upon such another She was the pattern of Wives Queen of Mothers best of Friends and indeed as my Father used to say truly of her had all the Virtues of her Sex in her little Finger what had she then think ye all her Body over To say more than all she was a very Iris only a few years older and well worthy to be the Mother of Evander were he but as worthy to be her Son Nay but she shan't think to scape without some Poetry on her Death No all my Relations shall know what 't is to have a Poet kin to ' em She did she did I saw her mount the Skye And with new Whiteness paint the Galaxy Heaven her methought with all its Eyes did view And yet acknow'edg'd all its Eyes too few Methought I saw in crouds bless'd Spirits meet And with loud Welcomes her arrival greet Which cou'd they grieve had gone with grief away To see a Soul more white more pure than thâ—y Earth was unworthy such a prize as this Only a while Heaven let us share the bliss c. There are a great many more of 'em but I don't love to gorge the Reader whom I rather chuse always to leave with a Relish for his next Meal I 'll only borrow his Patience and a Friends Wit for an Epitaph and then let her rest 'till she and I wake together Here lies Don Evander's Mother Death e're thou kill'â—t such another Fair and good and wise as she Time shall throw a Dart at thee In the last Chapter I had clean forgot to give you the History of the second Globe which having such a direct aspect on the Body of all the following Relation and the Epitome of my Life ought by no means to be omitted There you may see if you 'll take the pains but to turn over to the Frontispiece my old Crone of a Nurse ay and such a Nurse as I 'd not envy Iupiter his she-goat who suckled him in a kind of Rapture and Prophecy presenting the Furniture of my future Life the Tools I was to set up with in the universal Trade of Rambling a Hobby Horse which you 'll see will one of these days cast his Tail and have four Leggs start out in the room on 't A pair of little Boots yet a great deal too big for my little Leggs A Staff for sometimes I paid it on Ten-toes tho' that has a stronger twang of Sancho than his Master and is directly against the most sacred Rules of Knight Errantry and never to be done unless in a Pilgrimage or on a Vow never more to bestride a Horse agen 'till that of the flaming Gyant Sir Fundermundando's won in Mortal Battel as you may read at large in Don Bellianis of Greece or the seven Champions But I don't well understand what comes after there seems a little malicious sting i' the Tail on 't A Sword too it may be Why does he think I 'll Ramble without a Sword or does he make a may be on 't whether I shall ever have one of my own Now dare I venture a shoulder of Mutton to a penny Commons that 't was some Shcollard or other writ these Verses who finding at the University they had but one Sword belonging to one Colledge and a pair of Boots between three more which they ride out with by turns while the other stay at home in their own defence concluded strait that things went at the same rate all the World over No Sir Author as pert as you are I tell you I have a Sword of my own and that those may know too who know me or you either Sir I 'll assure ye Sir for my Friends Cause is my own and 't is at your Service Sir whenever you please to make use of it Being thus provided and equipp'd Cap-a-pe in a Travellers Garb Pen and Ink i' one Pocket and Bread and Cheese i' t'other not in specie No Heroes don't use to be mean but in a parcel of Gray-Groats and Edward Shillings ty'd up i' the corner of my Handkerchief my Daddy and I turn'd one side upon Graffham the place of my Birth and away we troopt to another where we had more business but I war'nt ye I have Wit enough to keep all close and not let you know what 't was this however I care not if I tell you that the very hopes of Rambling the Prospect of seeing a new Part of the World or indeed a New World to me striking upon the strings of my Soul before wound to the same pitch made most charming Musick and had you seen then the young Evander who now he sets up for Rambling indeed does a new thing and gets a Horse-back is resolv'd to have a New Name too and henceforth when he thinks fit be call'd KAINOPHILVS had you but seen what a brisk Air he then put on how lively and rosie he lookt how sweet and how charming well but I say no more being I say about to leave my beloved Graffham I can't but give you and Posterity some account of it as my famous Predecessor Coriat did of Odcomb which indeed does strangely agree with the Place of my Nativity But the Excellencies of it being too large to be contain'd in a corner or crowded up in a piece of a Chapter they shall have a whole one to themselves that immediately following CHAP. IV. The Description of The fine Town of Graffham the best i' the Shire on 't And a famous Town 't is if you ever did hear on 't FRom henceforward Reader don't expect I shou'd give every distinct Ramble a distinct Chapter for truly I can't afford it any longer for the Chapters being heavy things and the Rambles brisk little airy Creatures the last run away so fast and scamper about at such a mad rate that the first do what they can can't keep pace with 'em being besides a great many one still begetting another and running all different ways from one another O but Graffham my dear Graffham I han't forgot thee No sooner shall my Toes forget the use of Rambling my Fingers of Writing or my Teeth of eating I am resolv'd to write thy Memoirs with all the accuracy possible both for thy sake and my own First and mainly indeed that after Ages may know where I was born and what place was first so happy to claim my Nativity nor leave Graffham Aston Chessham London Boston Colâ—n Amsterdam and half a hundred Places more a quarreling for me to fifty Generations hence as the Cities of Greece do for Homer Graffham was the Place but what was this Graffham I 'll tell you if you have Patience but have a Care of Envy The least I can say in its Praise is this If wholsome Air Earth Woods and pleasant Springs Are Elements whereby a Town is grac'd If strong and stately Bowers Contentment brings Such is the Town of Graffham and so plac'd There Nature Art Art Nature hath embrac'd Without within below aloft
