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A62083 Tarugo's wiles, or, The coffee-house a comedy : as it was acted at His Highness's the Duke of York's Theater / written by Tho. St Serfe. St. Serfe, Thomas, Sir, fl. 1668.; Moreto, Agustín, 1618-1669. No puede ser. 1668 (1668) Wing S6322; ESTC R27882 43,637 64

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Transmigration 3 Cust. Nothing more certain for when I was last in England where such Experiments are frequent There was an old usurer past 80 bought a young Welsh Thief from the Gallows whose blood by this way of Transmission having restor'd him to youth this same usurer contrary to his former practice was taken stealing of Cheese for which I saw him whipp'd at a Post. 2. Cust. Come Sir no more dispute will you hold my Bett. 4. Cust. Nay I 'm resolv'd near to die so long as I am able to buy a Young-Goat It 's not out of wantonness I pitch upon this Creature but to satisfie my humour of climbing Cliffs for Jack-Daws Nests 1. Cust. I pray Sir when you were at London did you know e're a Coffee house that went by the Title of the Politick Speculatists of the Round-table 3. Cust. Those were the ballating Projectors when the Government was off its hinges but that fort of people are no more for alas who but fools would debate whether the Hen or the Egge was first for so they have stated the priority of propriety and Government and Heav'n knows how in order to that what Havock they made of Bodin Matchieval Plato Enter Hurtante 2 Serjeants spying from Table to Table Landlord this Son of a Whore your Man is such a thick-scull'd Rogue that he brings me Coffee when I cry for Chocolette Coff Mr. Why don't you mind the Gentlemen you Logger-head Booby Hurt He 's not here That 's but earnest of what shall follow if you do the bus'ness to Tarugo Tar. If he had not been gone this morning to E'strema Daura in order to the raising of his Troop I should have set him to you sometime to morrow it will be at least ten dayes e're he return there sits his man whom he has lest to send some necessaries after him 1. Serj. I believe 't is true for he wears a cast suit of his Masters Hurt No more you 'l remember Tar. Fear nothing on my part Ex. Hurt and Serjeants This danger is fairly over now shall I have time to finish Don Horatio's affairs Come Will. let 's shift agen and be as we were there 's a Crown for you to spinl I 'le delay no longer but instantly go find Horatio and Sophronia and comfort 'em with the success I have already found in this their amorous intrigue Ex. At another Table they are in debate about Painting 1. Cust. By its style of Painting it seems to me of the Florentine-School and a Copy of Tintarets 2. Cust. I rather think it of the Roman-Class and an original of Paulo Verones 3. Cust. I perceive these blades would fain be reckn'd among the Vertuosi of the time for all their knowledge in Painting consists in the naming of famous Artists basely apply'd 4. Cust. Like those who are still retailing the Index's of Books to be esteem'd learn'd 5. Cust. Or new started Gentry that are still discoursing of Heraldry 1. Cust. I 'le be judg'd by any of these Gentlemen 2. Cust. You 'r a Coxcomb to tell me 't is an Original of Hannibal Curachio Coff Mr. Gentlemen these rude words do not become the Gravity of my house which I 'se have you to understand is like the School of Athens where all things are debated with reason 3. Cust. Softly Friend not too much of that neither for the Athenian-Magi were themselves to seek for a definition of Reason and though it bethe pretended standard that governs the Actions of this World I suspect every mans own fancy takes the largest share 1. Cust. Remember this Sir I 'le teach you to call a Vertuoso a Coxcomb 3. Cust. Come Gentlemen lay aside your quarrelling and I 'le reconcile your scruples for if I be not mistaken the best of you all is not arriv'd to a Journy-man Vertuoso as yet 1. Cust. I begin to suspect to my self 3. Cust. Take notice then if you had understood the History you had soon found the Pencil for it s the description of Arion the Grecian Piper that stroll'd up and down Italy where in his return home crossing the Peloponesus in a Fish-wherry of the Dardanelli the Boatmen cast him over-board for his pelf which this Damn'd Dutch-painter has made a great ship of two tire of Guns with the Rainbow-flag of Amsterdam and instead of making our Min'strel bestride a Dolphin he has mounted him upon the Shoulders of a large Codd At which all the company laugh The two Schollars at the Table where the Globes Were the