odde And yet he is not going towards GOD Hee 's neuer sicke nor e're will bee hee thinkes With such an appetite hee eates and drinks Sleepes soundly walkes and talkes with such a courage And sops his dish himselfe and sups his porridge And lookes so buxsome bonny and so blithe Not dreaming once of death or Times sharpe sithe His father why hee 'le be hee 'l hold a Testor Some nine-liu'd Cat at least some three-liu'd Nestor His soule she needs no transmigration dout Shee hath a body will so long hold out An Heire why if the sates thus still deferre it Impossible to liue for to inherite I thinke in very troth if troth were knowne Hee would his fathers death and feares his owne A habite now a daies in sonneâ— soone gotten Scarce â—ipe they wish their Parent dead and rotteÌ„ EPIGRAM 51. In Brusorem BRusor is growne to be a man of wealth Onely by knauery cozenage and stealâ—h As all men know yet none dare say so much For now he 's honest why because he 's rich EPIGRAM 52. His dâ—fiance to Fortune HEnce cares I will none of your wrinkled surrowes Before my time to make mee to looke old I le not submit my yonger yeares to sorrowes No sullen-sadnesse shall of mee take hold And though the ragged hand of fortune shake mee As that my neerest kindred will not know mee And all my old acquaintance quite forsake mee And whilome friends no friendship now will show mee Though cruell chance doth rack me with that rigour Would make almost the stoutest fall to stouping Yet shall my heart retaine her wonted vigour And this my Muse shall keepe my minde from drouping Perhaps I 'le triumph too and make lowd boast How Fooles haue fortune and braue men are â—rost EPIGRAM 53. In Medicastrum ONce and but once in my most grieuous sickenesse I sought by Physicke to support my weakenessâ—â— And got mee vnto no great learned man No Galeuist not Paraculsian One that had read an English booke or two Yet what durst hee not vndertake to do Hee tooke in hand the Vrinall I brought him And told me what some Almanacke had taught him Surueid my water gaue mee such an answere As well I wot show'd but a simple censure In fine I found in him no other matter But I to cast my money hee my water And I returned poorer in my purse But sicke in body as before or worse EPIGRAM 54. In Iohannem IAcks once curl'd Scalpe is now but skin and bone There 's not a haire awry for there is none And call it by what name you list to vse Or Scalde or Balde there 's not a haire to chuse EPIGRAM 55. Et dare â—utoricaleous ista potest O Let me laugh before I tell you how Old Miso's sonne is growne a Caualier Become a flat Recusant to the Plow Hang 't he a drudge and bee his fathers Heire Nay such a one's Leifetenant of the Shire And 't shall go hard but he will weare his cloth Or he 'le serue him that shal be Shriefe next yeare Not for the world will he liue as he doth He ' le shake of that same home-made russet suâ—e And booke his father but hee will haue better Whose name hee knowes sufficient to do 't The Mercers glad too of so good a detter Loe in a Blew-Coate or a Liuery Cloake Who swaggers it but good sir Clunian His hands behind him or in either poke Hee 's eu'ry Gentlemans companion When by his leaue in good time bee it said And Ape 's an Ape how trimme so ere aray'd EPIGRAM 56. In Grobenduck Animum gerit is muliebrem SIr Grobenduck i' th house is better skil'd Then with his seruants working in the field Hee markes the maids and what they haue to do To wash in Sope to Bucke to Bake to Brew Mâ—lke and make Cheese Churnâ— Butter Spin and Card To call the Pigs and Poultry iâ— the yard Grope Hens and Ducks â—'th house what longs vnto it Oâ— he see 's done or he himselfe doth do it And but for wearing long-coates like in all To the Assirian Sardan â—pall This Woman-man this House-Hermophrodâ—te Doth liue nor like a Lady nor a Knight EPIGRAM 57. In Prodigum POore Prodigus brags wheresoere he comes How much hee hath consumed in his daies How many hundred pounds no lesser summes Think'st Prodigus this can be for thy praise Thou whose decline can neuer be redeemed Of friends of fortunes eu'ry way defac'st An Irus now though Crassus late esteem'd Think'st thou the world takes notice what thou wast No no thou shalt be ballanc'st as thou art Mens minds are metamorphoz'd with thy meanes And want can alienate the truest heart And Loe saith some one how on vs hee leaues Perh pâ—â—hee thinks that wee will beare him out Hee sayes it too perchance that cost thee much The whilst thou bragst thou hast not spar'd to do 't For him ere now and twenty other such When none but fooles would boast the bankrout ioy Of Once wee flourisht wee haue beene of Troy EPIGRAM 58. Sine sanguine sudore RAfe challeng'd Robin time and place appointed Their parents hard on 't Lord how they lamented But God be thankt they were soone free'd of feare The one ne're