all their hopes are lost though for my part I conceaue that all that Losse is Gaine But let them as I haue sayd represent themselues as in the presence of Christ our Lord and without wearying of the Vnderstanding be speaking and regaling themselues with him and not tire their witts to finde out and frame certaine Discourses but let them only present their necessities and the reason which he may haue not so much as to endure them there Some one of these considerations will serue at one time and some other at an other that so the Soule may not be wearie of feeding alwaies vpon one dish These particulars are both very gustfull and very profitable also if once the Partie be accustomed to feed on them for they vse to bring great support and strength for the life of the Soule manie aduātages also otherwise I will declare my selfe further vpon this matter because all these points concerning Prayer carrie their difficulties along with them and vnlesse there be a good Directour at hand they are very hard to be vnderstood And this is the verie cause why though I would faine make short and that iustly because it would suffice for me but euen to touch them by reason of the great capacitie of him who commanded me to write these particulars of Prayer yet my dulnes is not able to declare explicate in few words a thing which it so much imports to be well vnderstood And because I suffered so very much by vsing only Bookes when I beganne the exercise of Prayer I haue compassion of all them who doe so too for it is no lesse then strange to see how farr otherwise Bookes are wont to be vnderstood then men see they ought to haue been when once they come to haue had experience of these things But now to returne to what I was saying let vs put our selues to consider some passage of the Passion of our Blessed Lord and for example let it be that when he was tyed to the Pillar And heer let the Vnderstanding search-out the cause of those great dolours and afflictions which his Diuine Maiestie felt in that Solitude of his as also vpon manie other things which if the Vnderstanding be good at working or els if he haue Learning he may easily be able to fetch from thence And this is a manner of Prayer wherein all Creatures may both beginne and proceed and make an end and it will be a very excellent and secure way till our Lord may perhaps carrie them on to other things which are supernaturall I say for all though yet there be manie Soules which profit more by other Meditations then by that of the Sacred Passion For as there are manie Mansions in Heauen when a Soule is there so are there also manie wayes thither Some profit more by considering Heauen and some afflict themselues best by thinking of Hell others by reflecting vpon Death and some if they be very tender-harted are too much troubled and vexed if they alwaies goe ruminating vpon the Passion and they regale themselues better yea and they also profit more by considering the Power and Greatnes of Almightie God in his Workes and the Loue he beares vs which they finde to be represented to them in all his Creatures And this is an admirable way of proceeding though yet still we must neither forget nor forbeare to consider the Life and Passion of our Blessed Lord very often that in fine being the verie thing from which all our good both euer did and euer can ariue to vs. He who is a Beginner had need be carefull to consider very well what that is whereby he profits most and to this purpose he will haue great need of a Directour if he can meet with an experienced man for if he be not so in good measure he may chance err by carrying a Soule on without either vnderstanding her himself or els giuing her to be vnderstood by the Partie For as the Partie cannot but know of how great merit it is for him to subiect himself to a Directour so he will not presume to depart from that which the other shall direct I haue mett with certaine Soules which haue been afflicted and deiected and streightned because he who had the instructing them wanted experience and I was hartily sorrie for them And some also I haue seen who knew not what to doe with themselues for they not vnderstanding matter of Spirit afflicted themselues both in Bodie and Soule and the while were sure enough not to benefit others One of them told me once of a Directour of hers who would not suffer her in eight yeares togeather to passe on out of the consideration of the knowledge of her self and yet our Lord had her then in the condition and degree of Quiet Prayer but so she was in trouble enough And though it be very true that this point of the knovvledge of ones self is neuer indeed to be vtterly giuen ouer nor is anie Soule in the way of Prayer to thinke she hath so much of the Gyant in her as not to vnderstand that manie times she must turne Child and suck againe and this must neuer be forgotten and perhaps I shall also speake often of it againe in regard that it imports so much because there is no State of Prayer so high wherein it will not be necessarie to turne-againe often to the beginning And this point of the knowledge of our selues and of our Sinnes is the daily bread which must be eaten with all the meate how delicate soeuer it may be of such as are in this way of Prayer yea and without this verie bread they will neuer be able to support and strengthen themselues yet must euen this be taken by weight and measure For when once a Soule findes her self layd very flatt and low and sees clearly that she hath no good thing of her owne and findes her self to be full of confusion and shame so much as to appeare in the presence of so great a King and the little which she is able to pay him for the very much which she findes her self to owe him what necessitie is there to spend so very much time vpon this without applying our selues to such other things as our Lord may perhaps set before vs and which it will not be reason for vs to leaue since his Diuine Maiestie knowes better then we vpon what it is conuenient for vs to feed So that it imports vs very much that the Directour be well aduised I meane also that he be of good vnderstanding and experience and if with this he be also learned it will be of mightie importance But yet still when all these three parts shall not chance to meet togeather in the same man the two former qualities of these three will fall out to import more then the third because they may easily procure to consult with such as are learned whensoeuer they shall haue need thereof
improue so much the more as also because by this time she is growne to approach neerer to that vertue and power from whence all vertues proceed which is Almightie God because his Diuine Maiestie doth not only then communicate himself to that Soule but he is also pleased that she should find in what sort it is that he communicates himself to her In ariuing once to this place she instantly beginnes to loose the appetite of all things concerning this world and I cannot blame her for already she sees very clearly that one moment of that gust is not to be purchased heer and that no riches nor dominions nor all the honours nor delights of this world are able to giue such contentment and satisfaction as this though it were but for the twinkling of an eye because this is true contentment and such an one as we really see and find to content vs indeed For as for those others of this world it may well goe for a wonder if we can so much as tell euen wherein the contentment of anie thing doth consist Nor doth there euer faile to be a kind of measuring cast between the Yea and the No in anie of them but heer all is in the Affirmatiue and professes to say Yea as long as it lasts and the No comes not in till afterward because then they see that the busines is growne to be at an end and that he cannot recouer it againe nor knowes indeed how to goe about it For though he should euen halfe kill himselfe with doing Pennance and making much Prayer and vse in fine all other possible diligences yet will it all serue to very little purpose vnlesse our Lord vouchsafe to impart it But Almightie God is pleased heer for his owne greatnes that this Soule should now vnderstand that his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafes to be so neer her that now there is no need of sending anie messengers to her but only that she her self may speake with him though yet not by word of mouth because then he is already so neer her that he vnderstands her as a man may say euen by the verie least stirring of her lipps But now it may chance seem to some to be impertinent for me to talke after this manner in regard the world knowes well enough that our Lord doth euer heare vs is euer present with vs and there can be no doubt at all but that this is true But yet heer this Emperour and Lord of ours is pleased that we should also vnderstand that he vnderstands vs and what his presence is able to doe what he will particularly beginne to worke in our Soules and the great both interiour and exteriour satisfaction which he imparts and the mighty difference which as I haue sayd there is between this kind of delight and gust and all the other of this world For this seemes euen to fill all those hollow and voyd places which our Sinnes had made in our Soules And this so great satisfaction is in the very most intimate part thereof and she knowes not how nor by what meanes also it comes nay manie times she cannot tell euen what to doe nor what to aske no nor what to wish For the Soule seemes there to find all good things togeather and she doth not very well know euen what she hath found nor yet can I tell how to giue it to be vnderstood For there would heer be need of Learning for manie purposes and heer would it come very well in to giue to vnderstand the difference betwixt Generall and Particular Helps or Succours of Grace whereof manie are ignorant And our Lord in this Prayer is pleased that our Soule should see this particular Succour as it were with her verie eyes and manie other things also which may perhaps be ill declared heer by me but since vnderstanding persons are to see what I write and who will know if it haue anie errour in it wherein I may easily be found faultie enough through want both of Learning Spirit I am in the lesse paine and care considering that this goes into the hands of such as will both vnderstand it will blott also anie such thing out as may haue been ill sayd Yet I would faine giue this to be vnderstood because these are the beginnings and when our Lord disposes himselfe first to doe these Fauours the Soule herself doth not vnderstand them nor doth she know what to doe with her self For if Almightie God conduct and guide her by the way of feare as he did me the trouble is very great vnlesse there be some at hand who can vnderstand her But then it is a great gust for her to see her self well described by them for then she euidently findes her self to be in that way and it is also of great benefit to know what one hath to doe in anie of these States or Degrees that so they may goe profiting on For my part I endured much and lost a great deale of time because I did not know how to carry my selfe And therefore I haue very great compassion of those Soules which find themselues alone when they are come thus farre for though I haue read manie Spirituall Bookes and though they touch vpon that which is to the purpose yet fall they very short in declaring themselues and vnlesse the Soule be very well exercised in Prayer she shall haue enough to doe to vnderstand them though they seeke to expresse themselues at large I could very much desire that our Lord would doe me the fauour that I might know how to set downe the effects which these things that grow already to be Supernaturall vse to worke in the Soule to the end that it might be vnderstood by them when it is the Spirit of God I say that it might be vnderstood according to what we can thinke we vnderstand in this world though it will alwaies be very well done to goe on with circumspection and feare For though it be indeed of God yet the Diuel can tell how to transforme himselfe sometimes into an Angel of Light and if a Soule be not well exercised in Prayer she will not vnderstand it well and indeed to be exercised well enough to vnderstand this point as it deserues the Soule must be ariued to the highest Degree of Prayer The little time I haue will allow mee no great help for what I am designeing and therefore his Diuine Maiestie had need to doe it himself for I must be stirring vp and downe in the Communitie haue manie other businesses to doe since I am at this present in a House which is but beginning now as I shall shew afterward and therefore I am writing this without anie such rest and quiet kind of being as were conuenient so that I must doe it by little and little and by fitts But I could wish I were now at more leasure for when our Lord giues a spirit to doe a thing it is easily and much
heer of what it might import if such persons were to preach or teach others for then it would be fitt to serue themselues of that aduantage towards the assisting of their neighbours to that good and to help also poore people who know very little like me For Charitie is a very great matter and so is this helping soules forward so that alwaies it be done purely for God But now in these times of possessing this great Quiet let the Soule be suffered to remaine in rest with her true repose and let Learning be layd aside for time will come afterward when it will fall-out to be held in so high account that they would by no meanes haue missed that treasure of knowledge if it were but only for the power it giues them to doe more and better seruice to his Diuine Maiestie for it assists very much in order to that excellent end But yet belieue me still that in the presence of that Infinit Wisdome a very little attention to exercise Humilitie one single act of that vertue is more worth then all the knowledge of the whole world For heer there is no roome for disputing of Questions or arguing Cases but only to know with truth and plainenes what we are to represent our selues with great simplicitie in the sight of Almightie God who desires that the Soule should make her self as very ignorant and sillie as in verie deed she is when once she comes to appeare in his presence since his Diuine Maiestie descends so much below himself as to endure her neer his owne person all we being that which we are The Vnderstanding will also moue it self heer to giue certaine thankes to Almightie God which may be handsomely ordered and composed but the Will with a certaine kinde of Quiet and peace and with a not daring like the Publican of the Gospell so much as lift-vp her eyes payes yet more retribution of thankes then the Vnderstanding perhaps knowes how to doe with reuoluing all the Rhetorick in the world But in fine we are not totally in this case to forbeare to make Mentall Prayer no nor yet sometimes to vse some Vocall Words if we will and can And I say can because if the Quiet be great and deep they will hardly enough be able to speake without making it cost them much paine In my opinion we may well vnderstand when this is of the Spirit of Almightie God and when it happens to be procured by our selues though it be vpon a beginning of that deuotion which God giues vs. For when as I haue sayd wee will needs resolue our selues of our selues to procure to passe on to this possessing the Quiet of the Will it vses to worke no good effect at all but quickly ends and leaues nothing but drynes behind it And if it chance to proceed from the Diuel a Soule which is exercised in this kind will I belieue grow easily to vnderstand it for in that case it will leaue a certaine kind of disquiet and little affection to Humilitie and an vntoward disposition in order to the producing of those effects which the Spirit of Almightie God is wont to breed nor doth it also leaue either light in the Vnderstanding or a constant loue of truth in the Will And this will doe a Soule either very little hurt or none at all if she direct and addresse the suauitie and delight which then she feeles to the glorie of Almightie God and if she lodge her thoughts and desires vpon him as I haue formerly aduised the Diuel will gaine little by the bargaine Nay rather Almightie God will so dispose of things that he shall loose much euen by that verie delight which he causes in her Soule for this verie delight shall be a meanes to make that Soule which conceaues that it proceeds from God to come againe often to Prayer with desire to receaue more delight Or els if the Soule be very humble and not withall very curious nor very much interessed in taking delights though euen they be spirituall but be indeed a true friend to the Crosse she will make very little account of anie gust which the Diuel can giue her which yet she shall neuer be able to doe if indeed it be the Spirit of God for in that case she will euer be sure to hold it in verie high account Now when the Diuel propounds such a busines since he is all made of Lyes whensoeuer he sees a Soule abase and humble her self by meanes of that delight and gust which she receaues for indeed we are to haue very great care to procure to proue very humble vpon all the occasions of Prayer and gusts the Diuel will not returne to tempt vs very often when he cōsiders how much he looses by the endeauour For this reason and vpon manie other considerations did I aduertise in the First Degree and State of Prayer which answers to the First way of drawing Water in the Garden that it is a principall busines when the Soule is entring first vpon Prayer to beginne to vntye her self from the desyre of all kinde of sensible contentment and to enter vpon this onlie resolution to help our Lord IESVS to carrie his Crosse like good Caualliers who are resolued to serue their King without wages since they are so sure of him as they are And we are also still to carrie our eyes vpon that true and euerlasting Kingdome which we procure to acquire It is a very great point to haue this euer in view and especially in the beginnings for afterwards it is seen so very clearly that it may rather be fitt to forget it to the end that we may be able euen to liue then procure to be remembring that the world is to last very little and that all in fine is nothing and that heer the ease and rest which we can haue is to be esteemed for nothing This may seem to be a very poore and base consideration and so indeed it is for they who haue proceeded to more perfection would take it for an affront and would euen blush and be ashamed amongst thēselues if they thought they forsooke the goods of this world because they must come once to haue an end For although those goods were to last alwaies they would yet reioyce to leaue them for the loue of our Lord and still the more perfect they were they would reioyce so much the more yea the more also would they reioyce the longer they belieued they were to last In these men this Loue is already growne-vp to strength and it is this which workes most but for such as are but Beginners it is a point of highest importance and they must by no meanes hold it for low to be content to leaue all gusts for God For the benefits which are gained by this cōsideration are great and therefore doe I aduise it so much Nay euen those others who are most eleuated and accomplished in Prayer will haue
need also of such considerations as these And there are times when Almightie God will try them nay it will seem as if this Diuine Maiestie would forsake them For as I haue sayd already and I would faine not haue it be forgotten the Soule in this life which we liue encreases not as the Bodie doth though yet we say it doe and really it doth encrease but yet a Child after he is growne and become tall and proues to be already a man returnes not to decrease againe and to haue a little bodie Yet now in the point of a Soule our Lord will haue it be otherwise by what I haue seen of my self for I know it not in respect of others and it ought to humble vs for our owne greater good and to the end also that we may not be negligent as long as we shall be in this bannishment since he who is highest in vertue shall doe well to feare himself most and to trust himself least The times perhaps may come when euen they who haue their Will so conforme to the Holie Will of Almightie God that they would rather be tormented and endure a thousand deaths then swarue from it shall doe well to be in doubt that euen they may grow to fall into some great offence of his Diuine Maiestie And so there are certaine times when they shall see themselues so assaulted by temptations and persecutions that to the end they may not commit grosse sinnes they will haue need to serue themselues of the First Defensiue weapons of Prayer and returne to remember and consider that all the world is finally to end and that there is a Heauen and a Hell and to vse such considerations as these But now returning to what I was saying a great foundation it is for being freed from the subtle enterprises and gusts which the Diuel is wont to giue to beginne with a firme purpose at the verie first to walke in the way of the Crosse and to desire no such thing as gusts since our Lord himself shewed this way of perfection by saying Take thou vp thy Crosse and follovv me For he is to be our Patterne and whosoeuer shall follow his counsels and that for no other reason then to content him may be sure that he shall haue nothing to feare And by the spirituall profit which they shall finde in themselues they will easily come to know that the Diuel had no hand therein and though they should euen returne to fall againe there will yet remaine one signe that our Lord had been there which is That they will quickly rise againe besides these others which I shall now declare When it is the Spirit of Almightie God there will be no need at all to goe in Quest and Sent after certaine reasons to draw humilitie and confusion from thence For our Blessed Lord himself is wont to impart it in those cases after a very different manner from that which our selues can procure by anie prettie little considerations of our owne all which are nothing in comparison of a certaine true Humilitie that comes along with a light which our Lord instructs vs in heer and which breeds such a reall confusion in vs as euen doth ētirely defeat vs. And the knowledge which Almightie God is wont to giue vs to the end that we may perfectly vnderstand that we haue no good at all of our selues is a thing very sufficiently perceaued and still so much the more as we receaue the higher Fauours from his hands It also imparts to a man a very great desire to proceed in Prayer and he will not giue it ouer for anie trouble which may possibly succeed to him He offers himself and is readie to endure all things He hath also a kind of assured hope that he shall be saued though yet still not without humilitie and feare By this time he also instantly forsakes all kind of seruile feare of his Soule and it giues a great deale of growth to a Filiall feare in stead thereof He sees that now he beginns to beare a certaine loue towards Almightie God which is farre from anie interest of his owne he couets to get times for Solitude that so he may haue the better oportunitie to enioy that good In fine that I may not wearie my self too much this is a direct beginning of all good things a State wherein the Flowers are now vpon the verie point to blossome And all this the Soule sees very clearly and can by no meanes at that time conceaue but that God was and will be with her till such time as she shall returne to find her self guiltie of faylings and imperfections towards him for in that case she feares all things and it is fitt that she doe so Though yet there are Soules in the world to which it proues more vsefull to beleiue for a most certaine truth that they are well with Almightie God then all the feares of the world are able to giue them For if the Soule in her self be apt to be enamoured and gratefull the memorie of that great Fauour which God did her will be of more power to make her returne to his Diuine Maiestie then all the torments of Hell which they can possibly be euer able to represent At least as wicked as I am it hapned after this manner to me Now as for the signes of a good Spirit I will speake of them heerafter more at large for now I cannot doe it since it costs me so much trouble of manie kindes to get them written our faire and I belieue that with the fauour of our Lord I may be able to hitt right in this kinde for besides the experience which I haue whereby I came to vnderstand manie things I know somewhat by meanes of some learned men who indeed are very learned and of some person 's also who are very holie to whome it is great reason to giue beleif And therefore let not other Soules be so very much afflicted and vexed as I haue been when once through the goodnes of Almightie God they shall be come on so farre as to find themselues in this State THE SIXTEENTH CHAPTER She treats of the Third Degree of Prayer and goes declaring some very high points and vvhat a Soule vvhich ariues thus farre may be able to doe and vvhat effects these so great Fauours of our Lord are accustomed to vvorke The sense heerof is very fitt to raise the Spirit high in the praises of Almightie God and it is also of great consolation for the Soule vvhich ariues to this State LEt vs now come to speake of the Third Water wherewith this Garden is watered for this is a running Water of a Riuer or Spring and it waters it with much lesse labour though yet the distribution thereof causes some Our Lord will heer so help the Gardner that in some sort he will be as it were the Gardner himself and in effect the Doer of all This is
And now it seemes to me that our Lord hath declared these States of Prayer wherein the Soule may discerne her self as farre as she can be giuen to be vnderstood heer And your Reuerence shall doe well to conferr about it with some such Spirituall person who may be learned as shall haue ariued thus farre And if he tell you that all is well you may conceaue that God hath sayd it to you and esteem it as a great benefit from his Diuine Maiestie for you will in tract of time reioyce as I haue sayd very much to vnderstand in cleare manner what it is though now whilst you haue the grace to enioy it he allowes you not the Fauour to vnderstand it so But as his Diuine Maiestie hath giuen you the first part which is the enioying so you will afterward perhaps by your knowledge and learning come also to vnderstand it by this meanes Let him be adored and praised for the eternitie of all eternities Amen THE EIGHTEENTH CHAPTER She treats of the Fourth Degree of Prayer She beginnes heer to declare in excellent manner the great dignitie to vvhich our Lord aduances that Soule vvhich is exalted to this State It serues to animate men much to endeauour that they may ariue to so high a condition since it may be obtained in this vvorld through the goodnes of our Lord though it cannot be deserued Let this be read vvith consideration and care I Beseech our Lord that he will teach me how to vse some words and way of speech which may enable me to say somewhat of this Fourth Water for I well discerne that I haue need enough of his Fauour heerin euen yet more then I had in that of the last because in that the Soule doth find her selfe not to be wholy dead and so we may very well say that she is not dead because she remaines still in the world but still as I affirmed she hath sufficient vnderstanding to know that she is still heer and that she findes the Solitude wherein she is serues her self to some proportion of the exteriour at least so farre as by outward signes to giue that which she feeles to be vnderstood In all that kind of Prayer and in the manner also of it which hath been described the Gardner labours to some proportion though yet in the Prayer of these latter kindes his labour goes accompanied with so much ioy and such a happie kind of ease as that for his part he findes no trouble at all in it for he considers it not as Trouble but as Glorie and he would be glad that it might neuer end But in this Fourth Degree or kind of Prayer there is no suffering left at all but only enioying though yet without anie distinct particular vnderstanding of what is enioyed He knowes well enough that a certaine Good is enioyed wherein all good things are contained and shut-vp but yet this Good is not totally comprehended by him All the Senses are taken vp vpon the finding and feeling of this ioy in such sort as no one of them is so dis-employed as that it can possibly attend to anie thing els either in the exteriour or interiour way Before a certaine leaue or libertie was giuen to these Powers that they might be able to make some kind of demonstration of the great ioy they felt but heer the Soule enioyes much more beyond comparison and can giue her self also to be vnderstood much lesse Because there is no meanes left in the Bodie nor yet hath the Soule anie at all wherewith to communicate that ioy but all things would then be disturbance and euen torment to her yea and distraction from the entirenes of her sweet repose I say the Soule is no way able to communicate the ioy she hath if indeed there be an absolute and entire Vnion of all the three Powers togeather for as long as that Vnion lasts and that also if she be able to communicate it I say there is no absolute Vnion In what manner this thing happens which they call Vnion and what the thing also is I am not able to giue to be vnderstood It is declared in that which they call Mysticall Theologie but as for me I am not able so much as to name euen the tearmes Nor doe I know what that is which is called Minde nor the difference between Minde and Soule nor what also is Spirit for to me all these seuerall things seem to be but one though yet the Soule now and then spring-vp euen out of her self as if it were a kind of fire which is burning vp in a flame and sometimes this fire encreases with a kind of impetuositie Now this flame rises very much higher then doth the fire but yet still notwithstanding all that it is no distinct thing from the verie fire but it is the flame it self which still is in the fire Your Reuerence will vnderstand this matter by your learning but as for me I know not how to declare it better For my part the thing which I pretend to declare is what the Soule finds and feeles when it is in this Diuine Vnion for as for the knowing what an Vnion in generall is it is euerie where vnderstood well enough to be when two seuerall things become one O my deare Lord and how good art thou Blessed be thou for euer and let all things praise thee O my God who hast been pleased to loue vs in such sort as that we may be able to speake with truth of this kind of communication which thou vouchsafest to hold with Soules euen in this bannishment of ours which although they were neuer so holie and good yet this latitude of liberalitie and magnificence of thine were great in proceeding with them after this manner But in fine it is all thine owne Maiestie and Greatnes who giuest after the rate of what thou art O infinit latitude of Bountie and how magnificent are thy workes They are able euen to amaze anie such person as hath not his Vnderstanding wholy employed vpon the things of this world and who hath left himself no roome both for the knowing and considering such things as are reall truths But now that thou shouldst be pleased to fasten such Soueraine Fauours vpon Soules which haue offended thee so much doth really euen make an end of my verie Vnderstanding and when once I come to consider of this proceeding of thine I am euen vnable to passe on anie further But indeed how can anie Creature goe anie whither in this case which shall not be a meer comeing back againe since no Soule can euer know how to giue thee anie tolerable thankes for so incomparable Fauours As for me I help my self sometimes with speaking certaine impertinencies which haue neither head nor foot and it often happens to me both when I come from receauing these Fauours and when also our Lord is beginning to impart them for as for the verie time when I am enioying them I
