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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A62894 Lingua, or, The combat of the tongue, and the five senses for superiority a pleasant comoedy. Tomkis, Thomas, fl. 1604-1615.; Brewer, Anthony, fl. 1630-1655. 1657 (1657) Wing T1842; ESTC R23455 58,475 144

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content with equal arbitrement CO. S. Now for you Lingua LIN. I beseech your Honour let me speak I will neither trouble the company nor offend your patience CO. S. I cannot stay so long we have consulted about you and finde your case to stand upon these terms and conditions The number of the Senses in this little world is answerable to the first bodies in the great world now since there be but five in the Universe the four elements and the pure substance of the heavens therefore there can be but five Senses in our Microcosm correspondent to those as the sight to the heavens hearing to the air touching to the earth smelling to the fire tasting to the water by which five means only the understanding is able to apprehend the knowledge of all corporal substances wherefore we judge you to be no Sense simply onely thus much we from henceforth pronounce that all women for your sake shall have six Senses seeing hearing tasting smelling touching and the last and feminine sense the sense of speaking GUS. I beseech your Lordships and your Assistants the only cause of our friendship to grace my table with your most welcome presence this night at supper COM. S. I am sorry I cannot stay with you you know we may by no means omit our dayly attendance at the Court therefore I pray you pardon us GUS. I hope I shall not have the denial at your hands my Masters and you my Lady Lingua come let us drown all our anger in a bowl of Hippocras Exeunt Sensus omnes exteriores COM. S. Come Master Register shall we walk MEM. I pray you stay a little let me see ha ha ha ha ha PHA. How now Memory so merry what do you trouble your self with two palsies at once shaking and laughing MEM. 'T is a strange thing that men will so confidently oppose themselves against Plato's great year PHA. Why not MEM. 'T is a true an opinion as need be for I remember it very readily now that this time 49000. years ago all we were in this very place and your Lordship judged the very same controversie after the very same manner in all respects and circumstances alike COM. S. 'T is wondrous strange ANA. By the same token you held your staff in you right hand just as you do now and Mr. Phantastes stood wondring at you gaping as wide as you see him PHA. I but I did not give you a box on the ear sirra 49000. years ago did I snap ANA. I do not remember that Sir PHA. This time Plato's twelve month to come look you save your cheeks better CO. S. But what entertainment had we at Court for our long staying MEM. Le ts go I le tell you as we walk PHA. If I do not seem pranker now then I did in those days I le be hang'd Exeunt omnes interiores Sensus manet Lingua ACTUS 4. SCENA 8. LINGUA MENDACIO LI. Why this is good by common Senses means Lingua thou hast framed a perfect comedy They are all good friends whom thou mad'st enemies And I am half a Sense a sweet piece of service I promise you a fair step to preferment Was this the care and labour thou hast taken To bring thy foes together to a banquet To lose thy Crown and be deluded thus Well now I see my cause is desperate The judgements past sentence irrevocable Therefore I le be content and clap my hands And give a Plaudite to their proceedings What shall I leave my hate begun imperfect So fouly vanquisht by the spiteful Senses Shall I the Embassadresse of gods and men That pull'd proud Phoebe from her bright some sphear And dark'd Apollo's countenance with a word Raising at pleasure storms and winds and earthquakes Be overcrow'd and breath without revenge Yet they forsooth base slaves must be preferred And deck themselves with my right ornaments Doth the all knowing Phoebus see this shame Without redresse will not Heavens help me Then shall Hell do it my enchanting tongue Can mount the skies and in a moment fall From the Pole Artick to dark Acheron I le make them know mine anger is not spent Lingua hath power to hurt and will to do it Mendacio come hither quickly sirra MEN. Madam LING. Heark hither in thine ear MEN. Why do you whish thus here 's none to hear you LING. I dare not trust these secrets to the Earth ere since she