abound_a of_o all_o sin_n and_o wickedness_n more_o and_o more_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v and_o suffer_v his_o will_n and_o let_v i_o have_v his_o presence_n and_o his_o promise_n make_v good_a not_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v tempt_v above_o what_o he_o will_v enable_v i_o to_o bear_v 1_o cor._n 10._o 13._o and_o that_o i_o may_v ready_o let_v all_o go_v for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v be_v make_v meet_a to_o be_v partaker_n of_o the_o inheritance_n of_o the_o saint_n in_o light_n and_o get_v my_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n ready_a which_o through_o the_o assistance_n and_o help_n of_o god_n i_o desire_v to_o go_v about_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v but_o may_v gather_v such_o evidence_n as_o will_v hold_v out_o and_o bear_v i_o up_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o trouble_n and_o trial_n yea_o in_o the_o hour_n of_o death_n and_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n the_o lord_n in_o infinite_a mercy_n sanctify_v to_o i_o the_o death_n of_o other_o god_n have_v of_o late_o take_v away_o many_o of_o my_o neighbour_n acquaintance_n friend_n and_o relation_n minister_n as_o well_o as_o other_o a_o little_a while_n since_o mr._n pledger_n and_o mr._n wells_n in_o one_o day_n o_o that_o all_o may_v be_v sanctify_v and_o especial_o the_o death_n of_o my_o wife_n that_o i_o may_v yet_o make_v such_o use_n of_o that_o providence_n as_o the_o lord_n will_v expect_v and_o be_v ready_a and_o prepare_v for_o my_o own_o departure_n hence_o whensoever_o it_o shall_v please_v my_o dear_a god_n and_o father_n to_o call_v i_o home_o be_v now_o about_o to_o enter_v here_o what_o i_o have_v to_o show_v for_o a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o heart_n and_o a_o right_n and_o title_n to_o heaven_n i_o desire_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o help_v i_o in_o this_o great_a affair_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v but_o that_o what_o i_o here_o enter_v may_v be_v the_o true_a state_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o which_o will_v hold_v out_o and_o yield_v i_o comfort_n in_o a_o hour_n of_o distress_n it_o have_v be_v in_o my_o thought_n several_a time_n to_o inquire_v what_o i_o have_v to_o show_v for_o my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n that_o which_o run_v most_o in_o my_o mind_n be_v faith_n and_o repentance_n which_o upon_o diligent_a search_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o hope_v i_o have_v first_o for_o faith_n if_o i_o have_v true_a faith_n i_o shall_v certain_o be_v save_v so_o say_v the_o holy_a scripture_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v be_v save_v joh._n 3._o 16._o for_o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoeever_n believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n now_o faith_n in_o christ_n be_v describe_v in_o the_o assembly_n catechism_n to_o be_v a_o save_a grace_n whereby_o we_o receive_v and_o rest_n upon_o christ_n alone_o for_o salvation_n as_o he_o be_v offer_v to_o we_o in_o the_o gospel_n which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o do_v i_o hope_v i_o do_v most_o hearty_o desire_v to_o take_v christ_n on_o his_o own_o term_n as_o king_n priest_n and_o prophet_n in_o all_o his_o office_n and_o be_o willing_a to_o be_v rule_v by_o he_o as_o well_o as_o save_v by_o he_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o rest_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n alone_o for_o salvation_n and_o own_o no_o other_o saviour_n but_o he_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v the_o faith_n of_o reliance_n to_o rest_v and_o centre_n in_o christ_n i_o hope_v i_o can_v with_o all_o my_o soul_n throw_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v to_o perish_v there_o trust_v in_o he_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v bless_a be_v god_n i_o be_o often_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o christ_n o_o my_o dear_a jesus_n bless_a jesus_n on_o thou_o on_o thou_o alone_o i_o rest_v when_o i_o be_o in_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o trouble_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o say_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o righteousness_n and_o strength_n righteousness_n for_o justification_n and_o strength_n for_o sanctification_n and_o the_o subdue_a of_o sin_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o renounce_v any_o trust_n in_o my_o own_o righteousness_n and_o duty_n and_o whole_o to_o rely_v and_o rest_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n when_o i_o have_v perform_v any_o duty_n i_o desire_v to_o own_o that_o i_o deserve_v hell_n for_o the_o sinful_a imperfection_n of_o it_o yea_o for_o the_o best_a duty_n i_o can_v perform_v and_o to_o have_v my_o trust_n only_o in_o the_o death_n and_o merit_n satisfaction_n and_o intercession_n of_o christ_n though_o spiritual_a pride_n be_v very_o apt_a to_o rise_v in_o i_o yet_o i_o hope_v i_o do_v not_o allow_v it_o the_o lord_n set_v my_o heart_n more_o against_o it_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v with_o the_o apostle_n phil._n 3._o 9_o to_o be_v find_v in_o he_o not_o have_v my_o own_o righteousness_n which_o be_v of_o the_o law_n but_o that_o which_o be_v through_o the_o faith_n of_o christ_n the_o righteousness_n which_o be_v of_o god_n by_o faith_n i_o hope_v christ_n be_v precious_a to_o i_o now_o that_o be_v a_o evidence_n of_o faith_n 1_o pet._n 2._o 7._o to_o you_o that_o believe_v he_o be_v precious_a i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o prize_n christ_n above_o all_o the_o world_n and_o if_o i_o know_v my_o heart_n i_o will_v not_o part_v with_o the_o hope_n i_o have_v by_o christ_n of_o heaven_n for_o ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o prize_n jesus_n christ_n as_o the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o altogether_o lovely_a the_o lord_n make_v i_o upright_o in_o this_o matter_n that_o i_o may_v see_v the_o worth_n and_o excellency_n that_o be_v in_o he_o so_o as_o to_o be_v in_o love_n with_o he_o second_o for_o repentance_n if_o i_o have_v that_o grace_n i_o be_o sure_a to_o be_v save_v act_v 3._o 19_o repent_v you_o therefore_o and_o be_v convert_v that_o your_o sin_n may_v be_v blot_v out_o when_o the_o time_n of_o refresh_a shall_v come_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o lord_n luke_n 13._o 3._o except_o you_o repent_v you_o shall_v all_o likewise_o perish_v therefore_o if_o we_o do_v repent_v we_o shall_v not_o perish_v now_o repentance_n be_v describe_v to_o be_v a_o save_a grace_n whereby_o a_o sinner_n out_o of_o the_o true_a sense_n of_o his_o sin_n and_o apprehension_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n do_v with_o grief_n and_o hatred_n of_o his_o sin_n turn_v from_o it_o unto_o god_n with_o full_a purpose_n of_o and_o endeavour_n after_o new_a obedience_n i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v this_o repentance_n in_o i_o i_o hope_v he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o true_a sight_n and_o sense_n of_o sin_n and_o that_o i_o be_o convince_v of_o the_o evil_a and_o danger_n of_o it_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o apprehension_n also_o of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n i_o do_v not_o at_o all_o doubt_n but_o there_o be_v mercy_n enough_o in_o god_n through_o christ_n to_o forgive_v and_o pardon_v the_o great_a sin_n if_o they_o be_v repent_v of_o the_o lord_n have_v declare_v himself_o to_o be_v the_o lord_n god_n gracious_a and_o merciful_a pardon_v iniquity_n transgression_n and_o sin_n exod_n 34._o 6._o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o all_o my_o sin_n to_o grieve_v and_o mourn_v for_o they_o though_o