me and lie in my bosome and rise in the morning more strong then at night Ah when my former holy life shall be more terrible then others wicked lives When my former prayers shall be like the gall of Aspes unto me when those duties which should be my comfort are my terrour Alas what can my poor soul do when my present sins and my past duties which of them are the heaviest burthen unto me I do not know what shall I do When I consider these things then the thoughts of the affliction that lies upon me makes me weep a tear or two and my vain heart my deceitfull heart would perswade me that I weep for my sins Those in desertion are in a blessed condition to me they are sad and I am miserable I am guilty of that which their consciences do but accuse them of Alas have I lost my communion with God my sweet communion and the power I had to prevail with him for any mercy almost that I praied for now I can pray and pray and pray and go away without a blessing I can almost be content to be wicked Thou knowest mine heart or else my tears would deceive thee as well as me If they are worldly thoughts that have estranged me from thee thou knowest how to cure me If mine utter impoverishings will cure me let me be as poor as Job If thou wast not such a Physician as thou art I was past thy cure Meditat. III. Lord I am come now to pour out my soul before thee and my tears into thy bosome to tell thee the sad thoughts and sorrows of my heart Ah my God In this bitternesse of my soul and with tears in mine eyes and pride in my heart and sencelesnesse upon my spirit I speak these things Ah Lord thou hast scourged me with scorpions for my sins do encrease as well as my afflictions these afflictions to me are scorpions to me they have poison in them and at once I am scourged and stung with them a sad ease it is when my punishment is heavier then I can bear and yet notwithstanding I go from the presence of God too and that more and more My tears dry up in mine eyes and my love goes out of my heart as soon as kindled When the Candle of the Lord shined upon my Tabernacle in my first conversion when the fire of thy love was kindled in my heart I have had some discourses of devotion that I was not able to bear the ravishment that the remembrance and meditation of them brought to my soul now almost as full of sadnesse as then of joy after those times as those after the Floud My joys and the acts and workings of my grace grew very short-lived in comparison of what they were before Then they were Methusalems for age and Sampsons for strength to what they are now Before though I fell spiritually sick and my strength and comfort was gone yet I was sensible of my weaknesse it was a pain and a grief unto me that I could not walk into the delightful garden of the Spouse and to the sweet bed of his Spices I could weep for want of tears if not I could mourn for want of sorrow but now like a man that hath groaned and strugled so long that he can struggle no longer but grown sencelesse can hardly be perceived to breathe or live If the sweetest musick should be plaid by him or the dearest friend in the world should come and ask him with tears in his eyes Dear Husband or Dear Wife how do you the poor sick one doth not so much as open the eye to see who it is that speaks or if open them they being presently heavy with death fall down again and he dies So is it with my poor soul sometimes I can hear my Saviour as it were saying unto me for sometimes methinks I see him about my sick soul Ah poor Soul how dost thou do Is my Joseph yet living But alas Lord thou knowest I have scarce strength or life to lift up mine eye to thee Lord Can these bones live Can these dry eyes weep Can this frozen heart be enflamed Meditat. IV. Lord I am ashamed to consider what I know of thee when I think what I do for thee Ah my God the cares of the world lie heavy upon me Resolutions though never so strong are too weak to overcome my corruptions Alas I can scarce say any more then I have said in the confessing and bewailing my sad spirituall condition though I have said nothing to what I should say Have I not told thee Lord with tears in mine eyes and with a sad heart that I found my corruptions get ground of me my prayers my tears my resolutions and some endeavours do resist but cannot overcome them these keep them from prevailing so soon but not from prevailing I humbly confesse or desire so to do that I may complain to thee but I should adde to mine abominations exceedingly if I should complain of thee Mine heart doth almost tempt me to it when I consider what I was and what I am It is as a Talent of Lead upon my Soul yet since by my preaching thou art glorified and thy people edified more then if I should spend all my time in private Meditation I am willing to submit only I do humbly beseech thee with tears in mine eyes that though I have lesse time to spend in such private duties yet that my poor soul may not lose her love to them and though I perform fewer duties I may not perform them worse then I did when I performed more Meditat. V. I do much wonder at my self and at many nay somewhat at all Christians upon daies of humiliation but most at my self to hear the tongue of a poor Christian confessing and his eyes weeping for his sins and speaking of them with such expressions and such sighs that one would think Surely this Christian keeps a strict Communion with God surely he would not sin for a world surely God is in all this mans thoughts and yet stay but whilest he hath done his praier and you finde in him such strong thoughts words and actions that are almost incredible loose and idle words and vain thoughts I but too often experience makes it even past hope it should be otherwise with me If any Town that was straitly besieged with cruel enemies should send for aid to such or such and when they came they should send out most of the Town to joyn with the enemy against those that came to help them What we would say of such people Lord just thus are we We have a world of corruptions and temptations sin and hell and Satan all beset us all beset us and violently assault us we pray for the help of God against them day after day We send our prayers to Heaven for assistance Well God doth send his holy Spirit to help this poor soul In the Ministery of the Word tels us
for one that is very poor to give The next Rule is Let this penalty be alwaies of something that is materially good as giving to the poor spending some time in reading of Scripture for as for Popish penances as whipping Pilgrimages and such like they are unprofitable and ridiculous The next Rule is Let this penalty be alwaies some holy duty that is most contrary to thy Master sin as if thy Master sin be Covetousnesse let it be almes if it be voluptuousnesse let it be fasting with praier or abstaining wholly for a time from that wherein thou most delightest c. The next Rule is Let your Vows be rather against the outward then the inward acts of sin rather against speaking angrily then being angry for though inward acts of sinne are worse yet they are not so much in our power The next Rule is If your Vows are concerning doing holy duties it is better to vow to spend so much time in reading holy Scripture or such like then to vow to reade so many Chapters for thou wilt be tempted to reade them over too fast that thou maist have ended whereas if it be so much time that thou hast resolved to spend thou wilt not be so subject to this temptation CHAP. XI Rules for the concluding of Meditation 1. THou art earnestly to beg of God strength to perform whatever thou hast resolved to do in his service This must be done fervently though briefly and humbly proceeding from an earnest desire to do what thou hast promised and resolved and also from an humble sense of thine inability to perform it 2. The second duty is thanksgiving if thou shalt perceive any heavenly warmth of love or spiritual hatred of sin or any other spiritual effect wrought in thy heart thou art to give God the glory and not to rejoyce in thy self but in the Lord but thou art to rejoyce with trembling knowing that if thou art puft up though thou hast the will to do good wrought in thee yet if thou provokest him he can stop it that thou shalt never be able to do what thou resolvest to do The first is an humble acknowledgement of our failings in the performing of this duty For if we were not geeen wood that love which is now but a spark would have been a flame God is not wanting unto us but we are wanting to our selves and him After these are performed there remaineth three duties more 1. We are to remember what Vows and promises we have made and it is very useful to write down all thy Vows as thou makest them in a Book because that we shall else be subject to forget the Vow or the time or conditions upon which we made it And it is good to have a Book to keep a Register of things in it besides a Diary which I have spoken of and given Rules for in a Manuall entituled A Directory to Christian Perfection 1. Let one head be for which you are to leave some leaves for Vows under which you must write all your Vows or Resolutions as you make them or spiritual promises for Christians and such like The second must be for the mercies of God eminent deliverances and also answers of Praiers These are to be set down with all pertinent circumstances that may any way encrease the mercy The third head should be for grosser failings which were good to be writ down not in letters at length that every one may reade them but in characters known only to our selves There are other things which because I do not now speak purposely of that businesse I omit The second thing after Meditation is ended is to remember what passages in our Meditation did most affect us and as it were to lay them up in our thoughts that frequently we may in the rest of the day think of them As when we walk in a garden we content not our selves with enjoying the fragrancy of the flowers while we are there but if we may have leave we often gather a Nosegay to smell of the rest of the day In this businesse of Meditation do thou likewise The third duty after Meditation is by degrees warily and unwillingly to go out of the presence of God to worldly emploiments Do not go from the presence of God as a bird out of the snare with joy and with speed And thou must go also watchfully and warily from such emploiments as one that carries some precious liquor in a shallow broad brittle dish he looks to his way to the dish and liquor that is in it lest by holding of it awry by fals or stumblings he should spill the one or break the other So must thou be watchfull over thy waies else the grace that God hath powred into thy heart in this duty will be spilt To rush into holy duties or out of them argues too great undervaluing of the things of God Instances OF Solemn Occasionall MEDITATION Meditation 1 ALas my God I am in a sad condition mine afflictions grow daily upon me and that which is mine unsupportable misery my corruptions grow faster upon me then my affliction What before made me weep will not now make me sigh The heavy burthen of a great abomination doth not lie upon me so much as before I was oppressed with a vain thought in my praiers Alas Lord alas I am undone alas my corruptions have almost made me love them and make me weary of duties and carelesse of graces My joys are gone and my sorrows are gone that were sutable to thy Word and now my joys are but the laughter of fools and my sorrows are carnall sensuall and more of hell in them then of heaven and as now I can scarce tell my sorrows so have I scarce any sorrow to tell I have sate down and wept to consider the great decays of holinesse in me but now I can see my God going from me and whenas now he is even out of sight mine eyes are as dry as my heart is hard Alas Lord if thou wilt not return thou wilt lose a poor soul that hath loved thee and is somewhat troubled Now poor sad soul that it is so wicked as it is Meditat. II. Lord thou seest the strange distempered temper of mine heart and spirit ah blessed God I should take more comfort if I should see my heart-bloud running forth before mine eye then to see mine eyes so dry and my heart so hard I have worn out almost all motives to holinesse they now take no impression in me which before were too strong for me to bear they ravisht me which now do not move me I scarce ever go to prayer but I have enough and too many spirituall complaints to employ it to express If every day I had not just cause to bewail a continued decay of grace I might have some respit of my griefs But what shall I now do When every day shall bear witnesse against me and every night my sin shall go to bed with
