protestations and it is generous to cherish their health to attend them in their sickness to comply with their harmless humours to entertain their discourses to accompany their persons to yield to their lawfull desires and to commend their good graces and that man which is a Husband and doth not do thus is worthy to be shamed and not to be kept company with which is not called an Uxorious Husband for said I an Uxorious Husband I understand to be a honest carefull and wise Husband Lady Ignorance And what said they after you said this Sir P. Studious They laugh'd and said my flowery Rhetorick was strewed upon a dirty ground I answered it was not dirty where I lived for my wife was beautifull chaste and cleanly and I wished every man the like and after they perceived that neither the railing nor laughing at good Husbands could not temper me for their palats they began to play and sport with one another and sung wanton songs and when all their baits failed they quarreled with me and said I was uncivil and that I did not entertain them well and that I was not good Company having not a conversable wit nor a gentle behaviour and that I was not a gallant Cavalier and a world of those reproches and idle discourses as it would tire me to repeat it and you to hear it Lady Ignorance Pray resolve me one question more what was it you said to the Lady Amorous when she threatned to tell me Sir P. Studious I only said nature was unkind to our Sex in making the beautifull females cruel Lady Ignorance Was that all I thought you had pleaded as a courtly Sutor for loves favours Sir P. Studious No indeed but let me tell you and so inform you wife that those humour'd women take as great a pleasure to make wives jealouse of their Husbands and Husbands jealouse of their wives and to seperate their affections and to make a disorder in their Families as to plot and design to intice men to court them Cuckold their Husband also let me tell you that much company and continual resort brings great inconveniences for its apt to corrupt the mind and make the thoughts wild the behaviour bold the words vain the discourse either flattering rude or tedious their actions extravagant their persons cheap being commonly occompanyed or their company common Besides much variety of Company creates amorous luxurie vanity prodigality jealousie envie malice slander envie treachery quarrels revenge and many other evils as laying plots to insnare the Honourable to accuse the Innocent to deceive the Honest to corrupt the Chaste to deboyst the Temperate to pick the purse of the Rich to inslave the poor to pull down lawfull Authority and to break just Laws but when a man lives to himself within his own Familie and without recourse after a solitary manner he lives free without controul not troubled with company but entertains himself with himself which makes the soul wise the mind sober the thoughts industrious the understanding learned the heart honest the senses quiet the appetites temperate the body healthfull the actions just and prudent the behaviour civil and sober He governs orderly eats peaceably sleeps quietly lives contentedly and most commonly plentifully and pleasantly ruling and governing his little Family to his own humour wherein he commands with love and is obeyed with duty and who that is wise and is not mad would quit this heavenly life to live in hellish Societies and what can an honest Husband and wife desire more than love peace and plenty and when they have this and is not content 't is a sign they stand upon a Quagmire or rotten Foundation that will never hold or indure that is they are neither grounded on honesty nor supported with honour Lady Ignorance Well Husband I will not interupt your studies any longer but as you study Phylosophie Wisdom and Invention so I will study obedience discretion and Houswifery Omnes Exeunt ACT III Scene 15. Enter the General and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Affectionata Were you never bred to the Discipline of War Affectionata Never my Lord but what I have been since I came to you Lord Singularity Why thou didst speak at the Council of War as if thou hadst been an old experienced souldier having had the practice of fourty years which did so astonish the grave Senators and old Souldiers that they grew dumb and for a while did only gaze on thee Affectionata Indeed my Lord my young years and your grave Counsel did not suit together Lord Singularity But let me tell thee my boy thy rational and wise speeches and that grave counsels was not mis-match'd Affectionata Pray Heaven I may prove so as your favours and your love may not be thought misplaced Lord Singularity My Love thinks thee worthy of more than I can give thee had I more power than Caesar had Exeunt Scene 16. Enter some Commanders 1. COmmander I hear that the Duke of Venice is so taken with our Generals adopted Son as he will adopt him his Son 2. Commander Hay-day I have heard that a Father hath had many Sons but never that one Son hath had so many Fathers but contrary many Sons wants fathering 3. Commander 'T is true some Sons hath the misfortune not to be owned but let me tell you Lieutenant there be few children that hath not many such Fathers as one begets a childe a second owns the childe a third keeps the childe which inherits as the right Heir and if a fourth will adopt the childe a fift or more may do the like if they please 1. Commander So amongst all his Fathers the right Father is lost 3. Commander Faith the right Father of any childe is seldome known by reason that women takes as much delight in deceiving the World and dissembling with particular men as in the cuckolding their Husbands 2. Commander The truth is every several Lover cuckolds one another 1. Commander Perchance that is the reason that women strives to have so many Lovers for women takes pleasure to make Cuckolds 3. Commander And Cuckolds to own children Exeunt Scene 17. Enter Affectionata then enters to him two or three Venetian Gentlemen as Embassadors from the Duke of Venice 1. GEntleman Noble Sir the great Duke of Venice hath sent us to let you know he hath adopted you his Son and desires your company Affectionata Pray return the great Duke thanks and tell him those favours are too great for such a one as I but if he could and would adopt me as Augustus Caesar did Tiberius and make me master of the whole World by Heaven I would refuse it and rather chose to live in a poor Cottage with my most Noble Lord 2. Gentleman But you must not deny him Besides he will have you Affectionata I will dye first and rather chose to bury my self in my own tears than build a Throne with ingratitude 1. Gentleman But it is ungratefull to deny the Duke
will send you amongst the effeminate Sex where you may learn to sport with Ladies as well as fight with Turks Affectionata speaks softly to her self pray Jove they do not search me Exeunt Scene 26. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail I can tell you news Lady Amorous What news Lady Wagtail Sir Serious Dumb can speak again Lady Amorous I am sorrow for that for now he may tell tales out of School Lady Wagtail If he do we will whip him with the rods of tongues which is more sharp than the rods of wyer Lady Amorous We may whip him with words but we our selves shall feel the smart of reproch Lady Wagtail How simply you talk as if reproch could hurt a woman when reproch is born with us and dyes with us Lady Amorous If reproch have no power of our Sex why are all women so carefull to cover their faults and so fearfull to have their crimes divulged Lady Wagtail Out of two reasons first because those of the masculine Sex which have power as Fathers Uncles Brothers and Husbands would cut their throats if they received any disgrace by them for disgrace belongs more to men than women The other reason is that naturally women loves secrets yet there is nothing they can keep secret but their own particular faults neither do they think pleasure sweet but what is stollen Lady Amorous By your favour women cannot keep their own faults secret Lady Wagtail O yes those faults that may ruine them if divulged but they cannot keep a secret that is delivered to their trust for naturally women are unfit for trust or council Lady Amorous But we are fit for faction Lady Wagtail The World would be but a dull World if it were not for industrious factions Lady Amorous The truth is that if it were not for faction the World would lye in the cradle of Peace and be rock'd into a quiet sleep of security Lady Wagtail Prithee talk not of quiet and peace and rest for I hate them as bad as death Lady Amorous Indeed they resemble death for in death there is no wars nor noise Lady Wagtail Wherefore it is natural for life neither to have rest nor peace being cantrary to death Exeunt ACT IV. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata AFfectionata My Lord I hear the King hath invited you to attend him in his progress this Summer Lord Singularity Yes but I have made my excuse and have got leave to stay at home for I will tell thee truly that I had rather march ten miles with an Artillery than travel one with a Court and I had rather fight a battel than be bound to ceremony or flattery which must be practised if one live at Court Besides I have been bred to lead an Armie and not to follow a Court And the custom of the one have made me unacquainted and so unfit for the other for though I may truly say I am a good Souldier yet I will confess ingenuously to thee I am a very ill Courtier Affectionata I think they are the most happiest that are least acquainted with a great Monarchs Court Lord Singularity I will tell thee a discourse upon this theam in the time of Henry the eighth of England there were many Courtiers of all degrees about him and the theam of their discourse was who was the happiest man in England So all the Nobles and inferiour Courtiers agreed unanimously it was his Majesty and it could be no man else and they all said that their judgements was so clear in that point that it could not admit of a contradiction or dispute Said Henry the eighth by the body of our Lord you are all mistaken then said one of the Courtiers I beseech your Majesty to tell us who is the happiest man By the Lord said the King that Gentleman that lives to his profit and dare moderately spend for his pleasure and that neither knows me nor I know him he is the happiest man in the Kingdom and I am of Henry the eights opinion but howsoever it were better to be such a one that goeth with the bagge and baggage of an Armie than one of the tail of a Court Affectionata But your Lordship would not refuse to be as the chief as to be a Favourite for a Favourite is more sought feared and flattered than the King himself Lord Singularity I think I should not refuse to be a Favourite by reason a Favourite is a General to command Martial and Conduct in all affairs both at home and abroad in peace and in war and all by the power and authority of the commission of Favourites Affectionata Which Commission hath a greater and larger extent than any other Commission Lord Singularity You say right for it extends as far as the Kings power Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman REformer Madam shall your wedding be private or publick Lady Bashfull Private Reformer I wonder you will have it private Lady Bashfull Why do you wonder Reformer Because the wedding-day is the only triumphant day of a young maids life Lady Bashfull Do you call that a triumphant day that inslaves a woman all her life after no I will make no triumph on that day Reformer Why you had better have one day than none Lady Bashfull If my whole life were triumphant it would be but as one day when it was past or rather as no day nor time for what is past is as if it never were and for one day I will never put my self to that ceremonious trouble which belongs to feasting revelling dressing and the like Reformer I perceive your Ladyship desires to be undrest upon the Wedding-day Lady Bashfull No that I do not but as I will not be carelesly undrest so I will not be drest for a Pageant show Exeunt Scene 28. Enter the Lord Singularity and AFfectionata AFfectionata I think there is no Family more methodically ordered prudently governed than your Lordships Lord Singularity It were a disgrace to my profession if I should not well know how to command for a good Commander in the field can tell how to be a good Manager in his private Family although a prudent Master of a Family knows not how to be a skilfull Commander in the field but a prudent Master must have a trusty Steward so a knowing General must have a carefull and skilfull Lieutenant-General or else he will be very much troubled also both Master and General must have other Officers or else they will not find their Accounts or Conquests as he hopes or expects For neither General nor Master can order every particular command nor rectifie every particular errour himself for a Generals Office is only to direct order and command the chief Officers and not the common Souldiers So the Master of a Family is only to direct order and command his Steward he the rest of the Officers and the common servants every one must order those that belongs
will be neither quiet it self always ebbing and flowing nor let any thing be at rest on it I know not what the Fishes are that are in it but for any thing I can perceive to the contrary they live in a perpetual motion So doe Ladies for their Passions and Affections ebb and flow from object to object for one while they flow with love then ebb with hate sometimes they are rough with anger and stormy with rage then indifferent calm with patience but that is seldome But in the Spring-tide of Beauty they overflow all with pride and their thoughts like Fishes are in a perpetual motion swimming from place to place from company to company from one meeting to another and are never at rest Frisk Thou deserv'st to die the death of Orpheus Satyrical 'T is likely I shall by reason I am a Satyrical Poet and Women hate Satyre in Poetry although not Wood or Forrest Satyrs and the most extravagant and maddest Actions that ever were done were done or acted by Women and the truth is Women are not only Batchelling some parts of the year but all their life-long for they drink vanity and are mad-drunk with wantonnesse Frisk Let me tell you that if I should be brought as a Witnesse and should declare the truth there were no hopes of mercy for thee Satyrical I grant it if Women were to be my Judges Exeunt Scene 11. Enter Excess VVanton Idle and Surfet Excess Where shall we go for pastime to day for our Lady hath left us to our own pleasures to day Idle Let us go and swim in a Boat upon the River Wanton That is but a watrish Recreation besides it is very dangerous for many have been drowned in their idle pastimes Surfet If you will take my Counsel let us go to the Lodge in the Park and drink Sullybubs Wanton Yes let us go for the Lodge puts me into a good humour and Sullybubs make me merry Idle You have reason for it is a cheerly Cup and a Cup of good fellowship for we may all eat and drink together Surfet Yes by spoonfuls Excess I love to be drunk by spoonfuls for then I am drunk by degrees and not at one draught as a pinte or a quart at a draught as men do besides though it be allowable for the sobrest noblest Women to be drunk with Wine-caudles Sullybubs Sack-possets and the like so it be by spoonfuls yet it were abominable and most dishonourable for Women to be drunk with plain Wine and great draught as men are besides in great draughts there is not that pleasure of taste as in a little at a time Idle I believe that is the reason that Flemmings love to sip their Wine because they would have the pleasure of Taste Wanton No question but they learn'd that of the Effeminate Sex who love to taste of every thing Surfet I do believe it for all women love spoon-meat Excess 'T is true and to drink in spoons Idle Talk no more of eating and drinking but eat and drink without talking and afterwards talk to digest it Excess And after it is digested let 's eat and drink again Wanton So we shall do nothing but eat drink and talk Surfet Women do nothing else all their life-long Wanton By your favour but we do Excess Come come let us go Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Ambition alone AMbition O that I might enjoy those pleasures which Poets fancy living in such delight as nature never knew nor that all Poets did write of me not only to express their Wit but my Worth and that I might be praised by all mankind yet not vulgarly as in a croud of others praises but my praises to be singularly inthron'd above the rest and that all others commendations might have no other light but what proceeds from the splendor of my Fame Also I wish that Nature had made me such a Beauty as might have drawn the Eyes of the whole World as a Loadstone to gaze at it and the splendor thereof might have inlightned every blind eye and the beams therefrom might have comforted every sad heart and the pleasing Aspect therein might have turned all passions into love then would I have had Nature Fortune and the Fates to have given me a free power of the whole World and all that is therein that I might have prest and squeezed our the healing Balsomes and sovereign Juices and restoring Simples into every sick wounded and decayed body and every disquieted or distemper'd mind Likewise that I might have been able to have relieved those that were poor and necessitous with the hidden riches therein and that by my power I might not only have obliged every particular creature and person according to their worth and merit but to have made so firm a peace amongst mankinde as never to be dissolved Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Monsieur Inquisitive INquisitive I wonder you should be an Enemy to Women Satyrical I am so far from being an Enemy to the Effeminate Sex as I am the best friend they have for I do as a friend ought to do which is to tell them truth when other men deceive them with flattery Inquisitive But they complain and say you exclame and rail against them Satyrical Their complaints proceed from their partial Self-love and Luxury for they love pleasing flattery as they do Sweet-meats and hate rigid truth as they do a bitter potion although the one destroys their health the other prolongs their life Inquisitive But they are so angry as they all swear and have made a vow to be revenged on you Satyrical Let them throw their spleens at me I will stand their malice or dart forth Amorous glances they will not pierce my heart for Pallas is my Shield and Cupid hath no power Inquisitive If they cannot wound you with their Eyes they will sting you with their Tongues for Women are like Bees Satyrical If they are like Bees their stings lie not in their Tongues Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Mother Matron Bon' Esprit Portrait Faction Ambition Pleasure MAtron I can tell you News Ladies Portrait What News Mother Matron Matron Why there is a rich young Heir come to Town Superbe Some foolish Son of a miserable Father who hath spared from his back and belly to make his Son vain and prodigal But what shall we be the better for this rich Heir Matron Why marry if you can get him you will be so much the better as a rich Husband can make you Ambition He will first be got by the Cheats in the Town which Cheats have more subtilty and will be more industrious to get him than the youngest and beautifullest and wittyest Lady of us all so as there is no hopes of gaining him until he is so poor as he is not worth the having Faction But if he could be had whilest he were rich it were no great victory for I dare say his Mothers Landry-maid might be as soon a Conqueress
