seated in parts more hard or easie to be wrought upon and therefore distempers in the spirits are of al other the easiest to be cured more hard in the humours but in the solid parts hardest of all for then they grow to bee Hectick and such in all account are scarse held curable and seeing of all the solid parts the bones are the most solid and therefore diseases in them the hardest to be cured David had just cause to call to God for helpe and to say Heale mee O God for my bones are troubled If the beames of a house bee unsound and shaken how is it possible the house should stand and as little is it possible that this body of mine should bee saved from ruine if my bones which are the beams of it be out of order and troubled But if the trouble of the bones be so incurable is it not presumption in David to say Heale me O God for my bones are troubled being as if he should say cure me O God for I am past all cure and so tempt God with desiring him to do a worke that is impossible But is it not that David knowes to whom hee speakes hee knowes hee speaks not to Galen or to Hippocrates hee knowes hee speakes not to Aesculapius or to Apollo but hee speakes to him that is a transcendent to all these One to whom not only nothing is impossible but to whom all impossible things are nothing It were indeed an unreasonable request in the eye of Nature but very unreasonable in the eye of Faith seeing Faith indeed is then most reasonable when most it is above all reason which therefore-made Abraham the Father of the faithfull because contrary to hope hee believed in hope that God would make him such a father And indeed most properly then it growes to bee a cure for God when in mans judgement it is growne incurable as Christ would not go to heale Lazarus untill hee was dead and had beene foure daies buried thereby perhaps to prepare beliefe for his owne resurrection seeing it might well bee believed hee could rise himselfe the third day who had raised another after foure daies Never therefore fear my soule to say with David Heale me for my bones are troubled for the time will come when hee shall heale thee not onely when thy bones bee troubled but when they bee mouldred away into dust and powder for even then hee will gather them together againe and make them stand up and serve for beams to this bodie of thine as now they doe But how can the bones bee troubled seeing they have no sense for it is the flesh and the membranes that feele the pain the bones feele none Oh then consider how great my trouble is which strikes a sense of paine into my very parts that are not sensible And now it would bee comfort indeed to have my bones healed if when they were healed I might then bee at quiet but alas what comfort is it now to bee healed of their trouble when Gods chastening hand pursues me still and layes more and greater troubles upon mee continually for though the trouble of the bones bee the height of trouble yet it is but the trouble of the bodie my soule all this while hath beene at quiet Verse 3 but now my soule it selfe is troubled also and so extremly troubled that I feele it and feele it sensibly in all the parts of my soule I feele it in my memory when I remember the grievous sins I have committed I feele it in my understanding when I consider thy glorious Majesty whom I have offended I feele it in my will when I thinke upon the terrour of thy displeasure which I have incurred If the trouble were but in this or that part onely I might yet finde comfort in the other but now that every part of my soule now that all my whole soule is troubled and extremly troubled Alas now I may truly say was ever sorrow like my sorrow was ever trouble like this of mine But can the soule bee troubled is it not a spirituall substance and are not all earthly things too grosse to trouble that which is a spirit They should bee so indeed and they would be so indeed if the soule had her right But alas while wee live here the soule is but an Inmate to the bodie and therefore the body crowes over it as being upon its own dunghill and makes us all of kinne to Martha troubled about many things when but one is needfull And yet these be not the things that trouble the noble soule not the soule of David In matters indeed between the World and us the soule is forced to looke downe upon the earth as upon that which sustaines it and if it finde a want there it findes withall a trouble indeed but a trouble to the body onely or if to the soule but in the bodies behalfe which is not much That which properly troubles the soule is the proper trouble of the soule and is onely in matters betweene God and us and in matters of this nature it lookes up to heaven for there indeed is the soules freehold and if that inheritance bee once questioned then the soule findes it selfe in trouble presently and so extremely troubled that where the trouble of the body is but the bodie of trouble this trouble of the soule is I may say the soule of trouble and is not this inheritance questioned if God fall once to rebuke mee in his anger For seeing the inheritance is but a meere gift proceeding from his favour how can I expect it if I be in his displeasure When I was in my greatest weaknesse yet my bones afforded mee at least some strength and when my bones were troubled yet my soule was able to take care of their curing but now that my soule it selfe is troubled Alas O God who is there but thy selfe onely of whom I can hope for any comfort and therefore O Lord How long How long wilt thou let me lye languishing in my weaknesse How long wilt thou suffer me to struggle with oppression How long wilt thou see the extremity of my misery and not relieve mee Thou indeed inhabitest Eternity and no time to thee is either short or long but I alas am a subject of times and nothing so much tyrannizeth over me as this tyrant time and specially when it joynes with misery for then as a thousand yeares are with thee but as a day so a day with mee is as a thousand yeares Measure me not therefore by thy standard of Eternity but measure mee by the standard of time And then O Lord How long How long shall thy chastening hand lye heavie upon mee How long wilt thou poure upon mee the vialls of thine indignation How long shall my soule bee kept from her true inheritance which is to beare a part in the consort of Angels My soule is a free spirit and is with nothing so much delighted as with liberty with
