time to begin the change When I ask young married people if they desire and intend to live together in Godly love and the fear of God they usually answer They hope so to do And surely it would be impudent folly and sin to dare to say otherwise But I think it is plain in too many that there is not really such an heart and hearty desire in them but that they regard little more than brutish satisfaction and carnal enjoyments Nay some behave themselves to each other as if they married only to be in a capacity to torment and vex one another to do the Devils work to hinder each others comforts both in soul and body I desire you would now put that forementioned question to your selves Do you desire and intend and will you endeavour to live together in Godly love and in the fear of God so as to be meet helps for each others good both in soul and body What answer can you think reasonable to that question Ay or No If you answer Ay and think fit that such answer should be taken should be taken for true and no lye that answer then gives judgment of your duty what you ought to do and if not brutish and sensless must engage you so to do The chief design of this Paper is to perswade and direct to begin the married life in the due fear of God so that you may continue in the same We call marriage a beginning of the world and we may make it if we use it aright the beginning of the Kingdom of Heaven The beginnings of Grace continued in will surely end in Glory Sect. I. Some Questions to Conscience in order to convince the Judgment and prepare the mind to receive the following Advices THat your Judgment may be setled aright to approve the best things and to chuse the most excellent way I shall offer several things to your consideration by way of Question and let Conscience give the answer 1. First I earnestly intreat you in the fear of God and as in his presenco to think seriously and ask conscience Whether an holy and heavenly love and life be not best to spend your days together in As having God to dwell with you to have a sense of his good providence over you and that your prayer may not be hinder'd but that you may ever have a grounded hope of his everlasting love 2. Whether Marriage thus ordered may not be esteemed as the greatest earthly comfort or on the other hand Whether an ill managed Wedlock is not the greatest cross of humane life 3. Whether God by his providence has not put it into the hands and power of married people to make themselves happy or miserable as to this world at least and in great measure also their souls in the world to come 4. Whether you come together as Christians or as Heathens and without a holy endeavour to live in godly love what do you more than Heathens 5. Whether there be any love as Christians if it be not with respect to the soul and whether that can be meet help for man or woman that does not help the soul 6. Whether Husband or Wise could take it well to hear the other say I love thy face and thy fortune thy beauty and estate thy body and flesh but for thy soul I care not if it be damn'd and go to the Devil Whether such words would be taken as charming expressions and signs of love 7. Whether an ungodly life and unholy practice be not as much as to say they care not for the souls of one another when they labour not to live together religiously and so to keep each others souls to God 8. What answer canst thou give to thy own conscience at death if thou hast not endeavoured to live a religious life whether married or single 9. Whether that mystical union between Christ and his Church his love in giving himself for it as Eph. 5.25 And also that relation between God and his people whom he has married unto himself Jer. 3.14 both which being represented in that mutual union in the married state do not intimate much of argument for true and spiritual love and to perswade you to labour to cleanse each others souls and to keep each other without spot and blameless as for the coming of the Lord Read these questions over again and ask one the other the Questions and perswade and engage one another to consider seriously of these things And if on serious consideration these questions being truly answered according to conscience in truth and soberness do so far convince your judgment and perswade as I hope they will that your hearts must at least secretly confess and say surely godly love and a godly life is best to love for the souls good is only true love Then confess and own it to one another and promise seriously so to live together as to help one anothers souls and to endeavour each others Salvations and then proceed to read the Advices following Sect. II. Containing Advices to new-marriea People with Arguments to perswade and Helps to perform them THe Advices I have to offer to begin the married state should be few lest the beginning be past before they be read Yet if the beginning be past they cannot be useless because they are always of use in the married state But in particular to new-married people especially if young they are such advices whereby they may lay a good foundation and build thereon solid comforts family comforts lasting Christian comforts Such as being continued and daily followed may render every day a day of comfort and good things and if good in the beginning cannot but be so in continuance and spiritual good