to adventure into the boundless Ocean Whence came the Salt in the Sea and who first boyl'd it which made so much Brine What Load-stone first touched the Load-stone or how first fell it in love with the North rather affecting that cold Climate than the pleasant East or fruitful South or West How comes that Stone to know more than Men and find the way to the Land in a Mist In most of these Men take Sanctuary at Occulta Qualitas and complain that the Room is dark when their Eyes are blind for indeed they are God's Wonders That there is a Supream First Being is as plain as that there 's any Being at all for where-ever there 's order there must be one First as surely as there must be an uppermost Round in the Ladder if there 's an undermost I need no fairer Evidence to convince you of this than your selves and all the World Some certain qualms which sometimes won't let you believe what you fain wou'd and that excellent order and harmony without you in all other parts of the Creation which you endeavour to destroy in your selves and which openly and loudly confess something infinitely wise and perfect as their Father and Author But if you deny the Fountain 't is no wonder that you won't grant the Streams Vertue and Goodness concluding just at that wise rate in this case as ye do in others Because you know none of these nor ever experienc'd 'em therefore there 's no such thing as because they never converse with honest Women they believe there are none in the World and because they never saw a Spirit there 's no such thing in being 'T is well you keep your Opinions from the knowledge of the People and disguise 'em as cunningly as you are able for the very Moâ— wou'd be ready to bring you to the Pump if they knew the only reason that kept you from turning Pick-pockets was not from the wickedness of the thing but lest the Law shou'd catch hold of you that 's in plain English not for fear of Conscience but the Hangman whence 't is more than suspicious could you have a cleanly conveyance you 'd be as ready to dive into your Neighbor's Pocket as into your own And you do well to think there 's nothing after this Life at the same time you think there 's no Good or Evil. For were there Evil you know you have been sufficiently guilty on 't and accordingly deserve punishment and if these are all your Ioys as I understand they are some of the chiefest of 'em Drunkenness and Rottenness rivalling each other in your Affections and Courtship Thus might I have e'ne gone on to Dooms-day without their minding a word I said for by this time the Fumes of the Liquor which it seems they had been tunning in all that day conquer'd that little Reason they had left and threw 'em all into a bruitish sleep where I e'ne lest 'em to snore and stink together while I full glad of my happy Gaol-delivery Bow-bell now ringing got quietly home to my Masters having had enough of their Company and Discourse which made my Hair stand an end when I thought on 't and being sufficiently warn'd from ever coming amongst 'em afterwards Those who think these Discourses perhaps too grave and sett to have happened in common Conversation as before that I have described my Master above the life may yet remember that the divine Plato as well as the vertuous Kainophilus makes a very Angel of his old Master Socrates and talks ten times more gravely and formally in his Phaeda and other Dialogues than I have done in this The Intent whereof may be discover'd with half an Eye namely to show the Danger Youth is in when it first arrives here of lewd Company and atheistical immoral Acquaintaince which the honest Apprentice who intends to come to any thing must take a special care to avoid as I did ever after as he wou'd the Plague Fire or any other desperate Mischief Their intention being to strike at all and cut up Religion by the Roots and that once done neither moral Honesty nor civil Felicity use to stay long after nor needs there any more to warn any thinking Person against 'em than of one side exposing their Practices and of t'other answering their thin Pretence to argument both which I have here endeavour'd to perform CHAP. VI. Being a Cage full of Cheats Theives Pick-pockets Whores and Rogues 'T IS generous to strike at the highest first conquer once but the Grand Vices and be truly honest and all the puny Sinners will fly before you Tho this must be more than in pretence or else Hypocrisie only makes an Addition to the Sum which was high enough before Too many there are who want that chief Vertue of a Servant Fâ—delity who yet pretend as highly to hate the beforemention'd Crew as Evander's self cou'd do To avoid whose dangerous paths Evander first took care to consider there was one always saw him tho his Master did not and then most religiously abstain'd from the least Touch or Fingering of what was not at his own dispose a little inconsiderable business generally making way for a greater and the robbing of the Till preparing for the Portmanteau as the Shop does for the Road. Believe it you who are not yet past Advice 't is much easier to abstain