general censure one another not as they are really faulty but as they appear and are esteemed handsom and therefore ugly Women have the priviledge of Popes who cannot err but may do what they will and take what liberty they please and handsom Women will be as far from censuring their actions as Young Men from praising their persons So that really in effect we find most Womens censures are not proportionable to the ill others act but rather suitable to the Beauty they possess which by their leave is a way of judging that 's both iriational and uncharitable since I am sure none can deny but there are some unhandsom Women unchast and some chast Women handsom For Vertue and Beauty are not so declar'd enemies but they sometimes meet though I cannot deny but that Vertue which in former Ages was esteemed one of the greatest adornments of the soul is now so Eclipsed by the outward Beauty of the Body as Vertue and Piety the true inward Beauty cannot shine out A good Soul being nothing now in comparison of a good face Beauty being now the Great Empress that commands the whole World and makes the Supremest of men become subjects to Her. And yet this so ador'd Beauty which all Women are so ambitious of and all Men so court has at best no intrinsick value in it but just like riches they enjoy most that are contented with least since 't is not much but enough that 's the true measure of satisfaction But Madam 't is now more than time to beg your pardon for I find I am stray'd both beyond the time and beside the road of my design'd Discourse which is not to present you a Character or List of the fine Ladies and Mode-vices of the times they will require a much wittier Pen than I pretend to be Master of and a larger Volume than I design to trouble you with but this Character which indeed merits Volumes of Praises I am sure I can give you without needing wit or abusing of time and if I could here cast up the sum total of all the vices that your Sex are eitheir guilty of or scandaliz'd with which I 'le assure you are more than a few their number might be tedious to read but need not be disagreeable for you to hear since by naming all those faults they are infected with I should but tell all those you are free from But Madam my design is now to remove my Battery and change my Scene of Writing as you have your place of Living and to level my Discourse not at the vices and pleasures of London nor the pastimes of the Court but at your Country-Neighbours the Woods and Mountains of Macroome which renders it a place much fitter to exercise your past-time than satisfie your delight were you of the humour of most Ladies but all know you are not only an excellent Woman but an extraordinary wife I mean in Goodness for 't is rare now to meet a wife that 's not extraordinary for you take as much satisfaction in the cares of well managing and improving your Estate as most other Ladies delight in the lavishing theirs so that I can truly say you have not only brought your Lord a large sum of money for your Portion but a continued increase of Rent by your Industry And I am sure Madam if you were now askt as the Philosopher was Where was his home you would answer now as he did then My home is still where my chief business is So that now your chief Concerns and Family which is still the good Wives Treasure being at Macroome I must conclude your heart is there also A place where in lieu of London crowds of good Company and swarms of divertisements you must prepare to meet with and do Penance to your self among the Flocks of Priests and Fryars against whose Popish insinuations and infectious perswasions I here present you a small but necessary Collection of Arguments to carry about you as a Preservatitive in your own Religion and an Antitode against theirs and though I cannot pretend this pocket-Pistol is a sufficient Battering-piece to beat down their infallible Church yet I doubt not but it will at least be a sufficient Life-guard to defend you and your Chamber against their assaults They are most of them argumentative reasonings I pickt out of Mr. Chillingworth as one that reasons best and satisfies me most of any I ever read and knowing you want a Collection of choice Flowers I heartily wish that these I have gathered out of his Garden and here sorted and made up to present you in a Nosegay may serve you against the unpleasing savour of Popish Doctrine And I wish they may not altogether degenerate from common nature of Flowers which the Naturalist tells us grow larger and better by being transplanted so that I hope you will not find them the worse nor like them the less for being transplanted but receive these Arguments just as you do your Rents without caring whether your Tenants have the Money out of their own bags or borrow it so you have it to supply your occasions Truly Madam I have taken some pains and spent much time in reading the Discourses of Papists against our Religion and though I have consider'd their Arguments without the least Byas or antedated prejudice yet I can give no better a character of them than I do of ill Dealers The more I have to do with them the worse I like them They savour much of Self-interest teaching Church-Government before Gospel-Obedience witness their holding Marriage a greater crime in a Priest than Fornication The one is but forbid by their Churches Law which they all know is disputable the latter by the Law of Christ which they cannot but know ought to be past all dispute And truly Madam if you please to admit your reason to make but a short progress into the Popish Religion you shall find much to create your wonder but little to satisfie your reason or belief for the Gospel of Christ is the Gospel