be prevailed upon by this and much more also True Christian love is grown so rare that often 't is not found among those called Christians in the same family and nearest relations the love and care of each others Souls is that which is least regarded and of all duties of Relations and Kindred this is neglected or forgot Men readily entertain Satans Suggestions in this respect and the best arguments are of no force when opposed by such thoughts as these 'T is not my duty I am not bound to it I think it may go down well with them that so live together as you have advised I think I should like to do so But as for perswading my partner my wife or my husband I have nothing to do with that To preach is the Ministers work let every one look to themselves each take their own way we may do well enough without joyning in Religious duties or at least without perswading one another to them Such are the thoughts of poor corrupted creatures not willing to joyn with Christ in the way of Gods appointment Now to prevent the stop which such thoughts may cause and that without doubting or shifting by excuses you may with full purpose of heart cleave to the Lord I desire you would consider these things 1. Consider seriously of such thoughts as in the presence of God Can you verily think that God will allow of such a plea and excuse does Gods word any where approve or favour it Nay does not his word direct and command the contrary what else is the meaning of those texts Comfort your selves together and edifie one another 1 Thes 5.11 Exhort one another daily while it is called to day Heb. 3.13 Consider one another to provoke to love and to good works Heb. 10.24 If these and the like texts make it the duty of assemblies and communities of Christians to perswade one another for their Souls good much more then is it the duty of neerer relations and becomes a command of greater force to such and renders those that neglect it utterly without excuse Consider what is the meaning of that word of the Lord Gen. 4.10 What hast thou done The voice of thy Brothers blood crieth unto me 'T is the Lords reply to that froward rash answer and inconsiderate excuse of Cain who said am I my brothers keeper And let conscience judge if the like word may not be spoken to you if you endeavour not to preserve if possible a neerer and bosom relation Beware then lest the voice of a perishing Soul cry against thy sinful negligence 2 Consider tho' it were not thy plain Christian duty to endeavour to win thy companion to Gods way by perswading yet be sure it is not thy duty to forbear perswasions And where there is but a probable appearance of doing good common human prudence will set you on perswading if indeed you love But if you reply that these things best come of themselves and that perswasions are for the most part of small purpose consider if men are hardly brought to the way of piety by perswasion will they more easily be brought to it by having nothing said to them for shame blush at such folly 3. Consider if lawful possible promises do bind to duty ought you not to be as good as your word and to do what you promised Now on that account of promise 't is certainly your duty both in sight of God and man You have solemnly promised as in the presence of God and God requires it of you and all true Christian friends and sober Christians are looking how you will behave your selves That you may more distinctly remember your promises I advise you to take these helps 1. Read over sometimes the office of Matrimony as in the Common Prayer-Book and with seriousness and consideration think on your marriage Vow and what you promised to each other when you consented to the married state That is to live together in love according to God holy ordinance I suppose you know that is to be meet helps to each other this is the appointment of God from the beginning And does this Ordinance or appointment of God respect help only in order to the good of the Body and not help for the Soul also I am fully perswaded that none dare say so but that it fully includes the help for the Souls good also And then think whether it be not your duty to defire each the other and endeavour to perswade each other to take the good and the right way for your Souls good to live together according to Gods holy ordinance as you have promised 2. Read over the prayers then to be used and think whether you did then truly desire those things or else minded them not and so mocked God Or do you yet desire those things indeed If you do you must acknowledg it your duty to endeavour to engage each other to that holy practice so to live together in holy love according to Gods Law and that you may see your Children Christianly and vertuously brought up to the praise and honour of God that you your selves hinder not those blessings you then begged of God 3. Read also those well chosen Scriptures that teach the duties of husbands and wives to each other and let them be as notes of memorial to bring you to your Bibles and so to bring you to your duty to perswade each other that you may thro' Christ Jesus come together to God I wish these things may be considered and prevail also I know they are sufficient if seriouslly considered to incline the mind and if that be but made willing I make no doubt but that I shall convince you that you are able and that you can do much by way of perswasion if you please Sect. VI. Shewing that young people are able to perswade one another if they are indeed willing to enter on Gods holy way I Might now justly leave it to your consciences to judg and am confident you must approve in the general of what I am perswading you to But I know that tho' you are convinced that is fully perswaded that you ought to do so yet while corruption prevails the unwilling heart will find some thing to hinder from doing And tho' at last you are convinced that 't is your duty and that you ought to call upon and to perswade each other to lead a Religious life yet you are ready to say or think that you know not how to do it and therefore there is but small likelyhood that you should prevail and therefore you resolve to let it alone altogether You may say I am periwaded that I ought to do it but I cannot tell how to do it and therefore I will not do it Thus an unwilling mind is easily discouraged in this matter especially in such as have not before some savour of Religion and liking to a Religious life To such I answer and say you may endeavour if you are