from a little than a great deal and if you once covet the forbidden Wedge twenty to one but you are one way or other found out and lost for ever for the Devil hath a kind of Method and Colour of Modesty in his Temptations At the first he tempts us to small Sins to remit something of our wonted Vigour to indulge a little unto our corrupt desires to unbend our Thoughts and to slacken our pace in prosecution of good Courses that by cooling our selves we may be able to hold out the better But when he hath drawn us thus far he hath gotten the Advantage of us and having a Door open le ts in his more ugly and horrid Temptations Sin hath its several Ages and Growths first it is but conceiv'd and shap'd in the Womb of Concupiscence then it is nourished and given suck by the Embraces and Delights of the Will as of a Nurse then Lastly It grows into a strong Man and doth of it self run up and down our Little World invade all the Faculties of Soul and Body which are at last made the Instruments of Satan to act and fulfill it Satan at the first leads us downward towards Hell as it were by Steps and Stairs which tho they go lower and lower yet we seem still to have firm footing and be able to go back at pleasure But at last we find as the way is more and more slippery so the Enemy ready at hand to push us down into a Dungeon of unrecoverable Misery did not God's Mercy pluck us as a Brand out of the fire Thus young Men you see
Cloud to look upon distant Prospects with a magnifying Fancy laying these weighty Matters together I resolved now to ride at Anchor one seven years within the sound of Bow-Bell But alas I had not been sixty minutes Alphabetizing and sorting of Books before my old Rambling Maggot began to crawl and bite afresh upon which I immediately grew as fickle and wavering as if I had drank Liquor distill'd from a Womans Brains and nothing would satisfie me now till I saw the Situation of my Father's House again 'T is true my Master did advise me for which I 'll pay and ever owe him as many Thanks as Arithmetick can count to beg my Father's Consent before I rambled again but my runnagate Mind being set on a galloping Frollick he might with as much ease have found out the Quadrature of a Circle or the Taylor 's Name that works to the Man in the Moon as have parted me from another Ramble for beginning now to imagin that a Trade was troublesom and that the toyl of keeping Accompts would be a laboâ—r too tedious for my Mercurial Brains I was impatient till I was on another Ramble And no sooner had the Night began to draw its Curtains but Evander draws his And after taking leave of my Master I cast a longing look towards my Father's House with whom I left my Heart but as a Pledge till I return'd and put my self on my way thither And now farewell London till we meet again Being mounted on Bayard-a-ten-toes and expecting no Whittington Bells to Chime me back forward I rambled apace and though I set out from London with the early Sun yet I had his company but a little while for just as I got within sight of Tyburn that three-legg'd Horse on whose fatal back many a Man has rambled to the other World he withdrew into an Appartment behind a Cloud At whose absence the Heavens frowning I began to suspect 't was an ill Omen of my Father's displeasure for my so speedy leaving my Master's House But however now to repent of my Rambling Project was irksom and to fear was a Passion that I ever thought below me the Valiant Heart knows no trembling Cowards wink when they sight but the truly Valiant dare face their danger your Noble hearts dare leap into Flame Caesar spake like Caesar when he bid the Mariners fear nothing in a Storm for they carry'd Him and his Fortunes Calamities astonish only Men of ordinary Spirits he must be ignorant of the condition of Human Life who fears or flies the miseries that attend it When a Man has once gotten a habit of Vertue all his Actions are equal he is constantly one and the same Man and he does well not only upon counsel but out of custom too Shall I tell you now in a word The summ of Human Duty is Patience where we are to suffer and Prudence in the things we do And shall not a Man venture the crossing of an intemperate Lust for the conquest of himself It is a great encouragement to well-doing that when we are once in the possession of Vertue it is our own for ever 'T is a fâ—ight that shrinks the Soul into a corner out of which it dares not peep to look for help but he that prepares for a mischief meets nothing new to amaze him To avoid occasions and to be above Accidents is one of the greatest masteries of Man In a danger I do not nor never did so much consider how I shall escape it as of how little importance it is whether I escape it or no. Should I be left dead upon the place what matter Not being able to govern Events I endeavour to govern myself as knowing a Man never taken in Passion is a Mark of the sublimest reach of Wit seeing thereby he puts himself above all vulgar Impressions It is the greatest of Dominions to rule ones self and Passions This is indeed the Triumph of Free-Will Few Passions break my sleep but of Deliberations the least will do it I love misfortunes that are purely so that do not torment and teaze me with the incertainty of their growing better Dubia plus torquent mala Doubtful Ills do plague us worst The fear of a Fall astonishes me more than the very Fall itself Ill-luck quoth the Frenchman is good for something French Proverb Were I as deep in the Book of Fame as Caesar I wou'd not care if I were stabb'd to morrow for then I hope I should be at the end of my toil and only have the pleasure to look down from some Star of the first