their passions grow to bitterness fierceness and unruliness but to Cruelty they have passion without compassion and many times the rage is so great that the Wife that is so much inferiour to her Husband in strength will not only give provoking speeches but blows also She will flie at his head pluck him by the hair strike him on the face and throw any thing that she hath in her hand at his head Indeed here is an evidence of a cholerick temper But certainly all the anger of an Husband or Wife that doth not aim at the good of the party that he or she is angry with is sinful anger and is the effect of a furious disposition And thus I have shewn you as brief as I might the usual grounds that occasion wrath and discord between Husband and Wife II. I come now to shew the evil of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife in these following particulars 1. THe gratifying an angry passionate humour produceth abundance of evil effects All other passions do but draw men and women to evil but anger doth precipitate them If any thing be the principle of evil it is a froward Spirit which is the principle of anger And therefore let us consider the essects of frowardness and passion to see how much hurt it doth to the Souls of men and women 1. Wâ—â—n an Husband or Wife is angry it doth mightily blind the judgment of that party that is so and blind reason exceeding much The hart of passion the fire of passion when it is kindled causeth a great smoak to come up to the understanding and judgment and even extinguish reason Other Passions stray from Reason but this treads it under feet and leads it as it were in tryumph When once such near Relations as Husband and Wife are stirred are froward and in anger they do things so irrationally that one can hardly think them the same men and women that they are at other times it doth so take away their reason The man or woman that is froward cannot have any counsel but run headlong yea run in a rage to such and such things and know not what he or she saith or doth because while passion is prevalent he or she hath no use of reason or understanding Passionate persons are rash and inconsiderate they act without deliberation they run headlong Job 5.14 That is they go too fast forward and they who will not take time to consult of what they are about to do may have time to repent of what they have done and all this happeneth because the passion of anger causeth a cessation of the exercise of reason Other things may dazle the sight of reason but this makes it stark blind and for a time maketh men and women as it were distracted and out of their wits Anger having obtained the soverâ—ignty over their minds taketh away all judgment counsel and reason and over-swayeth all by foolish affection and raging passion and by darkening reason It is a kind of short madness saving that here it is far worse in that the person that is possessed with madness is necessarily will he nill he forced to be subject to that fury but a sinful angry passion is entred into wittingly and willingly Madness is the evil of Punishment but Anger is the evil of Sin Madness as it were thrusteth Reason from its Imperial Throne but Anger abuseth Reason by forcing it with all violence to be a slave to Passion so fit to execute those works of darkness in which Rage imployeth it Well then O Husband or thou O Wife seeing thy immoderate anger is an injury to humanity and a Rebel against the Government of Reason that it is without Reason and against Reason Remember then that thou art a Man or Woman and do thou scorn to subject thy self to such bestial fury O with how much attentive care should st thou avoid anger and notwithstanding provocations offered thee do not disturb the quiet of thine own mind Therefore give not way to anger seeing it blindeth reason which is the light and guide of the Soul If men abhor Drunkenness and that worthily because it maketh them differ from bruit Beasts only in shape of body why should'st thou not for the same cause hate this Vice of Anger which like a burning Ague doth so disturb thy mind and while the fit lasteth it uttereth nothing but raving Do not then nourish thy froward humour nor give way to thy wrath Be not of an hasty Spirit whereby thou art guilty of such rashness and fierceness in all thy actions because those furious actings are so contrary to right Reason 2. Another effect of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife is that they are great enemies to the quiet of their own hearts An angry passion is a great disturber of a man or womans own peace That we may say of it as the wise man saith of Cruelty Prov. 11.17 He that is cruel troubleth his own flesh So those that are of froward Spirits they trouble their own flesh and trouble their Spirits too It doth macerate and vex the Soul with fury for what greater torment can we imagine than to have the mind distracted upon the Rack of Rage As therefore we would account him a mad man who with his own hands should set his house on fire and consume it alike mad is that person to be thought who will set his or her Soul on fire with the rageing flame of anger wherein it is not only tormented in this life but also without Repentance in the life to come it shall be tormented everlastingly Rage and fury tortureth more than wrong or injury Hereby men and women prove burdens to themselves and hence it is that an angry Husband or Wife cries out No one is so plagu'd as I am I know no body so crost as I am because indeed they are plagues to themselves and crosses to themselves they having no quiet in their own Spirits nothing without is quiet to them If we could look into the bofom of an angry person we should find that there is no such discontented Spirit as an angry Spirit is such an one would fain have his or her own will but sailing herein in spight of his or her heart there will be nothing but confusion and trouble in his or her Spirit Immoderate anger hath proved an enemy to the body it self it inflameth the blood stirreth up diseases and breedeth such a bitter displeasedness in the mind as tends to consume the strength of Nature and hath cast many into accute and many into chronical sicknesses which have proved their death And how uncomfortable kind of death is this Well then let the party that is most overcome by this passion say What good do I get by this passion What! had it not been better for me to have put up this wrong than endure such vexation to my self and be guilty of doing my body so much prejudice as to cause me if I continue my
implietâ— the greatest sense of his own vileness nothingness and wretchedness The true reason why people at any time carry it so high with God that they have a good opinion of themselves is because their notions and apprehensions of God are so infinitely below him Did they know God more how would they fear before him and stand as persons astonished at the presence of his Majesty It is peoples darkness about God which emboldens them beyond their bounds or the line of Creatures and the reason why carnal persons and hypocrites carry it so stoutly before God is because they know not God aright They may bâ—ast of their knowledge when they know nothing as they ought 1 Cor. 8.2 Persons never see how imperfect they are till they see themselves in the light of Gods Perfection when they duly see themselves in that Glass they greatly abhor themselves because they see no beauty nor comliness in themselves for they cannot but see much deformity in themselves when they behold the Beauty and Glory of God As when we behold that Beauty we shall abhor our selves for our deformities and defilements so we shall be daily mending and cleansing our selves from them That sight of God Job had cap. 42.5 6. humbled him so deeply as to work in himself abhorrency But now mine eye seeth thee wherefore I abhor my self 1. An abhorrency of a sinful self or loathing of self for sin and evil done Ezek 36.31 2. It signifies an abhorrency of righteous self or a loathing our selves in the good yea even in the best that we have done Isa 64.6 So that a truly humble Soul abhorreth his righteousness as never to trust in it at all This the Apostle saith Philip. 3 7 8 Self righteousness is Gold and to be embraced in conversation but it is Dung and to be abhorred in justification An humble Soul doth abhor self-righteousness because he is convinced that self-righteousness is a weak and imperfect thing even in sanctification therefore he is so far from boasting of it or trusting to it that he hath a kind of abhorrency of it that as to justification he looks on it as abominable And as he abhors it because 't is unfit and incompetent in it self for justification so also because it is utterly inconsistent with the tenor of the Gospel wherein God hath removed all mans Righteousness how pure soever it may be from that use and directed us to look only to the Righteousness of Christ for that use which the Apostle calls the Righteousness of God Rom. 10.3 because 't is that which the Wisdom of God the Father hath provided for us and which the Worthiness of God the Son hath wrought and procured for us Pardon this digression I have reason for what I do O then would you get your pride mortified that begets and feeds your angry passions endeavour after fuller manifestations of God seriously consider God as revealed in his Word converse more with God get more acquaintance with God know and consider how much God is above and the meaner you will be in your own eyes the fuller discoveries you have of God the more sensible you will be of your own unworthiness and the more calmness will you have in your own spirits and the more able you will be to resist provocations unto anger We have no cause to wonder to see persons in the world that do not know God to have bold and presumptious spirits and have their spirits lifted up in vanity But it is a wonder that