Benedictions and he will addresse your life by your Meditation vpon his for he is the best Originall and Patterne which we can possibly haue And indeed what can we desire more then to haue so perfect a Freind at hand who will neuer giue vs ouer in our afflictions and tribalations as they of this world are wont to doe Most Blessed is that man who loues him with all sinceritie of truth and who is alwaies carrying him close to himself Let vs looke vpon the Glorious S. Paul who seemes as if he could not suffer that euer the name of Iesus should be able to fall often enough from his mouth as one who did not faile to carrie it well imprinted vpon his hart And since I vnderstood of that other abstracted course whereof I spoke I haue reflected vpon diuerse great Contemplatiue Saints with much care and I find that they went no other way then this S. Francis she wes it plainly by the Wounds S. Anthonie of Padua by the Infant S. Bernard delighted himself much in the Humanitie of our Blessed Lord and so also did S. Katherine of Sienna togeather with manie other Saints as your Reuerence knowes better then I. This departing and abstracting ones self from all Corporeall Obiects should as it seemes be good since persons who are so Spirituall affirme it but yet in my opinion this must be vnderstood of Soules who are very Proficient in Spirit for till then it is euident enough that the Creatour is to be sought by meanes of the Creatures But yet I will vndertake nothing in this case since all depends vpon the Fauour which our Lord is pleased to shew to anie Soule That which I would faine giue to be vnderstood is that the most Sacred Humanitie of Christ our Lord must not be made to come into that account and let this point be well vnderstood wherein I would faine know how to declare my self When God is pleased to suspend all the Powers of the Soule in those kindes of Prayer which are related we haue seen plainly that this Presence of Christ our Lord is taken from vs whether we will or no and let it then be gone in a good hower for that kind of losse is a happie one whereby we come to enioy more of that which we conceiue our selues to haue lost for then the Soule employes her self wholy vpon louing him whome the Vnderstanding hath already endeauoured to know and she loues that which she did not fully comprehend and now ioyes in that wherein she could not also haue ioyed but only by loosing her self for her greater gaine But now that we should by tricks and of sett-purpose accustome our selues not to procure with our whole power to carrie alwaies in our eyes and I would to God it were alwaies this most Sacred Humanitie of Christ our Lord this I say is that which I like not since it is a way of making the Soule walke in the Ayre as we vse to say For it seemes that she hath no firme and stable resting-place howsoeuer she may make her self beleiue that she is full of God It is a great matter whilst we liue and are humane to procure to bring God to our selues Humane for this is that other inconuenience which I say there is for the first I beganne to say was a little want of humilitie in presuming to raise the Soule before our Lord raised her and not to content her self with meditating vpon a thing so pretious but that she will needs be a Marie before she haue taken the paines of Martha If our Lord himself be pleased that we be Marie there will be nothing to be feared though it should be vpon the verie first day of our doing him Seruice But yet let vs consider well of the matter as I thinke I was saying before for this small moate of little humilitie will make a shift to doe a great deale of hurt against profiting in the way of Contemplation But to returne now to the Second point We are no Angells but we haue Bodies and to desire to make our selues Angells whilst yet we are vpon earth and especially if they be so earthlie as I was is a kinde of follie or madnes But our thoughts in the ordinarie way haue need of a kind of leaning or resting-place though yet sometimes the Soule may goe so out of her self yea and manie times may be so full of Almightie God that perhaps she hath no neęd to recollect her self by meanes of anie thing created But this is not a thing so ordinarie and in businesses and persecutions and troubles when she cannot enioy so much Quiet and in the times also of Drynesse and dulnesse Christ our Lord is wont to be a very good freind For we consider him as man and we behold him full of weaknesses and afflictions and he is companie fitt for all good occasions and when once we are a little accustomed we shall finde him very easily kept close to vs though yet some such times will occurr as that we shall not be able to doe neither the one nor the other Vpon this reason it will be well to doe that whereof I haue spoken already namely not to pretend and procure any sensible consolation of Spirit but let anie thing ariue that will for it is no toy or trifle to embrace the Crosse of our Lord. This Lord of ours was forsaken by all manner of comfort and they left him all alone in his afflictions but yet let not vs doe so For he will reach vs his hand which can raise vs better vp then all our owne diligences would haue been able to doe and yet he will absent himself also when he shall thinke fitt and when he shall thinke it fitt he will also draw the Soule out of it self as I haue sayd before Our Lord is very well pleased to see a Soule with Humilitie introduce his Sonne for her Intercessour and he loues her so very much that euen when his Diuine Maiestie shall haue an inclination to raise her-vp to great Contemplation the same Soule may yet hold her self vnworthie and cry out with S. Peter Depart from me O my Lord for I am a sinnefull man I haue tryed this verie thing by experience and thus hath God conducted my Soule Let others therefore goe by some other short cutt as they please but that which I haue been able to vnderstand is that all this Ciment of Prayer is grounded vpon Humilitie and that the more the Soule is abased in that holie exercise the more is it exalted by Almightie God Nor doe I remember that euer he shewed me anie of those singular Mercies of which I shall speake afterward but when I found my Soule euen as it were annihilated with obseruing my self to be so very wicked Yea and sometimes his Diuine Maiestie tooke care to giue me to vnderstand certaine things towards the making me know my self so much the better which I could neuer haue told how to
which howsoeuer I vnderstood them not my self did yet fall out so fitly for him that he was euen amazed And our Lord disposed him to beleiue that they came from his Diuine Maiestie and I on the other side though I be that poore miserable Creature which I am did humbly and earnestly beseech our Lord that he would perfectly and entirely conuert that man to himself and make him abhorre all the contentments and Creatures of this life And so for which let him be Blessed for euer he hath been pleased to doe it and that in so very perfect a manner that whensoeuer this Seruant of his is speaking to me it makes me in effect turne half foole and if I had not seen it with my verie eyes I should hold it for a doubtfull thing how Fauours could possibly be heaped-vp so very high vpon a Creature in so short a time and should hold him so busily and continually employed vpon Almightie God that already he seemes not to liue for the vse of anie thing of this world I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie to keep him in his protection still for certainly if he proceed after this rate as I hope in our Lord he will his Spirit being so deeply rooted in the knowledge of himself he will grow to be of the most eminent Seruants he hath and will be able to doe good to manie Soules For he hath gotten great experience concerning things of Spirit in a very short time and these are guifts which Almightie God imparts when and how he will without anie precise respect either to the time which hath been spent or els to the qualitie of the Seruice I say not yet but that this may also import much but that our Lord forbeares sometimes to giue that to a person in twentie yeares of Contemplation which yet he forbeares not to bestow vpon some other in one Our Lord knowes the reason of this And it is also a deceiptfull errour which abuses vs when it seemes we may vnderstand and obtaine that by account of yeates which can by no meanes be had without experience of the verie things as they are And so manie err as I haue sayd in thinking that they are fitt to iudge of Spirits without hauing anie themselues I say not but that a learned man though he haue no great knowledge of Spirit may gouerne another man who hath Spirit But this is to be vnderstood both in the exteriour and in the interiour way so farre as it may carrie a conformitie with the Naturall Powers by the worke of his Vnderstanding and as for those things which are Supernaturall he must be carefull that all goe on with consent to Holie Scripture And for the rest let him not vex himself nor conceaue that he vnderstands that whereof indeed he knowes nothing nor stifle and choake those Spirits which forasmuch as concernes these things are gouerned by another and a higher Lord for in fine they are not without a Superiour of their owne Be not amazed at this nor let these things seem impossible to you for all is very possible to our Lord but procure you to re-inforce your Faith and to humble your self when you see that our Blessed Lord knowes how to make a poore old ignorant woeman become a more knowing Creature perhaps in this Science then he who may be otherwise a very learned man For by meanes of this Humilitie one shall be able to doe more good both to the Soules of others and his owne then if he grow to be Contemplatiue without that Vertue And I say and say againe that if he be not a man of experience or if at least he haue not very abundantly of Humilitie wherewith to vnderstand that he vnderstands not the busines and that yet it is not impossible but that the thing in question may be true he shall both gaine little himself and enable him also lesse to gaine with whome he deales But on the other side if he haue Humilitie he may be well out of feare that our Lord will euer permit that either the one or the other shall be deceaued But now concerning this Father of whome I speake as our Lord hath giuen him experience in manie things so hath he also endeauoured to acquire all that which may be gotten by studie in this kind And whēsoeuer his owne experience falls short he informes himself by their meanes who haue more And heer our Lord comes to assist him by giuing him a great proportion of Faith and by this meanes he hath done very much good both to his owne Soule and those also of others and mine is one of them For our B. Lord considering the manie afflictions which I was to endure it seemes would prouide that sice some of them would be brought vpon me by such as were to gouerne my Soule there yet might be others found who would helpe me to goe through with those troubles and assist me much But as for this Religious man of whome I haue spoken so much our Lord hath so entirely changed him that vpon the matter he is no longer to be knowne for the man he was He hath now also giuen him much corporall strēgth whereby he is now enabled to doe Pennance which was impossible for him before for he was euer sicklie And he is also full of courage towards the performing of anie thing which is good and besides he hath varietie of other excellent things which make it well appeare that his Vocation came most particularly from our Lord And let him be Blessed for euer For my part I beleiue that all this good is come to him by the Fauours which our Lord hath done him in Prayer for they are not painted things or put loosely on but our Lord hath been pleased to haue him brought to the Touch and he hath proued therein as one who vnderstands very well the true value of that merit which is gotten by the well suffering of persecutions And I trust in the greatnes of our Lord that much good will accrue to some of his Order by his meanes yea and euen to the whole Order it self Already this beginnes to be vnderstood and my self haue seen great Visions and our Lord hath told me some particulars both of him and of the Rectour of the Colledge of the Societie of IESVS of whome I spake and they are things of great admiration as also of two other Religious men of S. Dominick's Order but especially of one for whose proceeding and profit in the way of Spirit our Lord hath already manifested some things to the world by reall proofe I had also heard formerly of him but they are manie instances which concerne the person of whome I spake before and one of them I will heer recount I was once with him in a Locutorie or Speaking-place of a Monasterie and so very great was the loue of Almightie God which my Soule and Spirit vnderstood to be euen burning in his that I was euen as it were
times to vnderstand things but iust so as we haue a minde to vnderstand them our selues and euen they are wrested much from the true sense And so we also doe in things of this world and we will needs make our selues beleiue that we must tax euen our owne profit in Spirit according to the measure of the time wherein we haue had anie exercise of Prayer Nay it seemes that we haue had a minde to put a tax and limit vpon him who by no meanes will be subiect to anie when there is question of imparting his Fauours which he is wont to dispose when he will and who can impart more benedictions to one in six moneths then to another in a great multitude of yeares And this is a most certaine truth which I haue seen so expresly verifyed euen with my verie eyes vpon the instance of manie persons that I wonder how we can so much as detaine our selues in the least doubt thereof But I am very apt to beleiue that a man who hath anie talent in trying and knowing Spirits and to whome our Blessed Lord shall haue giuen true Humilitie will not be able to fall and continue in this errour For such a man will iudge of things by the effects and by the strong purposes and firme resolutions and loue of the party who is chiefly concerned And besides our Lord is wont to giue such a person light whereby he may be able to vnderstand it and by that verie light he also discernes the profiting and proceeding forward of Soules and not by the number of yeares wherein they haue attended to these things Because some one Soule may as I sayd before haue obtained that in six moneths which another shall not haue been able to get in twentie yeares For as I sayd also before our Lord bestowes those things to whome he will and commonly he doth it to such as dispose themselues best to receiue them And in proofe heerof I see that there come now to this House of ours certaine Gentlewoemen and Ladies who are very young and yet when our Blessed Lord vouchsafes once to touch their harts and to giue them a little Light and Loue and when in a very short time he is pleased to allow and impart some Regalo and gust of Spirit to them they haue not stayed and pawsed nor was anie difficultie able to offer it self against them which could stopp them but they would be going on without so much as remembring that they were to liue by eating their meate and they shut themselues vp for euer in a House without hauing so much as anie Reuenue vpon which to liue like persons who put no manner of esteem vpon anie thing of this world for the loue of him who they know loues them And they giue ouer euen all things all at once nor haue they anie will at all which is meerly their owne nor doe they vnderstand it to be possible that euer they can receaue disgust by enduring such a straight shutting vp but all of them offer-vp their whole selues in Sacrifice to the honour and glorie of Almightie God And now how willingly and iustly doe I allow them to haue gotten the Start of me heerin and how mightily ought I to be ashamed and euen confounded in the presence of Almightie God to see that what his Diuine Maiestie could not finish in my Soule through my fault in such a multitude of yeares since I vsed Prayer and wherein he beganne to doe me Fauours he hath yet been able to accomplish in them within three moneths yea and euen with some of them in three dayes with doing them also farre lesse Fauour then to me Though yet withall it be very true that our Blessed Lord payes them so well for their paines that they are all very farre from being sorrie to haue done whatsoeuer they haue done for the loue of him For this purpose I could wish that we might call to minde how manie yeares they are since we made our Profession and haue vsed Mentall Prayer Not yet for the giuing them anie trouble by making them turne back who haue made a great deale of way in a short time and to get them to goe but our pace which is as much as it would be to make them who flye like Eagles through the Fauours which it hath pleased Almightie God to doe them to walke the slow dull pace of a shackled Hen but to the end that we may grow to carrie the honour of his Diuine Maiestie in our eye And then if we find these Sisters of ours to be humble whome we see to be so forward in the way of Spirit that we should giue them still the raynes For certainly our Blessed Lord who hath done them so great Fauours already will neuer suffer them to breake their necks by falling downe as from some dangerous rock They commit and trust themselues in the hands of Almightie God for this benefit doe they reape by the truth which Faith teaches them and shall not we also trust them there but must we limit and confine them by our narrow measure according to the meannesse straightnes of our owne poore mindes No no this must not be but rather if our selues cannot ariue to be owners of those strong affections and firme resolutions which abound in them for these things cannot be well vnderstood without experience let vs procure to humble our selues and not condemne them For els by seeming to haue a care of their aduantage and profit we shall depriue our selues of our owne and we shall also loose the occasion which our Lord shewes vs so faire for our owne greater humilitie and that we may the better vnderstand how much is wanting to vs as also how much more absolutly those other Soules are likelie to be vntyed and freed from worldlie things then ours and how much neerer they are approached to Almightie God then we since we see that his Diuine Maiestie is come so much closer vp towards them then vs. For my part I can vnderstand no more in this case neither indeed haue I anie desire to vnderstand more then that I had rather haue such Prayer as hauing been obtained and exercised but a short time might be found to haue great effects and which instantly appeare for it is impossible that a Creature should be content to throw away a whole world at once vpon the onlie reason of pleasing Almightie God without a mightie force of loue then such an other kind of Prayer as should haue continued manie yeares and yet neuer in fine haue made an end of resoluing vpon anie more at the last then at the first to doe aniething for the pure loue of Almightie God vnlesse it be some poore little fidling bable which is no bigger then a graine of Salt which hath neither bulke nor weight but is such as that anie Bird might be able to carrie it away in her Bill For I confesse we hold it not for a matter
high Prayer by vsing so continuall Mortification finally through such an incomparable treasure as she acquired afterward by a multitude of most excellent vvorkes For if her beginnings were such as out-stripped euen the conclusion of very perfect Soules how farre shall vve imagine that she vvould be sure to ariue and reach ere she came to an end These are the liuely testimonies of this last exact and diligent Authour And as for that former excellent discourse of Doctour Levvis de Leon it serues also to let vs see very clearly the perfections of her happie Children the Religious Woemen of her Order And since euen the Christian vvorld at large is vvont to call know her by the name of Mother Teresa how much more haue the Religious her deare most dear Daughters reason to call her so as they doe Since togeather with the strictnes of their Rule a strictnes yet much more tending to the preseruing purifying their Mindes then anie vvay to the afflicting of their Bodies vvhatsoeuer the Diuel vvould faine make the vvorld beleiue so to discourage the Seruants of God from becoming his better Seruants by liuing vnder this most holie and happie Rule there vvas euer so great indulgence in her towards them and such a tender kinde of care ouer the health and contentment yea and euen as it vvere for the good humour of her Children as that she might well deserue the name of a hundred thousand Mothers all in one For that her verie kindnes ariued euen thus farre may be seen in many passages both of her Rule of her Life So that vpon the vvhole matter it vvas a kinde of hard case to decide whether she were of more rigour to her self or of more indulgence towards her Children And she did expresly require that her Successours should be alwaies carefull to maintaine the verie self same sweet and euen as it vvere kinde-harted Spirit in the gouernment of all such Soules as should euer come to range themselues by her Order And it seemes that not only her counsaile was imparted to them then but that her prayers protection continues now to the self same purpose and that still she shrowdes and shelters them vnder that care For the self-same Spirit remaines so entirely truly amongst them at this day that as they leade the liues of Angells on the one side so yet doe they also on the other spend their time vvith so much ioy gust through that incredible kind of peace vnion of minde vvhich they possesse as vvell in order to their Superiours as to themselues as if euerie one of them vvere no lesse then mightily euen in loue vvith euerie other vvhich puts them into a kind of Heauen before their time Nay still she seemes as it vvere visibly to worke in all kindes for their aduantage And heer since this holie Saint tooke all the accidents and occasions not only of her Children but euen of those Strangers so extreamly and extraordinarily to hart vvho applyed themselues to obtaine her helpe whilst she vvas yet but an Inhabitant of this vvorld I am confidently yea and assuredly perswaded that she vvill now haue another manner of solicitude for their good and growth in all happines vvho shall celebrate and desire to serue her Which I wish that the whole world may doe and for my part I am so much bound to our Blessed Lord for which I adore him vvith my whole hart as to be sure that I will procure to make one The short Preface or Introduction vvhich vvas made by the Glorious S. TERESA her selfe to this Life of hers vvhich she vvrote I Could haue vvished that as they haue giuen me a large kind of libertie yea and a commandment also to setdovvne both the manner of my Prayer and the Fauours vvich our Blessed Lord vvas pleased to doe me they had also no lesse permitted me to declare my great Sinnes and vvicked Life in very particular and cleare manner for heerin J should haue receiued much consolation But this they vvould not suffer me to doe nay rather in this kind they tyed me vp very short And therefore I beg earnestly euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord that they vvho shall reade this Discourse of my Life vvill take knovvledge and attentiuely obserue that it hath been so very vnvvorthie and vvicked as that I haue not found anie one Saint amongst all them vvho haue been conuerted from Sinne to the Seruice of Almightie God in vvhose example J might be able to take comfort For J consider that vvhen once our Lord called them to himself they returned not anie more to offend him vvhereas I not only grevv vvorse but rather did it seemes euen make it my verie busines and studie hovv to resist those great Fauours vvhich his Diuine Maiestie vvas pleased to doe me As one vvho on the one side found her self obliged to serue him for them so much the more and yet vvho on the other obserued vvithall that she vvas vnable to make him anie payment for the least part of all that vvhich she ovved him Let him be Blessed for euer vvho vouchsafed to expect me so long and I beseech him vvith my vvhole hart to giue me grace that I may vvith all claritie and truth make this Relation vvhich my Ghostlie Fathers haue commanded at my hands yea and vvhich I knovv our Lord himself hath long expected from me saue that yet vvithall I could not easily presume so farre as to venture vpon it But at least I vvish that novv it may proue to the glorie and praise of his Diuine Maiestie as also to the end that my said Ghostlie Fathers grovving heerafter into a clearer knovvledge of me by this meanes may assist me in my vveaknes so much the more that so at length I may be able to pay some little part of that much seruice vvhich I ovve to our Blessed Lord VVhome let all Creatures praise for all Eternities Amen THE FIRST CHAPTER She shevves havv our Lord beganne to stirre-vp her Soule in her Childhood to the performing of vertuous actions and of the help vvhich it giues in order to this end to be borne of vertuous Parents THE very hauing of vertuous Parents and such as liue in the feare of Almightie God togeather with those fauours which I receaued from his Diuine Maiestie had been able to haue made me good if I had not been so very wicked My Father was delighted in reading good Bookes and vsed to haue them in Spanish that so his Children might also reade them This consideration togeather with the care which my Mother had to make vs say our Prayers and to put vs into a way of deuotion to our Blessed Ladie and some other particular saints beganne to awake and stirre me vp when I was to the best of my remembrance about six or seauen yeares old It assisted me also towards this good end to find that there was no meanes for me to winne the fauour of
anie because then our Lord is pleased to multiply our vertues by that meanes THE TWELFTH CHAPTER She prosecutes her Discourse of the First State or Degree of Prayer and declares hovv farre vve may ariue of our selues by the Fauour of our Lord And of the hurt it brings to desire that our Spirit may rise to Supernaturall and Extraordinarie things till our Lord himself be pleased to ordaine it THat which I pretended to giue to be vnderstood in the last Chapter though yet I diuerted my self much vpon other things in regard that I thought them very necessarie was to declare how much we might be able to acquire and how in this First part of our deuotions we might to some proportion help our selues because the considering and ruminating vpon that which our Lord suffered for vs is wont to moue vs to compassion and the sorrow and teares which grow from thence is a very sauourie and delightfull kind of thing And so to thinke of the Glorie for which we hope and of the Loue which our Lord bore vs as also of his Resurrection moues vs to ioy which is neither wholy Spirituall nor wholy Sensuall but this is a vertuous kind of ioy on the one side as on the other that former paine is very meritorious And of this sort are all those things which cause anie such deuotion as is acquired in part by the Vnderstanding though yet there be no merit nor gaine therein vnlesse Almightie God be pleased to giue it But now it will be very fitt for a Soule which our Lord hath not raised anie higher not to procure to exalt her self and let this be very well noted for the contrarie course will help her to nothing but losse In this Degree or State she may performe manie good acts by way of resoluing to doe great things for Almighty God and to awake and stirr-vp her loue and others also by way of assisting her self to grow-vp in seuerall vertues according to what is contained in a certaine Booke called The Art of seruing God which is a very good one and very proper for such as finde themselues in this State because the Vnderstanding doth act and exercise it self heer She may also represent her self as in the presence of Christ our Lord and accustome her self to be greatly enamoured with his most Sacred Humanitie and to be euer carrying that along in her companie and to be often speaking to it and to beg his continuall assistance in all her necessities and euen to complaine to him of her afflictions and to ioy with him for her contentments and gusts but yet not to forget him vpon occasion thereof And all this without procuring to expresse her self in anie sett kind of Prayers but to make vse of such words alone as may haue conformitie with her owne necessities and desires This is an excellent way of finding profit and that in a very short time and whosoeuer shall earnestly labour to carrie this pretious companie with himself and shall haue proceeded well therein and shall haue found the way of louing in very good earnest this Lord of ours to whome we owe so much I will giue and passe my word that this person is a very good Proficient For this purpose let it not trouble vs a whitt not to finde our selues with sensible deuotion as I haue sayd but let vs giue thankes to our Lord for giuing vs so good desires to please him though our workes be weake This way of carrying Christ our Lord in our companie is very vsefull in all the Fowre States and Degrees of Prayer It is a most secure and safe meanes to goe profiting in the First Degree and that we shall gett quickly to the Second and then to be free also in the two last from those dangers which the Diuel may prouide for vs. For this in fine is that which we may be able to doe and for anie bodie to passe-vp from hence and to exalt his Spirit towards the feeling of certaine gusts which are not allowed him is but in my opinion to loose both the one and the other because in fine that is all Supernaturall and so the Vnderstanding being at a Stand and lost the Soule remaines all desolate and with great drynes And since this whole Building is grounded vpon Humilitie the neerer we grow to Almightie God the more shall we proceed and profit in this Vertue and if we doe not this all is lost And it seemes to be no better then a kind of pride if we desire to get-vp to a higher ranke since God doth vs but too much honour and fauour considering how vnworthie we are in suffering vs to be so neer to himself But now it must not be so vnderstood as if I spoke all this against raising-vp our thoughts to consider the high things of Heauen or of God or of the greatnesses which are there aboue as also of his Incomparable Wisdome For though I neuer did this because I had no abilitie for this purpose as I haue sayd and I found my self so miserable and so meane that God did me particular fauour to enable me to thinke of earthlie things by meanes whereof I might come afterward to vnderstand this truth for euen this was no small aduenture for me and how much more was it so to consider Celestiall things yet others may take benefit heerby and especially if they haue Learning and Knowledge which is in my opinion a great treasure towards this exercise of Prayer if it be accompanied with Humilitie I haue seen the truth of this very lately by occasion of some learned men who begunne not long agoe and yet haue proceeded and profited very much which makes me haue an earnest and euen a kind of impatient desire that manie such as are learned would grow to be very Spirituall men whereof I shall giue the reason heerafter But now that which I haue sayd Namely That men must not exalt themselues to rise higher then God doth raise them is a certaine kinde of Language of Spirit and he will vnderstand me who hath experience of it but as for me I know not how to expresse it if he know not how to vnderstand me by what I haue sayd In Mysticall Theologie whereof I beganne to speake the Vnderstanding ceases from working because Almightie God suspends it as I will declare heerafter if I be able and if he giue me grace for that purpose But as for vs to presume yea or so much as to thinke of suspending it is that which I am saying we should not doe Nor must we leaue to act and worke thereby and therewith for if we doe we shall be stupid and sottish and cold and we shall effect neither the one nor the other But when our Lord suspends and stopps it he furnishes it with matter vpon which the Partie may employ himself and at which he may be amazed and he makes him vnderstand more in the time and space of saying one
