time to begin the change When I ask young married people if they desire and intend to live together in Godly love and the fear of God they usually answer They hope so to do And surely it would be impudent folly and sin to dare to say otherwise But I think it is plain in too many that there is not really such an heart and hearty desire in them but that they regard little more than brutish satisfaction and carnal enjoyments Nay some behave themselves to each other as if they married only to be in a capacity to torment and vex one another to do the Devils work to hinder each others comforts both in soul and body I desire you would now put that forementioned question to your selves Do you desire and intend and will you endeavour to live together in Godly love and in the fear of God so as to be meet helps for each others good both in soul and body What answer can you think reasonable to that question Ay or No If you answer Ay and think fit that such answer should be taken should be taken for true and no lye that answer then gives judgment of your duty what you ought to do and if not brutish and sensless must engage you so to do The chief design of this Paper is to perswade and direct to begin the married life in the due fear of God so that you may continue in the same We call marriage a beginning of the world and we may make it if we use it aright the beginning of the Kingdom of Heaven The beginnings of Grace continued in will surely end in Glory Sect. I. Some Questions to Conscience in order to convince the Judgment and prepare the mind to receive the following Advices THat your Judgment may be setled aright to approve the best things and to chuse the most excellent way I shall offer several things to your consideration by way of Question and let Conscience give the answer 1. First I earnestly intreat you in the fear of God and as in his presenco to think seriously and ask conscience Whether an holy and heavenly love and life be not best to spend your days together in As having God to dwell with you to have a sense of his good providence over you and that your prayer may not be hinder'd but that you may ever have a grounded hope of his everlasting love 2. Whether Marriage thus ordered may not be esteemed as the greatest earthly comfort or on the other hand Whether an ill managed Wedlock is not the greatest cross of humane life 3. Whether God by his providence has not put it into the hands and power of married people to make themselves happy or miserable as to this world at least and in great measure also their souls in the world to come 4. Whether you come together as Christians or as Heathens and without a holy endeavour to live in godly love what do you more than Heathens 5. Whether there be any love as Christians if it be not with respect to the soul and whether that can be meet help for man or woman that does not help the soul 6. Whether Husband or Wise could take it well to hear the other say I love thy face and thy fortune thy beauty and estate thy body and flesh but for thy soul I care not if it be damn'd and go to the Devil Whether such words would be taken as charming expressions and signs of love 7. Whether an ungodly life and unholy practice be not as much as to say they care not for the souls of one another when they labour not to live together religiously and so to keep each others souls to God 8. What answer canst thou give to thy own conscience at death if thou hast not endeavoured to live a religious life whether married or single 9. Whether that mystical union between Christ and his Church his love in giving himself for it as Eph. 5.25 And also that relation between God and his people whom he has married unto himself Jer. 3.14 both which being represented in that mutual union in the married state do not intimate much of argument for true and spiritual love and to perswade you to labour to cleanse each others souls and to keep each other without spot and blameless as for the coming of the Lord Read these questions over again and ask one the other the Questions and perswade and engage one another to consider seriously of these things And if on serious consideration these questions being truly answered according to conscience in truth and soberness do so far convince your judgment and perswade as I hope they will that your hearts must at least secretly confess and say surely godly love and a godly life is best to love for the souls good is only true love Then confess and own it to one another and promise seriously so to live together as to help one anothers souls and to endeavour each others Salvations and then proceed to read the Advices following Sect. II. Containing Advices to new-marriea People with Arguments to perswade and Helps to perform them THe Advices I have to offer to begin the married state should be few lest the beginning be past before they be read Yet if the beginning be past they cannot be useless because they are always of use in the married state But in particular to new-married people especially if young they are such advices whereby they may lay a good foundation and build thereon solid comforts family comforts lasting Christian comforts Such as being continued and daily followed may render every day a day of comfort and good things and if good in the beginning cannot but be so in continuance and spiritual good being followed always increases to more abundance Adv. 1. First therefore I advise you to begin the married life in the fear of the Lord with holy resolutions so to live together I hope the former Questions have almost at least convinced you that it is your duty so to do Let therefore good resolutions follow your convictions Resolve that your first living together shall be as Christians indeed And let not Satan tempt you to delay lest you quite forget Resolve and endeavour that your first love may be as love in the Lord. To help and encourage you thus to resolve in the beginning remember these three things 1. Remember that the love of the flesh or as led by the flesh is not of God as in 1 Joh. 2.16 Appetite and desires of the flesh bring beasts together 2. Remember that kindness and good nature company and to be helpful to one another in outward things as of this life are what become men and women as being rational creatures and that these things may be found and doubtless are found amongst Heathens such as know not God in Christ Jesus 3. Remember that love in the Lord from a purified heart in earnest fervency and sincerity as 1 Pet. 1.22 with desire to do good
