see that the manner of the Lords dealing with thee is tender and compassionate Psal 25.10 All the ways of the Lord are Mercy and Truth to them that fear him and keep his Testimonies When thou deservest to be cut down root and branch and cast into unquenchable fire he doth only lop and prune thee to make thee more fruitful Therefore if the matter be well weighted thou hast more cause to be thankful than to be offended Consider with thy self when any word is spoken or any act done by thy Husband or by thy Wife that hath a tendency to discompose thee and say It is the will of God to afflict me in my Wife or in my Husband O but this is not the full desert of my sin this is not Hell I deserve severer dealings from God than these and this will suppress thine anger that it break not out 3. Consider when thou dost meet with any matter of provocation from thy Husband or thy Wife that God in his infinite Wisdom will dispose of every thing for thy good if thou dost love God Rom. 8.28 Why then should'st thou vex thy self with anger seeing God will turn the injuries wrongs crossings and slightings of thy Husband or thy Wife into blessings Therefore when any wrong is offered thee which thou canst not by any just and lawful means avoid Do thou say with our Saviour Christ John 18.11 Should I not drink of the Cup that my Father hath provided for me should I be angry with the Cup because the Physick is bitter or with the hand whereby it is conveyed to me My Heavenly Father correcteth me for my good and amendment I will not therefore be angry with whom I am beaten but rather look to the principal hand that layeth the chastisement upon me and the happy fruit that brings with it and thus thâ—u may'st keep down the risings of thine anger when thy Husband or thy Wife doth distast thee 1. If thou dist observe the hand of God in any contradiction that thou hast from thy Husband or Wife which might make thee angry thou would'st acknowledge that the present course that God takes with thee to be best for that is always best which is ordered by God who is infinitely good and in all his dispensations is communicating of some good one way or other to his Creatures As God is most wise so his prescriptions are most safe and healthful Now 2. there is good cause why thou should'st cease to be angry for crosses wrongs and injuries for otherwise thou wilt be angry with Gods disposing of his Providences resist thine own profit and chuse rather to please thy pallat though to thy greater torment aftewards than to preserve thy health and peace O then say to thy self Hath God an hand in permitting my Wife to shew me such disrespect or in permitting my Husband to be unkind to me Is it then my fretting or raging against my Husband or my Wife an evidence that I am displeased with God for permitting such an act When thou art vexed that thou art related to such an one as an Husband thou art offended with Gods appointment And when thou dost wish that thou hadst never been related to him as thy Husband thou dost in truth desire God to break thy Relation to him by his death but know that God seldom gratifies the desires of such humoursom persons and commonly those that long for the death of another do die first themselves Such considerations as these well settled on thy heart cannot but quiet and pacifie thy Soul in the midst of manifold provocations 6. I thou would'st keep peace and amity between thy self and Husband or between thy self and Wife turn thine anger upon thy self not to tear thy self but to consider and reprove thy self for thine own miscarriages a just indignation against the sin of thine own Soul restraineth carnal anger from breaking forth against another For whosoever is zealous against the errors and disorders of his or her own life shall not find time to jar and contend with others for petty injuries and wrongs Experience sheweth that the greatest heat abroad is accompanied with the least at home A true sight of thine own faults will shew thee so much cause to be displeased with thy self that thou wilt have little leisure and less cause to be displeased with thy Husband or with thy Wife Thou think'st thy self ill dealt with by thy Husband but if thou considerest thine own sins thou wilt find that thou hast dealt worse with God than thy Husband hath dealt with thee and this is an excellent means to prevent thy being angry with thy Husband and make thee angry with thy self My Husband hath offended me and I have offended God God forbears manifesting anger against me and why should not I forbear mine anger against my Husband O then when thou hast received any seeming injuries from thy Husband before thou dost let forth thine anger against him ask thine own conscience Am I clear from offering the like injuries or greater to my Husband and how many times have I offended God much more If thou would'st thus speak to thine own conscience in the presence of God thou would'st not be so easily incited to anger seeing thou thy self dost many things that need pardon And thy greater faults might serve to excuse those that are less in thy Husband if thou would'st but look upon them for thou could'st not without blushing be angry with those faults in thy Husband for which thou shalt need to crave pardon thy self If thou didst truly judge that by thy sins committed against God thou hast deserved not only contumelies wrongs but also the eternal death of thy Body and Soul thou could'st not be easily provok'd to anger upon every trifling occasion nor think it any great disparagement to endure lesser injuries seeing thou hast deserved greater 7. If thou would'st suppress thine anger and live in a sweet harmony and peace with thy Husband or with thy Wife endeavour to get thy heart more desirous of and affected with spiritual and heavenly things