to see my young one brought up in thy faith and fear That I may dedicate it to thy self in holy Baptism And instruct it betimes in thy holy word that I and those thou givest me may be thine for ever Lord hear and help thy poor handmaid that has no help but thee To thee I desire to make my request 's known with thanksgiving for all thy mercies To thee O Lord I commit my whole concern as to a faithful creator Do thou O Lord hear and help and forgive me and do for me what in thy heavenly wisdom seems best Even more then I can ask or think and all for the sake and thro' the mediation of thy beloved Son the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used in a family either morning or evening by changing the conclusion O Lord Almighty God King of Glory who from the height of thy habitation dost behold all the inhabitants of the earth considering all their wayes and providing for them of thy goodness we O Lord have received abundantly of thy bounty and loving kindness for which we desire to return praise and thanksgving And now we beg the continuance of thy mercy to us Thou commandest us to call on thee And Lord whither can we come but unto thee O Lord our strength and our redeemer O shed abroad thy love in our hearts and stir up our Souls to lay hold on thee that we may not seek thy face in vain Lord give ear to our prayer answer us graciously Lord we confess we are unworthy to call on thy holy name by reason of those many sins with which we are defiled full of corruption by nature having sin dwelling in us and alwayes present with us by which we offend daily both in thought word and deed We have broken thy holy law by neglecting those duties which thou hast commanded us and doing those things which thou hast forbidden And we have added to our sins much slightness and contempt not regarding thy wrath much impenitency being unsensible of the filth of sin and carelesness in not seeking to be cleansed from sin thro' the boold of Christ Jesus tho' thy mercy hath provided that redemption for us O Lord to us belongeth confusion of face because we have sinned against thee shouldest thou Lord be extream to mark all that is done amiss who could abide it But with thee there is mercy and forgiveness that thou mayest be feared thou hast appointed to poor sinners an Advocate thy Son Jesus Christ the Righteous who is the propitiation of our sins and sits at thy right hand to make intercession for us In his name O Lord and for his sake we beg that thou wouldest pardon all our sins and blot out all our transgressions Give unto us that true and lively faith that sincere and hearty repentance that true conversion and new obedience that our sins may be blotted out and we justified freely by thy grace thro' the redemption that is in Jesus Christ And being reconciled unto thee thro' the blood of thy Son be pleased to take us into thy protection and defend us against all the power of sin and deceits of Satan O let not sin reign in our mortal bodies that we should obey it in the lusts thereof but let the blood of Christ purge our consciences from dead works to serve the living God That every one of our Souls may be zealous of doing good to thy glory Teach every one of us to know our several duties and by thy grace enable us to do them to thy glory and the good and Comfort of one another Bestow upon us the blessings of this life so far as may be for our Souls good give unto us continue with us renew for us bodily health and strength and all our senses Provide for us food and raiment and make us content with the portion thou givest and what in thy wisdom thou seest fit to deny us in the things of this life teach us to bear the want with humility and contented submission and be pleased to make it up unto us in Spiritual blessings that we may use the world without abusing it and improve every providence to thy glory Good Lord prepare us for our latter end enable us so to love that we may die in the Lord and live for ever with our God Be pleased to bless thy whole Church especially this nation in turning every one of us from our iniquities that our sins may be pardoned our Souls sanctified our lives reformed to thy glory praise so that we may enjoy peace and truth in our dayes having thy Gospel still continued among us To that end we beseech the bless all our governours with holy wisdom and all the ministers of thy word especially thy Servant under who 's ministry we are that he may faithfully deliver thy word to the edification of our Souls Comfort all the afflicted with mercies suitable to their distresses particularly such as we know or those that desire to be remembred by us Lord Sanctifie all their afflictions to their Souls good Bless all our friends and relations with renewed sanctified hearts and lives that we may have Godly comfort in them they in us all of us in Jesus Christ our Lord. Conclusion for Morning WE bless thee O Lord for that thou hast kept us in peace safety this last night and refresht our bodies with quiet rest and sleep we pray thee continue thy goodness to us this day keep us in all our thoughts words and actions from all sin Enable us for our work and business that we may do good in our place keep us from sickness and every sad providence bring us to the evening in peace that our Souls may praise thee And in the end of our lives receive us to thy everlasting kingdom for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord in whose name and words we sum up all our desires as himself hath taught us to pray saying Conclusion for Evening WE thank thee O Lord for thy good providence over us this day past for keeping of us and providing for us Pardon we beseech thee all our sins and failings this day keep us in peace and safety this night refresh our bodies with sleep convenient for us bring us to the morning in peace and be present with us when we awake Guide and preserve us the next day all our dayes nights that we may finish our lives in peace in thy fear and holy joy and enter into thy everlasting kingdom in heaven for Christ Jesus sake our only Lord and Redeemer in whose holy name and words we conclude praying as himself hath taught us saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil For thine is the Kingdom And the power And the glory for ever and ever Amen FINIS
God give you Joy THE HEARTY WISH OF A CHRISTIAN FRIEND TO THE BRIDEGROOM and the BRIDE A Marriage-Present For the New-Married-Couple Containing Considerations and Advices in order to perswade young Married people to begin the Married life in the fear of the Lord. With Directions and Prayers With plainness intended for the meanest Understanding By one that desires to be a true Son of the Church of Christ as by the Gospel established As being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindred 1 Pet. 3.7 Printed in the year 1691. God give you Joy The hearty Wish of a Christian Friend to the Bridegroom and the Bride THE INTRODUCTION IT becomes all that love the Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity to promote the glory of God the Father and according to their capacities to further that great work for which Christ came into the world by labouring to turn every one from their iniquities that they may obtain salvation through faith in him This is that blessing with which God sent his Son to bless the world and which all should endeavour to bring others to be partakers of And therefore should use all means possible to instruct and perswade all to receive and follow that Grace of God which appears in the Gospel and teaches us to deny ungodliness and worldly lusts that we may live soberly and righteously and godly in this present world in every state and condition of life Therefore should we lay hold on every opportunity that may probably be fit for that purpose And I take this as a fit occasion to put you in mind of that duty you are bound to in respect of each other in the married estate that you may glorifie God in helping one anothers Souls that so the prayers and good wishes of your friends