not troubling himself so much with the small scratches found upon the inferiour members Through the wisdom of the Head the house is built and with understanding it is established Prov. 24.3 where this is wanting that house is nigh to desolation according to that of our Saviour Mat. 12.25 A house divided against it self cannot stand It were to be wished that Christians especially under the ties of conjugal Relation could learn to bear with one anothers infirmities and so fulfil the Law of Christ A cholerick Couple being asked how he and his Wife liv'd so comfortably and sweetly together The man answered When my Wifes fit is upon her I yield to her and the woman said When my Husbands fit is upon him I yield to him and so we are never angry both at once It were well if the one were as David's Harp to appease the fury of the other It seldom proves an unhappy Conjunction when the one is deaf and the other blind the Man must not always hear nor the Wife always see Love covers a multitude of sins Prov. 10.2 Neither can the Man 's not doing his duty discharge the Wife from doing hers A soft answer pacifieth wrath on both sides But the Author being large in these things I only shall commend to you the practice of Domestick affairs And first there is a sinful quietness a meer piece of Stoicism when persons concern themselves with nothing let things go how they will having the use of no passions at all for even the evenest weights are easily put into some unevenness tho' they tend at last to a settlement in an even poise and so the most even and sedate tempers are naturally prone to some little exorbitances tho' they soon return to their quieted centre Paul a very still man after his Conversion and became all things to all men that he might gain some tho' he was a rough piece before exhorting them all to meekness of Spirit Col. 3.12 That they should put it on as a Garment implying that they had as good go without their Garments as suffer themselves to be stript of this Grace of Meekness yet he could be in a flame and stands up in the Vniversity of Athens and in the open street reproves their Idolatry So Moses the meekest man yet he shewed he could be moved upon a just cause and at the sight of the Calf he fumes and flies out as if he had been a man made up of Salt and Gunpowder rashly throws down the Tables of the Law and breaks them all in pieces And Christ himself as meek as he was could take a scourge of small cords and whip the buyers and sellers out of his Fathers house Stilness in not Stoicism Secondly There 's a holy stilness or quietness of spirit in all conditions bearing that quietly which we cannot help possibly This is my affliction and I must bear it It is a Grace of Gods Spirit Dove-like like himself Nature can't reach it Philosophy can't teach it Nature is a tetchy piece full of cholar Saul a turbulent Fellow no body that feared God could be at quiet for him But when the Spirit of God came upon him it made him as tame as a Lamb and so 't was prophesied When the Spirit should be powred forth the Lion shall lie down with the Lamb Isa 11.6 And it is made the Character of an nunderstanding man He should be of an excellent Spirit of a cool Spirit so the Hebrew Prov. 7.27 A cool spirit in opposition to a hot spirit is an excellent spirit and an excellent spirit is a cool spirit Indeed some new spirits are naturally cool without Grace as many Heathens were that had made a conquest over their natural tempers by improving their reasons and fixing their resolutions yet not being from the Holy Ghost it can but pass for a natural Virtue in them but never for a spiritual Grace This mystery is not learned at Athens but at Jerusalem None but God can give it none but Christ can still the wind the waves of the turbulent Sea of unruly passions therefore we must pray heartily if we mean to live quietly Moreover 'T is not the quieting of the tongue only if the mind be still unquiet Some can pinch in their passion when yet their minds are like the troubled Sea and burn inwardly like fire put up and this is more immediately the work of God We say to a discontented person Set your heart at rest but 't is God only can set the heart at rest Nor would I have such fiery natures shelter themselves under Religious Priviledges What! a Religion that cannot bridle the passions and bring the Soul to the foot of God! That is a poor Religion indeed 'T is a sad thing that God cannot lay a cross upon a mans shoulders but the proud worm must shew himself displeased and the Almighty must look to himself the Arrows of bitter words flying from him so thick and fast against the Providences of Heaven God must know he will not bear it he will not take it at his hands he will not put it up Finally I could wish this following Treatise might have entertainment in all sorts of Families Quiet Families that enjoy the warm Sun and the serene Air in pure Love and Peace how shou'd they bless God for the ornaments of a meek and quiet spirit while others are staked down in the Suburbs of Hell restless Spirits like the Inhabitants of tormenting Tophet Vnquiet Families let them read and consider and read it over and over again if peradventure God may be merciful unto them and still the unruly waves having sent the means of it into their houses and put it into their hands If in any thing it prove distastful and makes thee winch attribute it not to the ill-preparedness of the Medicine but the incurableness of the Distemper If thou throw'st it away because it makes the wound smart Fare wel Live in love and peace and the God of love and peace shall be with you I should greatly rejoyce if any thing in the ensuing Treatise prove instrumental to establish Peace in Families and be helpful to make up breaches between Men and their Wives I know the Authors design is principally to promote this end That would make this Discourse effectual to beget and maintain Love and Peace between Men and their Wives is the hearty Prayer of READER Thy real Well-wisher J. R. THE Introduction IT is observed That many Husbands and Wives that are eminent Professors of Religion yea such as are truly gracious as well as Professors through the weakness of their Graces and strength of their Corruptions do live together in much discontent and that there are often manifestations of Wrath and Discord between them yea and many times their passions grow to such an height that in their anger they speak and do such things as do very much disparage their Professions and discredit Religion and cause the Enemies of Religion to speak
they ought not to have a bitter mind so where love is prevalent they cannot proceed to reviling words or to averseness or estrangedness or any abuse of one another And if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of love will heal it so that here you see that too much self-love and too little conjugal love is another cause of discord between Husband and Wife and that party that is first provoked and grows most furious is most defective in Love 3. Pride is another cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife for it is the diseased temper of the heart that causeth dissentions more than occasions or matters of offence do A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seems to tend to its undervaluing A proud Woman is always jealous of her Honour and Reputation is also very suspicious of contempt so that the least seeming injury provokes her to choler and disdain because she is ready to imagine that thereby she is exposed to contempt Solomon saith Only by pride cometh contention Prov. 13.10 The meaning is that Pride is good for nothing but to cause brawling strife and contention Pride alone of it self without the aid of any other thing is sufficient to kindle contention yea the wise man observed so much Strife and anger to come from Pride as that he seems to speak as if Pride was the only cause of all brawlings so that the least spark of anger kindled with the smallest occasion bursteth out into a raging flame of fire if it be blown with the wind of pride or self-conceitedness A proud humour that would have all stoop to it if it meet with the least seeming slight is presently hurried with unquiet and turbulent thoughts which are fit Harbingers to prepare a lodging in the heart to entertain anger And this is clear from the nature of Pride for 't is a fountain-sin a root-sin productive of many other sins it nurseth nourisheth and bringeth up many other sins and it is the mother of these three very bad Children First It makes men and women boast of Themselves of their Wisdom Parts Accomplishments and their Pedigree as the proud Jews did when they were contending with Christ Say they We have Abraham to our Father So some will say I am the Child of such a godly Father I was such a mans Son or Daughter or such a worthy mans Wife and shall I be slighted now and so brings forth the second Daughter Contention and be wrangling with any one that crosseth the proud humour fret at any thing that looks like an undervaluing fume at rage at and revile any person that will not be observant of their wills and cannot endure to be hindred from insulting and commanding And this being the humour of many Husbands and Wives it produceth and nourisheth their passions But the third Daughter of Pride is Contempt Proud persons do despise and vilifie all whom they converse with for some Wives despise their Husbands in their hearts as Michal did David that let Husbands carry it as obligingly as they can yet because their Wives do despise their persons they will despise their actions and so be angry with every thing that they do they do despise their actions and company too with abhorrency as the stomach doth meat which is offensive to it and so like their Husbands like ill-savour'd meat From this ground every thing that their Husbands say or do is offensive to them so fly at them with bitter and reproachful words but the truly humble woman is not provoked to anger though she be neglected because her lowly conceit of her self makes her to think that she is not worthy to be much esteemed nor yet is she angry tho' she hath received an injury because she thinks she hath deserv'd it either by like faults committed against her Husband or more heinous sins against God so that it is clear that another great cause of that Wrath and Discord that is between Husband and Wife is the pride of that party that is most passionate And it is evident from the Scripture that Pride is the chief ground of sinful anger if we read Prov. 21.24 Proud and haughty scorner is his name who dealeth in proud wrath So much inordinate passion as one hath so much pride he or she hath for pride is as much seen in frowardness and passion as in any thing and there is a proportion between