of Truth and therefore ought still to be pictur'd naked as Truth without any Art of Roman Dresses which are only obscure shadings of the true light of Scripture by making dark Paraphrases on the plainest Gospel-Commands which in all reason ought to be plain enough for the meanest capacity For God forbid it should be otherwise for the meanest Christian must be saved or damned for keeping or not keeping them and sure God's Justice will never send persons to Hell for not doing what they could not understand was his Will they should do that were such a cruelty as if a man should torment his Servant for not doing his Errant when he knew he did not understand his Message yet the Papist must not take these plain Gospel-Commands as such but as they are distill'd in the mysterious politick Lymbeck of the Popish interest Indeed Mystery and Obedience is so interwoven in that Religion that Papists must take what
sleight Works shall be saved as by Fire he clearly declared the Doctrine of Purgatory unless you be more illuminated than S. Basil and S. Ambrose who have judged it so for the first saith He threatneth the Soul not with Destruction but Purgation And the other plainly expresseth He speaks of the Pains of Fire which God had appointed to purifie Souls And the objection is as frivolous to say as by fire and not by fire as when S. John wrote in the first Chapter of his Gospel That Men saw Jesus as the only Son of God that he were only a Figure of it not a Truth or as when S. Paul witnesseth he was found as a man we might infer he were no 2 Chap. to the Philip. man. Doth not S. Bernard prove our Doctrine from S. Bernard's 66. Hom. upon the Cant. the mention of One Sin which shall never be remitted either in this World or in the otber Doth In S. Matthew Chap. 12. not the Evangelist himself mention a Prisoner which shall be put into a Place from whence he shall not come till he have paid the last Penny. Whereupon S. Cyprian says plainly it is one thing to be a long time purged for Sins by the Torment of Fire another by the Purgation which is made by the Passion of Tobit Chap. 4. Jesus Christ What is written of Bread to be put upon 32 Hom. upon S. Mat. the Graves of the Dead S. Chrisostome referreth to the Custom of the 〈◊〉 Church which called both the Priests and the Poor purposely to pray for the Dead The solemn Fast made for Saul S. Bede makes no question but it was for the quiet The 4th of Kings of his Soul. And the Great S. Austin cryeth My God Aug. in Psal 37. make me such in my Life that I may not need the Fire of Purgatory after my Death But grant the force of these reasons you 'll say you understand not where this Purgatory is and how Souls are there Tormented Now School Divines commonly place Purgatory in a subterranean Place of which there is great probability It may also be That Souls may be purged in the Air in the sphere of Fire and in divers parts of the Elementary World according to the Opinion of S. Gregory Nysâ—n S. Chrysostom and S. Gregory the Great Nevertheless the Church walking warily in its Ordonances ever grounded on the Word of God only obligeth us to hold as an Article of Faith a Third Place for the Purgation of Souls which is neither Paradice nor Hell. As for the Circumstances of the Place and manner of sensible Torments it hath Decreed nothing thereof as an Article of our Belief It dependeth on the Prerogative of God's Power and the Ministry of Angels As for Punishments it is most certain the first consisteth in suspension from the sight of God a matter very dolorous to the Soul which being out of the Body and far absented from its source naturally desireth to rejoyn it self to God and the least retardation it feels from such Felicity is most sensible unto it The second is the pain of sense which is exercised by Fire and sometimes also by other ways If you say you cannot comprehend how a material thing worketh on a spiritual I ask of you again this Soul which is in your Body is it of any other kind than those in Purgatory And yet see you not how it daily suffereth in the Body See you not how all the Dolours of Mortal Flesh rebound back again by a most necessary amorous Sympathy to the bottom of our Soul Is it not true our Soul containeth in it the root of Understanding and all sensible Knowledge framed and accomplished by help of the Bodies Organs Is it not true that being in the Body it understandeth and feeleth with dependance on the Body And when separated it certainly understandeth with independance of the Body And tho there is no more Corporal organ which is as the Chariot of feeling yet surely God may by his Power supply the Organ of Body and necessitate the Soul immediatly to feel the sharpness of fire as if it were still in the Body And further the fire not being contrary of its nature to the Spirit might for all that be chosen and appointed by the singular Disposition of Providence to be unto the Soul an Afflicting sign in that it representeth to it in its flames the Anger of an Offended God. But hoping you are now prety well convinc'd of the Truth of our Doctrine in this point I shall trouble you no farther at this time than with one Example of the Apparition of Souls in Purgatory But first let me mind you that he who believes nothing above Nature will not believe a God of Nature How many Extraordinary things are there with whose effects Experience has made us acquainted and yet of which God hideth the reasons from us Who can tell why the Theamede which is a kind of Adamant draweth Iron on the one side and repelleth it on the other Why do the forked Branches of the Nut Tree turn towards Mines of Gold and Silver Why do Bees often die in the Hives after the Death of the Master