your time religiously in reading some portion of the Scripture or other good book Or talking together of what you have heard read or preached in the publick how it concerns or may concern either of you and perswade and encourage one another to an holy and serious praetice conclude as you begin the day with prayer And so comfort your selves together and edisie one another 1 Thes 5.11 And by no means make it your custome to wander abroad on the Sabbath evenings unless it be to some Religious neighbours that mind the things of God and keep up some good duty as reading or repeating of Sermons or the like And learn of such how to governe your family in the fear of the Lord as every good man should Josh 24.15 Or else on good and warrantable accounts you may go and carry some good book to a neighbour that cannot read And read to them and their family for their Souls good and comfort Or else in the same Spiritual manner visit such as can read but do not who you may justly doubt are careless of their Souls And buy a book for that purpose so may you do good both to your selves and them Or if you cannot read not find a neighbour family to joyne with that usually does so spend the Sabbath labour to procure one that can read to go along with you in those Spiritual errands before mentioned Or if as Gods providence calls you visit â—â—â—h as are sick a thing usual on the Sabbath day and not to be discommended yet be not as idle lookers on only with Complement and how do you do but bring unto them some Spiritual present from the Church from Gods house some word of exhortation or comfort or instruction as they may need And supposing there be no elder grave and serious person that will speak as a Christian do you speak as becomes Christs servant for their Souls good and discharge of your own Conscience O if you have but an heart towards God how many wayes have you to do good for your selves and others and to spend that day in Religion and Piety the exercises of Charity works of Mercy and holy love A joy and comfort that the ignorant dark world are strangers to Adv. 6. One further advice I give in the sixth and last place and that is that you admonish and stir up one another to the Solemn and serious coming to the Lords Table there to receive together the Holy Sacrament of the Lords Supper thereby to renew your vow in Baptisim on your entrance on your changed condition in the married state Therefore take the first opportunity after you are married and help each other before to prepare for it You are now become one discover therefore freely the state of your Soules to each other your thoughts and knowledg in this matter your hopes your doubts and fears and pray for one another and direct and assist each other to understand and to do as God in his word requires and promise together to watch over one another in the love and fear of the Lord and to help each other to walk answerably to the Covenant that being joyned to each other you may both be united to Christ one with him and he with you But especially if neither have receiv'd the Sacrament as 't is too often the sinful neglect of young people forgetting their Baptismal vow and covenant of their youth 't is then more necessary to call on one another and a great token of true love to labour to bring each others Soul under the bond of the covenant To see the Sinfulness of their neglect and make one another sensible of it and hasten that it may no longer continue Yet beware that you come not slightly and carelessly to attend there and by mistake take the Sacrament for a ceremony Custom fashion in Religion or you know not what and so come ignorantly and without faith and so not only unprofitably but to your danger But help each other to consider what the Sacrament is why appointed and how useful to you in every condition Learn to know that it was appointed by Christ himself as a solemn remembrance of what he has done and suffered for the Redemtion of mankind and to be as a Seale of confirmation to all true believers of their share and portion and interest in Christ as indeed given to them according to the Covenant And on our part the Seal of renewing our Resolutions of accepting of Christ and giving up our selves to God according to the Covenant of God in his Grace and Mercy as we promised or was promised for us at our Baptism so we come to receive Gods renewed promises and to renew our owne And so it becomes thro' Gods grace a means of stirring up all Christian graces in us and of keeping down the power of Sin by the Spirit of Christ according to the promise of God and Divine assistance And this it is indeed to all that come sincerely and in earnest desiring to be and to continue true members of Christs Body united unto him and continuing in the Communion of Saints in stedfast Faith and holy obedience and joyful hope thankful love Come then together as fellow heirs of the same grace and renew your Baptismal vow and engagement with knowledg and understanding thankfully and sincerely accepting of and receiving Christ as offered to your Souls by God the Father in the Gospel believing the whole word of God and resolvedly and thankfully giving up your selves to God thro' Christ Heartily and sincerely consenting to the covenant to be Gods people and to take him for your God his Son for your Saviour his Spirit for your Guide and Sanctifier his Word for your Direction his Promises for your Comfort Hope and Trust Renouncing all other the devil and his workes the world and its vanities the flesh and its lusts that in heart and practice you may so live as the Gospel teaches in comfortable expectation of the Gospel-promises thro' Christ For further help in this matter read those Chapters which contain the institution as 1 Cor. 11.23 Lu. 22. Math. 26. And such Books of that subject as you can have as Mr. Glanvil on the Sacrament The Key of Knowledg short and plain The whole duty of Man Sunday 3d. Some one of these read together and talk together and enquire of each others Souls welfare of knowledg saith repentance charity and resolution of holy obedience by renewed life in the married estate giving up your selves to God thro' Christ and promise this to each other and both to God And if you have never been at the Sacrament then after such private preparation go together to your minister whom Gods providence has set over you to watch for your souls and desire his help in setling the case of your souls for increase of knowledg strengthening of faith quickening repentance and directing your practice in every good thing And so receive to the renewing of your
Adam and Eve and didst sanctifie and joyn them together in marriage pour upon us the riches of thy Grace sanctifie and bless us that we may please thee both in body and Soul and live together in holy love to our lives end Amen These you may use or so many of them as you think best only take heed that you may with the words express the true and hearty desires of your Souls to God alwayes concluding with the Lords Prayer as our Saviour in his Gospel hath taught us to pray saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen And then add The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Love of God and the fellowship of the holy Ghost be with us evermore Amen A prayer to obtain Children to be used by those for whom it is necessary O Merciful God and heavenly Father by whose gracious gift mankind is increased we beseech thee assist us both with thy blessing that we may neither of us be barren but both of us fruitful in Children and also may live together so long in godly love and honesty that we may see our Children Christianly and Vertuously brought up to thy praise and honour thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Or instead of these you may make use of either of those that follow which of them you shall think most suitable to your condition to make known the desire of your heart to the heart-searching God The married persons joynt request unto God taken out of Mr. Hieron's