Christianitie seemes to be but the labour of the voyce for if men did believe what the Scriptures teach they surely would practise something of Charitie Thus I sitt and sigh and grieve and expostulate and complaine but yet I forget what I ought to consider of I am apt to repine at this poverty which I suffer but I am un-apt to enquire into the cause thereof Solomon tell 's mee that Prov. 19.15 Slothfullnesse casteth into a deepe sleepe an idle soule shall suffer hunger That hunger I feele but doe I acknowledg that idlenesse Doe I confesse that slothfullnesse If I should examine my hands what worke they have done would not their smoothnesse and whitenesse accuse them of idlenesse If I should aske mine eyes how vigilant they have beene in a lawfull imployment would they not drowzily and bashfully slinke behind the curtaines Let mee then remember how Solomon telleth mee c. 23.21 that drowsinesse shall cloath one with raggs And yet mee think's this is not all There must be some-thing else that bring 's this affliction Let mee but consider a litle and reason with my selfe It may be I may find out some-thing more by a diligent search I live upon the earth I live in the world Earth I had the best of earth in the esteeme of earth I had gold and silver so much esteemed and honoured by man In the world I am yet now my coyne is gone I am here but a stranger I did know many but in the change of my fortune I am known of none If I call to the earth which so much I have loved it will not un-bowell it selfe to offer mee it's intraills I cannot tell how neither to prick a veine of it to enrich my selfe as the delvers doe though shee tremble at the violence If I sue to the world I am there neglected Ps 31.12 I am forgotten like a dead man out of mind or like a broken vessell Whence ariseth this un-kindnesse of the earth Whence proceede's this forgetfullnesse of the world Certainly the earth of it selfe had not malice enough to sieke my ruine Surely the world of it selfe had not cruelty enough to contrive my un-doeing Noe noe there 's some-thing yet which I have not discovered that question-lesse hath brought this poverty upon mee I sigh my sighes goe up-ward mee think's toward heaven I looke with a steady and stedfast eye but 't is up-ward I looke 't is chiefely upon heaven I mourne and I cry and my word is chiefely O Lord O God Who is this I name so often in my laments Who is this I mention so often in my cryes Is it not the Lord Is it not God To heaven goe my sighes upon heaven looke mine eyes on the God of heaven doe I call and yet though hee 's in my sighes in mine eyes and in my tongue I have all this while forgotten to entertaine him in my heart Surely if hee had hitherto dwell't in my soule I should either have enjoyed more of the earth or lesse of my love to it That which I have left so un-willingly I have loved too much and in that love I have sinned too much and by that sinne I have moved him to anger who hath sent mee this poverty Yes yes 't is hee 't is hee that maketh poore and maketh rich 1. Sam. 2.7 that bringeth low and lifteth up All this while I have lived in such ignorance that either I knew him not or at least I honoured him not I lived as if there were noe other God but onely mammon noe happinesse but on earth noe treasures but gold and noe content but in plenty If I ever remembred him it was to his dishonour if ever I spake of him it was in prophanenesse I never doubted of his love therfore never prayed for his blessing or if I did pray it was coldly it was faintly and rather to satisfie the world then to discharge my duety or in an awfull manner to have recourse to his Majesty I measured his favours by my out-ward possessions and deemed them blessings which hee sent in wrath but I hope it will prove that hee hath taken them in mercy Graunt blessed God that now I may know thee in this my miserie who formerly forgot thee in the height of my plenty and that knowing thee I may love thee and that loving thee I may depend on thee that depending on thee I may serve and honour thee all the dayes of my life O now mee think's I am another woman I beginne to feele some warmth at my heart I find that my God doeth speake to my conscience Lord send mee repentance that I may be sorrie for my sinnes send mee thy grace that I may have share in thy promises send mee a lively faith that I may relye upon the merits of my blessed Redeemer and howsoever thou disposest of this body of flesh preserve my soule for thy celestiall kingdome O what a suddaine alteration doe I find in my selfe My teares that savoured of murmuring and despaire shall flow aboundantly for the sinnes I committed World leawd world thou art a jugler and an impostour Earth base earth thou art a cozener and a deluder I silly woman did place my happinesse in your transitorie courtesies and thought it the chiefe honour to become your minion But now I see that you fayle your servants and mocke your lovers There 's noe constancy but in God There 's noe comfort or happinesse but in Christ The more I sieke him the more I love him and the more I love him the more I am beloved of him Hee will not deceave mee hee will not leave mee nor forsake mee Lord let me be thine though hungry though thirstie though naked I come unto thee I am sure that if I serve him I shall be provided for by him Hee can doe it for hee hath enough Col. 1.16 Hee created all things and his they are by whom they were created O let him give mee a litle with content rather then so much as I had with forgetfullnesse of him I care not how litle I possesse so I may enjoy my Lord. The birds doe never thinke of a morrow and yet their hunger is satisfied every moment The herbes the flowers are infensible of their verdure and yet they infinitely out-vye King Solomon in his glory Mat. 6.29 The rivers that steale from the billowed ocean and sport awhile in the massie earth are at length directed to the sea againe The stone that is digged from the quarries in the earth to serve for necessity and ornament of our structures findeth rest at last in a silent heape where making a way by it's heavy weight it steale's back by degrees into the wombe of the earth In each of these I discover a providence for hee who first created doeth still preserve O let him be mine and then I shall be his O let mee be his then hee shall be mine If I be his
order unto him and in obedience to his commands I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love him with the same affection as my selfe For his sake for whom I love my selfe even for God's For the same reason as my selfe even for grace conferred in this life present and for a certaine hope of eternall glory in the life to come In the same order as my selfe which shall be above the world but inferiour to my God Vpon the same ground as myselfe even because of the image of God imprinted in him and because hee is capable of immortall happinesse lastly as long as myselfe even from the beginning unto the end untill this fraile flesh shall be forsaken by my pensive my sad and sorrowfull soule And that my brethren my neighbours may be the better assured of my love which cannot be firme unlesse I accord with them in the same beliefe Heb 4.14 and that it may be knowne that through the grace of my God I hold fast the profession of my faith wherein I have lived even the same which was taught by my Saviour and his Apostles according to the trueth and puritie of the same without leaning either to prophanesse atheisme superstition or any other errour or heresie and to the intent that they may joyne with mee in thanksgiving to my God for preserving mee in the same and in prayer unto God that I may continue in the same both to the end in the end I will therfore cheerefully faithfully and confidently rehearse the articles of my beliefe and say I beleeve in God the Father Allmighty Maker of heaven and earth and in Iesus Christ his onely Sonne our Lord which was conceived by the holy Ghost borne of the Virgin Mary suffered under Pontius Pilate was crucified dead and buried hee descended into hell the third day hee rose againe from the dead hee ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father All-mighty from thence hee shall come to judg the quick and the dead I beleeve in the holy Ghost the holy Catholike Church the Communion of Saints the forgivenesse of sinnes the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting Amen Thus I believe Lord helpe my un-beliefe Mar. 9.24 Eph. 4.14 and graunt that I may not be tossed to and fro and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lie in wayt to deceave vers 15 but that speaking and believing this trueth in love I may grow up unto him in all things which is the head even Christ my Redeemer And that I may thus repent mee of my sinnes and continue in love and persevere in the faith and submit to his good pleasure I will with a bended heart and a sorrowfull spirit and weeping eyes pray unto him and say exercise 3 3. The Prayer of the sick FAther of mercies Lord of life thou God which art a refuge in the time of trouble Ps 6.2 have mercy upon mee Ps 143.4 for I am weake and my heart with in mee is desolate A sinner I am I must confesse it not deserving thy mercy a fowle a grievous sinner I am who have disobeyed thy statutes and broken all thy commandements and never have I set my selfe in any good way to seeke my peace and reconciliation with thee My conscience check's mee and my sinnes testifie against mee and mine adversarie the devill strjveth to pluck from mee my considence in thee O Lord be thou my protectour and my gracious father Be reconciled unto mee in Iesus Christ in whom alone thou art well pleased Io 16.23 and in whose name whatsoëver I shall aske of thee I am sure thou wilt give it unto mee Heavenly Father doe thou assist mee doe thou comfort mee in these my trpâ—… and afflictions Ps 60.11 o be thou my helpe in trouble for vaine is the helpe of man To thee I cry to thee I come with a panting heart with a sorrowfull soule with an humble spirit I have sinned ô I have sinned and done amisse and my portion might be justly therfore in the land of darknesse there to be tormented with the devill and his angells forever But ô thou who hast promised to heale all those that are broken in heart Ps 147 3. and to bind up their wounds be reconciled unto mee in the wounds of my Redeemer Speake peace unto my conscience in this agony Ps 143.6 in this sorrowfull and deepe sighing for my skarlet sinnes To thee Ps 143.6 and to thee alone I stretch forth my hands to thee my soule gaspeth as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee ô Lord that soone for my spirit waxeth faint hide not thy face from mee lest I be like unto them that goe downe to destruction O let not these teares be refused nor these groanes be sighed and sobbed in vaine but by the power of his passion out of whose pretious side did issue both water and blood be thou reconciled unto mee the unworthiest of thy creatures Though my soule be deepely stained with the pollutions of my transgressions yet his blood hath power to make it white as snow On that remission of sinnes by his torments and sufferings doe I wholly rely My selfe I abhorre Iob 42.6 and repent in dust and ashes my workes I disclaine for I know their unworthinesse on thee alone ô my Iesus I wholly depend and by thee alone I hope for remission Be thou my Iesus be thou my Saviour Cure mee by thy wounds heale mee by thy stripes ease mee by thy torments comfort mee by thine agonie refresh my fainting soule by thy bluodie sweat revive mee by thy death and ô Sonne of God and Saviour of the world present mee to thy father in the robe of thy righteousnesse Ps 94.13 Give mee patience in this time of adversitie that I may quietly and contentedly submit to thy good pleasure rely upon thy mercy be thankfull for thy chastisement and in all things so looke up unto thee in this time of my sicknesse that I may hereafter be raised to glory by the power of thy resurrection This sicknesse for ought I know may be unto death but in thee I trust it shall be a passage unto life If thou hast passed the sentence of the first death upon mee decreeing to execute it by this my sicknesse to lay mee in the dust by this present visitation howsoever be pleased ô my father for the worthinesse of thy sonne to free met from the horrour of the second death Let mee be found of thee in peace 2. Pet 3 14. Hab 3.2 Is 9.13 Iob. 3.25 Mich 6 13. 1. Pet 4 19. Ps 119.175 that it may clearely appeare to mee that thou art a God of trueth and in the midst of judgment remembrest mercy Vnto thee I turne for thou hast smitten mee and the thing that I so greatly feared is fallen upon mee My body thou
like so many cobwebs in every corner thereof I would have it cleane from all evill counsells that it may performe a new obedience to my God I would have it true too as well as cleane Hebr. 10.22 not onely sprinkled from an evill conscience and my body washed with pure water but I would have it true allso that I may draw neere with it unto the Lord in full assurance of faith Prov. 19.8 I would have it wise to with-stand all evill motions and affections because hee that getteth wisedome in heart loveth his owne soule and hee that keepeth understanding shall live 1. King 3.6 I would have it upright for so David who was a man after Gods owne heart walked before the Lord in trueth and in righteousnesse and in uprightnesse of heart and then I shall be sure to have it defended Ps 7.10 for my defence shall be of God which saveth the upright in heart I would have it enlightened 2. Cor. 4.6 I would have God who commanded the light to shine out of darknes shine in my heart to give the light of the knowledg of the glory of God in the face of Iesus Christ 2. Pet. 1 19. I would have the day dawne and the day starre arise in my heart for onely such an enlightened heart can be able to perceave Deu. 29 4. and cause mine eyes to see and mine cares to heare it is onely such a heart that can understand it was onely such a heart as the wise understanding King Solomon prayed for 1. King 3.9 Ps 86.11 Rom. 10.10 Dan. 7.9 O what a happinesse should I enioy could I but prevail with God for such a heart Such a heart as should be united to feare his name that so with it I might believe unto righteousnesse Surely hee who is the ancient of dayes hee who cryed by the mouth of his holy Euangelist saying Rev. 21 5. Behould I make all things new even hee and hee alone can thus renew can give mee such a new and good heart It will not be new to him though it be so to mee for his it is of ould though not mine I looke for a new heaven and a new earth where in dwelleth righteousnesse 2 Pet. 3.13 and I looke for it according to his owne promise but what good will that doe mee unlesse my earth my heart be first made new unlesse I have also a new heaven first in that heart unlesse I have a new heart Mat. 27 60. Christ was layed in a new tombe hewen out of a rock where in never was any man lay before My ould heart is a rock as hard as heavy impenitrable as a rock yet it exceedeth not the power of the All-mighty even out of that rock to hew a new tombe a tombe wherein the ould man never lay and there if hee please hee can place my Iesus I am like a lumpe of dough Mat. 16 12. 1. Cor. 7.5.8 vers 6. vers 7. sowred with the leaven of the Pharisees with the leaven of mallice and wickednesse and alasse I know that a litle of that leaven leaveneth the whole lumpe but hee can purge out that ould leaven that I may be a new lumpe but then I must moisten â—t with my teares and kneade it with contrition And why should I not Why should I not cry for such a heart Why should I not begge and intreate and weepe and mourne for such a new heart Children are apt to cry for every new thing which they see or heare of If God would be pleased to make mee his â—hild I should not neede to cry for such a new heart hee would freely and quickly give it mee But yet certainly I must cry for it before hee will give it Teares are the counters by which my prayers my desires must be numbered even all my petitions which I tender unto him for a heart so new In ancient times the Clepsydra's or hower-glasses were not filled with sand but water and time was measured by the drops which fell from them Thus must I measure my time too even by the drops which fall from the glasse from the chrystall of mine eyes for my want of this heart Though formerly I have beene so exceeding drie as to measure with sand ' yet now I must dissolve into an account by my teares Surely such a heart as I pant for is a most pretious jewell and yet my God cannot choose but trust mee with it if I sollicit him with my teares in the name of his Sonne Hee can even congeale my teares into orientall pearles and so turne them into jewells and having heightened the vallew of those precious pearles for them hee can lend mee that heart which I sue for I desire but the loane of it I would not for all the world have it wholly mine for then I am sure I should presently spoile it I would but borrow it Mal. 3.17 and in that day when hee maketh up his jewells I would restore it him againe I know that hee would so delight in it if I keepe it tenderly and charily that hee would weare it in his eare hee would heare the cry of it as hee heard the cry of the children of Israel Ex. 2.23 vers 24 by reason of their bondage Well if that be the way to gett such a jewell a jewell so inestimable so pretious if I may gett it by crying surely I will Weepe I will cry With Ioseph Gen. 43 30. I will make hast my bowells shall yearne within mee I will seeke where to weepe I will enter into my chamber and weepe there Hee hath given such a jewell to others and why may not I as well hope to prevaile as others have done Hee hath enough of them hee make's them hee makes them at any time and that easily too very easily onely with a word of his mouth Therfore I will cry with a greate and exceeding bitter cry Gen. 27 34. vers 38 and say unto him Father blesse mee even mee allso ô my father I will lift up my voyce and weepe and will say unto him Hast thou but one blessing my father Blesse mee even mee allso ô my father Ier. 3.21 Vpon the high places was once heard both a weeping and a supplication allso of the children of Israel I will weepe too towards the high place towards the seate of my God every teare shall have a tongue every tongue shall cry for this heart which I want Or â—f all that will not doe Iam. 3.5 then this litle unruely member which hath boasted so great things this litle fire that would formerly kindle so great matters shall now burne with Zeale of my desires and with it I will pray and say The Prayer RIghteous father Ier. 17.10 who searchest the hearts and tryest the reines and in that search doest find my corrupted heart to be full of pollution and uncleanesse vouchsafe I beseech thee to
advantage to the tempter in my sufferings Open the eyes and the charitable hands of those that should see and know mine adversitie and so enlarge their hearts that they may administer comfort and reliefe to mee in the middest of my necessities Ps 147 9. Dan. 1.15 O thou that feedest even the young Ravens which call upon thee thou that didst blesse the pulse to thy servant Daniel be pleased to fill my hungry soule with the blessings of thy bounty Graunt that whatsoever I suffer in my body my soule may thereby draw neerer unto thee In the miserie of hunger doe thou satisfie mee with thy grace in my scorching thirst doe thou cause mee with joy to draw water out of the wells of salvation Is 12.3 in the pinching cold doe thou warme my devotion and in my poorest and meanest habit doe thou cloath my soule with the righteousnesse of my Redeemer O suffer mee not to offend thee in my greatest want but make mee relie and depend upon thee Teach mee by this chastisement the vanity of the world and weane mee from the fond delights thereof Prov. 10.22 It is thy blessing onely that maketh rich and thou addest noe sorrow with it send mee that blessing to ease mee of my sorrowes Mat. 6.33 It is thy promise that if first I sieke thy Kingdome the righteousnesse thereof then all other things shall be added unto mee Make mee thus to sieke what thou commandest and then give unto mee that which thou promisest Ps 119.91 All things in their order doe service unto thee Lord make them in some measure serviceable unto mee that I may the better be enabled to be serviceable unto thee O thou my Iesus who didst hunger Mat. 4.2 Io. 19.28 and thirst looke mercifully upon thy servant in this state of miserie and so carie mee through the stormes of this troublesome life that in the end I may arive at the faire haven of eternall peace and rest through thine owne meritts and passion ô Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen soliloquy 2 THE SECOND SOLILOQUIE Treating of hunger both corporall and spirituall THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Sion bewayled her pittyfull estate shee cryed out in her miserie Lam. 4.9 and said They that be slaine with the sword are better then they that are slaine with hunger for these pine onely stricken thorow for want of the fruits of the field Surely this affliction was most dreadfull in the sufferance which soundeth so heavily in the sad complaint Hunger hath beene allways acknowledged violent eveÌ„ of force to breake thorow walls of stone The cry for bread bread bread strike's such compassion in the eares of the auditors that the hardest heart would melt at the voyce Hee that taught us to pray for our dayly bread Mat. 6.11 knew the necessiâ—ie of our dayly foode But I poore I doe begge and pray and cry for bread for dayly bread and yet I find neither supply nor hope Had I the imployment righteousnesse of Moses Deut 9 18. I might fall downe before the Lord for fortie dayes and fortie nights as hee did and in all that time neither eate bread nor drinke water Yea and if once would not serve the turne I could returne againe to my former abstinence Had I authoritie from heaven as Elijah had I could eate and drinke 1. King 19.8 and goe in the strength of that meate fortie dayes and fortie nights too Could I encounter the tempter as once my Saviour did in the wildernesse Mat 4.2 I might likewise fast both fortie dayes and fortie nights But miracles are ceased I cannot therfore hope for so long an abstinence nor know I where to satisfie my hunger I dayly want that I may dayly pray and in this want I feele a necessitie of depending on my God O what shall I doe Where shall I sieke To whom shall I complaine My spirits are fainting my heart is even ready to dye within mee 1. Sam 25.37 and my feeble knees are un-able to beare the weight of my body I am ready to perish for want of foode and yet mee think's I am somewhat un-willing to disclose my wants or else I am afraid my suite will be denyed When David pursued the Amalekites after the spoyling of Ziklag 1. Sam. 30.11 his souldiers found an Egyptian in the field and brought him to David and gave him bread and hee did eate and they made him drinke water vers 12 And they gave him a piece of a cake of figges and two clusters of raisins and when hee had eaten his spirit came againe to him for hee had eaten noe bread nor drunke any water three dayes and three nights As that Eunuch was so mee think's am I. I am feeble and faint and my spirit is gone I know not what to doe for something to refresh mee O had I but such bread and such drinke how thankfully should I take what diverse doe scorne Labour I would to procure my sustenance but I cannot worke because I have not to eate Eze 4.16 Walke I would industriously in my calling but the staffe of bread is taken from mee and without a staffe I cannot walke My wants I know and complaine of them but where shall I find a charitable person who will satisfie my appetite But why doe I make these sad laments and condole my poverty as if noe people ever had suffered the like In former times whole nations and countries have beene pined with such miserie as now I endure Famine is a punishment which cometh from God doeth not allways derive it's cause from things that are naturall 2. King 25.3 At the siege of Ierusalem on the nineth day of the fourth moneth the famine so prevayled within the citty that there was noe bread for the people of the land Lam 1.19 My Priests say's â—hee in her greate complaint and mine Elders gave up the ghost in the citty while they sought their meate to relieve their soules Severall famines have beene often threatned as severely many times have beene brought to passe Among other curses wherewith the Israëlites were menaced upon their disobedience this was not the least of them which was tould them by the mouth of Moses when hee said Thou shalt eate the fruit of thine owne body the flesh of thy sonnes and of thy daughters Deu 28 53. which the Lord thy God hath given thee in the siege and in the straitnesse where with thine enemies shall distresse thee And againe the Lord himselfe did speake unto them and say If yee will not hearken unto mee Lev 26 27. vers 28 but walke contrarie unto mee Then I will walke allso contrarie unto you in furie and I even I will chastife you seaven times
shall be greater if wee continue in our industrie This is my way and thus I will follow him Hee who sate upon the throne Reu 21 6. and said It is done I am Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end even the same Lord said I will give unto him that is a thirst of the fountaine of the water of life freely Hee inviteth mee by his Prophet and speaketh to mee among the rest when hee saith Is 55.1 Ho every one that thirsteth come yee to the waters and hee that hath noe money come and buy and eate yea come and buy wine and milke without money Reu 22 17. without price The Spirit and the Bride saith Saint Iohn say Come and let him that heareth say Come and let him that is a thirst Come and whosoever will let him take of the water of life freely I am thirstie hee hath promised therfore to mee the fountaines of the water of life I am thirstie and yet I am poore and have not wherewith to buy what I neede My deedes are wicked and of noe validitie my words are idle and deserve noe good my thoughts are sinfull cannot merit What then Shall I starve for want because I have not price to give Noe noe mee it is hee calleth unto that I may buy without money mee hee meaneth to make partaker of his promise I will buy what I want but I can give nothing but teares or at most which indeede is the best even the blood of him who was slaine for my peace But why doe I call that blood mine owne May I safely doe it Yes it was his but it is mine Because hee needed not that price as a ransome for himselfe hee gave it to mee and all the faithfull to purchase our redemption This ô father I offer unto thee upon my knees I tender it with a lowly heart and a bleeding soule and a submissive speech praying unto thee and saying The Prayer GRacious father Ps 123.1 Mat 5.45 thou that dwellest in the heavens and from heaven doest send the raine both on the just and the unjust take pitty and compassion on the meanest of thy servants who cryeth unto thee out of the depth of miserie O my God thou seest how I am dryed up with thirst and am wearie of my life for want of thy comforts I know that thou hast power to breake a clowd and canst command it to water my parched body Thou canst give mee drinke out of the windowes of heaven Gen 7.11 or canst cause the earth to answer my desires Ps 6 1. Lord rebuke mee not in thine anger neither chasten mee in thy heavy displeasure I must confesse that I have worthily deserved thy severest punishments and most justly therfore doe I feele the heate of thine anger in my burning thirst Ps 79.5 But Lord shall thy displeasure burne like fire for ever Shall it never be allayed with the shewers of my teares or with that which infinitely exceede's them both in vallew and power even the dropps of blood which fell from my Redeemer O thou who with a stroake of a rod diddest make the relenting rocks to relieve the thirstie doe thou be pleased to pittie the complaint of a fainting sinner Coole my body which burneth with heate and refresh mee now in this extreamest anguish if it may stand with thy gracious will and pleasure If thou seest it fitting that my life should be prolonged afford mee the meanes for the preservation thereof On thee alone doe I depend and to thee alone doe I addresse my supplication To thee I referre the disposing of this parched and dryed earth humbly besieching thee to bend my will to submit unto thine O let mee never utter any words of despaire or discontent but in all my groanes let mee acknowledg thy justice Holy Father be pleased to fixe my thoughts upon my inward man that my care may be greater for the spirit them the flesh I want that spirituall desire which thou requirest I thirst for that thirst My soule is drie for want of thy grace and so seered is my conscience that I know not my miseries Lord open mine eyes that I may see my wants that so my thirst may be turned into a thirst for thy mercy Thou ô God art rich but I am poore thou art filled with blessings but I am not yet so much as sensible of my want of them O give mee both a sight of my povertie and a desire of thy grace and then graunt unto thy servant according to my desires I thirst Lord I thirst after thee the well-spring yea the ocean of mercy O send mee but a drop of thy heavenly ocean that it may increase in mee a desire of enjoying thy selfe Ps 36.8 Give mee to drinke of thy pleasures as of a river that so I may referre my body to thy holy will willingly yeeld this dust to thy disposall Gen 3.19 This dust shall returne to the dust whence it came but ô let my soule be vallewed so deare in thy sight that it may here have a tast of thy bottomelesse bountie hereafter be admitted to the paradise of thee my God Reu 2.7 Heare mee ô father and graunt my requests Zech 13.1 for the worthinesse of him who opened unto mee a fountaine for sin even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen soliloquy 4 THE FOURTH SOLILOQUIE Treating of Nakednesse both of the out-ward and in-ward man THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Noah was over-come with the wine which hee had dranke sleeping hee lay un-covered in his tent Gen 9.21 vers 22 Accursed Ham saw the nakednesse of his father and tould his brethren but Shem and Iaphet tooke a garment vers 23 and laid it on both their shoulders and went back-ward and covered the nakednesse of their father and their faces were back-ward and they saw not their father's nakednesse All these were the sonnes of one and the selfe-same father but they differed in conditions as if they had not beene hrothers One was so unnaturall that hee seemed to boast in the folly of his parent and when wine had disturbed the braine of his father and the heate of the drinke had layed him naked the wicked sonne as rejoycing at his weakenesse tould his brethren the effect of the drunkennesse But the other two blushing at the effect as well as the cause modestly hid what ought to be concealed Such a Ham have I it is my poverty Onely in this it differeth from the sonne of Naoh that it first inebriateth mee and then uncovereth mee I am so intoxicated with want that it bereave's mee of my senses and being thus poore it leave 's mee naked O where shall I find a Shem or a Iaphet to cover my nakednesse I