of the Family unless they be elsewhere transported Why doth a dead Body cast forth bloud in the presence of the Murderer Why do certain Fountains in the current of their Waters and in their Colour carry presages of Seasons as that of Blomuza which waxeth red when the Country is menaced with War Why has so many Noble Families certain signs that never fails to happen when some one of the Family is to dye The Commerce of the living with the Spirits of the Dead is a matter very Extraordinary but not impossible to the Father of Spirits who holdeth total Nature between his hands But to come to the point Histories tell us the Apparition of Souls in Purgatory are so frequent that he who would keep an account may as soon number the Stars in the Skye or leaves on the Trees But as it is not fit to be too credulous in all may be said there upon so a man must be very impudent to deny all is spoken of it and to oppose as well the Authority of so many great Personages as the Memory of all Ages Now for the present I shall only single out one instance to you Peter of Clugny surnamed the Venerable and in his time esteemed as the Oracle of France Who for his Wariness and scrupulous Consideration in these Matters cannot but be thought of unquestion'd Authority He relateth how that in a Village of Spain named the Star there was a Man of Quality called Peter of Engelbert must esteemed in the World for his excellent Parts and abundant Riches Yet when in years coming to understand the Vanity of all Sublunary things he withdrew into a Monastery of the Order of Clugny there piously to spend the rest of his Days as the best Incense is said to
come from old Trees He often talk'd of a Vision he had had which made the General of his Order then in Spain question him in the presence of the Bishops of Oleron and Osma and conjure him in the virtue of holy Obedience to tell him punctually the truth touching the Vision he had seen whilest he led a secular Life And this man being very grave and very Circumspect accordingly did so to this effect At the time of Alphonsus the younger's Warres in Castile in the persuance of the Edict I sent one of my menial Servants named Sancius into his Army The Peace being made and he disbanded returning home he was soon seiz'd with a sickness which in few days took him away into the other World. He had the usual Obsequies done him and about four Months after as I lay one Night broad awake in my Bed I perceived a Phantòme in the form of a man who stirring up the ashes of my hearth opened the burning Coals which made him the more easily to be seen Altho I found my self much terrify'd with the sight of this Ghost God gave me the Courage to ask him who he was and for what purpose he came thither to lay my hearth abroad But he in a very low voice answered Master fear nothing I am your poor Servant Sancius I go into Castile in the Company of many Soldiers to Expiate my sins in the same Place where I committed them I couragiously reply'd if the Commandment of God call you thither to what purpose come you hither Sir said he take it not a miss for it is not without the Divine permission I am in a state not desperate wherein I may be helped by you if you bear any good will towards me Hereupon I required what his necessity was and what secours he expected from me You know Master said he that a little before my Death you sent me into a Place where men are not ordinarily sanctified Liberty ill Example Youth and Temerity all conspire against the Soul of a poor Soldier who hath no Government I committed many outrages during the late Warr robbing and pilling even to the Goods of the Church for which I am at this present grievously tormented But Good Master if you loved me alive as one of yours forget me not after Death I ask no part of your great Riches but only your Prayers and some Almes for my sake which will much assist to mitigate my pains My Mistress oweth me about eight Francks upon a reckoning between her and me let her bestow it not for my Body which hath no need of it but the comfort of my Soul which expecteth it from your Charities This Discourse embolden'd me and made me more desirous to entertain it than to fear the Apparition I demanded whether it could tell me any News of one of my Contry men named Peter Dâ—jaca Who died a while since To which he made answer I need not trouble my self with it for he was already in the number of the Blessed since the great Alms he gave in the last famine had purchased Heaven for him From thence I fell upon another Question and was Curious to know what had happened to a certain Judge Whom I very well knew and who had lately passed into the other Life To which he replied Sir speak not of that miserable Man for Hell possesseth him through the Corruption of Justice which he by damnable Practice Exerciced having an honour and Soul saleable to the prejudice of his Conscience My Curiosity carried me higher to Enquire what became of King Alphonsus the Great at which time I heard an other voice that came from a Window behind me saying very distinctly it is not of Sancius you must demand that because he as yet can say nothing to the state of that Prince but I may have more experience thereof than he I deceasing five years ago and being present in an accident which gave me some Light of it I was much surprized Unexpectedly hearing this other Voice and turning saw by the help of the Moons brightness which reflected into my Chamber a Man leaning on my Window whom I entreated to tell me where then King Alphonsus was Whereto he replied he well knew that passing out of this Life he had been much tormented and that the Prayers of good Religious men much helped him but he could not at this