a Soul that ever had any sight of God should have any rising of spirit that any sinful heights of spirit should be in that Soul that knows what an infinite God he is to deal with O converse much with God and then you will be humble Souls That Soul that never goes from duty without experiencing communion with God is very humble and nothing hath that excellency in it as that which comes from conversing with God and upon the sight of his excellency 3. Consider that the more you see and know your selves the more you shall be abased and lie low in your selves A right knowledge of your selves is that which should bring your hearts low Do but seriously consider what you are in your selves what abundance of filth and vileness there is in your selves and you will not have any high thoughts of your selves O then study your selves more converse with your selves and endeavour to know your selves more and that noxious wind of ostentation by which proud persons are vainly puâ—â—t up in their fleshly minds will be let out and avoided Let every proud person consider what he is let the question be put to his or her own Soul thus Who am I or what am I that I should have a proud thought shall dust and ashes shall one that is but a shadow a vapour but as grass a flower of the field and in his best estate altogether vanity be prâ—ud O consider whatever thou art as to this world thou canst not be long what thou art in thy highest perfections attainable in this world thou art very mutable and the higher thou art the more mutable thou art and what hast thou to be proud of Shall perishâ—ng things be proud things wilt thou be lifâ—ed â—pâ— with what thou hast which as 〈◊〉 the wâ—rld is of â—o little being as thou canst haâ—lly be said to be Consider all these things which are as fuel and occasions of thy priâ—e Thou must shortly give an account for them to God and the more thou haâ—â— received in any kind whatsoever the stricter will thy account be for thy Accâ—unt will be proportionable to what thy Râ—ceipt is Luke 12.48 To whomsoever much is given of him shall much be required Consider wâ—at thou art by Nature and whiles â—n thy unconverted state thou wert a Child of Wrath as bad as the basest and vilest wretch in the world thou wert full of sin the seeds of all kind of sin there is no sâ—n in Hell it self but the seeds of it were in thy heart thy heart and life was full of sin all the faculties of thy Soul were full of sin all the members of thy body were instruments of sin thy Soul and Body was polluted and loathsom and in that condition thou wert succourless and helpless thou could'st never deliver thy self thou wert wandring from God and would'st have wandred eterâ—aâ—ly if God had not looked upon thee in mercy There was such a breach made between God and thy Soul that had all the Angels n Heaven or Creatures in the world laid down their lives for thee thou could'st not by their deaths have helped to make up that breach Look back to this condition and thou wilt see cause enough to be low in thine own eyes Consider what thou might'st now have been if the Lord had takâ—n advantage against thee Thou art now in a comfortable condition thou now comest among the people of God into the assemblies of the Saints but thou
how terrible are the withdrawments of God when he withdraws in high displeasure and thou knowest not whether he will ever return again in mercy or not And it is said in 2 Sam. 22.27 And with the froward thou wilt shew thy self unsavory The Hebrew hath it With the perverse thou behavest thy self as one turned about and that the very thoughts of God will be unsavory and unpleasant thoughts to them Angry froward persons shall not have the least discovery or sense of Gods love while they are in their fits nor much at other times because an angry froward frame of spirit is an abomination to the Lord Prov. 3.32 chap. 8.13 11.20 ' As frowardness causeth strife between the nearest Relations so it makes contention between God and the Soul The angry froward person opposeth God and God opposeth that person So that hence it appears that thou hast abundant cause and reason to use all possible means to restrain and suppress thy angry passions because they hinder thee from enjoying the divine Presence and the hlessed discoveries of divine Favour 2. Thou should'st take great care to restrain and suppress thy angry passions and hasty frowardness of spirit because as they prevail thy actings are as contrary to true grace as any thing almost that thou canst think of and truly there may be a great deal of suspicion whether thou hast true Grace or no. I conceive there may be some Analogy between a Nazarite and a gracious Soul It is said in Numb 6.2 That the Nazarites were to separate themselves unto the Lord. They were to be separated from the ordinary course of that they might more freely and wholly dedicate themselves to the service of God and to a more strict and pure course of serving God than other men used and indeed God confined them to strict rules They were to abstain from any thing that did belong to the Vine hereby also signifying a full and perfect renouncing all worldly pleasures or any thing tending thoreunto intimating that they were not only to abstain from all evil but all appearances of evil 1 Thes 5.22 All the outward Ceremonies injoyn'd them were but Types of inward Holiness I take notice of one thing injoyned them which is most especially to my purpose which is That they should drink no Vinegar of Wine or any other strong Liquor that was to signifie that they must not be of Vinegar Spirits of sower and eager Spirits but of of quiet Spirits of loving and meek Spirits Now all the Saints of God they are Nazarites As Christ was a Nazarite so all that are Christs are Nazarites seperated from others to be the Lords people The Lord separates the godly man for himself as in Psal 4.3 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself and they must not be of harsh and hot Spirits but should be adorned with this lovely amiable grace of meekness so that a hasty froward and passionate Spirit is directly opposite to a meek patient and quieâ— Spirit and if there be any grace in a furious person it is rak'd up under a great deal of ashes of corruption that it is not easily discerned Now the opposition that anger and frowardness bears to Grace appears 1. If thou dost consider what it is that Grace doth in the heart when it first comes the first thing is to shew unto the Soul it s own vileness it s own wretchedness and baseness by sin and the danger that it is in through sin Now a froward passionate heart is very contrary to the sight of its own baseness and vileness for thou canst not see thy self to be a base vile sinful worm and yet bear nothing that is against thee but presently thy heart is in a flame if any thing doth cross thee for thou could'st not be so angry if thou didst not think thy self too great and too good to be crossed 2. When Grace comes into the heart it brings the heart into subjection unto God and unto another rule than it walked by before That 's a principal work of Grace to subdue the heart of a sinner unto God The hearts of sinners are naturally stout and rebellious against God and goes on in a stubborn way till Grace comes and lays them under but a froward and passionate heart would be indeed above God and any of his rules It cannot keep it self under and lie in subjection unto rule and hence is the reason that froward and passionate people use to have such expressions I will nay but I will and I care not their hearts are subdued to the authority of God But the heart that is subdued to the Lord bring it but a Scripture and it yields presently but a froward Spirit is not so How contrary then is frowardness to Grace I might instance in many other particulars but I shall be too large then O then is passion and frowardness so opposite to Grace doth it either hinder the working of grace in the heart or at least weaken yea smother grace that it is almost extinguish'd tho' not totally yet so as it is not easily discernable Dost thou not then see great reason to use all means to mortifie thy passions 3. Thou should'st use thy utmost endeavours to mortifie thy passions and live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife because thou dost manifest a truly noble and generous Spirit if thou would'st pass by offences without manifesting anger and frowardness of Spirit To this effect speaks Solomon Prov. 19.11 It is the Glory of a man to pass by a transgression that is not to manifest an angry displeasure for an offence that another doth him And so we say when we restrain our anger against another for any thing done amiss I will pass you by for this time I will not take any severe notice of what you have done O it is an honourable thing to bridle anger when a person is offended to wink at smaller infirmities and remit greater wrongs Generous Spirits are as it were impenetrable by offences yea a Spirit truly elevated a generous and noble Soul is always quiet moderate and grave never suffering it self to be transported with the violent motions of choler Certainly a meek person hath a magnanimous and heroick Spirit See what the wise man saith in Prov. 16.32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his Spirit than he that taketh a City He that overcometh himself is stronger than one that overcometh a City Now it is a glorious thing for a Souldier to overcome a City but one that can overcome his own passion is more valiant and hath a more excellent Spirit than one that overcomes a great City And so some Creatures that are more heroical are more meek and gentle than others are The Lion is of a more generous Spirit than the Wolf is The more honourable any one is the more he is of a peaceable disposition and his anger is