Credo though yet still not by way of Discourse then we could tell how to vnderstand with all our humane diligences of this world in the compasse of manie yeares But now to exercise and employ the Powers of the Minde and yet the while to thinke of making them stand at a stay is a sensles kind of fancie and foolerie And I say and say againe though perhaps it be not well vnderstood that this is no act of anie great Humilitie and though it should not be guiltie of being a fault yet it will not faile to be subiect to the punishment for at least it will be all labour lost and the Soule findes it self to remaine with an odd little kinde of disgust as when a man goes to leape when yet men hold him fast by the back For such an one seemes already to haue employed all his strength to doe somewhat which he desired and yet findes himself without effecting what he pretended And so whosoeuer will consider the matter well shall come to discerne by the slender gaine which he made this little half inuisible dust of the want of Humilitie whereof I spake For in fine this vertue hath that excellencie amongst others in it That there is no worke or action in the world if it be accompanied with that vertue which will euer leaue the Soule in disgust There were diuers yeares when I was wont to reade manie things and yet vnderstood none of them all and there was afterward also a long time when though God gaue me abilitie to vnderstand yet could I not speake a word wherewith to make it be vnderstood by others and this point cost me no small labour But when his Diuine Maiestie hath a minde to teach it he doth it so all at an instant that I am amazed And one thing I can say with much truth that though I spake with manie Spirituall persons who had a minde to make me vnderstand what our Lord imparted to me that so I might the better declare things in particular and cleare manner to them it is certaine that my dulnes was so great as that their discourse was not of anie vse to me at all And perhaps our Blessed Lord as his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed still to be my Master let him be blessed for euer since it is confusion enough for me to be able to say thus much with truth was pleased that I should haue no bodie to thanke for it but himself and that without my desiring or euen wishing it for in this I was not a whitt curious wherein it might haue been a vertue to be so but I was so about the vanities of the world he would giue me to vnderstand and comprehend it with all claritie yea and so as that I could vnfold it also to others in such sort as that men were amazed at it and my self more then anie of my Ghostlie Fathers because I vnderstood mine owne dulnes better then they Nor is it anie long time since this hapned to me and so I procure not to know those things which our Lord hath not taught me but I only consider and take care of them so farre as whereby my Conscience may be concerned I returne yet once againe to aduise and declare that it will import vs very much not to eleuate and raise our Spirit vnlesse our Lord be pleased to eleuate and raise it which if he doe it will instantly be vnderstood and especially this is more dangerous for woemen for the Diuel may bring some illusion vpon them though yet withall I hold it for very certaine that our Lord will not permitt that the Diuel should be able to hurt anie such person as shall procure to approach his Diuine Maiestie with Humilitie but rather that he shall be able to giue himself more aduantage and profit by that whereby the Diuel meant to destroy him But now in regard that this way of beginners in the exercise of Mentall Prayer is more beaten and because the admonitions which I haue giuen import much I haue enlarged my self thus farr though yet others will certainly haue written much better of it But thus much doe I confesse and I haue expressed my self heerin with abundance of confusion and shame though yet still not with so much as I ought to haue had Let our Lord be euer Blessed for all since he permits and is pleased that so miserable a Creature as I should speake of things belonging to his Diuine Maiestie and those things such and so high THE THIRTEENTH CHAPTER She proceeds in this First Degree and State of Prayer and giues aduise against some temptations vvhich the Diuel is sometimes vvont to bring This Discourse is very profitable I Haue thought fitt to speake heer of certaine temptations which I haue found to be brought against some in their beginning to vse Mentall Prayer and some I haue felt my self and I will also giue some aduise which I hold to be necessarie heerin Let therefore a beginner procure to goe-on with great alacritie and Libertie of Spirit for there be some who are apt to thinke that all their deuotion is instantly to vanish if they doe neuer so little amisse therein It is true that it will be very fitt to continue in a holie doubt and feare of themselues that so they may not be confident at all to put themselues into anie occasion wherein our Lord is wont to be offended for it will euer be very necessarie to vse this actual diligence till one be very entire in the possession of vertue and there are not manie who may be so very confident of themselues as that in such occasions which haue conformitie with their naturall disposition and inclination they may be out of care and feare And in fine it will euer be fitt that so long as we shall liue in this world we consider our miserable nature though it were but euen for the continuall exercise of humilitie but there are manie times when it is permitted as I haue sayd to be taking recreation though it were but to enable vs the better to returne the more encouraged and fortifyed towards the making of Prayer In all things it will euer be needfull to vse discretion and withall to haue great confidence in God for it is by no meanes fitt to goe lessning diminishing our desires but to belieue of Almightie God that if we will endeauour earnestly by little and little we may by the fauour of his Diuine Maiestie ariue though it be not presently where manie Saints haue ariued who if they had neuer resolued to aspire to Perfection and had not also endeauoured by little and little to acquire it would neuer haue been able to obtaine so high a State His Diuine Maiestie is a very great friend and fauourer of couragious Soules so that withall they proceed with Humilitie not with anie confidence in themselues and I haue yet neuer seen anie one of this kinde who hath
but as for Beginners learned men if they possesse not the vse of Prayer can be of little profit to them Yet I say not that they should not treat and conferr with such men as are learned for as for hauing a Spirit which should not be first setled in a way of truth for my part I had rather haue it without Prayer For Learning is a great matter since it instructs vs who know little and brings vs light and when we approach neer to the truths of Holie Scripture we beginne to doe that which we ought but as for sillie and foolish deuotions our Lord deliuer vs from them I will declare my self yet better for I feare I put my self vpon too manie things at once though I euer wanted meanes to know how to giue my self to be well vnderstood as I haue sayd but vpon the expence of manie words A Religious Woeman for examples sake will beginne to vse Prayer and in case some sillie kinde of man direct and gouerne her he will if the toy take him in the head giue her to vnderstand that it is better for her to obey him then her Superiour yea and he will doe it without anie malice at all as conceauing that he is in the right And now she being a Religious woeman will be likelie enough to thinke that he sayes true And if she be a married woeman he will tell her that it is best for her euen when she ought to be about her House-hold businesses to exercise her self in Prayer though it were to be to the disgust of her husband So that she knowes not how to dispose of her time nor of her businesses in such sort as that all may goe according to reason and truth because in fine that Directour wants light and not hauing any himself he cannot giue it to others though he would neuer so faine And though in order to this end it seem that there is no great need of Learning yet as for me my opinion both is and euer will be that all Christians shall doe well to treat with such men about their Soules as are well learned and so much the more so much the better and they who goe by the way of Prayer haue yet more need then others to meet with such men and so the more they shall be also Spirituall the better will it be for them still And let not folkes deceaue themselues with saying That learned men without the exercise of Prayer are not to the purpose for them who vse Prayer for I haue dealt with manie and for some of these latter yeares I haue endeauoured it the more because then I found my self in more necessitie But I was euer much a freind of learned men for though some of them haue not experience yet they hate not Spirituall people nor are not ignorant what these things meane because they euer find this truth that there is such a thing as a good Spirit by holie Scripture wherein they are continually versed And as for me I hold that a person who exercises Prayer and will treat with learned men shall neuer be deceaued by illusions of the Diuel if he haue not a minde to deceaue himself For I belieue that the Diuel is mightily afrayd of Learning whensoeuer it is accompanied with Humilitie and Vertue for he knowes that he shall be discouered in the end and that so he shall come to loose by the bargaine And now I haue sayd thus much because I know there are opinions that learned men are not fitt for persons of Prayer vnlesse they be also of Spirit Already I haue signifyed that it would be necessarie to haue a Spirituall Directour but if he proue not to be learned the inconuenience will be great yet it will be of much help to treat with learned men so that they be vertuous for though they be not Spirituall as in this case we vnderstād Spirituall they will yet be able to benefit vs and God will vouchsafe to enable them to teach vs yea and so may perhaps by degrees grow euen to make them also become Spirituall to the end that they may be able to instruct vs the better And I speake not this without some tryall for the occasion hath hapned to me with more then two I say therefore that if a Soule resolue to render it self to be entirely subiect to the order of anie one Directour she shall err very much vnlesse she procure in particular manner that he be learned especially if he be a Religious man of anie Order Because such an one is to be subiect to his Prelate or Superiour and in that case peraduenture all those three aforesayd parts which were sayd to be so necessarie for a Directour will be wanting to him which will be no little crosse to the Partie besides that he may perhaps find himself to haue voluntarily submitted his Vnderstanding to that of another man who hath no very good one himself At least forasmuch as concernes me I was neuer able to bring my self to it nor indeed doe I hold it conuenient But now if the Partie of whome we speake be a Secular person let him blesse Almightie God that himself may make choice of that man to whome he will resolue to subiect himself and let him take care not to loose this vertuous libertie Nay let him euen stay without anie Directour at all till he find a fitt one for our Lord will not faile to prouide him such an one if he goe wholy grounded in Humilitie and with desire to make a fitt choice For my part I praise a fitt Directour very much and woemen and such men also as are not learned were alwaies to giue God infinit thankes for that there are some in the world who take so great paines and trouble to obtaine the knowledge of truth whereof such as be not learned are ignorant And it amazes me manie times to see Religious men who are learned and particularly to consider with how much trouble they grew to gaine all that knowledge which is to bring me so much profit without anie more trouble of mine then only to aske them the question and yet that we should not benefit our selues by it But let not God permit that still it should continue to be so For I see them subiect to the troubles and mortifications of a Religious Life which are very great with Pennances with ill Diet with hard Lodging with being subiect in all things to Obedience and in fine I so perceaue that all is affliction and all Crosse that really the thought thereof doth cast me sometimes into confusion and me thinkes it must be a great miserie that anie bodie should loose so important a benefit by his owne fault It is possible that some of vs who are free from these austerities whereof I speake or at least if we feed vpon them we will needs haue them finely dressed after our owne fancie and so will liue as we list ourselues conceaue that
a sweet repose or sleep of all the Powers which are yet neither totally lost nor yet doe they know how they worke This gust and delight and suauitie is greater beyond all comparison then the former for the Water of this grace gets-vp to the verie throat of the Soule in such sort that now it cannot goe forward nor knowes how to doe it nor yet would by anie meanes returne backward but enioyes an excessiue kinde of glorie It is as when a man is already with the Holie Candle in his hand so that now there wants very little of dying but it is of that verie death which is desired for she is enioying the greatest delight that can be imagined in that agonie of hers and me thinkes it is no other thing then euen to dye as it were entirely to all the things of this world and to be enioying Almightie God For my part I can thinke of no other tearmes wherewith to expresse it or declare it nor knowes the Soule at that time what to doe nor whether she should speake or be silent or laugh or weep It is a glorious kinde of Frensie and a Celestiall kinde of Follie where yet true wisdome is learnt and it is a most delightfull manner of enioying for the Soule in a Superlatiue Degree It is true that it may be about some fiue or six yeares since first our Lord vouchsafed to allow me this kinde of Prayer often and in great abundance and that I neither did either perfectly vnderstand it nor yet can exactly declare it and for my part I made account when I was come hither that I could say either little or nothing And yet I well vnderstood that this was not an entire Vnion of all the Powers of the Soule and yet still that it was clearly more then might be found in the former Degree of Prayer and yet withall I must euer confesse that I could not tell how to know and much lesse exactly determine what this differēce was But I well belieue that for the humilitie which your Reuerence hath shewed in being desirous to help your self by so great a simplicitie as mine our Lord gaue me this Prayer this day immediatly after my receauing the B. Sacrament yet without my being able to goe forward And he put these Comparisons into my head and taught me the manner how to expresse them and what the Soule is to doe in these cases and really I was amazed at it for I vnderstood all this busines at an instant Manie times I was as it were out of my self and as if I had been euen inebriated with this loue and yet I could neuer vnderstand how it was Only I knew very well that it was God but I could not tell the manner how he wrought in me at that time For it is the verie truth that the Powers are as it were all vnited though yet not so ingulfed but that still they worke and I haue been extreamly ioyed that at length I am come to vnderstand it and Blessed be our Lord for euer who hath regaled me in so high a degree These Powers haue only now abilitie to busie themselues totally vpon Almightie God nor doth it seem that anie of them now euen dares so much as houer or stirre not as it were breath if we doe not diuert our selues then with great endeauour yea and euen so me thinkes we can scarce doe it entirely at that time A multitude of words are conceaued heer by the Soule in praise of our Lord but yet so as that they are without anie order vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to order them for at least the Vnderstanding serues heer for nothing The Soule would faine cry out in praise of Almightie God she is then in such condition as that she knowes not how to cōtaine her self This is now a very fauourie kinde of disquiet and now yea euen very now the Flowers open themselues to blossome and already doe they beginne to yeild their odour And heer the Soule would be glad that all the world might be able to see and vnderstand her glorie that so Almightie God might be praised and that they might be able to assist her therein and that she might giue them part of her ioy as not knowing how to enioy it all her self Me thinkes she is now to be like her of the Ghospel who had a minde to call-in all her Neighbours Or els like the admirable Spirit of the Royall Prophet Dauid who might feele some such thing in himself as this when he played vpon his Harpe and sung in honour and praise of Almightie God I find my self very much deuoted to this Glorious King and I wish that all the world were so especially all we who are Sinners O my deare Lord what kind of thing is a Soule when she findes her self in such a condition as this She would faine become all Toung to praise our Lord. She vtters a thousand holie impertinencies but yet she doth euer endeauour to hitt right in pleasing him who holds her there in that manner I know of a certaine person who though she were no Poet yet instantly did she happen to make certaine Verses all extempore which were very significant in the way of complaint declared her paine very well though they were not made by her owne Vnderstanding alone but for the better enioying that glorie which gaue her so delightfull a paine she complained thereof to her God She wishes that she might be all torne in pieces both in Bodie and Soule to shew the ioy she findes to feele this paine What tormēts could then be set before her which then she would not be glad to endure for the loue of our Lord She clearly sees that the Martyrs did very little on their parts when they suffered torments for the Soule knowes then very well that her strength comes to her by some other way then from her self But now what will she feele when she comes back to employ her witts vpon knowing how to liue againe in this world and to returne both to the cares and complements thereof And certainly me thinkes I am farre from hauing exaggerated anie thing concerning this manner of ioy which our Lord is pleased to make a Soule possesse euen in this place of bannishment for all that which I haue sayd of it is very poore and meane in comparison of what it is in it self Blessed be thou for euer O Lord and let all things praise thee for euer And be pleased O my King I most humbly beseech and begg at thy hands that since when euen now I am not wholy out of this holie Celestiall Frensie or follie which through thy goodnes and mercie and so wholy without anie merit of mine thou dost me the great Fauour to impart either all such persons as with whome I shall haue occasion to conuerse may be euen as it were madd fooles for thy loue or els dispose thou so of me as that
haue already shewed that there is then no power at all to doe anie thing that I expresse my self to his Diuine Maiestie much after this manner O Lord consider well what thou dost forget not my so very greiuous Sinnes so very soone and though thou haue forgotten them so farre as to vouchsafe to forgiue them yet remember them also I humbly beseech thee so farre as to make thee put some limits vpon those Fauours which thou art pleased to bestow vpon me Powre not O my Creatour so pretious a liquour as that into so broken a vessell as this since already thou hast seen how often I haue scattered and spilt it O lodge not and trust not such a treasure as this where the appetite and affection to all the consolations of this life is not yet so totally lost and spent as it ought to be for if thou doe it will be vtterly wasted How canst thou find in thy hart to deliuer the strength of this Cittie and euen the verie keyes of the Fort into the hands of such a cowardlie Commander who is likelie not to faile to giue the Enemie entrance vpon the first Assault which he shall make Let not O my Eternal King thy loue to me be so great as that it should make thee put such pretious Iewels as these into hazard And to me it seemes O my Lord that thou mayst giue the world occasion heerby to vndervalue these great Fauours of thine since thou puttest them into the custodie and power of a Creature who is so wicked so base so weake so miserable and of so little worth in anie kinde Who though I now beginne to labour that I may not vtterly loose them through thy fauour which also hath no need to be little considering what kind of thing I am shall yet be neuer able to gaine anie other Creature to thee by meanes thereof In fine I am a woeman and no good woeman but a very wicked one and it seemes that these Talents of thine are thus not only to be hidden by this meanes but euen to be quite buried vp since thou puttest them into so vngratious and vnluckie a Soyle Thou art not wont O Lord to impart such Fauours and Greatnesses as these to anie Soule but when there may be hope that she will be able to gaine manie others to thy Seruice And thou knowest O my God already that I haue sometimes begged this Fauour and still I begg it of thee with my whole hart and with the entire affection thereof and I am resolued to thinke it fitt to be content to loose the highest blessing which can possibly be enioyed vpon earth to the end that thou maist vouchsafe it to some other who will profit more by it that so thine owne glorie may be encreased Both these and such other things as these hath it occurred to me to vtter manie times but yet afterward I perceaued mine owne great follie heerin togeather with my little humilitie for our Lord knowes very well what is fittest for euerie Creature and that there was not to be strength enough in my Soule whereby she might euer grow to be saued if his Diuine Maiestie had not enriched her with so great Fauours But I also now pretend to declare the graces and effects which remaine by this Prayer in the Soule and what that is which she may be able to doe of her self and if she may anie way conduce towards the bringing her self to this high State It happens that this Eleuation of the Spirit or Vnion come both of them with a Celestiall kind of Loue. For according to my way of vnderstanding this Vnion is a different things from Eleuation though yet the Soule be eleuated in this verie Vnion Whosoeuer hath not tried and felt this last will be of a different conceipt but yet in my opinion though euen it should be all one yet our Lord workes therin after a different manner And by the encrease which the Soule hath of being able to vntye her self from the loue of all Creatures she seemes to be very much greater in that Flight and Eleuation of the Spirit And I haue clearly seen that this is a distinct and particular Fauour although the things themselues may be all one as I say or at least may seem so But a small fire is as truly and really Fire as a great one and yet still we see difference enough between the one and the other for before a little iron can be able to be made red hot in a small fire a good space of time will be spent but now if the fire be great the iron though it be also great will loose the apparance of iron very quickly Iust so doth it seem to me to happen in these two sorts of Fauours from our Blessed Lord and I know that whosoeuer may euer haue ariued to be in Rapt will vnderstand me well but such as haue had no experience therin will hold all that to be impertinent which I haue sayd Perhaps also it is so indeed and so as he will haue had reason who beleiues it For how shall such a thing as I presume to speake of such a thing as this and to giue some part of that to be vnderstood which it seemes impossible euen to beginne to declare with anie words So that it is not strange a whitt if I talke idly But yet I beleiue this of our Blessed Lord because his Diuine Maiestie knowes that next to this act of Obedience my intention is no other then to make Soules euen as it were gluttonous after the obtaining of so high a good that he will be pleased to assist me heerin and I am sure I will say nothing whereof I haue not had much experience And it is a reall truth that when I beganne to write of this Water I conceaued it to be a more impossible thing for me to treat of it then to speake Greeke so very hard did I finde it Vpon this I gaue it ouer and went to receaue the Blessed Sacrament But our Lord be euer praised who doth so great Fauours to ignorant persons O vertue of Obedience which art able to doe all things For Almightie God did illuminate my vnderstanding sometimes by helping me to the verie expresse words which I was to vse and at other times by representing the manner to me how I should declare the thing So that as his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to doe in the former Degree of Prayer it seemes that he will also heer declare what I neither can nor know how to expresse But that which now I say is a most literall truth and so that which shall be good is his instruction and doctrine and whatsoeuer falls-out to be ill it is cleare that it proceeds and flowes from this deep Sea of mischeif and Sinne which is my self And therefore I heer affirme that if anie haue ariued to these points and particulars of Prayer wherein our Lord hath done so great Fauour
she doth not well consider that she hath not yet mewed all her owne sick-feathers She may well stepp out of her Nest yea and Almightie God himself will perhaps take her now and then out from thence But she is not yet fitt for a Flight because her vertues are not yet growne to be of full strength nor hath she yet experience for the knowledge of dangers nor doth she yet vnderstand the mischeif which growes by putting too much trust in her owne forces And now this is that which destroyed me and both for this and for all things there will be great necessitie of a Directour and of conuersation with persons who are spirituall indeed It is true I am fully perswaded that when Almightie God doth once bring a Soule to this state he will not leaue to fauour her nor suffer her to perish if she doe not very shamefully and entirely forsake and forbeare to serue his Diuine Maiestie But yet if it should so happen that she fall let her consider and consider againe euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord and take heed that the Diuel deceaue her not so farre as to make her giue-ouer her Prayer as he did me vnder the pretence of false Humilitie as I haue declared and as I would fayne repeat very often But let her trust in the goodnes of Almightie God which is greater then all the sinnes which we can commit and let her hope that he will not remember our ingratitude when once we reflecting duly vpon our selues desire to returne againe to his friendship nor euen so farre consider the Fauours which he hath done vs as to make vs be punished for them but that rather they will help to obtaine pardon for vs so much the sooner as for persons who haue belonged to his House and haue had the honour to eat as men vse to say of his bread Let them remember his words and consider how he hath proceeded with me who euen wearied my self with offending his Diuine Maiestie before he would forbeare or faile to pardon me For he neuer growes vnwilling to giue nor is it euer possible to draw his Mercies dry and so let not vs be wearie of euer receauing Fauour at his hands Let him be blessed for euer Amen and let all creatures praise him THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the Effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration I Would be glad to know how to declare through the Fauour of Almightie God the difference which there is between Vnion on the one side and Rapt and Flight as they are wont to call it of Spirit on the other for these two latter doe signifye in substance but one thing and it is also called Extasis The aduantage is very great which belongs to Rapt beyond Vnion and the effects also which it produces are much greater and it hath also manie other operations For meer Vnion seemes to be alwaies after the same manner both in the beginning in the middle and in the end and it is alwaies in the interiour part But now as Rapts are Visitations of the Soule which vse to be of a higher Straine they are wont to produce their Effects not only interiourly but exteriourly also I humbly beseech our Blessed Lord that as he hath vouchsafed to declare the rest so he will also vouchsafe to doe this for certainly if his Diuine Maiestie had not been pleased to giue me to vnderstand by what meanes in what manner it might be done I should not possibly haue knowne which way to turne my hand Let vs therefore now consider that this last Water whereof we haue spoken is so very plentifull and abundant that if it were not because the Soyle of the Garden cannot consent to receaue it we might beleiue that the verie Clowd it self of that great Maiestie were heer rayning it self downe vpon this earth And so when we are gratefull to our Lord for this great blessing acknowledging the same by our good workes according to the vttermost of our power our Lord catches-vp that Soule as a man may say euen iust so as the clowdes snatch vp the vapours from the earth and so taking her wholy vp from the same earth the clowd rises vp to Heauen and carries the same along with it self and shewes her certaine things belonging to that Kingdome which is prepared for her I know not whether this Comparison will be thought to suite well with that whereof I am speaking but I am sure that in realitie of truth it passes thus In these Rapts it doth not seem that the Soule doth euen animate the Bodie and so the Bodie it self remaines with a kind of trouble and defect through the want of that naturall heat which belongs to it and it goes all cooling it self though yet with an excessiue sweetnes and delight There is heer no meanes at all to resist though in Vnion we being then as in our owne Countrie there is some remedie and so though it be not without suffering a kind of paine and vsing some force it may alwaies in effect be employed But heer for the most part there is no remedie at all nor anie helpe but manie times the thing ariues without our being so much as able to preuent the coming of it euen by our very thought And there growes to be such a speedie and strong kind of impetuositie that you feele and find this Clowd to raise it self instantly vp or rather that this strong Eagle takes you and carries you quite away between her wings And I say it is vnderstood and you find your self to be carried away though you know not whither For howsoeuer the thing happen to be with delight yet so great is the weaknes of our naturall condition that it puts vs into some feare in the beginning And therefore it will be necessarie in this case for the Soule to be much more couragious and resolute then for all those occasions which were precedent For heer she must be content to hazard all and to leaue her self wholy in the hands of Almightie God and to goe whithersoeuer she shall be carried and this with a very good will for in fine they will be sure to carrie her whether she will or no and that with so great extremitie of strength and speed that howsoeuer I had a minde very very often to resist it yea and that I employed all the strength I had to that purpose and especially at some particular times when things fell out to happen in publique yea and at manie other times also when they were priuate for I was then in doubt and feare least I might be abused and deceiued it was yet but seldome that I was able to preuaile to some small proportion But it cost