magnitude for such are the Celestial Palaces of honest Pilgrims and see with delight the Trophies and Statues every where set up in memory of my Herick Actions from the Picture shining with Izinglass and Golden Leather to the Marble Effigies and Pyramid of Brass I was therefore now resolved being on the Road to Hope the best and to out-brave all fears of my Father's displeasure 'T is true there were in my way no shady Woods for Nightingales to â—ull me into soft slumbers no murmuring Rills to which I might make my sorrowful Complaints no kind Hermits to invite me to their Cells all my comfort was in HOPE and the Compassion of my Guardian-Angel When Alexander Rambled through Asia he gave large Donatives to his Captains insomuch as Parmenio asked him Sir what do you keep for your self He answered HOPE So on I rambled like a very Alexander and by that time I had trudg'd it as far as Action I began to examine my little Fob to see what Pennies I had to carry me home And Reader you must know in those Juvenile days Good Coyn was unto me a precious thing Because it bore the Picture of my King And indeed when all is done there is no Friend like the Penny But my Gold that Female Charm which in days of yore was wont to be as sweet a Cordial to my Purse as Drams to my Stomach having Wings was gone the knowledge of which was as welcom to my rambling Thoughts as the unexpected sound of a Passing-Bell usually is to the scraping Usurer who like a Dog in a Wheel toyls to roast Meat for others eating when it tolls him away from his Bags to his Grave But now calling to mind that Fortune was ne're more kind than when she had emptied my Pockets I briskt up my Spirits with that golden Verse out of Horace Cantabit vacuus coram latrone Viaâ—or And on I went still with a merry heart a Dish brave enough to feast a Prince but before I got to Vxbridge which was the next Town in my way home I found my Guts in an uproar and a Civil War commenct between my Mouth and my Somach but now having no Money left I knew not how to salve up the difference neither wou'd my Stomach hearken to any thing but a Bill of Fare in its grumbling manner of speaking But tho' my Hunger was of a
if the one would never fade and the other always endure resolving in my thoughts never to see London again being ravished with the delights of the verdant Fields and enamour'd on the beauties of the Spring accounting none truly happy but he who enjoyed the felicities of a Country life Is he addicted to study Heaven is the Library the Sun Moon and Stars his Books to teach him Astronomy that great Volume his Ephemerides out of which he may calculate Predictions of times to follow yea in the very Clouds are written Lessons of Divinity for him to instruct him in wisdom the turning over their leaves teach him the variation of Seasons and how to dispose his business for all Weathers Who therefore would not consume his youth in such delightful studies that have power in them to keep off old age longer than it would or when old age doth come is able to give it the livelihood and vigour of youth Who would noâ— rather sit at the foot of a hill tending a â—lock of Sheep than at the helm of Authority controlling the stubborn and unruly Multitude Better it is in the solitary Woods and the wild Fields to be a Man among Beasts than in the midst of a peopled City to be be a Beast among Men. As I was thus strucken into admiration of these beauties and wholly taken up in a contemplation of the felicities of a retired life being already in my thoughts an absolute â—ountry Man I being now some miles distant from London the Metropolitan City of our fruitful Albion on a sudden the Welkin began to roar and send forth terrible peals of thunder the serene Skie was over-shadowed and Phoeâ—us hid his head behind a Cloud the Heavens began first to weep small tears afterwards to pour them in full Rivulets upon the thirsty Earth I had then no Pent-house to walk under to keep me from the Rain nor was there a red Lattice at every nook and corner as at London to give me entertainment the spâ—eading Boughs of the sturdy Oak were too feeble to defend me from being wet I look'd like a drencht Mousâ— having never a dry thread on me what to do I knew not Money I â—â—d none Friends none a Stranger both to the Place and People unexperienc'd in the World as in the way where I travell'd the consideration of those things made me add more moisture to the earth by the salt â—ears that trickled from my eyes to stand still I thought was in vain So forwards I went wet without and dry within sorrow they say causeth drouth at length I spy'd by the corner of a Wood a little thatcht Cottage thither I went and found by an old rotten Stick that darted out of it in imitation of a Sign-post that it was an Ale-house this something reviv'd my drooping Spirits so in I went to dry my outside and wet my inside where I found a good fire and stoâ—e of company of both Sexes merrily trouling the Bowl about singing of Catches and smoaking Tobacco no sooner was I enâ—red but one of them drank to me a full cup so down I sat amongst them being all alike free Citizens of the wide World the Strong Ale soon washt away all sorrow from my heart and now that I had a warm fire to sit by and a house over my head I bid a â—ig for all foul weather The great store of Rain that now fell made the High-ways like Hafty-Pudding by which means though I rid in Shoes and Stockings for being now tired I hired me a little Palfry yet I was sufficiently be-booted with dirt I rid over the Common melancholy alone but coming to Chesham Thicket there was company enough such as I liked not by any means and now Gramercy Horse for had not he