help to Devotion THou O most blessed God didst first ordain the married state and it is thy providence by which we which were two are now made one flesh having mutually resigned our selves either to other by our entrance into this holy League It is the desire of our Souls to live together to thy glory and to the contentment each of other This we cannot do without thee for of our selves besides sin we can do nothing unto thee therefore do we commend our most earnest and humble suit that it may please thee so to besprinkle our Souls with the dew of thy grace that from thence may spring a plentiful increase of Sobriety of righteousness and of holiness in our lives Allay in us all sensual and brutish love purifying and sanctifying our affections one toward another that we may in nothing dishonour this honourable state nor pollute the bed of marriage which thou thy self in thy word hast called undefiled but may use this thine ordinance in that holy sort that carnal lusts may be slaked and subdued not increased or inflamed thereby Endue us with a godly care to acquaint our selves with thy blessed word that we may know and understand what duty is required at our hands what authority tempered with love and compassion and freed from all bitterness is committed to the husband what obedience and submission with reverence is commended in the wife what faithfulness in matrimonial duties either to other is enjoyned what providence and care is expected of the man and what assistance and help of the woman And when we know and have learned these things grant that it may be our study to practise them that so the husband may be as a faithful guide to his wife and the wife a crown and credit to her husband Make us wise to observe the natures and dispositions one of another that in all lawful things the one may seek to please and content the other the one may know how to bear with and to forbear the other not winking at any evil in one another but discreetly chusing the fittest opportunities for mutual admonishing without all shews of tyranny in the one or of presumption in the other Open our hearts that we may faithfully and chearfully communicate one to the other that sweetness which we find in heavenly things that sowe may go hand in hand towards heaven And that our chief love and delight either in other may be grounded upon the hope we have that we are heirs together of the grace of life In our family link us together in one common care to oversee the wayes of our houshold to seek the promoting and advancing of thy Kingdom the good instruction and education of our Children and servants Finally O Lord so unite and joyn us together in fidelity of affection that we may ever devote our selves to the procuring of the present and eternal good one of another that so living here comfortably we may reign with thee perpetually in that thy Kingdom which the blood of thy Son hath prepared for those that love and fear thy name Unto which Kingdom O Lord reserve us even for thy Son's sake and for thy mercies sake Amen Another to the same purpose O Lord our God who art pleased to look in mercy on thy poor creatures thro' the Lord Jesus Christ and dost promise to hear the prayers made to thee in his name we beseech to hear our prayers and supplications incline our hearts to pray and be pleased to hear and answer us graciously for Christ Jesus sake Thou O blessed Lord hast ordained the state of marriage and by thy good providence hast brought us together in that holy bond that we might be meet helps for one another And now O Lord we beseech thee frame both our hearts to holy desires to be helpful to each other both in soul and body And help us by thy Grace that we may live together in holy love and assist each other in faith and repentance and sincere obedience to thy holy word and will That we may live together in thy fear and be both of us ever in thy favour Put it into our hearts good Lord daily to pray and call upon thy holy name one with another and one for another Enable us to read thy holy word diligently enlighten our understandings that we may thereby know thy will and quicken us by thy Grace and good Spirit that we may be doers of thy Word And that being taught thereby we may learn truly to sanctifie thy Sabbaths and to give up our selves to thee our God heartily and entirely in frequent serious and solemn renewing the Covenant at thy holy Table in the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper and that we may live together as in Covenant with the Lord and do all that good thou hast appointed us in this state and condition of life to which thou hast called us Pardon we beseech thee all our Sins for Christ Jesus sake And all that vanity whereby we may have ensnared each other since our first acquaintance either in thought word or action savouring too much of the flesh and unbecoming
God in the concern of thy soul in his own word in thy own language and also to be able to use any choice form of prayer suitable to your condition and so powerful to move your affections and draw forth the desires of your hearts toward God tho beyond your ability to compose But if you cannot learn to read or in the mean time till you can you are not without help for you may get some honest godly friend or neighbour to read over a prayer to you so long till you have learnt it that you can say it your self But then you must take heed that this saying over one form turn not to plain formality that you should think as a child that having said over the words you have prayed tho your heart spoke not to God and so look on a prayer as a charm as if God was bound by those words in general to shew his goodness to you when your heart has not made one request or petition to God that is you have uttered words but had no desires This is an usual mistake and dangerous error so that in using forms of prayer your care must be to keep your heart to the duty earnestly desiring with your heart what you request with your lips But tho you have none of these outward helps so that you can neither read nor are furnished with a memory able to keep a form of words in mind yet know that the nature of the duty is such that these wants will no way excuse you Neither should you suffer this want to trouble you if you are willing and desirous to pray much less should you suffer it to discourage you and hinder you from duty and keep you from God because you cannot say over a form of prayer For consider forms are but words but prayer indeed is the speaking of the heart to God whether there be voice heard or words utter'd or not and without the heart both the best composed form and the greatest ability to utter words readily in extemporary free prayer are utterly to no purpose And if from thy heart thou speakest to God humbly reverently with understanding as sensible of thy wants sincerely as by faith depending on him thro Christ thou needst not be troubled for want of well placed words for God wants not words but knows the language of the heart and spirit Rom. 8.27 he is the God of the spirits of all flesh Numb 27.16 'T is true indeed that we want words to express the desires of our souls and to quicken our affections especially when praying with others But when marriage has made you no longer two but