thou beleevest and tremblest and reason thou hast to tremble for how shalt thou be able to stand in his presence before whom even the heavens are uncleane O when the righteous shall scarcely be saved what wil become of the wicked when the axe of his judgement shall not spare the greene tree what will become of the dry O nothing but woe woe may befall thee miserable delinquent if hee deale not with thee in mercy but in judgement I believe in the Holy Ghost This ninth Article Saint Iames the lesse delivered And thou art taught to believe thus much by it that the Holy Ghost the third person in the blessed Trinity is the Spirit of comfort truth and unity without which it is impossible to please God For as hee promised unto his Apostles a Comforter so in the shape of a Dove and in the forme of cloven tongues there appeared unto them this promised Comforter But how is it that thou beleevest in the Holy Ghost and yet with thine hardnesse of heart and loosenesse of life grievest the Holy Spirit of God Thus to beleeve if thou be not penitent will rather bee a meanes to draw on thee then remove from thee Gods heavy judgement The holy Catholike Church This tenth Article of faith Saint Simon founded But how dost thou beleeve the holy Catholike Church or how is thy faith grounded if thou observe not what the Church has commanded How canst thou bee a Member of her so long as thou livest divided from her Or how canst thou truly call her Mother so long as thou hearknest not to her commands but becommest disobedient to her O then by a right faith knit thy selfe unto her or else disclaime thy being a Member of her But looke unto it for God thou canst not have for thy Father unlesse thou have his Church for thy Mother Neither canst thou ever hope to bee a Citizen in his Church triumphant unlesse thou bee first a Member of his Church Militant The Communion of Saints the forgivenesse of sinnes To this eleventh Article is Saint Iudas Thadaeus intitled And this Communion of Saints thou beleevest and for the forgivenesse of sinnes thou lookest And yet thou livest not as if thou desired to bee of this Communion Neither rendrest thou any such fruits of repentance as may cherish in thee the least hope of Remission The Resurrection of the body and the life everlasting Amen With this last Article Saint Mathias closeth our Creed And by it thou beleevest that thy body shall rise againe from the dust and that thy soule shall live with the just But hast thou not fed thy Body too delicately to rise againe to glory Hast thou not taken too much pleasure in sinning ever to enjoy life everlasting O thou blessed Trinity in unity and Vnity in Trinity thus have I made a confession of my Faith unto thee but my many faintings failings wants weaknesses and imperfections greatly discourage mee unlesse thou in thy mercy strengthen me I beleeve Lord O helpe my unbeleefe Give mee the shield of faith that here on earth I may acquit my selfe like a valiant Champion and in Heaven be made by thee a triumphant Citizen CHAP. 65. Having thus examined himselfe and found in the whole course of his life a fainting in faith and failing in Works He recalleth to mind those Quatuor Novissima or foure last Remembrances Memorials hourely necessary for all Christians THus hast thou laid thy selfe open to all discovery and there is no good thing to bee found in thee For in thy faith thou hast found a fainting and weaknesse and in all thy workes a failing and barrennesse Most freely went that blessed Father to worke and no lesse dangerous has beene thy walke when hee confessed himselfe in this sort Iinherit sin from my father an excuse from my mother lying from the Devill folly from the world selfe-conceit from the pride and arrogant opinion of my selfe Deceitfull have beene the imaginations of thine heart crooked have beene thy wayes malicious thy workes And yet hast thou taken the judgements of God in thy mouth Desiring nothing more then to blind the eye of the world with a counterfeit zeale But all such Hypocrites God will judge Hee will not be mocked with For as the Divell has his sive with which hee lets goe the good but keepeth the bad So the Lord has his Fanne by which he lets goe the bad and keepeth the good O when hee shall separate his goats from his sheepe his wheat from his tares when the Iust and the Wicked shall appeare before him and every man shall be put into the ballance O I feare mee then thou wilt bee found many graines too light It were well for thee then to prepare thy selfe against that great and fearefull day And to furnish thee all the better by making thee a true Convert of an impenitent Sinner recall to mind those Quatuor Novissima or Foure last Remembrances Memorials hourely to bee thought and so necessary to be reteined in thy memory as the Christian use of them may prepare thee before Death summon thee and in this vale of misery fit thee for thine heavenly voyage to eternity And yet while I speake thus unto thee I find thy condition to be wofull for if thou consider them the very thought of them cannot chuse but startle thee and if thou neglect them thou wilt stand in amaze when they encounter thee O my deare Lord remember me in thy mercy and so prepare my memory that these Foure necessary Remembrances may never depart from me Let mee be prepared for Death before it come that it may never take mee unprepared whensoever it shall come Let mee thinke of that fearefull day of Iudgement and judge my selfe before I be judged that J may not be found light in thy scale when I shall be weighed Let me O let me thinke how there is an Hell for the damned for better is it by timely fearing it to avoid it then by never dreaming of it head-long to fall into it Lastly let mee thinke of Heaven how it is the place of the Blessed and that none but those that are of a cleane heart shall dwell in it O cleanse thou mine heart that I may bee prepared for it and with much spirituall joy be received in it CHAP. 66. Death IT is strange that Death should bee such a stranger to thee when hee so daily visits those that neighbour neere thee Thou hast beene familiarly acquainted with many whose habitation is not now to bee found who have enjoyed the pleasures of sinne freely Others who have inlarged their Barnes and store-houses carefully others who have ruffled in their honours highly and could deliver a Word of Command bravely and now behold how all these being arrested at Deaths suit were enforced to veile to his surly command They have made their Beds in the darke They have left their Houses unto others they are gone unto their Graves and must
