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A63248 A trip to Ireland being a description of the country, people and manner : as also some select observations on Dublin. Ward, Edward, 1667-1731. 1699 (1699) Wing T2285; ESTC R22635 17,723 17

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with their Mouths so hard that as one observed 't is very probable that they suck out all their Brains and leave them for ever after empty Skull'd I wonder said one to an Irishman that being Thirty Years of Age and having travel'd through the best Part of the World you should be so great a Fool still That 's no wonder replies another but the greater wonder is that there should be a whole Kingdom of such Fools Shirts are no less out of date among the Teagues than Surplices among the Dissenters so that one may guess what poor shift they make to keep their Bodies sweet and may not this be one reason why they so much dread to hear one break wind at the Postern The intolerable fustiness that must needs lye lurking in their unlined Breeches adding a stench beyond the Devil's Pomander Otherwise they do not appear so over-nice and curious nor would they contradict the Proverb That Every Man's Tayl smells sweet in his own Nose Neither would they let fly so often above-board for they will belch as loud as Pot-guns and as often as a Lover in absence breathes his amorous Sighs But add to the rest the straitness of their Breeches called Trowsers which sit as close as a Jealous Wife to her Husband's Tayl and you need not wonder at their backward Modesty Some count them naturally hospitable but if they are so it is after such an ill-favour'd manner that 't is like the giving an Alms in a nasty Clout which Necessity may make welcome but the greatest Charity cannot account Decent Bonny-Clabber and Mulahaan alias Sower Milk and Choak-Cheese with a Dish of Potatoes boiled is their general Entertainment to which add an Oat cake and it compleats their Bill of Fare unless they intend to shew their excessive Prodigality and tempt your Appetite with a Dozen of Eggs extraordinary which many times instead of being new-laid prove like over-ridden Wenches either rotten or else having a young Chick in the belly of ' em After this comes Tobacco which you must either take in Smoak or Snuff if you will be good Company while they sit Chewing it with as much eagerness and desire as the longing great-bellied Woman did bite at the fat Man's Breech And for a close to all this Treat a la Grandezza the Mistress shall produce her Moornaun of Sower Milk and having stript up her sleeve to the Shoulder she thrusts up to the Arm-pits and stirring the Curds at the bottom with her Hands she then presents you with the Liquor and if you like it you may fill your Belly with her Kindness till you are satisfied I have heard it affirmed also by knowing Persons in this Country that in some Parts of it they have a way of making a Soupe beyond all the French Pottages in Vogue the way is thus A Dame of the better sort having had the good Fortune to boil a piece of very fat Pork till a great part of it is run into an Oil swimming on the top she strips of her Smock dips it therein till it has soaked up all the Grease then puts it on her Body and so wears it some days to smoothen her Skin and supple her Ioints now if afterwards there be occasion and no store of other Provision about the Cabban off comes this anointed Garment again which being boiled in clear Water and a little Oatmeal and a small Faggot of Herbs the melted Fat and those other Ingredients will be converted into a most savoury Mess of Irish-Smock broath and then 't is done in a Dish But let me not forget their Butter made up with so much Filth and Hair it looks like the Lime we prepare to Plaister our Walls withal which being beaten up into as rude a shape as a Spanish Piece of Eight if eaten without Sindging or not melted and strained you shall run as great hazard as one that would swallow the Burr of an over-grown Artichoke without Butter or a pickled Rope without Sauce Hence one may easily guess the difference betwixt this and the Dutch Butter-box the one cutting like Spanish Marmalad the other like untried Kitchin-stuff and having as rank an odour as a Carriers Summer trotters If they had the Wit to put the Hair in one Dish and the Butter in another apart it might be in a Man's Choice to take or leave as he pleased but they are so order'd you must eat both at once And that their Bread may be suitable to their Butter and so stick the closer together the Women grind their Corn on a Stone placed betwixt their naked Thighs upon the Ground in the very same posture as they Churn their Cream Their Mills having this Advantage over others that they are equally supplied both with Wind and Water at the same instant Drinking is not so much their Vice as some of their Neighbouring Nations unless their so excessive Smoaking be reckoned in to which both the Men and Women are so generally addicted yea the very Children too that an Infant of their breeding shall take more delight in handling a Tobacco-Pipe than a Rattle and will sooner learn to make use of it than another shall of its Sucking-bottle Surely this Indian Weed is a very Witch and they have this resemblance that both of them are very nasty and ugly It is an Irish Observation and a notable one too that whenever two Armies meet in Battle the one must run for both cannot conquer and since one must give way why not at the beginning before much Bloodshed rather than after too many lives are lost and since one of them must or generally does run who fitter to run than they whom Nature has provided with better Legs to run than Hands or Hearts to sight therefore they do commonly run and run betimes lest some Wound in their Legs should hinder their nimble Retreat This made an old experienc'd Officer who knew the way of the Reasoning of these Brutes cause some Regiments of Dragoons to march on foot up towards their more numerous Army with Boots on whom when the Irish beheld they straight-way concluded that those English Men being booted would not or could not run and since one Party must go off at last it must needs be themselves and therefore they discreetly ran all away immediately A Stiff-necked Generation they cannot be called they lay them down so readily to every Yoke as if they were born to Servitude and so we find them inclined to have been indifferently under their own Country-men or under their old Friends the Spaniards in former Times and their new Friends the French lately if the English had not prevented it Therefore are they the less to be pitied because by them there is no greater Liberty expected or much desired and struggled for by them Their Language seems to be very ancient indeed being almost worn quite out of Date scarce known in any other Country and not generally used in their own To a Foreigner it sounds so unpleasant