looked as scurvily as I rid bootlesly scandalous I had undoubtedly been robb'd for I had no other Arms about me than those of the Primitive Christians Tears and Prayers but say I had to what purpose had it bin seeing I made it a Case of Conscience to kill a Man though it were in my own defence 'T is true I seem furnish'd sometimes with two defensive Weapons an old rusty Sword and a liberal Hand not to strike but to give away my Purse which is my politick device to preveut robbing But now if I had Valour in me I was affraid to shew it Besides it dwelt at least a furlong from my face for the cowardly form of that could not but encourage an Enemy Never was poor Horse and beastly Man so surveyed before by Devils I think for their Faces by their Vizard 〈◊〉 seemed every whit as black Escaping that danger I got the fourth days journey to Wendover alighting I fell all along for I had kickt away my Legs in riding thither Never did I find the difference till now of riding on a Yard-arm on the sharp ridg'd back of a surfeited Jade I had not so much skin left upon my breech as would make a white Patch for an Ethiopian Lady of Pleasure Here I lay three days to recover the damage my Posteriors had sustain'd by riding my wooden Horse In which time I observed but little remarkable but a Tapster's playing with a Fellow of the Town for Money in a little by Ale-house where was sold incomperable Ale which I found out by the information of a Cobler the reflection of whose face would have afforded light enough to an Ale-house at midnight This Cobler having been drinking till his Brains were shipwrackt in a deluge of Canary yet unable with all that Liquor â—o quench his Nose which appeared so flaming that when he was smoaking it could not be discerned by the most critical Eye at which end his Pipe burned with the more red-hot fire staggering towards his Lodging about the Suburbs of the Morning without any other light than was reflected from his Sâ—ellified Countenance chanc'd to encounter a certain Hydrogogical Engine by the Students in the Mathematicks call'd a Pump which he taking for some cross-grain'd Fellow that would not give the way made so furiously at it that with the terrible shock himself was beat backwards and fell down just under the Spout which a Maid having made use of just before for water to wash her house it still continued to drisle softly whereupon the sprawling Gentleman being much more inraged â—or you know no Injuries are so picquantly resiâ—ted by generous Spirits as those that come attended with contempt cries out You Dog cannot you be content to beaâ— and abuse me but you must piss upon me too and thereupon draws his Knife like a dying Hero from the ground made several passes at his Adversary till the Watch going their Rounds interrupted the ridicâ—lous Combat but perceiving the Gentleman Cobler had got a considerable Wound in his Skull took care for his safe conveyance to his Lodging left the excess of his Prowess might engage him in more such perilous Adventures Leaving this Town I found that I
merciless Usurer he could not have been more surprized But at length after viewing and circumviewing my Face as if he had designed to have drawn my Picture or to have surveyed something through me to this purpose he exprest himself Father Bless me Son John is it you or your Ghost Son Sir possibly 't would be more to your satisfaction if I were a thing of Air but I am a substantial Mortal even your very Son Kainophilus Father Why how now Son John what have you served your Seven Years already To these words of my Father's after I had put Finger in Eye I returned the following Answer Son Truly Sir I cannot deny but that the thoughts of being an Apprentice in the City of London whilst I gazed on it at a distance with the Eyes of Expectation and Desire had something gay and lovely in it But now having made a tryal Yes adds my Father and a short one too its former lustre vanishes and I see it a quite different thing from what it was represented to me But Sir if my returning home has occasioned your anger against me I humbly beg Pardon from Heaven and Forgiveness from you Be pleased therefore to mitigate my offence by revolving in your mind the fewness of my years which makes me as it doth many others prone to Rambling Fancies And for once I intreat you Sir look on this youthful and my first Elapse but as a thing which maturity of years may rectifie and if you can forgive my Follies I will study to forget them and daily endeavour by a dutiful Carriage to declare to the World how much I will be your obedient Son Kalnophilus To which he replied Son John you say well bâ—t alas what 's become of your lost hours have they made you any promise of returning again when you have need of them or can you shew me which way they went No alas my Child they are gone without recovery and in their flight methinks Time seems to turn his head and laugh over his shoulder in derision of you that made no better use of him when you had him than to leave so good a Master of whose good nature and worth I was so well assured by my London Friends My Father had no sooner read me a Lecture upon this extempore Frollick and refolved upon sending me back to my Master but he calls for Pen Ink and Paper and bids me write down his Dying Counsel which he gave me in the following words An Exact Copy of my Father's Dying Counsel which he gave me Decemb. 25. 