thereof_o for_o it_o do_v always_o in_o almost_o whatever_o i_o think_v intermix_v itself_o therewith_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o can_v neither_o eat_v my_o food_n stoop_v for_o a_o pin_n chap_v a_o stick_n or_o cast_v my_o eye_n to_o look_v on_o this_o or_o that_o but_o still_o the_o temptation_n will_v come_v sell_v christ_n for_o this_o or_o sell_v christ_n for_o that_o 109._o sometime_o it_o will_v run_v in_o my_o thought_n not_o so_o little_a as_o a_o hundred_o time_n together_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o against_o which_o i_o may_v say_v for_o whole_a hour_n together_o i_o have_v be_v force_v to_o stand_v as_o continual_o lean_v and_o force_v my_o spirit_n against_o it_o lest_o haply_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a some_o wicked_a thought_n may_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o may_v consent_v thereto_o and_o sometime_o also_o the_o tempter_n will_v make_v i_o believe_v i_o have_v consent_v to_o it_o than_o shall_v i_o be_v as_o torture_v on_o a_o rack_n for_o whole_a day_n together_o 110._o this_o temptation_n do_v put_v i_o to_o such_o scare_n lest_o i_o shall_v at_o some_o time_n i_o say_v consent_v thereto_o and_o be_v overcome_v therewith_o that_o by_o the_o very_a force_n of_o my_o mind_n in_o labour_v to_o gainsay_v and_o resist_v this_o wickedness_n my_o very_a body_n also_o will_v be_v put_v into_o action_n or_o motion_n by_o way_n of_o push_v or_o thrust_v still_o answer_v as_o fast_o as_o the_o destroyer_n say_v fall_v he_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o no_o not_o for_o thousand_o thousand_o thousand_o of_o world_n this_o reckon_n lest_o i_o shall_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o these_o assault_n set_v too_o low_a a_o value_n of_o he_o even_o until_o i_o scarce_o well_o know_v where_o i_o be_v or_o how_o to_o be_v compose_v again_o 111._o but_o to_o be_v brief_a one_o morning_n as_o i_o do_v lie_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o be_v as_o at_o other_o time_n most_o fierce_o assault_v with_o this_o temptation_n to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o christ_n the_o wicked_a suggestion_n still_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o as_o fast_o as_o a_o man_n can_v speak_v against_o which_o also_o in_o my_o mind_n as_o at_o other_o time_n i_o answer_v no_o no_o not_o for_o thousand_o thousand_o thousand_o at_o least_o twenty_o time_n together_o but_o at_o last_o after_o much_o strive_v even_o until_o i_o be_v almost_o out_o of_o breath_n i_o feel_v the_o thought_n pass_v through_o my_o heart_n let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_v and_o i_o think_v also_o that_o i_o feel_v my_o heart_n consent_v thereto_o 112._o now_o be_v the_o battle_n win_v and_o down_o felâ—_n i_o as_o a_o bird_n that_o be_v shoot_v from_o the_o top_n of_o a_o tree_n in_o to_o great_a guilt_n and_o fearful_a despair_n thus_o get_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v mope_v into_o the_o field_n but_o god_n know_v with_o as_o heavy_a a_o heart_n as_o mortal_a man_n i_o think_v can_v bear_v where_o for_o the_o space_n of_o two_o hour_n i_o be_v like_o a_o man_n bere_v of_o life_n and_o as_o now_o past_a all_o recovery_n and_o bind_v over_o to_o eternal_a punishment_n 113._o and_o withal_o that_o scripture_n do_v seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n or_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12.16_o 17._o 114._o these_o word_n be_v to_o my_o soul_n like_o fetter_n of_o brass_n to_o my_o leg_n in_o the_o continual_a sound_n of_o which_o i_o go_v for_o several_a month_n together_o but_o about_o ten_o or_o eleven_o a_o clock_n one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v under_o a_o hedge_n full_a of_o sorrow_n and_o guilt_n god_n know_v and_o bemoan_v myself_o for_o this_o hard_a hap_n that_o such_o a_o thought_n shall_v arise_v within_o i_o sudden_o this_o sentence_n bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n remit_v all_o guilt_n at_o this_o i_o make_v a_o stand_n in_o my_o spirit_n with_o that_o this_o word_n take_v hold_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n his_o son_n cleanse_v â—s_a from_o all_o sin_n now_o i_o begin_v to_o conceive_v peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o methinks_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o tempter_n do_v hear_v and_o steaâ—_n away_o from_o i_o as_o be_v ashamed_a of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v at_o the_o same_o time_n also_o i_o have_v my_o sin_n and_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n thus_o represent_v to_o i_o that_o my_o sin_n when_o compare_v to_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n be_v no_o more_o to_o it_o than_o this_o little_a clot_n or_o stone_n before_o i_o be_v to_o this_o vast_a and_o wide_a field_n that_o here_o i_o see_v this_o give_v i_o good_a encouragement_n for_o the_o space_n of_o too_o or_o three_o hour_n in_o which_o time_n also_o i_o think_v i_o see_v by_o faith_n the_o son_n of_o god_n as_o suffer_v for_o my_o sin_n but_o because_o it_o tarry_v not_o i_o therefore_o sink_v 〈◊〉_d my_o spirit_n under_o exceed_a guilt_n again_o 115._o sometime_o also_o i_o shall_v have_v a_o touch_n from_o â—hat_n in_o luk._n 22.31_o i_o have_v pray_v for_o thou_o that_o thy_o faith_n fail_v not_o but_o it_o will_v not_o abide_v upon_o i_o neither_o can_v i_o indeed_o when_o i_o consider_v my_o state_n find_v ground_n to_o conceive_v in_o the_o least_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v the_o root_n of_o that_o grace_n within_o i_o have_v sâ—nned_v as_o i_o have_v do_v now_o be_v i_o tear_v and_o rend_v in_o heavy_a case_n for_o many_o day_n together_o 116._o then_o begin_v i_o with_o sad_a and_o careful_a heart_n to_o consider_v of_o the_o nature_n and_o largeness_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o to_o search_v in_o the_o word_n of_o god_n if_o i_o can_v in_o any_o place_n espy_v a_o word_n of_o promise_n or_o any_o encourage_n sentence_n by_o which_o i_o may_v take_v relief_n wherefore_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v that_o three_o of_o mark_n aâ—l_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o the_o son_n of_o man_n wherewith_o soever_o they_o shall_v blaspheme_v which_o place_n i_o thought_n at_o a_o blush_n do_v contain_v a_o large_a and_o glorious_a promise_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o high_a offence_n but_o consider_v the_o place_n more_o full_o i_o think_v it_o be_v rather_o to_o be_v understand_v as_o relate_v more_o chief_o to_o those_o who_o have_v while_o in_o a_o natural_a estate_n commit_v such_o thing_n as_o there_o mention_v but_o not_o to_o i_o who_o have_v not_o only_o receive_v light_n and_o mercy_n but_o that_o have_v both_o after_o and_o also_o contrary_a to_o that_o so_o slight_v christ_n as_o i_o have_v do_v 117._o i_o fear_v therefore_o that_o this_o wicked_a sin_n of_o i_o may_v be_v that_o sin_n unpardonable_a of_o which_o he_o there_o thus_o speak_v but_o he_o that_o shall_v blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n have_v never_o forgiveness_n but_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o eternal_a damnation_n and_o i_o do_v the_o rather_o give_v credit_n to_o this_o because_o of_o that_o sentence_n in_o the_o hebrew_n for_o yâ—u_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n 118._o and_o now_o begin_v i_o to_o labour_v to_o call_v again_o time_n that_o be_v past_a wish_v a_o thousand_o time_n twice_o tell_v that_o the_o day_n be_v yet_o to_o come_v when_o i_o shall_v be_v tempt_v to_o such_o a_o sin_n conclude_v with_o great_a indignation_n both_o against_o my_o heart_n and_o all_o assault_n how_o i_o will_v rather_o have_v be_v tear_v in_o piece_n than_o find_v a_o consenter_n thereto_o but_o alas_o these_o thought_n and_o wish_n and_o resolving_n be_v now_o too_o late_o to_o help_v i_o the_o thought_n have_v pass_v my_o heart_n god_n have_v let_v i_o go_v and_o i_o be_o fall_v o_o think_v i_o that_o it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o in_o month_n past_a as_o in_o the_o day_n when_o god_n preserve_v i_o job_n 29.2_o 119._o then_o again_o be_v loath_a and_o unwilling_a to_o perish_v i_o begin_v to_o compare_v my_o sin_n with_o other_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o any_o of_o those_o that_o be_v save_v have_v do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v so_o i_o consider_v david_n adultery_n and_o murder_n and_o find_v they_o most_o heinous_a crime_n and_o those_o too_o commit_v after_o light_n and_o grace_v receive_v but_o yet_o by_o consider_v i_o perceive_v that_o
