shall be greater if wee continue in our industrie This is my way and thus I will follow him Hee who sate upon the throne Reu 21 6. and said It is done I am Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end even the same Lord said I will give unto him that is a thirst of the fountaine of the water of life freely Hee inviteth mee by his Prophet and speaketh to mee among the rest when hee saith Is 55.1 Ho every one that thirsteth come yee to the waters and hee that hath noe money come and buy and eate yea come and buy wine and milke without money Reu 22 17. without price The Spirit and the Bride saith Saint Iohn say Come and let him that heareth say Come and let him that is a thirst Come and whosoever will let him take of the water of life freely I am thirstie hee hath promised therfore to mee the fountaines of the water of life I am thirstie and yet I am poore and have not wherewith to buy what I neede My deedes are wicked and of noe validitie my words are idle and deserve noe good my thoughts are sinfull cannot merit What then Shall I starve for want because I have not price to give Noe noe mee it is hee calleth unto that I may buy without money mee hee meaneth to make partaker of his promise I will buy what I want but I can give nothing but teares or at most which indeede is the best even the blood of him who was slaine for my peace But why doe I call that blood mine owne May I safely doe it Yes it was his but it is mine Because hee needed not that price as a ransome for himselfe hee gave it to mee and all the faithfull to purchase our redemption This ô father I offer unto thee upon my knees I tender it with a lowly heart and a bleeding soule and a submissive speech praying unto thee and saying The Prayer GRacious father Ps 123.1 Mat 5.45 thou that dwellest in the heavens and from heaven doest send the raine both on the just and the unjust take pitty and compassion on the meanest of thy servants who cryeth unto thee out of the depth of miserie O my God thou seest how I am dryed up with thirst and am wearie of my life for want of thy comforts I know that thou hast power to breake a clowd and canst command it to water my parched body Thou canst give mee drinke out of the windowes of heaven Gen 7.11 or canst cause the earth to answer my desires Ps 6 1. Lord rebuke mee not in thine anger neither chasten mee in thy heavy displeasure I must confesse that I have worthily deserved thy severest punishments and most justly therfore doe I feele the heate of thine anger in my burning thirst Ps 79.5 But Lord shall thy displeasure burne like fire for ever Shall it never be allayed with the shewers of my teares or with that which infinitely exceede's them both in vallew and power even the dropps of blood which fell from my Redeemer O thou who with a stroake of a rod diddest make the relenting rocks to relieve the thirstie doe thou be pleased to pittie the complaint of a fainting sinner Coole my body which burneth with heate and refresh mee now in this extreamest anguish if it may stand with thy gracious will and pleasure If thou seest it fitting that my life should be prolonged afford mee the meanes for the preservation thereof On thee alone doe I depend and to thee alone doe I addresse my supplication To thee I referre the disposing of this parched and dryed earth humbly besieching thee to bend my will to submit unto thine O let mee never utter any words of despaire or discontent but in all my groanes let mee acknowledg thy justice Holy Father be pleased to fixe my thoughts upon my inward man that my care may be greater for the spirit them the flesh I want that spirituall desire which thou requirest I thirst for that thirst My soule is drie for want of thy grace and so seered is my conscience that I know not my miseries Lord open mine eyes that I may see my wants that so my thirst may be turned into a thirst for thy mercy Thou ô God art rich but I am poore thou art filled with blessings but I am not yet so much as sensible of my want of them O give mee both a sight of my povertie and a desire of thy grace and then graunt unto thy servant according to my desires I thirst Lord I thirst after thee the well-spring yea the ocean of mercy O send mee but a drop of thy heavenly ocean that it may increase in mee a desire of enjoying thy selfe Ps 36.8 Give mee to drinke of thy pleasures as of a river that so I may referre my body to thy holy will willingly yeeld this dust to thy disposall Gen 3.19 This dust shall returne to the dust whence it came but ô let my soule be vallewed so deare in thy sight that it may here have a tast of thy bottomelesse bountie hereafter be admitted to the paradise of thee my God Reu 2.7 Heare mee ô father and graunt my requests Zech 13.1 for the worthinesse of him who opened unto mee a fountaine for sin even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen soliloquy 4 THE FOURTH SOLILOQUIE Treating of Nakednesse both of the out-ward and in-ward man THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Noah was over-come with the wine which hee had dranke sleeping hee lay un-covered in his tent Gen 9.21 vers 22 Accursed Ham saw the nakednesse of his father and tould his brethren but Shem and Iaphet tooke a garment vers 23 and laid it on both their shoulders and went back-ward and covered the nakednesse of their father and their faces were back-ward and they saw not their father's nakednesse All these were the sonnes of one and the selfe-same father but they differed in conditions as if they had not beene hrothers One was so unnaturall that hee seemed to boast in the folly of his parent and when wine had disturbed the braine of his father and the heate of the drinke had layed him naked the wicked sonne as rejoycing at his weakenesse tould his brethren the effect of the drunkennesse But the other two blushing at the effect as well as the cause modestly hid what ought to be concealed Such a Ham have I it is my poverty Onely in this it differeth from the sonne of Naoh that it first inebriateth mee and then uncovereth mee I am so intoxicated with want that it bereave's mee of my senses and being thus poore it leave 's mee naked O where shall I find a Shem or a Iaphet to cover my nakednesse I
And Moses lifted up his hand and with his rod hee smote the rock twice and the water came out aboundantly and the congregation dranke and their beastes allso Well might this rod flouriâ—h with blossomes c 17.8 which had power to command water out of the rocks Thus was Israël watered by miracle and the thirst of the people was slacked by the waters which issued even from the stones But Moses is dead and the rod is not heard of the rock I find not Ps 18.2 Ps 23.2 yet will I not despaire The Lord shall be my rock and hee shall leade mee to waters of comfort When Samson had slaine a thousand Philistines with the jaw-bone of an asse Iud. 15.18 hee was sore a thirst and called on the Lord and said Thou hast given this greate deliverance into the hand of thy servant and now shall I dye for thirst and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised vers 19 But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw and there came water thereout and when hee had drunke his spirit came againe Mat. 19 26. and hee revived Thus with God are all things possible Since then I know it exceedeth not his power to helpe mee in this miserie I will certainly relie upon the hope of his goodnesse When Mesha rebelled Iehoram with Iehoshaphat and the King of Edom fetched a compasse of seaven dayes journie and there was noe water for the hoast 2. King 3.9 vers 15 and for the cattell that followed them Then Elisha said Bring mee a minstrell And it came to passe when the minstrell played that the hand of the Lord came upon him And hee said vers 16 Thus saith the Lord Make this valley full of ditches for thus saith the Lord vers 17 Yee shall not see wind neither shall yee see raine yet that valley shall be filled with water that yee may drinke both yee and your cattell and your beastes vers 18 And this is but a litle thing in the sight of the Lord hee will deliver the Moabites allso into your hand vers 20 And it came to passe in the morning when the meate-offering was offered that behold there came water by the way of Edom and the countrie was filled with water Lord I am one of the valleys I am the lowest the meanest the worst of thy people ô send thy waters into the lowest valley that I may rejoyce in thy mercy and praise thee for thy liberality But while I complaine of the drought of my body mee think's I forget that spirituall thirst which should make mee blessed Those my Redeemer pronunceth blessed Mat 5.6 who doe hunger and thirst after righteousnesse for they shall be filled If I have not a thirst more spirituall then corporall I may justly suspect my selfe to be of the number of those Wicked ones of whom the Prophet speaketh saying Thus saith the Lord God Is 65.13 Behold my servants shall eate but yee shall be hungrie behold my servants shall drinke but yee shall be thirstie behold my servants shall rejoyce but yee shall be ashamed My Saviour tould the woman of Samaria at Iacobs well Io 4.13 vers 14 saying Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst againe But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life Here is noe Iacobs well to coole my tongue Ps 36.9 but the well of life is present and open True it is that this well is deepe and I have nothing to draw I have noe goodnesse to merit it and scarce have I a heart to desire it yet Lord such as I am I come unto thee My selfe I renounce I fly to the worthinesse of Christ my Redeemer For his sake ô my God give mee that water that I thirst not againe For that water doe I long more theÌ„ for the rivers of waters which incompasse the earth 2. King 5.12 Neither Abanah nor Pharpar the rivers of Damascus noe nor Iordane it selfe is comparable unto this Thou ô Christ art this well Io 6.35 thou art this water Thou hast promised that hee which cometh to thee shall never hunger hee which believeth in thee shall never thirst For thee Ps 42.1 ô Saviour I thirst for thy salvation I cry and intreate As the Hart panteth for the water brookes so panteth my soule after thee ô God vers 2. My soule thirsteth for God for the living God When shall I come appeare before God O God my soule thirsteth for thee Ps 63.1 my flesh longeth for thee in a drie and thirstie land where noe water is Noe more will I mind this body of earth or howsoëver not so wholly bend my thoughts upon the quenching the thirst of this parched clay This will I referre to the disposall of my God pray for comfort but onely conditionally If hee shall account it fitt for mee to die by this present thirst that my moisture shall be turned into the drought of summer Ps 32.4 I shall willingly submitt Howsoëver since his will is yet kept secret from mee I will pray for that which may yeeld mee comfort but onely conditionally if it may stand with his liking But as touching my poore dry thirstie soule I will pray directly peremptorily and absolutely besieching him to refresh it with the deaw of his grace Hee promised by his Prophet Is 35.7 that The parched ground should become a poole the thirstie land springs of waters I am that parched ground my languishing soule is that thirstie land Lord send mee that poole and those springs of waters By the same Prophet againe hee promised to his Church and said I will powre water upon him that is thirstie and floods upon the drie ground c 44.3 I will powre my spirit upon thy seede and my blessing upon thy off-spring This is his promise indeede but may I be so bould as to put him in mind of it Yes yes doe so ô my soule Hee loveth it hee delighteth in it Bashfullnesse in these cases is but dull stupiditie seeing thou hast authoritie to speake with confidence Wee must come boldly unto the throne of grace Heb 4.16 that wee may obtaine mercy and find grace to help in time of neede I will not leave him therfore I will not forsake him I will hang upon him I will follow him for those onely speede who are earnest in their suites Hee keepeth us off onely to heighten our desires not to deny our requests Hee seemeth to be angry when wee beginne to petition but wee misse-take the cause Hee 's displeased because wee came noe sooner or because wee come on noe faster Whatsoever hee hath promised hee will undoubtedly make good if wee are not wearie and slack in solliciting It is his delight to see us earnest and our reward