mee a very great deale of harrassing wearines to my self iust so as if some ordinarie person had been fighting with some strong Giant afterward I should finde my self very weary But at other times it was altogeather impossible for me to hinder it for my Soule would be carried absolutly away and ordinarily euen my head as it were after it yea this sometimes so farre as that my whole Bodie would be transported so as to be raised-vp from the ground This last hath happened rarely to me but once it was vpon the very point to ariue whilst we all were assembled togeather in the Quire and I being then vpon my knees as at the point of going to receaue the Blessed Sacrament it put me to an extremitie of trouble because it seemed to be a very extraordinarie thing and that instantly there would be much note of it and so I commanded my Religious-woemen for at that time I was growne to be Prioresse that they should not speake of it to anie creature But at other times when I beganne to discerne that our Lord was going about to doe the same againe and once in particular when diuers principall Ladies were present and it was vpon the Feast of our Vocation when there was a Sermon I did euen spread my self all along vpon the ground and though the Religious woemen came then about me to keep my Bodie downe yet the thing was easily perceiued Vpon this I humbly prayed our Lord in most particular manner that by no meanes he would doe me anie such Fauours as might carrie anie of these exteriour demonstrations with them for already I was very wearie of being necessarily so wary and watchfull ouer my self for that such kind of Fauours could not possibly be done me by his Diuine Maiestie but so that euerie bodie would come to know it And it seemes that through his goodnes he hath been pleased to heare my Prayer for since that time I neuer had anie Rapts of that kinde and to that proportion but it is true that it is notlong since I had the last But yet now so it is that when I had a minde to resist these Rapts there seemed to be somewhat of so mightie force vnder my feet which raised me vp that I know not to what to compare it but it came with much more impetuositie then anie of these other things of Spirit and so I was euen torne as it were to peices for the combat and strife is great but in fine all helped little for when our Lord hath a minde to doe anie thing no power is able to stand against it At other times he is pleased to content himself with letting vs see that he is disposed to doe vs that Fauour and that there is no auersion in his Diuine Maiestie and that we opposing our selues for Humility's sake there follow yet the self-same Effects as if we had wholy consented Now these Effects are great For first the mightie power of our Blessed Lord is made apparant thereby and that when his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to dispose of things otherwise we are no more able to detaine our Bodies then our Soules nor are we Lords therof but we must in despight of our harts acknowledge that there is a Superiour and that these Fauours come from him and that of our selues we can doe nothing in nothing and so a great impression of Humilitie is made vpon the Soule by this meanes And further I confesse that it bred also a great feare in me and at the first an extreame great one to see that a massie Bodie should be taken-vp from the earth For though the Spirit be that which drawes it after it and though it be with great suauitie and delight if it be not resisted yet our Senses are not lost thereby at least I for my part was so perfectly in my Senses that I was able to vnderstand that I was raised There doth also heerby appeare so great a Maiestie in him who can doe this that it makes euen the verie haire of the head stand on end and there remaines a mightie feare to offend so great a God but yet so as that it is wrapped vp in an excessiue kind of loue which she beginns to conceaue euen newly and freshly againe towards him whome she finds to carrie so great a loue to such rotten wormes as we are For now he seemes not content with drawing the Soule only to himself in so particular and so certaine a manner but that he will needs also draw the verie Bodie too euen whilst it is so very mortall and composed of so filthie earth as we haue made it by our Sinnes This also leaues in the Soule a very strange kind of loosning and casting it self off from all the things of this world whereof I know not how to expresse well what it is but me thinkes I may well say that it is not only in some sort a different but also a greater kind of thing then those others which worke vpon the onlie Spirit import For though in those other Visitations also there be a kind of totall vntying and loosning it self from all things for as much as concernes the Spirit yet heer it seemes our Lord is pleased that euen the Bodie also it self shall put this point in practise And it breeds in anie Creature such a new kind of shynesse and mislike in order to the things of this world that it makes euen our verie life much the more painefull to vs. It giues also such another paine as we can neither tell how to procure when we haue it not nor free our selues from the same when we haue it And I would be extreamly glad to be able to giue this to be vnderstood but I belieue I shall not know how to doe it though yet I will say somewhat if I be able But now it is to be noted that these things come vpon me when I am as it were in the verie Euening of the day after all those Visions and Reuelations whereof I will write after the time when I vsed to hold that Prayer wherein our Lord was wont to allow me so great Regalo's and gusts And though yet these things doe not cease with me at some times yet doth this Paine more often and more vsually seaze vpon me which I will now declare It hath sometimes of the more and sometimes of the lesse and now I will apply my self to speake of it as when it hath of the more For though I will treat heerafter of those great impetuosities which they vsed to bring vpon me before our Lord was pleased to giue me those Rapts yet they had in my opinion no more to doe by way of Comparison one with another then there is between things Corporall and Spirituall And I beleiue that I doe not exaggerate the matter a whitt by saying so because that Paine seemes to be such as that although the Soule doe feele it yet it feeles it
stiffe that I cannot possibly sometimes bring them togeather and so the paine remaines till the next day after in my wrests and in my Bodie in such a manner that it seems as if I were euen racked and disioynted And I am sometimes conceauing that our Lord may one day perhaps thinke fitt in case this course goe on to make it end with the verie ending of my life For so great a torment as this may well in my opinion be sufficient for so great an effect as that saue only that I deserue not to be so happie All the anxietie of my desire consists at this time that I may dye For I neither remember Purgatorie nor yet those great Sinnes which I haue committed for which I deserued Hell-Fire But all is now forgotten through that anxietie of desire and appetite to see Almightie God yea and that vast Solitude and Desert wherein I am at that time seemes a much more desireable thing then all the sweetest societie of this world If anie thing were of power to giue her cōfort in this case it would be that she might be able to treat with some one who had endured the same tormēt for now though she cōplaine therof it seems that no Creature can tell how to beleiue her It also contributes to her torment that this paine is so extreame that she would faine neither be in Solitude nor yet haue companie as others haue but only to haue the societie of some such persons as to whome she might be able to make her complaint It is with her in in this case as with one who euen hath the halter about his neck and who whilst he is euen strangling endeauours and would faine take his breath For iust so me thinkes doth this inclination to haue companie seem to be an effect of our naturall frailtie and weaknes that as this excessiue paine seems to put vs to iminent danger of death for it is certaine that it doth all this and I haue seen my self diuers times in this danger through my great sicknesses and other occasions as I haue declared and I will beleiue that this may perhaps proue to be as great as anie of the rest so the desire and inclination which both the Bodie and Soule haue not to be parted is that which seekes such a kind of succour as to take breath and by expressing it self and diuerting and complaining seeks yet for some meanes how to liue againe heer below though still much against the will of the Spirit or superiour part of the Soule which would faine not be quitt of this Paine I know not whether I hitt right in what I say or if I know indeed how to doe it but to the vttermost and best of my opinion it passes iust thus as I haue declared And now your Reuerence shall doe well to consider what kind of rest or ease it is possible for me to enioy in this life since that which I was wont to find by meanes of Solitude and Prayer for therein our Lord was pleased to giue me great consolations is now most vsually conuerted into this torment which yet withall is so delicious a kind of thing and the Soule perceaues it to be of so high value that now she delights in it more then in all those other Regalo's which she was euer wont to possesse For she holds it to be more secure as being the way of the Crosse and it giues also in my opinion a gust which is of mighty worth For she allowes nothing at all to the Bodie but paine and the Soule is that which originally suffers and doth only feele that ioy and high contentment which this verie suffering giues her I know not how all this can be but yet it passes so in verie truth that forasmuch as I can vnderstand of my self I would not change this Fauour which our Lord doth me and which proceeds as I haue sayd from his hand and is no way acquired by me as being wholy Supernaturall in it self for all those others which I I shall heer declare afterward I say not for all them togeather but for any one of them being taken seuerally by it selfe And heer let it not be forgotten how I say that these impetuosities or impulses which are described heer ariued after the Fauours which our Lord did me first as also after all that whereof I will write in this Booke yea euen after my entrance into the Fauour which I am enioying at this present And I finding my self in the beginnings to be in some feare as in effect it happens to me alwaies whensoeuer it pleases our Lord to doe me anie Fauour till at least in the proceeding therof I may haue receaued some kind of securitie from his Diuine Maiestie he willed me not to feare but to esteem this Fauour for greater then all those others were which he had formerly been pleased to vouchsafe me because the Soule was purifyed by this paine and for that it was burnished refined heer as gold might be in the Chrysuble that so it might be the more capable to receaue those enamels and ornaments of his guifts and graces and that so that was to be wiped away which would otherwise haue made worke for Purgatorie I vnderstood very well euen before that this was a great Fauour but yet I remained with much more securitie after this and my Ghostlie Father also tells me that it is good And though I were formerly afrayd yet because I am so wicked I could neuer bring my self to beleiue that it was ill but rather the verie greatnes it self of the benefit gaue me a kind of feare when I remembred how very farre I had been from deseruing it But Blessed be our Lord who is so good Amen It seemes that I haue gone from the purpose for I was beginning to speake of Rapts and this which now I haue sayd is a greater thing then a Rapt and so it leaues those effects in the Soule which I haue related And therefore let vs now returne to speake of Rapts and of that which is most vsuall therin I say then that it seemed to me manie times that it left my whole Bodie so light that all the weight thereof was vtterly gone yea and sometimes to such a kind of proportion as in effect I knew not how to set so much as my feet vpon the ground though yet when the Soule is in Rapt the Bodie remaines apart as if it were vtterly dead being able manie times to doe absolutly nothing at all of it self but as it chances to be at the time so it remaines whether it be sitting or no or whether it haue the hands either open or closed For though she loose her senses some few times and the same hath also hapned to me now and then yet haue they seldome been totally lost and that but for a very short time at once The most vsuall effect is wont to be that she finds her self a little in
will of our Blessed Lord and for his glorie Now really and with effect all these things are wont to passe in this manner if the Rapts be true and the Soule is vested with those aduantages and benefits which are related and if these doe not follow I should be apt to doubt very much that they were not Rapts on the part of God but should rather be inclined to feare that they were of that kind of Rauings whereof S. Vincent speakes At least this is what I vnderstand and I haue seen by experience it self that the Soule is wont in these cases to become a Ladie and Queen ouer all Creatures and to acquire so much Libertie of Spirit in lesse then an hower that she cannot euen know her self but yet she well vnderstands that all this is none of her owne nor doth she know how she could come to obtaine so great a blessing but yet still she vnderstands withall the extreame great benefit and aduantage which euerie one of these Rapts bring vpon her There is no Creature who can credit all this but such an one as hath learnt it by experience and therefore men beleiue not the poore Soule which they haue seen to be wicked and now find so very soone to pretend to doe certaine things of so high importance for instantly she resolues not to be content to serue our Lord in small matters but in the very greatest she can Now the world is apt to conceaue that such endeauours are but impertinencies and temptations and yet if men would but vnderstand and consider that they are not things which grow from themselues but from our Blessed Lord to whome they had already deliuered-vp the keyes of their Will they would not so much wonder at it For my part I am of opinion that a Soule which comes once to this state doth already neither doe nor euen say anie thing of her self but that this Soueraigne King hath care of all that which is to occurr O my deare God! and how clearly doth a Soule see heer the sense and signification of that Verse and how it is to be vnderstood that both he had reason and that all the world should also haue it to desire the vvings of a Doue For it is easily and clearly to be vnderstood of that Flight which the Spirit makes whereby to raise it self aboue all Creatures and in the first place from and aboue her self But this is a sweet Flight a gustfull and pleasant Flight and a Flight without noise What kinde of dominion doth such a Soule possesse which our Lord doth once conduct to this pitch that she may be able to looke downe vpon all things without being once intangled by anie of them and how full of confusion will she be for that time wherein she was intangled before And how much will she be amazed to looke-back vpon that blindnes of hers How full will she be of compassion for such as doe yet remaine therin especially if they be persons of Prayer and such as it pleases God to regale She will heer be glad to cry out very lowd that so she may make men vnderstand how mightily they are abused and deceiued yea and so she also doth sometimes And then men are apt to rayne downe euen whole showers of persecutions vpon her head and they treat her as one who wants Humilitie and who employes her self to teach those persons of whome she might doe well to learne and especially if she be a woeman for then come they in to condemne her yea and perhaps they may haue reason because they know not by what impulse she is moued But yet as she knowes not how to helpe her self on the one side so also can she not forbeare on the other to vnbeguile those persons whome she loues whome she desires to see vnfettered from the Prison of this life for that state wherein she was neither seemes lesse nor is lesse then a Prison She is also much afflicted and tired out with the thought of that time wherein she tooke anie care of points of Honour and for the grosse false errour wherein she was to haue beleiued that to be Honour which the world calls Honour for she sees that it was an abominable lye and yet that euer ie bodie liues in practise of that false Doctrine But now this Soule vnderstands and knowes That right Honour is not false but true esteeming that to be worth somewhat which indeed is so and holding that which indeed is nothing in no account at all since all is nothing and lesse then nothing which once comes to haue an end and in the meane time doth not please Almightie God She despises also and laughes at her self for the time wherein she made anie account of Monie and of the couetous desires thereof though yet in this particular I doe not beleiue and certainly it is very true that I euer had anie fault to confesse but it will haue been fault enough to haue held them in anie manner of account If with them I had been able to buy these blessings which now I find in my self I might haue esteemed them very much But now the Soule perceaues that this blessing is gotten best by leauing all things But what in fine is that which can be bought with this Monie which we so much desire Is it anie thing of true worth Is it anie thing which is durable Or to what end doe we desire it A miserable kind of supply and repose doe we procure by that which costs vs so deare for we often goe with it to Hell and we buy no other thing by meanes therof then endlesse torment in euerlasting fire O that all men would at length resolue to hold it but for earth which is good for nothing How orderly would the world then proceed How free would all places be from vniust contracts how sincerely would all men performe acts of freindship if once there raigned no interest either of Honour or monie in the mindes of men For my part I conceiue that the world would be reduced to good order This Soule sees also then that there is a great blindnes in the conceipt which men frame about the delights of this world and how we buy nothing by their meanes euen for this very life which we leade heer but affliction and disquiet How great disquiet and how little contentment and in fine what a deale of labouring in vaine And heer is the Soule able to discerne not only grosse Cobwebs and great faults but euen anie poore graine of dust how little soeuer it may be and so how much soeuer she may haue laboured to perfect her self if once the Sunne shine bright and if the same Sunne strike it through with those beames in good earnest she will find it to be dustie enough It is like a Glasse full of water which you will hold to be very cleare and pure vnlesse the Sunne shine vpon it but if you see it once falne vpon
imagine But I am of opinion that when the Soule doth anie thing on her part to help her self on as afforesayd towards that Prayer of Vnion how soeuer for the present it may seem to doe good yet the building will quickly fall as wanting anie sound foundation and I am afrayd that she will neuer ariue to true Pouertie of Spirit which consists in not desiring so much as comfort or gust in Prayer for all those of this world are forsaken already except consolation in affliction and that for loue of him who euer liued in them but to remaine also quiet in those verie afflictiōs and aridities for though they faile not to haue some little trouble thereat yet is it not so farre as to giue them anie such disquiet and paine as some giue themselues by conceiuing that if they be not alwaies labouring with their Vnderstanding and to haue sensible deuotion all is lost as if they could deserue so great a good by the paines they take I say not that they should not procure and maintaine themselues with much care in the Presence of Almightie God but if yet they be not able to obtaine no not so much as one good thought as I haue sayd els where yet let them not torment themselues because we all are vnprofitable Seruants what can we conceiue that wee shall be euer able to doe Our Lord is much better pleased that we may come to know this truth and that we may hold our selues fitt to be treated like some poore little Asses to turne that wheele about whereby the sayd Water is to be gotten who though they be put in blindfold doe not so much as know what they doe will yet get-vp more water then the Gardner with all the diligences he can vse No we must walke in this way with libertie of Spirit put our selues into the hands of Almighty God If his Diuine Maiestie shall be pleased to aduance vs to be of his Chamber Councell we must goe with a good will but if not we must be content to serue in inferiour employments and not to seate our selues in the best place as I haue sayd els where Almightie God hath more care of vs then we haue of our selues and knowes for what euerie bodie is fitt and for what therefore doth it serue for him to gouerne himself when already the whole Will is disposed of and giuen away to Almightie God In my opinion it is lesse to be tollerated or endured heer then in the First Degree of Prayer and it doth vsmuch more harme if any such errour be committed by vs for these are Supernaturall blessings If a man haue an ill voice how much soeuer he shall enforce himself to sing the voice will not be made good by it but if God shall once haue made it good he needes not be crying out before hand Let vs therefore alwaies humbly pray him to shew vs fauour let the Soule be wholy resigned but yet withall confiding in the greatnes of God And now when she hath gotten leaue to remaine at the feet of Christ our Lord let her not stirre from thence but continue in what sort soeuer it may be and let her imitate the Magdalena for when he shall find her strong he will take her vp with him to the Desert So that your Reuerēce shall doe well to keepe your self in this way till you meet with some other who may haue more experience then I and may know it better Only if they be persons who were but beginning to haue gust in Almightie God doe not beleiue them for they conceiue that they profit themselues more and haue more gust when they helpe themselues in such sort as is declared before O how Almightie God comes clearly and openly enough in without these little prettie helpes when he hath a minde to it and so as that whether we will or no he eleuates and hurries-away the Spirit euen as some Giant would dispose of a straw and so as that no resistance can be thought of But what a kind of impertinency is it for a man to beleiue that whensoeuer he lists a Toade should be made able to flye of it self And I hold it to be a more difficult and absurd kind of thing that the Spirit should be able to raise and exalt it self without being exalted and raised by Almightie God for it is all loaden with earth and with a thousand impediments and it will proue to be of little vse to it that it haue a minde to flye for though flying be more naturall to a Soule then to a Toade yet this Soule is already all plunged in a great bed of dutt myre as haueing lost that other qualitie by her owne fault I will therefore conclude with this that whensoeuer we dispose our selues to thinke and meditate vpon Christ our Lord we must remember the loue wherewith he did vs so manie Fauours and now greatly Almightie God was pleased to shew it to vs by giuing vs so high a pledge and pawne of his loue for one loue begetts and breeds another And though we should he meer poore beginners in this holie exercise and though we should withall be very wicked yet let vs still procure to be looking vpon this Obiect and still be stirring our selues vp to loue For if once our Blessed Lord vouchsafe to imprint this loue into our harts all things will grow easie to vs and we shall quickly fall to worke and that without anie trouble to our selues at all I beseech his Diuine Maiestie that he will vouchsafe to bestow it vpon vs since he knowes how very much the same imports vs for we beggit by the great loue which he bore to vs and for the sake of his Glorious Sonne who also loued vs all so extreamly to his owne cost Amen One thing I would faine aske your Reuerence how our Lord beginning to doe Fauours to a Soule and those so eminent and high as to bring her to perfect Contemplation which Soule were therefore in all reason to grow and remaine entirely perfect euen at that instant for certainly it ought to be so since whosoeuer receiues so very great blessings from Heauē should be extreamly farre from careing for anie such delights as concerne this life can possibly bring to passe that when she growes to haue Rapts and so to receiue more Fauours higher Effects thereof and that so much the more as she falls-out to be more vntyed from the world and considering yet withall how in the very first instant when our Lord ariues to a Soule he can leaue her entirely sanctifyed how I say our Lord can abandon this Soule afterward in processe of time without maintaining it in the perfection of vertue This I say would I very faine know for I vnderstand it not yet though I know well that it is a very different case what proportion of strength Almightie God leaues in a Soule when his visitation at the first
lasts no longer then the opening as it were and shutting of an eye for then in effect it is scarce felt at all but only by the very effects which it leaues behind it and when on the other side this Fauour continues to be of much longer extent But it occurrs to mee often to doubt whether the cause of this may not be that the Soule disposes not her self entirely for God till his Diuine Maiestie bring her vp and breed her for himself by little and little and so bespeake her to resolue her self all at once and giue her the verie strength of a growne man to the end that she may cast all as it were a thousand miles off as he instantly did with S. Marie Magdalen and as he also doth with others after the rate of their co-operating with him and as they suffer his Diuine maiestie to dispose of them wholy according to his owne good pleasure for els we know not how to beleiue that euen in this life Almightie God giues a hundred for one I thought also of this Comparison That supposing the thing to be all one which is imparted both to Beginners and Proficients it would be like to some one only food whereof manie feed all at once and that they who eat little of it preserue no more memory and remaine with no more effect of it then only some little sauour or smack for a while but they who feed more largely it giues them helpe to subsist and they who feed plentifully on it receiue encrease of strength and spirit by it yea and a Soule may feed so often and so fully vpon this food of life that she may come not to endure anie thing at all which shall not tast iust like that For she findes the very great benefit which she receiues by it and she hath her tast already so wholy made to that sweetnes that she had rather euen leaue to liue then to feed vpon other things which were all to serue in fine for nothing but only to take away the good tast which the former excellent food left in her mouth Besides no conuersation with holie companie is wont to be of so much vse and benefit in one day as in manie but we may be in it so long as that we may grow to be euen like them our selues if our Lord will be pleased to doe vs so much fauour But to conclude the mayne busines consists in what his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafes to doe and to whome he will be pleased to allow it though yet withall it grow to import very much that whosoeuer will pretend to receiue this Fauour must fully resolue himself to be absolutly dis-engaged and vntyed from the whole world yea and to esteem that Fauour of our Blessed Lord as highly as the thing deserues It also seemes to me as if his Diuine Maiestie were resoluing to try who they are that loue him Namely whether it be this Soule or that and that he would also discouer who himself is by imparting so high and soueraigne a delight to quicken and fortifye their Faith if it should chance to be dead or weake in the beleif of those great blessings which he meanes to giue her saying Behold this is but a single dropp of that huge and vast Sea of benedictions which I meane to giue to such as I loue And when he sees that they receiue it as he giues it he giues not only it but himself with it In fine he loues them who loue him And O what a good Louer and good Beloned is he Othou the Lord of my Soule O that I could find anie fitt words whereby I might giue to be vnderstood what thou bestowest vpon such as trust thee home and what they loose who ariue to this condition and yet will needs remaine still with themselues But doe not O thou my Lord permitt this since already thou dost more then this for our sakes in coming to so base and wicked a lodging as this of my hart Blessed maist thou be for euer and for euer Amen And now I returne most humbly to beseech your Reuerence that if you meane to impart these things which I haue written concerning my Prayer they may be very Spirituall persons to whome yow doe it For if they vnderstand no more then some one way or if they haue remained in the half way they will neuer be so well able to hitt right Now there are some whome Almightie God carries instantly by a very sublime kind of addresse and they perhaps will conceiue that others may also profit there and may quiet and calme the Vnderstanding and not serue themselues at all of the meanes of anie Corporeall obiect but yet these creatures with all this shall come in fine to remaine as dry as a stick And some who haue growne to enioy a little Quiet grow also to thinke of this fancie that Why forsooth may not they be able to obtaine as well the one as the other But such as these in stead of aduancing in the way of profiting their Soules shall really disaduantage themselues as I haue sayd So that in all this busines there will be need both of experience and prudence and I beseech our Lord grant them to vs through his owne goodnes THE THREE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She returnes to declare the course of her life and hovv she first beganne to thinke of grovving to greater perfection and by vvhat meanes she did it This Chapter is very profitable for such as are to gouerne Soules in order to Prayer and to make them knovv hovv they are to behaue themselues in their beginnings and of the benefit she reaped by knovving it her self I will now returne to that place where I gaue ouer the Discourse of my Life for I haue detained my self perhaps longer then I ought to the end that yet that which followes may grow to be the better vnderstood From hence forward this will be another new Booke I meane another new Life for hitherto it was mine but the Life which I haue liued since I beganne to declare these things of Prayer is that when God liued in me forasmuch as I could conceiue since I hold it to be impossible otherwise for me to haue giuen ouer both such ill actions and conditions in so short a time Let our Lord be euerlastingly praised for deliuering me in such sort from my self But I beginning now to free my Soule from the occasions of ill and to giue my self more to Prayer our Lord beganne also to doe me Fauours as one who in all apparance desired but that I would be content to receiue them His Diuine Maiestie did therefore then very ordinarily giue me the Prayer of Quiet and manie times that also of Vnion which lasted very long fitts of time But now when I vnderstood that there had occurred great Illusions of certaine woemen and deceipts which the Diuel put vpon them I beganne to be afrayd as considering the delight and sweetnes