than_o now_o i_o dare_v not_o take_v a_o pin_n or_o a_o stick_n though_o but_o so_o big_a as_o a_o straw_n for_o my_o conscience_n now_o be_v sore_a and_o will_v smart_v at_o every_o touch_n i_o can_v not_o now_o tell_v how_o to_o speak_v my_o word_n for_o fear_n i_o shall_v mis-place_n they_o o_o how_o gingerly_o do_v i_o then_o go_v in_o all_o i_o do_v or_o say_v i_o find_v myself_o as_o on_o a_o miry_a bog_n that_o shake_v if_o i_o do_v but_o stir_v and_o as_o there_o left_a both_o of_o god_n and_o christ_n and_o the_o spirit_n and_o all_o good_a thing_n 70._o and_o though_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v and_o toss_v and_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o sense_n and_o terror_n of_o my_o own_o wickedness_n yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o let_v this_o sense_n and_o sight_n go_v quite_o off_o my_o mind_n for_o i_o find_v that_o unless_o guilt_n of_o conscience_n be_v take_v off_o the_o right_a way_n that_o be_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n a_o man_n grow_v rather_o worse_o for_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o trouble_n of_o mind_n than_o better_a wherefore_o if_o my_o guilt_n lie_v hard_o upon_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v cry_v that_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n may_v take_v it_o off_o and_o if_o it_o be_v go_v off_o without_o it_o for_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n will_v be_v sometime_o as_o if_o it_o will_v die_v and_o go_v quite_o away_o than_o i_o will_v also_o strive_v to_o fetch_v it_o upon_o my_o heart_n again_o by_o bring_v the_o punishment_n for_o sin_n in_o hell-fire_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o shall_v cry_v lord_n let_v it_o not_o go_v off_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o right_a way_n but_o by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o by_o the_o application_n of_o thy_o mercy_n through_o he_o to_o my_o soul_n for_o that_o scripture_n lie_v much_o upon_o i_o without_o shed_v of_o blood_n there_o be_v no_o remission_n heb._n 9.22_o and_o that_o which_o make_v i_o the_o more_o afraid_a of_o this_o be_v because_o i_o have_v see_v some_o who_o tho_o when_o they_o be_v under_o wound_n of_o conscience_n than_o they_o will_v cry_v and_o pray_v but_o they_o seek_v rather_o present_a ease_n from_o their_o trouble_n then_o pardon_v foâ—_n their_o sin_n care_v not_o how_o they_o lose_v their_o guilt_n 〈◊〉_d they_o get_v it_o out_o of_o their_o mind_n and_o therefore_o have_v get_v it_o off_o the_o wrong_a way_n it_o be_v not_o sanctifieâ—_n unto_o they_o but_o they_o grow_v hard_a and_o blind_a anâ—_n more_o wicked_a after_o their_o trouble_n this_o make_v 〈◊〉_d afraid_a and_o make_v i_o cry_v to_o god_n that_o it_o may_v noâ—_n be_v so_o with_o i_o 71._o and_o now_o be_v i_o sorry_a that_o god_n have_v make_v mâ—_n a_o man_n for_o i_o fear_v i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n i_o counteâ—_n man_n as_o unconvert_v the_o most_o doleful_a of_o all_o thâ—_n creature_n thus_o be_v afflict_v and_o toss_v abouâ—_n my_o sad_a condition_n i_o count_v myself_o alone_o anâ—_n above_o the_o most_o of_o man_n unblessed_a in_o this_o condition_n i_o go_v a_o great_a while_n but_o when_o comfort_v timâ—_n be_v come_v i_o hear_v one_o preach_v a_o sermon_n upoâ—_n those_o word_n in_o the_o song_n song_n 4.1_o behold_v thou_o anâ—_n fair_a my_o love_n behold_v thou_o be_v fair_a but_o at_o that_o timâ—_n he_o make_v these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n his_o chief_a anâ—_n subject_a matter_n from_o which_o after_o he_o have_v a_o littlâ—_n open_v the_o text_n he_o observe_v these_o several_a conclusion_n 1._o that_o the_o church_n and_o so_o every_o save_v soul_n 〈◊〉_d christ_n love_n when_o loveless_a 2._o christ_n love_n without_o 〈◊〉_d cause_n 3._o christ_n love_n when_o hate_v of_o the_o world_n 4._o christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o under_o diâ—sertion_n 5._o christ_n love_n from_o first_o to_o last_o 72._o but_o i_o get_v nothing_o by_o what_o he_o say_v at_o present_a only_o when_o he_o come_v to_o the_o application_n of_o the_o four_o particular_a this_o be_v the_o word_n he_o say_v if_o it_o be_v so_o thâ—â—_n the_o save_v soul_n be_v christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o dissertion_n then_o poor_a tempt_v soul_n when_o thou_o be_v assault_v and_o afflict_v with_o temptation_n and_o the_o hiding_n 〈◊〉_d god_n face_n yet_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n still_o 73._o so_o as_o i_o be_v a_o go_v home_o these_o word_n camâ—_n again_o into_o my_o thought_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v aâ—_n they_o come_v in_o i_o say_v thus_o in_o my_o heart_n what_o shall_v i_o get_v by_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n this_o thought_n have_v no_o soon_o pass_v through_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o word_n begin_v thus_o to_o kindle_v in_o my_o spirit_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n twenty_o time_n together_o and_o still_o as_o they_o run_v thus_o in_o my_o mind_n they_o wax_v strong_a and_o warm_a and_o begin_v to_o make_v i_o look_v up_o but_o be_v as_o yet_o between_o hope_n and_o fear_n i_o still_o reply_v in_o my_o heart_n but_o be_v it_o true_a too_o but_o be_v it_o true_a at_o which_o that_o sentence_n fall_v in_o upon_o i_o he_o wist_v not_o that_o it_o be_v true_a which_o be_v do_v unto_o he_o of_o the_o angel_n act._n 12.9_o 74._o then_o i_o begin_v to_o give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n which_o with_o power_n do_v over_o and_o over_o make_v this_o joyful_a sound_n within_o my_o soul_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n and_o nothing_o shall_v separate_v thou_o from_o my_o love_n and_o with_o that_o rom._n 8.39_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n now_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v full_a of_o comfort_n and_o hope_n and_o now_o i_o can_v believe_v that_o my_o sin_n shall_v be_v forgive_v i_o wherefore_o i_o say_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o much_o gladness_n well_o i_o will_v i_o have_v a_o pen_n and_o ink_n here_o i_o will_v write_v this_o down_o before_o i_o go_v any_o further_a for_o sure_o i_o will_v not_o forget_v this_o forty_o year_n hence_o but_o alas_o within_o less_o than_o forty_o day_n i_o begin_v to_o question_v all_o again_o 75._o yet_o still_o at_o time_n i_o be_v help_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a manifestation_n of_o grace_n unto_o my_o soul_n though_o i_o have_v lose_v much_o of_o the_o life_n and_o savour_n of_o it_o now_o about_o a_o week_n or_o fortnight_n after_o this_o i_o be_v much_o follow_v by_o this_o scripture_n simon_n simon_n behold_v satan_n have_v desire_v to_o have_v you_o luk._n 22.31_o and_o sometime_o it_o will_v sound_v so_o loud_o within_o i_o yea_o and_o as_o it_o be_v call_v so_o strong_o after_o i_o that_o once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o turn_v my_o head_n over_o my_o shoulder_n think_v very_o that_o some_o man_n have_v behind_o i_o call_v to_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a distance_n 76._o but_o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a that_o i_o know_v not_o the_o reason_n of_o this_o sound_n which_o as_o i_o do_v both_o see_v and_o feel_v