to destroy 〈◊〉 if I but turne it upside downe so my meats â—nd my drinkes are apt to destroy mee with â—loying with surfeits Without this artificiall brightnesse mine eye cannot fixe it selfe upon any object or distinguish of colours and yet what is this to the light of the Sunne or that â—o the brightnesse of my God Lord what an â—ncouth thing it is to be in darknesse Yet thus â—ny God if hee had so decreed might all-ways ways have punished mee have taken from â—nee the sight of mine eyes Thus yea much worse then thus may hee justly be revenged on mee too and for my deedes of darknesse hee may throw mee into utter darknesse where â—hall be weeping and gnashing of teeth Mat 8.12 1. Sam. 28.8 Surely Saul did not know this power of God or hee did not remember it when hee disguised himselfe and put on other raiment and went hee â—nd two men with him and came to the witch of Endor by night and prayed her to divine unto him by the familiar Spirit and bring up Samuel againe to answer his demaunds O that Spirit is the Devill and that Devill is too familiar and yet how apt am I with Saul rather to consult with him and to follow his suggestions then to apply my selfe to the oracles of my God! This present night for ought that I know may be as sad dismall to mee as that was to the Egyptians when Pharach rose up in the night Ex 12.30 hee and all his servants and all the Egyptians and there was a greate cry in Egypt for there was not a house where there was not one dead But to prevent the feare of such a horrid judgment I will sue for compassion and beg of my God that insteed of destroying mee or any of this house with a sudden destruction hee will this night rather not onely slay my first borne mine originall sinne but allso all the abortive issue of mine actuall transgressions And though the cry be greate because my sinfull selfe am unwilling to leave them or they mee yet I will pray that the destroying Angel may come and destroy them that so my selfe my poore soule may be preserved alive Such a destruction as this would be my best preservation and such a slaughter would purchase my rejoycing These sinnes are mine enemies and those enemies whose ruine and subversion I am bound to pray for I will therfore humbly beseech my powerfull preserver to slay them to cutt them off speedily presently without any longer delay And that my prayers may be more effectuall they shall joyne with my teares in my humblest supplication for a freedome from these eneâ—ies I will imitate David Ps 42.3 and my teares shall be my meate day and night It is but â—ustice that these eyes which have wandered â—…fter enticing objects should be punished with the smart of brinish teares With such weeping eyes will I behould mine offences and on them will I looke as now I doe upon â—his burning Light that so like unto this â—hey may appeare glaring and multiplyed even greater by farre through the clowdines of mine eyes then otherwise I should view â—hem The eye is commonly a teacher of merâ—y for when it is fixed on an object full of disâ—resse it presently invite's the heart to compassion The eye of my God is never shutt never weary of pittying allthough both mine eyes and my compassion allso are seldome open Therfore mine eye shall weepe and when I weepe his eye will pittie My heart shall sigh and his heart will commiserate My whole selfe shall wholly offer up it selfe to him in my devotions and then I am assured hee will embrace mee in his armes and watch over mee by his protection I will weepe for my sinnes I will grieve for the offences of the day that is past and weeping grieving I will addresse my selfe to the keeper of Israel Ps 121.4 who neither slumbereth nor sleepeth thus I will say The Evening prayer OMniscient God who hast seene the offences which this day hath produced and for them mightest justly throw mee into the land of darknesse Vouchsafe I besiecâ— thee to behould the teares of a repenting prodigall The sinnes which I have committed I cannot number nor can I vallew thy mercies in forbearing mee so grievous an offendour The day is gone and the evening has teneth mee to my desired sleepe Lord leâ— it be thy pleasure to bury my sinnes in thâ— darknesse of oblivion and make mee afraid and ashamed to commit them any more by the light of the Sunne Let thy Christ shine iâ— my heart and warme my cold and chillâ—wed devotion that with fervency and zeale I may ever addresse my prayers unto thee O let 〈…〉 settforth before thee as incensâ— and the 〈◊〉 â—f my hands be an evening sacrifice Ps 74.16 The 〈◊〉 ô Lord is thine and the night is likewise thine doe thou take mee this night Ps 91.5 vers 6. into thy holy protection Let mâ— not be afraid for the terroâ— by night nor for thâ— pestilence that walketh iâ—…arknesse O thoâ— that hast made the Moonâ—… and the Starres tâ— governe the night Ps 136 9. shine mercifully into mâ— darke and polluted conscience and reveaâ—… unto mee all the errours of my life that aâ— the gate of thy mercy I may begge for remision The Levites did thanke 1. Chr. 23 30. and praise thee â—s well at evening as in the morning Lord â—hough I am weake though I am unworthy â—et so well as I can so well as thou art pleaâ—ed to enable thee thereto I praise and â—lesse thy glorious name for all thy mercies which thou hast shewed unto mee and in â—articular for thy protection this day which â—s past One Lamb by thine appointment Ex 29.39 â—…as to be offered at evening day by day by thy â—hildren of Israel My soule ô Lord should â—e that Lamb and my selfe an Israelite but â—…y soule is blemished I my selfe am rebelâ—…ous To thee therfore doe I offer not my â—olluted soule as it is full of uncleanesse but â—ather that innocent Lamb of thee my God â—…hich taketh away the sinnes of the world most â—umbly besieching thee to hearken unto him â—…terceding for mee and by his death and â—assion to graunt mee pardon for mine offenâ—es First seale unto my soule the remission â—f my sinnes and then let mee sleepe and â—est in thee Refresh my wearied limbs with â— comfortable repose and graunt that I â—…ay neither offend thee by dreames and fanâ—asies nor displease thee with excessive and â—mmoderate sleepe Preserve mee from the â—angers of fire stormes tempests theeves â—nd whatsoëver else may hurt my person or â—state All is thine doe thoâ—… be the keeper â—nd protectour of all Thou hast promised by thy Prophet that the righteous shall enteâ— into peace Is 57.2 and rest in their beds Gratiouâ— father cover mee with the righteousnesse oâ— Christ thy Sonne and graunt mee
provoked him to wrath But what though in Eden hee was not heard but â—n the coole of the day Gen 18.1 I am sure that hee appeared to Abraham in the heate of the day aâ—â—hee sate in the tent doore in the plaines of Mamâ—re And so hee doeth to mee now too inwardly by his Spirit if I find his grace working in my soule a desire of his glorie I will therfore besiech him now while hee is with mee Ps 42.8 Ps 22.2 to command his loving kindnesse in this day time to visit mee that so I may not justly complaine with David O my God I cry in the day time and thou hearest not but rather that I may heare a Phinehas saying unto mee as once hee did to the children of Reuben Gad and Manasseh This day wee perceave Ios 22.31 that the Lord is among us Alasse poore Iacob how did hee endure the sweate and the burning of this time of the day Gen 31.40 In the day the drought consumed him and the frost in the night and his sleepe departed from him Assuredly in those fourteene yeeres which hee spent in the service of Laban for his two wives and in those sixe yeeres which hee served for the flocks and the cattell hee could not choose but loose a whole river of sweate that dropped from his face Lord how should every droppe of sweate that fall's from my browes put mee in mind of the fall of Adam which produced this punishment Gen 3.19 Yea how should my teares too out-vye my sweate when I consider the number of my fowle transgressions They oh they have so increased within mee that they enforce the sweate to fly to my face and in this heate of the day to tell mee of a punishment in the flames of the damned But there was once a day of deliverance of the Israelites from the Egyptian bondage Ex 13.3 and Moses commanded the people saying Remember this day And what day of my life hath not beene to mee a day of deliverance So many diseases and accidents assayle the body so many discontents the mind so many casualties and chances the estate yea and which is worst of all so many sinnes the soule that if I should attempt but once to number them I could not easily determine where to beginne Lord make mee this day remember thy deliverances in a gratefull manner and magnifie thee for thy mercies There will bee a day too a day of death but when it shall come God onely knoweth This for ought I know may prove the day Ould Ifaak tould his sonne Esau saying Gen 27.2 Behould now I am ould I know not the day of my death Neither indeede doe I know mine What know I to the contrarie but that anone at the table I may entertaine my death in a dish or a cup Lord make mee allways provided for thee and then at all times thou art well-come to mee But how shall I be sure to have my petition graunted and that God will afford mee such mercy as to save mee I reade of a day that was threatned to the Iewes even when the Chaldaeans should become their conquerours This the Lord fore-tould unto them when hee sayd Ioel 2.1 Blow yee the trumpet in Sion and sound an all-arme in my holy mountaine Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble for the day of the Lord cometh for it is nigh at hand A day of darknesse vers 2. and of gloominesse a day of clowdes and of thick darknesse as the morning spread upon the mountaines Their death was to approach by the sword of their enemies and their miseries to increase by the furie of their tormentours My death may be neerer hastening unto mee then was the destruction of the Iewes at the time of the prophesie and in what manner it shall come I cannot assure my selfe God is not confined to time or meanes otherwise then hee hath decreed himselfe This very day may happen to be mine and another day may be appointed for another Yea and my day too may prove a day of horrour for wicked I am and I reade what is spoken by the mouth of Iob Iob 21.30 The wicked is reserved to the day of destruction they shall be brought forth to the day of wrath I poore I am one of the wicked and have deserved the greatest severest judgments from the hand of the revenger O if this day should prove so terrible insteede of pampering my body with delightfull foode I might cry out with the Prophet Cursed be the day wherein I was borne Ior 20.14 let not the day wherein my mother bare mee be blessed But I have a better confidence in the mercies of my Redeemer Yet I cannot hope for mercy from him if I doe not expresse some mercy to my selfe The chiefest act of mercy to my selfe consisteth in a serious afflicting and tormenting of my selfe for my sinnes which would ruine mee With my teares I must therfore wash away my sinnes I must purge them with my teares I must cure the sinnes of mine eyes with the teares of mine eyes And yet since my teares are not free from pollution even those must be purified and made effectuall by the blood of the Lamb. The stomack is commonly prepared for meate by the blood of the grape Therfore before I will goe to my foode I will prepare my selfe with a glasse of wine but that wine shall be high and excellent it shall be the wine of Angells It shall have the savour of life in it it shall have the race of mercy in it the sweetenesse of reconciliation the heate of grace This wine shall be my teares a leane sower eager wine of it selfe but it shall be sugered by the hand of my Redeemer it shall be deepe drawne and well dashed with the blood of the innocent This is such as the Angells delight in This wine shall prove an excellent restorative it shall be even like blood yea it shall be blood it selfe even the blood of my drooping my wounded and my deiected soule This will exceede all the Frontiniak or the Greeke or the Palerma wines for the grapes thereof doe not grow upon the smooth and twisting branches of common vines but they grow like the rose upon a thornie bough and yeeld whole clusters of joy and content This wine hath such an in-bred vertue in it that it giveth courage to the drinker and that good effect I seriously hope it shall worke in mee For I must fight though I am but a woman I must fight and warre and combate with mine enemies with my corruptions Ios 10.13 I trust that hee who made the Sun stand still in the middest of heaven that it hasted not to goe downe about a whole day when the five Kings fought against Gibeon and all this onely at the prayer of Ioshua even hee will assist mee in this holy warre that I may destroy the Kings the greatest the
advantage to the tempter in my sufferings Open the eyes and the charitable hands of those that should see and know mine adversitie and so enlarge their hearts that they may administer comfort and reliefe to mee in the middest of my necessities Ps 147 9. Dan. 1.15 O thou that feedest even the young Ravens which call upon thee thou that didst blesse the pulse to thy servant Daniel be pleased to fill my hungry soule with the blessings of thy bounty Graunt that whatsoever I suffer in my body my soule may thereby draw neerer unto thee In the miserie of hunger doe thou satisfie mee with thy grace in my scorching thirst doe thou cause mee with joy to draw water out of the wells of salvation Is 12.3 in the pinching cold doe thou warme my devotion and in my poorest and meanest habit doe thou cloath my soule with the righteousnesse of my Redeemer O suffer mee not to offend thee in my greatest want but make mee relie and depend upon thee Teach mee by this chastisement the vanity of the world and weane mee from the fond delights thereof Prov. 10.22 It is thy blessing onely that maketh rich and thou addest noe sorrow with it send mee that blessing to ease mee of my sorrowes Mat. 6.33 It is thy promise that if first I sieke thy Kingdome the righteousnesse thereof then all other things shall be added unto mee Make mee thus to sieke what thou commandest and then give unto mee that which thou promisest Ps 119.91 All things in their order doe service unto thee Lord make them in some measure serviceable unto mee that I may the better be enabled to be serviceable unto thee O thou my Iesus who didst hunger Mat. 4.2 Io. 19.28 and thirst looke mercifully upon thy servant in this state of miserie and so carie mee through the stormes of this troublesome life that in the end I may arive at the faire haven of eternall peace and rest through thine owne meritts and passion ô Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen soliloquy 2 THE SECOND SOLILOQUIE Treating of hunger both corporall and spirituall THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Sion bewayled her pittyfull estate shee cryed out in her miserie Lam. 4.9 and said They that be slaine with the sword are better then they that are slaine with hunger for these pine onely stricken thorow for want of the fruits of the field Surely this affliction was most dreadfull in the sufferance which soundeth so heavily in the sad complaint Hunger hath beene allways acknowledged violent eveÌ„ of force to breake thorow walls of stone The cry for bread bread bread strike's