sinful passion and pride in every ones heart and that man or woman that hath a passionate spirit hath a proud spirit let them seem to be never so humble in other things for the truly humble Soul is of a meek spirit for Christ joyns meekness and humility together Mat. 11.29 Learn of me for I am meek and lowly I shall evidence to you in these following particulars how passionate and angry persons are proud persons and how pride raiseth their angry passions First Proud persons are impatient of being contradicted in their speeches be they right or wrong You must say as they do and not gainsay them So if passionate persons be opposed in what they say or do they are in a flame presently An angry person cannot bear the least contradiction Secondly Pride makes persons uncharitable and censorious They extenuate other persons Virtues and good Works and suspect ungroundedly their sincerity They will vilifie others and give them disgraceful terms Thus will passionate persons do They will judge the party that they are angry with as a vile base unworthy person and censure him for an Hypocrite void of all inward and real good Thirdly Pride causeth men and women to hate reproof Those that are proud are forward in finding fault with others but love not a plain reprover of themselves as in Prov. 15.12 A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him They can easily endure to be evil and do evil but not to hear of it So passionate persons impatient of admonition they will not endure to be told of their faults They storm and rail at every reproof that is given them their spirits are too hot to be told of their faults Fourthly Proud self-conceited persons are ever talkative persons and more desirous to speak than to hear They will suffer none to speak but themselves because such think always highly of their own understandings So angry persons rage if any offer to discourse in their presence if any presume to speak they take exceptions at every word If their passions are high their first word of command is Hold your peace and say no more or be gone out of the Room They cannot endure the company of those that will adventure to reply to any thing they say They are too high to be answered again though by their Equals and Superiours and this kind of passionate rage is the effect of Pride Fifthly If proud persons be wronged they look for great submission before they will forgive you must lie down at their feet make
evil of the ways of God because of their disorderly carriages Therefore I have endeavoured in the ensuing Discourse to shew the causes whence usually Wrath and Discord doth arise between them and have shewn which of them is most faulty when Wrath and discord happens Also I have opened the evil of Wrath and Discord between such near Relations and have laid down some Rules and Directions how they may prevent it for the time to come and divers motives to perswade them to use those Directions Indeed it hath very much troubled me to observe the hot contests that have been between such relations about very trifles how some will be offended and cannot tell wherefore They have been of such cholerick constitutions that they have enquired after occasions to feed their anger Alas how much are such carriages unbecoming the Gospel how much do such persons dishonour God and prejudice their own Souls The consideration thereof hath put me upon using my weak endeavours to gather such means out of the Word of God as may prevent their continuance in such disorderly carriages that they may not any longer drink the Waters of Meriba that is of Strife their common drink lest they find them prove Waters of Mara that is Waters of Bitterness at last I shall pray them to suspend their passions so long as seriously to consider what I have written that what they find agreeable to Gods Word they would endeavour faithfully to observe AN ANTIDOTE AGAINST DISCORD BETWEEN MAN and WIFE I. Whence is it that Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife doth arise 1. ANger and Contention between Husband and Wife doth arise from a prevailing principle of flesh in the heart a fleshly mind produceth much strife and violent passionate disturbances 1 Cor. 3.3 For ye are yet carnal for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions are ye not carnal and walk as men The meaning is the flesh prevails in them more than the spirit the remainders of old Adam are very strong in them that party that is touchy and takes distast at every trifle doth evidence that much unmortified corruption remains in that heart and I say when distast is taken at that which is not positive sin then distast is taken at a trifle Now when corruption prevails in the heart it will break forth and blister upon the tongue 't is because a person is rotten in heart that he is rotten in language as in Mat. 12.34 you may smell the filth of some mens hearts by their breath and it is from this root from this ground that some persons are all for strife and debate hereby strife is the very element wherein they live and they live and love to live in troubl'd waters yea also in the fire of trouble they are persons of contentions If their fleshly principle was not so prevalent their passions would not be so violent and it is sad when the strongest bent of some people are for strife that they can discover the boisterousness of their spirits upon every frivolous occasion and certain it is that either Husband or Wife that is soonest angry with the other is most carnal for anger wrath variance strife contentions and hatred are fruits of the flesh and they are seldom separated Gal. 5.20 So that a persisting in this disorder is a contrivance to fulfil the inordinate motions of inbred corruption Now passion and contention is usually accompanied with carnal emulations litigious strivings for trifling matters enmity variance a muttering of disgraceful and opprobrious words These usually go together and raise a tempest of wrath and by that violent commotion the person is transform'd into a very beast and these must needs be the fruits of the flesh because they are directly opposite to the fruits of the spirit which are love peace long-suffering gentleness goodness meekness c. and those that bring forth the fruits of the spirit are able to moderate their anger and can patiently bear and forgive even many real injuries and will not be provoked but for such just causes and not more or longer than the word of God allows So that it is evident that one ground of Wrath and Discord between such near Relations as Husband and Wife is the prevailing of a fleshly principle in the party that is more passionate 2. Self-love is a cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife whereby the one party so inordinately loves it self that it hath no true conjugal love for the other that he or she never thinks of the injuries and indignities which he or she offers to the other or else will suppose them to be none or else lightly esteem of them as not worthy the recital on th' other side makes the party guilty of this self love or defect of conjugal love heinously to agravate the injuries offered to its self and so make huge Mountains of small Mole-hills and causeth its heart easily to apprehend the wrong and to be busie in meditating of it being apprehended and then longeth for revenge one way or other wishing some disaster to fall upon person or name or both of the other and are glad to be freed any way from the relation thinking nothing sufficient to make amends for so great an indignity offered one of such worth as the party fondly and falsly conceits it self to be And if the self-lover hath not so much respect given as is expected is presently provoked to a furious rage When a Wife is mastered by self love she over values her self and under-values her Husband she can wink at the injuries she offers her Husband and put on spectacles of affection when she looketh on those wrongs which are offer'd to her whereby it cometh to pass that every small matter seemeth a great injury and provoketh her to great anger whereas if she thought meanly of her self and lov'd her Husband as her self she would not have suffered her self to be over-ballanced with the weight of self-affection in judging of the injury nor in giving the reins to her anger to rise to such an hâ—ight If the Wife had an endeared love for her Husband her love would have more force to restrain her from reproaching and reviling her Husband then any injury or seeming contempt of her could have to provoke her to anger For love suffereth long yea suffereth all things and is not provoked to anger 1 Cor. 13.4 7. The prevailing of self-love and the cooling and decay of conjugal love is the fundamental cause of all disturbances that are between Husband and Wife and that party that is most passionate hath least conjugal affection and by want of this love small matters do exasperate and breed distast and he or she that is most furious is most faulty For an Husband or Wife cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against one another if they dearly love one another and every thing that provokes is a small provocation which is not a breach of Gods Law And as