repented I thought that to go to God was to runne upon a rocke but now I finde it is to go into the Haven Before I thought still upon that saying A man shall leave Father and mother and cleave to his wife but now I finde that Adhaerere Deo bonum est there is no blessednesse but in cleaving to God Before I repented I aspired to nothing but to sit at Dives his table and to fare deliciously every day I tooke pleasure in nothing but in wearing soft rayment in mirth and jollity but now I finde that all the dishes I fed on there were poyson I find there is no wearing like to sack-cloth nosweet powder like to ashes and say to laughter thou art mad Thou O Christ art the true food that nourisheth to eternall life Thou the true garment that gives mee entrance to the marriage of the Lambe and makest mee to heare the melody of Heaven in the quire of Angels Before I repented I said to the world Aegypt thou art my staffe and to the flesh Dalilah thou art my joy but now I can say Thou O God art my refuge in all tribulations Thou the joy of my heart against all my persecutors But O the vanity of the world have I lived to heare that glorious acclamation Saul hath killed his thousand and David his ten thousand and is my glory come now to this that I am glad of a place to hide me in Indeed Sic transit gloria Mundi But O my bodie never doe thou trouble thy selfe for the matter for thou art sure enough of a place to hide thee seeing a spanne or two of earth will serve thy turne It is thou my soule that makest mee glad of a place to hide me for thou indeed art not easily hidden thou ly est open to all assaults of Sathan to all temptations of the world and that which is more then these to the angry hand of God and from this it is chiefly I am glad of a place to hide me though the world may thinke it strange I should goe to God to hide mee from God But O foolish world it is not strange for I goe to Gods Mercy to hide me from his Iustice for God forbid I should bee of those that call to the Mountaines to cover them and to the Hills to hide them No deare Iesus Thou art the Mountaine that must cover mee Thou the Sanctuary that I flye unto to which if Ioab had fled it had not been Abner that could have drawne him forth But had not David Towers and Fortresses to defend him and could hee not bee safe unlesse he were hidden and say he were brought to a necessity of hiding himselfe yet is hee well advised to make choyce of God for his place to hide him The darkest places are fittest for hiding and what hiding then could he look for of God who is nothing but light O my soule there is no hiding so excellent as to be hidden with light for thither my enemies who are children of darknesse can never come When I am hidden with light I can see my enemies and they not see mee not much unlike the advantage that God himselfe hath over us When I am hidden with light there is more glory in the light then desparagement in the hiding and have I not reason then to make choyce of God who dwells in light inaccessible for my place to hide me Others hiding can but keep me from the eyes of my enemies it cannot keepe me from the hands of my enemies Gods hiding can doe both For Thou O God shalt preserve mee from trouble though in others hiding enemies perhaps cannot yet troubles at least may finde mee out but when thou hidest mee as enemies cannot so troubles dare not I shall bee as free from the feare as from the sense of troubles And yet O God if thou shouldst onely preserve mee from trouble this were no more then I might enjoy if I were a senslesse creature for what trouble where there is no sense but thy hiding will do more then this it will compasse me about with songs of deliverance and this wil give me a sense and in that sense a delight of the happines I enjoy by the benefit of thy hiding If thou shouldst deliver mee but in part I should in part bee in bondage still and what would my state bee the better for this seeing in this case all figures are synechdoches a part here as much as the whole to bee a Prisoner in part is to bee a Prisoner altogether but when thou compassest mee about with deliverance this leaves no place for synechdoches but gives mee a totall and absolute freedome and makes mee obnoxious to no molestation And yet if thou shouldst also compasse mee with deliverance and so leave mee I might be still both insensible of it in my selfe and unthankfull for it to thee and so my state but little the better for this neither but when thou compassest mee about with songs of deliverance this makes mee a Quirister in the Quire I might say of Angells but that their songs are all songs of Iubilee and mine onely of deliverance O my soule God is not a deliverer like a halfe Moone bright in one part and darke in another but he is a deliverer like the Sunne