soon_o after_o be_v send_v from_o heaven_n as_o a_o alarm_n to_o awaken_v i_o to_o provide_v for_o what_o be_v come_v only_o it_o will_v make_v i_o muse_v and_o wonder_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o think_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o this_o scripture_n and_o that_o at_o this_o rate_n so_o often_o and_o so_o loud_a shall_v still_o be_v sound_v and_o rattle_v in_o my_o ear_n but_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o soon_o after_o perceive_v the_o end_n of_o god_n therein_o 77._o for_o about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o month_n after_o a_o very_a great_a storm_n come_v down_o upon_o i_o which_o handle_v i_o twenty_o time_n worse_o than_o all_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o before_o it_o come_v steal_v upon_o i_o now_o by_o one_o piece_n then_o by_o another_o first_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v take_v from_o i_o than_o darkness_n seize_v upon_o i_o after_o which_o whole_a flood_n of_o blasphemy_n both_o against_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o scripture_n be_v pour_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o my_o great_a confusion_n and_o astonishment_n these_o blasphemous_a thought_n be_v such_o as_o also_o stir_v up_o question_n in_o i_o against_o the_o very_a be_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o only_a belove_a son_n as_o whether_o there_o be_v in_o truth_n a_o god_n or_o christ_n or_o no_o and_o whether_o the_o holy_a scripture_n be_v not_o rather_o a_o fable_n and_o cunning_a story_n than_o the_o holy_a and_o pure_a word_n of_o god_n 78._o the_o tempter_n also_o will_v much_o assault_v i_o with_o this_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v but_o that_o the_o turkâ—_n have_v as_o good_a scripture_n to_o prove_v their_o mahomet_n the_o saviour_n as_o we_o have_v to_o prove_v our_o jesus_n be_v and_o can_v i_o think_v that_o so_o many_o ten_o
with_o such_o conceit_n as_o these_o i_o shall_v think_v that_o god_n do_v mock_v at_o these_o my_o prayer_n say_v and_o that_o in_o the_o audience_n of_o the_o holy_a angel_n this_o poor_a simple_a wretch_n do_v hanker_v after_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o my_o mercy_n but_o to_o bestow_v it_o on_o such_o as_o he_o alas_o poor_a fool_n how_o be_v thou_o deceive_v it_o be_v not_o for_o such_o as_o thou_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o the_o high_a 90._o then_o have_v the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o also_o with_o such_o discouragement_n as_o these_o you_o be_v very_o hot_a for_o mercy_n but_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o this_o frame_n shall_v not_o last_v always_o many_o have_v be_v as_o hot_a as_o you_o for_o a_o spirit_n but_o i_o have_v quench_v their_o zeal_n and_o with_o this_o such_o and_o such_o who_o be_v fall_v off_o will_v be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n than_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v do_v so_o too_o but_o think_v i_o i_o be_o glad_a this_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n well_o i_o will_v watch_v and_o take_v what_o heed_n i_o can_v though_o you_o do_v say_v satan_n i_o shall_v be_v too_o hard_a for_o you_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o insensible_o by_o degree_n by_o little_a and_o little_a what_o care_v i_o say_v he_o though_o i_o be_v seven_o year_n in_o chill_v your_o heart_n if_o i_o can_v do_v it_o at_o last_o continual_a rock_n will_v lull_v a_o cry_a child_n asleep_o i_o will_v ply_v it_o close_o but_o i_o will_v have_v my_o end_n accomplish_v though_o you_o be_v burn_v hot_a at_o present_a yet_o if_o i_o can_v pull_v you_o from_o this_o fire_n i_o shall_v have_v you_o cold_a before_o it_o be_v long_o these_o thing_n bring_v i_o into_o great_a straits_n for_o as_o i_o at_o present_a can_v not_o find_v myself_o fit_a for_o present_a death_n so_o i_o think_v to_o live_v long_o will_v make_v i_o yet_o more_o unfit_a for_o time_n will_v make_v i_o forget_v all_o and_o wear_v even_o the_o remembrance_n of_o the_o evil_a of_o sin_n the_o worth_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o need_v i_o have_v of_o the_o blood_n of_o châ—ist_n to_o wash_v i_o both_o out_o of_o mind_n and_o thought_n but_o i_o thank_v christ_n jesus_n these_o thing_n do_v not_o at_o present_a make_v i_o slack_v my_o cry_n but_o rather_o do_v put_v i_o more_o upon_o it_o like_o she_o who_o meet_v with_o the_o adulterer_n deut._n 22.25_o in_o which_o day_n that_o be_v a_o good_a word_n to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v suffer_v these_o thing_n a_o while_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o neither_o death_n nor_o life_n etc._n etc._n shall_v separate_v we_o from_o the_o love_n of_o god_n which_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 8.38_o and_o now_o i_o hope_v long_a life_n shall_v not_o destroy_v i_o nor_o make_v i_o miss_v of_o heaven_n 91._o yet_o i_o have_v some_o support_n in_o this_o temptation_n though_o they_o be_v then_o all_o question_v by_o i_o that_o in_o the_o three_o of_o jeremiah_n at_o the_o fiâ—st_n be_v something_o to_o i_o and_o so_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o the_o five_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n that_o though_o we_o have_v speak_v and_o do_v evil_a thing_n as_o we_o can_v yet_o we_o shall_v cry_v unto_o god_n my_o father_n thou_o be_v the_o guide_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o shall_v return_v unto_o he_o 92._o i_o have_v also_o once_o a_o sweet_a glance_n from_o that_o in_o â—_o cor._n 5.21_o for_o he_o have_v make_v he_o to_o be_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o i_o remember_v also_o that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v in_o a_o neighbour_n house_n and_o there_o very_o sad_a at_o the_o consideration_n of_o my_o many_o blasphemy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o my_o mind_n what_o ground_n have_v i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o who_o have_v be_v so_o vile_a and_o abominable_a shall_v ever_o inherit_v eternal_a life_n that_o word_n come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v to_o these_o thing_n if_o god_n be_v for_o we_o who_o can_v be_v against_o we_o rom._n 8.31_o that_o also_o be_v a_o help_n unto_o i_o because_o i_o live_v you_o shall_v live_v also_o joh._n 14.19_o but_o these_o be_v but_o hint_n touch_n and_o short_a visit_n though_o very_o sweet_a when_o present_a only_o they_o last_v not_o but_o like_a to_o peter_n sheet_n of_o a_o sudden_a be_v catch_v up_o from_o i_o to_o heaven_n again_o act._n 10.16_o 93._o but_o afterward_o the_o lord_n do_v more_o full_o and_o gracious_o discover_v himself_o unto_o i_o and_o indeed_o do_v quite_o not_o only_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o guilt_n that_o by_o these_o thing_n be_v lay_v upon_o my_o conscience_n but_o also_o from_o the_o very_a filth_n thereof_o for_o the_o temptation_n be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v put_v into_o my_o right_a mind_n again_o as_o other_o christian_n be_v 94._o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v travel_v into_o the_o country_n and_o muse_v on_o the_o wickedness_n and_o blasphemy_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o consider_v of_o the_o enmity_n that_o be_v in_o i_o to_o god_n that_o scripture_n come_v in_o my_o mind_n he_o have_v make_v peace_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o cross_n col._n 1.20_o by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v both_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o that_o day_n that_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v friend_n by_o this_o blood_n yea_o i_o see_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n and_o my_o sinful_a soul_n can_v embrace_v and_o kiss_v each_o other_o through_o this_o blood_n thiâ—_n be_v a_o good_a day_n to_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v not_o forget_v it_o 95._o