present say in what state he was Having spoaken thus much he turned towards Sancius sitting near the fire said let us go it is time we depart At which Sancius making no other answer speedily rose up and redoubled his complaints with a Lamentable voice saying Sir I entreat you once again remember me and that my Mistriss perform the request I made you The next day Engelbert understood from his Wife the Case to be so as the Spirit had told him and with all Observation disposed himself speedily and charitably to satisfy all was required Here I shall respit from further Arguments and Instances till such time as I am sensible of the Operations of these In the mean while believe me Sir sincerely yours c. THE HISTORY OF Pope Joan AND THE WHORES OF ROME Calumniare fortiter aliquid adhaerebit Terent. The Second Edition LONDON THE PREFACE TO THE READER Courteous Reader THou hast here presented thee some few Remarks on two grand Scandals thrown upon the Church of Rome Satan 't is true wus from the beginning and always will be a Calumniator for so his very Name imports in the Hebrew Language continually endeavouring by Lies and other wicked ways to prucure as he does many Proselites But without doubt Truth will at last prevail and then down goes Dagon which inestimable Jewel Truth we ought all of us to search after and purchase and having obtained it how glad will every one be when he sees himself disabused As in the two following Stories the first of which thou wilt see here crammed full of as many Contrarieties ridiculous Fables and Vntruths almost as the Turkish Alcoran which nevertheless hath been wonderfully and maliciously defended and improved by Hereticks and Polities that have been Flatterers of such Emperours as were professed Enemies of the Popes and who made it their Business wholly to misprise the Glory and anâ—â—hâ—latâ— if possible the Authority of the aforesaid Church What Platina so much esteemed by Protestants says of this Story in his Lives of the Popes I here give thee as 't is lately Translated by Mr. Ricaut who had done well to have taken his Annotator Onuphrius along with him who Detected and Corrected many of his Errors and among the rest this of Pope Joan. And as for Martinus Polonus the first broacher of this Story what a simple Historian he was may be seen from Onuphrius Then as for the Story of the Whores of Rome that 's as good currant Coyn as the rest as thou wilt perceive by what follows which that I may not keep thee too long from or make
said to have done Countries A Convert nevertheless we may allow him to be and to beâ—…ieve him to be chang'd also from what he was as he had often â—…een and done before But though he be thus become a Saint â—…he Kn e is as Visible and Obvious as ever and Honest H. H. is the same Envious Plodding Treacherous Sycophant in his Looks Words and Actions Query If ever H. H. since his pretended Conversion hath ask'd the Pardon of any one person whom he has Libell'd or Defam'd Or so much as acknowledged the wrong we speak not of satisfaction for the same And also whether he can be deemed any other than an Hypocrite or Dissembler until he hath done this God cannot be mocked but the World and his Father-Confessor may To shew that according to the Title H. H. is the same as heretofore and that he the said H. H. was ever for the Mercenary interest part Religion he still making use of upon all changes only to serve that end for he having Printed by Order the Papers found in the late Kings Closet and a Bookseller having likewise got incouragement to Print the same which being accordingly done H. H. still the same sends one on purpose to Trepan not only the said Bookseller but Printer and used all underhand means to ruin them This I hope cannot be thought by any of the same Religion he now professes himself to be of done through a true zeal to that Persuasion And to the end that none that take the pains to read this Book may think these are falsities put upon the said H. H. â—…hrough envy to his Greatness the Publisher will prove to 〈…〉 H's face the truth of each particular if he hath the confidence to deny any of them FINIS A LETTER OF ADVICE To A Young Lady BEING Motives and Directions To Establish Her In the Protestant Religion WRITTEN By a Person of Honour AND Made Publick for the Vse of that Sex. LONDON Printed and are to be Sold by Richard Baldwin 1688. Price Three Pence Licensed May the 7th 1688. A Letter of Advice c. MADAM I Know the law of Custom has made it not only an usual favour but an expected duty to complement at least if not flatter such Women as Men write to especially the Great Ladies who think none write well that do not praise them much and those write best who extol them most high Praises being like good Poetry Musick in words the sound of which may be agreable but truly to deserve them requires such a Gygantick size of merit as is very unproportionable to the slender-wasted Vertues of most Ladies who are over-eager to receive Praises and over-careless in meriting any and the grand reason is because they know they usually have them without it and that Custome must give it though Reason cannot So obliging is the common courtesie of England to Ladies that it allows them to pretend to all praises as their due though few deserve any as their right In a word our English Ladies must have their Characters writ just as the Dutch Madams will have their Pictures drawn that is very handsom though they themselves be never so ugly But Madam for your part I know your perfections so abundantly and my own heart so truly as I must beg the Law of Custome pardon here it being beyond my power to flatter or complement since I can neither over-praise your high merit