to get as much time from sleep as the health and strength of my body will permit and because I am confident that if the damned were in their natures changed and were to live again on earth they would think it a blessed change to change their howlings into singing of Psalms and their roarings into Prayers nay if they were to live Methuselahs age upon the rack Therefore whensoever I am at any time tempted to be weary of this labour of love that is to be undertaken in the hardest duties of religion I will endeavour to shame my self out of that temptation by thinking thus with my selfe that hell is so much worse then we can suffer in this world either in Gods service or for Gods service that it were not only a desperate wickedness but madness for the avoiding of the one to fall into the other For the conclusion of this Meditation observe the Directions and Instances of former Meditations MEDITAT VII Of Heaven 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray to God to assist and enable thee in the work Considerations 1. Consider O my soul the wonderfull greatness and incomprehensibleness of those joys For 1. Consider what great things God hath given to wicked men in this work what vast dominions power wisedom learning majesty and indeed as to the things of the world as much as their hearts can desire if God gives such things to Doggs and Swine what may we think are the dainties of that banket which God feasts his children withall 2. Behold the earth and the Heavens in the height of the beauty of the Spring and in the strength of the glory of the Sunne how delightfull a sight is it to behold the works of Gods Creation here below the commonness of this sight much abates the delight and wonder of it but doubtless if a man that were born blind should when he had attained to the full perfection of his age and understanding be placed in a Paradise as Adam was and should see as soon as his eyes were opened the earth adorned with all manner of curious flowers and trees laden with all manner of fruits and the Sunne shining in its full strength how wonderfully delightfull would such a sight be and if the footstool of God be so rich how glorious is his throne 3. Consider the wonderfull manifestations and joyes that God hath bestowed upon his people in this life they are unspeakable and glorious Some have cried out Lord either withhold thy comforts or enlarge the vessel for I am not able to bear my joys We read of Daniel that the manifestations that God gave him drunk up his spirit and made him sick some dayes after Dan. 8.27 Such joys have been so great that they have sweetned the bitterest persecutions they have made them clap their hands for joy in the midst of flames and cry out in the ravishment of their spirits O ye Papists you talk of miracles but here is a miracle I am in the midst of these flames as in a bed of Roses But alas what are the joys that God communicates to his people in this life they are but as the drop of the bucket to the whole Ocean the Apostle tells us that it doth not appear what we shall be We would give if we had it a thousand worlds one would give all to enjoy these spiritual sanctifying ravishment of spirit one day If these then are so sweet what are those things that thou hast lay'd up for them that love thee 4. Consider that God hath prepared these joyes on purpose to glorifie his goodness and power and wisedom in preparing joys for his people worthy of his magnificence and love he doth it for that end that he may be glorified and admired in all his Saints and what cannot infinite power and wisedom and what will not infinite love and goodness do when they set themselves to prepare an entertainment and to bestow a reward that may set forth their greatness What do Kings do in such cases that which is accounted a feast amongst mongst poor people is a rich mans fast If the strength of this consideration were drawn forth it would wonderfully affect us 2. Consider wherein these joys consist for the negative part of them There will be no sickness no pain no death no temporal misery or imperfection nay there shall be no sinne no temptations nor corruptions no desertions no imperfections of graces or duties or comforts What would a poor soul give to be delivered from this body of sinne and death there we shall see God cleerly fully everlastingly there our enjoyments shall be incomprehensible our union wonderfull and inseparable and all shall be eternal What a world of difference is there betwixt a dead carcass and the same body when he liv'd when it is dead it is sensless gastly filthy how beautifull how active how many rare endowments had it when it liv'd and all these proceeded from the union of the soul with it and if the soul which is but a poor creature by its union doth communicate such rare things to the body what do we imagin will be communicated both to the body and the soul when God shall be more neerly united to them then they are one to another when they shall be made more capable of receiving and God will be more abundant in communicating Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the love and goodnesse of God O blessed God from the beginning of the world men have not perceived by the hearing of their ear nor have they seen with their eyes nor have any understood save only thou O God what thou hast prepared for them that love thee how hast thou commended thy love to us that we are thy Sons but it doth not yet appear what we shall be O the length and breadth and height and depth of thy love that cannot be known Lord what are our duties or what are our