which I felt to be so very great yea and that manie times it was such that I could not auoyd it though yet withall on the other side I saw cause of very great securitie that it was God especially when I was in Prayer and I found also that I was much bettered by it and still remained with more strength of Minde towardes Vertue But yet whensoeuer I grew to be a little diuerted I returned againe to feare whether the Diuel might not haue a minde to make me conceiue that it were good for me to suspend the vse of my vnderstanding and so depriue my self of the exercise of Mentall Prayer and that I might not be able to thinke vpon the Passion of Christ our Lord nor to serue my self as I was saying of my Vnderstanding part which seemed to me a very great inconuenience But now when his Diuine Maiestie was pleased already to giue me light to the end that I might offend him no more and might also grow able to know how much I owed him for this goodnes this feare came now to encrease in such sort that it put me vpon a diligent search after some persons of Spirit with whome I might communicate my affaires and already I had gotten notice of some For by this time they of the Societie of IESVS were come hither to which Order though I yet knew no one of them I was very affectionate vpon the onlie reason of my vnderstanding what kind of life they led and what Prayer they vsed But I found not my self worthie enough to speake with them nor constant and strong enough to obey them And this gaue me yet greater feare for in fine to treat with them and yet to continue still what I was represented it self to me as an odd and ill-fauoured busines In these cogitations of mine did I passe some time till now by the much batterie which I made vpon my self and through the feares to which still I was subiect I resolued to treat with one who was a Spirituall person and to aske him what kind of Prayer that was which I vsed and to desire him to giue me light if he found me to be in errour and I resolued to vse all possible diligence not to offend Almightie God for the want which I found in my self of courage did continue me still in my feares O my deare God! how great a deceipt and errour was this in me to seperate my self from good that so I might grow to be good The Diuel it seemes is willing to labour much vpon this point in the beginning of our aspiring to Vertue for I could not in fine conquer my self heerin He well knowes that the meanes of doing good to a Soule consists in that she resolue to conferr in particular manner with such as are the freinds of Almightie God and therefore I would neuer sett anie time to resolue vpon this I expected to reforme my self first as I had also done before when I left my Prayer and perhaps I should neuer haue gone through with it for I was already declined so low towards certaine little things of ill custome and consequence which yet in fine I would not conclude to be ill that I was in need to be assisted by some other who might reach me out his hand to raise me vp And now Blessed be our Lord for in fine his owne was the first When now I saw that my feare came-on so farre for I proceeded and encreased in Prayer I conceaned that there was either some great good or els some excessiue mischeif inuolued in it for already I vnderstood very well that it was a Supernaturall aduantage which I had since sometimes I was not able to resist it and to obtaine it also when I would could not possibly be done Vpon this I grew to resolue that there would be no remedie for me if I procured nor to haue great puritie of Cōscience and if I quitted not all occasions of ill though it were but of Veniall Sinnes For if my exercise of Prayer were of the Spirit of Almightie God the benefit did very euidently appeare if it were of the Diuel yet he could doe me no hurt at all but rather would be put to sitt downe with losse if I should procure to please Almightie God and not offend him at all And now hauing resolued vpon this and euer humbly praying our Blessed Lord that he would assist me and taking the same course seuerall dayes I yet found that my Soule had not strēgth enough all alone to goe through with the obtaining so great perfection in regard of some inclination and liking which I carried to certaine things which howsoeuer they were not very ill of themselues yet they serued the turne to spoile all They told me then of a certaine Preist in this place who was a learned man and whose vertue and good life our Lord began to discouer to the world and I procured by meanes of a holie Cauallier dwelling in the same place to acquaint my self with him This Cauallier is a married man but yet leades a life so very full of example and vertue and he is of so great Prayer and Charitie that his perfection shines brightly in the eyes of all men and with much reason in regard of the great good which is growne to manie Soules by his meanes as also by his great talēts And though he be not forwarded a whitt by anie plentie in his Fortune yet he cannot choose but employ the meanes he hath that way He is of great vnderstanding and of an excellent nature His conuersation is no way troublesome but so agreable and delight full togeather with his being iust and holie that it giues gust to all such as treat with him He ordaines and gouernes all things for the great good of such Soules as he conuerses with and seemes indeed to haue no other endeauour or ayme then to doe good to all them whome he findes to be anie way capable thereof and finally to giue contentment to all Now this holie and blessed man doe I esteem to haue by his industrie and charitie layd the foundation for the saluation of my Soule And I am confunded to thinke of his humilitie in that he would be content to see me for there were as I conceiue little lesse then fortie yeares wherein he had exercised Mentall Prayer they might perhaps be fewer by two or three yeares and he led his life with all that perfection which his condition and state might seem to permit He hath a Wife who is so great a Seruant of Almightie God and a woeman so full of charitie that he looses nothing at all by possessing her In a word he chose her for such a kind of Wife as whome Almightie God knew to be fitt for so great a Seruant of his some of his kindred were married to some kinswoemen of mine And besides I was also acquainted with another great Seruant of God who was
not being able to thinke of anie thing for this was that of which I spake most that Namely I could not thinke of anie thing in distinct manner when I had that Prayer and I marked and noted those places with certaine lines wherein that passage was contained and then I deliuered him the Booke to the end that both himself and that holie Priest and Seruant of God of whome I spake before might consider it and make me know what I was to doe and whether perhaps they might be of opinion that I was to giue-ouer my Prayer altogeather For in fine to what purpose was I to thrust my self into those dangers if now after I had vsed this Prayer for almost twentie yeares togeather I had made no other benefit thereof but to be subiect to the deceipts of the Diuel and that therefore it were better for me not to vse this Prayer at all though yet it be also true that this shewed it self as a very sad and hard case to me since already I had found by experience how ill it went with my Soule without the exercise of Prayer So that now I could see nothing but miserie on all sides like one who were cast into a Riuer and to which side soeuer he should goe he might still haue the more danger to feare and were so come to the verie point as it were of drowning This is a very mightie affliction and of this kind I haue endured manie as I shall declare afterward For though perhaps it may seem not to import yet peraduenture it may indeed proue to be of vse towards the vnderstanding of how a Spirit is to be tryed For certainly the affliction which vses to be endured in these cases is very great and there is need of a nice hand and of a warye foot especially when men treat with woemen for our weaknes is very great and much mischeif may chance to ariue by telling vs that such or such a thing is certainly the Diuel without considering it first very well and remouing vs from those dangers which may occurr and aduising vs to keep things very priuate and that they also be carefull thereof themselues for this is fitt And heerin it is I who speake as one who haue endured affliction enough for not hauing had fitt persons with whome I might conferr about my Prayer but by asking first one and then another what might doe me good which hath done me hurt enough For now diuerse things haue growne to be publique which might well haue remained very priuate since they are not for euerie bodie 's vnderstanding and besides it may haue seemed as if they had been diuulged by me I well beleiue that those others did it without anie fault in them but that our Lord was pleased to permit it to the end that I might suffer by it I am farre from saying yea or so much as thinking as if anie of them related anie such particular as had passed from me to them in Confession for there was no such matter but yet in regard it came from me to such persons as to whome in the way of conference I gaue account of my feares to the end that they might assist me with giuing me light me thinkes they might haue kept my counsaile But how soeuer I durst neuer conceale anie thing from such persons in such occasions as those I say therefore that such as I was then must be counsailed with much discretion and animated and time must be expected for our Blessed Lord will helpe them as he did me which if he had not done the preiudice which I should haue suffered would haue been extreame by reason of my being so full of apprehensions and feares and especially considering to how great palpitations of hart I was subiect I wonder how this other accident did me not more hurt When therefore I had deliuered this Booke and made a relation of my Life and of my Sinnes the best I could though yet in grosse for I did it not in the way of Confession in regard he was a Secular person though yet still I made him vnderstand how wicked I was those two Seruants of Almightie God considered with great charitie and loue what might be conuenient for me to doe Now the Answer being readie which I expected with feare enough and I hauing recommended my self at that time to manie persons that they might recommend me ouer to Almightie God and my self also hauing been much in Prayer with affliction enough of hart to my self the Cauallier came to me at length and told me that in the opinion both of himself and of the other it was the Diuel and that the thing which would be fitt for me to doe was to treat about this busines with a certaine Father of the Societie of IESVS who if I would call him to me declare that I was in necessitie of his helpe would not faile to come and that I should giue him an account of my whole life by way of making a Generall Confession as also otherwise of my condition and that I must proceed in all things with much clearnes and that then in vertue of the Sacrament of Confession Almightie God would giue him more light where with to direct me and that they were men of great experience in matter of Spirit but that I should doe well to be very carefull not to swarue a whitt from what he sayd for that I would find my self in much danger if I wanted one to gouerne and direct my Soule As for mee he put me now into so great feare and paine that I knew not what to doe with my self and now there was nothing with me but weeping And being one day very much afflicted in an Oratorie I fell vpon reading a certaine Booke which it seemes our Lord brought to my hands and S. Paul is cited there saying That God is very faithfull and that he neuer suffers them vvho loue him to be tempted aboue their strength This comforted me very much and I beganne to consider about making my Generall Confession and to put in writing all the Sinnes and Blessings with the course and proceeding of my whole life the most clearly that I vnderstood and knew how to doe without leauing anie little thing out And I remember that when I read ouer what I had written and saw so manie Sinnes to haue been committed by me and in effect no good at all to haue been done it gaue me an extreame affliction and sorrow of hart It also put me to some trouble that they of the House should see me treat and conuerse with so holie people as they of the Societie of IESVS are for I was afraid of mine owne wickednes and me thought I should be obliged by that meanes to be wicked no more and to giue-ouer my entertainments and passe-times and that if I did not this it would be worse with me So that I procured both with the Portresse and with the Sacristin that
doe it himself as indeed he did nor yet could I euer imagine that it would proue to take effect with me as yet it fell out to doe because already I had vsed some endeauours that way and the affliction which I receiued by it was so great that I resolued to giue ouer the attempt as being a thing which I held not to be inconuenient to continue But now heer our Blessed Lord imparted both libertie and strength to me to put it in execution I told this verie thing to my Ghostlie Father and I gaue ouer that freindship according to what I had been commanded And it did them no little good with whome I had been wont to conuerse to see this resolution growne in me Almightie God be euer blessed and praised who gaue me that libertie and power in one moment which I had not been able to purchase and obtaine of my self by the multitude of those great diligences which I had vsed manie yeares in order to this end though yet I had employed my self so earnestly vpon this attempt that it had cost me a good part of my health But now this hauing been wrought and granted by him who is the Omnipotent and true Lord of all Creatures it put me not euen to the least paine or trouble at all THE FIVE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She treats heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or speeches vvhich Almightie God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing anie voice or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this Degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction ME thinkes it should doe well to declare what kind of thing this Speech is which our Lord expresses to the Soule and what she also feeles to the end that your Reuerence may vnderstand it for from this verie time when our Lord did me this Fauour as I haue sayd the same thing is very vsuall with me euen till this verie present as I shall let you see by that which followes I say therefore that they are certaine Words very distinctly formed and that howsoeuer they be not heard with our eares of flesh and bloud yet are they vnderstood much more expresly and clearly then if they were so heard And to seeke to forbeare to vnderstand them yea and to resist the vnderstanding them how much soeuer it may be is a vanitie and a most impossible thing When in this world we haue a minde not to heare we may stopp our eares or els attend to other things if we will in such sort as that although peraduenture we may heare the words yet we shall not in that case vnderstand them But now in this discourse which Almightie God makes to the Soule there is no remedie at all but they make me harken to them whether I will or no they oblige the VnderstaÌ„ding to be very entire attentiue for the coÌ„prehending thereof For he who is able to doe all things is resolued that we shall vnderstand him and that which he resolues must be done and so he comes to be knowne to be the true Lord of vs all I haue very well experimented this truth for the resistance which I made him did last vpon the point of two yeares through the great feare wherein I was yea and euen now I make those tryalls sometimes but it serues me to little purpose I would faine declare the errours and abuses which may heer occurr though for a man who hath much experience me thinkes there should be few or none But indeed the sayd experience would be great as namely to know the difference when the Spirit is good and when it is ill and when perhaps the thing may also be but an apprehension of the verie Vnderstanding it self which may occurr or when the verie Spirit it self may speake to the verie self-same Spirit and I know not very well whether this may happen or no though euen this verie day I had a kind of opinion that it might When these Words are indeed of Almightie God I haue found the truth thereof in manie things which were told me two or three yeares before and they all fell out to proue true and till now not anie one of them failed There are also other things whereby it growes to proue very plaine that the Spirit is of God as I will declare afterward To me it seemes that a person recommending a thing to Almightie God with great earnestnes and apprehension may grow to make himself conceiue that he comes to vnderstand in some sort whether the thing shall be done or no and this I say is very possible but he who vnderstands things after this other manner will clearly discouer what it may be so great a difference there is between the two And if indeed it be a thing which the Vnderstanding deuises and makes how subtily and how delicately soeuer the matter goe he vnderstands that there is some part of himself in that which is ordained and sayd For it is no other thing then for a man to set a Discourse on foot or to harken to what another man sayes for then the Vnderstanding findes that it doth not harken then because it workes and the words which it goes framing in that case are as it were fantasticall and mute and confused and are not deliuered with that clearnes which those others haue And now heer it is in our owne power to diuert our selues or els to hold our peace when we speake but in this other case we haue no such power at all Another signe there is which is of more importance then all the rest for these things which are sayd by our selues haue no manner of operation and worke no effect at all But the other when our Lord is pleased to speake is not only of words but workes and though they be not words of deuotion but of reprehension they instantly dispose the Soule and they enable her and make her relent and they giue light and regale her and appease her And if she were in state of drynes and commotion and disorder these Words take all away as if it were with the hand yea and yet much better then so for it seemes that our Lord's busines is then to shew his mightie power and that his Words are deeds Me thinkes there is such a difference as there is between our speaking or hearing neither more â—orlesse For that which I speake I goe ordering as I was saying with my Vnderstanding but if another speake to me I doe no more then heare without anie trouble at all to my self One of these kindes of VVords is like some thing whereof we cannot well determine whether it be not as of a man who is half asleepe But this other is found to come from a voice so
hath anie experience will find that euerie word of this which I haue sayd is litterally certaine and I blesse Almightie God for enabling me to declare it as I haue done And now I end this part of the Discourse with saying that me thinkes when such Words proceed from our owne Vnderstanding we may easily come to know it if we haue a minde to it and euerie time that we are in Prayer we shall conceiue that we vnderstand them But in this other kind of Words or Speeches it is not so for it will be manie dayes wherein though I should desire to vnderstand somewhat of that kind it would be absolutly impossible and when at other times I haue no thought that way I must yet vnderstand it as I haue sayd And me thinkes that whosoeuer had a minde to deceiue others affirming himself to vnderstand that from Almightie God which is from himself might as well and it would cost him as little affirme that he heard it with his eares And it is a most certaine and reall truth that for my part I neuer thought that there was anie other way then that for the hearing and vnderstanding anie thing till I found in mine owne case that this which I haue now deliuered is true and it hath cost me as I sayd much trouble When these things proceed of the Diuel they doe not only not worke anie good effects but leaue also very ill ones behind them But this hath not hapned to me aboue twice or thrice and I haue instantly been aduertised by our Lord that they were of the Diuel And besides the great drynes which they leaue behind them they also giue the Soule much disquiet after the manner of those manie other times when our Lord hath permitted me to haue great temptations and troubles of Soule in different kindes and that I should often be tormented as I will declare heerafter But this is a certaine kind of disquiet of which we know not how to vnderstand from whence it comes but it seemes that the Soule resists it and is put into great disorder by it and is afflicted without knowing for what in regard that the Diuel saith that such or such a thing is not ill but good I conceiue that if one Spirit may be able to find and feele another the gust and delight which this Diabolicall Spirit giues is different in my opinion from the other after a most euident manner The Diuel may well deceiue some such person by giuing him gusts as neuer receiued anie before from Almightie God for these latter are gusts indeed which import a sweet strong well-imprinted quiet delightfull kind of pleasure and ioy for as for those little prettie deuotions of the Soule and certaine other slight feelings which be like little young flowers that are shaken off and lost vpon the least little wind of persecution I doe not call them Deuotions though yet they are good beginnings and holie motions but no way sufficient to determine whether the effects proceed from a good Spirit or a bad and therefore it will be very necessarie to walke in this kind of things with huge caution for such persons as shall not haue proceeded further in Prayer then thus farre may easily grow to be deceiued if they fall out to haue Visions or Reuelations For my part I neuer had of these last till God through his owne onlie goodnes gaue me Prayer of Vnion vnlesse it were that first time whereof I spoke and it hapned to me manie yeares agoe when I saw Christ our Lord and I would to God it had pleased his Diuine Maiestie that I had vnderstood at that time that it was a true Vision as I vnderstood it to be afterward for it would not haue been of small aduantage to me But now vpon these illusions of the Diuel there neuer growes any sweetnes or softnes and supplenes to the Soule but she remaines as if she were frighted and with much disgust And I hold it for very certaine that Almightie God will neuer permit the Diuel to deceiue anie Soule which puts no confidence at all in her self and which is fortifyed in the right Faith and resolues thus much for her part that she would dye a thousand deaths for the least Article thereof and who togeather with this Loue and Faith being infused into the Soule by Almightie God which is a Liuelie and strong Faith indeed procures alwayes to goe in conformitie with that which is taught by the Holie Catholique Church informing her selfe further by seuerall wayes as a person who is strongly seated in this truth That all the imaginable Reuelations of the whole world no not if she should see the verie Heauens open themselues could make her varie in the least point from the Doctrines and Decrees of the sayd Church But if she once come so farre as but to shake or wauer euen in one single thought against this or entertaine her self so farre as to say But novv if God himself say thus to me as he hath sayd such other things to Saints this may also be true I say not that she beleiue it but that the Diuel beginne to tempt her by this motion and that she be content to continue her self a little therein a bodie may see already that this is starke naught But for my part I beleiue that manie times euen these other first motions will hardly euer come so farre as euen but to set vpon such a Soule if she be already so strong as our Blessed Lord is wont to haue made such as to whome he vses to impart these Fauours For me thinkes she might be able to teare those Diuels euen to fitters whensoeuer there might be question of anie one single little Truth which the Church holds I say that if the Soule doe not find such a strength as this in her self and that the deuotion or Vision which she had doe not assist and help her-on therein let her not hold anie such Vision for safe because though the hurt of it be not instantly vnderstood it may perhaps grow by little and little to be great For to the vttermost of what I can discerne and know by experience the reputation and credit that such a thing is of the Spirit of God is setled and assured in such sort as that it also goes in conformitie to Holie Scripture And when it should be found to varie from this Rule though it were neuer so little I thinke I should be then much more sure without comparison that it were of the Diuel then now I haue assurance that it is of Almightie God how great soeuer I might find that assurance to be For in that case we should haue no need at all to goe in search after signes nor to enquire of what Spirit it were since this is so cleare a signe to make vs beleiue that it is of the Diuel that if all the world should endeauour to assure me that it were of God I would not beleiue it
me Let the Diuells of Hell torment me yea Let all creatures persecute me but only be not thou wanting to me O my deare Lord for I know by good experience with how much aduantage and fruit thou deliuerest all such persons as put their confidence in thee alone For when I was in this great and miserable affliction of Spirit at a time when I had not enioyed anie one Vision at all these only few following words were sufficient to free me from all trouble and to quiet me entirely Feare not O my Daughter for it is I and I vvill not forsake thee Doe not feare It seemes to me that considering what kind of Creature I was then there would haue been need of a long time to perswade me to quiet my self and that no bodie would haue been able to doe it and yet now behold me heer all quieted and composed by these few words and I was endued with strength with courage with securitie which was accompanied with a kind of repose and light in such sort as that at that verie instant I saw my Soule become a direct other thing then it was before and me thinkes I could euen haue disputed against the whole world in proofe that this proceeded from Almightie God O what a good deare God is this O what a good deare Lord is he and how very powerfull for not only doth he giue the counsaile but the remedie also His verie Words are Workes and O how doth he both strengthen our Faith and encrease our Loue It is really very true that I often called to minde how our Lord had commanded the windes to compose and quiet themselues at Sea when a Tempest had been raised And so also did I say Who is this whome all the Powers of my Soule obey and who at an instant brings-in light to chace so great an obscuritie away and makes that hart grow soft and supple which seemed to haue the verie hardnes of stone and knowes how to driue and draw-downe the water of sweet teares where there was so great a drougth so long before Who is he that can inspire these desires Who can imprint such a courage what was I about to doubt and what can I feare What is this I desire to serue this Lord and I pretend no other thing then to please him I renounce all contentment and ease or anie other good at all but only the accomplishing of his Will For of this I was very sure in my opinion and that I might safely affirme it that since this Lord is so powerfull as I see he is and as I know he is and that all the Diuels of Hell are his Slaues and of this there can be no doubt since it is matter of Faith and I being the Seruant of this Lord and King what hurt can they all be able to doe me and why may not I haue strength enough to fight with all the Powers of Hell I then tooke a Crosse into my hand and really I thought God gaue me courage to conceiue that I should be shortly another kinde of woeman and that I was not to be afrayd to wrestle a Fall with the Diuels but conceiued that togeather with that Crosse I should be easily able to ouercome them all yea and once I prouoked them thus Come towards me as manie of you as dare for I being the Seruant of our Lord will see what you all can doe against me And it is most certaine that I thought they were afrayd of me and for my part I remained so in quiet and so totally without feare of them all that all the feares which I had formerly conceiued till that verie present time were remoued from me For though I saw them sometimes as I shall declare afterward yet I neuer feared them more but conceiued that they were rather affrayd of me I possessed a dominion ouer them which had been giuen me by the Lord of all Creatures and I make no more reckoning of them then of so manie Flyes and they seem to be of so cowardlie a nature that when once they come to find that they are not esteemed they haue no power at all For this kind of enemie knowes not how to set vpon anie one who renders not himself vp to them or els when Almightie God permitts for the greater good of his Seruants that they may tempt and torment them I would to God it might please his Diuine Maiestie that we would feare whome indeed we ought to feare and that we might perfectly vnderstand that we shall receiue more preiudice by committing anie one single Veniall sinne then by all the power of Hell put togeather for this is a most certaine truth How extreamly doe these Diuels carrie vs frighted vp and downe because our selues indeed will needs giue occasion thereof by our being so close fastned as we are to our Honours to our Estates and to our Delights For then we being ioyned togeather with these impediments by louing and desiring to possesse them who are our contraries whome we ought to abhorre they grow able to doe vs much hurt For we enable them to fight against our verie selues with our owne weapons which we put into their hands though indeed we were to defend our selues thereby against them And this is both pitty and shame But now if on the other side we shall resolue to abhorre all those things for the loue of our Lord and embrace his Crosse and pitch vpon doing him seruice in good earnest he flyes as fast away from these solid truths as a man would doe from the Plague In fine he is a freind of Lyes yea and a verie Lye himself He is easily kept from medling much with such persons as walke entirely according to Truth but when once he can discouer that a mans Vnderstanding growes to be obscured he hath a particular grace in procuring to breake the verie strings of his eyes and if he see one already proue so blind as that he will needs build his rest and ease vpon vaine things and so vaine as that being things of this world they are no better then toyes fitt for children he findes already that such a person is a verie Child and so he treates him like such an one and wrestles with him more or lesse as he sees cause I beseech our Blessed Lord that I may neuer proue to be one of these but that his Diuine Maiestie may be pleased to doe me so much Fauour as that I may vnderstand that to be ease and rest which is indeed true ease and rest and that to be honour which is true Honour delight which is true delight and not the direct contrarie to all this and then a figg for all the Diuels in Hell for then they shall be all of them afrayd of me For my part I vnderstād not those feares of the Diuel and the Diuel and I know not what when we may be able to say God and God c.