such compassion in the eares of the auditors that the hardest heart would melt at the voyce Hee that taught us to pray for our dayly bread Mat. 6.11 knew the necessiâ—ie of our dayly foode But I poore I doe begge and pray and cry for bread for dayly bread and yet I find neither supply nor hope Had I the imployment righteousnesse of Moses Deut 9 18. I might fall downe before the Lord for fortie dayes and fortie nights as hee did and in all that time neither eate bread nor drinke water Yea and if once would not serve the turne I could returne againe to my former abstinence Had I authoritie from heaven as Elijah had I could eate and drinke 1. King 19.8 and goe in the strength of that meate fortie dayes and fortie nights too Could I encounter the tempter as once my Saviour did in the wildernesse Mat 4.2 I might likewise fast both fortie dayes and fortie nights But miracles are ceased I cannot therfore hope for so long an abstinence nor know I where to satisfie my hunger I dayly want that I may dayly pray and in this want I feele a necessitie of depending on my God O what shall I doe Where shall I sieke To whom shall I complaine My spirits are fainting my heart is even ready to dye within mee 1. Sam 25.37 and my feeble knees are un-able to beare the weight of my body I am ready to perish for want of foode and yet mee think's I am somewhat un-willing to disclose my wants or else I am afraid my suite will be denyed When David pursued the Amalekites after the spoyling of Ziklag 1. Sam. 30.11 his souldiers found an Egyptian in the field and brought him to David and gave him bread and hee did eate and they made him drinke water vers 12 And they gave him a piece of a cake of figges and two clusters of raisins and when hee had eaten his spirit came againe to him for hee had eaten noe bread nor drunke any water three dayes and three nights As that Eunuch was so mee think's am I. I am feeble and faint and my spirit is gone I know not what to doe for something to refresh mee O had I but such bread and such drinke how thankfully should I take what diverse doe scorne Labour I would to procure my sustenance but I cannot worke because I have not to eate Eze 4.16 Walke I would industriously in my calling but the staffe of bread is taken from mee and without a staffe I cannot walke My wants I know and complaine of them but where shall I find a charitable person who will satisfie my appetite But why doe I make these sad laments and condole my poverty as if noe people ever had suffered the like In former times whole nations and countries have beene pined with such miserie as now I endure Famine is a punishment which cometh from God doeth not allways derive it's cause from things that are naturall 2. King 25.3 At the siege of Ierusalem on the nineth day of the fourth moneth the famine so prevayled within the citty that there was noe bread for the people of the land Lam 1.19 My Priests say's â—hee in her greate complaint and mine Elders gave up the ghost in the citty while they sought their meate to relieve their soules Severall famines have beene often threatned as severely many times have beene brought to passe Among other curses wherewith the Israëlites were menaced upon their disobedience this was not the least of them which was tould them by the mouth of Moses when hee said Thou shalt eate the fruit of thine owne body the flesh of thy sonnes and of thy daughters Deu 28 53. which the Lord thy God hath given thee in the siege and in the straitnesse where with thine enemies shall distresse thee And againe the Lord himselfe did speake unto them and say If yee will not hearken unto mee Lev 26 27. vers 28 but walke contrarie unto mee Then I will walke allso contrarie unto you in furie and I even I will chastife you seaven times
Yet can hee be so loving as to forbeare my punishment and can hee not be so mercifull as freely to forgive it O yes hee can if hee please but which way shall I endeavour thus to please him O my Iesus vouchsafe to mee thy grace as thou did'st once to an adulteresse and then with her I will weepe and lament Be reconciled unto mee as thou wast unto her Lu 7.38 and then will I wash thy feete with my teares and will wipe them with the haires of my head I will not spare the costliest spicknard though it drop from the wounds of my sorrowfull heart I will kisse thy feete and anoint them with the ointment O say of mee as thou diddest of her vers 47 Her sinnes which are many are forgiven for shee loveth much Her soule was polluted so is mine Her body was likewise uncleane but so is not mine yet even so had mine allso beene had not hee preserved mee who is the husband of my soule Of my selfe I am fraile and apt to be shaken by every temptation to him alone therfore must I render the thanks who hath kept mee from dis-honour and to him must I pray for the continuance of his protection But is every sinne accounted adulterie Is the breach of every command an act of disloyaltie Then virginity it selfe seemeth to be adulterie and the chastitie of the body to violate the bond of wed-lock with Christ for Saint Pauls words are peremptorie saying I will that the younger women marry 1. Tim. 5.14 beare children and guide the house c. Never was I yet the mother of a child nor the guide of a house for never was I married though the Apostle requireth it Is it therfore an offence because I am not a wife Thus indeede they are apt to pleade who un-willingly submitt to my present condition Saint Paul if rightly understood seemes but to allow it rather then command it for when hee decreeth mariage to be an ordinance of God hee doth not thereby determine virginitie a crime So farre is hee from that 1. Cor 7.28 that though hee saith If a virgin marry shee hath not sinned yet hee concludeth saying vers 38 Hee that giveth her in marriage doth well but hee that giveth her not in marriage doth better Heb. 13.4 It is true that mariage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled but onely wee that are virgins Mat. 22 30. who neither marry nor are given in marriage are as the Angells of God in heaven Thus is our honour as greate as theirs in the bed un-defiled yea and more honourable are wee in that our condition resembleth the Angells of God So long as I remaine in this state of virginitie Gen. 3.16 Eph. 5.22 neither are my desires subject to a husband nor am I tyed to submission nor yet are my sorrowes multiplyed as are theirs who in conception are severely sensible of an hereditarie punishment True it is that I am bound to obedience yet not to a husband whose conditions I know not but to my parents Ex. 20.12 of whose love I am certaine This is a knot which nothing but death can ever untye Mariage is then but an honourable bondage accompanied with sorrowes making us subject to him that 's our head yet not freeing us from obedience to those that are our parents But Virginitie hath fewer sorrowes and lesse subjection yet lesse too are the comforts and fewer the blessings It is my duety therfore to submitt to the pleasure of my God and strive to honour him in what condition soëver I shall live Should all decree to continue virgins the number of saints should not be increased nor the world remaine above the space of an age Wherfore I will not so love virginitie as contemning mariage nor so honour mariage as undervallewing virginitie In each condition those are most honourable who most doe endeavour for the honour of God In ancient times so greate was the submission of virgins to their parents that even their vowes to God were subject to alteration at the discretion of the earthly father So saith the law If a woman vow a vow unto the Lord Num. 30.3 vers 4. and bind herselfe by a bond being in her father's house in her youth And her father heare her vow and her bond wherwith shee hath bound her soule and her father hold his peace at her then all her vowes shall stand and every bond wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand vers 5. But if her father dis-allow her in the day that hee heareth not any of her vowes or of her bonds wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand and the Lord shall forgive her because her father disallowed her If a vow to God which was made by a virgin did thus depend upon the pleasure of her father assuredly then the vow of mariage ought not to passe without the parents consent If by their indiscretion our choyce be amisse though the sufferance be ours yet the blame is theirs if it prove successefull our joy shall be doubled by our willing obedience In those weighty affaires concerning wedlock there is greatest neede of a vigilant eye It is but justice that the parent should leade her by advice whose eye is darkned by the violence of affection Shee that wed 's not without counsell lives not without comfort for shee judgeth not by the event but rejoyceth in her obedience Thus if I doe obey the commands of my parents I manifest my selfe to be a child of my God If I willingly submitt to their discretion I may undoubtedly hope for the blessing of my maker yea and peradventure it may succeed beyond expectation God hath beene ever a father to those virgins who have beene faithfully obedient to his commands In mariage there is allways a hand of providence happie are those that marrie in the Lord. Hee was a father to the virgin Rebeckah Gen. 24 16. Est 2.17 when hee gave her unto Isaak Hee was a father to the virgin Esther whom Ahasuerus the King so fervently loved that hee not onely wedded her but allso crown'e her yet was shee alasse but a poore Iewesse taken into the charitable care of her uncle Mordecai vers 7. after her father's and mothers decease Thus doeth the Allmighty provide for those who submitt to his pleasure and labour to espouse a virgin soule to Christ the bride-groome O my God doe thou be for ever my father and thy sonne my loving and affectionate husband that my soule may be adorned with the graces of thy spirit and be allways acceptable to my deerest Lord. Can a maide forgett her ornaments Ier. 2.32 saith God by his Prophet or a bride her attire Yet my people have forgotten mee dayes without number My soule was a virgin but shee forgot her ornaments shee was a bride espoused to Christ but shee forgott her attire shee hath forgotten her husband dayes without number The
and my petitions to God must be likewise upon conditions when I begge of him but temporall blessings His blessings descend not unlesse they be called downe by my religious obedience nor may I pray for the blessings which concerne this life but with this condition If they may stand with his pleasure In his power it is to graunt the suite which so earnestly I make I wish it may be his pleasure to fullfill my desires Barren Sarai was promised a sonne and Isaak was borne Gen. 21 2.3 Lu 1.7 vers 57 Gen. 29 31. c 30.22 vers 23 Though Zacharias and Elizabeth were stricken in yeeres and Elizabeth was barren yet they were blessed with Iohn the Baptist. Though Leah was hated by reason of her barrennesse yet wee reade that the Lord did open her wombe God remembred Rachel and hearkened unto her and opened her wombe and shee conceaved and bare a sonne and sayd God hath taken away my reproach The wife of Manoah the Danite was barren Iud. 13.2 vers 3. vers 14 yet the Angel of the Lord appeared unto her and sayd unto her Behold now thou art barren and bearest not but thou shalt conceave and beare a sonne And the woman bare a sonne called his name Samson and the child grew and the Lord blessed him 1. Sam. 1.10 Barren Hannah was in bitternesse of soule for want of a child when Peninnah her fruitfull rivall provoked her sore to make her fret vers 6. vers 20 because the Lord had shut up her wombe and shee had a sonne whom shee named Samuel Thus may God if hee please looke upon my reproach and send mee a child which I may dedicate to his service I will therfore follow the stepps of Hannah the devout vers 15 I will weepe with her and I will fast with her and with her will I powre out my soule before the Lord. Who knoweth but my teares may prevayle through the merits of my Redeemer and my sobbs and sighes may draw downe a blessing Ps 30.8 On my knees therfore will I goe unto the Lord and gett mee unto my Lord right humbly I will weepe and pray and mourne and pray and sigh and pray and praying I will say The Prayer HEeavenly King father of mercies Ps 72.5 thou who tookest mee out of my mother's wombe but hast denyed unto mee the fruit of mine vouchsafe to looke upon the reproach of thy servant I know that my sinnes doe stoppe the current of thy mercies but it is thine honour that thou art a forgiver of offences Forgive my sinnes the cause of thy curse and heale the barrennesse of thy despised hand-mayd 1. Sam. 1.11 O Lord of hosts if thou wilt indeede looke upon the affliction of thine hand-mayd and remember mee and not forget thine hand-mayd but wilt give unto thine hand-mayd a man-child then I will give him unto thee all the dayes of his life Thou knowest that I am a woman of a sorrowfull spirit and out of the aboundance of my complaint vers 16 and griefe doe I pray unto thee Send mee I beseech thee a Samuël even such a child as I have asked of thee if it may stand with the pleasure of thee my Lord and King that may bring honour unto thee and comfort unto thy petitioner I shall never bee satisfied untill thou hearest my supplications Pro. 30 15. Either graunt my desires or arme mee with patience that in all things I may serve thee with quietnesse Mat 4.28 and content The earth thou hast made to bring forth fruit of her selfe and it is as easie for thee to blesse mee with increase But if thou hast otherwise determined in thy secret will howsoever graunt that I may never conceave wickednesse in my heart Act 5.4 to whom thou denyest the conception of a child Iam. 1.15 Let not lust conceave in mee lest it bring forth sinne and sinne when it is finished bring forth death Say unto my heart as effectually as once thou didst unto