let_v the_o devil_n have_v they_o for_o nothing_o and_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o repulse_v the_o devil_n say_v satan_n when_o thou_o in_o tempt_a christ_n show_v he_o the_o whole_a world_n thou_o promise_v he_o that_o which_o be_v none_o of_o thou_o own_o nor_o be_o i_o thou_o and_o therefore_o avoid_v satan_n for_o thou_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o i_o and_o then_o the_o devil_n depart_v from_o i_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o fill_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o with_o a_o mixture_n of_o tear_n and_o joy_n i_o have_v sweet_a comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o have_v have_v many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n sometime_o yet_o i_o have_v since_o find_v very_o great_a consolation_n through_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n as_o in_o these_o and_z divers_z other_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v find_v much_o rest_n and_o refreshment_n by_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v i_o have_v often_o lay_v hold_v on_o this_o promise_n with_o a_o thirst_a desire_n after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o he_o have_v fill_v i_o with_o comfort_n and_o the_o comfort_n wherewith_o christ_n do_v comfort_n peter_n bid_v he_o not_o to_o fear_v for_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o he_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o give_v i_o great_a consolation_n in_o that_o i_o know_v christ_n be_v hear_v in_o all_o that_o he_o pray_v to_o the_o father_n and_o i_o find_v the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n to_o god_n which_o give_v satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o a_o true_a believer_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n as_o he_o have_v command_v i_o yet_o i_o find_v great_a imperâ—_n fection_n and_o utter_a unworthiness_n in_o myself_o to_o deserve_v any_o thing_n of_o god_n but_o my_o whole_a dependence_n and_o hope_n of_o salvation_n be_v in_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o the_o blood_n and_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o i_o do_v find_v that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n constrain_v i_o to_o love_n god_n again_o above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o whatever_o i_o be_o about_o my_o soul_n be_v delight_v with_o god_n above_o all_o 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v my_o heart_n to_o hate_v all_o evil_a communication_n and_o evil_a thing_n and_o not_o so_o much_o to_o fear_v the_o punishment_n of_o the_o world_n for_o any_o thing_n as_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n 4._o i_o be_o much_o delight_v in_o the_o working_n of_o god_n spirit_n and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v unto_o ordinance_n and_o if_o satan_n suggest_v worldly_a thought_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o duty_n i_o have_v call_v upon_o god_n and_o find_v comfort_n and_o when_o i_o have_v come_v to_o duty_n with_o cold_a affection_n i_o have_v be_v much_o refresh_v in_o the_o duty_n 〈◊〉_d though_o sometime_o i_o have_v feel_v pain_n and_o distemper_n in_o my_o body_n which_o i_o have_v thought_n satan_n have_v do_v to_o make_v i_o weary_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v call_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o find_v comfort_n 6._o i_o find_v great_a peace_n and_o much_o comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a to_o die_v and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n to_o i_o in_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o die_v that_o i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n to_o enter_v into_o eternal_a joy_n with_o christ_n for_o ever_o e._n o._n xxiv_o expeience_n of_o a._n g._n i_o have_v be_v many_o year_n since_o very_o sensible_a of_o my_o natural_a estate_n and_o do_v lie_v long_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o they_o make_v i_o almost_o despair_v insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o either_o eat_v or_o drink_v but_o have_v my_o spirit_n dry_v up_o with_o the_o anguish_n thereof_o for_o i_o be_v bring_v up_o under_o the_o mean_n and_o from_o a_o child_n frequent_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o the_o first_o cause_n of_o my_o great_a torment_n be_v for_o that_o i_o once_o tell_v a_o lie_n against_o my_o conscience_n which_o so_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n afterward_o that_o i_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n i_o go_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o read_v the_o scripture_n yet_o all_o do_v but_o increase_v my_o horror_n several_a minister_n and_o godly_a people_n use_v great_a mean_n to_o comfort_v i_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a for_o a_o time_n and_o when_o i_o read_v the_o scripture_n i_o find_v every_o threaten_n and_o judgement_n therein_o that_o i_o fix_v my_o thought_n upon_o to_o speak_v terror_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o my_o distraction_n be_v so_o great_a that_o my_o friend_n say_v i_o be_v mad_a and_o keep_v the_o bible_n from_o i_o for_o so_o often_o as_o i_o read_v in_o it_o i_o pore_v most_o upon_o that_o dreadful_a place_n matth._n 12.31_o all_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n but_o the_o blasphemy_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v but_o i_o have_v a_o persuasion_n i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n and_o fear_v that_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o go_v to_o heaven_n but_o be_v cast_v off_o to_o the_o damn_a yet_o this_o the_o lord_n wrought_v for_o i_o and_o in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v often_o pray_v in_o that_o poor_a doubt_a way_n my_o spirit_n can_v by_o the_o lord_n assistance_n souchsafe_v to_o i_o attain_v unto_o for_o though_o i_o think_v it_o in_o vain_a and_o that_o god_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o yet_o i_o continue_v pray_v and_o often_o cry_v to_o god_n not_o only_o in_o the_o day_n time_n but_o frequent_o in_o the_o night_n and_o rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v sometime_o a_o little_a comfort_v in_o that_o i_o be_v persuade_v to_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v dash_v again_o through_o fear_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o think_v that_o all_o victual_n and_o every_o thing_n be_v too_o good_a for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o all_o enjoyment_n thus_o i_o lay_v for_o some_o month_n in_o a_o sad_a agony_n wrestle_v with_o temptation_n perplex_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_n but_o at_o last_o in_o hear_v mr._n w._n minister_n of_o b._n and_o read_v a_o book_n call_v the_o new_a birth_n i_o find_v comfort_n be_v better_o satisfy_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v than_o before_o since_o which_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n past_a find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v my_o chief_a desire_n be_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o follow_v he_o by_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o doubt_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v bless_v in_o that_o grace_n which_o he_o communicate_v to_o i_o from_o his_o fullness_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v â—nto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n this_o promise_n be_v to_o soul_n lade_v with_o dejection_n and_o universal_a to_o all_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n have_v much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n in_o that_o by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v drawn-forth_a my_o soul_n to_o come_v to_o he_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n yet_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o find_v infirmity_n in_o i_o so_o that_o all_o my_o trust_n be_v only_o in_o the_o meriâ—s_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o though_o i_o can_v be_v so_o holy_a as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o desire_v and_o labour_n to_o be_v as_o holy_a as_o i_o can_v 3._o when_o my_o heart_n be_v dull_a cold_a