1675. at the Parsonage-house in Tonsa Concerning your Soul 1. AS you have been a Son of many Prayers and Tears â—eing a long time earneftly begg'd of God and against all human Hope being brought forth into the World by God's special Hand of Providence and being wonderfully restored to life agen after some hours seeming death which immediately ensued after your birth and being likewise as signally delivered from the nearest hazard and likelihood of death when you had the Small-pox I do thereâ—ore exhort and châ—rge you in the presence of the All-seeing God and as you will answer it before Jesus Christ the Judge of the Quick and Dead that you make it your primary and principal care and endeavour to know fear love obey and serve God your Creator and Deliverer as he hath revealed himself through his Son by his Spirit in his Holy Word 2. I do likewise counsel you to read Gods Holy Word both in the Latin and English Bible as often as you have opportunity And I also counsel you to read over Wollebius's Compendium of Theology in Latin and English till you well understand both at such seasons as you may most conveniently do it 3. I do likewise counsel you constantly every Morning and Evening to pray unto God for his Direction Protection and Benediction in all that you do and that with an audible Voice when you may conveniently do it or at least mentally expressing all possible reverence affection joy and thankfulness to God through Christ therein 4. I counsel you likewise manfully to resist all Extreams sinful sadness and despondency of Spirit and to exercise Faith Chearfulness and Delight in the remembrance of all God's Mercies and Deliverances 5. I do likewise counsel you carefully to shun all evil Company with all temptations to or occasions of evil 6. I do likewise counsel you to be dutiful to your Mother loving to your Brothers and Sisters obedient to your Master diligently and faithfully to serve the Lord in all relations and conditions as he requireth Concerning your Body 1. I counsel you to use moderate Exercise and lawful Recreations for the necessary health of your Body being always moderate in your eating drinking and sleeping Never spend too much time or cost in any Exercise or Recreation Concerning your Estate 1. I do counsel you never to desert your Trade or Calling which you have by God's special Providence been called unto 2. I do counsel you ro serve out your full time with chearfulness and delight endeavouring to acquaint your self with all the Mysteries and Improvements of your Trade and if you find not convincing Reasons to the contrary to serve as Iourney-man for one year because I judge you may by that means gain more Acquaintance and Interest and a further insight into your Trade 3. I do counsel you not to Marry before you be twenty five years of age unless some remarkable Providence shall induce you thereunto 4. I do likewise counsel you to use all possible prudence in your Choice of a Wife that she be truly Religious and at least eminently Vertuous that is born of honest Parents and who is of Age and Estate suitable unto your self 5. I do likewise counsel you not to sell any part of your Estate in Land if either your Wife's Portion or your borrowing of Money upon Interest may convenintly serve to set up your Trade 6. I do likewise counsel you to have a convenient Shop in a convenient place at your own charge which will very much facilitate and make way for your suitable and comfortable Marriage yet if you shall by some remarkable Providence meet with a Wife of a considerable Estate you may by her Portion set up your Trade without mortgaging of your Land 7. Lastly I likewise counsel you in all things and in all times so to think and speak and act as you may be willing to appear before God at Death and Judgment Tonsa Decemb. 25. Ann. Dom. 1675. No sooner had my Father ended his Dying Counsel but my courteous Friends who heard it with a wonderment equal to their ignorance invite me to a Suâ—loin of Beef by the help of which and a little of the Decoction of Barley I got strength enough to ramble to bed where being refresht with a twelve hours nap up I mounted and repairing to my Father's Chamber after begging his Blessing I presented him with a showre of Tâ—â—rs and
Eating But whither do I Ramble again 'T is time now to return to the History of my English Adventures which were begun on the 10th of March 1681. just as the Sun had newly shaken off the Scales of Pisces and brush'd himself with the Tail of Aries and was beginning afresh his Yearly Ramble through the Zodiack 'T was now that I as it were by Sympathy being weary of a fix'd Life took a Resolution to walk to the Globe in Cornhill where meeting with a knot of loving Neighbours in the height of our caressing Endearments one was for making a visit to the East-Indies and another to the West If you 'l go I 'll go says one and I 'll go if you 'll go says another till at last they concluded upon it to go all together The next Question was whither we should March and after a long Debate they were all for France excepting my self So after three or four Scrapes and twice Bussing the Hand we parted But by that time I had Rambled a Mile or two from London who should I meet but Philaret an Old Acquaintance and thus I began to salute him Kainophilus Well met Dear Friend What say you to a Ramble now as far as Earth and Seas and Love can carry us Philaret Agreed I never was out at a Mad Frollick tho this is the Maddest I ever undertook Sir I take you at your Word and if you are for a Merry Jaunt I 'll try for once who can foot it farthest there are Hedges in Summer and Barns in Winter to be found I with my Knap-sack and you with your Bottle at your Back Wee 'll leave Honour to Mad-men and Riches to Knaves and Fools and Travel 'till we come to the ridge of the World and then drop together into the next Hang Pinching Wee 'll Ramble till we can see both Poles knock 'till we leave the Moon and