in their bellies A strong tyde and a stiff Gale are the spurs that make them speedy When they travel they touch no ground and when they stand still they ride and are never in danger but when they drink up too much of their way There is a Province among them where every woman carries a Cony in a Lambskin 'T is a custom and not one that travelse ver leaves it behind her Now guess if you can what beast that is which is clad in a fur both of hair and wool They dress their Meat in aqua Caelesti for it springs not as ours from the Earth but comes to them as Manna to the Israelites falling from heaven This they keep under ground till it stinks and then they pump it out again for use So when you wash your hands with one hand you had need hold your nose with the other for though it be not Cordial 't is certainly a strong water The Elements are here at variance the subtile over swaying the grosser The fire cōsumes the earth and the air the water they burn Turffs and drain their grounds with Windmills As if the Cholick were a remedy for the Stone And they would prove against Philosophy the Worlds Conflagration to be natural evē shewing thereby that the very Element of Earth is Combustible The land that they have they keep as neatly as a Courtier does his Beard They have a Method in mowing T is so intervein'd with Waters and Rivers that it is impossible to make a Common among them Even the Brownists are here ata stād only they hold their pride in wrangling for that which they never wil find Our Justices would be much at ease although our English poor were still among them For whatsoever they do they can break no hedges Sure had the wise men of Gotham lived here they would have studyed some other death for their Cuckow Their Ditches they frame as they list and distinguish them into nooks as my Lord Majors Cook doth his Custards Clense them they do often but 't is as Physicians give their potions more to catch the fish than cast the Mud out Though their Country be part of a mainland yet every house almost stands in an Island And that though a Boor dwell in it looks as smug as a Lady that hath newly lockt up her colours and laid by her srons A gallant masquing suit sits not more compleat than a Coat of thatch though of many years wearing If it stand dry 't is imbraced by Vines as if it were against the nature of a Dutch-man not to have Bacchus his neighbour If you find it lower seated 't is only a close Arto rin a plump of Willowes and Alders pleasant enough while the Dog-daies last But those past once you must practise wading or be prisoner till the next spring Only a hard frost with the help of a sledge may release you The Bridge to this is an outlandish plank with a box of Stones to poize it withall which with the least help turns round like the Executioner when he whips off a head That when the Master is over stands drawn and then he is in his Castle T is sure his fear that renders him suspitious That he may therefore certainly see who enters you shal ever find his window made over his door But it may be that is to shew you his Pedigree for though his Ancestors were never known their Arms are there which in spight of Heraldry shall bear their Atchievment with a Helmet for a Baron at least Marry the Field perhaps shall be charged with 3. basquets to shew what trade his father was Escutcheons are as plentifull as Gentry is scarce Every man there is his own Herald and he that has but wit enough to invent a Coat may challenge it as his own When you are entred the house the first thing you encounter is a Looking glass No question but a true Embleme of politick hospitality for though it reflect your self in your own figure t is yet no longer than while you are there before it When you are gone once it flatters the next commer without the least remembrance that you ere were there The next are the vessels of the house marshalled about the room like watchmen All as neat as if you were in a Citizens wives Cabinet for unless it be themselves they let none of Gods creatures lose any thing of their native beauty Their houses especially in their Cities are the best eye-beauties of their Country For cost and sight they far exceed our English but they want their magnificence Their lining is yet more rich than their out-side not in hangings but pictures which even the poorest are there fur-nishtwith Not a cobler but has his toyes for ornament Were the knacks of all their houses set together there would not be such another Bartholmew-Fair in Europe Their Artists for these are as rare as thought for they can paint you a fat hen in her feathers and if you want the language you may learn a great deal of Dutch by their signes for what they are they ever write under them So by this device hang up more honesty than they keep Coaches are as rare as Comets and those that live loosely need not fear one punishment