maist contain thine anger for a longer time Enter into a resolve in the strength of divine assistance that whatever occasions may be offered thee yet thou wilt refrain to manifest thy wrath and displeasure and so by little and little thou shalt attain an habit of patience and meekness 5. In those that are guilty of much furious passion their anger doth cause abundance of sin as in Prov. 29.22 An angry man stirreth up strife and a furious man aboundeth in transgression Anger is the door and gate of Vice and therefore the Psalmist saith Psal 37.8 Cease from anger leave off wrath fret not thy self to do evil as if he would imply that to abound in anger is to abound in sin and it cannot be but a person must be guilty of much sin that lives in fretting passion and inward unrest More sin is committed by a person in a fit of passion in one quarter of an hour than a meek-spirited man commits in a quarter of a year Moses in his zeal for God broke the two Tables of Stone whereon the Law was written and sometimes passionate and angry people in their wicked heats of spirit break all the ten Commandments and in most fits of passion they break in pieces most of the Commandments of the second Table Peoples vile wicked and sinful lusts when they are pleased stir not But when once the heat of anger doth arise that warms these lusts they then like Snakes warmed with the Sun hiss and spit upon those that are about them When there is a Land-flood that the Brooks get over the banks and over-flow the Meadows they carry with them a great deal of soil and a great deal of filth Thus it is in an over-flowing of all affections but especially in the over-flowings of the affection of anger there comes a great deal of filth along with it for when once by rage the eye of reason is blinded the angry person is easily led into a gulph of all wickedness He that is of an hasty spirit exalteth Folly Prov. 14.29 that is exalteth wickedness When persons are quick and short of spirit they are transported into many indecencies which dishonour God and wound their consciences If men and women do not check their precipitant motions by delay and due recourse to reason they will be guilty of abundance of wickedness For motions vehement and of sudden eruption run away without a rule and end in folly and inconveniency Prov. 14.17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly By frequent fits of passion anger is concocted into malice which doth evidence a very wicked disposition and is found only in the most depraved natures James saith cap. 1.20 The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God Intimating that it is so far from working righteousness that it worketh all manner of evil There is in a persons anger somewhat of rage and violence which vehemently exciteth the person to act and taketh away the rule according to which he or she ought to act So anger causeth peoples conscience to be stanied with the impurities of their lives 1. Violent passions cause Men and Women even to flie in the very face of God and walk frowardly towards him which God complains of in Isa 57.17 And went on frowardly in the way of his own heart When every Providence doth not suit with persons humours or if their Husbands or Wives do cross them they will be in a pettish humour against God fall out with God for permitting such things to befall them and so out of a pettish humour they lay aside and have no mind to set upon any duty that they owe to God And when Gods dealings are at any time opposite to thy will and permits any to molest thee thou complainest that God hath dealt hardly with thee Certainly there must needs be a very malignant humour in thee that makes thee act thus frowardly against God and how sad is it for men and women by the violence of their passions against their nearest Relations to act frowardly against God O thou Husband or Wife thou art angry with thy Husband or with thy Wife and wilt thou manifest thy frowardness against God and because thy Husband provokes thee wilt thou provoke God because he injures or wrongs thee wilt thou injure and wrong God What infinite unreasonableness is this What boldness and presumption is this There is so much evil in it as is impossible for any to utter it is so abominable 2. When men men or women are in fits of anger one with another when the Wife falleth out with the Husband the fear of the great and dreadful Majesty of God the infinite God and the dreadfulness of the fear of God is all gone and she is bold upon sin she cares not what she saith or what she doth she fears not Gods displeasures while the fit of passion and contention lasteth for the fear of God is to depart from evil and there can be no restraint from sin when that is gone In peoples fits of angry passions their reproachful and reviling speeches do much dishonour God and their actions flatly oppose his will While they are angry they do not stand in awe of God and thereby their unruly Lusts are let loose running up and down doing mischief sinning against God and their Brethren Indeed the gratifying of passionate humours doth make persons cease fearing God in fearlesness of God is a mighty provoking sin See what Almighty God saith in Jer. 5.22 Fear ye not me saith the Lord will ye not tremble at my presence And in verse 24. Neither say they in their hearts Let us now fear the Lord our God And in verse 29. Shall I not visit for these things saith the Lord shall not my soul be avenged on such a Nation as this O then be sensible what great provoking sins anger and contention do occasion 6. Husbands and Wives by the frequency of their angry passionate fits make themselves all their lives contemptible to others Some Husbands and Wives think to be terrible to others in their passion but they discover so much folly as that they make those that they are angry with to despise them They may think to gain the more authority and make others stand more in awe of them by their being angry with them but they see so much rashness and distemper in their passion that nothing deprives them of their authority respect more than this constant passion of anger when small matters puts them into a fiery sit Indeed if persons did but observe their shameful carriages when they are in passion after they were come to their right minds and in a calm frame of spirit did but consider how much they were disdained and contemned for it it would make them ashamed of their anger However many are angry because they would not be despised but keep others in subjection to them yet nothing in truth doth work base esteem and disregard in the minds of those that
and too bad to be harboured in the hearts of Husbands and Wives that will hinder them from enjoying fellowship and acceptance with God in prayer that will either make them cease to pray together or if they do pray will make their Prayers vain and fruitless as passion and discord usually doth Also anger and discord is a very great evil in hindering Husbands Wives to do good by unfitting them to come together to the Sacrament of the Lords Supper I question not but many angry Husbands and Wives are convinced in their own consciences that they ought not to come to the Sacrament in a passion when they are angry with one another they know they must lay aside wrath and malice then and be in charity with all persons Hence many Husbands Wives will rather lose a Sacrament than come in a passion Many will say I could not come to the Sacrament because my Husband and I fell out or my Wife and I fell out Now this is a vile thing that when there is a Sacrament that Men and their Wives are convinced that they ought to come unto but the breaches that are between them hinder them So many men and women by giving way unto their passions are unfit to hear and read the word unfit for any act of obedience of the Divine Will unfit for any act that hath a tendency to promote the Glory of God So that the violence of passion doth hinder Men and Women from doing of any spiritual good 3. Passion and frowardness doth hinder Husbands and Wives from doing good to one another in disables them from admonishing one another of any fault because an admonition is to be administred in a spirit of meekness A furious person is very unlikely to convince another of sin neither hath such an one any heart to give another whom he or she is disgusted with any spiritual counsel That secret prejudice which is harboured in the angry persons breast hindereth him or her from doing any offices of love for his or her nearest Relation but instead of doing such a Relation good will do him or her the greatest prejudice that may be done Angry persons are no way servicable to the good of others rather offering indignities than kindnesses to them Here is a sore evil indeed that angry Husbands and angry Wives are neither serviceable to God themselves nor one another O then do not let thy passion rage for every trifle thou then makest thy self unfit either for the service of God or man and what a sad thing is it to be a useless Creature not capable of doing any good Oh then it is a sad and sore evil to be an angry passionate froward and contentious person 8. Anger passion and frowardness of spirit hinders persons from receiving any good A froward spirit is unfit to take in any good there is no dealing with angry and froward Spirits when they are in their fits as there is no Physick to be given to a man when he is in the heat of his Feaver so there is no meddling with angry persons when they are in a flame You must come to them when they are quiet or else you will not be able to do them any good and indeed this is the horrible distemper of this passion that God and man must stay till it be down that God should not only wait on persons to do them good but also wait upon their wicked vile base Lusts that he must stay till they are over before they are fit to hear him speak to them Now it is a meaner thing to wait upon a persons humour than to wait upon the meanest Creature in the world When the fire of anger is kindled in peoples hearts they are fit to hearken to nothing their souls are on fire and not fit to hear any thing thus mens angry passions hinder them from receiving good And angry person is impatient of admonition which is ordained of God as a means of their recovery from sin Angry persons will flie in the face of a reprover they cannot endure to have their ways and actions found fault withal the more you endeavour to convince them of their sin the more they are exasperated the more you persuade them from their evil course they grow the more furious in their passion they are not fit to receive any good counsel while they are angry they are obstinate and resolute if you smite with a Reproof 't is as if you had struck upon an Anvil it makes no impression on them And also anger is the cause that the word of God becometh unprofitable Anger causeth men to entertain the truths of the word of Life as wind in the stomach doth wholsom meat that will not suffer it to enter Those that will benefit by hearing Gods word must be slow to wrath James 1.19 For anger hardens the heart that the Seed of Life cannot take root or leave impression yea it makes resistance to the Work of Grace Those Spirits in whom there is a wrathful fierceness rise up in rage against the Word of God Angry Spirits think that the Minister raileth when he doth but discover their guilt to them so peoples passions stir them up many times to a fierce opposition of the Truth but let such consider that their perverse opposition with be their ruine as in Luke 7.30 they rejected the counsel of God against themselves that is to their own loss Though anger may not altogether hinder or keep them back from hearing yet it will fully hinder them from practice for then only persons receive good by the Word when they practice what they hear when they are doers of the word and not hearers only O Husband or O Wife dost thou observe what an hindrance thy froward and passionate spirit is to thy receiving good Indeed it is a sore evil to indulge thy self in that humour which resisteth those means that should do thee good whereby tho receivest no benefit by any means that is used for thy good yea the allowing thy self in thy passions doth deprive thee of the good thou hadst before thou art not only hindred from receiving more good but thou shalt lose even what thou hast It is reported that some Pearls may be dissolved by Vinegar so there are many excellent things in men and women but they are dissolved by the Vinegar of passion the Vinegar of passion doth stain the spirits of men and women and causeth them to lose that Beauty that they had before yea to lose much of the sweetness of the enjoyments of God himself yea it makes them lose the sense of Divine Love As we cannot discern the Sun when we are near a scorching fire so the Heavenly heat of Divine Love is not felt if the furious flame of anger be kindled in peoples hearts Froward Christians have little sense of Gods love towards them O then O Husband or O Wife Do thy continual brawling hinder thee from receiving good by admonitions counsels