to prevent anger and furious passiâ—n in thy self or Husband and as ever thou desirest peace to be kept between thy self and Husband do not affront him with contempt of his superiority 10. As thou art a Wife if thou hast a desire to maintain conjugal love between thy self and Husband and prevent discord between you then live in a chearful contentedness with thy condition take heed of a froward impatient and murmuring spirit It is a continual burden to a man to have an impatient and discontented Wife Many a man can bear great afflictions that yet is not able to bear his Wifes impatiency It must needs trouble him to hear his Wife vexing fretting and murmuring at the Works and Providences of God tâ— hear her night and day complaining and speaking distrustfully and to see her live disquietly is far heavier than any affliction for thereby she refuseth to submit to the will of God and is not willing that God should choose her conditions for her but is dissatisfied with Gods dealings with her O then as thou desirest to prevent the decay of conjugal love if thou wilt prevent the disturbing by self with angry passions as thou desirest to live in peace and quietness strive to keep a cheerful spirit under all thy disappointments submit to the will of God under all his dispensations beware of muttering and manifesting discontent when Gods Providences do not suit thy humour Thus thou seest the way to preserve conjugal love Follow those directions that you may walk sweetly and lovingly together If you had more love one to another you would have less discord between one another and you would not be so soon angry one with another Where passion is violent love is weak Were your love stronger your angry passions would be-weaker You cannot carry it frowardly to one whom you dearly love You can have but little esteem of that person that you are angry with upon every trifle Indeed that woman that carries it imperiously and furiously towards her Husband had never any real love for him she married him before she loved him O then put an high price upon the quietness of your spirits and be not easily deprived of the sweetness of it Do not let your frowardness caused by a defect of love to each other destroy your calmness and serenity of spirit for a trifle Where conjugal love is defective the Husband and Wife never knew what the sweetness of a quiet meek and patient spirit meant O then keep warm your conjugal love that will make you prize a quiet spirit at an high rate and be willing to suffer much for it and follow after it because there is so much good in it Love will make great crosses and provocations easie to be born Do then nothing that may occasion a decay of love between you 3. If you would prevent the occasions of wrath and discord you must mortifie your pride which is the cause of anger and impatiency A proud and contentious spirit always go together You that are Wives are most subject to this sin Your Pride will make you turbulent and unquiet with your Husbands and contentious with all your Neighbours Your frowardness anger and discontent are the only effects of the height of your Spirits Except you can as the Apostle adviseth Col. 3.12 put on humbleneâ—s of mind you will never have meekness of spirit for proud spirits are usually fiery spirits but humility is patient and doth not aggravate injuries If then you would keep a quiet frame of Spirit free from anger and impatiency be sure that you keep an humbled Soul that over-valueth not it self Such as think meanly of themselves think meanly of all that is said or done against them but such as magnifie themselves do magnifie their Provocations Pride is the most impatient sin it is the Devils bellows to kindle peoples corruptions and set the hearts of near Relations and whole Families in a flame for that without mortifying of Pride there is no possibility of preventing anger impatiency and hot contests between Husband and Wife That party that is proud will take every thing amiss that is spoken or done by the other 'T is humbleness of mind in Husband or Wife that will keep all things quiet between them therefore I shall endeavour to give some Directions to help you to mortifie the pride of your hearts 1. Labour to set the excellency of the grace of Humility before your Souls and 〈…〉 the beauty and excellency of this Grace and by being convinced of the excellency of this grace you will abhor the pride of your hearts and come to be adorned with humility None so submissive to the will of God none so contented in the condition that God puts them none so prevalent in Prayer none so quiet and free from disturbances none so serviceable to God none receive more grace and favour from God than humble Souls None do more patiently bear crosses and imitate Christ than humble Souls None so thankful for mercies as such as are sensible of their unworthiness of mercies O how beautiful doth humility make a Soul O then how desirous should all be to be cloathed with humility This would preserve peace and unity and endeared love between Husband and Wife For this would prevent your giving offence to each other or taking offence at each other If you were convinced of the excellency of this grace you would be fond of no other excellency you would not think better of your selves than others you would not boast of what you have but be humbled for what you want If you did not ever-value your selves for some seeming worth or excellency that you apprehend to be in you you would not so much storm at every thing that opposeth you 2. Press much after a clearer knowledg and fuller discovery of God The more you do converse with God the more humble you will be and the more will the pride of your hearts be mortified If you consider Gods infinite glorious perfections and the immensity and infinite greatness of God what a distance there is between God and You it must needs make you have a mean esteem of your selves When you compare your selves with God you are nothing yea less than nothing Did you see more of the power more of the sovereignty more of the holiness of God in Himself and more of his goodness to You you would have no heart to exalt your self but rather abhor your selves The Prophet Isaiah cap. 6.5 cries out He was undone because such a polluted creature as he was had seen the King the Lord of Hosts His bodily eyes had seen the signs of his presence and the eyes of his Soul were so over-prest with the present weight of his Glory that in this his frail condition he could not bear it but cries out He was undone As he had never seen so much of God before so he was never so deeply humbled before he never cry'd out before I am undone which word
in thy memory for thy memory is not to be filled with trash and all occasions of enmity and discord should be put out of thy mind as in Levit. 19.18 When things done by thy Husband or Wife are not of any consequence rather let him or her know that thou dost not take notice of them But if thou wilt be taking notice of or offended with every thing that is done or spoken it is impossible but there will be a great deal of disturbance between thy self and Husband 12. If thou hast an angry Husband or an angry Wife and yet after all the means thou hast used to prevent his or her angry passions yet if he or she remain froward and contentious upon every trifle then observe this rule That thou resolve to walk before thy Husband or thy Wife in a convincing way Thy Wife is of a troublesom Spirit and wrests every word that thou speakest and gives thee railing and reviling speeches thou canst not in any way meddle with her but thou dost foul thy fingers yet resolve with thy self that thou wilt not render her reviling for reviling and though she be froward yet thou wilt not deal frowardly with her Say within thy self I will do what I can to convince her in a constant way of Good of Holiness Justice and Righteousness it may be I may melt her heart that way I am resolved whatever evil she doth to me I will do good to her Here is a peaceable Spirit indeed and this is the way to keep peace between thy self and Wife When means have been tried to quiet her Spirit yet it cannot be done yet walk convincingly before her and a convincing conversation in a few months may prevail with her heart more than all the means that thou hast used Take but this course and thou wilt find in some time that the bitterness of her Spirit will be allayed O then wait on the Lord keep his way walk strictly and inoffensively and commit thy cause to God and in time all the stirs and clamours of thy Wife will vanish away and come to nothing and she will be at last convinced and say that thou art a faithful Servant of God 13. If thou would'st live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife be much in secret prayer earnestly importuning God that he would mortifie thy angry passions Prayer is an excellent spiritual help to prevent frowardness and discord between Husband and Wife Thou may'st cry out of the contentions that are between thy self and Husband of the bitterness of his Spirit and that he is an offence to thee but I appeal this day in the name of God to thy conscience what time hast thou spent in secret prayer to make thy moan to God to complain to God in secret between God and thy Soul Perhaps when thou art in more publick Prayer thou may'st pray God to heal the breaches betwixt thee and thy Husband or thy Wife but when thou hast been in secret hast thou powred out thy heart with earnest prayer that God would find out means of reconciliation Say unto the Lord. There is a great distance between my self and Wife or between my self and Husband and I find all means that I use ineffectual to make up the breaches between us But Lord thou knowest how to still the rage of my Wifes spirit thou knowest how to compose differences between us Do it Lord I humbly pray thee Oh I pray thee O gracious God to vouchsafe the assistance of thy Spirit to subdue mine anger or my Wifes anger