being followed always increases to more abundance Adv. 1. First therefore I advise you to begin the married life in the fear of the Lord with holy resolutions so to live together I hope the former Questions have almost at least convinced you that it is your duty so to do Let therefore good resolutions follow your convictions Resolve that your first living together shall be as Christians indeed And let not Satan tempt you to delay lest you quite forget Resolve and endeavour that your first love may be as love in the Lord. To help and encourage you thus to resolve in the beginning remember these three things 1. Remember that the love of the flesh or as led by the flesh is not of God as in 1 Joh. 2.16 Appetite and desires of the flesh bring beasts together 2. Remember that kindness and good nature company and to be helpful to one another in outward things as of this life are what become men and women as being rational creatures and that these things may be found and doubtless are found amongst Heathens such as know not God in Christ Jesus 3. Remember that love in the Lord from a purified heart in earnest fervency and sincerity as 1 Pet. 1.22 with desire to do good
Adam and Eve and didst sanctifie and joyn them together in marriage pour upon us the riches of thy Grace sanctifie and bless us that we may please thee both in body and Soul and live together in holy love to our lives end Amen These you may use or so many of them as you think best only take heed that you may with the words express the true and hearty desires of your Souls to God alwayes concluding with the Lords Prayer as our Saviour in his Gospel hath taught us to pray saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen And then add The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Love of God and the fellowship of the holy Ghost be with us evermore Amen A prayer to obtain Children to be used by those for whom it is necessary O Merciful God and heavenly Father by whose gracious gift mankind is increased we beseech thee assist us both with thy blessing that we may neither of us be barren but both of us fruitful in Children and also may live together so long in godly love and honesty that we may see our Children Christianly and Vertuously brought up to thy praise and honour thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Or instead of these you may make use of either of those that follow which of them you shall think most suitable to your condition to make known the desire of your heart to the heart-searching God The married persons joynt request unto God taken out of Mr. Hieron's help to Devotion THou O most blessed God didst first ordain the married state and it is thy providence by which we which were two are now made one flesh having mutually resigned our selves either to other by our entrance into this holy League It is the desire of our Souls to live together to thy glory and to the contentment each of other This we cannot do without thee for of our selves besides sin we can do nothing unto thee therefore do we commend our most earnest and humble suit that it may please thee so to besprinkle our Souls with the dew of thy grace that from thence may spring a plentiful increase of Sobriety of righteousness and of holiness in our lives Allay in us all sensual and brutish love purifying and sanctifying our affections one toward another that we may in nothing dishonour this honourable state nor pollute the bed of marriage which thou thy self in thy word hast called undefiled but may use this thine ordinance in that holy sort that carnal lusts may be slaked and subdued not increased or inflamed thereby Endue us with a godly care to acquaint our selves with thy blessed word that we may know and understand what duty is required at our hands what authority tempered with love and compassion and freed from all bitterness is committed to the husband what obedience and submission with reverence is commended in the wife what faithfulness in matrimonial duties either to other is enjoyned what providence and care is expected of the man and what assistance and help of the woman And when we know and have learned these things grant that it may be our study to practise them that so the husband may be as a faithful guide to his wife and the wife a crown and credit to her husband Make us wise to observe the natures and dispositions one of another that in all lawful things the one may seek to please and content the other the one may know how to bear with and to forbear the other not winking at any evil in one another but discreetly chusing the fittest opportunities for mutual admonishing without all shews of tyranny in the one or of presumption in the other Open our hearts that we may faithfully and chearfully communicate one to the other that sweetness which we find in heavenly things that sowe may go hand in hand towards heaven And that our chief love and delight either in other may be grounded upon the hope we have that we are heirs together of the grace of life In our family link us together in one common care to oversee the wayes of our houshold to seek the promoting and advancing of thy Kingdom the good instruction and education of our Children and servants Finally O Lord so unite and joyn us together in fidelity of affection that we may ever devote our selves to the procuring of the