Stars and Light behind us 'till we find Mountains of Gold without a Fiction and seeing Novelty is a thing so agreeable to our Natures wee 'll wander still on till we view the Cradle of the Infant-Morn observe the Chambers of the Rising Sun see him take Coach Man and be able to distinguish the Colour of his Horses and their several Kinds Nor rest yet 'till by our own Hazard we have discover'd New Worlds and brought one Hemisphere to some Acquaintance with another nay Ramble till But here 's enough in Conscience for a taste of a Frollick I 'll therefore now with your Worships Leave sit down and rest me for I am at the End of the World already Philaret and I being thus agreed on a Rambling Project you shall now seldom see us two asunder We dwell together like Soul and Body Had one been a Boy and the other a Girl sure enough we had been Man and Wife If one of us had been Castor and the other Pollux it had been well for Mariners for we should always have appear'd together Why had we not both one Mother Why were we not Twins for never were two better pleas'd with one another's Company part us and ye kill us for when Soul and Body part 't is Death So that now pursuing my first Resolutions of viewing my Native Countrey my Fellow Traveller and I like two Sons of Priam Per varios casus per tot discrimina Rerum took half a dozen Guinea's in our Pockets to fortifie our selves against the Attacks of Hunger Thirst and other Enemies of Men upon a Ramble and much about Noon we walk'd out of Town and took the Road to Cholsbury in Buckinghamshire designing to make that the first Stâ—ge of our Ramble When we had walked about half way thither invited by a Consort of Birds which sung very sweetly in a Neighbouring Hedge we by mutual Consent sat down on a Bank partly to observe the Harmony these pretty winged Choristers made and partly to feed our Eyes with the variety of Detectable Objects which seem'd to out-vy each other and strive which should most engage the Beholders Attention Bless me says Philaret let my Fellow-Traveller pass by this Name Who would be buryed alive in a Tavern and soberly fuddle himself to Death with the perpetual sâ—eams of a Wine-Cellar when he may be thus healthily inebriated with the Natural Pleasures of Liberty and an unconfined Life From henceforth I resolve to live Lord of my self accountâ—ble to none But to my Conscience and my God alone Let others who such meannesses can brook Strike Countenance to ev'ry great Mans look I rate my Freedom higher nor will I For Food and Rayment truck my Liberty But if I must to my last shifts be put To fill a Bladder and twelve yards of Gut Rather with counterfeited wooden Legg And my right Arm ty'd up I 'll chuse to beg I 'll rather chuse to starve at large than be The Gaudiest Vassal to dependency For what greater Grief can there be to an ingenuous and free Spirit who sitting at a spurious Table to be placed at the lowest to be carved unto of the worst and first cut as of boil'd Beef Brawn and the like and if the Lady or loose-bodyed Mistress presents unto him the Meat from her Trencher then assuredly it was burnt too much If he â—e carved out of a Pasty of Venison it was some Part that was bruised in the Carriage and began to sâ—ink Yet for all this if he be a Servant he must be obsequious endure any Jeer whisper for his drink and rise at the coming in of the Bason or Ewer And as Oldham says to his Friend as soon as e're the Tarts appear he must hastily retire for Dainties are no more for a Servile then they are for a Spiritual Maw to do the which any Generous an truly Noble Spirit had rather I am perswaded dine with my Lord Mayors Hounds in Finsbuâ—y Fields I think it hard for a Soul that doth not love Liberty ever to raise it self to another World I take it to be the Foundation of all Vertue and the only seasoning that giveth a relish to Life And tho the laziness of a slavish subjection hath its Charms for the more gross and Earthly part of Mankind yet to Men made of a better sort of Clay all that the World caâ— give without Liberty hath no taste It 's true nothing is sold so cheap by unthinking Men but that doth no more lessen the real value of it than a Countrey Fellows Ignorance doth that of a Diamond in selling it for a Pot of Ale Liberty is the Mistriss of Mankind she hath powerful Charms that do so dazle that we find Beauties in her which perhaps are not there as we do in other Mistresses yet if she was not a Beauty the World would not run Mad for her Who then adds he dear Kainophilus would not exchange the Stench and Foggs of London for this open Balmy Air Or the noisie din of Coaches Carrs c. for the delicious Whispers of Zephyrs the charming
there is no Aequator to be found from whence to begin a Latitude Time runs in a direct Line forward It is a rectilinear Series of Moments and allows no Digression He that can discover the least Step toward a Latitude in Time may claim Letters Patents from Nature to serve the whole World with new-fashioned Dials Watches and Clocks and to live by this Sideway of duration till Time be stretched as broad as 't will be long But yet notwithstanding this narrow Minuteness of Time we squander it away at random as if we had an inexhaustible Treasure of Ages to dispose of Such Thoughts as these I remember seasoned our more Insipid Chat and how crude and raw soever our Evenings Conversation had been these Reflections like a desert of Condited Fruits gave a good Farewel and at length closed up our Banquet So Philaret and I after this short view of the Town betook our selves to Bed where I desire you to let us rest an hour or two and then I shall awake in a Humour more diverting than hitherto