his deliverance shines alwaies the whole compasse and with his deliverance hee delivers also songs of thankfulnes to him and in my selfe of joyfulnesse But what need is there of Plurality of songs may not one song serve and if one may what need many One song perhaps may serve for one deliverance but if there bee many deliverances must there not bee many songs and must there not be many deliverances when there are many bondages and are there not many bondages when I incurre a new bondage as often as I commit a new sinne and yet another reason as great as this For say that Gods deliverance bee but one will that one deliverance require but one song O my soule it deserves and therefore requires I say not a Pluralitie but an infinitie of songs for there must be some songs to expresse it and others to extoll it some songs of miserere and others of Magnificat some de profundis and others in excelsis some songs of praise and others of thanksgiving and though there will bee a time when all these songs shall bee collected into one and so collected make the great Canticum Canticorum yet till that time come there will bee need of many songs and seeing I shall need many I hope O God thou wilt not see mee want and tye me to one song but wilt compasse mee about with songs of deliverance But alas O Lord I am farre as yet from being compassed with songs of deliverance I have not so much as one song of deliverance to sing for how should I sing of deliverance that am still in bondage how sing at all that am still a weeping But I know thy goodnes
thee to be as powerfull as thou art mercifull if I may not rather say to bee as mercifull as thou art powerfull Each of them indeed an Abyssus and when Abyssus Abyssum vocat what marvell if their follow marvells And as I do not despaire so neither do I presume Verse 6 For I am troubled I am bowed downe and go mourning all the day long I am troubled no lesse with the griefe of thy displeasure then with the paine of my wounds each of them alone just cause of mourning but both of them together of mourning all the day long I have told hertofore how I spend my night all the night I water my bed with teares Now I tell how I spend my day all the day long in mourning And can it be O God thou shouldst neither regard my weeping nor my mourning neither my weeping all night nor my mourning all day If my flesh had continued as God made it there had been in it both soundnes and beautie but alas my sinne and his arrowes his arrowes by reason of my sin have so wounded it that it is nothing now but a very Cistern of corruption for all sinne hath poyson in it and breedes diseases infinite diseases in the Soule loathsome diseases in the bodie And what will not diseases doe in these bodies of ours whose spirits can be so errect but will bee dejected whose limbes so strong but will bee bowed downe whose heart so cheerefull but will bee made to mourne with the violence of diseases And now therfore am I dejected I am bowed down I gomourning all the day long and may I not say with the worst kinde of mourning the mourning perhaps of the chyne like Horse and Mule that have no understanding For my loynes are filled with a loathsome disease the very disease that made Elias Verse 7 and Iohn Baptist to weare girdles of beasts skins about their loynes and they with wearing such girdles prevented in themselves the loathsomnesse of this disease but I alas never thought of any girdle much lesse of Beasts skins and therefore the disease is now grown so loathsome upon mee that it hath filled my loynes so filled them that it hath not so much as a spare room left to make a perfume in so loathsome that it makes me fit for no company but Lazars for no place but an Hospitall for how should others endure the stinch of my sores when I am not able to endure it my selfe how much lesse O God canst thou endure it whose pure sense is sensible even of that impurity which is to us insensible in the starres themselves Thou O God didst vouchsafe this favour to our first Parents to make them garments of Beasts skins to cover their nakednesse and may wee not be bold to think that the Girdles of Beasts skins which Elias and Iohn Baptist wore about their loynes were also of thy making Oh then vouchsafe O God to give me such a girdle to weare about my loynes a girdle of continence true mortification which though it cannot now as in Elias and Iohn Baptist it did prevent the growth and loathsomnesse of concupiscence in mee It may at least as in Mary Magdalen restraine it and make mee capable of being cured And as I have not despaired Verse 8 nor presumed so neither have I murmured nor repined at thy chastisements I acknowledge my selfe most worthy to suffer them but most unable to bear them I am dejected no lesse in body then in spirit and yet though I could not speake for weaknesse I have roured for griefe and the unquietnes of my heart hath supplied the feeblenes of my tongue Indeed if I could have been a Boanerges and have gotten a voice like thunder I should have used it now in speaking to thee that if my importunity before could not at least my loudnesse now might prevaile with thee to procure thee to hear me For I am feeble and sore broken I have roared through the unquietnes of my heart All long of the unquietnes of my heart and the unquietnes of my heart all long of my sin for where sin is there will never be but unquietnes of heart an unquiet heart will alwaies produce these miserable effects Feeblenes of body dejectednesse of mind and roaring of voice But how can roaring stand with feeblenesse which seemes to require a strength