brought forth Reeds whose babling noise told all the world of Midas Asses ears She whispers him in the ear Dost understand me MEN. I I I never fear that there 's a jest indeed pish pish Madam do you think me so foolish tut tut doubt not LING. Tell her if she do not MEN. Why do you make any question of it what a stir is here I warrant you presently Exit Mendacio LIN. Well I le to supper and so closely cover The rustie canker of mine Iron spight With golden foil of goodly semblances But if I do not trounce them Exit Lingua Finis Act. 4. Act. 5. Scena 1. MENDACIO with a Bottle in his hand MEN. My Lady Lingua is just like one of these lean-witted Comedians who disturbing all to the fift Act bring down some Mercuries or Jupiter in an Engine to make all friends So she but in a contrary manner seeing her former plots dispurposed sends me to an old Witch called Acrasia to help to wreak her spight upon the Senses the old hag after many an incricled circumstance and often naming of the direful Hecate and Demogorgon gives me this bottle of Wine mingled with such hellish druggs and forcible words that whosoever drinks of it shall be presently possest with an enraged and mad kind of anger ACT. 5. SCENA 2. MENDACIO CRAPULA APPETITUS crying MEND. What 's this Crapula beating Appetitus out of dores ha CRAP. You filthy long Crane you meager slave will you kill our guests with blowing continuall hunger in them tiffe toffe tiffe toffe the Senses have overcharged their stomacks already and you Sirra serve them up a fresh appetite with every new dish they had burst their guts if thou hadst staid but a thought longer tiffe toffe tiffe toffe be gon or I le set thee away begon ye gnaw-bone raw-bone rascall MEND. Then my devise is clean spoiled Appetitus should have been as the bowle to present this medicine to the Senses and now Crapula hath beaten him out of doors what shall I do CRAP. Away Sirra tiff toff tiff c. AP. Well Crapula well I have deserved better as your hands then so I was the man you know first brought you into Gustus's service I lin'd your guts there and you use me thus but grease a fat sow c. CRAP. Dost thou talk tiff toff hence hence tiff tiff hence avaunt curre avaunt you dog Exit Crapula APP. The belching gor-belly hath wel-nigh kil'd me I am shut out of doors finely well this is my comfort I may walk now in liberty at my own
duller ears cannot perceive it May it please your Lordship to withdraw yourself Unto this neighbouring Grove there shall you see How the sweet Treble of the chirping birds And the soft stirring of the moved leaves Running delightful descant to the sound Of the base murmuring of the bubling brook Becomes a consort of good instruments While twenty babling ecchoes round about Out of the stony concave of their mouth Restore the vanish't musick of each close And fill your ears full of redoubled pleasure COM. S. I will walk with you very willingly for I grow weary of sitting Come Master Register and Master Phantastes Exeunt omnes Finis Act. 3. Act. 4. Scena 1. MEMDACIO ANAMNESTES HEURESIS MEN. Prethee Nam be perswaded is 't not better go to a feast then stay here for a fray ANA. A feast dost think Auditus will make the Judges a feast MEN. Faith I why should he carry them to his house else ANA. Why sirra to hear a set or two of songs slid his banquets are nothing but fish all soll soll soll I le teach thee wit boy never go me to a Musitians house for Junkets unlesse thy stomach lies in thine ears for there is nothing but commending this songs delicate air that motects dainty air this sonnets sweet air that madrigals melting air this dirgesse mournful air this Church-air that Chamber-air French air English air Italian air why Lad they be pure Chamelions they feed only upon the air MEN. Chamelions I le be sworn some of your Fidlers be rather Cammels for by their good wills they will never leave eating ANA. True and good reason for they do nothing all the day but stretch and grate their small guts But oh yonder 's the Ape Heuresis let me go I prethee MEN. Nay good now stay a little let 's see his humour HEU. I see no reason to the contrary for we see the quintessense of Wine will convert Water into Wine why therefore should not the Elixar of gold turn lead into pure gold MEN. Ha ha ha ha he is turned Chymick sirra it seems so by his talk HEU. But how shall I devise to blow the fire of Beech-coals with a continual and equall blast ha I will have my bellows driven