my_o heart_n be_v hard_a yet_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v be_v glad_a if_o it_o be_v break_v that_o i_o can_v mourn_v more_o for_o my_o sin_n sure_o it_o have_v be_v a_o trouble_n to_o i_o many_o time_n in_o confession_n of_o sin_n that_o i_o can_v not_o mourn_v and_o weep_v and_o be_v not_o affect_v as_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o hate_v sin_n also_o the_o lord_n work_v a_o true_a hatred_n of_o all_o sin_n more_o and_o more_o in_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o turn_v from_o all_o sin_n unto_o god_n with_o full_a purpose_n of_o heart_n to_o cleave_v to_o he_o i_o hope_v the_o bend_v of_o my_o soul_n be_v right_a for_o god_n though_o i_o have_v many_o fail_n and_o miscarriage_n i_o hope_v the_o full_a purpose_n and_o resolution_n of_o my_o heart_n be_v for_o god_n and_o his_o way_n it_o be_v upon_o my_o mind_n what_o i_o have_v further_a to_o note_v that_o may_v be_v a_o evidence_n of_o grace_n i_o hope_v these_o thing_n follow_v which_o it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o thought_n may_v be_v some_o ground_n to_o believe_v god_n have_v wrought_v saving_o upon_o i_o sure_o i_o do_v confess_v my_o sin_n often_o to_o the_o lord_n in_o secret_a and_o desire_v to_o have_v my_o heart_n penitent_o affect_v with_o they_o and_o
some_z account_v of_o the_o holy_a life_n and_o death_n of_o mr._n henry_n gearing_n late_a citizen_n of_o london_n who_o depart_v this_o life_n january_n the_o four_o 1693-4_a age_a 61._o by_o john_n shower_n the_o second_o edition_n with_o the_o trial_n and_o character_n of_o a_o real_a christian_a collect_v out_o of_o his_o paper_n for_o the_o examination_n of_o himself_o from_o which_o several_a other_o particular_n be_v add_v for_o the_o instruction_n encouragement_n and_o imitation_n of_o christian_n london_n print_v for_o john_n laurence_n at_o the_o angel_n in_o the_o poultry_n 1699._o to_o my_o respect_a friend_n mrs._n hannah_n gearing_n the_o widow_n and_o mrs._n mary_n fisher_n mrs._n eliz._n billinghurst_n mrs._n ann_n roberts_n the_o child_n of_o mr._n henry_n gearing_n when_o god_n have_v take_v any_o of_o our_o holy_a relation_n from_o we_o who_o be_v ready_a for_o the_o heavenly_a mansion_n make_v meet_v for_o the_o rest_n peace_n and_o joy_n of_o the_o upper_a better_a world_n we_o shall_v rejoice_v in_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o they_o with_o thankfulness_n own_v our_o mercy_n that_o they_o live_v so_o long_o to_o glorify_v god_n here_o and_o be_v useful_a to_o we_o and_o other_o it_o will_v be_v very_o unreasonable_a to_o lament_v their_o departure_n out_o of_o any_o pretence_n of_o our_o affection_n to_o they_o and_o no_o less_o unkind_a to_o wish_v that_o for_o our_o sake_n they_o shall_v not_o have_v die_v or_o shall_v return_v from_o paradise_n to_o our_o sinful_a troublesome_a world_n but_o we_o know_v they_o shall_v not_o come_v to_o we_o the_o only_a way_n therefore_o to_o meet_v they_o with_o comfort_n be_v to_o remember_v their_o instruction_n follow_v their_o counsel_n and_o imitate_v their_o faith_n and_o holiness_n their_o integrity_n and_o self-denial_n and_o resolve_v persevere_v obedience_n to_o god_n the_o prayer_n and_o pattern_n of_o such_o a_o husband_n and_o of_o such_o a_o father_n as_o you_o be_v a_o blessing_n for_o which_o god_n expect_v your_o praise_n though_o in_o the_o former_a relation_n it_o be_v enjoy_v but_o a_o little_a while_n long_a enough_o however_o to_o make_v you_o madam_n bless_v god_n for_o he_o and_o unfeigned_o to_o value_v and_o honour_v his_o memory_n while_o you_o live_v may_v his_o grace_n supply_v and_o help_v you_o to_o improve_v this_o breach_n to_o you_o his_o child_n i_o most_o earnest_o recommend_v the_o follow_a paper_n god_n and_o man_n will_v expect_v your_o profit_v by_o they_o more_o than_o other_o you_o know_v how_o much_o you_o be_v upon_o his_o heart_n you_o know_v his_o example_n and_o manner_n of_o life_n and_o how_o you_o ought_v to_o walk_v and_o please_v god_n you_o have_v see_v the_o beauty_n of_o practical_a godliness_n exemplify_v you_o know_v how_o fervent_o he_o be_v wont_a to_o wrestle_v with_o god_n in_o prayer_n for_o you_o you_o know_v with_o what_o daily_a pain_n and_o care_n wisdom_n faithfulness_n and_o love_n he_o endeavour_v your_o salvation_n rejoice_v in_o any_o good_a success_n thereof_o but_o hardly_o able_a to_o support_v under_o the_o burden_n of_o the_o contrary_a fear_n as_o to_o any_o of_o those_o who_o god_n have_v give_v he_o o_o dread_a to_o think_v that_o either_o of_o you_o or_o any_o of_o you_o shall_v meet_v he_o at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n and_o be_v reject_v of_o christ_n among_o the_o worker_n of_o iniquity_n when_o both_o your_o parent_n shall_v be_v own_a honour_a and_o reward_v among_o the_o faithful_a a_o ordinary_a hell_n will_v not_o be_v punishment_n enough_o for_o the_o child_n of_o such_o parent_n if_o you_o miscarry_v and_o fall_v short_a of_o heaven_n but_o if_o you_o seek_v after_o god_n with_o your_o whole_a heart_n desire_v to_o please_v and_o serve_v he_o who_o be_v the_o god_n of_o your_o father_n for_o many_o generation_n if_o you_o be_v humble_a and_o prayerful_a and_o prize_v the_o blessing_n of_o the_o covenant_n keep_v within_o the_o bond_n of_o it_o and_o mind_n the_o duty_n of_o it_o your_o way_n be_v prepare_v your_o acceptance_n be_v assure_v there_o be_v a_o prospect_n of_o more_o grace_n and_o consolation_n for_o you_o and_o you_o as_o a_o double_a blessing_n promise_v to_o the_o child_n child_n of_o such_o as_o fear_v the_o lord_n that_o you_o may_v experience_n this_o and_o in_o order_n to_o it_o resolve_v that_o your_o father_n god_n shall_v be_v your_o god_n for_o ever_o and_o ever_o be_v the_o hearty_a prayer_n of_o your_o affectionate_a friend_n and_o servant_n in_o the_o gospel_n john_n shewer_n london_n feb._n 16._o 1693-4_a a_o short_a account_n of_o the_o holy_a life_n of_o mr._n henry_n gearing_n etc._n etc._n if_o there_o be_v joy_n in_o heaven_n among_o the_o angel_n and_o the_o bless_a inhabitant_n above_o upon_o the_o conversion_n of_o a_o sinner_n we_o may_v reckon_v there_o be_v so_o from_o time_n to_o time_n upon_o the_o addition_n to_o their_o number_n of_o any_o such_o who_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n be_v make_v meet_v for_o the_o heavenly_a state_n and_o life_n among_o many_o other_o of_o late_a decease_a mr._n h._n g._n be_v doubtless_o a_o very_a welcome_a person_n the_o too_o frequent_a flattery_n of_o funeral_n oration_n i_o know_v be_v a_o common_a objection_n against_o speak_v or_o write_v any_o thing_n of_o the_o dead_a because_o many_o be_v commend_v who_o name_n be_v write_v in_o the_o dust_n and_o deserve_v to_o perish_v with_o their_o own_o dung_n but_o the_o memory_n of_o the_o just_a shall_v however_o be_v bless_v their_o death_n be_v precious_a and_o their_o example_n useful_a to_o all_o who_o know_v they_o and_o may_v be_v so_o to_o many_o other_o it_o be_v not_o i_o confess_v of_o every_o good_a man_n or_o woman_n that_o die_v that_o we_o can_v speak_v such_o thing_n as_o we_o may_v to_o the_o just_a commendation_n of_o some_o neither_o be_v it_o fit_a to_o publish_v all_o the_o good_a we_o can_v of_o every_o body_n because_o it_o may_v be_v they_o have_v some_o blemish_n that_o will_v make_v the_o other_o incredible_a or_o lessen_v its_o use_n but_o person_n of_o eminent_a grace_n and_o holiness_n be_v the_o choice_a work_n of_o god_n the_o rich_a ornament_n the_o most_o precious_a jewel_n that_o can_v be_v show_v for_o the_o mean_a saint_n be_v incomparable_o more_o noble_a and_o honourable_a than_o the_o great_a personage_n in_o the_o world_n that_o be_v slave_n of_o sin_n and_o enemy_n to_o god_n but_o as_o one_o star_n differ_v from_o another_o in_o glory_n there_o be_v some_o more_o lively_a image_n of_o god_n and_o