the fig-tree Mat 21 19. Gal 5.22 vers 23 Heb. 12 11. let noe such fruit grow on thee hence forth for ever but let mee allways produce the fruits of the spirit against which thine Apostle assureth mee that there is noe law Let this thy chastening yeeld unto mee the peaceable fruit of righteousnesse since I am exercised therein so shall I willingly submit to thy pleasure and beseech thee to graunt mee comfort and joy in that blessed sonne of a happie woman even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen THE TWELFTH SUBjECT Teares of a child-bearing woman 1 At the time when she beginneth to fall in travell 2 After her deliverie I st Her teares when she beginneth to fall in travell The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz 1 The cause of the sorrow and the confidence of the sorrowing 2 The greatenesse of the pangs hazards and feares of a travelling woman 3 Consolation and comfort for a woman in the bitternesse of her travell The first part of the Soliloquie treating of the cause of the sorrow and the confidence of the sorrowing THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my King and my God for unto the will I pray VVHen David confessed his actuall crimes hee forgot not the guilt of originall corruption therfore he professed saying Behold I was shapen in iniquitie vers 5. and in sinne did my mother conceave mee By the corruption of nature even Saint Paul himselfe was not without sinne that dwelled in him That which is borne of the flesh is flesh Rom 7 17. Io. 3.6 as my Saviour himselfe did tell Nicoden us and this flesh concludeth us all to be carnall Rom 7 14. and sold under sinne This originall stayne is the ground of all our actuall impieties justly therfore is the birth of a child accompanied with the torments and sorrowes of the mother left women should forget the tast of the apple I will greatly multiply thy sorrow Gen 3.16 and thy conception sayd the Lord unto Eve in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children O this heavie chastisement doth now approach to make mee sensible of my sinfull beginning As I caused the teares to flow from the eyes of my groaning mother so now even in mine eyes doe they likewise arise through the pangs which doe seize on mee by reason of my babe Lord what a trembling possesseth every joynt of mee and when I hope for ease by changing my seate or lying on my Couch or attempting to walke even in every place doeth the sharpnesse of the paine increase its strength and though I multiply my cryes yet mine anguish ceaseth not O what miserable perplexities are wee weake and sinfull women involved in Wee who can worst endure are most afflicted and allthough our tempers and constitutions conclude us weaker by farre then our husbands
desert Peraduenture to corect my pride this thorne in my flesh may be a messenger of Satan sent to buffet mee 2 Cor. 12.7 as once Saint Paul had one sent unto him for who of all our sexe is not guilty of this follie Among us are the tender and the delicate women such as were among the Israelites who will not aduenture to set the sole of the foote upon the ground Deut. 28.56 for delicatenesse and tendernesse and not to flatter or deceave my selfe I may peradventure be one of them Or if I have not had power to put in practise what I desired yet it may be that my desire hath beene to be as delicate as the chiefest and finest of our sexe Satan is sayd to have gone forth from the presence of the Lord Iob 2.7 and to have smote Iob with sore boyles from the sole of the foote to the crowne of his head O that I were but halfe so righteous as was holy Iob of whom God himselfe beareth witnesse that There was none like him in the earth c. 1.8 a perfect and an upright man one that feared God and eschewed evill But alas I am noe such person for I have by my wickednesse as it were taught the serpent to goe forth from the presence of the Lord and to smite mee with this sicknesse this rising this swelling worse then those boyles which infested Iob. David had a sore too 1 Sam. 13.14 a running sore allithough hee was a man after God's owne heart Psa 77.2 for so hee complained saying My sore ranne in the night and ceased not my soule refused comfort But his Sore was not like unto mine for his was in the fierce combat which hee had with distrust and it may as well be meant that his hand by night reached out in prayer and ceased not or by that sore may be meant the running of his eyes which dropped in the night for his grievous crimes and ceased not as well as an impostume or ulceration But mine is not such it is a sore indeede a carbuncle a pestilentiall sore allthough as yet it is not come to such maturitie as to doe as David spake of his It is yet but a swelling a hard swelling a rising and for its swelling and for its hardnesse it may either be my very heart removed from the seate appointed it by nature or else it may be sent to put mee in mind of the proud swelling and the malitious hardnesse of mine impenitent heart Alas if I doe but seriously consider of that litle morsell of proude flesh or rather stone hard stone then flesh that Adamantine heart what have I not deserved for that wicked heart which others were ever punished with Worse farre worse doe I deserve then ever did Iudah I onely want a Prophet to lament mine estate as Isaiah did hers for the judgements of God inflicted upon her for her rebellion Is 1.5 and to cry The whole head is sick and the whole heart is faint from the sole of the foote even to the head there is noe soundnesse in it vers 6. but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores they have not beene closed neither bound up neither mollified with oyntment But what shall I doe in this distresse May not these poisoned humours that have conspired together in this present tumour as well be some other disease as the infectious Pestelence Lord how faine would sinners live in ignorance and never either understand the offences which they have committed or know the manner and the kind of their punishments How faine would the sick delude themselves with a conceipt of health and hoping for life cozen their knowledg with the falsehood of opinion I cannot deny but it is the sicknesse which I am stricken with the infectious sicknesse the dreadfull Pestilence and I can have noe hope of life if once it seizeth on my trembling heart To prevent that danger therfore since my heart hath hitherto beene so stonie so hard to entertaine the motions of the blessed Spirit I will request it now to continue its obduracie not against my greate God but against this sad and deadly sicknesse What it hath usually reteined allmost to the utter un-doeing and destruction of my soule I will intreate it to continue now for the preservation of my body Or if that will not doe if it resolue to yeeld in this time of distresse farre rather then I will seeke to that I will humbly besiech my offended Lord to take possession of my heart and if hee will vouchsafe to graunt my petition then come what can come I am sure I shall have comfort because I shal have the societie of my God But what if my heart be preserved from these malignant humours Have I â—hen any assurance that my disease is not mortall Alas noe but I must use the meanes and besiech my God to give them his blessing I must apply those things which will mollifie this swelling it must be softened be broken be drawne before it can be healed Thus even thus must I deale with my heart too The malitious humours of sinne and corruption have allready assembled there and caused it to swell I will hasten therfore to Iob 's Physitian Iob. 23.16 who softened his heart and troubled him and I will besiech him for Christ's sake to mollifie mine for there are more then the seaven abominations of a dissembler in it Prov. 26.25 Ioël 2.13 Hos 10.12 Psa 69.20 Ier. 4.4 I will pray him to rent it to breake it to breake up the fallow ground of it for hee better can breake mine then the miserie of repreach could breake the heart of the Prophet David I will intreate him to take away the foreskinne of it and to wash it from wickednesse that so I may be saved and that noe vaine thought may lodge in it vers 14. c. 17.10 I will request him to search it that hee will lay some-thing to it Is 47.7 Ps 147 3. even all the wickednesses that ever I have committed Then when hee hath broken it I know that hee will heale it and bind up the Wounds of it for to this purpose hee sent his sonne his onely-begotten sonne my Redeemer my Iesus even to bind up the broken hearted Is 61.1 But when this greate cure shall be wrought for mee what have I to render unto him by way of thankfullnesse Alas nothing even just nothing at all unlesse hee will accept of that broken yet therein that whole and cured heart That then shall be his and I know that hee wil accept of it for so saith David that man after his owne heart A broken Act. 13.22 Ps 51.17 and a contrite heart ô God thou wilt not despise from the mallice of this heart doeth proceede the malignitie of this my disease for sinne is the cause of every sicknesse But all this while I doe but talke of this maladie I sieke not for a remedie Alas
to whom shall I goe To what physitian or Chyrurgion shall I repaire Lev. 13.2 I reade that if any man of the house of Israël had in the skinne of his flesh a rising or a swelling or a bright spott and if it were in the skinne of the flesh like the plague of Leprosie then hee was to be brought to Aaron the Priest or unto one of his sonnes the Priests vers 3. and the Priest was to looke on the plague in the skinne of the flesh and then to proceede according to order Thus under the Law the Priests were the Physitians both for the body and the soule where upon the Prophet Ieremiah complained and accounted it as a greate judgment upon the people for their sinnes that From the Prophet even to the Priest every one dealt falsely Ier. 6.13 vers 14 they healed allso the hurt of the people sleightly Hence allso another Prophet reproved them Eze. 34.4 because The diseased they had not strengthened neither had they healed that which was sick neither had they bound up that which was broken Under the Gospel allso the Apostles were likewise Physitians for both Mat. 10.1 for when Christ had called unto him his twelve Disciples hee not onely gave them power against un-cleane Spirits to cast them out but allso to heale all manner of sicknesses and all manner of diseases Doubtlesse by this I am likewise taught into whatsoëver sicknesse I fall Psa 110.4 Mal. 4.2 Make use of the prayer which followeth the next Meditation whatsoëver disease I am visited with first of all to goe to the Priest to the Minister of God first to examine my soule before I looke for the cure of my body To the Priest will I therfore goe to the chiefe Priest to the high Priest to the chiefest and highest that ever was even to him who is a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek and humbly will I besiech him to teach mee to feare his name and then I know that hee who is the Sunne of righteousnesse will arise with healing in his wings and will make mee goe forth and grow up as calves of the stall 2. Teares of the visited being marked with the Tokens The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THere is a time to kill saith Solomon and a time to heale Eccl. 3.3 O that time to kill is now come upon mee but I know not how so much as to hope for the time of healing for here I find the tokens of death the markes of my mortalitie This flesh this sinfull flesh of mine which hath beene so washed so unguented so smoothed and coloured according to the choycest witt of art and industrie hath now the staines in it of a contagious sicknesse Where are now those admirers of comelinesse those idolatrous doaters upon the beawtie of women Let them come and learne the vanitie of their opinions chide their simplicitie by these tokens of vengeance O what a fraile thing is woman easily deluded into a beliefe of her beawty and as easily stricken with her owne deformitie But what doe these spotts meane to die my flesh and strike such a deepe tinture in a smoothed sknne Are diseases blind that thus they fasten every where without either choyce or exception Vaine woman as I am why doe I spend these minuits these few and winged minuits alotted unto mee in such impertinent quaeres These blewish staines tell mee that I must provide to answer for my sinnes yea shortly speedily before him who dispatched them hither unto mee Death approacheth mortalitie knocketh at my burdened heart Lord how heavie is my soule Even as if it were allready at the greate tribunall and pleaded guiltie of millions of enormities They have corrupted themselves saith Moses by the Israëlites Deut 32.5 their spot is not the spot of God's children they are a perverse and crooked generation Is there a spot then which even the children of God may be subject unto Why then may not these be some of those spotts and my selfe be one of those children of God Lord how willingly how greedily doeth every one strive to dye the death of the righteous How easilie are wee apt through ignorance to dwell in the letter of the text when wee should rather prie into a farther intent of the blessed Spirit That spot of the children of God is not seated in the body but in the soule and that spot in the soules of the Israelites was chiefely Idolatrie True it is that even the righteous have their stainei too vers 15 16.17 but not such bloaches not such greate and fowle spots or howsoever not of such a deepe tincture not dyed so in graine as are those of the wicked for they are washed out with the teares of sorrow through the blood of the Lamb. O that my spotts were onely in my skinne and not in my soule and that I could truely justifie my selfe in the language of Iob. Iob. 31.6 vers 7. Let mee be weighed in an even ballance that God may know mine integritie If any blott hath cleaved to my hands But alas I cannot I dare not Yet if I could but come to a sight of my sinnes and be truely humbled for them then am I sure that hee who taught Iacob how to increase his flock of the speckled and the spotted Gen. 30.39 Is 1.18 would easily make mee white as wooll But how or upon what grounds can I expect his mercy feeing all that I can suffer is not punishment enough for all that I have trespassed Heb. 9.22 Without shedding of blood is noe remission sayth the blessed Apostle What comfort then can I expect or what mercy can I hope for seeing that my blood my life is not of vallew enough to suffer what my sinnes have merited much lesse to purchase remission of my sinnes What now shall I doe What hope can I have that my body should be freed from these spots of my disease when I know not how to be freed from the pollutions of my soule By the Mosaicall law If any one of the common people sinned against any of the commandements of God concerning things which ought not to be done Lev 4.27 vers 32 A Lamb without blemish was to be his offering and so the atonement was made for the sinne vers 35 and it was forgiven Here yet was some ease for a distressed soule the sinne was forgiven through the blood of the Lamb. But what hope have I of remission That Law doeth noe longer stand in force nor will the blood of a common Lamb be accepted for the least the smallest offence Yet Cheere up O my drooping soule Let my fainting spirits and my sorrowfull heart take comfort in the middest of my deepe distresse for there is