meant the other came not there EPIGRAM 59. In Lâ—â—â—â—ettam LAuretta is laid o're how I le not say And yet I thinke two manner of waies I may Doubly laid or'e videlicet her face Laid or'e with colours and her coate with lace EPIGRAM 60. Cur Vulcanus non Planeta WHy is not Vulcan many times I wonder Amongst the seuen Celestiall Planets one He that made loue the Gyant-quelling Thunder When he kept shop within the Torrid Zone Why not as well as Mars the God of strife Or Saturne he that lookes so dull and dunne Why not as Mercury that cunning Theefe Or that prospectiue-glasse-ei'd God the Sunne I wonder why not rather then his wife Or changing Moone and one as hoâ—n'd as hee I cannot find the reason for my life Except and that may chance some reason bee Because a fellow of no Influence Bad in Coniunction worser in Aspect And therefore Mars got the preheminence For he suppli'd where Vulcan made defect Besides his polt-foot all these might fore-token Hee should no Planet be but Planet-stroken EPIGRAM 61. In Vopiscum A Changling no Vopiscus scornes to doo 't Nor bee a shifter still he 's in one sute Yet â—or his Constancy let none deride him For by his cloathes he seemeth semper idem Perchance Religious and I should aread Some Capuchin by wearing still one Weed EPIGRAM 62. In Puritanum VVHo's that incountred vs but euen now With such a leuell and Religious a looke So graue and supercilious a brow With such spruce gate as if he went by 'th booke His cloake not swaggring handsomly he wore His head and beard short cut his little tuffe His doubleâ— fit â—or's belly and no more With seemely hose made of the selfe-same
they not make thee itch moue thy bloud Of all thou hast had and thou hast had many Hast e're read better nay hast read so good Dost laugh they 'l make the rigidst Callo doe it Besides smooth verse quaint phrase come what wilt giue No more but so Ah! what shall I say to it I pitty Poetrie but curse the time When none will bid vs Reason for our Rime EPIGRAM 21. Patruo suo colendist Rich. Freem 〈◊〉 THese and himselfe that sends you these are yours From whoÌ„ he yeelds he had his chiefe proceeding To whom he owes his best bestowed houres And better then mans birth ingenuous breeding Though much against your mind he hath imployd That pretious iewell Time to his great losse Yet all you haue bestow'd is not destroy'd There 's some gold oâ—e in this huge heape of drosse So much and such as 't is accept and saue it If it were more and better you should haue it EPIGRAM 22. Eidem TO whom may I these times more truely send Then vnto you where they were bred born Should all forsake them you must be their friend If good your praise if bad t' escape from scorne To Buckelers-bery or Tobacco-takers Or Flax-wiues vent them or neere home you may To Tewkesbery amongst the Mustard-makers Or fire them or send them quite away Your only sweet course for Virginia ship them For by the Statute you are bound to keep them EPIGRAM 23. Consanguinaâ— suo chariss generosiss W. Warmstry VVHo would you not in all abundant measure The triple good of body mind and fortune Eu'n those to whom you neuer yet did pleasure How much more I may such a wish importune Who in good troth if but the troth were known In wishing your health do but wish mine owne EPIGRAM 24. In Swaggerum SWagger the onely Strike-fire of our time Whose sword the Steele whose fury is the flint Well would this Caualier become my rime But O impatience I Sbloud put him not in 't For if I doe be sure hee 'l be my bane Not Herc'les vsde the three-chopt Hel-hound so As I shall be if in his clutches ta'ne Hee 'l teach the curre for barking any moe Yet good sir Swagger if I pen thy praise Record thy valour registring in it How many thou hast killed in thy dayes All which I dare be sworne are liuing yet If I shall say how thou becomst a terrour A Bugge-beare to those Babie-hearted slaues That know not how they grosely liue in errour To thinke thee valiant only for thy braues If I shall terme thee the Innes onely hackester The Tauerns tyrant like some cutting Dicke To call the Oastler rogue beknaue the Tapster With Fill 's another quarte come villaine quicke If I shall tell how thou mad'st Pickt-hatch smoke And how without smoke thou wast fired there If I shall tell how when thy head was broke Thou wouldst haue bin reuenged but for feare Thus if I praise-thee say shall I not please thee Well doe or doe not thus resolu'd I am Swagger thy words thy oths shal not release thee Be thou the subiect of this Epigram Swagger thou maist and sweare as thouart wont Thou wilt not fight I am assured on 't EPIGRAM 25. In Quintium IS 't not a wonder Quintius should so dread To see a Hare runne crossing in his way The Sale fall t'wards him or his Nose to bleed Beginne a iourney vpon Disemores day Yet feares not things more ominous then these But dares to drinke