that both our affections may be so ruled and sanctified that they being freed from natural corruption may be made fit and serviceable for the setting forth of thy glory and the mutual good peace and comfort of each other and the furthering one anothers Salvation This is the most excellent means to prevent frowardness and contention between Husband and Wife for it is only the water of the Spirit and the Shield of Faith which is able to quench the fury of our passions of which Prayer is the chief means of obtaining and then we shall find that what cannot be done at all by our strength and skill may be easily done by Gods assistance and direction Thus O Husband and O Wife I have given several directions how you may prevent anger and discord between each other And O that the Lord would give you hearts to follow them And therefore let me give you some arguments to press you to use those helps and directions for the restraining and suppressing your angry passions and that very briefly 1. Thou should'st take care to use means to suppress and prevent thy angry passions because the furiousness and disquiet of a persons spirit hinders that person from Communion with God it keeps him or her from intimacy with and comfortable enjoyments of God As God forbids men Prov. 22.24 to make any friendship with an angry person neither to go with a furious man lest they learn his ways and receive destruction to their Souls That is avoid the company of those who are angry and cholerick lest by a certain contagion they poyson thee with their passions Indeed so will God withdraw from such as he commands us to withdraw from and should'st thou not watch against evil that will make thee to be without God in the world 'T is sad indeed to do any thing to cause the withdrawments of God for as soon as God departs from a Soul the Devil visits it therefore it is said That a giving way to wrath is a giving place to the Devil Oh what a miserable exchange is this and what a sad loss is it to lose God! and when God is driven away by the excess of angry passions there is a loss of that sweet and holy disposition of Soul which ought to be in every Christian and is in every one that walketh in peace and fellowship with God in true peace of conscience As there is required reconciliation with God and a sense of his love so likewise a freedom from the hurry of boisterous passions and a calmness of spirit which is a necessary qualification in the subject capable to hold Communion with God and receive the beams of his favour O consider this seriously Dost thou think it nothing to be without the blessing of God Alas then thou losest Gods protection and guidance in times of danger who then shall help thee in thy streights or direct thee in times of darkness and doubtings when the Original of all Power and the Fountain of all Wisdom hath left thee Indeed if thou let thy angry passions to rage upon every trifling occasion thou dost not only provoke God to be gone from thee but to be gone in distast 'T is sad when God conceals himself but a little while from a poor Soul and clouds his presence a little while A gracious Soul cannot bear a little withholding of God from it when he lets out no intimations of displeasure but
they ought not to have a bitter mind so where love is prevalent they cannot proceed to reviling words or to averseness or estrangedness or any abuse of one another And if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of love will heal it so that here you see that too much self-love and too little conjugal love is another cause of discord between Husband and Wife and that party that is first provoked and grows most furious is most defective in Love 3. Pride is another cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife for it is the diseased temper of the heart that causeth dissentions more than occasions or matters of offence do A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seems to tend to its undervaluing A proud Woman is always jealous of her Honour and Reputation is also very suspicious of contempt so that the least seeming injury provokes her to choler and disdain because she is ready to imagine that thereby she is exposed to contempt Solomon saith Only by pride cometh contention Prov. 13.10 The meaning is that Pride is good for nothing but to cause brawling strife and contention Pride alone of it self without the aid of any other thing is sufficient to kindle contention yea the wise man observed so much Strife and anger to come from Pride as that he seems to speak as if Pride was the only cause of all brawlings so that the least spark of anger kindled with the smallest occasion bursteth out into a raging flame of fire if it be blown with the wind of pride or self-conceitedness A proud humour that would have all stoop to it if it meet with the least seeming slight is presently hurried with unquiet and turbulent thoughts which are fit Harbingers to prepare a lodging in the heart to entertain anger And this is clear from the nature of Pride for 't is a fountain-sin a root-sin productive of many other sins it nurseth nourisheth and bringeth up many other sins and it is the mother of these three very bad Children First It makes men and women boast of Themselves of their Wisdom Parts Accomplishments and their Pedigree as the proud Jews did when they were contending with Christ Say they We have Abraham to our Father So some will say I am the Child of such a godly Father I was such a mans Son or Daughter or such a worthy mans Wife and shall I be slighted now and so brings forth the second Daughter Contention and be wrangling with any one that crosseth the proud humour fret at any thing that looks like an undervaluing fume at rage at and revile any person that will not be observant of their wills and cannot endure to be hindred from insulting and commanding And this being the humour of many Husbands and Wives it produceth and nourisheth their passions But the third Daughter of Pride is Contempt Proud persons do despise and vilifie all whom they converse with for some Wives despise their Husbands in their hearts as Michal did David that let Husbands carry it as obligingly as they can yet because their Wives do despise their persons they will despise their actions and so be angry with every thing that they do they do despise their actions and company too with abhorrency as the stomach doth meat which is offensive to it and so like their Husbands like ill-savour'd meat From this ground every thing that their Husbands say or do is offensive to them so fly at them with bitter and reproachful words but the truly humble woman is not provoked to anger though she be neglected because her lowly conceit of her self makes her to think that she is not worthy to be much esteemed nor yet is she angry tho' she hath received an injury because she thinks she hath deserv'd it either by like faults committed against her Husband or more heinous sins against God so that it is clear that another great cause of that Wrath and Discord that is between Husband and Wife is the pride of that party that is most passionate And it is evident from the Scripture that Pride is the chief ground of sinful anger if we read Prov. 21.24 Proud and haughty scorner is his name who dealeth in proud wrath So much inordinate passion as one hath so much pride he or she hath for pride is as much seen in frowardness and passion as in any thing and there is a proportion between sinful passion and pride in every ones heart and that man or woman that hath a passionate spirit hath a proud spirit let them seem to be never so humble in other things for the truly humble Soul is of a meek spirit for Christ joyns meekness and humility together Mat. 11.29 Learn of me for I am meek and lowly I shall evidence to you in these following particulars how passionate and angry persons are proud persons and how pride raiseth their angry passions First Proud persons are impatient of being contradicted in their speeches be they right or wrong You must say as they do and not gainsay them So if passionate persons be opposed in what they say or do they are in a flame presently An angry person cannot bear the least contradiction Secondly Pride makes persons uncharitable and censorious They extenuate other persons Virtues and good Works and suspect ungroundedly their sincerity They will vilifie others and give them disgraceful terms Thus will passionate persons do They will judge the party that they are angry with as a vile base unworthy person and censure him for an Hypocrite void of all inward and real good Thirdly Pride causeth men and women to hate reproof Those that are proud are forward in finding fault with others but love not a plain reprover of themselves as in Prov. 15.12 A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him They can easily endure to be evil and do evil but not to hear of it So passionate persons impatient of admonition they will not endure to be told of their faults They storm and rail at every reproof that is given them their spirits are too hot to be told of their faults Fourthly Proud self-conceited persons are ever talkative persons and more desirous to speak than to hear They will suffer none to speak but themselves because such think always highly of their own understandings So angry persons rage if any offer to discourse in their presence if any presume to speak they take exceptions at every word If their passions are high their first word of command is Hold your peace and say no more or be gone out of the Room They cannot endure the company of those that will adventure to reply to any thing they say They are too high to be answered again though by their Equals and Superiours and this kind of passionate rage is the effect of Pride Fifthly If proud persons be wronged they look for great submission before they will forgive you must lie down at their feet make