persons that thou shouldst so highly reward them and us our best righteousnesse is as filthy rags and for us we are worms nay a generation of vipers Is it not enough that thou dost not shake us off from thine hand of providence into hell fire but that thou shouldst lay such Vipers in thy hosome and warm us with thy love Is it not enough for thee to forgive us our rebellions but that thou shouldst give us such blessings were it not a miracle of bounty and goodnesse for thee to bid us seriously to consult and think what to ask of thee and thou wouldst give it us though it were to the half of thy Kingdom but that thou shouldst set thy wisedom on work in preparing and thy liberality in bestowing such incomprehensible rewards that we could neither ask nor think but as farre as the heaven is above the earth so are thy thoughts of love above our thoughts For thee to give thy Kingdom thy Christ thy self these are acts of goodnesse that art infinitely above
oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happinesse of heaven I should finde so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the mercies and love of God His mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these coals of mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and praise of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickeneth else mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy soul again and again awaken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy mouth and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no want of matter and motives of praise in the truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwillingly from this duty MEDITAT III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors sinne and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they lothe God Zec. 11.8 and God by his Prophet crieth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God professe his hatred of sinne if one should spit in a mans face or lay toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as sinne is to God he hates it more then we hate hell how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare dish of meat which he loved above any meat in the world and because there was some small crum of another meat which he had an antipathy against he should fling all with violence and detestation away were not this enough to satisfie you that he abhorred that meat a crum whereof made him abhor that which he so much loved Suppose you should see one take a Watch whose wheels and all the rest were cut out of intire Diamonds and spying some little small and almost indiscernable spider in it should fling it to the ground with so much violence that he should break it all to peeces it would evidently argue how much he detested a spider What excellent Creatures are Angels and yet because a sinne though but of thought was found in them how doth it cast them like lightning into hell Suppose further thou shouldst see the meekest wisest man and lovingst Father in the world taking his Son and scourging of him with rod after rod until that he wereall of gore bloud from head to foot and though he cried out and begged of his Father to spare yet he would not spare him but scourged him to death Would you not say that the Sonne had done somewhat that the Father did wonderfully abhor Hath not God dealt thus with Christ Did he not chastise him until he shed bloud from the Crown of the head to the sole of the feet Did not Christ die under his correcting hand Did not Christ cry out again and again Father if it be possible let this cup passe from me And did he not love Christ more then any Father loved his Sonne and all this because Christ was guilty of sinne though but as a Surety these things are not inventions of wit or rhetorick but reall truths If the destroying of Sodom Gomorrha Jerusalem Angels and the most part of Adams posterity and the whole world save eight persons If the Sufferings of Christ be not enough to satisfie thee of Gods hatred of sinne then thou maist go on to thy own destruction but know this that it will be bitternesse at the last 2. Consider what thou dost when thou sinnest every sinner doth virtually put heaven and Christ and God and his favour and loving kindenesse and all his promises in one scale and that pleasure profit or honour which sinne promiseth with a wounded conscience the torments of hell the wrath of God in the other scale and doubtlesse virtually a sinner choosech sinne with all these mischiefs before the service of God with all his mercies It is as if a sinner should say Rather then I will not satisfie my base lust I will part with God with Christ with heaven and all I will suffer his wrath let God do his worst I will have my will Every obstinate sinner doth in his heart say thus and though now thou little imaginest it yet at the day of judgement this will be made as manifest to thee as if it were writ with a beam of the Sunne Things that now seem lesse consequent shall then be made evident A wicked wretch that sees one of Gods people hungry naked imprisoned and doth not relieve him he little thinks that is all one as if he had seen Christ so and not reliev'd him but at the day of judgement Christ will make it manifest unto him 3. Consider how often thou hast sinned against God Every unconverted man doth nothing else his plowing is an abomination all his imaginations are only evil and that continually Nay though thou art one of Gods people yet David cries out that his sinnes are more in number then the hairs of his head and dost thou think thy sinnes are fewer