to day are and to morrow are cast into the oven extend thy mercy to thy distressed servant O my God thou seest the nakednesse which I suffer and thou feelest the cold which my body endures for of thee ô Christ I am a part of thy mysticall body I am a member These meane and ragged coverings doe speake at once both my wants and my desires What shall I doe ô father Shall I noe longer believe thy providence Or shall I despaire of thy power O I dare not doe either for I know that thou canst and wilt relieve mee when thou in thy wisedome shalt see it requisite Blessed Lord subdue my heart as thou hast humbled my body and forgive the sinnes of pride and discontent which harbour therein Many of thy Saints have wanted the things of the outward man yet hast thou enriched their soules with the graces of thy Spirit I know Lord that thou delightest not in the ornaments of the body Thou canst give what thou wilt and withhold what thou pleasest Lu 16.22 Distressed Lazarus who for a while did lye at the gate of gorgeous Dives was caried by Angells into Abraham's bosome Enable mee with patience to suffer my wants and willingly to submitt to thy heavenly pleasure Ps 104 1. O thou that art cloathed with Majestie and honour vouchsafe to cover my naked soule Through the merits of thy Christ let it be presented to thee both cleane and unspotted Make mee to labour the purifying thereof with a flood of my teares Io. 11.33 and accept of my groanes through the righteousnesse of him who groaned in spirit when hee beheld the teares of lamenting Marie Holy father adorne thou my inward man with righteousnesse and holinesse that it may be acceptable unto thee when it shall come to thy tribunall Nothing can hide it from thy wrath ô father but the garment of the righteousnesse of Christ my brother Wrappe mee ô Iesus in that sacred mantle that I may be hid from the wrath of the reveng-full judg Is 50 3 O thou that cloathest the heavens with blacknesse and makest sack-cloth their covering doe thou apparell my soule with the blacknesse of sorrow and the sackcloth of mourning for my crying offences And so accept of my contrition that I may hereafter appeare in a long white robe with thy holy Saints Reu 7.9 and be admitted a member of thy church tryumphant there to reigne with thee world without end through Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 8 THE EIGHTH SUBJECT A Virgin 's teares The Soliloquie Treating of the virginitie both of the body and the soule THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe un-maried woman saith the faithfull Apostle careth for the things of the Lord 1. Cor. 7.25 vers 34 that shee may be holy both in body and spirit Such a one am I unmaried I am but am I such a one allso in my care Doe I care for the things of the Lord that I may be holy both in body and spirit This is a question not easily resolved it is a duety not ordinarily performed The externall forme doeth commonly borrow the howers of virgins the dresses and the ornaments of the fading body imploy our minuits and our care is generally more for the day of our mariage then the time of our account Seldome doe wee vallew religion above our dresses or the service of God above the ornaments of our selves But neither is the beauty of the countenance prevalent with the All-mighty nor the neatenesse of attire vallewed in his eyes Hee love's not that care which ariseth from pride but that which discovereth a zeale for his honour The most admired beauty shall be shriveled in the flames of eternall horrour unlesse the soule be more comely by farre then the countenance The exactest features of the outward man doe illest suite with a lascivious tongue or an immodest thought Devoutest virgins are allways fairest and borrow so much of the flowers of the spring as to weare a maidens blush in the seate of beauty My God hath given mee the honour of virginitie and expecteth to be honoured both in it and by it If my soule be as un-spotted as my body is un-defiled I may hope for a seate with the tryumphant virgins Reu 14.1 With the Lamb saith Saint Iohn were a hundred fortie and foure thousand having his fathers name written in their fore-heads vers 4. These are they which were not defiled with women for they are virgins these are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever hee goeth That Lamb is Christ those hundred fortie and foure thousand virgins are the elect his name in their foreheads is their adoption by grace they follow the Lamb in the puritie of their soules and in their chast spirituall virginitie they are preserved from the pollutions and uncleanesse of the seducing tempter With these virgins I desire to sing my part for my sexe cannot hinder the hope of immortalitie With those saints which defiled not themselves with women shall accord those women not defiled with men It was an honour to our sexe and my present condition that my Saviour was borne of the virgin Mary But I must know that virginitie consisteth not so much in the chastitie of the body as the puritie of the soule Even those that are maried may have virgin soules and wee that are virgins may be spirituall adulteresses 1. Thes 4.4 Shee that preserve's her vessell in holinesse performeth a duety required by our maker but unlesse to this be added the chastitie of the soule both body and soule may suffer eternally The purest virgin is the loyallest wife for though wee never were engaged by mariage to a man yet all of us ought to be maried to Christ 2. Cor 11.2 Saint Paul saith that hee had espoused the Corinthians to one husband that hee might present them as a chast virgin unto Christ This husband is mine for to him am I espoused to him am I wedded But am I a loyall wife to this indulgent husband Doe I love him Doe I honour him Doe I obey him Have I beene allways true and faithfull unto him If every sinne be a spirituall adulterie if every transgression be a dishonour unto him ô then my conscience will write mee guilty O my sweete husband ô my Iesus what shall I say or pleade for my selfe I have forsaken my redeemer to sinne with the tempter I have declined my husband to committ un-cleanesse with that ugly serpent for hee enticed and I consented Lev 20.10 By the ould law an adulteresse was to suffer death That law doeth still remaine in force for death eternall is decreed as a punishment for those that dishonour my patient husband O what then shall I doe when hee shall question my disloyaltie
Yet can hee be so loving as to forbeare my punishment and can hee not be so mercifull as freely to forgive it O yes hee can if hee please but which way shall I endeavour thus to please him O my Iesus vouchsafe to mee thy grace as thou did'st once to an adulteresse and then with her I will weepe and lament Be reconciled unto mee as thou wast unto her Lu 7.38 and then will I wash thy feete with my teares and will wipe them with the haires of my head I will not spare the costliest spicknard though it drop from the wounds of my sorrowfull heart I will kisse thy feete and anoint them with the ointment O say of mee as thou diddest of her vers 47 Her sinnes which are many are forgiven for shee loveth much Her soule was polluted so is mine Her body was likewise uncleane but so is not mine yet even so had mine allso beene had not hee preserved mee who is the husband of my soule Of my selfe I am fraile and apt to be shaken by every temptation to him alone therfore must I render the thanks who hath kept mee from dis-honour and to him must I pray for the continuance of his protection But is every sinne accounted adulterie Is the breach of every command an act of disloyaltie Then virginity it selfe seemeth to be adulterie and the chastitie of the body to violate the bond of wed-lock with Christ for Saint Pauls words are peremptorie saying I will that the younger women marry 1. Tim. 5.14 beare children and guide the house c. Never was I yet the mother of a child nor the guide of a house for never was I married though the Apostle requireth it Is it therfore an offence because I am not a wife Thus indeede they are apt to pleade who un-willingly submitt to my present condition Saint Paul if rightly understood seemes but to allow it rather then command it for when hee decreeth mariage to be an ordinance of God hee doth not thereby determine virginitie a crime So farre is hee from that 1. Cor 7.28 that though hee saith If a virgin marry shee hath not sinned yet hee concludeth saying vers 38 Hee that giveth her in marriage doth well but hee that giveth her not in marriage doth better Heb. 13.4 It is true that mariage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled but onely wee that are virgins Mat. 22 30. who neither marry nor are given in marriage are as the Angells of God in heaven Thus is our honour as greate as theirs in the bed un-defiled yea and more honourable are wee in that our condition resembleth the Angells of God So long as I remaine in this state of virginitie Gen. 3.16 Eph. 5.22 neither are my desires subject to a husband nor am I tyed to submission nor yet are my sorrowes multiplyed as are theirs who in conception are severely sensible of an hereditarie punishment True it is that I am bound to obedience yet not to a husband whose conditions I know not but to my parents Ex. 20.12 of whose love I am certaine This is a knot which nothing but death can ever untye Mariage is then but an honourable bondage accompanied with sorrowes making us subject to him that 's our head yet not freeing us from obedience to those that are our parents But Virginitie hath fewer sorrowes and lesse subjection yet lesse too are the comforts and fewer the blessings It is my duety therfore to submitt to the pleasure of my God and strive to honour him in what condition soëver I shall live Should all decree to continue virgins the number of saints should not be increased nor the world remaine above the space of an age Wherfore I will not so love virginitie as contemning mariage nor so honour mariage as undervallewing virginitie In each condition those are most honourable who most doe endeavour for the honour of God In ancient times so greate was the submission of virgins to their parents that even their vowes to God were subject to alteration at the discretion of the earthly father So saith the law If a woman vow a vow unto the Lord Num. 30.3 vers 4. and bind herselfe by a bond being in her father's house in her youth And her father heare her vow and her bond wherwith shee hath bound her soule and her father hold his peace at her then all her vowes shall stand and every bond wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand vers 5. But if her father dis-allow her in the day that hee heareth not any of her vowes or of her bonds wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand and the Lord shall forgive her because her father disallowed her If a vow to God which was made by a virgin did thus depend upon the pleasure of her father assuredly then the vow of mariage ought not to passe without the parents consent If by their indiscretion our choyce be amisse though the sufferance be ours yet the blame is theirs if it prove successefull our joy shall be doubled by our willing obedience In those weighty affaires concerning wedlock there is greatest neede of a vigilant eye It is but justice that the parent should leade her by advice whose eye is darkned by the violence of affection Shee that wed 's not without counsell lives not without comfort for shee judgeth not by the event but rejoyceth in her obedience Thus if I doe obey the commands of my parents I manifest my selfe to be a child of my God If I willingly submitt to their discretion I may undoubtedly hope for the blessing of my maker yea and peradventure it may succeed beyond expectation God hath beene ever a father to those virgins who have beene faithfully obedient to his commands In mariage there is allways a hand of providence happie are those that marrie in the Lord. Hee was a father to the virgin Rebeckah Gen. 24 16. Est 2.17 when hee gave her unto Isaak Hee was a father to the virgin Esther whom Ahasuerus the King so fervently loved that hee not onely wedded her but allso crown'e her yet was shee alasse but a poore Iewesse taken into the charitable care of her uncle Mordecai vers 7. after her father's and mothers decease Thus doeth the Allmighty provide for those who submitt to his pleasure and labour to espouse a virgin soule to Christ the bride-groome O my God doe thou be for ever my father and thy sonne my loving and affectionate husband that my soule may be adorned with the graces of thy spirit and be allways acceptable to my deerest Lord. Can a maide forgett her ornaments Ier. 2.32 saith God by his Prophet or a bride her attire Yet my people have forgotten mee dayes without number My soule was a virgin but shee forgot her ornaments shee was a bride espoused to Christ but shee forgott her attire shee hath forgotten her husband dayes without number The
healeth Ex 15.26 Psl 6.2 Have mercy therfore upon mee ô Lord for I am weake ô Lord heale mee for my bones are vexed Ps 41.3 Ier 17.14 Strengthen mee now upon my bed of languishing make thou all my bed in my sicknesse Heale mee o Lord and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise c 30.12 O let not my bruise be incurable though my wound be grievous Let mee have one to pleade my cause vers 13 even that Holy One thine onely begotten Sonne that hee may bind mee up and give mee healing medicines Thou art hee who didst promise Iacob to correct him in measure vers 11 though not to leave him altogether unpunished Thou rebukest mee for my sinne Ps 39.11 and makest my beauty to consume away like as it were a moath fretting a garment These Markes in my flesh doe cause a trembling even in my spirit Rev 13.17 Ps 86.16 Lord graunt that upon my soule be not found the marke of the beast but the marke of thy sonne that hee may owne mee for his O turne thou unto mee and have mercy upon mee give thy strength unto thy servant and save thy distressed hand-mayd Shew now some good token for good vers 17 that it may appeare unto the world that thou Lord doest helpe mee and comfort mee But if in thy secret purpose thou hast decreed at this time to gather mee unto my fathers make mee with joy comfort to render mine account unto thee the Lord of heaven earth Looke not upon the sinnes and offences of my misse-led life but rather looke upon my Redeemer's death Is 53.5 who was wounded for my transgressions bruised for mine iniquites the chastisement of my peace was layed upon him by his stripes therfore let mee be healed In the midst of the streete of thy throne ô God Reu 22.2 of either side of the river of life there is a tree of life bearing twelve manner of fruits and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations O my God let mee but come to tast of those fruits let mee but be shaded under the leaves of that tree of life Ps 41.4 Ps 103 1. Be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee Then shall my soule blesse thee O my Lord and all that is within mee shall praise thy holy name who forgivest all mine iniquities vers 3. and canst heale my diseases Into thine hands I commend my spirit Ps 31.5 for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thou God of trueth The Spirit and the bride say Come Reu 22.17 therfore let mee who now heare it say Come Let mee heare thy voyce ô God Gen 3.8 in the coole of the day not in the heate of thy displeasure And thou ô my Iesus who for such sinners wert made a sacrifice on the altar of the crosse how downe thine eare as thou didst upon the tree and heare and fullfill the desires of thy wounded supplicant Come ô Iesus and embrace mee in thine armes hide mee in thy wounded side from the wrath of thy father In thee alone doe I trust to thee alone doe I flee succour mee helpe mee save mee O Christ The world I leave to thee I come At the doore of thy mercy doe I knock I call I cry Lord protect mee Iesus comfort mee Strengthen my faith and confirme my hope As my earthly body draweth neerer to the earth so doe thou draw my soule up neerer unto thee who art the father of spirits Heb 12 9. O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Finish soone these dayes of sinne and then let mee enter into thy celestiall paradice and that for his sake in whom alone thou art well pleased even Iesus Christ my onely Mediatour and Redeemer Amen subject 16 THE SIXTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the sicknesse of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray IT shall come to passe saith Moses to the house of Israel if thou wilt not hearken to the voyce of the Lord thy God Deut 28.15 to observe to doe all his commandements and his statutes which I command thee this day that all these curses shall come upon thee and overtake thee vers 16 Cursed shalt thou be in the citty and cursed shalt thou be in the field Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store vers 17 yea Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body c. vers 18 What all these curses from heaven for the sins of poore distressed mortalls O what a multitude of evills doe our sinnes deserve What punishment doeth not iniquitie cry for It cryeth for the curse of the citty the decay of trading the curse of the field whole rivers of blood in furious battailes the curse of the basket and the store the dearth of provisions Yet all these are but outward punishments and reflect onely upon the baser the worse part of our selves the body but Cursed shall be the fruit of the body oh this biteth like a Serpent stingeth like a Cockatrice Prov 23.32 The fruit of my body Is afflicted with sicknesse but is the sinne of the parent the cause of his affliction Yes yes my conscience acknowledgeth the guilt let my tongue be as ready to confesse it and my heart to repent of it But how standeth this with the justice of the Creatour Gen 18.25 Shall not the judg of all the earth doe right The Prophet Ezekiel telleth mee from God that The sonne shall not beare the iniquity of the father Eze 18 20. Mich 7 6. Ier 9.20 neither shall the father beare the iniquity of the sonne but the soule that sinneth it shall dye Else the daughter might rise up against her mother as saith the Prophet and the women by reason of the vengeance due for their sinnes might teach their daughters wayling c 31.29 Rom 3 4. if the sowre grapes which the parents have eaten should set their childrens teeth on edge But let God be true and every man a lyar that hee may be justified in his sayings and may over-come when hee is judged Hee it is who hath threatned to visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate him The sinne is mine Ex 20.5 but the punishment is mine infant's againe the sinne is mine infant's and the punishment is mine And yet farther The sinne is of and from both and the punishment is inflicted upon both His sufferance is my sorrow and his paines my distresse Lord what a due reward of sinne is punishment My child as yet it may be knoweth not sinne and yet is hee punished
Ier 3.22 And this is hee to whom Israel replyeth and saith vers 23 Behold wee come unto thee for thou art the Lord our God Truely in vaine is salvation hoped for from the hills and from the multitude of mountaines truely the Lord our God is the salvation of Israel This is hee who promiseth unto Zion c 30.17 saying I will restore health unto thee and I will heale thee of thy wounds saith the Lord because they called thee an out-cast saying This is Zion whom no man seeketh after This is the same Lord to whom the people of Israel addressed themselves Hos 6.1 when they said Come let us returne unto the Lord for hee hath torne and hee will heale us hee hath smitten and hee will bind us up Since then my God hath cured both lands and waters and bodies and soules Since hee woundeth and hee healeth none can deliver out of his hand Since hee bringeth downe to the grave and bringeth up Since hee woundeth and his hands make whole Since it is hee onely who forgiveth all our iniquities healeth all our diseases and saveth our lives from destruction Since it is hee that bindeth up the breach of his people and healeth the stroake of their wound Since it was hee that promised to penitent Iudah that hee would restore comforts to him and to his mourners Since it is hee alone who is the salvation of Israël Since it is hee that promised unto Zion to restore health unto her and to heale her of her wounds I will resolve therfore with the people of Israel to returne unto him for hee hath torne mee and hee alone can heale mee hee hath smitten mee and hee alone can bind mee up To him to him will I humbly sue for the cure of my wounded and distressed soule and to him will I willingly submitt my weake and feeble body I will powre out my soule unto him I will send up my supplications unto him and will pray and say The Prayer GReate Creatour full of compassion who both sendest sicknesse and restorest health be thou graciously pleased I most humbly beseech thee to turne thy wrath from thy distressed servant Thy hand ô Lord is heavie upon mee in this languishing consumption and the sting of my transgressions pierceth mee with sharpe and grievous torments Yet I must confesse ô my God that my sufferances doe not any wayes equall mine offences nor can the paines which I endure satisfie thee mine offended Lord for the least of my transgressions O my sinnes are upon mee Eze 33.10 and I pine away in the punishment for them how then shall I live My body languisheth my flesh consumeth Ps 22.15 Ps 39.11 Iob 33 19. vers 20 and now am I very neere drawne unto the dust of death Thou with thy rebukes doest correct mee for mine iniquities thou makest my beautie to consume away like a moath I am chastened with paine upon my bed and the multitude of my bones with strong paine so that my life abhorreth bread and my soule the daintie meate that is to be desired vers 21 My flesh is consumed away that it cannot be seene and my bones that were not seene vers 22 stick out My soule draweth neere unto the grave and my life to the destroyers But yet I know that with thee ô God is compassion Mat 9.12 and tender mercies The whole have noe neede of the Physitian but such as I who am sick and in miserie O that it might be sayd of mee as it was by Mary concerning her brother Lazarus Io 11.3 even that Shee whom thou lovest is sick O my God make mee thy friend in heart and soule and graunt that I may expresse it in my dutifull obedience to all thy commandements and then be thou my friend in thy succour and reliefe Ps 41.1 vers 2. Deliver mee now in this time of trouble preserve mee and If it may be thy good pleasure keepe mee alive make mee blessed upon the earth and deliver mee not over into the hands of death vers 3. Lord strengthen mee upon this my bed of languishing make thou turne thou all my bed in my sicknesse Thou hast chastened mee sore Ps 118.18 Ps 116.8 vers 9. Ps 143.6 ô give mee not over unto death but deliver my soule from death mine eyes from teares and my feete from falling that I may walke before thee in the land of the living Vnto thee ô my God doe I stretch forth my hands my soule thirsteth for thee as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee speedily ô Lord my spirit faileth hide not thy face from mee for I am become like unto them that goe downe into the pit Thou hast promised by thine Apostle Iam 5.15 that the prayer of faith shall save the sick and that thou wilt raise him up Lord I pray unto thee strengthen thou my faith I am sick Lord raise thou mee up and make good unto mee that thy promise by thy holy Apostle Heale mee ô Lord Ier 17.14 and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise O Lord I call upon thee Ps 141.1 hast thee unto mee consider my voyce now I cry unto thee and restore mee to health But howsoever if thou hast otherwise determined of mee ô my Iesus cleanse thou mee by thy blood and cure my soule by the merits of thy passion My sinnes I must confesse are the cause of my sicknesse but doe thou ô God Ps 44.22 blott out as a thick clowde my transgressions as a clowde my sinnes returne unto mee for thou hast redeemed mee O give mee patience in this time of adversitie give mee comfort in the examples of thy mercy and give mee assurance of thy love in the sanctifying of this sicknesse unto mee As my body doeth dayly draw neerer to the earth so make my soule allso dayly draw neerer unto heaven If it may be thy pleasure to restore mee to health againe ô let it be thy mercy allso to renew mine obedience But if thou art resolved by this disease to free mee from the labours of this wearisome world and to bring mee downe to my grave for thy Christs sake o my mercifull and indulgent father bring thou my soule into thy celestiall paradise O graunt that my sinnes may consume farre faster then doeth my flesh and as thou takest away the strength of my body so be pleased to adde unto the strength of my faith I am thine ô Saviour and cost thee deere even the very blood that issued from thy crucified body be thou allso mine ô Iesus both now and for ever Abate the temptations â—… Satan and arme mee with strength to resist his suggestions Ravish my soule with the love of thy selfe that so I may with willingnesse forsake the vanities of this world with readinesse lay downe this tabernacle of flesh and with comfort that my soule may
â—ever leave it 'till I have chased it away 'till 〈◊〉 have done my best to wash off the staine with my sorrowfull teares Gen 32 25. I will struggle with my God for the help of his grace and will not leave him untill hee assureth mee that my sinne is blotted out by the blood of the Lamb. For every offence that I can remember I will arise and goe to my father Lu. 15.18 with the teares standing in mine eyes and with dropps of blood falling from my heart in an earnest sharpe compunction In a loathing and detestation of my selfe for offending his Majestie I will humble my selfe and fall at his feete and with bashfullnesse and shame I will besiech him saying vers 18 vers 19 Father I have sinned against heaven and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants I know hee will heare mee for so hee hath promised and sayd Call upon mee in the day of trouble Ps 50.15 I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie mee And when hee heareth I am sure hee will helpe too Ps 46.1 for hee is my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble And leave him I will not leave crying I will not leave weeping and begging I will not untill I find that heâ— espyeth mee comeing Lu 15.20 O now I blesse him I find that hee cometh to mee and armeth mee with this resolution I find that I am comeing unto him too by the small sparkes of graâ—… which warme my resolution But here I must not stay on I must follow him I will and never leave him untill hee takes compassion of mee and runne's and fall's upon my neck and kisseth mee vers 22 I will not leave following him untill hee bringeth forth the best robe even the robe of his Sonne 's righteousnesse putteth it upon mee I must have a ring too put upon my hand Rom 4 11. Lu 15. vers 23 a sealed ring even the seale of the righteousnesse of faith in the meritts of my Redeemer I must allso feede upon the fatted Calfe upon him who was sacrificed for my transgressions even the Sonne of his bosome who is fatt as it were and full of all divine vertues and abundance of grace able to satisfie for the sinns of the whole world I will feede upon him in the participation of the holy sacrament and communion of his owne most blessed body and blood vers 24 And when I eate I will be merry for through faith I shall have an assurance that hereafter I shall be entertained at the supper of the Lamb in the Kingdome of my God Reu 19 9. Thus my ômissions and thus my commissions thus mine infirmities and thus my presumptions shall be layed to his charge who is the Lamb of God that taketh away the sinnes of the world Io 1.29 Unto him I will acknowledg my sinnes Ps 32.5 and mine iniquities I will not hide I will confesse my transgressions unto the Lord and hee shall forgive the iniquitie of my sinnes when I say unto him with a sorrowfull Spirit Ps 41.4 Lord be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee When I have thus confessed Iob. 42 6. and abhorred my selfe in dust and asbes I will then resolve for the time to come by the grace of my God and I will promise that I will take heede to my wayes that I sinne not against him Ps 39.1 or not willingly or not continually or howsoever not impenitently Thus will I sweepe and sweeping I will weepe and weeping I will pray that for every uncleane spirit which hath dwelt in my soule I may now have this soule garnished with the divine and excellent graces of the Spirit of my God By faith I will come unto thee ô Christ and call thee my Iesus By hope I will come unto you ô yee blessed quire of Saints and Angells and with you I will sing those ravishing Halelujahs By charitie I will reconcile my selfe to my offended brother I will as much as in mee lyeth requite and satisfie my injured neighbour I will freely freely remit the injuries I have receaved certainly assuring my selfe that the offences which have beene offered mee though never so high in mine owne esteeme are not bad enough to be compared to the least trespasse which I have committed against my God And as I am taught by the rules of charitie I will not onely love my friends to which I am prompted both by nature and civility but mine enemies likewise I will love as I am commanded by God Yet lest I missetake in my charitie my God a bove all I will both love and obey and that for noe other cause but onely for himselfe Next and in order unto him I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love the Lord for his power I will love God for his wisedome and I will love the Lord my God for his goodnesse I will love the Lord who created mee by his power I will love God who instructeth mee by his wisedome I will love the Lord my God who hath communicated his goodnesse to a creature so despicable I will not onely know my God but I will allso love him I will not onely feare him but I will allso love him I will not onely feare him as hee is an omnipotent Lord or honour him as hee is God but I will allso love him as hee is Mine Yea I will love him with all my heart because hee gave mee a Beeing at my creation I will love him with all my soule because hee preserveth mee in this my beeing I will love him with all my mind because hee hath created mee a new and given mee a well-being by regeneration and I will love him with all my strength because I know assuredly that hee will glorifie mee in the most excellent Beeing I will lore him with all my heart understandingly without errour I will love him with all my soule willingly without contradiction and I will love him with all my mind treasuring him up in my memorie without forgetfulnesse I will love him with all my heart wisely lest I be seduced by the suggestions of the devill I will love him with all my soule sweetely and delightfully lest I be tempted by allurements of the flesh and I will love him with all my strength couragiously lest I sinke under the pressures and heavy burdens of the world I will love him with all my heart for all my cogitations shall reflect upon him I will love him with all my soule for all my affections shall be directed to him and I will love him with all my mind for all my senses shall be obedient unto him I will love him with all my heart devoutly with all my soule discreetely and with all my Mind perseveringly And when thus I have endeavoured to love my God ' then next in
branches Thou hast planted it 1. Cor 3.6 my teares shall water it doe thou give the increase to it Something I apprehend but it is but in a mist Some thing I believe but it is but dully it is but imperfectly it is but weakely Lord I believe help my unbeliefe Mar 9.24 O that my teares might be so sanctified that my griefe might be a delight I must I will search enquire find out my secret crimes those snakes that lye hid under the greene leaves of my best my glorious actions I know that I am all sin all corruption and yet though I say that I know it though I know that I know it yet enough I doe not I cannot know it The more I prye into it the neerer is mine cye drawne to a narrownesse the more I pore upon it the sooner is mine eye tired into a dulnesse Each part each member is either an abettour or an actour of sin What then shall I doe Teares I can shed but it is rather through the disposition of nature then the operation of grace I will weepe therfore because I am so apt to grieve when my corruption is not truely the ground of my griefe I will punish mine eyes with teares for shedding so many teares not grounded on a sorrow for my wickednesse Now the spunges are full my sinns shall squeeze them Now my windowes shall be brightened with the brine with the lye of my teares Come I must mourne for I have found the cause the ground of all religious griefe which I am ashamed to owne Ps 6.6 Now with David I will crie until I am weary of my groaning every vight will I wash my bed and water my couch with my teares 1. Sam 30.4 With David againe and the prople that were with him pondering upon their losse at the spoiling of Ziklag I will lift up my voyce and weepe untull I have noe more power to weepe Iob 30.31 Now with the man of miseries the patient Iob my harpe shall be turned into mourning and my Organe into the voyce of them that weepe C 16.16 My face shall be fowle with weeping and on mine eye lids shall sit the shadow of death Now with David againe 2. Sam. 12.22 While the child is yet alive the child of corruption the monstrous spurious abortive bratt of sin is alive with in mee I will fast weepe but in a contrarie hope to that indulgent father I will cry who can tell whether God will be gracious to mee vers 22 that the child may not live or if it live it may but linger but languish but despaire of strength or health or life Thus I pine thus I grieve yet mee think's I am ashamed that I doe so I am troubled that I am thus troubled Well if mine eye be offended with the motes with the dusts of sin that fly into it I will wash it with it 's owne water If my face blush at the punishment of the eyes because it is childish thus to cry I will confesse it I will acknowledg it thus every child every child of my God doe's cry must cry And if all this force not shame into my bashfull cheeke for blushing at my teares then with that good king Hezekiah I will turne my face to the wall but I will still weepe and weeping that my teares be not spilt be not lost be not shed in vaine as that King 2. King 20.3 so my selfe though the meanest though the worst of subjects of slaves will pray and praying I will say The Prayer GReat God who on the second day of thine owne labour didst create a firmament in the midst of the waters Gen 1.6 so now in thy mercy put a distinction in the waters that flow from my troubled eyes O let heaven divide betweene them that those which dwell in the cloudes for the sinns I have committed may be distinguished from those that arise from sin By thy servant Ezekiel thou complainest of Ierusalem that she was not salted at all Lord Eze 16 4. I am salted in the brine of my teares ô let me be preserved in the love of thee my Creatour The causes of my griefe are the offences I have committed that a God so great should be incensed by a worme that a God so good should be dishonoured by a miscreant Thou art my God though offended thou shalt even be my God though thou art now displeased I have hope of pardon while I continue thine although I cannot choose but sin against thee who art so lovingly mine The heathens themselves did sacrifice to their Gods They had many I have but one To thee that one that holy one doe I offer what thou doest require a heart as thou doeâ—… require it broken but not so sanctified not so cleansed as it ought to be Lev 2.13 Yet it is offered with salt as thou requirest even with the salt of my teares Dan. 9.19 O Lord heare ô Lord have mercy ô Lord in mercy receave the cries the groanes the teares that flow from this burnt this broken offering These teares are the blood of a penitent soule for the blood of thy Son receave in mercy Num. 20.11 The rock of my heart hath beene smitten with thyrod from whence doe issue these springs of waters Lord doe thou even water my teares with the deaw of thy grace and mollifie my heart by the strength of thy power that both heart and eyes Io 17.6 and teares may be thine Thine they were and thou gavest them mee Thine they are I give them thee O let this rock this heart be an altar these eyes the priests and these teares the sacrifices acceptable unto thee my Lord and my God My heart is the censour and my sighs and groanes the incense Io 20.28 doe thou buth adde a sweetenesse thereto and so shall it allay the stricktnesse of thy fury My sinns ô God have dwelt in mine eyes but now I have made them drunke with my teares Thus let mee ever weepe thus let mee ever grieve It is a joy to be thus sorrow full it is a comfort to be thus distressed Lord in every part in every crumb of this broken heart I find thy mercifull thine in dulgent selfe In every sigh 1. King 9.12 in every groane I perceave that thou my Lord art in it a soft wind In every teare that trickleth from mine eyes thou hast a luster thou hast an habitation O let mee ever thus live in thy favour Let all my griefe be for offending thee Ps 42.3 Ps 6.6 Ps 80.5 Ps 104.9 and all my sorrow be for thy displeasure So shall my teares with David be my meate my drinke my bread my bath my onely joy and delight because thou takest a delight there in But ô thou who hast prescribed bounds to the seas which they cannot passe neither turne againe to cover the earth so limit these brackish seas by