of spirits Is it not therefore a roaring perhaps not so much in lowdnesse as in an inarticulate expressing that having done actions more like a beast then a man I am forced to use a voice not so much of a man as of a beast Or is it perhaps a roaring in spirit which the heart may send forth though the bodie bee feeble or rather then most when it is most feeble not unlike the blaze of a Candle then greatest when going out Howsoever it be this is certaine the heart is that unhappy plot of ground which receiving into it the accursed seed of sinne brings forth in the bodie and soule of man these miserable fruits and how then can I be free from these weedes of the fruits that have received into me so great a measure of the seed O vile sinne that I could as well avoid thee as I can see thee or could as easily resist thee as I deadly hate thee I should not then complaine of either feeblenesse of bodie or dejectednesse of mind or roaring of voice but I should perfectly injoy that happie quietnesse in all my parts which thou O God didst graciously bestow as a blessed dowrie on our first Parents at their creation And now Verse 9 O my soule let mee aske thee a question Why art thou cast downe and why art thou disquieted within mee Hope thou in God for I will yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God But what neede was thereof roaring for what matter is it whether I speake to God in a soft voice or in a lowd seeing thou knowest O God the very thoughts of my heart and my groaning is not hid from thee Though I speake not but onely thinke to speake yet thou knowest it though I think not but onely groane to think yet thou knowest it and knowing these things thou knowest O God that my griefe is more for thy displeasure then for my wounds lesse for the paine I feele of thine arrowes sticking in mee then for the unkindnesse I take at thy shooting them at mee As the love with which thou givest is more deare to mee then thy gifts so the anger with which thou strikest is more grievous to mee then thy rod and alas O Lord how can I then chuse but roare through the unquietnes of my heart when I want both thy gifts and thy love too and yet feele thy rod and thine anger too Verse 9 All my desire O Lord is ever before thee and my groaning is not hid from thee but what availes it mee that my desire bee all before thee if it
nothing so much vexed as with thraldome and in thraldome alas in miserable thraldome is my soule detained and therefore O Lord How long How long shall my soule bee restrained of her liberty How long shall I lye groaning in the dungeon of captivity How long shall no date bee set to give a period to my thraldome My soule I may say is all heart and therefore every trouble it feeles must needs go to the heart yet none so deepe as this that I am forced to cry to thee out of the deepe and cannot yet ascend out of this vale of misery And therefore O Lord how long How long shall I live in the death of this feare the feare of death How long shall I desire to bee dissolved that being reunited againe I may never more be dissolved How long shall my immortall soule bee kept from the possession of her immortality from the immortality of her possession If the Saints in heaven who now tread time under their feet doe yet continue this question still to ask How long How long O Lord holy and true wilt thou not avenge our blood on them that live in the earth Is it mervaile that I who live under the tyrannie of time should beginne this question to aske how long How long O Lord mercifull and just wilt thou not avenge me on the world and sathan for the wrongs they have done mee How long shall I bee kept from saying O Death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie How long shall the Angell with the flaming sword keepe mee from entring againe into Paradise Where is the morning of joy I promised to my selfe when I said sorrow may bee in the evening but joy commeth in the morning For how many evenings how many tedious nights of sorrow have I endured and yet can see no morning of joy no dawning of morning toward Where is the truth of that Aphorisme Dolor si gravis Brevis for what dolour so grievous as this of my soule and yet O Lord how long How long shall I stand complaining and say my soule is troubled Is it not that I shall never cease to say my soule is troubled till he return again who once said for me that his soule was troubled For alas his soule should never have beene troubled but to take away amongst others the trouble of mine seeing hee is the sacrifice for all our sinnes and with his stripes we are healed And now therefore O Lord how long How long wilt thou turne away thy face and not shew me again the light of thy countenance How long wilt thou absent thy self from me and not afford me the joy of thy presence How long wilt thou bee going still farther from mee and not so much as once offer to returne Verse 4 Oh returne at last and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake for alas O Lord all my troubles are come upon mee because thou wentst from mee all my grievance is long of thine absence for as long as thou wert with mee and that I had thy presence my soule was at quiet my bones were at rest and I enjoyed then a sweete and pleasing calme over all my parts but as soone as thou departedst from mee and didst but turn away thy face my calme was presently turned into a tempest a violent tempest of thunder and lightening Thunder of thy rebuking and lightening of thine anger that if thou stay not thy hand from chastening and return the sooner I shall never bee able to hold out living to taste