that thou may'st have thy conversation in Heaven and have thy heart always in a spiritual frame Such a conversation and such a frame of spirit will make thee tread under-feet all vain and transitory things which concern this life because the Treasures that the Faith of an heavenly Christian discovers are more excellent and durable than any thing this world affordeth the preferment it longeth after is not of an earthly nature the riches it coveteth are above as for the things of this life an heavenly Christian doth not desire much delighteth not in much and consequently is not much disturbed with unquietness nor incensed with anger when crossed in them for by living in Heaven by Faith a persons spirit is well ballasted and made steady and Heaven is above all storms and tempests and the more thou dost converse there the less stormy is thy heart thou would'st not then trouble thy self
implietâ— the greatest sense of his own vileness nothingness and wretchedness The true reason why people at any time carry it so high with God that they have a good opinion of themselves is because their notions and apprehensions of God are so infinitely below him Did they know God more how would they fear before him and stand as persons astonished at the presence of his Majesty It is peoples darkness about God which emboldens them beyond their bounds or the line of Creatures and the reason why carnal persons and hypocrites carry it so stoutly before God is because they know not God aright They may bâ—ast of their knowledge when they know nothing as they ought 1 Cor. 8.2 Persons never see how imperfect they are till they see themselves in the light of Gods Perfection when they duly see themselves in that Glass they greatly abhor themselves because they see no beauty nor comliness in themselves for they cannot but see much deformity in themselves when they behold the Beauty and Glory of God As when we behold that Beauty we shall abhor our selves for our deformities and defilements so we shall be daily mending and cleansing our selves from them That sight of God Job had cap. 42.5 6. humbled him so deeply as to work in himself abhorrency But now mine eye seeth thee wherefore I abhor my self 1. An abhorrency of a sinful self or loathing of self for sin and evil done Ezek 36.31 2. It signifies an abhorrency of righteous self or a loathing our selves in the good yea even in the best that we have done Isa 64.6 So that a truly humble Soul abhorreth his righteousness as never to trust in it at all This the Apostle saith Philip. 3 7 8 Self righteousness is Gold and to be embraced in conversation but it is Dung and to be abhorred in justification An humble Soul doth abhor self-righteousness because he is convinced that self-righteousness is a weak and imperfect thing even in sanctification therefore he is so far from boasting of it or trusting to it that he hath a kind of abhorrency of it that as to justification he looks on it as abominable And as he abhors it because 't is unfit and incompetent in it self for justification so also because it is utterly inconsistent with the tenor of the Gospel wherein God hath removed all mans Righteousness how pure soever it may be from that use and directed us to look only to the Righteousness of Christ for that use which the Apostle calls the Righteousness of God Rom. 10.3 because 't is that which the Wisdom of God the Father hath provided for us and which the Worthiness of God the Son hath wrought and procured for us Pardon this digression I have reason for what I do O then would you get your pride mortified that begets and feeds your angry passions endeavour after fuller manifestations of God seriously consider God as revealed in his Word converse more with God get more acquaintance with God know and consider how much God is above and the meaner you will be in your own eyes the fuller discoveries you have of God the more sensible you will be of your own unworthiness and the more calmness will you have in your own spirits and the more able you will be to resist provocations unto anger We have no cause to wonder to see persons in the world that do not know God to have bold and presumptious spirits and have their spirits lifted up in vanity But it is a wonder that a Soul that ever had any sight of God should have any rising of spirit that any sinful heights of spirit should be in that Soul that knows what an infinite God he is to deal with O converse much with God and then you will be humble Souls That Soul that never goes from duty without experiencing communion with God is very humble and nothing hath that excellency in it as that which comes from conversing with God and upon the sight of his excellency 3. Consider that the more you see and know your selves the more you shall be abased and lie low in your selves A right knowledge of your selves is that which should bring your hearts low Do but seriously consider what you are in your selves what abundance of filth and vileness there is in your selves and you will not have any high thoughts of your selves O then study your selves more converse with your selves and endeavour to know your selves more and that noxious wind of ostentation by which proud persons are vainly puâ—â—t up in their fleshly minds will be let out and avoided Let every proud person consider what he is let the question be put to his or her own Soul thus Who am I or what am I that I should have a proud thought shall dust and ashes shall one that is but a shadow a vapour but as grass a flower of the field and in his best estate altogether vanity be prâ—ud O consider whatever thou art as to this world thou canst not be long what thou art in thy highest perfections attainable in this world thou art very mutable and the higher thou art the more mutable thou art and what