and all ordinances and make the means of Grace ineffectual to thee Do they deprive thee of the good thou hast and deprive thee of the light of Gods countenance Do they cause the withdrawing of the light of Gods countenance O then what an evil thing is it for thee to be angry with thy Husband or thy Wife upon every trifle Thus I have opened the great evil of contentions between Husband and Wife in shewing the evil effect of their anger and discord between each other 2. Consider O Husband or O Wife Anger is a sore evil because thy angry fits of passion do grieve the spirit of God Though by venting the froth of thy froward passionate spirit thou may'st please thy self yet thou grievest the Holy Spirit It is an ill thing to grieve thy friend and indeed none are more grievous to their dearest Friends and nearest Relations than froward and passionate people When thy Friend comes to thy Family and sees thee in a froward and passionate temper it grieves him and thou grievest the heart of thy Husband It may be also he goes and complains of it to God and thou grievest thy Friend and he complains of it but this is worst of all thou grievest the spirit of God When thou art in a fit of passion the Spirit of God goes away to Heaven sadly as it is in Ephes 4.30 31. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice The Apostle unto that command grieve not the Spirit immediately subjoyneth this let all bitterness c. be put away intimating that otherwise they could not cease from grieving the Holy Spirit Here are mentioned various degrees of anger and every one of them doth grieve the Spirit By bitterness of Spirit is understood the lowest degree of sinfui anger and also by Bitterness is understood all secret smothered displeasure and alienation of affection which hath more of discontent and grudge than of revenge The next degree is wrath or fierceness of Spirit which is an impetuous rage and passionate commotion of the heart and affections upon the sense of an apprehended injury preventing and obstructing the use of reason and in some it grows to a desire of revenge and a fixed resolution after deliberation to have that desire satisfied In some anger breaks out into boisterous words loud menaces and other inordinate speeches which are the black smoak whereby the fire of anger and wrath kindled within first manifests it self and then anger proceeds to evil speaking uttering disgraceful and contumelious speeches by which the party incensed doth endeavour to stain the reputation of him who hath seemed to have offered him or her a wrong Of this sort was Saul's anger 1 Sam. 20.30 Now all and every degree of anger doth grieve the Holy Spirit of God and darken much the Work of Grace in the heart there being no sins more opposite to the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Gal. 5.22 Then those sins are so that where such sins are given way Grace must needs be on the decaying hand O the prevalency of sinful passion is very injurious to the Spirit of God! it grieves the Spirit so much that he will withdraw his motions his guidance assistance and comforts from angry persons O then if thou would'st not grieve the Spirit of God lay aside all bitteresns wrath and anger c. Consider what an heinous evil anger wrath and frowardness of Spirit is Thou dost not only by thy passion grieve thy Friend or near Relation but also the Spirit of God and wilt thou be so ungrateful as to grieve that Spirit that hath done thee so much good that is appointed by the Father and by Jesus Christ to be thy Comforter even the Comforter of thy Spirit If thou hadst an ingenious Spirit thou would'st think it an ill thing to grieve thy Friend and if thou hearest thou hast done that which hath grieved him in will grieve thee exceedingly O then how should it trâ—uble thee and grieve thee that when thou art in an angry passion thou dost grieve the dearest Friend thou hast in the world thou dost grieve the holy Spirit of God 3. O Husband or O wife by thy giving way to excessive anger thou dost give place to the Devil Ephes 4.27 Thou dost cast open the doors to Sathan the capital enemy of thy Soul to enter thy heart and incite thee by his uncessant suggestions to act some mischief As Sathan is dethroned and shut out of the hearts of all true believers and though he shall never reign over them at his pleasure yet he is daily watching searching out if it were but the narrowest passage and least opportunity whereby he may again re-enter his old possession and exercise his former Tyranny and where excessive or sinful anger is not only given way to but also continued in there doth Sathan get an open door to settle himself in the heart and exercise his power by inciting the person guilty to commit more wickedness A furious angry person is the prey of Sathan for this raging passion having put out the eye of an angry persons reason Sathan makes him a fit instrument for his own business so that unadvised anger is a notable means that Sathan useth to work some persons destruction for when once rage hath blinded the eye of reason he can easily lead a person into a gulph of all wickedness O then if thou dost permit anger to rage in thy Spirit if thou dost nourish thy froward humour and art so often contending with thy Husband or with thy Wife thou dost gratifie thy self exceedingly thou dost do as he would have thee thou dost give him a welcom entertainment in thy heart Alas how canst thou fancy such a monstrous Fiend as to comply with his suggestions Be not so vile a wretch as to be kind to the mortal enemy of thy Soul His design is to have thee angry and so contentious that he may hinder the exercise of thy reason and so make thee unreasonable in thy actions O then when thy anger begins to rise suppress it with this consideration If I give way to my anger I please no one but the Devil all others except the Devil are displeased with my anger and frowardness That act must needs be dreadfully evil which the Devil doth rejoyce in the doing of What a sad wretch wilt thou evidence thy self to be in despising the counsel of God and following the Devils God bids thee not to be of an hasty spirit but to forgive the trespasses of thy Brother and the Devil tells thee Be not such a fool as to pass by such wrongs or suffer such opposition and wilt thou slight God to hearken to the Devil shall the Devil prevail more with thee than God Wilt thou shut the door of thy heart against God and open it to let in Satan Then thou makest thy self a Child of
sin that thou may'st not be so much under the power of a strong bent and inclination unto sin that it may not have such life power vigour promptness and readiness to be stirring This mortification that I here intend is a daily endeavour after the weakening and abolishing of in-dwelling sin by little and little that it might not incline thee imploy thee with such efficacy to make thee a servant to it as heretofore If thou let the root of thy corruption abide in strength and vigour it will be still bringing forth new fruits of the flesh and thou wilt be hurried into violent passions upon every slight occasion Ane if we see persons raging in wrath and fury we may conclude that in-dwelling sin is in its full power and vigour in them Now thou canst not carry on this work of Mortification except thou art ingrafted into Christ by Faith I do not say Except thou art assured of it but Thou must be indeed a true believer because mortification is not done without the aid of Gods Spirit who is promised to do it and all other means are vain without him Now the Spirits aid for the work of mortification is not gained except we are in Christ by Faith and when we are in Christ we have the Spirit and so have power for mortification All attempts then for mortification of in-dwelling sin without an interest in Christ are vain for there must be first Conversion and Faith in Christ then mortification will ensue Know then that sin cannot be killed without an interest in the death of Christ or mortified without the Spirit Thou then being a believer make daily and sincere opposition of in-dwelling sin rise then mightily against the first movings and acting of thy corruption against its first conceptions let it not have allowance from thee for one step for it is impossible to fix bounds to it If thou findest thy corruption to begin to entangle thy thoughts rise up with all thy strength against it with no less indignation than if it had fully accomplished what it aimed at else it will get ground in the affections to delight in it and if thou findest it too powerful an enemy for thee set Faith on work in Christ for the killing of thy sin His blood is the great sovereign remedy for sin-sick Souls Fill thy Soul with the due consideration of that provision which is laid up in Christ for this end that thy corruptions may be mortified Behold the Lord Christ that hath all fulness of Grace in his heart all fulness of Power in his hand He is able to slay all thy corruptions there is provision enough in him for thy relief and assistance Then raise up thy heart by faith to an expectation of relief from Christ and thy Soul shall be satisfied with the relief it expects he will assuredly deliver thee he will slay thy corruptions Mortification of sin is one peculiar end of the death of Christ which shall assuredly be accomplished by it And this whole work that I am pressing thee to endeavour after is effected carried on and accomplished by the power of the Spirit in all the parts and degrees of it and that thou may'st have more power to oppose and weaken the power of thy corruptions beg of God earnestly for Christs sake to give thee his Spirit O then is it from the corruption in thy heart that thy passions break out against thy Husband or against thy Wife in thy life Is it thy corruption that makes thee froward and contentious that makes discord between thee and thy Husband Then bend all thy strength against thy corruptions by the aid of the Spirit endeavour the mortification of the deeds of the flesh Rom. 8.13 Before the