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A29472 A Brief relation of several passages of the life and death of William Barton of Shrewsbury, in October, 1661 wherein may be seen much wickedness against great workings of God in him, as also God's most just anger, and wondrous mercy (as is hoped) towards him / published by a relation of his, and intended chiefly for the good of such as knew him in Shrewsbury, many of whom can testify the truth of these things. 1664 (1664) Wing B4624; ESTC R37471 26,372 56

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and arise from the dead and Christ shall give thee life and being awaked he began to be much affected with those words which were so plainly spoken to him and as he rehearsed them to me and several others these were his thoughts upon them Awake thou that sleepest This is sure spoken to me thought he Awake thou that sleepest and arise from the dead I was sleeping upon the very brink of eternity and have been sleeping in sin for a long time and now Christ awakeneth me this is a call from Christ and I did believe that the rest was said to me and he shall give thee life And these and such like thoughts of Christ made my heart yearn with dear thoughts of Christ and thankful thoughts for Christ and I longed to pray and was earnestly stirred up to prayer and never longed so to pray as I did then so up I got off the Bed I was lying on and there I fell down upon my knees before God and me-thought then I felt my heart grow softer it was hard before I could scarce tell what I should pray for or how But O then I found a freeness a fountain of tears came then it was a call from God I was sure then that it was so and when I would have called to mind whereabout this Scripture should be or where I might find it I could not remember that ever I had read it nor knew whereabout to find it but I was sure it was the Word of God and somewhere in the Bible and that I had heard it sometimes I do believe that it was a call from God for I found my heart softer then O now pray if ever dear friends but two dayes now and no more prayers will be heard for me He was for the most part after this time pretty well composed in his mind and had a pretty good measure of chearfulness not without hope though full of the sence of his guilt grieving much for his sin and that he had dealt so unkindly with God And to most of the company that came in he still continued to order his speech with as much wisdom as he could shewing much affection towards them with an earnest desire of their good And thus he would express himself O that you would not be taken in those snares that I have been taken in And this was some counsel that scarce any could go without That they would be sure alwayes to speak the truth and that which was in their hearts and if at any time you shall have spoken that which you think was not so go quickly and unsay it say I spake that which was not truth and do not stick at shame for I was often hindred thereby do not rest till you have confessed it to God and to some faithful friends and pray them to pray for you that so it might be forgiven you and so you might have more power against another time And do not delay but go quickly whilst your conscience puts you upon it for if you delay it is very likely you will be hindred and never do it though you put it off thinking to do it another time for when that time came wherein I purposed to do it I had less power and less heart At another time his Sister-in-law coming to see him thus he expressed his affection with a smiling countenance and tears My dear Sister my poor Sister my heart yerns upon you I did not love you because I thought you did not love me but I did ill But O now it is otherwise with me for now I love you I would fain have you better for that which hath befallen me Oh! that since God is now distributing his mercy every one might have some and you might have some Some who have come to me are better'd by that which hath befallen me it makes me glad when I think that others will be afraid of sin and bettered by this which is befallen me When his Links were in the knocking of and he was hurt thereby thus he said I will bear the Indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him Thou art just and I have sinned why should the living man complain a man for the punishment of his sin O the Justice of God he will not let sin go unpunished O do not this abominable sin that Gods soul h●tes If thy children transgress thy Laws thou wilt visit their sin with the rod and their iniquity with stripes but his loving-kindness will he not utterly take from them nor alter the thing that hath gone out of his mouth These with many other expressions he often used also at other times His countenance growing more and more chearful and being in such an extasie of joy as though his body could not then have contained his soul these were some of the expressions he then uttered Sister I do verily believe that I am now going to Heaven all those clouds that were upon me are all blown away his own Arm hath brought Salvation He is my Glory my Deliverer in Him will I trust He only is my Rock and my Fortress He is my Defence I shall not utterly be moved I will sing of Mercy and Judgment unto thee O God will I sing O that I had seen what a God I have sinned against O do not sin against God do not that abominable thing which his soul hateth You cannot know his goodness I sought the Lord and he heard me God is in this Town God is amongst his People he hath heard your prayers tell them he hath heard them for me Now I would not live if I might I hope I should not be flattered I would fain have lived that I might have honoured God whom I have dishonoured but he knows what I am and what I should be better than I do Blind that I was to sin against such a God to do that which his soul hateth He was all this while in such a deep rapture of joy and spoke with such force as though his heart would have come out to have spoken His Chains being almost off these were some of his expressions O happy Chains that held me till I had the Favour of God! I would have over-run thine hand but I could not if I would O the Patience of God! O boundless Mercy to such a wretch as I an Iron Heart and Iron Chains gone together O boundless unlimitable Mercy What shall I do for God O that I could honour God! Parting with his Wife he thus exprest himself Poor Wife I have nothing to leave thee but O that thou mayest have the loving Favour of God any thing any thing with the Loving-Favour of God We did not honour God with what He gave us but lived unthankfully and unquietly we sinned against God with his own Mercies Why should they live together unthankfully and unquietly and sin against me with mine own Mercies Part them part them O how just is it that we should be parted Seeing