hast thou to be proud of Shall perishâ—ng things be proud things wilt thou be lifâ—ed â—pâ— with what thou hast which as 〈◊〉 the wâ—rld is of â—o little being as thou canst haâ—lly be said to be Consider all these things which are as fuel and occasions of thy priâ—e Thou must shortly give an account for them to God and the more thou haâ—â— received in any kind whatsoever the stricter will thy account be for thy Accâ—unt will be proportionable to what thy Râ—ceipt is Luke 12.48 To whomsoever much is given of him shall much be required Consider wâ—at thou art by Nature and whiles â—n thy unconverted state thou wert a Child of Wrath as bad as the basest and vilest wretch in the world thou wert full of sin the seeds of all kind of sin there is no sâ—n in Hell it self but the seeds of it were in thy heart thy heart and life was full of sin all the faculties of thy Soul were full of sin all the members of thy body were instruments of sin thy Soul and Body was polluted and loathsom and in that condition thou wert succourless and helpless thou could'st never deliver thy self thou wert wandring from God and would'st have wandred eterâ—aâ—ly if God had not looked upon thee in mercy There was such a breach made between God and thy Soul that had all the Angels n Heaven or Creatures in the world laid down their lives for thee thou could'st not by their deaths have helped to make up that breach Look back to this condition and thou wilt see cause enough to be low in thine own eyes Consider what thou might'st now have been if the Lord had takâ—n advantage against thee Thou art now in a comfortable condition thou now comest among the people of God into the assemblies of the Saints but thou
they ought not to have a bitter mind so where love is prevalent they cannot proceed to reviling words or to averseness or estrangedness or any abuse of one another And if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of love will heal it so that here you see that too much self-love and too little conjugal love is another cause of discord between Husband and Wife and that party that is first provoked and grows most furious is most defective in Love 3. Pride is another cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife for it is the diseased temper of the heart that causeth dissentions more than occasions or matters of offence do A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seems to tend to its undervaluing A proud Woman is always jealous of her Honour and Reputation is also very suspicious of contempt so that the least seeming injury provokes her to choler and disdain because she is ready to imagine that thereby she is exposed to contempt Solomon saith Only by pride cometh contention Prov. 13.10 The meaning is that Pride is good for nothing but to cause brawling strife and contention Pride alone of it self without the aid of any other thing is sufficient to kindle contention yea the wise man observed so much Strife and anger to come from Pride as that he seems to speak as if Pride was the only cause of all brawlings so that the least spark of anger kindled with the smallest occasion bursteth out into a raging flame of fire if it be blown with the wind of pride or self-conceitedness A proud humour that would have all stoop to it if it meet with the least seeming slight is presently hurried with unquiet and turbulent thoughts which are fit Harbingers to prepare a lodging in the heart to entertain anger And this is clear from the nature of Pride for 't is a fountain-sin a root-sin productive of many other sins it nurseth nourisheth and bringeth up many other sins and it is the mother of these three very bad Children First It makes men and women boast of Themselves of their Wisdom Parts Accomplishments and their Pedigree as the proud Jews did when they were contending with Christ Say they We have Abraham to our Father So some will say I am the Child of such a godly Father I was such a mans Son or Daughter or such a worthy mans Wife and shall I be slighted now and so brings forth the second Daughter Contention and be wrangling with any one that crosseth the proud humour fret at any thing that looks like an undervaluing fume at rage at and revile any person that will not be observant of their wills and cannot endure to be hindred from insulting and commanding And this being the humour of many Husbands and Wives it produceth and nourisheth their passions But the third Daughter of Pride is Contempt Proud persons do despise and vilifie all whom they converse with for some Wives despise their Husbands in their hearts as Michal did David that let Husbands carry it as obligingly as they can yet because their Wives do despise their persons they will despise their actions and so be angry with every thing that they do they do despise their actions and company too with abhorrency as the stomach doth meat which is offensive to it and so like their Husbands like ill-savour'd meat From this ground every thing that their Husbands say or do is offensive to them so fly at them with bitter and reproachful words but the truly humble woman is not provoked to anger though she be neglected because her lowly conceit of her self makes her to think that she is not worthy to be much esteemed nor yet is she angry tho' she hath received an injury because she thinks she hath deserv'd it either by like faults committed against her Husband or more heinous sins against God so that it is clear that another great cause of that Wrath and Discord that is between Husband and Wife is the pride of that party that is most passionate And it is evident from the Scripture that Pride is the chief ground of sinful anger if we read Prov. 21.24 Proud and haughty scorner is his name who dealeth in proud wrath So much inordinate passion as one hath so