strength of thy corruption is weakened thy anger and frowardness will not be prevented for as the motions of original sin are permanent thou wilt not be rid of the body of Death until the death of thy body so they are exceeding violent and impetuous in their operations and puts people into violent passions upon small occasions If thou dost not oppose thy corruptions thou dost not endeavour to prevent tiâ—y breaking out into furiousness of Spirit Keep down then thy in-dwelling sin and thou wilt not have such hot contests with thy Husband or with thy Wife for quarrelling and contention come from the Lusts that are within James 4 1. Consider then when ever any thing displeaseth thee If I be angry I gratifie my corruptions which I am bound to mortifie Col. 3.5 Certainly thy froward carriages to thy Husband do arise more from the evil that is within thee than the displeasure that is done thee Thou hast just cause to say It is not my temptation but my corruption that makes me froward and so do thou fall a studying to mortifie thy corruptions if ever thou wilt prevent thy passions 2. Consider O Husband and O Wife if you will prevent fallings out with one another keep up your conjugal love in a constant heat and vigour Love will suppress wrath as well as prevent it you cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against those that you dearly love much less can you proceed to reviling words or to averseness and estrangedness or any abuse of one another or or if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of Love will heal it but when Love once cooleth small matters will exasperate and breed distast Therefore I shall give some directions how conjugal love may be maintained and preserved 1. Take more notice of the good that is in one another than the evil Leâ— not the observation of one anothers faults make you over-look or forget one anothers Virtues Love is kindled and preserved by the sight of Love and Goodness If you will observe nothing in one another but your infirmities and some indiscreet inconsiderate and unadvised actings You neither preserve Love nor keep Peace with one another If you will magnifie faults in one another and flight and despise any good qualities you take the readiest course to destroy conjugal love and beget hatred to one another therefore turn away your eyes from one anothers humane frailties and prize what you can see of God in one another and put a charitable construction upon words and actions and this is an excellent way to cherish conjugal love and prevent dissentions between you 2. Stir up that most in one another into exercises which is best and stir not up that which is worst Avoid that which will move your corruptions to violent operations use such actions as may provoke one another unto love and good works and then the good that is in you will most appear and the evil will be as buried There is some uncleanness in the best on Earth and if you will be daily stirring the filth no wonder if you have the annoyance and for that you may thank your selves Draw out the fragrancy of that which is good and delectable in
to prevent anger and furious passiâ—n in thy self or Husband and as ever thou desirest peace to be kept between thy self and Husband do not affront him with contempt of his superiority 10. As thou art a Wife if thou hast a desire to maintain conjugal love between thy self and Husband and prevent discord between you then live in a chearful contentedness with thy condition take heed of a froward impatient and murmuring spirit It is a continual burden to a man to have an impatient and discontented Wife Many a man can bear great afflictions that yet is not able to bear his Wifes impatiency It must needs trouble him to hear his Wife vexing fretting and murmuring at the Works and Providences of God tâ— hear her night and day complaining and speaking distrustfully and to see her live disquietly is far heavier than any affliction for thereby she refuseth to submit to the will of God and is not willing that God should choose her conditions for her but is dissatisfied with Gods dealings with her O then as thou desirest to prevent the decay of conjugal love if thou wilt prevent the disturbing by self with angry passions as thou desirest to live in peace and quietness strive to keep a cheerful spirit under all thy disappointments submit to the will of God under all his dispensations beware of muttering and manifesting discontent when Gods Providences do not suit thy humour Thus thou seest the way to preserve conjugal love Follow those directions that you may walk sweetly and lovingly together If you had more love one to another you would have less discord between one another and you would not be so soon angry one with another Where passion is violent love is weak Were your love stronger your angry passions would be-weaker You cannot carry it frowardly to one whom you dearly love You can have but little esteem of that person that you are angry with upon every trifle Indeed that woman that carries it imperiously and furiously towards her Husband had never any real love for him she married him before she loved him O then put an high price upon the quietness of your spirits and be not easily deprived of the sweetness of it Do not let your frowardness caused by a defect of love to each other destroy your calmness and serenity of spirit for a trifle Where conjugal love is defective the Husband and Wife never knew what the sweetness of a quiet meek and patient spirit meant O then keep warm your conjugal love that will make you prize a quiet spirit at an high rate and be willing to suffer much for it and follow after it because there is so much good in it Love will make great crosses and provocations easie to be born Do then nothing that may occasion a decay of love between you 3. If you would prevent the occasions of wrath and discord you must mortifie your pride which is the cause of anger and impatiency A proud and contentious spirit always go together You that are Wives are most subject to this sin Your Pride will make you turbulent and unquiet with your Husbands and contentious with all your Neighbours Your frowardness anger and discontent are the only effects of the height of your Spirits Except you can as the Apostle adviseth Col. 3.12 put on humbleneâ—s of mind you will never have meekness of spirit for proud spirits are usually fiery spirits but humility is patient and doth not aggravate injuries If then you would keep a quiet frame of Spirit free from anger and impatiency be sure that you keep an humbled Soul that over-valueth not it self Such as think meanly of themselves think meanly of all that is said or done against them but such as magnifie themselves do magnifie their Provocations Pride is the most impatient sin it is the Devils bellows to kindle peoples corruptions and set the hearts of near Relations and whole Families in a flame for that without mortifying of Pride there is no possibility of preventing anger impatiency and hot contests between Husband and Wife That party that is proud will take every thing amiss that is spoken or done by the other 'T is humbleness of mind in Husband or Wife that will keep all things quiet between them therefore I shall endeavour to give some Directions to help you to mortifie the pride of your hearts 1. Labour to set the excellency of the grace of Humility before your Souls and 〈…〉 the beauty and excellency of this Grace and by being convinced of the excellency of this grace you will abhor the pride of your hearts and come to be adorned with humility None so submissive to the will of God none so contented in the condition that God puts them none so prevalent in Prayer none so quiet and free from disturbances none so serviceable to God none receive more grace and favour from God than humble Souls None do more patiently bear crosses and imitate Christ than humble Souls None so thankful for mercies as such as are sensible of their unworthiness of mercies O how beautiful doth humility make a Soul O then how desirous should all be to be cloathed with humility This would preserve peace and unity and endeared love between Husband and Wife For this would prevent your giving offence to each other or taking offence at each other If you were convinced of the excellency of this grace you would be fond of no other excellency you would not think better of your selves than others you would not boast of what you have but be humbled for what you want If you did not ever-value your selves for some seeming worth or excellency that you apprehend to be in you you would not so much storm at every thing that opposeth you 2. Press much after a clearer knowledg and fuller discovery of God The more you do converse with God the more humble you will be and the more will the pride of your hearts be mortified If you consider Gods infinite glorious perfections and the immensity and infinite greatness of God what a distance there is between God and You it must needs make you have a mean esteem of your selves When you compare your selves with God you are nothing yea less than nothing Did you see more of the power more of the sovereignty more of the holiness of God in Himself and more of his goodness to You you would have no heart to exalt your self but rather abhor your selves The Prophet Isaiah cap. 6.5 cries out He was undone because such a polluted creature as he was had seen the King the Lord of Hosts His bodily eyes had seen the signs of his presence and the eyes of his Soul were so over-prest with the present weight of his Glory that in this his frail condition he could not bear it but cries out He was undone As he had never seen so much of God before so he was never so deeply humbled before he never cry'd out before I am undone which word