one flesh and your interest and desires should be one and the same that your prayers may not be hindred tho the words are not so well placed as may recommend to men yet from a sincere and united heart they may recommend both to God And to remove that bashfulness and being ashamed of words in one anothers hearing remember 't is not to approve your gifts and parts to each other but to approve both your hearts to God so that the fear of this want should not discourage and so keep you keep you strangers from God Consider then the good things you have and enjoy and be thankful Remember 't is fit to beg of God the continuance of them Consider what evil things you either fear or already suffer and beg the Lord to deliver And if there be any thing in particular that either of you want or desire this should be made known to the other that praying together you may join in that one thing and pray one for another as well as one with another And if you are indeed truly sensible of your wants and have an heart to go unto God you have a God to go to who will help your infirmities even he who made mans mouth he will put words in your mouths and teach you what to say so that you shall not want words for supplication and thanksgiving to make your requests known unto God And when you come thus to God with a sincere humble devout soul in the name and mediation of Jesus Christ this is prayer indeed to which all forms whether set or extemporary where such an heart is wanting are no way to be compared This is the language of the soul the heart poured out to God in prayer Adv. 4. The fourth advice I give you is to read the Scriptures together the word of God 'T is the great comfort and help of your souls and a blessed advantage of our Nation and the present time that we may and that thereby we may have in our own Houses that word promise and Gospel wherein Christ and thro him life and immortality and salvation is made known Search the Scriptures for therein ye think you have eternal life Jo. 5.39 So search that the word of Christ may dwell richly in you in all knowledge and Spiritual understanding Col. 3.16 Therein is abundance of hid treasure the unsearchable riches of Christ Something of this should be read every day Reading the Scripture should accompany Prayer at least in the evenings And let this practice be kept as a constant custome unless some extraordinary providence as sickness or the like hinder it If you begin this at first it will with more ease be continued till duty becomes delight and having tasted the sweetness and found the advantage you will look for it and think it as necessary as food or sleep Job 23.12 And to this I add this further advice that you read often good sound and plaine books of practical Godlyness That is at such times as the business of your calling or trade does admitt and tell each other of what good books you have read and what good you have received by them But especially on the Lords day in the vacancy of publick ordinances when you are not at Church then should you read and not only read but also encourage one another in an holy practice of such good things as the Scripture teaches and other good books set before you according to the holy Scripture Remember that if the husband cannot read and has a wife that can to account her worthy of double honour and if possible of double love on that account But let that wife beware she be not puffed up to despise her husband but know that she may yet learn of him as in respect of Judgment and understanding 1 Cor. 14.35 She must not think her self his teacher nor usurp authority over him 1 Tim. 2.12 tho' in this particular a meet helper and great advantage to him So also if the wife cannot read and has an husband that can let her prize him the more on that account as a greater treasure with whom she may have the comfort of a Christian conversation according to knowledg and living together as heirs of the grace of life 1 Pet. 3.7 If neither can read then you had need be more diligent
Covenant and to be further strengthened in Grace But when I say go to your Minister I suppose him such an one as you may think a fit guide for your souls honest holy and a lover of God and the unseen Jesus and for his sake a lover of souls Such as the Apostle describes 1 Tim. 3. and 2 Tim. 2.15 Or if you cannot discern all this in him get one that is religious given to Piety But if so be that your habitation be where a sot or trifler has thrust himself into the Ministry or creept in by ways not allowed of in Gods word nor the Constitutions of the ostablished Church grounded upon that word who spends more time in idle company or vaine sports and fleshly pleasures then in the things of God that denyes in life the power of Godliness I cannot I dare not advise you to go to such an one nor to commit the care and conduct of your souls to him that regards not his own which may indeed more hinder then help your soul But as that Exhortation in the Book of Common-Prayer provides to some other discreet and learned Minister of Gods word That so by his assistance and Spiritual counsel you may come worthily and renew the Covenant And in all be sure that you be sincere in earnest and deale faithfully with God and your souls which will end in comfort and go far to cover many infirmities These are the Advices which I now give you and which I therefore give because chiefly necessary and therefore I heartily intreat you to Consider of them at first and enter betimes on the way of living together in the fear of God There are divers other things the duties of married persons which it is not my purpose to speak of now you may find them in several good books and at your leisure read them for the quickening of Christian love and holyness and increase of Grace And unless you set about these chief things betimes and betake your selves in earnest to God at first it will be in vain to set other duties before you But if it please the Lord to open your hearts to set on the practice of these things betimes I doubt not but you will find the comfort and advantage both of these things and others also as you may partly perceive in the next Section Sect. III. Shewing the advantages that new-married people have to begin to live together in a Religious course of life And the Benefits of such a beginning THat I may further prosecute these my wishes and advices I will here add something of perswasion that may incline you to take this way of holy love and life and joy by entring betimes on a course of religious living I shall therefore in this Section endeavour to shew that it is both what you may do with most advantage at first and also that in which you will find many advantages and comforts afterwards And therefore for encouragement I will make it plaine that this may be done at first with most ease 'T is not a dissicult task one would think at any time to begin to be good and do good It always carries its own encouragement and advantage along with it But we find by experience that corrupt nature is not so easily changed yet there are some particular advantages in beginning betimes and new-married people have some peculiar advantages at their first coming together in respect of doing this good work entring on this good way with more ease