may not be in vain but that your Joy may be full true Joy in the Lord. God give you Joy is the usual salutation to new married people and indeed it is what every true Christian friend desires That such may rejoice in the Lord and Joy in the God of Salvation The Love of Christ should constrain us to love others as Christ loved us for the souls good And all that wish well to their Friends and Relations that wish them Joy if they are in earnest and know what they say This is Joy to have the Lords favour that is better than life it self And therefore they should use such means as Gods word teaches to promote that Joy they wish the Joy that God gives But experience shows us that too many are either ignorant or dissemblers in that wish which is turned for the most part into a cold formality and words of course And we also see the ill methods that too many new married folks take to make void such good wishes and oppose their own true joys and real blessings Therefore I put this Paper into your hands as becomes a Christian friend that desires to be a friend to your souls to admonish and intreat you that you make not void the good wishes of your friends by neglecting of God at first nor oppose your own joy by a careless and ungodly life But that you take such care that the beginnings of your mutual love may be seasoned with the Divine love And that your first resolutions on your meeting together in the married state may be so to abide with God and so to live together in his fear that God may live with you here and you with him both here and hereafter However it may have been with you in the single and unmarried state we usually call marriage a changing our condition 'T is my hearty and earnest desire that your change may be for the best and that you may so begin the world together as not to abuse it but in the changed condition you may attend to the Lords service to your souls true comfort and joy In every change of condition we in some sort do begin a new course so that we may justly apply our Saviours precept to all beginnings so to enter on every state of life that in the first place and chiefly we regard the fear of the Lord Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness he joins also a promise to it that outward blessings shall be added Mat. 6.33 Therefore in so great a change as Marriage is it highly concerns you that the married life should be begun in the Lord. Your first and chiefest love should be to him from whom you have your being and on whom you depend for all things both present and to come to whom you should live and who 's glory should be the design of all your actions because his you are and not your own Redeemed to him by the precious blood of his Son Jesus Christ And before that Great Judg you must give up an account of your selves at the last If you have been piously educated then have you need to be careful that the change turn not aside your heart from God But as you have been charged by your Parents Remember to live in the fear of the Lord and abide with God in the married as well as in the single life Remember the Apostles caution 2 Tim 3.14 Change of family and acquaintances and neighbours are great occasions of good or evil as those families relations or kindred acquaintance and neighbours are amongst whom you happen to come If they be ungodly and vain you had need beware they tempt you not to leave off the way of Godly living That which seems pleasant to the flesh is a strong perswasion to bring you to comply with vain worldly ways especially in beginning the married estate they think it strange you will not do as others in worldly vanity and by degrees bring you to think it strange you should not and by degrees to consent to join with them and by unsensible degrees and unperceiv'd methods will they lead you from the good way and you will leave your first love and good practice and fail of the grace of God Therefore you had need beware you change not to the worse Or if there be among them but some ungodly you had need beware you join not with them on worldly accounts rather than with the Godly because poor or on other accounts despised If they are Godly and Religious Friends and Neighbours among whom you come Take heed you do not disgrace your pious education by growing slight and careless after marriage But if your education has not been in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to look after true Godliness then indeed you had need look to it that the condition may be so changed that the married estate may be a state of Godliness Marriage should be in the Lord only in the Lord saith the Apostle 1 Cor. 7.39 'T is this only that makes marriage truly honourable and comfortable And if you have neglected that great thing that one necessary thing till then 't is surely high
time to begin the change When I ask young married people if they desire and intend to live together in Godly love and the fear of God they usually answer They hope so to do And surely it would be impudent folly and sin to dare to say otherwise But I think it is plain in too many that there is not really such an heart and hearty desire in them but that they regard little more than brutish satisfaction and carnal enjoyments Nay some behave themselves to each other as if they married only to be in a capacity to torment and vex one another to do the Devils work to hinder each others comforts both in soul and body I desire you would now put that forementioned question to your selves Do you desire and intend and will you endeavour to live together in Godly love and in the fear of God so as to be meet helps for each others good both in soul and body What answer can you think reasonable to that question Ay or No If you answer Ay and think fit that such answer should be taken should be taken for true and no lye that answer then gives judgment of your duty what you ought to do and if not brutish and sensless must engage you so to do The chief design of this Paper is to perswade and direct to begin the married life in the due fear of God so that you may continue in the same We call marriage a beginning of the world and we may make it if we use it aright the beginning of the Kingdom of Heaven The beginnings of Grace continued in will surely end in Glory Sect. I. Some Questions to Conscience in order to convince the Judgment and prepare the mind to receive the following Advices THat your Judgment may be setled aright to approve the best things and to chuse the most excellent way I shall offer several things to your consideration by way of Question and let Conscience give the answer 1. First I earnestly intreat you in the fear of God and as in his presenco to think seriously and ask conscience Whether an holy and heavenly love and life be not best to spend your days together in As having God to dwell with you to have a sense of his good providence over you and that your prayer may not be hinder'd but that you may ever have a grounded hope of his everlasting love 2. Whether Marriage thus ordered may not be esteemed as the greatest earthly comfort or on the other hand Whether an ill managed Wedlock is not the greatest cross of humane life 3. Whether God by his providence has not put it into the hands and power of married people