who_o better_o imitate_v the_o pattern_n of_o christ_n some_o vessel_n of_o mercy_n fill_v with_o grace_n above_o their_o fellow_n of_o such_o as_o these_o we_o ought_v to_o speak_v to_o the_o glory_n of_o divine_a grace_n there_o be_v a_o attractive_a influence_n in_o their_o pattern_n some_o good_a savour_n and_o impression_n may_v be_v leave_v by_o the_o serious_a perusal_n of_o their_o life_n and_o character_n divers_a have_v date_v their_o first_o conversion_n from_o read_v or_o hear_v such_o relation_n but_o as_o many_o a_o upright_a christian_a who_o funeral_n sermon_n i_o may_v be_v call_v to_o preach_v will_v come_v far_o short_a of_o the_o spirit_n and_o practice_n of_o mr._n g._n so_o i_o resolve_v to_o speak_v more_o spare_o of_o the_o dead_a in_o such_o discourse_n lest_o i_o raise_v the_o expectation_n of_o the_o like_a where_o i_o can_v conscionable_o perform_v it_o and_o on_o the_o same_o account_n i_o forbear_v the_o mention_n of_o some_o thing_n which_o he_o desire_v of_o i_o and_o i_o comply_v with_o because_o i_o will_v not_o encourage_v other_o to_o desire_v the_o like_a i_o hope_v the_o publish_n of_o such_o example_n may_v be_v one_o mean_n to_o confute_v or_o silence_v the_o atheism_n of_o the_o present_a age_n as_o if_o there_o be_v no_o reality_n in_o religion_n that_o it_o be_v mere_a notion_n and_o talk_n or_o a_o cover_n for_o hypocrisy_n a_o exemplary_a visible_a piety_n be_v proper_a to_o confute_v such_o cavil_n baffle_v such_o prejudices_fw-la and_o convince_v the_o mind_n of_o man_n and_o bring_v they_o secret_o to_o wish_v that_o they_o themselves_o be_v such_o it_o be_v certain_a the_o unsuitable_a life_n of_o those_o who_o profess_v religion_n have_v great_o stumble_v and_o harden_v many_o in_o their_o profaneness_n some_o of_o no_o ordinary_a part_n or_o education_n under_o conviction_n of_o sin_n and_o fear_n of_o hell_n upon_o a_o deathbed_n have_v tell_v i_o that_o the_o wicked_a life_n of_o such_o as_o pretend_v to_o religion_n have_v more_o hinder_v their_o seriousness_n than_o all_o the_o quirk_n and_o subtlety_n or_o bold_a attempt_n of_o such_o as_o will_v overthrow_v the_o principle_n of_o christianity_n beside_o serious_a well-disposed_a christian_n will_v be_v encourage_v by_o the_o example_n and_o commendation_n
or_o falsehood_n therein_o thou_o will_v discover_v it_o to_o i_o and_o help_v i_o to_o do_v it_o aright_o and_o now_o glory_n be_v to_o thou_o o_o god_n the_o father_n who_o i_o shall_v be_v bold_a from_o this_o day_n forward_o to_o look_v upon_o as_o my_o god_n and_o father_n that_o ever_o thou_o shall_v find_v out_o such_o a_o way_n for_o the_o recovery_n of_o undo_v sinner_n glory_n be_v to_o thou_o o_o god_n the_o son_n who_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o thy_o own_o blood_n and_o be_v now_o become_v my_o saviour_n and_o redeemer_n glory_n be_v to_o thou_o o_o god_n the_o holy_a ghost_n who_o by_o the_o finger_n of_o thy_o almighty_a power_n have_v turn_v about_o my_o heart_n from_o sin_n to_o god_n o_o dreadful_a jehovah_n the_o lord_n god_n omnipotent_a father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n thou_o be_v now_o become_v my_o covenant-friend_n and_o i_o through_o thy_o infinite_a grace_n be_o become_v thy_o covenant-servant_n amen_o so_o be_v it_o and_o the_o covenant_n which_o i_o have_v make_v on_o earth_n let_v it_o be_v ratify_v in_o heaven_n april_n 11._o 1667._o henry_n gearing_n a_o pathetical_a meditation_n on_o the_o passion_n of_o christ_n take_v out_o of_o mr._n wadsworth_n remain_n 8vo_fw-la abridge_v and_o transcribe_v for_o his_o own_o use_n upon_o sacramental_a occasion_n a_o way_n all_o trifle_a worldly_a business_n i_o must_v go_v see_v my_o bleed_a lord_n come_v now_o my_o soul_n look_v yonder_o thou_o will_v soon_o arrive_v at_o bloody_a golgotha_n where_o thou_o shall_v see_v thy_o bleed_a die_a saviour_n to_o sigh_v and_o linger_v out_o a_o die_a life_n on_o the_o cross_n in_o love_n for_o thou_o this_o this_o might_n o_o my_o soul_n have_v be_v thy_o day_n in_o which_o thou_o may_v have_v drink_v the_o bitter_a cup_n of_o the_o fierce_a anger_n of_o god_n but_o look_v yonder_o there_o he_o go_v that_o must_v drink_v up_o the_o dregs_o and_o all_o for_o thou_o but_o come_v my_o soul_n draw_v up_o a_o little_a near_o stand_v here_o and_o thou_o will_v see_v he_o pass_o look_v there_o he_o go_v with_o a_o train_n of_o virgin_n follow_v but_o see_v how_o cruel_o these_o barbarous_a jew_n do_v use_v he_o they_o make_v he_o bear_v his_o cross_n himself_o see_v how_o they_o laugh_v and_o scoff_n and_o wag_v their_o head_n as_o if_o he_o be_v their_o may-game_n look_v see_v my_o soul_n come_v tell_v i_o what_o thou_o see_v o_o i_o can_v sorrow_n tie_v my_o tongue_n i_o can_v speak_v i_o see_v a_o troop_n of_o virgin_n follow_v he_o their_o weep_a eye_n their_o blubber_a lip_n their_o sigh_n and_o throbbing_n speak_v they_o mourner_n i_o see_v my_o lord_n look_v towards_o they_o and_o kind_o 〈◊〉_d their_o love_a sorrow_n weep_v not_o for_o i_o ah_o can_v they_o do_v less_o than_o weep_v to_o see_v thy_o innocent_a self_n among_o a_o herd_n of_o tiger_n but_o whither_o o_o whither_o o_o you_o blind_a jew_n be_v you_o drag_v this_o my_o lord_n my_o spirit_n begin_v to_o faint_v i_o now_o can_v look_v no_o long_o my_o heart_n now_o begin_v to_o swell_v with_o grief_n it_o must_v now_o break_v or_o i_o must_v vent_v it_o at_o my_o eye_n in_o stream_n look_v see_v the_o hammer_n and_o nail_n the_o hammer_n lift_v up_o to_o strike_v bloody_a man_n thou_o dare_v not_o strike_v sure_a sure_o thou_o do_v not_o know_v who_o hand_n and_o foot_n thou_o be_v now_o pierce_a it_o be_v the_o prince_n and_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n but_o look_v see_v it_o be_v do_v the_o nail_n be_v drive_v to_o the_o head_n see_v how_o the_o blood_n run_v trickle_v down_o his_o hand_n and_o foot_n and_o see_v how_o harden_a heart_n be_v laugh_v at_o it_o o_o silly_a foolish_a blind_a man_n what_o laugh_v yet_o see_v this_o very_a christ_n you_o now_o mock_v shall_v be_v your_o judge_n but_o come_v again_o look_v and_o see_v my_o soul_n what_o be_v become_v of_o thy_o nail_v and_o crucify_a lord_n ah_o i_o he_o be_v not_o quite_o dead_a look_v how_o he_o gasp_n and_o pant_n for_o life_n o_o how_o pale_a and_o wan_a do_v i_o see_v his_o cheek_n methinks_v he_o shall_v be_v dead_a for_o see_v how_o weak_a his_o neck_n be_v grow_v that_o it_o be_v not_o able_a to_o support_v his_o head_n that_o lie_v a_o die_a on_o his_o bleed_a breast_n what_o yet_o not_o dead_a see_v how_o he_o shake_v and_o stir_v his_o die_a limb_n what_o gasp_n and_o groan_n do_v i_o hear_v he_o fetch_v hark_v hark_v he_o speak_v o_o let_v i_o catch_v the_o last_o breath_n of_o my_o die_a saviour_n what_o say_v my_o lord_n what_o my_o god_n my_o god_n why_o have_v thou_o forsake_v i_o he_o have_v be_v all_o this_o while_n a_o drink_n up_o the_o cup_n his_o father_n give_v he_o the_o bitter_a sour_a cup_n of_o his_o father_n wrath_n which_o i_o and_o all_o the_o world_n have_v else_o drink_v but_o must_v he_o endure_v all_o this_o must_v he_o be_v crown_v with_o thorn_n and_o sweat_n and_o bleed_v and_o die_v and_o all_o for_o i_o this_o i_o stand_v amaze_v at_o but_o there_o be_v necessity_n for_o all_o this_o either_o he_o must_v be_v thus_o deal_v with_o or_o else_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v he_o must_v drink_v up_o this_o bitter_a cup_n with_o all_o its_o dregs_o or_o else_o i_o must_v have_v drink_v it_o up_o myself_o it_o be_v i_o that_o sin_v and_o must_v have_v suffer_v this_o curse_a proud_a and_o earthly_a heart_n of_o i_o rebel_v and_o break_v the_o law_n and_o shall_v have_v suffer_v and_o bear_v the_o punishment_n have_v not_o he_o step_v in_o and_o bear_v the_o stroke_n off_o from_o i_o i_o have_v be_v now_o burn_v in_o everlasting_a flame_n and_o be_v linger_a out_o this_o time_n in_o torment_n which_o i_o be_o now_o spend_v in_o the_o sweet_a thought_n of_o my_o escape_n have_v not_o the_o prophet_n say_v all_o this_o in_o isa_n 53._o these_o wound_n stripe_n bruise_n he_o bear_v for_o thou_o o_o amaze_a love_n and_o grace_n the_o son_n of_o god_n love_v i_o better_o than_o his_o life_n be_v ever_o love_n like_v to_o his_o love_n he_o be_v a_o stranger_n to_o i_o why_o do_v he_o not_o let_v i_o die_v but_o he_o love_v i_o i_o be_v a_o pollute_a sinner_n methinks_v he_o shall_v have_v loathe_v i_o but_o he_o do_v wash_v i_o and_o make_v i_o clean_o again_o but_o why_o do_v he_o love_v a_o enemy_n or_o how_o can_v he_o do_v it_o i_o know_v not_o why_o o_o inexpressible_a love_n o_o love_n past_o thought_n he_o love_v because_o he_o will_v love_v what_o ail_v my_o heart_n i_o can_v find_v it_o stir_v what!