and so make those Wretches tremble For already we know well enough that the Diuel is not able to stirre vnlesse our Lord permit him What then may be the ground of all these disorders It is certainly that I am more afrayd of them who are so frighted by the Diuel then of the Diuel himself for he is vtterly vnable to doe me hurt whereas these others especially if they be Ghostlie Fathers may put Soules to much disquiet and for my part I haue passed some yeares through so great trouble that now I am euen amazed to consider how I haue been able to endure it But Blessed be our Lord who hath assisted me in so good earnest Amen THE SIX AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declaring such things as hapned to her vvhich made her loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleif that it vvas a good Spirit vvhich spake to her I Esteem the courage which our Lord hath vouchsafed to giue me against all the Diuels of Hell to be one of the great Fauours which it hath pleased his Diuine Maiestie to doe mee since for a Soule to goe cowardly on and to be fearefull indeed of anie thing but only to offend the Maiestie of Almightie God is an extreame inconuenience For since we haue a King who is Omnipotent and so great a Lord that he can doe what he listes and who brings all things into subiection vnder himself there is no feare at all to be had and therefore as I was saying we haue no cause to doubt so that we walke sincerely and with puritie of conscience in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie And in order to this end I shall be glad to haue all the feares in the world to offend him in anie one instant of my whole life who is able in the verie self-same instant to destroy and annihilate vs all As long as his Diuine Maiestie is pleased with vs there is no Creature who can stand against vs without hauing his head broken for his paines You will peraduenture say that this is very true but yet now on the other side where shall we find that Soule which stands so streight as that she may be wholy pleasing to him and because she is not so she is in feare I answer that I am sure that that pure and innocent Soule is none of mine which indeed is very wretched and vnprofitable and surcharged euen with a thousand miseries But yet still we haue this comfort that Almightie God doth not proceed with such rigours as men doe for he knowes and considers our frailties and the Soule hath wayes of vnderstanding and finding in it self by great coniectures whether really she loue his Diuine Maiestie or no for in such as ariue once to this state our loue to him is not now a kind of dissembled or disguised loue as it vses sometimes to be in the beginnings but it is accompanied with so great impulses and euen impetuosities of desire to see Almightie God as I shall afterward declare or rather as I haue declared already and all things are wont to afflict all things to wearie tyre and all things doe euen torment her vnlesse it be only God or for God There is not so much as anie repose which doth not displease her because she findes her self absent from her true repose and so it falls-out to be very euident that things passe not heer in a dissembling way It hath hapned to me in former times that I found my self in great tribulations and I was subiect to manie detractions by occasion of a certaine busines whereof I may haue cause to speake afterward from all that House where I liue yea and from my Order and I was afflicted vpon manie accidents which occurred then at which time it pleased our Lord to vtter these expresse words to me Of vvhat art thou afrayd Dost thou not knovv that I am Omnipotent I vvill accomplish all that vvhich I haue promised thee And indeed he accomplished it afterwards very well But euen instantly there remained such a kind of strength in me that me thought I could presently haue put my self to aduenture vpon other things though they should cost me much more trouble for the doing him seruice and could haue suffered also much more for him And this verie self same thing hath hapned to me so often that I am not able to count the times and he hath made me and makes me still such reprehensions by occasion of those imperfections which I commit sometimes that they are able euen as it were to annihilate the Soule At least they bring so much in their company as that she is mended by them for his Diuine Maiestie as I haue sayd doth not only giue vs the counsaile but the remedie At other times he brings back to me the memorie of the Sinnes of my former life and this he most ordinarily vses to doe whensoeuer he intends to vouchsafe me anie extraordinarie Fauour And he doth it in such sort that the Soule discernes her self as if she were really planted at the verie Day of the Last Vniuersall Iudgement and the truth is represented to her with such a kind of perspicuitie and claritie that she knowes not what to doe with her self At other times he is pleased to informe me of certaine dangers concerning both my self and others about things which doe not happen till three or fowre yeares after but they all were euer fulfilled and some of them might also be named if there were cause So that there are so manie particulars whereby it may be vnderstood that these things are of Almightie God as that in my opinion they cannot but be knowne and acknowledged The most secure proceeding consists in that such a person doe not faile to impart her whole Soule to her Ghostlie Father and that he be a learned man and that she doe entirely obey him At least this is the course which I take and without this I could haue no rest nor were it indeed fitt that we woemen should haue anie since we haue no learning and there can be no hurt at all in this but manie aduantages and benefits as our Lord himself hath told me manie times I say manie times I had once a Ghostlie Father who mortifyed me very much and sometimes he did euen afflict me and brought me a great deale of trouble and disquieted me in extraordinarie manner and yet it was he who in my opinion did me the most good of them all And though I loued him very much yet I had some temptations to leaue him for it seemed to me that I was much preiudiced by those inconueniences which he was wont to giue me concerning my Prayer But yet euer when I was determining to doe this I instantly vnderstood that I was to forbeare it and I receiued such a reprehension from our Lord as defeated and as it were annihilated me more then all that which my Ghostlie Father could
away as much as it had touched within me and left all that which remained wholy inflamed with a great loue of Almightie God The paine of it was so excessiue that it forced me to vtter those groanes and the suauitie which that extremitie of paine gaue was also so very excessiue that there was no desiring at all to be ridd of it nor can the Soule then receaue anie contentment at all in lesse then God Almightie himself This is no Corporall but a Spirituall paine though yet the Bodie doe not faile to participate some part thereof yea and that not a little And it is such a deare delightfull kind of entercourse which passes heer between the Soule and Almightie God as I beseech him of his infinit goodnes that he will giue some touch or tast of it to whosoeuer shall beleiue that I lye During the time when I was in this state I went vp and downe that world like an odd kind of transported Foole neither cared I either to see anie thing or to speake but contented my self to consume with burning-vp in my paine which was to be the greatest glorie for me that this whole world could affoard In this state was I now and then when our Blessed Lord was pleased that these so verie great Rapts should come vpon me which I was not able sometimes to resist euen when I was in presence of Secular people and so they grew to be publique and this gaue me a very great deale of trouble But since the time that I am growne to haue these Rapts I feele not this paine so much as that other whereof I spoke before though yet I cannot call the Chapter to minde But that paine is different in manie kindes and of more value also then this Or rather when this beginnes whereof I am speaking in this place it seemes that our Lord doth rauish and runne away as it were with the Soule and put her into Extasis out of hand and so no too me is left for the letting her feele anie paine because instantly the time of enioying comes in Let him be Blessed for euer who vouchsafes to impart so high Fauours to a person who corresponds with him so ill for so great benefits THE THIRTIETH CHAPTER She returnes to recount the course of her Life and hovv our Lord gaue remedie to manie of her troubles by bringing that holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured BVt now when I came to obserue the little or nothing which I was able to effect towards the enduring of those so great impulses or impetuosities whereof I was speaking I grew to be in great feare of hauing them for it was past anie power of mine to vnderstand how Paine and Ioy might be possibly able to consist togeather That Corporall paine and Spirituall ioy could be compatible I know well might be possible enough but that so excessiue a Spirituall paine should be compatible with so excessiue a Spirituall gust did put me half as it were out of my witts And still I did not giue-ouer to procure to resist the ariuall thereof though yet I had so little power that way that sometimes I grew wearie euen of the endeauour I defended my self by the Crosse and so procured to help my self by that meanes from him who gaue vs all defence and succour by the same Crosse I saw that no Creature vnderstood me and this I vnderstood very clearly though yet I durst not say so to anie bodie but my Ghostlie Father for that indeed might haue authorised them to say truly that I wanted humilitie But our Blessed Lord was pleased to recouer me from a great part of my trouble yea and euen at that time from it all by bringing that blessed man Fray Pedro de Alcantara thither of whome I made mention before when I spake somewhat of his great Pennance And now I also remember that amongst other things I haue been informed that for twentie yeares togeather he had worne vpon his bare Bodie a certaine Garment of Lattin in forme of a Haire Cloath This man was the Authour of certaine little Treatises concerning Prayer written in Spanish and they are now in the hands of manie For he as being a person who had accustomed himself much to that holie exercise wrote very profitably thereof for them who liue in the Obseruance of the First Rule of the Blessed S. Francis according to the full rigour of the same When therefore a certaine Widdow of whome I spoke els where who was a great Seruant of Almightie God and a particular freind of mine came to know that so great a man was there with me and knew also the great necessities wherein I was as hauing been the witnes of my afflictions and had comforted me in seuerall occasions for her Faith was euer so great that she could neuer in fine beleiue but that it was the Spirit of Almightie God which all the rest would needs haue to be the Diuel and considering also that she was a person of very good vnderstanding and of great secrecie withall and one to whome our Lord vouchsafed to doe great Fauours in Prayer his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to giue her knowledge of those things whereof they who were Learned were wholy ignorant My Ghostlie Fathers then gaue me leaue that I might ease my self in some things with her for she was capable manie wayes to vnderstand them for sometimes it had come to her turne to enioy euen some of those verie Fauours which our Lord had also vouchsafed to affoard me togeather with certaine aduertisments which he had also giuen her for the good of her Soule But now as soone as Fray Pedro came to know of my designe he did without saying anie thing to me desire and get leaue of my Prouinciall that I might remaine with her in her House for a matter of some eight dayes and so both there and in seuerall Churches I spoke with him diuerse times in that first occasion of my being there for I communicated my affaires with him also afterward in sundry occasions at which time I gaue him likewise account of my life though yet but in a Summarie way and of the manner of my proceeding in Prayer and this with the greatest claritie which I could possibly vse for this propertie I euer had to treat with all claritie and truth with them to whome I imparted my Soule yea and I still desired that euen the first motions of my hart might be made knowne to them and as for such things as might be subiect anie way to suspition or doubt I still was wont to argue them against my self with the strongest reasons that I could bring So that I imparted my Soule to this Father without anie manner of duplicitie or disguise at all and I found that he vnderstood me almost euen at
too much if anie such thing could be found in it as might put me into anie feare of the Inquisition That if I thought there were anie ground or cause my self would be the first to goe thither and that if it were a slaunder raised vp against me our Lord would deliuer me from it and I should proue the Gainer by that Bargaine Now I treated of this matter with the Dominican Father who as I sayd was so very learned a man that I might well assure my self vpon whatsoeuer he should declare to me heerin And I told him then vpon this occasion with the greatest clearnes that I could possibly vse of all the Visions which I had had and of the manner of Prayer which I had vsed and of the great Fauours which our Blessed Lord had been pleased to doe me and I humbly prayed him to consider all these things very well and to let me vnderstand if there were anie thing at all in anie of them against Holie Scripture and that also he would acquaint me with the iudgement which he made thereof Now all this he did and so setled and secured me very much and I grow to be also of opinion that this accident was of much aduantage euen to him For though he were formerly very good yet he gaue himself much more to Prayer from that time forward and withdrew himself to a certaine retired Monasterie of his owne Order which was a place of great Solitude and silence to the end that so he might exercise himself the better in Prayer He remained there aboue two yeares and then Obedience to his Order tooke him from thence for which he was sorrie enough But they had need of such a man as he was I was no lesse greiued when he went from me through the great want which I was sure I should haue of him though yet I knew withall that he would be a gainer by it And whilst I was in paine about his iourney our Lord bad me be comforted and not troubled for that he went away to good purpose And indeed he came back againe afterward with his Soule so well improued and aduanced in the way of Spirit that himself told me at his returne how he would not for anie thing of this world but that he had gone And I also could say the same for whereas he had formerly giuen me assurances and comforts but only by his Letters he was now growne able to doe it also through the great experience which he was come to haue in Spirit and of Supernaturall things And it also pleased Almightie God to bring him back to vs at such a time as when his Diuine Maiestie saw that there would be need of him for assisting his worke concerning this Monasterie which his will was should goe forward But in the meane time I remained in silence for a matter of some fiue or six moneths not hearing or saying anie thing of this businesse nor did our Blessed Lord command me anie thing about it nor vnderstood I the reason thereof but yet still I could not part with the beleif but that the busines would be done sooner or later But at the end of that time aforesayd the Rectour of the Colledge of the Societie of IESVS who had been there till then being now to remoue from hence his Diuine Maiestie brought another to be in his place who was a very Spirituall person and of great courage and vnderstanding and Learning and he came at a certaine time when I was in very great need of helpe For in regard that he who was my Ghostlie Father had a Superiour ouer himself and by reason that they haue this vertue in perfection not so much as once to stirre but in conformitie to the will of their Superiours and though this Ghostlie Father of mine had a very good vnderstanding of my Spirit and desired that I might profit proceed he yet aduentured not to conclude some things with a firme resolution for diuers reasons which he had for it And on the other side my Spirit did presse already to passe on with certaine impulses and impetuosities which were so great that I found it a very troublesome thing to be tyed short and yet for all this I resolued not to exceed those bounds at all which he had prescribed And being one day in much affliction as conceauing that my Ghostlie Father did not beleiue me it pleased our B. Lord to require me not to trouble my self affirming that that difficultie would be soone at an end For my part I was much ioyed by this as conceauing that I was quickly to dye and I was wont particularly to reioyce when I remembred it But afterward I saw clearly that his Speech concerned the coming of this new Rectour of whome I spake and afterward I neuer had anie occasion to be in paine in regard that this sayd new Rectour contradicted not the Sub-Rectour who was my Confessarius but rather directed him to giue me comfort and scope and that there was no cause of feare and that he should not conduct my Soule by such straight narrow wayes and with such restrictions but should permit the Spirit of our Lord to worke in me For indeed at some times it seemed that by reason of those great impetuosities of Spirit the Soule had scarce roome for so much as to breath I went then to visit this Rectour and my Ghostlie Father required me to treat with him with all libertie and clearnes As for me I was wont to find very great difficultie to declare my self in that kind but yet really it is very true that euen at my verie first entrance into the Confessionarie I felt a kind of I cannot tell what to call it in my Spirit which I remember not my self to haue euer found by occasion of anie Creature either before or after nor can I distinctly tell how it was nor yet am I able to expresse it fully by anie way of Comparison But it was a certaine Spirituall ioy and a kind of vnderstanding which my Soule had that the Soule of that man would be able to vnderstand me and that there would be a kind of conformitie in iudgement between vs two although as I was saying I vnderstood not how If indeed I had euer spoken with him before or if others had peraduenture giuen me anie great newes of the man it had not been very strange that it should ioy me when I came to vnderstand that he was to heare me But neither he nor I had euer spoken word to one another nor was there anie one by whose meanes I had euer had anie notice at all of him and yet since that time I haue seen very well that my Spirit deceaued me not because it hath been of great aduantage in all kinds both to my Soule and me to treat with him For his kind of conuersation and way of conference and communication is a thing of great importance for such persons as
our Lord seemes to haue forwarded much in the way of Spirit for he makes them runne-on apace and not goe foot by foot And his manner is to vntye them soundly and totally from all Creatures and to put them to the exercise and practise of Mortification for in this our Blessed Lord hath imparted a most particular talent to him as he hath also done in manie other things Now as soone as I beganne to communicate my affaires with him I instantly vnderstood his stile and way of proceeding and I found that he had a holie and pure Soule and that our Lord had giuen him a particular tallent in the trying and knowing of Spirits So that I was comforted both much and very soone after I had once communicated with him and our Blessed Lord beganne againe to presse me towards a treating of the Busines of the Monasterie and that I should declare both to my Ghostlie Father and to this Rectour the manie grounds and reasons why they were not to disswade and diuert me from it and some of them made them hartily afrayd to doe it For this Father Rectour neuer did so much as doubt but that it was the Spirit of Almightie God because he had beheld and considered the effects with very great studie and care In fine after the consideration of manie things they durst not presume to diuert me and my Ghostlie Father did againe giue me leaue to vse all the endeauour I could and yet I was able to see very well what a great deale of trouble it would giue me in regard I was so vtterly alone and had very little power to effect anie thing But we agreed that it should be carried with great priuacy and therefore I procured that a certaine Sister of mine who liued els-where should buy and build the House as if it were for her self and that it should be done with monie which our Lord found meanes by certaine wayes wherewith to pay for it But it would be a long busines to tell you how his Diuine Maiestie went prouiding it for as for me I desired to be very sure to doe nothing which might be against Obedience But I was not then to learne that if I told anie thing to the Superiours of my Order the whole Busines would be lost as it was before yea and that if I did so now it would fall-out to be worse In the point of getting monie for making the bargaine for a Seate and for building also the House I endured manie troubles and some of them all alone though yet my Companion and freind did also the best she could But in fine she could doe little and indeed so very little that vpon the matter it was a kind of nothing but only to take vpon her the name and to lend it her countenance for all the rest of the trouble I was mine and it came vpon me so very manie wayes that I doe euen wonder now how I was able to endure it then Sometimes when I was full of affliction I would be vttering my self to Almightie God after this manner O my deare Lord how comest thou to command me things which seem impossible For though I be a woeman yet if I had libertie perhaps something might be done but being tyed vp in all respects without monie and without knowing where to get anie whereby either the Breue or anie thing els may be had what can I doe O Lord But being once in a certaine necessitie and not knowing which way to turne my self and not being able to pay the workmen S. Ioseph my true Father and Patron appeared to me and told me that monie would not be wanting to me and therefore that I should make the agreement and so I did euen when I had no monie at all and afterward our Blessed Lord prouided it by so strange wayes that they who heard of it were amazed But now me thought the House shewed to be very little and indeed it was so and in that extremitie that it seemed not capable of being euer able to be a Monasterie and I had a good minde to buy another House but neither had I wherewithall to doe it nor otherwise anie meanes to procure it though there were yet a very little one ioyning to it whereof a Church might be made But after I had Communicated one day our Lord sayd thus to me I haue already vvilled thee to beginne as thou mayest And then after the manner of exclamation he sayd thus also to me O the touetousues of the race of mankinde vvhich thinkes that it shall vvant euen earth vpon vvhich to tread Hovv often haue I slept in the open ayre as not knovving vvhere to lay my head Vpon this I was amazed and found that he had reason and so I went to that little House and ordered it And though it were very little yet it was iust fitt to make such a kind of Monasterie and I made it no more my busines to compasse a larger Seate but procured to build vpon that in such sort as it might be fitt to be inhabited all course and rude and without anie other misterye but only that it might not be hurtfull in point of health and so it shall euer remaine Vpon the day of S. Clare I going to receaue the B. Sacrament she appeared to me in very great beautie and bad me be of a good courage and goe on in the worke which I had begunne and that she would assist me And this hath proued so true that a Monasterie of Religious woemen of her Order which is neer this doth help to sustaine and feed vs and which yet is more she hath by little and little brought this desire of mine to such perfection that the self-same pouertie which that Blessed Saint established in her House is exercised also in this and we liue of Almes which point hath cost me no small trouble in getting it confirmed by His Holines and to be further also established in such sort as that no innouation may be made not the House be euer capable of Rent And now doth our Blessed Lord euen more then this and perhaps the same may grow by the intercession of this Blessed Saint for his Diuine Maiestie prouides vs with all things necessarie in most compleat manner without our euer asking anie thing of anie Creature Let him be Blessed for all things Amen But I being about that time vpon the Day of the Assumption of our B. Ladie in a certaine Monasterie of the Glorious S. Dominick's Order I was considering the manie Sinnes of my former time which I had Confessed in that House and the accidents of my wicked life and suddainly there came so great a Rapt vpon me that it tooke me in effect wholy out of my self I then sat downe and yet it seemed to me that I was not able either to heare Masse or so much as to see the Eleuation for which I remained afterward with some scruple Now it seemed to me that
great preparation is also vsed and prouision made for euerie one of them who shall desire to enioy their Spouse Iesus-Christ our Lord hand to hand by liuing chearfully and euerlastingly in the sayd Rule For this is that verie thing which they are alwaies to resolue They alone with him alone and they are to be no more then thirteen for I see by the opinion of manie that this is fitt and I haue found it also to be true by experience That to preserue that Spirit which they haue and to liue of Almes without asking anie thing of anie Creature there will not be meanes for more And euer let them be beleiued best who with manie troubles of their owne and by meanes of the manie prayers of others procured that that might be done which was best And so also by the consideration of the great contentment and ioy and the very little care and trouble which we see euerie bodie to haue in this House as also by the much better health which now they haue then formerly they were wont to enioy it may be held and hoped that this course will fall-out to be most conueniēr And whosoeuer shall still conceaue that the way of life heer is too seuere and sharpe let him rather apply the fault to his owne want of Spirit then cast it vpon that Discipline which is obserued heer since persons who are of delicate constitution and haue no health of which to brag doe yet so easily obserue this Rule because they haue Spirit And let those others goe in God's name to some other Monasterie where they also may be saued according to the Spirit which they shall haue THE SEAVEN AND THIR TIETH CHAPTER She treates of the Effects vvhich vsed to remaine in her Soule vvhen our Lord had done her anie Fauour and she accompanies this Discourse vvith very profitable Doctrine She declares also hovv vve are to procure and greatly esteem the gaining of one degree of glorie more and hovv vve must not for anie trouble or paines forsake those benefits and blessings vvhich are euerlasting I Am loath to recount anie more of those Fauours which our Lord hath done me then such as I haue related already yea and euen they are more I doubt then need to be thought to haue been shewed to so miserable a Creature as my self but yet to obey our Lord who hath commanded it and your Reuerence also who expect it I will declare some things heer to his glorie And I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie that it may serue for the profit of some Soule to see that our Blessed Lord would vouchsafe so highly to fauour so wretched a thing as I am for then what will he not doe for such others as shall procure to serue his Diuine Maiestie in good earnest And euerie bodie will so be encouraged heerby to giue our Lord contentment and gust since euen in this mortall life of ours he vouchsafes to impart to vs such assurances and euen pawnes of his loue But first it is heer to be vnderstood that in all these Fauours which Almightie God is pleased to doe to a Soule there is euer more glorie or lesse as he himself is pleased to impart it more or lesse For the glorie and gust and comfort which he imparts is so much more in some Visions then in other as that I was euen amazed to find so great difference of enioying euen in this life For it happens that there is so great an excellencie belonging to some one Regalo or gust which our Lord imparts in some one Vision or in some one Rapt that it seemes an impossible thing to be able so much as to desire anie thing beyond it in this life nor doth the Soule indeed desire more nor would euen wish for more ioy and gust though yet since our Blessed Lord hath been pleased to giue me to vnderstand how great the difference is in Heauen between the glory which is enioyed by some that which is enioyed by others I am come to see very clearly that euen heer also there are no set limits in giuing when our Lord pleases And so could I also wish that there were no limits set in my doing Seruice to his Diuine Maiestie but that I would employ my whole strength and health and life vpon it that so I might not loose the least imaginable proportion of my enioying anie Celestiall blessing through anie fault of mine And heerin I declare my self thus farre That if this choice should be offered me Whether I would be subiect to all afflictions of the world euen till the end of the same world and then ascend by that meanes to the enioying of neuer so little more glorie or els without anie affliction at all to enioy a little lesse glorie I would most willingly accept of all those troubles and afflictions for a little more enioying that so I might also vnderstand more of the greatnes of Almightie God because I see that he who vnderstands more of him doth both praise him and loue him so much the more I say not but that I should be fully contented and should esteem my self very happie to be in Heauen though it were but in the most inferiour place thereof for our Blessed Lord would shew an abundance of mercie thereby to such an one as had been designed to Hell-Fire as I was and I humbly pray his Diuine Maiestie that he will not cast his eye vpon my great Sinnes but that in fine I may goe to Heauen But that which I say is this That if our Lord would giue me grace to labour much for him and if I were able to doe it I would not vpon anie tearmes how much paine soeuer it might cost me forgoe the gaine of anie thing in the way of Celestiall glorie by my fault miserable Creature that I am who had once lost it all through mine owne great Sinnes But heer it is also to be noted that in euerie Fauour or Vision or Reuelation which our Lord allowed me my Soule did still remaine with some great aduantage or gaine and sometimes with a gaine which was very extraordinarily great by meanes of some of my Visions For by my seing Christ our Lord his admirable and excessiue beautie remained imprinted in me and I haue it euen to this day for in such a case as this one onlie time serues the turne and therefore how much more when it happens so very often as our Lord hath vouchsafed to impart it to me In particular I remained with one which was extreamly considerable and it was this I was subiect to a very great fault by which much hurt came vpon me whensoeuer I beganne to obserue that anie one had a good inclination to me For if I liked him well I grew to carrie so much affection to him as that my memorie would bind me after a sort to be still thinking of him though yet it were not at all with anie intention to offend Almightie God