christ_n and_o isa_n 40.29_o he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n he_o increase_v strength_n this_o promise_n i_o lay_v hold_v on_o because_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n mat._n 11.28_o when_o i_o have_v refresh_v my_o spirit_n by_o apply_v these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_v to_o my_o own_o soul_n by_o faith_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n i_o find_v a_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n by_o that_o love_n to_o god_n which_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n which_o appear_v by_o these_o particular_a evidence_n 1._o i_o be_o grieve_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unbelieving_a towards_o god_n and_o so_o impatient_a in_o my_o affliction_n 2._o i_o be_o trouble_v to_o think_v that_o whilst_o i_o live_v here_o in_o this_o mortal_a flesh_n i_o can_v be_v quite_o free_v from_o sin_n but_o must_v live_v to_o offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n who_o have_v wrought_v so_o great_a a_o deliverance_n for_o i_o 3._o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v through_o divine_a goodness_n from_o the_o testimony_n of_o the_o bless_a spirit_n say_v with_o comfort_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n whereby_o i_o can_v cry_v abba_n father_n 4._o i_o can_v i_o hope_v willing_o deny_v myself_o in_o all_o thing_n and_o shall_v the_o lord_n call_v i_o to_o it_o take_v up_o the_o cross_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n to_o follow_v he_o and_o bless_v god_n in_o all_o dispensation_n whatsoever_o 5._o i_o find_v a_o total_a desire_n and_o willingness_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o surrender_v myself_o to_o be_v lead_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o all_o holiness_n and_o piety_n with_o perseverance_n that_o i_o may_v live_v all_o my_o day_n to_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o god_n 6._o my_o affection_n be_v more_o firm_o and_o real_o knit_v to_o god_n than_o to_o any_o thing_n so_o that_o i_o can_v part_v with_o any_o thing_n for_o god_n and_o i_o value_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n and_o i_o find_v more_o joy_n in_o he_o than_o in_o all_o thing_n 7._o i_o be_o not_o now_o afraid_a to_o die_v shall_v god_n call_v i_o that_o i_o may_v go_v to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n for_o ever_o 8._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v in_o love_n and_o charity_n with_o all_o man_n but_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n i_o do_v love_n the_o godly_a because_o in_o appearance_n they_o be_v the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o seed_n upon_o christ_n by_o faith_n in_o his_o ordinance_n m._n w._n xxx_o experience_n of_o h._n c._n at_o the_o beginning_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n i_o as_o well_o as_o other_o be_v much_o fright_v and_o when_o it_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o day_n the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o be_v amaze_v i_o have_v be_v a_o hearer_n a_o great_a while_n of_o very_o eminent_a minister_n in_o the_o city_n of_o london_n yet_o profit_v very_o little_a by_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o if_o they_o preach_v the_o mercy_n of_o god_n i_o sear_v they_o do_v not_o belong_v to_o i_o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v those_o qualification_n in_o i_o which_o i_o think_v i_o ought_v to_o have_v if_o i_o expect_v to_o receive_v mercy_n i_o can_v rejoice_v in_o hear_v of_o the_o promise_n but_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o they_o as_o belong_v to_o i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v to_o hear_v though_o with_o much_o trouble_n of_o mind_n that_o day_n wherein_o it_o be_v say_v the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o begin_v to_o call_v myself_o to_o account_n what_o will_v become_v of_o my_o soul_n if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o i_o be_v almost_o amaze_v but_o do_v much_o desire_n of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o with_o the_o publican_n i_o say_v lord_n i_o believe_v help_v my_o unbelief_n i_o then_o resolve_v with_o myself_o well_o i_o will_v cast_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o arm_n of_o god_n if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o through_o belief_n in_o he_o i_o be_v quiet_v in_o my_o spirit_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o sense_n of_o peace_n be_v soon_o veil_v and_o i_o be_v afterward_o sore_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v full_o persuade_v that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v be_v but_o for_o fear_n of_o hell_n than_o dare_v i_o not_o be_v any_o where_o alone_a for_o fear_v of_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o if_o i_o have_v be_v at_o prayer_n by_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o open_v my_o eye_n thus_o be_v i_o perplex_v with_o fear_n and_o persuade_v myself_o i_o shall_v perish_v my_o condition_n be_v very_o bitter_a to_o i_o and_o i_o do_v much_o labour_n for_o a_o rest_a place_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v one_o day_n at_o a_o funeral_n the_o minister_n that_o preach_v the_o sermon_n show_v the_o sufficiency_n of_o god_n and_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o man_n and_o that_o all_o good_a come_v from_o god_n he_o say_v that_o it_o be_v as_o possible_a for_o that_o dead_a man_n to_o put_v life_n into_o himself_o as_o for_o any_o man_n to_o gain_v the_o least_o drop_n of_o grace_n of_o himself_o for_o faith_n be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o and_o to_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o i_o will_v write_v they_o to_o keep_v they_o about_o i_o i_o then_o be_v a_o hearer_n at_o st._n m._n the_o minister_n be_v much_o upon_o the_o affair_n of_o the_o time_n and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o i_o find_v not_o my_o soul_n satisfy_v with_o that_o matter_n when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o find_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v with_o that_o food_n and_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o hear_v mr._n sympson_n at_o allhollows_a toame_v street_n and_o he_o be_v set_v forth_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a sinner_n and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o reason_n with_o myself_o