_o dead_a under_o the_o revive_a thought_n of_o thy_o dear_a redeemer_n arise_v shake_v up_o thyself_o and_o look_v about_o thou_o thou_o do_v not_o sure_o see_v thy_o mercy_n come_v away_o o_o come_v away_o lift_v up_o thy_o drowsy_a head_n i_o will_v make_v thou_o look_v and_o love_n and_o ever_o i_o leave_v thou_o confess_v thou_o love_v he_o suppose_v now_o for_o thy_o sin_n the_o vengeance_n of_o god_n be_v just_a seize_v upon_o thou_o turn_v thou_o into_o hell_n and_o christ_n come_v and_o reveal_v himself_o to_o thou_o sinner_n i_o love_v thou_o i_o say_v thou_o shall_v not_o die_v come_v feel_v my_o heart_n how_o it_o beat_v towards_o thou_o do_v thou_o not_o see_v i_o have_v leave_v my_o throne_n and_o be_o come_v down_o to_o the_o bar_n where_o thou_o stand_v condemn_v but_o why_o do_v thou_o weep_v come_v let_v i_o wipe_v thy_o eye_n and_o bind_v up_o thy_o bleed_a and_o despair_a heart_n i_o tell_v thou_o thou_o shall_v not_o die_v if_o heaven_n will_v have_v blood_n it_o shall_v have_v i_o so_o it_o will_v but_o spare_v thou_o now_o the_o soul_n have_v not_o a_o word_n to_o speak_v against_o this_o love_n thy_o son_n o_o god_n have_v offer_v satisfaction_n and_o thou_o have_v accept_v it_o thou_o o_o my_o saviour_n have_v lay_v down_o thy_o life_n for_o i_o and_o thy_o father_n and_o my_o father_n be_v well_o please_v with_o it_o blood_n be_v pay_v justice_n be_v satisfy_v heaven_n door_n be_v widen_v thy_o arm_n open_v to_o receive_v i_o nothing_o be_v want_v but_o my_o heart_n make_v it_o such_o as_o thou_o will_v have_v it_o and_o then_o take_v it_o to_o thyself_o come_v my_o soul_n the_o father_n thou_o see_v be_v willing_a and_o the_o son_n be_v willing_a give_v but_o thy_o consent_n and_o he_o be_v thou_o for_o ever_o fear_v not_o thy_o hardness_n deadness_n blindness_n loathsomeness_n all_o these_o can_v hinder_v if_o thou_o be_v but_o willing_a what_o stick_v thou_o at_o what_o do_v ail_v half_n of_o this_o ado_n will_v fetch_v a_o heart_n for_o the_o world_n a_o little_a mire_n and_o dirt_n and_o be_v not_o
hope_v i_o desire_v to_o forsake_v all_o my_o sin_n now_o the_o scripture_n say_v 1_o joh._n 1._o 9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n and_o to_o cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o unrighteousness_n and_o prov._n 28._o 13._o whoso_o confess_v and_o forsake_v his_o sin_n shall_v have_v mercy_n i_o hope_v i_o do_v not_o allow_v myself_o in_o any_o sin_n but_o desire_v power_n against_o it_o as_o well_o as_o pardon_v of_o it_o yea_o the_o sin_n i_o be_o most_o incline_v to_o though_o my_o heart_n be_v often_o apt_a to_o go_v out_o after_o it_o the_o lord_n forgive_v it_o yet_o i_o hope_v it_o be_v my_o earnest_a desire_n that_o i_o may_v have_v strength_n against_o it_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o say_v with_o david_n psal_n 18._o 23._o i_o be_v upright_o before_o he_o and_o keep_v myself_o from_o my_o iniquity_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v from_o my_o soul_n to_o mourn_v for_o heart-sin_n as_o hardness_n and_o deadness_n and_o wander_n and_o distraction_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n i_o hope_v this_o be_v a_o good_a sign_n that_o i_o be_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o real_o trouble_v for_o secret_a sin_n which_o the_o world_n know_v nothing_o of_o and_o that_o i_o do_v not_o allow_v sinful_a thought_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n and_o to_o lay_v to_o heart_n the_o great_a dishonour_v do_v to_o god_n by_o other_o i_o hope_v there_o be_v a_o change_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_o a_o new_a creature_n 2_o cor._n 5._o 17._o if_o i_o be_o a_o new_a creature_n than_o i_o be_o in_o christ_n i_o hope_v so_o because_o there_o be_v such_o strive_n and_o fight_n in_o i_o against_o sin_n such_o struggle_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n there_o be_v certain_o a_o resist_n of_o sin_n if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o wonderful_o deceive_v i_o now_o mr._n n._n use_v to_o say_v it_o be_v true_a grace_n to_o resist_v sin_n it_o be_v strong_a grace_n to_o conquer_v sin_n i_o consider_v how_o it_o be_v with_o paul_n rom._n 7._o he_o say_v there_o be_v a_o law_n in_o his_o member_n warring_n against_o the_o law_n of_o his_o mind_n and_o the_o evil_a that_o he_o will_v not_o do_v that_o he_o do_v methinks_v it_o be_v so_o with_o i_o sometime_o i_o hope_v this_o strive_v and_o struggle_v be_v a_o sign_n i_o be_o not_o dead_a in_o sin_n and_o trespass_n for_o a_o dead_a man_n strive_v not_o move_v not_o i_o beg_v of_o god_n often_o and_o hearty_o that_o i_o may_v be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a and_o hope_v i_o have_v from_o my_o heart_n many_o time_n pray_v with_o david_n that_o god_n will_v search_v i_o and_o try_v i_o in_o mercy_n and_o find_v out_o if_o there_o be_v any_o way_n of_o wickedness_n in_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o sin_n that_o lie_v hide_v in_o my_o soul_n and_o have_v be_v glad_a when_o minister_n have_v come_v to_o examination_n that_o so_o i_o may_v try_v myself_o especial_o in_o my_o young_a year_n when_o i_o hear_v mr._n n._n and_o use_v to_o try_v myself_o by_o character_n that_o he_o lay_v down_o and_o have_v then_o find_v comfort_n and_o great_a hope_n of_o a_o work_n of_o grace_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o wonder_v how_o those_o that_o hear_v that_o soul-awakening_a minister_n can_v bear_v it_o if_o they_o do_v not_o find_v god_n have_v be_v at_o work_n in_o their_o soul_n i_o do_v remember_v when_o i_o be_v young_a what_o delight_n i_o take_v in_o hear_v that_o good_a man_n and_o have_v be_v as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o corner_n of_o heaven_n i_o have_v often_o have_v my_o heart_n quicken_v warm_v and_o much_o draw_v out_o to_o god_n now_o though_o to_o my_o shame_n i_o may_v write_v it_o i_o have_v abate_v much_o in_o my_o zeal_n and_o love_n to_o god_n and_o his_o way_n since_o i_o have_v have_v more_o to_o do_v with_o the_o world_n and_o a_o family_n to_o provide_v for_o yet_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v the_o day_n of_o old_a the_o year_n of_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o most_o high_a and_o hope_v i_o may_v take_v comfort_n from_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v have_v former_o remember_v where_o grace_n be_v once_o wrought_v it_o shall_v never_o be_v extinguish_v who_o christ_n love_v once_o he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o that_o god_n never_o repent_v that_o he_o give_v grace_n to_o any_o i_o hope_v though_o by_o my_o sin_n i_o have_v cause_v the_o lord_n much_o to_o depart_v from_o i_o for_o many_o year_n that_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o such_o quicken_a and_o comfort_n in_o duty_n as_o former_o yet_o that_o i_o do_v not_o content_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n but_o desire_v to_o have_v my_o soul_n follow_v hard_o after_o god_n