which favourable circumstances they are not like to find afterward if they let slip the present Opportunity Some of those advantages most easily observed are such as these 1. The first advantage is the change of your condition for however it has been with you before in respect of life and conversation yet upon marriage you are put upon a change as to the manner of life and that is like being come to a turning way you may as easily go to the right hand as to the left if you are but willing If you have been seasoned with Grace before marriage no doubt but the way of God will be more easily turned to But if you have not yet now on your change you have a new choice and being to begin the practice of your living together you may as easily begin in a religious and holy as in a prosane and irreligious way you are not yet prejudiced by former carelesness in that manner of life which is but now beginning But if you now at first neglect you loose the present advantage and prejudice your selves against the good way of the Lord and every dayes neglect or evil practice will make the work seem harder to be set about 2. The second advantage is that at first it is most easy to perswade one another the affections are then most yeilding and complyant So that Then you may have the greatest hopes to prevaile one with the other and so engage together in a holy and religious life Especially if one have been accustomed to the way of true Godliness before this may now the more easily prevail with the other to joyn in the good and the right way The influences of the first love are great and new-married people are prepared for the most part to suit themselves to each others tempers and inclinations and do most easily yeild to each others defires as in promising to leave off something that is offensive to the other or to do something that is pleasing And we are sensible how strong and prevailing the perswasions of new-married people are to each other in that they work great changes upon some Now the perswading to follow such advices as these being to those things that are undeniably good must necessarily meet with the less opposition when the husband stirs up the wife or the wife the husband to that which is for the souls good and comfortable to it in this present life 3. A third advantage you have at your first coming together is that some such thing is expected in doing of this you do what is looked for at your hands In a Country where the Gospel is professed new kindred friends and neighbours will be enquiring as to matter of Religion and something they will expect tho' they are not in earnest with it themselves and will make some Judgment of your life hereafter by the manner of your first beginning to live together Your partner and yoke-fellow will be looking for this and if bred up Religiously will think it strange that the way of Religion should not continue and although not bred up so yet the man will expect that the woman be well inclined and tho' he regards not Religion himself will expect that she should at some time speak something of that Nature And the woman that regards her husband in respect of his Knowledg will look that he should help and assist her in Spiritual things and that he by this should give the first testimony of true
coming on of children Poor young infants must be looked to sickness or frowardness in them will be accounted a just and reasonable hindrance and is used too often as a pretence when it meets with a delaying and unwilling mind when indeed there is no just reason so to pretend as in the fourth advantage in the last Section 'T is easy to find an excuse for what we have not a mind to It may indeed be allowed sometimes as an interruption but cannot be allowed as a continual hindrance while there is the cradle or the mothers breast to keep peace and quietness for the time of reading and prayer 3. A third disadvantage is the possibility of an increase of worldly business and this may succeed as a continual hindrance when company and visits can be no longer a pretence as in the first Paragraph of this Section So that if you begin not at first when business is less how can a beginning be expected when business is really more 4. The ill custom of negligence will make the heart more dull and dead to all that is good confirmed habits are not easily to be removed you will be apt to fancy that so long you have done well enough without prayer and reading or any religious duty and may still do so And then tho' there be no excuse left yet you will continue in the neglect and this at last will turn to contempt and so you will cast it off quite 5. Fifthly a great disadvantage of delaying and putting off may arise under a seeming good pretence that is of being fitter and more able hereafter You will be apt to think that knowledg and ability will come with age you are yet too young when elder you shall be more able and then it will come of it self But this is a sore delusion of Satan for you will labour still under the same disadvantage and be as unskilful in the way of righteousness when old as when young unless you begin to practise when young And when you find ignorance and inability still continue whereas you thought it would be otherwise you will be apt to judg this work is not to be done and then to think it is not required at least of you but of the better learned and more able and you will be ready to say God requires no more then he gives he knows you cannot when indeed 't is not the want of ability but of a willing mind And the fault is your own negligence who would so long delay your own sinful negligence that whereas in that time you have delayed you might have been able by use and exercise yet are you as far to seek as when being young and delayed to that time of age Heb. 5.12 Still to seek for a beginning and still complaining of that which you pretended hindred you at first Whereas if you had begun in due time you would have found that use and practice through Gods blessing would have rendred you able and knowing now by neglect you find your selves both weak and ignorant And so tho' 't is possible that one may be more capable of learning a trade at five and twenty years old then at fifteen yet we see none put off learning so long Because then is the time to use it and use by that time makes those that begin early then to be masters which if they had deserred on hope of better ability they had certainly been as much to seek then as at fifteen But these particulars are as it were more immediately from your selves but there are other disadvantages of an higer nature 't is true indeed they are disadvantages caused by your own neglect but now depend more immediatly on a superiour power and stand as brazen walls a disadvantage next to impossible to be overcome And that is the long slighting the offers that God has made provoking him to withdraw his divine influences and to leave you without further calls admonitions and helps When the holy and blessed Spirit has long waited to be gracious and it will not yet be that you will be perswaded but are still delaying and shifting off duty with excuses he then departs as grieved Eph. 4.30 The striving and inward motions of the Spirit cease as quenched 1 Thes 5.19 Then as a ship forsaken