that_o sure_o in_o put_v all_o mercy_n from_o i_o i_o do_v dishonour_n god_n for_o he_o invit_v all_o to_o believe_v his_o promise_n and_o i_o read_v that_o he_o say_v as_o i_o live_v i_o desire_v not_o the_o death_n of_o a_o sinner_n and_o christ_n say_v he_o come_v to_o save_v sinner_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a need_v not_o a_o physician_n but_o those_o that_o be_v sick_a and_o god_n have_v promise_v not_o to_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n and_o christ_n die_v for_o the_o ungodly_a and_o god_n be_v no_o respecter_n of_o person_n and_o christ_n promise_v that_o whosoever_o come_v unto_o he_o he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v off_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v these_o and_o other_o promise_n and_o that_o place_n where_o it_o be_v say_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v god_n than_o i_o be_v earnest_a with_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n and_o that_o place_n do_v much_o refresh_v i_o i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o yet_o again_o after_o all_o this_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o own_o unworthiness_n do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o be_v great_o grieve_v that_o i_o be_v so_o cumber_v in_o the_o world_n and_o begin_v to_o doubt_v say_v sure_o i_o have_v not_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n for_o sometime_o i_o shall_v rejoice_v and_o praise_n god_n be_v much_o satisfy_v from_o those_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o say_v he_o have_v lay_v our_o iniquity_n on_o he_o and_o he_o have_v lay_v help_n on_o he_o that_o be_v mighty_a and_o in_o another_o place_n you_o be_v save_v by_o grace_n not_o of_o yourselves_o it_o be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n and_o we_o have_v a_o advocate_n with_o the_o father_n even_o jesus_n christ_n the_o righteous_a and_o he_o be_v make_v sin_n for_o we_o that_o keâ—…_n no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o and_o behold_v the_o lamb_n of_o god_n that_o take_v away_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o world_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n i_o shall_v lose_v all_o my_o sense_n of_o comfort_n and_o then_o i_o have_v sad_a thought_n muse_v what_o god_n will_v do_v with_o i_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o these_o conflict_n at_o last_o that_o place_n refresh_v i_o where_o god_n say_v i_o the_o lord_n change_v not_o therefore_o you_o son_n of_o jacob_n be_v not_o consume_v though_o before_o i_o be_v not_o satisfy_v that_o my_o faith_n be_v true_a but_o doubt_v that_o sure_o i_o have_v presume_v upon_o false_a ground_n and_o be_v much_o perplex_v yet_o now_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o
not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scriptureâ—_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o for_o you_o be_v noâ—_n under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_z rest_z oâ—_n he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o other_o wise_a to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o donbting_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o aftermany_a comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5,6_o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16,17_o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o pierce_v into_o my_o heart_n as_o i_o desire_v 4._o i_o have_v sometime_o such_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o enlargement_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n with_o god_n thereby_o which_o i_o
it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n that_o have_v appear_v in_o the_o shape_n of_o a_o child_n and_o that_o he_o have_v overcome_v death_n and_o hell_n for_o i_o then_o i_o cry_v out_o and_o say_v bless_a be_v jesus_n christ_n for_o evermore_o and_o do_v entreat_v those_o people_n that_o be_v there_o with_o my_o father_n that_o they_o will_v go_v to_o prayer_n for_o i_o that_o those_o comfortable_a revelation_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o my_o faith_n in_o christ_n may_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o â—yet_n for_o three_o year_n after_o i_o have_v many_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n and_o much_o fear_v possess_v i_o so_o that_o satan_n will_v tell_v i_o i_o be_v more_o afraid_a of_o hell_n than_o of_o offend_a god_n but_o i_o bold_o sit_v up_o in_o my_o bed_n and_o tell_v satan_n he_o be_v a_o liar_n and_o that_o i_o will_v rather_o be_v damn_v than_o deny_v jesus_n christ_n and_o so_o christ_n do_v appear_v very_o comfortable_o to_o i_o and_o have_v and_o do_v deliver_v i_o out_o of_o many_o trouble_v very_o often_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v of_o they_o i_o know_v no_o end_n yet_o satan_n like_o a_o cunning_a sophister_n have_v be_v tamper_n with_o i_o to_o despair_v of_o christ_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v many_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o example_n also_o of_o mary_n magdalen_n and_o of_o the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n believe_v that_o as_o jesus_n christ_n be_v gracious_a to_o they_o so_o he_o will_v also_o be_v to_o i_o and_o christ_n have_v often_o time_n reveal_v unto_o i_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o as_o he_o say_v unto_o paul_n i_o can_v speak_v but_o little_a of_o jesus_n christ_n but_o yet_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o shall_v think_v myself_o very_o happy_a even_o to_o give_v my_o life_n for_o the_o glory_n and_o honour_n of_o his_o name_n if_o the_o lord_n will_v count_v i_o but_o worthy_a of_o such_o a_o favour_n and_o i_o will_v not_o for_o all_o the_o kingdom_n in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o pomp_n thereof_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n again_o and_o now_o my_o soul_n do_v desire_v to_o give_v up_o itself_o unto_o god_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o the_o strict_a course_n that_o his_o word_n do_v preâ—…e_a e._n r._n xii_o experience_n of_o t._n m._n about_o the_o fourteen_o year_n of_o my_o age_n i_o be_v put_v out_o to_o be_v a_o aprentice_n but_o be_v place_v with_o a_o master_n in_o who_o i_o see_v little_a of_o god_n his_o way_n be_v contrary_a to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n and_o the_o more_o because_o some_o rude_a people_n drink_v swear_v and_o be_v very_a debauch_a with_o he_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o there_o grow_v great_a dispute_n among_o some_o person_n about_o episcopacy_n presbytery_n independency_n and_o the_o like_a which_o make_v i_o question_n with_o my_o own_o thought_n which_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o worship_n god_n i_o apply_v myself_o to_o mr._n t._n the_o minister_n and_o other_o yet_o be_v not_o satisfy_v but_o after_o great_a perplexity_n of_o spirit_n i_o meditate_a with_o myself_o and_o wonder_v what_o will_v be_v the_o end_n of_o my_o trouble_n for_o they_o have_v be_v many_o especial_o temptation_n to_o despair_v of_o salvation_n but_o afterward_o be_v return_v back_o from_o my_o master_n to_o my_o father_n house_n lie_v down_o once_o upon_o a_o bench_n i_o fall_v asleep_a and_o dream_v that_o i_o be_v in_o a_o green_a meadow_n where_o i_o see_v various_a form_n of_o creature_n