out on others I am not moved nay those very Stories and sayings which have formerly inflamed me now are as sparks falling into the Sea warms not at all alas when I shall meet thee at the last day thy mercies they shall testifie against me when they shall witnesse my slieghtings of them my fruitlesnesse under them and unthankfulnesse for them What can I say Alas my poor soul we are undone but that day is not come yet one hour more the Lord it may be will give me Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Come into my poor soul for I am afraid to meet thee at the Tribunal of thy judgement If thou wert on the earth methinks I could go with confidence to thee that thou wouldest hear me but now thou art in heaven I cannot Blessed are they who have not seen and yet beleeve Lord I have received double for all my sinnes in respect of any profit or pleasure I have had by them I have had full measure prest down and running over but alas my vexation of spirit is more gall then all the pleasure that I have had that have been worldly the losse and want of the discoveries of thy love cannot be recompensed with all that the world hath thy loves are better then wine indeed in respect of the offence to thee every prayer deserves hell Meditat. XLV Lord I am as afraid of comforts as of terrours for when I have comforts I am subject to pride my self in them and in stead of having sweet thoughts of thee have high thoughts of my self Afflictions breed sorrow and comforts pride Sorrow is better then pride My preaching is my temptation and my accuser If I preach not the strictest waies of God my negligence condemns me and if I do my Sermons condemn me For my life is hell I am afraid of publishing something I have by the help of thy Spirit written lest my life should do more harm by scandal then the writings should do good by directing to holinesse and yet sometimes I think that if I publish and own such writings they would be a strong engagement to live more holily But I have something against that also for that Motive would in short time lose its strength Such waxen wings would melt and let me fall to my former waies and that holinesse which is born up with such carnal motives is a poor thing Lord how am I distracted and torn in peeces with these thoughts Nay Lord if thou wilt have me go with these burthens on my soul do whatever seems good in thine eyes If I may but drudge in thy house though I lie among the pots yet to be a skullion in thy house is better then to sit at the Table of Princes Lord I am undone except thou work a miracle of mercy yet if I am undone it may before thou givest me over and discoverest me to the world thou wilt let me do something more that may glorifie thee and edifie the people nay it may be thou maist suffer me as long as I live to do much of which thou maist have glory Lord if my heart be not upright yet O that my actions and my Preachings may be such that men seeing and hearing them may be stirred up to glorifie thee by doing those things sincerely which I it may be do out of hypocrisie I am sure too much hypocrisie Lord I have begged for such a heart as may not deceive me nor dishonour thee O my God What shall I do Nay Lord what wilt thou do I am undone unless thou dost work mightily above all I can speak or think according to that mighty power wherewith thou didst raise the Lord from the dead O that I might be so raised that I might return no more to corruption Meditat. XLVI By this I know and am sensible It is not for any man to live by his own strength by my knowing how impossible it is for a sick man to recover without thee If a living man cannot speak how can a condemned man live without thee If living bones cannot move how can dry bones live Lord thou meetest me not at duties thou speakest not to me there thou speakest to me in mercies and I answer not in judgements and I carry my self as a sleepy man that is unwilling to be awaked What wilt thou do with me Lord when I will neither speak to thee nor answer thee when thou speakest O the weaknesse of my graces and the power of thy mercies Those sinnes I have had a minde to commit thou hast taken from me the opportunity to commit It is a comfort to me that I had not opportunity but it would be a greater comfort not to have a minde An Instance according to the Rules given for meditating on the Scripture A Meditation on these words ISA. 66.2 But to this man will I look even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit and trembleth at my Word 1. LET us seriously consider O my Soul That if an Angel or God himself from Heaven had spoken these words in our hearing as once Christ did to Paul when he was going to Damascus surely I think they would have very much affected us Is the Word of God lesse his Word because it is written I reade that the Apostle 2 Pet. 1.17 18 19. speaking of a voice that he himself heard from Heaven saith that he had a more sure word of Prophecy that is as I conceive that he was no lesse sure that the words of the Prophets were the very words of God then those that he heard with his ears Then let us not be lesse affected with these words then if we our selves had heard God himself speak them 2. Nor let us think that they lesse concern us then if we had earnestly begged of God to tell us what he would have us to be and do and as an Answer of our praiers we had heard him speak to us from heaven in particular To this man will I look that is of a poor and contrite spirit and trembleth at my Word For doubtlesse God hath not caused his Word to be written in vain at a venture for whomsoever should reade it but knew not who they were should reade it but he knew every particular person to whose hand his Word should come and knew his Word should come to my hands and I should reade these very words and therefore caused them to be written in particular for my sake though not exclusively Christ died for all his people yet Paul saith that he loved me and gave himself for me and Christ did think particularly of Paul and so of every one else for whom he died and gave himself up as a Sacrifice and ransome particularly thinking on and intending every one that should be saved by his death If a Minister should go to one that is given to Swearing and tell him of the hainousnesse of that sin and lay it home to his conscience in private it generally doth affect him
manner and ends of his actions and a thousand other distempers and corruptions for such an one to have high thoughts of himself is one would think impossible But that as to God nothing is impossible that argues power so to such a heart as every one hath by nature nothing is impossible that argues sinne and we have more cause to wonder that we have not committed the sinne against the holy Ghost then that we have done the evils that we have For certainly had God but given us up to the strength of our own corruptions and to Satans subtlety and malice to improve them we had committed that sinne long agoe and alas what good doth the high esteem of others do us Are we ever a whit the more holy because they think us so Nay hath it not proved a means to make us more sinful God hath abundantly declared his wrath against this sin by that vengeance which he hath poured out upon Satan for being guilty of it How many severe threatnings are there in the Word of God against pride and how many precious promises to those that are humble The Lord beholds the proud afar off but to this man will he look that is of a poor and contrite spirit and trembles at his Word 3. What are the things that cause thee to pride thy self Are they thy gifts either of edification or sanctification Consider that 1. They are very mean scarce any of thy calling hath weaker gifts of edification and no Saint under heaven hath weaket gifts of sanctification 2. Suppose thy gifts were great O what a heavy account must there be for mispending such talents What way canst thou worse mispend them then by priding thy self in them Do men praise thee Alas thou maist go to hell with their praises for so did the Scribes and Pharisees Do all men speak well of thee and dost thou pride thy self and rejoyce in that Fear and tremble at what our Saviour saith Woe unto you when all men speak well of you for so did their Fathers of the false Prophets 3. Consider how unkindely thou dealest with God thou dost as a woman that should deck her self with the jewels that her husband had given her nay that she should give away these Jewels to those with whom she plaied the harlot the more to entice them Is not this the act of an imperious whorish woman as God himself doth phrase it Ezek. 16.30 and do but reade that Chapter and you shall see whether you have not abused all the blessings of God more then they did They spent them in honour to and in worshiping of Idols and can one make a baser Idol in the world to fall down and worship it then ones self 4. Let us consider what are the remedies of this sin 1. Consider how much hell there is in thy heart What a base and vile wretched nature thou hast Consider what the Scripture speaks of men in their natural condition and be sure the Scripture which was written by the Spirit of God doth not use to do as those vain men do who when they praise or dispraise care not whether their expressions are true or false so they be high enough and they rather strive to speak as much as they can then as much as they ought surely whatsoever the Scripture hath spoken is made good to the utmost by those that are in hell and would by every man on earth did God withdraw his restraining sanctifying grace and were those sparks of hellfire that is in every one by nature blown up to a flame and heightned by those sufferings that are there inflicted 2. Consider how little good and how much corruption there is in our best actions from what carnal principles upon what carnal grounds and for what carnal ends we perform our holy duties surely there is more sinne in our best actions then ever yet we have discovered in our greatest abominations Do but meditate upon those severall considerations set down in the meditation of our sins and it will be a great preservative and remedy against pride Lastly Resolve with thy self never unless the glory of God may thereby be advanced to speak or do any thing that may cause others to have high thoughts of thee or at least not to that end Whatever good duties thou dost whether of prayer or alms c. as secretly as may be Let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doth Though thou art exceedingly to be humbled for thy sins because they offend and dishonour God and scandalize Religion yet let not this at all trouble thee that thereby the esteem that men have of thee is much abated To conclude pray earnestly as if thou wert to pray for thy life for it is thy life that God would humble thee desire God to afflict thee or use any means that he would sanctifie to that end and when thou hast finisht thy Meditation consider what passage hath most affected thee and keep it in thy thoughts that by often thinking of it thou maist be humbled and made to be of a poor and a contrite spirit that God may delight in thee and that thou maist delight in him Now to the King eternal the immortall invisible and only wise God be honour and glory for ever and ever Amen MEDITAT I. Of the End for which we were Created Preparation 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Desire of God to assist thee with his Spirit Considerations 1. Consider God did not create thee for any need he had of thee for though thou shouldest doe all that he commands thee thou art an unprofitable servant to him and thou comest wonderfully short of doing what God commands but only to declare and exercise his bounty and goodnesse to thee in bestowing upon thee his grace in this life and his glory in the life to come but as it is in Deuteronomy plainly set down Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and all thy strength and all thy minde and to this end he hath enriched thee with understanding to know him Remembrance to be mindefull of him Will to love him Imagination to represent his benefits to thy thoughts eyes to behold the wonders of his works and a tongu to praise him c. 1. Thou being fully convinced of this thou wilt plainly see that it evidently follows which is the next thing to consider that whatsoever is contrary to this end that hinders thee in or from knowing loving serving and enjoying of God must be avoided and abhorred as the greatest mischief that can befall thee in the whole world 2. The second thing that plainly follows from this is That thou shouldest be little or nothing troubled for the losse of any thing which though thou losest thou maist notwithstanding serve God thou maist lose thy riches and yet thou maist be holy therefore thou must not mourn nor grieve for the loss of friends of health c. 3. Nor