content thy touch Wouldst thou have Honour I have Favourites will seaze thee of her Wouldst thou have wealth I can bestow on thee abundance of treasure Wouldst thou bestow the remainder of thy time in delights Enjoy me and with mee all worldly pleasure Come then and set thy selfe wholly on me while thou art in the world seeing without me thy life were misery the World a Cell rest of all Company Thus with prophane prayers and treacherous teares did this Concupiscence of the flesh work upon me and I inclined mine eare to her folly so as this Engine made the first Entry O in mercy looke downe upon me O my sweet Saviour for that precious flesh of thine which was nayled on the Crosse give mee grace to crucifie my flesh O let not sinne raigne in my mortall body but give me power to subdue it for my soules health and thy glory CHAP. 9. The Concupiscence of the eyes O Whither doe you haile me yee false spies what wrong have I done you that you should thus abuse me yee lay your trains for me in every place wheresoever I walke I can find no peace For can there be any peace to the wicked So long as I give eare to your inchantments So long as I suffer my eyes to bee led by you what comfort may I reap or what peace may I expect Dinah followed you and she was ravished and behold while I suffer my selfe to be led by such blind guides what else can I looke for but to bee deprived of mine honour O yee straying eyes how soone were you casting forth your fiery darts to surprize those who inclin'd to you Paradise could not be secured from you nor those two sole inhabitants free themselves from being wounded by you Eve saw the fruit and it was pleasant Bitter pleasure to bereave them their posterity of such an inheritance for ever And what doe I poor Pilgrim but deprive my selfe of all happinesse by giving way to your concupiscence I have lived in many places and conversed with men of all conditions and I found in persons of every quality a naturall pronenesse unto vanity but examining whence the grounds of those vanities came I found them proceeding from you from you those in-lets to all dis-obedience For were not you the cause those who are now proud contemning others and magnifying themselves above the condition of earth from whence they came would learne humility Those who are now covetous thinking that the earth has not enough to fill their mouthes would be contented Those who now give way to wrath would put on the spirit of meekenesse and learne to bee patient Those who are now eaten up with envy by wishing to others as to themselves would be charitably disposed Those who now riot out their time in the dainties and delicacies of earth would bee more temperate Those who now impaune their honour to the Harlot would be more continēt Those who now spin out their time in security would bee better employed Oh sigh and groane poore unhappy Pilgrim take thy selfe now into the ballance weigh and examine thy selfe Let not one houre passe over thee without a sigh not a minute without a sob Take away the force of this Engine this fearefull Basiliske with incessant Rivers of teares Thou hast yet a little time left thee bestow not one moment of it but to Gods glory See how every minute thou art nearer unto death how those Messengers of the Grave tell thee thou canst not live long There is not the least graine of sand which passeth through this Crevit of thine houre-Glasse but may assure thee that thou art hasting on to the Sepulcher of thy Fathers Canst thou then find any time to game play and sport thy selfe in Idumaea seeing there is no way secure from snares no place that may promise peace Where if there bee any pleasures they are full of vanity or exceeding to an higher measure of ill they are nursed by iniquity Take them at the best they are mutable because subject to frailty but take them at the worst they are miserable because they deprive us of glory O benigne Iesu my sweet Redeemer quench these desires of my flesh and refresh me with the delights of thy spirit Let not the lust of the eyes have any power over me but exercise thou me in thy Law O my deare one bee not farre from me for if thou leave mee what shall become of me CHAP. 10. The pride of life POore pride what hast thou in thee that may please thee what good thing that may praise thee Can the Leopard pride himselfe in his spots or the Swan in her black feet What hast thou which thou hast not received and if received to whom is the glory to bee rendred Thou hast nothing of thy selfe but sinne and sinne begets shame What shame is it then to magnifie thy selfe in sinne Shall thine Horse or thy Speare save thee or shall the strength of an Hoast deliver thee Looke upon that vile matter whereof thou wert made Poore dust and ashes was thy moulding and to dust and ashes must be thy returning Is this cover of flesh such a dainty thing to glory in Must not the beauty thereof turne to rottennesse and corruption and the glory thereof sleepe in the dust Must not that faire front be pilled and her beauty pillaged Must not those sparkling lights which sometimes made others prisoners or which made thy selfe a prisoner by their wantonnesse become Lodges forlorne Lodges for wormes Must not that face now so phantastically in-laid with Love-spots become an horror to the beholder Must not every part or parcell of that goodly piece that faire building fall into ruine irreparable ruine Nothing then poore Pilgrim canst thou find without thee wherein thou maist justly pride thee Looke inward then and see if thou canst find any thing there that may procure thee favour in the presence of the Almighty by approving thee a fitting Instrument of his glory Ah me poore sinfull wretch what mountaines of heavy-pressing sinnes doe I feele ever ready to sinke down this surcharged vessell of my soule I begun no sooner to live then to love sinne No sooner to breath then breath forth the infection of sinne The world receiv'd me no sooner for a dweller then she admitted me for a sinner Sometimes indeed when so much grace was given mee I communed with mine own heart and begun to examine my selfe what I had done what works of mercy hast thou performed what actions of perfect obedience hast thou expressed Bring forth that poor man whom for Christs sake thou hast cloathed That hungry-starv'd soule whom for his precious sake thou hast relieved Were 't thou so poore as thou couldst not doe it Hadst thou not so much as one single mite nor one cuppe of cold water to bestow on Christs members Blush O blush thou wretched Pilgrim Thou hadst change and choice of cloathes and these in thy Wardroabe must lye rotting or to
were made to keepe out accidentall cold and to hold in naturall heat Whereas now they are made to let in cold and to keepe out heat O I must tell thee delicate Pilgrim that from top to toe if thou meet thy poor Brother destitute or unprovided and thou hast in store to supply him and yet doest deny him thou art a false Brother in defeating him of what is due unto him For that very Garment which thou sufferest to Moath-eate in thy Chest those very shooes which thou sufferest to rot are none of thine but the shooes and Garment of thy poor Brother yet rather then thou wilt render him what is due unto him thou canst bee well contented that they both rot together And now tell me base slime what art thou being in such pretious Apparell trimmed but a Sepulchre outwardly dawbed and inwardly withall corruption filled But what shalt thou bee in thy Grave when thou art stript of all that outward varnish and worthlesse grace which made thee so seemingly compleat on earth Nay what will become of thy poor Soule that must then suffer for giving so much way to the pride of her Maid What will shee bee able to answer when her poor starved Brother shall come forth and in the presence of an all-knowing Iudge there witnesse against thee how thou hadst Meat wouldst not feed him Drinke and wouldst not refresh him Lodging and wouldst not harbour him store of Raiments and wouldst not cloath him O my sweet Iesu answer for mee for I am dumbe Thou hadst but one Coat and it was without Seame to signify thine unity and for this did the Souldiers cast Lotts to discover their avarice or envy put upon mee the robe of Charity that I may rather strip my selfe and