some_o furious_a other_o very_a please_a yet_o all_o of_o they_o seem_v monstruous_a and_o change_v their_o shape_n often_o and_o behold_v myself_o alone_a in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o i_o be_v grievous_o trouble_v and_o then_o there_o seem_v to_o appear_v a_o great_a red_a dragon_n before_o it_o come_v at_o i_o i_o think_v a_o little_a child_n be_v put_v in_o my_o arm_n which_o be_v so_o beautiful_a and_o comely_a that_o i_o admire_v it_o and_o be_v so_o take_v with_o behold_v it_o that_o it_o put_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o dragon_n for_o the_o present_a out_o of_o mind_n but_o the_o dragon_n afterward_o draw_v near_o and_o sore_o affright_v i_o but_o both_o myself_o and_o the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o and_o carry_v up_o a_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n pursue_v we_o and_o be_v often_o ready_a to_o fall_v in_o run_v up_o the_o hill_n i_o fear_v that_o the_o dragon_n will_v catch_v i_o but_o my_o strength_n be_v come_v to_o i_o i_o get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n of_o the_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n make_v up_o after_o i_o when_o i_o be_v get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n there_o appear_v a_o brightness_n from_o heaven_n which_o gush_v forth_o like_o a_o stash_n of_o lightning_n and_o split_v the_o dragon_n in_o piece_n at_o which_o i_o rejoice_v exceed_o then_o the_o child_n be_v put_v into_o my_o arm_n again_o and_o i_o ask_v it_o what_o be_v its_o name_n it_o say_v emanuel_n i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o father_n it_o say_v i_o be_o i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o mother_n it_o say_v eternity_n i_o ask_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v he_o say_v from_o my_o father_n out_o of_o heaven_n i_o ask_v to_o who_o he_o come_v and_o what_o be_v his_o errand_n here_o he_o say_v to_o save_v that_o which_o be_v lose_v and_o return_v again_o i_o ask_v he_o if_o he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o whâ—…e_v he_o stay_v he_o say_v he_o can_v not_o be_v detain_v according_a to_o that_o frame_n and_o figure_n he_o be_v in_o but_o after_o death_n he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o in_o another_o frame_n the_o thought_n of_o death_n grieve_v i_o but_o the_o child_n bid_v i_o not_o to_o weep_v at_o it_o for_o in_o this_o world_n that_o which_o be_v beauty_n must_v be_v destroy_v and_o that_o which_o be_v contemptible_a must_v be_v exalt_v i_o than_o see_v myself_o very_o contemptible_a and_o poor_a and_o trouble_v and_o in_o these_o thought_n the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o then_o my_o father_n come_v into_o the_o room_n make_v a_o noise_n whereat_o i_o awake_v much_o distract_v and_o trouble_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o so_o perplex_v that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o the_o more_o by_o seek_v to_o understand_v what_o i_o have_v see_v because_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o some_o doubt_n that_o lay_v very_o sad_a and_o heavy_a â—…on_n my_o soul_n but_o i_o have_v since_o find_v much_o comfort_n out_o of_o god_n word_n where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v i_o have_v call_v thou_o by_o name_n and_o again_o he_o say_v in_o another_o place_n i_o will_v bear_v in_o thou_o a_o poor_a and_o afflict_a people_n and_o they_o shall_v serve_v i_o and_o in_o esay_n he_o say_v i_o will_v gather_v my_o lamb_n with_o my_o arm_n and_o gentle_o lead_v those_o that_o be_v with_o young_a and_o then_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v never_o lay_v more_o upon_o his_o people_n than_o he_o will_v enable_v they_o to_o bear_v and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o my_o heart_n be_v lead_v out_o to_o love_n god_n who_o be_v eternal_a and_o invisible_a and_o incomprehensible_a i_o love_v he_o in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n towards_o i_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a creature_n though_o never_o so_o despise_v i_o desire_v to_o own_o god_n where_o ever_o i_o see_v he_o 2._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o full_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v be_v sometime_o trouble_v by_o some_o choleric_a distemper_n that_o have_v transport_v i_o in_o some_o dispute_n which_o i_o be_o very_o sorry_a for_o and_o resolve_v to_o leave_v 3._o i_o love_v the_o lord_n who_o have_v hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o now_o at_o last_o satisfy_v i_o in_o every_o scruple_n of_o my_o conscience_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n t._n m._n xiii_o experience_n of_o j._n h._n many_o year_n ago_o i_o have_v some_o yerning_n after_o the_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o be_v in_o the_o country_n and_o hear_v mr._n young_a a_o minister_n in_o leicestershire_n preach_v twice_o a_o day_n the_o word_n wrought_v so_o on_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o take_v great_a delight_n to_o hear_v he_o but_o be_v jeer_v by_o the_o people_n for_o a_o peritan_n i_o do_v leave_v off_o hear_v for_o a_o time_n and_o be_v in_o the_o town_n near_o mr._n young_a sometime_o as_o i_o go_v abroad_o i_o meet_v he_o and_o mr._n young_a will_v ask_v i_o whether_o i_o do_v know_v jesus_n christ_n or_o
especial_o i_o be_v give_v much_o to_o impatiency_n for_o which_o my_o husband_n have_v often_o reprove_v i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o sad_a condition_n therein_o until_o i_o come_v into_o england_n after_o which_o this_o sermon_n of_o mr._n t._n do_v much_o humble_v i_o and_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n of_o blasphemy_n against_o god_n as_o job_n say_v his_o child_n perhaps_o have_v do_v some_o way_n or_o other_o because_o i_o have_v sometime_o curse_v some_o body_n or_o something_o that_o have_v anger_v i_o and_o in_o passion_n rapt_v out_o sometime_o at_o oath_n many_o night_n i_o water_v my_o bed_n with_o my_o tear_n about_o it_o and_o go_v to_o mr._n west_n a_o minister_n near_o liverpoole_n and_o other_o godly_a people_n who_o use_v such_o mean_n as_o god_n lead_v they_o forth_o to_o for_o my_o comfort_n but_o i_o be_v still_o afflict_v in_o my_o soul_n about_o the_o space_n of_o three_o week_n and_o then_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n be_v persuade_v by_o good_a counsel_n to_o trust_v in_o god_n which_o i_o do_v and_o be_v hearty_o sorry_a for_o my_o sin_n and_o then_o my_o husband_n be_v trouble_v in_o mind_n himself_o and_o the_o lord_n make_v i_o a_o instrument_n to_o comfort_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o about_o five_o month_n after_o he_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n and_o comfort_n and_o expect_a death_n say_v that_o he_o be_v persuade_v he_o shall_v be_v kill_v and_o so_o present_o after_o he_o be_v settle_v in_o his_o mind_n it_o fall_v sad_o out_o for_o the_o enemy_n take_v liverpool_n and_o kill_v my_o husband_n and_o a_o child_n both_o before_o my_o face_n and_o strip_v and_o wound_v i_o and_o a_o child_n of_o five_o year_n old_a and_o it_o be_v think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v and_o this_o be_v a_o strong_a trial_n and_o i_o be_v much_o tempt_v my_o sense_n i_o think_v be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o my_o