A METHOD AND INSTRUCTIONS for the Art of Divine Meditation WITH Instances of the severall Kindes of Solemne MEDITATION By THOMAS WHITE Minister of Gods Word in London May 28. 1655. Imprimatur Edm. Calamy LONDON Printed by A. M. for Joseph Cranford at the Signe of the Phoenix in St Pauls Church yard near the Little North. Do ot 1655. To the Reverend and my much Honoured BRETHREN FATHERS the Presbyterian Ministers Of the GOSPEL within the Province of LONDON Brethren and Fathers I Have long since seriously considered since the Church hath been so much divided among us with whom to close and where to fix and I have endeavoured to observe both the publique and private actions the Tenents and conversations of those Ministers that were of divers judgements and I doe publikely profess that those Ministers which have and still doe own Provincial Assemblies are for their Piety Orthodoxness Christian Simplicity for their powerfull spiritual frequent practicall Preaching eminent These are the things which long agoe have made me cordially to honor you though since my intimate acquaintance with many of you hath much encreased and confirmed my high thoughts of you and I think I may confidently say that under the whole Heaven there is not any City or Nation to be found that may be compared to London and England for powerfull spirituall practical Preaching And I may say that the Ministry of England is the Glory of the world and that London is the Paradise of England yet though I have long honoured you I have not had any opportunity to testifie it therefore I thought good having this small Treatise to publish with it to publish how much I honor you Though I am very sensible how little my judgement can adde to the just esteem that the people of God have of you My desires and prayers to God are and shall be that as to your enemies you may be as John Baptists that though they love you not they may fear and reverence you being aw'd by the Image of God that appears in the Majesty and power of your Preaching and in the holinesse of your lives and conversations and that all the people of God may more and more highly esteem you in love for your works sake and that the Doctrine which you preach from the word of God may be delivered with such evidence and demonstration of the Spirit that the mouths of gain-saiers may be stopped and that your lives and Conversations may more and more abound with such Sincerity Simplicity Meeknesse Gravity Humility and Christian Prudence that the faces of those may be covered with shame that speak evil of you These are the desires of him who is Your Fellow-Labourer in the Work of the Lord Thomas White A METHOD OR INSTRUCTIONS for the Art of Divine Meditation CHAP. I. What Meditation is FIRST It differs from occasionall Meditation such as these If one heareth the clock strike to think with ones self how many thoughts have I had of God this hour 2. I am one hour nearer my grave and the Lord onely knows whether I may have another hour to live or no. 1. These are farre shorter like ejaculatory praiers which though they are as Parenthesises in our worldly employments yet they signifie more then all the rest of the businesse we are emploied in but meditation is generally of longer duration then ordinary solemn praier 2. Such occasional Meditations are things that we have in transitu and this that I speak of is a solemn set duty 3. The Subject from which occasionall Meditations arise are very frequently things artificiall civill or naturall indeed any thing that we see or hear but the Subjects of Meditation are onely spirituall Secondly It differs from study 1. In respect of the Subject Wicked men study and it may be more then Godly men Wicked men study and Godly men meditate Nay it is the very distinguishing signe between Saints and others Psa 1.2 and I beleeve 't is a thing far more rare for a meditating Christian to be an hypocrite then for a Christian that spends much time in praier especially if it be publike 2. As for the matter of praier and study they are very different 1. Study is of all manner of things whether naturall civill mathematicall c. but Meditation is onely of matters that concern our eternall welfare 2. The matters that we most study are those Truths that are most knotty and difficult and generally such as afford little spirituall nourishment as Criticismes Chronologies Controversies c. but the matter of Meditation is plain and of great spiritual advantage 3. The end of Study is knowledge the end of Meditation is holinesse If one sees a Learned man one may conclude that that man hath studied much If one sees a devout holy man one may conclude that that man hath meditated much Thirdly It differs from Contemplation 1. Contemplation is more like the beatificall Vision which they have of God in Heaven like the Angels beholding of the face of God Meditation is like the kindling of fire and Contemplation more like the flaming of it when fully kindled The one is like the Spouses seeking of Christ and the other like the Spouses enjoying of Christ 2. Contemplation is one effect and end of Meditation 3. Meditation is like the Bees flying to severall flowers or one smelling to flowers particularly or severally and Contemplation is like the smelling of them all in a Nosegay or like the water that is distilled from them all The Spouse in her description of Christ is like to Meditation her concluding that he is altogether lovely is like to Contemplation Therefore to conclude Meditation is a serious solemn thinking and considering of the things of God to the end we might understand how much they concern us and that our hearts thereby may be raised to some holy affections and resolutions Now there are four kindes of solemn Meditation according to the four severall Subjects of it 1. Some solemn Meditations are on Sermons that we hear which is a very usefull and necessary practice for Christians and it is better to hear one Sermon only and meditate on it then to hear two and meditate of neither but for setting down a method for meditating on Sermons is neither necessary nor possible since the method of Sermons are various and they are to observe in their Meditation the method of the Sermon they meditate upon All that I shall say therefore in this particular is onely this that the end of such Meditations is neither onely nor chiefly that we may the better fix the Substance and heads of the Sermon in our memory nor that we may the better understand and fuller be instructed of the truth of that point that is preacht upon but especially to work those truths advices and motives c. upon our affections that are proposed to us in the Sermon 2. The second kinde of Solemn Meditation is when upon some providentiall occasion or upon
so generally neglected by the peo-ple of God Ans It hath been practised by the people of God both in Scripture as is proved and it is evident that the Psalmes of David are frequently nothing but Meditations though not in this method and by many in our daies 2. It being a private Closet-duty the omission nor performance of it could be taken notice of and so the omission of it could not be reproved nor performance observed 3. The Directions and Instructions for Meditation have been generally very abstruse and intricate CHAP. III. Preparatory Directions concerning some Circumstances belonging to Meditation 1. FOR the place that must be private remote from company and noise Isaac went into the fields our Saviour into a garden and David wisheth us to enter into our Chamber and be still Psa 4.4 and our Saviour bids us enter into our Closet and shut the door the place must be such as must be remote from noise and company or any thing which might distract us in the duty and such a place that we may not be interrupted or forced to break off before the duty be ended it must be also private and remote from the observation of others so that we may neither be heard nor seen because there are divers gestures and expressions which are not convenient for any one but God and ones own soul to be privy to Which of those places you finde to be most advantagious to you in the matters of Meditation you may choose 2. For the Time when The best is in the morning 1. Because it is the first-fruits of the day and the first-fruits being holy all the rest are sanctified 2. Because our thoughts being then not soyled with worldly businesse will not be so subject to be distracted 3. Because the body it self is more serene then after meals and this duty needs an empty stomack not only because the head will be more clear and fit for Meditation but also because many passages of Meditation require so much intention of the minde and servency of affection that they do hinder digestion 4. Because that it being in the morning will have an influence upon the whole day but this is not an universall rule for we reade that Isaac went forth in the evening to meditate Gen. 24.63 and in case the subject of your Meditation be a Sermon then if it may be the best time is immediatly after the hearing of it before your affections cool or your memory fail you 2. For the how long considering the parts of Meditation are so many viz. preparation considerations affections resolutions c. and none of them are to be past slightly over for affections are not quickly raised nor are we to cease blowing the fire as soon as ever it begin to flame until it be well kindled half an hour may be thought to be the least for beginners and an hour for those that are versed in this duty But there are two rules in this particular especially to be observed 1. That as we ought not to leave off our praiers before that temper and frame of heart is wrought which is sutable to the matter of our prayers viz. we should not leave off the confession of sinne till our hearts are made sensible of and humble for our sinnes nor should we leave off our praises until our hearts are filled with holy admirings and adorings of God and inflamed with his love So the end of Meditation being affections and resolutions we should not leave off until those are wrought 2. As in private prayer so long as we finde our hearts enlarged by the pourings of the Spirit of Supplication upon us we are not to leave off unlesse by our continuance in that duty we must omit another duty to which we were more particularly obliged at that time So in Meditation as long as we finde the heart affected we are to continue it But this Caution must be given that in such enlargements we must not continue them longer generally then while they come freely and without much straining and compulsion for that honey that comes freely of it self from the comb is pure but that which is forced by heat and pressure is not so well rellished but this Caution is for extraordinary enlargements for if the heart be dead we must use all means to awaken it But as fire must be blown till it be well kindled but afterwards blowing hinders the boyling of any thing that is set over it So when once our hearts are inflamed and enlarged with holy affections in an extraordinary manner 't is but a hinderance to our affections to return to the Meditation of those Points that raised them CHAP. IV. Rules for the Subject The Division of and Reasons for this Method of Meditation 1. BY no means let it be Controversie for that will turn Meditation into Study 2. Nor nice speculations for they be saplesse without nourishment besides being so light they float in the brain having no weight to sink them down into the heart and indeed were they there they have nothing in them to affect the heart withall 3. Let the Subject of Meditation be the plainest powerfullest and usefullest Truths of God as death hell heaven judgement mercies of God our own sinnes the Love and Sufferings of Christ c. 4. Let the Subject of your Meditation be that that is most sutable to your spirituall wants as in the time of desertion meditate most of the love and mercies of God c. Rules for Meditation it self they are of three sorts 1. Preparatory 2. For the body of the duty 3. For the Conclusion Two things by way of preparation besides the choice of the Subject the first is to be convinced of and to be affected with the presence of God The second is praier for assistance from God 2. For the body of Meditation it self it consists of three parts The first I call Consideration which is nothing but the convincing our hearts of severall Truths that belong to that Subject whereof we meditate As as if the subject of our Meditation be death the considerations may go thus alas O my Soul how and when and where we shall die we know not generally men die sooner then they expect and certain it is whensoever that hour comes we must bid adieu to honours pleasures riches friends and at last our own bodies c. The second part is affections whether it be love of God or Christ or spirituall things despising of the world admiring of God or any other spiritual affection The third part are Resolutions to doe this or that or leave this or that Now that this is the most proper and genuine way of Meditation appears by this 1. Because it is not artificiall and such as requires Learning as those Directions are which wish us to consider the efficient finall formall materiall cause of death the adjuncts concomitants c. which though they may somewhat help the learned yet such hard words and artificial
