n thou_o 'rt_v welcome_a soul_n to_o i_o take_v up_o my_o yoke_n for_o it_o be_v light_n account_v it_o always_o best_o to_o learn_v of_o one_o in_o who_o alone_o thou_o can_v have_v solid_a rest_n my_o burden_n easy_a you_o will_v find_v when_o you_o have_v learn_v of_o i_o to_o have_v a_o meek_a and_o lowly_a mind_n try_v sinner_n taste_n and_o see_v a_o poetical_a remembrance_n of_o the_o reverend_n mr._n john_n oak_n who_o die_v sudden_o be_v take_v with_o a_o apoplectic_a fit_a in_o his_o pulpit_n lord_n day_n decemb._n 23_o 1688._o with_o some_o hint_n of_o advice_n to_o survive_a relation_n compose_v and_o make_v by_o a_o true_a lover_n of_o he_o and_o he_o g._n d._n hark_v hark_v what_o mean_v the_o mournful_a look_n and_o cry_v the_o pensive_a bleed_a heart_n and_o blubber_a eye_n the_o throb_v the_o throw_n the_o sigh_n which_o do_v appear_v with_o sad_a complain_n almost_o every_o where_o why_o so_o much_o droop_v in_o a_o halcion-day_n when_o with_o loud_a acclamation_n we_o shall_v pay_v rather_o a_o tribute_n to_o our_o prince_n and_o peer_n who_o seasonable_o have_v rescue_v we_o from_o fear_n why_o so_o much_o sorrow_n now_o if_o needs_o must_v be_v occasion_v by_o some_o depth_n of_o misery_n i_o sigh_v to_o tell_v you_o yet_o be_o hereto_o force_v my_o heart_n be_v so_o full_a it_o must_v have_v vent_n or_o burst_v great_a oak_n the_o famous_a preacher_n late_o dead_a have_v hardly_o time_n to_o undress_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o he_o must_v 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in_o the_o evening_n of_o it_o take_v one_o or_o other_o of_o we_o to_o walk_v with_o he_o in_o the_o garden_n where_o he_o will_v always_o commune_v with_o we_o of_o heavenly_a matter_n will_v inquire_v into_o our_o proficiency_n by_o the_o mean_n of_o that_o day_n will_v try_v our_o knowledge_n in_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o as_o careful_o instruct_v we_o where_o he_o find_v ignorance_n prevail_v but_o above_o all_o which_o i_o must_v never_o forget_v he_o have_v so_o awake_o and_o pathetical_o discourse_v to_o we_o about_o the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o happiness_n of_o soul_n be_v arrive_v there_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o have_v even_o long_v at_o such_o a_o time_n to_o he_o out_o of_o the_o body_n and_o to_o be_v with_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v fill_v with_o hunger_a desire_n to_o forsake_v the_o world_n husk_n and_o to_o taste_v those_o dainty_n of_o my_o father_n house_n which_o indeed_o my_o brother_n do_v most_o lively_a and_o sweet_o represent_v to_o we_o i_o well_o remember_v i_o have_v then_o be_v ready_a with_o paul_n to_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n at_o other_o time_n he_o will_v in_o so_o sweet_a yet_o startle_v manner_n discourse_n to_o we_o about_o the_o pain_n of_o hell_n and_o the_o eternal_a misery_n of_o damn_a soul_n will_v so_o lively_o set_v forth_o sin_n in_o its_o black_a and_o bloody_a colour_n as_o that_o which_o bring_v soul_n to_o that_o place_n of_o horrid_a darkness_n that_o i_o and_o i_o believe_v other_o of_o my_o brother_n and_o sister_n be_v sufficient_o startle_v and_o fright_v for_o that_o time_n it_o make_v i_o whilst_o the_o thought_n be_v afresh_o upon_o i_o much_o afraid_a of_o sin_n my_o main_a reason_n alas_o be_v then_o only_o as_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o