present and eternal good one of another that so living here comfortably we may reign with thee perpetually in that thy Kingdom which the blood of thy Son hath prepared for those that love and fear thy name Unto which Kingdom O Lord reserve us even for thy Son's sake and for thy mercies sake Amen Another to the same purpose O Lord our God who art pleased to look in mercy on thy poor creatures thro' the Lord Jesus Christ and dost promise to hear the prayers made to thee in his name we beseech to hear our prayers and supplications incline our hearts to pray and be pleased to hear and answer us graciously for Christ Jesus sake Thou O blessed Lord hast ordained the state of marriage and by thy good providence hast brought us together in that holy bond that we might be meet helps for one another And now O Lord we beseech thee frame both our hearts to holy desires to be helpful to each other both in soul and body And help us by thy Grace that we may live together in holy love and assist each other in faith and repentance and sincere obedience to thy holy word and will That we may live together in thy fear and be both of us ever in thy favour Put it into our hearts good Lord daily to pray and call upon thy holy name one with another and one for another Enable us to read thy holy word diligently enlighten our understandings that we may thereby know thy will and quicken us by thy Grace and good Spirit that we may be doers of thy Word And that being taught thereby we may learn truly to sanctifie thy Sabbaths and to give up our selves to thee our God heartily and entirely in frequent serious and solemn renewing the Covenant at thy holy Table in the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper and that we may live together as in Covenant with the Lord and do all that good thou hast appointed us in this state and condition of life to which thou hast called us Pardon we beseech thee all our Sins for Christ Jesus sake And all that vanity whereby we may have ensnared each other since our first acquaintance either in thought word or action savouring too much of the flesh and unbecoming
be prevailed upon by this and much more also True Christian love is grown so rare that often 't is not found among those called Christians in the same family and nearest relations the love and care of each others Souls is that which is least regarded and of all duties of Relations and Kindred this is neglected or forgot Men readily entertain Satans Suggestions in this respect and the best arguments are of no force when opposed by such thoughts as these 'T is not my duty I am not bound to it I think it may go down well with them that so live together as you have advised I think I should like to do so But as for perswading my partner my wife or my husband I have nothing to do with that To preach is the Ministers work let every one look to themselves each take their own way we may do well enough without joyning in Religious duties or at least without perswading one another to them Such are the thoughts of poor corrupted creatures not willing to joyn with Christ in the way of Gods appointment Now to prevent the stop which such thoughts may cause and that without doubting or shifting by excuses you may with full purpose of heart cleave to the Lord I desire you would consider these things 1. Consider seriously of such thoughts as in the presence of God Can you verily think that God will allow of such a plea and excuse does Gods word any where approve or favour it Nay does not his word direct and command the contrary what else is the meaning of those texts Comfort your selves together and edifie one another 1 Thes 5.11 Exhort one another daily while it is called to day Heb. 3.13 Consider one another to provoke to love and to good works Heb. 10.24 If these and the like texts make it the duty of assemblies and communities of Christians to perswade one another for their Souls good much more then is it the duty of neerer relations and becomes a command of greater force to such and renders those that neglect it utterly without excuse Consider what is the meaning of that word of the Lord Gen. 4.10 What hast thou done The voice of thy Brothers blood crieth unto me 'T is the Lords reply to that froward rash answer and inconsiderate excuse of Cain who said am I my brothers keeper And let conscience judge if the like word may not be spoken to you if you endeavour not to preserve if possible a neerer and bosom relation Beware then lest the voice of a perishing Soul cry against thy sinful negligence 2 Consider tho' it were not thy plain Christian duty to endeavour to win thy companion to Gods way by perswading yet be sure it is not thy duty to forbear perswasions And where there is but a probable appearance of doing good common human prudence will set you on perswading if indeed you love But if you reply that these things best come of themselves and that perswasions are for the most part of small purpose consider if men are hardly brought to the way of piety by perswasion will they more easily be brought to it by having nothing said to them for shame blush at such folly 3. Consider if lawful possible promises do bind to duty ought you not to be as good as your word and to do what you promised Now on that account of promise 't is certainly your duty both in sight of God and man You have