become naked then suffer any naked Member of of thine to goe from my door uncloathed CHAP. 36. Visiting the Sick THere can bee no greater mercy showne in all those outward Workes of mercy then in this one which is exercised in the service or ministry about the Sick For in this is both the hungry fed and the thirsty refreshed This receiveth Christ as if it had beene done unto himselfe when hee hung upon the Crosse and said I thirst Whatsoever yee have done unto one of my little ones yee have done it unto mee Likewise yee cloath the naked when yee cover the Sick And yee harbour the harbourlesse when ye make the Sick mans Couch ready for him to lye in And yee visit the Prisoner when yee comfort the Sick imprisoned by meanes of the bonds of his infirmity Lastly yee performe the pious office of burying the Dead inclozing those dayes of his infirmity with the discharge of so holy and solemne a duty Thus by ministring to the Sick wee performe all these workes of mercy Yea that this ministry unto the Sick excelleth all other Workes of mercy and devotion may bee thus proved For in Workes of austerity or religious discipline wee are said to serve God in the suffering of one Sense or one Member As in abstinence wee serve him and suffer for him in our taste in Watching in our Sight in course raiment in our Couch in Silence in our Tongue in loathsom stenches in our smell in dolefull noise in our Eares and so of the rest Whereas in Workes of charity in ministring to the Sick First our Eye serves him in watching over him and sometimes in seeing fearefull visions in recompence whereof the glorious vision and divine Sight of God shall bee showne unto Man in Heaven for the Charity hee bore to his Saints on Earth Secondly our Smell in feeling noisome stenches Thirdly our Eare in hearing passionate words grones Sighes extremities Fourthly our Touch in handling and raising the Sick Fiftly our Taste in abstaining from our usuall repasts for their attendance Sixtly our Tongue in comforting them Seventhly our Feet in running up and downe for them Eightly our whole Body in labouring diverse wayes for them Now tell mee delicious Pilgrim for I know a Worke of such rigour has closed harshly with thine humour hast thou beene ever in all thy time serious in performing this holy duty Nay I see thee blush and freely confesse when at any time thou camest into a Spittle or Lazarello thine Eye could not endure the sight of an old Vlcer nor thy smell that Savour nor thine Eare their clamour nor thy Touch any poor diseased Member Nay thou turned'st away thine Eye thine Eare nay every Sense lest they should offend the delicacy of thy Sense who though thou wer 't made of the same Mould and subject to the like infirmities yet wer't thou so lightly touched with them as thou either fleighted them or with a cold indevour Prayer said God helpe them without affording one small Crumme of comfort unto them O my deare Lord I know all this to be true and how can I expect that the Head should either love mee or look upon mee when his Members were so loathed by mee O my good Samaritan binde up this wound and powre the Balme of thy saving Grace into it that it rankle not Give mee a ready hand to minister to the Sick a tender heart to compassionate his griefe in words to comfort him in works to succour him in all necessities to be helpefull unto him CHAP. 37. Visiting and redeeming the Captive DOest thou desire to see such Sights as may rightly improve thee Such as may bring thee to a more perfect view or discovery of thy selfe lend mee thine hand and I will lead thee to such a place as shall do this by presenting before thine eyes an Image of of the World and a Picture of thy selfe An Image of the world shadowed in the Embleme of a Prison and a Picture of thy selfe in the Embleme of a Prisoner Looke about thee and thou canst not chuse but finde variety of Objects to put thee in mind of thy imprisonment Boults Shackles Fetters and Mannacles Sins of all sorts spreading in every part or member of the body to make thy bondage more miserably heavy The wayes of iniquity are those Boults and Shackles which needes must load thee for what greater weight then the burden of iniquity Thy Lusts and concupiscences are those Fetters and Mannacles which needes must restraine thee for the too much freedome of thy body has abridged thy Soule of her liberty and confin'd her to live in lasting slavery But look upon the Prisoner Hast thou at any time with comfort in thy Mouth and reliefe in thy Purse come to visit him Hast thou laboured with a part or portion of thine owne Substance to redeeme him O no! with what a carelesse eye stony heart empty hand hast thou past the very door of that Prison where thy poor Captive Brother lay on the cold ground comfortlesse succourlesse and more miserable in his lodging then if hee were harbourlesse thou hast heard in thy Fathers dayes how devoutly many Men and Women were disposed in
a time for every man to dye and after that to come to judgement make me to remember mine end that fitting my selfe for it I may cheerefully encounter it and so prepare my selfe for that judgement which shall come after it O make me walke in thy light now while I have light to walke in and to worke out my salvation now while I have time to worke in For time will come unlesse wee walke here as Children of light when we shall have neither light to walke in nor time to worke in O inflame mine heart with thy love and teach me thy judgements and my soule shall live CHAP. 68. Hell HEare how the damned say while they were here on earth they lived better then thou and yet they are damned And so they taxe Gods mercy and indulgence towards thee of injustice and partiality Such is those damned soules charity Meane time thou livest securely feedest deliciously and puttest the thought of the evill day from thee by walking foolishly in the ways of vanity Little desire then maist thou have O thou sinfull Pilgrim to see death having so little hope of life after Death O had some of those damned ones who are now lost for ever received those many sweet visits motions and free offers of his grace those opportunities of doing good those many meanes of eschuing evill no doubt but they would have beene as ready to entertaine them as thou hast been to reject them O thinke with thy selfe how happy had that rich Glutton beene if hee had rewarded poore Lazarus with some few crummes from his Table O had it not beene farre better for him to have given to the poore all that ever hee had to have stripped himselfe to his shirt and to have made exchange of his purple raiments with rags of poverty then to fry in hel-fire eternally O how happy had that rich man in the Gospel bin if in stead of inlarging his Barns he had inlarged his Bowels to the poore Little knew hee how soone his soul should be taken from him when hee addressed his care for so needlesse a provision His thoughts were so taken up with inlarging his Barnes as hee never thought How Tophet was ordained of old how it was made deepe and large the pile thereof fire and much wood and how the breath of the Lord like a streame of brimstone doth kindle it Tophet was large enough though his Barnes were not But turne unto thy selfe for whom canst thou find in more danger of falling into that place of horror then thy selfe How hast thou bestowed thy time how hast thou employed thy Talent O hast thou not put it up in a napkin or done worse by employing