with him that hath the pox And ligge with her that hath the like disease But what cares Quintius so he ply the box So long to swill with him to play with her Till he be sure of the venereall murre EPIGRAM 26. In Malchaonem IEalous Malchaeon thinkes his wife will doe it And she poore soule to saue his soule falls to it Would eu'ry iealous man had such a wife He should be sure be sau'd by his beliefe EPIGRAM 27. In duas meretricos litigantes FRancke and Kate wage law wherefore Because that Francis calld Kate whore Yet Kate is knowne and Francis too Wenches that will not sticke to doe Faith Kate let fall thy Action Law prooues it no detraction I him that weaues a Weauer call No vantage to be got at all And how can Francke bee found too blame That to thy trade so fits thy name EPIGRAM 28. In Salonum OFâ— in the night Salonus is inclinde To rise and pisse and doth as oft break winde If 's Vrinall be glasse as 't is no doubt I wonder it so many crackes holdes out EPIGRAM 29. In Caium Dantur opes nulla nunc nisi diuitibus WHen Caius needed no mans amitie He might haue beene beholding vnto many But when he sought in his calamitie He could not be beholding vnto any Then eu'ry man his kindnesse gon recall His friends forgat they euer knew the man His kinsfolkes were to him no kin at all All scorn'd their quondam kind companion A common case and true it is we see With seeming friends how we shal be attended The whilst our state stands happy who but wee O how the fortunate shal be be friended But when soule fortune throws vs to the ground Lo then they seeke occasion to be gone To beate that dog a staffe is quickely found Hang him say they we n'er knew such a one Riches are onely giuen to the rich And he that 's downe shal still lie in the ditch EPIGRAM 30. In Rusticum generosum WHy hath our Age such new-found Gentles made To giue the Master to the Farmers sonne And bid Good morrow Goodman to his Dad Whence hath his brat those brauer titles wonne He that saw nothing but the seething pot That n'er went further then Chimney corner His father sonne so like him eu'ry iot Why is he better then the elder Farmer Except as said King Philip long agone Seeing his subiects honour Alexander Men giue more reuerence to the Rising Sunne Then vnto that which to the West doth wander So did the â—ace 〈◊〉 adore For Philips manhood Alexandersâ—odhead â—odhead So may we set this sonne his site before And call the father Clowne the son a Gods-head EPIGRAM 31. Shroueteusdâ—y YOu belly-gods behold your Bacchanals The Calends of the Epicures are come Bombast your guts vntill you breake your galls Fat you with flesh to morrow't goes from home Now lard your lips and glut your greasie logs You Hinxy-hinds you Bul-biefe-bacon-hogs EPIGRAM 32. In Rufum legentem pracedens Epigr. RVfiu was reading the fore-going time Early one morne when he was fresh fasting O Lord said he for that thrice happy time Or that Shroueteusday might be euerlasting I lookt and laught and saw a wondrous matter Eu'n as he wisht his mouth began to water EPIGRAM 33. In Apparitores CIte-sinne the Sumner is a sharking lad He seemes to friend offenders by forbearance Onely a tricke to trie what may be had If nothing ware their Doomes-day of appearance They must come in the
stuffe In all how neaâ—ly and not nicely trimme Nay and me thoughâ— his words as well he plac'd Saluting vs when we saluted him As e're I heard I pre thee say who wa st Know you noâ— him sir 't is a Puritan Trust me I tooke him for an honest man EPIGRAM 63. Morum amorum amicorum candidissimo cordatissimo suo Magistro Iohanni Smith Oxon. WHat shall I say but what I must say still Let any Cymcke with a light goe seeke At night at noone-day at what time he will He may looke long and misse to finde thy like For a free spirit that breathes more sincerely In harmelesse sport and mirth with innocence That loues his friend more truly more entirely Speakes honest English without complements The womb that bare thee bare thee not a brother For â— such sons could not come from one mother EPIGRAM 64. Of Spencers Faiery Queene VIrgil from Homer th' Iâ—alian from him Spenser from all and all of these I weene Were borne when Helicon was full to th'brim Witnes their works witnes our Faiery Queene That lasting monument of Spâ—nsers wit Was n'er come neare to much lesse equal'd yet EPIGRAM 65. In Phaedram NOw by her troth she hath bin Phadra sayes At a play farre better edified Then at a Sermon euer in her dayes Phaedra 't is true it cannot be denied For Stage-plays thou hast giuen eare to many But Sermons Phaedra neuer heardst thou any EPIGRAM 66. In Caeliam NO hang me Calia if I 'l be thy guest We scarce begin to eate but thou to chide This Goose is raw that Capon is ill drest And blamst the Cooke and throwest the meate aside When we sit iudging that would rather eate No fault o' th