to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o do_v i_o hope_v prize_v a_o smile_n from_o he_o and_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n above_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o do_v often_o pray_v with_o david_n psal_n 4._o when_o other_o say_v who_o will_v show_v we_o any_o good_a that_o god_n will_v lift_v up_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o desire_v with_o the_o spouse_n to_o seek_v he_o who_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v at_o least_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o love_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v a_o good_a sign_n that_o i_o have_v frequent_a thought_n of_o god_n and_o do_v often_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o he_o as_o when_o i_o lie_v down_o at_o night_n and_o awake_v in_o the_o morning_n i_o desire_v my_o first_o and_o last_o thought_n may_v be_v with_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v with_o david_n i_o desire_v to_o set_v the_o lord_n always_o before_o i_o psal_n 16._o 8._o i_o hope_v i_o be_o desirous_a and_o willing_a to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o all_o the_o commandment_n of_o god_n and_o not_o to_o pick_v and_o choose_v i_o hope_v i_o will_v not_o allow_v myself_o in_o the_o omission_n of_o any_o duty_n now_o christ_n say_v you_o be_v my_o disciple_n if_o you_o do_v whatsoever_o i_o command_v you_o joh._n 15._o 14._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v from_o my_o heart_n pray_v many_o time_n that_o god_n will_v make_v know_v to_o i_o how_o i_o shall_v walk_v to_o please_v he_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v patient_o to_o continue_v in_o well-doing_n and_o to_o wait_v upon_o god_n though_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o he_o now_o there_o be_v a_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n to_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o isa_n 30._o 18._o and_o the_o promise_n be_v rom._n 2._o 7._o to_o they_o who_o by_o patient_a continuance_n in_o well-doing_n seek_v for_o glory_n and_o honour_n and_o immortality_n that_o god_n will_v give_v eternal_a life_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v my_o will_n may_v be_v according_a to_o god_n will_n and_o will_v do_v better_a than_o i_o do_v now_o if_o i_o be_o but_o real_o willing_a though_o i_o have_v many_o fail_n and_o fall_v infinite_o short_a yet_o it_o be_v say_v 2_o cor._n 8._o 12._o where_o there_o be_v a_o willing_a mind_n it_o be_v accept_v according_a to_o what_o a_o man_n have_v and_o not_o according_a to_o what_o he_o have_v not_o and_o our_o saviour_n speak_v gracious_o to_o his_o disciple_n when_o he_o find_v they_o asleep_o mat._n 26._o 41._o the_o spirit_n true_o be_v willing_a but_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v merciful_a to_o they_o who_o be_v in_o misery_n and_o have_v sometime_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o opportunity_n though_o the_o lord_n forgive_v too_o backward_o at_o other_o time_n now_o our_o lord_n say_v bless_a be_v the_o merciful_a for_o they_o shall_v obtain_v mercy_n mat._n 5._o 7._o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o cleanse_v myself_o from_o all_o filthiness_n of_o flesh_n and_o spirit_n to_o have_v my_o heart_n purify_v now_o it_o be_v say_v bless_a be_v the_o pure_a in_o heart_n for_o they_o shall_v see_v god_n mat._n 5._o 8._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v count_v the_o cost_n what_o it_o may_v cost_v i_o to_o be_v a_o christian_a indeed_o and_o be_o full_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o let_v all_o go_v for_o he_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n and_o earnest_a prayer_n i_o hope_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n that_o if_o god_n call_v i_o to_o it_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o his_o sake_n now_o christ_n say_v he_o that_o forsake_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o his_o name_n be_v sake_n shall_v receive_v a_o hundred-fold_n and_o inherit_v everlasting_a life_n mat._n 19_o 29._o and_o he_o that_o lose_v his_o life_n shall_v find_v it_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o to_o
this_o thou_o find_v thou_o have_v more_o desire_n after_o grace_n that_o be_v more_o grace_n be_v thou_o not_o only_o thankful_a for_o a_o little_a grace_n but_o art_n reach_v after_o more_o do_v thou_o grow_v more_o weary_a of_o thy_o sin_n and_o more_o earnest_a after_o christ_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o that_o i_o be_o more_o weary_a of_o sin_n and_o desire_v more_o grace_n now_o growth_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o life_n again_o put_v this_o question_n to_o thyself_o do_v i_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n this_o be_v a_o evidence_n of_o spiritual_a life_n dead_a man_n do_v not_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n now_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n and_o nothing_o but_o himself_o will_v content_v i_o again_o ask_v thy_o soul_n do_v i_o love_v god_n and_o christ_n or_o do_v i_o not_o these_o mark_v he_o give_v of_o love_n to_o christ_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o be_o grieve_v at_o thy_o absence_n and_o be_o rejoice_v at_o thy_o presence_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v those_o that_o be_v like_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v the_o place_n and_o duty_n where_o thou_o be_v wont_a to_o meet_v thy_o people_n and_o warm_v their_o heart_n but_o if_o thou_o be_v not_o there_o i_o can_v take_v up_o content_o with_o they_o lord_n i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v but_o i_o be_o grieve_v when_o thou_o be_v dishonour_v by_o myself_o or_o other_o though_o i_o grieve_v for_o this_o less_o than_o i_o shall_v because_o i_o love_v thou_o less_o than_o i_o ought_v lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o desire_v to_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o shall_v be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o for_o thou_o thing_n sinful_a in_o themselves_o at_o all_o time_n and_o thing_n lawful_a when_o thou_o call_v i_o to_o it_o once_o more_o i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o will_v have_v a_o heart_n to_o love_n and_o long_o and_o look_v for_o thy_o come_v and_o appearance_n in_o glory_n mr._n ambrose_n direct_v to_o try_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n advise_v first_o to_o write_v down_o the_o scripture-marks_a or_o grace_n or_o glory_n and_o mention_n these_o several_a scripture_n follow_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 3._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o know_v he_o if_o we_o keep_v his_o commandment_n 2_o cor._n 1._o 12._o for_o our_o rejoice_n be_v this_o the_o testimony_n of_o our_o conscience_n that_o in_o godly_a simplicity_n and_o sincerity_n we_o have_v have_v our_o conversation_n in_o the_o world_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 9_o 10._o whosoever_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n sin_v not_o because_o his_o seed_n abide_v in_o he_o neither_o can_v he_o sin_v because_o he_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n in_o this_o the_o child_n of_o god_n be_v manifest_a etc._n etc._n 1_o joh._n 4._o 13._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o dwell_v in_o he_o and_o he_o in_o we_o because_o he_o have_v give_v we_o of_o his_o spirit_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 14._o we_o know_v that_o we_o have_v pass_v from_o death_n to_o life_n because_o we_o love_v the_o brethren_n james_n 1._o 12._o there_o be_v a_o crown_n of_o life_n the_o lord_n have_v promise_v to_o they_o that_o love_v he_o but_o above_o all_o observe_v these_o text_n follow_v as_o contain_v the_o special_a gospel-condition_n to_o