or outspeak the real love and true esteem I have both for you and them so that knowing all manner of praises to be justly due to your merits I find I cannot here make you a present of any without doing you an injury by intitling you to those praises by gift which all know are your own by right For truly Madam the whole progress of your actions have still been so highly vertuous and religiously strict and ever believed and proclaimed such that though your Beauty might make bad Men wish you ill yet your Vertues hinder the worst from daring to think you so for if they did their own hearts must at the same time condemn their own thoughts and declare your innocency like Pilate who with the same breath he condemned our Saviour said he found no fault in him But Madam tho your vertuous life is so transparantly excellent yet for all that you ought to look on your unsoil'd Reputation as no small blessing of preservation in these scandalous times where so few handsom Ladies escape censure and so many deserve it for now the extravagancies of Romance-Amours are not only daily read but almost hourly practised and Women act more than Romances can write whilst the sober Rules of Vertue and pious Duties of Religion are seldom thought on and most ralely practised our Youth being generally grown such fond friends of Mr. Hobbes his Books as they are become meer strangers to our Saviour's Gospel they living as if they were all bodies and had no souls or had them but to lose turning Religion into Raillery and Gospel into Romances for thus in short they mangle Scripture that part which is chiefly Historical that is their meer Gospel-part and that which is the Gospel-part is their meer Historical-part and because they cannot bring the Gospel to prove their Atheistical reasons pretend to prove by Reason that there is no Gospel and if some of them now and then look over a Chapter they only pass through it as a Spie doth an Enemies Country with a mischievous design and if they can but find in Scripture a seeming Contradiction that they presently bring on the Stage as they do Fools in Plays to railly with and make sport at so great a Jest our Young Sparks now make of their Salvation as to be pleas'd in the meer displeasing God without considering 't is not onely Atheistical madness but Devillish folly to make that their Jest which they may be damn'd for in earnest Thus our Youth throw away their Souls and for their Time they care not how they spend it always provided it be not religiously and therefore they wast it most in the company of vain Women and are so eager and zealous in their pursuit and so constant in their service as if they fancied God was mistaken and intended creating man for the woman rather than the woman for the man. But though all know God made the Woman for the Man yet what Critick can tell us whether our New Mode has made the Gallant for the Mistress or the Mistress for the Gallant But of this we are all sure They are so plentifully made for one another that the Eastern Country-Laws allow not with more freedom plurality of Wives than our new English Customs admit plurality of Mistresses Nay I may yet venture to say more That the Liberty of our men exceeds theirs for they are permitted no more Wives than they can well keep but ours allow themselves as many Mistresses as they can any way get For indeed the Names of Tom
heels very suddenly and the reason is this if they should live long they would do too much mischief tho none of them ever attain'd to the years of St. Peter who as they say was Bishop of Rome twenty five This Vrban was a very active Man and did not only pry into the present Affairs of the Church but with a retrospect did rip up and dive into old matters to which end and purpose he appointed a select Committee to examine Accounts and take cognizance of the Errors of his Predecessors upon which occasion this witty Pasquin was made at Rome where there are the Statues of St. Peter and St. Paul erected upon a Bridge there directly opposite one to the other a merry wag had clapt a pair of Spurs upon St. Peter's heels and St. Paul is supposed to say to him Whither so fast in this riding posture who answers him I apprehend there is great danger in my stay at Rome by reason of this new Commission for I fear they will question me for denying my Master therefore I 'll post away to some other place of Safety and truly Brother Peter said Paul I intend not to stay long after you for I have as much reason to suspect that they will examine me for persecuting Christians before my Conversion Pope Zachary when the trade of Church-merchandizes was very dead and he had little or nothing to do rather than he would be idle wrote to Bishop Boniface in Germany directions when to eat Bacon and he did very well in 't whatsoever the prating Hugonot says to the contrary tho he had done far better in the Opinion of some of our modern Casuists if he had also given him some wholsom Instructions concerning the Manducation of Eggs that so the Prelate might have had a complete Dish Leo the tenth had an intention to create Raphael Vrbin a mere Painter Cardinal And why might not a good Painter make a good Cardinal but sure it was not he who drew the Pictures of St. Peter and St. Paul and made them so red-faced that that he was reprov'd for it by some of the Conclave because the ignorant might be apt to judge them great Drinkers to the scandal of Religion but he soon replied that is your mistake and not mine for I made them so ruddy because I knew that if they were living they would blush for shame at the vicious lives of their pretended Successors Now what if it were the same Man It was great and good Policie in the Pope beyond