of the wind thou canst not move You can do nothing without Christ Jo. 15.5 And he has offered and called but you would not consent and he that only can help is now departed in displeasure O what a sore and dreadful disadvantage is this procured by neglect and sinful delay And what danger are you in lest you should be hardned and undone for ever God has called for your first love and you have put him off with trifing excuses And can you think that what you would not have on invitation is so cheap a trifle that you cannot miss it but it must be allowed you when you will No no trifler 't is not so this is such a disadvantage as may make them tremble that are under it and if well considered will set you upon timely endeavours to prevent the Danger 7. Lastly there is another disadvantage of the same sort with that last mentioned and that is the curse of God that the negligent lie under all that time that they refuse God and Christ and the holy Spirit and blessing to dwell with them While you neglect the serious practice of Religion in private you lose all the benefit of the publick ordinances and the private instructions and good wishes of your friends You hear the word preached or read but 't is in vain while you neglect to practice it You do but deceive your selves Jam. 1.22 And put your selves further under the curse of God And from this neglect the curse grows more heavy tho' you perceive it not Here is indeed that dreadful disadvantage as the Apostle tells us Heb. 6.7.8 Those that receive the dew of heavenly instructions from Gods word read or preached or from such books as this and yet bring forth only briers and thorns excuses and neglect they are nigh to Cursing And this is indeed a dreadful state But I have spoken something on this account before in the last Paragraph of the former Section and therefore conclude this Sect. V. Shewing that married people ought to take care of each others Souls and to perswade each other to the practice of holiness I Have set before you the good and the right way to make the married life a comfortable joyful happy state I have shewed you the advantages of entring on those offered joyes betimes and the disadvantages of delaying even the long losing the most comfortable part of the married state and the danger of losing your Souls for ever Now some may think it a very needless thing to add more to perswade But while Satan and Corrupt nature are so prevailing and true Christian love appears so little there is reason to fear that many will not
Christian purity Keep us henceforth in holy Spiritual love that we defile not the honourable marriage-bed by desires too sensual but that we may be instruments of each others chastity and purity both in Soul and Body Take from us all dullness of mind and backwardness to Religious duties and both teach and enable us so to order our worldly affairs that our minds and hearts may be alwayes free for thy service and worship Give us we beseech thee the Spirit of wisdom and of a sound mind that with all gravity and soberness we may govern and rule our selves and families in thy faith and fear and love as becomes those that are followers of the holy and blessed Jesus as taught by thy holy word Be pleased to make us both instruments of good to others especially to our kindred and neighbours to the comfort and releef of those that are in want to the instruction of the ignorant to the reproving and reforming the ungodly and to the good of all We pray thee also to make us diligent in our calling not â—lothful in business but as serving the Lord. And so bless our labours and honest endeavours in worldly things that we may have a competency for our selves and ours and to give to those that want And further O heavenly Father we humbly intreat thee to give us both thy Grace that with pure hearts we may fervently love one another and provoke one another to love and good works and watch over each other for the Souls good And deal faithfully with each other not suffering one one another in carlesness of our Souls or in any sin without due serious seasonable and compassionate warning in thy fear And good Lord give each of us such an heart that we may be willing to be warned of our sin and danger and desirous to be reformed And good Lord help us so to live together as abiding in Christ Jesus that which ever of us thou shalt please to call out of this world first may leave the comfort of a well grounded hope to the surviver that both at last shall meet in purer and undefiled love and joy in the inheritance of the promises together with the Spirits made perfect thro' the blood of the holy Jesus in thy heavenly eternal Kingdom For the sake and thro' the mediation of Jesus Christ our only Saviour and Redeemer Amen A prayer to be used in secret by the married man or woman in respect of each other O Most merciful Father and eternal God who hast appointed and sanctified the state of marriage by thy Command and word and by thy good providence hast now joyned me with a partner and companion for the married life Guide me I beseech thee by thy good Spirit that I may do my duty in this state of life to which it hath pleased thee to call me That I may not make the liberty thou givest me an occasion to the flesh nor thro' weakness turn thy permissions to sensuality Pardon I beseech thee all my infirmities and failings in that matter and help me that in all circumstances I may keep a conscience void of offence both towards thee my God and towards men That I may sincerely perform my duty towards thee and with a pure heart be fervently affectionate to my dear yoke-fellow That I may be a good guide and example to my family and in all quietness and sobriety patience and prudence a follower of those who have served thee with godliness and walked in thy Commandments blameless And guide I beseech thee my dear yoke-fellow and endue him or her with thy Grace and blessing both in Soul and Body O keep him or her I beseech thee from all temptations and all inclinations to evil Give him or her an heart to hear and obey thy holy word and keep him or her from all sickness and bodily dangers And so keep us both in thy fear and holy love to each other that we may receive good and religious counsel of each other and truly follow the same and watch for each others Souls good So that at the end of a chast and holy conversation in the Lord we may together enjoy the promised felicity of thy chosen in thy everlasting Kingdom thro' our dear and only Redeemer the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used by the woman when conceived with child O Merciful God and heavenly Father who hast made all things and preservest all things and hast appointed marriage as the way of continuing the generation of mankind I desire to be thankful that thou hast called me to the holy state of marriage and in that state hast given me the blessing of the marriage bed even strength to conceive with Child The fruit of the Womb is a blessing from thee O God alone which all the treasures on earth cannot purchase And now O Lord I beseech thee continue thy blessing giving me strength both to bear and bring forth let the sickness and illness attending conception bring me more seriously to consider of the sin of our first parents how the