at_o another_o time_n as_o i_o be_v set_v by_o the_o fiâ—e_n in_o my_o house_n and_o muse_v on_o my_o wretchedness_n the_o lord_n make_v that_o also_o a_o precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o as_o much_o then_o as_o the_o child_n be_v partaker_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n he_o also_o himself_o likewise_o take_v part_n of_o thâ—_n same_o that_o through_o death_n he_o may_v destroy_v he_o that_o have_v the_o power_n of_o death_n that_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o deliver_v those_o who_o through_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v all_o their_o life_n time_n subject_a to_o bondage_n heb._n 2.14_o 15._o i_o think_v that_o the_o glory_n of_o these_o word_n be_v then_o so_o weighty_a on_o i_o that_o i_o be_v both_o once_o and_o twice_o ready_a to_o swoon_v as_o i_o sit_v yet_o not_o with_o grief_n and_o trouble_n but_o with_o solid_a joy_n and_o peace_n 96._o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o sit_v under_o the_o ministry_n of_o holy_a mr._n gifford_n who_o doctrine_n by_o god_n grace_n be_v much_o for_o my_o stability_n this_o man_n make_v it_o much_o his_o business_n to_o deliver_v the_o people_n of_o god_n from_o all_o those_o false_a and_o unsound_a rest_n that_o by_o nature_n we_o be_v prone_a to_o take_v and_o make_v to_o our_o soul_n he_o press_v we_o to_o take_v special_a heed_n that_o we_o take_v not_o up_o any_o truth_n upon_o trust_n as_o from_o this_o or_o that_o or_o another_o man_n or_o man_n but_o to_o cry_v mighty_o to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v convince_v we_o of_o the_o reality_n thereof_o and_o set_v we_o down_o therein_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n in_o the_o holy_a word_n for_o say_v he_o if_o you_o do_v otherwise_o when_o temptation_n come_v if_o strong_o you_o not_o have_v receive_v they_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n will_v find_v you_o want_v that_o help_n and_o strength_n now_o to_o resist_v as_o once_o you_o think_v you_o have_v 97._o this_o be_v as_o seasonable_a to_o my_o soul_n as_o the_o former_a and_o latter_a rain_n in_o their_o season_n for_o i_o have_v find_v and_o that_o by_o sad_a experience_n the_o truth_n of_o these_o his_o word_n for_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o man_n can_v say_v especial_o when_o tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v lord_n but_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n wherefore_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n through_o grace_n very_o apt_a to_o drink_v in_o this_o doctrine_n and_o to_o incline_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o in_o nothing_o that_o pertain_v to_o god_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o eternal_a happiness_n he_o will_v suffer_v i_o to_o be_v without_o the_o confirmation_n thereof_o from_o heaven_n for_o now_o i_o see_v clear_o there_o be_v a_o exceed_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o notion_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o the_o revelation_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n also_o a_o great_a difference_n between_o that_o faith_n that_o be_v feign_v and_o according_a to_o man_n wisdom_n and_o of_o that_o which_o come_v by_o a_o man_n be_v bear_v thereto_o of_o god_n mat._n 16.15_o 16._o 1_o john_n 5.1_o 98._o
very_a deep_a pause_n about_o the_o most_o fearful_a state_n my_o sin_n have_v bring_v i_o to_o and_o after_o long_o muse_v i_o lift_v up_o my_o head_n but_o i_o think_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o sun_n that_o shine_v in_o the_o heaven_n do_v grudge_v to_o give_v i_o light_n and_o as_o if_o the_o very_a stone_n the_o street_n and_o tile_n upon_o the_o house_n do_v bend_v themselves_o against_o i_o o_o how_o happâ—_n now_o be_v every_o creature_n over_o i_o be_v for_o they_o stooâ—_n fast_o and_o keep_v their_o station_n but_o i_o be_v go_v anâ—_n lose_v 143._o then_o break_v out_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o say_v with_o a_o grievous_a sigh_n how_o can_v god_n comfort_v such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o this_o return_v upon_o i_o as_o a_o echo_n do_v answer_v a_o voice_n this_o sin_n be_v not_o unto_o death_n at_o which_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v raise_v out_o of_o a_o grave_n and_o cry_v out_o again_o lord_n how_o can_v thou_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o this_o for_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o admiration_n at_o the_o firness_n and_o also_o at_o the_o unexpectedness_n of_o the_o sentence_n 144._o now_o i_o be_v in_o hope_n that_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o unpardonable_a but_o that_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n for_o i_o to_o obtain_v forgiveness_n but_o o_o how_o satan_n now_o diâ—_n lie_v about_o he_o for_o to_o bring_v i_o down_o again_o but_o he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n do_v it_o neither_o this_o day_n nor_o the_o most_o part_n of_o the_o next_o for_o this_o good_a sentence_n stand_v like_o a_o mill-post_n at_o my_o back_n yet_o towards_o the_o evening_n of_o the_o next_o day_n i_o feel_v this_o word_n begin_v to_o leave_v i_o and_o to_o withdraw_v its_o supportation_n from_o i_o and_o so_o i_o return_v to_o my_o old_a fear_n again_o but_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o grudge_v and_o peevishness_n for_o i_o fear_v the_o sorrow_n of_o it_o 145._o but_o the_o next_o day_n at_o evening_n be_v under_o many_o fear_n i_o go_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o as_o i_o pray_v i_o cry_v to_o he_o in_o these_o word_n o_o lord_n i_o beseech_v thou_o show_v i_o that_o thou_o have_v lâ—ved_v i_o with_o a_o everlasting_a love_n jer._n 31.3_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o with_o sweetness_n it_o return_v upon_o i_o i_o have_v love_v thou_o with_o a_o everlasting_a lâ—ve_n now_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n at_o quiet_a also_o when_o i_o awake_v the_o next_o morning_n it_o be_v fresh_a upon_o my_o soul_n 146._o but_o yet_o the_o tempter_n leave_v i_o not_o for_o it_o can_v not_o be_v so_o little_a as_o a_o hundâ—ed_o time_n that_o he_o that_o day_n do_v labour_n to_o break_v my_o peace_n o_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n that_o i_o do_v then_o meet_v with_o as_o i_o strive_v to_o hold_v by_o this_o word_n that_o of_o esau_n will_v fly_v in_o my_o face_n like_v to_o lightning_n i_o shall_v be_v sometime_o up_o and_o down_o twenty_o time_n in_o a_o hour_n yet_o god_n do_v bear_v i_o up_o and_o keep_v my_o heart_n upon_o this_o word_n from_o which_o i_o have_v also_o for_o several_a day_n together_o very_a much_o sweetness_n and_o comfortable_a hope_n of_o pardon_n for_o thus_o it_o be_v make_v out_o to_o i_o i_o love_v thou_o whilst_o thou_o be_v commit_v this_o sin_n i_o love_v thou_o before_o i_o love_v thou_o still_o and_o i_o will_v love_v thou_o for_o ever_o 147._o yet_o i_o see_v my_o sin_n most_o barbarous_a and_o a_o filthy_a crime_n and_o can_v not_o but_o conclude_v and_o that_o with_o great_a shame_n and_o astonishment_n that_o i_o have_v horrible_o abuse_v the_o holy_a son_n of_o god_n wherefore_o i_o feel_v my_o soul_n great_o to_o love_n and_o pity_v he_o and_o my_o bowel_n to_o yearn_v towards_o he_o for_o i_o see_v he_o be_v still_o my_o friend_n and_o do_v reward_v i_o good_a for_o evil_a yea_o the_o love_n and_o affection_n that_o then_o do_v burn_v within_o to_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n do_v work_v at_o this_o time_n such_o strong_a and_o hot_a desire_n of_o revengement_n upon_o myself_o for_o the_o abuse_n i_o have_v do_v unto_o he_o that_o to_o speak_v as_o then_o i_o think_v have_v i_o have_v a_o thousand_o gallon_n of_o blood_n within_o my_o vein_n i_o can_v free_o have_v spill_v it_o all_o at_o the_o command_n and_o foot_n of_o this_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n 148._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o