it do her any service Nurse Fondly But we indanger her life by the consenting to this journey for she that hath been bred with tenderness and delicateness can never indure the coldes and heats the dirt and dust that Travellers are subject to Besides to be disturbed and broaken of her sleep and to have ill Lodging or perhaps none at all and then to travel a foot like a Pilgrim Her tender feet will never indure the hard ground nor her young legs never able to bear her body so long a journey Foster Trusty T is true this journey may very much incommode her yet if she doth not go to satisfie her mind I cannot perceive any hopes of life but do foresee her certain death for her mind is so restless and her thoughts works so much upon her body as it begins to waste for she is become lean and pale Nurse Fondly Well! Heaven bless you both and prosper your journey but pray let me hear often from you for I shall be in great frights and fears Foster Trusty If we should write it may chance to discover us if our Letters should be opened wherefore you must have patience Ex. Scene 10. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her Woman LAdy Bashfull Reformer I am little beholding to you Reformer Why Madam Lady Bashfull Why you might have told a lye for me once in your life for if you had not spoke the truth by saying I was the Lady they came to see they would never have guest I had been she for they expected me to have been a free bold Entertainer as they were Visitors which is as I do perceive to be rudely familiar at first sight Reformer But to have told a lye had been to commit a sin Lady Bashfull In my conscience tto please the effeminate Sex is to praise their beauty wit vertue and goa most pious and charitable act in helping the distressed Besides you had not only helped a present distress but released a whole life out of misery for as long as I live my thoughts will torment me O! They wound my very soul already they will hinder my pious devotions For when I pray I shall think more of my bashfull behaviour and the disgrace I have received thereby than of Heaven Besides they will starve me not suffering the meat to go down my throat or else to choke me causing it to go awry or else they will cause a Feaver for in my conscience I shall blush even in my sleep if I can sleep For certainly I shall dream of my disgrace which will be as bad as a waking memory O! that I had Opium I would take it that I might forget all things For as long as I have memory I shall remember my simple behaviour and as for my Page he shall go I am resolved to turn him away Reformer Why madam Lady Bashfull Because he let them come in Reformer He could not help it for they followed him at the heels they they never stayed for an answer from you or to know whether you were within or no and there were a great many of them Lady Bashfull I think there was a Legion of them Reformer You speak as if they were a Legion of Angels Lady Bashfull Nay they proved a Legion of Divels to me Reformer There was one that seemed to be a fine Gentleman but he spake not a word Lady Bashfull They may be all what you will make them or describe them for I could make no distinction whether they were men or women or beasts nor heard no articulated sound only a humming noise Reformer They spake loud enough to have pierced your ears if strength of noise could have done it but the Gentleman that did not speak looked so earnestly at you as if he would have looked you thorough Lady Bashfull O that his eyes had that piercing faculty for then perchance he might have seen I am not so simple as my behaviour made me appear Ex. Scene 11. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious and the Lady Ignorance his Wife SIr Peaceable Studious I have lost 500. pounds since you went in with the Ladies Lady Ignorance 500. Pounds in so short a time Sir P. Studious 'T is well I lost no more But yet that 500. pounds would have bought you a new Coach or Bed or Silver Plate or Cabinets or Gowns or fine Flanders-laces and now it s gone and we have no pleasure nor credit for it but it is no matter I have health for it therefore I will call to my Stewards to bring me some more Lady Ignorance No do not so for after the rate you have lost you will lose all your Estate in short time Sir P. Studious Faith let it go 't is but begging or starving after it is gone for I have no trade to live by unless you have a way to get a living have you any Lady Ignorance No truly Husband I am a shiftless creature Sir P. Studious Yes but you may play the Whore and I the Shark so live by couzening and cheating Lady Ignorance Heaven defend Husband Sir P. Studious Or perchance some will be so charitable to give us suck'd bones from stinking breaths and rotten teeth or greasie scraps from fowl hands But go wife prithy bid my Steward send me 500. pounds more or let it alone I will run on the score and pay my losings at a lump Lady Ignorance No dear Husband play no more Sir P. Studious How not play any more say you shall I break good Company with sitting out Besides it is a question whether I have power to leave off now I have once begun for Play is Witch-craft it inchants temperance prudence patience reason and judgment and it kicks away time and bids him go as an old bald-pated fellow as he is also it chains the life with fears cares and griefs of losing to a pair of Cards and set of Dice Lady Ignorance For Heaven sake pitty me If you consider not your self Sir P. Studious Can you think a Husband considers his wife when he forgets or regards not himself when all love is self-love for a man would have his Wife to be loving and chaste for his honours sake to be thrifty for his profit sake to be patient for quiet sake to be cleanly witty and beautifull for his pleasure sake and being thus he loves her For if she be false unkind prodigal froward sluttish foolish and ill-favoured he hates her Lady Ignorant But if a Husband loves his wife he will be carefull to please her prudent for her subsistence industrious for her convenience valiant to protect her and conversable to entertain her and wise to direct and guide her Sir P. Studious To rule and govern her you mean wife Lady Ignorance Yes but a Husbands follies will be but corrupt Tutors and ill Examples for a wife to follow wherefore dear Husband play no more but come amongst the effeminate Societie you will finde more pleasure at less charges Sir P. Studious Well wife You
World for knowledge yet so as it looks as out of a window on a prospect it uses the World out of necessity but not serves the World out of slavery it is industrious for its own tranquility fame and everlasting life for which it leaves nothing unsought or undone is a wise soul Monsieur Profession Madam my soul is tyed to your soul with such an undissoulable knot of affection that nothing no not death can lose it nor break it asunder wherefore wheresoever your soul doth go thine will follow it and bear it company Madam Solid Then your soul vvill be incognita for my soul vvill not know whether your soul will be with it or not Ex. Monsieur Comorade Faith Thom. it s happy for thy soul to be drawn by her magnetick soul for that may draw lead or direct thy soul to Heaven otherwise thy soul will fall into Hell with the pressure of they sins for thy soul is as heavy as crime can make it Mons. Prof. Why then the divel would have found my soul an honest soul in being full weight his true coyn the right stamp of his Picture or Figure for vvhich he vvould have used my soul vvell and if Heaven gives me not this Lady Hell take me Monsieur Comorade Certainly you may be the Divels guest but whether you will be the Ladys Husband it is to be doubted Mons. Profession Well I will do my endeavour to get her and more a man cannot do Ex. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and Monsieur Importunate MOnsieur Importunate You are the rarest beauty and greatest wit in the World Mad. Capris. Wit is like beauty and beauty is oftener created in the fancie than the face so wit oftener by opinion than in the brain not but surely there may be a real beauty and so a real wit yet that real wit is no wit to the ignorant no more than beauty to the blind for the wit is lost to the understanding as beauty is lost to the eyes and it is not in nature to give what is not in nature to receive nor in nature to shew what is not in nature to be seen so there must be eyes to see beauty and eares to hear wit and understanding to judge of both and you have neither judgments eyes nor understandings ears nor rational sense Monsieur Importunate VVhy then you have neither beauty nor wit Mad. Capris. I have both but your commendations are from report for fools speaks by rote as Parrots do Ex. Monsieur Importunate solus Monsieur Importunate She is like a Bee loaded with sweet honey but her tongue is the sting that blisters all it strikes on Ex. Scene 8. Enter Madamosel Volante and Monsieur Bon Compaignon Bon Compaignon Lady why are you so silent Madam Volante VVhy soul I speak to those that understands me not Bon Compaignon VVhy are you so difficult to be understood Mad. Volante No but understanding is so difficult to find Bon Compaignon So and since there is such a total decay of understanding in every brain as there is none to be found but in your own you will make a new Common-wealth in yours where your thoughts as wife Magistrates and good Citizens shall govern and traffick therein and your words shall be as Letters of Mart and your senses shall be as legate Embassadors that lives in other Kingdoms which takes instructions and give intelligence or rather your thoughts are destinies and fates and your words their several decrees Mad. Volante Do you think my thoughts can warrant Laws or can my words decree them Bon Compaignon I believe your thoughts are so wise and just that whatsoever they allow of must be best and your words are so witty rational positive and powerfull as none can contradict them Mad. Volante Good Sir contradict your self or Truth will contradict you Bon Compaignon Nay faith I will never take the pains to contradict my self let Truth do what she will Ex. ACT II. Scene 9. Enter Madam la Mere and her daughter Madamosel Caprisia Madam Mere Daughter did you entertain the Lady Visit civilly Mad. Capris. Yes Mother extraordinary civilly for I gave her leave to entertain herself with her own discourse Mad. Mere That was rudely Mad. Capris. O no for certainly it is the height of courtship to our sex to let them talk all the talk themselves for all women takes more delight to discourse themselves than to hear another and they are extreamly pleased if any listens or at lest seems to listen to them For the truth is that talking is one of the most luxurious appetites women have wherefore I could not be more civiller than to bar and restrain the effeminate nature in my self to give her tongue liberty Madam Mere But you should have spoken a word now and then as giving her civilly some breathing rest for her discourse to lean upon Mad. Capris. Her speech was so strong and long-winded as it run with a full speed without stop or stay it neither need spurre nor whip the truth is it had been well if it had been held in with the bridle of moderation for it ran quite beyond the bounds of discretion although sometimes it ran upon the uneven wayes of slander other times upon the stony ground of censure and sometimes in the soul wayes of immodesty and often upon the furrows of non-sense besides it did usually skip over the hedges of Truth and certainly if the necessities of nature and the separations of Neigh-bourhood and the changes and inter-course of and in the affairs of the VVorld and men did not forcibly stop sometimes a womans tongue it would run as far as the confines of death Mad. Mere But let me tell you Daughter your tongue is as sharp as a Serpents sting and will wound as cruelly and deadly where it bites Capris. It proves my tongue a womans tongue Mad. Mere VVhy should a womans tongue have the effects of a Serpents sting Capris. The reason is evident for the great Serpent that tempted and so perverted our Grandmother Eve in Paradise had a monstrous sting and our Grandmother whetted her tongue with his sting and ever since all her effeminate rase hath tongues that stings Ex. Scene 10. Enter Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Lady Monsieur Nobilissimo is so in love with you as he cannot be happy untill you be his wife Doltche I wonder he should be in love with me since I have neither beauty to allure him nor so much riches as to intice him nor wit to perswade him to marry me Bon Compaignon But Lady you have vertue good nature sweet disposition gracefull behaviour which are sufficient Subjects for love to settle on did you want what you mentioned out you have all not only what any man can with or desire with a wife but you have as much as you can wish and desire to have your self Doltche I will rather be so vain as to strive to believe you than