the hatred wherewith hee hated her was greater then the love wherewith hee hath loved her Have not I beene sick with Amnon too Have not I longed and pined and lingered after unlawfull pleasures and wicked delights What though they grew not into the height of incest or adulterie of the body My poore soule that was a virgin hath beene ravished hath beene deflowred with delusions and at length hath beene conquered by the violence of the tempter O my God doe thou be pleased to put such an enmitie hereafter betweene the tempter and the sinner that my soule may hence forward abhorre those suggestions as the sated ravisher did his sister that the hatred wherewith shee shall hate them may be greater then the love wherewith shee hath loved them Such a bed as this or at least thus designed for a nest of repose did Ahab lay him downe upon and turned away his face 1. King 21.4 and would eate noe bread when hee was come into his house heavy and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Iezreelite had spoken unto him for hee had sayd I will not give thee the inheritance of my fathers Here was trouble and discontent and presently tossing and tumbling upon the bed and all because a poore subject would not sell his litle vineyard to the greate King All this was but for a litle spott of ground so small that it was not so much as a graine of the finest sand to the mountaine of Ararat in comparison of this globe and fabrick of the earth But I might have a Kingdome greater then the world above the world which I should not buy but onely begge upon my humble suite it would be freely given mee and yet though hithexto I have neglected it I throw not my selfe upon my bed in a sad and pensive discontent because I have beene backward in sieking and petitioning for it But in steed of thus lying on my bed into it I goe and in it I lye downe where I rather choose to sleepe away the thought of it then in a holy ambition contrive the way to be possessed there of Such a bed as this did the harlot speake of when shee enticed her lover Pro 7.16 saying I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestrie with carved worke vers 17 with fine linnen of Egypt I have perfumed my bed with myrrhe aloes and cynamon vers 18 Come let us take our fill of love untill the morning let us sollace our selves with love O what enticements were there to wickedness What provocations to uncleanesse Richer were the coverings of the harlot's bed and much more vallewable then was the person of the owner Those perfumes were ordained more for necessity then delight and yet the stinke of her wickednesse out-vyed the fragrancy of the myrrhe and the cynamon How mee thinks doe I or at least should I loath the impudency of such a tempting adulteresse What a staine is a harlot to our fraile sexe when shee whose beauty should be discovered by the modesty of a blush doe's shamefully importune her lover to uncleanes And yet such a one might I have beene too had not the grace of my preserver made mee detest the offence Even to such folly was I prone by nature but from it am I withdrawne by the mercy of my God The adulteresse Iezabel had made such use of the place of repose just it was therfore that the Lord should cast her into a bed Reu. 2.22 and them that committed adulterie with her into greate tribulation except they would repent them of their deedes The bed may be a place for punâ—shment as well as for ease and those who defile it with uncleanesse may looke to be a burden unto it and it unto them in their diseases It is but justice that sinne should be punished in the very place where 't is committed Let mee therfore examine my selfe and if God in mercy hath preserved mee from the pollution let mee try if yet there lurke not an intent in the thought Yet here I must not stay I must consider with my selfe that there is a spirituall fornication too as well as a corporall and that idolatrie is a spirituall adulterie Thus upon a loftie Is 57.7 and high mountaine had Iudah sett her bed and thither went shee up to offer sacrifice Thus the Babylonians came to idolatrous Aholibah into the bed of love Eze. 23 17. and they defiled her with their whoredome and shee was polluted with them If I am free from this adulterie I must blesse the Lord my God the jealous God Ex 20.3 who sayd in his commandement Thou shalt have none other Gods but mee If I have beene guilty I will besiech him with my teares to remitt mine offences and through his grace to preserve mee from a future relapse On such a bed as this doth the wicked usually devise his mischiefe Ps 36.4 when hee setteth himselfe in noe good way nor abhorreth that which is evill Against such did the prophet cry out and say Mich. 2 â— Woe unto them that devise iniquity worke evill upon their beds when the morning is light they practise it because it is in the power of their hands From this I feare I have not beene free for have noe wicked purposes have noe sinfull devices beene forged ben contrived in my bed When my meditations should have beene fixed and fastened upon my God have I never entertained the suggestions of the Devill Have I never prided my selfe in the richnesse of the ornaments of my chamber and my bed In the coverings of the walls the curious hangings In the deckings of the bed the curtaines and vallences Have not my desires beene wandering after the furniture of a King Ect. 1.6 even King Ahasuerus who had white and greene and blew hangings fastened with cords of fine linnen and purple to silver rings and pillars of marble Have I not wished for his beds of gold and silver upon a pavement of red and blew and white and black marble Or hath not my bed beene the bed of wantonnesse or immoderate ease Have I not beene like unto those against whom the Prophet pronounceth the woe saying Amos. 6.1 vers 4. Woe unto them that are at ease in Sion That lye upon beds of ivory and stretch themselves upon their couches and eate the lambes out of the flock and the calves out of the midest of the stall I must not be too indulgent to my selfe Too much selfelove may prove my destruction The sinnes which I am guilty of must not be denyed neither may they lye drie with mee in my bed O noe Therfore lest I sleepe too much or they have rest too much or the devill entertainment too much that uncleane spirit Mat 12.43 whose custome it is in drie places to sieke his rest I am resolved with David Ps 6.6 that every night I will make my bed to swimme and will water my
yet slept that hee had neede to be awaked Is 65.1 Noe noe hee that was found of them that sought him not would not without cause deny himselfe to her who sought him with diligence It was his promise to the captives in Babylon that after seaventie yeeres they should returne to Ierusalem Ier 29.10 vers 12 and should call upon him and goe and pray unto him and hee would hearken unto them They should seeke him vers 14 and find him when they should search for him with all their hearts How then came it to passe that his Spouse did misse of him especially in the bed where shee might justly expect him Alasse alasse shee thought her selfe so sure of her beloved that shee layd her selfe downe as on the bed of ease but supposing him to be with her shee missed his companie and though shee sought him by solitary meditation yet shee found him not In the night shee sought him in the night of her afflictions but shee found him not not presently that because shee neglected his grace when hee offered it unto her or because shee kept it not carefully when hee gave it unto her Yet Is 54.8 though in a litle wrath hee hid his face from her for a moment Cant. 3.4 shee afterwards found him whom her soule loved And why then should not I hope to find him too though in my bed though in the night It is not through sloath that I seeke him here but 't is in the fervency of my affection that now awaking I would find him here If yet I cannot find him here if thou hidest thy selfe from mee ô my sweetest Iesus that either in judgment for mine offences or in thy love that thou mayst heighten and inflame mine affection I will doe as the Israelites did at the newes which was brought them by those that were sent to search the land I will lift up my voyce cry yea Num. 14.1 Ps 6.6 with the people too I will weepe all night Or with the Prophet David All the night will I make my bed to swimme and water my couch with my teares Or with Samuel for Saul 1 Sam. 15.11 I will cry unto God all the night Or as King Darius for Daniel in the Lyons denne Dan 6.18 I will passe the night fasting while my sleepe goeth from mee Or as David againe when his child was sick I will fast and lye all the night upon the carth 2. Sam. 12.16 rather then I will not find thee ô my Saviour Thus when I have found him whom my soule loveth then untill the day breake and the shadowes fly away Cant. 2 17. hee shall turne and be like a Roe or a young Hart upon the mountaines of Bether Weepe indeede I may weepe I must for I sent my faith as a Spie to the promised land to the celestiall Canaan and shee through her weakenesse and feare hath brought me word that the citty is walled Num. 13.26 as if I could not or should not enter But with Caleb vers 30 I will resolve that I wil gâ—e up and possesse it for I know that through the assistance of my Iesus I shall be able to conquer Weepe I must 1. Sam. 15.11 with Samuel for my Saul for my poore soule which hath turned back from following my God and hath not performed his commandements But I will not onely weepe but will allso question my Saul vers 14 and say What meaneth this bleating of the sheepe in mine eares and this lowing of the oxen which I heare What meaneth the noise of my lesser offences and the roaring of the greater which are larger and fatter then the bulls of Basan I will thus examine my soule and then I will cry for her vers 24 untill shee shall confesse that shee hath sinned and transgressed the commandements of God Weepe I must with King Darius for my Daniel for my heart Dan. 6.2 Ps 57.4 1. Chr. 12.18 Ier. 50.17 2. Sam. 12.15 vers 22 which is the chiefe of my Presidents for 't is in the lyon's denne my soule is among lyons it is wounded with lyons with such mighty sinnes that their faces are as were David's worthies even like the faces of lyons These lyons these Kings of Assyria and Babylon have scattered this my Israel and driven her away and allmost devoured her Weepe I must with David for my child my darling soule for it is stricken it is very sick yea I will fast and I will weepe for who can tell whether God will be gratious to mee that the child may live Why should not such thoughts as these entertaine the howres which are borrowed from my slumbers Dan. 2.29 King Nebuchadnezzar had thoughts came into his mind upon his bed for so Daniel styleth his dreames what should come to passe hereafter 2. Chr. 7.12 The Lord appeared to Solomon by night after his dedication of the teÌ„ple sayd unto him I have heard thy prayer and have chosen this place to my selfe for an house of sacrifice Iacob had a vision by night Gen. 28. 12. vers 13 vers 16 and in a dreame was promised the land where hee flept Thus sleeping or waking I hope that it shall be truely sayd The Lord is in this place True it is that the night is the presenter of dismall apparitions to diverse persons and the absence of the Sunne in many is the discoverer of the weakenesse of faith But surely those that feare the shadow of a fant'sie doe not truely feele the power of faith which according to the Apostle is the substance of things hoped for Heb. 11 1. and the evidence of things not seene The diseases of the body make sick men sensible of the want of the Sunne for to them the nights administer both anguish and melancholie Ps 77.2 Iob. 7.3 David's sore ranne in the night and ceased not his soule refused comfort Iob was made to possesse moneths of vanity and wearisome nights were appointed to him His bones were pierced in the night-seasons C. 30.17 and his sinewes tooke noe rest Yea as well the healthfull as the sick may find the night a producer of affliction even those that are most laborious Eccl. 2.22 and industrious in the world What hath man of all his labour saith the Preacher and of the vexation of his heart wherein hee hath laboured under the Sun vers 23 For all his dayes are sorrowes and his travaile griefe yea his heart taketh not rest in the night To the sick and to the healthfull in time of peace in time of watre the night hath often beene a time of sorrow 2. King 19.35 Once did the Lord send his Angel which went and smote in the campe of the Assyrians an hundred fourescore and five thousand when they arose early in the morming behould they were all dead corpses Thus have miseries siezed on diverse in the silent
eate the bread of sorrowes for so wee give our beloved sleepe and why then should I delight in vanitie Prov. 6 10. Yet a litle sleepe therfore a litle slumber a litle folding of the hands to sleepe But hearke What 's that Mee think's I heare some-body call and say How long wilt thou sleepe vers 9. ô sluggard When wilt thou arise out of thy sleepe Yes I did heare some-body call so indeede It was none other but God himselfe by the mouth of King Solomon Even the same who telleth mee that If I doe not arise vers 11 then shall povertie come upon mee as one that travaileth and my want as an armed man c. 20.13 I must not love sleepe therfore lest I come to povertie but I must open mine eyes and I shall be satisfied with bread Well then I 'le rubb mine eyes and rowze up my selfe and bethinke my selfe of my businesse but first I will thinke upon the first upon the best upon God I have reason to give him the first the chiefest roome in my meditations because I layd mee downe and slept Ps 3.5 and againe I am now awaked and all this through the mercy and goodnesse of the Lord who sustained mee Hee preserved mee who neither slumbereth Ps 121.4 Ps 44.23 nor sleepeth allthough David cryeth out to him and saith Awake why sleepest thou ô Lord Arise cast us not off for ever But this was onely through the fervencie of his devotion in a time of severe persecution and affliction for at another time it was hee himselfe who confessed Ps 111.4 that Hee which keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleepe Surely hee may more properly call out from heaven to mee then David upon earth did to him in heaven and say Awake why sleepest thou Yea so indeede hee doeth promiseth mee and offereth mee the morning starre to light mee But it is upon condition that I must first overcome Overcome What Must I overcome my sleepe That I have done Must I over-come mine enemies Those I am commanded to love Mat. 5.44 Yet I must over-come mine enemies my sinnes and I must allso over-come my selfe Ps 18.28 the sinner and then I am sure hee will light my candle as hee did Davids The Lord my God will inlighten my darknesse hee will give mee comfort joy and prosperitie after my trouble Nay a candle shall not serve my turne hee hath promised to give mee a starre the morning starre which shall both enlighten my soule with the brightnesse of divine knowledg in this morning of a happinesse begunne and allso enlighten mee hereafter in the morning of the generall re-surrection when my body shall be glorified together with my soule I shall shine as the starres for ever and ever Dan. 12 3. Hee will give mee the morning starre to enlighten mee not to torment mee The prince of darknesse was once an Angel of light and then even hee was a morning stame but now I may say with the Prophet Is 14.12 verf. 13 How art thou fallen from heaven ô Lutifier sonne of the morning How art thou cutt dowme to the ground which saydest in thine heart I will exalt my throne above the starres of God! This starre I hope hee will not suffer to deceave mee with his false and deluding light for his glaring is but a counterfeit light and his leading tend's to the burning brimstone Noe hee will give mee a better starre even him who came to be a light to lighten the Gentiles Lu. 2.32 and to be the glorie of the people Israel even the Prophet of the highest C. 1.76 Vers 79 who giveth light to them that sâ—tt in darknesse and in the shadow of death And who is that but hee which professeth himselfe to be the roote Reu. 22 16. and the off-spring of David and the bright and the morning starre Hee himselfe hath shewed mee what I should doe hee hath taught mee by his owne example what dueties I should performe for I find it recorded of him that In the morning Mar. 1.35 rising up early a greate while before day hee went out and departed into a solitarie place and prayed So should I doe too I should doe so now for it is now about the same time or at most it differeth not much I will therfore arise I will arise out of my sinnes by his blessing I will arise out of them before day even before the day of the Lord cometh 2. Pet. 3 10. and I will goe out of them or force them out of mee I will depart from them into a solitarie place and retire to my meditations and be both solitarie and sorrowfull for all the offences which I have committed and then I will pray I will pray for forgivenesse through the meritts of him who prayed so early Or if I am too weake to master my selfe in this holy resolution I will besiech him that I may be as Simon Mar 1.36 and those that were with him that I may at leastwise follow after him Surely hee can so illuminate my thoughts that I may see thereby to performe my duety It was that morning starre which enlightened David and made him take up that holy resolution Ps 5.3 saying My voyce shalt thou heare in the morning ô Lord in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee and will locke up It was hee who enlightened him to put in practise that very resolution for hee himselfe testifieth of himselfe Ps 130.6 saying My soule wayteth for the Lord more then they that watch for the morning I say more then they that watch for the morning It was that morning starre which enlightened the people Luc 21 â—8 that they might all see to come to him early into the temple to heare him Ps 119 147. It was that morning starre againe which enlightened David when hee prevented the dawning of the morning and cryed when hee hoped in his word It was that morning starre which gave light unto Ioshua and the people Ios 6.15 vers 20 when they compassed Iericho on the seaventh day early about the dawning of the day seaven times after which the wall fell downe flatt so that the people went up into the citty every one straite before him and tooke the citty So will I wayte for him so will I prevent the dawning of the morning so will I direct my prayer unto him so will I heare him in his temple and so will I encompasse Iericho about the dawning of the day the citty of Satan the â—trong hold of the Serpent even mine owne â—icked and corrupted heart which hath so â—ong stood out against my God and I will never leave compassing it with my teares and my sighes and my pensive and sorrowfull thoughts untill the wall fall downe untill the stonie rampard thereof yeeld unto the commandements of my Lord and my maker But on the contrarie certainly that morning starre
I cannot shunne Alasse alasse I am yet in every thing unlike unto him for I sinne I have a pronenesse to sinne with the Sodomites yea and by nature I am as apt to give as to follow an example sometimes as ready to teach others how to offend as sometimes to follow and imitate their offences But ô I wish I earnestly begge I humbly besiech my mercifull Lord to send his Angells even this very morning to bring mee out of the sinnes and the societie of the Sodomites This is the time when the Angel of the Covenant said unto Iacob Gen. 32 26. after the wrestling Let mee goe for the day breaketh But Lacob answered and sayd I will not let thee goe except thou blesse mee Howsoever mee thinks I should be like unto Iacob and if I have neglected wrestling this night with the Angel yet now I should beginne I should wrestle and tugge and strive and hold fast by faith in my prayers and my teares too as Iacob did and not suffer him to goe untill hee hath blessed mee The Prophet assureth mee Hos 12 4. that hee had power over the Angel and prevailed hee wept and made supplication to him O so must I too so will I too But how can I possiblie either be a prince or especially such a prince as Israel was who as a prince had power with God Gen. 32 28. and with men and hee prevailed and was blessed Well 't is so I am resolved upon it 't is the right way I will pray and weepe and weepe and pray I will begge with my teares and I will begge with my tongue and I will begge with all my heart I will strive and pray and mourne and â—ry It shall be a clowdie morning it shall be a thick muddie low'ring morning Mee think's I beginne to feele a clowde even breake allready at mine eyes O come forth come forth a whole clowde of teares Knitt your selves into blacknesse and thicknesse Be fruitfull be pregnant and when your time is come be yee delivered in mine eyes I am not yet risen come quickly and I my selfe will bring you to bed 'T is good 't is wholesome even thus to wash my sinfull eyes betimes in a morning It is not fire nor aire that is predominant in the eyes but onely water Surely then I will weepe that I may see the cleerer the better not outwardly but inwardly not to looke downe-wards but upwards toward this blessing Angel Ps 6.7 Mine eye with David's shall be consumed because of griefe and then I doubt not but I shall conclude with his joy and truely say vers 8. The Lord hath heard the voyce of my weeping The second part Of the Soliloquie Fitted for one that is newly arisen FAre-well that bed of ease which would have betrayed mee both to sloath and povertie Fare-well to those curtaines devised to obscure the morning's light See see how that bewitching nest doeth yet retaine the print of my body as if it longed to entice mee againe to my sloath and wooed mee to make it the sepulcher of my living selfe I am now up and thanks let mee render to him that hath delivered mee once againe to the light of a morning Gen. 1.5 Hee that called the darknesse Night the light hee allso styled Day Hee promised Noah when hee came out of the Arke c 8.22 that While the earth remaineth seede time and harvest cold and heate summer and winter Day and Night shall not cease This his promise hee keepe 's Ps 19.1 for The heavens declare the glorie of God vers 2. and the firmament sheweth his handie worke Day unto Day uttereth speech Night unto night sheweth knowledg Yea hee is so sure in the performance of whatsoëver hee promiseth to his chosen servants that hee sendeth a challenge to the world Ier. 33.20 and saith Thus saith the Lord If yee can breake my covenant of the Day and my covenant of the Night and that there shall not be â—ay and Night in their season vers 2â— Then may allso 〈◊〉 covenant be broke with David Surely the â—e wee cannot and as surely the other hee â—ill not doe Iob. 41.18 Now the eye-lids of the morning â—e open and what can that teach mee but 〈◊〉 open mine eyes that I may see the goodâ—esse of the Lord in the cleernesse of the â—…y Mee think's it instruct's mee to say â—ith David It is a good thing to give thanks â—…to the Lord Ps 92.1 and to sing praises unto thy name 〈◊〉 most high vers 2. To shew forth thy loving kindnesse 〈◊〉 the morning and thy saithfullnesse every â—ight I will therfore follow the advice of â—he same Prophet will Sing unto the Lord â—nd blesse his name Ps 96.2 I will shew forth his salvaâ—on from day to day Yea Ps 59.16 I will sing of thy â—ower ô my God I will sing aloud of thy mercy â—n the morning for thou hast beene my defence His power I see in the performance of his covenant his mercy I see in bringing mee to the light O how the prettie Choristours of the woods doe sing their anthemes and in their musicall notes warble out the praises of the Creatour of the morne How the Easterne Sun doe's guild the mountaines with his radiant lustre and climb's by degrees higher into the heavens that it may with more direct beames both warme and enlighten mee Mee think's I am chidd by the quire in the aire for my tardie thanksgiving and the Sun would flinke behind a shaddowing clowde as unwilling to give light to one that hastens not to a celestiall rise Thus I behould the Sun arisen from the earth and surely mee thinks I should even out-vye it both in motion and place and faster should I climb higher should I rise even to the seate of blessed Eternitie But woe is mee I have too much earth about mee and the aire is too thinne to beare up my bodie Had I wings like the Eagle I would attempt my desires but noe meanes is alotted to a corporall ascent Yet though my body be forbid to enter those pallaces untill it shall be glorified at the greate restauration my soule may be admitted so soone as ever it shall be freed from this tabernacle of flesh Yea and my thoughts may presently at this very instant mount up to my God so they be cleane and pure and in an humble reverence I may discourse with my Creatour It is my duety thus to doe and it shall be my care to observe so royall a command O how good is my God unto mee making mee a sharer of his terrestriall blessings But ô how farre doeth hee exceede the measure of this bountie in giving mee the meanes to be partaker of heaven Some thing I see when up-ward I looke and something there is which I long to possesse but 't is not that Christall shell that bound's my sight which I so count nor
provoked him to wrath But what though in Eden hee was not heard but â—n the coole of the day Gen 18.1 I am sure that hee appeared to Abraham in the heate of the day aâ—â—hee sate in the tent doore in the plaines of Mamâ—re And so hee doeth to mee now too inwardly by his Spirit if I find his grace working in my soule a desire of his glorie I will therfore besiech him now while hee is with mee Ps 42.8 Ps 22.2 to command his loving kindnesse in this day time to visit mee that so I may not justly complaine with David O my God I cry in the day time and thou hearest not but rather that I may heare a Phinehas saying unto mee as once hee did to the children of Reuben Gad and Manasseh This day wee perceave Ios 22.31 that the Lord is among us Alasse poore Iacob how did hee endure the sweate and the burning of this time of the day Gen 31.40 In the day the drought consumed him and the frost in the night and his sleepe departed from him Assuredly in those fourteene yeeres which hee spent in the service of Laban for his two wives and in those sixe yeeres which hee served for the flocks and the cattell hee could not choose but loose a whole river of sweate that dropped from his face Lord how should every droppe of sweate that fall's from my browes put mee in mind of the fall of Adam which produced this punishment Gen 3.19 Yea how should my teares too out-vye my sweate when I consider the number of my fowle transgressions They oh they have so increased within mee that they enforce the sweate to fly to my face and in this heate of the day to tell mee of a punishment in the flames of the damned But there was once a day of deliverance of the Israelites from the Egyptian bondage Ex 13.3 and Moses commanded the people saying Remember this day And what day of my life hath not beene to mee a day of deliverance So many diseases and accidents assayle the body so many discontents the mind so many casualties and chances the estate yea and which is worst of all so many sinnes the soule that if I should attempt but once to number them I could not easily determine where to beginne Lord make mee this day remember thy deliverances in a gratefull manner and magnifie thee for thy mercies There will bee a day too a day of death but when it shall come God onely knoweth This for ought I know may prove the day Ould Ifaak tould his sonne Esau saying Gen 27.2 Behould now I am ould I know not the day of my death Neither indeede doe I know mine What know I to the contrarie but that anone at the table I may entertaine my death in a dish or a cup Lord make mee allways provided for thee and then at all times thou art well-come to mee But how shall I be sure to have my petition graunted and that God will afford mee such mercy as to save mee I reade of a day that was threatned to the Iewes even when the Chaldaeans should become their conquerours This the Lord fore-tould unto them when hee sayd Ioel 2.1 Blow yee the trumpet in Sion and sound an all-arme in my holy mountaine Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble for the day of the Lord cometh for it is nigh at hand A day of darknesse vers 2. and of gloominesse a day of clowdes and of thick darknesse as the morning spread upon the mountaines Their death was to approach by the sword of their enemies and their miseries to increase by the furie of their tormentours My death may be neerer hastening unto mee then was the destruction of the Iewes at the time of the prophesie and in what manner it shall come I cannot assure my selfe God is not confined to time or meanes otherwise then hee hath decreed himselfe This very day may happen to be mine and another day may be appointed for another Yea and my day too may prove a day of horrour for wicked I am and I reade what is spoken by the mouth of Iob Iob 21.30 The wicked is reserved to the day of destruction they shall be brought forth to the day of wrath I poore I am one of the wicked and have deserved the greatest severest judgments from the hand of the revenger O if this day should prove so terrible insteede of pampering my body with delightfull foode I might cry out with the Prophet Cursed be the day wherein I was borne Ior 20.14 let not the day wherein my mother bare mee be blessed But I have a better confidence in the mercies of my Redeemer Yet I cannot hope for mercy from him if I doe not expresse some mercy to my selfe The chiefest act of mercy to my selfe consisteth in a serious afflicting and tormenting of my selfe for my sinnes which would ruine mee With my teares I must therfore wash away my sinnes I must purge them with my teares I must cure the sinnes of mine eyes with the teares of mine eyes And yet since my teares are not free from pollution even those must be purified and made effectuall by the blood of the Lamb. The stomack is commonly prepared for meate by the blood of the grape Therfore before I will goe to my foode I will prepare my selfe with a glasse of wine but that wine shall be high and excellent it shall be the wine of Angells It shall have the savour of life in it it shall have the race of mercy in it the sweetenesse of reconciliation the heate of grace This wine shall be my teares a leane sower eager wine of it selfe but it shall be sugered by the hand of my Redeemer it shall be deepe drawne and well dashed with the blood of the innocent This is such as the Angells delight in This wine shall prove an excellent restorative it shall be even like blood yea it shall be blood it selfe even the blood of my drooping my wounded and my deiected soule This will exceede all the Frontiniak or the Greeke or the Palerma wines for the grapes thereof doe not grow upon the smooth and twisting branches of common vines but they grow like the rose upon a thornie bough and yeeld whole clusters of joy and content This wine hath such an in-bred vertue in it that it giveth courage to the drinker and that good effect I seriously hope it shall worke in mee For I must fight though I am but a woman I must fight and warre and combate with mine enemies with my corruptions Ios 10.13 I trust that hee who made the Sun stand still in the middest of heaven that it hasted not to goe downe about a whole day when the five Kings fought against Gibeon and all this onely at the prayer of Ioshua even hee will assist mee in this holy warre that I may destroy the Kings the greatest the