with a wheel which wheel shall be a self mover ANA. Here 's old turning these Chymicks seeking to turn lead into gold turn away all their own Silver HEU. And my wheel shall be Geometrically proportioned into seaven or nine concave incircled armes wherein I will put equall poises hai hai hai {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} I have it I have it I have it MEN. Heuresis HEU. But what 's best to contain the Quick-silver ha ANA. Do you remember your promise Heuresis HEU. It must not be Iron for Quick-silver is the tyrant of mettals and will soon fret it ANA. Heuresis Heuresis HEU. Nor Brasse nor Copper nor Mastlin nor Mineral {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} I have it I have it it must be ANA. You have indeed sirra and thus much more then you looked for snap Heuresis and Anamnestes about to fight but Mendacio parts them MEN. You shall not fight but if you will always disagree let us have words and no blows Houresis what reason have you to fall out with him HEU. Because he is always abusing me and takes the upper hand of me everywhere ANA. And why not sirra I am thy better in any place HEU. Have I been the Author of the seven liberal Sciences and consequently of all learning have I been the patron of all Mechanical devises to be thy inferiour I tell thee Anamnestes thou hast not so much as a point but thou art beholding to me for it ANA. Good good but what had your invention been but for my remembrance I can prove that thou belly-sprung invention art the most improfitable member in the world for ever since thou wert born thou hast been a bloody murtherer and thus I prove it In the quiet years of Saturn I remember Jupiter was then but in his swath-bands thou rentest the bowels of the earth and broughtst Gold to light whose beauty like Hellen set all the world by the ears then upon that thou foundest out Iron and puttest weapons in their hands and now in the last populous age thou taught'st a scab-shin Frier the hellish invention of powder and Guns HEU. Cal'st it hellish thou liest it is the most admirablest invention of all others for whereas others imitate nature this excells nature her selfe MEM. True for a Cannon will kill as many at one shot as Thunder doth commonly at twenty ANA. Therefore more murthering art thou then the light bolt HEU. But to shew the strength of my conceit I have found out a means to withstand the stroak of the most violent culvering Mendacio thou sawest it when I demonstrated invention ANA. What some wool-packs or mudwalls or such like HEU. Mendacio I prethee tell it him for I love not to be a trumpeter of mine own praises MEN. I must needs confesse this devise to passe all that ever I heard or saw and thus it was First he takes a Faulcon and charges it without all deceits with dry powder well canphred then did he put in a single bullet and a great quantity of drop-shot both round and lachrimal this done he sets me a boy sixty paces off just point blank over against the mouth of the peece now in the very midst of the direct line he fastens a post upon which he hangs me in a cord a Siderite of Herculean stone ANA. Well well I know it well it was found out in Ida in the year of the world by one Magnes whose name it retains though vulgarly they call it the Adamant MEN. When he had hang'd this Adamant in a cord he comes back and gives fire to the touch-hole now the powder consumed to avoid vacuum HEU. Which is intolerable in nature for first shall the whole Machin of the World Heaven Earth Sea and Air return to the mishapen house of Chaos then the least vacuum be found in the universe MEN. The bullet and drop-shot most impetuously from the fiery throat of the Culvering but oh strange no sooner came they neer the Adamant in the cord but they were all arested by the Sargent of Nature and hovered in the Air round about it till they had lost the force of their motion clasping themselves close to the stone in most lovely manner and not any one flew to in danger the mark so much did they remember their duty to Nature that they forgot the errand they were sent of ANA. This is a very artificial lye MEN. Nam believe it for I saw it and which is more I have practiced this devise often Once when I had a quarrel with one of my Lady Veritas naked knaves and had pointed him the field I conveyed into the heart of my Buckler an Adamant and when we met I drew all the foins of his Rapier whether soever he intended them or howsoever I