the reach of a Protestant Noddle for hereby he might oblige all of that Profession in hopes of the like Promotion that when ever any of them for the future should undertake to draw the Pourtraicture of any Saint whatsoever he should make them of a more pallid and sober Complexion I 'll warrant you this leering Hugonot laughs in his sleeve at this pretty intrigue of Church-Policy but no matter for that the Papist cries out Let him laugh that wins and so gives you one Proverb in exchange of another It is reported in our History that King James of blessed Memory did once in his Progress vouchsafe to bestow a visit upon Sir Pope Knight whose Lady at that time was lately deliver'd of a Daughter and the Infant was presented to his Majesty with a Paper of Verses in her Hand which the King was much pleas'd with the Contents whereof were as followeth See this little Mistris here Who ne're sate in Peter's Chair Or a Triple Crown did wear And yet she is a Pope She hardly is a seven-night old Nor did she ever hope To Saint one with a Pope And yet she is a Pope No Benefices she e're sold Nor did dispence with Sins for Gold No King her Feet did ever kiss Or had from her worse look than this And yet she is a Pope A Female Pope you 'l say a second Joan Nay sure she is Pope Innocent or none Now if any or all your Romanists can out of your long Nomenclatura of Popes produce one that may come near this Protestant Pope for Innocence Modesty or Humility wee 'l save you the labour of compassing Sea and Land to make Proselytes for wee 'l all unanimously return and without any more adoe re-unbosom our selves with your Holy Mother the Church of Rome It is thought by some and those Judicious Persons too that Pasqin among the many witty Jests he hath thrown upon the Pope and Clergy never acted any thing with better Grace than when he counterfeited himself so affronted that he was ready to die for very Grief because he had receiv'd such an Injury as had almost broke his very Heart and being askt by one that heard him bemoan himself what Injury Friend is this that is done to thee Has any one call'd thee Thief or Buggerer No no said he What then And so went on naming most of the grossest Indignities that could be put upon a Man by opprobrious Language No no pish said he you have not hit it yet and so breaking out into grievous Sobs and Sighs Alas alas said he 't is worse then all you can imagine they have been so abusive as to call me Pope Nay farther he has given you to understand what conceit he and all Men should have of the Pope by this following Hexastick Hic Carapha jacet Superis invisus Imis Styx animam Tellus putre cadaver habet Invidit paçem Terris Diis Vota Precesque Impius Clerum perdidit Populum Hostibus infensis supplex infidus amicis Scire cupis paucis caetera Papa fuit Here th' hate of Heaven and Hell Carapha lies i th' Grave 's his Body in Styx his Soul cries He envied Peace with Men and Prayers to God To Lay and Clergy-men a wicked Rod. Suppliant to Foes but Faithless to his Friend In short he was a Pope and there 's an End. Pope Leo the 10th being told by his Confessor that he need fear nothing because he had the Keys of Heaven at his Girdle and those of the Church Treasury also consisting in the Merits of Christ and the blessed Saints gave him this true answer Thou know'st that he who hath once sold a thing hath no longer right to it therefore since I have made sale of Heaven and all to others I have nothing to do with it my self which being the common Traffick at Rome was the occasion of this saying Roma dat omnibus omnia dantibus omnia Romae Cum pretio Rome gives to all that part with all their Gold For there all things are merely bought and sold The same Pope being reproved by some of his Cardinals for leading so leud a Life being grown worse and worse since his Inauguration answer'd them If I am wicked you are the cause of it for you made me what I am which strange reply put them to this question what he meant by saying so why quoth he you have made me Pope and it is impossible to be a
Stupidity and blockish Ignorance It is recorded in History of the Cardinal of Avignon that when the French King saw the Grandeur State and Pomp of the Popes Court and the Haughtiness and Pride of his Cardinals he ask't him whether the Apostles were ever lacquey'd with such a Train at their heels or attended by such a numerous Retinue To whom he answer'd No surely Sir. But you must understand that they were Apostles when Kings were Shepheards that 's the reason Arch-bishop Parker in his Antiqâ—… Britan. saith that a French Bishop being to take his Oath before the Archbishop of Canterbury met with the word Metropoliticae which he could by no means Pronounce so ignorant he was and therefore past it over with this bald expression in French Soit pour dit Let it be so said or spoken so be it He was a wise Bishop indeed as wise as the Fellow that put out the Candle that the Fleas might not see to bite and sting him with their proboscis who commenced a Suit with his Canons which prov'd very dilatory but he at last overthrew them and took order in his life time that his Tomb should not lye along in the Church as others do but stand upright for fear that after his death they should piss upon his Body by way of revenge A pretty Pastor who took more care of his Body while living than of the state of his Soul after death Not many Years ago a President of the high Court of Parliament was so just and modest as to beg the favour of a Night's Lodging with a Lady of Quality and Honour upon which Terms he promised her audience the Lady having at that time a Cause depending before him his Name I will conceal but withall give you this notice of him