I stand in need of grant these things which I have begged for the Lord Jesus sake Amen This or a prayer to the like purpose thou art to put up unto God but it is to be done with thy whole heart for thou must know that it is by the strength which thou shalt get from God by prayer whereby thou shalt be enabled to perform this or any other duty profitably for it is he that teacheth us to profit he that begins a holy duty without God will end it without God also It is a dangerous thing to think that we can by our natural parts learning or by the strength of grace already received without Gods further assistance perform any thing that can please God or edifie our own sonls For though our Mountain be made strong yet if he shall hide his face there will be trouble We may with much more sense say Now the Sunne shines so bright and the air is so clear that now we can do well enough for a while though the Sunne be ecclipsed then to say though our hearts be never so much inflamed with the love of God Now we are so filled and inflamed by his love we shall do well enough by our own strength for the present we need not Gods further assistance Give us but fewell matter to meditate of and we shall be able to continue and encrease our flames Do not account it a burthen but a mercy and priviledge that God hath necessitated and commanded thee alwaies to draw strength from him CHAP. VII Of Consideration 1. THey must be plain Considerations not intricate and abstruse For the main end of Meditation being the affecting of our heart and reforming of our lives and not informing of our understandings our considerations should be so plain that they may be without difficulty understood 2. It must be certain and evident not controversal and doubtful for the end of Meditation is not properly to encrease our knowledge but to improve our knowledge 3. Much lesse should our considerations be curious and nice speculations or if we choose any Book by reading whereof to help our Meditation we must not choose such as are filled with flourishes and Rhetorick for let a truth be drest never so curiously the wit and eloquence wherewith the truth is cloathed leaves the truth before it comes to the heart as some meats that are made in curious works are spoiled of all those curiosities before they come to the stomack and the Bee lights not upon the Rose which hath the freshest colour and the sweetest smell but upon the thyme that is an Herb of little Beauty Besides Eloquence to them that meditate is much like pictures in Books to Children they neglect their lesson to look on their pictures they will be looking on the pictures while they should be getting their lesson so the fancy will be playing with the Eloquence when the heart should be feeding on and affected with the truths we reade The lesse time the truth staies in the Understanding the better for the work of the Understanding in this businesse is not to retain but to convey the Truths to the heart As Physicians use when they are to give medicines to cure any disease in the bladder they give such as may soonest come to the part affected for if they stay by the way they lose their vertue before they come to the part which they should cure So if the Understanding shall stay dallying with the Eloquence or searching out the meaning or certainty of the truth it considers any long while the heart will lie cold and unaffected all that while It is somewhat like that Story concerning Musitians that were to play before the Emperour of the Turks who were so long tuning their Instruments which they should have done before that he would not stay to hear their musick Therefore let the Truths you consider of to raise affections be plain certain nourishing 4. The 4th Rule is that in case any doubt ariseth upon a plain known Truth for Satan will be subject to cast in doubts against the most evident Truths then do as the Arch-angel did with Satan you may enter the lists with Satan and it may be when you have a little considered and disputed the matter the mist may vanish and the Sun shine clear and Satan being resisted will presently fly but if Satan shall still wrangle and your blasphemous doubts shall not be removed then dispute no more but say as the Arch-angel did the Lord rebuke thee Satan As a woman that is attempted to be ravished will strive and struggle a while and if she findes that she can quickly get loose she flies but otherwise she cries out for help The Arch-angel first disputed but when that would not speedily prevail appealed unto God To this purpose it is good to be exceedingly well grounded in Truths from the Word of God for that is the Sword of the Spirit and that by which our Saviour silenced Satan in all his temptations 'T is a dangerous thing to dispute with Satan by humane reason we must put on the Armour of God if we will be able to stand in the evil day of temptation and when all is done to stand 5. The fifth Rule is that we should not over-multiply our considerations but as soon as by considering of the Truths of God we finde our hearts strongly affected then we are to passe over that part but this Caution must be observed that we must not as soon as we finde our heart never so little affected leave off our considerations The Bee will not go from the flower as long as any honey is easily drawn out of it and indeed it is a temptation which the people of God ought to take notice of That Satan is subject to make one passe over duties before we have drawn half the strength of them as for example When we are confessing of our sinnes as soon as ever our hearts begin in the least measure to be humbled he fils them with joy such joy may generally be suspected to be from Satan or our own naughty hearts not from God Corn when it springs up too fast and grows rank husbandmen cut it down a corrasive that is laid on to eat dead flesh must not be taken off as soon as it begins to smart the Wheat in the stony ground did soonest spring up We should let our considerations take deep root and not passe over to affections and resolutions as soon as ever they take hold of our heart but it is alwaies to be remembred that in case our affections be very much inflamed as soon as ever we begin our considerations we are to yeeld to the Inspirations of God and to follow the leading of the Spirit for this method that is set down is not to binde up and limit the extraordinary working of the Spirit of God but if our hearts be only a little moved we must do as I have said not leave blowing the
Spirit but with worldly businesse or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VIII To confesse my sinnes without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetnesse of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant with me and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in the world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good If the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make Intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alas my heart is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sinne brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the filthiness that is in sinne Thy blessings are more lovely in our eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thou art the Father of mercies oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. IX Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sinne nor doth the Sacrament of the body and bloud of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears If my sears and griefs were not carnall would they were more but my carnall joys eat out my spirituall grief and my joys also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my soul Go cast thy self into the armes and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maist be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-bloud upon thy poor soul for his heart boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh Infidelity thou art the poyson of my soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mine heart and keepst it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to beleeve Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ oh love me so much as to give me faith to beleeve it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames are gone out that were once kindled in me All the fruit and leaves and boughs are stript from me there are all things to do beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have Is it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. X. If I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesnesse under judgements fruitlesnesse under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulnesse of mien own waies and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sinnes of unkindenesse to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy mercies from me I have heard and read the great mystery of my Redemption of his being scourged and crowned and nailed of his bleeding and dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. XI Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch evidences and signs from actions done many years since My Praiers and other holy duties were matter of more joy when I did them then now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace oh my lost joys and my lost duties where I shall finde you I know not the joys I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from praier with a sad heart and an hard heart My praiers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy motions and the joys of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me why do I walk in this valley of tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but