which_o we_o find_v so_o often_o annex_v the_o promise_n of_o justification_n and_o glorification_n joh._n 3._o 16._o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 5._o 24._o he_o that_o believe_v have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o shall_v not_o come_v into_o condemnation_n but_o be_v pass_v from_o death_n unto_o life_n joh._n 6._o 40._o and_o this_o be_v the_o will_n of_o he_o that_o send_v i_o that_o every_o one_o that_o see_v the_o son_n and_o believe_v in_o he_o may_v have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 20._o 31._o these_o thing_n be_v write_v that_o you_o may_v believe_v that_o jesus_n be_v the_o christ_n the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o that_o believe_v you_o may_v have_v life_n through_o his_o name_n act_n 16._o 31._o believe_v on_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o thou_o shall_v be_v save_v rom._n 10._o 9_o 10._o if_o thou_o shall_v confess_v with_o thy_o mouth_n the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o shall_v believe_v in_o thy_o heart_n that_o god_n have_v raise_v he_o from_o the_o dead_a thou_o shall_v be_v save_v heb._n 10._o 39_o we_o be_v not_o of_o they_o who_o draw_v back_o unto_o perdition_n but_o of_o they_o that_o believe_v to_o the_o save_n of_o the_o soul_n 1_o joh._n 5._o 13._o these_o thing_n have_v i_o write_v unto_o you_o that_o believe_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n that_o you_o may_v know_v that_o you_o have_v eternal_a life_n from_o the_o first_o text_n we_o gather_v the_o scripture_n mark_v of_o universal_a obedience_n from_o the_o second_o sincerity_n from_o the_o three_o opposition_n against_o and_o abstinence_n from_o sin_n from_o the_o four_o spiritual_a performance_n of_o holy_a duty_n from_o the_o five_o a_o love_n of_o the_o brethren_n from_o the_o six_o a_o love_n of_o christ_n from_o all_o the_o rest_n faith_n in_o christ_n the_o root_n and_o spring_n of_o all_o other_o grace_n and_o necessary_a condition_n of_o pardon_n and_o eternal_a life_n proceed_v we_o now_o to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o ourselves_o but_o be_v sure_o to_o state_n it_o aright_o let_v it_o not_o be_v whether_o there_o be_v any_o good_a in_o we_o at_o all_o for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o one_o hand_n nor_o yet_o whether_o we_o have_v such_o and_o such_o a_o degree_n and_o measure_n of_o grace_n for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o other_o hand_n but_o whether_o according_a to_o the_o forementioned_a scripture_n such_o and_o such_o a_o save_a grace_n be_v in_o we_o or_o not_o now_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o god_n his_o help_n to_o try_v the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n by_o what_o follow_v this_o 17_o of_o august_n 1676._o and_o i_o do_v hope_n i_o find_v the_o true_a mark_n of_o save_a grace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o desire_v here_o to_o enter_v they_o down_o that_o i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o it_o in_o time_n of_o need_n and_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o be_v sincere_a 1._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o respect_v to_o and_o do_v observe_v all_o god_n commandment_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o law_n in_o truth_n and_o sincerity_n though_o not_o in_o gradual_a perfection_n do_v thou_o know_v god_n in_o part_n and_o love_n god_n true_o by_o a_o sincere_a obedience_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o commandment_n in_o a_o evangelical_n sense_n and_o wherein_o thou_o fail_v do_v thou_o acknowledge_v thy_o fail_n and_o rely_v upon_o christ_n for_o pardon_n be_v thy_o universal_a obedience_n internal_a and_o spiritual_a as_o well_o as_o external_a be_v thy_o delight_n in_o the_o law_n of_o god_n after_o the_o inward_a man_n be_v thy_o obedience_n to_o the_o duty_n of_o both_o table_n do_v thou_o make_v conscience_n of_o particular_a duty_n in_o every_o relation_n 2._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o sincerity_n and_o uprightness_n of_o heart_n be_v there_o a_o powerful_a change_n of_o the_o whole_a man_n by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n do_v thou_o do_v what_o be_v good_a upon_o this_o account_n because_o god_n command_v it_o not_o because_o it_o will_v agree_v with_o thy_o end_n and_o advantage_n but_o because_o god_n have_v require_v it_o be_v thou_o diligent_a and_o conscientious_a in_o secret_a duty_n to_o perform_v they_o and_o in_o spiritual_a or_o heart_n sin_n and_o secret_a lust_n to_o avoid_v they_o do_v thou_o serve_v god_n in_o spirit_n do_v thou_o eye_n god_n whether_o in_o private_a or_o public_a do_v thou_o set_v thyself_o zealous_o against_o those_o sin_n thou_o be_v most_o incline_v unto_o do_v thou_o hate_v sin_n most_o in_o thyself_o and_o in_o those_o that_o be_v near_a unto_o thou_o have_v thou_o respect_v to_o all_o god_n commandment_n but_o yet_o to_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o first_o table_n before_o the_o second_o to_o the_o command_v of_o great_a duty_n before_o those_o of_o lesser_a duty_n or_o if_o in_o all_o these_o particular_n thou_o find_v not_o such_o a_o uprightness_n as_o have_v no_o deceit_n or_o falsehood_n or_o carnal_a respect_n at_o all_o join_v with_o it_o for_o as_o all_o other_o grace_n be_v but_o in_o part_n so_o be_v we_o sincere_a and_o upright_o but_o in_o part_n be_v thou_o humble_v under_o thy_o hypocrisy_n and_o spiritual_a guile_n and_o do_v thou_o trust_v only_o to_o christ_n and_o do_v thou_o cry_v as_o david_n do_v for_o truth_n in_o the_o
a_o title_n to_o heaven_n or_o that_o we_o have_v not_o but_o pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n with_o self-flattery_n nor_o from_o melancholy_a terror_n and_o fear_n one_a not_o with_o self-flattery_n alas_o what_o will_v it_o profit_v we_o to_o think_v ourselves_o the_o child_n of_o god_n when_o we_o visible_o express_v the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n in_o our_o life_n two_o on_o the_o other_o side_n pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n from_o melancholy_a unbelief_n terror_n and_o fear_n as_o the_o carnal_a man_n fail_v the_o former_a way_n so_o the_o tempt_a christian_n sometime_o fail_v this_o way_n in_o this_o case_n run_v we_o over_o our_o evidence_n again_o and_o again_o and_o proceed_v we_o from_o those_o that_o be_v more_o difficult_a to_o those_o that_o be_v more_o easy_a one_o sign_n perhaps_o may_v be_v more_o easy_o perceive_v than_o another_o and_o if_o we_o can_v but_o discover_v some_o yea_o if_o but_o one_o we_o may_v assure_o gather_v all_o the_o rest_n be_v there_o come_v then_o pass_v on_o now_o to_o sentence_n o_o but_o implore_v the_o spirit_n be_v assistance_n now_o if_o ever_o let_v we_o desire_v he_o to_o shine_v on_o our_o grace_n and_o then_o speak_v ground_o and_o deliberate_o and_o true_o as_o we_o find_v according_a to_o our_o very_a conscience_n do_v not_o conclude_v as_o some_o do_v i_o be_o a_o good_a christian_a or_o as_o other_o do_v i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n or_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o shall_v be_v damn_v when_o we_o have_v no_o ground_n for_o what_o we_o say_v but_o our_o own_o fancy_n or_o hope_n or_o fear_n let_v not_o our_o judgement_n be_v any_o way_n biased_a or_o bribe_v from_o sentence_v aright_o then_o he_o further_o advise_v that_o we_o shall_v labour_v to_o get_v our_o heart_n kind_o affect_v with_o its_o discover_a condition_n according_a to_o the_o sentence_n pass_v on_o it_o do_v not_o think_v enough_o to_o know_v but_o labour_v to_o feel_v what_o god_n have_v make_v we_o to_o see_v if_o we_o find_v ourselves_o renew_v and_o sanctify_v indeed_o o_o let_v we_o get_v this_o warm_a and_o close_o to_o our_o heart_n bethink_v ourselves_o what_o a_o bless_a