much pride he or she hath for pride is as much seen in frowardness and passion as in any thing and there is a proportion between sinful passion and pride in every ones heart and that man or woman that hath a passionate spirit hath a proud spirit let them seem to be never so humble in other things for the truly humble Soul is of a meek spirit for Christ joyns meekness and humility together Mat. 11.29 Learn of me for I am meek and lowly I shall evidence to you in these following particulars how passionate and angry persons are proud persons and how pride raiseth their angry passions First Proud persons are impatient of being contradicted in their speeches be they right or wrong You must say as they do and not gainsay them So if passionate persons be opposed in what they say or do they are in a flame presently An angry person cannot bear the least contradiction Secondly Pride makes persons uncharitable and censorious They extenuate other persons Virtues and good Works and suspect ungroundedly their sincerity They will vilifie others and give them disgraceful terms Thus will passionate persons do They will judge the party that they are angry with as a vile base unworthy person and censure him for an Hypocrite void of all inward and real good Thirdly Pride causeth men and women to hate reproof Those that are proud are forward in finding fault with others but love not a plain reprover of themselves as in Prov. 15.12 A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him They can easily endure to be evil and do evil but not to hear of it So passionate persons impatient of admonition they will not endure to be told of their faults They storm and rail at every reproof that is given them their spirits are too hot to be told of their faults Fourthly Proud self-conceited persons are ever talkative persons and more desirous to speak than to hear They will suffer none to speak but themselves because such think always highly of their own understandings So angry persons rage if any offer to discourse in their presence if any presume to speak they take exceptions at every word If their passions are high their first word of command is Hold your peace and say no more or be gone out of the Room They cannot endure the company of those that will adventure to reply to any thing they say They are too high to be answered again though by their Equals and Superiours and this kind of passionate rage is the effect of Pride Fifthly If proud persons be wronged they look for great submission before they will forgive you must lie down at their feet make
the Devil and not a Child of God and in thy rage and fury dost resemble the Devil who g es about like a roaring Lyon seeking whom he may devour 4. Persons by their sinful anger their contentious wrangling and frowardness of spirit do subject themselves to the wrath of God and bring his curse upon them yea their anger brings upon them even in this life the dreadful effects of Gods anger O thou angry Husband or angry Wife if thou dost not repent thee of thy sinful anger frowardness hastiness and touchiness of spirit upon every trivial occasion God will deal with thee in his anger as thou would'st deal with thy Husband or Wife in thy anger for as we forgive others so doth God forgive us If therefore thou retain thine anger towards thine Husband God will retain his anger towards thee The Lord acteth the part of an Umpire to make up breaches heal differences and make reconciliation between Relations but if either of them be so stiff and contentious that he or she will not be reconciled what doth that party else but by froward behaviour and obstinate stiffness refusing the Lords arbitrement and determination make God his enemy Eliphaz tells Job cap. 5.2 Wrath killeth the foolish man That may be taken two ways very true the wrath of God kills or destroys the wrathful rash and inconsiderate man that hath no true government of himself for anger resteth in the bosom of fools Eccles 7.9 or the angry man kills himself his own wrath is as a Knife to his throat and as a Sword in his own bowels Wrath properly is anger inveterate Wrath is a long anger When a man or woman is set upon it when the Spirit is steeped or soaked in anger then it is wrath but in this place I conceive it notes a fervent heat and distemper of Spirit presently breaking forth or an extreme vexation fretting or disquieting within as in Psal 112.10 The wicked shall see it and be grieved That is he shall have secret indignation in himself to see matters go so he shall gnash with his teeth and melt away Gnashing of the teeth is caused by the vexing of the heart and therefore said he shall melt away which notes an extreme heat within so that a persons wrath makes him or her melt away as we say of a person furiously vex'd it melos his or her grease with chafing This is an effect of Divine displeasure whereby God in judgment doth suffer peoples wrath to be so vexatious to them that it makes their lives a continual death to them and at last so weary and wast their spirits that they die for very grief and except the Lord be merciful to them and the death of Christ heal the wounds that their anger and impatiency have made they will murder their own Souls for ever frowardness and anger is a persons sin and torment For People tare themselves in their anger Job 18.4 The more fretful people are the more miserable do they make themselves Those that are of wrathful spirits will certainly feel some degrees of the wrath of God either in this life or in the life to come That must needs be hurtful yea mortal to men that carries in it a resistance to the immortal God Some anger is not only grief for the opposition that persons meet with but a kind of stomacking at God who permits them to be opposed or crossed and tho' they do not confess