to make themselves happy or miserable as to this world at least and in great measure also their souls in the world to come 4. Whether you come together as Christians or as Heathens and without a holy endeavour to live in godly love what do you more than Heathens 5. Whether there be any love as Christians if it be not with respect to the soul and whether that can be meet help for man or woman that does not help the soul 6. Whether Husband or Wise could take it well to hear the other say I love thy face and thy fortune thy beauty and estate thy body and flesh but for thy soul I care not if it be damn'd and go to the Devil Whether such words would be taken as charming expressions and signs of love 7. Whether an ungodly life and unholy practice be not as much as to say they care not for the souls of one another when they labour not to live together religiously and so to keep each others souls to God 8. What answer canst thou give to thy own conscience at death if thou hast not endeavoured to live a religious life whether married or single 9. Whether that mystical union between Christ and his Church his love in giving himself for it as Eph. 5.25 And also that relation between God and his people whom he has married unto himself Jer. 3.14 both which being represented in that mutual union in the married state do not intimate much of argument for true and spiritual love and to perswade you to labour to cleanse each others souls and to keep each other without spot and blameless as for the coming of the Lord Read these questions over again and ask one the other the Questions and perswade and engage one another to consider seriously of these things And if on serious consideration these questions being truly answered according to conscience in truth and soberness do so far convince your judgment and perswade as I hope they will that your hearts must at least secretly confess and say surely godly love and a godly life is best to love for the souls good is only true love Then confess and own it to one another and promise seriously so to live together as to help one anothers souls and to endeavour each others Salvations and then proceed to read the Advices following Sect. II. Containing Advices to new-marriea People with Arguments to perswade and Helps to perform them THe Advices I have to offer to begin the married state should be few lest the beginning be past before they be read Yet if the beginning be past they cannot be useless because they are always of use in the married state But in particular to new-married people especially if young they are such advices whereby they may lay a good foundation and build thereon solid comforts family comforts lasting Christian comforts Such as being continued and daily followed may render every day a day of comfort and good things and if good in the beginning cannot but be so in continuance and spiritual good being followed always increases to more abundance Adv. 1. First therefore I advise you to begin the married life in the fear of the Lord with holy resolutions so to live together I hope the former Questions have almost at least convinced you that it is your duty so to do Let therefore good resolutions follow your convictions Resolve that your first living together shall be as Christians indeed And let not Satan tempt you to delay lest you quite forget Resolve and endeavour that your first love may be as love in the Lord. To help and encourage you thus to resolve in the beginning remember these three things 1. Remember that the love of the flesh or as led by the flesh is not of God as in 1 Joh. 2.16 Appetite and desires of the flesh bring beasts together 2. Remember that kindness and good nature company and to be helpful to one another in outward things as of this life are what become men and women as being rational creatures and that these things may be found and doubtless are found amongst Heathens such as know not God in Christ Jesus 3. Remember that love in the Lord from a purified heart in earnest fervency and sincerity as 1 Pet. 1.22 with desire to do good
Christian purity Keep us henceforth in holy Spiritual love that we defile not the honourable marriage-bed by desires too sensual but that we may be instruments of each others chastity and purity both in Soul and Body Take from us all dullness of mind and backwardness to Religious duties and both teach and enable us so to order our worldly affairs that our minds and hearts may be alwayes free for thy service and worship Give us we beseech thee the Spirit of wisdom and of a sound mind that with all gravity and soberness we may govern and rule our selves and families in thy faith and fear and love as becomes those that are followers of the holy and blessed Jesus as taught by thy holy word Be pleased to make us both instruments of good to others especially to our kindred and neighbours to the comfort and releef of those that are in want to the instruction of the ignorant to the reproving and reforming the ungodly and to the good of all We pray thee also to make us diligent in our calling not â—lothful in business but as serving the Lord. And so bless our labours and honest endeavours in worldly things that we may have a competency for our selves and ours and to give to those that want And further O heavenly Father we humbly intreat thee to give us both thy Grace that with pure hearts we may fervently love one another and provoke one another to love and good works and watch over each other for the Souls good And deal faithfully with each other not suffering one one another in carlesness of our Souls or in any sin without due serious seasonable and compassionate warning in thy fear And good Lord give each of us such an heart that we may be willing to be warned of our sin and danger and desirous to be reformed And good Lord help us so to live together as abiding in Christ Jesus that which ever of us thou shalt please to call out of this world first may leave the comfort of a well grounded hope to the surviver that both at last shall meet in purer and undefiled love and joy in the inheritance of the promises together with the Spirits made perfect thro' the blood of the holy Jesus in thy heavenly eternal Kingdom For the sake and thro' the mediation of Jesus Christ our only Saviour and Redeemer Amen A prayer to be used in secret by the married man or woman in respect of each other O Most merciful Father and eternal God who hast appointed and sanctified the state of marriage by thy Command and word and by thy good providence hast now joyned me with a partner and companion for the married life Guide me I beseech thee by thy good Spirit that I may do my duty in this state of life to which it hath pleased thee to call me That I may not make the liberty thou givest me an occasion to the flesh nor thro' weakness turn thy permissions to sensuality Pardon I beseech thee all my infirmities and failings in that matter and help me that in all circumstances I may keep a conscience void of offence both towards thee my God and towards men That I may sincerely perform my duty towards thee and with a pure heart be fervently affectionate to my dear yoke-fellow That I may be a good guide and example to my family and in all quietness and sobriety patience