it to some worser end have not many bin damned for lesse then thou hast committed and did it repent thee of what thou hadst done that so thou mightst not bee condemned O no many a wretched soule lyes there tormented for lesse offences then ever thou acted and hast thou yet turned to the Lord that thou maist bee pardoned It is written in what houre soever the Righteous committeth iniquity his righteousnesse shall not bee had in remembrance Now if the righteousnesse of him shall bee forgotten by committing iniquity who leaveth what he once loved relinquisheth what hee once professed what may we thinke of the repentance of that sinner who returnes againe to that whereof hee repented O how many have ascended even up to heaven and amongst the starres have built their nests and yet have suddenly falne from that glory by glorying in their own strength and so drench'd themselves in endlesse misery And whence came all this but because they ascended unto that Mountaine to which the first Angel ascended and as a Divell descended And canst thou excuse thy selfe of being one of these Hast thou not sometimes shewn to the world great arguments of piety Hast thou not beene sometimes like the Kings Daughters all glorious without but how soone becamest thou stript of this glory Thou fell from that seeming sanctity or holy hypocrisie into open prophanenesse and impiety Woe is mee what shall become of me The wages of sinne is death a death that never dieth but liveth eternally Where nothing shall bee heard but weeping and wayling groaning and howling sorrowing and gnashing of teeth O how grievous then shall bee mine anguish how endlesse my sorrow and sadnesse when I shall bee set apart from the society of the just deprived of the sight of God deliver'd up unto the power of the Devils and to goe along with them into eternall fire where I am to remaine without end in grieving and groaning when I shall be banished from that blessed Countrey of Paradise to bee tormented in Hell perpetually where I must never see so much as one small beameling of light nor the least drop of refreshment but be tormented in Hell for thousand-thousand years and so tormented as never to be thence delivered wher neither the tormentors become wearied nor they dye who are tormented O my deare Lord looke upon the price of thine owne blood Thou hast bought mee for a great price O deliver thy Darling from the Dags remember her in mercy whom thou hast bought O let her not goe downe into the Pit neither let the Depth swallow her up For who shall praise thee in the Depth O my good God though the terrors of Death and torments of Hell encompasse me yet art thou my Succour and wilt deliver me and my soule shall live to prayse thee CHAP. 69. Heaven O How should I looke up unto thee that have so provoked thee O thou Mansion of the Saints thou portion of the just thou Citie of the great King thou heavenly and most happy kingdome where thy blessed Inhabitants are ever living never dying wher thy glorious state is ever flourishing and never declining I must confesse to my great griefe and shame that I have no interest in thee I have lost thee unhappily lost thee in losing my selfe in losing my soule by selling it to vanity I sometimes resolved to play the part of a wise Merchant and to sell all I had for the purchase of one pearle But I held the purchase too deare and therefore have I deservingly lost it Foolish Pilgrim couldst thou find any thing more fitting to entertaine thy best thoughts or bestow thy care then the salvation of thy soule Didst thou thinke it so easie a taske to get Heaven as to purchase it by making thine Heaven on earth yet hadst thou but taken halfe so much pains to get heaven as thou hast done to get Hell thou mightst have challeng'd more interest to Heaven then now thou canst Many summer days long winter nights have thy follies taken thee up and these seem'd short unto thee because thou tookst delight in those pleasures of vanity But to bestow one short houre upon devotion O how many distractions did that suffer and how long and tedious seem'd that houre because that
understood how no action were it never so good in its owne nature could subsist or become really good without her How she was the ground-worke of all vertues the pure Fountaine and firme foundation of all divine graces How no fruits were they never so pleasant to the eye nor savoury to the taste but they were Sodoms apples unlesse they received grouth and ripenesse from her How every faithfull soule lived by her how every one became justified by her good reason then had I to rely on her and to derive comfort from her Having in this manner with her sweet instructions refreshed mee promising mee with all that even in mine Agonies of death she would be near me if now in these few but evill dayes of my Pilgrimage shee were not discarded by mee which I vowed never to doe so long as there was breath in my body shee suddenly vanished from me which did not a little perplexe me for never tooke poore afflicted soul more joy in any ones company O my deare and benigne Iesu how justly mightst thou have reproved mee with O thou of little faith O it is but a little one the least seed in the Garden O increase this my faith O pray to thy Father that my faith faile not So shall my heart bee purified by faith So shall I become justified by faith So shall I have accesse to thee by faith and hereafter live with thee and thy faithfull ones in the inheritance of the just CHAP. 72. Hope seconds that comfort VVHo is hee that knoweth not how soone Faith begins to decline and grow out of request in the heart of a worldling This I found true by mine own experience for albeit that comfortable assurance of Faith might seeme to have removed from me all occasions of feare and had so well strengthned mee as those infirmities wherof I formerly laboured were to the outward eye wholly cured in mee yet remained there still some core at mine heart I found it was not so well with mee as it should be Me thought day and night that terrible voyce of Behold the man and his workes ever founded in mine eare For I considered how as God was mercifull so hee was just Neither did it stand with Gods Iustice to pronounce any other sentence upon mee then as my sinnes deserv'd What then could I expect but to be throwne downe into that bottomlesse pit where nothing but woe woe in every place resounded horror and confusion dwelled Thus fared it with mee as with one newly recovered out of some dangerous sicknesse and after his recovery by reason of some distemper makes relapse into his former malady But I found how when mans helpe faileth Gods beginneth And that mans extremity was Gods opportunity So gracious is the Lord to those that feare him yea to all such as with an humble and contrite heart returne unto him For behold how light appeared out of darkenesse One day as I stood thus perplexed weary of life yet fearefull to dye there appeared mee thought before me a woman of a beautifull and cheerfull countenance bearing an Anchor upon her shoulder who drawing towards me presently demanded of mee how it was with me But as one desirous to have none to share with mee in the burden of my affliction nor to partake of any comfort so strangely had my folly given way to temptation as I turned uncivilly my face from her but of so sweet and well-composed a spirit seemed this Lady as all this nothing amated her and the better to bring mee to