which often vexes such with us They may be sure though they be discovered they shall not be carted All their Merchandise they draw through the streets on Sledges or as we on Hurdles do traitors to execution Their rooms are but severall land boxes if so you must either goe out to spit or blush when you see the Map brought Their beds are no other than land-cabines high enough to need a ladder or stairs Up once you are walled in with wainscot and that is good discretion to avoid the trouble of making your Will every night for once falling out else would break your neck perfectly But if you die in it this comfort you shall leave your friends that you dy'de in clean linnen Whatsoever their estates be their houses must be fair Therefore from Amsterdam they have banisht sea-cole lest it soyl their buildings of which the starelier sort are sometimes sententious and in the front carry some conceit of the Owner As to give you a taste in these Christus Adjutor Mens Hoc abdicato Perenne Quaero Hic Medio tutius Itur Every door seems studded with Diamonds The nailes and hinges hold a constant brightness as if rust there were not a quality incident to iron Their houses they keep cleaner than their bodies their bodies than their soules Goe to one you shall finde the Andirons shut up in net work At a second the warming pan muffled in Italian Cut-work At a third the Sconce clad in Cambrick And like a Crown advanced in the middle of the house for the woman there is the head of the husband so takes the horn to her own charge which she sometimes multiplies and bestowes the increase on her man T is true
A brief CHARACTER of the LOW-COUNTRIES under the STATES Being three weeks observation of the Vices and Vertues of the INHABITANTS Non seria semper LONDON Printed for Henry Seile 〈◊〉 To the READER AS I live Gentlemen I am amaz'd how any piece could be made such minc'd-meat as this haâ—â—h been by a twice-printed Copy which I find flying aroad to abuse the Author who long since traveling for compaenies-sake with a friend into the Low Countrys would needs for his own recreation write this Essay of them as He then found them I am sure as far from ever thinking to have it publique as he was from any private spleen to the Nation or any person in it for I have moved him often to print it but could never get his consent his modesty ever esteeming it among his puerilia and as he said a piece too light for a prudentiall man to publish the truth is it was meerly occasional in his youth and the time so little that he had for observation his stay there not being above three weeks that it could not well be expected he should say more and though the former part be joculary and sportive yet the seriousness of the latter part renders the Character no way injurious to the people And now finding some ruffled feathers only presented for the whole bird and having a perfect Copy by me I have presumed to trespass so much upon the Author as to give it you in vindication of him so as I am confident it was dressed by his own Pen And after I have begged his pardon for exposing it without his Warrant I shall leave you to judge by comparing this and the former Impressions whether or no he hath not been abused sufficiently Three weeks Observations of the Low-Countries especially HOLLAND THey are a general Sea-Land The great Bog of Europe There is not such another Marsh in the world that 's flat They are an universall Quagmire Epitomiz'd A green Cheese in pickle There is in them an Aequilibrium of mud and water A strong Earthquake would shake them to a Chaos from which the successive force of the Sun rather than Creation hath a little e mended them They are the Ingredients of a black pudding and want only stirring together Marry 't is best making on 't in a dry Summer else you wil have more bloud than grist and then have you no way to make it serve for any thing but to tread it under Zona Torrida and so dry it for Turfs Sayes one it affords the people one commodity beyond all the other Regions if they dye in perdition they are so low that they have a shorter cut to Hell than the rest of their neighbours And for this cause perhaps all strange Religions throng thither as naturally inclining towards their Center Besides their Riches shewes them to be Pluto's Region and you all know what part that was which the Poets did of old assign him Here is Styx Acheron Cocytus and the rest of those muddy streames that have made matter for the Fablers Almost every one is a Charon here and if you have but a Naulum to give you cannot want or Boat or Pilot. To confirm all let but some of our Separatists be asked and they shall swear that the Elizian Fields are there It is an excellent Country for a despairing Lover for every corner affords him willow to make a Garlandon but if justice doom him to be hang'd on any other tree he may in spight of the