heart_n i_o think_v will_v have_v rend_v in_o piece_n yet_o i_o pray_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v i_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o to_o bear_v but_o i_o remember_v my_o saviour_n word_n he_o that_o will_v not_o forsake_v father_n or_o mother_n or_o sister_n or_o brother_n or_o husband_n or_o child_n for_o christ_n be_v not_o worthy_a of_o he_o and_o i_o desire_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o his_o name_n i_o consider_v that_o i_o must_v part_v with_o all_o for_o christ_n i_o strive_v hard_o against_o my_o own_o weakness_n and_o my_o heart_n say_v that_o god_n be_v just_a in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o i_o think_v when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o that_o i_o do_v but_o suffer_v as_o a_o evil_a doer_n myself_o but_o our_o cause_n be_v god_n and_o our_o enemy_n popish_a rebel_n paul_n be_v ready_a not_o only_o to_o suffer_v but_o to_o die_v at_o jerusalem_n for_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n so_o i_o take_v it_o patient_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n and_o believe_v that_o god_n who_o â—us_o come_v so_o near_o i_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o i_o be_v assure_v with_o much_o joy_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v bring_v i_o to_o himself_o and_o in_o this_o confidence_n do_v rejoice_v with_o my_o wound_a child_n and_o a_o little_a daughter_n in_o a_o barn_n where_o we_o be_v put_v have_v get_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o old_a bible_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v find_v much_o settledness_n in_o my_o faith_n from_o several_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v john_n 15.7_o if_o you_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o my_o word_n abide_v in_o you_o you_o shall_v ask_v what_o you_o will_v and_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v unto_o you_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n never_o to_o depart_v from_o his_o word_n and_o therefore_o hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n in_o the_o end_n and_o do_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o way_n in_o that_o christ_n abide_v with_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v though_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o empty_v i_o of_o some_o worldly_a comfort_n yet_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o hunger_a and_o thirst_a soul_n after_o himself_o and_o therefore_o i_o lay_v hold_v of_o this_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n as_o make_v so_o i_o matth._n 15.28_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n it_o this_o i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o much_o comfort_v in_o the_o great_a affliction_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v upon_o i_o in_o who_o alone_o be_v true_a rest_n and_o as_o further_a testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a inference_n which_o speak_v much_o peace_n to_o my_o soul_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n be_v more_o than_o to_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 2._o i_o find_v a_o great_a difference_n in_o my_o affection_n to_o god_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o the_o thing_n thereof_o so_o that_o my_o child_n which_o of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n be_v most_o hear_v and_o dear_a to_o i_o yet_o if_o god_n shall_v take_v they_o from_o i_o i_o can_v free_o give_v they_o 3._o i_o find_v the_o spirit_n strive_v against_o the_o flesh_n so_o that_o when_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n speak_v of_o that_o still_a voice_n which_o a_o believer_n hear_v aâ—_n it_o be_v from_o the_o spirit_n it_o do_v so_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n that_o for_o joy_n and_o great_a comfort_n it_o make_v i_o weep_v through_o the_o influence_n of_o the_o spirit_n sensible_o then_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o at_o other_o time_n also_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o be_v my_o great_a joy_n 4._o i_o do_v rejoice_v mighty_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o apply_v what_o i_o hear_v to_o myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n against_o any_o evil_n that_o i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n frequent_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v do_v nothing_o that_o may_v displease_v he_o and_o i_o thank_v my_o god_n i_o find_v a_o full_a willingness_n in_o desire_n and_o affection_n to_o submit_v to_o every_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n 5._o when_o i_o hear_v comfort_n speak_v of_o that_o concern_v i_o i_o be_o so_o joyful_a that_o it_o fill_v my_o heart_n and_o sometime_o fetch_v tear_n from_o my_o eye_n as_o particular_o when_o master_n m._n say_v that_o affliction_n be_v a_o testimony_n of_o god_n love_n to_o his_o people_n as_o lazarus_n be_v fore_o afflict_v and_o dear_o belove_v 6._o since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n and_o other_o as_o also_o suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n several_a thing_n lay_v open_a by_o mr._n w._n in_o some_o case_n of_o conscience_n i_o have_v be_v much_o affect_v to_o settle_v myself_o so_o by_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n that_o i_o may_v find_v peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n in_o all_o thing_n before_o i_o die_v and_o have_v make_v it_o my_o chief_a business_n and_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n my_o affection_n be_v love_v to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o i_o know_v i_o love_v they_o dear_o and_o my_o heart_n rise_v to_o hear_v they_o speak_v against_o i_o have_v rather_o bear_v reproach_n myself_o than_o than_o see_v any_o one_o of_o they_o wrong_v or_o suffer_v 8._o i_o desire_v as_o to_o live_v with_o god_n in_o glory_n in_o heaven_n so_o to_o lead_v my_o life_n to_o his_o glory_n here_o on_o earth_n in_o grace_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n therein_o express_v and_o i_o can_v hearty_o wish_v be_v it_o possible_a that_o i_o may_v never_o sin_v more_o and_o i_o have_v i_o bless_v god_n a_o clear_a discern_a through_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o word_n of_o truth_n to_o salvation_n 9_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o lord_n i_o see_v nothing_o but_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o therefore_o trust_v in_o the_o fullness_n of_o christ_n in_o who_o power_n and_o spirit_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o desire_v always_o that_o i_o may_v come_v prepare_v with_o that_o wedding_n garment_n that_o may_v never_o be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o for_o of_o myself_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o through_o christ_n if_o he_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o i_o shall_v do_v all_o thing_n m._n