one is instructing the other in the Celestial-Globe 1. Schol. This same gravelike Matron is Cassiopeia Jupiters Dry-Nurse and Governess to Juno's Milk-maids 2. Schol. Is this she who with her Troop of Country-wenches goes every May-day a milking Cowes in Via-Lactaea 1. Schol. The same and there they make provisions of Cheese-cakes and Creame for the Mathematical Feast in Copernicus-Hall but when I come to demonstrate with Galileus's Tube I 'le discover to you all the black-patches on her Face and whether her Whisk be right set off and how many tire of Gimp-lace circles the skirts of her Petticoat Coff Mr. Take notice Gentlemen the two Schollars are got to hold forth upon the Globes observe a little and you 'l hear most strange Learning 2. Schol. 'Pray what old Woman 's this with a pair of Scales 1. Schol. That 's a Geneva-Witch weighing the French-League against the Tripple-corded Covenant 2. Schol. What be these old fellow 's that seem to oversee the ballance 1. Schol. The one is a Gascoigne-Fryer the other a New-England Lecturer 2. Schol. Methinks the West India-Divines side has the odds in weight 1. Schol. That 's no wonder in regard he has the advantage of 39 scruples of Non-conformity 2. Schol. But why the Devil a witch to manage the Scales 1. Schol. Nothing so proper it being a case of sanctifi'd Rebellion But enough of this and take a little view of the Terestrial Globe 2. Schol. What great Continent is this in Africa that 's illustrated with Green and Yellow 1. Schol. That 's the Territories of Presbyter-John and mark me Sir there stands his principal City and here stands his Palace and this same round pile of building like a Pigeon-house is his Chappel of Ease which serves likewise for the Meeting-place of his Synod when he congregates 'em to knead directory Discipline and observe it is the exact Antipodes of the propaganda fide at Rome 2. Schol. Under what parallel 1 Schol. Let me see precisely to a hairs breadth upon the same line with two Villages in England known by the names of Kidderminster and Banbury 2. Schol. By that account it shou'd be directly as many Degrees of latitude from the South-pole as the Sollin Geese-Islands are from the North. 1. Schol. Most exactly right 2. Schol. Now Sir tell me the reason why in this great Sea the fish you see swim there are of the quantity of Islands 1 Schol. These are the Trouts of the Atlantick Ocean which overgrows all other Fish by the strong nourishment of its Water 2. Schol. As how I pray 1. Schol. Why Sir this great Sea has
its source from the roots of the Coker-nut-trees that grows among the Mountains of Tartuffely in America and after it is strain'd through the straits of Magelan it disgorgeth it self as you see all along the large Coast of Terra Australis incognita 2. Schol. Then it would seem th' Atlantick Sea drinks like Chocolette because the milk of the Coker-nut is its greatest ingredient 1. Schol. The very same 4. Cust. If this same Ocean had been either Plum pottage or Brumswick-Mumme it had been a great question whether the Aldermen in England or Burgamasters in Holland had prov'd the greatest Discoverers 2. Cust. I 'm told Sir that Coffee inspires a man in the Mathematicks 3. Cust. So far as it keeps one from sleep which you know is the ready way to distract consequently the improvement of the Mathematicks Enter a Barber and a Baker Barb. Neighbour do you find the Polliticks grow upon you since your drinking of Coffee Bak. So far from the hopes of being a Counsellour of State that I now despair the preferment of a Constable 8. Cust. Friends you are both mistaken if you think the Spanish-Coffee perfects any man in the Polliticks 't is onely in England where the advantage of the Air with a particular way of preparation improves the Coffee-drinkers in these Misteries Enter Bakers Wife in a hurry to her Husband B. Wife O! you are a fine man indeed to leave the Government of the Oven now when 't is cramm'd with the English Consulls pastry to me that 's the weaker vessel besides the looking after four small Children and all forsooth to be thought wiser then your neighbours by drinking the abominable liquor of Infidels A Murrin upon all ambition for since my Husband came to be a Vertuoso-Hunter in these Prating-houses he has altogether left off the caring for his poor Family Bak. Hey Whirr I think the Woman's mad huzzy though I allow you to find me out in Taverns yet this sawdness does not become you to intrude into the society of Vertuosi Barb. I hope none of this learned and politick Crew will be offended that my neighbour here