implietâ— the greatest sense of his own vileness nothingness and wretchedness The true reason why people at any time carry it so high with God that they have a good opinion of themselves is because their notions and apprehensions of God are so infinitely below him Did they know God more how would they fear before him and stand as persons astonished at the presence of his Majesty It is peoples darkness about God which emboldens them beyond their bounds or the line of Creatures and the reason why carnal persons and hypocrites carry it so stoutly before God is because they know not God aright They may bâ—ast of their knowledge when they know nothing as they ought 1 Cor. 8.2 Persons never see how imperfect they are till they see themselves in the light of Gods Perfection when they duly see themselves in that Glass they greatly abhor themselves because they see no beauty nor comliness in themselves for they cannot but see much deformity in themselves when they behold the Beauty and Glory of God As when we behold that Beauty we shall abhor our selves for our deformities and defilements so we shall be daily mending and cleansing our selves from them That sight of God Job had cap. 42.5 6. humbled him so deeply as to work in himself abhorrency But now mine eye seeth thee wherefore I abhor my self 1. An abhorrency of a sinful self or loathing of self for sin and evil done Ezek 36.31 2. It signifies an abhorrency of righteous self or a loathing our selves in the good yea even in the best that we have done Isa 64.6 So that a truly humble Soul abhorreth his righteousness as never to trust in it at all This the Apostle saith Philip. 3 7 8 Self righteousness is Gold and to be embraced in conversation but it is Dung and to be abhorred in justification An humble Soul doth abhor self-righteousness because he is convinced that self-righteousness is a weak and imperfect thing even in sanctification therefore he is so far from boasting of it or trusting to it that he hath a kind of abhorrency of it that as to justification he looks on it as abominable And as he abhors it because 't is unfit and incompetent in it self for justification so also because it is utterly inconsistent with the tenor of the Gospel wherein God hath removed all mans Righteousness how pure soever it may be from that use and directed us to look only to the Righteousness of Christ for that use which the Apostle calls the Righteousness of God Rom. 10.3 because 't is that which the Wisdom of God the Father hath provided for us and which the Worthiness of God the Son hath wrought and procured for us Pardon this digression I have reason for what I do O then would you get your pride mortified that begets and feeds your angry passions endeavour after fuller manifestations of God seriously consider God as revealed in his Word converse more with God get more acquaintance with God know and consider how much God is above and the meaner you will be in your own eyes the fuller discoveries you have of God the more sensible you will be of your own unworthiness and the more calmness will you have in your own spirits and the more able you will be to resist provocations unto anger We have no cause to wonder to see persons in the world that do not know God to have bold and presumptious spirits and have their spirits lifted up in vanity But it is a wonder that a Soul that ever had any sight of God should have any rising of spirit that any sinful heights of spirit should be in that Soul that knows what an infinite God he is to deal with O converse much with God and then you will be humble Souls That Soul that never goes from duty without experiencing communion with God is very humble and nothing hath that excellency in it as that which comes from conversing with God and upon the sight of his excellency 3. Consider that the more you see and know your selves the more you shall be abased and lie low in your selves A right knowledge of your selves is that which should bring your hearts low Do but seriously consider what you are in your selves what abundance of filth and vileness there is in your selves and you will not have any high thoughts of your selves O then study your selves more converse with your selves and endeavour to know your selves more and that noxious wind of ostentation by which proud persons are vainly puâ—â—t up in their fleshly minds will be let out and avoided Let every proud person consider what he is let the question be put to his or her own Soul thus Who am I or what am I that I should have a proud thought shall dust and ashes shall one that is but a shadow a vapour but as grass a flower of the field and in his best estate altogether vanity be prâ—ud O consider whatever thou art as to this world thou canst not be long what thou art in thy highest perfections attainable in this world thou art very mutable and the higher thou art the more mutable thou art and what hast thou to be proud of Shall perishâ—ng things be proud things wilt thou be lifâ—ed â—pâ— with what thou hast which as 〈◊〉 the wâ—rld is of â—o little being as thou canst haâ—lly be said to be Consider all these things which are as fuel and occasions of thy priâ—e Thou must shortly give an account for them to God and the more thou haâ—â— received in any kind whatsoever the stricter will thy account be for thy Accâ—unt will be proportionable to what thy Râ—ceipt is Luke 12.48 To whomsoever much is given of him shall much be required Consider wâ—at thou art by Nature and whiles â—n thy unconverted state thou wert a Child of Wrath as bad as the basest and vilest wretch in the world thou wert full of sin the seeds of all kind of sin there is no sâ—n in Hell it self but the seeds of it were in thy heart thy heart and life was full of sin all the faculties of thy Soul were full of sin all the members of thy body were instruments of sin thy Soul and Body was polluted and loathsom and in that condition thou wert succourless and helpless thou could'st never deliver thy self thou wert wandring from God and would'st have wandred eterâ—aâ—ly if God had not looked upon thee in mercy There was such a breach made between God and thy Soul that had all the Angels n Heaven or Creatures in the world laid down their lives for thee thou could'st not by their deaths have helped to make up that breach Look back to this condition and thou wilt see cause enough to be low in thine own eyes Consider what thou might'st now have been if the Lord had takâ—n advantage against thee Thou art now in a comfortable condition thou now comest among the people of God into the assemblies of the Saints but thou
might'st have been amongst the damn'd Reprobates thou might'st have been roaring in Hell and sweltring under the wrath of the infinite God and if God hath made any change in thy state consider what trouble it put Heaven and Earth unto that the Son of God must take thy nature upon him and die and be made a Curse to deliver thee from that condition Now these things should be mighty humbling considerations Also consider what thou should'st be if God should leave thee tho' he hath done great things for thee shewed thee himself Christ the evil of sin and the excellency of eternal life yet for all this if God should but leave thee to thy self for one quarter of an hour Oh! if God should but withdraw his Spirit from thee one moment thou would'st depart from him and lose all that thou hast and be brought into as miserable a condition as ever thou wert thou would'st be plunged into the depth of all evil O certainly serious considerations of these things will very much subdue the pride of thy heart and keep down the risings of thy Spirit O then in the midst of thy fulness do thou think of thy emptiness in the midâ—â— of thy perfections think of thy deficiencies Think how much and in how many things thou art wanting when any thought of Pride ariseth concerning what thou dost enjoy and wherein thou dost abound Indeed thy wantings being a great deal more than thy aboundings and thy imperfections more than thy perfections should be to thee a greater matter of humbling than thy abounding or perfection can be an occasion of Pride Consider the deficiencies in thy self how low thou art in knowledg how low in grace how much thou art behind others how much thou art below what thou might'st be and have attained to both in the light of Knowledge and in the strength of Grace and this will mightily humble thee then consider how much thou comest short of what others have attained as it is an excellent means to keep thy Soul from murmuring and discontent to consider how many are below thee in the enjoyments of the comforts of this life so it is an excellent means to keep thee from pride to consider how many others are above thee in spiritual endowments so far above thee as thy knowledge is but ignorance compared with their knowledge thy strength weakness thy faith unbelief thy patience unquietness of spirit thy very fruitfulness barrenness compared with theirs Such considerations are mighty humbling considerations Again consider and reflect upon thine own sinfulness Thy defects in good may keep thy heart low but thy abundance of sinful evils may keep it much lower Thou hast yet a body of sin and death that thou carriest about with thee O abundance of sin and corruption remains in thy Soul Then consider thy sin as acted and brought forth by thee consider thy unthankfulness to God and all thy unworthy walkings before God notwithstanding what he hath done for thee Look on sin and thy heart must needs come down The remembrance of sin abiding in thee and acted by thee is an excellent means to put a stop to the further a â—tings as of all other sins so of this sin of Pride also The reason why thou art so proud of thy self is because thou art so art so ignorant of thy self Didst thou know thine own ignorance and misunderstandings didst thou know all those abominations that are in thy heart what earthly-mindedness what inordinate Creature-love what passions what envy lie there didst thou know how deceitful and false thy heart is towards God thy self and others such knowledge would make thee strike sail and come lower and make thee abhor thy self exceedingly Dist thou once know thy self aright what a frail blind and sinful Creature thou art how humble and heavenly would'st thou be Didst thou rightly know that thou art a Creature it would cause thee to live more like a new Creature Didst thou remember that thou art but a Creature the work of Gods hand this would keep thee low and humble but didst thou know what a sinful polluted Creature thou art thou would'st soon come not only to a lower estimate but an utter abhorrency of thy self Thou dost over-think thy self because thou dost not know thy self Thou dost over-rate thy self because thou dost not rightly understand thy self O then endeavour to understand thy self better and endeavour to make use of those considerations that I have here hinted This is the way to make thee sensible of thine own nothingness This is the way to mortifie thy pride and keep thee humble and if thou wert more humble thou would'st be more peaceable with thy Wife or Husband 4. Be much in the meditation of Christs humbling and abasing himself for thee What can kill pride if the humblings of Christ do not How may'st thou school and chastise thy proud Soul with the remembrance of Christ in his abasements What! was Christ an humble Christ and shall I be a proud Christian was he an humble Master and shall I be a proud Disciple Did Christ empty himself and make himself of no Reputation and shall I that am but emptiness be lifted up with a Reputation of my self or with a Reputation that others have of me Did Christ abuse himself to the form of a Servant and shall I lift up my self as if I did reign as a King Christ humbled himself and became obedient to death even the death of the Cross and what have I to glory in but the Cross of Christ Gal. 6.14 O then if thou hast any thing to be proud of 't is the Cross of Christ Think then often and much of the humblings of Christ and then thou wilt think of thy self as a meer nothing This is the most effectual means through the Spirit to bring down the swellings of thy heart and to make thee truly humble And thus I have ended what I have to say in directing thee how to get thy pride mortified and thy spirit humbled O then if thou would'st be restrained from sinful anger and if ever thou would'st have any quiet in thine own spirit and carry it peaceably and quietly to thy Husband or to thy Wife endeavour to be of a more lowly spirit and to be cloathed with humility As long as thou dost nourish thy proud humour thou wilt fall out with thy nearest Relation for every trifle but a lowly spirit doth its utmost to preserve peace and unity Such a one is so tender of others as that he or she is not willing to grieve any one in the world much less an Husband or a Wife Therefore the Apostle saith Philip. 2.3 Let nothing be done through strife and vain-glory but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves The lust of vain-glory whereby a person endeavours more to gain esteem from men than to honour God is the mother of contention and strife and a great enemy to union and peace and here the