a feeling of mine owne infirmity addressed her discourse in this manner unto me Goe to sir you must not have your owne will in this sort A froward Patient requires a rough hand and a resolute heart But I will shew my selfe more courteous to you I am not ignorant of of your disease and much relyes your malady on my cure Doubt nothing of your recovery so you will but ingenuously discover your infirmity Neither am I altogether unacquainted with my sister Faiths late visit of you whose sound cordiall comforts might have wrought such effect in you as you should have lesse needed any other receipts had you discreetly applyed what was so seasonably and soveraignly ministred But before I beginne with you let mee so farre prevaile with you as to remove from your too much dejected and depressed spirit all those unbeseeming thoughts which perplexe your quiet Bee not such an enemy to your selfe as to reject that which may rectifie your state And of sick may make you whole and of a faint-hearted souldier a couragious Warrier And now to prepare you the better for this spirituall encounter my first Assay must be to remove those skales from your eyes which by long continuance are growne so thick as they keepe you from knowing us This said shee infused a smal quantity of a precious kind of liquor into my dusky and drery eyes which infused those very skales which formerly troubled my sight became removed so as I perceived who it was that ministred unto mee and by little and little became so strengthned as I was confident of revovery Having found mee in this sort a little cheered as one desirous to perfect what she had begun to make mee more hopefull of her cure shee acquainted mee with the quality of her power How now said shee I cannot be perswaded but you must now of necessity know mee Though I have beene long time a stranger to you let us now renue our acquaintance believe it it shall not repent you for I never yet lodged in that Inne which held mee not a welcome Guest Many before this time had untimely perished had they not by mee beene seasonably supported By land and water have I offered my selfe a friendly companion and firmly stuck I to them who relyed on me in time of greatest danger or opposition And when no semblance of delivery appeared no hope of liberty approached We with this Anchor brought them to the haven safely planting them so securely as no perill could interpose their security And now tell me is our strength so weakned as wee cannot performe what wee formerly so happily effected No we are the same so wee find the same Spirit in those to whom we apply our cure which to accomplish shall be our principall care Take then for an Helmet the hope of salvation Looke for the blessed hope Let thy flesh rest in hope Be yee of good courage all yee that hope For I must tell you hope deferred maketh the heart sick but the righteous hath hope in his death For so well and surely is her foundation grounded as hope maketh not ashamed Rejoyce then in hope be patient in tribulation So shall the God of hope fill you with all joy To which fulnesse I recommend you This said she retired but my Hope became much strengthned For having sometimes heard how Hope that is seene is not Hope Though I did not see her yet was
Moaths become feeding Thou hadst oyle and meale in thy Pitcher yea thy store-houses surfeted of plenty and thy wine-presses groaned in their fulnesse yet must the hungry soule perish rather then be relieved The thirsty die ere hee bee refreshed The naked be utterly starved ere hee be cloathed Look then and take a full view of thine inward man and see if there be any thing in him that may justifie thee by him Sift and search him the more thou shalt discover him the more thou shalt be ashamed of him Whence then thy pride whence thy vaine-glory Resolve thy selfe to teares fall prostrate before the Throne of grace If thou have a desire to be like thy Saviour love humility it is the best badge of Christian honour In whomsoever dwelleth the pride of life that soule cannot dwell in Christs love These are severall lodgings and are reserved for severall persons O my Redeemer give me a perfect knowledge of my present condition that by it I may learne true humiliation Let not the hand of the sinner move me nor the foot of pride draw neare mee Hee knowes not himselfe that can bee proud Oh keepe me from being proud that I may know my selfe CHAP. 11. How neither the Law of Nature nor of Grace could call him home from his wandring course THe wild Asse which runneth here and there and snuffeth the wind in the wildernesse was a tame and serviceable Creature in comparison of me a Runnagate to my Fathers house and a most rebellious sinner Wee account that Subject who owes allegeance to his Prince not fitting to live if hee at any time practise against him and worthily doe wee so account him Woe is me what have I then deserved Many yeares are now gone and past since I left my Fathers house since I divided my portion with Harlots since I rebelled against my Prince that Prince of Princes Meanes had hee made and sundry Messengers had hee sent to recall me Hee opened unto me the Law of Nature and there hee shewed before my face and unto my shame what Iustice and Temperance what Moderation and Continence what excellent morall vertues appeared even in those who were Heathens and knew no God These onely pertak't some weake glimpses of a naturall light They knew not what Eternity meant nor where that Heavenly City was to bee found yet hated these to wrong one another or to doe to another what they would not have done by an other to themselves These loved goodnesse without hope of reward Their ambitiō was only to be remembred after death or by their commendable lives leave to others examples how to live Yet were all their vertues but splendid vices nay meerly sin because whatsoever is not of faith is sin From these then taking me by the hand he brought me to the Law of Grace Where he shewed me what wondrous things he had done for mee How though I was bound infinitely bound unto his Majesty Even by the Law of Nature for my creation in distinguishing me from all others nay in setting me above all others in giving me a command over all others yet had it bin nothing to have created me had he not likewise redeemed me lost I was and eternally lost he spared not his own to make me one of his own Nor had althis sufficed me for everwas I failing and falling had he notlikewise sent his Holy Spirit to preserve me from a finall falling And now what heart so hard whom these many benefits would not soften And yet I the more miserable I carelesse of my owne state or what may hereafter befall my poore sinfull soule have not beene as yet either allured with his mercies or awaked with his judgements I had a Law in my Members that foolishly sent forth her Prohibition to stay proceedings in all other Courts I applied my eare to the Cimball and to the Timbrell I tooke my fulnesse of pleasure in sinne No sense could take delight in any Object wherein I strove not to satisfie her appetite Thus did I transgresse the Law of Nature and by that meanes made my selfe worse then an Heathen Thus did I reject the motions of Grace and so dishonour'd the style of a Christian O my good Shepherd call this thy lost sheep now back from wandring Bring him to thy Sheepfold where hee may find plenteous refreshing Write thy Law in his heart Let it be as a Frontlet unto his eyes As a