said Ex. Scene 14. Enter Madamosel Mere and her Daughter Madamosel Caprisia MERE Daughter you have a sufficiency of wit and beauty to get many Lovers to chose a Husband if you had but patience to entertain and prudence to keep them But your being crosse will lose your Lovers as soon as your beauty hath taken them Capris. It is no prize for a woman to have such Lovers that hath amorous natures for it is their nature that drives them to her and not the womans beauty or wit that draws them to her and there is less force required to drive than to draw but the truth is that most men hath such threed-bare souls as if the nap of their understanding were worn of or indeed their souls seems as if there were never any woven thereon as that nature hath made all their souls thin and course or as if time had Moath-eaten them which makes me although not to hate you yet to despise that Sex for men that should imitate the Gods yet are they worse than Beasts which makes me shun their beastly company Mere Daughter you speak and judge passionately and passion can never reason well for how is it possible for reason to exercise its function when passion opposes and is too strong for it Capris. Truth may be delivered in passion but not corrupted with passion for truth is truth howsoever it be divulged or else it is no truth but falsehood Ex. Scene 14. Enter Monsieur Perfection and Madamosel Solid drest very fine PErfection You are wondrous fine to day Madam Solid If I seem fine to day I am obliged more to my fancie than my wealth for this finerie Perfection The truth is you are so adjousted so curiously accoutred as I perceive judgement and wit were joyned associates in your dressing Solid I had rather be commended or applauded for judgement and wit than for wealth and beauty for I had rather have my soul commended than my person or fortunes Perfection Certainly I believe you have a more rational soul than any other of your Sex have Solid Alas My soul is but a young soul a meer Novice soul it wants growth or my soul is like a house which time the architectour hath newly begun to build and the senses which are the Labourers wants information and experience which are the materiall for the rational soul to be built on or with but such materials as hath been brought in I strive and endeavour to make the best and most convenient use for a happy life Perfection How say you the best use for a good Wife Solid No that little reason I have tells me to be a Wife is to be unhappy for content seldom in marriage dwells disturbance keeps possession Perfection If you disprayse marriage you will destroy my hopes and frustrate my honest design Solid VVhy what is your design Perfection To be a Suiter to you Solid And what is your hopes Perfection To be your Husband Solid If I thought marriage were necessary although unhappy yet there would be required more wit and judgement in chosing a Husband than in dressing my self wherefore it were requisite that some of more wit and judgement than my self should chose for me otherwise I may be betray'd by flattery outward garb insinuations or false-hood and through an unexperienced innocency I may take words and shews for worth and merit which I pray the Gods I may not do for to marry an unworthy man were to me to be at the height of affliction and marriage being unhappy in it self needs no addition to make it worse Perfection Madam Discretion forbids me to commend my self although I am a Lover For had I merits worthy great praises it were unfit I should mention them but there is not any man or woman that is or can be exactly known either by themselves or others for nature is obscure she never divulges herself neither to any creature nor by or through any creature for the hides herself under infinite varieties changes and chances She disguises herself with antick Vizards she appears sometimes old sometimes young sometimes vaded and withered sometimes green and flourishing sometimes feeble and weak sometimes strong and lusty sometimes deformed and sometimes beautifull sometimes she appears with horrour sometimes with delight sometimes she appears in glimsing lights of knowledge then clouds herself with ignorance But Madam since we are as ignorant of our souls as of our fortunes and as ignorant of our lives as of our deaths we cannot make any choice upon certainties but upon uncertainties and if we be good whilst we live our deaths will be our witnesse to prove it in the mean time let our promises stand bound for us which is the best ingagement we can give although it may sail and let our marriage be as the Bond of agreement although we may forfeit the same yet let us make it as sure as we can Solid I will consider it and then I will answer your request Perfection That is to yield Solid It is like enough Ex. Scene 16. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and Monsieur Importunate IMportunate My fair Shrew are you walking alone Caprisia My thoughts are my best Companions Importunate Pray let a thought of me be one of the company Capris. When you enter into my mind you do appear so mean as my nobler thoughts scorns that thought that bears your figure Importunate Thoughts are as notes and the tongue is the Fiddle that makes the musick but your words as the cords are out of tune Capris. You say so by reason they are not set to your humour to sound your prayse Importunate I say you are very handsome nature hath given you a surpassing beauty but pride and self-conceit hath cast such a shadow as it hath darkened it as vaporous clowds doth the bright Sun Capris. Your opinions are clowdy and your tongue like thunder strikes my ears with rude uncivil words Ex. He alone Importunate I perceive humility dwels not with beauty nor with but is as great a stranger as with Riches and Titles Ex. Scene 17. Enter Madamosel Volante and Monsieur Discretion DIscretion Madam the fame of your wit drew me hither Volante I am sorry my wit hath a greater fame than my worth that my vain words should spread further than my vertuous actions for noble fame is built on worthy deeds Discretion But it were pity you should bury your wit in silence Besides your discourse may profit the hearers either with delight or instructions Volante O no for discourses pleases according to the humour or understanding of the hearers Besides it is the nature of mankind to think each other fools and none but themselves wise Then why should I wast my life to no purpose knowing times motion swift Discretion You do not wast your life through your words if your words gets you a fame and esteem of the VVorld Volante VVhat shall I be the better in having the VVorlds esteem nay it is likely that prayses whilst I live
lay Ex. ACT II. Scene 5. Enter the Lady Sanspareile all in white Satin like as a Bride and her Father and her audience which are all Lovers these stand gazing upon her SAnspareile This Noble assembly may chance to think it a vanity in me never to receive any particular visit or adresse from any particular or single person but I do so by reason life is lost in particular acquaintance as small Rivers are in running through the earth But in the publick life swims as in a full Sea having a fair gale of observation and Sailes of opportune time to swim withall marking the Card of actions and the Needle of dispositions drawn or turned by the Loadstone of affection to the North-pole of Experience to guide me safe from the Rocks of slander and quick-sands of scandal till I come to the Port of death there to unload my Lifes Merchandise and I hope my Voyage may be so prosperous as I may be inriched with the praises of After-Ages Likewise the reason why I choose to speak in publick is that I would not speak idely for in publick I shall take care of what I speak and to whom I speak when in private visitations to single persons my speech may be carelesse with negligence in which I may throw away my time with my words For to speak to no purpose is to make words useless and words is the marks to distinguish things and Figures to number merits with and Notes to record the noble Acts of men But at this time I am to speak by my Fathers command upon a Subject which my contemplation hath no acquaintance with which is marriage and I hear by my Father that you have all treated with him or rather intreated him to bestow me in marriage which is to make me unhappy not but that I believe what I hear which is that you are all persons of Quality Birth Breeding and Merit far beyond my desert yet with the best if any best there be being all worthy yet were I a wife to any one I might be unhappy by reason marriage is an incumbered life although the Husband and the Wife were fitly matcht for years Births Fortunes Dispositions Humours Capacities Wits Conversations Constancies Vertues and affections and first by your leave I will discourse of mens marriage by reason Man being accounted the Supremer Creature and alwayes bearing Rule he shall be first placed As for marriage to men it is a great hinderance to a speculative life it cuts off Phancies Wings and quenches out the Poetical Fire it breaks the Engine of invention disturbs sweet contemplation corrupts honest Counsels obstructs all Heroick actions obscures fame and often times causes infamy by the wifes inconstancies and many times by her indiscretion for a man is dishonoured if his wife is but thought wanton or but inclining to be amorous and though she be as sober in her Nature and as constant as any woman can be yet the very suspition is a disgrace and if the suspition is a disgrace what is a visible truth His very Neighbours makes Horns as he passeth by their doors whilst he sadly and shamefully hangs down his head with a dejected countenance which makes him seem a Coward and a Fool although it be unjust that the faults of the wife should be a blemish to the Husbands honour yet so it is this being the greatest cause why Husbands are jealouse which jealousie is more for their Honours sake than for their Wives affections thus you see how dangerous a thing it is for man to marry who must trust his honour to the management of a Foolish Woman and women naturally like children inconstant unlesse education doth rectifie their frail natures peevish humours various appetites and inconstant affection Likewise marriage is not only apt to corrupt the mind with jealousie but with Covetousnesse for the extreme fondnesse and natural love of Parents to their Children maks them strive by all their endeavours to inrich them this makes them gripe their Tennants pinch and half starve their servants quarrel and dispute with their neighbours corrupt Judges take Bribes besides it makes men apt to rebell and turn Traitorus murmuring at their Taxes and impositions it also makes them timorous and fearful in warrs by reason their wife and children may be ruined by their death Also it makes them dull in their Conversations by reason they are alwayes plodding for their worldly affairs and for the Muses had a husband time to entertain them yet the wife would right them or drive them from him with their quarreling disputes or sencelesse prizes besides most women are as jealouse of the Muses as of their Maids but to treat or discourse of married women is to discourse of a most unhappy life for all the time of their lives is insnared with troubles what in breeding and bearing children what in taking and turning away Servants directing and ordering their Family counting their expences and disbursing their revenues besides the vexations with their servants for their quarreling and combining for their sloth and sluttery for their spoiles and carlessnesse for their treachery and couzenage and if they have Children what troubles and griefs do unsue Troubled with their frowardnesse and untowardnesse the care for their well being the fear for their ill doing their grief for their sicknesse and their unsufferable sorrow for their death Yet this is the best part and not to be avoided But if these troubles be joyned with an ill Husband it heightens their torments for if he be a Drunkard she had better be marryed to a Beast her nostrils is stencht with the Lees of wine her eyes are offended with his rude behaviour and her ears are struck with a cursed noise of cursing and Oaths and if he be a Gamester she lives in an unsetled condition she knows not how soon she may want for if she have plenty one day she may be in a condition to beg the next And if her Husband be inconstant and loves variety of women O how jealousie torments her besides the wrongs she suffers from him what affronts she receives from his Mistresse How is she dispised amongst her neighbours sleighted by her servant suspected by the world for having some defect as either to be incontinent sluttish foolish froward crosse unkind ill natured sickly or diseased when perchance the woman may be worthy to be marcht with a temperate wise valiant honest rich and honourable man and if women go fine and take pleasure in themselves and Garments their Husbands are jealouse and if they regard not themselves or Garments their Husbands dislikes them For though men will swear to their wives they like them better in their old cloaths than other women in their glorious Apparrel because they would not have them expensive yet if their wives neglect themselves regarding not their dressing but sleights all outward Adornments and change of Garments as prodigal spend-thrifts they starve their Husbands esteem in their thrifty plainness Consumes
I will teach you Mall Mean If your Honour will take the pains to teach a poor ignorant Country Maid I will do the best I can to learn forsooth but will it not be too much pains for your Honour do you think Lo. Title No no it will be both for my Honour and my pleasure and for the pleasure of my Honour Mall Mean-bred Blesse us how the Lords doe It backward and forward at their pleasure the finest that ever was but what would your Honour have of me Lo. Title By this kiss I le tell you He goes to kiss her she seems nice and coy Mall Mean O fie fie good your Honour do not scandalize your lips to kisse mine and make me so proud as never to kisse our Shepherd again He offers Mall Mean No fie Lo. Title I will and must kisse you He strives Mall Mean-bred Nay good your Honour good your Honour He kisses her What are you the better now But I see there is no denying a Lord forsooth it is not civil and they are so peremptory too the Gods blesse them and make them their Servants Lo. Title This kisse hath so inflamed me therefore for Loves sake meet me in the Evening in the Broom close here Mall Mean I know the Close forsooth I have been there before now Lo. Title Well and when we meet I will discover more than yet I have done Mall Mean So you had need forsooth for nothing is discovered yet either on your side or mine but I will keep my promise Lo. Title There spoke my better Angel so adiew Mall Mean An Angel I will not break my word for two angels and I hope there will be no dew neither God shield you forsooth Ex. Here ends my Lord Marquesse Scene 18. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely following Poor Virtue Sir Effeminate Lovely Fair Maid stay and look upon my person Poor Virtue Why so I do Effem. Love And how do you like it Poor Vir. As I like a curious built house wherein lives a vain and self-conceited owner Effem. Love And are not you in love with it Poor Vir. No truly no more than with a pencilled Picture Effem. Love Why I am not painted Poor Vir. You are by Nature though not by Art Effem. Love And do you despise the best and curiousest Works of Nature Poor Vir. No I admire them Effem. Love If you admire them you will admire me and if you admire me you will yield to my desires Poor Vir. There may be admiration without love but to yield to your desires were to abuse Natures VVorks Effem. Love No It were to enjoy them Poor Vir. Nature hath made Reason in man as well as Sence and we ought not to abuse the one to please the other otherwise man would be like Beasts following their sensualities which Nature never made man to be for she created Virtues in the Soul to govern the Senses and Appetites of the Body as Prudence Justice Temperance and Conscience Effem. Love Conscience VVhat is that natural fear Poor Vir. No it is the tenderest part of the Soul bathed in a holy dew from whence repentant tears do flow Effem. Love I find no such tender Constitution nor moist Complexion in my Soul Poor Vir. That is by reason the Fire of unlawful Love hath drunk all up seared the Conscience dry Effem. Love You may call it what Fire you will but I am certain it is your Beauty that kindles it and your Wit that makes it flame burning with hot desires Poor Vir. Pray Heaven my Virtue may quench it out again Poor Virtue goes out Lovely alone Effem. Love I am sure Nature requires a self-satisfaction as well as a self-preservation and cannot nor will not be quiet without it esteeming it beyond life Ex. Scene 19. Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful Lady Ward I wonder my Lord Courtship he being counted a wise man should make me his Baud if he intends to make me his Wife and by my troth Nurse I am too young for that grave Office Nurse Careful How ignorantly you speak Child it is a sign you have been bred obscurely and know little of the world or rather it proves your Mother dyed before you could speak or go otherwise you would be better experienced in these businesses Lady Ward My Mother Nurse Heaven rest her soul she would never have made me a Baud Nurse Careful No why then she would not do as most Mothers do now a dayes for in this age Mothers bring up their daughters to carry Letters and to receive messages or at lest to watch at the door left their Fathers should come unawares and when they come to make some excuse and then the Mother laughs and sayes her daughter is a notable witty Girle La. Ward What for telling a lye Nurse Careful Yes when it is told so as to appeare like a truth Lady Ward But it is a double fault as to deceive the Father and be a Baud to the Mother Nurse Careful Why the Mother will execute the same Office for the daughter when she is marryed and her self grown into years for from the age of seven or eight years old to the time they are maryed the Daughter is a Baud to the Mother and from the time of their marriage to the time of their Mothers death the Mother is a Baud to the Daughter but if the Mother be indifferently young and hath a young tooth in her head as the old saying is they Baud for each other Lady Ward But why doth not the Mother Baud for her Daughter before she is marryed Nurse Care O there is reason for that for that may spoil her fortune by hindering her marriage for marriage is a Veile to cover the wanton face of adultery the like Veil is Baud-mothers and Baud-daughters for who would suspect any lewdnesse when the Mother and the Daughter is together La. Ward And are not Sons Pimps for their Fathers as Daughters are for their Mothers Nurse Careful No saith Boys have facility or ingenuity as Girles have besides they are kept most commonly so strictly to their Bookes when Girles have nothing else to do but when they have cast away their Books and come to be marryed men then they may chance to Pimp for their Wives Lady Ward O fie Nurse surely a man will never play the Pimp to Cuckold himself Nurse Care O yes if they be poor or covetous or ambitious and then if they have a handsome woman to their wife they will set her as a bait to catch their designs in the trap of Adultery or patient quiet simple fearful men will if they have a Spritely wise they will play the Pimp either for fear or quiet for such men to such wives will do any thing to please them although it be to Cuckold themselves La. Ward But surely Nurse no Gentleman will do so Nurse Gare. I know not who you call Gentleman but those that bear up high and look big and vant loud and walk