it to be so yet the spirit of God knows it to be so Now know that the wrath of man against man is a sin which God will punish with further wrath God will powre out wrath upon wrathful persons and it appears that the wrath of man stirs up God to punish man if we observe what the Apostle saith in Gal. 5.15 If ye bite and devour one another What is this biting and devouring that is every act which is opposite to that love which God commands us to exercise towards our Neighbour or our near and dear Relation is a biting and devouring We bite and devour one another when we are unkind wrathful and vexatious one to another See what follows as the effect of their passionate and froward carriages one to another Take heed ye be not consumed one of another Take heed lest by walking so unlike Christians and so unanswerable to the Law of Gospel-love you provoke God to kindle such a fire among you and in you as may prove an utter consumption When Husbands and Wives are not careful to walk together in love as Christ hath loved us God sometimes as an evidence of his wrath and displeasure gives them up to a spirit of contention and their breaches are like the Sea which cannot be healed Their cruel and harsh dealings which are yet but to the vexing and healing of one anothers spirits or to devouring and eating one anothers credit may provoke such Judgments as shall destroy their Persons Families and Estates until nothing be left Thus peoples peevish froward and angry carriages to such as are their nearest Relations provoke God to execute revenges on them When an Husband or Wife is fierce towards the other God is angry with that person and will not suffer that person to live in peace who hath so much love to dissention and this Judgment of God upon persons is both the fore-runner and demonstration of further yea the final Judgment And so saith Solomon in Prov. 19.19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment And Christ denounceth great Judgment against unadvised anger in Mat. 5.22 He that is angry with his brother without cause is in danger of judgment intimating that rash anger is a capital offence and doth bring a person under the severe sentence of Gods Judgment In the latter part of the verse Christ saith That if a persons anger break out in disrespectful speeches the sin is the more capital because such an one gives words of disdain Whosoever shall say to his brother Racha shall be in danger of the Councel but if anger and disdain proceed so far as to reproach a brother yet more despightfully and call him Fool then that person shall be in danger of Hell-fire Consider then O Husband or O Wife the dreadful effects of thine anger wrath and frowardness It subjects thee to the wrath of God and Oh! what punishments what consuming judgments doth Gods wrath bring forth The wrath of God may be specificated into any Judgment it produceth every evil If Gods wrath be kindled but a little if it be but as a spark it will quickly grow up to a flame and consume all as in Numb 16.46 Moses bids Aaron hast to make the Attonement for saith he wrath is gone out from the Lord the Plague is begun But know the wrath of God is not a passion in him but an action towards man He acts as men when they are angry but he suffers nothing by his anger He smites and wounds and pulls down and destroys
might'st have been amongst the damn'd Reprobates thou might'st have been roaring in Hell and sweltring under the wrath of the infinite God and if God hath made any change in thy state consider what trouble it put Heaven and Earth unto that the Son of God must take thy nature upon him and die and be made a Curse to deliver thee from that condition Now these things should be mighty humbling considerations Also consider what thou should'st be if God should leave thee tho' he hath done great things for thee shewed thee himself Christ the evil of sin and the excellency of eternal life yet for all this if God should but leave thee to thy self for one quarter of an hour Oh! if God should but withdraw his Spirit from thee one moment thou would'st depart from him and lose all that thou hast and be brought into as miserable a condition as ever thou wert thou would'st be plunged into the depth of all evil O certainly serious considerations of these things will very much subdue the pride of thy heart and keep down the risings of thy Spirit O then in the midst of thy fulness do thou think of thy emptiness in the midâ—â— of thy perfections think of thy deficiencies Think how much and in how many things thou art wanting when any thought of Pride ariseth concerning what thou dost enjoy and wherein thou dost abound Indeed thy wantings being a great deal more than thy aboundings and thy imperfections more than thy perfections should be to thee a greater matter of humbling than thy abounding or perfection can be an occasion of Pride Consider the deficiencies in thy self how low thou art in knowledg how low in grace how much thou art behind others how much thou art below what thou might'st be and have attained to both in the light of Knowledge and in the strength of Grace and this will mightily humble thee then consider how much thou comest short of what others have attained as it is an excellent means to keep thy Soul from murmuring and discontent to consider how many are below thee in the enjoyments of the comforts of this life so it is an excellent means to keep thee from pride to consider how many others are above thee in spiritual endowments so far above thee as thy knowledge is but ignorance compared with their knowledge thy strength weakness thy faith unbelief thy patience unquietness of spirit thy very fruitfulness barrenness compared with theirs Such considerations are mighty humbling considerations Again consider and reflect upon thine own