i_o may_v escape_v those_o dreadful_a misery_n he_o have_v represent_v to_o we_o i_o can_v say_v to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n that_o through_o his_o blessing_n upon_o my_o brother_n discourse_n i_o have_v have_v good_a impression_n sometime_o upon_o i_o which_o i_o must_v sad_o say_v too_o soon_o wear_v off_o again_o be_v but_o as_o the_o morning-cloud_n and_o as_o the_o early_a dew_n he_o will_v with_o some_o other_o of_o his_o schoolfellow_n who_o be_v of_o the_o same_o form_n with_o himself_o such_o as_o mr._n john_n reyner_n that_o most_o eminent_a servant_n of_o god_n now_o in_o heaven_n mr._n jonathan_n robinson_n that_o pious_a christian_a now_o a_o bookseller_n in_o london_n mr._n thomas_n peachall_a a_o attorney_n and_o divers_a other_o than_o well_o dispose_v frequent_o meet_v together_o and_o keep_v hour_n nay_o often_o whole_a afternoon_n in_o religious_a exercise_n by_o themselves_o they_o take_v their_o turn_v for_o the_o carry_v on_o that_o work_n and_o usual_o discourse_v from_o some_o text_n of_o scripture_n at_o such_o time_n and_o this_o they_o do_v from_o house_n to_o house_n do_v good_a it_o be_v hope_v wherever_o they_o come_v admit_v constant_o of_o some_o auditor_n of_o the_o house_n where_o they_o be_v my_o brother_n be_v several_a year_n at_o the_o university_n of_o oxford_n and_o a_o member_n of_o corpus-christi_a college_n be_v a_o universal_a scholar_n and_o suppose_v to_o have_v but_o few_o equal_n in_o learning_n as_o for_o physic_n he_o somewhat_o delight_v in_o that_o study_n and_o prove_v not_o a_o little_a useful_a to_o some_o upon_o that_o account_n i_o remember_v i_o myself_o be_v much_o out_o of_o order_n and_o weak_a though_o not_o sick_a at_o about_o 13_o or_o 14_o year_n old_a many_o thought_n i_o be_v go_v into_o a_o consumption_n the_o distemper_n of_o our_o family_n i_o spit_v blood_n and_o have_v other_o symptom_n that_o he_o discover_v he_o perceive_v i_o discourage_v at_o such_o their_o apprehension_n tell_v i_o i_o be_v not_o far_o go_v in_o that_o distemper_n and_o though_o it_o shall_v prevail_v may_v live_v 20_o or_o 30_o year_n he_o advise_v i_o to_o eat_v raisin_n frequent_o and_o some_o time_n to_o drink_v my_o own_o water_n every_o morning_n which_o i_o do_v for_o several_a day_n and_o through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n most_o successful_o unhappy_a difference_n when_o my_o brother_n be_v grow_v a_o man_n do_v too_o frequent_o fall_v out_o betwixt_o my_o father_n and_o he_o which_o do_v arise_v sometime_o a_o considerable_a height_n some_o think_v my_o father_n too_o strict_a with_o he_o in_o his_o year_n of_o manhood_n and_o other_o think_v he_o abundance_n too_o stubborn_a and_o rebellious_a in_o his_o carriage_n towards_o my_o father_n but_o further_a mention_n of_o this_o matter_n will_v not_o become_v my_o pen._n those_o difference_n reduce_v my_o brother_n to_o great_a strait_o and_o i_o hearty_o blame_v myself_o who_o too_o often_o occasion_v the_o quarrel_n for_o want_v of_o brotherly_a compassion_n and_o tenderness_n towards_o he_o when_o in_o distress_n and_o i_o myself_o though_o a_o child_n in_o some_o capacity_n at_o london_n to_o do_v it_o the_o lord_n forgive_v i_o my_o brother_n john_n 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i_o have_v be_v after_o the_o more_o enlarge_v in_o prayer_n i_o have_v put_v through_o assist_v grace_n great_a fervency_n