see violence and fury in their eyes If an Husband or Wife will give credit to every story that a tale-bearer brings them they shall never live at peace with one another VI. A peevish froward humorous constitution is another cause of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife and so they will be angry at bare surmizes when it is nothing but a surmize or fancy that they make and propound to themselves and thereupon let out their anger like the Dog that barketh at the shining of the Moon Hence many are angry at their own fancy A pettish froward heart will create causes of anger to it self when there are none nay the power of their peevish and pettish humours is such that they are angry for every thing Every trifle every toy any thing in the world that falls out in the least manner against their minds puts them into an anger And indeed when Husbands or Wifes anger comes to be common upon every trifle it makes their anger contemptible and no one cares for it Some think to gain more Authority in their Family by their anger and make others more conformable to them by it but in truth it makes themselves the more despised You shall find your froward furious persons that they will be angry with irrational insensible Creatures and a pettish and froward Wife will be angry with one for the fault of another If a Child displease her she will be angry with her Husband Some persons have such froward and fretful natures that they have Gunpowder-Spirits that as soon as any thing displeaseth them they fly in the faces of their nearest Relations They are like dry wood that have all the Sap and Juice out of it as soon as ever the fire comes to it is all on a flame So Husband and Wives that have hasty natures Sapless and void of true Wisdom as soon as ever they have any occasion but a little fire a little occasion they are all on a fire presently Persons that are of froward and peevish dispositions will manifest their anger before any body never considerihg whether it be a convenient season The Husband will vent his anger against his Wife and the Wife vent her anger against her Husband tho' in the presence of Children or Servants and through the violence of their passions they care not what time they vent their revilings and reproaches And such furious persons will upbraid one another with their failings whoever be present they will not allow time to confider inconveniencies they are of such hasty Spirits and so will belch forth their passionate expressions in hast Also persons of cholerick Spirits they have no command of their Spirits to get them down when they are once up Though the winds be still the waves of the Sea are up and down a great while after So it is with Husbands and Wives when there is occasion to stir up their hearts to anger by reason of their froward peevish natures Though they have that which satisfies them yet they cannot be quiet for all that but they are like Salamanders in the fire continually There are many Husbands and Wives that have Dog-days all the year long You know we have Dog-days in one time of the year but they last but a little while but indeed such Husbands and Wives that have humoursome natures and dogged dispositions have always Dog-days there is nothing but frowardness wrangling and jangling between them all the year long so that in many the heat of anger is in their hearts like the fire of Hell that is unquenchable If once their passion is up they will never have done as if the fire of Hell were in their hearts and though there may be yielding to them and a forbearing of all words that may feed their passions yet nothing will quench them And it is certain that many that have suffered their passion and anger to arise unjustly and foolishly and are convinced in their own consciences that there is no sufficient cause for their anger yet they will continue in their anger and abide in it that they might not seem to others to be angry without a cause and they are loth that the distemper of their hearts should be discovered And also it appears that an Husband and Wife is sway'd by a peevish froward cholerick nature when they can let their anger rise to its utmost height for a very little offence that which would not be taken amiss at all by a person of meek Spirit Also persons are sway'd by a cholerick nature when they do manifest bitterness of Spirit in their anger This bitterness of Spirit consists in this when one is provoked and passion is up against another they care not what provoking speeches they use towards others grating upon their Spirits such things as they know before or at least hope will provoke them and this they do very eagerly Whereas one of a meek Spirit will be very loth to provoke any one and if there be any means to reform another without manifesting the passion of anger he will do it he will try all means of reformation before he will be angry I say though a meek person be justly offended by another yet if he can reform him with sweetness of carriage he will do it but the hearts of many Husbands and Wives are like a Spunge filled with Gall and Vinegar if you do not touch it nothing will come out but nip it between your fingers and it will presently come out in abundance so many hearts if you do but nip them as it were between your fingers the Gall will presently drop down they will presently be angry as it is with many bodies a cholerick stomach will turn all meats and make them to be bitter to them and so it is with such Husbands and Wives that have cholerick Spirits the distemper of their hearts turn every thing into bitterness and if any thing be done unto them that doth displease them they 'll go and chew upon it and so imbitter their own Spirits by thinking what wrong the other hath done him or her A bitter Pill must not be chew'd but swallowed down whole so when there is any thing done amiss to Husband or Wife the wrong indeed is a bitter Pill and should be swallowed down No marvel if every cross is so bitter if it be chew'd and meditated on Again it is evident that an Husband or Wife is master'd by a cholerick distemper if either of them be of a fierce disposition and indeed we may call such hare-brain'd Christians that are fierce and furious upon every occasion An angry person is more furious when only a seeming injury is done to him or her than when a real injury is done to God so that many times some peoples passions makes them like a furious mad Dog that when it sets on an object it cannot be called back Oh! the anger of froward peevish Spirits is very unruly so that such angry persons have not only
and all ordinances and make the means of Grace ineffectual to thee Do they deprive thee of the good thou hast and deprive thee of the light of Gods countenance Do they cause the withdrawing of the light of Gods countenance O then what an evil thing is it for thee to be angry with thy Husband or thy Wife upon every trifle Thus I have opened the great evil of contentions between Husband and Wife in shewing the evil effect of their anger and discord between each other 2. Consider O Husband or O Wife Anger is a sore evil because thy angry fits of passion do grieve the spirit of God Though by venting the froth of thy froward passionate spirit thou may'st please thy self yet thou grievest the Holy Spirit It is an ill thing to grieve thy friend and indeed none are more grievous to their dearest Friends and nearest Relations than froward and passionate people When thy Friend comes to thy Family and sees thee in a froward and passionate temper it grieves him and thou grievest the heart of thy Husband It may be also he goes and complains of it to God and thou grievest thy Friend and he complains of it but this is worst of all thou grievest the spirit of God When thou art in a fit of passion the Spirit of God goes away to Heaven sadly as it is in Ephes 4.30 31. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice The Apostle unto that command grieve not the Spirit immediately subjoyneth this let all bitterness c. be put away intimating that otherwise they could not cease from grieving the Holy Spirit Here are mentioned various degrees of anger and every one of them doth grieve the Spirit By bitterness of Spirit is understood the lowest degree of sinfui anger and also by Bitterness is understood all secret smothered displeasure and alienation of affection which hath more of discontent and grudge than of revenge The next degree is wrath or fierceness of Spirit which is an impetuous rage and passionate commotion of the heart and affections upon the sense of an apprehended injury preventing and obstructing the use of reason and in some it grows to a desire of revenge and a fixed resolution after deliberation to have that desire satisfied In some anger breaks out into boisterous words loud menaces and other inordinate speeches which are the black smoak whereby the fire of anger and wrath kindled within first manifests it self and then anger proceeds to evil speaking uttering disgraceful and contumelious speeches by which the party incensed doth endeavour to stain the reputation of him who hath seemed to have offered him or her a wrong Of this sort was Saul's anger 1 Sam. 20.30 Now all and every degree of anger doth grieve the Holy Spirit of God and darken much the Work of Grace in the heart there being no sins more opposite to the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Gal. 5.22 Then those sins are so that where such sins are given way Grace must needs be on the decaying hand O the prevalency of sinful passion is very injurious to the Spirit of God! it grieves the Spirit so much that he will withdraw his motions his guidance assistance and comforts from angry persons O then if thou would'st not grieve the Spirit of God lay aside all bitteresns wrath and anger c. Consider what an heinous evil anger wrath and frowardness of Spirit is Thou dost not only by thy