chaine to his neck As a bracelet to his arme Let him looke into it and as in a Glasse correct himselfe by it O teach me thy Law that my soule may take delight in it and live CHAP. 12. He takes a view of the whole Decalogue and hee scarce finds in it one Commandement wherein either in part or in all he has not beene a most grievous sinner VVHo would not think it strange that any one should forget what the very sight of himselfe might make him remember I can neither looke upon mine hands nor feet but their number and account might cause me to call to mind that sacred number which was delivered to Moses in the Mount But admit I should lay this Holy Decalogue aside in mine owne house my private family yet when at any time I come into Gods house my very care cannot chuse but bring it to my memory The view whereof is heavy to mee For what one Commandement in all that Decalogue which in part or in all proves mee not an high delinquent A grievous Sinner and what is worse a slow Repenter O when that Booke shall be opened and my sinfull life compared to what is in it when this marke of distinction shall be set over my head Behold the man and his workes O how full of shame and confusion shall I stand before that just Iudge of the ten Tribes when that Lord of Lords that great God of Hosts who is powerfull in revenge when he sees the malice of men to abound when hee shall shout in the clouds when hee shall come openly when his fury shall break silence when round about him a fire shall burne and in his presence a strong tempest shall assaile us when hee shall call the Heaven from above and the earth to judge his people when lo before so many thousands of people all my iniquities shall bee laid naked when before so many legions of Angels all my offences shall be opened not only of my workes but even of my thoughts and words when before so many Iudges I poore delinquent shall stand as have gone before mee in good workes when I shall bee put to shame by such as rebuke me and by so many as have given me examples of living godly When before many witnesses shall my conscience be convinced as with their profitable instructions have admonished me or by their just actions have left themselves for examples to be imitated by me O in what case shall I then stand what shall I be able to answer in my
gaine that divided thee from him or the love of honour or pleasure that made thee a stranger to him O who then will bring thee to him seeing what hee hated most divorc'd thee from him O none but thy selfe deare Saviour O draw me after thee and I will follow thee O too much hold has the present world had in mee the cares whereof tooke mee quite from thee Let it henceforth have no interest in mee that I may bee wholly possessed of thee O inflame mine heart with a love of thee that I may live with thee for live I cannot unlesse I enjoy thee And since I cannot live here and see thee let mee dye that I may see thee CHAP. 60. Taste ADams posterity had beene blessed had hee only seene the fruit and never tasted O how sweet is the taste of sinne to the palat but how cold in the stomacke Though it shew a cheerfull welcome it ever leaves us with a sad farewell Thou hast had a free and full taste of this unhappy Pilgrim in preferring a messe of pottage before an inheritance In feeding so greedily on the Huskes of vanity and preferring them before those wholesome Viands in thy fathers family Yet what were all these compared to those spirituall dainties that incorruptible food but as chaffe to wheat branne to bread Onions and Garlicke of Egypt to the heavenly Manna yet behold my misery Though I daily observed how the world was full of troubles perplexities tumults and confusions how such onely had the best part in it who had the least to doe in it how the Great One had ever some Corrivall to oppose him the little one had some Great One to crush him How honour like Hamans halter brought the unhappy Enjoyer of it unto ruine How Greatnesse pretending priviledge for guiltinesse brought the Land to mourning How there was nothing in the world but shouldring one another labouring to advance themselves even by their nearest friends dishonour How the world was an empty Sponge outwardly flourishing fruitlesly promising rarely prospering How it was wholly set on mischiefe and how there was none that did good no not one How there was a world of men but a wildernesse of good men How many times vertue bare vices livery While vice became so innocently cloathed as it past current for downe right honesty Yet though I say I considered these things I never treasured them in mine heart I went along with the multitude for my taste it was so inured to sinne as I tooke most delight in that which impoysoned my soule My liquorish taste my luscious tooth brought mee to fare deliciously with the rich Glutton and to carouse deeply in Balthasars cups I feared no more the deluge of sinne then those before the Flood did that deluge of waters before it came O consider then thou ungracious sense seeing every one must bee punished wherein hee has been delighted what shal thy portion be in the Lake where every impenitent sinner is to receive the wages of his mis-spent life Woe is me who will deliver me or take thee off from accusing me Even thou my gracious Redeemer who as thou hast discovered to mee how bitter the world is wilt bring mee to taste and see how sweet the Lord is O lead mee forth to thy greene pastures neare those Rivers of sweet waters where J may taste of the fulnesse of thy pleasures and drinke of those heavenly waters for evermore CHAP. 61. Touch. SOme things were not to be touched for their exceeding sanctity and holinesse other things were not to be touched for their impurity and uncleannesse The Arke was not to bee be touched because of its holinesse and Pitch is not to bee touched because of its uncleannesse Evill conversation is a spirituall infection There be sundry evill concupiscences which though they touch not the outward faculties of the body yet they touch the very life and well-being of the Soule Which though they wound yet are the wounds to a worldling so infinitely pleasing as nothing delights him more then to bee wounded nothing displeaseth him more then to be cured The fish Torpedo is the very Embleme of the world Shee is ever sure to take him by whom she is taken Some things wee shall every where meet withall which for their pollution beare in their fore-head this Prohibition Looke not taste not touch not handle not Least the eye of the soule become blemished the whole inward man infected the powers or faculties of the intellectuall part wholly disordered But how hast thou poore miserable Pilgrim observed this Lesson How hast thou employed this peculiar sense but to satisfie thy concupiscence Easie it was for any one if they touched thee never so gently to move thee to passion but not so easie it was for any object of charity to touch thy bowels of compassion Long might poore sicke Lazarus lye at thy Gate before thou wer 't touched with remorse or moved with pitty to relieve him Long might that way-faring man lye wounded by the way side before thou were 't touched as that tender hearted Samaritan was to minister least comfort to him O how insensible were 't thou of poore Iosephs misery but how quickly touched at the least smart which fame or fortune might dart on thee nor was it any wonder thou insensate sense that thou shouldst grow thus obdurate seeing