not give so much grace as to make me through the abundance of it almost whether I will or no to serve thee yet to whom thou dost give so much grace as to desire more grace O let not this desire which is of thy own infusing be in vain if there be any thing in the whole world that I desire more then thy grace then let me want grace to desire it any more Lord if the reason why thou deniest my praier be because I do not desire as I ought I humbly beseech thee to grant that I may ask aright alas my afflictions lie heavier on me then ever they did and I am more wicked or at least lesse holy then ever since my conversion I was how little am I affected with any thing that belongs to thy service nor yet doth it affect me that I am not affected Lord if there were any in heaven or in earth that could help me besides thee then considering my manifold sinnes I should I but Lord I would not thy mercies are so great go to any other Now Lord now is the time to have mercy upon me I am like the man that went from Jerusalem to Jericho wounded naked and half dead I cannot call for help O let my wounds move thee to compassion If I cold bewail my sinful misery with tears of repentance I know thou wouldest deliver me but I cannot weep nay hardly mourn Oh faint faint is my grief and cold is my love What wilt thou do Lord with one that scarcely from his heart desires to serve thee alas what canst thou do for me more or lesse then to make me desire to serve thee Accept I must or for ever be lost What a low degree of goodnesse am I come unto a Soul full of sadnesse and empty of goodnesse To morrow Lord I am to receive thee into my soul thee my blessed Saviour Lord thou knowest I did not use to have a heart so empty of goodnesse when I expected thee to come next day Meditat. XXVI Lord now I do resolve to serve thee and in this particular especially I will not speak evil of any man what injury soever he both me Now I will so watch over my words that I will not offend with my tongue and that by degrees I may attain some perfection herein I here vow every week between this and the next communion to keep one day so strictly that I will not during that day speak so much as one idle word that day if I do I will give to the poor Lord how excellent is thy service so pure so sweet O that there were such a heart in me that I might for ever serve thee Meditat. XXVII When I reade the story of the Martyrs I do wish that I had lived in those daies that I might also die as they did or methinks I could now willingly lay down my life rather then yeeld to the abominable Idolatry and superstitions of the Sea of Rome but when I search and try my heart I much fear that the reason of this my desire is because I think it easier to lay down my life for Christs sake then for his sake to overcome my corruptions for it being but one act though it hath more pain yet being but of small continuance it is lesse trouble then all my life long to fight against sin and thus I do ill even in my best wishes in divers respects for I chose Martyrdome not because thereby I might more honour God but that I might the sooner and easier come to heaven And again that I think I might content my self though I did not so much hate corruption If I died a Martyr all would be well whereas Though I give my body to be burnt and have not charity it would profit me nothing and to love God it is impossible for him that doth not hate sinne and fight against his corruptions Alas O my soul how weary are we of our spiritual fight and we would fain finde some other way to heaven then by the continuance of it O that I were dead to the world and lived to God how vain is the world yet while we know something better we shall not think so We talk much of the vanity of the world but who beleeves that the world is vanity and vexation of spirit Or who is sensible of this truth Or if he were sensible of it and sometimes affected with it yet it soon vanisheth and we do not live accordingly How much easier is it to speak like an Angel then live like a Saint Meditat. XXVIII Lord that thou wouldst do it for me take my soul and my body what shall I do with them any longer I govern them so ill and indeed am so unable to govern them that they govern me Lord if thou shalt condemn me at the last day I do now justifie thee and testifie to all the world that thou art just though then if such a time shall come I shall blaspheme thee My dear God I have yet a spark of thy love I will not leave that small hold of thee for ten thousand worlds I know Lord there is no dallying with thee What if I spoke with the tongue and writ with the pen of men and Angels it is nothing Lord take a poor soul at his word Lord I am thine and do now give my self and ten thousand worlds if I had them to thee yet when thou dost take from me some poor part of my estate I murmure Alas I have a poor weak heart Meditat. XXIX Lord my knowledge of thee is but small and that which is is but little spirituall or experimentall To know thee by what others write and say of thee is sweet to them that can set their seal to it from their own experience Lord what is it that hath kept me so long from thee or kept thee so long from me I know I have been wanting to thee and to my self Lord take my heart I have too much love for any besides thee though I have too little for thee Oh how sweet are the thoughts of thee and would be sweeter if I thought oftner and longer and more attentively of thee Alas I am almost grown out of acquaintance with thee I do not perceive my corruptions in any thing more then in this that though to think of thee be a thing so easie and so profitable yet I think so seldome My dear God deliver me from the businesse of the world Suits of Law and such things they undoe me they take up my thoughts that I cannot be rid of them I feel upon me the curse which thou threatnest upon the people of Israel If they would not serve thee with joy they should serve strangers with a great deal of hardship I was well while I was with thee then I had my Songs in the night now my daies are turned into the shadow of death Lord draw me draw me make the cords of thy love stronger or rather then
I should perish make the cords of thine afflictions stronger and if I murmure scourge me while I leave murmuring How true do I finde that saying He that injures forgives not My wickednesse I have committed against thee makes me not able to beleeve almost that thou art or canst be reconciled unto me When I should do more for thee and lesse against thee I shall easilier beleeve thy loves or rather when thy spirit shall shed abroad thy love in my heart I shall know thou lovest me I sigh and mourn and weep over my poor soul but cannot help it Dear Lord Let my tears prevail with thee Pity Pity have Pity upon a poor languishing soul that is even gasping out its last breath It grieves me to see what a sad condition I am in I am not yet in hell and by thy mercy I may never come thither but I am running headlong thither Wo is me that I am constrained to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar Meditat. XXX Lord I pray for mercies and when I have them to see the unsuitablenesse of my spirit to them and mine unthankfulnesse for them brings more sadnesse upon me then to want them All the things I begged of thee for temporall mercies both in carrying me forth and bringing me home and concerning my businesse I went about not finding things in such a sad condition at home yet my heart is the same still as hard and as stony not willing to yeeld it self and all up to thee as if I were more able to order matters then thou Now my heart is subject to murmure that it is so hard when it should mourn Lord thou hast done enough to justifie thy love and thy tender compassions to me if thou shouldest never do more and not only thy justice could not be blamed but not thy mercy My dear God let me not die in thine arms of love except I must die and then let me die in thine arms Meditat. XXXI Accept of my poor praiers and when at the last day when the secrets of all hearts shall be known the hypocrisie and coldness of my desires shall be known and thy goodnesse shall be admired in hearing such praiers as mine are For the light of thy countenance to shine upon and the breathings of thy Spirit to blow upon a garden of Spices is not so much for the advancement of thy free-grace as for thee to shine upon and thy Spirit to breathe upon such a dunghill as I am that sends forth such noisome savours as I do Lord if thou wilt be my God I have a body and a soul I will give thee them 'T is true they are thine already but alas if I had any thing to give that were not thine I would but I have not Meditat. XXXII Lord I wait to see the day of my salvation and the hour when thou wilt shew me thy loves and when I shall lie in thy bosome and arms and hear the beatings of thy heart in love and the soundings of thy bowels towards me and know thine everlasting thoughts of love to me when thou shalt seal the pardon of my sinnes to me and make me reade the counterpain of the Covenant of love between thee and me which thou reservest in heaven and is fair and not blotted as mine is and when shall the day of the love and joys of my espousals return and my thoughts be swallowed up in love Lord why shouldst thou withhold thy love the manifestations of thy love Can thy love love to be concealed from thy Beloved I will wait for the discoveries of thy love I am loth to do any thing before thou comest whom my soul loveth for fear thou shouldest come when I am not looking for thee and thou escapest me I look every praier to see thee come leaping on the mountains and skipping upon the hils as a Row or an Hinde But I see thee not why dost thou put a spark of love into my heart If thou wilt leave me why didst thou cast thy mantle upon me and when I follow after thee say what hast thou done thy loves are better then wine sweeter then honey even more to be desired then life it self Lord if the small sparks and relishes of thy love be so sweet to me what will the feeding on this heavenly manna be If a drop of thy love be so sweet what will the overflowings be If thy smiles bring so much joy what will thy embraces do Lord I long till I am undone with thy love All my carnall and worldly joys undone Lord it is not my unworthinesse that should hinder me nor will hinder thee from bestowing Lord help my unbelief Well Lord if I must walk in darknesse and see no light yet give me thy grace that I may stay my self upon thee my God my life is but short and when the hour of my departure shall come then I shall enjoy him whom my soul loveth and know as I am known then I shall forget the sorrows pains and throws of my travell for the joy that shall be revealed My Bride saith come and the Spirit saith Come Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXXIII I wait for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ if thy love be as fire in straw or such like matter lie smoaking and makes ones eyes weep while one strives to finde the fire At last it being able to hold no longer breaks forth into a great flame and the longer it is before it discovers it self the greater is the flame and light when they do break forth Lord whilest I am looking for thy love thou makest me weary let the length of thy stay be made up by the fulnesse of thy presence and greatnesse of thy manifestations when thou comest I seek thee in my praiers and I say O where art thou whom my soul loveth and yet thou sendest me away weeping and mourning I seek on my bed when I awake in the night but I finde thee not I speak with those which have found thee and they tell me nay I know it by thy Word that thou art near to every soul that seeks thee and when a poor soul cries thou wilt answer it then I multiply my praiers and call lowder and yet my praiers are as the winde that passeth away and returns no more O my Lord and my God thy love was strong enough to make thee suffer and thou didst die that thou mightest make known and commend thy love unto the Sonnes of men and now thou hast done all this to manifest thy love and wilt thou hide it from me Creature-love hath wrought strange things in me I have never been weary of their discourses and humane learning how hath it made me ravisht with some learned saying and if thou wouldest discover thy love and shed that abroad in my heart certainly it would work wonders For the Creatures flames of love are but as a blaze that straw makes but is