of thy mercie Saint Peter was never so neere drowning when hee cried out to Christ Lord save mee or else I perish as David is now neere sinking in the pit of perdition if God returne not speedily and deliver his soule But what speake I of David as though it were not my owne case and if my danger bee as great shall not my prayer be as earnest or can I finde a better way of saving then thy returning No O Lord for if thou returne I am sure thou wilt not I know thou canst not leave thy mercy behind and mercie when it comes I know it cannot I am sure it will not ever suffer it to bee perdition For though my soul were at the pits brink and readie to fall in yet even then would mercie put forth her hand and save mee Thou requirest mee to returne to thee and alas O Lord how can I if thou returne not to mee first can I come to thee unlesse thou draw mee and canst thou draw mee to thee if thou withdraw thy selfe from mee I know thou returnest continually to dispose and order the Oeconomie of thy creatures but this returning is in thy providence and is not that which I desire I know thou returnest often to visit and judge the sinnes of the world as thou didst at Sodome but this returning is in thy justice and therefore neither is this returning for my turn but thou hast a returning in Grace and favour when thou returnest to mee to make mee returne to thee a returning from thine anger to thy patience from thine indignation to thy loving kindnesse and this is the returning which I so earnestly desire and sue for But O my soule before God returne in this manner to thee thou must looke to heare him expostulate with thee in this manner Alas my Creature what hast thou done to bring these troubles upon thy selfe Did I not make thee at first a sound bodie and did I not give it a strong constitution and how happens it now that thy bones should bee troubled Did I not breathe into it a perfect soule and gave it endowments after mine owne image and how comes it now to bee so quite out of order and so cleane bereft of all my graces Thou wilt perhaps answer It is true O Lord my bones are troubled and how can they chuse seeing thou tookest one of them away from mee which thou gavest mee at first My soule also is troubled and how can it chuse seeing thou didst suffer the Serpent in Paradise to disturb and trouble it But may not God then justly reply I took one of thy bones from thee indeed but it was to make thee an helper I let in the Serpent into Paradise indeed but it was to try thee for thy better perfecting and when I saw thee so foolishly hurt thy selfe with thy helper and so easily wonne from mee by a Tempter had I not just cause to leave thee to them for whom thou leftest me and now forlorne wretch what hast thou to say unlesse thou have leave to say Return O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake But what more necessity is there of Gods returning to deliver his soule then there was before to heale his bones and in that case he spake not a word of returning and why should hee more importune it now Is it not that many diseases may be well enough cured onely by
relation of symptomes though the Physitian come not where the patient is and of this sort it seemes was the healing of his bones but to deliver his soule is of another nature and requires perhaps a feeling the pulse perhaps an inspection of the patient and therefore no remedie here but the Physition must himselfe bee present But is it enough to make suite to God in generall terms to pray him to deliver my soule and not tell from what it is hee must deliver it Can any man thinke that God will returne upon so uncertaine an occasion Alas O Lord it is not unknown to thee that my soule wants no clothes and therefore it is not to deliver it from nakednesse my soule needs no meat and therefore it is not to deliver it from hunger my soule is never old and therefore it is not to deliver it from the wrackes of time but it is indeed to deliver it from trouble and what it is that can trouble my soule thou knowest for my soule is thy servant depending wholy upon thy favour and having offended thee desires to bee delivered from all feare of thine anger My soule was at first a free spirit but is now become a bondslave to sinne and therfore desires to bee delivered from this bondage My soule is it selfe immortall but is troubled here with a mortall body and therefore desires to bee delivered from this bodie of death and in effect it is all but sinne and the traine that sinne drawes after it from which I desire my soule should bee delivered And therefore returne O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake But O my soule with what reason canst thou expect that God should ever returne to thee for who would bee willing to come to one in trouble as thou art lest hee pay for his comming with drawing a trouble upon himselfe and if hee should returne and come unto thee wouldst thou bee so satisfied wouldst thou not presently bee importuning him for further favours Hee must helpe thee in thy troubles He must helpe thee out of thy troubles or thou wouldst never bee at quiet And is it a small matter to deliver a soule out of trouble Do soules use to bee troubled for trifles and were he not better then to endure thy importunity for his returning then being returned to bee troubled with importunitie for thy deliverance But O my soule be not frighted with these vaine objections for is God like man that hee should bee afraid of being troubled Is he not the God of mercy and can it bee a trouble to his mercie to doe the workes of mercie Is it not his delight to bee Is it