sentence live long and confident If he had rather quench his spirits than suffocate them so rather chuse to feed Lobsters than Crows t is but leaping from his window and he lights in a River or Sea for most of their dwellings stand like privies in moted houses hanging still over the water If none of these cure him keep him but a winter in a house without a stove and that shall cool him The Soyl is all fat though wanting the colour to shew it so for indeed it is the buttock of the World full of veines and bloud but no bones in 't Had S. Steven been condemn'd to suffer here he might have been alive at this day for unless it be in their paved Cities gold is a great deal more plentiful than stones except it be living ones and then for their heaviness you may take in almost all the Nation T is a singular place to fat Monkies in There are Spiders as big as Shrimps and I think as many Their Gardens being moist abound with these No creatures for sure they were bred not made Were they but as venemous as rank to gather herbs were to hazard Martyrdome They are so large that you would almost believe the Hesperides were here and these the Dragons that did guard them You may travail the Country though you have not a guide for you cannot baulk your road without the hazard of drowning There is not there any use of a Harbinger Wheresoever men go the way is made before them Had they Cities large as their Walls Rome would be esteemd a bable Twenty miles in length is nothing for a Waggon to be hurried on one of them where if your fore-man be sober you may travail in safety otherwise you must have stronger faith than Peter had else you sink immediately A starting horse indangers you to two deaths at once breaking of your neck and drowning If your way be not thus it hangs in the water and at the Approach of your Waggon shall shake as if it were Ague-strooken Duke D' Alva's taxing of the tenth penny frighted it into a Palsey which all the Mountebanks they have bred since could never tell how to Cure 'T is indeed but a bridge of swimming earth or a flagg somewhat thicker than ordinary if the strings crack your course is shortned you can neither hope for Heaven nor fear Hell you shall be sure to stick fast between them Marry if your Faith flow Purgatory height you may pray if you will for that to clense you from the Mud shall soyl you T is a green sod in water where if the German Eagle dares to bath himself he 's glad again to pearch that he may dry his wings Some things they do that seem Wonders 'T is ordinary to see them fish for fire in water which they Catch in nets and transport to land in their boats Where they spread it more smoothly than a Mercer doth his Velvet when he would hook in an heir upon his comming to age Thus lying in a field you would think you saw a Cantle of Green Cheese ' spread over with black butter If Aetna be hells mouth or fore-gate sure here is found the Postern 'T is the Port-Esquiline of the world where the full earth doth vent her crude black gore which the Inhabitants scrape away for fuel as men with spoones do excrements from Civit Cats Their ordinary packhorses are all of wood cary their bridles in their tails and their burdens
The Scythian-Bear could nere have been more savage To be necessitated into cruelty is a misfortune to the strongly tempted to it but to let spleen rave and mad it in resistless blood shewes nature steepd i' th livid gall of passion and beyond all brutishness displays the unnoble tyranny of a prevailing Coward Their Navies are the whip of Spain or the Arm wherewith they pull away his Indies Nature hath not bread them so active for the land as some others But at Sea they are water-Devils to attempt things incredible In Fleets they can fight close and rather hazard all then save some while others perish but single they will flag and fear like birds in a bush when the Sparrow-Hauks bells are heard A Turkish man of War is as dreadfull to them as a a Falcon to a Mallard from whom their best remedy is to steal away But if they come to blowes they want the valiant stoutness of the English who will rather expire bravely in a bold resistaÌ„ce than yield to the lasting slavery of becoming captives to so barbarous an enemy And this shews they have not learned yet even Pagan Philosophy which ever preferred an honourable death before a life thralled to perpetuall slavery Their ships ly like high woods in Winter And if you view them on the Northside you friez without hope for they ride so thick that you can through them see no Sun to warm you with Sailers among them are as common as beggars with us They can drink rail swear niggle steal and be lowsie alike but examining their use a mess of their Knaves are worth a million of ours for they in a boisterous rudeness can work and live and toil whereas ours will rather laze themselves to poverty and like Cabages left