the Brides dance and the while the Bridal Torches are held in their hands Then a Poet speaks thus to them Speaker What Lines of Light doe from those Torches spin Which winds about those Ladies whiter skin But from their Eyes more Splend'rous Beams doe run As bright as those that issue from the Sun Wherein the lesser Lights wax dull and dim Or like as Minnes in an Ocean swim Enter Mall Mean-bred MAll Mean-bred By your good leave Gentlefolks The Lord Marquiss writ this Scene I am come here to complain of this Hog-grubber Sir Golden Riches who did tempt me with Gold till he had his desire you know all what it is and I like an honest woman as it were kept my word and performed truly as any woman could do Speak canst thou detect me either in word or deed and like a false and covetous wretch as thou art performed nothing with me as thou shouldst have done I am sure of that Is 't not a truth speak coverous wretch speak Sir Gold Rich. Why what did I promise you Mall Mean-bred Why thou didst promise me an hundred pounds in gold shew'd it me and then took it away again nay further thou saidst I should be a Lady and have a great parimanus Coach gilt with neighing Horses and a Coachman with a Postilion to ride afore Nay nay I remember well enough what you said you talkd of Gesemond Pomatum and Roman Gunpowder for my hair and fine gowns and stockings and fine lac'd silk garters and roses shining like Stars God bless us Sir Gold Rich. Did I did I Mall Mean-bred Yes that you did you know what you did and how you did and so do I and Gentlefolks as I am a true woman which he knows I am I never had more than this white fustion wastecoat and three pence to buy me three penyworth of pins for he would allow me no incle to tie it withall and this old flannel peticoat that was his great Grandmothers in Eighty eight I am no two-legg'd creature else Sir Gold Rich. But I bought you velvet to gard it withall Mall Mean-bred Yes that 's true an old black velvet Jerkin without sleeves that had belonged to one of Queen Elizabeth her learned Counsel in the Law of blessed Memory primo of Her Reign and you bought it of an old Broker at Nottingham and as I am a true Christian woman if our Neighbour Botcher could almost few it on it was so mortified Sir Gold Rich. I bought you shooes and ribbons to tie them withall She shewes her shooes Mall Mean-bred Look Gentlefolks a pair of wet-leather shooes that have given me a Cold and two leather points that he calls ribbons like a lying false man Sir Gold Rich. I am sure I bought you stockins and garters Mall Mean-bred Old Doncaster-stockins that I was fain to wash my self with a little borrow'd sope and they were footed with yellow fustion too and the garters he talks of were lists of cloth which a Taylor gave me for my New-years-gift and I cannot chuse but grieve to see his unkindnesse I gave you satisfaction often but you never satisfied me I will take it upon my death Sir Gold Rich. Go Gill Flirt pack away hence Mall Mean-bred Nay that puts me in mind of the Pedlars pack you promis'd me and I never had so much bought as that I might whissle for them but I will follow thee to Hell but I will have something more out of thee than I have had or else I will make all the Town ring of me Enter two Beadles Sir Gold Rich. Here Beadles take her to the Correction-house Bridewell and let her be punished Mall Mean-bred Is it so thou miscreant well I thought to be thy Bride and not Bridewel I never thought it in my conscience Here ends my Lords writing Lord Title Pray stay Enter Thom. Purveyor The Lord Title whispers to Thom. Purveyor then turns to Mall Mean-bred Lord Title Mall although you deceived me and broke your promise you I will not only save you from the punishment you were to suffer at the Correction-house but I will give thee a Husband here lusty Thom. Purveyor to whom for taking thee to Wife I will give him a lease of fifty pounds a year Here Tom take her and go marry her Mall Mean-bred Heaven bless your Honour Tom. Come Mall let us go Wed for fifty pounds a year is better than thy Maiden-head Exeunt FINIS This Scene was written by the Lord Marquiss of Newcastle The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL The Actors Names Monsieur Heroick Monsieur Tranquillities Peace Monsieur Vain-glorious Monsieur Satyrical Monsieur Censure Monsieur Sensuality Monsieur Inquisitive Monsieur Busie Monsieur Frisk Liberty the Lady Pleasure's Gentleman-Usher Madamoiselle Ambition Madamoiselle Superbe Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit Madamoiselle Faction Grave Temperance Governess to Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Portrait Mother Matron Wanton Excess Ease Idle Surfet Waiting-maids to Madamoiselle Pleasure Flattery Madamoiselle Superbe's waiting-maid Servants and others The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL ACT I. Scene I. Enter Madam Ambition alone Ambition I would my Parents had kept me up as birds in darkness when they are taught to sing Artificial Tunes that my ears only might have been imploy'd and as those Teachers whistle to birds several times so would I have had Tutors to have read to me several Authors as the best Poets the best Historians the best Philosophers Moral and Natural the best Grammarians Arithmeticians Mathematicians Logicians and the like Thus perchance I might have spoke as eloquently upon every subject as Birds sing sweetly several tunes but since my Education hath been so negligent I wish I might do some noble Action such as might raise a monumental Fame on the dead Ashes of my Fore-fathers that my Name might live everlastingly Exit Scene 2. Enter Madamoiselle Superbe and Flattery her Woman Madam Superbe I hate to be compared to an inferiour or to have an inferiour compared to me wherefore if I were Iove I would damn that creature that should compare me to any thing lesse than my self Flattery Your Ladyship is like a Goddess above all comparison wherefore I think there is none worthy to match in Mariage with you unless there were some Masculine Divine Creature on Earth to equal you as surely there is none Superbe I shall not willingly marry unless it were to have a command over my Husband Flattery But Husbands Madam command Wives Superbe Not those that are Divine Creatures Flattery Husbands Madam are Reprobates and regard not Divinity nor worship Earthly Deities Superbe Whilst they are Suters they worship and women command their wooing servants Flattery The truth is all Suters do worship with an Idolatrous zeal but their zeals tire at length as most zeals do and men are content to be commanded whilest they are Courting servants and do obey with an industrious care and with an humble and respectful Demeanor a submissive and awful Countenance
give away what they have Portrait Talk not of womens souls for men say we have no souls only beautiful bodies Bon' Esprit But beautiful bodies are a degree of souls and in my Conscience please men better than our souls could do Superbe If anything prove we have no souls it is in letting men make such fools of us Matron Come come Ladies by Womens Actions they prove to have more or at least better souls than Men have for the best parts of the Soul are Love and Generosity and Women have more of either than Men have Grave Temperance The truth is that although Reason and Understanding are the largest parts of the Soul yet Love and Generosity are the delicatest parts of the Soul Enter Monsieur Heroick Heroick Goodmorrow young Ladies you appear this morning like sweet-smelling flowers some as Roses others as Lillies others as Violets Pinks and Primroses and your associating in a company together is like as a Posie which Love hath bound up into one Bucket which is a fit Present for the Gods Bon' Esprit If you would have us presented to the Gods we must die for we are never preferred to them but by Death wherefore we must be given to Death before the Gods can have us they may hear us whilest we live and we may hear of them but partake of neither until we die Heroick O that were pity Ladies for there is nothing more sad in Nature than when Death parts a witty Soul from a young beautiful Body before the one hath built Monuments of Memory and the other gained Trophies of Lovers And as for the Gods you will be as acceptable to them when you are old as when you are young Ambition As nothing could make me so sad as untimely death of Youth Wit and Beauty so there is nothing could anger me more as for Fortune to frown upon Merit or not to advance it according to its worth or to bury it in Oblivion hindring the passage into Fames Palace Temperance For my part I believe Death will neither call nor come for you before his natural time if you do not send Surfet and Excess to call him to take you away Pleasure Indeed Mankind seem as if they were Deaths Factors for they do strive to ingross and destroy all other creatures or at least as many as they can and not only other creatures but their own kinde as in Wars and not only their own kinde but themselves in idle and unprofitable Adventures and gluttonous Excess thus as I said they are Deaths Factors buying sickness with health hoping to gain pleasure and to make delight their profit but they are cozen'd for they only get Diseases Pains and Aches Matron Pray Ladies mark how far you are gone from the Text of your discourse as from sweet-smelling flowers to stinking carrion which are dead carkasses from a lively good-morrow to a dead farewel from mirth to sadness Portrait You say right Mother Matron wherefore pray leave off this discourse for I hate to hear off death for the thoughts of death affright me so as I can take no pleasure of life when he is in my mind Heroick Why Ladies the thought of death is more than death himself for thoughts are sensible or imaginable things but Death himself is neither sensible nor imaginable Portrait Therefore I would not think of him and when I am dead I am past thinking Superbe Let us discourse of something that is more pleasing than Death Heroick Then by my consent Ladies your discourse shall be of Venus and Cupid which are Themes more delightful to your Sex and most contrary to death for Love is hot and Death is cold Love illuminates life and Death quenches life out Bon Esprit Let me tell you Sir Love is as apt to burn life out as Death is to quench it out and I had rather die with cold than be burnt with heat for cold kills with a dead numness when heat kills with a raging madnesse Pleasure But Lovers are tormented with fears and doubts which cause cold sweats fainting of spirits trembling of limbs it breaks the sweet repose of sleep disturbs the quiet peace of the mind vades the colours of beauty nips or blasts the blossome of youth making Lovers look withered before Time hath made them old Heroick It is a signe Lady you have been in love you give so right a Character of a Lover Pleasure No there requires not a self-experience to find out a Lovers trouble for the outward Actions will declare their inward grief and passion Superbe Certainly she is in love but conceals it she keeps it as a Secret Pleasure Love cannot be secret the passion divulges it self Portrait Confess Are you not in love Faction Nay she will never confess a Secret unless you tell her one for those that tell no secrets shall hear none Portrait O yes for a Secret is like a child in the womb for though it be concealed for a time it will come out at last only some comes out easier than others and some before their time Ambition Nay whensoever a secret comes out it 's untimely Faction Secrets are like Coy Ducks when one is flown out it draws out others and returns with many Pleasure Then like a Coy Duck I will try if I can draw all you after me Exit Pleasure Bon' Esprit She shall see she is like a Duck which is like a Goose and we like her for we will follow her Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Monsiuer Tranquillities Peace and his Man TRanquill Peace Have you been at Monsieur Busie's house to tell him I desire to speak with him Servant Yes I have been at his house Tranquill. Peace And will he come Servant Faith Sir the house is too unwieldy to stir and Monsieur Busie is too Active to stay at home but the truth is I went at four a clock this morning because I would be sure to find him and his servants and their Master was flown out of his nest an hour before Then I told his servants I would come about dinner-time and they laugh'd and ask'd me what time was that I said I supposed at the usual time about Noon or an hour before or after but they said their Master never kept any certain time of eating being full of business Then I asked them what time that would be when he would come home to bed They answered that his time of Resting was as uncertain as his time of Eating Then I pray'd them to tell me at what time they thought I might find him at home They said it was impossible for them to guess for that their Master did move from place to place as swift as thoughts move in the Mind Then I pray'd them that they would tell him when he came home that you would desire to speak with him They told me they would but they did verily believe he would forget to come to you by reason his head was so full of busie thoughts or thoughts of
business as there was no room more for a thought to stay in So I went away in despair but coming home I chanced to see him at a little distance so I made all the haste I could to overtake him placing my Eyes fixedly upon him because I would not lose him but his pace was so swift and his several turnings in several Lanes and Allyes were so many as it was impossible for me to keep my measure pace or sight for like a Bird he did not only fly out of my reach but out of my view but by a second good fortune I met him just at your Gate and I stopp'd his way until I had told him your Message which was you would speak with him He answered me he could not possibly stay for his businesse called him another way I told him that if he did not come and speak with you or stay until you did come and speak with him his Law-sute which was of great Importance would be lost for you could not do him any further service to your Friends that should help him until he had resolved you of some questions you were to ask him besides that you wanted a Writing that he had He told me that he was very much obliged to you for your favour to him but he could not possibly stay to speak with you for he had some businesse to do for two or three other men and he must of necessity go seek those men out whom the businesse concerned so that I could not perswade him by any means although for his own good to come in or to stay till you went to him Tranquill. Peace Faith he is so busie that he will neither do himself good nor any other man for he runs himself out of the Field of Business being over-busy neither holding the Reins of Time nor sitting steady in the Seat of Judgment nor stopping with the Bit of Discretion nor taking the Advantages of Opportunity but totters with Inconstancy and falls with Losse Thus his busy thoughts do tire his Mind so that his life hath a sorry sore and weary Journey Servant I think he is a man that is full of Projects Tranquill. Peace So full as his head is stuff'd with them and he begins many designs but never finisheth any one of them for his designs are built upon vain hopes without a Foundation But were his hopes solid with probability yet his inconstancy and unsteady doubts and over-cautious care would pull down or ruine his designs before they were half built Exeunt Scene 9. Enter Bon' Esprit Portrait Ambition Superbe Pleasure Faction Grave Temperance Mother Matron Enter Monsieur Sensuality POrtrait Monsieur Sensuality let us examine you What company have you met vvithall that hath caused you to break your Word vvith us when you had promised you would come and carry us to a Play Pleasure If he carry us all he will carry a very heavy load Matron Ladies should be heavy and not light Portrait But Monsieur Sensuality pray tell us where you have been and with whom Sensuality Why I have been with as proper a Lady as any is in this City Ambition What do you mean by a proper Lady Bon' Esprit He means a prop'd Lady Sensuality I mean a Tall Proportionable Lady which is a comely sight Faction Not to my Eyes for I never see a tall big woman but I think she rather proceeds from the race of Titan than Iove for she seems to be more Body than Soul more Earth than Flame Sensuality For my part I think there cannot be too much of a fair Lady and if I were to choose I would choose her that had more body than soul for her soul would be uselesse to me by reason souls cannot be enjoy'd as bodies are Ambition Yes in a spiritual conversation they may Sensuality I hate an incorporeal Conversation Superbe Why then you hate the Conversation of the Gods Sensuality I love the Conversation and Society of fair young Ladies such as you are Portrait That is not the Answer to my question Sensuality Then let me tell you Ladies that most of our Sex do venture Heaven for your sakes and will sooner disobey the Gods than you Bon' Esprit So you make as if Women commanded Men against the Gods Sensuality No Lady but we serve Women when we should serve the Gods and pray to your Sex when the Gods would have us pray to them Pleasure The more wicked creatures are men Sensuality No the more tempting creatures are women Faction So you will make us Devils at last for the original of temptation came from Pluto Sensuality Temptation Lady was bred in Nature born from Nature and inhabites with all your Sex as with Natures self whom I have heard is a most beautiful Lady and that is the reason I suppose she hath favoured women more than men being her self of the Effeminate Sex And the truth is Nature hath been cruel to our Sex for she hath not only made you so beautiful as to be admired and desired but so cruel as to despise reject and scorn us taking pleasure in our torments Portrait If all Women were of my mind we would torment you more than we do Faction We have tormented him enough with talking therefore let us leave him Sensuality Nay Ladies I will wait upon you Exeunt ACT II. Scene 10. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Monsieur Frisk FRisk Monsieur Satyrical I can tell you sad News Satyrical Let sadnesse sit upon the grave of Death for I defie it Frisk But that man is in danger that stands as a Centre in a Circumference from whence all the malignant passions shoot at him as Suspition Spight Envy Hatred Malice and Revenge and the more dangerous by reason their Arrows are poysoned with Effeminate Rage Satyrical Let them shoot for I am arm'd with Carelesnesse and have a Spell of Confidence which will keep me safe But who are they that are mine Enemies Frisk No less than a dozen Ladies Satyrical If I can attain to fight with them apart hand to hand I make no question but to come off Conquerour and if they assault me altogether yet I make no doubt but I shall so skirmish amongst them as I shall be on equal terms But what makes the breach of peace betwixt me and the Ladies and such a breach as to proclame Open Wars Frisk The Cause is just if it be true as it is reported Satyrical Why what is reported Frisk It is reported you have divulged some secret favours those Ladies have given you Satyrical It were ungrateful to conceal a favour for favours proceed from generous and noble Souls sweet and kind Natures Frisk But Ladies favours are to be concealed and lock'd up in the Closet of secrecie being given with privacy and promise not to divulge them and it seems by report you have broke your promise for which they swear to be revenged Satyrical Faith all Women especially Ladies their natural humour is like the Sea which
as a great Lady But if we could conquer and imprison Monsieur Satyrical in Loves Fetters that would be a Conquest worthy Fames Trumpet Pleasure O that would be such an Exploit as it would be an Honour to our Sex Bon' Esprit There is nothing I desire more than to be she that might infetter him Portrait I long to insnare him Ambition So do I Bon' Esprit Faith I will lay an Ambuscado for him Matron Fie Ladies fie I am asham'd to hear the Designs you have no catch Monsieur Satyrical such Fair Young Noble Ladies to be so wanton as none will content you but a wilde rough rude Satyr Bon' Esprit If I were sure there were no other ways to get him I would become a Wood-nymph for his sake Matron You have forgot the Nymph that was turned into a Bear Bon' Esprit O she was one of cruel Diana's Nymphs but I will be none of her Order Matron No I dare swear you will not for 't is unlikely you should when you desire to imbrace a Satyr Bon' Esprit I do not desire to imbrace him but to enamour him Matron Well Ladies your Parents gave you to my Care and Charge but since you are so wilde to talk of nothing but Nymphs Woods and Satyrs I will resigne up the Trust which was imposed on me to your Parents again for I will not adventure my Reputation with such wanton young Ladies Bon' Esprit Mother Matron let me tell thee thy Reputation is worn out of thee Time hath devoured it and therefore thou hast no Reputation to lose Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Monsieur Censure and Monsieur Frisk FRisk Fath Tom I have emptyed thy pockets Censure Thou hast pick'd my pockets with thy juggling Dice for which if thou wert a woman and in my power I would be reveng'd for my loss Frisk Why what would you do if I were a Woman Censure I would condemn thee to a solitary silent life which to a woman is worse than Hell for company and talking is their Heaven and their Tongues are more restless than the Sea their Passions more stormy than the Winds and their Appetites more unsatiable and devouring than fire they are lighter than Air more changing than the Moon Frisk What makes thee thus rail at the Effeminate Sex Censure Have I not reason when Fortune is of the same gender Enter Madamoiselle Faction Frisk Faith Tom I must tell Faction What will you tell Frisk Why I will tell you Lady he hath rail'd most horribly against your Sex Faction That is usual for all those men which never received nor hope to receive any favour from our Sex will rail against it Censure Those men have no reason Lady to commend you if they never received neither profit nor pleasure from you and those that have been cruelly used by your Sex may lawfully rail against it Faction The Laws of Honour forbid it Censure But the Laws of Nature allow it and Nature is the most prevailing law Faction Natures law is for Men to love Women and Women Men but in you and I there is not that Sympathy for I dislike your Sex as much as you do ours and could rail with as free a will against it The truth is that although I do not hate men yet I despise them for all men appear to me either Beasts or Butter-flies which are either sensual or vain Indeed most men are worse than beasts for beasts are but according to their kind when men are degenerated by beastly Sensualies from which they were made for as most men are worse than beasts so you are worse than most men Censure It is a favour Lady from your Sex to rail against ours for it is a sign you have considered us and that we live in your memory although with your ill opinions yet it is better to live with Enemies than not to be and of all men I have received the greatest favour from the chiefest of your Sex which is your self in that you have considered me most though you have found me worst yet it proves you have thought of me Faction If those thoughts and dispraises be favours I will binde so many together until they become as thick and hard as steel of which you may make an Armour to keep your Reputation from wounds of reproach She goes out Frisk There Tom she hath paid thee both for thy Railings and Complements Censure She hath not payd me in current coyn Frisk It will pass for disgrace I 'll warrant thee Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Madam Ambition Faction Portrait Bon' Esprit Pleasure BOn Esprit There are but three things a gallant man requires which is a Horse a Sword and a Mistris Ambition Yet a gallant man wants Generosity for the greatest honour for a man is to be generous for Generosity comprises all Virtues good Qualities and sweet Graces for a generous man will never spare his life purse nor labour for the sake of just Right plain Truth Honest Poverty Distress Misery or the like for a generous man hath a couragious yet compassionate Heart a constant and noble Mind a bountiful Hand an active and industrious Life and he is one that joyes more to do good than others to receive good Pleasure There are few or none that have such noble Souls as to prefer anothers good before their own Portrait The truth is men have more promising Tongues than performing deeds Faction For all I can perceive mans life is composed of nothing but deceit treachery and rapine Bon' Esprit Indeed mans mind is like a Forest and his thoughts like wilde beasts inhabit therein Ambition Mans Mind is like a Sea where his Thoughts like Fishes swim therein where some Thought are like huge Leviathans others like great Whales but some are like Sprats Shrimps and Minnues Enter Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality What is like a Minnues Ambition A mans Soul Sensuality It is better have a soul although no bigger than a Minnues than none at all as Women have but if they have I dare swear it is no bigger than a pins point Bon' Esprit Very like which point pricks down thoughts into the Brain and Passions in the heart and writes in the Brain witty Conceits if the point be sharp Sensuality No no it serves onely to raise their brains with Vanity to ingrave their hearts with Falshood and to scratch out their lives with Discontent Pleasure We oftner scratch out mens lives than our own Sensuality Nay you oftner scratch out our honour than our lives Faction For my part I have an itch to be scratching Sensuality I believe you for you have a vexatious soul Faction It hath cause to be vexatious for the point of my soul is whetted with Aqua Fortis against your Sex Sensuality I 'm sure Lady your tongue is whetted with Aqua Fortis Faction So is yours Sensuality If it be let us try which point is sharpest Faction I will leave the Trial to Time and Occasion Exeunt Scene 17.
Enter Madam Superbe and an Antient Woman VVOman Madam I am an humble Suter to your Ladyship Superbe What is your sute Woman That you will be pleased to take a young Maiden into your service of my preferring Superbe In what place Woman To wait and attend on your person Superbe Let me tell you that those servants that attend on my person do usually accompany me in all my Pastimes Exercises and sometimes in Conversation Wherefore they must be such as are well born well bred well behav'd modest and of sweet dispositions virtuous and of strict life otherwise they are not for me and if I find them not so I shall soon turn them away Woman Why Madam even Diana her self as severe and strict as she was had some wanton Nymphs that would commit errours although they seemed all sober and modest and profess'd chastity yet they would slip out of the way and her presence sometimes Superbe But she never failed to turn them out of her service and some she cruelly punished so that what her severity could not prevent yet her severity did punish for Diana's practice was not to watch her wanton Nymphs nor to hunt out their evil haunts or lurking-places to see their evil actions but her practice was to hunt the more modest and temperate creatures which were the beasts of the Fields and Forests So like as Diana I shall not watch my Maids nor pardon their rude or dishonourable actions Woman Pray Madam try this Maid for she is very honourably born and well bred but poor Superbe I shall not refuse her for poverty But as I will have some bound for the truth and trust of my vulgar servants so I will have some bound for the behaviour virtue and modesty of my honourable servants or else I will not take them Exeunt ACT III Scene 18. Enter Mother Matron and meets Monsieur Frisk MAtron Monsieur Frisk you are well met for I was even now sending a Footman for you Frisk For what good Mother Matron Matron Marry to come to a company of young Ladies who do half long for you Frisk They shall not lose their longing if I can help them Matron Now by my Troth and that is spoke like a Gentleman but let me tell you there is a great many of them Frisk Why then there is the more choice Matron But there is no choosing amongst Ladies you must take better for worse Frisk There is no worst amongst Ladies they are all fair and good Matron Yfaith I perceive now why the Ladies desire your company so much as they do Frisk Why my dear Mother Matron Matron Because you speak well of them behind their backs and promise them much to their faces and I will assure you they have as promising faces as you can promise them but great Promisers are not good Frisk Will you say the Ladies faces are not good Matron I say mens promises are not good But you are very quick with me Monsieur Frisk to take me upon the hip so suddenly but beshrew me your sudden frisking Answer hath put me into a Passion which hath perturbed the sense of my Discourse Lord Lord what power a villanous word hath over the passions Frisk If you please Mother Matron a kiss shall ask pardon for your villanous word Matron And now by my troth I have not been kiss'd by a young Gentleman above this twenty years but now I am in haste and cannot stay to receive your gift wherefore I will refer it until another time Frisk But I may forget to give it Matron Never fear that for I shall remember you of it when time shall serve But come away for the Ladies will be horrible angry I have stayd so long for they were all going to dance for the Fiddles were tuned Tables and Stools removed room made and they in a dancing posture only they stay for you to Frisk them about Exeunt Scene 19. Enter Madam Superbe and Flattery her Maid FLattery Madam you behav'd your self more familiar to day than your Ladyship was wont to do Superbe 'T is true because those I convers'd with to day were but inferiour persons and I speak more familiar to such persons as are below my quality than those that are equal to me to do them grace and favour and if they take it not so I can onely say my Civility was ignorantly placed on foolish and ignorant persons Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Bon' Esprit Portrait Faction Ambition POrtrait Some say Poems are not good unlesse they be gloriously Attired Faction What do they mean by glorious Attire Ambition Rhetorick Bon' Esprit Why gay words are not Wit no more than a fair Face is a good Soul and it is Wit which makes Poems good not words Ambition Indeed Rhetorick is no part of the Body of Wit no more than of the Soul only it is the outward garment which is Taylors work Bon' Esprit Then it seems as if the Grammarians Logicians and Rhetoricians are the Taylors for Oratory who cut shapes sit places seam and few words together to make several Eloquent Garments or Garments of Eloquence as Orations Declarations Expressions and the like worditive work as they please or at least according to the fashion Ambition They are so Portrait Why then those that say Verse is not good unless gloriously Attyr'd do as much as to say a man is a fool that hath not a fine Suit of Cloaths on or that a Curl'd Hair sweetly powder'd is a wise or witty Brain powder'd with Fancies This surely is an unpardonable mistake or rather an incurable madnesse for there is neither Sense nor Reason in it Bon' Esprit It is not so much a madness nor that we call Natural Fools but Amorous Fools or Finical Fools or such as are Opinionated Fools or Self-conceited Fools or High-bound Fools Portrait High-bound Fools What doe you mean by High-bound Fools Bon' Esprit Strong-lin'd Fools Faction Those are Learned Fools Bon' Esprit No they are Conceited Fools for their strength of Wit lies in a Conceit Ambition Those for the most part their Wit is buried in Oblivion Faction If there be any Wit to bury Enter Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality Who is so foolish to bury Wit Faction You in the rubbish of words Portrait The only Grave to Wit is a foolish Ear Sensuality Let me tell you Ladies that Wit is so far from lying in a Grave as it hardly settles any where for it is so Agile and flies so swiftly and yet extends in breadth so far as it spreads the wings of Fancy not only over all the World and every particular thing in the World but one Infinite and Eternal Nature and with the Bill of Conception picks a hole whereby the Eyes of Imagination spy out the dark Dungeons of Pluto and the glorious Mansions of Iove Portrait Then Poems need not the garments of Rhetorick Sensuality No more than a Fair Lady And as for my part I like Poems as I like a Woman best uncloathed for