solemnly promised as in the presence of God and God requires it of you and all true Christian friends and sober Christians are looking how you will behave your selves That you may more distinctly remember your promises I advise you to take these helps 1. Read over sometimes the office of Matrimony as in the Common Prayer-Book and with seriousness and consideration think on your marriage Vow and what you promised to each other when you consented to the married state That is to live together in love according to God holy ordinance I suppose you know that is to be meet helps to each other this is the appointment of God from the beginning And does this Ordinance or appointment of God respect help only in order to the good of the Body and not help for the Soul also I am fully perswaded that none dare say so but that it fully includes the help for the Souls good also And then think whether it be not your duty to defire each the other and endeavour to perswade each other to take the good and the right way for your Souls good to live together according to Gods holy ordinance as you have promised 2. Read over the prayers then to be used and think whether you did then truly desire those things or else minded them not and so mocked God Or do you yet desire those things indeed If you do you must acknowledg it your duty to endeavour to engage each other to that holy practice so to live together in holy love according to Gods Law and that you may see your Children Christianly and vertuously brought up to the praise and honour of God that you your selves hinder not those blessings you then begged of God 3. Read also those well chosen Scriptures that teach the duties of husbands and wives to each other and let them be as notes of memorial to bring you to your Bibles and so to bring you to your duty to perswade each other that you may thro' Christ Jesus come together to God I wish these things may be considered and prevail also I know they are sufficient if seriouslly considered to incline the mind and if that be but made willing I make no doubt but that I shall convince you that you are able and that you can do much by way of perswasion if you please Sect. VI. Shewing that young people are able to perswade one another if they are indeed willing to enter on Gods holy way I Might now justly leave it to your consciences to judg and am confident you must approve in the general of what I am perswading you to But I know that tho' you are convinced that is fully perswaded that you ought to do so yet while corruption prevails the unwilling heart will find some thing to hinder from doing And tho' at last you are convinced that 't is your duty and that you ought to call upon and to perswade each other to lead a Religious life yet you are ready to say or think that you know not how to do it and therefore there is but small likelyhood that you should prevail and therefore you resolve to let it alone altogether You may say I am periwaded that I ought to do it but I cannot tell how to do it and therefore I will not do it Thus an unwilling mind is easily discouraged in this matter especially in such as have not before some savour of Religion and liking to a Religious life To such I answer and say you may endeavour if you are
Christian purity Keep us henceforth in holy Spiritual love that we defile not the honourable marriage-bed by desires too sensual but that we may be instruments of each others chastity and purity both in Soul and Body Take from us all dullness of mind and backwardness to Religious duties and both teach and enable us so to order our worldly affairs that our minds and hearts may be alwayes free for thy service and worship Give us we beseech thee the Spirit of wisdom and of a sound mind that with all gravity and soberness we may govern and rule our selves and families in thy faith and fear and love as becomes those that are followers of the holy and blessed Jesus as taught by thy holy word Be pleased to make us both instruments of good to others especially to our kindred and neighbours to the comfort and releef of those that are in want to the instruction of the ignorant to the reproving and reforming the ungodly and to the good of all We pray thee also to make us diligent in our calling not â—lothful in business but as serving the Lord. And so bless our labours and honest endeavours in worldly things that we may have a competency for our selves and ours and to give to those that want And further O heavenly Father we humbly intreat thee to give us both thy Grace that with pure hearts we may fervently love one another and provoke one another to love and good works and watch over each other for the Souls good And deal faithfully with each other not suffering one one another in carlesness of our Souls or in any sin without due serious seasonable and compassionate warning in thy fear And good Lord give each of us such an heart that we may be willing to be warned of our sin and danger and desirous to be reformed And good Lord help us so to live together as abiding in Christ Jesus that which ever of us thou shalt please to call out of this world first may leave the comfort of a well grounded hope to the surviver that both at last shall meet in purer and undefiled love and joy in the inheritance of the promises together with the Spirits made perfect thro' the blood of