healeth Ex 15.26 Psl 6.2 Have mercy therfore upon mee ô Lord for I am weake ô Lord heale mee for my bones are vexed Ps 41.3 Ier 17.14 Strengthen mee now upon my bed of languishing make thou all my bed in my sicknesse Heale mee o Lord and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise c 30.12 O let not my bruise be incurable though my wound be grievous Let mee have one to pleade my cause vers 13 even that Holy One thine onely begotten Sonne that hee may bind mee up and give mee healing medicines Thou art hee who didst promise Iacob to correct him in measure vers 11 though not to leave him altogether unpunished Thou rebukest mee for my sinne Ps 39.11 and makest my beauty to consume away like as it were a moath fretting a garment These Markes in my flesh doe cause a trembling even in my spirit Rev 13.17 Ps 86.16 Lord graunt that upon my soule be not found the marke of the beast but the marke of thy sonne that hee may owne mee for his O turne thou unto mee and have mercy upon mee give thy strength unto thy servant and save thy distressed hand-mayd Shew now some good token for good vers 17 that it may appeare unto the world that thou Lord doest helpe mee and comfort mee But if in thy secret purpose thou hast decreed at this time to gather mee unto my fathers make mee with joy comfort to render mine account unto thee the Lord of heaven earth Looke not upon the sinnes and offences of my misse-led life but rather looke upon my Redeemer's death Is 53.5 who was wounded for my transgressions bruised for mine iniquites the chastisement of my peace was layed upon him by his stripes therfore let mee be healed In the midst of the streete of thy throne ô God Reu 22.2 of either side of the river of life there is a tree of life bearing twelve manner of fruits and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations O my God let mee but come to tast of those fruits let mee but be shaded under the leaves of that tree of life Ps 41.4 Ps 103 1. Be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee Then shall my soule blesse thee O my Lord and all that is within mee shall praise thy holy name who forgivest all mine iniquities vers 3. and canst heale my diseases Into thine hands I commend my spirit Ps 31.5 for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thou God of trueth The Spirit and the bride say Come Reu 22.17 therfore let mee who now heare it say Come Let mee heare thy voyce ô God Gen 3.8 in the coole of the day not in the heate of thy displeasure And thou ô my Iesus who for such sinners wert made a sacrifice on the altar of the crosse how downe thine eare as thou didst upon the tree and heare and fullfill the desires of thy wounded supplicant Come ô Iesus and embrace mee in thine armes hide mee in thy wounded side from the wrath of thy father In thee alone doe I trust to thee alone doe I flee succour mee helpe mee save mee O Christ The world I leave to thee I come At the doore of thy mercy doe I knock I call I cry Lord protect mee Iesus comfort mee Strengthen my faith and confirme my hope As my earthly body draweth neerer to the earth so doe thou draw my soule up neerer unto thee who art the father of spirits Heb 12 9. O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Finish soone these dayes of sinne and then let mee enter into thy celestiall paradice and that for his sake in whom alone thou art well pleased even Iesus Christ my onely Mediatour and Redeemer Amen subject 16 THE SIXTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the sicknesse of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray IT shall come to passe saith Moses to the house of Israel if thou wilt not hearken to the voyce of the Lord thy God Deut 28.15 to observe to doe all his commandements and his statutes which I command thee this day that all these curses shall come upon thee and overtake thee vers 16 Cursed shalt thou be in the citty and cursed shalt thou be in the field Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store vers 17 yea Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body c. vers 18 What all these curses from heaven for the sins of poore distressed mortalls O what a multitude of evills doe our sinnes deserve What punishment doeth not iniquitie cry for It cryeth for the curse of the citty the decay of trading the curse of the field whole rivers of blood in furious battailes the curse of the basket and the store the dearth of provisions Yet all these are but outward punishments and reflect onely upon the baser the worse part of our selves the body but Cursed shall be the fruit of the body oh this biteth like a Serpent stingeth like a Cockatrice Prov 23.32 The fruit of my body Is afflicted with sicknesse but is the sinne of the parent the cause of his affliction Yes yes my conscience acknowledgeth the guilt let my tongue be as ready to confesse it and my heart to repent of it But how standeth this with the justice of the Creatour Gen 18.25 Shall not the judg of all the earth doe right The Prophet Ezekiel telleth mee from God that The sonne shall not beare the iniquity of the father Eze 18 20. Mich 7 6. Ier 9.20 neither shall the father beare the iniquity of the sonne but the soule that sinneth it shall dye Else the daughter might rise up against her mother as saith the Prophet and the women by reason of the vengeance due for their sinnes might teach their daughters wayling c 31.29 Rom 3 4. if the sowre grapes which the parents have eaten should set their childrens teeth on edge But let God be true and every man a lyar that hee may be justified in his sayings and may over-come when hee is judged Hee it is who hath threatned to visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate him The sinne is mine Ex 20.5 but the punishment is mine infant's againe the sinne is mine infant's and the punishment is mine And yet farther The sinne is of and from both and the punishment is inflicted upon both His sufferance is my sorrow and his paines my distresse Lord what a due reward of sinne is punishment My child as yet it may be knoweth not sinne and yet is hee punished
I climb up into a tree for it Yea I doe climb and into a tree too O it is the tree of mine owne pride and vanitie which beareth leaves goodly broade shadowing leaves but it beareth noe fruit at all nothing but keyes and those keyes are fitted onely for the wide gate that leadeth to destruction Mat. 7.13 they will never un-lock the gates of heaven This child is young hee is a babe a babe in age a babe in growth I am a babe not in age not in growth but such a one as the Corinthians were to whom the Apostle wrote 1. Cor. 3.1 and sayd that hee could not speake unto them as unto spirituall but as unto carnall even as unto babes in Christ My child is young and tender and simple apt to be led with trifles to stragle abroad with children to be caried any whither at the pleasure of her to whose charge hee is left I am a child too a verier child then mine owne apt to be tossed to and fro Eph. 4.14 and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lye in wayt to deceave And now what shall I doe I am the verier child of the two the most sinfull of the two and yet my child is afflicted with sicknesse and to mee noe other punishment is at present alotted but the griefe which I have for the sicknesse of my child Hee still cryeth still must I therfore cry Hee groaneth and I must allso groane Yea I doe groane I groane in spirit that my Iesus may cure the diseases of my soule I groane too for my child my prettie sweete babe that my Iesus may howsoever cure the infirmities of his soule and if hee so pleaseth recover allso the health of his body This must be the way to him I must thus goe Io. 14.6 Ps 30.8 for hee himselfe hath styled himselfe the way I will therfore cry unto the Lord and get mee unto my Lord right humbly I will goe to the gate of the physitian the gate of mercy and there I will knock and call and cry for entrance I will fall upon my knees and wring my hands and smite my breast Is 38.14 and weepe and mourne like a Crane and chatter like a Swallow even untill mine eyes faile with looking upward and thus will I say unto him The Prayer GReate God whose power is irresistable and whose pleasure is the rule of thy servant's obedience bow downe thine eare to my sad intreaties Thou hast stricken mee with sorrow who have not mourned for the cause and by the sicknesse of mine infant thou hast taught mee the frailtie of our mortall bodyes I see that all flesh is as grasse 1. Pet. 1.24 and the glory thereof but as the flowre of the field Mine impenitent heart I must confesse deserveth thy justice and my sinfull life this punishment of my tender infant But thou ô Lord art mercifull though I am sinfull and art apt to forgive those that truely repent O my God I desire to be sorrowfull for mine offences and earnestly I besiech thee to give mee true contrition for all my sinnes Iob. 7.20 O thou preserver of men remitt both my sinnes and the punishment which is justly due unto mee for them that I may rejoyce in thy mercy and magnifie thee for thy goodnesse Looke gratiously upon this child who feeleth the scourge though gently of thy justice due both for his and for my transgressions O let not thy wrathfull displeasure continue upon him nor my greater crimes cause an addition unto his torments Thy servant David confessed his sinnes and submitted to thy rod but yet hee cryed concerning his people 2. Sam. 24.19 and sayd These sheepe what have they done I dare not justifie this thy patient but I must needes acknowledg that for mine iniquities as well as for his thou thus doest wound him But ô thou who didst once command Mat. 19 14. that litle children should be brought unto thee didst prefer them for patternes both of innocency and humilitie shew now thy power in the weakenesse of this child Enable him with patience to endure thy visitation and direct mee to the meanes which may conduce to his recoverie if thou in thy secret decree hast so determined it Ps 6.2 Have mercy upon him ô Lord for hee is weake ô Lord heale him and free him from his sufferings Thou art hee that tookest him out of my wombe Ps 22.9 Ps 9.13 Ps 41.2 and canst as easily if thou pleasest lift him up now from the gates of death Preserve him ô God if it may be thy heavenly pleasure and keepe him alive that hee may be blessed upon earth ô heale his soule and raise him up againe Give a blessing to the meanes which shall be used for his recovery Ps 119 91. Ps 56.8 that all things in their order may be knowne to serve thee O let the teares of mee thine afflicted supplicant be put into thy botle and let the cryes of mee thy mournefull hand-mayd who beg for this infant be heard in the eares of thee the Lord of hosts Thou thy selfe didst weepe ô Christ Io. 11.35 for the death of Lazarus take compassion therfore on the weeping mother of this diseased child O let not my teares be shed in vaine but mercifully free this infant from his anguish and sufferings Yet howsoëver thou hast decreed righteous father not my will Mat 26.39 Ier 10.24 but thy will be done Onely let mee besiech thee to visit him in mercy and not in thy fury lest he be consumed and brought to nought Make him able to beare what thou determinest to send and in thy good time raise him out of this miserie Lord give mee allso a willing submission to thy holy pleasure that so I may neither discover too much fondnesse of affection to this my beloved issue when I see him subject to frailtie and mortalitie nor too immoderately grieve if thou receavest him to thy selfe Forgive whatsoëver is amisse in him and let his soule de deare and pretious in thy sight O Let thy mercy pleade against thy severitie let thy gratious promises be had in thy remembrance and let thy Christ be heard in his intercession both for mee and mine To thy will ô Lord make mee readily submitt to thy holy pleasure make mee willingly yeeld Thine is this infant Ps 39.13 and thou lentest him mee ô spare him a litle that hee may recover his strength before hee goe hence and be noe more seene To thy pleasure ô heavenly father I willingly refer him besieching thee to send him thy grace while hee shall remaine upon earth and after that receave him into glory for the worthinesse of thine onely begotten Sonne Iesus Christ our onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 17 THE SEAVENTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the death of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5.
vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen all wept Luc 8.52 and bewayled the litle daughter of Iairus my Iesus forbad their teares saying Shee is not dead but sleepeth O sweete comfort to the lamenting mother whose onely daughter should returne from the dead Shee that had shed the teares of sorrow for the losse of her joy was then to shed teares of joy for the recoverie of the deceased But I weepe and weepe Lam 1.2 and continually weepe the teares are on my cheekes for my child is dead I have noe hope of receaving him againe to life I alas am not the wife of a ruler of the temple I have noe Iesus here in the flesh to worke such a miracle for mee My poore child is dead and hopelesse and helplesse as I am there is noe recovering there is noe recalling him Yet stay howsoever I will call I will cry mee think's hee should not be dead who knoweth but my sweete babe may heare mee Who knoweth but my Redeemer may awake him againe The daughter of Iairus was dead to her parents but shee was not dead to the Messias Hee who will one day awake the dead and rowze them from the graves can now if hee pleaseth speake as powerfully to my babe My Saviour can for hee himselfe is neither dead nor sleepeth True it is that once hee dyed yea hee dyed for mee and so for mine infant too but hee rose againe and from thence-forth can die noe more Rom 6 9. death hath noe more dominion over him This living Saviour of mine may if hee please restore my dead child I will call him peradventure hee may awake Sonne ô my sonne my child my love my joy my dearest infant where art thou Where strayest thou Whither wanderest thou Returne returne litle Saint and cheere up the drooping spirits of thy fainting mother What noe answer Noe speech Not so much as a groane or a sigh Will this frozen clod of earth be noe more â—he carkenet of his immortall soule Oh hee s fled hee 's gone hee 's past re-call alas what shall I doe Is this the blessing of the womb â—o enjoy a child for a yeere or two and then â—o have it hasten to the womb of the earth Is this the joy the delight that women have in the fruit of their bodies Gen 3.16 onely to conceave in sorrow to travell in anguish and when they are delivered after a yeare or two to be bereft of them in a moment Could not thousands of kisses and dandlings and dauncings nay could not sckreeches and groanes and cryes call back my child Alas noe I see they could not all was in â—aine Hee who called Lazarus from the grave hath called my litle one to the grave His soule is with him and nothing now but his body is left with mee From him I would not pluck him mee think's if I might for hee 's at peace with him From mee mee thinks I would not have had him call him for hee knoweth how I loved him and yet his will not mine must be fullfilled O that I could so rest satisfied with the rest of my sweete infant But why doe I onely wish so I must likewise practise it Act. 5.29 lest happily as Gamaliel sayd unto the Iewes I be found even to fight against God I will therfore resolve with David and say 2 Sam. 12.23 Now hee is dead wherfore should I fast Can I bring him back againe I shall goe to him but hee shall not returne to mee I shall goe when hee who keepeth my child in his armes shall be pleased so to embrace mee likewise and to seate mee in his Kingdome by my dearest child Why then should I enuy my litle one the joyes of eternitie If I weepe too much I may discover a discontent at his highest preferement If I truely loved him I shall never enuy him allthough I shall desire that to those heavenly mansions I may certainly follow him Young hee was while mine hee was very young tender weake and yet as young as hee was hee now is suddenly growne older then my selfe hee is my better hee is my senior and hath gotten before mee into glory Yea and his passage thither was fayre and gentle too if I consider his sinnes which hee suffered for onely in his sicknesse His rich soule espied a crevise a chinke a flaw in his muddie earth made by his disease and so escaped flew away even with the wings of that dove that blessed Spirit Ps 55.6 which David panted for and wished for and cryed for saying O that I had the wings of a dove Gen. 7.1 King 13.24 2. King 2.24 Num 21 6. Gen 19 24. for then would I flee away and be at rest Had my child beene drowned as was the ould world or torne in pieces by Lyons as was the disobedient Prophet or by Beares as were the fortie and two children that mocked Elisha or stung with Serpents as were the murmuring Israëlites or burnt with fire and brimstone as were Sodome and Gomorrha or swallowed up quick by the yawning num 16.33 act 12 23. gaping devouring earth as were Corah Dathan and Abiram or had hee beene smitten by the Angel of God and eaten up of wormes of vermine as was Herod Agrippa then my griefe indeede might have beene increased my sorrowes might have beene multiplyed yet at length if it had beene so I ought to have beene contented at length if I belong unto him to whom my child is gone I must have taken up the resolution of patient of holy of devout Iob and have sayd The Lord gave Iob. 1.21 and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the name of the Lord. But my God hath beene more mercifull both to mee and mine for hee made much of my child and finding him a litle froward a litle wayward a litle unquiet hee gently layed him downe to sleepe Hee sent a gentle disease to rock him to sing him to sleepe And seing that hee thus gently thus securely sleepe's in God even in that God who never sleepeth surely whilest I awake I will sing and give praise My glory shall awake Ps 57.8 my Lute and Harpe shall awake all my joyes all my pleasures all my contents shall awake and praise him and magnifie him for ever And yet for all this my resolution for all my serious purpose thus to doe I find that in my musick I stop upon a fret That sudden sigh stole from my heart unawares It may be that it was ashamed to stay there and so slanke away What another Nay this is too much King Solomon telleth mee that there is a time to weepe Ecc 3.4 but hee doeth not tell mee that that time must continue so long as I continue here upon earth What though I am a traveller I
him who is emnipotent Hee did worke many wonders by his Apostles Act 19 11. even upon the living and speciall miracles by the hand of Saint Paul vers 12 so that from his body were brought unto the sick handkercheifs or aprons the diseases departed from them the evill spirits went out of them And hee who wrought cure of the people without meanes can give such a blessing to the meanes that I may thereby be restored againe many diseases my Redeemer himselfe did cure while hee was upon earth It is true that hee is now not here in the flesh hee is ascended into heaven But what of that Though his humanitie be there yet his divinitie is every where I will therfore submit to his pleasure and I will hope for my health While hee was upon earth hee delighted in cures and his mercie remaineth still the same readily will I therfore submit to his pleasure Mar. 2.3 Once was a man so weake with the palsie that hee was borne by fower vers 4. and when by reason of the preasse they could not come neere the doores of the house where my Saviour was they un-covered the roofe and let him downe in his bed When Iesus saw their faith vers 5. hee said unto the sick of the palsie Sonne thy sinnes be forgiven thee Mat 8.14 When Peter's wive's mother was sick of a feaver vers 15 my Saviour did but onely touch her hand and the feaver left her and shee arose and ministred unto them c. 4.24 The people brought unto him all sick folke that were taken with diverse diseases and torments and those that were possessed with devills and those that were lunatick and those that had the palsy and hee healed them It is hee alone that can heale and therfore to him alone will I pray that I may be healed Were my disease as ould as my body my body as ancient as time it selfe yet hee that can remit my sinnes can restore my health But my disease is not so ancient and therfore the cure doeth not seeme to be so hard Suppose that I have languished a moneth a quarter a whole yeare What if three What if sixe What if a dozen yeares It exceedeth not either his power Mat. 9.20 or skill to make mee whole Hee cured a woman who for twelve yeares together had beene diseased of an issue of blood in her body Mar 5.26 Shee poore woman had suffered many things of many physitians and had spent al that shee had and yet was nothing bettered but rather grew worse Thus despairing of any helpe from man shee addressed herselfe to him who is both God and man To him that cure was so easie that shee did but onely touch the hemme of his garment strait way the fountaine of her blood was dryed up vers 29 and shee felt in her body that shee was healed of that plague There was a miracle indeede that with the touch of a garment the disease should be cured If such power did lye in the hemne of his garment what vertue must I needes believe did lie in his body But what comfort can I receave from this which I reade when I know that that body is ascended into heaven Fond woman as I am why doe I thus waver Though his flesh be from mee yet his spirit is with mee Yea and his flesh and his blood is offered still unto Christians upon earth Hee giveth not onely his garment to touch but allso his flesh and that not to touch onely but even to eate to seede upon in the blessed sacrament That woman was cured by the touch of his garment and shall not I hope for his mercy who feede upon his flesh and blood in the Eucharist Yes yes I must I will believe that hee for his owne sake will remitt my sinnes and that if it may advantage the glory of his name hee â—an and may recover my health Yet all this while I thinke but of a disease of twelve yeares standing What if I had beene sick for eighteene yeares together Might I therfore despaire of his power Noe noe I might not I durst not Lu 13.11 Doe not I reade of a woman who had a spirit of insirmitie eighteene yeares and was bowed together and could in noe wise lift up herselfe A disease shee had which in effect was not alltogether unlike unto mine for I stoope too and am allmost bowed together through the weakenesse and infirmitie of my body and cannot lift up my selfe but am enforced to require the aide of my friends and attendance to raise mee and to support mee Yet I reade that when Iesus saw her vers 12 hee called her unto him and said unto her Woman thou art loosed from thine infirmitie vers 13 And hee layd his hands on her and immediately shee was made straite and glorified God It may be his pleasure to speake such comfort allso unto mee for I have not beene sick so many yeares as was shee and I seeke my Saviour which shee did not allthough I must acknowledge it is his grace which worketh in mee this my seeking of him yea and I begge the cure whereas shee was asked if shee would be cured Why then should I not hope that hee will lay his hands upon mee and make mee straite and restore mee whole as hee did that woman that I may glorifie him for it But suppose that my disease had continued above twentie yeares suppose above thirtie should the long continuance make mee determine the cure impossible Nothing lesse for I reade that a certaine man was at the poole of Bethesda Io. 5.5 who had an infirmitie thirtie and eight yeares vers 6. and when my Iesus sam him lye there and knew that hee had beene now a long time in that case hee said unto him Wilt thou be whole vers 7. The impotent man answered him Sir I have noe man when the water is troubled to put mee into the poole but while I am coming another steppeth downe before mee vers 8. vers 9. Iesus saith unto him Rise take up thy bed and walke and immediately the man was made whole and tooke up his bed and walked Loe here is some comfort still thirtie and eight yeares continuance was nothing to Christ Hee who is eternall seeth all things at once and doeth all things without difficultie Surely that man was intended for a patterne of patience and that I might learne contentedly to suffer what my God shall lay upon mee Hee despaired not of health though his disease was inveterate but hee lay â—… the poole and expected still the hand of mercy â—o lift him into the water nothing doubting â—f the cure if hee could in due time but get â—…to the poole Nor may I despaire of what â—y God can doe but I must continue in my â—pplications enduring mine affliction with â—tience and referring all to his holy pleasure 〈◊〉 must
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