muse_v and_o in_o my_o study_n how_o to_o love_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o express_v my_o love_n to_o he_o that_o say_v come_v in_o upon_o i_o if_o thou_o lord_n shall_v mark_v iniquity_n o_o lord_n who_o shall_v stand_v but_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o thou_o that_o thou_o may_v be_v fear_v psal._n 130.4_o these_o be_v good_a word_n to_o i_o especial_o the_o latter_a part_n thereof_o to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o may_v be_v fear_v that_o be_v as_o than_o i_o understand_v it_o that_o he_o may_v be_v love_v and_o have_v in_o reverence_n for_o it_o be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o the_o great_a god_n do_v setâ—_n foâ—_n high_a a_o esteem_n upon_o the_o love_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n thâ—â—_n rather_o than_o he_o will_v go_v without_o their_o love_n he_o will_v pardon_v their_o transgression_n 149._o and_o now_o be_v that_o word_n fulfil_v on_o i_o and_o i_o be_v also_o refresh_v by_o it_o then_o shall_v they_o be_v ashamed_a and_o confound_v and_o never_o open_v their_o mouth_n any_o more_o because_o of_o their_o shame_n when_o i_o be_o pacify_v towards_o thou_o for_o all_o that_o thou_o have_v do_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n ezek._n 16.36_o thus_o be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n and_o as_o i_o then_o do_v think_v for_o ever_o set_v at_o liberty_n from_o be_v again_o afflict_v with_o my_o former_a guilt_n and_o amazement_n 150._o but_o before_o many_o week_n be_v over_o i_o begin_v to_o dispond_v again_o fear_v lest_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o i_o have_v enjoy_v that_o yet_o i_o may_v be_v deceive_v and_o destroy_v at_o the_o last_o for_o this_o consideration_n come_v strong_a into_o my_o mind_n that_o whatever_o comfort_n and_o peace_n i_o think_v i_o may_v have_v from_o the_o word_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n yet_o unless_o there_o can_v be_v find_v in_o my_o refreshment_n a_o concurrence_n and_o agreement_n in_o the_o scripture_n let_v i_o think_v what_o i_o will_v thereof_o and_o hold_v it_o never_o so_o fast_o i_o shall_v find_v no_o such_o thing_n at_o the_o end_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v john_n 10.35_o 151._o now_o begin_v my_o heart_n again_o to_o take_v and_o fear_v i_o may_v meet_v with_o disappointment_n at_o the_o last_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v with_o all_o seriousness_n to_o examine_v my_o former_a comfort_n and_o to_o consider_v whether_o one_o that_o have_v sin_v as_o i_o have_v do_v may_v with_o confidence_n trust_v upon_o the_o faithfulness_n of_o god_n lay_v down_o in_o those_o word_n by_o which_o i_o have_v be_v comfort_v and_o on_o which_o i_o have_v lean_v myself_o but_o now_o be_v bring_v those_o say_n to_o my_o mind_n for_o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o those_o who_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o heavenly_a gift_n and_o be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n and_o the_o power_n of_o the_o world_n to_o come_v if_o they_o shall_v fall_v away_o to_o renew_v thâ—m_n again_o unto_o repentance_n heb._n 6._o for_o if_o we_o sin_v wilful_o after_o we_o have_v receive_v the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n but_o a_o certain_a fearful_a look_v for_o of_o judgement_n and_o fiery_a indignation_n which_o shall_v devour_v the_o adutrsary_n heb._n 10._o even_o as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12._o 152._o now_o be_v the_o word_n of_o the_o gospel_n force_v from_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o no_o promise_n or_o encouragement_n be_v to_o be_v find_v in_o the_o bible_n for_o i_o and_o now_o will_v that_o say_n work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o afflict_v i_o rejoice_v not_o o_o israel_n for_o joy_n as_o other_o people_n hos._n 9.1_o for_o i_o see_v indeed_o there_o be_v cause_n of_o rejoice_v for_o those_o that_o hold_v to_o jesus_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v cut_v myself_o off_o by_o my_o transgression_n and_o leave_v
myself_o neither_o foothold_a nor_o hand-hold_a among_o all_o the_o stay_v and_o prop_n in_o the_o precious_a word_n of_o life_n 153._o and_o true_o i_o do_v now_o feel_v myself_o to_o sink_v into_o a_o gulf_n as_o a_o house_n who_o foundation_n be_v destroy_v i_o do_v liken_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n unto_o the_o case_n of_o some_o child_n that_o be_v fall_v into_o a_o millpit_n who_o though_o it_o can_v make_v some_o shift_n to_o scrable_a and_o spraul_v in_o the_o water_n yet_o because_o it_o can_v find_v neither_o hold_n for_o hand_n nor_o foot_n therefore_o at_o last_o it_o must_v die_v in_o that_o condition_n so_o soon_o as_o this_o fresh_a assault_n have_v fasten_v on_o my_o soul_n that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o heart_n this_o be_v for_o many_o day_n dan._n 10.14_o and_o indeed_o i_o find_v it_o be_v so_o for_o i_o can_v not_o be_v deliver_v nor_o bring_v to_o peace_n again_o until_o well-nigh_o two_o year_n and_o a_o half_a be_v complete_o finish_v wherefore_o these_o word_n though_o in_o themselves_o they_o tend_v to_o discouragement_n yet_o to_o i_o who_o fear_v this_o condition_n will_v be_v eternal_a they_o be_v at_o some_o time_n as_o a_o help_n and_o refreshment_n to_o i_o 154._o for_o think_v i_o many_o day_n be_v not_o not_o foâ—_n ever_o many_o day_n will_v have_v a_o end_n therefore_o 〈◊〉_d i_o be_v to_o be_v afflict_v not_o a_o few_o but_o many_o day_n 〈◊〉_d i_o be_v glad_a it_o be_v but_o for_o many_o day_n thus_o i_o say_v i_o can_v recall_v myself_o sometime_o and_o give_v myself_o a_o help_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o the_o word_n come_v in_o at_o first_o i_o know_v my_o trouble_n will_v be_v long_o yet_o this_o will_v be_v but_o sometime_o for_o i_o can_v not_o always_o think_v on_o this_o nor_o ever_o be_v help_v though_o i_o do_v 155._o now_o while_o these_o scripture_n lay_v before_o i_o and_o lay_v sin_n at_o my_o door_n that_o say_v in_o the_o 18_o of_o luke_n with_o other_o do_v encourage_v i_o to_o prayer_n then_o the_o tempter_n again_o lay_v at_o i_o very_o sore_a suggest_v that_o neither_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n nor_o yet_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v at_o all_o concern_v i_o nor_o can_v they_o help_v i_o for_o my_o sin_n yet_o think_v i_o i_o will_v pray_v but_o say_v the_o tempter_n your_o sin_n be_v unpardonoble_a yet_o say_v i_o i_o pray_v so_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n to_o god_n and_o while_o i_o be_v at_o prayer_n i_o utter_v word_n to_o this_o effect_n lord_n satan_n tell_v i_o that_o neither_o thy_o mercy_n nor_o christ_n blood_n be_v sufficient_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n lord_n shall_v i_o honour_v â—hee_o most_o by_o believe_v thou_o will_v and_o can_v or_o by_o believe_v â—hou_n neither_o will_v nor_o can_v lord_n i_o will_v fain_o honour_v â—hee_o by_o believe_v thou_o will_v and_o can_v 156._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o before_o the_o lord_n that_o scripture_n fasten_v on_o my_o heart_n o_o man_n great_a be_v thy_o faith_n even_o as_o if_o one_o have_v clap_v i_o on_o the_o back_n as_o i_o â—ay_v on_o my_o knee_n before_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o â—elieve_v this_o till_o almost_o six_o month_n after_o for_o i_o can_v not_o think_v that_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v â—_o word_n for_o i_o to_o act_v faith_n on_o therefore_o i_o shall_v â—till_o be_v as_o stick_v in_o the_o jaw_n of_o desperation_n and_o go_v mourn_v up_o and_o down_o crying_z be_v his_o mercy_n â—lean_o go_v be_v his_o mercy_n clean_o go_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o think_v sometime_o even_o while_o i_o be_v groan_v in_o â—hese_fw-mi expression_n they_o do_v seem_v to_o make_v a_o question_n â—hether_o it_o be_v or_o no_o yet_o i_o great_o fear_v it_o be_v 