heads of my sinnes make them flye and hide themselves in a cave as those enemies of Israel in the cave of Mackedah And if it so fall out that they take up their cave in the hollownesse of of my heart their wonted place to hide themselves I will either drowne them up with sorrow or smother them with my groanes or fire them with my Zeale Or if none of these will effect my desires even as Ioshua did to those Kings so will I to these I will open the mouth of the cave in my heart and bring out these Kings by a true confession yea I will sett my feete upon the very necks of them in a serious contempt and then will I smite them and slay them and hang them up in a holy revenge because they would have destroy'd my soule for which my Saviour suffered on the crosse This ô this is the way to prevaile with my Iesus to say unto mee as hee did to Zacheus Luc 19 9. Ps 56.4 Is 49.8 This day is salvation come to this house So shall I with comfort and thanksgiving acknowledg that Now is the accepted time now is the day of salvation Thus I shall not feare what flesh can doe unto mee no devills nor the world nor any thing else that seeketh my destruction Ps 12◠6 Rom. 8 28. The Sun shall not smite mee by day nor the Moone by night but all things shall worke together for good if I thus love God and be called according to his purpose And now mee think's this storme of teares hath produced a calme of content and peace I am now ready for my dinner But stay a while What all for the body Nothing for the soule Shall I pamper the flesh and starve the spirit This will not be a feast but a fast and insteed of satisfaction I shall rise with disturbance Act 17 11. I reade that the Bereans are styled more noble then those in Thessalonica in that they receaved the word with all readinesse of mind and searched the Scriptures dayly whether those things were so More noble There 's a title of honour O that I might gaine such a Berean nobility that all mine honour might be in searching the Scriptures the word of him who is the fountaine of honour Every thing is sanctified by the word of God 1. Tim. 4.5 prayer Common civility teacheth mee to pray for a blessing on the creatures But I must yet goe farther and pray with the heart as well as the lipps then reade with reverence Iam 1.21 and receave with meekenesse the ingrafted Word which is able to save my soule Grant blessed God that my first and best care may be for the nourishment and preservation of my soule and next to that Col 4.6 the sustenance of my body And to this purpose let my discourse at my meate be gratious seasoned with salt that I may know how I ought to answer every man And because thou hast commanded mee to use thy creatures for the preservation of my body Lord graunt mee a moderate appetite to my meate and give vertue to the meate that it may be fire for my nourishment Make it good and wholesome for mee and mee obedient and serviceable unto thee Let mee eate with moderation content and thanks giving allways observing the rule of Saint Paul 1. Cor. 10.31 that whether I eate or drinke or whatsoever I doe I may doe all to the glory of thee my God subject 6 THE SIXTH SUBjECT Teares of compassion in the time of prosperitie The Soliloquie treating of The vanitie of earthly riches and the reward of Charitie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe Apostle command's us to Beare one another's burdens Gal 6.2 and so to fullfill the lawe of Christ This law is Charitie and friendly affection which differeth from the law in the former Testament because that was a law of feare but this of love This law my Redeemer gave as a cognizance unto his disciples saying Io 13.35 By this shall all men know that yee are my disciples if yee love one another This hee prescribed as a rule vers 34 when hee sayd A new commandement I give unto you That yee love one another And this hee commended to our imitation even by the example of himselfe for what the Prophet fore-tould Ps 53.4 and sayd Surely hee hath borne our griefes and caried our sorrows even the very same his Apostle assure's us hee fullfilled 1. Pet 2 24. who his owne selfe bare our sins in his owne body on the tree This law of love which wee owe to our brethren is expressed chiefely in our giving and forgiving Wee must beare with their infirmities Rom 12.15 and forgive their offences Wee must rejoyce with them that rejoyce and weepe with them that weepe being of the same mind one towards another vers 16 Wee must rejoyce both with them and for them but this joy must arise from their good not their hurt Prov 2.14 There are some say's Solomon who rejoyce to doe evill This proceede's not from love but hatred for the Apostle tell 's mee that Charitie rejoyceth not in iniquity but rejoyceth in the trueth 1. Cor 13.6 Our mirth must joyne in concord with the joyfull and our rejoycing must be grounded on the good of our neighbours And as wee must have joy at their prosperitie so must wee likewise accord with them in their sorrowes for our very teares may be the ground of comfort unto mourners when by these wee discover the trueth of our affection and our readinesse to share in the burden of their afflictions Such a disciple as Christ delight 's in wee may certainly believe Saint Paul to have beene for wee find him rejoycing with the Philipians Phil 2.17 when hee saith If I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith I joy and rejoyce with you all For the same cause allso doe yee joy vers 18 and rejoyce with mee And againe wee find him grieving for the Iewes Rom ◠2. for hee hath greate heavinesse and continuall sorrow in his heart for them Vnto the Iewes hee became as a Iew 1. Cor 9.20 to them that were under the law as under the law to them that were without law as without law vers 21 to the weake hee became as weake vers 22 2. Cor 11.29 and hee was made all things to all men Who was weake hee was not weake Who was offended and hee burned not The fire of his compassion gave light to his brethren in the darknesse of their tribulations by which hee fullfilled that lawe of our Redeemer Hee fullfilled it why then should not I I confesse my ignorance my many imperfections make mee Infinitly unequall
to him in desert yet the same God which inspired him with his Spirit can if hee please enable mee to endeavour the fullfilling of that lawe But hee was a disciple and why may not I be ranked in the number What though I am a woman So was Tabitha Act 9.36 yet shee was a disciple and so I hope shall I be too First then I must strive for this theologicall vertue for by this I shall be knowne to be a disciple of Christ I swimme in plenty but doe I remember those that are pinched with necessity In my rich and curious dresses doe I remember the naked In my variety of dishes doe I thinke upon the hungry In the choyce of my wines doe I consider the thirstie In the enjoyment of my freedome doe I pitty the prisoners I feare that my heart is too much delighted with the things I possesse too litle affected with the wants of my brethren But let mee ever consider that 't is in the power of my God as well to make mee a beggar as those that wayte petition at my doore and from my plenty I may be driven to demaund an almes Hee that gives can take I must so demeane my selfe in prosperity as allways remembring that adversitie is neere What therefore I possesse I will not enioy as if I were mistresse but onely steward of it The shivering body of a naked beggar shall have a share and proportion to cover his nakednesse The empty bellie shall have meate to fill it the thirstie soule shall be satisfied with drinke the sick I will comfort the prisoners I will visit In my liberty I will commiserate the imprisoned in my health the sick in my drinke the thirstie in my meate the hungrie and in mine apparell the naked Lord what a world is this wherein I live Every one lookes on the rising Sun Riches are the Idolls allmost of every one and gold though the feigned yet the admired Deitie Prov. 14.20 The rich saith Solomon hath many friends I find it true But are those friends indeede which pretend to friendship Certainly not all yet this is my miserie that while I am rich I shall hardly distinguish betweene friend and foe Most that put on the vizors of friendship doe but comply with the plenty of my fortunes They have falsehood vayled under theshape of love which will never be discovered but by change of estate Surely thus to be rich is but to be miserable Were my treasures exhausted I should sitt alone without society or pitty The doves delight in the whited houses So long as I shine in rich aray the capps the knees will doe reverence to my ornaments but who respect's the meanely habited Prov 14.20 The poore is hated even of his owne neighbour such a one might I have beene yea such a one I may be made Let mee not therfore boast of that which is neither truely good nor mine nor permanent If I trust in these riches I leane upon a reede If I boast of my riches I forget their uncertainty If I am proude of my estate I disdaine the giver This tempting gold is nothing but earth upon which the pollicie of men hath set a vallew It was gotten with sweate and 't is preserved with cares But why ô why doe the children of the earth thus magnifie that which is in their power to scorne For gold the merchants hazard their lives the ploughmen sweate the thievs and robbers doe come to shamefull ends yea and most men defile their pretious soules 'T is that which imploye's the tongue of the pleader yea and sometimes corrupt's the justice of the Iudg. 'T is that which buyes the skill of the Physitian and rule 's and governe's the affaires of the world For that doe Kingdomes strive and the whole world contend's But thou glistering stupid Idoll why art thou so honoured Why so adored 'T is true thou art the price of whatsoëver wee desire the world to furnish us with both for necessity and delight and so farre I may suffer thee to lodg in my coffers But is it in thy power to prolong my life and preserve mee here beyond my time appointed Canst thou give mee health or strength Canst thou afford mee peace of mind and quietnes of conscience Canst thou endowe mee with spirituall and saving grace and purchase mee a seate in the heavenly Ierusalem Alasse poore simple dirt thou canst doe nothing that 's good nor they whom thou foolest with the coveteousnesse of thee Why then doest thou cheate the children of Adam betray them to hell by their honouring of thee But stay Why doe I thus blame this innocent metall 'T is not this that offend's This would have slept in the silent bowells of our mother earth had not the avarice of men disturbed its rest It is not the gould that â—…mpt's to wickednesse but 't is the sleight â—f the Devill which perswade's men to hoâ—our it Since then I can find noe fault with â—…y coyne let mee pray that noe fault may be â—ound in my selfe If I love it I sinne if I coâ—et it I sinne if I gaine it by meanes not varrented in Scripture I sinne if I increase it by extortion or biting usurie I sinne if I â—ut my trust or confidence in it I sinne if I make it the price and hire of wickednesse 〈◊〉 sinne if I vallew my selfe either greater or better for the possession of it I sinne if I unjustly deteine it from those who have right to it I sinne if vainly and prodigally I wast and exhaust it I sinne if I deny it to them that are in destresse I sinne Lord how many sinns depend upon this glittering earth I will therfore resolve to looke downe on 't as on a slave and never allow it a seate in my heart and willingly will I impart it to the needy and indigent I had rather it had dwelt in the darke vaults and cavernes of the earth then ever it should be a meanes to offend my God But since my revenues are plentifull what shall I doe with this which I posesse I will resolve by the grace and goodnesse of my God that so I will keepe it as if I had it not I will so use it as if I used it not I will so freely give it where necessity requireth that it shall plainly appeare I love it not and yet I will so preserve it as if I scorned it not With this I will relieve the poore I will cloath the naked I will comfort the distressed and whatsoëver good it may procure for my selfe or others I will labour to purchase it though with the expence of the coyne I will not for the love of this Is 32.6 make empty the soule of the hungry nor cause the drinke of the thirstie to faile for this is the propertie of persons that are vile I will never so setle my affection upon it as to suffer it to stoppe
poore for thy sake allways considering that the vanities of earth are not worthy to be compared to the glory that shall be revealed 1. Pet. 5 1. Heb. 4.13 1. Tim. 2.9 vers 10 O thou to whose eyes even all things are naked and open graunt that I may adorne my selfe in modest apparell with shamefastnesse and sâ—brietie not so much with gold or pearles or costly aray as with good workes becomeing a professour of godlinesse Make mee labour for the ornaments of the hidden man in the heart in that which is not corruptible 1. Pet. 3 4. Luc. 12 21. 2. Cor. 9.11 1. Tim. 6.18 Iam. 2.5 Reu 3.18 even the ornament of a meeke quiet spirit which is in thy sight of greatest price Make mee ô heavenly father rich in thy selfe rich unto liberalitie rich in good workes in faith Make mee buy of thee gold tryed in the fire that I may berich and white raiment that I may be cloathed and that the shame of my nakednesse doe not appeare Let mee allways remember that greate accompt which one day I must render to thee the Lord of heaven and earth that so I may serve thee here with my substance in my body and my soule with zeale and devotion and hereafter be receaved to thine ever-lasting glory through the merits of thy sonne in thy bosome Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 7 THE SEAVENTH SUBjECT Teares in want or in the time of adversitie In foure severall Soliloquies treating of 1 A decayed est ate or plentie turned into povertie 2 Hunger both corporall and spirituall 3 Thirst both bodily and ghostly 4 Nakednesse both of the out-ward and the in-ward man The first Soliloquie Treating of a decayed estate or Plenty turned into povertie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray VVHen Mary had powred her precious oyntment on the head of my Redeemer Mat 26 7. his disciples were filled with indignation vers 8. vers 9. said To what purpose is this wast For this oyntment might have beene sould for much and given to the poore vers 10 But when Iesus understood it hee said why trouble yee the woman For shee hath wrought a good worke upon mee vers 11 For yee have the poore allways with you but mee yee have not allways O mee think's the words of my Saviour doe more afflict mee then the povertie which I suffer I thought hee had beene allways conversant with the poore because hee so often commandeth their reliefe But now hee seemeth to leave us in our miserie when hee determineth that wee shall continue upon earth but himselfe resolveth to leave the earth But did hee not promise in Saint Mathew say Mat. 28 20. Loe I am with you allway even unto the end of the world How can his promise be fullfilled if wee have him not allway Will hee be at the same time both present with us and absent from us Or doeth hee disdaine our poverty and for that very reason deny us his presence Cease cease ô my soule these doubts questions which savour too much of ignorance Rom. 3 4. or infidelitie Let God be true and every man a lyer What hee spake to his disciples before his suffering hee spake of his flesh but what hee said when hee was risen hee affirmed of his Spirit True it is ô my Iesus that thy bodily presence I expect not upon earth Ps 144 5. nor may I desire thee to how the heavens and come downe from thy glory â—t is thy Spirit ô Christ which I humbly sue â—or even that Comforter who may strengthen â—…ee in the depth of my calamities Never â—ad I more neede of comfort from God then â—ow when the goods of the world forsake mee Now doe I find that I am hated Prov. 14.20 c 18.23 c 19.4 even of mine owne neighbours but the rich hath many friends I am enforced to use intreaties c 18.23 but the rich answereth mee roughly c 19.4 Wealth did make many friends but now I am poore I am seperated from my neighbours vers 7. All my brethren doe hate mee and much more doe my friends goe farre from mee I pursue them with words yet they are wanting unto mee Vaine world where are thy promises Deceitfull riches where is your friendship I who so lately was dandled in the lappe of pleasure and plenty am now exposed to paines and penury So litle did I dreame of this tempestuous storme that with David I said in my prosperitie Psa 30.6 I shall never be removed thou Lord of thy goodnesse hadst made my hill so strong But where are now those ensignes of pride my Rings and my Iewells Where are those factours of lasciviousnesse my favours and my fashions Where are those robbers of time my sports my games Where are those moths wormes of plenty my flattering society and my discursive companions Where are those pamperers of the body my severall dishes and daintie cookeries Where be those golden pictures that often yeelded mee leggs and the courtsies Alasse all 's gone all 's flowen The Sun is hidden and muffled in a clowde and by that meanes those atomes those motes are obscured Now must I expect noe more honour or respect My fingers and my wrists and my neck must forget that ever they were adorned with the treasure of the seas and the riches of the earth My back must forget that ever it was dressed in the fashion of strangers Mine eares must forget that ever they were delighted with the musick of discourses My palet must forget that ever it was coy and nice in the choyce of various meates My mind must forget that ever I was honoured with the respect of inferiours And my purse must forget that ever it was acquainted with the idoll of the world O what wonder and misery happen's in this change All things are altered as if I had slept out my time and onely dreamed of the pleÌ„tie which formerly I enjoyed Mee think's I am but just newly borne Nay I am worse for now I have neither nurse to suckle mee nor mother to dandle mee Yet am I still as if I were borne but a day or two since allthough I am growne to bignesse beyond the time for I am as ignorant of a way to live in the world as the sucking infant that 's nourished at the breast And now what shall I doe Nor acquaintance nor friends nor kindred nor any will remember that ever they knew mee or if they doe they will be moreready to taunt mee then afford mee reliefe Was ever miserie like unto mine Was ever distressed soule so destitute so forlorne as I am Whither shall I goe To whom shall I complaine Either my tougue hath forgotten to speake or my friends to heare
purchase my desires by declining his mercy If any thing cometh it is sent by his providence if nothing cometh yet still I have God who is the best of all If it be his pleasure to bring mee to the earth by this consuming want my body indeede shall yeeld the lesse foode to the wormes but my soule shall be filled with un-speakeable comforts Lord what a base lumpe of clay is this which would so tyrannize over my soule as to make it leave it's confidence in thee What art thou that complainest and yawnest and gapest so greedily for satisfaction Thou art but earth at the best and by the earth thou hast beene fed and to the earth thou shalt returne The foode which thou desirest is a thing to be loathed if thou diddest but consider in what manner thou wert furnished The earth produceth grasse for the foode of the beastes they are fatted to furnish the tables of men and when men doe plentifully feede upon them the least part thereof conduceth to their nourishment the most of it goeth out into the draffe and even that which is putrified it returne's to the earth againe to render it fertile Thus wee live by excrements and wee are fed by putrefaction That which wee loath both in the sent and the sight is forgotten when wee feede upon it in our bread Thus I pine then for nothing but dung and filth for want whereof my belly would force mee to repine against my maker Our fowles are fed with the filthie wormes that proceede from our dung hills our fishes are composed of mudde and slime our beastes are nourished by vertue of that which wee loath to remember and from all these is patched up such a body as at the second or third hand is nothing but dung or whatsoever is worse Were it not shame then for mee to suffer this body which being dead in three or foure dayes will be odious to the living to entice my soule to rebell against my maker O I may not I will not This leanenesse doeth but lecture to mee what I am framed of and the soule is comforted in the weakenesse of the prison That better part doeth long to dwell with the father of spirits Each bitt I should eate Heb 12 9. would but delay my time and retard the fruition of a crowne of glory O my God be pleased to send mee thy blessing as well in want as in plenty that so I may decree and resolve with Saint Paul in whatsoëver state I am Phil 4.11 there with to be content Thus I should be and thus I desire to be for hunger with content is better then feasting and feasting without it is worse then famine If God in his wisedome seeth it good for mee that I should be filled I doubt not of his providence in sending what is good I will as I ought sieke the ordinarie meanes for the preservation of life I will industriously labour or earnestly besiech or painfully travaile for that which may nourish mee If it cometh as I desire I will thanke him who sendeth it if it cometh not as I wish howsoëver I will labour to be content with my lott Him will I honour both in plenty and in want and to his disposing will I yeeld up my selfe True it is that hee created meates for the belly 1. Cor 6.13 and the belly for meates but yet hee will destroy both it and them Hee hath sent mee this affliction to physick my soule and to put mee in mind how nicely I have refused in plenty what now I should thankfully receave in my want Those that are full are apt to surfeit and hasten with more disturbance to the gates of the grave then wee who in hunger doe willingly meete and desire our death Yet I am not so unwilling to live as that I would refuse my nourishment though of the meanest sort nor am I so unwilling to dye Prov. 27.7 as by unlawfull meanes to satisfie my appetite The full soule loatheth an hony-comb but to the hungry soule every bitter thing is sweete I dare not imitate the Israelites who murmured and repined against Moses and Aaron Ex 16.3 and said unto them Would to God wee had dyed by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt when wee sate by the flesh-pots and when wee did eate bread to the full for yee have brought us forth into this wildernesse to kill this whole assembly with hunger What would it advantage mee if God in his judgment should send mee my desires Is it not better to partake of his mercy in miserie then of his displeasure in plenty Ps 78.27 vers 28 At the desire of the Israëlites hee rained flesh upon them as dust and feathered fowles like as the sand of the sea And hee let it fall in the middest of the campe round about their habitations vers 29 So they did eate and were filled vers 30 hee gave them their owne desire they were not estranged from their lust Those on whom hee rained downe Manna to eate vers 24 and gave them of the corne of heaven even they were likewise stored with the flocks of the Quailes But their sweete meate had sowre sawce vers 30 vers 31 for while their meate was yet in their mouths the wrath of God came upon them and slew the fattest of them Prov. 10.22 and smote downe the chosen men in Israël It is onely the blessing of the Lord that maketh rich even of him who promised to the Israëlites Ex 23.25 if they would serve him to blesse their bread and their water and to take sicknesse away from the midd'est of them Hee it was who moved Shobi and Machir 2. Sam. 17.27 and Barzillai to bring unto David at Mahanaim and to his people that were hungrie and wearie vers 28 and thirstie in the wildernesse both beds and cupps and earthen vessells and wheate and barley and flowre and parched corne and beanes and lentills and parched pulse And honey vers 29 and butter and sheepe and cheese of kine Luc. 1.53 Hee filleth the hungrie with good things and the rich hee sendeth emptie away Iob. 34.28 The cry of the poore cometh unto him and hee heareth the cry of the afflicted Hungrie and thirstie Ps 107 5. the soules of the Israëlites fainted in them Then they cryed unto the Lord in their trouble vers 6. vers 9. and hee delivered them out of their distresses Hee satisfieth the longing soule and filleth the hungrie soule with goodnesse Thus hee may doe for mee as hee did for them but then I must pray and that in faith I must weepe and that in hope I must remember my sinnes which have deserved this punishment yea greater then here can be inflicted upon mee and I must thank my Creatour who visiteth mee in mercy I must submitt to his pleasure and kisse the rod. Though now as was the Prodigall
Lu 15.14 vers 16 I am brought into want and faine would fill my belly even with the huskes that swine doe eate but noe man giveth them unto mee vers 17. Though I know that many hired servants have bread enough and to spare and yet I am ready to perish with hunger Though thus I know my miserie yet I skarce remember the cause But I will begg of my heavenly father vers 17 that I may come unto my selfe and then that my selfe may come unto him I know that hee is angry and his wrath is terrible but if I absent my selfe his displeasure will increase The longer I strive to keepe out of his sight the more will be his severitie and the more grievous my punishment vers 18 I will therfore arise and goe to my father and say unto him Father I have sinned against heaven vers 19 and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants Iob 42.6 Ps 102.9 Ps 80.5 I will abhorre my selfe in dust and ashes As David did so will I I will eate ashes as it were bread and I will have plenteousnesse of teares to drinke I will mourne for my sinnes which have caused this judgment and with my teares in mine eyes compunction in my heart and humilitie in my soule I will fall on my knees before his footestoole and pray unto him and say The Prayer ALl-mighty and all-sufficient Lord God who by thy power diddest lay the foundations of the world and by thy providence doest guide protect the things therein conteined be pleased to looke upon the sorrowes and sufferances of thy distressed servant Thou knowest my wants before I aske and seest how low I am brought with hunger The inferiour creatures thou fillest with plenty but mee thou sufferest to pine with famine Shall not the cryes of the hungrie pierce thine eares Shall the soule of the emptie be despised by it's maker Heare Lord Ps 30.10 and have mercy ô be thou my helper Thou knowest how I groane under the burden of this affliction and wilt thou allways know it and never remove it where are thy mercies which thou shewedst to thine Israelites Where is they goodnesse which was manifested to he widdow of Sarepta Thou canst not decrease in thy mercies nor forget thy compassion The stomack crye's and the belly cryes and a poore languishing soule cryes unto thee ô Lord in the depth of distresse O my father shut not up thy mercifull eares to my prayers but heare mee in heaven and succour mee with thy reliefe Thy store will not be lessened nor thy treasure diminished by sparing to mee a morsell of bread Lord if it may stand with thy good will preserve mee from death and deliver mee from this famine or else arme mee with patience that I may under-goe thy chastisement with comfort and content O thou Saviour of the world to whom the cursed Iewes gave gall to eate Ps 69.21 and when thou wert thirstie even vineger to drinke doe thou ease my griefe and hearken to my complaint Thou in thy humanitie diddest seele the wants of these out-ward things and knowest what griefe and anguish I suffer To Samaria thou sentest plenty beyond expectation 2. King 7.18 in the space of a night Thou art neither confined to time nor tyed to the meanes thou canst send mee comfort even above my hopes Lord either send mee plenty or blesse my want that so I may willingly submitt to thy pleasure and patiently suffer what thou hast decreed Though my body languish for want of sustenance yet fill thou my soule with the riches of thy goodnesse Amos. 8.11 2. Chr. 15.3 O let mee never be cursed with a famine of thy word Let mee never be as once the Israëlites were without thee the true God without a teaching Priest and without law Howsoëver thou disposest of the outward man let not my soule want it's spirituall nourishment whereby it should be fed to a life immortall It was thy meate ô Christ Io 4.34 to doe the will of him that sent thee and to finish his worke Graunt ô Iesus that I may follow thy stepps and make it my foode and my delight to fullfill thy commandements Let mee not labour here for the meate that perisheth c. 6.27 so much as for that meate which endureth to everlasting life My body is thine dispose of it as thou pleasest My soule is thine preserve it in holinesse Lord be gratious to mee thy child Gen. 43 29. and comfort mee now in this greate extreamitie that so I may neither offend thee in my sufferance nor despaire of thy providence but that wholly relying upon thy gratious goodnesse I may suffer with thankfullnesse whatsoëver thou pleasest and then that my sufferances may end in happinesse Heare mee blessed God and help mee for the worthinesse of thy Sonne in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Mat. 6.9.10.11.12.13 Our father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdome come thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven give us this day our dayly bread and forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us and leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen THE THIRD SOLILOQUIE Treating of thirst both bodily and ghostly THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe Prophet bewayling the distressed estate of afflicted Sion complainth thus Lam. 4.4 The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roofe of his mouth for thirst the young children aske bread and noe man breaketh it unto them They that did feede delicately are desolate in the streetes vers 5. they that were brought up in scarlet embrace the dunghills Grievous was that miserie the infants endured who neither knew how to complaine nor where to be satisfied Their tongues which in time might relate the storie were scorched with the drought and heate of thrist Those litle members which as yet were not un ruely found a punishment as if they had offended The mothers lamenting the torments of the young ones offered them drinke from the fountaines of their eyes but so un-able was that offering to please the innocents that their thirst increased by that which should quench it Surely the miserie was greate which the babes could not utter since mine is so severe that I thinke it ineffable The more I complaine the more thirstie I am for the motion of the tongue increaseth the drought Iam. 3.6 The tongne that is un-ruely is set on fire of hell but mine is silent and yet it scorcheth That litle moisture which is left in my mouth is growne so glutenous
And Moses lifted up his hand and with his rod hee smote the rock twice and the water came out aboundantly and the congregation dranke and their beastes allso Well might this rod flouriâ—h with blossomes c 17.8 which had power to command water out of the rocks Thus was Israël watered by miracle and the thirst of the people was slacked by the waters which issued even from the stones But Moses is dead and the rod is not heard of the rock I find not Ps 18.2 Ps 23.2 yet will I not despaire The Lord shall be my rock and hee shall leade mee to waters of comfort When Samson had slaine a thousand Philistines with the jaw-bone of an asse Iud. 15.18 hee was sore a thirst and called on the Lord and said Thou hast given this greate deliverance into the hand of thy servant and now shall I dye for thirst and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised vers 19 But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw and there came water thereout and when hee had drunke his spirit came againe Mat. 19 26. and hee revived Thus with God are all things possible Since then I know it exceedeth not his power to helpe mee in this miserie I will certainly relie upon the hope of his goodnesse When Mesha rebelled Iehoram with Iehoshaphat and the King of Edom fetched a compasse of seaven dayes journie and there was noe water for the hoast 2. King 3.9 vers 15 and for the cattell that followed them Then Elisha said Bring mee a minstrell And it came to passe when the minstrell played that the hand of the Lord came upon him And hee said vers 16 Thus saith the Lord Make this valley full of ditches for thus saith the Lord vers 17 Yee shall not see wind neither shall yee see raine yet that valley shall be filled with water that yee may drinke both yee and your cattell and your beastes vers 18 And this is but a litle thing in the sight of the Lord hee will deliver the Moabites allso into your hand vers 20 And it came to passe in the morning when the meate-offering was offered that behold there came water by the way of Edom and the countrie was filled with water Lord I am one of the valleys I am the lowest the meanest the worst of thy people ô send thy waters into the lowest valley that I may rejoyce in thy mercy and praise thee for thy liberality But while I complaine of the drought of my body mee think's I forget that spirituall thirst which should make mee blessed Those my Redeemer pronunceth blessed Mat 5.6 who doe hunger and thirst after righteousnesse for they shall be filled If I have not a thirst more spirituall then corporall I may justly suspect my selfe to be of the number of those Wicked ones of whom the Prophet speaketh saying Thus saith the Lord God Is 65.13 Behold my servants shall eate but yee shall be hungrie behold my servants shall drinke but yee shall be thirstie behold my servants shall rejoyce but yee shall be ashamed My Saviour tould the woman of Samaria at Iacobs well Io 4.13 vers 14 saying Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst againe But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life Here is noe Iacobs well to coole my tongue Ps 36.9 but the well of life is present and open True it is that this well is deepe and I have nothing to draw I have noe goodnesse to merit it and scarce have I a heart to desire it yet Lord such as I am I come unto thee My selfe I renounce I fly to the worthinesse of Christ my Redeemer For his sake ô my God give mee that water that I thirst not againe For that water doe I long more theÌ„ for the rivers of waters which incompasse the earth 2. King 5.12 Neither Abanah nor Pharpar the rivers of Damascus noe nor Iordane it selfe is comparable unto this Thou ô Christ art this well Io 6.35 thou art this water Thou hast promised that hee which cometh to thee shall never hunger hee which believeth in thee shall never thirst For thee Ps 42.1 ô Saviour I thirst for thy salvation I cry and intreate As the Hart panteth for the water brookes so panteth my soule after thee ô God vers 2. My soule thirsteth for God for the living God When shall I come appeare before God O God my soule thirsteth for thee Ps 63.1 my flesh longeth for thee in a drie and thirstie land where noe water is Noe more will I mind this body of earth or howsoëver not so wholly bend my thoughts upon the quenching the thirst of this parched clay This will I referre to the disposall of my God pray for comfort but onely conditionally If hee shall account it fitt for mee to die by this present thirst that my moisture shall be turned into the drought of summer Ps 32.4 I shall willingly submitt Howsoëver since his will is yet kept secret from mee I will pray for that which may yeeld mee comfort but onely conditionally if it may stand with his liking But as touching my poore dry thirstie soule I will pray directly peremptorily and absolutely besieching him to refresh it with the deaw of his grace Hee promised by his Prophet Is 35.7 that The parched ground should become a poole the thirstie land springs of waters I am that parched ground my languishing soule is that thirstie land Lord send mee that poole and those springs of waters By the same Prophet againe hee promised to his Church and said I will powre water upon him that is thirstie and floods upon the drie ground c 44.3 I will powre my spirit upon thy seede and my blessing upon thy off-spring This is his promise indeede but may I be so bould as to put him in mind of it Yes yes doe so ô my soule Hee loveth it hee delighteth in it Bashfullnesse in these cases is but dull stupiditie seeing thou hast authoritie to speake with confidence Wee must come boldly unto the throne of grace Heb 4.16 that wee may obtaine mercy and find grace to help in time of neede I will not leave him therfore I will not forsake him I will hang upon him I will follow him for those onely speede who are earnest in their suites Hee keepeth us off onely to heighten our desires not to deny our requests Hee seemeth to be angry when wee beginne to petition but wee misse-take the cause Hee 's displeased because wee came noe sooner or because wee come on noe faster Whatsoever hee hath promised hee will undoubtedly make good if wee are not wearie and slack in solliciting It is his delight to see us earnest and our reward