into_o they_o and_o i_o have_v be_v much_o humble_v in_o bewail_v they_o and_o very_o importunate_a with_o tear_n for_o the_o lord_n pardon_n 3._o the_o three_o thing_n that_o persuade_v i_o to_o nottingham_n be_v that_o myself_o wife_n and_o all_o our_o relation_n do_v approve_v of_o our_o design_n when_o they_o understand_v the_o reason_n of_o it_o here_o we_o continue_v with_o great_a content_a and_o satisfaction_n at_o mrs._n gamble_n for_o almost_o a_o year_n and_o half_a and_o then_o we_o find_v through_o the_o lord_n blessing_n our_o circumstance_n somewhat_o alter_v and_o advance_v and_o we_o in_o a_o capacity_n to_o furnish_v part_n of_o a_o house_n we_o then_o conclude_v to_o take_v lodging_n partly_o furnish_v which_o we_o do_v and_o enter_v upon_o room_n at_o mr._n roger_n ryley_n as_o tenant_n the_o 18_o of_o february_n 1673._o here_o we_o have_v a_o 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notice_n of_o god_n mercy_n every_o day_n and_o labour_n to_o have_v thy_o heart_n suitable_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n goodness_n observe_v and_o pen_v down_o god_n deal_n with_o thou_o and_o thy_o carriage_n and_o behaviour_n towards_o god_n this_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o practice_v with_o good_a success_n 11._o esteem_v of_o sabhath-day_n as_o the_o best_a of_o day_n these_o be_v the_o market-day_n of_o thy_o soul_n make_v good_a provision_n on_o they_o for_o it_o hear_v the_o word_n meditate_v on_o it_o digest_v and_o practice_v it_o neglect_v no_o duty_n of_o the_o day_n in_o private_a but_o most_o high_o value_v public-assembly_n god_n be_v by_o they_o most_o honour_v 12._o redeem_v time_n i_o can_v from_o my_o own_o experience_n tell_v thou_o a_o review_n in_o
exile_n for_o the_o friendship_n of_o relation_n at_o norwell_n and_o southwell_n i_o be_o there_o beg_a pardon_n for_o sinful_a compliance_n as_o in_o sit_v late_o in_o a_o alehouse_n in_o southwell_n where_o the_o company_n be_v health_v it_o about_o though_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o drink_v not_o much_o yet_o i_o be_v a_o bad_a example_n in_o sit_v and_o sip_v with_o the_o wicked_a in_o waste_v my_o precious_a time_n my_o prayer_n therefore_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v pardon_v that_o and_o continue_v mercy_n and_o give_v i_o a_o thankful_a heart_n in_o and_o a_o lively_a sense_n of_o divine_a goodness_n the_o 20_o be_v the_o sabbath-day_n through_o mercy_n i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o pretty_a good_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o take_v particular_a notice_n in_o my_o diary_n of_o mr._n coats_n subject_n which_o be_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n etc._n etc._n i_o there_o find_v a_o desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v work_v those_o truth_n more_o and_o 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that_o he_o will_v continue_v this_o mercy_n and_o give_v i_o to_o live_v a_o thankful_a holy_a humble_a and_o fruitful_a life_n and_o pardon_v the_o particular_a sin_n of_o this_o day_n and_o help_v i_o against_o it_o and_o to_o perform_v promise_v make_v under_o my_o affliction_n 9th_o i_o there_o bless_v god_n for_o the_o mercy_n of_o that_o day_n and_o beg_v pardon_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v cause_v i_o to_o live_v better_o the_o next_o day_n 10_o my_o sin_n stare_v i_o in_o the_o