passion grieve thy Friend or near Relation but also the Spirit of God and wilt thou be so ungrateful as to grieve that Spirit that hath done thee so much good that is appointed by the Father and by Jesus Christ to be thy Comforter even the Comforter of thy Spirit If thou hadst an ingenious Spirit thou would'st think it an ill thing to grieve thy Friend and if thou hearest thou hast done that which hath grieved him in will grieve thee exceedingly O then how should it trâ—uble thee and grieve thee that when thou art in an angry passion thou dost grieve the dearest Friend thou hast in the world thou dost grieve the holy Spirit of God 3. O Husband or O wife by thy giving way to excessive anger thou dost give place to the Devil Ephes 4.27 Thou dost cast open the doors to Sathan the capital enemy of thy Soul to enter thy heart and incite thee by his uncessant suggestions to act some mischief As Sathan is dethroned and shut out of the hearts of all true believers and though he shall never reign over them at his pleasure yet he is daily watching searching out if it were but the narrowest passage and least opportunity whereby he may again re-enter his old possession and exercise his former Tyranny and where excessive or sinful anger is not only given way to but also continued in there doth Sathan get an open door to settle himself in the heart and exercise his power by inciting the person guilty to commit more wickedness A furious angry person is the prey of Sathan for this raging passion having put out the eye of an angry persons reason Sathan makes him a fit instrument for his own business so that unadvised anger is a notable means that Sathan useth to work some persons destruction for when once rage hath blinded the eye of reason he can easily lead a person into a gulph of all wickedness O then if thou dost permit anger to rage in thy Spirit if thou dost nourish thy froward humour and art so often contending with thy Husband or with thy Wife thou dost gratifie thy self exceedingly thou dost do as he would have thee thou dost give him a welcom entertainment in thy heart Alas how canst thou fancy such a monstrous Fiend as to comply with his suggestions Be not so vile a wretch as to be kind to the mortal enemy of thy Soul His design is to have thee angry and so contentious that he may hinder the exercise of thy reason and so make thee unreasonable in thy actions O then when thy anger begins to rise suppress it with this consideration If I give way to my anger I please no one but the Devil all others except the Devil are displeased with my anger and frowardness That act must needs be dreadfully evil which the Devil doth rejoyce in the doing of What a sad wretch wilt thou evidence thy self to be in despising the counsel of God and following the Devils God bids thee not to be of an hasty spirit but to forgive the trespasses of thy Brother and the Devil tells thee Be not such a fool as to pass by such wrongs or suffer such opposition and wilt thou slight God to hearken to the Devil shall the Devil prevail more with thee than God Wilt thou shut the door of thy heart against God and open it to let in Satan Then thou makest thy self a Child of
the Devil and not a Child of God and in thy rage and fury dost resemble the Devil who g es about like a roaring Lyon seeking whom he may devour 4. Persons by their sinful anger their contentious wrangling and frowardness of spirit do subject themselves to the wrath of God and bring his curse upon them yea their anger brings upon them even in this life the dreadful effects of Gods anger O thou angry Husband or angry Wife if thou dost not repent thee of thy sinful anger frowardness hastiness and touchiness of spirit upon every trivial occasion God will deal with thee in his anger as thou would'st deal with thy Husband or Wife in thy anger for as we forgive others so doth God forgive us If therefore thou retain thine anger towards thine Husband God will retain his anger towards thee The Lord acteth the part of an Umpire to make up breaches heal differences and make reconciliation between Relations but if either of them be so stiff and contentious that he or she will not be reconciled what doth that party else but by froward behaviour and obstinate stiffness refusing the Lords arbitrement and determination make God his enemy Eliphaz tells Job cap. 5.2 Wrath killeth the foolish man That may be taken two ways very true the wrath of God kills or destroys the wrathful rash and inconsiderate man that hath no true government of himself for anger resteth in the bosom of fools Eccles 7.9 or the angry man kills himself his own wrath is as a Knife to his throat and as a Sword in his own bowels Wrath properly is anger inveterate Wrath is a long anger When a man or woman is set upon it when the Spirit is steeped or soaked in anger then it is wrath but in this place I conceive it notes a fervent heat and distemper of Spirit presently breaking forth or an extreme vexation fretting or disquieting within as in Psal 112.10 The wicked shall see it and be grieved That is he shall have secret indignation in himself to see matters go so he shall gnash with his teeth and melt away Gnashing of the teeth is caused by the vexing of the heart and therefore said he shall melt away which notes an extreme heat within so that a persons wrath makes him or her melt away as we say of a person furiously vex'd it melos his or her grease with chafing This is an effect of Divine displeasure whereby God in judgment doth suffer peoples wrath to be so vexatious to them that it makes their lives a continual death to them and at last so weary and wast their spirits that they die for very grief and except the Lord be merciful to them and the death of Christ heal the wounds that their anger and impatiency have made they will murder their own Souls for ever frowardness and anger is a persons sin and torment For People tare themselves in their anger Job 18.4 The more fretful people are the more miserable do they make themselves Those that are of wrathful spirits will certainly feel some degrees of the wrath of God either in this life or in the life to come That must needs be hurtful yea mortal to men that carries in it a resistance to the immortal God Some anger is not only grief for the opposition that persons meet with but a kind of stomacking at God who permits them to be opposed or crossed and tho' they do not confess it to be so yet the spirit of God knows it to be so Now know that the wrath of man against man is a sin which God will punish with further wrath God will powre out wrath upon wrathful persons and it appears that the wrath of man stirs up God to punish man if we observe what the Apostle saith in Gal. 5.15 If ye bite and devour one another What is this biting and devouring that is every act which is opposite to that love which God commands us to exercise towards our Neighbour or our near and dear Relation is a biting and devouring We bite and devour one another when we are unkind wrathful and vexatious one to another See what follows as the effect of their passionate and froward carriages one to another Take heed ye be not consumed one of another Take heed lest by walking so unlike Christians and so unanswerable to the Law of Gospel-love you provoke God to kindle such a fire among you and in you as may prove an utter consumption When Husbands and Wives are not careful to walk together in love as Christ hath loved us God sometimes as an evidence of his wrath and displeasure gives them up to a spirit of contention and their breaches are like the Sea which cannot be healed Their cruel and harsh dealings which are yet but to the vexing and healing of one anothers spirits or to devouring and eating one anothers credit may provoke such Judgments as shall destroy their Persons Families and Estates until nothing be left Thus peoples peevish froward and angry carriages to such as are their nearest Relations provoke God to execute revenges on them When an Husband or Wife is fierce towards the other God is angry with that person and will not suffer that person to live in peace who hath so much love to dissention and this Judgment of God upon persons is both the fore-runner and demonstration of further yea the final Judgment And so saith Solomon in Prov. 19.19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment And Christ denounceth great Judgment against unadvised anger in Mat. 5.22 He that is angry with his brother without cause is in danger of judgment intimating that rash anger is a capital offence and doth bring a person under the severe sentence of Gods Judgment In the latter part of the verse Christ saith That if a persons anger break out in disrespectful speeches the sin is the more capital because such an one gives words of disdain Whosoever shall say to his brother Racha shall be in danger of the Councel but if anger and disdain proceed so far as to reproach a brother yet more despightfully and call him Fool then that person shall be in danger of Hell-fire Consider then O Husband or O Wife the dreadful effects of thine anger wrath and frowardness It subjects thee to the wrath of God and Oh! what punishments what consuming judgments doth Gods wrath bring forth The wrath of God may be specificated into any Judgment it produceth every evil If Gods wrath be kindled but a little if it be but as a spark it will quickly grow up to a flame and consume all as in Numb 16.46 Moses bids Aaron hast to make the Attonement for saith he wrath is gone out from the Lord the Plague is begun But know the wrath of God is not a passion in him but an action towards man He acts as men when they are angry but he suffers nothing by his anger He smites and wounds and pulls down and destroys