157._o at_o another_o time_n i_o remember_v i_o be_v again_o â—uch_o under_o the_o question_n whether_o the_o blood_n of_o â—hrist_n be_v sufficient_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n in_o which_o doubt_n i_o continue_v from_o morning_n till_o about_o seven_o or_o eight_o at_o night_n and_o at_o last_o when_o i_o be_v as_o it_o be_v quite_o wear_v out_o with_o fear_n lest_o it_o shall_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o i_o those_o word_n do_v sound_v sudden_o within_o i_o he_o be_v able_a but_o i_o think_v this_o word_n able_a be_v speak_v so_o loud_o unto_o i_o it_o show_v such_o a_o great_a word_n and_o give_v such_o a_o justle_n to_o my_o fear_n and_o doubt_n i_o mean_v for_o the_o time_n it_o tarry_v with_o i_o which_o be_v about_o a_o day_n as_o i_o never_o have_v from_o that_o all_o my_o life_n either_o before_o or_o after_o that_o heb._n 7.25_o 158._o but_o one_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v again_o at_o prey_n and_o tremble_v under_o the_o fear_n of_o this_o that_o no_o word_n of_o god_n can_v help_v i_o that_o piece_n of_o a_o sentence_n dart_v in_o upon_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a at_o this_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v some_o stay_n as_o if_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n but_o o_o how_o good_a a_o thing_n be_v it_o for_o god_n to_o send_v his_o word_n for_o about_o a_o fortnight_n before_o i_o be_v look_v on_o this_o very_a place_n and_o then_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o come_v near_o my_o soul_n with_o comfort_n and_o throw_v down_o my_o book_n in_o a_o pet_n but_o now_o it_o be_v as_o if_o it_o have_v arm_n of_o grace_n so_o wide_a that_o it_o can_v not_o only_o enclose_v i_o but_o many_o more_o beside_o 159._o by_o these_o word_n i_o be_v sustain_v yet_o not_o without_o exceed_a conflict_n for_o the_o space_n of_o seven_o or_o eight_o week_n for_o my_o peace_n will_v be_v in_o and_o out_o sometime_o twenty_o time_n a_o day_n comfort_v now_o and_o trouble_v present_o peace_n now_o and_o before_o i_o can_v go_v a_o furlong_n as_o full_a of_o fear_n and_o gild_n as_o ever_o heart_n can_v hold_v and_o this_o be_v not_o only_o now_o and_o then_o but_o my_o whole_a seven_o week_n experience_n for_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o of_o esau_n part_v with_o his_o birthright_n will_v be_v like_o a_o pair_n oâ—_n scale_n within_o my_o mind_n sometime_o one_o end_n woulâ—_n be_v uppermost_a and_o sometime_o again_o the_o other_o accord_v to_o which_o will_v be_v my_o peace_n or_o trouble_n 160._o therefore_o i_o still_o do_v pray_v to_o god_n that_o 〈◊〉_d will_v come_v in_o with_o this_o scripture_n more_o full_o 〈◊〉_d my_o heart_n to_o wit_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o to_o apply_v the_o whole_a sentence_n for_o as_o yet_o it_o only_o help_v i_o thus_o far_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a and_o though_o it_o come_v no_o far_o it_o answer_v my_o former_a question_n to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v hope_n yet_o because_o for_o thou_o be_v leave_v out_o i_o be_v not_o content_v but_o pray_v to_o god_n for_o that_o also_o wherefore_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o meeting_n of_o god_n people_n full_a of_o sadness_n and_o terror_n for_o my_o fear_n again_o be_v strong_a upon_o i_o and_o as_o i_o be_v now_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v never_o the_o better_a but_o my_o case_n most_o sad_a and_o fearful_a these_o word_n do_v with_o great_a power_n sudden_o break_v in_o upon_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o three_o time_n together_o and_o o_o methought_n that_o every_o word_n be_v a_o mighty_a word_n unto_o i_o as_o my_o and_o grace_n and_o sufficient_a and_o for_o thou_o they_o be_v then_o and_o sometime_o be_v still_o far_o big_a than_o other_o be_v 162._o at_o which_o time_n my_o understanding_n be_v so_o enlighten_v that_o i_o be_v as_o though_o i_o have_v see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n look_v down_o from_o heaven_n through_o the_o tile_n upon_o i_o and_o direct_v these_o word_n unto_o i_o this_o send_v i_o mourn_v home_o it_o break_v my_o heart_n and_o fill_v i_o full_a of_o joy_n and_o lay_v i_o as_o low_a as_o the_o dust_n only_o it_o stay_v not_o long_o with_o i_o i_o mean_v in_o this_o glory_n and_o refresh_a comfort_n yet_o it_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o several_a week_n and_o do_v encourage_v i_o to_o hope_n but_o so_o soon_o as_o that_o powerful_a operation_n of_o it_o be_v take_v off_o my_o heart_n that_o other_o about_o esauâ—eturned_v â—eturned_z upon_o i_o as_o before_o so_o my_o soul_n do_v hang_v â—s_n in_o a_o pair_n of_o scale_n again_o sometime_o up_o and_o sometime_o down_o now_o in_o peace_n and_o anon_o again_o in_o terror_n 163._o thus_o i_o go_v on_o for_o many_o week_n sometimes_o comfort_v and_o sometime_o torment_v and_o special_o at_o sometime_o my_o torment_n will_v be_v very_o sore_o for_o all_o those_o
by_o christ_n i_o be_v as_o if_o my_o joyns_n be_v break_v or_o as_o if_o my_o hand_n and_o foot_n have_v be_v tie_v or_o bind_v with_o chain_n at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o feel_v some_o weakness_n to_o seize_v my_o outward_a man_n which_o make_v still_o the_o other_o affliction_n the_o more_o heavy_a and_o uncomfortable_a 215._o afr_o i_o have_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n some_o three_o or_o four_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v by_o the_o fire_n i_o sudden_o feel_v this_o word_n to_o sound_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n at_o this_o my_o former_a darkness_n and_o atheism_n flee_v away_o and_o the_o bless_a thing_n of_o heaven_n be_v set_v within_o my_o view_n while_o i_o be_v on_o this_o sudden_a thus_o overtake_v with_o surprise_n wife_n say_v i_o be_v there_o ever_o a_o such_o scripture_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n she_o say_v she_o can_v not_o tell_v therefore_o i_o sit_v muse_v still_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v remember_v such_o a_o place_n i_o have_v not_o sit_v above_o two_o or_o three_o minute_n but_o that_o come_v bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o withal_o hebrew_n the_o twelve_o about_o the_o mount_n zion_n be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n 216._o then_o with_o joy_n i_o tell_v my_o wife_n o_o now_o i_o know_v i_o know_v but_o that_o night_n be_v a_o good_a night_n to_o i_o i_o never_o have_v but_o few_o better_a i_o long_v for_o the_o company_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n that_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v unto_o they_o what_o god_n have_v show_v i_o christ_n be_v a_o precious_a christ_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o night_n i_o can_v scarce_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n for_o joy_n and_o peace_n and_o triumph_n through_o christ_n this_o great_a glory_n do_v not_o continue_v upon_o i_o until_o morning_n yet_o that_o twelve_o of_o the_o author_n to_o the_o hebrews_n heb._n 12.21_o 22_o 23._o be_v a_o bless_a scripture_n to_o i_o for_o many_o day_n together_o after_o this_o 217._o the_o word_n be_v these_o you_o be_v come_v to_o mount_v zion_n to_o the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n to_o the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n to_o the_o general_a assembly_n and_o church_n of_o the_o first-born_a which_o be_v write_v in_o heaven_n to_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o to_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o to_o jesus_n the_o mediator_n of_o the_o new_a testament_n and_o to_o the_o blood_n of_o sprinkle_v that_o speak_v better_a thing_n than_o that_o of_o abel_n through_o this_o bless_a sentence_n the_o lord_n lead_v i_o over_o and_o over_o first_o to_o this_o word_n and_o then_o to_o that_o and_o show_v i_o wonderful_a glory_n in_o every_o one_o of_o they_o these_o word_n also_o