sinfulness Thy defects in good may keep thy heart low but thy abundance of sinful evils may keep it much lower Thou hast yet a body of sin and death that thou carriest about with thee O abundance of sin and corruption remains in thy Soul Then consider thy sin as acted and brought forth by thee consider thy unthankfulness to God and all thy unworthy walkings before God notwithstanding what he hath done for thee Look on sin and thy heart must needs come down The remembrance of sin abiding in thee and acted by thee is an excellent means to put a stop to the further a â—tings as of all other sins so of this sin of Pride also The reason why thou art so proud of thy self is because thou art so art so ignorant of thy self Didst thou know thine own ignorance and misunderstandings didst thou know all those abominations that are in thy heart what earthly-mindedness what inordinate Creature-love what passions what envy lie there didst thou know how deceitful and false thy heart is towards God thy self and others such knowledge would make thee strike sail and come lower and make thee abhor thy self exceedingly Dist thou once know thy self aright what a frail blind and sinful Creature thou art how humble and heavenly would'st thou be Didst thou rightly know that thou art a Creature it would cause thee to live more like a new Creature Didst thou remember that thou art but a Creature the work of Gods hand this would keep thee low and humble but didst thou know what a sinful polluted Creature thou art thou would'st soon come not only to a lower estimate but an utter abhorrency of thy self Thou dost over-think thy self because thou dost not know thy self Thou dost over-rate thy self because thou dost not rightly understand thy self O then endeavour to understand thy self better and endeavour to make use of those considerations that I have here hinted This is the way to make thee sensible of thine own nothingness This is the way to mortifie thy pride and keep thee humble and if thou wert more humble thou would'st be more peaceable with thy Wife or Husband 4. Be much in the meditation of Christs humbling and abasing himself for thee What can kill pride if the humblings of Christ do not How may'st thou school and chastise thy proud Soul with the remembrance of Christ in his abasements What! was Christ an humble Christ and shall I be a proud Christian was he an humble Master and shall I be a proud Disciple Did Christ empty himself and make himself of no Reputation and shall I that am but emptiness be lifted up with a Reputation of my self or with a Reputation that others have of me Did Christ abuse himself to the form of a Servant and shall I lift up my self as if I did reign as a King Christ humbled himself and became obedient to death even the death of the Cross and what have I to glory in but the Cross of Christ Gal. 6.14 O then if thou hast any thing to be proud of 't is the Cross of Christ Think then often and much of the humblings of Christ and then thou wilt think of thy self as a meer nothing This is the most effectual means through the Spirit to bring down the swellings of thy heart and to make thee truly humble And thus I have ended what I have to say in directing thee how to get thy pride mortified and thy spirit humbled O then if thou would'st be restrained from sinful anger and if ever thou would'st have any quiet in thine own spirit and carry it peaceably and quietly to thy Husband or to thy Wife endeavour to be of a more lowly spirit and to be cloathed with humility As long as thou dost nourish thy proud humour thou wilt fall out with thy nearest Relation for every trifle but a lowly spirit doth its utmost to preserve peace and unity Such a one is so tender of others as that he or she is not willing to grieve any one in the world much less an Husband or a Wife Therefore the Apostle saith Philip. 2.3 Let nothing be done through strife and vain-glory but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves The lust of vain-glory whereby a person endeavours more to gain esteem from men than to honour God is the mother of contention and strife and a great enemy to union and peace and here the
how terrible are the withdrawments of God when he withdraws in high displeasure and thou knowest not whether he will ever return again in mercy or not And it is said in 2 Sam. 22.27 And with the froward thou wilt shew thy self unsavory The Hebrew hath it With the perverse thou behavest thy self as one turned about and that the very thoughts of God will be unsavory and unpleasant thoughts to them Angry froward persons shall not have the least discovery or sense of Gods love while they are in their fits nor much at other times because an angry froward frame of spirit is an abomination to the Lord Prov. 3.32 chap. 8.13 11.20 ' As frowardness causeth strife between the nearest Relations so it makes contention between God and the Soul The angry froward person opposeth God and God opposeth that person So that hence it appears that thou hast abundant cause and reason to use all possible means to restrain and suppress thy angry passions because they hinder thee from enjoying the divine Presence and the hlessed discoveries of divine Favour 2. Thou should'st take great care to restrain and suppress thy angry passions and hasty frowardness of spirit because as they prevail thy actings are as contrary to true grace as any thing almost that thou canst think of and truly there may be a great deal of suspicion whether thou hast true Grace or no. I conceive there may be some Analogy between a Nazarite and a gracious Soul It is said in Numb 6.2 That the Nazarites were to separate themselves unto the Lord. They were to be separated from the ordinary course of that they might more freely and wholly dedicate themselves to the