estate_n have_v the_o lord_n bring_v we_o into_o to_o be_v his_o child_n his_o friend_n to_o be_v pardon_v justify_v and_o entitle_v to_o life_n why_o what_o be_v it_o we_o now_o need_v to_o fear_v but_o sin_v against_o he_o come_v war_n or_o plague_n or_o sickness_n or_o death_n we_o be_v sure_o they_o can_v but_o thrust_v we_o into_o heaven_n thus_o let_v we_o follow_v these_o meditation_n till_o they_o have_v leave_v their_o impression_n on_o our_o heart_n then_o he_o advise_v to_o record_v this_o sentence_n so_o pass_v to_o write_v it_o down_o which_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o do_v this_o 18_o of_o august_n 1676._o have_v search_v and_o try_v my_o heart_n yesterday_o and_o at_o this_o time_n also_o after_o i_o hope_v earneft_v and_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o try_v my_o state_n and_o condition_n i_o do_v fall_v again_o to_o the_o work_n of_o self-trial_n by_o the_o forementioned_a particular_n and_o though_o i_o can_v full_o declare_v a_o positive_a answer_n to_o every_o question_n yet_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o can_v to_o most_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v i_o beg_v of_o god_n i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v it_o be_v some_o comfort_n to_o i_o where_o i_o can_v so_o full_o answer_v some_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o most_o hearty_o desire_v it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o though_o grace_n be_v very_o weak_a in_o i_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v humble_v and_o mourn_v for_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v god_n work_n in_o i_o i_o must_v not_o deny_v the_o day_n of_o small-thing_n but_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n must_v own_v sure_o there_o be_v something_o of_o good_a wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o my_o comfort_n be_v christ_n will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n mat._n 12._o 20._o i_o be_o not_o now_o affect_v with_o the_o discovery_n of_o my_o condition_n as_o i_o shall_v and_o do_v not_o find_v at_o present_a inward_a comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o and_o have_v be_v much_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n for_o a_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o apostasy_n and_o backslide_n from_o he_o and_o not_o walk_v close_o with_o he_o yet_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o content_v myself_o till_o i_o again_o meet_v with_o he_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o wait_v on_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o to_o act_v grace_n though_o i_o want_v comfort_n o_o if_o i_o be_o but_o sincere_a and_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o he_o may_v return_v with_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o maintain_v faith_n and_o hop_v through_o christ_n though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n yet_o to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n isa_n 50._o 10._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o now_o to_o walk_v answerable_a to_o the_o great_a thing_n he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o desire_v and_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o hereafter_o as_o i_o shall_v have_v need_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v as_o mr._n ambrose_n advise_v his_o word_n be_v this_o record_n will_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o we_o hereafter_o if_o we_o find_v we_o have_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o we_o what_o a_o help_n will_v it_o be_v against_o the_o next_o temptation_n to_o doubt_v and_o fear_n to_o go_v and_o read_v under_o our_o hand_n this_o record_n may_v we_o not_o think_v if_o at_o such_o a_o time_n i_o find_v the_o truth_n of_o grace_n be_v it_o not_o likely_a to_o be_v now_o the_o same_o and_o these_o doubt_n to_o come_v from_o the_o enemy_n of_o my_o peace_n yet_o trust_v not_o so_o to_o one_o discovery_n as_o to_o try_v no_o more_o especial_o if_o we_o have_v make_v any_o soul_n defection_n from_o christ_n and_o play_v the_o backslider_n see_v then_o that_o we_o renew_v the_o search_n again_o neither_o let_v this_o hinder_v we_o in_o the_o daily_a search_n of_o our_o way_n or_o of_o our_o increase_n in_o grace_n and_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n it_o be_v a_o ill_a sign_n and_o a_o desperate_a vile_a sin_n for_o a_o man_n when_o he_o think_v he_o have_v find_v himself_o gracious_a and_o in_o a_o happy_a state_n to_o let_v down_o his_o watch_n and_o grow_v negligent_a of_o his_o heart_n and_o way_n and_o scarce_o look_v after_o they_o any_o more_o neither_o shall_v we_o give_v over_o in_o discouragement_n if_o we_o can_v at_o once_o or_o twice_o or_o ten_o time_n try_v discover_v our_o case_n but_o follow_v it_o on_o till_o we_o have_v discover_v it_o if_o one_o hour_n or_o day_n will_v not_o do_v take_v another_o if_o one_o minister_n can_v direct_v we_o sufficient_o go_v to_o another_o the_o issue_n will_v answer_v all_o our_o pain_n there_o be_v no_o sit_v down_o discourage_v in_o a_o work_n that_o must_v be_v do_v if_o we_o have_v be_v hypocrite_n or_o ungodly_a person_n all_o our_o life_n yet_o be_v the_o promise_v offer_v to_o we_o by_o christ_n and_o he_o tender_v himself_o to_o we_o to_o be_v our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n neither_o can_v we_o possible_o be_v so_o willing_a to_o accept_v he_o as_o he_o be_v to_o accept_v we_o nothing_o but_o our_o own_o unwillingness_n can_v keep_v our_o soul_n from_o christ_n though_o we_o have_v hitherto_o abuse_v he_o and_o dissemble_v with_o he_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v persuade_v we_o to_o the_o close_a performance_n of_o this_o self-trying_a task_n that_o we_o may_v not_o tremble_v with_o horror_n of_o soul_n when_o the_o judge_n of_o all_o the_o world_n shall_v try_v we_o but_o have_v our_o evidence_n so_o ready_a at_o hand_n and_o be_v so_o able_a to_o prove_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n that_o the_o thought_n and_o approach_v of_o death_n and_o judgement_n may_v revive_v our_o spirit_n and_o fill_v we_o with_o joy_n and_o not_o apale_fw-la we_o and_o fill_v we_o with_o amazement_n september_n the_o 19_o 1676._o find_v my_o heart_n very_o hard_a and_o dead_a of_o late_a and_o be_v still_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o hope_v sensible_a of_o it_o and_o desirous_a to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o seek_v he_o in_o his_o ordinance_n for_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v take_v up_o with_o duty_n without_o something_o
thankful_a it_o be_v not_o grace_n that_o be_v deny_v thou_o but_o only_a comfort_n she_o that_o mourn_v that_o her_o belove_a be_v go_v and_o have_v withdraw_v himself_o be_v a_o spouse_n still_o she_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o bridegroom_n though_o she_o see_v he_o not_o disease_n feel_v in_o the_o soul_n seldom_o prove_v mortal_a desire_v after_o christ_n and_o sanctification_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o no_o utter_a rejection_n the_o soul_n that_o can_v true_o desire_v mercy_n be_v not_o total_o exclude_v mercy_n o_o let_v tempt_v trouble_v soul_n then_o be_v comfort_v the_o bless_a god_n have_v a_o compassionate_a open_a ear_n to_o all_o sensible_a self-bemoaning_a sinner_n jer._n 31._o 18._o i_o have_v sure_o hear_v ephraim_n be_v moan_v himself_o there_o be_v none_o such_o but_o shall_v be_v hear_v of_o god_n they_o shall_v be_v love_v of_o god_n that_o loath_a themselves_o they_o shall_v be_v acquit_v of_o god_n that_o condemn_v themselves_o his_o merciful_a ear_n be_v still_o open_a to_o self-bemoaning_a sinner_n when_o once_o a_o sinner_n come_v to_o himself_o he_o be_v not_o far_o from_o god_n isa_n 40._o 27._o