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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A56639 A character of coffee and coffee-houses by M.P. M. P., 17th cent. 1661 (1661) Wing P77A; ESTC R28769 5,652 14

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A CHARACTER OF COFFEE AND Coffee-Houses By M. P. LONDON Printed for Iohn Starkey neer the Devil-Tavern by Temple-Barr 1661. A CHARACTER OF COFFEE AND COFFEE-HOUSES A Coffee-house is free to all Comers so they have Humane shape where a Liquor made of an Arabian Berry called Coffee is drunk Six or seven years ago was it first brought into England when the Palats of the English were as Fanatical as their Brains Like Apes the English imitate all other people in their ridiculous Fashions As Slaves they submit to the Customes even of Turky and India Doth the French-man wear Feathers in his Hat and Pantaloons to hide his stradling Believe it the English-man will be a la mode de France With the Barbarous Indian he smoaks Tobacco With the Turk he drinks Coffee The English-man might he himself misplace Sure to be crosse would shift both feet and face 2. These capricious Islanders of the Hop Malt Cock China Rash-berry and other ingredients make and swallow as many and as various sorts of Drink as they amongst them have Sects and Opinions They drink as much Canary as its native Countrey produceth 'T is said they devoure down a greater quantity of Wine called Canary than the Canaries afford All Countries send in hither their several sorts of Wine and other Liquors This variety of drink satisfies not the voraginous Palat of the English Even the Deserts of Arabia are ransackt for a Berry which made into a drink is as thick as puddle-water and so ugly in colour and tast that Poets hereafter will undoubtedly choose it as the best resemblance to describe the Stygian Lake by Oh Heavens how do the English Palats differ from those of more sober Nations These preserve Snow to temper their Liquor with those gulch down Coffee even boyling in the Dish more eagerly than an almost ●●arved Dog doth lick up Pottage just then taken from the fierce fire In time sure the English-man will swallow down burning Coals 3. Coffee is a Dryer and therefore with successe is drunk by those Gentlemen who are infected with the French-pox which is now become the Characteristal difference between the plumed Nobless and the high-shoon Alas Vertue is a pedantical and vulgar quality 4. 'T is extolled for drying up the Crudities of the Stomack and for expelling Fumes out of the Head Excellent Berry which can cleanse the English-man's Stomak of Flegm and expel Giddinesse out of his Head Yet it is certain that for the small space of an hour or thereabouts it hath expelled out of an English head and Stomack these infirmities But after such a little interval they return again And the house being thus swept and cleansed seven Devils enter it For Physicians say that Coffee causeth the Meagrim and other Giddinesses in the Head c. Of this dayly experiment may be made For if you set Short-hand-writers to take down the Discourse of the Company who prattle over Coffee it will be evident on reading the Notes that the talk is extravagant and exactly like that of the Academians of Bedlam and such as any others would be asham'd of but themselves 5. Coffee makes no man drunk But for this it is no more to be commended than a Neates-tongue a dish of Anchovaes or a salt Bit which never yet intoxicated any man For Coffee being mixt with the more drying smoak of Tobacco makes too many run to the Tavern or Ale-house to quench their thirst which they cannot satisfy till out of their gorged stomacks they send up rich Sacrifices to Liber Pater 6. This forein Liquor in truth qualifies the Vapours of Wine which makes your Good Fellows resort thither to heat their Stomacks made cold and infirm by their having powred thereinto too too much Wine and thus they inable their weak Stomacks to receive a new Load But hereby in part may be made a Judgment of the good Company of this place O Heavens how well will the Barrels of Herings imposed on these houses agree with Coffee 7. Coffee being dry in proportion dryes up the Radical moisture By constant use thereof a man becomes ad unum Mollis opus The other Sex hath just cause to curse the day in which it was brought into England Had Women any sense or spirit they would remonstrate to his Majestie that Men in former times were more able than now They had stronger Backs and were more Benevolent so that Hercules in one night got fifty Women with Child and a Prince of Spain was forc'd to make an Edict that the Men should not repeat the act of Coition above nine times in a night for before that Edict belike Men did exceed that proportion That in this Age Men drink so many Spirits and Essences so much strong-Strong-water so many several sorts of Wine such abundance of Tobacco and now at last pernicious Coffee that they are grown as impotent as Age as dry and as unfruitful as the Deserts of Africk Having remonstrated this they then would were they wise petition his Majesty to forbid Men the drinking of effeminating Coffee and to command them instead thereof to drink delicious Chocolate 8. 'T is the Interest also of Women to have this drink damn'd lest the Men bereave them of one of their most excellent and appropriated Qualities that is Garrulity and Talkativeness In this Age Men tattle more than Women and particularly at the Coffee-house when the number hath been but six five of them have talkt at one time The Company here have out-talk'd an equal number of Gossipping Women and made a greater noise than a Bake-house Men are here born down by clamour which resembles at times the noise of the Cataracts of Nilus but alwayes resembles a School fill'd with Children every one conning his Lesson aloud 9. Here Men carried by instinct sipp muddy water and like Frogs confusedly murmur Insignificant Notes which tickle their own ears and to their inharmonious sense make Musick of jarring strings Hic fluvius Verborum vix gutta Mentis 10. In this confused way of gabbling the Coffee-drinkers fondly imagine that they make a better Consort than four and twenty Violins They run from point to point from one subject to another as insensibly and as swifty as Polewheel runs division on the Base Viol. 11. The day sufficeth not some Persons to drink 3. or 4 dishes of Coffee in They borrow of the night though they are sure that this drink taken so late will not let them close their Eyes all night These men are either afraid to be alone with themselves or they to excess love Company so that they never set apart any time to converse with themselves This ill-tasted Liquor by what charms I know not makes Men to neglect and forsake themselves for Who cannot rest till he good Fellows find He breaks up house turns out of dores his mind 12. At this place a man is cheated of what is by far more valuable than Mony that is Time A constant Companion