have_v oft_o â—â—nce_v this_o time_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o my_o spirit_n bless_a be_v god_n for_o have_v mercy_n on_o i_o a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n call_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n 218._o and_o now_o i_o be_o speak_v my_o experience_n i_o will_v in_o this_o place_n thrust_v in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o concern_v my_o preach_v the_o word_n and_o of_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o in_o that_o particular_a also_o for_o after_o i_o have_v be_v about_o five_o oâ—_n six_o year_n awaken_v and_o help_v to_o see_v both_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n and_o enable_v to_o venture_v my_o soul_n upon_o he_o some_o of_o the_o most_o able_a among_o the_o saint_n with_o we_o i_o say_v the_o most_o able_a for_o judgement_n and_o holiness_n of_o life_n as_o they_o conceive_v do_v perceive_v that_o god_n have_v count_v i_o worthy_a to_o understand_v something_o of_o his_o will_n in_o his_o holy_a and_o bless_a word_n and_o have_v give_v i_o utterance_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o express_v what_o i_o see_v to_o other_o for_o edification_n they_o desire_v i_o and_o tâ—at_a with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o i_o will_v be_v willing_a at_o sometime_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n in_o one_o of_o the_o meeting_n to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o exhortation_n unto_o they_o 219._o the_o which_o though_o at_o the_o first_o it_o do_v much_o dash_n and_o abash_v my_o spirit_n yet_o be_v still_o by_o they_o desire_v and_o entreat_v i_o consent_v to_o their_o request_n and_o do_v twice_o at_o two_o several_a assembly_n but_o in_o private_a though_o with_o much_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n discover_v my_o gift_n among_o they_o at_o which_o they_o not_o only_o seem_v to_o be_v but_o do_v solemn_o protest_v as_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o great_a god_n they_o be_v both_o affect_v and_o comfort_v and_o give_v thanks_o to_o the_o father_n of_o mercy_n for_o the_o grace_n bestow_v on_o i_o 220._o after_o this_o sometime_o when_o some_o of_o they_o do_v go_v into_o the_o country_n to_o teach_v tâ—ey_n will_v also_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v with_o they_o where_o though_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o make_v use_n of_o my_o gift_n in_o a_o open_a way_n yet_o moâ—e_n private_o still_o as_o i_o come_v among_o the_o good_a people_n in_o those_o place_n i_o do_v sometime_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o admonition_n unto_o they_o also_o the_o which_o they_o as_o the_o other_o receive_v with_o rejoice_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o me-ward_n profess_v their_o soul_n be_v edify_v thereby_o 221._o wherefore_o to_o be_v brief_a at_o last_o be_v still_o desire_v by_o the_o church_n after_o some_o solemn_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n with_o fast_v i_o be_v more_o particular_o call_v forth_o and_o appoint_v to_o a_o more_o ordinary_a and_o public_a preach_v the_o word_n not_o only_o to_o and_o among_o they_o that_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o offer_v the_o gospel_n â—o_o those_o that_o have_v not_o yet_o â—eceived_v the_o faith_n thereof_o about_o which_o time_n i_o do_v evident_o find_v in_o my_o mind_n a_o secret_a prick_n forward_o thereto_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n not_o for_o desire_v of_o vain_a glory_n for_o at_o that_o time_n i_o be_v most_o sore_o afflict_v with_o â—he_n fiery_a dart_n of_o the_o devil_n concern_v my_o eternal_a state_n 222._o but_o yet_o can_v not_o be_v content_a unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o my_o gift_n unto_o which_o also_o i_o be_v great_o animate_v not_o only_o by_o the_o continual_a desire_n of_o the_o godly_a but_o also_o by_o that_o say_n of_o paul_n to_o the_o corinthian_n i_o beseech_v you_o brethren_n you_o know_v the_o household_n of_o stephanas_n that_o it_o be_v the_o firsâ—_o fruit_n of_o achaia_n and_o that_o they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o you_o submit_v yourselves_o unto_o such_o and_o to_o every_o one_o that_o help_v with_o we_o and_o labour_v 1_o cor._n 16.15_o 16._o 223._o by_o this_o text_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o the_o holy_a ghost_n never_o intend_v that_o man_n who_o have_v gift_n and_o ability_n shall_v bury_v they_o in_o the_o earth_n but_o rather_o do_v command_n and_o stir_v up_o such_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o their_o gift_n and_o also_o do_v commend_v those_o that_o be_v apt_a and_o ready_a so_o to_o do_v they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o scripture_n in_o these_o day_n do_v continual_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o encourage_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o in_o this_o my_o work_n foâ—_n god_n i_o have_v be_v also_o encourage_v from_o several_a other_o scripture_n and_o example_n of_o the_o godly_a both_o specify_v in_o the_o word_n and_o other_o ancient_a history_n act._n 8.4_o &_o 18·24_n 25_o etc._n etc._n 1_o pet._n 4.10_o rom._n 12.6_o fox_n act_n and_o mon._n 224._o wherefore_o though_o of_o myself_o of_o all_o the_o saint_n the_o most_o unworthy_a yet_o i_o but_o with_o great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a at_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o own_o weakness_n do_v set_v upon_o the_o work_n and_o do_v according_a to_o my_o gift_n and_o the_o proportion_n of_o my_o faith_n preach_v that_o bless_a gospel_n that_o god_n have_v show_v i_o in_o the_o holy_a word_n of_o truth_n which_o when_o the_o country_n understand_v they_o come_v in_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n by_o hundred_o and_o that_o from_o all_o part_n though_o upon_o sundry_a and_o divers_a account_n 225._o and_o i_o thank_v god_n he_o give_v unto_o i_o some_o measure_n of_o bowel_n and_o pity_n for_o their_o soul_n which_o also_o do_v put_v i_o forward_o to_o labour_v with_o great_a diligence_n and_o earnestness_n to_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o might_n if_o god_n will_v bless_v lay_v hold_v of_o and_o awaken_v the_o conscience_n in_o which_o also_o the_o good_a lord_n have_v respect_n to_o the_o desire_n of_o his_o
but_o oh_o now_o how_o be_v my_o soul_n lead_v from_o truth_n to_o truth_n by_o god_n even_o from_o the_o birth_n and_o cradle_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n to_o his_o ascension_n and_o second_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n 99_o true_o i_o then_o find_v upon_o this_o account_n the_o great_a god_n be_v very_o good_a unto_o i_o for_o to_o my_o remembrance_n there_o be_v not_o any_o thing_n that_o then_o i_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o make_v know_v and_o reveal_v unto_o i_o but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o for_o i_o i_o mean_v not_o one_o part_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n but_o i_o be_v orderly_o lead_v into_o it_o i_o think_v i_o see_v with_o great_a evidence_n from_o the_o relation_n of_o the_o four_o evangelist_n the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n in_o give_v jesus_n christ_n to_o save_v we_o from_o his_o conception_n and_o birth_n even_o to_o his_o second_o come_v to_o judgement_n i_o think_v i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o bear_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o grow_v up_o as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o walk_v through_o this_o world_n from_o the_o cradle_n to_o his_o cross_n to_o which_o also_o when_o he_o come_v i_o see_v how_o gentle_o he_o give_v himself_o to_o be_v hang_v and_o nail_v on_o it_o for_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a do_n also_o as_o i_o be_v muse_v on_o this_o his_o progress_n that_o drope_v on_o my_o spirit_n he_o be_v ordain_v for_o the_o slaughter_n 1_o pet._n 1.19_o 