and prudence a follower of those who have served thee with godliness and walked in thy Commandments blameless And guide I beseech thee my dear yoke-fellow and endue him or her with thy Grace and blessing both in Soul and Body O keep him or her I beseech thee from all temptations and all inclinations to evil Give him or her an heart to hear and obey thy holy word and keep him or her from all sickness and bodily dangers And so keep us both in thy fear and holy love to each other that we may receive good and religious counsel of each other and truly follow the same and watch for each others Souls good So that at the end of a chast and holy conversation in the Lord we may together enjoy the promised felicity of thy chosen in thy everlasting Kingdom thro' our dear and only Redeemer the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used by the woman when conceived with child O Merciful God and heavenly Father who hast made all things and preservest all things and hast appointed marriage as the way of continuing the generation of mankind I desire to be thankful that thou hast called me to the holy state of marriage and in that state hast given me the blessing of the marriage bed even strength to conceive with Child The fruit of the Womb is a blessing from thee O God alone which all the treasures on earth cannot purchase And now O Lord I beseech thee continue thy blessing giving me strength both to bear and bring forth let the sickness and illness attending conception bring me more seriously to consider of the sin of our first parents how the woman was in the transgression and thereby my sorrows multiplied that I may be truly humbled for my natural corruption which Lord in thy mercy pardon and cleanse me from thro' the blood of Jesus Christ and give me comfort in that gracious promise of the Seed of the Woman that should break the Serpents head Lord I humbly beg that the expectation of pains and sorrow in travel and bringing forth may bring me to more serious thoughts of my Soul and my duty and may quicken me to repentance and stir up my heart to lay faster hold on Christ Jesus by a lively faith that all my sins may be forgiven and that I may be more watchful to all Christian duties of my place and that I may wait with patience the appointed time and be prepared for life or death as thou shalt be pleased to appoint And that I may be saved in childbearing Lord strengthen me with thy grace and keep me by thy power that I may continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety And when the time appointed for delivery shall come help me patiently to bear the pangs and thro's and sorrows And let them be sactified to the humbling of my Soul and bring me thro' all I beseech thee by thy power and goodness And give me a living child with all its parts limbs and sences in due order And grant me in due time a safe recovery of former strength that I may no more remember the anguish for joy that a man is born into the world to become a member of Christs Church that I may be glad in the Lord who is pleased to make me a chanel of blessings to my husband and family Or if thou seest fit to finish my life by this danger in child bearing be pleased to receive me to life eternal in thy heavenly Kingdom But if it be thy blessed will I desire humbly to live
God in the concern of thy soul in his own word in thy own language and also to be able to use any choice form of prayer suitable to your condition and so powerful to move your affections and draw forth the desires of your hearts toward God tho beyond your ability to compose But if you cannot learn to read or in the mean time till you can you are not without help for you may get some honest godly friend or neighbour to read over a prayer to you so long till you have learnt it that you can say it your self But then you must take heed that this saying over one form turn not to plain formality that you should think as a child that having said over the words you have prayed tho your heart spoke not to God and so look on a prayer as a charm as if God was bound by those words in general to shew his goodness to you when your heart has not made one request or petition to God that is you have uttered words but had no desires This is an usual mistake and dangerous error so that in using forms of prayer your care must be to keep your heart to the duty earnestly desiring with your heart what you request with your lips But tho you have none of these outward helps so that you can neither read nor are furnished with a memory able to keep a form of words in mind yet know that the nature of the duty is such that these wants will no way excuse you Neither should you suffer this want to trouble you if you are willing and desirous to pray much less should you suffer it to discourage you and hinder you from duty and keep you from God because you cannot say over a form of prayer For consider forms are but words but prayer indeed is the speaking of the heart to God whether there be voice heard or words utter'd or not and without the heart both the best composed form and the greatest ability to utter words readily in extemporary free prayer are utterly to no purpose And if from thy heart thou speakest to God humbly reverently with understanding as sensible of thy wants sincerely as by faith depending on him thro Christ thou needst not be troubled for want of well placed words for God wants not words but knows the language of the heart and spirit Rom. 8.27 he is the God of the spirits of all flesh Numb 27.16 'T is true indeed that we want words to express the desires of our souls and to quicken our affections especially when praying with others But when marriage has made you no longer two but one flesh and your interest and desires should be one and the same that your prayers may not be hindred tho the words are not so well placed as may recommend to men yet from a sincere and united heart they may recommend both to God And to remove that bashfulness and being ashamed of words in one anothers hearing remember 't is not to approve your gifts and parts to each other but to approve both your hearts to God so that the fear of this want should not discourage and so keep you keep you strangers from God Consider then the good things you have and enjoy and be thankful Remember 't is fit to beg of God the continuance of them Consider what evil things you either fear or already suffer and beg the Lord to deliver And if there be any thing in particular that either of you want or desire this should be made known to the other that praying together you may join in that one thing and pray one for another as well as one with another And if you are indeed truly sensible of your wants and have an heart to go unto God you have a God to go to who will help your infirmities even he who made mans mouth he will put words in your mouths and teach you what to say so that you shall not want words for supplication and thanksgiving to make your requests known unto God And when you come thus to God with a sincere humble devout soul in the name and mediation of Jesus Christ this is prayer indeed to which all forms whether set or extemporary where such an heart is wanting are no way to be compared This is the language of the soul the