set it forth from day to day Ps 96.2 part 2 The Second part of the Soliloquie wherein is set forth the certaintie of Death A Braham is dead the Prophets are dead and my Saviour Christ sayd Io 8.52 If a man keepe my sayings hee shall never tast of death At this the Iewes were very much stumbled and mee think 's they had some collour for their contention about it For if Abraham were dead Rom. 4 11. Iam 2.23 Gen 22 18. Lu 1.70 who was the father of the faithfull who was the friend of God hee in whose seede all the nations of the earth were promised a blessing because hee obeyed the voyce of the Lord And if the Prophets were allso dead those holy Prophets which have beene since the world began and by whom the Lord did reveale his pleasure unto the people If all these were dead well might the Iewes wonder when our Saviour said If a man keepe my saying hee shall never tast of death Well indeede they might wonder for ignorance is the cause of all our merveiles Did wee but know a certaine reason for every event wee should never wonder at that which happeneth but wee should magnifie the first greatest cause which is God The Iewes wondered because they were ignorant and supposed that our Saviour had spoken of a temporall death whereas hee meant that which is eternall True it is that the temporall death is an effect and fruit of the first sinne but eternall death is the punishment of impenitencie and infidelitie for those who both can and truely doe repent neither can nor shall be lyable to an eternall death Nay dye they cannot in any kind for this which wee call a death shall be to them but a deliverance and that death which is a perpetuall living death in the land of darknesse they shall be certainly freed from by the blood of the Sonne of God Yet this passage this sweete change in the godly and allso this gate which openeth to the ungodly the way to eternall woe the Scripture doeth commonly tearme a death this death cannot possibly be avoyded by the children of Adam Heb. 9.27 for it is appointed unto men once to dye 'T is true 't is true indeede I am ready to find it verefied in my selfe for the harbingers of this death have taken up my body where it intendeth to lodg The weakenesse of my limbs and the faintnesse of my spirits and the shortnesse of my breath and the lownesse of my voyce and the palenesse of my cheekes and the hollownesse of mine eyes all these doe but assure mee of the approaches of this death But is there noe resistance Is there noe reversing of the decree Noe repealing of the statute Alas noe none at all This body which hath beene pampered with the delicacie of meates must now be slaughtered and make a feast for the wormes These bones which have layen upon the beds of ease must become as tables for the loathsome vermine And this skinne this prowde skinne which hath stollen so much time to imploy in the suppling and colouring and smoothing and covering of it must serve like a cloath spread on these tables whereon must be presented this collation for the wormes Short is my life fleeting are my dayes and my winged minuits fly with such speede that I caâ— hardly count them so fast as they consume Wheâ— I enjoyed the most sound and beloved health even then the shortnesse of my life was discovered in my breath for I was intrusted onely with a litle ayer which neither was in my power long to keepe nor long without it could I possiblie continue I was so false in my promises which I made unto my God that hee would not trust mee long with the keepng but of a litle of that element I have allways lâ—ved at the brinke of death and yet never seriously enough thought of that which now is ready to approach I never thought indeede of the hower of my death by a due preparation to entertaine it when it should come Nay I fondly imagined that it must of necessitie keepe the roade of diseases sicknesse whereas it might have hastened by wayes un-expected When I was healthfull I grew so proude that I imagined certainly it either could not or durst not assayle my body and yet when I was afflicted with the smallest paine then againe I was so cowardly dejected that I was afraid it hastened by each part and member When I smarted I was taken off from my pride but the cure of that sinne was an immoderate and a slavish feare But now I am well assured that neither strength nor youth nor beauty nor physick nor any thing else can secure our bodies from returning to the earth True it is that the dead know not any thing Eccl 6.5 neither have they any more a reward for the memorie of them is forgotten but the living know that they shall dye c 8.8 There is noe man that hath power over the spirit to reteine the spirit neither hath hee power in the day of death Wherfore then have 〈◊〉 so long lived in ignorance or forgetfullnesse of mine end If I had remembred it I would have fitted and prepared mine accounts against the time it should come If I had knowne it I would have laboured to have made the judge my friend But ô I forgot it for I increased my sinnes and thought not of the debt I was ignorant too and knew not the terribloesse of the Iudg. Now mee think's these cold and clammie sweats doe chiefely arise from my chiding conscience and from the convulsions which there I suffer through the guilt of my sinnes I never was so carelesse or ignorant of death as I now am certaine of it yet afraid to dye Eccl 12.7 Iob. 30.23 Now I am sensible that my dust shall returne to the earth as it was I know that the Lord will bring mee to death to the house appointed for all the living Die say I Yes But must I dye Yes But when That I know not many dayes or howers I cannot expect to live who am allready pined into the leanenesse of an Anatomie But where must I dye That I know not neither even in this bed it is most likely where I now lye languishing in the torments of my disease But how or by what meanes must I dye Nor can I tell that allthough this sicknesse seemeth to be dispatched hither for this very purpose But if it be so sure that dye I must is it likewise as sure to what place I shall goe O this question is the common troubler of the dying There are but two havens where soules can arrive the one is the holy land the new Ierusalem the haven of eternall happinesse the other is a land too but it is a land of darknesse a land of smoakes and stinkes a place of eternall horrour To the former the godly are wafted by a convoy of
â—ever leave it 'till I have chased it away 'till 〈◊〉 have done my best to wash off the staine with my sorrowfull teares Gen 32 25. I will struggle with my God for the help of his grace and will not leave him untill hee assureth mee that my sinne is blotted out by the blood of the Lamb. For every offence that I can remember I will arise and goe to my father Lu. 15.18 with the teares standing in mine eyes and with dropps of blood falling from my heart in an earnest sharpe compunction In a loathing and detestation of my selfe for offending his Majestie I will humble my selfe and fall at his feete and with bashfullnesse and shame I will besiech him saying vers 18 vers 19 Father I have sinned against heaven and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants I know hee will heare mee for so hee hath promised and sayd Call upon mee in the day of trouble Ps 50.15 I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie mee And when hee heareth I am sure hee will helpe too Ps 46.1 for hee is my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble And leave him I will not leave crying I will not leave weeping and begging I will not untill I find that heâ— espyeth mee comeing Lu 15.20 O now I blesse him I find that hee cometh to mee and armeth mee with this resolution I find that I am comeing unto him too by the small sparkes of graâ—… which warme my resolution But here I must not stay on I must follow him I will and never leave him untill hee takes compassion of mee and runne's and fall's upon my neck and kisseth mee vers 22 I will not leave following him untill hee bringeth forth the best robe even the robe of his Sonne 's righteousnesse putteth it upon mee I must have a ring too put upon my hand Rom 4 11. Lu 15. vers 23 a sealed ring even the seale of the righteousnesse of faith in the meritts of my Redeemer I must allso feede upon the fatted Calfe upon him who was sacrificed for my transgressions even the Sonne of his bosome who is fatt as it were and full of all divine vertues and abundance of grace able to satisfie for the sinns of the whole world I will feede upon him in the participation of the holy sacrament and communion of his owne most blessed body and blood vers 24 And when I eate I will be merry for through faith I shall have an assurance that hereafter I shall be entertained at the supper of the Lamb in the Kingdome of my God Reu 19 9. Thus my ômissions and thus my commissions thus mine infirmities and thus my presumptions shall be layed to his charge who is the Lamb of God that taketh away the sinnes of the world Io 1.29 Unto him I will acknowledg my sinnes Ps 32.5 and mine iniquities I will not hide I will confesse my transgressions unto the Lord and hee shall forgive the iniquitie of my sinnes when I say unto him with a sorrowfull Spirit Ps 41.4 Lord be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee When I have thus confessed Iob. 42 6. and abhorred my selfe in dust and asbes I will then resolve for the time to come by the grace of my God and I will promise that I will take heede to my wayes that I sinne not against him Ps 39.1 or not willingly or not continually or howsoever not impenitently Thus will I sweepe and sweeping I will weepe and weeping I will pray that for every uncleane spirit which hath dwelt in my soule I may now have this soule garnished with the divine and excellent graces of the Spirit of my God By faith I will come unto thee ô Christ and call thee my Iesus By hope I will come unto you ô yee blessed quire of Saints and Angells and with you I will sing those ravishing Halelujahs By charitie I will reconcile my selfe to my offended brother I will as much as in mee lyeth requite and satisfie my injured neighbour I will freely freely remit the injuries I have receaved certainly assuring my selfe that the offences which have beene offered mee though never so high in mine owne esteeme are not bad enough to be compared to the least trespasse which I have committed against my God And as I am taught by the rules of charitie I will not onely love my friends to which I am prompted both by nature and civility but mine enemies likewise I will love as I am commanded by God Yet lest I missetake in my charitie my God a bove all I will both love and obey and that for noe other cause but onely for himselfe Next and in order unto him I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love the Lord for his power I will love God for his wisedome and I will love the Lord my God for his goodnesse I will love the Lord who created mee by his power I will love God who instructeth mee by his wisedome I will love the Lord my God who hath communicated his goodnesse to a creature so despicable I will not onely know my God but I will allso love him I will not onely feare him but I will allso love him I will not onely feare him as hee is an omnipotent Lord or honour him as hee is God but I will allso love him as hee is Mine Yea I will love him with all my heart because hee gave mee a Beeing at my creation I will love him with all my soule because hee preserveth mee in this my beeing I will love him with all my mind because hee hath created mee a new and given mee a well-being by regeneration and I will love him with all my strength because I know assuredly that hee will glorifie mee in the most excellent Beeing I will lore him with all my heart understandingly without errour I will love him with all my soule willingly without contradiction and I will love him with all my mind treasuring him up in my memorie without forgetfulnesse I will love him with all my heart wisely lest I be seduced by the suggestions of the devill I will love him with all my soule sweetely and delightfully lest I be tempted by allurements of the flesh and I will love him with all my strength couragiously lest I sinke under the pressures and heavy burdens of the world I will love him with all my heart for all my cogitations shall reflect upon him I will love him with all my soule for all my affections shall be directed to him and I will love him with all my mind for all my senses shall be obedient unto him I will love him with all my heart devoutly with all my soule discreetely and with all my Mind perseveringly And when thus I have endeavoured to love my God ' then next in