face_n be_v many_o and_o great_a there_o i_o find_v myself_o beg_v that_o i_o may_v eye_v the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o might_n through_o grace_n be_v interest_v in_o it_o be_v the_o only_a sovereign_a remedy_n for_o a_o poor_a sinner_n yet_o i_o be_o preserve_v from_o enshare_a bond_n and_o enjoy_v through_o mercy_n comfortable_a liberty_n and_o sit_v under_o my_o own_o vine_n with_o delight_n 11_o this_o i_o find_v a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n when_o mr._n coat_n do_v most_o sweet_o call_v invite_v and_o encourage_v sinner_n to_o come_v to_o christ_n o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o stand_v out_o the_o lord_n bless_v the_o sermon_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o pardon_v my_o sin_n 12_o no_o actual_a sin_n that_o i_o know_v of_o i_o this_o day_n beg_v direction_n from_o heaven_n about_o the_o oath_n of_o allegiance_n i_o and_o other_o in_o my_o family_n be_v call_v to_o take_v and_o next_o day_n i_o do_v take_v it_o have_v observe_v no_o intimation_n from_o the_o lord_n against_o it_o but_o be_v well_o satisfy_v about_o it_o beside_o i_o fear_v if_o i_o refuse_v it_o will_v be_v worse_o with_o we_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o our_o meeting_n which_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o keep_v up_o i_o beg_v the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o keep_v the_o oath_n be_v take_v as_o a_o sacred_a thing_n i_o be_o yet_o at_o liberty_n and_o free_a from_o ensnare_a bond_n 15_o i_o that_o day_n beg_v the_o lord_n will_v humble_v i_o under_o any_o thing_n of_o sin_n that_o may_v be_v in_o my_o swear_v and_o take_v the_o oath_n the_o day_n before_o 16_o this_o day_n mr._n h._n acquaint_v i_o that_o one_o do_v say_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v lie_v heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o give_v a_o security_n by_o bond_n of_o 7000_o l._n which_o will_v ask_v a_o great_a time_n for_o i_o to_o get_v and_o that_o i_o be_v only_a capt._n l_n prisoner_n at_o large_a well_o i_o find_v this_o hint_n in_o my_o diary_n that_o day_n that_o i_o can_v trust_v my_o god_n who_o have_v deliver_v i_o and_o that_o he_o will_v deliver_v i_o still_o from_o the_o fury_n and_o rage_n of_o man_n and_o the_o effect_n thereof_o 17_o this_o day_n i_o have_v a_o encourage_v letter_n from_o v._o l._n as_o if_o the_o duke_n have_v do_v with_o i_o which_o i_o beg_v then_o the_o lord_n will_v grant_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o live_v up_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n for_o several_a other_o day_n after_o i_o be_o blessing_n god_n for_o the_o comfortable_a and_o quiet_a abode_n in_o my_o house_n and_o petition_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v keep_v i_o from_o sin_v away_o such_o mercy_n 20_o waste_v time_n the_o great_a sin_n acknowledge_v this_o day_n and_o a_o petition_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o make_v i_o more_o active_a and_o diligent_a in_o soul-concerns_a every_o day_n as_o be_v every_o day_n near_o death_n 22d_o this_o day_n i_o observe_v from_o joh._n 7._o 44._o in_o my_o read_n this_o passage_n some_o of_o they_o will_v have_v take_v he_o but_o no_o man_n lay_v hand_n on_o he_o upon_o which_o mr._n baxter_n have_v this_o note_n god_n binder_n bad_a man_n from_o do_v what_o they_o will_v do_v and_o they_o know_v not_o