see that the manner of the Lords dealing with thee is tender and compassionate Psal 25.10 All the ways of the Lord are Mercy and Truth to them that fear him and keep his Testimonies When thou deservest to be cut down root and branch and cast into unquenchable fire he doth only lop and prune thee to make thee more fruitful Therefore if the matter be well weighted thou hast more cause to be thankful than to be offended Consider with thy self when any word is spoken or any act done by thy Husband or by thy Wife that hath a tendency to discompose thee and say It is the will of God to afflict me in my Wife or in my Husband O but this is not the full desert of my sin this is not Hell I deserve severer dealings from God than these and this will suppress thine anger that it break not out 3. Consider when thou dost meet with any matter of provocation from thy Husband or thy Wife that God in his infinite Wisdom will dispose of every thing for thy good if thou dost love God Rom. 8.28 Why then should'st thou vex thy self with anger seeing God will turn the injuries wrongs crossings and slightings of thy Husband or thy Wife into blessings Therefore when any wrong is offered thee which thou canst not by any just and lawful means avoid Do thou say with our Saviour Christ John 18.11 Should I not drink of the Cup that my Father hath provided for me should I be angry with the Cup because the Physick is bitter or with the hand whereby it is conveyed to me My Heavenly Father correcteth me for my good and amendment I will not therefore be angry with whom I am beaten but rather look to the principal hand that layeth the chastisement upon me and the happy fruit that brings with it and thus thâ—u may'st keep down the risings of thine anger when thy Husband or thy Wife doth distast thee 1. If thou dist observe the hand of God in any contradiction that thou hast from thy Husband or Wife which might make thee angry thou would'st acknowledge that the present course that God takes with thee to be best for that is always best which is ordered by God who is infinitely good and in all his dispensations is communicating of some good one way or other to his Creatures As God is most wise so his prescriptions are most safe and healthful Now 2. there is good cause why thou should'st cease to be angry for crosses wrongs and injuries for otherwise thou wilt be angry with Gods disposing of his Providences resist thine own profit and chuse rather to please thy pallat though to thy greater torment aftewards than to preserve thy health and peace O then say to thy self Hath God an hand in permitting my Wife to shew me such disrespect or in permitting my Husband to be unkind to me Is it then my fretting or raging against my Husband or my Wife an evidence that I am displeased with God for permitting such an act When thou art vexed that thou art related to such an one as an Husband thou art offended with Gods appointment And when thou dost wish that thou hadst never been related to him as thy Husband thou dost in truth desire God to break thy Relation to him by his death but know that God seldom gratifies the desires of such humoursom persons and commonly those that long for the death of another do die first themselves Such considerations as these well settled on thy heart cannot but quiet and pacifie thy Soul in the midst of manifold provocations 6. I thou would'st keep peace and amity between thy self and Husband or between thy self and Wife turn thine anger upon thy self not to tear thy self but to consider and reprove thy self for thine own miscarriages a just indignation against the sin of thine own Soul restraineth carnal anger from breaking forth against another For whosoever is zealous against the errors and disorders of his or her own life shall not find time to jar and contend with others for petty injuries and wrongs Experience sheweth that the greatest heat abroad is accompanied with the least at home A true sight of thine own faults will shew thee so much cause to be displeased with thy self that thou wilt have little leisure and less cause to be displeased with thy Husband or with thy Wife Thou think'st thy self ill dealt with by thy Husband but if thou considerest thine own sins thou wilt find that thou hast dealt worse with God than thy Husband hath dealt with thee and this is an excellent means to prevent thy being angry with thy Husband and make thee angry with thy self My Husband hath offended me and I have offended God God forbears manifesting anger against me and why should not I forbear mine anger against my Husband O then when thou hast received any seeming injuries from thy Husband before thou dost let forth thine anger against him ask thine own conscience Am I clear from offering the like injuries or greater to my Husband and how many times have I offended God much more If thou would'st thus speak to thine own conscience in the presence of God thou would'st not be so easily incited to anger seeing thou thy self dost many things that need pardon And thy greater faults might serve to excuse those that are less in thy Husband if thou would'st but look upon them for thou could'st not without blushing be angry with those faults in thy Husband for which thou shalt need to crave pardon thy self If thou didst truly judge that by thy sins committed against God thou hast deserved not only contumelies wrongs but also the eternal death of thy Body and Soul thou could'st not be easily provok'd to anger upon every trifling occasion nor think it any great disparagement to endure lesser injuries seeing thou hast deserved greater 7. If thou would'st suppress thine anger and live in a sweet harmony and peace with thy Husband or with thy Wife endeavour to get thy heart more desirous of and affected with spiritual and heavenly things that thou may'st have thy conversation in Heaven and have thy heart always in a spiritual frame Such a conversation and such a frame of spirit will make thee tread under-feet all vain and transitory things which concern this life because the Treasures that the Faith of an heavenly Christian discovers are more excellent and durable than any thing this world affordeth the preferment it longeth after is not of an earthly nature the riches it coveteth are above as for the things of this life an heavenly Christian doth not desire much delighteth not in much and consequently is not much disturbed with unquietness nor incensed with anger when crossed in them for by living in Heaven by Faith a persons spirit is well ballasted and made steady and Heaven is above all storms and tempests and the more thou dost converse there the less stormy is thy heart thou would'st not then trouble thy self
how terrible are the withdrawments of God when he withdraws in high displeasure and thou knowest not whether he will ever return again in mercy or not And it is said in 2 Sam. 22.27 And with the froward thou wilt shew thy self unsavory The Hebrew hath it With the perverse thou behavest thy self as one turned about and that the very thoughts of God will be unsavory and unpleasant thoughts to them Angry froward persons shall not have the least discovery or sense of Gods love while they are in their fits nor much at other times because an angry froward frame of spirit is an abomination to the Lord Prov. 3.32 chap. 8.13 11.20 ' As frowardness causeth strife between the nearest Relations so it makes contention between God and the Soul The angry froward person opposeth God and God opposeth that person So that hence it appears that thou hast abundant cause and reason to use all possible means to restrain and suppress thy angry passions because they hinder thee from enjoying the divine Presence and the hlessed discoveries of divine Favour 2. Thou should'st take great care to restrain and suppress thy angry passions and hasty frowardness of spirit because as they prevail thy actings are as contrary to true grace as any thing almost that thou canst think of and truly there may be a great deal of suspicion whether thou hast true Grace or no. I conceive there may be some Analogy between a Nazarite and a gracious Soul It is said in Numb 6.2 That the Nazarites were to separate themselves unto the Lord. They were to be separated from the ordinary course of that they might more freely and wholly dedicate themselves to the service of God and to a more strict and pure course of serving God than other men used and indeed God confined them to strict rules They were to abstain from any thing that did belong to the Vine hereby also signifying a full and perfect renouncing all worldly pleasures or any thing tending thoreunto intimating that they were not only to abstain from all evil but all appearances of evil 1 Thes 5.22 All the outward Ceremonies injoyn'd them were but Types of inward Holiness I take notice of one thing injoyned them which is most especially to my purpose which is That they should drink no Vinegar of Wine or any other strong Liquor that was to signifie that they must not be of Vinegar Spirits of sower and eager Spirits but of of quiet Spirits of loving and meek Spirits Now all the Saints of God they are Nazarites As Christ was a Nazarite so all that are Christs are Nazarites seperated from others to be the Lords people The Lord separates the godly man for himself as in Psal 4.3 