is so full of thy praises when thou communicatest thy self so fully to them the crumbs that fall from thy Table are too much for me these temporal blessings are more then I can challenge yet Lord I cannot be content with them give me thy self and it sufficeth for all is nothing and snares without thee Meditat. XL. Alas my God pride and despair divide my life when I finde any thing I do in some manner as I should I begin to be puft up and think that I do more then some others of Gods people and when I look upon my failings these thoughts begin to arise It is in vain I shall never overcome such corruptions my sins do me more harm by discouraging me then in the commission Meditat. XLI Lord There is no peace until thou hast all our love while our heart is divided between the world and thee we can have no quiet natural Conscience draws one way and natural corruptions another way It is our ignorance that makes us think that there is not enough in thee to satisfie all our desires and to supply our want which makes us joyn the creature with thee When Lord when shall all my thoughts be of thee I am weary of being thus divided Lord if I can dispose of my self I give my self wholly to thee O refuse not that gift which thou hast so often desired thou hast said give me thy hearr Lord mine heart longs whilest thou hast it If thou saist that I do not give my self freely and wholly enough alas nor never shall until thou take my heart and discoverest the secrets of thy love unto me when thou dost that I shall runne after thee Lord here 's my poor soul it lies at thy seet groveling and gasping for life the creature hath left me and I have left the creature and would not that it should have any more of my love but it still wooes me and follows me for my love unlesse thou overcomest these strong corruptions I shall never be at quiet Meditat. XLII Sometimes my heart begins to be fil'd with joy so that I am ready to cry out Thou art mine exceeding joy and then I consider what I shall do for I am afraid that my joy is false When I consider how I came by it whether my praiers have been more fervent and frequent of late or my repentance more profound in the midst of this consideration I can hardly say but think with my self Why should I delay or refrain my enjoyment of God and am ready to say within my self The false joys in God are better then the true joys of the world these joys are too sweet to let go Lord Jesus when thou kissest me with the kisses of thy mouth I will kisse the Sonne lest he be angry Lord thou art too good for me if I may say so how could I ever expect that thou shouldest come near me more The poor love I have makes me say a thousand worlds and a thousand heavens for my God the small beams of the light of thy countenance are so sweet Lord if thou wouldst but continue the joys thou sometimes affordest I had enough I need not the comforrs of the world to make it up nor fear that the afflictions of the world though one need continuall supplies of comforts to support one yet they could not spend them Meditat. XLIII I will go to God saith David he is mine exceeding joy a sweet saying O that there were such a heart in me yet I have an unenflamed heart a frozen heart if I leave all things and my self I should finde thee but these poor joys of the world quench the joys of the Spirit I shut out the glorious beams of thy heat and light and light up the candles of the creatures which have neither heat nor light in comparison of thine When I go about to rejoyce in thee my sins come and tell me that they must be mourned for first Any thing Lord any thing so I may do what is pleasing in thy sight I am willing to stay for my joys while thou art pleased to give them Only I beseech and desire these three things of thee 1. That I may not want grace though I want joys 2. That I may not go about to make up the want of thy joys with carnall joys let me not kindle a fire and walk and rejoyce in the light and sparks of what I have kindled c. 3. That though thou hast kindled joy yet that I may have sorrows that are spirituall Lord how abundantly good art thou to them that love thee I lie under the weight of thy love and thy joy When I come hungry and thirsty to thee to be satisfied with thy joy to the utmost I ie now as a Ship upon the shoar while the Tide of thy joys come and lift me up and carry me into the Ocean of thy goodnesse When Mary Magdalene stood weeping at the Sepulchre thou didst call her by her name and she forgot all her sorrows she left her tears the Sepulchre and the Angel and cried out Rabboni My heart makes me beleeve that I would give the whole world to see Jesus Christ for I think if I could see him I should lie down at his feet and beg his grace and he would not deny me This is part of my weaknesse and want of faith for he hears my praiers as fully and is as willing to grant them now he is in heaven as if he were on earth Lord Jesus thou that never didst deny any poor soul that came to thee for grace and pardon thou never sendest them empty away but grantest their request Have mercy upon me O Lord my need and wants are as many and as great as any of them all and if my sense of my misery be not so great my misery is so much the greater Meditat. XLIV Lord I perceive that spiritual sorrows and spiritual joys are wholly thy work for my sins are as many as great and of as deep a dye as any in the world that is not the sin against the holy Ghost and I am fully and sensibly convinced of it that they are so and yet I am as sencelesse as if my condition were quite hopelesse for were it not so could I possibly be so seared as I am Thou hast said I will take away the stony heart Lord if thou wilt work who or what can hinder My corruptions and my sins have and do harden my heart by having and committing them Nor will they soften it by considering them What hinders thee from taking away the infidelity and stoninesse of my heart If that hardnesse and infidelity doth why that is the thing to be cured If I were not sick I need not a Physician Lord I say not this to justifie my self for it is thou of thy free grace that must justifie me for I am lost And so for joys and comforts though I reade and hear of the comforts that thou pourest
more then to hear the same sinne reproved in publike yet he should as particularly apply it then though he had not in this respect so much reason to apply it as I have to apply these words to mine own soul For the Minister doth not nor can actually and particularly intend every one that is guilty of the sinnes he reproves for he knows not every particular person that is guilty of the sinne he reproves as God doth every one that reades his word Therefore let us take this and apply it to our selves as if God had sent these words written with his own hand to me in particular When it is said that the Scripture is written for our learning c. Rom. 15.4 I conceive the meaning is not only by way of sufficiency but by way of intention efficacy and decree in respect of his people that is not only that there is a sufficient matter in Scripture to instruct us but that God did intend and decree that this place of Scripture should instruct every particular one of his people that is instructed by it 3. And indeed what is the reason that I now reade these words and do now intend to meditate on them Is it not or certainly it ought to be that I should try whether I am such and whether I have such an heart and spirit as these words signifie and if I am not so much as I ought to be that I should humble my self and be as truly sensible and as much affected and much more then I am with those bodily infirmities that lies upon me and if so be there were a receit given me which I had a long time sought for and endeavoured to get being assured that if I had it it would cure me Surely I should not only reade it because I might be able to tell others what would cure such a disease or to enable my self to discourse of that matter but I should read it with abundance of joy and unquestionable resolution to take it Alas Lord why do I not reade thy Word so also where the unquestionable remedies of all spirituall diseases are set down Surely it is my seaselesnesse of the mischiefs of these spiritual distempers that makes me so little affected with grief for them and with joy that I have found out the remedies for them 4. Blessed God it is no more in my power to know thee by the strength of mine own abilities if thou dost not menifest thy self and thy truths unto me then it is for me to see the Sunne without the Sunne therefore Lord do thou take off the Veil that is upon my heart and understanding and that which is upon thy Truths I reade in thy word that my blessed Saviour did rejoyce in spirit and give thee thanks because thou didst hide thy Truths from those that were wise and prudent and reveal them unto babes O that I were of the number of those babes to whom thou wouldest reveal thy Truths Lord give me a powerfull spirituall experimental knowledge of the Truths that are included in these words 5. And holy and blessed Father If thou wilt be pleased to let me know thy minde in thy Word though thy commands should be never so crosse to my corruptions my base corruptions which have hindred me from a world of joys grace and communion with thee which if it had not been for them I might had long ago I will do it by the power of thy might Lordforbid that I should be so wicked as to enquire of thee the Lord which I do or should do as often as I reade the Scripture as we reade the Jews did desire the Prophet Jeremiah to enquire of thee for them though they were resolved before-hand what to do Yet they said they would do whatever thou shouldest command whether it were good or evil Oh that I had at least a heart to resolve to serve thee If I must want let me want riches health liberty rather then grace Rather let me want strength then want a will to serve thee I had as good sinne unwillingly as to do what thou commandest unwillingly Lord give me truth in the inward parts 6. Those things that lie plain in these words is that those that are of a poor and contrite spirit that tremble at the Word of God are highly esteemed of him So that poverty of spirit and contrition of spirit and trembling at the Word of God are the three things that are here so highly commended and prized by God 7. But now let us seriously consider whether we are thus qualified Am I poor in spirit Those that are so have low thoughts of themselves and are not troubled that others have low thoughts of them too They like reproofs better then praises They do not murmure under afflictions but rather wonder they are no more afflicted Is it thus with us 8. Lord If there be any thing of poverty of spirit in me if I take reproofs well or afflictions in any measure patiently certain it is it is not at all from my self I was born with as proud a heart as any and certain I am that I did not change mine own heart Thou takest away the stony heart we do not give thee it 9. But alas Lord I am far from being poor in spirit in any measure according to that which thou in thy Word requirest My passion and the boylings of my heart my loving to be called Rabbi and to be esteemed by others and many other distempers and corruptions of that nature which I have daily to struggle withal evidently prove the pride of my heart nay and the afflictions that thou laiest upon me plainly show what the corruption is that thou intendest especially to cure by the Medicine ofttimes one may know what the disease is and Lord it is in vain if there were no other end in it then to manifest my distempers to thee for me to confesse the secret pride of mine heart the strange windings turnings depths and strange and new Monsters of pride and hypocrisie that I might daily discover in my self Alas Lord thou knowest these altogether and since thou dost so what cause have I to wonder that thou shouldst shine upon such a dunghill as I am But Lord thou that only canst cure me of this pride and hypocrisie of heart for my praiers cannot nay though I consider and am convinced of the desperate wickednesse of mine own heart the vilenesse of my nature the abominations of my life yet these cannot work without thee as a Plaister though it be never so excellent laid on the wounds of a dead man it draws not it heals not so are all considerations and convictions to a dead heart 2. But alas what is there in me whereof I should in any measure pride my self For others to have good thoughts of me is no very strange thing for so they had of the Scribes and Pharisees but for one that knows the basenesse of his own heart the carnal grounds