then Davids How many years hast thou lived how many daies hours minutes thy sinnes are more The Hour-glasse that runs hath not so many sands in it as the sinnes that thou committest in that hour If thou dost not beleeve this consider that there is not one of thy thoughts words actions but is polluted with abundance of sins If thou saist Our Father since thou dost not speak it with that reverence attention fervency faith love joy confidence admiration of his goodness and many other which we are engaged to have when we call God by the Name of Father thou becomest guilty of all the contrary sins and many more that are not named in speaking that one word in thy prayer not as thou oughtst Fear not making thy sinnes seem greater or more than they are 4. Consider further for what trifling vanity nay for what base things that thou wilt be ashamed to own before men thou hast lost God lost thine own soul if thou returnest not and hast brought on thy self more miseries than
thought of them hast thou such a full assurance or is thy life such that thou needest not fear Was not Moses and John as holy as thou Was not John the beloved Disciple and Moses one with whom God spake face to face and yet they trembled O my Soul it is much to be feared that it is ignorance and infidelity not a Gospel-assurance that makes thee so senceless nay it is infallibly certain that whosoever lives wickedly and trembles not at the thought of judgement it proceeds from a conscience seared with a hot Iron 2. Admire and be astonisht at the miserable condition of all those that live without God in the world such are all they that repent not and beleeve not the Gospel 3. Examine and try thy self O my soul Let us judge our selves that we be not judged We may easily know what Questions shall be put to us that day we must be judged by the Word of God then let us judge our selves by it now do we indeed strive to enter in at the straight gate May that which we do in the service of God be truly called striving or no Can a saint praier be called striving or no when every temptation at the first assault overcomes thee and thou fightest not a stroak Is this striving Is this to fight a good fight and resisting unto bloud Do we think that God at the day of judgement will avouch this striving nay can our own Conscience think it so now Be not deceived God is not mocked 4. Pray O blessed God thou that art the great and just Judge of all men be pleased to fit and prepare me for that that that day may not come so as a thief in the night as to rob me of all my comforts deal with me how it seems good in thy eyes afflict me chastise me only let me be saved in the day of the Lord. 5. O my Soul Let us truly consider what we are to do and how we are to live that when others at that day shall call to the hils and to the Mountains to fall upon them and to hide them from the wrath of the Lamb we may lift up our heads because our salvation draweth near Well O my soul I reade in the Word of God that the neglecting to judge our selves and the judging of others are two sinnes that will cause all those to be judged and condemned that live in them therefore I am resolved by the gracious assistance of the Spirit of God for the time to come never to censure or judge any one as I have done and frequently to examine my self and as frequently and severely to judge my self as formerly I have used to censure and judge others and to use as much lenity mildenesse in judging and censuring others as ever I did in censuring my own waies and if I doe speake ill of any one I will if I remember it when I am before the Throne of grace not only begge pardon of my sin in rash judging but as much as in me lies make him some restitution by putting up as many praiers for him as I have spoke evil things of him and let us further resolve of my soul and by thy blessed assistance O God I am resolved and do promise before thee for the time to come frequently and I beseech thee that I may alwaies do it before I do or speak any thing consider whether I dare own that action or that word at the day of judgement and if I dare not own it I will not dare to do or speak it and when at any time I think of omitting of any holy duty and think that such or such an excuse will serve I will bring it before the Judgement Seat of God by seriously considering with my self whether in my conscience I think that God will take that for a sufficient excuse at that great day For the Conclusion of this Exercise I referre you to the Conclusions of the former Meditations for I am loth that this Manuall should swell too much MEDITAT VI. Of Hell BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God Considerations 1. Consider O my soul the greatness of these torments certainly if God so heavily afflicts his own people as he did Job Heman and divers of his people who have been in dissertion many years How sad are the expressions of David he saith he roar'd for the disquietnesse of his soul And how many sad expressions has Job that he had not time to swallow his spittle and how that he chose rather a strangling then life and many other exceeding sad expressions which could never have proceeded from an holy man who is set before us as a pattern of patience if his afflictions had not been very great and Heman said that the terrors of the Lord were so great that he was almost distracted with them and so from his youth up untill that time that he writ that Psalm Psal 88. If this be done to the green tree what shall be done to the dry And if God chastise his people with such rods what scorpions shall the damned be