thy Chambering and Wantonnesse thy spirituall Fornication and Drunkennesse thy trampling of Gods word under feet thy murmuring and discontent in every estate thy partiall and corrupt love to thy selfe made thee wholly forgetfull of all others but thy selfe Meane time thou little knew how thou were 't thine owne Enemy in not seeking to cure that mortall infirmity which by processe of time became so much more incurable as thou of thine owne malady were 't grown insensible For howsoever they seemed to cherish thee and so delude thee these were Ismalites thy mortall enemies who sported with thee Thus have I loosely rioted and fearefully transgressed in the abuse of every sense and by obeying the lusts of the flesh hatefully sinned against mine owne own soule Deare Lord thou who breathest the spirit of life into every living soule and from whom if thou take away thy breath they dye Breath into my soule new affections rectifie my disordered and mis-employed Senses O give unto mee thou invisible light such a sight as may see thee Create in me a new smell O thou breath of life that I may runne after thee in the smell of thy sweet oyntments cheerfully Heale thou my taste that I may taste know and discerne how great is the multitude of thy sweetnesse O Lord which thou hast laid up in thy heavenly Treasury for those who are full of thy charity Sanctifie thou mine eare that it may bee edified by thee and so direct it that my heart may be inflamed by it to the practise of piety Quicken my touch with compassion to thy little ones and so order every Sense
not returne againe Their substance they have left unto others and strangers are become their Heires They are rooted out from the face of the earth and now they consider the vanity of their desires how they who lay land to land while they were here find now what a small scantling has suffic'd them in this their returne to their last home Poore shell of corruption what dost thou thinke of these things I know well that great revenues swelling honours smiling pleasures are dangerous and fearefull eye-sores to a dying man He lookes back upon his Honours and askes of them if they cannot relieve him but like false hearted Reteiners they fly from him and present their service to another so quickly have they forgot their dying Master Hee looks backe then upon his Revenues those household Gods of his his inchisted treasures and askes of them if they cannot redeeme them But alas they have no such power these reserve themselves for his prodigall Successour or succeeding Rioter they were so poorly used and employed by him as they have quickly forgot their dying Master At last he looks back upon his pleasures unhappy pleasures which now torment him more then ever they did delight him and he askes them if they can allay his paine or any way succour him but alas they soone leave him for they find nothing in him nor about him that may entertaine them An easie farewell then have these taken of their dying Master But thou poore Pilgrim hast no honours to transport thee no fortunes to detaine thee no pleasures to ensnare thee For the first the count'nance of greatnesse never shone upon thee for the second worldly wealth could never yet so burden thee and for the last though thy youth might affect them the infirmities of age have now estrang'd them from thee And yet the voyce of death is more terrible to thee then the noise of a Canon No note more dolefull no summons more fearefull And in this thou art not much to bee blamed for Death is fearefull to all flesh But so to plaint thine hopes on Earth as if thou mightst never goe from earth nor returne to earth albeit thou canst find nothing on earth worthy to entertaine thee is the unhappiest condition that may befall thee O thinke then of that time even now while thou hast time when thy soule poor languishin soule finding thy eyes shut thy mouth closed and all those senses of thy body perished by which shee used to goe forth and be delighted in these outward things whereto shee was affected shall returne unto her selfe and seeing her selfe all alone and naked as one afflicted and affrighted with exceeding horror shall through despaire faile in her selfe and fall under her selfe O whither wilt thou fly in hope of succour to comfort thy poore soule in a time of such danger Even to thee will I fly O God of my salvation for thou wilt not suffer my soule to descend to corruption Nay such is thy loving kindnesse as thou wilt make my bed in my sicknesse And because nothing is more certaine then death nothing more uncertaine then the houre of Death prepare mee continually against the houre of Death And that Death may appeare lesse fearefull unto mee send thy Holy Spirit to comfort me that being inwardly armed by thee against the assaults of Death and fury of my Ghostly Enemy I may fight a good fight and cry O Death where is thy sting O Hell where is thy victory CHAP. 67. Iudgement VVOe is mee I tremble to thinke of it and yet I cannot thinke how to avoid it Iudged I must bee and who will speake for me A fearfull witnesse I have within me to accuse me sinnes of omission sinnes of Commission to impeach me sinnes of ignorance sinnes of knowledge sinnes of malice to convict mee though one were sufficient to condemne mee But thou wilt aske mee of what art thou to bee brought to account for what art thou to be brought to Iudgement Even for all thy thoughts words and workes For God will bring every worke into Iudgement with every secret thing whether it be good or whether it be evill And that it may appeare that thou shalt be accountable for all these first touching thy thoughts Of these thou shalt be judged for froward thoughts separate from God And hee shall judge the secrets of men With their conscience also bearing witnesse and their thoughts the meane while accusing or else excusing one another Secondly thou shalt give account of all thy words Of every idle word that men shall speake they shall give account in the day of Iudgement Thirdly thou shalt be accountable for all thy workes For we must all appeare before the Iudgement seat of Christ that every one may receive the things done in his body according to that he hath done whether it be good or bad O my poore afflicted Soule canst thou heare these things and not melt thy selfe into teares seeing that not onely in the bed of thy sicknesse by a secret divine power all those workes which thou hast done be they good or evill shall appeare before thee and be presented to thee but in that fearefull day of Account when all flesh shall come to Iudgement all these in Capitall Letters shall appeare written before thee Not one privie bosome sinne were it never so closely committed or subtilly covered or cunningly carried but must bee there discovered Adam shall bee brought from his bushes and Sarah from behind the doore and man miserably perplexed man shall say to his conscience as Ahab said to Elias Hast thou found me O mine Enemy O what numberlesse numbers of Bils of Inditement shall bee then and there preferred against thee And of all these to be found guilty O how art thou falne into the gall of bitternesse and all misery For what can the thoughts and Imaginations of thine heart say for themselves but that they have beene evill continually what can the words of thy mouth say for themselves but that they have beene full of all filthinesse and scurrility Lastly what can the workes of thine hands say for themselves but that they have beene loaden with transgressions and iniquity But perchance thou hast some hope of a pardon and so like some of our deluded Delinquents here on earth by flattering thy selfe with a vaine hope of life estrangest thy thoughts from thinking of a better life But doe not so deceive thy selfe for if it be not by faithfull repentance sought for here there is no hope for any pardon there to bee procured nor for any Appeale to be there admitted nor for one minutes Repreve to bee there granted nor for that heavy sentence of Death to be one moment adjourned That sentence of eternall Death Depart from me this shall bee the sentence To lose whose countenance and to Depart from his presence is to bring thy soule into endlesse torments eternall anguish O my God thou who hast appointed