service of God and to a more strict and pure course of serving God than other men used and indeed God confined them to strict rules They were to abstain from any thing that did belong to the Vine hereby also signifying a full and perfect renouncing all worldly pleasures or any thing tending thoreunto intimating that they were not only to abstain from all evil but all appearances of evil 1 Thes 5.22 All the outward Ceremonies injoyn'd them were but Types of inward Holiness I take notice of one thing injoyned them which is most especially to my purpose which is That they should drink no Vinegar of Wine or any other strong Liquor that was to signifie that they must not be of Vinegar Spirits of sower and eager Spirits but of of quiet Spirits of loving and meek Spirits Now all the Saints of God they are Nazarites As Christ was a Nazarite so all that are Christs are Nazarites seperated from others to be the Lords people The Lord separates the godly man for himself as in Psal 4.3 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself and they must not be of harsh and hot Spirits but should be adorned with this lovely amiable grace of meekness so that a hasty froward and passionate Spirit is directly opposite to a meek patient and quieâ— Spirit and if there be any grace in a furious person it is rak'd up under a great deal of ashes of corruption that it is not easily discerned Now the opposition that anger and frowardness bears to Grace appears 1. If thou dost consider what it is that Grace doth in the heart when it first comes the first thing is to shew unto the Soul it s own vileness it s own wretchedness and baseness by sin and the danger that it is in through sin Now a froward passionate heart is very contrary to the sight of its own baseness and vileness for thou canst not see thy self to be a base vile sinful worm and yet bear nothing that is against thee but presently thy heart is in a flame if any thing doth cross thee for thou could'st not be so angry if thou didst not think thy self too great and too good to be crossed 2. When Grace comes into the heart it brings the heart into subjection unto God and unto another rule than it walked by before That 's a principal work of Grace to subdue the heart of a sinner unto God The hearts of sinners are naturally stout and rebellious against God and goes on in a stubborn way till Grace comes and lays them under but a froward and passionate heart would be indeed above God and any of his rules It cannot keep it self under and lie in subjection unto rule and hence is the reason that froward and passionate people use to have such expressions I will nay but I will and I care not their hearts are subdued to the authority of God But the heart that is subdued to the Lord bring it but a Scripture and it yields presently but a froward Spirit is not so How contrary then is frowardness to Grace I might instance in many other particulars but I shall be too large then O then is passion and frowardness so opposite to Grace doth it either hinder the working of grace in the heart or at least weaken yea smother grace that it is almost extinguish'd tho' not totally yet so as it is not easily discernable Dost thou not then see great reason to use all means to mortifie thy passions 3. Thou should'st use thy utmost endeavours to mortifie thy passions and live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife because thou dost manifest a truly noble and generous Spirit if thou would'st pass by offences without manifesting anger and frowardness of Spirit To this effect speaks Solomon Prov. 19.11 It is the Glory of a man to pass by a transgression that is not to manifest an angry displeasure for an offence that another doth him And so we say when we restrain our anger against another for any thing done amiss I will pass you by for this time I will not take any severe notice of what you have done O it is an honourable thing to bridle anger when a person is offended to wink at smaller infirmities and remit greater wrongs Generous Spirits are as it were impenetrable by offences yea a Spirit truly elevated a generous and noble Soul is always quiet moderate and grave never suffering it self to be transported with the violent motions of choler Certainly a meek person hath a magnanimous and heroick Spirit See what the wise man saith in Prov. 16.32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his Spirit than he that taketh a City He that overcometh himself is stronger than one that overcometh a City Now it is a glorious thing for a Souldier to overcome a City but one that can overcome his own passion is more valiant and hath a more excellent Spirit than one that overcomes a great City And so some Creatures that are more heroical are more meek and gentle than others are The Lion is of a more generous Spirit than the Wolf is The more honourable any one is the more he is of a peaceable disposition and his anger is
sickly children which he will quickly take from them by death or let their Children prove a scurge or curse to them O Wives you will first charge your Husbands falsly with faults from a rash envious and wicked misinterpreting their actions and then pretend cause to reprove them when the fault you charge them with is of your own forging Therefore O Wives you must carefully beware that you do not charge your Husbands with any miscarriages from your own malicious wresting of the sense of their words or actions for in this you offend God highly There are few Wives but will pretend reasons for finding fault with their Husbands when they can evidence none and their contentions wranglings are the effects of putting false constructions upon their words and actions conceiting things to be otherwise than in truth they are and upon this ground they have presumed to carry