how_o he_o do_v it_o i_o have_v have_v great_a experience_n of_o this_o myself_o the_o lord_n be_v praise_v 25_o this_o day_n god_n make_v a_o very_a comfortable_a sabbath_n to_o i_o and_o i_o trust_v will_v do_v my_o soul_n good_a by_o it_o and_o set_v home_o another_o sermon_n i_o then_o hear_v from_o mr._n cotes_n concern_v the_o ease_n 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send_v through_o mercy_n i_o be_o in_o good_a health_n and_o be_o hourly_o wait_v for_o like_a tiding_n from_o thou_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v i_o make_v madam_n l_n house_n my_o home_n who_o treat_v i_o with_o much_o kindness_n and_o civility_n and_o i_o hope_v the_o same_o as_o to_o the_o best_a thing_n that_o ever_o thou_o be_v i_o pray_v thou_o give_v my_o hearty_a tender_v to_o all_o our_o good_a friend_n and_o accept_v the_o tender_a affection_n from_o thy_o g._n disney_n let_v i_o receive_v thy_o far_a command_n while_o in_o town_n now_o come_v the_o copy_n of_o the_o letter_n i_o receive_v which_o like_o job_n messenger_n come_v with_o tiding_n sad_a and_o sad_a o_o sure_o sure_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_o provoke_v a_o good_a god_n who_o write_v bitter_a thing_n now_o against_o i_o a_o copy_n of_o my_o wife_n letter_n to_o i_o at_o london_n date_v 5_o day_n before_o her_o death_n be_v may_v 24_o 86._o my_o dear_a i_o receive_v thou_o to_o day_n with_o a_o great_a 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d._n a_o letter_n to_o mrs._n sarah_n reyner_n one_o of_o my_o charge_n jan._n 85._o dear_a mrs._n sarah_n i_o receive_v you_o which_o though_o the_o first_o receive_v be_v not_o i_o perceive_v the_o first_o send_v for_o which_o i_o thank_v you_o and_o have_v according_a to_o your_o desire_n send_v you_o by_o pay_v it_o to_o mr._n charleton_n clerk_n 50_o s._n i_o much_o wonder_v your_o sister_n elizabeth_n will_v not_o vouchsafe_v i_o one_o line_n since_o she_o leave_v the_o country_n but_o however_o do_v rejoice_v to_o hear_v upon_o enquiry_n you_o both_o do_v well_o as_o to_o this_o world_n and_o i_o will_v fain_o hope_v you_o will_v not_o be_v negligent_a in_o mind_v the_o affair_n of_o a_o better_a world_n nor_o dare_v be_v regardless_o of_o your_o precious_a and_o immortal_a soul_n you_o be_v both_o the_o child_n of_o religious_a parent_n have_v be_v blessed_v with_o a_o good_a education_n and_o many_o prayer_n be_v i_o believe_v lodge_v in_o heaven_n for_o you_o so_o that_o 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wherein_o be_v rend_v and_o tear_v work_n with_o more_o of_o himself_o and_o the_o influence_n of_o his_o bless_a spirit_n o_o brother_n its_o one_o of_o the_o brave_a sight_n in_o the_o world_n to_o see_v a_o christian_a in_o the_o exercise_n of_o grace_n suitable_a to_o the_o dispensation_n to_o see_v he_o act_v faith_n patience_n humility_n submission_n resignation_n and_o divine_a joy_n in_o a_o time_n of_o press_a affliction_n this_o will_v recommend_v religion_n to_o the_o world_n and_o convince_v the_o man_n of_o it_o there_o be_v more_o in_o it_o than_o mere_a talk_n hearty_o glad_a we_o shall_v be_v if_o you_o will_v come_v for_o a_o while_n to_o london_n to_o divert_v yourself_o here_o among_o good_a man_n i_o hope_v it_o may_v be_v for_o your_o advantage_n and_o do_v conclude_v it_o high_o necessary_a for_o you_o a_o while_n to_o leave_v kirkstead_n we_o all_o send_v our_o hearty_a remembrance_n