that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o for_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o unfit_a for_o death_n i_o make_v promise_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o if_o he_o do_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v lead_v a_o new_a life_n and_o do_v resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o to_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o grant_v this_o request_n and_o spare_v i_o a_o while_n long_o to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n but_o notwithstanding_o my_o promise_n and_o the_o great_a deliverance_n the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v for_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o back_o from_o hell_n and_o the_o grave_a i_o have_v soon_o forget_v all_o i_o begin_v to_o love_v the_o world_n again_o and_o live_v as_o vain_o as_o before_o but_o the_o lord_n smite_v my_o conscience_n and_o sore_o trouble_v my_o spirit_n for_o this_o backslide_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n of_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v make_v to_o he_o in_o my_o sickness_n with_o great_a bitterness_n of_o heart_n and_o grief_n of_o soul_n i_o mourn_v for_o my_o fail_n and_o do_v again_o resolve_v for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v to_o keep_v more_o close_o to_o god_n and_o set_v a_o watch_n over_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o more_o vile_a i_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o my_o god_n i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v for_o jesus_n christ_n his_o sake_n to_o forgive_v all_o my_o sin_n and_o backslide_n which_o i_o then_o be_v grieve_v for_o with_o loathe_v more_o than_o ever_o before_o my_o conscience_n be_v so_o wound_v and_o my_o soul_n cast_v down_o in_o so_o great_a a_o conflict_n that_o my_o spirit_n be_v almost_o dry_v up_o and_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o grow_v weary_a and_o faint_a with_o cry_v and_o groan_v after_o my_o saviour_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o humble_v i_o still_o more_o and_o more_o and_o to_o try_v i_o further_o as_o gold_n be_v try_v in_o the_o fire_n and_o my_o affliction_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o by_o satan_n malice_n who_o tempt_v i_o with_o evil_a thought_n which_o be_v grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v pray_v with_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v the_o devil_n put_v thought_n into_o my_o mind_n quite_o contrary_a to_o the_o frame_n of_o a_o pray_a spirit_n when_o i_o have_v read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n he_o tempt_v i_o with_o doubt_n and_o question_n touch_v some_o thing_n therein_o whether_o it_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o and_o satan_n follow_v his_o temptation_n so_o close_o upon_o i_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o repulse_v one_o temptation_n the_o devil_n assault_v i_o with_o another_o so_o that_o i_o have_v scarce_o time_n to_o fetch_v my_o breath_n one_o temptation_n follow_v so_o close_o upon_o another_o be_v trouble_v much_o in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v tempt_v to_o discontent_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o take_v away_o these_o temptation_n from_o i_o and_o in_o anger_n fall_v into_o some_o great_a passion_n even_o near_o unto_o desperation_n and_o i_o be_v sore_o bussete_v by_o the_o devil_n in_o this_o my_o low_a extremity_n who_o assault_v i_o with_o fresh_a temptation_n of_o blasphemous_a thought_n touch_v god_n so_o that_o when_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v seek_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o have_v name_v god_n he_o will_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o object_n of_o the_o brute_n creature_n and_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o creator_n and_o be_v plead_v a_o promise_n he_o bring_v a_o curse_n to_o my_o thought_n thus_o be_v i_o repulse_v in_o all_o duty_n by_o satan_n terrify_n my_o soul_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o seek_v for_o salvation_n because_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o god_n by_o his_o word_n have_v declare_v shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v because_o i_o be_v discontent_v that_o the_o lord_n after_o all_o my_o address_n to_o he_o have_v not_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n to_o resist_v satan_n and_o say_v in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n to_o my_o god_n far_o be_v it_o from_o i_o o_o lord_n to_o be_v offend_v with_o thou_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v this_o resolution_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o do_v protest_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v see_v nothing_o but_o hell_n before_o i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n until_o he_o please_v to_o send_v i_o deliverance_n i_o make_v my_o case_n know_v to_o a_o dear_a friend_n who_o give_v i_o some_o comfort_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o sin_v wilful_o by_o perpetual_a despite_n against_o god_n i_o find_v a_o clear_a testimony_n in_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o despit_v the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o i_o have_v not_o sin_v willing_o against_o god_n for_o i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o affliction_n to_o i_o to_o be_v rempt_v with_o evil_a thought_n touch_v the_o lord_n though_o i_o consent_v not_o to_o they_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n grieve_v that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o then_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n by_o often_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n i_o pour_v forth_o my_o sinful_a soul_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o god_n mercy_n exalt_v free_a grace_n and_o plead_v the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o will_v appear_v in_o the_o conversion_n of_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o have_v be_v methinks_v it_o seem_v to_o exalt_v god_n mercy_n and_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a manifestation_n of_o free_a grace_n in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v to_o the_o great_a glory_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o unspeakable_a comfort_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o himself_o now_o when_o by_o the_o divine_a power_n of_o god_n my_o heart_n be_v thus_o resolve_v to_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o to_o wait_v upon_o he_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o to_o my_o comfort_n the_o example_n of_o jesus_n christ_n who_o have_v no_o sin_n in_o himself_o yet_o he_o be_v tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o likewise_o of_o paul_n how_o satan_n send_v send_v a_o messenger_n to_o buffet_v he_o who_o then_o pray_v unto_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o power_n be_v make_v know_v in_o thy_o weakness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o to_o think_v if_o christ_n himself_o be_v tempt_v if_o the_o child_n of_o god_n who_o have_v be_v eminent_a example_n have_v lie_v under_o temptation_n and_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o his_o promise_n have_v strengthen_v and_o deliver_v they_o there_o be_v hope_n for_o i_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o have_v since_o find_v great_a consolation_n in_o many_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v reveal_v in_o his_o word_n which_o i_o have_v plead_v before_o he_o some_o of_o which_o follow_v isaiah_n 50.10_o who_o be_v among_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o have_v no_o light_n let_v he_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v upon_o his_o god_n i_o apply_v this_o promise_n thus_o i_o have_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n but_o god_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o fear_v he_o and_o a_o willingness_n to_o obey_v my_o saviour_n and_o a_o resolution_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o know_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n and_o matth._n 12.20_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n the_o lord_n have_v break_v and_o bruise_v i_o in_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n and_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o rely_v upon_o he_o i_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v in_o the_o end_n give_v i_o victory_n through_o