out in winter rot away in the loathsomeness of a nauseous sloth Almost all among them are Seamen born and like frogs can live both on land and water Not a Country Uriester but can handle an oar steer a boat raise a mast and bear you out in the roughest streights you come in The ship she avouches much better for sleep than a bed Being full of humours that is her cradle which luls and rocks her to a dull phlegmatickness most of them looking like a full grown oyster boild Slime humid air water and wet dyet have so bagg'd their cheeks that some would take their paunches to be gotten above their chin The Countries government is a Democracy and there had need be many to rule such a rabble of rude ones Tell them of a King and they could cut your throat in earnest The very name carries servitude in it and they hate it more than a Jew doth Images a Woman old age or a Non-Conformist a surplice None among them hath Authority by inheritance that were the way in time to parcel out their Countrie to Families They are chosen all as our Kings chuse Sheriffs for the Counties not for their sin of Wit but for the Wealth they have to bear it out withall which they so over-affect that MynHere shall walk the Streets as Usurers go to Baudy houses all alone and melancholie And if they may be had cheap he will daub his faced cloke with two penni-worth of pickled Herrings which himself shall carrie home in a string A common voice hath given him preheminence he loses it by living as he did when he was but a Boor But if you pardon what is past they are about thinking it time to learn more civilitie Their justice is strict if it cross not Policie but rather than hinder Traffique tollerates any thing There is not under heaven such a Den of several Serpents as Amsterdam is you may be what Devil you will so you push not the State with your horns T is an University of all Religions which grow here confurdly like stocks in a Nursery without either order or pruning If you be unsettled in your Religion you may here trie all and take at last what you like best If you fancie none you have a pattern to follow of two that would be a Church by themselves T is the Fair of all the Sects where all the Pedlers of Religion have leave to vent their toies their Ribands and phanatick Rattles And should it be true it were a cruel brand which Romists stick upon them For say they as the Chameleon changes into all Colours but white so they admit of all Religions but the True For the Papist only may not exercise his in publick Yet his restraint they plead is not in hatred but justice because the Spaniard abridges the Protestant And they had rather shew a little spleen than not cry quit with their Enemy His act is their Warrant which theâ—â—â—â—etaliat justly And for this reason rather than the Dunkirks they take shall not dy Amsterdam having none of their own shall borrow a hangman from Harlem Now albeit the Papists do them wrong herein yet can it not excuse their boundles Tolleration which shews they place their Republick in a higher esteem than Heaven it self and had rather cross upon God than it For whosoever disturbs the Civil Government is lyable to punishment But the Decrees of Heaven and Sanctions of the Deity any one may break uncheck'd by professing what false Religion he please So Consulary Rome of old brought all the Straggling Gods of other Nations to the City where blinded superstition paid an Adoration to them In their Families they all are equals and you have no way to know the master and Mistress but by taking them in bed together It may be those are they Otherwise Malky can prate as much laugh as loud be as bold and sit as well as her Mistress Had Logicians lived here first Father and Son had never passed so long for Relatives They are here Individuals for no Demonstrance of Duty or Authority can distinguish them as if they were created together and not born successively And as for your Mother bidding her goodnight and kissing her is punctual blessing Your man shal be saucy and you must not strike if you do he shall complain to the Schont and perhaps have recompence T is a dainty place to please boies in for your Father shall bargain with your School-Master not to whip you if he doth he shall revenge it with his knife and have Law for it Their apparel is civil enough and good enough but very uncomely and hath usually more stuffthan shape Only their Huykes are commodious in winter but t is to be lamented that they have not wit enough to lay them by when summer comes Their women would have good faces if they did not mar them with making Their Ear-wyers have so nipt in their Cheeks that you would think some Faiery to do them a mischief had pincht them behind with Tongs These they dress as if they would shew you all their wit lay behind and they needs would cover it And thus ordered they have much more forehead than face