to_o you_o and_o you_o the_o lord_n fit_v we_o all_o for_o our_o great_a and_o 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mortal_n bar_n hold_v up_o his_o hand_n be_v mock_v at_o spit_v upon_o reproach_v and_o bleed_v must_v now_o be_v judge_n alone_o of_o quick_a and_o dead_a tho'_o here_o debase_v yet_o now_o heaven_n ring_v with_o hallelujah_n to_o this_o king_n of_o king_n jesus_n call_v forth_o the_o prisoner_n then_o they_o must_v appear_v to_o answer_v for_o themselves_o tho'_o crime_n be_v clear_a hear_v what_o they_o will_v say_v tho'_o all_o they_o say_v alas_o can_v never_o â—inder_v the_o sentence_n that_o must_v pass_v sinner_n appear_v come_v forth_o your_o grave_n arise_v you_o all_o be_v summon_v to_o the_o grand_a assize_n you_o call_v be_v into_o the_o great_a court-royal_a and_o may_v not_o stay_v you_o must_v attend_v your_o trial_n make_v way_n for_o wretched_a prisoner_n there_o make_v room_n they_o be_v go_v to_o receive_v their_o final_a doom_n but_o now_o methinks_v i_o see_v those_o tremble_a soul_n gaze_v about_o to_o find_v some_o hide_v holes_n call_v to_o rock_n to_o hide_v they_o but_o in_o vain_a for_o such_o late_a call_n and_o cry_v can_v nought_o obtain_v their_o heart_n be_v harden_v in_o a_o day_n of_o grace_n when_o god_n do_v sweet_o call_v and_o give_v they_o space_n for_o to_o repent_v and_o now_o those_o rocky_a stone_n have_v no_o regard_n at_o all_o unto_o their_o groan_n the_o mountain_n will_v not_o fall_v to_o hide_v they_o from_o the_o wrath_n of_o he_o that_o sit_v on_o the_o throne_n o_o what_o a_o sight_n i_o see_v the_o wretched_a state_n of_o fool_n bewail_v folly_n when_o too_o late_o from_o hell_n and_o grave_n they_o come_v but_o must_v not_o stay_v they_o be_v to_o pass_v account_n and_o so_o away_o now_o soul_n and_o body_n meet_v and_o must_v remain_v by_o righteous_a sentence_n in_o eternal_a paâ—â—_n they_o partner_n be_v in_o sin_n whilst_o here_o below_o and_o must_v together_o groan_v in_o endless_a wâ—_n the_o grave_n do_v open_a and_o the_o prisoner_n rise_v and_o now_o methinks_v i_o hear_v the_o doleful_a cry_n of_o those_o poor_a sinner_n who_o on_o earth_n take_v pain_n to_o make_v their_o soul_n as_o black_a and_o full_a of_o stain_n as_o any_o can_v be_v grudge_v always_o when_o they_o be_v out-stripâ—_a in_o sin_n by_o any_o man_n methinks_v i_o hear_v their_o plea_n and_o see_v they_o quake_v and_o all_o the_o little_a shift_n they_o will_v be_v make_v and_o all_o because_o they_o will_v appear_v at_o the_o bar_n of_o god_n a_o little_a better_o than_o they_o be_v the_o gripe_a usurer_n now_o look_v about_o to_o find_v some_o better_a hand_n than_o his_o hand_n 〈◊〉_d which_o he_o do_v well_o remember_v heretofore_o do_v often_o by_o extortion_n wrong_v the_o poor_a the_o wanton_a dare_v not_o own_o his_o wanton_a eye_n i_o must_v say_v he_o have_v better_o or_o i_o die_v my_o oft_o unâ—hastly_a upon_o woman_n gaze_v and_o for_o laseivious_a look_v i_o stand_v amaze_v the_o lawyer_n will_v reject_v his_o gâ—lded_a tongue_n by_o which_o be_v thousand_o in_o the_o world_n do_v wrong_a he_o know_v that_o he_o be_v fee_v or_o bribe_v never_o stand_v to_o make_v a_o good_a cause_n bad_a a_o bad_a cause_n good_a the_o gallant_a dare_v not_o own_o his_o strut_a foot_n which_o often_o â—rudged_v thrâ—_n thick_a and_o thin_a to_o meet_v a_o dirty_a whore_n or_o hector_v drunken_a friend_n to_o help_v he_o vain_o