such as I had great need of and that which I thought I would sure follow yet there was that in me that did not love it and would rather have been without it And although I longed for Sabbath days and loved them when they were come and delighted to hear good Sermons and was thereby convinced of some things that were then amiss in me and should then purpose against them so that I should think it would sure be otherwise yet when Monday came and I was as it were turned into the world again I was the same as before as though I had never purposed or been convinced for if any one had but called me I must needs go and though there was that in me that did resist and would have hindered me and the victory should have been on God's side yet it seldom was but was for the most part still born down The victory should have been on God's side and his Words side my resolutions should have held me and though God's Word and my resolutions would hold me sometimes and for a great while yet at the last I should break through all though they were strong bonds such as I thought I never durst nor would break over yet after a while when I thought I was safe if one that I had used to go with had but come to my shop I must presently go with him that which before held me would then seem little and I could then break through it all easily and thus I loved a little Ale better than God and better than his Word Take heed of Company and loving Ale too well for there is more evil in it than you are aware of for when I had kept my self from that I was like another man but when I had taken too much of that it would take al fear from me so that I should not care what I said or did my tongue would then run at no gage I had an aptness alwayes to speak untruths but specially at such times I was a man full of words and can a man full of words be justified In the multitude of words there wants not iniquity O that good creature that I abused by pouring in too much of and made my self unfit to do any thing that was good by it if some poor body that wanted it had had some of that which I might have spared and have been better without it would have made their heart glad they would have blessed God for it and God should have had honour by it but I did not so my belly devoured all Meat is for the belly and the belly for meat but God shall destroy both it and them I was full of Ale when this fell out that I am brought hither for Ale had made me fearless and confident or else I should have been afraid and careful to have kept out of their way as at other times that fear which should then have kept me was then wanting O sure if I had known what would have followed and that I should have done such a thing I should have been afraid of every cup and nothing could have forced me to have taken more than was needful but though I did not know what would follow yet I might have been afraid for what may not a man do when he is not himself but is fearless and hath not his understanding about him Oh no life is safe but a fearing watching self-denying life let me say this again No life but a fearing watching self-denying life is a safe life And as concerning this young-man I had no more thoughts or intention to kill him then I had to kill mine own brother and when any one would speak to me to take heed lest any such thing should follow I should disdain in my heart that any one should have such thoughts of me as once to fear lest I should kill any one for my nature I thought could never be so cruel and again I thought that I had knowledge and that I of any one in the Town should never commit that sin because I knew more against it than many others did I thought and had better education but I should have been afraid of my self and was not I hid my sins and therefore did not prosper How true is God's Word made good upon me in this thing also for I alwayes sought the favour of men and if I should but have had that I should have looked no further but have sate down contented with it yet it alwayes fled from me I have sometimes spoken that which was not so when I thought it might further that design but alwayes that very thing wherein I went out of my way and did evil thinking to gain more favour thereby was usually a means to make me lose that favour and room in their hearts which I had before But it was better for me that I had it not for if I could have gotten men to think well of me I think I should have thought well of my self and should have sitten down contented without looking any further God ordered it otherwise for me and it was better for me blessed be God and was not I met with in this for had I the favour of men had I you all know how it hath been But O why should I speak God is just very just for Oh what a life have I lived sure if I were to live again I would not live as I have done but I had time and I did not improve it I should have honoured God with that precious time that he gave me but I did not but sought the favour of men with it and sinned against God with it I did not make that use of my time that it was given me for and because I did not therefore I must have no more I had time once but whilst I had it I lived to my self with it God gave it me but I did not honour him with it who gave it me but other things had my time and other things had my heart and since I made such use of it Why should I have any more I must have no more I brought forth fruit to my felf an empty Vine God gave me time that I might lay it out as he would have me but I did not a fruitless tree Cut it down why cumbreth it the ground any longer O you that have time before you yet prize it and improve it for it will not last alwayes do not lose one jot of it by idling it away and by sinning it away all the time you have is little enough to do that work which God hath given you to do in it I had time but now I must have no more and your time will be gone shortly O let no body presume because of me for one of a thousand is not snatcht out of the jaws of the Devil as I am O what shall I say for the Lord's sake take heed of sin O do not that abominable thing that his Soul