so gravely together in Councel Portrait Our chief Design is Wit Sensuality A witty Design But really what are you doing Temperance They are idly Rhyming Sensuality Hang idle Rhyming give me Reason Ambition Although our Rhymes are not good yet they are not foul by reason they are made on fair and pure Subjects Sensuality Why what are the Subjects they are made on Portrait They are made of the several Seasons and Moneths of the Year Sensuality By your favour Lady there be some of the Seasons and Months very foul Pleasure But we have Rhym'd of none but the fair Months as yet Sensuality Then let me advise you to stop your Poetical Vein for if you go farther you will meet with foul weather and rain They all speak Out out of our company Faction Do you come here to rail at our Rhymes and yet Rhyme your self and worse than any of the company Sensuality I only Rhyme to make my self Free of the Company though not of the Wits Inquisitive So you will call us fools by and by Sensuality No faith your Rhymes have named you already and so prevented me Portrait Why this is worse and worse Faction Let us seek a revenge Ambition What revenge shall we take Pleasure We will tye him to an Asses head Superbe No we will tye him to a Foxes tail Sensuality Ladies tye me to what you please so you do not tye me to a Horn Faction Yes to Altheas Horn the Horn of plenty Sensuality 'T is a sign Althea is a Woman that she gives her gifts in a Horn but I had rather starve than receive plenty in such a thing Exit Portrait Let us transform him as Acteon did Faction And follow him as his hounds did Temperance Young Ladies be not so wilde and fierce to be the hounds your selves to follow in pursuit Portrait No no we will be as Diana that transformed him Temperance Then you must be liable to the same Censure which is to be thought cruel Superbe The more Cruel our Sex is the more Chaste we are thought to be Exeunt FINIS EPILOGUE OUr Auth'ress bids me tell you She thought fit For to divide this Fair CABAL of WIT For one Play 't was too long which was her sorrow The other half if come you 'l see to morrow You 'l thank her then dividing it to make You rise with Appetites no Surfets take WIT'S Surfet 's dangerous Take the Fruition Of new-born Fancies without Repetition But hold your hands as you are men to day And as our Friends to morrow Clap our Play The Marquiss of Newcastle writ this Epilogue The Actors Names Monsieur Heroick Monsieur Tranquillitous Peace Monsieur Vain-glorious Monsieur Satyrical Monsieur Censure Monsieur Sensuality Monsieur Inquisitive Monsieur Busie Monsieur Frisk Liberty the Lady Pleasure's Gentleman-usher Madamoiselle Ambition Madamoiselle Superbe Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit Madamoiselle Faction Grave Temperance Governess to Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Portrait Mother Matron Wanton Excess Ease Idle Surfet waiting-maids to Madamoiselle Pleasure Flattery Madamoiselle Superbe's nailing-maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Play called WITS CABAL ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamoiselle Ambition Faction Pleasure Superbe Portrait and Mother Matron enters as meeting them MAtron O Ladies there is the rarest Beauty come to the City out of the Countrey that ever was seen she surpasseth Hellen of Troy or AEneas Mother Queen Venus Pleasure If she surpasseth their Appetites as you say she doth their Beauties she may chance to fire this City with flames of Love or cause a War to destroy it Portrait Have you seen her Mother Matron Matron No but a friend of mine hath seen her Faction Perchance your friend 's a fool and knows not how to judge Matron Indeed my friend 's a woman and women have none of the best judgments Ambition But there is more probability that she hath a surpassing beauty if a woman praise her than if a man had praised her for men have a partial love to the Effeminate Sex which multiplies their beauties to their sight and makes a candle in the night seem like a Blazing Star Matron In truth and Love is dark for 't is said he is blind Portrait But Envy is quick-sighted and therefore I am afraid the Lady you speak of is surpassing since those of her own Sex can find no blemish or imperfection to cloud her from a praise Enter Monsieur Busie Busie Ladies I am come to give you intelligence of a rare Beauty that is come to this City Ambition Her Fame hath out-run your Intelligence Sir but have you seen her Busie No Lady not I Enter Monsieur Inquisitive Inquisitive Ladies there is a rare Beauty come to this Town to increase the number of your Cabal Superbe Our Cabal is of Wit not of Beauty Inquisitive It 's a Cabal of both Lady Faction Have you seen her Inquisitive No Lady but I have heard of her Beauty Enter Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality Ladies there is such a Beauty come to Town that now or never you will be out-shin'd Portrait Iupiter bless us and grant that she may not ingross to her self all Mankind and so leave all the rest of her Sex destitute and forlorn Sensuality It is to be hoped she will humble you as to bring you to be more complyant to us men than you have been Ambition Have you seen her Monsieur Sensuality Sensuality No not I Ambition Why then she is a Miracle that every one hears of but no body seeth Faction May she continue a Miracle still for I had rather that she should only be heard of than be visibly seen Sensuality But I will do my indeavour to see her Busie So will I Exit Men Pleasure I long to see her as much as the men do Ambition So do I Faction And I Superbe And I Portrait And I Ambition But how shall we compass the sight of her Portrait Faith let 's go to a Play I 'll warrant you she 'll be there Pleasure If she be we shall only see her Mask not her Face for at the common Play-houses all the Effeminate Sex sit mask'd and muffl'd Portrait Why then let us go to that Church which is most frequented as where some Famous Preachers preach and certainly if she be such a Beauty she will be there Besides there our Sex sit to the full View to Attract the Eyes of the Gods Matron No no Lady they sit to the full View to tempt the Appetites of men for they think not on the Gods nor care the Gods should think of them Pleasure Fie fie Mother Matron you will make Women damnable creatures if they could be made so by your Description But Women go to Church to present their prayers of Request and praises of Thanksgiving and not to shew themselves to men nor to tempt their Appetites as you say Matron Come come Ladies search your own Consciences and you will find I have spoke the truth for if you only went to present your prayers to the
the wisest man as Solomon the wittiest man as David the strongest man as Sampson the fairest man as Paris of Troy the valiantest man as Achilles the subtilest man as Ulysses the power-fullest men as Alexander and Caesar Faction By your favour Women never made a Conquest of the two latter and therefore cannot be said to be absolute Conquerors for none are absolute Conquerors but those that conquer power that is those that get absolute dominion over all the World which Alexander and Caesar are said to have done by their Valour and Conduct and never any Woman or Women conquer'd those men as to get them to yield up their power for a womans sake which shews they were not rul'd by women although they lov'd women by which it is to be proved that women never made an absolute Conquest of men because they could never conquer absolutely those two absolute Conquerors and Masters of the World Pleasure But Livia Conquer'd Augustus Caesar and Ruled his Power and he was as absolute a Master of the Worlds Power as Iulius Caesar and Alexander Faction He was rather to be said the Possessor of the Worlds power than the absolute Conqueror of the Worlds power Superbe It is as good to be a Conqueress of the possessor of power as to conquer the Conqueror of power Ambition It is as good for the Benefit but not so much for the Honour of it Portrait But Alexander nor Caesar lived not so long a time as to be Conquer'd by women for women must have time and opportunity for to gain the Conquest in as well as men have Faction If Alexander and Caesar must have been old before they possibly could have been conquer'd it proves that women do rather conquer Age than power weakens the strength and the truth is women conquer nothing but the vices weaknesses and defects of men As they can conquer an unexperienc'd Youth and doting Age ignorant Breeding effeminate Natures wavering Minds facile Dispositions soft Passions wanton Thoughts unruly Appetites and the luxurious Lives of men but they cannot conquer mens fix'd Resolutions their heroick Valours their high Ambitions their magnificent Generosities their glorious Honours or their conquering or over-ruling Powers Nor can women conquer their moral Vertues as their Prudence Fortitude Justice and Temperance But put the case a man had the power of the whole World and could quit that power for the enjoyment of any particular woman or women yet he quits not that power for the womans sake but for his minds-sake his pleasure-sake as to satisfie his Fancy Passion or Appetites And what Conquest soever Women make on Men if any Conquest they do make is more by the favour of Nature than the Gods Ambition Well I wish I may be the Conqueress of one man let the favour proceed from which it will Exeunt Scene 4. Enter Ease Wanton and Idle EAse There hath been such a Skirmish or rather a Battel Idle How and betwixt whom Ease Why betwixt Grave Temperance and Mother Matron Idle What was the cause of their falling out Ease Why Mother Matron had a spic'd pot of Ale in her hand so she set it to her mouth and drank a hearty draught of it and finding it very good and refreshing drank another draught By my faith said she this is a cheerly cup indeed and a comfortable drink and with that drank another draught and so long-winded she was as she drank up all the Ale therein Whereupon Grave Temperance rebuked her for drinking so much saying that though a little as one draught or so might refresh the Spirits yet a great quantity would make her drunk Whereupon Mother Matron who could not then suffer a reproof in anger she flung the pot which was still in her hand at Grave Temperance's head Idle It was a sign she had drank all the good liquor out or otherwise she would not have throvvn the pot avvay Ease It was a sign she was drunk or else she would not have done so outragious an act as to have broke Grave Temperances head Enter Mother Matron as half drunk and scolding Matron Reprove me teach me Have not I liv'd long enough in the World to be able to govern my self but Temperance must govern me Am I a Child am I a Novice that I must be governed by Temperance No no let her go to Nunneries and let her be the Lady Prioress to govern Nuns for yfaith she shall not Prior me Idle Not Frier you do you say Matron No nor Nunn me neither for I will be neither Fryerd nor Nunn'd Ease Why what will you be Matron Why what should I be but as I am a wise sober and discreet Governess to a company of young Ladies Ladies that love the World better than Heaven and hate a Nunnery worse than Death and by my Faith they have reason for liberty is the joy of life and the World is the place of sensual pleasures and sensual pleasures are substantial and in being when the pleasures after death are uncertain but if they were certain yet I had rather have a draught of Ale in this World than a draught of Nectar in the next Idle This Ale hath heat her into a Poetical height Matron What do you say into a pots head Idle No I say your head is a pot filled with the fume of Ale Matron What have you to do with my head Ease What had you to do with Grave Temperances head Matron I would Temperances grave head were in your throat and then there would be two fools heads one within another Idle Come let 's leave her or she will talk her self into a fit of madnesse Ease and Idle go out Matron alone Matron A couple of Gill-flirts to heat me thus Exit Scene 5. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit SAtyrical Dear Mistris have you freely pardon'd and forgiven me my faults Bon' Esprit Yes Satyrical But will you not reprove me for them hereafter Bon' Esprit In a pardon all faults ought to be forgiven if not forgotten and no repetitions ought to be made of the same for a clear pardon and a free forgiveness blots out all offences or should do so But you imagine your offences greater than they are and by your doubts I to be of less good nature than I am Satyrical There are none that have offended what they love but fears and hopes and doubts sight Duels in their Minds Bon' Esprit Banish those doubts and let the hopes remain to build a confident belief to keep out jealousie otherwise it will take possession and destroy at least disturb affection Satyrical Not my affection to you Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Superbe Ambition and Portrait FAction For Heavens sake let 's go see Mother Matron for 't is said she 's mad-drunk Ambition If she be mad-drunk she 's rather to be shunn'd than sought after Superbe Why do not we give money to see mad people in Bedlam and we may see her for nothing Ambition Those people
draw him to Love and to be in love as a Lover and I have discharged your trust and have brought your designs to pass Faction But our designs were not that he should be beloved of you but hated of all our Sex Bon' Esprit Why then you did spread your designs beyond your reach for do you think you have the power of Fate to rule govern and dispose of the passions of Mankind as you please when alas you are so powerless as you cannot rule govern and dispose of your own passions and so ignorant that you know not your own destinies nor how nor to what your passions will lead you to Besides you injoyn'd not my passions you did not forbid me to love him but only imploy'd my Wit to make him a Lover and so I have Portrait And you have prov'd your self a Fool in becoming a Lover Bon' Esprit Losers may have leave to speak any thing and therefore I will not quarrel with you Superbe We are not losers by the loss of you Faction But we are for with the loss of her we have lost our sweet revenge for by her we thought to have catch'd him like a Woodcock in a Net and then to have cut off his wings of Fancy and to have pull'd out his feathers of Pride or else to have intic'd him like a fool with a rattle and then to have toss'd him on Satyrical Tongues as in a blanket of shame But now instead of a blanket of shame he will lie in the Arms of Beauty and instead of being toss'd with satyrical tongues he will be flatter'd with kisses for which we may curse the Fates Pleasure But it is strange to me that she can love such a railing ill-natur'd man as Monsieur Satyrical Ambition I wonder she doth not blush at her choise Are you not out of countenance to be in love with such a man that is the worst of men Portrait Confess do not you repent Bon' Esprit So far am I from repenting as I love him so well as he seems to me to be such a person as to be so much above the rest of Mankind as he ought to be ador'd worship'd kneel'd down and pray'd to as to a Deity and the beginning of those prayers offer'd to him should be O thou worthyest meritoriousest and hest of men Faction She 's mad she 's stark mad wherefore let us binde her with chains and whip her with cords to bring her to her wits again Enter Monsieur Satyrical Bon' Esprit Oh Sir you are a person born to relieve the distressed and comfort the afflicted for you are come in a timely hour to release me from a company of Furies that threaten me Satyrical These Ladies appear too fair to be the daughters of Night who are said to be the Furies But Ladies I hope you will pardon me for taking away so pleasing a companion from you as my Mistris is but by her I shall be made Master of a world of happiness and I shall not only enjoy a world but a Heavenly Paradise wherein all Goodness Virtues Beauties and sweet Graces are planted And what man would not challenge or claim Heaven if Heaven could be gain'd by claiming wherefore I challenge and claim this Lady as being mine to enjoy Faction If you had challeng'd or claim'd any other Lady in my conscience you would have been refused Satyrical I desire no more than what I have Exit Satyrical and his Mistris Bon' Esprit Portrait I could cry with anger Temperance Ladies take my counsel which is to be friends with Madam Bon' Esprit and Monsieur Satyrical otherwise they will laugh at you to see what fools they have made you Pleasure She gives us good advice wherefore let us follow it and be friends Faction I may be seemingly friends but never really friends Temperance Why seeming friendship passes and traffiques as well in the world as those that are real Superbe You say well wherefore let us seem to be friends Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Monsieur Frisk and Mother Matrons Maid Frisk My fair Maid what Message have you brought me now Maid My Mistris remembers her loving love unto you and bids me tell you that she takes it wondrous unkindly that you shew'd the young Ladies the Letter and that she heard you mock'd and jeer'd at her Frisk Tell her I did but as all Lovers use to do vaunt of their Mistris's love and boast of their Mistris's favours Maid She doth not like your boasting but howsoever to shew and express her constant love and affectionate heart she hath sent you two hundred pounds to buy you a Nag Frisk I accept of the Present and tell her I will ride the Nag for her sake Maid My Mistris will be a joy'd Woman to hear that you will ride for her sake Frisk But is thy Mistris rich Maid Yes by my truth is she for she hath store of bags in her Chests Frisk But are they full of gold and silver Maid Yes for I have seen her tell the money in the bags bag after bag Frisk Is it all her own Maid Yes certainly it is all her own Frisk How came she to be so rich Maid Why the young Ladies Parents give her money or moneys worth to Govern and Educate their Daughters and the young Ladies bribe her to keep their counsels and fee her to be their Agent and their Courtly Servants present her with rich gifts to prefer their Sutes and to speak in their behalfs to the young Ladies and thus she gains on every side and takes gifts on both hands and she being miserable and sparing must needs be rich but now she is become a Lover she begins to grow prodigal as all Lovers are but if she had a million she says nay swears she could bestow it all on her beloved which beloved is your Worship Frisk I could be well content to marry her wealth and lie with her Maid but I would not be troubled with the Mistris Maid My Mistris I believe will be a very fond Wife Frisk And that fondness is the second obstacle I stick at for first to be old and then to be fond will be a double misery as being an intolerable trouble and a nauseous vexation for there is nothing more hateful than an amorous fond old woman But if thou wilt be fond of me I shall like it well and if any thing could perswade me to marry thy Mistris next to her wealth will be in hopes of thy kindness What say you will you be kind Maid I shall not be undutiful when you are my Master I shall deny no service I can do your Worship Frisk That 's well promis'd In the mean time remember me to thy Mistris and thank her for her Present and tell her the more such Presents she sends the welcomer they shall be Exeunt Scene 21. Enter Monsieur Sensuality and Madamoiselle Portrait SEnsuality Madamoiselle you may do a charitable Act Portrait As how Sensuality As to