this Light nor yet of anie other thing at all which our Lord was pleased to giue me to vnderstand and that with such a soueraigne kind of delight as cannot possibly be declared For all our Senses enioy such a superiour degree of sweetnes that it can no way be fully expressed and therefore I thinke it will be best to say no more I had once been aboue an hower in this condition when our Lord shewed me admirable things and seeming not to depart from being neer me he spake these verie words to me See heer my Daughter vvhat they loose vvho are against me doe not thou forbeare to let them knovv it But O my deare Lord what good will my saying it doe to them whome their owne actions blind so deeply if thy Diuine Maiestie doe not giue them light Some there be to whome thou hast giuen it and they haue profited much by knowing those greatnesses of thine but yet O my Lord they see in such sort withall that they are shewed to such a wretched and miserable thing as my self that I cannot but esteem it a strange thing to find that anie Creature should beleiue me Blessed be thy name and thy mercie for at least I haue plainly seen an euident amendment in mine owne Soule and I would be glad if I might still remaine there and not come back to liue heer anie more For the contempt wherein I held this whole world was very great and it seemed to be no better then euen dung to me and now I find how basely we be employed who are detained therein Whilst I remained with that Ladie of whome I spoke before it hapned to me once when I was ill and euen sick at the hart for I haue formerly been subiect to this miserie though nothing so much of late she considering me with much charitie and compassion commanded that one day certaine Iewells of hers should be brought forth which she had of very great value and one in particular of Diamonds which was prized at a verie high rate Now she conceaued belike that this would recreate and reviue me but I smiled inwardly at her the while and had compassion to see how meane things men esteem when I considered what our Lord hath layd-vp for vs And I thought how impossible a thing it would be for me to put anie manner of value vpon such toyes as those euen though I should endeauour it vnlesse our Lord should first depriue me of the memorie of those other treasures But now this kind of Fauour giues so great a dominion to the Soule that I know not whether it can possibly be vnderstood but only by such persons as possesse it For it is the proper true and naturall discharge and vntying of the Soule from all things created and this growes absolutly without anie labour of our owne and Almightie God doth it all and then his Diuine Maiestie shewes these Truths and that so as to make them remaine imprinted and engrauen in the Soule and they serue also to make vs see clearly that it was not possible for vs to acquire them especially in so short a time by anie diligences of our owne Vpon this I also came to haue very little feare of death which formerly had been great in me but now it is growne to seem to be a thing of very much facilitie and ease for such as apply themselues to the Seruice of Almightie God For by death the Soule flyes out of prison in one moment and is not only put presently into libertie but enioyes an euerlasting rest and glory Now this way which is held by Almightie God in carrying the Spirit vp to shew her so excellent things in these Rapts seemes to beare a very close kind of conformitie with the passage of a Soule out of a Bodie at the hower of death since it growes euen at one instant to be so entirely inpossession of this Eternall Good But heer I lay aside the consideration of those sorrowes and paines which are felt when the Soule is torne out of the Bodie for we are to make little account of that and they also who loue God in good earnest and haue shaken hands with all the contentments of this life are certainly wont to dye with more sweetnes It also seemes to me that these Fauours did me very much good towards the bringing me into a knowledge of our true Countrie and to see that we were meer Pilgrims heer and it is a pretious kind of thing to find what passes there aboue and to vnderstand where in fine we are to liue for euer And whensoeuer one goes to settle and stay for good and all in anie Countrie it giues a great assistance towards the enduring all the incommodities of the iourney when we know that the end of it is to be such as that we may in fine be in great repose and happines when we get thither It is also heer obtained that with case we may grow able to consider Heauenlie things that so our conuersation may be there And this is a great kind of gaine since the onlie thinking of Heauen recollects the Soule in regard that our Lord being pleased to shew vs somewhat which passes there we are induced to pawse and thinke vpon it And sometimes it so falls out that they whome I know to liue there are the Soules who accompanie me and in whome I receaue most comfort and these indeed are they who seem to be truely aliue and those others on the other side who liue heer seem to be so very deadly dead as that this whole world put togeather cannot amount to be anie companie at all for me And especially when I find anie of these impulses or impetuosities in my self the whole world seemes to be but a verie Dreame and all the obiects of these corporeall eyes of mine a meer ieast and toy but that which already I haue seen with the eyes of my Soule that I say is the thing which she desires and because she finds her self to be yet farre off from thence this is that which is no lesse then euen death it self to my Soule In fine the Fauour is excessiuely great which our Lord vouchsafes to that Soule to whome he giues such Visions as these for they helpe her much in all things and particularly to the carrying of a certaine heauie Crosse which lyes vpon her For nothing can satisfye her now but euerie thing disgusts and checks her And if our Blessed Lord did not giue way that we might forget it sometimes though yet we remember it againe afterward I know not how we should be able to liue Let him be Blessed and praised for all Eternitie and I humbly begg of his Diuine Maiestie euen by that very pretious Bloud which his owne Sonne shed for me that since he hath vouchsafed that I should vnderstand somewhat of these benefits and blessings and that I should beginne to enioy them also in some kind euen in this life it
with a great Clowde and so to become very darke and that so though our Blessed Lord be euer present with vs yea so very present as that he giues vs our verie Being thereby yet then he is not so represented as to be seen by vs And that when the Case concernes Heretiques the Looking-Glasse is directly broken which is farre worse then to be obscured But now there is a very great deale of difference between my seeing it and my relating it for it is no easie thing to giue it well to be vnderstood Yet this hath done me a great deale of good and hath affected me with much pittie and greif for those times wherein my self did obscure my Soule in such sort as that I was not able to behold and see this Blessed Lord of mine It seemes also to me that this kind of Vision is very vsefull to persons who are of much recollection to teach them a way of thinking of our Blessed Lord as in the most interiour part of their Soules which is a consideration that will stick closest to then and will be of much more benefit then if they were considered as anie way our of the Soule according to what I haue sayd els where and it is contained also in some Bookes which are written of Prayer about the way how wee are to seeke Almighty God In particular the Glorious S. Augustin speakes much of how Almightie God is not to be sought either in pleasures or externall places and that he could be no way found so well as in our selues and this is certainly the best way nor haue we need to goe further off then to our verie selues and much lesse to clime-vp as high as Heauen for this purpose for this will but distract the Soule and wearie the Spirit and doe vs nothing neer so much good I will also giue an aduertisment heer to the end that if anie bodie haue anie such thing as that he may know the better how to carrie himself It happens in some very great Rapts when the time is past wherein the Soule remaines in Vnion and when all the Faculties and Powers thereof are absorpt and which lasts as I haue sayd but a little while that the Soule remaines recollected and is not able in the exteriour way to returne to it self but those two Powers and Faculties namely the Vnderstanding and Memorie remaine as with a kind of frensie in great disorder This I say happens sometimes and especially with Beginners And I haue been thinking whether it may not proceed from this That our condition is naturally very weake and not able to admit and endure so great a strength of Spirit and that the Imagination is weakned also much and I know that this happens to some Now for my part I am apt to thinke that it were not ill to oblige them in such cases as this to leaue-off their Prayer for that time and to goe recouering that afterward which they loose then that so all come not on togeather for it may chance proue an occasion of much inconuenience And of this we haue experience and that it will fall out to be of better proofe to consider very well how much our state of health and strength is able to endure But in all things there will be need of good experience and of a good Directour for when once the Soule is growne to be in these tearmes manie things will come to offer themselues wherein there will be need enough of some bodie with whome it may be fitt to consider them And if anie such man can not be found when he is sought our Blessed Lord himselfe will not be wanting to him since he would not be wanting to me I being the wicked Creature I am For I beleiue there are very few who are come to haue experience of so manie things and if there be not experience it is in vaine to thinke of anie remedie which will not rather serue to disquiet and afflict the Soule But the best is that our Blessed Lord will take euen that trouble of ours in account for some satisfaction of himself and therefore it will fall-out to be better done to conferr thereof as I haue formerly sayd and so will it also be to proceed after this manner in all those things whereof I am speaking now For I see that this imports very much especially if they be woemen who are concerned and that they doe it with their Ghostlie Father and that he also be such as is fitt At least there vse to be more woemen then men to whome our Lord imparts these Fauours and this I vnderstood first from the holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara and I haue also seen my self that they proceeded and profited more in this way of Spirit then men doe But he gaue excellent reasons for his opinion which need not be inserted heer for they all are in fauour of woemen Being one day in Prayer there was suddainly represented to me but it was without my seeing anie thing formed and yet it was with a very extraordinarie kind of claritie how all things are seen in Almightie God and how he hath them all in himself To know how to set this downe is in no power of mine but it remained deeply imprinted in my Soule and it was one of the greatest Fauours that euer had been done me by our Blessed Lord yea and of those also which put me to greatest confusion shame when I considered the manie sinnes which I had committed against him I well beleiue that if our Blessed Lord had been pleased to let me see this Vision at some other time of my life or if they could see him now who are sinning against him they would neuer haue the hart and courage to doe as they doe It appeared to me as I sayd but yet so as that I cannot expresly affirme that I saw anie thing distinctly but yet somewhat me thinkes must needs haue been seen by me since I am able to make this verie comparison but that it fell out to be signifyed by so delicate and subtile a way as that the vnderstanding is not able to reach it or els that I haue no skill of all those kinds of Visions which seem not to be Imaginarie but yet in some of these I verily thinke that perhaps there may be somewhat of the Imaginarie or formed apparance and that only the Powers of the Soule being then in Rapt they are not able afterward to assigne anie Forme in what manner our Lord represents himself to them there and how he is pleased that they shall enioy him But yet supposing it to be the Diuinitie in the forme of some bright Diamond which were bigger then the whole world or els of some Looking-Glasse after the manner of what I sayd before concerning the Soule in that other Vision saue that this is in so superiour a kind of manner that I am not able to expresse it and that all that which we doe is seen
I had to conuerse with them But our Lord did euer counsaile me in all things yea so farre as euen to tell me how I should carrie my self towards weake persons and some others also and he neuer layes the care of me aside But I am much troubled to find that I am good for so little in his Seruice as also that I can doe the lesse through my spending more time then I wiâ—h vpon so weake and wasted a bodie as mine is As I was once in Prayer and the hower of our going to rest came on I found my self in a great deale of paine and knowing that my ordinarie Vomits would ariue and obserueing my self to be so tyed-vp to these cares and the Spirit on the other side desiting to haue some time for it self I grew to be euen so tired that I beganne to be greatly afflicted and to weepe much and that happens very often to me And this condition puts me to such a kind of anger that me thinkes I doe in those times euen abhorre my self though yet it be true withall that I doe not abhorre my self indeed nor yet am wanting in what is necessarie for me and I rather pray God that I take not more care of my self then I should and so I feare I doe But now whilst I was in this greif our Lord appeared to me and regaled me very much and told me that I must endure these troubles and goe-through with them for loue of him and That my Life vvas necessarie yet And so me thinkes I neuer see my self in anie very great paine which I value since I resolued to serue this Lord and Comforter of mine with all my power For though he permitted me to suffer a little yet would he still be assisting me so withall that I esteem not my selfe to doe much in desiring to suffer afflictions for his sake So that now me thinkes there is no reason why we should euen desire so much as to liue but only to the end that we might suffer and accordingly this is the thing which I begg with most affection of Almightie God And sometimes I am saying to him with my whole hart O Lord let me either suffer or dye for I begg no other thing of thee for my self And now it vses to comfort me to heare the Clock strike for so me thinkes I am growne a little neerer to the seeing of God though it be but a little because one hower more of my life is past At other times I find my self in such sort that I neither take much pleasure in liuing nor yet me thinkes haue anie great minde to dye and so in the meane time I remaine with a kind of stupiditie and darknes of minde in all things and manie times I also haue some troubles And since our Lord was pleased that those Fauours should be publiquely knowne which his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed to shew me as he himself had told me some yeares agoe that they should be which gaue me vexation enough and it is not a little that I haue endured therein as your Reuerence knowes for euerie bodie will vnderstand things as he listes I comfort my self yet with this that it hath not ariued by my fault because I neuer spake of anie such thing but either to my Ghostlie Fathers or others who I knew euen by them had vnderstood thereof For of this I was very warie euen to extremitie though yet perhaps I abstained not so much for respect of humilitie as in regard that I had paine enough to tell euen my Ghostlie Father thereof and therefore how much lesse would I impart things of this nature to others But now I earnestly desire that Almightie God may receaue glorie by it howsoeuer there be some who murmure at me very much vpon this occasion though euen yet I thinke they may peraduenture doe it with good zeale And there are others who are afrayd euen to treat with me in anie kind yea and euen to receaue the Confession of my Sinnes and others say also other things But how soeuer since I vnderstand that it hath pleased our Blessed Lord to reduce manie Soules by this meanes and because I see clearly and remember continually how much himself would be pleased to endure for the gaining of one Soule I allow my self to take little trouble for anie thing which men can say of me And I know not whether or no this may not haue been a part of the cause why his Diuine Maiestie hath placed me in this little Corner of the world where I am so shut vp and where I thought there would be no more memorie of me then of a thing which was dead But their forgerfulnes was not so great as I wished and so I haue been constrained to speake sometimes with some persons Yet howsoeuer I am not now where the world may easily see me for it seemes that our Lord hath been pleased to driue me from Sea to this Port and I trust in his Diuine Maiestie that it will proue a very safe one for me And since now I am out of the world and find my self in the companie of few but they holie Creatures I looke downe vpon the world as from a place which is very high and so it is growne to be of little moment with me what they below doe either say or thinke And I would make much more account to vnderstand that anie one Soule should haue profited to the weight of one little graine in God's Seruice by my meanes then of all which can be sayd of me in anie kind For since I haue found my self in this place our Lord hath been gratiously pleased that all the desires of my hart might haue no other ayme but this And he hath also giuen me euen a kind of sleep in this life which makes me find that whatsoeuer I see is but dreaming nor am I able to say that I reape either much contentment or trouble by anie thing of this world And if yet some things giue me anie it passes away with so very great speed that I euen wonder at it and it makes but iust such a kind of impression vpon me as a thing would doe whereof I had dreamt And it is a most perfect truth that although I should afterward haue a peice of a minde either to be glad of anie contentment or to be sorrie for anie mis-accident and trouble it is really no more now in my power but iust so as anie man who were discreet would take either trouble or ioy from a dreame of his owne For now our Blessed Lord hath already been pleased to awake and open the eyes of my Soule from out of that follie wherein it was And whereas by my not being mortifyed nor dead to the things of this world I was wont to haue much feeling of such things as hapned his Diuine Maiestie is pleased now that I should loose my true sight no more In this sort Sir doe I liue now and I
imports to conuerse in Childhood vvith vertuous persons 3. CHAP. She treats hovv her falling into vertuous company vvas the occasion of her returning to avvake good desires in her selfe And hovv our Lord began to giue her some light of the errour vvherein she had formerly been 4. CHAP. She relates hovv our Lord assisted her to force her selfe to take the Habit of Religion and of the many infirmityes vvhich our Lord began to bring vpon her 5. CHAP. She prosecutes the relation of the great infirmityes vvhich she had and of the patience vvhich our Lord gaue her in them and hovv benefits are dravvne out of mischeifes as vvill be seen by a certaine particular vvhich happened to her in the place vvhither she vvent to be cured 6. CHAP. She treates of hovv much she ovved our Lord for his giueing her conformity to his holy vvill in so great afflictions And hovv she tooke the Glorious Saint Ioseph for her Intercessour and hovv aduantagious that Deuotion proued to be 7. CHAP. She shevves by vvhat degrees and meanes she vvent looseing the Fauour vvhich our Lord had done her and hovv ill she began to liue And she also declares the harme there is in not maintaining Clausure in the Monasteryes of Religious vvoemen 8. CHAP. She treates of the great good it did her tovvards the not looseing her Soule not to haue vvholy giuen ouer her Prayer As also vvhat an excellent remedy that is tovvards the gaining of vvhatsoeuer good thing vvhich is lost She persvvades all Creatures to vse it and declares the great benefit thereof and although vvee should aftervvard leaue it yet still it vvould proue a great good to haue vsed so great a helpe for some time 9. CHAP. She declares by vvhat meanes our Lord began to avvake her Soule and giue her light in so great darknes and to strengthen also her vertues that so she might offend him no more 10. CHAP. She beginnes to declare the Fauours vvhich our Lord did her in Prayer and speakes of that vvherein vvee may be able to helpe our selues And hovv much it also imports vs to vnderstand the said Fauours vvhich our Lord is pleased to doe vs. She humbly desires of him to vvhome she sends this account of her selfe that vvhatsoeuer she shall declare from hence forvvard may remaine in secret vvith him since he had commanded her to set dovvne in so particular a manner the Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her CHAP. 11. She declares in vvhat the fault consists of not obtaining to loue God vvith perfection in short time She beginns to deliuer it by a Comparison vvhich containes Fovvre Degrees of Prayer And she treats heer of the first vvhich is very profitable for beginners for those also vvho haue no sensible delight or gust in Prayer 12. CHAP. She prosecutes her Discourse of the first State or Degree of Prayer and declares hovv farre vvee may ariue of our Selues by the Fauour of our Lord And of the hurt it brings to desire that our Spirit may rise to Supernaturall and Extraordinary things till our Lord himselfe be pleased to ordaine it 13. CHAP. She proceeds in this First Degree and State of Prayer and giues aduise against some temptations vvhich the Deuill is sometimes vvont to bring This Discourse is very profitable 14. CHAP. She beginns to declare the Second Degree of Prayer vvherein our Lord is already pleased to giue the Soule more particular gusts vvhich she declares to the end that she may make them be vnderstood to be Supernaturall This Discourse is very much to be noted 15. CHAP. She prosecutes her Discourse of the same matter and giues some aduise hovv persons are to carry themselues in this kind of Quiet Prayer She treates hovv many Soules come to ariue to this Degree of Prayer and that fevv passe beyond it The particulars vvhich are touched beer are not only very profitable but very necessary 16. CHAP. She treates of the Third Degree of Prayer and goes declareing some very high points and vvhat a Soule vvhich ariues thus farre may be able to doe and vvhat effects these so great Fauours of our Lord are accustomed to vvorke The sense heerof is very fitt to raise the Spirit high in the praises of Almighty God and it is also of great consolation for the Soule vvhich ariues to this State 17. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Argument about this Third Degree of Prayer and finishes the declaration of the Effects vvhich vvorkes and declares also the disaduantage vvhich the Memory and Imagination are vvont to bring in this case 18. CHAP. She treates of the Fourth Degree of Prayer She beginnes heer to declare in excellent manner the great dignity to vvhich our Lord aduances that Soule vvhich is exalted to this State It serues to animate men much to endeauour that they may ariue to so high a condition since it may be obtained in this vvorld through the goodnes of our Lord though it cannot be deserued Let this be read vvith consideration and care 19. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Discourse and beginns to declare the effects vvhich this degree of Prayer vvorkes in the Soule She persvvades men earnestly not to turne back nor to giue-ouer their Prayer though they should happen to fall euen after they had receiued these Fauours She speakes of the great harme vvhich vvill ariue to them if they doe othervvise This Discourse is much to be noted and it is of great consolation for vveake persons and Sinners 20. CHAP. She treates of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration 21. CHAP. She prosecutes and finishes this last Degree of Prayer She declares vvhat the Soule findes therein vvhen she returnes to liue againe in the vvorld and the light also vvhich our Lord giues concerning the deceipts and errours of the same vvorld This Chapter deliuers excellent Doctrine 22. CHAP. She treats of hovv secure a vvay it is for persons vvho giue themselues to Contemplation not to raise-vp their Spirit to high things vnlesse our Lord raise them vp and that the Humanity of Christ our Lord is indeed to be the meanes tovvards the highest Contemplation of all others She speakes also of an errour vvherein once she vvas This Chapter containes matter of much profit 23. CHAP. She returnes to declare the course of her Life and hovv she first beganne to thinke of grovving to greater perfection and by vvhat meanes she did it This Chapter is very profitable for such as are to gouerne Soules in order to Prayer and to make them knovv hovv they are to behaue themselues in their beginnings and of the benefit she reaped by knovving it her selfe 24. CHAP. She prosecutes the former Discourse and shevves hovv her Soule vvent profiting vvhen once she
had begunne to obey She also declares for hovv little purpose it serued to resist the Fauours of Almighty God and hovv his Diuine Maiestie vvent daily imparting them to her after a more compleat manner CHAP. 25. She treates heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or Speeches vvhich Almighty God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing any voyce or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction 26. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declareing such things as happened to her vvhich made her to loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleife that it vvas a good spirit vvhich spake to her 27. CHAP. She treates of another vvay hovv our Lord instructs a Soule and giues her to vnderstand his vvill after a very admirable manner vvithout any Speech at all She also declares a certaine Vision and great Fauour vvhich our Lord shevved her and this Vision vvas not Imaginarie This Chaepter is very much to be noted 28. CHAP. She treates of the great Fauours vvhich our Lord did her and hovv he appeared to her the first time She declares that it vvas a Vision vvhich shevved it selfe by vvay of the Imagination and discouers the great effects and testimonyes vvhich such things leaue in the Soule vvhen they are of Almighty God This Chapter is of great instruction and deserues to be noted much 29. CHAP. She prosecutes the Discourse vvhich she had begunne and relates some high Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her and vvhat his Diuine Maiestie did futher for the securing and encourageing her minde and for the enabling her to ansvver her Contradictours 30. CHAP. She returnes to recount the course of her life and hovv our Lord gaue remedye to many of her troubles by bringing that Holy man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured 31 CHAP. She treates of certaine exteriour temptations and representations of the Deuill and of the torments vvhich he gaue her She speakes also of other things vvhich are very fitt for the aduise and instruction of such persons as are vvalking on in the vvay of Perfection 32. CHAP. She treates hovv it pleased our Lord to put her in Spirit into a place of Hell vvhich she said she had deserued for her Sinnes She relates vvhat vvas represented to her there vvhich vvas but a kind of shaddovv of such things as are suffered in that place She beginnes also to declare the vvay and manner hovv that Monastery vvas founded in Auila vnder the name of S. Ioseph 33. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of the Foundation of the Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph She declares hovv she vvas commanded to attend to that busines and of the time vvhen she forbore to follovv it and of some troubles vvhich she had and hovv she vvas comforted in them by our Blessed Lord. CHAP. 34. She declares hovv at this time she vvas necessarily to goe from that place and she shevves the cause thereof and hovv her Superiour commanded her to goe for the comfort of a certaine Lady vvho vvas much afflicted She beginns to treat of that vvhich hapened to her there and of the great Fauour vvhich it pleased our Lord to doe by her meanes in stirring-vp a very principall person to doe him very great Seruice and hovv aftervvard she receiued much Fauour and protection from him This is an admirable Discourse and very much to be noted 35. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Subiect about the Foundation of this Hovvse of our Glorious Father S. Ioseph She speakes of the Degrees by vvhich our Lord came to appoint that holy Pouertie should be ordained there and of the cause vvhy she came from that Lady vvith vvhome she vvas and of other things also vvhich succeeded 36. CHAP. She prosecutes the Subiect vvhich she had begunn and declares the finall conclusion of this Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph of Auila and of the great contradictions and persecutions vvhich the Religious vvoemen vvere put to suffer euen after they had taken the Habit and of the many troubles and temptations vvhich she vvas faine to vndergoe and hovv his Diuine Maiestie drevv her out of all vvith victorie to his ovvne praise and glorie 37. CHAP. She treates of the effects vvhich vsed to remaine in her Soule vvhen our Lord had done her any Fauour and she accompanies this Discourse vvith very profitable Doctrine She declares also hovv vvee are to procure and greatly esteem the gaining of one degree of glory more and hovv vvee must not for any trouble or paines forsake those benefitts blessings vvhich are euerlasting 38. CHAP. She treates of some great Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her as vvell in acquainting her vvith certaine Secrets of Heauen as by giueing her other great Visions and Reuelations She declares also the effects vvhich they left in her Soule and the great benefitts vvhich she obtained by them 39. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of shevving the great Fauours vvhich our Lord had done her And she declares hovv he vvas pleased to promise his Fauour to them for vvhome she should begg it and she relates some important particulars vvherein his Diuine Maiestie had done her extraordinary Fauours of this kind 40. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life 41. A Letter vvritten by the GLORIOVS S. TERESA vvhich she sent together vvith the Booke to her Ghostly Father APPROBATIO HAec vita S. Teresae primùm Hispanico sermone à se conscripta postea taliter edita nunc verò felicissimè Anglicè reddita per Ill m virum M. T. iussu R mi Antuerpiensis à me attentè perlecta fuit in eadem nihil dum reperi vel contra fidem vel quod possit meo iudicio pias Christianas aures offendere imò cùm amorē eius seraphicum vndique lucentem ac inflammantem Lector experiatur censeo dignissimam vt in communem etiam Catholicorum Anglorum vtilitatem imprimatur Antuerpiae 5. Augusti M. DC XLII RICHARDVS WAKE I. V. L. Cap. 4. Cap. 5. Cap. 2. Cap. 8. Cap. 7. Cap. 6. Cap. 22. * Note this great most certaine Truth a Many vse to repeat the Creed in the presence and as in the person of such as are neer expiring by vvay of fortefying thē at that time against the temptations of the Diuell b VVhen persons are neer expiring attendants vse to be very