why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o speak_v o_o israel_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord_n and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v over_o from_o my_o god_n the_o inward_a thought_n of_o many_o sensible_a sinner_n be_v that_o god_n have_v cast_v they_o off_o and_o shut_v his_o door_n of_o mercy_n upon_o they_o and_o will_v never_o concern_v himself_o more_o in_o their_o salvation_n such_o unkind_a thought_n we_o be_v apt_a to_o have_v of_o a_o good_a god_n when_o conscience_n bring_v our_o sin_n to_o a_o bitter_a remembrance_n well_o now_o say_v god_n why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n the_o word_n be_v a_o reproof_n for_o distrust_n of_o god_n why_o do_v thou_o think_v and_o speak_v so_o unkind_o of_o i_o as_o that_o i_o shall_v cast_v thou_o out_o of_o my_o care_n and_o thought_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord._n what_o be_v the_o meaning_n of_o that_o why_o god_n take_v no_o notice_n of_o my_o wretchedness_n to_o commiserate_v my_o condition_n and_o relieve_v i_o he_o care_v not_o what_o become_v of_o i_o or_o my_o way_n and_o my_o way_n be_v hide_v that_o he_o can_v help_v i_o and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v from_o my_o god_n that_o be_v there_o be_v a_o sentence_n of_o death_n pass_v on_o i_o there_o be_v no_o escape_n but_o see_v how_o compassionate_a the_o lord_n speak_v why_o do_v thou_o say_v so_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_o not_o thoughtless_a and_o regardless_o of_o thou_o as_o thou_o say_v v._n 28_o 29._o have_v thou_o not_o know_v and_o hear_v the_o everlasting_a god_n give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n increase_v strength_n such_o as_o be_v despond_v and_o hopeless_a in_o themselves_o god_n raise_v they_o up_o they_o that_o wait_v on_o the_o lord_n shall_v renew_v their_o strength_n god_n in_o his_o time_n will_v refresh_v every_o weary_a soul_n iii_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n be_v god_n free_a offer_n and_o promise_v of_o life_n and_o salvation_n by_o christ_n to_o all_o sinner_n that_o shall_v believe_v in_o he_o it_o be_v a_o gracious_a and_o firm_a obligation_n in_o which_o god_n do_v make_v over_o himself_o and_o all_o his_o goodness_n in_o christ_n to_o all_o believer_n it_o be_v a_o great_a matter_n for_o god_n to_o be_v our_o god_n in_o special_a covenant_n when_o he_o say_v i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n it_o be_v as_o if_o he_o shall_v have_v say_v i_o will_v bestow_v my_o self_n upon_o you_o what_o i_o be_o i_o be_o for_o thou_o my_o spirit_n my_o comfort_n my_o son_n my_o love_n my_o goodness_n my_o assistance_n my_o happiness_n it_o be_v thou_o my_o holiness_n shall_v make_v you_o holy_a my_o wisdom_n shall_v make_v you_o wise_a my_o righteousness_n shall_v make_v you_o righteous_a whatsoever_o a_o god_n can_v do_v for_o his_o people_n i_o will_v do_v for_o you_o you_o shall_v have_v all_o thing_n needful_a for_o you_o all_o thing_n desirable_a all_o that_o you_o can_v expect_v from_o a_o god_n expect_v it_o from_o i_o i_o will_v be_v gracious_a to_o pass_v by_o thy_o unworthiness_n i_o will_v be_v merciful_a to_o pardon_v thy_o sin_n i_o will_v be_v holiness_n to_o change_v thy_o nature_n i_o will_v be_v assistance_n to_o thou_o in_o duty_n i_o will_v be_v comfort_n to_o thou_o in_o trouble_n i_o will_v be_v wisdom_n to_o cure_v thy_o folly_n i_o will_v be_v plenty_n to_o thy_o want_n i_o will_v be_v strength_n to_o thy_o weakness_n i_o will_v give_v a_o blessing_n to_o your_o estate_n i_o will_v be_v providence_n as_o to_o your_o danger_n i_o will_v be_v preservation_n as_o to_o your_o person_n i_o will_v be_v salvation_n to_o your_o soul_n i_o will_v be_v your_o sun_n and_o shield_n i_o will_v be_v your_o recompense_n and_o exceed_v great_a reward_n i_o will_v be_v a_o god_n unto_o you_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o guide_v unto_o death_n and_o your_o portion_n for_o ever_o this_o be_v for_o god_n to_o be_v our_o god_n in_o special_a covenant_n iv._o there_o may_v be_v faith_n where_o there_o be_v no_o assurance_n remember_v it_o o_o my_o soul_n for_o thy_o comfort_n and_o make_v a_o right_a use_n of_o it_o thou_o may_v be_v a_o true_a believer_n though_o thou_o be_v but_o a_o weak_a believer_n nay_o though_o thou_o be_v ready_a to_o think_v thyself_o no_o believer_n it_o be_v one_o thing_n to_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o salvation_n and_o another_o to_o know_v it_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o many_o a_o good_a christian_a to_o trust_v in_o god_n and_o believe_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o yet_o in_o time_n of_o desertion_n and_o temptation_n he_o may_v not_o know_v it_o a_o soul_n under_o the_o eclipse_n of_o god_n countenance_n may_v think_v himself_o in_o a_o lose_a condition_n as_o david_n do_v i_o say_v i_o be_o cut_v off_o from_o before_o thy_o eye_n psal_n 31._o 22._o but_o it_o be_v not_o so_o for_o god_n then_o hear_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o supplication_n a_o man_n may_v true_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n and_o yet_o may_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n isa_n 50._o 10._o zion_n say_v the_o lord_n have_v forsake_v i_o my_o god_n have_v forget_v i_o isa_n 49._o 14._o but_o it_o be_v not_o so_o there_o may_v be_v faith_n of_o adherence_n where_o there_o be_v not_o faith_n of_o evidence_n the_o soul_n may_v cleave_v fast_o to_o christ_n and_o say_v if_o i_o perish_v i_o will_v perish_v at_o thy_o foot_n hope_v wait_a trust_v though_o thou_o kill_v i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o thou_o though_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o thou_o love_v i_o yet_o i_o will_v endeavour_v to_o love_v thou_o there_o may_v be_v faith_n without_o assurance_n otherways_o true_a justify_v faith_n may_v be_v lose_v for_o assurance_n be_v with_o some_o quite_o lose_v at_o least_o for_o a_o time_n but_o true_a faith_n can_v be_v lose_v it_o may_v decay_v but_o not_o fail_v i_o have_v pray_v for_o thou_o that_o thy_o faith_n fail_v not_o say_v christ_n to_o peter_n this_o prayer_n he_o make_v for_o all_o believer_n they_o also_o that_o have_v some_o assurance_n of_o their_o salvation_n have_v it_o not_o in_o the_o same_o measure_n there_o may_v be_v a_o good_a measure_n of_o assurance_n though_o not_o full_a assurance_n there_o be_v a_o probable_a assurance_n i_o mean_v when_o a_o christian_a compare_v his_o heart_n and_o life_n with_o the_o example_n of_o christ_n and_o rule_n of_o the_o word_n find_v that_o though_o he_o have_v some_o reason_n to_o fear_v lest_o he_o shall_v be_v a_o hypocrite_n yet_o he_o see_v more_o cause_n to_o hope_v than_o to_o fear_n when_o after_o he_o have_v search_v himself_o make_v a_o impartial_a trial_n of_o himself_o he_o come_v to_o this_o conclusion_n though_o i_o be_o not_o as_o confident_a i_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n as_o i_o be_o that_o there_o be_v a_o heaven_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o see_v more_o ground_n to_o hope_v that_o my_o sin_n be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o be_o in_o a_o state_n of_o salvation_n than_o to_o fear_v it_o be_v otherwise_o when_o i_o reason_v the_o case_n with_o my_o soul_n i_o have_v more_o argument_n for_o i_o than_o against_o i_o and_o can_v say_v if_o i_o die_v this_o moment_n it_o be_v not_o only_o possible_a but_o probable_a that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v this_o i_o call_v a_o probable_a assurance_n there_o may_v be_v doubt_n and_o fear_n where_o there_o be_v this_o assurance_n because_o doubt_n and_o fear_n do_v not_o always_o proceed_v from_o the_o weakness_n of_o grace_n but_o sometime_o from_o the_o strength_n of_o temptation_n a_o man_n that_o have_v