doth in beams of light which is Inventions at other times the Mind dilates as the Sun his hear which is in Poetick flames and in rarified fancies likewise the Mind attracts as the Sun doth Vapours from the Earth so my Mind attracts knowledge from the World as from several subjects and objects as the Sun from several Climates likewise as the Sun contracts porous matter into a solid substance so doth my Mind contract loose thoughts into solid Judgment and as the Sun expulses united Bodyes into parts so doth my Mind expulse its serious Contemplations and united Conceptions into several discourses Examination Prethee expulse this discourse amongst thy sociable friends Solitary What amongst the sociable Virgins Examination Nay faith Wives for the most part are more sociable than Maids Exeunt Scene 11. Enter the Lady Censurer and a Gentleman CEnsurer Sir I hear you intend to be a Souldier in the Wars Gentleman Yes Madam I am come to take my leave and to kiss your Ladiships hands before I go Censurer Sir you have chosen an honourable Profession for though it is an industrious carefull painfull and dangerous Profession yet it is a noble Protection to the Weak and Infirm to the decrepid Age and shiftless Youth to the faint and tender Female Sex it is a guard to the ashes of the Dead and to the Temples of the Gods for without Marshal Discipline no Peace would be kept Truth and Right would be torn from the owners Justice pull'd out from her Seat and Monarchy quite from his Throne and though a Souldier may lose his life sooner than Nature did determine yet in recompence Honour buryes him and Fame builds up his Monument Gentleman Your descriptions Madam are able to make a Coward a Valiant Man Exeunt Scene 12. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Some have thought the World was but as Stage and that the several Creatures are the several Actors and that every several Generation is a new Play 2 Gent. No every several Generation doth not seem as if they were new Plays for there seems to be but one play and that to continue to the end of the World and that every Generation seems only new Actors that play over the same parts for we well perceive that the following Generations act but what the former Generations did before them 't is true the World seems to be the Stage and the Seas Rocks Rivers Plants Hills Dales Cities Towns Villages and the like are as the several Changes the Animals as the several Actors the several Seasons the several Scenes and the Spectators are the Gods and the end of the World the end of the Play and then they must make another World if they will have another Play 1 Gent. Surely Mercury is their Poet 2 Gent. 'T is very likely also 't is probable Pallas helps him 1 Gent. Nay 't is probable that Venus and Cupid helps him for Love and Beauty doth at all times assist a Poet 2 Gent. There is no excellent and extraordinary wit but hath many assistants as first Nature is the chief so likewise Mercury Pallas Venus Cupid and the Muses 1 Gent. The most foolish Actors of all Actors are women 2 Gent. The truth is it 't is very unhappy for women that they are not instructed in the rules Rethorick by reason they talk so much that they might talk sensibly whereas now for want of that Art they talk meer nonsense 1 Gent. But all women are apt to speak more than to Act by reason words are easily spoke and deeds so hard to be done 2 Gent. Faith women are as full of Actions as words for all their life is imployed with talking and running about to no purpose Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 13. Enter the Lady Solitary the Lady Examination the Lady Censurer and a Grave Matron EXamination Come let us go abroad for I love to refresh my self in the Serene Ayr taking the pleasure of every Season as when the returning Sun spins Golden Beams which interwaves into the thiner Ayr as Golden Threads with softer Silk making it like a Mantle Rich and warm which wraps the Body of each Creature in so in the Summer when lifferous winds do fan the sultry heat then in the Autum that 's like a temperate Bath which is neither too hot nor too cold then in the VVinter when freesing cold doth purge the Ayr as Physick doth the Body from most corrupt humours and binds each loose deshevered part Censurer The VVinter will bind up your active limbs and numb your flesh and make your Spirits chill besides VVinter doth bedrid Nature the spightfull malicious and wicked Season for it doth strive for to destroy each several thing and it yields nothing good it self besides it doth Imprison many things binding them fast with Icy Chains taking away their Natural Liberty also it doth not only frown and lour on the bright Sun making his light dim and dusky but VVinter doth untwist and doth unweave the Suns bright Golden Beams and wind them on dark bottoms Solitary The cold sharp Ayr is as sharp unto the touch as a Lemon to the tast and works a-like in some effects Matron Yes be 'r Lady in causing frowning and crumpling faces Solitary Not only so but sharp Ayr and sharp Lemons do both cleanse from Putrification and keep from Corruption Censurer But hot Ayr works upon the Body as stronge Liquors upon the Brain for hot Ayr distempers the Body as strong Liquors do the Mind Matron Beshrow me I have felt some Ayres as hot and as burning as Brandy-wine Solitary VVhat VVine is that Matron The VVine of VVine the Spirits of VVine Censurer Indeed that VVine if you call it so which is Strong-waters will work upon the Body as soon as the hottest Ayr causing Feavours and other Malignant diseases Examination It seems that hot and burning Ayr works upon the Spirits as much and as soon as the hottest Liquors and hot Liquors upon the Body as much as hot Ayr both causing Feavours and Frenzies Matron In truth and I heard that Ayr is liquid and so is Drink and Drunkards like frantick persons will do mad tricks sometimes Examination And there are several sorts of Ayr as there are several sorts of Drinks some colder some hotter some moist and some hath dry effects and some Ayr refreshes and quenches heat other some dissipates and expels cold some revives the Spirits and some inrages them some corrupts Bodyes and some preserves them Matron By my Faith I perceive Ayr and Drink have many good and bad qualities but I had rather have good Drink and bad Ayr than bad Drink and good Ayr there is some substance in the one but the other is like unto that which I have heard of but could never see which is Incorporality for that which is not subject to my sight I can hardly believe it is any thing Censurer Indeed very thin Ayr is next unto nothing Exeunt Scene 14. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Tom Adventurer is gone
he should hate you as first to love you for your virtue and sweet disposition next for the honour dignity and Kingdome he hath got by his marring you for he hath no right to the Dukedome but by your Highness and by your Highness he is become an absolute Prince and injoyes a rich Kingdome Unfortunate Dutchess But he hath taken the power from me and strives to disposess of me of my right Woman He cannot the Kingdome will never suffer him for your title is so just as he can make no pretence to disposess your Highness from your Princely Throne Unfortunate Dutchess But I being his Wife he takes the power of a Husband and by that power the power of my Kingdome and those that have the power can frame their titles as they please none dare oppose them Woman The truth is Madam that might overcomes right Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Factions and divisions that are in this Kingdome will be a means to deliver it into the power of the Enemy 2 Gent. This Duke is young wild deboist and inconstant wherefore there is but little hopes it should be better governed 1 Gent. But the Dutchess who is the true owner of it is discreet wise and virtuous and having more years than he she might help to rule and order state affairs 2 Gent. But neither her discretion wisdome nor virtue hath power for marriage hath inthralled her for she is become her Husbands Slave who ought to be his Soveraign but he laughs and doth despise her because she is somewhat elder than himself 1 Gent. Heaven will revenge her wrongs Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman DUke Inconstancy Have you been with the Lady I sent you to Gentleman Yes Duke Inconstancy And doth she listen to Loves Sute Gentleman She seems well pleased to hear her Beauty praised but will not hear of Amorous imbracements as yet Duke Inconstancy But it is a good Omen when as a Lady will nimblingly bite at a bait of flattery but did you see her Husband Gentleman No Sir Duke Inconstancy Well you must go again and present her with a Letter and a present from me for Ladies must be plied though they deny yet most do yield upon a treaty they cannot long hold out loves fierce assaults Gentleman Indeed the Female Sex is tender and weak although they are delicate and sweet Duke Inconstancy They are false and oft betray themselves Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Unfortunate Dutchess and her Woman then enters another as running in haste 1 WOman O Madam Madam news is come that the Enemy hath got into the heart of the Kingdome wherefore sweet Lady fly for they will possess themselves of this City soon Unfortunate Dutchess I will not fly for I cannot meet a worse Enemy than the Duke himself should worse than Mankind Conquer it but I wish my Sister were safe Woman The young Princess I hear is fled to the Dukes Brother Unfortunate Dutchess I am glad of it for he is discreetly temperate although his Brother is not Exeunt Scene 5. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman GEntleman Sir what will your Highness do Duke Inconstancy I will go and oppose the Enemy Gentleman Alass Sir you have no forces to oppose them withall you may go to be destroyed but not to destroy wherefore you with your small forces had better fly than fight Duke Inconstancy Whither shall I go Gentleman To any Prince that will receive you into pay by which you may maintain your self and live with some respect and fame abroad though you have lost your Kingdome whereas if you stay you will lose your self and Kingdome too Duke Inconstancy Your Counsel I will take Gentleman But what will your Highness do with your Dutchess Duke Inconstancy Let her do what she will with her self I care not now for since her Kingdome is lost I have no use of her Gentleman Not as concerning the Kingdome Sir but yet she is your Highnesses Wife and as a Husband you ought to regard her Duke Inconstancy She will follow me for Wives stick so close to their Husbands as they cannot be shaken off Exeunt Scene 6. Enter the Creating Princess and her Woman VVOman Pray Madam do not marry so much below your self Creat Princess Why what matter whom I marry since I can create my Husband to Honour Woman But Madam that Honour will do him no good nor will it take off your disgrace for none will give your Husband if he be an inferiour person the Place and Respect that is due to Great Princes Titles Creat Princess No but he shall take Place and my Servants shall give him the Respect and Homage that is due to great Titles For I will make him a Prince and who dare call him any other but Prince Woman There is none will call him Prince unless your own Servants and none will give him Place that are above the degree of his Birth no nor he durst not take it of Gallant Noble Men for if he offers thereat they will beat him back and force him to give way and to be only a Prince in his own House and not abroad is no better than to be a Farmer nay a Cobler or a Tayler or any the like are Kings in their own Houses although they be but thatch'd if they have but a Servant subject or Subject Servant Creat Princess Well say what you will I will make him a Prince Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman GEntleman Sir doth not your Highness hear that your Dutchess is gone with your Enemies into the Countrey Duke Yes and though I might curse my Enemies for dispossessing me of the Kingdom I injoyed yet I give them thanks for carrying my Wife away with them for now I have more room and liberty to Wooe and Court my Mistress Enter another Gentleman Gent. Sir the Lady Beauties Husband 's dead Duke So I perceive Fortune will be my Friend some waies although she is my Foe other waies for she will Crown me with Love although she uncrowns me with Power wherefore return presently back to my Mistriss and tell her that now her Husband is dead and my Wife gone into another Country We may marry Ex. 1. Gent. But your Highness cannot marry as long as the Dutchess is alive Duke I mean to be like the Great Turk have many VVives 1. Gent. VVhy the Great Turk hath but one chief VVife the rest are but as Concubines for only the Sons of that chief Queen shall be Successors to the Emperor unless she hath none neither can his other Children inherit unless he be Right and Lawfull Emperor So that unless your Highness had been Duke by Inheritance as an Inhereditary Duke no Children by any other Lady can be Inheritors nor indeed Princes unless they were begot on the Right Owner to that Title Duke VVell since I have no Power but only an empty Title I cannot
discourse as by things and motions beasts may have for ought we can know to the contrary The last is by Figures or Letters Prints Hieroglyphicks and painted Stories or ingraven in Metal or cut or carved in Stone or molded or formed in Earth as clay or the like in this kind of discourse the Pencil hath sometimes out-done the Pen as the Painter hath out-done the Historian and Poet This discoursing by Signs or Figures are discourses to the eye and not to the ear There is also another kind or sort of discoursing which is hardly learn'd as yet because newly invented or at lest to what I have heard which is by Notes and several Strains in Musick I only mention it because I never heard it but once and then I did not understand it but yet it was by a skilfull and ingenious Musician which discoursed a story of his Travels in his playing on a Musical Instrument namely the Harpsical But certainly to my understanding or reason it did seem a much easier way of discoursing than discoursing by actions or posture But to end my discourse of Discoursing which discoursing may be by several waies several actions and postures by several creatures and in several Languages but reasoning is the Souls Language words the Language of the Senses action the Lifes Language Writing Printing Painting Carving and Molding are Arts several Languages but Musick is the Language of the Gods Exeunt Scene 17. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gent. HOw do you like the Ladies discourse 2. Gent. As I like discourse 1. Gent. How is that 2. Gent. Why I had rather hear a number of words than speak a number of words 1. Gent. Then thou art not of the nature of Mankind for there is no man that had not rather speak than hear 2. Gent. No it is a sign I am not of the nature of Woman-kind that will hear nothing but will speak all indeed for the most part they stop their Ears with their Tongues at lest with the sound of their Voices Exeunt Scene 18. Enter a company of Gentlemen The Speaker takes the Chair Gentleman Speaker IT were too tedious to recite the several humours of the female Sex their scornfull Pride their obstinate Retirednesse their reserved Coynesse their facil Inconstancy by which they become the most useless and most unprofitable Creatures that nature hath made but when they are joined to men they are the most usefull and most profitable Creatures nature hath made wherefore all those women that have common reason or sense of shame will never retire themselves from the company of men for what women that have any consideration of Honour Truth or touch of Goodness will be the worst of all Creatures when they may be the best but the truth of it is women are spoyled by the over-fond dotage of men for being flattered they become so self-conceited as they think they were only made for the Gods and not for men and being Mistrisses of mens affections they usurp their Masculine Power and Authority and instead of being dutifull humble and obedient to men as they ought to be they are Tyrannical Tyrannizers Exeunt Scene 19. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gent. THe young Gallants methinks begin to be whetted with Anger 2. Gent. They have reason when the women have such dull blunt Appetites Exeunt Scene 20. Enter the Ladies of the Academy The Lady Speaker takes the Chair Matron LAdies let the Theam of your discourse be at this time of Friendship Lady Speaker This Theam may more easily be discoursed of than Friendship made by reason it is very difficult to make a right Friendship for hard it is to match men in agreeable Humours Appetites Passions Capacities Conversations Customs Actions Natures and Dispositions all which must be to make a true and lasting Friendship otherwise two Friends will be like two Horses that draw contrary waies whereas Souls Bodies Education and Lives must equally agree in Friendship for a worthy honest man cannot be a friend to a base and unworthy man by reason Friendship is both an offensive and defensive League between two Souls and Bodies and no actions either of the Souls or Bodies or any outward thing or fortune belonging thereunto are to be denyed wherefore Knaves with Knaves and unworthy Persons with unworthy Persons may make a Friendship Honest men with Honest men and worthy Persons with worthy Persons may do the like but an Honest man with a Knave or a worthy Person with a base man or an Honourable Person with a mean Fellow a noble Soul with a base Nature a Coward with a Valiant man can make no true Friendship For put the case in such friendships my Friend should desire me to do a base Action for his sake I must either break Friendship or do unworthily but as all worthy Persons make Truth their Godesse which they seek and worship Honour the Saint which they pray too Vertue the Lady which they serve so Honesty is the only Friend they trust and rely on and all the VVorld is obliged to Honesty for upright and just dealing Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 21. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Methinks the womens Lectural discourse is better than the mens for in my opinion the mens discourses are simple childish and foolish in comparison of the womens 2 Gent. Why the subject of the discourse is of women which are simple foolish and childish 1 Gent. There is no sign of their simplicity or folly in their discourse or Speeches I know not what may be in their Actions 2 Gent. Now you come to the point for the weaknesse of women lyes in their Actions not in their VVords for they have sharp Wits and blunt Judgements Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Ladies and Grave Matroness The Lady Speaker takes the Chair MAtronesse Lady let the Theam of your discourse to day be of a Theatre Lady Speaker A Theatre is a publick place for publick Actions Orations Disputations Presentations whereunto is a publick resort but there are only two Theatres which are the chief and the most frequented the one is of War the other of Peace the Theatre of Warr is the Field and the Battels they sight are the Plays they Act and the Souldiers are the Tragedians and the Theatre of Peace is the stage and the Plays there Acted are the Humours Manners Dispositions Natures Customes of men thereon described and acted whereby the Theatres are as Schools to teach Youth good Principles and instruct them in the Nature and Customes of the World and Mankind and learn men to know themselves better than by any other way of instruction and upon these Theatres they may learn what is noble and good what base and wicked what is ridiculous and misbecoming what gracefull and best becoming what to avoid and what to imitate the Genius that belongs to the Theatre of Warr is Valour and the Genius that belongs to the Theatre of Peace is Wit the designer of the rough Plays of Warr is a General
say he was the honour of the Age the glory of our Nation and a pattern for all mankind to take a sample from and that his person was answerable to his merrits for he said he was a very handsome man of a Masculine presence a Courtly garbe and affable and courteous behaviour and that his wit was answerable to his merits person and behaviour as that he had a quick wit a solid judgment a ready tongue and a smooth speech Mrs. Acquaintance And did your Father proffer you to be his wife Lady Orphant Yes and I remember my father sighing said he should have died in peace and his soul would have rested in quiet if he had been pleased to have accepted of me Mrs. Acquaintance When did your Father proffer you Lady Orphant When I was but a Child Mrs. Acquaintance He is not married and therefore he may chance to accept of you now if you were profer'd Lady Orphant That were but to be refused again for I heare he is resolved never to marry and it will be a greater disgrace to be refused now I am grown to womans Estate than when I was but a Child besides my Father is dead and my marring can give him no content in the grave unless his soul could view the world and the severall actions therein Mrs. Acquaintance So is his Father dead Lady Orphant Yes and I here that is the cause he cares not to return into his native Country Mrs. Acquaintance I have a friend that hath his picture Lady Orphant Is it a he or a she friend Lady Acquaintance A she friend Lady Orphant Pray be so much my friend as to get your friends consent to shew me the Picture Mrs. Acquaintance Perchance I may get it to view it my self but I shall never perswade her to lend it you jealousy will forbid her Lady Orphant She hath no cause to fear me for I am not one to make an Amorous Mrs. and I have heard he will never marry Mrs. Acquaintance That is all one woman hath hopes as much as feares or doubts what ever men doth vow for or against Lady Orphant Pray send to her to lend it you and then you may shew it me Mrs. Acquaintance I will try if she will trust me with it Exit Lady Orphant Solus O Heaven grant that the praise my Father gave this Lord whilst in the world he lived prove not as curses to me his Child so grieve his soul with my unhappy life Exit Scene 4. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Mrs. Reformer her woman she being in yeares MIstriss Reformer Madam now you are become a Mrs. of a Family you must learn to entertain visitants and not be so bashfull as you were wont to be insomuch as you had not confidence to look a stranger in the face were they never so mean persons Lady Bashfull Alas Reformer it is neither their birth breeding wealth or title that puts me out of Countenance for a poor Cobler will put me as much out of Countenance as a Prince or a poor Semestress as much as a great Lady Mrs. Reformer What is it then Lady Bashfull Why there are unacustomated faces and unacquainted humours Mrs. Reformer By this reason you may be as much out of countenance as an unacustomed Dogg or Cat that you never saw before or any other beast Lady Bashfull O no for mankind is worse natured than boasts and beasts better natured than men besides beasts lookes not with censuring eyes nor heares or listens with inquisitive cares nor speakes with detracting tongues nor gives false judgment or spitefull censures or slandering reproaches nor jeeres nor laughs at innocent or harmless Errours nor makes every little mistake a crime Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page Page Madam there is a Coachfull of gallants allighted at the gate Lady Bashfull For heavens sake say I have no desire to be seen Reformer No say my Lady is full of grief and is not fit to receive visits Enter the Ladyes and Gentlemen Whereat the Lady Bashfull stands trembling and shaking and her eyes being cast to the ground and her face as pale as death They speak to Reformer Where is the Lady Bashfull pray Gentlewoman tell her we are come to kiss her hands Reformer offers to go forth Lady Wagtaile Will you do us the favour old Gentlewoman as to let the Lady know we are here Reformer If I am not so old as to be insensible this is she Lady Wagtaile Is this she alas good Lady she is not well for surely she hath a fit of an Ague upon her she doth so shake you should give her a Carduus-possit and put her to bed Lady Amorous Lady are you sick She Answers not Lady Wagtaile She is sick indeed if she be speechless Reformer Madam pray pull up your spirits and entertain this honourable Company Lady Wagtaile Why is the defect in her spirits Reformer She is young and bashfull They all laugh except Sir Roger Exception and Sir Serious Dumb. Ha! Ha! She is out of countenance Sir Roger Exception No she is angry because we are strangers unknown unto her and she takes it for a rudeness that we are come to visit her therefore let us be gone Lady Amorous Let me tell you it is meer shamefacedness Sir Roger Exception I say no for those that are angry will shake extreamly and turn as pale as death Sir Humphrey Bold Lady take courage and look upon us with a confident brow All the while Sir Serious Dumb lookes on the Lady Bashfull with sixt eyes The Lady Bashfull offers to speak to the Company but cannot for stuttering they all laugh again at her Reformer Lord Madam I will you make your self ridiculous Lady Bashfull I cannot help it for my thoughts are consumed in the fiery flame of my blushes and my words are smothered in the smoak of shame Lady Wagtaile O! she speakes she speakes a little Reformer Pray Madam leave her at this time and if you honour her with your Company again she may chance to entertain you with some confidence Lady Wagtaile Pray let me and Sir Humphry Bold come and visit her once a day if it be but halfe an hour at a time and we shall cure her I warrant thee Reformer I wish she were cured of this imperfection Sir Humphry Bold She must marry she must marry for there is no cure like a husband for husbands beget confidence and their wives are brought a bed with impudence Lady Wagtaile By your favour Sir Humphry Bold marriage must give way or place to courtship for there are some wives as simply bashfull as Virgins but when did you ever see or know or hear of courtly lovers or Amorous courtships to be bashfull Their eyes are as piercing as light and twinckles as Starrs and their countenance as confident as day and the discourses is freer than wind He imbraces her Sir Humphry Bold And your imbraces are wondrous kind Lady Wagtaile In troth we women love you men but too well that
is the truth of it Sir Roger Exception Pray Madam let us go and not stay to anger this young Lady as we do Lady Wagtaile Farewell friend Sir Humphry Bold and I will visit your Lady to morrow As they were all going away the Lady Wagtaile turnes back again Lady Wagtaile Pray what may I call your name Reformer My name is Reformer Lady Wagtaile Good Mrs. Reformer I am heartily glad to see you well Reformer I thank you Ladyship All goeth away but Sir Serious Dumb and he stayes a little time to look upon the Lady Bashfull and then goeth out Ex. The Lady Bashfull Sola and after they were all gone she stretches up herself Lady Bashfull O in what a torment I have been in holl is not like it Exit Scene 5. Enter the Lady Orphant and Mrs. Acquaintance LAdy Orphant Have you got the Picture Mrs. Acquaintance Yes but I have seen handsomer men in my opinion than this Picture doth represent The Lady Orphant takes the Picture and views it with a stedfast eye Lady Orphant I perceive you have no judgment in the Originall nor skill in the Copy for this Picture is most naturally penselled the Painter hath drawn it so lively That one may perceive his noble Soul to appear through his lovely and lively Countenance do but observe it well and you will see as much as I Mrs. Acquaintance That is impossible unless I had your heart for though my skill of the Copy or shadow may be as much as yours yet my affections to the Originall is less which makes my eyes not partiall Lady Orphant What will the owner take for that Picture Mrs. Acquaintance She will not sell it at any rate Lady Orphant I wish she would for I would buy it at any price Mrs. Acquaintance She prizes it as highly as you loving him as much or well as you do Lady Orphant How know you that Mrs. Acquaintance Because I know she hath given him proofs of her love which I believe you never did Lady Orphant You mistake lust for love ambition for merit I love not for the bodyes sake but for the soules pure spirit Ex. ACT II. Scene 6. Enter two Merchants 1. MErchant I hear the Lord Singularity hath given the Turkes a great defeat he is both a wise prudent and valiant man 2. Merchant Methinkes our Nation should not suffer such a person as he to hazard his life in the service of other Countryes 1. Merchant O it is an honour to our Nation to let the world know what gallant men it breeds besides our Nation is in peace with all the world and he being active hates to live idly and dully at home although he have a great estate and is well beloved in his Country 2. Merchant What command doth the Venetians give him 1. Merchant He is a Generall for he commands a great Army 2. Merchant Is he marryed 1. Merchant No and it is reported he never will marry but he loves Mistrisses well which all Souldiers doth for the most part 2. Merchant Then Italy is the best Countrey in the world for a souldier there being the greatest store and most variety of Curtezans for many of the Italians are as many are in other Nations rather Carpet-Knights then fighting souldiers they have more skill in setting musicall notes than pitching a battle in kissing a Mistrisses hand with a good grace than shooting of a Cannon bullet with a great courage they can take better aime at a window than of an enemy And though they often receive woundes yet they are from fair Venus not from cruell Mars 1. Merchant But Mars souldiers when they skirmish in loves duels receives woundes as often from fair Venus as other men and Italy hath as many gallant valliant men bred and born in her as any other Nation and there are as many Carpet-Knights in other Nations as in Italy and if valiant and gallant men be indued with vertue they are not the less to be esteemed and as for Curtizans all Nations is stored as much as Italy but they do not so openly prefess it as those in Italy doth 2. Merchant For my part I cannot think they are so good Souldiers as they were in Caesars time 1. Merchant That may be for there is no such souldiers as Caesars souldiers were no not in the world that is there are no men so patient obedient carefull industrious laborious daring adventurous resolute and active in these Warrs in this age as the Romans were in Caesars time and of all the souldiers Caesars souldiers were the best and of all commanders Caesar himself yet those warriers was not less courtly to the feminine sex than these of this age and if you did talk with an understanding Souldier he would tell you that Amors gave an edge to courage and that it is a mark of a gallant man and a brave souldier to be an Amarato and as for the Curtizans of Italy if there can be an honest act in a dishonest life it is that the Curtizans in Italy professes what they are so that men are not deceived by them nor betrayed into marriage wherein other Nations men are cozened with counterfeit modesty and drawn into marriage by pretended chastity and then dishonoured by soul adultery or shamed by marrying a private Curtizan not knowing she was so 2. Merchant I perceive by thee that Merchants loves a Mistris as well as a Souldier 1. Merchant Surely by thy talk thou art ignorant of thy own profession which is to trade and traffick into all Nations and with all sorts but yet Merchants may be Souldiers if they will and Souldiers may be Merchants if they please but the truth is all men in the world are Merchants 2. Merchant No beggers are not 1. Merchant But they are for they traffick with prayers and praises for almes 2. Merchant The best Merchants I know are Priests for they trade into Heaven and traffick with Iove 1. Merchant That makes them so poor for heavens commoditie are not saleable on earth Ex. Scene 7. Enter the Lady Orphant Nurse Fondly Foster Trusty LAdy Orphant Dear Nurse and Foster Father grant to my desires and assist my designs Nurse Fondly What to let you wander about the world like a Vagabond besides it is against the modesty of your Sex Lady Orphant Are holy Pilgrimes Vagabonds or is it immodest for the bodies of devout soules to travell to the sacred Tombe to offer penetentiall tears Nurse Fondly Why you are no Pilgrime nor is your journey to a godly end Lady Orphant My journey will be to an honest end for though I am loves Pilgrime yet I shall travell to an honest heart there to offer my pure affections Nurse Fondly To a deboist man there to offer your Virginity Lady Orphant Mistake me not for though I love beyond a common rate even to an extream degree yet I am chastly honest and so shall ever be my grave shall witness my constancy The Lady Orphant weeping Ex. Foster