the holy Jesus in thy heavenly eternal Kingdom For the sake and thro' the mediation of Jesus Christ our only Saviour and Redeemer Amen A prayer to be used in secret by the married man or woman in respect of each other O Most merciful Father and eternal God who hast appointed and sanctified the state of marriage by thy Command and word and by thy good providence hast now joyned me with a partner and companion for the married life Guide me I beseech thee by thy good Spirit that I may do my duty in this state of life to which it hath pleased thee to call me That I may not make the liberty thou givest me an occasion to the flesh nor thro' weakness turn thy permissions to sensuality Pardon I beseech thee all my infirmities and failings in that matter and help me that in all circumstances I may keep a conscience void of offence both towards thee my God and towards men That I may sincerely perform my duty towards thee and with a pure heart be fervently affectionate to my dear yoke-fellow That I may be a good guide and example to my family and in all quietness and sobriety patience and prudence a follower of those who have served thee with godliness and walked in thy Commandments blameless And guide I beseech thee my dear yoke-fellow and endue him or her with thy Grace and blessing both in Soul and Body O keep him or her I beseech thee from all temptations and all inclinations to evil Give him or her an heart to hear and obey thy holy word and keep him or her from all sickness and bodily dangers And so keep us both in thy fear and holy love to each other that we may receive good and religious counsel of each other and truly follow the same and watch for each others Souls good So that at the end of a chast and holy conversation in the Lord we may together enjoy the promised felicity of thy chosen in thy everlasting Kingdom thro' our dear and only Redeemer the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used by the woman when conceived with child O Merciful God and heavenly Father who hast made all things and preservest all things and hast appointed marriage as the way of continuing the generation of mankind I desire to be thankful that thou hast called me to the holy state of marriage and in that state hast given me the blessing of the marriage bed even strength to conceive with Child The fruit of the Womb is a blessing from thee O God alone which all the treasures on earth cannot purchase And now O Lord I beseech thee continue thy blessing giving me strength both to bear and bring forth let the sickness and illness attending conception bring me more seriously to consider of the sin of our first parents how the woman was in the transgression and thereby my sorrows multiplied that I may be truly humbled for my natural corruption which Lord in thy mercy pardon and cleanse me from thro' the blood of Jesus Christ and give me comfort in that gracious promise of the Seed of the Woman that should break the Serpents head Lord I humbly beg that the expectation of pains and sorrow in travel and bringing forth may bring me to more serious thoughts of my Soul and my duty and may quicken me to repentance and stir up my heart to lay faster hold on Christ Jesus by a lively faith that all my sins may be forgiven and that I may be more watchful to all Christian duties of my place and that I may wait with patience the appointed time and be prepared for life or death as thou shalt be pleased to appoint And that I may be saved in childbearing Lord strengthen me with thy grace and keep me by thy power that I may continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety And when the time appointed for delivery shall come help me patiently to bear the pangs and thro's and sorrows And let them be sactified to the humbling of my Soul and bring me thro' all I beseech thee by thy power and goodness And give me a living child with all its parts limbs and sences in due order And grant me in due time a safe recovery of former strength that I may no more remember the anguish for joy that a man is born into the world to become a member of Christs Church that I may be glad in the Lord who is pleased to make me a chanel of blessings to my husband and family Or if thou seest fit to finish my life by this danger in child bearing be pleased to receive me to life eternal in thy heavenly Kingdom But if it be thy blessed will I desire humbly to live
to see my young one brought up in thy faith and fear That I may dedicate it to thy self in holy Baptism And instruct it betimes in thy holy word that I and those thou givest me may be thine for ever Lord hear and help thy poor handmaid that has no help but thee To thee I desire to make my request 's known with thanksgiving for all thy mercies To thee O Lord I commit my whole concern as to a faithful creator Do thou O Lord hear and help and forgive me and do for me what in thy heavenly wisdom seems best Even more then I can ask or think and all for the sake and thro' the mediation of thy beloved Son the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used in a family either morning or evening by changing the conclusion O Lord Almighty God King of Glory who from the height of thy habitation dost behold all the inhabitants of the earth considering all their wayes and providing for them of thy goodness we O Lord have received abundantly