scourged with and if the righteous have been thus afflicted tossed with tempests and not comforted where shall the wicked and ungodly appear what shall the portion of their cup be even the dregs of the vials of Gods wrath for upon the wicked he shall rain snares fire and brimstone and a horrible tempest 2. Consider what the sufferings of Christ were if we do truly and seriously consider how much those words signifie when our Saviour saith My soul is heavy to the death we shall be help'd to understand what our Saviours sorrows were If the wisest holiest and patientest man in the world who was not oppressed or distempered at all by reason of any bodily distemper of melancholy I say if such a man should come to an intimate bosome friend and with a sad countenance should tell him that he was even ready to die because of the abundance of grief and sadness that lay upon his spirit would not this argue that his sorrowes were exceeding great especially when his friend never heard him to complain in all his life though the injuries and sufferings had been very great all along If he should further say unto his friend I beseech you to watch with me surely it would argue an heart overwhelm'd with grief Now I say for our Saviour to say so to his Disciple and afterward to sweat bloud O what unknown sorrows did our Saviour feel How then is it possible for the wicked to escape when God spared not his own Sonne though he was but a surety and those sorrows that made him groan will crush thee to pieces Woe be to that man that is to satisfie the justice of God in his own person 3. Consider O my soul the sad aggravating concommitants of these torments every member and faculty both of body and soul shall be tormented here if our head akes may be our heart
Spirit but with worldly businesse or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VIII To confesse my sinnes without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetnesse of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant with me and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in the world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good If the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make Intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alas my heart is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sinne brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the filthiness that is in sinne Thy blessings are more lovely in our eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thou art the Father of mercies oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. IX Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sinne nor doth the Sacrament of the body and bloud of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears If my sears and griefs were not carnall would they were more but my carnall joys eat out my spirituall grief and my joys also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my soul Go cast thy self into the armes and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maist be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-bloud upon thy poor soul for his heart boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh Infidelity thou art the poyson of my soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mine heart and keepst it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to beleeve Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ oh love me so much as to give me faith to beleeve it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames are gone out that were once kindled in me All the fruit and leaves and boughs are stript from me there are all things to do beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have Is it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. X. If I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesnesse under judgements fruitlesnesse under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulnesse of mien own waies and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sinnes of unkindenesse to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy mercies from me I have heard and read the great mystery of my Redemption of his being scourged and crowned and nailed of his bleeding and dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. XI Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch evidences and signs from actions done many years since My Praiers and other holy duties were matter of more joy when I did them then now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace oh my lost joys and my lost duties where I shall finde you I know not the joys I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from praier with a sad heart and an hard heart My praiers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy motions and the joys of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me why do I walk in this valley of tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but