precious_a time_n to_o spend_v my_o foot_n be_v swift_a in_o run_v to_o do_v evil_a i_o must_v have_v other_o foot_n or_o go_v to_o the_o devil_n the_o politician_n dare_v not_o own_o his_o head_n another_o he_o will_v fain_o have_v in_o its_o stead_n what_o that_o contrive_v he_o always_o be_v pursue_v and_o find_v his_o wicked_a brain_n be_v his_o undo_n some_o they_o will_v part_v with_o finger_n and_o will_v have_v even_o any_o finger_n out_o of_o any_o be_v grave_a so_o they_o may_v miss_v their_o own_o which_o be_v too_o beâ—â—_n to_o sign_n decree_v against_o the_o innocent_a thief_n they_o will_v part_v with_o hand_n and_o liar_n tongue_n the_o instrument_n of_o many_o grievous_a wrong_n long-winded_a sinner_n they_o will_v part_v with_o lung_n the_o hypocrite_n too_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o part_v with_o he_o to_o change_v it_o for_o a_o better_a heart_n ill-minded_n sinner_n now_o will_v change_v their_o mind_n for_o any_o other_o of_o a_o better_a kind_a and_o other_o other_o thing_n will_v swap_v if_o then_o they_o may_v hereby_o but_o pass_v for_o better_a man_n king_n will_v disow_v their_o crown_n and_o grandeur_n too_o and_o now_o appear_v in_o rag_n if_o that_o woâ—ld_v do_v but_o o_o prodigious_a madness_n here_v show_v eâ—r_v every_o one_o must_v keep_v what_o be_v his_o own_o and_o wicked_a man_n must_v see_v their_o monstrous_a folly_n who_o will_v not_o whilst_o on_o earth_n be_v strict_a and_o holy_a well!_o be_v the_o prisoner_n come_v then_o let_v they_o hear_v they_o must_v my_o wrath_n and_o fury_n ever_o bear_v sentence_n depart_v 〈◊〉_d say_v wretch_n never_o return_v into_o a_o fire_n that_o must_v always_o burn_v prepare_v for_o the_o devil_n and_o a_o crew_n of_o wicked_a wretch_n just_a like_o such_o as_o you_o prisoner_n ah_o dreadful_a word_n depart_v and_o that_o from_o thou_o must_v needs_o be_v the_o upshot_n of_o all_o misery_n lord_n let_v i_o stay_v but_o here_o the_o sinner_n â—ries_v my_o clamorous_a conscience_n and_o my_o blubber_a eye_n may_v tormoâ—â—_n be_v enough_o dear_a god_n abate_v some_o pity_n show_v i_o for_o my_o wretched_a estate_n be_v such_o i_o can_v bear_v let_v sentence_n be_v a_o little_a bate_v by_o a_o sight_n of_o thou_o judg._n nay_o sinner_n â—noâ—_n my_o presence_n heretofore_o thou_o do_v noâ—_n like_o tho'_o offer_v over_o and_o over_o thou_o will_v &_o not_o entertain_v i_o in_o thy_o heart_n and_o now_o my_o sentence_n sinner_n â—â—_o depart_v a_o offer_a christ_n and_o pardon_v thou_o do_v slight_a and_o what_o can_v follow_v on_o it_o but_o dismal_a night_n prisoner_n and_o must_v i_o now_o depart_v and_o undergo_v this_o dreadful_a heaâ—y_a doom_n yet_o let_v i_o know_v that_o thorgill_n bless_v i_o lord_n and_o then_o i_o caâ—_n refresh_v my_o soul_n with_o this_o where_o â—'re_o i_o be_o i_o be_o loath_a to_o go_v but_o if_o i_o must_v i_o crave_v that_o i_o before_o may_o heaven_n blessing_n have_v jesus_n sinner_n be_v go_v nay_o more_o i_o must_v thou_o tell_v my_o curse_n shall_v go_v along_o with_o thou_o to_o hell_n my_o blessing_n thou_o despise_v for_o many_o year_n and_o can_v not_o have_v it_o now_o tho'_o seek_v with_o tear_n thou_o must_v for_o ever_o fry_v and_o flame_n and_o rot_v depart_v then_o sinner_n for_o i_o know_v thou_o not_o prisoner_n and_o must_v i_o be_v accurse_v and_o never_o see_v thy_o bless_a face_n again_o then_o lord_n let_v i_o find_v out_o for_o a_o