it irreverently to their Husbands I say they must take care of miscarrying in this respect 4. You must not presume to admonish your Husbands for any thing but that which tends to destroy his Soul or impoverish his Family that is for that which is a dishonour to God a breach of his Law a straying from the Divine Rule or a neglect of the duty that God requires from them or 2dly a wasting of their Estates by misemploying or extravagantly consuming them thereby not providing for the necessaries of their families For lesser matters than these you are not to find fault with your Husbands at all as for gestures of the body for sometimes using the vulgar dialect of the Countrey in discourse not keeping their apparel in that excellent order as some do or the fashion requires for not complementing for not manifesting a fond carriage to you for not telling you every thing they are about to do before they act it for not observing your times for staying at home or going abroad for discoursing with persons of an inferiour quality you thinking it too much beneath them some innocent actions of the hand in talking or such inconsiderable trifles that are not in their own nature sinful I say such things you are not to take notice of in your Husbands nor manifest your selves angry with your Husbands for them A truly gracious Soul can very well bear with such trifles in an Husband without being distasted with him and such Wives as cannot do either evidence the weakness of their grace or their want of grace But there are some Wives of such wrangling spirits as that they will use more violent expressions in finding fault with such trifles than at any time they will do when their Husbands sin against God Tho' they ought in a limited sense due manner to admonish them of the sins that they do commit yet the Wife may not at any time lawfully reprove the Husband for that which is not sinful yet she may humbly desire him to comply with her in things indifferent if he think fit But for a Wife to contend with an Husband about inconsiderable toys is very unbecoming her and the cause of much disquiet in a Family Many Wives are apt to censure that to be sin in an Husband which is not as I can instance in one that looked upon the sighs and groans of her Husband and the rising and falling of his voice in Prayer to be hypocrisie affectation and self-conceitedness when for ought she knew they might be the effects and evidences of fervency in spirit as in Rom. 8.26 We know not what we should pray for but the Spirit it self maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered that is the Spirit helpeth us to make us earnest and fervent in prayer which is evidenced by groanings beyond what can be evidenced by the bare expression of the mouth yea groanings do evidence an ardent desire of mind even when we are not able to speak and indeed that prayer which is breathed in out by the Spirit of God cannot be without some external evidences either of voice countenance or sighs Do not then condemn that prayer which may be of the spirits working and indeed were we more fervent in prayer we should manifest more sighings and groanings in it Prayer is not to be measured by the multitude fineness of words but by the earnest groans of the heart Sighs and groans evidence more of the heart in prayer than words alone for words alone may be but babling and as the drawing nigh of the hypocrite Considering this let no woman find fault with that in an Husband which the word of God doth not condemn in him Tho' many of his carriages may not please her humour yet she must patiently bear with them and not speak against them except they be sinful and she can prove them so by Scripture It is better by much to be silent than to cry out against that which we cannot prove to be sin by Gods word No good is done by reproving a deed except by Scripture the doer can be convinced of sin 5. Be careful that under pretence of reproving your Husbands you do not utter any expressions that tend to the undervaluing and contempt of your Husbands persons parts or education for reproachful disgraceful words given to an Husband will cause conjugal affections to decay very much If you reproach your Husbands when you pretend to reprove their sins you will break their heads instead of their hearts and make them flie in your faces instead of falling down at Gods feet Some are apt to manifest their dislike of being related to their Husbands as their Wives and this is very sinful nay it is sinful to wish so in their hearts for therein they quarrel at the providence and dislike the appointments of God Some will say to their Husbands when they are at any time crost in their humours If I had known this and this by thee before as well as I do now I would never have had thee for my Husband Some Wives will drop expressions as if they deserv'd a better Husband than they had one richer and better than they had Some will tell their Husbands They had better married some inferiour person which wou'd have better suted their clownish breeding than with them who were better educated All which expressions tend to the undervaluing their Husbands persons and education such Wives who by their carriages expressions do thus slight their Husbands are never like to convince them of sin they may perplex and afflict them but not do them good Some men are more troubled with what is said to them than what is done to them Unfriendly and undervaluing speeches have lain heavier upon them than the heaviest of pressures Job was broken in pieces with words chap. 19.2 Indeed reproachful and reviling language hath occasioned many sad effects for cruel words many times provoke to cruel actions Hard words are numbred amongst the hardest tryals If then O Wife under a pretence of reproving thy Husbands sin thou