not his title to bee called Is not his glory to bee counted a deliverer and is any deliverance so fit for his mercie so worthy of his mercie as deliverance of soules Alas O Lord it is a small worke for thee to return but thou shalt doe an infinite worke by thy returning for thou shalt deliver my soule out of trouble my grieved soule out of grievous troubles and wilt thou not afford me so much kindnesse to doe so small a matter for effecting of so great a matter Oh returne O God and deliver my soule that as thou art called a deliverer so I may call thee my deliverer and may sing with Moses Thou O God art my strength and my song for thou hast been my deliverance But why should this be made so great a matter For though in saying returne O Lord and deliver my soule I seeme to require of God two severall workes one to return and another to deliver mee yet they are in truth but both as one at least no more differing then the cause and the effect seeing his very returning is it selfe a deliverance The onely turning his face towards mee makes mee to see the light of his countenance and no sooner doth that light shine upon my soule but all the clouds that darkened it are presently dispelled all the troubles that vexed my bones are instantly healed But though deliverance bee an effect of Gods returning yet it must bee when hee returnes in a good moode and not in a rebuking or in a chastening disposition for if his anger continue still were it not better for mee hee should tarry away and why then am I so importunate with him to returne before I know in what termes I stand with him and whether hee bee angry still or no but it is even for this that I importune his returning that I may bee assured his anger is past for as long as hee is angry hee never comes where I am to doe that were a greater favour then his anger can afford but as soone as his anger is a little over hee is apt of himselfe to returne unto mee for his delight is with the children of men and specially with those that call upon him and when he returns his anger being over hee useth to doe as the Dove did that when the waters were a little abated returned into the Arke and brought the Olive branch with her in her mouth so God returning when the waters of his displeasure are a little abated brings the Olive branch of peace and deliverance along with him But say my soule that God should returne and should deliver thee wouldst thou then be quiet and not trouble him with any more suits should this bee the last request thou wouldst make Alas no I have one suit more to make and Thou O God that gavest Abraham leave to importune thee with one suite after another vouchsafe mee this favour to make this suite also and this indeed shall bee the last I will ever make Save mee for thy mercies sake For as thy returning would bee to small purpose if thou didst not deliver me so thy deliverance will bee to small purpose if thou doe not also save me To deliver mee and then leave me to bee seized upon againe would make thee but Author imperfecti operis leave thy worke imperfect which cannot agree with the perfection of thy most perfect workmanship And now O God if thou take pleasure in conjunctions be pleased to take pleasure in this conjunction not to joyne thy rebuking and thy anger together not to joyne thy chastening and thy indignation together but to joyne thy deliverance and salvation together for those conjunctions seperate us from thee this conjunction unites us to thee those bring us to shipracke this brings us into the Haven Deliverance avoids the rocks salvation sets safe on shore And is not this that which David meanes when in another place hee saith With thee O God there is plenteous redemption It is redemption indeed if thou but onely deliver my soule but it is not plenteous redemption unlesse besides delivering thou also save mee O then bee pleased in thy plenteous redemption to grant mee this conjunction of deliverance and salvation that I may returne thee the conjunction of praise and thanksgiving and may sing
and say O Lord I will praise thee though thou wast angry with mee yet thine anger is turned away Behold God is my salvation I will crust and not bee afraid But how can God returne to deliver mee and to save mee if hee returne not a deliverer and a saviour and when will this bee O my soule in how much better state art thou then David was for hee onely expected when it should bee but thou art assured when it was For then was God manifested to returne a deliverer and a Saviour when the Angell brought this tidings to the shepherds This day is borne to you a Saviour of whom also a voice from heaven testified This is my welbeloved Sonne in whom I am well pleased Oh then return to me in this Saviour in whom thou art well pleased that so I may bee sure for so I shall bee sure thou wilt not chasten me in thy displeasure As there have beene many particular Deluges and flouds yet but one generall so there have beene many particular deliverers and saviours yet but one generall and from this generall Saviour it is that I desire expect salvation for though his being a generall Saviour may make him bee thought lesse carefull of mee having so many others to care for besides yet have no feare of that my soule seeing hee is as much a Saviour to mee as if he were a Saviour to none but mee and this generall Saviour will save mee generally not only from temporall but from spirituall enemies Not onely from trouble of bones but from trouble of soule Not onely from miseries here on earth but even from miseries when earth it selfe shall bee no more O happy salvation when