at that instant when they first beginne Why then doe I vexe and repine at my want of that which is so vaine In all these brave and borrowed habits what can I discover but sinne in the necessitie and pride in the superfluitie What an idoll doe people make of this wandering earth imploying their time in tricking up but a dung-hill The Spanish woolls and the softer siskes have not Rhetotick enough to silence death nor can they barre the worme from preying on the carkeise I will therfore resolve to content my selfe with the meanenesse of my condition and to desire noe other covering or apparell then what may preserve mee from cold and nakednesse Necessitie and modestie pleade for these and my Saviour reckoneth it among the acts of charitie to cloath the naked Matt 25.36 When Iudah was taken captive by Israel and thousands of them slaine their cruëlty was so greate that the Prophet checked them for their violence to their brethren saying 2. Chr 28.10 Are there not with you even with you sinnes against the Lord Now heare mee therfore vers 1.1 and deliver the captives againe which yee have taken captive of your brethren for the fierce wrath of God is upon you vers 15 And the men which were expressed by name rose up and tooke the captives and with the spoyle cloathed all that were naked among them and arayed them shod them c. It appeareth then that God doeth not like the nakednesse of a sinner Gen 3.21 who first did cloath the sinners with skinnes I may therfore lawfully besiech him to send mee what necessitie and modestie shall require mee to weare more I dare not importune him for But whence ariseth this my indigency Is not my new punishment sent unto mee for some ould sinne In my prosperitie peradventure I was guilly of pride and therfore am humbled Heb. 12 10. but I am chastised for my greater profit If my God will be pleased to humble my heart then my outward condition and that will be suitable If hee vouchsafe mee a serious sight of my pride noe earthly punishment shall I thinke too much for so high an offence If by this my want hee bring to my remembrance how I sought the creature more then the Creatour I shall thankfully acknowledg that I deserve this affliction O my God doe thou send mee the light of thy countenance Ps 4.6 and I shall contemne the obloquie and scorne of the world All these discontents arise from the want of ornaments for the body but what care doe I take for my naked soule There is another garment more earnestly to be sought for besides that which should cover this outward skinne This in modestie I desire to hide but alas I care not how naked my soule appeares That is layed open to stormes and tempests it is ever exposed to heates and colds it is viewed by a spectatour whose purest eyes abhorre the filth and pollution of sinne The stormes of temptations howerly beate upon it yet I take noe care to cloath it for defence The heates of passions and the cold of despaire doe dayly assaile it yet I neither hide it from the heate nor cloth it for warmth It is foule and deformed yet I neither cleanse nor adorne it that it might please the spectatour All my care and complaint is for the body but I never mind nor provide for the spirit Alasse this body is of short continuance upon which I fasten my cares and disturbances It shall shortly moulder in the grave where it shall speedily be converted againe into dust yea and the richest robes shall there be soone turned into ragges and the vallew and account of them both shall be equall But my soule shall not sleepe in the dust with my body but appeare at the tribunall of the judg of the world O what shall I doe when I stand before him If mine impenitency and infidellitie doe present mee naked before him hee will turne mee aside in greate disdaine Those that are naked shall be judged and condemned but those which are cloathed shall be crowned with blisse Why then have I so long neglected the trimming of my wretched soule 'T is that wich shall goe to torments or happinesse so soone as ever it leaveth this tabernacle of flesh I was sent into the world to make warre upon the tempter When I shall be called to account how I fought the battell if I pleade that my garments pinioned mine armes and manacled my hands my very excuse will adde to my punishment I was not sent to doate upon the creature but to glorifie my Creatour If I prowdly boast of my out-ward ornaments that which covereth the body layeth naked the soule O my poore soule how art thou covered How art thou adorned I have so long forgotten thee that thou art quite out of fashion I suffered thee to wander so long without robes that now I feare I shall have none to fitt ther. There is nothing I know can truely cover her but onely the merits and righteousnesse of Christ Where ô where shall I find this covering Of whom shall I begge this desired garment There 's none that can give it but hee that owne's it To thee therfore ô Christ must I addresse my selfe to thee will I cry on thee will I call of thee will I begge for Gods sake that so hee my be honoured for pittie 's sake that so I may not be damned for charitie's sake that so I may not be rejected yea for thine owne sake ô Iesus who here requirest the cloathing of thy naked members doe thou cover mee doe thou hide mee doe thou adorne mee with the robes of thy righteousnesse Why should I be cast out from the mariage of the Lamb for want of a garment since thou canst spare one Why should I forbeare petitioning my Iesus to furnish mee to supply my wants since hee hath promised helpe to them that aske Mat 7.7 I must have it or I dye and therefore have it I will or else I 'll fight for it Yea and fight I must and conquer I must and then I know what shall be my reward My God hath promised that hee which over-cometh Reu 3.5 the same shall be cloathed in white raiment I shall be taken into the number and fellowship of them which noe man could number c 7.9 of all nations and kindreds and people and tongues and with them shall I be cloathed with a long white robe and a palme shall be in my hand Wher-fore that neither the want of necessaries for the out-ward man may take off my courage nor the want of grace may hinder the conquest I will sue for both at the hands of my Creatour I will worship Ps 95.6 and fall downe and kneele before the Lord my maker and on my knees will I pray unto him and say The prayer MErcifull Lord Mat 6.30 thou who cloathest the lillies of the field which
King's daughter Ps 45.13 vers 14 which is all glorious with in hath virgins for her companians when shee is brought unto the King Such a virgin should my soule have beene but alasse shee dare's not appeare in the sight of the King because shee hath left off the ornaments of her virginitie Ier. 13.23 Can the Ethiopian change his skinne or the Leopard his spotts Can my soule which is deflowred with the filthinesse of sinne ever hope to be reckoned among the number of virgins Can shee which hath assumed the impudencie of an harlot ever expect to be accounted modest Can shee which is deformed with the staines of iniquitie ever hope to be deemed faire and beautifull Alasse what shall I doe Unlesse my husband be reconciled unto mee it is impossible I should escape the torments of hell Some that have offended have found him gratious why may not I hope for a tast of his mercy Could I but appeare in his sight with beauty and comelinesse hee would presently renew his love and affection O but my soule is full of deformitie and for want of care shee is loathsome and uglie But is there noe recoverie of a decayed forme Is there noe way to restore a declined beauty Though shee be not beautifull yet let her be comely for thus shee may bee allthough shee is black To worke then will I goe Cant 1.5 Is 1.6 and wholly will I labour to make her amiable in the sight of her Lord. Alasse this state and condition which shee is in is full of horrour and disconsolate torments From the sole of the foote even unto the head there is noe foundnesse in her but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores they have not beene closed neither bound up neither mollified with oyntment Ps 38.5 Thus doe her wounds stinke and are corrupt because of my foolishnesse Thus through the stench of her wounds and the loathsomenesse of her sores and the deformitie of her scarrs and the impudencie of her lookes and the foulenesse of her face I know not what to doe to restore her to his favour Is 1.16 But I will endeavour to wash her to make her cleane and to put away the evill of her doeings from before his eyes With my teares I will wash her with my teares I will cleanse her For every spot of sin which hath defiled her I will shed a whole fountaine a river of teares Yet sooner can I drowne my selfe in my teares then they of them selves can recover her beauty It must be thou ô my Iesus that must assist mee it must be thy blood ô my husband wich must cleanse my pollutions Lord accept yet of my teares which are all that I can offer and wash this thy sinfull spouse in the larer of thy blood This must be the way to regaine his love from whose affectionate bosome my soule is divorced By this meanes onely shall shee once againe be receaved as a virgin though shee hath played the harlot with many lovers Ier 3.1 Thus therfore will I come and humbly will I crave his pardon and forgivenesse I will besiech him to preserve my vessel in honour and my soule in sinceritie I will begge I will intreate I will pray and begging and intreating and praying I will say The Prayer BLessed Lord Sonne of a virgin who didst honour virginitie when thou tookest our nature hearken to the cryes of a lamenting maide Mat 8.8 Lord I am not worthy to come unto thee I am not worthy to receave any favour from thee for I have forsaken thee my most indulgent husband Ier 3.1 and played the herlot with many lovers My soule is too foule to be called thine too often hath shee broken her vowes and promises to hope for thy love or thy gratious pardon But Lord what now shall I doe If yet I should fall into a despaire of thy mercies I should increase my disloyaltie and either deny or despise the power of thy passion So greate was thy love to the Church thy Spouse that thou gavest thy selfe to sanctifie and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word Eph 5.25.26 My soule ô Christ is a member of thy Spouse be pleased ô Iesus so to sanctifie and wash her that thou mayest present her to thy felfe without spot or wrinkle both holy and blamelesse vers 27 Zech 13.1 O thou who hast opened a fountaine to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Ierusalem Ps 51.2 for sinne and for uncleanesse doe thou wash mee throughly from mine iniquity and cleanse mee from my sinne Lord as in mercy thou hast given mee chastitie of body so give mee likewise the chastitie of mind and the puritie of soule Suffer not either the flesh or the Devill by their wicked suggestions to seduce mee to uncleanesse Though I am a weake 1 Pet 3.7 2 Cor 4.7 Act. 9.15 Rom 9.23 1 Thes 4.4 vers 5. though but an earthen vessell yet be thou pleased to make mee a chosen vessell a vessell of mercy Cause mee to keepe the vessell of my body and to possesse it in sanctification and honour and not in the lust of concupiscence like the Gentiles which know thee not O be thou my father in the grace of adoption be thou my brother in thy pitty and compassion be thou my husband in thy love and affection and be thou my Iesus in the salvation of my sick and sinfull soule Arme mee with constancy against all assaults of carnall imaginations Give mee modestie in my countenance decency in my apparell civilitie in my behaviour sobrietie in my discourse and contentednesse in my condition Make mee obedient to my parents respective to my superiours courteous to my inferiours and loving unto all Let not my adorning be outward 1 Pet 3.3 Iam 3.17 Prov 1.9 of putting on of apparell but give mee that wisedome which is from above to be as an ornament of grace unto my head and as chaines about my neck Preserve ô Christ both my body and soule in chastitie and honour while I am here upon earth as becometh a virgin espoused to thy selfe Eccl 12.7 Reu 14.3 and when my dust shall returne to the earth as it was let my spirit returne unto thy selfe who gavest it and to thee let it sing that new song with the quire of virgins before thy throne for ever and ever Amen subject 8 THE NINETH SUBJECT Teares of a woman in the state of mariage The Soliloquie Treating of the dueties of a wife to her husband THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray MAn was created in the image of God Gen 1 27. c 2.18 vers 21 vers 22 yet because it was not good that hee should be alone the Lord did make him an helpe that was meete for him A
must be subject in every thing Tit. 2.4 Eph. 5.24 1 Cor 7.34 Eph. 5.33 1 Pet. 3.6 1 Cor. 14.35 c. 7.10 Tit. 2.5 Col. 3.18 1 Pet. 3.1 I must care how to please him I must reverence him I must obey him as Sara obeyed Abraham calling him Lord I must be instructed by him I must not depart from him but must be discreete chast a keeper at home good obedient unto him that the word of God be not blasphemed To hin indeede I must submitt my selfe as unto the Lord but this submission must not be servile for it must be onely so as it is fitt in the Lord. Him I must love for hee is my selfe To him I must be subject as the inferiour parts are unto the head I must care how to please him both for the performance of my duety and for the quietnesse and content which will ensue upon it I must reverence him for hee is my superiour I must obey him for hee is my Lord I must be instructed by him for hee is my teacher I must not depart from him 1 Cor. 7.4 because the power which formerly I had over my selfe is resigned up to his will and pleasure I must be discreete because I am a wife chast because I must be a loyall wife a keeper at home because a house-wife good and obedient that the word of God be not blasphemed Submission is required joyned with love to avoyd anger and contention Prov. 21.19 for Solomon hath decreed that It it better to dwell in the wildernesse then with a contentious and an angrie woman Subjection and reverenceare arguments of a meeke 1 Pet 3.4 Prov. 9.13 and quiet spirit which in the sight of God is of great price for a clamorous woman is styled foolish Obedience is due to those that are our instructers seeing therfore our sexe is guiltie of ignorance 1 Tim. 2.11 wee are commanded to learne in silence with all subjection for if wee are wise in our owne conceits Prov. 26.12 the wise man saith there is more hope of a foole then of such Discretion is allso required in our sexe for long agoe did Solomon say c. 11.22 As a jewell of gold in a swine's snowt so is a faire woman which is without discretion Certainly those who submitt to their husbands who love them are subject to them carefull to please them reverence them obey them are willing to be instructed by them depart not from them and are truely discreete conscience will preserve them chast civilitie will keepe them at home and religion will make them good Ps 119.5 O that our wayes were made so direct that wee might keepe these statutes When I consider of this bond which unite's mee to my husband how can I choose but blesse my God for his ordinance When I looke upon the pledges of our mutuall love those children which God doeth send for our comfort how can I choose but magnifie his blessing Though many are the infirmities of a woman many dueties belong to a wife many cares and pangs belong to a mother yet our infirmities are aften redressed by mariage our dueties are our delight being guided and comforted by our carefull Lords and our cares and pangs are richly rewarded in our obedient children O how gracious is our God unto us who governeth us by those who are made our selves and to increase our love and obedience to our husbands giveth us the lively resemblance of both in our tender off-spring These children whom I would have obedient unto mee doe put mee in mind of that obedience which I owe to my husband and much more of that which all of us owe to our bountifull God That sacred tye of holy wedlock putteth mee in mind of the infinite love of Christ to his church Hee hath blessed mee with the first and shall I not labour to be a worthy and a thankfull partaker of his love in the last The first I enjoy though I deserve it not the last I am offered yet zealously and religiously enough I embrace it not If I neglect my love and duety to my husband I cannot expect the love of Christ Alasse by sexe I am fraile and not willing to obey by paines I am froward and not fitt for advice by sinne I am haughtie and not apt for submission Nature enclineth us to love but unlesse that love be regulated by religion it often either is sullied with impuritie or clegenerateth into hatred O what shall I provide to answer my God when hee shall stricktly examine mee concerning my duety first to himselfe next to him whom hee hath made my Lord and lastly to them who are my tender and parcelled selfe Certainly obedient enough I cannot be to God dutifull enough I can scarcely be to my husband loving and carefull enough I can hardly be of my children All of us faile in some thing or other and I feare that I am the weakest of all Every sinne displeaseth my God o what shall I doe to appease his wrath Wherewithall shall I come before the Lord Mic. 6.6 and bow myselfe before the high God Shall I come before him with Burnt offerings with calves of a yeere old vers 7. Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rammes or with ten thousand rivers of oyle Shall I give my first-borne for my transgressions Ps 51.16 vers 17 the fruite of my body for the sinne of my soule Alasse hee desireth not sacrifice hee delighteth not in burnt offering The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a broken and a contrite heart hee will not despise To my Lord therfore will I hasten whom I have offended to my God will I addresse my selfe whom I have displeased by my manifold neglects and insteede of rivers of oyle I will swimme unto him in rivers of my teares My heart I will teach to groane so lowde that it shall be heard to heaven Each teare which I shed shall proceede from a heart so humbly sorrowfull that they shall seeme to have the faces of Angells in reflexion and I will pray that those teares may be accepted by the Angel of the covenant Mal 3.1 If through my indiscretion contentions have arisen betweene my head and the members I will meekely justifie the words of the King Solomon and not onely resemble but have even the same to which hee compareth mee Pro 27.15 I will have a continuall dropping in a very rainie day Mine eyes shall droppe and my heart shall droppe and from them both shall issue as it were water and blood that with my teares I may wash the sacrifice of my God and my heart may be made an accepted offering Mat 7.25 Yet shall not the raine descend onely and the floods come but the winds allso shall blow From mine eyes shall the raine descend and the floods of my teares shall come and then from my heart the winds shall blow From my heart I will
ghost c 25.8 and dyed in a good old age Iud 8.32 1. Chr 29.28 Gen 23 1. vers 2. an old man full of yeeres and was gathered to his people Gideon the sonne of Ioash dyed in a good old age David dyed in a good old age full of dayes riches and honour Sarah was an hundred twentie and seaven yeeres old when shee dyed in Kiriath arba These and thousands of others who lived greate and good ages lay downe in the dust and their spirits were caried by Angells into the kingdome of happinesse the citty of my God why then should not I endeavour to follow them to blisse Dye I must but when or where or how I can not determine Yet sure I am that if I live the life of the righteous I shall dye their death Num 23.10 and receave their reward As neere as I am to my longest home I am not assured what death I shall dye neither by what disease nor with what torments or ease Gen 42.38 Iacob was afraid that his gray haires should be brought downe with sorrow to the grave When David gave Solomon a charge concerning Ioab hee commanded him 1. King 2.6 saying Let not his hoary head goe downe to the grave in peace Concerning Shimei hee likewise charged him vers 9. saying His hoary head bring thou downe to the grave with blood The rebellious Israëlites were threatned for their disobedience Deut 28.49 vers 50 that the Lord should bring a nation against them which should not regard the person of the oldâ— nor shew favour to the young I have noe more priviledg nor prerogative then they unlesse I can prove that I am better then they Nay more the manner or the kind of death though never so tormenting is farre from satisfying for the smallest offence My death may be troublsome and sull of miserie and yet my doome may be full of horrour O what shall I doe What shall I doe to escape that sentence of wrath which can never be recalled The more yeeres I have lived the more sinnes I have committed The words of the ould Patriarch doe more properly belong unto mes then they did unto him Few Gen 47.9 and evill have the dayes of the yeeres of my life beene O what a world of crimes is my soule oppressed with What shall I doe to pacifie my God against whom my sinnes and offences have beene committed Nothing but blood can satisfie for my skarlet crimes and noe blood can appease him but the blood of his Sonne and noe share can I have in that most precious blood unlesse I seriously and faithfully repent mee of my sinnes Lord Is 56.3 though I may say with the Eunuch Behold I am a drie tree yet it is in thy power as well to draw water out of the dryest tree as the obdurate rockes O my God I desire to offer thee both mine eyes full of teares and a heart full of groanes If all that litle moisture which is left in my body could possibly be converted into one teare of timely and acceptable repentance even that teare ô God would I readily offer thee Lord I grieve in my very soule for the pollutions of my soule and am seriously and heartily offended at my selfe for offending thee Accept ô God the throbs of my fainting heart and be reconciled unto mee in the blood of thy sonne O Lord I sigh ô Lord I grieve My heart panteth my bowells yerne and my very soule languisheth and pineth to receave the assurance of thy favour I will lye at the poole of Bethesda as hee did who was diseased neere fortie yeeres Io. 5.5 I will lye at the gate of thy mercy ô Iesus and there will I weepe and grieve and lament and call and cry for mercy at thy hands ô blessed Redeemer and my petitions I will tender in all humilitie and devotion praying and saying The Prayer MErcifull Lord God Is 46.3 who didst promise to carrie the house of Iacob from the belly and the wombe vers 4. even to old age and hoary haires despise not the humble suite of thine aged and feeble servant My many yeeres I must confesse I have spent in vanitie and scarce one minuit of them have I devoted to thy service as I ought to have done Every day have I offended thee and every hower have I beene disobedient to thy lawes My child-hood hath beene full of folly my youth of stubbornesse my riper yeeres have beene apt to wantonnesse and mine old and aged dayes to coveteousnesse and impenitencie Thou mightest long since in thy justice have destroyed mee in my sinnes and have given mee a portion in the land of darknesse But now ô father since thou hast spared mee so long doe not condemne mee at the last Let the heavie heart and the trembling tongue and the shaking hands and the most sorrowfull soule of an humble convert find favour in thine eyes With thy mercy Iob. 4.4 Ps 35.3 Ps 39.4 ô Lord strengthen my weake hands support my feeble knees comfort my drooping heart and say unto my soule I am thy salvation Lord make mee to know mine end and the measure of my dayes that I may know how fraile I am vers 5. Ps 93.2 Ps 102.27 Ps 90.9 Mine age is nothing before thee for thou art from everlasting and thy yeeres shall not faile O be thou reconciled unto mee through the passion of my Redeemer for when thou art angry all our dayes are gone wee bring our yeeres to an end as a tale that is told Ps 71.9 O cast mee not off in this time of old age forsake mee not now my strength faileth mee Though the heavens Is 51.6 and the â—earth shall waxe old as doeth a garment and they that dwell therein shall dye yet thy salvation shall be for ever and thy righteousnesse shall not be abolished Ps 43.3 Ps 71.18 Ps 23.4 Ps 62.7 Prov. 23.22 O send out thy light and thy trueth to leade mee now I am old and gray headed ô my staffe and thou who art the onely rock of strength forsake mee not Thou hast commanded our children to hearken to their fathers that begat them and not to despise their mothers when they are old O my heavenly father doe thou make mee thy child by grace and adoption that I may hearken unto thee and never despise or forsake thy commandements Make mee allways remember thy workes ô Lord Ps 77.11 and call to mind thy wonders of old time Give mee grace to be in behaviour as becometh holinsse Tit 2.3 not given to the vices which commonly delude the ancient and decrepid but that I may be a teacher of the things that are good Peaceably ô my father Iob. 5.26 let mee come to my grave in a full age like as a shock of corne cometh in in his season By the course of nature I am ready to goe the way of all the earth
greater them all these the feare of displeasing my gratious protectour bring mee back againe and keepe mee at home I would not be un-charitable but I must not be desperate Well then I am resolved what I will doe I will with Solomon goe to the houses of mourning the houses of the visited yet not in body but in mind and in purse I will pittie them and I will send reliefe unto them I dare not goe in person but I will goe in affection and for my neighbours groaning under the evill of punishment and for my selfe burdened with the evill of sinne I will feede upon my teares day and night I must grieve for my selfe in particular and yet I must not be so unkindly coveteous as to keepe my teares onely for my selfe In publike calamities those who shed noe teares may be justly suspected to have noe bowells I find my selfe not un-apt to weepe for I am prompted to that by the weakenesse of my disposition And yet I suspect my selfe I am jealous of my selfe that my teares doe rather flow from my feare of infection then from a fellow-feeling of the miseries which the infected suffer To heighten therfore my mourning and to justifie it by my compassion I will propose to my selfe the examples of others such as I find recorded in the word of my God example 1 When the destruction of the Iewes was neere at hand the Lord called upon them by the mouth of his Prophet saying Consider yee Ier 9.17 and call for the mourning women that they may come and send for cunning women that they may come And let them make hast vers 18 and take up a wayling for us that our eyes may runne downe with teares and our eye-lids gush out with waters vers 19 for a voyce of wayling is heard out of Zion How are wee spoyled c. The women were commanded to heare the word of the Lord vers 20 and their eares to receave the word of his mouth they were to teach their daughters wayling and every one her neighbour lamentation vers 21 For death was come up into their windowes and entered into their pallaces to cutt off the children from without and the young men from their streetes vers 22 Even the carkeises of men did fall as dung upon the field and as the handfull after the harvest-man and none did gather them The case is now with us as it was then with the Iewes Alasse how are wee spoyled too How is death come up into our windowes by the infectious aire How doe our children dye and our young men fall Our children which know not the cause and our young men that trusted in the strength of their youth O how doe the carkeises of men fall as dung upon the open field as the hand-full after the harvest man and yet there are none to gather them up They perish without because either there is not roome enough left with in doores for them or not people alive to attend them in their sicknesse or not people of strength enough to un-lock the doores or not meanes for their sustenance if they enter in Thus necessitie driveth them into the fields and there mortalitie seizeth upon them where noe person is found to burie their bodies noe bearers to carie them to the surfeited earth noe friends to bewayle the losse of their lives and noe Christians to cover them from their gazing spectatours the verie fowles of the aire and the beastes of the field What heart would not breake what eye would not weepe what soule would not lament for this sad visitation Lam 1.16 For these things with Ieremiah will I weepe mine eye mine eye shall runne downe with water because the comforter which should relieve our soules is farre from us example 2 The Lord hath throwne downe Ierusalem saith the Prophet and hath not pittied Lam 2.17 and hee hath caused their enemie to rejoyce over them hee hath sett up the horne of their adversarie vers 18 Their heart cryed unto the Lord O wall of the daughter of Zion let teares runne downe like a river day and night give thy selfe noe rest let not the apples of thine eyes cease Arise vers 19 cry out in the night in the beginning of the watches powre out thine heart like water before the face of the Lord lift up thy hands towards him for the life of thy young children that faint in the topp of every streate vers 1. Even thus hath the Lord covered us allso with a clowde in his anger as then hee did the daughter of Zion and cast downe from heaven unto the earth the beautie of our Israël and remembred not his foote stoole in the day of his anger An enemie destroyeth and rejoyceth over us but such an enemie it is as neither can heare nor will spare The verie aire which was created to coole the flames of our scorching hearts is so poisoned with the infection that the more wee make of it the lesse wee our selves are made by it the closer wee seate it even to and in our hearts the neerer doth the infection approach our spirits The corrupted aire shall be therfore cleansed by the thick groanes that shall flye from my heavy heart and be purified with the thunder of my lowdest cryes With Moab in the prophesie Is 15.2 vers 3. I will howle over Nebo and over Medeba In the streetes let every one gird himselfe with sack-cloth on all their heads let there be baldnesse on the toppes of our houses and in our streetes let every one howle â—er 48.4 weeping aboundantly for wee are destroyed for our litle ones have caused a cry to be heard Oh our sucklings that cry for milke from the breast suck in destruction when they expect their nourishment For these things with Ierusalem I will weepe sore in the night in this night of a generall affliction Lam 1.2 my teares shall be on my cheekes because among all our lovers there is none to comfort us example 3 At the finall desolation of the house of Israël Eze 7.16 the Prophet tould them that They that fled away of them should escape and should be on the mountaines like Doves of the valleys all of them mourning every one for his iniquitie All hands should be feeble vers 17 and all knees should be weake as water vers 18 They should allso gird themselves with sack-cloth and horrour should cover them and shame should be upon all their faces and baldnesse upon their heads Lord what a time of mourning should here be What a time of horrour Destruction is threatned and whom destruction missed mourning should over-take feeblenesse should follow weakenesse should pursue horrour should cover Oh that verie time is come now upon us that prophesie is fullfilled in our Israel Here is noe sword to slay us noe fierie engines of a hellish invention to murder us noe men to take us captives