Cooks 't is thou wouldst saue thy meate EPIGRAM 67. Typographo PRinter that art the Midwife to my muse To bring to light what is vnworthy light Let me intreate thee leaue thy wonted vse Print not at all or print my booke aright Trouble not thou the Reader to goe see Faults escap'd in the Impression Too much already is transgrest by me Augment it not in thy profession But where thou seest my imperfections wants The Sense scarse seeming intelligible Giue me the fairest Characters thou canst It is thy grace it goe foorth legible They that peruse wil praise it for the print If for no other goodnesse they see in 't EPIGRAM 68. In Lucam LVke sayes Let Gallants gallant howsoe're They are but like the Moone and he the Sun For eu'ry month a new sute they doe weare When a whole twelue month he is still in one T' would make you laugh if you the reason knew He hath nor meanes nor mony to buy new EPIGRAM 69. Ad Sam. Danielem vt ciuile bellum perficiat I See not Daniel why thou should'st disdaine If I vouchsafe thy name amongst my mirth Thy Aetas prima was a merry vaine Though later Muse tumultuous in her birth Know here I praise thee as thou wast in youth Venereous not mutinous as now Thy Infancie I loue admire thy growth And wonder to what excellence 't will grow When thou shalt end the broils thou hast begun Which none shall do if thou shalt leaue vndone EPIGRAM 70. In Aemiliam AEMilia tooke her husband in a trippe Aduenturing his ware in a strange shippe Poore soule she could no lesse she chaft and child him But for she did no more there she vndid him For now hee 's sawcie and there 's little oddes Betwixt him and that Pagan-king of gods And cares no more then Ioue when Iuno spide him For now he knowes the worst she will but chide him EPIGRAM 71. In Moscam WHile Mosca's teeth in eu'n ranks faire stood Her nose could neuer giue her chin the meeting Where now regarding not how neare in blood Th' are seene with shame incestuously greeting Or it may be her chin's like a Salt pit And Pigeon-like her nose lies pecking it EPIGRAM 72. In Sotonem SOto a country Iustice at each Session Speakes more then all the Bench doth neuer cease 'T is contrary to his profession Or if a Iustice surely none o' th Peace EPIGRAM 73. In Cleon. TIâ— one of Cloes qualities That euer when she sweares she lies Dost loue me Cloe sweare not so For when thou swear'st thou liest I know Dost hate me Cloe pre thee sweare For then I know thou lou'st me deare EPIGRAM 74. In Owenni Epigrammata OWen not to vse flattery as they That â—une mens praises in too high a kay Thus far in troth I thinke I may commend thee The Latines al saue one must come behind thee Adde yet one little but a louely fault Thou hast too little gall but full of salt EPIGRAM 75. In Thuscum THuscus doth vaunt be hath an Ouidâ— vaine That for my eu'ry one verse hee 'l make twain Licke he like Virgil too I doe not doubt For lacke of liking hee 'l licke all his out EPIGRAM 76. In eundem THuscus writes faire without blurre or blot The rascall'st rimes were euer read God wot No maruell many with a Swans quill write That can but with a Gooses wit endite EPIGRAM 77. Quid non ebrietas APe-drunkards they are merry Lion-drunkards mad Fox-drunkards cheat Swine-drunkards lie and spew Goat-drunkards lust and these and more as bad Beasts attributes to men by drinking grew Yea this same sin when it disâ—igures least Deformes a man and makes him but a beast EPIGRAM 78. In Carentium CArentius might haue wedded where he wood But he was poore his meanes were nothing good 'T was but for lacke of liuing that he lost her For why no penny now no Pater noster EPIGRAM 79. In Leucam LEucas doth think 't would countenaÌ„ce 〈◊〉 To dedicate it to a Puritan With some more solemne title set to it Aâ—d a faire Preface to that holy man Tuâ—â— Leucas so my Booke by such a 〈◊〉 Might be accounted a dissembleâ— too A 〈…〉 with an outward â—ecke Why that is all the Puritan can doe Nay let him with a penny-father fâ—câ— O're-vaile his shame and vizardize his sinne When none performeth fruits of lesser grace My times such as they are shall such be seene Their very title shall instruct men rather Grapes vpon therâ—s how hopelesse 't is to gather EPIGRAM 80. I Haue some Kinsfolke rich but passing prowd I haue some friends but poore and passing willing The first would gladly see me in my shrowd Which in the last would cause the tears distilling Now which of these loue I so God me mend Not a rich Kinseman but a willing Friend EPIGRAM 81. CRispus could helpe me if he would Charus would helpe me if he could Would Crispus Charus mind did beare Or Charus but as wealthy were EPIGRAM 82. In Tiburn TIburne is a Wrastler yet can nor leg nor trip But play at collars and 't is ods she throws you with a slip EPIGRAM 83. In lactantem Poetastrum ONe told me once of Verses that he made Riding to London on