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself and they must not be of harsh and hot Spirits but should be adorned with this lovely amiable grace of meekness so that a hasty froward and passionate Spirit is directly opposite to a meek patient and quieâ— Spirit and if there be any grace in a furious person it is rak'd up under a great deal of ashes of corruption that it is not easily discerned Now the opposition that anger and frowardness bears to Grace appears 1. If thou dost consider what it is that Grace doth in the heart when it first comes the first thing is to shew unto the Soul it s own vileness it s own wretchedness and baseness by sin and the danger that it is in through sin Now a froward passionate heart is very contrary to the sight of its own baseness and vileness for thou canst not see thy self to be a base vile sinful worm and yet bear nothing that is against thee but presently thy heart is in a flame if any thing doth cross thee for thou could'st not be so angry if thou didst not think thy self too great and too good to be crossed 2. When Grace comes into the heart it brings the heart into subjection unto God and unto another rule than it walked by before That 's a principal work of Grace to subdue the heart of a sinner unto God The hearts of sinners are naturally stout and rebellious against God and goes on in a stubborn way till Grace comes and lays them under but a froward and passionate heart would be indeed above God and any of his rules It cannot keep it self under and lie in subjection unto rule and hence is the reason that froward and passionate people use to have such expressions I will nay but I will and I care not their hearts are subdued to the authority of God But the heart that is subdued to the Lord bring it but a Scripture and it yields presently but a froward Spirit is not so How contrary then is frowardness to Grace I might instance in many other particulars but I shall be too large then O then is passion and frowardness so opposite to Grace doth it either hinder the working of grace in the heart or at least weaken yea smother grace that it is almost extinguish'd tho' not totally yet so as it is not easily discernable Dost thou not then see great reason to use all means to mortifie thy passions 3. Thou should'st use thy utmost endeavours to mortifie thy passions and live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife because thou dost manifest a truly noble and generous Spirit if thou would'st pass by offences without manifesting anger and frowardness of Spirit To this effect speaks Solomon Prov. 19.11 It is the Glory of a man to pass by a transgression that is not to manifest an angry displeasure for an offence that another doth him And so we say when we restrain our anger against another for any thing done amiss I will pass you by for this time I will not take any severe notice of what you have done O it is an honourable thing to bridle anger when a person is offended to wink at smaller infirmities and remit greater wrongs Generous Spirits are as it were impenetrable by offences yea a Spirit truly elevated a generous and noble Soul is always quiet moderate and grave never suffering it self to be transported with the violent motions of choler Certainly a meek person hath a magnanimous and heroick Spirit See what the wise man saith in Prov. 16.32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his Spirit than he that taketh a City He that overcometh himself is stronger than one that overcometh a City Now it is a glorious thing for a Souldier to overcome a City but one that can overcome his own passion is more valiant and hath a more excellent Spirit than one that overcomes a great City And so some Creatures that are more heroical are more meek and gentle than others are The Lion is of a more generous Spirit than the Wolf is The more honourable any one is the more he is of a peaceable disposition and his anger is
live comfortably together is their neglecting to give their Children a Pious Education which through Divine assistance might be a special means to heal the viâ—iosity of their depraved natures to master and conquer their sinful propenâ—ions God in judgment permits Husbands Wives to be plagues to each other who neglect by education â—o refine and reform their Children and make them pliable to the Divine Will who are rugged and untoward by nature for if an Husband be not tender of a regular carriage to his inferiours he will never be tender of a dutiful carriage to God And if the Wife doth not carry her self as she ought to her Children and Servants she will never carry her self as she ought towards her Husband nor have any tender care to promote Gods honour If Husbands and Wives did better discharge their duties to their inferiours they would live more peaceably with each other Therefore I shall give them some directions how they should carry themselves to inferiours in general and then give some particular directions how they ought to carry themselves to their Children in respect of instruction and correction 1. Concerning their carriage to inferiours in general 1. Let Husbands and Wives be careful not to be too hasty or sudden in charging faults on their Children Servants or other inferiours For sudden surprizes do put them by all due consideration that many times they speak what otherwise they would not Therefore give them time to consider what to answer and advise them to speak the truth tho' against themselves telling them That a lye will double their fault and greatly encrease their guilt 2. In reproving your inferiours manage your reproofs so prudently that you may manifest love to their persons when you evidence the dislike of their sins Begin gently to use all persuasive motives to reclaim them from sin and allure them to the ways of God Never use severity but in cases of flat necessity lest the too frequent exercise of severity make them to despise you and harden them against you When you mix some severe expressions of holy anger against their sin let it be done in a grave prudent way for when you deal with them in a boisterous way you only put them into a slavish fear Let them perceive that you are more displeased with them for oâ—â—ences committed directly against God than your selves Pray let not your passions like unruly torrents overflow the banks that are limitted by Scripture and Reason A grave carriage and a sober moderate anger will procure reverence and advance reformations but that which is mixâ—d with horrid noise and clamours â—â—oweth from the breast of fools A Child can never persuade himself that such anger proceedeth from love when he is made the sink to receive the daily disgorgements of a cholerick stomach when the unhappy necessity of his relation ties him to be always in the way where an angry disposition must vent and empty it self If you that rule be thus unruly how can you expect your inferiours to be regular when your uncomely demeanour doth almost convince them that love can hardly be the genuine root of your anger but that they are made the sad objects of your native temper and that your reprehensions are spic'd with hatred If you have cause to be angry yet let not your storms run all upon the Rocks but endeavour speedily to cool the inflamation to abate the feaver and slack the fire of your anger 3. Observe a prudent administration of your rebukes gild those bitter Pills with hopes of winning your favour upon their amendment mix those unpleasant potions with some sweet emollient Juices that such interwoven lenity may procure access for your admonitions and effect your desired 〈◊〉 Great heinous faults if repeated deserve a greater ardency of spirit Smaller offences of Wife Children Servants if they be not committed openly rebuke them a part and in private Wink at infirmities and failings that are not positively sinful in a plain breach of the known Law of God Reserve your severest and sharpest reprehensions for open and scandalous sins that have been reiterated having a shâ—w of contempt and disdain 1 Tim 5.20 4. Beware that you do not reprove your inferiours to gratifie a froward perverse humour Your aims intentions must be upright in reproving Take heed of mingling any wildfire of price vain-glory and ambitious humour of contradicting and controuling others with your zeal of reproving Let your rebukes be purely for Gods glory out of hatred unto sin and out of love to the Salvation of your inferiours 5. If you would reform the miscarriages of your inferiours do it by way of instruction and preceptive injunctions Lay it as a charge upon their souls in the name of God That they hearken to and obey your institutions Efficacious words rather than many are to be sought studied used There be some especially Wives when they are displeased with their Children or Servants when they begin to speak against what they dislike they are not willing to give over but keep thundering out their frivolous repetitions of the same things for an hour together Therefore beware when you reprove the faults of inferiours that you do not multiply words for in a multitude of words there will be many impertinencies which nourish contentions and rather bring contempt upon the reprover than reform the reproved Therefore in few words and insignificant terms injoyn them to conform to your instructions that you give them from Gods word and say no more but with a grave look 〈◊〉 them 6. Before your reprove your inferiours or joyn corrections with your reproofs consider Whither their faults proceed from imprudence and weakness or obstinacy and wilfulness upon what grounds and occasions upon what provocations and seductions and deal with them according to the circumstances their faults are cloathed with If they appear to be truly sorrowful and deeply humbled and do readily beg forgiveness of God and you with a promise of amendment and leading a new life you ought to deal gently with them 7. Take heed of exasperating and provoking Wives Children and Servants by rigid and severe courses where less may effect your purpose There are some cruel Husbands and Wives that carry themselves more like raging Bruits than men and women that take pleasure in tyrannical corrections If they do not act what they would have them as they would have them and as soon as they would have them they â—all upon those their inferiours and tare them 〈◊〉 â—â—â—ld beasts Such superiours are apt to â—â—â—pret 〈◊〉 their inferiours actions in the woâ—â—◠〈◊〉 and â—ay they are fauly in their actio◠〈…〉 hate their persons and so dea◠〈◊〉 and â—ardly with them Take heed of making your Wives Children and Servants vile in your eyes by too much severity and know that God will require such vile acts at your hands at the great day 8. Tho' you ought to maintain the eminency of your