lie_v under_o 4._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o great_a fear_n in_o the_o time_n of_o our_o civil_a war_n 5._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o spiritual_a desertion_n by_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n and_o favour_n from_o i_o or_o by_o reason_n of_o weakness_n and_o want_v in_o grace_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o strong_a and_o prevail_a corruption_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o satan_n temptation_n in_o all_o these_o case_n i_o have_v experience_v god_n gracious_a dispensation_n towards_o i_o of_o which_o i_o shall_v set_v down_o a_o few_o it_o please_v god_n for_o many_o year_n to_o keep_v i_o for_o the_o most_o part_n in_o a_o sad_a and_o desolate_a estate_n and_o condition_n not_o clear_o evidence_v the_o certain_a assurance_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v a_o child_n of_o god_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o have_v part_n in_o jesus_n christ_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o shall_v ever_o attain_v to_o life_n and_o salvation_n or_o no_o and_o this_o make_v i_o walk_v with_o a_o droop_a and_o disconsolate_a spirit_n so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o sure_a comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n but_o though_o heaviness_n endure_v for_o a_o night_n yet_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n when_o the_o lord_n cause_v the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o which_o be_v better_a than_o life_n it_o please_v god_n upon_o the_o death_n of_o my_o young_a child_n that_o it_o lay_v very_o heavy_a upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v bring_v oft_o upon_o my_o knee_n to_o beg_v support_n from_o god_n and_o to_o crave_v his_o grace_n and_o assistance_n that_o i_o may_v not_o break_v out_o to_o speak_v or_o act_v any_o thing_n whereby_o god_n name_v may_v be_v dishonour_v or_o the_o gospel_n discredit_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o make_v up_o this_o outward_a loss_n with_o some_o more_o durable_a and_o spiritual_a good_a and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o return_v a_o gracious_a and_o speedy_a answer_n to_o these_o my_o request_n for_o though_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o burden_n of_o that_o loss_n yet_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o due_a time_n do_v sweet_o manifest_v his_o special_a love_n to_o my_o soul_n assure_v i_o that_o he_o be_v my_o gracious_a and_o reconcile_a father_n in_o christ_n whereby_o my_o love_n to_o he_o be_v much_o increase_v and_o even_o inflame_v so_o that_o by_o his_o grace_n it_o wrought_v in_o i_o more_o diligence_n and_o carefulness_n to_o maintain_v and_o preserve_v these_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o to_o yield_v a_o lively_a submission_n unto_o his_o will_n as_o well_o in_o suffer_v as_o in_o do_v as_o also_o by_o avoid_v whatsoever_o may_v provoke_v he_o to_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n from_o i_o without_o the_o sense_n whereof_o i_o can_v take_v little_a or_o no_o comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o furthermore_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o it_o and_o speak_v it_o to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n my_o prayer_n and_o earnest_a desire_n have_v be_v answer_v by_o god_n give_v i_o comfortable_a assurance_n both_o from_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o witness_n of_o his_o bless_a spirit_n of_o my_o eternal_a and_o everlasting_a salvation_n in_o and_o by_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o have_v i_o not_o be_v without_o fear_n and_o doubt_v many_o time_n through_o want_n of_o look_v over_o my_o evidence_n or_o by_o neglect_v to_o keep_v a_o narrow_a watch_n over_o my_o heart_n or_o from_o some_o weakness_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o all_o through_o my_o own_o default_n and_o negligence_n the_o lord_n pardon_v it_o and_o make_v i_o more_o circumspect_a for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v by_o all_o these_o i_o have_v gain_v this_o experience_n 1._o that_o god_n be_v true_a and_o faithful_a in_o make_v good_a all_o his_o promise_n seasonable_o unto_o we_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o our_o good_a and_o that_o god_n will_v never_o leave_v we_o nor_o forsake_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2._o that_o it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o wait_v upon_o god_n and_o â—o_o seek_v unto_o he_o in_o our_o strait_n who_o be_v more_o ready_a to_o hear_v than_o we_o be_v to_o ask_v 3._o that_o i_o desire_v to_o see_v yea_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o the_o vanity_n and_o uncertainty_n of_o the_o most_o satisfy_a comfort_n that_o this_o world_n can_v afford_v and_o what_o a_o emptiness_n there_o be_v in_o they_o that_o so_o i_o may_v and_o i_o desire_v so_o to_o do_v keep_v wean_v affection_n towards_o they_o and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o they_o that_o i_o may_v be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o they_o when_o god_n call_v they_o from_o i_o or_o i_o from_o they_o again_o in_o regard_n of_o bodily_a weakness_n and_o sickness_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o 1._o that_o as_o a_o break_a shoulder_n can_v bear_v no_o burden_n so_o the_o least_o distemper_n when_o the_o heart_n be_v not_o in_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o temper_n be_v a_o burden_n insupportable_a if_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o and_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o deny_v to_o assist_v we_o by_o his_o strength_n we_o can_v neither_o do_v nor_o suffer_v any_o thing_n and_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v by_o experience_n that_o i_o can_v with_o much_o cheerfulness_n holy_a submission_n and_o willingness_n bear_v great_a distemper_n when_o i_o enjoy_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n in_o they_o so_o that_o then_o i_o can_v ready_o say_v good_a be_v the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n as_o well_o as_o his_o word_n and_o i_o will_v bear_v the_o indignation_n of_o the_o lord_n because_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o he_o micah_n 7.9_o and_o job_n 13.15_o though_o he_o slay_v i_o yet_o will_v i_o trust_v in_o he_o 2._o i_o find_v by_o experience_n also_o that_o by_o my_o pain_n and_o sickness_n i_o be_v the_o better_a able_a to_o