must thou much desire and endeavour for those things which no way further thee in this great businesse of knowing serving and following God but they are to be accounted superfluous and frivolous 2. Consider the folly and madnesse of those who live no otherwise then as if they had been created for no other end then to drink and eat and sleep and dance and game or to get riches and such like fooleries Certainly if these people were asked whether they did in their consciences think that God created them that they might spend their lives in dancing c. they could not say yes None can imagine that hath any understanding that at the day of judgement God will ask them why they did not dance more and game more and gain more riches 3. Consider seriously with thy self whether thou livest sutable to the end of thy Creation think with thy self that when that time which thou spendest in eating drinking sleeping recreation visits vanities is taken from thy life what a small pittance is left for God and for the works of thy particular calling nay thy sleeping eating drinking recreation should all be done some way or other to enable and fit thee the better for the service of God But alas how seldome is it that thou hast thought of fitting thy self for Gods service by eating drinking c. Nay how many times hast thou made thy self unfit for Gods service by such things Now before thou goest any further be fully convinced of these truths and if any scruple should remain which cannot though a man be but truly rationall argue and pray them away for though it may be some Objections may be too hard for thy arguments which notwithstanding seldome comes to passe since thy consideration must be of truths so plain evident and obvious which all grant yet no scruples will be too hard for thy praiers Affectione 1. Be ashamed and confounded within thy self that thou hast lived so contrary to thine own principles and that thou hast minded that little or nothing in doing of it as a thing by the bye which now thou dost but seriously think of it thou plainly seest to be the main businesse of thy life saying thus Alas O my God what did I think of when I thought not of thee What was I mindeful of when I forgot thee Alas O my Soul how comes it to passe that we thought of these things no sooner 'T is a strange thing that our hearts and the world should so far deceive us that we should prefer eveny trifling thing before that which concerns us more then ten thousand worlds We have served the world which was not made but to serve us 2. Abhor thy life past Well I am resolved to leave you ye vain and sinful pleasures I will no longer dote upon you you have but too long bewitcht my soul I might have had a thousand holy thoughts and praiers and treasures of almes laid up for Eternity which I am sure I should not have repented of when I come to die and you vanities have took up my time and stole away my heart and thoughts from these things Well I have enough of you I have done with you for the rest of my strength and daies I will give unto my God 3. Turn thy self to God and say Blessed God wilt thou accept of the service of a poor wretch that hath spent so much of his time and strength upon base lusts and vanities Nay surely Lord If thou wilt accept of such a wretch as I am such a heart such love such service as I have I will give to thee and for the time to come thou shalt be the very joy of my soul and the deliciousnesse of my thoughts and dost thou indeed entreat and importune me to be reconciled how wonderfull is thy mercy that notwithstanding I provok't thee hitherto daily to thy face yet that thou shouldest follow after me to embrace me whereas what could be expected but that thou shouldest pursue me to destroy me Resolutions Well by the blessing of God I am resolved that though heretofore I have spent whole daies in such and such like recreations which at best are but vanities for this moneth I will either not use such and such recreations at all or at least spend no more time any day in them then I do in praier and meditation and I hope one day the Lord will work in me such a heavenly frame of spirit that praier and meditation shall be in stead of a thousand recreations David was of that temper for he saith that he will go to God his exceeding joy and that the Law of God was dearer to him then thousands of gold or silver and that his heart was ready to break for the very desires and longings that he had after God O my Soul that will be a rare time when it shall be thus with us Why should David love God more then we He forgave David much but he hath forgiven us more well O my soul if thou wilt pray hard and follow hard after God thou little knowest what he will do for thee and the joys that he hath laid up for them that love him even in this world are unspeakable and glorious Conclusion 1. Pray Lord thou knowest the decitfulnesse of my heart the strength of my corruptions and the multitude of snares and temptations which encompasse me on every side especally when I am in worldly employments in company thou knowest how subject holy flames are to go out therefore be thou pleased by the holy breathings of thy Spirit to keep these holy fervours of love from being quencht 't is not the strength of my resolutions that can enable me to resist temptations if I am not kept by the mighty power of thee my God I am lost 2. Praise God blessed be thou O God for any heavenly motion or desire that hath been wrought in me thou might'st have suffered me as thou dost thousands I have provoked thee as much as they never to be convinced of or affected with these truths t is thy wonderful mercy that thou didst make me for such a blessed end as the enjoyment of thy self and much greater mercy that thou hast let me know so much but most of all that thou hast given me a heart to desire and endeavour after it Blesse the Lord O my Soul 3. Acknowledge thy failings alas Lord whatsoever is wrought in me that 's good had been farre greater but that I am green wood to the sparks of thy love Lord pardon the iniquity of my holy services My highest and most inflamed thoughts of thee are unworthy of thee it is well that I have thee to love whom I need not fear loving too much After the Meditation is ended 1. Think with thy self which of these truths or what passage of this Meditation did most warm thy heart and affect thee and fix it and treasure it up in thy thoughts keeping it as it were a nosegay in
oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happinesse of heaven I should finde so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the mercies and love of God His mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these coals of mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and praise of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickeneth else mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy soul again and again awaken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy mouth and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no want of matter and motives of praise in the truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwillingly from this duty MEDITAT III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors sinne and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they lothe God Zec. 11.8 and God by his Prophet crieth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God professe his hatred of sinne if one should spit in a mans face or lay toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as sinne is to God he hates it more then we hate hell how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare dish of meat which he loved above any meat in the world and because there was some small crum of another meat which he had an antipathy against he should fling all with violence and detestation away were not this enough to satisfie you that he abhorred that meat a crum whereof made him abhor that which he so much loved Suppose you should see one take a Watch whose wheels and all the rest were cut out of intire Diamonds and spying some little small and almost indiscernable spider in it should fling it to the ground with so much violence that he should break it all to peeces it would evidently argue how much he detested a spider What excellent Creatures are Angels and yet because a sinne though but of thought was found in them how doth it cast them like lightning into hell Suppose further thou shouldst see the meekest wisest man and lovingst Father in the world taking his Son and scourging of him with rod after rod until that he wereall of gore bloud from head to foot and though he cried out and begged of his Father to spare yet he would not spare him but scourged him to death Would you not say that the Sonne had done somewhat that the Father did wonderfully abhor Hath not God dealt thus with Christ Did he not chastise him until he shed bloud from the Crown of the head to the sole of the feet Did not Christ die under his correcting hand Did not Christ cry out again and again Father if it be possible let this cup passe from me And did he not love Christ more then any Father loved his Sonne and all this because Christ was guilty of sinne though but as a Surety these things are not inventions of wit or rhetorick but reall truths If the destroying of Sodom Gomorrha Jerusalem Angels and the most part of Adams posterity and the whole world save eight persons If the Sufferings of Christ be not enough to satisfie thee of Gods hatred of sinne then thou maist go on to thy own destruction but know this that it will be bitternesse at the last 2. Consider what thou dost when thou sinnest every sinner doth virtually put heaven and Christ and God and his favour and loving kindenesse and all his promises in one scale and that pleasure profit or honour which sinne promiseth with a wounded conscience the torments of hell the wrath of God in the other scale and doubtlesse virtually a sinner choosech sinne with all these mischiefs before the service of God with all his mercies It is as if a sinner should say Rather then I will not satisfie my base lust I will part with God with Christ with heaven and all I will suffer his wrath let God do his worst I will have my will Every obstinate sinner doth in his heart say thus and though now thou little imaginest it yet at the day of judgement this will be made as manifest to thee as if it were writ with a beam of the Sunne Things that now seem lesse consequent shall then be made evident A wicked wretch that sees one of Gods people hungry naked imprisoned and doth not relieve him he little thinks that is all one as if he had seen Christ so and not reliev'd him but at the day of judgement Christ will make it manifest unto him 3. Consider how often thou hast sinned against God Every unconverted man doth nothing else his plowing is an abomination all his imaginations are only evil and that continually Nay though thou art one of Gods people yet David cries out that his sinnes are more in number then the hairs of his head and dost thou think thy sinnes are fewer then Davids How many years hast thou lived how many daies hours minutes thy sinnes are more The Hour-glasse that runs hath not so many sands in it as the sinnes that thou committest in that hour If thou dost not beleeve this consider that there is not one of thy thoughts words actions but is polluted with abundance of sins If thou saist Our Father since thou dost not speak it with that reverence attention fervency faith love joy confidence admiration of his goodness and many other which we are engaged to have when we call God by the Name of Father thou becomest guilty of all the contrary sins and many more that are not named in speaking that one word in thy prayer not as thou oughtst Fear not making thy sinnes seem greater or more than they are 4. Consider further for what trifling vanity nay for what base things that thou wilt be ashamed to own before men thou hast lost God lost thine own soul if thou returnest not and hast brought on thy self more miseries than