that it was the same Person who not not long after being made an Abbot wrote a severe Book against the Lutherans which he dedicated to the Pope in so harsh and uncouth a Stile that his Holiness was resolv'd to make Cul-paper of it for going one day to the Close-Stool to shew as Platina says that he is subject to the Necessities and Infirmities of Nature as well as other Persons to ease himself brought a Disease upon himself by making cleanly use of a Leaf of it for it did so chafe and gall his Apostolick Seat that he lost a great deal of Leather and was as sore in the Fundament as he could have been in the Feet had his Devotion put him upon the Trott in a Pilgrimage to Jerusalem See the dire Effects of crabbed Latin 't is ten times worse than the Piles Hemorrhoids or Fistula in ano but I 'll warrant you this was such a warning to him that his Holiness of his own accord and for his own good without the Advice of a Physician did forbear ever after the use of such excoriating Abstersives This Question was once propos'd in a Councel An sint Episcopi immediate à Christo an mediate à Pontifice A Reverend Bishop moved with it made this learned and Christian reply Parcat mihi Dominus Christus non sum ab ipso Another of their Reverend Doctors being quite baffled and beat off of the Stage with downright Scripture pleaded this as an excuse Ego non sum Theologus Ego sum Canonicus One of these Reverendissimi was not at all asham'd to declare openly his admiration that such young Fellows and Boys should now a days quote the new Testament per diem whereas he did solemnly and truly profess that he was fifty years of Age and upward before he was so wise as to understand what the New Testament meant But here we will bid adieu to these Illustrissimos and pass from the Cardinal's red-Hat to the Jesuits black-Cap which I fear will prove more mischievous Take but a view of some of their Pranks and you 'l find them as expert and knowing in the exquisite Methods of crafty and circumventing Wickedness as any of the Popes or preceeding Cardinals As to the name of Jesuit it breaths nothing but health and prosperity being deriv'd from Jesus but as to the nature of the Persons nothing but death and damnation and for their presumption in assuming to themselves this name they were very much maligned and hated at first and that was the reason they called themselves afterwards Socios Jesu the Companions of Jesus Now in the sacred Writ if you strictly examine it throughout you will find only one and that a goodly one that was call'd Christ's Companion viz. Judas so much for their name They have also a Nick-name which they will carry to their Graves When they first negotiated for footing in Paris they demanded what they were whether Seculars or Regulars and they made answer Tales Quales Such and Such a Nick-name which they will ne're be able to claw off for they are upbraided with it to this very day The Glorious Patron of these Popish Janizaries was an infirm Enthusiastick Spanish Souldier and Cripple and they in imitation of him their first founder do hault lamely ever since his name was Ignatius Loyola who being a Souldier in those times when Ferdinand of Arragon invaded the Kingdom of Navarr and opposed King John de Albret whom the Pope had excommunicated because he supplied the King with Succours At this very time was this Loyola a Soldier at Pampelona where he was maimed it being then besieg'd by the King this Patron of that Holy Order resolv'd to erect a Society of Jesuits which should be able from that time forward to maintain and uphold the Usurpations of his Holy Master and to promote the Power of the unerring Prelate of Rome which they do infinitely prefer beyond the Life Honour and Good of Kings to which purpose these Fauters of the Popes Power have a peculiar Vow and take an Oath of blind Obedience a fourth Vow unknown to other Orders whereby they move Subjects against their Sovereigns and stirr them up to Rebellion against their Lawful Princes Let us begin with their Blasphemies both in Expressions and Opinions and you shall find them very bold as to these Particulars These are they that infected Ravilliac that monstrous Assassine with these and the like Blasphemies That to make War against the Pope was to make War against God that God is the Pope and the Pope is God. O horrid Lucianisme is modest to such Christianisme comparatively These are the Persons who blasphemously substitute another God on Earth besides our Holy Father in Heaven whom they stile most Holy Father and separate Jesus Christ from his Body and Spouse the Holy Church creating him a Vicar-General or Vice-gerent in all his Kingdoms etiam Bel. l. 1. de Christo secluso What shall we say of Pontif c. 9. such a pack of Saints as these The Saracens had an antient Law that whosoever should blaspheme the name of Christ or the Virgin Mary should be starved to death between two Boards Galeacius a Duke hanged a Man only for