20._o 100_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v also_o the_o truth_n of_o his_o resurrection_n and_o have_v remember_v that_o word_n touch_v i_o not_o mary_n etc._n etc._n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o he_o leap_v at_o the_o grave_n mouth_n for_o joy_n that_o he_o be_v rise_v again_o and_o have_v get_v the_o conquest_n over_o our_o dreadful_a foe_n john_n 20.17_o i_o have_v also_o in_o the_o spirit_n see_v he_o a_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n the_o father_n for_o i_o and_o have_v see_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o come_n from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n with_o glory_n and_o have_v be_v confirm_v in_o these_o thing_n by_o these_o scripture_n follow_v act_v 1.9_o 10._o acts._n 7._o 56._o actâ—_n 10.42_o heb._n 7.24_o heb._n 8.38_o rev._n 1.18_o 1_o thes._n 4.17_o 18._o once_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v to_o know_v whether_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v both_o man_n as_o well_o as_o god_n and_o god_n as_o well_o as_o man_n and_o true_o in_o those_o day_n let_v man_n say_v what_o they_o will_v unless_o i_o have_v it_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n all_o be_v as_o nothing_o to_o i_o i_o count_v not_o myself_o set_v down_o in_o any_o truth_n of_o god_n well_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o this_o point_n and_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o be_v resolve_v at_o last_o that_o in_o the_o five_o of_o the_o revelation_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o behold_v and_o lo_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n and_o of_o the_o four_o beast_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n stand_v a_o lamb_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n there_o be_v his_o godhead_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n there_o be_v his_o man_n hood_n but_o o_o i_o think_v this_o do_v glister_n it_o be_v a_o goodly_a touch_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a satisfaction_n that_o other_o scripture_n also_o do_v help_v i_o much_o in_o this_o to_o we_o a_o child_n be_v bear_v to_o we_o a_o son_n be_v give_v and_o the_o government_n shall_v be_v upon_o his_o shoulder_n and_o his_o name_n shall_v be_v call_v wonderful_a counsellor_n the_o mighty_a god_n the_o everlasting_a father_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n etc._n etc._n isa._n 9.6_o 101._o also_o beside_o these_o teach_n of_o god_n in_o his_o word_n the_o lord_n make_v use_v of_o two_o thing_n to_o confirm_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n the_o one_o be_v the_o error_n of_o the_o quaker_n and_o the_o other_o be_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n for_o as_o the_o quaker_n do_v oppose_v his_o truth_n so_o god_n do_v the_o more_o confirm_v i_o in_o it_o by_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o scripture_n that_o do_v wonderful_o maintain_v it_o and_o as_o i_o say_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n do_v help_v i_o much_o for_o still_o as_o that_o will_v come_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v take_v it_o off_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o and_o that_o too_o sweet_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n o_o friend_n cry_v to_o god_n to_o reveal_v jesus_n christ_n unto_o you_o there_o be_v none_o teach_v like_o he_o 102._o it_o will_v be_v too_o long_o for_o i_o here_o to_o stay_v to_o tell_v you_o in_o particular_a how_o god_n do_v set_v i_o down_o in_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o christ_n and_o how_o he_o do_v that_o he_o may_v so_o do_v lead_v i_o into_o his_o word_n yea_o and_o also_o how_o he_o do_v open_v they_o unto_o i_o make_v they_o shine_v before_o i_o and_o cause_v they_o to_o dwell_v with_o i_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o comfort_v i_o over_o and_o over_o both_o of_o his_o own_o be_v and_o the_o be_v of_o his_o son_n and_o spirit_n and_o word_n and_o gospel_n 103._o only_o this_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o will_v say_v unto_o you_o again_o that_o in_o general_n he_o be_v please_v to_o take_v this_o course_n with_o i_o first_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v afflict_v with_o temptation_n concern_v they_o and_o then_o reveal_v they_o to_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v lie_v under_o great_a guilt_n for_o sin_n even_o crush_v to_o the_o ground_n therewith_o and_o then_o the_o lord_n will_v show_v i_o the_o death_n of_o christ_n yea_o and_o so_o sprinkle_v my_o conscience_n with_o his_o blood_n that_o i_o shall_v find_v and_o that_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a that_o in_o that_o conscience_n where_o but_o just_a now_o do_v reign_n and_o â—age_n the_o law_n even_o there_o will_v rest_v and_o abide_v the_o peace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n through_o christ._n 104._o now_o have_v i_o a_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n with_o many_o golden_a seal_n thereon_o all_o hang_n in_o my_o sight_n now_o can_v i_o remember_v this_o manifestation_n and_o the_o other_o discovery_n of_o grace_n with_o comfort_n and_o shall_v often_o long_o and_o desire_v that_o the_o last_o day_n be_v come_v that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o be_v inflame_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o joy_n and_o communion_n of_o he_o who_o head_n be_v crown_v with_o thorn_n who_o face_n be_v spit_v on_o and_o body_n break_v and_o soul_n make_v a_o offering_n for_o my_o sin_n for_o whereas_o before_o â—_o lie_v continual_o tremble_v at_o the_o mouth_n of_o hell_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v get_v so_o far_o therefrom_o thaâ—_n i_o can_v not_o when_o i_o look_v back_o scarce_o discern_v it_o 〈◊〉_d and_o o_o think_v i_o that_o i_o be_v fourscore_o year_n old_a now_o that_o i_o may_v die_v quick_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v go_v to_o rest_v 105._o but_o after_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o this_o manner_n 〈◊〉_d gracious_o deliver_v i_o from_o this_o great_a and_o sorâ—_n temptation_n and_o have_v set_v i_o down_o so_o sweet_o in_o the_o faith_n of_o his_o holy_a gospel_n and_o have_v give_v i_o such_o strong_a consolation_n and_o bless_a evidence_n from_o heaven_n touch_v my_o interest_n in_o his_o love_n through_o christ_n the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o again_o and_o that_o with_o a_o more_o grievous_a and_o dreadful_a temptation_n then_o before_o 106._o and_o that_o be_v to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o this_o most_o bless_a christ_n to_o exchange_v he_o for_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n for_o any_o thing_n the_o temptation_n lie_v upon_o i_o for_o the_o space_n of_o a_o year_n and_o do_v follow_v i_o so_o continual_o that_o i_o be_v not_o rid_v of_o it_o one_o day_n iâ—_n a_o month_n no_o not_o sometime_o one_o hour_n in_o many_o day_n together_o unless_o i_o be_v asleep_a 107._o and_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n i_o be_v persuade_v that_o those_o who_o be_v once_o effectual_o in_o christ_n as_o i_o hope_v through_o his_o grace_n i_o have_v see_v myself_o can_v never_o lose_v he_o for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n shall_v not_o be_v sell_v for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n be_v i_o say_v god_n levit._n 25.23_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o continual_a vexation_n to_o i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v so_o much_o as_o one_o such_o thought_n within_o i_o against_o a_o christ_n a_o jesus_n that_o have_v do_v for_o i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v 108._o but_o it_o be_v neither_o my_o dislike_n of_o the_o thought_n nor_o yet_o any_o desire_n and_o endeavour_v to_o resist_v it_o that_o in_o the_o least_o do_v shake_v or_o abate_v the_o continuation_n or_o force_n and_o strength_n