heart poured out to God in prayer Adv. 4. The fourth advice I give you is to read the Scriptures together the word of God 'T is the great comfort and help of your souls and a blessed advantage of our Nation and the present time that we may and that thereby we may have in our own Houses that word promise and Gospel wherein Christ and thro him life and immortality and salvation is made known Search the Scriptures for therein ye think you have eternal life Jo. 5.39 So search that the word of Christ may dwell richly in you in all knowledge and Spiritual understanding Col. 3.16 Therein is abundance of hid treasure the unsearchable riches of Christ Something of this should be read every day Reading the Scripture should accompany Prayer at least in the evenings And let this practice be kept as a constant custome unless some extraordinary providence as sickness or the like hinder it If you begin this at first it will with more ease be continued till duty becomes delight and having tasted the sweetness and found the advantage you will look for it and think it as necessary as food or sleep Job 23.12 And to this I add this further advice that you read often good sound and plaine books of practical Godlyness That is at such times as the business of your calling or trade does admitt and tell each other of what good books you have read and what good you have received by them But especially on the Lords day in the vacancy of publick ordinances when you are not at Church then should you read and not only read but also encourage one another in an holy practice of such good things as the Scripture teaches and other good books set before you according to the holy Scripture Remember that if the husband cannot read and has a wife that can to account her worthy of double honour and if possible of double love on that account But let that wife beware she be not puffed up to despise her husband but know that she may yet learn of him as in respect of Judgment and understanding 1 Cor. 14.35 She must not think her self his teacher nor usurp authority over him 1 Tim. 2.12 tho' in this particular a meet helper and great advantage to him So also if the wife cannot read and has an husband that can let her prize him the more on that account as a greater treasure with whom she may have the comfort of a Christian conversation according to knowledg and living together as heirs of the grace of life 1 Pet. 3.7 If neither can read then you had need be more diligent
to spend such times of leisure in holy and enlivening discourses considering each others estate as in the respect of your Souls and call on one another that both together may call on the Lord. And if neither can read it is further advisable that you endeavour to get acquaintance and familiarity with some godly Christian neighbour that can read whither you may often go and spend the evenings especially before Children come on to hinder not to wast time as the worldly custome is to talk of news you little understand or of the affaires of the town or parish that little or nothing concern you but to desire them to read some portion of the Scripture or other good book to help you in the great concern of your Souls Or if your business in the world be such as admits of taking prentices or Servants labour to have such as can read they may on that account be of more advantage to the family then their bodily labour And this I alwayes look upon as duty that if Servants cannot read you endeavour that they may be taught and if they can read 't is your duty to keep them to reading at fit times and 't is prudence so to do as it is profitable to your selves and family I shall conclude these two last advices with a caution which I hinted before that you be not ashamed of weakness and inability in private before each other either in respect of reading or praying I mean not to neglect these private duties because you think you cannot do them well enough therefore do not do them at all because one shall not take notice how weak or ignorant the other is This oftentimes is a snare and great occasion of neglect and if not carefully avoided may make all the advices here offered to be to no purpose if you suffer this sinful bashfulness to hinder the beginning or setting about the work till you think your selves better fitted and more able Satan and your own evil hearts will be ready to suggest this often as a means to promote delay and so 't is made too often a continual hindrance But to prevent this if possible I propose these Considerations 1. First consider that marriage having now made you one flesh there is no reason to be ashamed of doing your duty tho' you perform it but weakly because you ought in Justice to think that so near a relation as part of your self will not despise but rather pitty and help as one flesh And as they ought will cover with the robe of love the infirmities that possibly may be discovered Because now that which is the shame or disgrace of one reflects on the other and so becomes the disgrace of both and for one to despise the other is to dishonour themselves and none ever yet so hated his owne flesh Two members of the same body may be touched with grief for the weakness of each other but not with shame but rather help and beare the more of the burden if either be weake so the poor beasts drawing in the same yoke are not ashamed to help tho' not so strong as their fellow So tho' thou art sensible that thou canst not do as thou wouldest yet do this duty as well as thou canst and be not ashamed for 't is thy duty 2. Secondly consider what great folly it is to pretend to be ashamed to do thy duty because thou canst do it but weakly and therefore to leave it undone when thou art not ashamed of thy sin in neglecting such plain and necessary duties which tend so much to the glory of God thy interest in Christ for thy Souls good and are so cheif a part of Christian love to thy yoke-fellow Let Conscience tell thee which is worst to do duty willingly and sincerely tho' weakly or to let it alone undone Sure that is shame indeed 3. Consider that it is only want of use and exercise in this duty that makes you bashful and therefore you are loath to begin but if you will begin and master those first reluctancies you will find that practice will make you dayly both bolder and abler 4. This pretended shame and bashfulness will be a continual hindrance till you begin This will make you draw back when convinced of duty and Satan will hold this argument fast and use it long in the war against thy Soul And when there is nothing else to hinder but shame if ashamed to day the same argument will hold to morrow and the like the next day and so on as a continual pretence for neglect till you begin but then no longer For if once you have begun shame is broken and troubles you no more or at least but weakly Now consider every one has a beginning and beginnings in all are usually weak in respect of after improvements and performances Be not then longer ashamed to begin 't is God commands the necessities of both your Sou's require Christ has prepared the way Heb. 10.19 Therefore put on boldness and you will grow more able and find more comfort Adv. 5. The fifth advice I give is that you sanctifie the Sabbath the Lords day