sin that thou may'st not be so much under the power of a strong bent and inclination unto sin that it may not have such life power vigour promptness and readiness to be stirring This mortification that I here intend is a daily endeavour after the weakening and abolishing of in-dwelling sin by little and little that it might not incline thee imploy thee with such efficacy to make thee a servant to it as heretofore If thou let the root of thy corruption abide in strength and vigour it will be still bringing forth new fruits of the flesh and thou wilt be hurried into violent passions upon every slight occasion Ane if we see persons raging in wrath and fury we may conclude that in-dwelling sin is in its full power and vigour in them Now thou canst not carry on this work of Mortification except thou art ingrafted into Christ by Faith I do not say Except thou art assured of it but Thou must be indeed a true believer because mortification is not done without the aid of Gods Spirit who is promised to do it and all other means are vain without him Now the Spirits aid for the work of mortification is not gained except we are in Christ by Faith and when we are in Christ we have the Spirit and so have power for mortification All attempts then for mortification of in-dwelling sin without an interest in Christ are vain for there must be first Conversion and Faith in Christ then mortification will ensue Know then that sin cannot be killed without an interest in the death of Christ or mortified without the Spirit Thou then being a believer make daily and sincere opposition of in-dwelling sin rise then mightily against the first movings and acting of thy corruption against its first conceptions let it not have allowance from thee for one step for it is impossible to fix bounds to it If thou findest thy corruption to begin to entangle thy thoughts rise up with all thy strength against it with no less indignation than if it had fully accomplished what it aimed at else it will get ground in the affections to delight in it and if thou findest it too powerful an enemy for thee set Faith on work in Christ for the killing of thy sin His blood is the great sovereign remedy for sin-sick Souls Fill thy Soul with the due consideration of that provision which is laid up in Christ for this end that thy corruptions may be mortified Behold the Lord Christ that hath all fulness of Grace in his heart all fulness of Power in his hand He is able to slay all thy corruptions there is provision enough in him for thy relief and assistance Then raise up thy heart by faith to an expectation of relief from Christ and thy Soul shall be satisfied with the relief it expects he will assuredly deliver thee he will slay thy corruptions Mortification of sin is one peculiar end of the death of Christ which shall assuredly be accomplished by it And this whole work that I am pressing thee to endeavour after is effected carried on and accomplished by the power of the Spirit in all the parts and degrees of it and that thou may'st have more power to oppose and weaken the power of thy corruptions beg of God earnestly for Christs sake to give thee his Spirit O then is it from the corruption in thy heart that thy passions break out against thy Husband or against thy Wife in thy life Is it thy corruption that makes thee froward and contentious that makes discord between thee and thy Husband Then bend all thy strength against thy corruptions by the aid of the Spirit endeavour the mortification of the deeds of the flesh Rom. 8.13 Before the strength of thy corruption is weakened thy anger and frowardness will not be prevented for as the motions of original sin are permanent thou wilt not be rid of the body of Death until the death of thy body so they are exceeding violent and impetuous in their operations and puts people into violent passions upon small occasions If thou dost not oppose thy corruptions thou dost not endeavour to prevent tiâ—y breaking out into furiousness of Spirit Keep down then thy in-dwelling sin and thou wilt not have such hot contests with thy Husband or with thy Wife for quarrelling and contention come from the Lusts that are within James 4 1. Consider then when ever any thing displeaseth thee If I be angry I gratifie my corruptions which I am bound to mortifie Col. 3.5 Certainly thy froward carriages to thy Husband do arise more from the evil that is within thee than the displeasure that is done thee Thou hast just cause to say It is not my temptation but my corruption that makes me froward and so do thou fall a studying to mortifie thy corruptions if ever thou wilt prevent thy passions 2. Consider O Husband and O Wife if you will prevent fallings out with one another keep up your conjugal love in a constant heat and vigour Love will suppress wrath as well as prevent it you cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against those that you dearly love much less can you proceed to reviling words or to averseness and estrangedness or any abuse of one another or or if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of Love will heal it but when Love once cooleth small matters will exasperate and breed distast Therefore I shall give some directions how conjugal love may be maintained and preserved 1. Take more notice of the good that is in one another than the evil Leâ— not the observation of one anothers faults make you over-look or forget one anothers Virtues Love is kindled and preserved by the sight of Love and Goodness If you will observe nothing in one another but your infirmities and some indiscreet inconsiderate and unadvised actings You neither preserve Love nor keep Peace with one another If you will magnifie faults in one another and flight and despise any good qualities you take the readiest course to destroy conjugal love and beget hatred to one another therefore turn away your eyes from one anothers humane frailties and prize what you can see of God in one another and put a charitable construction upon words and actions and this is an excellent way to cherish conjugal love and prevent dissentions between you 2. Stir up that most in one another into exercises which is best and stir not up that which is worst Avoid that which will move your corruptions to violent operations use such actions as may provoke one another unto love and good works and then the good that is in you will most appear and the evil will be as buried There is some uncleanness in the best on Earth and if you will be daily stirring the filth no wonder if you have the annoyance and for that you may thank your selves Draw out the fragrancy of that which is good and delectable in
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly The meek person hath much understanding which he discovereth by this in that he knoweth how to bear wrongs and injuries patiently and can beware of doing any thing that doth truly oppose Honour and Virtue But he or she that is hasty of mind or short of spirit that is soon angry exalteth folly that is bringeth his folly to open light to be seen of all men forasmuch as he or she doth in his or her anger those things which cannot consist with Honour and Virtue Thus continually the Scripture doth befool passionate people and it is to check froward people because there are none that think themselves wiser than angry people do especially in the time of their fit Certainly because angry persons discover great folly in opening their shame they make evident what filthy trash was closetted up in their hearts which was not known before Alas of what ridiculous rude and indiscreet actions are angry persons daily guilty of they will reverence no Superiour respect no Equal but contemn all that oppose their humour Their chief work is railing and vilifying others much superiour to themselves in real worth They are exceeding talkative all others must hold their peace but themselves and in the multitude of their words there wanteth not folly But in all these insolent imperious and insulting carriages of a Wife to her Husband where is the reverence and observance that God requires her to give him for reverence is due to a man as he is an Husband to the bad Husband as well as to the good to the poor Husband as well as to the rich So that no defect of the Husband can excuse the Wife from giving him due reverence and subjection to his superiority So that all the irreverent speeches she gives her Husband in her passion are but the discoveries of her shame and folly I have now ended my Arguments and Motives which I have laid before you to persuade you to use the directions that I have here given to prevent Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife Pray then let those considerations influence you to watch against your angry passions do not allow your selves in that which discovers so much of your shame and folly that such near Relations by their furoius carriages one to another should make themselves ridiculous to all that know them is very sad You are one flesh be of one spirit and one heart be faithful to discharge the duty you owe to one another Be not too curious in observing every look or gesture of one another Wink at every thing that crosseth you so long as it doth not cross the will of God Let each of you keep in your own station Let not the Wife look for superiority when God hath appointed her subjection Let her not be ambitious of teaching when her place is to be a learner A chearful subjection to Gods Ordinances and a ready delightful submission to Gods providential appointments is an excellent means to keep peace and prevent contentions between Man and Wife It is a great occasion of strife when that party will prescribe rules to the other that ought to be ruled by the other Do not discover your folly by your insolent carriages one to another Do not allow your passions that will make you utter such expressions that will prove your shame Be willing to live in peace one with another And therefore be persuaded by the Arguments and Motives that I have here given to use the direction