this Saviour shall come and save mee but how may I doe to get him to come for hee comes not but upon some motive If I had all the gold of Ophir I would willingly give it all to get him to come and save mee but alas I neither have it to give nor doth he care to have it if any thing winne him to doe it it must bee for his mercies sake and for his mercies sake hee will doe it if ever hee will doe it But is not this strange My weaknesse was the motive before to move God to mercy and must his mercie now be it selfe the motive to move him to save mee yet so it is For when Gods mercie findes no motive from us rather then fayle of moving it becomes a motive to it selfe and happy it is from us that so it is for else we might often be without it when most wee need it or rather alwaies bee without it seeing wee alwaies need it Indeed this motive For his mercies sake is the Primum mobile of all motives to God for shewing his favour Hee had never delivered the Israelites out of Egypt but for his mercies sake Hee had never saved Noah in the Arke but for his mercies sake but above all Hee had never sent his Sonne to save the world but for his mercies sake And how then can I doubt and not rather be confident that for his mercies sake hee will also deliver my soule and save mee Never therefore my soule looke after any further motives for upon this motive will I set up my rest His mercie shall be both my Anchor and my harbour it shall bee both my Armour and my Fortresse it shall be both my ransome and my garland it shall bee both my deliverance and my salvation And now O God thou seest the manifold troubles I am in thou seest how weake I am thou seest how my bones are troubled thou seest how my soule is troubled and what now can thy chastening hand have more of me but onely to take away my life and even my life I would willingly make a sacrifice to appease thy displeasure Verse 5 But alas O Lord what good can it bee to thee to have mee die Can I praise thee in the dust but can I praise thee when I am turned to dust Is there remembrance of thee in death or is there hallowing of thy Name in the grave As long as I have breath in my bodie I can praise thy Name unworthily indeed but yet I can praise it As long as I am numbred among the living I can shew my selfe thy servant an unprofitable one indeed but yet a servant but if my soule and bodie bee dissolved once alas then all my service of praysing thee is at an end I cannot then doe it though I would but I cannot then will it though I should my soule will want her instruments with which thy praises should be sounded O vile death I hate thee for nothing so much as for thy hindring mee in this service O cruell grave I abhorre thee so much for nothing as for thy stopping my mouth for this praysing O mercifull God If I could but remember thee in death I would never bee loath to die If I could but praise thee in the grave I would willingly goe to it of my selfe and never bee carried to it by force but alas death is forgetfull the grave is dumbe and therefore deliver my soule O God save mee for thy mercies sake It is not life that is so deare unto mee but that in life I may praise thee that art so deare unto mee It is not death that is so frightfull to mee but this affrights mee in death that being dead I cannot remember thee It is not the grave that is so loathsome to mee but that in the grave I am forced to forget thee If death will spare me but to praise thee let death come and never spare mee If the grave will but let mee bee sensible of thee the grave shall come and bee welcome to me but alas death hath no mercie the grave hath no sense and therfore return O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake Who knowes not that death is a mortall enemie to all naturall memory and therefore makes all men at last to end in a Lethargie and what hope then of remembring thee in death Who knows not that the grave never opens its mouth to let out any thing but still to take in and what meanes then of praising thee in the grave If I could but get death to learne the Art of memory or if I could but heare the grave to say once it had enough I could then like to have some dealing with death some traffique with the grave but alas deaths Lethargie is incurable the graves mouth is insatiable and therefore returne O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake But doth Davids prayer tend to this that hee may not see death is this the intent of his request that hee may not descend into the pit doth hee pray to bee as Enoch or Elias taken from the earth without returning into earth Alas hee knowes this to bee either altogether impossible or altogether unlikely and therfore no likely request to bee made
by so wise a man This therefore is certainely the intent of his prayer that God will not so chasten him in his indignation as to leave him in the hands of death but that as death receives him from life and delivers him to the grave so the grave receiving him from death may deliver him againe to life that as Christ commanded his Apostles to shake off the dust from their feet when they came into any unworthy house and to come away so hee comming into this unworthy house of death the dungeon of the grave may bee able to shake off the dust from his feet and by the power of of him that said Lazarus come forth have his soule and bodie reunited againe and so united bee admitted into the quire of Saints and Angels eternally to sing the eternall Allelujah For as the departing of the soule from the bodie is the death of the bodie so the dividing of the bodie from the soule is a kinde of death