Clubs his cloven Philosophess The Baker plucks his Wife away and says to the Barber Bak. Neighbour pray pay what I have had for I must home and house my Wife Exit Barb. I won't stay long behind left my wife do the same 1. Schol. I wish she had stay'd for they say a woman is the best Engine either to display a Horizontal-Dial or Horizontal-Windmill 2. Schol. I should rather think by her Clack she would make a better demonstration of the perpetual motion Barb. If any knew her as well as I you would think all the members about her are a perpetual motion Exit Enter Coffee-Master with a Gazette Coff Mr. Gentlemen here 's fresh news from all parts 1. Cust. Pray let one read for all 2. Cust. Give it me then From Constantinople the Dutch Ambassador in imitation of Algiers hath presented the Grand-Signeur with a Covy of East-Freezland Boyes fatten'd with black Beans and Butter-milk 3. Cust. If that be true then the prophesie of Sybilla Laplandica shall be fulfill'd 4. Cust. Pray what 's that 3. Cust. She sayes when Mahomet is glew'd to the stern of Squab-skipers then the whore of Babylon shall be brought to bed of a horn'd Hermaphrodite Fourth Cust. proceed Aleppo The long Wars 'twixt the Ribband-makers Daughters of Athens and the Bone-lace Weavers of Lacedemon shall be determin'd by a Match at Stool-ball in the Fields of Pharsulia the party vanquish'd is to pay a Tanzy-Cake of the quantity of a Mill-stone after that with a confort of Bag-Pipers and Jews-harps they give a meeting to the Link-boyes of London in the Meads of Arcadia where the Queen of the Country treats 'em with ten Tun of Syllybub from thence they go a pairing among the Groves of Parnassus to gender inhabitants for the Common-wealth of Utopia 1. Schol. This peace may much conduce to reconcile the jansinists and jesuits England The Jews have preferr'd a Bill of Comprehension to the Senate of London that they may be admitted into the Society of the Coal-Merchants and Wine-coopers because Trade setled in his due latitude is the stability and advancement of that Kingdom 2. Cust. I wonder what can be the reason of that 3. Cust. My life upon 't it can be for no other reason then that among other pretenders to liberty they may be allow'd to starve and poyson the bodies of Christians as others would do their minds with dangerous and pernitious perswasions From Amsterdam The States have taken the allowance from the Vertuosi that were to find out the longitude and bestow'd it upon their Gazetteers for finding out dextrous lies to conceal the defeats they had from the English 2. A singular Act of prudence for such tricks have in some sort supported their reputation over the world 3. Cust. Ditto Hans-Bublikins Burgomaster of Enchusen was stigmatiz'd for Adultery because in the last Dog-dayes he was found in a Ditch cooling himself with the embraces of a Virgin Sturgeon 1. Schol. O Heavens certainly that was one of the prodigies that was foretold to fall out in 1666. 2. Schol. But by their Mogen-ships favour that was too severe a punishment for conform to one of their own Decrees of the Synod of Dort providing the sturgeon be not pickl'd it onely amounts to a simple Fornication 3 Cust. From the Islands of Orcades in the North Indies The Prize-Brandee is so plentifull that in the last great drought they us'd it for watering their Gardens which warm'd the ground to such a degree that their Cabbiges sprung out Musk-mellons and their Gooseberry-bushes produc'd Muskadine-Grapes 1. Schol. The occult quality of that will be one half years Task for the new-hatch'd Virtuosi 3. Cust. Here 's an Advertisement of a Citizens Daughter of 17 handfull High and 18 years of Age who went without the Walls to drink Red-Cowes milk 't is fear'd she has stray'd among some of the neighbouring Parks If any Male or Female Keepers of the said Chases will bring Notice of her to the Office of Address they shall be honestly rewarded 1. Cust. Her Parents were indiscreet to trust her alone 't is a hundred to one if e're she be recover'd without a dangerous Crack 3. Cust. In Don Pantalions Academy there lives a Virtuoso who makes Spring Saddles that will make a mans body amble though mounted on a Flanders Genet 4. Cust. A good Posting-Saddle for such who are troubl'd with the Hemerods But is there any advertisement of new Books 3. Cust. Here are two the one titl'd Bibliotheca Matrum or a Comentary upon Ambrose Parey's Instructions for Generation written by Mother Cawdel Wright Dry-Nurse to the Society of Philosophical Demonstrators The other is let me see Observations upon the Memories