neer them vvith hallovved Candles * An excellent Aduise Take heed of this great danger * Consider this point much and often * Note this good Conclusion vpon the Praemises * Note this very vvell for nothing imports more thē this * A great and gross errour * A point of very great importance * Note * This vvas the beginning of many great blessings * Her entrance into the receaueing Supernaturall Fauours * It vvorkes not indeed by vvay of vsing Discourse or makeing Inferences but yet it vvorks by vvay of Contēplation and Admiration of the Infinite Obiect being God vvho is set before it * Note * A great foolish errour * Behold heer the true great impediment * This Saint is admirable in all the Comparisons vvhich the vses * This is a kind of Engine vvith certaine little leather Buckets fastned to the sides of a very great vvheele vvhich dra vves vp very much vvater vvith great ease In Spanish it is called a Noria * A good Lesson * A consideration of much comfort * A hard question most clearly and excellently ansvvered * Marke vvell these masculine and massye vvords * Note * This suspending of the Thought or Vnderstanding of vvhich the Saint speakes is a presenting a multitude of Supernaturall and Diuine Obiects before it together vvith a copious infusion of Light vvich is decerned by it after a kind of intuitiue vvay at once vvithout discourse or trouble And this Light rests not there but passes-on to the VVill and grovves to be as so much Fyre for the inflameing it in the Loue of our Lord. And the Soule doth more properly suffer heer then act And novv the Saint giues great vvarning that people be not so foolish as to offer at these things of themselues A great truth * A dangerous provvd foolish errour * Obserue the generous vvay of this great Saint * Note this very vvell * A great praise of a large hart * Hovv Saynts are to be imitated hovv admired * Note this vvell * A necessary Aduise * Our daily Bread * A description of a good Directour in matter of Spirit * Note * Hovv the VVill is to carry it selfe to the other Faculties of the Minde * The blessings of Quiet Prayer * Note * Note * Hovv the Soule is to carry it selfe in Quiet Prayer * Note * A true happy Comparison * The good Spirit very easily discerned from the bad * Note this point aboue all * A most necessary Document * A great blessing by meanes of this Prayer * These are the more generous mindes * As vvhen one is dyinge * This is an admirable State of Minde * The true State of the Povvers of the Minde in this Prayer Hovv there is an Vnion in this Prayer hovv there is none * The great effects of this high Prayer * The difference betvveē Eleuatiō and Vnion * She proceeds in declaring the great effects of this high Prayer * A Cōsideration of strange comfort * This is strange indeed * The strong Pillar of Prayer * Consider this very vvell * Take heed * A most dangerous temptation * Consider and admire this passage * The manner nature of Rapts * The Effects of Rapts * The strangest state of Minde vvhich perhaps is described in the vvhole Booke * The effect of Rapts * This Saynt it admirable in her Comparisons * Other great effects of true Rapts * Her great zeale for the conuersion of Kings * She alludes to Comets and blazing Starrs * A rare expression * Anopinion vvhich is more probable then true * This seems to haue been a foolish and ill-fauoured kind of errour in those others * That vvas by seuerall Visions * A svveet and iust cōplaint and vvorthie of the Saint vvho made it * By Vision * Beleiue and consider this most certaine Truth * A doubt vvhich cannot easily be solued * She grovves novv to make serious enquiry after a good Directour * The only excellent course * This holy mā enters often into the Story of our Saynt * This vvas no improbable opinion though it vvere no true one * So good a begining vvas almost a kind of perfecting the vvorke * The Saynt begann heer to be happy * This vvas a vvise man likely to vvorke vvonders vpon a Soule * He lost nothing by leaueing to be a Duke for Gods sake * This must needs haue been a holy and a vvise man * A little of this goes farr * So true it is that God is God * The mighty force and povver of any one Supernaturall vvord * The infinit differēce betvveē Supernaturall vvords of God all other * A strange encounter * Great povver of our Lord. * Hovv quickly she gott courage against the Diuells * A most certaine truth * This vvas a very ill aduise indeed * The incredible deare svveetnes of our B. Lord to a Soule * Obserue this vvell * This Saint yovv see vvas certainly no Protestant * The Masque of Pride * An admirable example of Pennance * Humane frailty and celestiall glory are not compatible * Imaginary Visions represented to by the senses are of the lovvest ranke most subiect to danger * The great effects of an admirable and most sublime Vision * The differēce is easily found both betvveen a true Vision and a false and betvveen a true Vision and a Fancy * A plaine demonstration * In order to the guideing of others a Directour may easily haue too meane an optnion of himselfe * This Saint vvas hugely vexed by the insatisfaction vvhich she receiued from many Spirituall men * This is very fitt to be knovvne * This is a true Fortiter sed Suauiter * This Saint vvas most strangely familiarly and supernaturally visited by our B Lord. * A strange Taske vvhich vvas put even by holy men upon this Saint * The more she vvas discountenanced euen by good men so much the more highly vvas she fauoured by our Lord. * A rare Comparison * Still more more excellent comparisons * An excellent most necessary Aduise * A strange mixture of affections but such as God knovves hovv to giue * This greife is after the rate of the loue * A very safe and vvise vvay of proceeding * This is a most certaine truth * Heer follovves a vvhole vvorld of sad temptations troubles * The differēce betvveē Diuine and Diabolicall greife of minde * The vvay manner of a great desolation * A pretty humour * A happy State * She makes along Discourse of the Diabolicall Temptations troubles to vvhich she vvas subiect * The excellency of Holy VVater * A great and iust consolation * A question vvorthy of him that askt it * This is a very great Truth but the Accent must be put vpon the vvord Indeed * And though she should haue continued to aske it I dare say our Lord vvould not haue graunted it * A must certaine truth * A vvise solid Truth * Exercise of Prayer and loue of Honour agree not vvell together * This is not to be litterally vnderstood for the Diuell can prepare no place for a Soule in Hell but by the Decree of Almighty God vpon the particular Iudgement giuen at the death of the Party * The Sinnes of Ingratitude discorrespondence and inordinate affection to Creatures vvhich she did committ and the greater and mortall Sinnes vvhich she vvould most certainly haue committed if the Mercy of our Blessed Lord had not preuented and vvithheld her * Hell is represented to her in Spirit after a most subtile manner and it vvas shevved to her and described by her in such sort as that such Creatures may be capable thereof as are indued not only vvith Mindes but vvith Bodyes * The excellent fruits vvhich this Saint did gather from this great Fauour vvhich seems to be the sole cause vvhy our B. Lord vvas pleased to impare this Fauour * The great benefit of this Fauour * Vide supra fol 471. * A svveet Effect of a sad Cause * A sad and strange proceeding * Hovv one suspition u vvont to thrid it self close vpon another * A holy vvise man * All these things and the like as namely Darts or Chaines or Crovvnes or Ievvells c. are not to be vnderstoood after a grosse materiall vvay but yet that really they haue truth in their being represented distinctly clearly to the Imagination of the Partyes and they cheifly serue as testimonies Signes of those interiour graces vertues vvhich vse to be imprinted vpon Soules at those very times by the mercy of our B. Lord. * She meanes her selfe * This Saint vvas an excellent person to make a freind of * A very strange demonstration of a most ciuill noble and freindly hart * Our Blessed Lord is still as good as his vvord * The great Charity Humility of the Saynt * Hovv deuout this deare Saynt is * They vvere very noble though they vvere poore * The Diuell is still himselfe * This is such a kind of vvorld as vvherein things vvill euer goe thus * A true ansvver to all the Diuells Obiections * Note the description vvhich the Saynt makes heer of her Religious * This Fast of the Order is not so strict and rigorous as that of the Church but is rather a forbearance of halfe the Meale then a Fast * This Point of haueing so very fevv in a Monastery vvas partly meant for them vvho vvere to liue in any place on Almes and partly because the Saint had seen some disorders by haueing too many Religious in other Hovvses and yet the Saint her selfe came aftervvard to admit of tvventy in stead of tvvelue and vvould perhaps haue admitted more if she had found reason for it * She inueighs vvith much reason against vaine Complements and especially amongst Religious people * An excellent most vsefull Document * A true noble most generous hart * Great effects of a Vision
in the exercise of bounty Her compassion vvas most eminent to vvards the releife of all Creatures in miserye so especially vvas her sollicitude to consolate regale all such in all occasions as vvere intrusted to her care vvhilst yet she vvould needs be vnkind and euen as it vvere cruell to her selfe alone Aboue all things she was a most perfect Louer of Truth so full of matchless candour sincerity in all expressions vpon all occasions that she vvould no more haue euen so much as but disguised it and much lesse varyed from it in the least kind especially vvhen the question had any vvay concerned her owne aduantage then she vvould haue sold her selfe for a Slaue These I say vvere the conditions of this admirable Creature and these were the parts of her Minde vvhich yet I consider but in the nature of Fruits But they grew from these Roots vvhich follow A most profound Humility A most inuiolable Chastity A most strict loue of Pouerty A most vnshaken and inuincible Patience in despight of sharpe Sicknesses tormenting paines and endlesse persecutions A most ardent and inflamed Charity both towards God man which bred an eager and insatiable appetite to winne Soules An vndaunted Fortitude high Courage and that no less in the endeauouring great things then in the suffering hard things A constant continuall Supernaturall most Eleuated course of Prayer and Contemplation Such a kind of excellent Creature was this But yet whē I ouerlooked the little vvhich I had heer set downe I confess it seemed at the first euē in mine owne eye to be a very extraordinary Elogium of her Vertues and parts and as if it might perhaps haue had more in it of the Panegerick then of a iust Praise And therefore before I vvould giue it passage to the Print I looked attentiuely back vpon vvhat I had read of her concerning her resolutions and heroicall actions recorded in authenticall manner by diuerse graue and vvise Authours and in seuerall places also of her owne Workes and particularly vpon what is deliuered by Father Ribera in the Historicall Relation of her vvhole Life But when I came back from thence compared that kind of Descant vvith my Plaine-Song concerning the Saint I found my selfe to haue rather falne much too short then to haue any way ouer-short in this kind and that the particulars recounted with great authority els vvhere for the proofe of how she professed her selfe after a high most Heroicall manner in the practise pursuite of Vertue in order to all sanctity perfection to vvhich she aspired where by God's great mercy she ariued vvould haue no less auowed then encouraged my Penn to haue done her much more honour that is more right if it had not been employed by so vveake a hand as mine But in the meane time I haue considered the Example of the holy S. Hierome vvho vvriting of his S. Paula to Eustochium her Daughter hath these vvords I take Iesus and his Saints to vvitnes as also that particular Angell vvho vvas the Guardian and Companion of this admirable vvoeman That I vvill say nothing of her for fauour nothing after the custome of Flatterers but that vvhatsoeuer I am to deliaer shall be as if it vvere vpon mine Oath and yet still it vvill fall short of her merits And now this shall authorise mee also to take our Blessed Lord to witnesse that to the best of my poore vnderstanding I haue not mistaken my selfe about the celebration vvhich heer I make of our Saint in the point of haueing praised her too much but rather that I am growne to be her Debtour then her Creditour heerin For if euer there haue been in the whole vvorld many vvoemen of more admirable parts perfections both in their Intellectualls their Moralls which I account to be as the Simples of a Soule in the vse also thereof whereby those Simples grow to be mixed and whether wee shall consider them in the Naturall or Supernaturall way it is more then I haue been able to know either by reading or els by Discourse yet I haue been carefull enough to enquire But now the certainty of this truth will yet euen further appeare when I shall tell you that which followes And it is That when the Saint made obseruation had experience of the world 's great frailtie and lesse perfection and that the Religious Order and House vvhere she had entred had obtained certaine Relaxations and Dispensations from diuerse strict Clauses and Conditions of the first Institute and when she had also mett with some Customes through which euen her self had receiued disaduantage by dissipation and diminution of Spirit as namely in regard of great publique resort to the House and a multitude of vnnecessarie Conuersations and especially for that they were not bound to continuall Clausure but had libertie to goe abroad though yet only by leaue of their Superiours to visit their Parents and neer kinred at some times she grew into a full resolution That if euer it should be in her power to free her self from that course and to set more limited bounds vpon her wayes and to inuite others also by her example to expresse their great desire to gaine and perfect Soules she would not faile to put that purpose of hers in execution And so after the expiring of some time the encountring of manie impedimēts and the ouercoming a vvorld of difficulties she grew to expresse her loue to our B Lord but in the person of such Creatures as for whome he dyed to such a proportion and in so high a kind as to proiect and perfect so great and hard a vvorke as that perhaps no Woeman will be seen to haue euer procured and performed the like For to reforme a Religious Order and to reduce it to the first strict Institute is a matter of much more difficultie then to Found one And for a Woeman vvho vvas of no absolute power to command to passe through so manie impediments and to vvinne the Prize and to adorne euen that Originall Rule it self vvith so manie holie and wise Documents and Constitutions of her owne for the raising and true refining of Spirit according to the necessities and exigēces of those present most depraued times makes the busines become yet more hard and strange on the one side and more vsefull also more excellent on the other For as I conceaue it to be a truth that there is no one approued Order of Religious people in the Holie Catholique Church vvhich is not of the best of all others in that vvay of Spirit for which it was cheifly instituted by Almightie God and especially for those times in which it was instituted So is it not only pietie but euen prudēce also to beleiue that since this Blessed Woeman was stirred-vp by God's holie Spirit in this Age of ours for the redresse of our moderne great disorders that his Diuine Maiestie
had a minde to be most particularly serued and glorifyed by it and that the Soules which would consecrate themselues to him therein might proue to be holie and happie in a very eminent degree as long as they would continue attentiue and carefull not to swarue from that Spirit which was deriued to them from Heauen through S. Teresa by her Prayers and teares and other holie meanes Which Spirit of hers though it euidently appeare both by the exercise and example of all Heroicall Vertue yet particularly it seemes to ayme and point at the regular and constant vse of Recollection Mentall Prayer vvhereof she speakes oftnest and vvith most particular desire and care and appoints two Howers to be employed euerie day therein besides all other Deuotions of anie kind vvhich is practised by all her holy Religious and is really that time vvhich giues them more aboundant ioy then all the rest And indeed she takes manie occasions not only to recommend it earnestly to the Children and Successours of her owne Order but exhorts also all Creatures who will haue the happines to be the true Seruants of our Blessed Lord to take fast hold by this Anker in their Nauigation through the Sea of this vvorld In vvhich Sea not only they who are best shipped but euen such others also as haue been cast ouer board from Grace into the storme and tempest of a Sinnefull life may yet by meanes of Prayer proue able yea and morally certaine through the mercie of Almightie God to recouer the assured Port of Saluation For in the iudgement of this excellent creature this point and practise of Mentall Prayer is the most sacred and soueraigne help by way either of Preseruatiue before Sinne or yet of remedie or Restoratiue after it which can possibly be found or ministred in this world and indeed a kind of Manna from Heauen which imparts all kind of Good to the Soule Good alwayes in the substantiall vvay because it alwayes brings encrease of grace so enables men to vvinne great victoryes ouer themselues where by they daily grow to be the Seruants of Almighty God more more And sometimes also Good in a vvay of most soueraigne sweetnes beyond any thing which Flesh Blood knowes how to imagine But yet to make the Soule capable of this last she must resolue to vntye her selfe vvholy and it must indeed be wholy not only from the firme purpose of committing any Sinne vvhether it be great or small but euen from the very fastning her affections in any manner of inordinate vvay to any Creature of any kind though yet it should not be vnlawfull in it selfe And a most particular care must also be taken by all such as vvill follow the footstepps directions of this Glorious Saint vpon vvhich she presses so very often so very hard in twenty places of this excellent Worke That a Soule which pretends to serue our Blessed Lord in this kind as she ought must resolue both very faithfully very early to dispose herselfe to doe it with true perfect Liberty of Spirit that is with an absolute intention determination to doe it meerly because it is the holy Will of our B. Lord and because he hath made it the meanes vvhereby she may obtaine the pardon of her Sinnes and acquire all Christian vertue through encrease of Grace and pay both frequent ardent acts of Homage Greife Loue to his Diuine Maiestie procure an imitation of those Heroicall vertues which he was pleased to expresse in his bitter Passion And aboue all things the Saint requires vs to take heed of haueing any mercenary respect at all to receiue gusts spirituall delights or other higher Fauours from him in this Life but to remitt all such things to the next and so that vvee may euer doe him true Seruice to leaue it with all indifferency conformity to our Blessed Lord whether he vvill dispence all his Fauours to vs at one payment in the next world or els by parts portions in this And whosoeuer shall be of a different minde vvill not only disoblige the Glorious S. Teresa her selfe but may also make this Booke both an vnprofitable vnvsefull yea euen an inconuenient Study for his Soule But to returne to the glorious actions of this Saint That besides the instituting or redressing this Order where she had both men and woemen though yet cheifly her owne Sex in her eye she should also being only but a Woeman be able so to worke vpon men as in despight of lesse rigour no little enuie to bring them to take as it were the Law at her hands and notwithstanding the pride of Old Adam to ouer-worke them to co-operate vvith the Grace of the Nevv and to make them not disdaine to accept of her Instruction and to apply themselues to the imitation of this Virgin vvill not allow vs to doe anie thing but vvonder saue that it was most euidently the hand and the strong hand of Almightie God vvho enabled and strengthned this deare Seruant of his to be the Instrument of so Heroicall a vvorke And all this is so excellently set downe by the sayd Doctour Levvis de Leon as that I vvill doe both the Saint and her Children the right to shew them the verie Fountaine it self from vvhence the Relation springs and not deface or disgrace it by anie imperfect description of mine owne You are therefore to vnderstand and consider for these circumstāces are not impertinent to the substance that some yeares after the death of this excellent Creature S. Teresa and long before she vvas declared a Saint by the iudgement of the Holie Catholique Church in the Processe vvhereof there vses euer to be euen an excesse of difficulty in weighing and admitting of all Proofes there grew a question about the publishing of her Writings and Workes And to the end that nothing might be done therein either by anie indiscreet zeale or other accident the Councel Royall of Spaine vvhich is a Bodie of great Authoritie Wisdome committed the review of vvhatsoeuer the Saint had left behind her in that kind to be cōsidered by some fitt graue person that so that vvhich should be found to be truly hers might be distinguished from other things and so proceed to be publique by Authoritie This person vvas a learned and renowned man a Father of S. Dominicks Order a Doctour vvho liued in Madrid at that time His name vvas Levvis de Leon as I sayd before vvho togeather with acknowledging and approuing yea and admiring her Writings whereof this Life of hers is the cheife employed himself also with great care to set them out himself And vvhen this Booke went to the Presse he dedicated it to the Prioresse and Religious Woemen of the Teresian-Carmelites vvho then vvere newly founded in Madrid And heer you shall be entertained vvith as much of that Dedicatorie Epistle as imports the excellencie both of the Holie Mother S.
absorpt by it For I went considering the greatnesses of Almightie God and in how short a time he had sublimed a Soule to so admirable a State He put me to much confusion when I heard him giue eare with so great humilitie to those things which I would sometimes be saying to him concerning Prayer I who had so little to say thereof to such a person as he was But our Lord was content to endure it through the earnest desire I had to see him a great Proficient in that kind And it did me so much good to be with him that still he seemed to inflame my Soule with new fire and with new desires to serue our Lord euen as if I had been but then to beginne O my deare IESVS what things are they which a Soule can doe when it is all inflamed with thy loue and we ought to esteem such an one very much and humbly beseech our Lord to let it continue long in this world For whosoeuer ownes the same kind of loue should follow such a kind of Soule as fast as he can It is matter of much comfort to a sick man to find another who is toucht and tainted by the same disease for it serues him in the way of some consolation to see at least that he is not alone They helpe one another excellently well both to suffer and to merit They ioyne back to back and so support and succour one another like valiant and resolued persons to venture a thousand liues for the loue of Almightie God and They aspire to no other happines then to meet with some such occasion as wherein they may offer themselues in Sacrifice for his Seruice They are like gallant Souldiers who to the end that they may gaine the Spoile of their Enemies and so grow rich by that meanes desire that there may still be Warres as vnderstanding that there is no way for them to thriue but by that meanes for it is no lesse then their very occupation to labour and to suffer O what a great thing it is when out Lord giues light to know how much is gained by suffering for him This point is not vnderstood well and home till all be giuen ouer and left For whosoeuer keepes anie thing to himself giues a signe that he esteemes it to be worth somewhat And if he esteem it worth somewhat it will be necessarie for him to be sorrie to leaue it But now heer all is imperfect yea and euen lost and heer comes the Prouerbe well in that He is a kind of lost man who lookes after that which is lost And what greater losse and perdition what greater blindnes what greater miserie and misfortune can there be then to put a great value vpon that which is absolutly worth nothing at all But to returne to what I was saying when I was extreamly ioyed by considering the Soule of that man wherein it seemes that our Blessed Lord was disposed that I should clearly see those treasures which he had depositated therein and discerning also the high fauour which he vouchsafed to doe me in regard that it had hapned by my meanes I found my self very vnworthie of it but withall I held those Fauours which our Lord had been pleased to doe him in a much higher kind of account then if he had vouchsafed them to my self And I payd our Lord an abundance of praise to see that his Diuine Maiestie went so fulfilling my desires and vouchsafed to heare my prayer which was that he would vouchsafe to stirre-vp such kindes of persons to his faithfull Seruice And my Soule being then in such condition as that it could no longer beare so greatioy she went directly out of her self and lost her verie self to be the greater gainer by it She lost I say those cogitations and considerations and the hearing of that Diuine toung in which the Holie-Ghost seemed to speake and then I fell into a great Rapt which made me at it were forgoe the vse of my Sences though it lasted but a very little while I saw Christ our Lord with an excessiue kind of Maiestie and Glorie expressing much contentment in that which passed there And so himself was pleased to tell me as also that I might see very clearly that he loued to be euer present at such discourses and how much he esteemes himself to be serued in that men take such delight to speake of him Another time when I was farre off from hence I saw him lifted-vp by Angells with much glorie and I vnderstood by this Vision that his Soule was aduancing apace But so it was that a certaine person in the world to whome he had done much good and repaired some breaches in his reputation and giuen also comfort to his Soule did yet raise a great false testimonie against the honour of this holie man and he endured it with much contentment as he also did other persecutions and performed manie actions which were greatly for the Seruice of Almightie God Me thinkes it is not fitt to declare more of these things at this present If afterward your Reuerence shall thinke otherwise because your self knowes what they are already they may also be set downe heer for the glorie of Almightie God But now of all these things which I haue deliuered about the Prophecies concerning this House and of others which I shall also relate as also of seuerall instances in different kindes they were all accomplished and fulfilled about a matter of some three yeares before they were knowne some more and some lesse as our Lord had declared them to me And I euer told them ouer to my Ghostlie Father and to this Widdow my freind to whome I had leaue to impart them as I haue sayd and I vnderstand that she told them yet to others and they all know well that I lye not Nor will Almightie God I hope permit me to be euer so miserable as in anie thing to speake other then truth and much lesse when it concernes things of such importance But a Brother-in-Law of mine dying suddainly and I being much troubled at it because he had not had time to Confesse before it was told me in my Prayer that my Sister would also dye after that manner and therefore that I should goe thither and procure to dispose her to dye well I told this to my Ghostlie Father and he not permitting me to goe I heard the self-same thing againe and againe But when now I told him thus much he willed me to goe and sayd that nothing would be lost by the bargaine This Sister of mine was at a house of hers in the Countrie I going thither to visit her without telling her of the particular cause I gaue her the best light I could concerning all things and I perswaded her to goe often to Confession and in all things to keep the accounts of her Conscience very right streight As for her she was a very vertuous woeman and did as she was