out 1000 Daemoniacks and raised above 1000 from the Dead Gen. chap. 2. Let us make Man c. That is St. Francis so that there is not so much as one Text in the Holy Writ from the first of Genesis to the last of the Revelation which they have not wrested to magnifie the Order of St. Francis but I am tired with these Blasphemous Rodomontadoes therefore I refer you to the Book it self if you desire farther Satisfaction as to Particulars Nilco Postel preaching at Paris told them in the very Face of the University that an old Beldame whom he called his Mother Joan should save all Women as Christ did all Men and as horrid as these Opinions were he found many Catholicks that embraced them all which he published in Print This same Person was heard by several at the Rialto in Venice to affirm that if a Man would have a perfect Religion these three Ingredients must necessarily go to its Composition Christianism Judaism and Mahometism and that upon serious consideration there would appear to be many excellent Doctrines in the Turkish Alcoran If Treason against an earthly King is Capital then doubtless à fortiori Blasphemy against the King of Kings deserves Death much more In most Places of Italy these are but inconsiderable and poor Imprecations Te venga ' l Cancaro and at Venice Te vengala Ghiandussa Te vengal mal di san Lazaro I omit Putana di Christo and others of the like strain as frequent as horrible and the French have taken some of them upon trust as Te viene le chancre a Murrain on thee In France they have certain Curses peculiar to their Language Ad omnes Diabolos ad triginta Mille Diabolos used by Preachers in such barbarous Latin taken from the French who say Je te donnea trente ou quarante mille charteès de Diables Thirty or forty thousand Cart-loads of Devils take thee And Menot the Preacher fol. 129. falsly father 's this Curse on St. Paul who hearing of one that had committed Fornication said presently I give him over to the Devils in Hell. He saith farther fol. 47. of one of the two Harlots that she would swear by her Faith. They have several ways of bequeathing themselves to the Devil as if one were not enuf or indeed too much Body Soul and Guts that no part may escape his Clutches they make sure of all Nor are the Laity so far exempted from these Vices but that they have a spice of them witness one of the Kings of Spain who having had divers ill successes swore he would be reveng'd on the Deity and therefore commanded that none of his Subjects should adore God believe in him or mention his name for a certain time by him limited and appointed without incurring a great penalty and his high displeasure A certain Gamester losing at Cards did curse and swear most desperately for his loss and commanded his Servant to assist him in Curses Oaths and Execrations till his fortune should alter and he have better luck A Secular person as he was playing at Cards in the French Ambassadors House at Venice belcht forth this Oath Venga'l cancaro al Lupo Why What hurt in all this Aye but his Villany was manifested afterwards because he spake it by the Figure called Aposcopesis or Reticentia instead of Venga'l cancaro al Lupo che non mangiava Christo quando era Agnello calling Christ Agnello in allusion to that of St. John Ecce Agnus Dei qui tollit c. As also the Blasphemy of the Italian who frequently said A Bots on the Ass that carried Christ to Jerusalem The Italian Lord who had his Passport to the other World by a Pistol-shot being desired to commend his Soul to God beg'd of them to recommend him to the King and withal to acquaint him that he had lost a very good Servant saying that he had often made it his business to believe in God but could not and withal was so Blasphemous as to add farther that God dealt very unjustly with Man in condemning him for a peice of an Apple and that all he had learned by the New Testament was that Joseph was a very idle Fellow for not being jealous of his Wife he being well stricken in Years and she so youthful Nor must I omit that hellish Court-Curse which is as common as Flies in Armenia I would I might F with such a Lady or Gentlewoman upon pain of Damnation Of the Lechery Whoredom and Sodomy of the Clergy and Laiety ITaly above all places abounds in these Vices insomuch that it is a common saying Jamais ni cheval ni homme N'amenda d'albera Rome Nor Horse or Man e're return'd home The better by the sight of Rome And Mr. Ascham in his Preface to his Schoolmaster did return thanks to God that he was but nine days in Italy during which time he saw in one City of Venice more liberty to sin than in London he ever heard of in as many Years John Haywood our old Epigrammatist told Queen Mary very boldly that her Clergy was very sawcy and if they had not Wives they would have their Lemans Richard the First being Daniel 's Hist. Rich. 1. in fine rounded in the Ear that he had three wicked Daughters Pride Covetousness and Lechery answered very briskly Well be it so if I have I cannot better match them than with the Templers Fathers and Friars If a Priest be at any time found wantonly kissing a Woman the usual excuse is it was but to imprint a Blessing upon her Lips. It was once seriously debated which was the best way to furnish Henry the Second with Mony. His Jester seeing his Master at a great Loss proposed this rational way viz. that he should command all the Monks Beds to be sold and the Mony to be brought in to him To which the King replied where must the Monks then lye O said the Jester with the Nuns Alas said the King thou art mistaken there are not near so many Nuns as Monks And please your Majesty said he every Nun can lodge half a dozen Monks at the least for her own share 'T is a known Story of the two Franciscans who because they The Queen of Navarr 's Relations are a Crew of beggarly Fellows never carry any mony about them passed over a Ferry and not being able to pay their Passage would have ravish'd the Ferry Woman in part of Satisfaction till they were enabled to Pay her her fare a cunning new way to pay old Debts Old Bromiar tells you that a Ghost appeared to a Popish Priest and said there came daily so many Priests to Hell as he thought verily there had been no more upon Earth Poggius the Florentine reports that Ausimerius an Eremite of Padua who lived in the reign of Francis the 7th Duke of that City had the reputation of a Pious and godly Man till he was detected for corrupting and defiling many Women of Noble