hungrie cry when they buy of the rich and are cozened by the rich when they suffer in the cozenage and suffer likewise in the publike in the generall punishment for the cozenage For this our land mourneth for this our people are visited our houses are shut up our streetes are not frequented ouâ— markets not filled and yet the hungry lament and the thirstie doe mourne The poore can neither buy for their money not be imployed in their willing labours to earne them money Is 59.11 nor live without money Wee roare all like Beares and mourne sore like Doves Wee looke for judgment but there is none for salvatien but it is farre from us Therfore with the oppressed I will cry and with the visited allso I will cry I will cry with the oppressed for right and I will cry with â—…e visited for health How long Lord â—ow long wilt thou punish us c. 44.22 O remove â—…ur sinnes like a cloude blott out as a thick cloude our transgressions and as a cloude our sinnes returne unto us for thou hast redeemed us part 3 The Third part of the Soliloquie shewing that Sinne especially is the cause of the Pestilence THe diseased ignorant of the kind of their maladies cause the Phisitian 〈◊〉 consult with their pulses to examine their â—rine and by symptomes to find out the â—ause of their disturbance So should the sick soule allso or else the ignorance of the sinne may hinder the cure Generall complaints have beene made by men groaning under the burdens of severall visitations but doeth the Pestilance come by the same rules and arise from the same causes Surfeits and Consumptions and Feavers and Palsies and Plurisies and other such sicknesses may have their causes in nature and their remedies oftentimes by physick but neither is the cause of the Pestilence so cleere in nature nor is the cure thereof so easie by physick Or if it be yet is this disease more infectious more mortall and therfore more dreadfull then any of the rest It shall therfore be my first care to find out the cause in my soule before I looke upon the effects thereof in the bodies of sinfull mortalls I will examine our times by those of our ancestours and see whether this generall contagion doeth not rather proceede from the mallice of the soule then from the aire dyet or whatsoever else the Phisitians conjecture at The men which Moses had sent to spie out the land of Canaan returned 1. Num 14.36 and made all the congregation to murmur against Moses by bringing up a slaunder upon that land of promise those very men that did bring up that evill report upon the land vers 37 dyed of the plague before the Lord. What Of the plague Of the Pestilence There were but ten of those spies and those ten onely dyed Wee have the Pestilence too but it contenteth not it selfe with ten ten and ten and ten but hundreds dye hundreds are visited thousands complaine every one feareth But was their disease the same as ours Was not theirs an inflammation of their tongues and wormes issueing out of them as a just recompenseâ— because with their tongues they had lyed Or was it not some other extraordinarie plague from the hand of God Or was it not that Pestilence which was threatned when the Lord said unto Moses vers 11 How long will this people provoke mee and how long will it be ere they believe mee for all the signes which I have shewed among them vers 12 I will smite them with the Pestilence and disinherit them and will make of thee a greater nation mightier then they Whatsoever their disease was though I cannot determine it yet will I consider the cause thereof The cause was a sinne a grievous sinne a lye and the effect of this was a sinne a grievous sinne it was murmuring O thus have wee allso added sinnes unto sinnes Wee allso lye wee lye grievously desperately impudently Like unto Iob's friends wee are forgers of lyes Iob. 13.4 Ps 40.4 Ps 58.3 Ps 62.4 Eze. 24 12. Hos 10 13. wee turne aside to lyes wee goe astray so soone as wee be borne and speake lyes wee delight in lyes and wee have wearied our selves with lyes justly therfore now doe wee eate the fruit of lyes And yet not contented with this wee murmur too Against our superiours wee murmur for not governing us according to our licentious and sinfull desires against the rich wee murmur because wee floate not in their plentie yea even against God himselfe wee murmur because hee graunteth not our sinfull desires Thus in every thought and in every word wee either find a sinne or make a sinne For this our lying for this our murmuring wee are now visited wee are now stricken wee are as those spies were destroyed of the destroyer 1. Cor. 10.10 The rebellious Israëlites were threatned by Moses that Every sicknesse 2. Deut. 28.61 every plague which was not written in the booke of the law them should the Lord bring upon them untill they were destroyed vers 62 And they should be left few in number whereas they were as the starres of heaven for multitude These were the menaces these were the threats to the children of Israël but among all these sicknesses where is that which reigneth among us Hath God prepared a new punishment for us such as the Israëlites never suffered nor the law ever mentioned nor skill ever cured Doubtlesse thus God could afflict us but hee chuseth rather to punish us as hee did others that so wee might find out the cause as others have done Hee was pleased to tell the Israëlites the cause of their plague which hee would send upon them vers 62 even Because they would not obey the voyce of the Lord their God Iust thus hee punisheth us as hee punished them even untill wee are allmost quite destroyd and hee telleth us our sinne our offence too by his word by his ministers by our owne consciences even that wee refuse to obey the voyce of the Lord. Iust therfore most just it is that seeing wee have wee doe wee will thus sinne even thus yea thus severely likewise wee should be punished Yea wee deserve it in a farre greater manner in a sarre greater measure Hee who threatned those that would walke contrarie unto him and would not hearken unto him Lev 26 21. that hee would bring seaven times more plagues upon them according to their sinnes Hee who by Moses threatned them that If they would not observe to doe all the words of that law which are written in that booke Deut 28.58 that they might feare this glorious name The Lord thy God vers 59 Then the Lord should make their plagues wonderfull and the plagues of their seede even greate plagues and of long continuance and sore sicknesses and of long continuance The selfe-same God hath found us walking contrarie unto him and therfore hath
brought on us seaven times more plagues then formerly Hee seeth that wee feare not this glorious name The Lord our God therfore hath hee sent us greate plagues of long continuance and sore sicknesse of long continuance Thus I sitt and muse and consider of the sicknesse I heare the bells tolling even those bells which were wont to invite us to the temple that wee might know our sinnes at the mouth of the preacher and pray for remission of our sinnes by the helpe of the preacher the very selfe-same bells serve now to tell mee that one man lyeth languishing and desireth my prayers another man is departed and wanteth nothing but a funerall a third man is to be buried but a neighbourly and friendly companie is wanting Every stroake of a bell mee think's hitteth mee at the heart and biddeth mee to prepare for my last fare-well Every toul awakeneth my conscience and biddeth mee remember what my sinnes have merited Thus mine eares receave a sound and thus my trembling heart feeleth a throb a heating a panting for my particular sinnes which have beene some cause of this generall sicknesse Moses went unto the Lord 3. Ex 32.31 and sayd Oh this people have sinned a greate sinne and have made them Gods of gold But what followed The Lord plagued the people vers 35 because they worshipped the Calse which Aaron had made There was the sinne there was the punishment But was that plague the same as this which now doeth rave and rage amongst us Surely our sinnes are the same as were theirs for wee digge the entrailes of our mother earth and like the Augures the Sooth-sayers though they sayd noe sooth noe trueth at all wee conjecture wee divine by those entrailes yea and wee decree him who is rich to be a good man a fufficient man an honest man and what not Wee vallew the man for the gold wee worship him for it wee honour him for it And is not this to sinne with the Israëlites Wee doe very litle differ from those idolaters even nothing at all They made them Gods of gold and wee make gold our God Iustly therfore are wee thus punished by the true God because wee honour that which is noe God The Israelites had this very kind and sort of plague such a very pestilence as ours and for just such a sinne as this of ours Though Moses prayed for them yea though hee desired to be blotted out of the booke of God vers 32 rather then they should not be forgiven yet God decreed saying vers 33 Whosoëver hath sinned against mee him will I blott out of my booke Whosoëver hath sinned against him If hee should deale so with us who should people the land Who should inhabit our dwellings Who should enjoy our treasures Hee hath begun blotting indeede allready His inke is found in the blacknesse of every blaine in the blewnesse of every token in the rednesse of every crossed doore But will this blotting allwayes continue Will hee not stay his hand Will his wrath burne like fire for ever Ps 141.7 Our bones lye scattered at the graves mouth as when one cutteth and cleaveth wood upon the earth vers 8. But mine eyes are unto thee ô God the Lord in thee is my trust Either blott not at all or onely blott out our offences Hide thy face from our sinns and blott out all our iniquities Say unto every one of us as thou diddest unto Iacob by the mouth of thy Prophet I Is 43.25 even I am hee that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine owne name's sake and will not remember thy sinnes The Fourth part of the Soliloquie consisting of Severall examples of dreadfull Pestilences LOrd what a hideous dinne is this in mine eares There was a groane able to have shaken even the earth it selfe had it beene imprisoned in the deepest bowells thereof What another Hearke There 's weeping too Oh this is the sad and wearisome life of us poore sinners who are caged and miewed up in our infected citties and townes and villages The diseased groane through the extreamitie of their paines and for want of comforts both of body and soule The sound are weeping for the miseries of the sick and long for the deliverance even of their whole familes from the burden of the flesh Some habitations are made both hospitalls and charnell houses where many a one lyeth sick and for want of helpe they sicken without hope they dye without comfort and they consume without interment Sometimes againe the mother who dandled her infant in her clasping armes is enforced in those armes to carrie it to the grave Sometimes the husband who deerely affected the wife of his bosome is enforced to make her the burden of his shoulders and to beare her dead corps to the devouring earth for want of friends neighbours to ease him of the burden Yea sometimes the children are enforced to assist their father in the cariage of their mother to her longest home O horrour horrour horrour Can pittie find noe enterance at the hearts of strangers Can compassionfind noe harbour in the bowells of neighbours Will none performe this act of pietie to key-cold woman to the carkeise of a woman but onely her husband the husband of her affection and her children the labour and the fruit of her wombe O how divers in the world would stand amazed at the sight hardly determine whether the dropps which fall from the faces of the bearers be the sweate of their browes or the teares of their eyes Oh what adreadfull time is this Did ever any age produce a paralell to this severe contagion Was it ever knowne that a Pestilence was so generall and so malignant Did ever any people drinke so deepe of the cup of sorrow astonishment Eze 23 33. vers 4. and desolation as wee doe Was ever Samaria or Aholah or Aholibah or Babylon or Ierusalem Ier 25.20 was ever the king of the land of the Philistines or Askelon or Azzah or Ekron vers 21 or Ashdod was ever Edom or Moab or Ammon or Tyrus or Zidon vers 22 was ever Dedan or Tema vers 23 or any other place so drunke with the cup of furie from the Lords hands as wee are Hos 4.18 Our drinke was formerly sowre with our whoredomes with our abominations now therfore wee have waters of gall to drinke Ier 8.14 c 23.15 c 25.15 Eze 39 17. vers 18 vers 19 Lam 1.12 wee are fed with wormewood and our cup is a cup of furie of trembling and of astonishment O the plague the plague it is that eateth our flesh and drinketh our blood it eateth the flesh of the mighty and drinketh the blood of Princes it drinketh even untill it is drunken with our blood Was there ever any sorrow like unto our sorrow where with the Lord doeth afflict us in this day of his fierce wrath But why doe I thus cry out Why
soone therfore appease his anger by revenging my selfe upon my selfe for the sinnes which I have committed against his glorious name And if I cannot be revenged enough I will cry for anger even for anger that I cannot punish my selfe enough for displeasing him who thus honoureth my roofe When the Israelites were to eate the Paschall lanb Ex 12.7 they were commanded to take of the blood thereof and to strike it on the two side-posts and on the upper doore-post of the houses wherein they did eate it vers 13 And the blood saith the Lord shall be to you for a token upon the houses where yee are and when I see the blood I will passe over you and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you when I smite the land of Egypt O here is comfort now in the midst of affliction here is joy in the depth of sorrow See there there is that token there is the blood on the doore or at least the representation of it for the red Crosse is there It is to mee for a token or a memoriall of the blood of that innocent Lamb without spot that was slaine that was crucified on the Crosse for the sinnes of the elect Now Lord doe what thou pleasest spare or strike it shall be all one to mee so long as thou givest mee a firme assurance that hee hath suffered for mee I vallew not my flesh I care not for this lumpe of walking dust let it be blowne away let this muddewall be throwne downe it is noe matter I am content so long as I am sure that the anger of my God will be appeased by the blood of my Redeemer and that so soone as my soule shall be freed from the prison of my flesh I shall for ever sit on the right hand of my Iesus Sure I am that allthough my house be shut up because of the infection yet my Christ will cleanse my soule with his blood Therfore World farewell shut up whom thou pleasest Thy companie is not so good nor thy courtesie so greate as to command my joy Allthough my house here be shut up yet hee which is faithfull hath promised that the gates of that new Ierusalem Reu 21 25. which is above shall not be shut at all by day and that there shall be noe night there O let mee begge of my Lord my Land-Lord yea my guest my friend my brother my father that seeing I am a woman a fearefull woman wonderfully afraid especially of a serpent c 20.2 or a dragon hee will be pleased to lay hold on the dragon that old serpent which is the devill and Satan vers 3. and bind him and cast him into the bottomlesse pit and shut him up and set a seale upon him that hee may deceave mee noe more O how contentedly then shall I mourne How joyfully shall I grieve for all the offences that ever I committed Well now my God is pleased to speake to my conscience away will I goe in private all alone and cry in a corner I will weepe by my selfe away I will goe and separate my selfe from my familie yea even from him who is my head and my Lord that I may the more freely weepe This I will doe and this I may doe for when Ierusalem had her great mourning not onely every familie mourned apart Zech 12.12 but even their wives allso mourned apart So will I I will mourne apart too But because I must not offer to offer unto my God such a present as a litle poore botle of teares Ps 56.8 and say nothing to him when I render it humbly therfore upon my knees will I fall and thus will I say unto him The Prayer GLorious and ever-living Lord God Ps 75.5 who doest suffer the wicked to live in prosperitie to be in noe trouble like other men nor to be plagued like other men but hast tould us that whomsoever thou lovest thou doest chasten Heb 12 6. and scourgest every child whom thou receavest vouchsafe I beseech thee to sanctifie this affliction which thou hast layed at this time upon mee and mine 1. King 17.18 Thou art come ô my God to call my sinnes to remembrance ô let mee not frustrate thine intent not repell the motions of thy blessed Spirit My selfe and my familie are now shut up from the lewde temptations of the seducing world Lord make mee at this time to looke into my selfe into mine owne wicked and sinfull heart which hath beene so long shu◠up even from mine owne selfe from mine understanding and my knowledge This o Lord is thy time to speake let it I beseech thee be my time to heare My house is become a house of thy correction and my selfe familie are the offenders whom thou art pleased to chastise Ier 10.24 Ps 88.7 Lord correct us but with judgment not in thine anger lest thou bring us to nothing Thy wrath at this time lyeth hard upon us and thou afflictest us with all thy waves Thou hast put our acquaintance farre from us vers 8. thou hast made us to be an abomination unto them wee are shut up and cannot come forth Ps 38.11 Our lovers and our friends stand aloofe from us and our neighbours stand afarre off Ps 88.9 By reason of this affliction mine eye mourneth Lord I call dayly upon thee Ps 69.15 Ps 73.14 Ps 69.3 and stretch out mine hands unto thee O let not the water-flood over-flow us neither let the deepe swallow us up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon us All the day long are wee plagued and chastened every day I am wearie of crying Ps 69.3 my throate is drie my sight even faileth for wayting so long upon thee my God Ps 78.39 Ps 91.3 O consider thy distressed servants that wee are but flesh that wee are even a wind that passeth away and cometh not againe Deliver us o Lord from the snare of the fowler from the noisome Pestilence Either send unto us or else be thou thy selfe unto us a staffe as well as a rodde Ps 23.4 Ps 91.5 a supporter as well as a correctour that so wee may not be afraid for the terrour by night vers 6. nor for the arrow that flyeth by day nor for the Pestilenee that walketh in darkenesse nor for the destruction that wasteth at moone-day Prepare us o Lord for those heavenly mansions where thy Sonne sitteth at thy right hand making intercession for us Heare him pleading for our remission and inter-ceding for our pardon Out of his wounds have issued that pretious balsamome which is able to cure the sinnes of the whole world In him be pleased to be reconciled unto us since our times are in thine hands Ps 31.15 Lord either spare us for thine honour or else receave us to thy mercy Let the health of our bodies make us mindfull to labour for the health of our soules and
let the sicknesse of our bodies put us in mind of the diseases of our soules Good God either preserve us from sicknesse or protect us in sicknesse Be thou our God and make us thy servants and then come either with health or with sicknesse thy will be done Ps 91.7 Thou canst cause a thousand to fall at our side and ten thousand at our right hand and yet preserve us Thou canst if thou pleasest vers 10 so protect us that noe evill may befall us nor any plague come nigh our dwelling O graunt therfore that wee may make thee our refuge vers 9. Ps 38.6 yea thee who art the most high our habitation Wee are troubled o Lord wee are bowed downe greately wee goe mourning all the day long Ps 102 9. vers 10 Wee eate ashes as it were bread and mingle our drinke with weeping because of thine indignation and thy wrath for thou hast lifted us up and cast us downe But o thou who art my onely rock Ps 42.9 why hast thou forgotten us O why goe wee thus mourning by reason of this affliction Ps 43.2 Thou art the God of our strength Why doest thou cast us off O give mee leave with Queene Esther to speake yet againe before thee the King of Kings Est 8.3 and to fall downe at thy feete as shee did at the feete of King Ahasuerus and to besiech thee with teares to with-draw thy visitation Iob. 14 22. O Lord our verie soules within us doe mourne for thou doest cause our Sunne to goe downe at noone and doest darken our earth in the cleere day Amos. 8.9 vers 10 Thou hast turned our fasts into mourning and all our songs into lamentation thou hast brought sack-cloth upon our loynes Lam. 5.15 vers 16 and made our mourning as the mourning of an onely sonne The joy of our hearts is ceased and the crowne is fallen from our head Woe unto us that wee have sinned But ô thou who wert annointed to preach good tidings unto the meeke Is 61.1 who wert sent to bind up the broken-hearted vers 2. to proclame liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to them that are bound to proclaime the acceptable yeere of the Lord yea and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all that mourne vers 3. to appoint unto them that mourne in Zion to give unto them beawtie for ashes the oyle of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heavinesse Thou who settest up on high those that be low Iob. 5.11 Ps 102 17. that those which mourne may be exalted to safety Reguard thou I most humbly and earnestly besiech thee the prayers of us the poore destitute despise not our desires Thou hast seene our wayes Is 57.18 O doe thou heale us leade us allso and restore comforts unto us that wee may be called Trees of righteousnesse the planting of thee our Lord that thou mayst be glorified Wound us not Ier. 30.14 O father with the wound of an enemie with the chastisement of a cruel one for the multitude of our iniquities vers 15 Let not our sorrow be incurable because our sinnes be increased Though for a small moment thou hast seemed to forsake us Is 54.7 yet with thy greate mercies gather us againe vers 8. In aditle wrath thou doest hide thy face from us for a moment but with ever-lasting kindnesse have mercy upon us ô Lord our Redeemer O thou who art our Redeemer vers 5. Ps 34.15 Is 37.17 the Holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth Let thine eares be open unto our cryes open thine eyes and see our afflictions how wee are shut up from the comforts of the godly and from the societie of our indeared friends Ps 13.3 Consider and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten our eyes lest wee sleepe the sleepe of death Ps 123.2 Behould as the eyes of servants looke unto the hand of their masters and as the eyes of a mayden unto the hand of her mistresse so our eyes wayt upon thee ô Lord our God untill thou have mercy upon us O doe thou graunt unto us remisston of our sinnes patience in our miseries comfort in our distresse physick for our health and recoverie and in thy blessed time bring our soules out of prison Ps 142.7 that wee may give thanks unto thy name which thing if thou wilt graunt unto us then shall the righteous resort againe unto our companie Ps 79.13 So shall wee that be thy people and sheepe of thy pasture give thee thanks for ever and shew forth thy praise from generation to generation world with-out end Amen subject 15 THE FIFTEENTH SUBJECT Teares of her who is visited with the Pestilence being 1 Either wounded with a Sore 2 Or marked with the Tokens soliloquy 1 1. Teares of the visited being wounded with a Sore The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray OH 't is come 't is come Ps 55.4 My heart is sore pained within mee and the terrours of death are fallen upon mee See See What swelling's this What rising's this Oh it is the messenger of death and biddeth mee to enquire into my sinfull life I am struck oh I am struck to the heart This is the impression of anger and the blott of him who in his wrath may justly blott mee out of his wonted compassion Yet let mee not despaire let mee not be too much dismayd While there is life there is hope The woman in the law who had gone aside to another man in-steed of her husband whereof her husband was jealous Num. 5.20 and brought her to her purgation was to be charged by the Priest with an oath of cursing vers 21 vers 22 upon whose drinking of water her belly did swell and her thigh did rott Surely I have drunke none of that water or if I have it cannot hurt mee for by that very law vers 28 the innocent escaped free from the punishment I have never disbonoured my nuptiall bed nor defiled my selfe with any other man that this swelling should light upon mee Yet now I better consider of it let mee not deceave my selfe There is as well a spirituall as a carnall adulterie Even a virgin may be styled an adulteresse Have I never turned from my God Hath my soule never forsaken her deerest husband my blessed Redeemer to commit a spirituall whoredome O guiltie guiltie woe is mee I cannot choose but pleade guiltie to this my indictment My conscience telleth mee that I have followed the temptations of the enemies of Christ I cannot tell how often and justly therfore I must confesse may this swelling be my punishment for greater then this hath beene my due
to whom shall I goe To what physitian or Chyrurgion shall I repaire Lev. 13.2 I reade that if any man of the house of Israël had in the skinne of his flesh a rising or a swelling or a bright spott and if it were in the skinne of the flesh like the plague of Leprosie then hee was to be brought to Aaron the Priest or unto one of his sonnes the Priests vers 3. and the Priest was to looke on the plague in the skinne of the flesh and then to proceede according to order Thus under the Law the Priests were the Physitians both for the body and the soule where upon the Prophet Ieremiah complained and accounted it as a greate judgment upon the people for their sinnes that From the Prophet even to the Priest every one dealt falsely Ier. 6.13 vers 14 they healed allso the hurt of the people sleightly Hence allso another Prophet reproved them Eze. 34.4 because The diseased they had not strengthened neither had they healed that which was sick neither had they bound up that which was broken Under the Gospel allso the Apostles were likewise Physitians for both Mat. 10.1 for when Christ had called unto him his twelve Disciples hee not onely gave them power against un-cleane Spirits to cast them out but allso to heale all manner of sicknesses and all manner of diseases Doubtlesse by this I am likewise taught into whatsoëver sicknesse I fall Psa 110.4 Mal. 4.2 Make use of the prayer which followeth the next Meditation whatsoëver disease I am visited with first of all to goe to the Priest to the Minister of God first to examine my soule before I looke for the cure of my body To the Priest will I therfore goe to the chiefe Priest to the high Priest to the chiefest and highest that ever was even to him who is a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek and humbly will I besiech him to teach mee to feare his name and then I know that hee who is the Sunne of righteousnesse will arise with healing in his wings and will make mee goe forth and grow up as calves of the stall 2. Teares of the visited being marked with the Tokens The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THere is a time to kill saith Solomon and a time to heale Eccl. 3.3 O that time to kill is now come upon mee but I know not how so much as to hope for the time of healing for here I find the tokens of death the markes of my mortalitie This flesh this sinfull flesh of mine which hath beene so washed so unguented so smoothed and coloured according to the choycest witt of art and industrie hath now the staines in it of a contagious sicknesse Where are now those admirers of comelinesse those idolatrous doaters upon the beawtie of women Let them come and learne the vanitie of their opinions chide their simplicitie by these tokens of vengeance O what a fraile thing is woman easily deluded into a beliefe of her beawty and as easily stricken with her owne deformitie But what doe these spotts meane to die my flesh and strike such a deepe tinture in a smoothed sknne Are diseases blind that thus they fasten every where without either choyce or exception Vaine woman as I am why doe I spend these minuits these few and winged minuits alotted unto mee in such impertinent quaeres These blewish staines tell mee that I must provide to answer for my sinnes yea shortly speedily before him who dispatched them hither unto mee Death approacheth mortalitie knocketh at my burdened heart Lord how heavie is my soule Even as if it were allready at the greate tribunall and pleaded guiltie of millions of enormities They have corrupted themselves saith Moses by the Israëlites Deut 32.5 their spot is not the spot of God's children they are a perverse and crooked generation Is there a spot then which even the children of God may be subject unto Why then may not these be some of those spotts and my selfe be one of those children of God Lord how willingly how greedily doeth every one strive to dye the death of the righteous How easilie are wee apt through ignorance to dwell in the letter of the text when wee should rather prie into a farther intent of the blessed Spirit That spot of the children of God is not seated in the body but in the soule and that spot in the soules of the Israelites was chiefely Idolatrie True it is that even the righteous have their stainei too vers 15 16.17 but not such bloaches not such greate and fowle spots or howsoever not of such a deepe tincture not dyed so in graine as are those of the wicked for they are washed out with the teares of sorrow through the blood of the Lamb. O that my spotts were onely in my skinne and not in my soule and that I could truely justifie my selfe in the language of Iob. Iob. 31.6 vers 7. Let mee be weighed in an even ballance that God may know mine integritie If any blott hath cleaved to my hands But alas I cannot I dare not Yet if I could but come to a sight of my sinnes and be truely humbled for them then am I sure that hee who taught Iacob how to increase his flock of the speckled and the spotted Gen. 30.39 Is 1.18 would easily make mee white as wooll But how or upon what grounds can I expect his mercy feeing all that I can suffer is not punishment enough for all that I have trespassed Heb. 9.22 Without shedding of blood is noe remission sayth the blessed Apostle What comfort then can I expect or what mercy can I hope for seeing that my blood my life is not of vallew enough to suffer what my sinnes have merited much lesse to purchase remission of my sinnes What now shall I doe What hope can I have that my body should be freed from these spots of my disease when I know not how to be freed from the pollutions of my soule By the Mosaicall law If any one of the common people sinned against any of the commandements of God concerning things which ought not to be done Lev 4.27 vers 32 A Lamb without blemish was to be his offering and so the atonement was made for the sinne vers 35 and it was forgiven Here yet was some ease for a distressed soule the sinne was forgiven through the blood of the Lamb. But what hope have I of remission That Law doeth noe longer stand in force nor will the blood of a common Lamb be accepted for the least the smallest offence Yet Cheere up O my drooping soule Let my fainting spirits and my sorrowfull heart take comfort in the middest of my deepe distresse for there is