to the souler that it is not as it would bee nor fully enjoyes it selfe untill it can meete with the bodie and bee united to it againe For though it find the bodie here but a base cottage or rather a loathsome prison yet it shall finde it there a glorious Palace or rather a holy Temple consecrated to God and therefore untill this bee had it will not fully be accomplished that is here prayed for Returne O God and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake The remembrance of this that I cannot rememember thee in death makes mee forgetfull of my selfe in life and because I cannot praise thee nor pray to thee in the grave it makes me to sigh and weepe to thee in my bed and what I want in continuance to supply with violence Verse 6 For I am weary with my sighing all the night make I my bed to swimme I water my cowch with my teares Oh let my remembring thee in life supply the place of my forgetting thee in death and when I lye in my grave senslesse and silent bee pleased to remember how I have lyen in my bed sighing and weeping My sinnes as being disordinate passions make me undergo a passive pennance and this hath beene my weaknesse my trouble of bones and my trouble of soule but being also disordinate actions they make mee liable also to doe active pennance and what is this but my sighing and my weeping and though I cannot act sorrow so well as sinne yet my bed and my couch can be witnesses of my sorrow as well as of my sinne Mine eyes indeed chiefly have done the pennance because mine eyes first began the offence if mine eyes had not set mee first on fire mine eyes had not shed such showers of teares but now how could burning bee quenched but with water how burning rising from mine eyes but with water falling from mine eyes But yet why should my bed suffer for my bed had no hand in the fault of mine eyes but alas how could my bed but prove a Deodand which so apparently I may say did Movere ad mortem Though my bed were not principall in the act yet my bed was accessary to the fact as receiving unlawfull and stollen pleasures But though my sinnes indeed bee my greatest enemies yet there are personall enemies that have their malignity also which though I cannot say they trouble mee as ill yet I may truely say they trouble mee as well as these for mine eye is consumed because of griefe Verse 7 and is waxen old because of all mine enemies You may say perhaps that my sighes were feigned and that my teares were counterfeit but the consumption of mine eye is a witnesse of my sorrow without exception that if my passive pennance before were not cause sufficient at least my active pennance now gives mee just cause to say Was ever sorrow like my sorrow was ever griefe like this of mine And all this pennance I suffer and doe because of mine enemies for how could I chuse but sigh and weepe to see the vile the execrable dealing of mine enemies that persecute me in their hearts and yet speake peace with their mouthes that lay shares to entrap mee and yet beare mee in hand it shall be for my good that prejudice my cause as if it would never succeed and prejudicate my prayers as if they would never bee heard But what meanes David by this will not his weeping make his enemies rejoyce the more will not the seeing him thus dejected make them the more insulting over him will they not bee readie to say Is this hee that encountered a Lion and a Beare Hee that entred combate with a Giant the terrour of a whole Armie and now to fall a crying one cannot tell for what But David is a better husband of his teares then to spend them idly hee knowes for what hee spends them because of his enemies indeed but not for feare of his enemies They are neither teares of feare for whom should hee feare that hath God on his side Nor teares of vaine glory for why then should hee shed them in the night when none can see them Nor teares of joy for how then should they make him looke old which is an effect of griefe but they are tears of supplication and teares of compassion First of supplication that God will either convert them or confound them and not converting then teares of compassion to thinke of their confusion For such is the tendernesse of a godly eye that it hath teares to shed even for enemies And when these two waters the teares of supplication and the teares of compassion meet together what mervaile if they make a floud in Davids bed seeing the concourse of like waters made the great Deluge in the whole world for what are his teares of supplication but as the waters that rose from the springs of the earth and what are his teares of compassion but as the waters that fell from the Cataracts of heaven Or is it not perhaps that David makes his enemies here a figure of his sinnes which are indeed his greatest enemies as also that hee makes his owne passion a figure of Christs compassion which was indeed one of his passions for then hee wept over Ierusalem in compassion of their confusion when with teares of supplication hee could not prevaile with them in compassing their conversion when they would not heare him how often hee would have gathered them together as a Hen gathereth her Chickens with teares of supplication Then they heare him say There shall not a stone be left upon another which shall not be cast down with teares of compassion I grieve not so much that mine eye is waxen old though it bee waxen old with griefe as I grieve to see that my enemies have no eyes at all at least no eyes but of malice who rejoyce at my afflictions and make themselves as merry with my weeping eyes as the Philistims made themselves with Sampsons