now lay'd before you to prevent Wrath and Discord between you Soli Deo Gloria FINIS THE APPENDIX SOme Wives plead in excuse of their froward carriages to their Husbands thus None ought to account my zeal for Gods glory in a smart reprehension of my Husbands miscarriages to be sinful anger for I must not let my Husband alone to dishonour God because my not appearing for God when my Husband offends him will intimate an approbation of his sinful ways I cannot be faithful to God except I do oppose him in such actions as I conceive are not good and in this respect I judg not my self blame-worthy in contending with him Is it not my duty to reprove my Husband when he offends God and deals injuriously with me Meeting with this Plea since I compos'd the fore-going Treatise I have added this following Answer as an Appendix to the former discourse which is That I do acknowledge that some endeavoars may be used by Wives to convince their Husbands of their sins and to reform their conversations But by an explanation of the nature of Reproof it will appear what method is proper to be used by Wives to reclaim their Husbands from their disorderly walkings To Reprove in a strict sense denotes an authority in the Reprover over the Reproved for reproving is an act of authority which a person hath by vertue of Office or Relation as in Tit. 2.15 Rebuke with all authority In this sense a superiour is not to be reproved Therefore the Apostle saith 1 Tim. 5.1 Rebuke not an Elder I understand it not only of the Aged but of all Superiours in Place Dignity a tart reprehension or a direct reproof is not to be given them by Inferiours they are to be dealt with as Fathers are to be dealt with by their Children they may be desired but not rebuked Intreat them as a Father Admonitions are given by such as are Equals of the same Degree and Quality of the same Ecclesiastical Corporation or Christian Society which are either finding fault with each other for sins committed or persuading or exhorting unto duties which have been omitted And I look on admonitions to be of a more inferiour quality than the rebukes which Superiours give to their Inferiours for altho' an admonition be given as an act of Duty yet not as an act of Authority as the other is But that way which I conceive an Inferiour may take to reclaim a Superiour from sin and yet not go out of his place or usurp authority which belongs not to him is by an humble earnest and respectful intreating the Superiour to forbear his sinful acts which God hath prohibited him to concern himself with to engage in those Christian duties which God requires him to perform So that I acknowledge that there is a time when in a limitted sense inferiours may use means to hinder their superiours going on in a way of sin Job 31.13 Superiours are not above instruction or humble advice their authority doth not give them a toleration to persevere in sin nor a liberty to trample their inferiours under their feet Tho' we are under our Superiours Power yet we are not under their Lusts tho' we are to be governed by them yet not to be despised by them As we ought to serve so they ought to govern in the fear of God and Superiours irregularities are to be hinted to them
sickly children which he will quickly take from them by death or let their Children prove a scurge or curse to them O Wives you will first charge your Husbands falsly with faults from a rash envious and wicked misinterpreting their actions and then pretend cause to reprove them when the fault you charge them with is of your own forging Therefore O Wives you must carefully beware that you do not charge your Husbands with any miscarriages from your own malicious wresting of the sense of their words or actions for in this you offend God highly There are few Wives but will pretend reasons for finding fault with their Husbands when they can evidence none and their contentions wranglings are the effects of putting false constructions upon their words and actions conceiting things to be otherwise than in truth they are and upon this ground they have presumed to carry it irreverently to their Husbands I say they must take care of miscarrying in this respect 4. You must not presume to admonish your Husbands for any thing but that which tends to destroy his Soul or impoverish his Family that is for that which is a dishonour to God a breach of his Law a straying from the Divine Rule or a neglect of the duty that God requires from them or 2dly a wasting of their Estates by misemploying or extravagantly consuming them thereby not providing for the necessaries of their families For lesser matters than these you are not to find fault with your Husbands at all as for gestures of the body for sometimes using the vulgar dialect of the Countrey in discourse not keeping their apparel in that excellent order as some do or the fashion requires for not complementing for not manifesting a fond carriage to you for not telling you every thing they are about to do before they act it for not observing your times for staying at home or going abroad for discoursing with persons of an inferiour quality you thinking it too much beneath them some innocent actions of the hand in talking or such inconsiderable trifles that are not in their own nature sinful I say such things you are not to take notice of in your Husbands nor manifest your selves angry with your Husbands for them A truly gracious Soul can very well bear with such trifles in an Husband without being distasted with him and such Wives as cannot do either evidence the weakness of their grace or their want of grace But there are some Wives of such wrangling spirits as that they will use more violent expressions in finding fault with such trifles than at any time they will do when their Husbands sin against God Tho' they ought in a limited sense due manner to admonish them of the sins that they do commit yet the Wife may not at any time lawfully reprove the Husband for that which is not sinful yet she may humbly desire him to comply with her in things indifferent if he think fit But for a Wife to contend with an Husband about inconsiderable toys is very unbecoming her and the cause of much disquiet in a Family Many Wives are apt to censure that to be sin in an Husband which is not as I can instance in one that looked upon the sighs and groans of her Husband and the rising and falling of his voice in Prayer to be hypocrisie affectation and self-conceitedness when for ought she knew they might be the effects and evidences of fervency in spirit as in Rom. 8.26 We know not what we should pray for but the Spirit it self maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered that is the Spirit helpeth us to make us earnest and fervent in prayer which is evidenced by groanings beyond what can be evidenced by the bare expression of the mouth yea groanings do evidence an ardent desire of mind even when we are not able to speak and indeed that prayer which is breathed in out by the Spirit of God cannot be without some external evidences either of voice countenance or sighs Do not then condemn that prayer which may be of the spirits working and indeed were we more fervent in prayer we should manifest more sighings and groanings in it Prayer is not to be measured by the multitude fineness of words but by the earnest groans of the heart Sighs and groans evidence more of the heart in prayer than words alone for words alone may be but babling and as the drawing nigh of the hypocrite Considering this let no woman find fault with that in an Husband which the word of God doth not condemn in him Tho' many of his carriages may not please her humour yet she must patiently bear with them and not speak against them except they be sinful and she can prove them so by Scripture It is better by much to be silent than to cry out against that which we cannot prove to be sin by Gods word No good is done by reproving a deed except by Scripture the doer can be convinced of sin 5. Be careful that under pretence of reproving your Husbands you do not utter any expressions that tend to the undervaluing and contempt of your Husbands persons parts or education for reproachful disgraceful words given to an Husband will cause conjugal affections to decay very much If you reproach your Husbands when you pretend to reprove their sins you will break their heads instead of their hearts and make them flie in your faces instead of falling down at Gods feet Some are apt to manifest their dislike of being related to their Husbands as their Wives and this is very sinful nay it is sinful to wish so in their hearts for therein they quarrel at the providence and dislike the appointments of God Some will say to their Husbands when they are at any time crost in their humours If I had known this and this by thee before as well as I do now I would never have had thee for my Husband Some Wives will drop expressions as if they deserv'd a better Husband than they had one richer and better than they had Some will tell their Husbands They had better married some inferiour person which wou'd have better suted their clownish breeding than with them who were better educated All which expressions tend to the undervaluing their Husbands persons and education such Wives who by their carriages expressions do thus slight their Husbands are never like to convince them of sin they may perplex and afflict them but not do them good Some men are more troubled with what is said to them than what is done to them Unfriendly and undervaluing speeches have lain heavier upon them than the heaviest of pressures Job was broken in pieces with words chap. 19.2 Indeed reproachful and reviling language hath occasioned many sad effects for cruel words many times provoke to cruel actions Hard words are numbred amongst the hardest tryals If then O Wife under a pretence of reproving thy Husbands sin thou