a Lamb Heb 9.28 an innocent Lamb a Lamb without blemish which once was offered to beare the sinnes of many I am one of those many who have sinned and why then should I not be one of those many too whose sinnes hee hath borne Lord make mee one of thy children through the merits of thy Sonne and cleanse the pollutions of my Soule by the blood of that Lamb even that Lamb of God which taketh away the sinnes of the world Io 1.29 But whilest I thus meditate upon the staines of my soule my body biddeth mec to looke upon these un-wonted blemishes Lord how blewish they appeare Surely if those doaters upon our sexe should see these spotts they would forget their idolatrie and tremble at the judgment When Mordecay was cloathed in his blew and white Est 8.15 it is sayd that hee went in royall apparell The apparell of my skinne mee thinks doeth seeme to resemble the covering of his body for here is the ancient white which nature conferred and here is the blew come now too sent mee from God It is royall apparell because it is sent mee by the King of glory and it is well come too 2. Cor. 1.3 because that glorious King is the father likewise of mercies and the God of all consolation Prov 20.30 The blewnesse of a wound cleanseth away evill saith the wise King Solomon Surely hee meant not such a wound such a spot as is each of these for allthough these are blew yet certainly they cleanse not or if they doe cleanse their cleansing concerneth nothing but my soule they put mee in mind of that duety for my time is short and suddenly shall my poore soule bid fare-well to this corrupted to this spotted body but as for this body it cannot be cleansed it may be ruined by these blewish wounds Christ saith to his church Thou art all faire my love Cant 4.7 there is noe spot in thee and Saint Paul telleth mee how it cometh to passe that it is freed from spotts for Christ saith hee gave himselfe for it Eph. 5.25 that hee might sanctifie it and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word vers 26 that hee might present it to himselfe a glorious church not having spott vers 27 or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish Of this church am I a member a poore weake unworthy member and yet I have my spotts my corruptions in my soule which these in my body peepe out to remember mee of But why did I not keepe the commandements without spot 1. Tim. 6.14 and unrebukeable Why have I not kept my selfe un-spotted from the world Iam 1.27 O for this for this very cause am I now thus visited am I now thus stained and noe more am I able to take these prints out of my flesh then the Ethiopian is able to change his skinne Ier. 13.23 or the Leopard his spotts Yet I have comfort in my redeemer 1. Pet. 1 18. in him who hath redeemed mee not with corruptible things as silver and gold from my vaine conversation vers 19 but with the pretious blood of himselfe as of a Lamb without blemish and without spott Though my body therfore decay yet I have a confidence that my soule shall live I have an assurance of that for hee who bringeth mee to a sight of these spotts hath given mee likewise a sight of my sinnes his name be for ever magnified for it and mee think's they appeare a thousand thousand times more loathsome more ugly in my soule then these doe in my body They are ten million of times more certainly mortall in their owne condition to my soule with out the mercy of my Iesus then these are to my body Yet if it might be safe for mee to expostulate with my God I would say unto him in the lauguage of the Prophet Ier. 15.18 Why is my paine thus perpetuall and my wound in curable which refuseth to be healed Wilt thou be alltogether unto mee as waters that fayle Hast thou utterly rejected mee c. 14.19 Hath thy soule loathed mee Why hast thou smitten mee and there is noe healing for mee I looke for peace and there is noe good and for the time of healing and behould trouble But if I should thus expostulate in the phrase of the Prophet yet must I howsoëver conclude with the Prophet and say vers 20 I acknowledg ô Lord my wickednesse and the iniquity of my fathers for wee have sinned against thee Yet mee thinks these spotts will as hardly goe out of my mind as out of my body The expresse word of God to the Israelites was Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you Lev. 1◠28. I am the Lord. And good reason there was for this prohibition for they were very apt to be led by the heathens among whom it was a custome at the death of their friends to lament and cutt themselves it was their manner allso to make incisions in their flesh to fill up the wounds with Stibium or inke But I alas doe find here such prints and markes in my flesh as the very heathen themselves would have stood amazed at yet these are notcarved by the violence of my selfe but by the finger of my God I must therfore content my selfe and rejoyce at the sight of them Iam 1.17 since they proceede from him who is the father of lights allthough they presage darknesse unto mee for every good guift and every perfect guift is from above This guift does not seeme in it selfe to be either good or perfect but upon second more serious cogitations if my true repentance ensue upon them I shall find that they will hasten mee to the best good to the chiefest perfection even to the Kingdome which is purchased for mee by the blood of my Redeemer Iob 16.12 Alas I cannot choose but cry out with Iob and say I was at ease but hee hath broken mee asunder hee hath allso taken mee by my neck and shaken mee to pieces and set mee up for his marke Or with Ieremiah Lam 3.12 Hee hath bent his bowe and set mee as a Marke for the arrowe Or with Iob againe through the extreamitie of my sorrow I am enforced to expostulate with my God Iob 7.20 say Why hast thou set mee as a marke against thee so that I am a burden to my selfe But I will silence my selfe in his words againe and say I have sinned What shall I doe unto thee ô thou preserver of men When it pleased the All-mighty to preserve his children in the citty of Ierusalem when the rest should be destroyed hee commanded a man that was cloathed with linnen Eze 9.2 vers 4. and had a writer's inke-horne by his side to goe thorow the midst of the citty thorow the midst of
hee knoweth not for what I know sinne yet I stand not affrighted not amazed at the punishment thereof Mat. 5.44 I am commanded to love mine enemies but doubtlesse sinne is excepted for such an enemie I am bound to hate Ps 139 22. Ps 97.10 O that I could hate it right sore even as mine enemie It is the Psalmist's charge O yee that love the Lord see that yee hate the thing that is evill Could I thus doe it would bring peace to my selfe and likewise might bring health to my babe Oh I now feele the sting of my sinne piercing his body and the malignitie of my corruption breaking out in his disease Adam in innocency knew noe paine but by reason of his fall diseases are become the fruit of the fruit 2. King 5.27 vers 23 Gehazy for sinne was visited with the disease of Naaman the Syrian and his two talents of silver and two changes of raiment burdening his conscience more then the bodies of his servants 2. Chr 21.18 vers 4. bought him the Leprousie The fire that Iehoram felt in his bowells made him sensible of the punishment for his want of compassion to his brethren whom hee slew with the sword Ex 9.10 The hardnesse of Pharaoh's heart made the ashes to turne into boyles and blaines in his body 1. Cor â—1 30 The Corinthians not discerning the Lord's body were therfore stricken with sicknesse weakenesse and death Hee that was encompassed by the bulls of Basan Ps 22.12 Ps 38.8 vers 3. complained that hee roared for the disquietnesse of his heart but with all hee saith There is noe health in my flesh because of thy displeasure neither is there any rest in my bones by reason of my sinne Lord how thou doest use mee and my child as Gideon did once the Elders of the citty Iud 8.16 thou doest scourge mee with briers and thornes of the wildernesse Gen 3.18 The earth for the sinne of man was cursed with the production of them and wee for sinne are scourged with that curse Yet the briers and the thornes scratch but the body of my languishing infant but they even teare the soule of mee his sad sorrowfull mother Yet I fast with David 2. Sam. 12.22 and I weepe with David and I cry with David Who can tell whether God will be gratious to mee that the child may live This litle lumpe of sinfull clay lyeth at the mercy of him that is the potter It is framed it is shaped into a body into a vessell but diseases would crack it sicknesse would breake it At the taking of a besieged towne that would not yeeld though the men were to be smitten with the edg of the sword Deut 20.14 yet the women and the litle ones were appointed to be spared Lord I am one of those women my child is one of the litle ones Conquer thou but spare take us but preserve us Thy mercy to heathen could not be greater then it can be to Christians Lord what shall I doe The infant still cryeth and still the parent weepeth Sicknesse enforceth the cryes of the child and the cryes of the child enforce the parents teares O how my bowells yerne and burne and frie with in mee and yet noe ease doeth come to my sweetest babe noe comfort to my languishing child I reade that Christ did chide his disciples for rebuking those who brought the litle ones unto him and hee sayd Suffer litle children Mat 19 13. vers 14 and forbid them not to come unto mee for of such is the Kingdome of heaven To him to him therfore will I goe and tender this youngling But alas how can a begging present be acceptable unto him With what confidence can I give him this child when the offering is onely a guiftlesse guift Mine intent is not to loose but to gaine to give but not to leave my child to offer him to God but in hope that hee will spare him a litle while with mee And his indeede hee is hee hath beene his ever since hee was offered unto him in the temple Rom 6 4. ever since hee was buried with him by baptisme But perhaps hee hath since that time beene lost and strayed from him I will therfore take him in mine armes and cary him home againe I will carie him by water for now it is highflood 't is a spring-tide mine eyes are full Wee will swimme together to my Iesus of him I will begge I will cry for I will prevaile for his pardon I know that my Saviour will heare and hee will be ready allso to forgive Hee will forgive my child that ranne away from him and hee will forgive mee my running with my child and when hee hath forgiven hee will certainely remitt the eternall punishment it may be the temporall likewise But how dare I who am the greatest delinquent to goe with my child the lesser sinner How dare I to shew my face to him or appeare in his presence His child it is true I am as well as my babe but I have allso offended him as much as my babe yea more a thousand thousand thousand million of millions of myriads of times more then hee This child as yet doeth know noe malice noe guile noe hypochrisie noe enuie noe evill speaking but I alas not onely know all but allso I harbour all I foster all I embosome all and yet my God saith unto mee by the mouth of his Apostle as well as unto others 1 Pet 2 1. Laying aside all malice and all guile and hypochrisies and envies and evill-speakings vers 2. As new-borne babes desire yee the syncere milke of the word that yee may grow thereby His child I am but woe is mee I have not this long while sucked of the breasts the two testaments or not eagerly or not so understandingly as hee commandeth mee to doe when hee sayth Be not children in understanding 1. Cor. 14.20 howbeit in malice be yee children O how infinitely worse am I then this my child Hee is humble but I am prowde and haughty and high-minded Mat. 18 2. yea though I know that Christ called once a litle child peradventure just such a litle child as mine is and set it in the midst of his disciples and sayd verely I say unto you vers 3. Except yee be converted and become as litle children yee shall not enter into the Kingdome of heaven vers 4. Whosoever therfore shall humble himselfe as this litle child the same is greatest in the Kingdome of heaven The least mee think's I faine would be I would faine be greatest the greatest in the Kingdome yea the greatest in the Kingdome of heaven but the first I like not so well it suites not so well with wy disposition I would not be humble Though I am as litle as was Zacheus Lu 19.4 yet I would be as high as was Zacheus too yea though
bee none to deliver us O thou who didst suffer thy selfe to be wounded for our transgressions be pleased to cure the wounds and maladies both of the soule and body of thy distressed servant Thou knowest Lord that the feeble soule cannot praise thee with cheerefullnesse nor serve thee with alacritie The sicknesse of the body disturbeth the soule and maketh it un-apt to serve thee with readinesse O say of his disease that It is enough and remove from him speedily this heavy visitation Thine hand ô Lord is layed upon him and the stroake is so heavy that it woundeth us both Mercifull God let the sinnes of both of us be blotted out of thy remembrance like a clowde Is 44.22 and be appeased with us through the merits of thy Sonne Mar 2.17 The whole have noe neede of thee the physitian but wee that are sick O be thou the Physitian to cure our soules and then in thy good time restore thy diseased servant to his former health But if thou hast sent him this sicknesse as a messenger of death ô give him patience to beare and willingnesse to suffer whatsoever thou sendest Ranke him not in the number of those rich and wicked Eccl. 5.17 who have much sorrow and wrath in their sicknesse but ease his sorrow and appease thy wrath Make him willing to submit to thy will and pleasure that so whether hee liveth Rom. 14.8 hee may live unto thee or whether hee dyeth hee may dye unto thee yea whether hee liveth or dyeth that hee may be thine Luc. 18 13. Lord be likewise mercifull to mee a sinner Thou knowest how deepely this affliction woundeth mee To him thou gavest mee whom now thou visitest that so hee might be both my head and my directour and thou knowest my weakenesse and my frailties that I cannot understand I cannot walke in thy wayes without a counseller I cannot apprehend what I reade Act. 8.31 except some man should guide mee O be thou pleased therfore to spare his life whom I am commanded to learne of at home 1. Cor. 14.35 for if thou callest him to the joy of thine heavenly Kingdome let it be thy goodnesse to moderate my sorrow upon earth If thou takest him from my societie let mee not be left alone but send mee the comforter even thy holy Spirit to be my Protectour and my guide unto death Ps 48.14 Release him of his torments whom thou visitest with this sicknesse and ease thou my sorrowes which arise from his paines Give the comforts of thy Spirit both to him and mee that when this painfull life shall have an end wee may be found of thee in peace 2. Pet. 3.14 Is 9.6 through the merits and mercies of the Prince of peace even Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen THE NINETEENTH SUBJECT Teares of a woman lamenting the death of her beloved husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Mary came where Iesus was Io. 11.32 and saw him shee fell downe at his feete saying unto him Lord if thou hadst beene here my brother had not dyed Shee wept indeede yet it was but for a brother and the Iewes allso wept vers 33. yet it was but for a common friend but what was all that to the death of a husband O my husband my husband That very name of husband mee think's would flatter mee with comfort as if I might imagine that hee could heare mee But oh hee is dead hee is dead hee cannot heare mee hee cannot behould mee hee cannot answer mee his eares are locked up his eyes are closed his mouth is sealed his soule is gone O what shall I doe for my head my guide my heart my husband Were my Saviour upon earth againe I could send one to him as Mary did vers 3. who should say Lord behould hee whom thou lovest is dead Dead say I O dead dead hee is gone hee is departed and can never be re-called But why Why can hee not be called back againe Did not my Iesus cause Lazarus to arise when hee had beene fower dayes dead vers 44 vers 39 Yes hee did but what then I neither love my Saviour so well as Mary did nor I feare doeth hee love mee so well as hee did Mary or if both were so yet since miracles are ceased I cannot so much as hope that hee will call back the spirit of my Lord my husband Oh could hee be wooed by the teares of a sinfull woman never did any mourne so much as I would But nothing will perswade I seeke but the disturbance of him whom I mourne for if I desire to call him from his eternall rest Yet I hope that it is noe sinne to grieve that hee is gone I lament not his happinesse but mine owne losse vers 35 My Iesus himselfe did weepe for Lazarus in testimonie of his affection for so sayd the Iewes vers 36 Behould how hee loved him And was my love to my husband so litle or so cold that I should forget to testifie it in a sorrowfull teare O I cannot forbeare the remembrance of him Is 1.2 Lam 1.12 who was deerer unto mee then life it selfe Heare ô heavens and give eare ô earth Was it nothing to you all yee that were by him when yee saw him breathing out his soule and forsaking the world O behould and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow which is done unto mee wherewith the Lord hath afflicted mee in this day of his anger Tell mee not how Iacob lamented the supposed death of his sonne Ioseph Hee was misse-taken in the cause but I see and feele the chillowed clay of mine indulgent husband Iacob mourned onely for a sonne but I for an husband Iacob had more many more I had but one 2. Sam 1.26 and the love of this one to mee did passe the love of women Yet though Ioseph was alive and though hee was the youngest save one of twelve sonnes Gent 37.34 Iacob his father rent his cloathes and put sackcloth upon his loynes and mourned for him many dayes c 23.2 Tell mee not how Abraham bewayled the death of Sarah his wife who dyed in Kiriath arba in the land of Canaan Hee was a man so neither his passion nor his losse could paralell mine Hee had more-wives but I had not more husbands And yet though Abraham lost but onely a wife I reade that hee came to mourne and to weepe for her Tell mee not of Abijah the sonne of a King how hee dyed and was lamented Could a Prince be as neere and deare to the people as a loving husband to the wife of his bofome Yet though neither mariage nor blood could pleade for a teare I find that all Israël mourned for him
dyed shee vers 19 poore soule being greate with child when the storie of these sad accidents was related unto her bowed her selfe and fell in travaile for her paines came upon her yea at length when shee was delivered of her Ichabod vers 21 she gave up the ghost Thus the Priests fell by the sword Ps 78.64 and noe widow was left to make lamentation True it is that my affliction is greate in the death of my husband yea so greate that herewith the slanderous enemie of the Psalmist was severely cursed Ps 109.9 Let his children be fatherlesse and his wife a widow yet is it farre better to see him goe downe to the grave in peace then that hee should have lingered in continuall miserie Ier 22.12 Shallum the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah was caried captive by an enemie into another land and dyed there which the Prophet confidering speaketh and saith vers 10 Weepe not for the dead neither bemoane him but weepe for him that goëth away for hee shall returne noe more nor see his native countrie This might have beene the portion allso of my beloved but since it was not though my losse be greate yet must not my sorrow be too greate Immoderate griefe for those that are dead was the practise of heathens it becometh not the children of God The Israelites were forbidden it even by God himselfe who saith unto them Lev 19 28. Deut 14.1 Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you I am the Lord. And againe Yee are the children of the Lord your God yee shall not cut your selves nor make any baldnesse betweene your eyes for the dead The Gentiles indeede at the death of friends were so trans-ported with sorrow that they cut themselves Ier 16.6 made themselves bald in the greatnesse of their lamentations They carved their flesh and marked themselves for idolatrie yea they allso cut their skinnes when a friend deceased and the wounds they filled up with either Stibium or inke or what colour they pleased which remained in the flesh when the skinne was growne over In all their sorrowes such kinds of inscisions were ordinarie testimonies of the griefe of their hearts Ier 41.5 Thus the fowre score men that came from Shechem from Shiloh and from Samariah had their beards shaven and their clothes rent and they had cut themselves and had offerings and incense in their hands to bring to the house of the Lord. Thus when the Priests of Baall did call on the name of their Idoll 1. King 18.28 they cryed alowd and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancers 'till the blood gushed out upon them Yet though it was the practise of the Gentiles it may not be of Christians nor might it be of the Israëlites they therfore punished it with many stripes And just it was that when their violent hands had un-naturally beene stained with the blood of their owne bodies the hand of justice should draw blood in the punishment of such a cruell offence The Iewes might not cut themselves at the death of a friend noe though of a father because they were not fatherlesse while the Lord was their God The infidells indeede had noe share in the most high and therfore were fatherlesse when their sires deceased but it was not so with Israel nor is it so with mee I have a father which is in heaven Mat 6.9 to whom my husband is gone before mee I have a husband too which is in heaven even the same who was a husband to Iudah and Israël I have a head too which is in heaven Ier 31.32 even my Saviour Christ Eph 5.23 who is the head of the Church I have a brother too which is in heaven even my elder brother Iesus Christ Why then should I grieve that my husband is dead since hee is but gone to the place where my treasure is layed up Mat. 6.20 and where my immortall father and head and brother have crowned him with immortalitie My God hath taken him that I may know where to find him Whilest hee continued upon earth his imployments did often deprive mee of his societie but now is hee seated in a place of rest to which when I come wee shall never be seperated Whilest hee was here my affection unto him indeede was greate and that was my duety but yet I feare that I offended in the excesse Had I not loved him too much I should not be immoderate in my sorrow but even by these teares I am taught the sinfullnesse of my passion For this sinne therfore will I strive to weepe even for the trespasse of my weeping I should never have beene so offensively sensible of this my losse nor so vaine in my laments if I had allways remembred that hee was created mortall and had therfore trusted in him who is immortall If I doe love my God more then I did my husband I shall find both comfort and content in his mercy Lord how fraile and weake am I that I cannot discharge the debt of nature but I must bring in question the power of grace I cannot grieve for the death of my departed husband without discovering some diffidence some distrust in my God But I will pray unto the Lord to for give the excesse of my love to my deceased husband the excesse of my teares for the death of my husband and to convert these teares into dropps of sorrow for my hainous offences To him will I hasten to him will I speedily addresse my selfe and mournfully will I cry and begge and pray and say The Prayer FAther of mercies and God of all consolation Ioa 11.25 vers 26 thou who art the resurrection and the life in whom whosoëver believeth shall live though hee were dead and in whom whosoëver liveth and believeth shall not die eternally send downe thy grace into my sinfull soule that I may magnifie thy name for delivering thy servant from the miseries of this life and for inthroning him in the celestiall â—erusalem where I doubt not but hee reigneth Thou knewest his sufferances and the sharpenesse of his sicknesse in mercy didst release him of his miserie to crowne him with glory Thy favours were infinite in his spirituall comforts when his body languished through the extreamitie of his disease By thy scourge thou taughtest him how thou abhorrest sinne yet I doubt not but thou hast freed him from the torments of hell through the sufferances of thy Sonne For thy goodnesse to him thy name be glorified and I humbly besiech thee to extend thy mercy likewise unto her who honoureth thee for it Thou knowest Lord the distresse of my soule for want of him whom thou hast taken from mee Thou seest mine affliction and thou numberest my teares O be gratious unto mee thine unworthy servant and send mee comfort in the midst of these sorrows Give mee grace
to submit with cheerefullnesse to this thy chastisement and to repent mee of my sinnes which brought this affliction Were it not just for mee to make my complaint in the bitternesse of my sorrowes thou wouldest not have commanded Zion to lament like a virgin girded with sack-cloth for the husband of her youth Thou Lam 1.8 ô Lord doest behould my sorrow and the griefe of my heart because thou hast taken from mee the desire of mine eyes Eze 24 16. and the joy of my heart Be pleased ô my God so to open the eyes of my soule and understanding that I may see as cleerely the cause of thy stroake as I am sensible of the losse of him that was my guide Though hee was sent to be the head of my body yet thou ô God didst offer thy selfe to be the husband of my soule but to my shame I must confesse that I followed the stepps of Samaria Eze 16 45. of Sodome and of Ierusalem and loathed thee my Lord and my husband justly therfore mightest thou say of mee as thou once didst speake of the church of the Iewes Hos 2.2 Shee is not my wife neither am I her husband But ô thou father of mercies for give my back-slidings and adde not affliction to affliction lest I faint under thy rod. Is 47.9 Spirituall widow-hood was a curse which once thou didst threaten unto Babylon ô let it not fall upon mee Allthough thou hast taken him that was my husband yet be pleased to betroth mee to thy selfe for ever Hos 2.19 Say unto mee Ruchama thou hast obtained mercy vers 16 vers 19 and let mee answer thee Baali and Ishi my Lord and my husband Betroath mee unto thee in righteousnesse and in judgment and in loving-kindnesse vers 20 and in mercyes and in faithfullnesse and make mee know thee to be my Lord. 2. Cor 11.2 Send a Paul to espouse mee to one husband that so I may be presented as a chast virgin unto Christ. Give mee grace to doe as once thou commandedst the widowes of Edom Ier 49.11 1. Tim 5.5 even to trust in thee Though now I am desolate yet make mee for ever to trust in thee my God and continue in supplications and prayers night and day Thus let my sorrow be sanctified and my trust and confidence reposed in thee that so I may serve thee with cheerefullnesse endure thy visitation with patience and in the end that I may goe to that place where I trust thou hast crowned my husband and where my Saviour is certainly gone before even to the Kingdome of happinesse and that through the merits and intercession of the same Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 20 THE TWENTIETH SUBJECT A woman's teares at the funer all of her husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Sarah dyed in Kiriath-Arba Abraham stood up from before his deceased wife Gen 23 3. and spake unto the sonnes of Heth vers 4. saying I am a stranger and a sojourner with you give mee a possession and a burying place with you that I may bury my dead out of my fight Though hee so tenderly affected her whilest shee was living yet hee would not looke to long on her when shee was dead It is a duety as full of humanitie to interre with decency the bodies of the dead as it is of religion to love the persone when they are alive Yet vaine is man in this affection if hee fixeth his love onely on the beautie of the body This flesh which is so tender this skinne which I strive to preserve both smooth and white must one day be a banquet for the loathed wormes Noe greater priviledg belongeth to mee then did to my hushand for the time will come when I shall follow him to the earth Had I loved onely his outward forme my love should now either quite be forgotten or else I should fondly defire to deny it interment but it was his body enlivened with a rich and excellent soule which drew mine affection and commanded my desires Had that soule and body continued their societie I had beene freed from my laments but they have bid fare-well 'till the generall resurrection and hence am I enforced to utter my complaints I weepe for my losse because wee are divorced but ô what conflicts then can I imagine that hee had wheÌ„ hee was not onely to part from his indeared wife but likewise his soule was to leave this chillowed â—earth Oh for him for him for my losse of him doe I pay the tribute of these watering eyes Yet these teares must not flow in too greate aboundance lest by them I should seeme to envy his happinesse Even when his body shall be layed to sleepe in the grave if I mourne too much it will be justly suspected that too much I loved the worst of my husband His soule which was his best is now in perfection and may not be lamented his body which is the worse and grosser part of him is now to be committed to the earth whence it came Thither it must goe to that place I must commend it otherwise my former love may be turned into loathing and that which I esteemed when it was alive I shall be forced to abhorre if I keepe it from the grave O it grieveth mee each minuit that I thinke of my deerest it troubleth and perplexeth mee with disturbed thoughts when I consider how servently I loved him yet cannot enliven him But these are onely the fond conceptions of an erring phantisie and tell mee that I loved him more then I should or else now I would not grieve so much as I doe If my love to God be so greate as I pretend I shall thankfully acknowledg his love to the departed O let it never be said that my love was idolatrie in affecting him too much who is but dust and ashes But why sit I museing in these pensive thoughts when I should rather prepare for the buriall of the dead Have I taken a course for the place of his rest where his cold body may be layed to sleepe This is a duety which every age hath beene carefull to performe It was a greater argument of Iehojakim's furie against Vryah the Prophet Ier. 26.23 that hee cast his dead body into the graves of the common people then that hee slew him with the sword It hath allso beene a testimonie of God's revenge when hee suffered not the dead to have a decent interment Eccl 6.3 If a man beget an hundred children saith the Preacher and live many yeeres so that the dayes of his yeeres be many and his soule be not filled with good and allso that hee have noe buriall I say that an untimely birth is better then hee VVhen the
the wine and the other accustomed entertainments are given at each wee goe to the church for the consummation of each onely here is the difference that at the one wee rejoyce but at the other wee mourne Every guest that is willing to comply with the preâ—ent occasion must as well be sad at this as â—e merrie at the other Weepe wee may and weepe wee must especially my selfe who have â—ost my selfe But yet let mee take heede that I offend not in my teares lest that which is my duety be turned into a crime I must especially take heede that I erre not in the cause of these laments for if I griere at the happinesse of him that is departed I discover an envie rather then affection If I grieve for the losse which my selfe sustaineth I must take heede that I wrong not my confidence in God I may not offend in the number of my teares for if I weepe too much I may forfeit my hope or at least I may occasion those that behould mee to thinke that I doubt of the salvation of the dead Weepe I may and weepe I must but for feare lest I offend in these my teares in my earnest prayers I will begge that they may be sanctified To my God will I goe for his direction and assistance and in this storme of my teares I will shelter my selfe under his protection and humbly will I tender my petitions and say The Prayer O All-mighty and ever-living Lord God thou who knowest whereof wee are made Ps 103.14 and who remembrest that wee are but dust give mee grace I besiech thee to be thankfull unto thee for all thy mercies more particularly both for thy deliverance of my husband from the miseries of this life and for affording mee the meanes in peace to bring him to his longest home Lord so arme mee with patience in this time of affliction that I may not offend thee in my want or excesse of mourning Gen 3.19 Dust wee are and to dust wee shall returne From the earth wee came and to the earth wee must goe This way which thy servant must now be disposed of is the way wherein thou wilt one day leade mee allso to my rest O prepare mee for the time of my greate account Eccl 12 7. that so when my dust shall returne to the earth as it was my spirit may returne unto thee who didst give it Let his spectacle of mortality live in my memorie that so when I consider that the time will come that as naked as I came out of my mother's wombe Iob 1.21 so naked shall I thither returne againe I may wholly endeavour and seeke to be clothed with the righteousnesse of thy Sonne Rom 6 4. With him thou hast beene gratiously pleased that by baptisme I should be buried into death graunt allso good God that like as hee was raised up from the dead by the glory of thee the eternall Father even so I allso may walke in newnesse of life Make mee ever thinke upon death which will seize on mee judgment which will examine mee and hell which would devoure mee that heaven may receave mee Let this lifelesse carkeise put mee in mind of the malice of sinne which is the cause of death and of that sentence which immediatly followeth this death Thou seest ô Lord how unwilling I am to part from this frozen and earthie lumpe Thou knowest how deepe the departure of my joy doeth pierce and wound mine afflicted heart O be thou my comforter in this greatest sorrow Ps 119.96 that seeing now I see that all things doe certainly come to an end I may wholly endeavour to please thee alone who shalt never have end Is 50.3 O thou who cloathest the heavens with blacknesse and hast cloathed mee at this time who am but earth ashes with these mourning weedes graunt that by these I may be instructed to shunne the fraile and fading vanities of the earth and strive for that Kingdome which shall endure for ever Be pleased to speake peace to my troubled mind that so though nature hath power to enforce mee to weepe yet grace may prevaile to moderate my mourning Ps 106 9. Ps 104.9 O thou who diddest once rebuke the red sea that thy servants might passe through them as on drie land thou who hast set a bound to the seas that they may not passe over nor turne againe to cover the earth be pleased so to rebuke the waters of mine affliction and put such a bound to these my teares that they may not drowne this earth of my feeble body but may give place to confidence and comfort in thy mercy Ps 114.3 Iordane did yeeld to thy command was driven back so drive thou back the flood of my teares that they swell not above the bankes of moderation and hope Let the grave of the deceased put mee in mind of the tombe of my blessed Redeemer that so when I am bowed downe with sorrow at the buriall of this earth I may be raised with joy for the benefits of the resurrection of my Saviour Christ Hee hath plucked out the sting which sinne had formerly given unto death 1. Cor. 15.56 vers 57 ô let mee ever be thankfull unto thee my God who givest us victorie through Iesus Christ. Give mee an assured beliefe of the generall resurrection that when I grieve at the placing of this flesh in the grave I may rejoyce in the certaintie of his rising againe Ps 25.17 Though the troubles of my heart be now enlarged yet bring thou mee out of all my feares Ps 94.19 In the midst of the sorrowes which I have in my heart let thy comforts ô God refresh my soule Lord make mee dye to sinne and live by grace that when I shall put off this tabernacle of flesh I may dwell with thee in those eternall mansions of perfect happinesse through Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen subject 21 THE TWENTIE-FIRST SUBjECT Teares of a woman in the state of widow-hood The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray BEcause Ierusalem had forsaken the Lord was was gone backward Ier 15.6 vers 8. Therfore sayd my God their widowes are increased to mee above the sand of the seas vers 6. Hee who was wearie of repenting was not wearie of destroying and yet the judgments which fell upon the Iewes were easier to the stronger then to the weaker sexe The males had a period set to their earthly troubles when the sword devoured them but the poore females were left alive destitute both of the comfort and societie of their husbands Death is a judgment mixed often with mercy because it finisheth our earthly sufferances whereas a life that is lead in continued sorrowes is so much the more burdensome