woman was in the transgression and thereby my sorrows multiplied that I may be truly humbled for my natural corruption which Lord in thy mercy pardon and cleanse me from thro' the blood of Jesus Christ and give me comfort in that gracious promise of the Seed of the Woman that should break the Serpents head Lord I humbly beg that the expectation of pains and sorrow in travel and bringing forth may bring me to more serious thoughts of my Soul and my duty and may quicken me to repentance and stir up my heart to lay faster hold on Christ Jesus by a lively faith that all my sins may be forgiven and that I may be more watchful to all Christian duties of my place and that I may wait with patience the appointed time and be prepared for life or death as thou shalt be pleased to appoint And that I may be saved in childbearing Lord strengthen me with thy grace and keep me by thy power that I may continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety And when the time appointed for delivery shall come help me patiently to bear the pangs and thro's and sorrows And let them be sactified to the humbling of my Soul and bring me thro' all I beseech thee by thy power and goodness And give me a living child with all its parts limbs and sences in due order And grant me in due time a safe recovery of former strength that I may no more remember the anguish for joy that a man is born into the world to become a member of Christs Church that I may be glad in the Lord who is pleased to make me a chanel of blessings to my husband and family Or if thou seest fit to finish my life by this danger in child bearing be pleased to receive me to life eternal in thy heavenly Kingdom But if it be thy blessed will I desire humbly to live
to see my young one brought up in thy faith and fear That I may dedicate it to thy self in holy Baptism And instruct it betimes in thy holy word that I and those thou givest me may be thine for ever Lord hear and help thy poor handmaid that has no help but thee To thee I desire to make my request 's known with thanksgiving for all thy mercies To thee O Lord I commit my whole concern as to a faithful creator Do thou O Lord hear and help and forgive me and do for me what in thy heavenly wisdom seems best Even more then I can ask or think and all for the sake and thro' the mediation of thy beloved Son the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used in a family either morning or evening by changing the conclusion O Lord Almighty God King of Glory who from the height of thy habitation dost behold all the inhabitants of the earth considering all their wayes and providing for them of thy goodness we O Lord have received abundantly of thy bounty and loving kindness for which we desire to return praise and thanksgving And now we beg the continuance of thy mercy to us Thou commandest us to call on thee And Lord whither can we come but unto thee O Lord our strength and our redeemer O shed abroad thy love in our hearts and stir up our Souls to lay hold on thee that we may not seek thy face in vain Lord give ear to our prayer answer us graciously Lord we confess we are unworthy to call on thy holy name by reason of those many sins with which we are defiled full of corruption by nature having sin dwelling in us and alwayes present with us by which we offend daily both in thought word and deed We have broken thy holy law by neglecting those duties which thou hast commanded us and doing those things which thou hast forbidden And we have added to our sins much slightness and contempt not regarding thy wrath much impenitency being unsensible of the filth of sin and carelesness in not seeking to be cleansed from sin thro' the boold of Christ Jesus tho' thy mercy hath provided that redemption for us O Lord to us belongeth confusion of face because we have sinned against thee shouldest thou Lord be extream to mark all that is done amiss who could abide it But with thee there is mercy and forgiveness that thou mayest be feared thou hast appointed to poor sinners an Advocate thy Son Jesus Christ the Righteous who is the propitiation of our sins and sits at thy right hand to make intercession for us In his name O Lord and for his sake we beg that thou wouldest pardon all our sins and blot out all our transgressions Give unto us that true and lively faith that sincere and hearty repentance that true conversion and new obedience that our sins may be blotted out and we justified freely by thy grace thro' the redemption that is in Jesus Christ And being reconciled unto thee thro' the blood of thy Son be pleased to take us into thy protection and defend us against all the power of sin and deceits of Satan O let not sin reign in our mortal bodies that we should obey it in the lusts thereof but let the blood of Christ purge our consciences from dead works to serve the living God That every one of our Souls may be zealous of doing good to thy glory Teach every one of us to know our several duties and by thy grace enable us to do them to thy glory and the good and Comfort of one another Bestow upon us the blessings of this life so far as may be for our Souls good give unto us continue with us renew for us bodily health and strength and all our senses Provide for us food and raiment and make us content with the portion thou givest and what in thy wisdom thou seest fit to deny us in the things of this life teach us to bear the want with humility and contented submission and be pleased to make it up unto us in Spiritual blessings that we may use the world without abusing it and improve every providence to thy glory Good Lord prepare us for our latter end enable us so to love that we may die in the Lord and live for ever with our God Be pleased to bless thy whole Church especially this nation in turning every one of us from our iniquities that our sins may be pardoned our Souls sanctified our lives reformed to thy glory praise so that we may enjoy peace and truth in our dayes having thy Gospel still continued among us To that end we beseech the bless all our governours with holy wisdom and all the ministers of thy word especially thy Servant under who 's ministry we are that he may faithfully deliver thy word to the edification of our Souls Comfort all the afflicted with mercies suitable to their distresses particularly such as we know or those that desire to be remembred by us Lord Sanctifie all their afflictions to their Souls good Bless all our friends and relations with renewed sanctified hearts and lives that we may have Godly comfort in them they in us all of us in Jesus Christ our Lord. Conclusion for Morning WE bless thee O Lord for that thou hast kept us in peace safety this last night and refresht our bodies with quiet rest and sleep we pray thee continue thy goodness to us this day keep us in all our thoughts words and actions from all sin Enable us for our work and business that we may do good in our place keep us from sickness and every sad providence bring us to the evening in peace that our Souls may praise thee And in the end of our lives receive us to thy everlasting kingdom for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord in whose name and words we sum up all our desires as himself hath taught us to pray saying Conclusion for Evening WE thank thee O Lord for thy good providence over us this day past for keeping of us and providing for us Pardon we beseech thee all our sins and failings this day keep us in peace and safety this night refresh our bodies with sleep convenient for us bring us to the morning in peace and be present with us when we awake Guide and preserve us the next day all our dayes nights that we may finish our lives in peace in thy fear and holy joy and enter into thy everlasting kingdom in heaven for Christ Jesus sake our only Lord and Redeemer in whose holy name and words we conclude praying as himself hath taught us saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil For thine is the Kingdom And the power And the glory for ever and ever Amen FINIS