speaketh better things then that of Abel Rev. 2.10 1. Cor 3.21 vers 22 vers 23 I know that if I am faithfull unto death hee will give unto mee a crowne of life I know that all things are ours so long as wee are his whether the world or life or death or things present or things to come all are ours and wee are Christ's Christ is God's Why the doe I crie out upon my paines Is any paine which I can suffer either so much as I deserve by offending my Iesus or comparable to his torments which hee suffered for mee Flesh thou hast disturbed mee all my life with thy sweete and sugered baites hast allured mee to sinne but I will drowne thee therfore in my teares Thou art allready drawen low by my sicknesse and yet because this punishment is not enough thou who wert kept from staines with curious though simple art shalt now be tumbled into the dirt from whence thou camest For the beds of downe on which thou hast stretched thy selfe thou shalt lye downe in the hard and stonie earth for the greate and spatious chamber◠which thou didst pride thy selfe in thou shalt be confined to the skantnesse narrownesse of a coffin for the curious hangings which adorned thy roomes were the costly adventures and labours of forreiners thou shalt be closely wrapped bound in thy grave-clothes and for the gallant societie which thou so cheerefully delightedst in thou shalt have the companie of nothing but wormes yea and such wormes too as thou didst loath in thy seeming prosperitie shall be at once both thine associates thy greedie devourers World thou art an imposter hast treacherously deluded mee with hopes of vanitie but now I find that thy braverie is but follie thy riches but fumes smoakes that vanish thy friendship but hatred thy pride but madnesse thy beautie but uglinesse and all thy temtations are but leaders to destruction I hate thee therfore thou vaine world and leave thee behind mee as contemning the societie of trifles so un worthy and though for a time thou mayst foole the un wise and bewitch them with the false glasses of thy seeming glory yet know thou that the time shall come when thou shalt consume in thy flames and shalt burne in a heape at the day of revenge And as for you ô yee black and uglie slaves of perdition yee hellish-criew of infernall fiends goe seeke some other to delude with your suggestions in mee yee have neither share nor hope for neither should your torments be lessened if yee could seduce mee nor shall nor can your madnesse prevaile against thy redeemed soule to increase the number of your schreeches and howlings And now ô my Iesus come come away for I am thine and thou art mine Why stayest thou so long Why delayest thou the time The longer I live I doe but the more offend thee and the more I offend thee the more doe my sorrowes burden mee for these mine offences O would it not be more for thy glory to free mee from corruption that I might sing praises to thy name without any feare of displeasing thee How long Lord how long wilt thou keepe mee from thy tryumphant quire Ps 42.2 My soule is a thirst for thee my heart panteth after thee ô when shall I come and appeare in thy presence ô my God O how truely and eagerly doe I long for death that I may live with thee who art the truth and the life Io 14.6 I know that one day dye I must but my death shall be nothing but a passage unto life for though in Adam all dye yet in thee ô Christ 1. Cor. 15.22 shall all be made a live I cry Lord I cry to thee I cry because thee I have offended to thee onely I cry because thou onely doest heare and wilt helpe to thee onely I cry because thou onely hast redeemed mee to thee ô to thee I cry to hasten to come with speede O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Dan. 9.19 Rom 7 24. Ps 22.17 O Lord heare ô Lord forgive ô Lord deliver mee from the body of this death These pale cheekes and these hollow eyes and these staring bones and this sbrivell'd skinne are now mee think's adorned with beautie because they bring mee the glad tidings of the approaches of my Redeemer This bed is hard to what I shall find in the grave these sheetes are course and un-easie to that which I shall be wound in Come ô Christ ô stay noe longer I feare thou art angrie with mee or else ere now I should have seene thy face but if thou art angry Ps 30.5 I am well assured that thy wrath endureth but the twinkling of an eye and in thy presence is life My spirit cryes come and my wearied soule cryes come and my weake limbs cry come Come therfore ô my Redeemer Come Lord Iesus Come quickly exercise 5 5. The resignation of the Soule into the hands of God THe Prophet Ieremiah admonished the house of Israel saying Give glory to the Lord your God before hee cause darknesse and before your feete stumble upon the darke mountaines and while yee looke for light and hee turne it into the shadow of death and make it grosse darknesse That glory I have given and now I doe render to the Lord my God so farre as hee in his goodnesse is pleased to enable mee And now that time is come that happy moment O Well-come blessed hower so long expected so long desired How rebellious hath beene my flesh that it held put so long and now hides it selfe under my dryed skinne and shrink's it selfe up as unwilling to yeeld Away proud dust thou canst have noe hope of a freedome from putrefaction allthough the time shall come when the Lord will glorifie thee That time I know will come indeede yea I know it assuredly Ps 56.9 Iob. 19.25 vers 26 for the Lord is on my side I know that my Redeemer liveth and that hee shall stand at the latter day upon the earth and though after my skinne wormes destroy this body vers 27 yet in my flesh I shall see God whom I shall see for my selfe and mine eyes shall behold and not other though my reines be consumed within mee I have though weakely and imperfectly endeavoured to glorifie my God before this hower approached both in the confesion to him of my grievous sinnes ah those uglie sinnes which I still grieve for am sorry for them and yet not without a certaine confidence and assurance of his mercy Lord I thanke thee for this happy hower Now I find that though the wicked is driven away in his wickednesse Pro 14 32. yet I am filled with hope in my death Wicked alas I was and woe is mee wicked I am if considered in my felfe but in thee ô Iesus I am holy in thy righteousnesse I am righteous therfore
destruction nor the threatned fall nor thy resisting us nor Sodom's ruine Lord forgive this iniquity amongst us and give us now such humble hearts Ps 75.6 that wee may noe more set our hornes on high nor speake with stiffe necks for why Thou ô God art the judg vers 8. thou puttest downe one and settest up another Wee are taught ô thou just God of truth Prov. 11.1 that a false ballance is abhomination unto thee but a just weight is thy delight and wee know that thou didst question by thy Prophet saying Mic 6.11 Shall I count them pure with the wicked ballances and with the bagg of deceitfull weights vers 10 Are there not in Ierusalem and Samaria the treasures of wickednesse in the house of the wicked and the skant measure which is aboâ—minable Yea and wee know that thou doâ—… stricktly forbid Deut 25.14 vers 13 vers 15 saying Thou shalt not have iâ— thine house diverse measures a greate and 〈◊〉 small thou shalt not have in thy bagge diversâ— weights a greate and a small but thou shalâ— have a perfect and just weight a perfect and just measure shalt thou have that thy dayes may be lengthened in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee And yet for all this the same complaint may be made against many of us Ier 6.13 which was against Iudah wee are given to coveteousnesse and wee dealt falsly Iustly therfore ô most righteous judg thou mayst question us as thou didst the Iewes and say c 7.9 vers 10 will yee steale murder commâ— adulterie and sweare falsly and come and stand before mee in my house which is called by my name and say wee are delivered 〈◊〉 doe all these abominations O thou that art the easer of the oppressed thou God of compassionate bowells to thee are allso knowne both the deceaver and the oppressour walking hand in hand among us Surely thou hast seene it Ps 10.15 for thou behouldest ungodlinesse and wrong therfore thou callest Amos. 8.4 vers 5 saying Heare this ô yee that swallow up the needy even to make the poore of the land to faile saying when will the Sabbath be gone that wee may set forth wheate making the Ephah small and the Shekel greate and falsifying the ballance by deceit vers 6. that wee may buy the poore for silver and the needy for a paire of shooes Yea ô thou that makest inquisition for blood and forgettest not the complaint of the poore to thee wee must confesse that with the deceitfull is joyned allso among us even the bloody murderer allthough wee are well assured that the blood-thirstie and deceitfull man shall not live out halfe his dayes Ps 55.25 Yea Lord thou God of justice thou mayest allso complaine of us as thou didst of the Iewes Is 59.4 and say that few or none among us calleth for justice or pleadeth for truth wee trust in vanity and speake lyes wee conceave mischiefe and bring forth iniquity Hos 4.2 By swearing and lying and killing and stealing and committing adulterie the people breake out and blood toucheth blood Therfore doth our land mourne vers 3. and every one that dwelleth therein doth languish Thus ô thus wickedly thus contemptuously Iud 10 15. thus outragiously yea and many more and worse though closer wayes have wee sinned o Lord doe thou unto us whatsoever in thy mercy seemeth good unto thee For these Ier. 50.4 and for all other our private and publike our secret and our open our particular and our generall crimes I besiech thee o father of mercies to graunt that I and all the people of the land may goe weeping as once did the children of Israel and of Iudah Lord be reconciled unto us in the blood of that Lamb of thine who taketh away the sinns of the world Cause us all now in this time of our visitation to learne vers 5. and aske the way to Sion with our faces thitherward saying Come let us joyne our selves unto the Lord in a perpetuall covenant that shall not be broken Amos. 7.2 Dan. 9.19 Ioel. 2.21 vers 26 O Lord God forgive us I beseech thee by whom Shall Iacob arise For hee is small O Lord heare ô Lord forgive o Lord hearken and doe it so shall wee be sure that thou wilt doe greate things Cause us once againe to eate in plenty be satisfied praise thy name o Lord our God when thou hast dealt thus wonderously with us and wee shall never be ashamed Ier. 29.11 O let thy thoughts be thoughts of peace towards us and not of evill Wee should o my God 1. Pet. 3 8. wee should have loved one another as brethren and should have beene pittyfull and courteous but to our shame I must acknowledg with a sad and a broken heart that wee have beene more ready to bite and devoure one another Gal. 5.15 and therfore now are wee justly consumed one of another It is most just with thee o thou sin-revenging God thus to visit our offences with the rod Ps 89.32 our sinns with scourges Vnnaturall have beene our crimes therfore unnaturall are likewise our punishments Ps 37.15 for our swords doe goe thorow our owne hearts and wee our selves are become the destroyers of our selves O eternall mercy O eternall goodnesse be thou gratiously pleased I beseech thee to give us a true sight sense and feeling of these and all other our faylings and back-slidings give us hearty remorse contrition and sorrow for them all together with a stedfast resolution of new obedience yea and so strengthen us in these our pious resolutions and so enable us to the performance of the same yea so sanctifie us throughout that our whole spirits and soules bodies may be kept blamelesse unto the comeing of our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ Thou hast threatned that If a man will not turne Ps 7.13 thou will whet thy sword this long time thou hast bent thy bowe thou hast prepared for us vers 14 and brought among us the instruments of death and hast ordained thine arrowes against thy persecuters Yet Lord thou art yesterday and to day and the same for ever The same father of mercies and God of all consolation Remember therfore I beseech thee how gratious thou wert to the people of Iudah to whom thou sentest thy Prophet to speake Ier. 26.3 If so be they would hearken and turne every man from his evill way that thou mightest repent thee of the evill which thou didst purpose to doe unto them because of the evill of their doeings O Lord doe thou rent our hearts in thy mercy and make us turne from our evill wayes that thou mayst repent thee of the evill of our punishments Make us turne unto thee with 〈◊〉 our hearts Ioel 2.12 with fasting and with weeping and with mourning Ex 32.12 and then turne thou from thy