task was wearisome to thee and thy mind was elsewhere wandring and would not stay with thee and canst thou now thinke that so rich a kingdom would keep it selfe for thee when thou wouldst neither knock that it might be opened to thee nor seeke that it might be found of thee Health thou know'st well commeth not from the clouds without seeking nor wealth from the clods without digging And yet Heaven must be got without knocking or seeking But great prizes are not to bee so purchased For as Heavens Gate is straite and few there be that enter so are our tribulations to be many that we may be of that few that shall enter But I heare thee now cry out as one that had some sense of his sinne and of the losse hee has incurred by sinne Woe is mee I cannot looke upon this Earth I tread on without blushing nor can I thinke upon Death without sorrowing nor the day Iudgement without trembling nor of Hell without shaking nor of the joyes of Heaven without astonishing For Earth I loved it so well and well might I blush at my selfe for for bestowing my love so ill as the remembrance of Death became sorrowfull For by it I understood how I was to be brought to Iudgement of all others most fearefull and from thence as having nothing to answer in mine owne defence I was to bee haled to Hell a place dismall and dolefull And consequently to forfeit all my title and interest in Heaven which could not chuse but astonish mee being a place so joyfull This I like well in thee for this knowledge of thine infirmity may bring thee to look for remedy and by degrees to find recovery Ioyne then with mee and offer up thy prayer to the Throne of grace that He in his mercy would looke upon thee Gracious God though I bee altogether unworthy to lift up mine eyes unto heaven or to offer up my prayers unto thee much lesse to be heard by thee yet for his merits and mercies sake who sitteth at thy right hand and maketh intercession for me reserve a place in thine heavenly Kingdome for mee Deare Lord in thine House are many Mansions O bring me thither that I may joyne my voyce with those voyces of the Angels and sing prayses to thee who sittest in the highest Heavens for ever CHAP. 70. With the Remembrance of these Hee becomes afflicted in Spirit O But yet I find my soule like dry ground where no water is wheresoever I turne mee I find affliction and misery on all sides encompassing mee O what shall I doe where shall I fly to For behold while I take my selfe aside from the world into some with-drawing roome purposely to forget the world and prepare my selfe for the joyes of a better life while I say I beginne to commune with my owne thoughts in the secret Chamber of mine heart I become so affrighted with the representment of those foure last Remembrances as I wholly forget what I intended to speake my tongue beginnes to cleave to the roofe of my mouth my spatle is dryed within mee those active faculties of my soule leave mee and mine understanding departeth from mee O Death Death How bitter is the remembrance of thee O how mee thinkes thou summons mee and like a surly Guest breakest in upon mee nay uninvited resolvest to lodge with mee And presently I feele my selfe wounded and so mortally as not to be cured O how my divine eye-sight now darkneth my painting breast beateth my hoarse throat rutleth how my teeth by little and little grow black and draw to them a kind of rust how my countenance growes pale and all my members stiffe how every sense and faculty failes how my wasted body threatneth a speedy dissolution yet desires my poore soule to bee a Guest still though there be cold comfort to bee found in such a forlorne Inne but what are all these terrors of Death to that fearefull day of Iudgement when at the sound of the Trumpe all flesh shall rise where none may be exempted but all judged O me Death is nothing unto this For what comparison betwixt a Death temporall and eternall And such shall be the sentence of every Reprobate amongst which I the chiefe O how terrible will that great Iudge appeare to such as in this life would neither be allured by his promises nor awakened with his judgements O how dolefully will that voyce sound in their eare Depart from me I know you not And how ready will that officious Iaylor bee upon the delivery of this heavie sentence to hale them to utter darkenesse a place of endlesse torments where the cursings and howlings of Fiends and Furies shall entertaine their melodious care ougly and hideous sights shall entertaine their lascivious eye loathsome stenches their delicious smell sulphur and brimstone their luscious taste graspings and embracings of snakes their amorous touch Anguish and horror every sense where those miserable damned soules shall be tormented both in their flesh and spirit In their flesh by fire ever burning and never decaying and in their spirit by the worme of Conscience ever gnawing and never dying where there shall bee griefe intolerable feare horrible filth incomparable death both of soule and body without hope of pardon or mercy And now to cloze with the last the losse whereof exceeds our sufferings in all the rest O to consider how I unhappy I have not onely got Hell the Lake of horror and misery but lost Heaven the place of endlesse joy and felicity O what heart can consider it and not resolve it selfe into a Sea of teares in contemplation of it For what may the wretched soule thinke when she lifteth up the beames of her mind and beholdeth the glory of those immortall riches and withall considereth how shee has lost all those for the poverty of this life O how can shee bee lesse then confounded with anguish how can shee doe lesse then rore forth in the affliction of her Spirit Againe when shee shall cast her eyes below her and take a full view of the vale of this world and perceive how it was but as a mist and presently looking above her admires the beauty of that eternall light shee presently concludeth that it was nothing else but night and darkenesse which shee here loved O how shee fainteth faltereth and fruitlesly desireth that shee might but have some small remainder of time allotted her what a sharpe course what a severe manner of conversation would shee take upon her what and how great promises would be made by her with what strict bonds of devotion would shee seemingly tye her But this must not bee granted her as shee had her full of pleasures here so must shee now bee tormented for ever O how my Spirit with the remembrance of these becomes afflicted O who will heale mee for I am wounded O my gracious and deare Lord out of thy boundlesse compassion looke upon my grievous affliction Keepe not