and yet 't is a paine to mee to cry yea and 't is follie to cry because I receave 〈◊〉 certaine hurt by it but noe release from thâ— which I cryfor I envy all that enjoy theâ— health and each moment I am ready to repiâ— at him who hath brought mee so low Thâ— smile of a visitant is a dagger at my heart for while I find my selfe thus lingering in a sicknesse I looke that the whole world should decay for companie I am fretfull and peevish and disturbed with every thing yea even by a continuance of the fretfulblesse it selfe One while I faine would have my life prolonged another while I cry out for a speedie departure Sometimes I have a kind of glimmering oâ— health and then I am so proude of it that 〈◊〉 adventure too much Either I eate too much or I walke too much or I discourse too much or one thing or other exceeding its proportion speedes mee back againe to my former weaknesse then am I sorrie for what I have done and yet am I apt either to denie or excuse it Thus ô thus is my body perplexed but all this while I say nothing of my soule I am sensible of the anguish which I feele in my body but in what estate or condition doe I find my foule My body is allmost resolved into that whereof it was framed my soule therfore is not long to continue upon earth When they shall part it will prove either a day of tryumphant blisse or else a dismall time â—t will be of horrour and confusion O come come thou fond and foolish woman looke â—o that darling which ere long shall be crowned with a diademe of glory or else be damned with the rebellious ghosts Well I am resolved I will now take up banishing the thoughts or hopes of recoverie I will prepare my selfe that I may meete my God O my God assist mee in this my resolution and blesse mee in the performance part 2 The second part of the Soliloquie expressing the cause of the maladie HAd Adam continued in his integritie man should have beene freed from the tortures of sicknesse The dead and trampled earth should not have beene freer from thornes and thistles then man the living earth from maladies and infirmities But ô I feele the sowernesse of the apple in the bitternesse and sharpnesse of my disease and needes must I therfore remember mine originall corruption This is the cause of my languishing this is the ground of my feeblenesse But is this all Have I nothing but the staine which I inherit from my parents to be termed the cause of this my miserie One onely offence to my greate creatour hath power enough to purchase my disquiet But have I but one Is mine hereditarie sinne mine onely crime Surely I feare that I have something amisse in mine owne thoughts and words and actions as well as in my parent's un-kind legacie I cannot believe that God doeth afflict my body with these chastisements yea and threaten my soule too with eternall tortures and all this onely for a sinne of Adam so many ages since committed Thus indeede hee might doe and yet I should not chuse but justifie him when hee should speake Ps 51.4 and cleare him when hee should judg Oh but I feele some-thing else at my heart as weightie as lead which make's mee cry out it is some-thing at my conscience which telleth mee that I have more to answer for then the pollutions of nature it assureth mee that I have offended cruelly deepely desperately I have offended 'T is true ô mine angrie my disturbed conscience I must confesse I have Oh my heart I feele there I feele there something more then an universall guilt I have offended I have sinned actually greatly mightily bloodily in every thought in every word in every action I have so industriously imployed my time to the dishonour of my God that I cannot remember I ever pleased him Guiltie guiltie I must I doe confesse my selfe highly guiltie of fearefull crimes such as disturbe mee in the very remembrance O my God vouchsafe mee a repenting heart for them yet never without the assurance of thy mercy and pardon through the sufferance of thy Sonne How can I choose but find my sinnes even in my very feeble and consuming sicknesse Since I have so many testimonies in the sacred pages that God is noe revenger untill mee are delinquents All disturbances of the body doe un-doubtedly arise from the pollutions of the soule The Prophet David confessed it and said Ps 38.3 There is noe soundnesse in my flesh because of thine anger neither is there any rest in my bones by reason of my sinnes My Redeemer justified it when hee who had beene shaken with a palsie was brought unto him lying upon his bed for hee cured him Mat 9.2 and said Sonne be of good cheere thy sinnes be forgiven thee And againe when thirtie eight yeeres had beene spent by a man in a lingering disease and after that my Iesus had cured him when hee found him in the Temple Io 5.14 his words to him were Behould thou art made whole sinne noe more lest a worse thing come unto thee Saint Paul assured the Corinthians that because they did unworthily approach the table of the Lord 1. Cor 11.30 even for this cause many were weake and sick among them and many slept Thus the punishment is sent from God but the offence is both in and from our selves But have all diseases the same originall Is sinne the ground of every sicknesse Cannot I be afflicted with this languishing maladie but it must needes proceede from the wickednesse I have committed Noe doubtlesse for this very kind and manner of sicknesse hath particularly beene threatned yea and sent too as a punishment for disobedience A languishing hath beene threatned and sent upon the very creatures for the sinnes and wickednesse of the offending people Thus the Prophet bemoaneth the punishment of the Iewes for their greate rebellions and saith The earth mourneth Is 24.4 and fadeth away the world languisheth and fadeth away the height of the people of the earth doeth languish Ier 14.2 Thus in a grievous famine Iudah mourned and the gates thereof languished they were black unto the ground and Ierusalem was gone up Is 16.8 Thus the fields of Hesbon languished and the vine of Shibmah the lords of the heathen brake downe the principall plants thereof Ioel 1.10 Thus among the Iewes the field was wasted the land mourned for the corne was wasted the new wine was dryed up the oyle languished vers 12 the vine was dryed up and the figg-tree languished Thus in the confusion of Egypt the fishers mourned Is 19.8 and all that did cast the angle into the brookes lamented and they that spread netts upon the waters did languish Thus among the enemies of the church the earth mourned and languished c 33.9 Lebanon was ashamed and hewen
meete thee my God and my mercifull Redeemer O God comfort mee O Christ strengthen mee O Iesus save mee Prepare mee for the happie hower of my deliverance from this world and then bring mee out of this valley of teares to those waters of comfort where I may sing tryumphantly to the honour of thy name through Iesus Christ my Lord and my Redeemer Amen subject 25 THE TWENTIE-FIFTH SUBjECT Teares of a mother on her death-bed blessing her children The Soliloquie Consisting of two parts viz 1 Her preparation to blesse them 2 The blessing it selfe ending in a prayer part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie being her preparation to blesse them THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray CHildren are an heritage of the Lord saith the Psalmist Ps 127.3 and the fruit of the wombe is his reward True indeede they come from the Lord and happy are they if they returne unto him Gracious hath my God beene to mee in the loane of my issue but unlesse hee shall be pleased to adde grace unto nature his blessing will be fearfully converted into a curse Weakenesse possesseth my body faintnesse my spirits 2. Tim. 4.6 and the time of my departure is neere at hand Goe I must yea and I am willing and joyfull to meete my God but oh the thought of my children disturbeth my mind and the consideration of what may become of them filleth my dying heart with cares and anxjeties If they live not in the feare of him who lent them unto mee my poore issue may become the fewell of hell What shall I doe If I should live I would take such care by the blessing of my God as that I might be a meanes to nurture them up in the feare of the most high but if I am taken away from them who can tell what their education may prove Strangers may governe them and such people for ought I know may undertake their tuition as may neglect the care of religious instructions and suffer them to runne head-long to the gulfe of perdition O what a curse would it prove beyond expression if that part of my selfe which is divided into litle ones if those which cost mee so many pangs and throwes should be disobedient to my God and so be sentenced to the flames of eternall horrour Alas I can doe noe more then what the Lord will permit mee While I am here I am bound both by nature and grace to endeavour my utmost for their holy advantage but when I shall be dissolved lye in the cold clods of my mother earth then can noe more care be expected from mee Ah my poore infants litle doe they thinke how they will misse their mother and wish mee alive againe as if they envyed my happinesse Hither and thither they may be tossed and tumbled and which is worst of all they may be brought up in ignorance or in lewdnesse and sensualitie Mee think's I see the frownes of a stepmother and the knitted browes menacing nothing but crueltie and tyrannie and then mee think's they weepe in one corner and lament in another bemoane their hard happ in the losse of my selfe Their hungrie bellies may be pinched with famine their bodies with cold and their backs with stripes when I shall not either heare or see or know it my head being layed in the low and silent grave Helpe they may call for when none will have the pittie to render them helpe So they may want and cry and be beaten and cry and be turned out of doores and cry when yet neither mercy will heare nor charitie hearken to the complaints of the motherlesse But why doe I spend so many of these swift minuits of my short continuance in such pensive melancholick and distrustfull thoughts and feares of what may happen True it is that these and others yea and worse inconveniences may happen to their bodies and yet they may prove the children of the Most high That ô that is all that I aime at for though I would not willingly have them suffer in their bodies yet I would not for a thousand worlds that they should suffer in their soules Hunger and thirst and stripes and nakednesse may be endured and in time either age or wealth or friends may free them from these out-ward sufferances but ignorance and ungodlinesse without the infinite mercies and goodnesse of my Redeemer will be punished with torments that shall never have end O what shall I doe then for my poore distressed children Grieve I doe but I feare that I offend in it mourne I doe but I doubt it is more then indeede I ought God is not weake or ignorant or impotent Hee hath beene a father to mee from the time of my conception and shall I yet distrust in his providence and protection of my children This were either to suspect his power or to deny his mercie I know it is his desire that they should be heires of salvation and I know that hee can effect whatsoever hee desireth To him therfore I will leave them to his care and tuition I will referre my tender and beloved plants And that hee may the more willingly become their guardiaen when I shall leave them while I live I will beseech him with abundance of my teares to admitt them his servants The wife of Zebideus made a bolder request to my gracious Redeemer Mat 20.21 for shee be sought him that those her two sonnes might sit the one on his right hand and the other on his left in his Kingdome vers 22 Shee poore woman as Christ replyed did not know what shee asked Shee knew not that the Kingdome of Christ was celestiall but dreamed of an earthly diademe and glory Her request was therfore the fuller both of boldnesse and ambition whom noe place would serve for those her children but what was highest and next to supreamest majestie Yet mee thinks I cannot much blame her for her love to them whom so dearely shee had bought There is noe earthly love to be compared to the love of a woman nor is any womans love to be compared to the love of a mother Surely David did not know how strong this passion of love is in the weaker vessells when hee said The love of Ionathan to him was wonderfull 2. Sam. 1.26 passing the love of women Wee mothers are like unto the charet of King Solomon whereof though the pillars were of silver Cant 3 10. and the bottome of gold and the covering of purple yet the midst thereof was paved with love for the daughters of Ierusalem Is 49.15 Can a woman saith God forget her sucking child that shee should not have compassion on the sonne of her wombe 'T is very rare indeede and yet it is possible for hee himselfe doeth say that they may forget Yet
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
Angells to the latter the un-godly are hurried and tumbled by cursed fiends and staring ghosts Here indeede the wicked spend their dayes in mirth Iob. 21.13 Ps 49.14 but in a moment they goe downe to the grave They are layed like sheepe in the grave death shall feede on them and the upright shall have dominion over them in the morning and their beauty shall consume in the grave from their dwelling From thence there is noe redemption Noe noe there is a greate gulfe Lu 16.26 2. Pet. 3.12 and greater there will be when the earth shall be dissolved and the elements shall melt with fervent heate Then onely heaven and hell shall remaine and from either of these there is noe departure The wicked would be freed out of hell but cannot the godly neither can nor would be deprived of heaven Lu 16.26 Betweene us and you said Abraham to Dives there is a greate gulfe fixed so that they which would passe from hence to you cannot neither can they passe to us which would come from thence Doest thou heare that ô my perplexed soule Doest thou know that thy sentence will be either Come thou blessed or Depart thou cursed Mat. 25 34. vers 41 Doest thou consider that that sentence will be immediately so soone as thou shalt take thy flight from my body O my conscience why hast thou not checked mee for those sinnes of mine which have deserved the sentence of horrour O my soule Ps 89.48 why hast thou forgotten that thou must leave my body Dye I must for what man is hee that liveth and shall not see death Shall hee deliver his soule from the hand of the grave The righteous and the reprobate even both of them shall assuredly dye but the latter shall have a second death the former by death shall enter into life Ps 1.4 The wicked shall be as chaffe which the wind driveth away from the face of the earth and when they dye they shall be cast into un-quenchable fire Mat 3.12 Mat 13 30. Io 12.24 but the righteous shall be like the wheate which shall be gathered into the barne But first they must be sowed before they be reaped Except a corne of wheate fall into the ground and dye it abideth alone but if it dye it bringeth forth much fruit They dye to sinne in their regeneration and they dye by reason of sinne at their change but this all is that they may spring up in glory Lord since I needs must dye let mee dye in thy favour that I may live for ever in thy celestiall Kingdome Pardon all the sinnes I have committed especially my forgetfullnesse of the time of my dissolution So long as I live let mee repent mee of my life and remember my death Give mee as certaine an assurance of a life in glory as I know and am certaine of a temporall death So shall my life here be spent in sorrow for my sinnes and by death I shall passe to those mansions of eternitie I know that I shall dye I begge that I may live Let my sinne here have a death in mee Col. 3.3 and let my soule hereafter have a life for ever with Christ in God 2. A godly preparation against the minuit of death MY soule is bowed downe to the dust Ps 44.25 my belly cleaveth unto the earth and that litle all that is left of my declining body hasteneth apace to the chambers of death Mee think's I heare my greate Creatour speaking unto mee as hee did once to Hezekiah lying on his sick bed Is 38.1 and saying Set thine house in order for thou shalt dye and not live But what house is that which I must set in order Is it my body Alas I have noe power to order that I have referred it to the Physitians and they instead of composing it and regulating it for the recoverie of my health doe but vexe it with draggs and torment it with medicines I feele the hand of death lying hard upon mee and seizing upon every part and member of my body But if it be not the house of my body is it then my house-hold or familie which I must set in order To this indeede I am instructed even by common civility for I have a journie to take a long and a farre journie and never more shall I returne to this place of miserie I must therfore bid my people farewell I must give them a charge and tell them what my pleasure what my desire is they should performe in my absence and that is onely to be obedient to the lawes of my God But yet mee think's this is not all There is yet another house which I must set in order a house of farre more consequence to mee then either of the other The poore rotten house of my body is ready to fall and to come to ruine by the stormes of my sicknesse Yet I strive to mend it and to support it by the various potions and severall dose's prescribed mee by the learned but all I believe will not prevaile downe it must and fall into ashes My familie and house-hold may long continue allthough I depart and leave them behind mee But all this while what have I done for my inner house What course have I taken for my sinfull soule which must shortly appeare at the greate tribunall That ô that is the house which I must order where the King of Kings doeth looke for entertainment If that be not empty Mat 12 44. swept and garnshed it can never content my husband my Lord my Iesus First therfore by an humble confession I will empty it of all pollutions and uncleanesses which have long obscured themselves and lurked in the corners Then will I sweepe it by repentance watering it with my teares and afterwards I will besiech my God to adorne and garnish it with his spirituall graces Ps 4.4 I now beginne I blesse my God to commune with mine owne heart upon my bed and to search out mine iniquities O my God be pleased to give mee a quick apprehension of all mine enormities Sharpen my memorie and rowze up and awake my sleeping conscience that I may muster up all my sinnes in order and examine the wicked and sinfull passages of my life I will beginne with mine infancie and proceede through all the crooked turnings and by-paths of my life even unto this very minuit of my sorrow I will search 1. What sinnes I have committed 2. How long they have dwelt with mee 3. What chidings and contentions I had in my conscience for the committing of them 4. How often I repented for them 5. How true that repentance was 6. What amendment did follow upon that repentance 7. What thankfullnesse I rendered unto God for that repentance 8. What joy I receaved in my new obedience 9. What holy resolutions I made to continue in the way of the commandements And when I have met with a sinne I will
I am strongly assured that shortly even presently Ps 36.9 in thy light in thy Kingdome whereof thou thy selfe art the light Reu 21 23. Eccl. 7.1 I shall see light Now doe I with heavenly comfort assure my selfe that the day of death is better farre better then the day of my birth for I was borne to sinne Ps 23.4 but I dye to reigne Now though I walke through the valley of the shadow of death I can feare noe evill for thou art with mee thy rod and thy staffe thy comfort mee VVhat though I am counted with them that goe downe to the pit Ps 88.4 andam as a man that hath noe strength Iob. 17 1. VVhat though my breath be corrupt though my spirit be spent though my dayes be extinct and though the graves be ready for mee vers 13 VVhat though the grave be mine house and presently I shall make my bed in the darknesse VVhat though corruption vers 16 and the worme shall goe downe to the barrs of the pit and our rest shall be together in the dust VVhat though death be come up into my windowes into mine eyes Ier. 9.21 Ps 107 18. and be entered into the tabernacle of my body VVhat though my soule abhorreth all manner of meate and I draw necre unto the gates of death VVhat though my heart be sore pained within mee Ps 55.4 Ps 44.17 and the terrours of death be fallen upon mee Yet though all this be come upon mee I will not forget thee o my God neither will I deale falsly in thy covenant vers 18 My heart shall not be turned back neither shall my stepps decline from thy way noe vers 19 though thou hast sore broken mee in the place of dragons and doest cover mee with the shadow of death I am goeing now the way of all the earth Ios 23.14 and doe know in my heart and in my soule that not one thing shall faile mee which the Lord my God hath promised to his elect Now am I joyfully goeing to the gates of the grave Is 38.10 I am deprived of the residue of my yeares vers 11 vers 12 I shall behold man noe more with the inhabitants of the earth Mine age is departed and is removed from mee even as a shep-heard's tent But yet Lord Ps 39.7 what is my hope Truely my hope is even in thee I shall speedily depart then shall I joyfully be freed from sinne Mat 26 38. The soule of my Redeemer was exceeding sorrowfull even unto death and all for my sake as well as for others that I might now be joyfull and rejoyce unto life Mee think 's that voyce from heaven which was heard by the Apostle is now sounding in mine eares and saying Reu. 14 13. Blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hence forth yea faith the spirit that they may rest from their labours and their workes doe follow them Mee think's I find the words of the Psalmist full of truth and comfort Ps 116.15 that Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints O now mee think's like that blessed martyr Saint Stephen looking up to the heavens I see thâ—… open Act 7.55 Ps 31.5 and the glory of God and my Iesus staâ— ding on the right hand of his father I come Lord I come Into thy hands I commend my spirit for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thâ—… God of truth Take mee into thine armes ô God Act. 7.59 Convey mee to thy Kingdome ô Christ Lord Iesus receave my spirit Amen subject 27 The TWENTIE-SEAVENTH SUBJECT Teares in the distressed time of civill warrs The Soliloquie containing a patheticall and grievous lamentation for the present distractions both in the Church Common-wealth by reason of these cruell most bloody warrs THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray SHall a trumpet be blowne in the city and the people not be afraid Amos. 3.6 Saith the Lord by the mouth of his holy Prophet A trumpet Why Lev. 25 9. Is that so dreadfull So terribleâ— I find that a trumpet of Iubilee was appointedâ— be sounded in the day of atonement throughout 〈◊〉 the land of promise when the Israelitâ— should come into it and certainly wheâ— that trumpet sounded the people rejoyced 〈◊〉 were not afraid Yea but the Lord called not to rejoycing and Iubilees when he threatned Israel by the mouth of that Prophe who was among the herdmen of Tekoa Amos. 1.1 The first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard as the Scriptures mention was a cause of trembling Ex. 19.14.15 for the third day after Mosâ— went downe from the Mount unto the people vers 16 in the morning there were thunders anâ— lightnings and a thick clowde upon the mount and the voice of the trumpet exceeding lowd so that all the people that were in the campe trembled Yea they so trembled and were so afraid when they saw the thunderings c. 20.18 and the lightâ— nings and the noise of the trumpet and the mountaine smoaking that they removed and stood a farre off vers 19 and said unto Moses Speake thou with us and wee will heare but let not God speake with us lest wee die This was the first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard and I find that this was a cause of trembling Againe I reade that the trumpet was ordained for the sounding an all arme Num. 10.5 and that o that is it which now sound 's in our eares Nothing but a point of warre nothing but newes of firâ— and fword is heard among us The â—…umpets the trumpets oh they sound they â—…nd a shrill and horrid dinne a fearfull â—…se they make in our eares and our newâ—…ced cities and our new-fortified townes â—…e encompassed as once Iericho was when â—…e trumpets of rams-hornes were blowne by â—…e priests and the people showted Ios 6 8. vers 16 Surely that â—…ay is come upon us which the Lord threatâ—…ed Ierusalem with by the mouth of his Proâ—…het for the mighty man cryeth bitterly Zeph. 1 14. vers 15 the â—…y of wrath is come upon us the day of trouble â—…d distresse the day of wastnesse and desolaâ—…on the day of darknesse and gloominesse the â—ay of cloudes and thick darknesse vers 16 the day of the â—rumpet and all-arme against the fenced cities â—nd against the high towers vers 17 Distresse is come â—pon us that we walke like blind men because we have sinned against the Lord and our blood is â—owred out as dust and our flesh is as the dung Oh that is fallen upon us which was threatâ—…ed to Egypt Our land is watered with blood Eze 32 6. wherein wee doe swimme even to the mounâ—aines and
makest sick in smiting by reason of my sinnes yet in considence and full assurance of thy mercy I commit the keeping of my soule unto thee as unto a faithfull Creatour O let that live and it shall praise thee for in thee doe I trust let mee not be confounded neither let mee despaire of the greatnesse of thy mercies Ps 23.4 And though now I walke in the shadow of death yet I know that it is in thy power to restore mee to health Lord if it may stand with thy secret will be pleased to recover mee that I may glorifie thy goodnesse in thy worke of power Blesse all the lawfull meanes that shall be used for that purpose Give skill to the Physitians vertue to the medicines strength to my spirits and health to my body Let mee recover my strength that I may imploy it in thy service and restore mee to health that I may be more active in mine obedience to all thy commandements But if otherwise thou hast determined and resolvest at this time to make mee as water spilt upon the ground 2. Sam. 14.14 graunt mee a willing and ready submission to thy decree Either abate the torments of mine afflicted body or increase my patience that I may not offend thee in my sufferings Make mee to magnifie thee whether by life or by death and graunt mee so safe a passage and conduct in the armes of thy mercy that I may be conveyed safely into Abraham's bosome Graunt this ô father for the love and merits of thy Sonne Iesus Christ my onely intercessour and redeemer in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Our Father which art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdome come Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our dayly bread And forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen exercise 4 4. The consolation of the godly in the hower of death VVHerfore is light given to him that is in miserie saith holy Iob and life unto the bitter in soule Iob. 3.20 vers 21 Which long for death but it cometh not and digge for it more then for hid treasures vers 22 Which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave This was the complaint of a faithfull man and may now be the lamentation of a sorrowfull woman I have grieved and I have mourned for my sinnes and my good God I blesse him for it is gratiously pleased in the bowells of his mercy and compassion to give mee an assurance of happinesse by the merits of my Iesus But when comest thou ô my sweete my longed for my desired Saviour Thou knowest my paines which draw from mee many sinsull thoughts and un-fitting cryes Thou takest notice of the cunning suggestions of my greatest adversarie and his busie allurements to rob mee of my hope Thou seest how sometimes hee would leade mee into carnall securitie and sometimes into a beliefe that my verie vicet are vertues or not seene by Thee or not to be punished by thee and sometimes againe hee striveth to hurrie mee into the verie gulfe of despaire But I know and am assured that through the merits of my Redeemer the gates of hell shall not be able to prevaile against mee Mat. 16 18. Io 13.1 Prov. 12.28 for whom thou lovest thou wilt love unto the end I know that in the way of righteousnesse there is life and in the path-way thereof there is noe death Hence away therfore yee fowle fiends and rebellious tempters What doe yee here fawning and grinning hoping to betray a penitent soule These teares which I shed for the wounds that I made in the body of my Saviour by my piercing sinns are too pretious a water for you to hath in too choyce a wine for you to tast of here are noe hopes for the enemies of mine indulgent Iesus Though my groanes alas cannot be free from the pollution of sinne yet they shall not advantage you in what yee desire Ps 119.115 Away from mee yee wicked ones I will keepe the commandements of my God Thinke not to affright mee with my approaching death Phil. 1.23 for I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Death I feare thee not come come and trye thy power but know that thy countenance which is so terrible to reprobates is the producer of joy comfort to my wearied heart Thou poore feeble despised nothing what power or strength is left thee to boast of Grave why gapest thou why standest thou so open as if thou didst hope to tryumph Hos 13 14. and conquer mee My Christ did threaten to be thy plagues ô death my Iesus did resolve to be thy destruction ô grave and that repentance should be hid from his eyes Is 25.8 1 Cor 15.54 Hee promised to swallow up death in victorie and to wipe away teares from off all faces This hee did promise and this hee hath performed for by his blessed Apostle I am well assured that death it selfe is swallowed up in victorie Now I dare challenge you ô yee impotent and powerlesse adversaries I dare scorne vers 55 and contemne you O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie Thy sting ô death was pullud out by him who is the Lord of life The strength of thy sting was that law which was fullfilled by my mercifull Iesus Hos 13 14. Ps 49.15 Rom 14.9 Hee hee hath ransomed mee from the power of the grave hath redeemed mee from death Hee hath redeemed my soule from the power of hell for hee shall receave mee To this end hee dyed and rose againe re-vived that hee might be Lord both of the dead and of the living Ps 68.20 Ps 48.14 Rom 14 7. vers 8. Hee that is my God is the God of salvation unto whom belong the issues from death This God is my God for ever and ever hee shall be my guide even unto death I live not to my selfe nor doe I dye unto my selfe for whether I live I live unto the Lord whether I dye I dye unto the Lord whether I live therfore Phil 1.20 or dye I am the Lord 's Christ shall be magnified in my body whether it be by life or by death for to mee to live is Christ vers 21 Heb. 12 18. vers 22 vers 23 vers 24 and to dye is gaine I come not to the mount that might not be touched nor to blacknesse and darknesse and tempest but I come unto mount Sion to the generall assemblie and â—rch of the first-borne which are written in heaven and to God the judg of all and to the spirits of just men made perfect and to Iesus the Mediatour of the new covenant and to the blood of sprinkling that