of thy bounty and loving kindness for which we desire to return praise and thanksgving And now we beg the continuance of thy mercy to us Thou commandest us to call on thee And Lord whither can we come but unto thee O Lord our strength and our redeemer O shed abroad thy love in our hearts and stir up our Souls to lay hold on thee that we may not seek thy face in vain Lord give ear to our prayer answer us graciously Lord we confess we are unworthy to call on thy holy name by reason of those many sins with which we are defiled full of corruption by nature having sin dwelling in us and alwayes present with us by which we offend daily both in thought word and deed We have broken thy holy law by neglecting those duties which thou hast commanded us and doing those things which thou hast forbidden And we have added to our sins much slightness and contempt not regarding thy wrath much impenitency being unsensible of the filth of sin and carelesness in not seeking to be cleansed from sin thro' the boold of Christ Jesus tho' thy mercy hath provided that redemption for us O Lord to us belongeth confusion of face because we have sinned against thee shouldest thou Lord be extream to mark all that is done amiss who could abide it But with thee there is mercy and forgiveness that thou mayest be feared thou hast appointed to poor sinners an Advocate thy Son Jesus Christ the Righteous who is the propitiation of our sins and sits at thy right hand to make intercession for us In his name O Lord and for his sake we beg that thou wouldest pardon all our sins and blot out all our transgressions Give unto us that true and lively faith that sincere and hearty repentance that true conversion and new obedience that our sins may be blotted out and we justified freely by thy grace thro' the redemption that is in Jesus Christ And being reconciled unto thee thro' the blood of thy Son be pleased to take us into thy protection and defend us against all the power of sin and deceits of Satan O let not sin reign in our mortal bodies that we should obey it in the lusts thereof but let the blood of Christ purge our consciences from dead works to serve the living God That every one of our Souls may be zealous of doing good to thy glory Teach every one of us to know our several duties and by thy grace enable us to do them to thy glory and the good and Comfort of one another Bestow upon us the blessings of this life so far as may be for our Souls good give unto us continue with us renew for us bodily health and strength and all our senses Provide for us food and raiment and make us content with the portion thou givest and what in thy wisdom thou seest fit to deny us in the things of this life teach us to bear the want with humility and contented submission and be pleased to make it up unto us in Spiritual blessings that we may use the world without abusing it and improve every providence to thy glory Good Lord prepare us for our latter end enable us so to love that we may die in the Lord and live for ever with our God Be pleased to bless thy whole Church especially this nation in turning every one of us from our iniquities that our sins may be pardoned our Souls sanctified our lives reformed to thy glory praise so that we may enjoy peace and truth in our dayes having thy Gospel still continued among us To that end we beseech the bless all our governours with holy wisdom and all the ministers of thy word especially thy Servant under who 's ministry we are that he may faithfully deliver thy word to the edification of our Souls Comfort all the afflicted with mercies suitable to their distresses particularly such as we know or those that desire to be remembred by us Lord Sanctifie all their afflictions to their Souls good Bless all our friends and relations with renewed sanctified hearts and lives that we may have Godly comfort in them they in us all of us in Jesus Christ our Lord. Conclusion for Morning WE bless thee O Lord for that thou hast kept us in peace safety this last night and refresht our bodies with quiet rest and sleep we pray thee continue thy goodness to us this day keep us in all our thoughts words and actions from all sin Enable us for our work and business that we may do good in our place keep us from sickness and every sad providence bring us to the evening in peace that our Souls may praise thee And in the end of our lives receive us to thy everlasting kingdom for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord in whose name and words we sum up all our desires as himself hath taught us to pray saying Conclusion for Evening WE thank thee O Lord for thy good providence over us this day past for keeping of us and providing for us Pardon we beseech thee all our sins and failings this day keep us in peace and safety this night refresh our bodies with sleep convenient for us bring us to the morning in peace and be present with us when we awake Guide and preserve us the next day all our dayes nights that we may finish our lives in peace in thy fear and holy joy and enter into thy everlasting kingdom in heaven for Christ Jesus sake our only Lord and Redeemer in whose holy name and words we conclude praying as himself hath taught us saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil For thine is the Kingdom And the power And the glory for ever and ever Amen FINIS