carnal tears and one great cause of my grief and part of my misery is that I can weep no more sometimes indeed tears stand in mine eyes when I consider these things Lord give me faith O give me faith I feel a deal of Atheism in mine heart Mine heart is so full of corruption of all kinde and all degrees that I can feel no bottome of this stinking ditch Mine Imaginations is divers times a through-fare for Satans blasphemous thoughts which my soul abhors I may even sit down and spend the remainder of my wicked life in weeping and wailing and wringing of my hands and tearing off the hairs of my head My sad soul may say to my God Art thou quite gone from me have all my hopes of thee been as dreams and empty shadows unto me and hast thou shown me so much of heaven and wilt thou make hell more terrible and bitter to me Shall thy sweet mercies be turned into the gall of Aspes to me not only to be bitter but deadly I have cause I have cause Lord to mingle my drink with my tears to water my couch with weeping Thou art too great a God to be dallied withall and what do I else As our dearest Friends though we never so much delighted in their company while they were living yet we are afraid to be alone with them they are a terronr to us after the souls have left their earthly Tabernacles So my praiers while they were living praiers were a great comfort to my poor soul but now my praiers are without life and my supplications are dead they are a terrour to me they look gashly upon me and I upon them Meditat. XII My dear God thouart not moved with words if we had the tongue of Men and Angels if we could speak as never man spake if our hearts meant no more then they do what would our vain words do I am ever weary of my life because of my corruptions I can go no where nor do any thing but my corruptions follow me and tire me even out of my patience O that I could weep over my soul and weep over my praiers to see how dead they are which way to turn I know not I have praied a thousand times for another heart and yet mine heart is as hard as a stone and so full of hypocrisie that there is a world of hypocrisie in my confessions of hypocrisie Lord shall I cast away my confidence and lay down my weapons and put off mine armour because my corruptions are so strong and impetuous and deaden my very soul But alas what am I weary of not of my sinnes but of the accusations of my conscience that will not let me alone Blessed be thy Name that I am troubled that I do not live holily and yet I will strive to live holily Lord mine heart is ertangled in the snares of the world Blessed Saviour thou which hast overcome the world deliver me from the cares and love of the world Alas what good do my tears do me Dost thou bottle up such tears such puddle water in thy bottles Let the bowels of thy compassion yern within the towards my poor soul It is full of sin but my sinne is my sorrow though my sorrow it self is sinful if thou standest as a stranger to me I must give over my self for lost then I may say farewell praiers better to say farewell then to adde to my former sins a greater guilt by defiling my praiers that are as the Chariots to carry out my soul into the bosome of God What am I to stand against corruption or temptations I am no more able to overcome nay to resist them then to remove Mountains I have sinned away my comforts and sinned away my joys and sinned away mine hopes and even my God if thy mercies be not greater and what remains for my poor soul to do but to sit down in sorrow and even to mourn until my soul be heavy unto death It had been better for me that I had not been one to shew the way to others Nay but oh my God that is best for me that thou hast done for me Blessed God do but make me thine Meditat. XIII Alas Oh my soul may not I justly spend the remainder of my daies in sighing to perceive my good God from whose sweet presence I have in former times had so much grace and comfort to be such a stranger now to men and what is worse mine heart so senselesse of his absence The time hath been when myheart hath almost bled within me to think what a miserable condition I should be in if ever it should come to passe that it should be thus Lord why dost thou absent thy self from my poor soul if I were in a desertion of comforts I were in a farre better condition but to be in a desertion of graces and not to be troubled is a sad condition Me thinks I see my stock of grace grow weaker and weaker and more and more to languish as one that is dying the pulse grows weaker and weaker until at last it be no moee O Lord what to say I do not know alas I cannot but call and cry and pray Lord if ever thou wilt take pity upon a poor miserable speechlesse sinner Lord If thou wilt that I may overcome Lord I cannot get mine heart to be content to be damned and indeed since then I must eternally be separated from thee I do not desire to get mine heart to be content but to struggle against it as long as I am able Meditat. XIV To have Satan and corruption come and beset me as soon as I awake and to follow me all the day long and to go to bed with me and to keep me waking to have no respite is a sad condition When I should awake with my God my good God who kept me and watched over me whilst I slept to have Satan stand ready and hold his temptations before mine eyes which way soever I look and to prevail so far with me as at last to make me scarce to hate the sin he tempts me to I feel in my spiritual part an utter abhorring of the sinne I would give ten thousand worlds rather then commit the sinne and yet I have much ado to refrain alas can my secure soul live Meditat. XV. I am in such a wretched temper as to be willing to offend my God and when I go about to grieve sorrow is far from me nay the grief which sometimes I feel is not strong enough to conquer the temptation when tears stand in mine eyes to consider the miserable condition of my soul in being so prone to sin the temptation encreaseth To hear one of thy servants groaning under thy hand and then to stand parlying with temptation and not rather be afraid that the same affliction c. Lord I am in thy hand for affliction lay what thou wilt upon me I must bear it and I would bear it patiently