Phaebus had no sooner cryed Gee hoe unto his Team but Philaret and I were both booted and spur'd for a New Ramble And believe it Reader He is truly a Scholar who is verst in the volum of the Vniverse who does not so much read of Nature as study and contemplate Nature her self After nine hours riding we arriv'd at Marlow twenty miles distant from Ailesbury where was an Inn prefer'd to my acceptance by Philaret's Commendations who knew the Servants Names as well as if he had been their Godfather though the House never own'd his Company but one night The Mony which I had about me I conveyeâ— under my Bed and so to Supper we went Tâ—â—e House was full of Guests which made our â—â—ost limit his person to a quarter of an Hours tarâ—iance with each Company Every Room did 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 him of one another which shews â—â—â—ough no Mans particular Command had interest in his service yet he had least interest in himself His Wife supply'd his absence to all Companies for he could do nothing else but talk to them and her Tongue was heard every where She it is whose Beauty clips the Wings of a Traveller's swift desire and begets the ease of his plodding Breast for her House appears his Journeys end but her Company multiplies the Reackoning above the reach of Arithmetick Philaret had the Discourse at Table which consisted for the most part of the antiquity of his Company he being a Woollen-Draper Sometimes he describ'd the Humors of the Greenwich Usurers who as he exprest it had Hearts of Marble and Entrals of Brass All his own proceedings in Eight years Apprentiship he related to me and how long he fetcht up Coals for the Maid scrapt Trenchers and made clean Shoes But now my Host and his Wife came both up to stay and talk with us Surely he was the very Maidenhead of his Mother begot his Father being asleep or but Practitioner in that Art as appear'd by the Workmaship of his Face and Body so ill favour'd and deform'd was he Her shape proclaimed Nature prodigal of her riches and vain-glorious of her cunning so generally handsom was she yet seem'd to doat upon his Feature 't is wondrous strange but Love is blind which made my Muse though dull'd with a gross Supper sing thus Let â—one hereafter dare to blame The Gods for making Cupid blind Lest his offence be plagu'd with shame And all Mens hate besiege his mind For by this Couple we do plainly prove That without blindness there could be no Love Our Hostess fell fast asleep as she sat by the fire side her Husband wak'd her with saying She was always sleeping or talking This stir'd up a strange frivolous question Why a Woman is more drowsie and talkative than a Man I made answer thus Because she was made of Adam's Flesh when he was asleep secondly she was made of his Rib the Rib lies near to the Heart the Heart is Master of Thoughts and Thoughts beget Words This lik'd our Land-Lord so well that he desir'd to be farther acquainted with me But it now growing late Philaret and I went to Bed Morpheus destroy these vigilant Carriers these unquiet disturbers of Rest that bawling like Demy Cannons rent the Porches of my Ears Were my Eyelids cut off I could not be wider awake than I am now though it be just three a Clock the time when Spirits Ghosts and Faires visit Tombs and Church-yards whose unsubstantial Shapes steal away our Motion scare our Reason from us Yet durst I go round the World unarm'd with Beads or blest with a Crucifix wear my Soul within my Scabbard my Life ty'd to my Heel as careless of success with such an angry Valour was I inspir'd at that time because depriv'd of Sleep But by and by the modest Morn blusht in the East and the Sun to recompence those Tears shed by weeping Plants shew'd forth his Head gilding the Tops of lofty Trees plac'd there by unequal Nature to intercept that Comfort which Shrubs lose by their low humility The elevated Lark leaves his dewy Bed to welcome him and drops down tir'd by striving to climb higher than his Voyce I bid farewell to sleep ' and call'd up the Chamberlain who brought me word Philaret being very sick desir'd my Company To his Chamber I went found him groaning in the Bed encompast with Tokens of his Wives careful Love three Night-Caps two Waste-coats a large Tiffany to keep his Neck warm two pair of Italian-Drawers and a little Down-Cusheon which being thrust into his Codpiss makes his Br forsooth unsensible of a hard Saddle or a trotting Horse His Sighs kindled great pity both in my self and the Hostess whose Experience was his Physitian and brought him a Posset clear'd with the juice of sundry Herbs But Art now proves a Bungler All her Culinary Medicines cou'd not tune Nature into Harmony agen or make Philaret fit for another Ramble For alas No sooner had he swallowed the Posset but he falls into a deep Trance Upon this my Hostess and I who sate by his Bed-side like the very pictures of Sorrow thinking his Soul had taken an irrecoverable step into the other World fall to work strip him naked and laid him out in a Winding-sheet as a suitable banquet to entertain the expecting Worms But just as we were putting the black Cloth of Death over his Eyes we perceived him breath upon which we fell to chaffing and â—ubbing his Head and Feet till we had reduc'd his wandring Senses to their former office and vigor Having thus drag'd back his rambling Soul that had been all this while clambring up the Coelestial Battlements for a glimps of the promised Land Don-Iohn-Kainophilus who was almost ready to burst with joy to see so dear a part of himself risen from the dead being curious to know what strange Sights he had seen in his Trance he gave me the following account as