joyne together in this at the first and take the more diligent heed to do this because you cannot but observe that it is generally too much neglected notwithstanding that plain command of God Ex. 20.8 Therefore as God has set that day apart from others for himself and commanded you to do so also do you set that day apart to be spent by you in the Spiritual business of God and your Souls And if you know that either have neglected before marriage then you have the more need to deal faithfully in warning one another and telling each other plainly of the Sin in that particular especially if you have been the occasion to one another of neglecting the Sabbath This too often is the Sin of people of a mean or low condition tho' not of those only that make their wooing visits appoint such meetings for idle walks mixt with folly and prophane discourse or idle chatt on that day An ill beginning and possibly may be the cause in great measure of so many unlucky marriages which afterwards go on in ungodly living and tend to increase of misery If this then has been your case you have the more need to bring one another to a sense of that sin and to a speedy change and newness of life when you have been the occasion of ensnaring each other in so great an evil Wherefore spend not your first Sabbath in idle and needless visits to see new cousins and new neighbours Neither spend that nor any other Sabbath at home in sloth and folly under pretence of reading a chapter But go both together to Church to the ordinances and publick assembly of Gods people and never neglect as the manner of too many is Heb. 10.25 unless hindred by some extraordinary providence And when you are returned home from the Ordinances spend
love And what indeed can professed Christians offer better then true Christian love to souls in the way of God and sincere Religion The best is expected and this being offered at first will be accepted and esteemed as indeed it is the best we can offer So then the way is prepared and this makes it easy 'T is easy to do that which is generally expected you should do And indeed you may well wonder at your selves if Satan should so deceive you that you should fall short of your own Expectations 4. The fourth advantage that young married people have to set about Religious duty 's both secretly and in their families at their first coming together is that then those hindrances of Children and a great deal of worldly business is not justly to be pleaded in excuse which afterwards may tho' there is no reason that these or any thing else should keep from God in Christ in whom and on whom we live Nothing can excuse you from the care of your souls without that no good can come nor profit be expected tho' you should gain the whole world Yet the corruption of nature and the policy of Satan being joyned will make such arguments appear reasonable and experience shews us that such vaine pleas are too prevailing and in time raise such difficulties as are hardly to be removed but may with ease be prevented at first when they cannot be pretended Let these advantages then perswade you to try what you can do at first to engage each other to promise to be faithful to God and one to the other in living together religiously praying and reading together helping one anothers Souls watching to prevent sin in each other and in resolving to rule your family as the Lords Servants Consider what comfort you may have in perswading and engaging one another to these things when you know not but hereby you may be the means of saving each the other And if either of you can prevail for a promise which I can scarce doubt if sincerely desired at first then let each write their name or make some mark at this place for a remembrance of the promise And look on it sometimes to quicken to continuance in mutual duty and to comfort you in that you have begun to look in earnest towards the Lord. And in case of coldness and neglect of Duty that one may shew it to the other as a gentle and silent admonition a token whereby to remember the early holy promises of Your first Love It may be a means to keep you from back-sliding and make you ashamed to fall off from so good an engagement and promise so as having begun in the Spirit to end in the flesh But before I conclude this Section I will set before you some of those benefits you may obtain by early beginning in this holy way I hope I have made it manifest to be easy enough to a willing mind And I also hope that what follows of the benefits which will come thereby will yet give further encouragement and encline your hearts to be willing to enter on so comfortable and hopeful a practice 1. There is the benefit of credit and reputation in the world Tho' Religion be generally too much slighted yet we may observe that most men will commend those that on marriage break off from their evil ways and settle themselves to mind and do that which is good 2. Next there is the benefit of hopefull proceeding A good beginning generally has got the reputation in the world as giving the most probable hope of a good ending A good foundation gives the promise of a lasting building And in any thing to have begun well is esteemed more then half the work But 't is not only hopefull in the judgment of men but God in his word both commands and commends early beginnings So that this is Gods way and in his way you may justly expect his blessing and that beginning betimes you shall continue in the good way Train up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Prov. 22.6 That is such do not usually miscarry tho' sometimes they may So also begin the married state in the fear of God and perswade and engage one another at first to set your selves in the good and the right way and then you will not easily depart from it afterward but more easily continue living in the Love of God and each other when you are old 3. A third benefit you will have because early beginnings in good prevent those ill habits and customs in evil which are so hard to be changed and difficult to be broken And in this case a resolved beginning in a Religious way will prevent those corrupt inclinations to slight God and his way and the living as beasts without God in the world and prevent that hardening of heart against the word preached and all that danger of delaying sloth which usually grows by continuance 4. A fourth benefit is that the beginning in a Religious way to live together and going on constantly tho' weakly will make the practice easy and natural and custome comes up to a second nature This takes off all that indisposition and reluctancy which must sometime or other be removed before it will be well with you and the sooner the better this will make the practice of holy living not only easy but pleasant as skill and knowledg increases Therefore the advice is good tho' of an heathen chuse the best way and custom will make it easy and delightful And you will look for reading and prayer as you do for your meat or sleep And what seem'd difficult at first by use and practice will become easy pleasant and necessary 5. The fifth benefit is this the beginning at first to exercise a Godly love to endeavour to bring each other to the knowledg and love of God and Christ and the holy Spirit by a serious practice of Religion will best settle true and lasting affection toward each other for that love which is on the Spiritual account and for the Souls good is like to be lasting We are apt to judg of each other by our first most intimate and familiar converse what appears before may be the effect of Caution but the intimate familiarity of marriage makes discoveries without reserve and when you find in each other when most retired a sober conversation tending to piety vertue and true Religion in the life and power of Godliness and consider that the end of such a conversation is Christ and lasting love The same yesterday to day and for ever There are peculiar charms and a winning sweetness in such a discovery which will cause you to value each other the more when one or both may say with a well grounded confidence God has given me one of his children to be my yoke-fellow 6. Lastly to all there may be added the Spiritual benefit or advantage of the