to spend such times of leisure in holy and enlivening discourses considering each others estate as in the respect of your Souls and call on one another that both together may call on the Lord. And if neither can read it is further advisable that you endeavour to get acquaintance and familiarity with some godly Christian neighbour that can read whither you may often go and spend the evenings especially before Children come on to hinder not to wast time as the worldly custome is to talk of news you little understand or of the affaires of the town or parish that little or nothing concern you but to desire them to read some portion of the Scripture or other good book to help you in the great concern of your Souls Or if your business in the world be such as admits of taking prentices or Servants labour to have such as can read they may on that account be of more advantage to the family then their bodily labour And this I alwayes look upon as duty that if Servants cannot read you endeavour that they may be taught and if they can read 't is your duty to keep them to reading at fit times and 't is prudence so to do as it is profitable to your selves and family I shall conclude these two last advices with a caution which I hinted before that you be not ashamed of weakness and inability in private before each other either in respect of reading or praying I mean not to neglect these private duties because you think you cannot do them well enough therefore do not do them at all because one shall not take notice how weak or ignorant the other is This oftentimes is a snare and great occasion of neglect and if not carefully avoided may make all the advices here offered to be to no purpose if you suffer this sinful bashfulness to hinder the beginning or setting about the work till you think your selves better fitted and more able Satan and your own evil hearts will be ready to suggest this often as a means to promote delay and so 't is made too often a continual hindrance But to prevent this if possible I propose these Considerations 1. First consider that marriage having now made you one flesh there is no reason to be ashamed of doing your duty tho' you perform it but weakly because you ought in Justice to think that so near a relation as part of your self will not despise but rather pitty and help as one flesh And as they ought will cover with the robe of love the infirmities that possibly may be discovered Because now that which is the shame or disgrace of one reflects on the other and so becomes the disgrace of both and for one to despise the other is to dishonour themselves and none ever yet so hated his owne flesh Two members of the same body may be touched with grief for the weakness of each other but not with shame but rather help and beare the more of the burden if either be weake so the poor beasts drawing in the same yoke are not ashamed to help tho' not so strong as their fellow So tho' thou art sensible that thou canst not do as thou wouldest yet do this duty as well as thou canst and be not ashamed for 't is thy duty 2. Secondly consider what great folly it is to pretend to be ashamed to do thy duty because thou canst do it but weakly and therefore to leave it undone when thou art not ashamed of thy sin in neglecting such plain and necessary duties which tend so much to the glory of God thy interest in Christ for thy Souls good and are so cheif a part of Christian love to thy yoke-fellow Let Conscience tell thee which is worst to do duty willingly and sincerely tho' weakly or to let it alone undone Sure that is shame indeed 3. Consider that it is only want of use and exercise in this duty that makes you bashful and therefore you are loath to begin but if you will begin and master those first reluctancies you will find that practice will make you dayly both bolder and abler 4. This pretended shame and bashfulness will be a continual hindrance till you begin This will make you draw back when convinced of duty and Satan will hold this argument fast and use it long in the war against thy Soul And when there is nothing else to hinder but shame if ashamed to day the same argument will hold to morrow and the like the next day and so on as a continual pretence for neglect till you begin but then no longer For if once you have begun shame is broken and troubles you no more or at least but weakly Now consider every one has a beginning and beginnings in all are usually weak in respect of after improvements and performances Be not then longer ashamed to begin 't is God commands the necessities of both your Sou's require Christ has prepared the way Heb. 10.19 Therefore put on boldness and you will grow more able and find more comfort Adv. 5. The fifth advice I give is that you sanctifie the Sabbath the Lords day joyne together in this at the first and take the more diligent heed to do this because you cannot but observe that it is generally too much neglected notwithstanding that plain command of God Ex. 20.8 Therefore as God has set that day apart from others for himself and commanded you to do so also do you set that day apart to be spent by you in the Spiritual business of God and your Souls And if you know that either have neglected before marriage then you have the more need to deal faithfully in warning one another and telling each other plainly of the Sin in that particular especially if you have been the occasion to one another of neglecting the Sabbath This too often is the Sin of people of a mean or low condition tho' not of those only that make their wooing visits appoint such meetings for idle walks mixt with folly and prophane discourse or idle chatt on that day An ill beginning and possibly may be the cause in great measure of so many unlucky marriages which afterwards go on in ungodly living and tend to increase of misery If this then has been your case you have the more need to bring one another to a sense of that sin and to a speedy change and newness of life when you have been the occasion of ensnaring each other in so great an evil Wherefore spend not your first Sabbath in idle and needless visits to see new cousins and new neighbours Neither spend that nor any other Sabbath at home in sloth and folly under pretence of reading a chapter But go both together to Church to the ordinances and publick assembly of Gods people and never neglect as the manner of too many is Heb. 10.25 unless hindred by some extraordinary providence And when you are returned home from the Ordinances spend