forgets so that if one might gain a world when the heart is overwhelmed with grief or inflamed with love or ravished with joy one could not remember the powrings out of the soul In such cases one may say of such Meditations as St Paul speaks of those glorious things which he saw when he was wrapt into the third Heavens they are neither lawful nor possible to be uttered many times the secrets in our communion with God are of that nature that it is not lawful by reason of that scardal nor possible to utter because the affections being so intensly employ'd invention memory and intellectual actings of the Soul during that time do almost quite cease and indeed whosoever goes about to invent instances of Meditation if it be only a learned man and not holy his studies may exceed his actings that way but if it be an holy experienced Christian as his inward thoughts of love joy grief and admirings of God are above all that his tongue doth or can utter so those secret expressions which he useth between God and his own soul when his thoughts are full of heaven and of God are much beyond what he can invent or by stndy expresseth Therefore since those Meditations that are fullest of devotion cannot be remembred to set down Instances of Meditations except one should take them from some Saint as he was powring out his soul before God in secret one can never set them fully down in secret I say For the soul is never so free nor may be before others as with God alone and the truth is if I had not had these Instances of Solemn Meditation by me I think I should hardly have set down any of that kinde I should only have referr'd him to the Psalms It was so that I wrote these from the mouth of one to whom though unseen I was oft times so near that I could hear his secretest devotions if uttered though but with an ordinary voice I am very confident for his part he thought that none but God and his own Soul were privy to his Praiers I have sometimes considered it as a case of Conscience whether it was lawfull by stealth to hear and afterwards to publish the private Meditations of others but considering how much advantage it may bring to others and how the party himself can suffer nothing in it his Name being concealed by me I resolve to publish them besides I very well know as I said before that the spiritual expressions between God and ones own soul in secret are forgotten almost as soon as ended It is very unlikely that any should remember them ten years after as the most of these are I thought good to give an account of this matter lest I should be thought to have that holy frame of heart which many of the expressions in these Meditations argues that he had that used them and arrogate to my self that which is farre from me If any shall be offended at the brevity and shortnesse of my Directions for this great and weighty businesse of Meditation I shall only say thus much as to that 1. That I am not willing to overcharge or affright new beginners for for such I do very much intend this Treatise with too great a number of particulars 2. I would not have this swell above the bignesse of a Manuall for I have often observed that when one hath perswaded some to buy some Book and told them it hath been but a small price it hath been almost as strong a motive the smalnesse of the price as the goodnesse of the Book and I would not be willing that both these Motives should be wanting to the Buying of this Book As for the plainnesse of the Stile or matter I shall thus excuse it if it oughto be excused I wrote this for the meanest and ignorantest sort of Christians that they might buy and understand it that they might buy it I have made it a Manuall that they might understand it I have made it plain and spoke to them in their own language and to the Learned I say if any such shall reade this Treatise Indocti repiunt coelum and though I highly prize Learning yet I know that as to praier and meditation and all other acts of devotion wherein we keep a strict Communion with God and watch over our own souls an experimental knowledge and acquaintance with and inflam'd affections towards God will more avail us then all the Learning in the world and doubtless it is not generally ignorance in those that live under Ordinances but the non-improvement of the Truths we know that will undoe us if we did but improve these plain truths viz. that God is that there will be a Day of Judgement that we must die that we ought to love God with all our heart with all our soul with all our minde with all our strength that we should do as we would be done to I say if we did but improve these into practice we should attain to more holinesse then if we knew a thousand times more and left those truths as generally men do by them as things forgotten I doe very much think that the truths of Religion have been spun into too fine a thred of late daies and some have observed that fewer have been converted of late years then formerly when fundamentals have been plainly powerfully and practically prest upon the conscience it is an errour to think that notions so they be spirituall cannot be too acute or speculative I have one thing to entreat of the Christian Reader and it was one end of publishing this Treatise that I might with it publish these my desires the thing that I am to request of you will neither be charge nor trouble It is your frequent serious fervent praiers that I desire of you I know it is us'd too much as a complement among Christians to desire prayers of their Christian friends and they are too often superficially promis'd and too seldom conscienciously perform'd nor would I have thee whosoever thou art that fearest God account this my Request as a thing of course and that it is at thy liberty to grant it or no for suppose a poor distressed man overwhelm'd and almost swallowed up with the sense of his miseries and wants should with tears and strong importunities begge relief of thee Dost thou think it were an arbitrary thing when it was in thy power to relieve him or not Mightst thou not justly expect that the the next time thou wentst to pour out thy soul before God that he should keep by him the denial that thou gavest that poor man and give it thee when thou in the distressed thoughts of thy heart madst thy praier to him and dost thou think that the Lord will hold thee guiltlesse when one whose afflictions are many corruptions strong temptations to _____ shall in the anguish and bitternesse of his spirit desire thy praiers and thou refuse or neglect Consider whether at the day of judgement thou wilt have any sufficient excuse to pleade I have sometimes thought that the Bils that have publikely been put up for the praiers of the Congregation have been too little regarded it may be they have been too customarily and formally put up it may be so but it is not good for us to be Judges of evil thoughts little do we know what terrouts and fears and anguishes of spirit overwhelm them while they are so little regarded by us O that we were sensible of others afflictions and sorrows whether spiritual or temporal as they themselves are and as we would have them to be of ours were our souls in their souls stead and if the Lord should so by his providence order it as to bring us into those straits which we saw our Brother in and would not afford him so much as our prayers may we not justly expect that the next time that we our selves are in streights our consciences should take up a Parable and taunting Proverb against us and say as Josephs Brethren did we are verily guilty concerning our Brother in that we saw the anguish of his soul when he besought us and we would not hear therefore is all this distresse come upon us And that which I would desire thee to begge of God for me is That he would give me sincerely to aim at his glory in all my actions but especially those that belong to my Ministry that I might not be as a broken vessell and that he would give me greater discoveries of and love to himself and the Lord Jesus Christ and that he would give me gifts and strength and wisedom opportunity and a heart to serve him and mercies suitable to my wants that mine afflictions may be sanctified my temptations conquered and my corruptions mortified One thing more I am to request of thee that is to do what I know too much neglected by my self and I fear by others Thou art to pray for a blessing upon thy self when thou readest this Treatise and that God would make it a blessing unto others also into whose hands it shall come I desite you that you would help me with your praiers in this particular When we do but take our ordinary daily bread we crave a blessing how much more when we do things that concern our eternall good When we take a Book to that end spiritually to benefit by it do we think that it is in our own power or in the power of any Treatise that we reade without Gods assistance to do us good Nay the Word of God it self is but a dead Letter if the holy Spirit be absent when we hear or reade it But that thou shouldest desire a Blessing upon thy self in reading of this Book is not all I request of thee but that thou wouldest also extend thy prayers further even for others that it may be also for their edification whosoever shall reade it For as we are to pray that every Sermon we hear may be for the spirituall advantage of others as well as of our selves It holds also in reading of Treatises of Devotion FINIS
what we should do to overcome these enemies and sends many motions of the Spirit to bring into our souls grace to strengthen us We will not do what he adviseth us to do nay but we take part with our corruptions and resist and fight against the power of the world to come Oh thy patience is not to be understood I am weary to think before I go to prayer how little fruit I expect from them I pray and pray and weep and reade and hear and sigh and confesse these as well as other of my sins and yet as a Ship in the Sea they do divide my corruptions for the present but they presently return to their former course Lord do not the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee to see me thy poor Servant in such a miserable condition as I am in Dost thou not see how sin and corruption do as it were lie gnawing upon me and eating up my very flesh and destroying my soul and I have neither hand nor foot to move against them Lord who is it that must make me hate corruption is it not thy Spirit Who must overcome my resisting of thy Spirit is it not thy Spirit Lord I do not know in the world what to do to leave off striving were not only to despair of thy goodnesse because thou dost not help as much and when I will and besides if I cannot get ground nay though notwithstanding I lose ground yet doubtlesse I shall not go so swiftly down stream as if I strove not at all if I must be forsaken by thee to all Eternity yet Lord let me not while I live so fall that I should be a scandal to Religion Alas Is it come to this O my soul that I must say If God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. In the most serious addresses of my soul to take hold upon God I finde an unhappy frozennesse benumme the best of my devotions and thereby I shew either that I am extremely ignorant of thee Lord or what is worse senselesse of thee The truth is I may justly tremble when I come to keep any day of humiliation in thy sight not only because of the desperate sins I am gulity of but specially because such duties do work little or nothing upon me and this is sure enough that those Ordinances that do not foften do harden I am in a great straight my Conscience drives me upon duties and I dare not omit them and yet my heart is so hard and filthy that they do not purifie me So I am more defiled then before Ah my God thou knowest what afflictions are bitter and strong enough to purge these corruptions Lord send them and though I am so vile that I do not now fervently and earnestly enough desire to be cured but yet Lord I know my want of desires of Reformation is one of my greatest corruptions I desire to be cured of that or at least Lord thy fatherly goodnesse I hope will take care to cure me of that and Lord this I know that when thou shalt send any such affliction upon me I shall it is too likely murmure and be weary of the chastisement of the Lord It may be I shall pray for the taking off of that corrasive before it hath eaten away that deadnesse of heart and other corruptions that now lie upon me yet Lord do not yeeld to such praiers go on with thy cure and if I be impatient cure that corruption also and every other corruption that shall appear in the time of cure of any corruption we shall blesse thee one day for not hearing and not granting such praiers as shall be for our spirituall harm Lord Death is very bitter unto me surely it would not be so bitter if there were no root of bitternesse in me If I kept a stricter communion with thee in this world I should long for a full communion with thee in heaven for ever Meditat. VII Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me oh that my heart was ravisht with his love oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who died for the love of me Oh that I could not be staied but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pitifull as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy Word hath made known to us of him I reade not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever beg'd any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in heaven makes thee not lesse like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee I do beseech thee to give me to give me thy poor hard-hearted Servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine hard my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make Intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend that he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a carelesse temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much a do to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the suddain my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joys of thy