Adam and Eve and didst sanctifie and joyn them together in marriage pour upon us the riches of thy Grace sanctifie and bless us that we may please thee both in body and Soul and live together in holy love to our lives end Amen These you may use or so many of them as you think best only take heed that you may with the words express the true and hearty desires of your Souls to God alwayes concluding with the Lords Prayer as our Saviour in his Gospel hath taught us to pray saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen And then add The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Love of God and the fellowship of the holy Ghost be with us evermore Amen A prayer to obtain Children to be used by those for whom it is necessary O Merciful God and heavenly Father by whose gracious gift mankind is increased we beseech thee assist us both with thy blessing that we may neither of us be barren but both of us fruitful in Children and also may live together so long in godly love and honesty that we may see our Children Christianly and Vertuously brought up to thy praise and honour thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Or instead of these you may make use of either of those that follow which of them you shall think most suitable to your condition to make known the desire of your heart to the heart-searching God The married persons joynt request unto God taken out of Mr. Hieron's help to Devotion THou O most blessed God didst first ordain the married state and it is thy providence by which we which were two are now made one flesh having mutually resigned our selves either to other by our entrance into this holy League It is the desire of our Souls to live together to thy glory and to the contentment each of other This we cannot do without thee for of our selves besides sin we can do nothing unto thee therefore do we commend our most earnest and humble suit that it may please thee so to besprinkle our Souls with the dew of thy grace that from thence may spring a plentiful increase of Sobriety of righteousness and of holiness in our lives Allay in us all sensual and brutish love purifying and sanctifying our affections one toward another that we may in nothing dishonour this honourable state nor pollute the bed of marriage which thou thy self in thy word hast called undefiled but may use this thine ordinance in that holy sort that carnal lusts may be slaked and subdued not increased or inflamed thereby Endue us with a godly care to acquaint our selves with thy blessed word that we may know and understand what duty is required at our hands what authority tempered with love and compassion and freed from all bitterness is committed to the husband what obedience and submission with reverence is commended in the wife what faithfulness in matrimonial duties either to other is enjoyned what providence and care is expected of the man and what assistance and help of the woman And when we know and have learned these things grant that it may be our study to practise them that so the husband may be as a faithful guide to his wife and the wife a crown and credit to her husband Make us wise to observe the natures and dispositions one of another that in all lawful things the one may seek to please and content the other the one may know how to bear with and to forbear the other not winking at any evil in one another but discreetly chusing the fittest opportunities for mutual admonishing without all shews of tyranny in the one or of presumption in the other Open our hearts that we may faithfully and chearfully communicate one to the other that sweetness which we find in heavenly things that sowe may go hand in hand towards heaven And that our chief love and delight either in other may be grounded upon the hope we have that we are heirs together of the grace of life In our family link us together in one common care to oversee the wayes of our houshold to seek the promoting and advancing of thy Kingdom the good instruction and education of our Children and servants Finally O Lord so unite and joyn us together in fidelity of affection that we may ever devote our selves to the procuring of the present and eternal good one of another that so living here comfortably we may reign with thee perpetually in that thy Kingdom which the blood of thy Son hath prepared for those that love and fear thy name Unto which Kingdom O Lord reserve us even for thy Son's sake and for thy mercies sake Amen Another to the same purpose O Lord our God who art pleased to look in mercy on thy poor creatures thro' the Lord Jesus Christ and dost promise to hear the prayers made to thee in his name we beseech to hear our prayers and supplications incline our hearts to pray and be pleased to hear and answer us graciously for Christ Jesus sake Thou O blessed Lord hast ordained the state of marriage and by thy good providence hast brought us together in that holy bond that we might be meet helps for one another And now O Lord we beseech thee frame both our hearts to holy desires to be helpful to each other both in soul and body And help us by thy Grace that we may live together in holy love and assist each other in faith and repentance and sincere obedience to thy holy word and will That we may live together in thy fear and be both of us ever in thy favour Put it into our hearts good Lord daily to pray and call upon thy holy name one with another and one for another Enable us to read thy holy word diligently enlighten our understandings that we may thereby know thy will and quicken us by thy Grace and good Spirit that we may be doers of thy Word And that being taught thereby we may learn truly to sanctifie thy Sabbaths and to give up our selves to thee our God heartily and entirely in frequent serious and solemn renewing the Covenant at thy holy Table in the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper and that we may live together as in Covenant with the Lord and do all that good thou hast appointed us in this state and condition of life to which thou hast called us Pardon we beseech thee all our Sins for Christ Jesus sake And all that vanity whereby we may have ensnared each other since our first acquaintance either in thought word or action savouring too much of the flesh and unbecoming