sympathize_v with_o and_o to_o pity_n and_o pray_v for_o other_o in_o the_o like_a case_n 3._o hereby_o i_o learn_v the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n and_o that_o upon_o several_a account_n namely_o because_o in_o health_n we_o have_v liberty_n and_o opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v the_o public_a ordinance_n with_o other_o of_o god_n people_n whereby_o the_o grace_n of_o true_a christian_n be_v quicken_v strengthen_v and_o increase_v in_o we_o which_o otherwise_o by_o reason_n of_o our_o corrupt_a nature_n be_v apt_a to_o grow_v cold_a and_o languish_v as_o will_v our_o body_n if_o they_o want_v food_n again_o because_o in_o health_n we_o enjoy_v the_o benefit_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o sweet_a and_o quiet_a sleep_n which_o much_o refresh_v and_o cheer_v and_o which_o common_o we_o want_v in_o sickness_n last_o because_o in_o health_n we_o find_v sweet_a satisfy_v comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o god_n good_a creature_n whereas_o in_o sickness_n the_o dainty_a food_n be_v loathsome_a and_o troublesome_a the_o consideration_n of_o these_o thing_n make_v i_o the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n to_o be_v very_o thankful_a for_o it_o and_o the_o more_o careful_a to_o employ_v and_o improve_v health_n and_o strength_n to_o god_n glory_n and_o the_o furtherance_n of_o my_o own_o salvation_n in_o regard_n of_o public_a danger_n i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n towards_o i_o and_o my_o several_a time_n for_o when_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n and_o distraction_n 1642._o i_o be_v sometime_o over_o whelm_v with_o weak_a and_o distrustful_a fear_n occasion_v by_o my_o not_o act_v faith_n upon_o the_o promise_n and_o not_o remember_v my_o former_a experience_n nor_o consider_v god_n love_n power_n and_o fidelity_n to_o his_o child_n in_o perform_v his_o so_o many_o gracious_a promise_n make_v unto_o they_o in_o all_o estate_n and_o condition_n and_o to_o i_o among_o the_o rest_n hereupon_o i_o resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n and_o assistance_n not_o to_o give_v way_n to_o this_o distrust_n and_o diffidence_n pray_v god_n to_o assist_v i_o therein_o and_o find_v more_o courage_n than_o former_o so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n though_o true_o the_o heart_n be_v very_o deceitful_a as_o i_o have_v find_v by_o sad_a experience_n the_o lord_n teach_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o rely_v upon_o he_o with_o more_o courage_n and_o constancy_n and_o more_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n upon_o his_o promise_n than_o former_o i_o have_v do_v indeed_o i_o have_v be_v apt_a to_o fall_v into_o new_a fear_n upon_o approach_a danger_n yet_o upon_o success_n and_o glorious_a deliverance_n i_o have_v oft_o resolve_v never_o to_o distrust_v god_n again_o and_o yet_o my_o naughty_a heart_n have_v deceive_v i_o and_o make_v i_o ready_a to_o faint_v
walk_v upright_o that_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n and_o have_v the_o use_n of_o his_o sense_n and_o reason_n shall_v use_v they_o to_o the_o defy_v of_o his_o creator_n but_o though_o this_o be_v a_o good_a beginning_n towards_o my_o conversion_n to_o find_v my_o conscience_n touch_v for_o my_o sin_n yet_o it_o go_v off_o again_o yet_o all_o my_o life_n long_o i_o have_v a_o secret_a value_n and_o reverence_n for_o a_o honest_a man_n and_o love_a morality_n in_o other_o but_o i_o have_v form_v a_o odd_a scheme_n of_o religion_n to_o myself_o which_o will_v solve_v all_o that_o god_n or_o conscience_n may_v force_v upon_o i_o yet_o i_o be_v not_o ever_o well_o reconcile_v to_o the_o business_n of_o religion_n nor_o have_v that_o reverence_n for_o the_o gospel_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v this_o estate_n of_o mind_n continue_v till_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n be_v read_v to_o he_o wherein_o there_o be_v a_o lively_a description_n of_o the_o suffering_n of_o our_o saviour_n and_o the_o benefit_n thereof_o and_o some_o other_o portion_n of_o scripture_n by_o the_o power_n and_o efficacy_n of_o which_o word_n assist_v by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n god_n so_o wrought_v upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o declare_v that_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o passion_n appear_v so_o clear_a and_o plain_a to_o he_o as_o ever_o any_o thing_n do_v that_o be_v represent_v in_o a_o glass_n so_o that_o the_o joy_n and_o admiration_n which_o possess_v his_o soul_n upon_o the_o read_n of_o god_n word_n to_o he_o be_v remarkable_a to_o all_o about_o he_o and_o he_o have_v so_o much_o delight_n in_o his_o testimony_n that_o he_o beg_v his_o mother_n and_o lady_n to_o read_v the_o same_o to_o he_o frequent_o and_o be_v unsatisfied_a notwithstanding_o his_o great_a pain_n and_o weakness_n till_o he_o have_v learn_v especial_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n with_o out_o book_n compare_v this_o prophecy_n with_o the_o passion_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o evangelist_n and_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v clear_o foretell_v by_o the_o prophet_n some_o hundred_o of_o year_n before_o it_o be_v accomplish_v and_o this_o consideration_n have_v such_o mighty_a influence_n upon_o his_o soul_n and_o strengthen_v his_o faith_n that_o afterward_o he_o never_o have_v the_o least_o doubt_n about_o the_o certainty_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o eternal_a salvation_n by_o jesus_n christ_n he_o say_v the_o in_o the_o first_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n the_o prophet_n declare_v what_o great_a opposition_n the_o doctrine_n of_o christ_n crucify_a will_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n from_o such_o obstinate_a sinner_n as_o he_o be_v who_o have_v believe_v our_o report_n and_o to_o who_o be_v the_o arm_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v and_o that_o the_o lowliness_n of_o his_o condition_n and_o person_n upon_o earth_n will_v cause_v weak_a and_o inconsider_v man_n to_o undervalue_v he_o because_o he_o do_v not_o appear_v with_o the_o vain_a splendour_n &_o pomp_n wherein_o they_o be_v please_v this_o he_o say_v be_v plain_o predict_v in_o the_o second_o verse_n he_o have_v no_o form_n of_o comeliness_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v see_v he_o there_o be_v no_o beauty_n that_o we_o shall_v desire_v he_o at_o the_o same_o time_n discourse_v of_o the_o manner_n of_o his_o youth_n up_o which_o all_o man_n know_v be_v too_o too_o much_o devote_v to_o the_o service_n of_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lust_n of_o the_o flesh_n of_o the_o eye_n and_o the_o pride_n of_o life_n have_v captivate_v he_o he_o be_v very_o large_a and_o particular_a in_o his_o acknowledgement_n about_o it_o and_o more_o ready_a to_o accuse_v himself_o than_o any_o other_o can_v be_v public_o cry_v out_o o_o bless_v god_n can_v such_o a_o horrid_a creature_n as_o i_o be_o be_v accept_v by_o thou_o who_o have_v deny_v thy_o be_v and_o contemn_v thy_o power_n can_v there_o be_v pardon_n and_o mercy_n for_o i_o will_v god_n own_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o be_o shall_v the_o unspeakable_a joy_n 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