that heavy hand of temptation which lyeth upon them to draw the natural principle of self-love to a composition and rather then remain a close prisoner in such bondage to change it for a Vassallage to one of these common principles of Hell 1. That there is no such thing as Heaven nor Hell 't is a meer fixion and therefore but a meer folly to trouble our selves about them Or else 2. T is better for a Man to take his share in the pleasures of the flesh allowing God and our selves so much service and care as our Forefathers and others have done And not concern himself so deeply in the affairs of eternity If I am elected I cannot be damned if reprobated not saved To these or some such prisons the Devil shifts souls wearied with terrors And it matters not him much in which they are may he but be the keeper 4. Or lastly if all these fail yet Satan hath a further design If he find that the Garrison cannot be won by storm that still there is a resistance made against all his attempts He cannot drive the soul to utter despair of mercy or to yeild its members servants to divers lusts and pleasures Yet nevertheless he hopes that the breaches the wide gashes that he now makes may be a way for entrance in times to come That a long life shall not be able to make them up again he knows that upon every falling into sin he shall have a fâ—ll blow at the soul thus troubled and that the greatness of the doubts now raised may prove a mighty impediment to the hearts closing with Christ by faith This last have I found most true in my own case This first delusion ministred much strength to every following temptation 3. Satan the great enemy intended nothing but my final overthrow not the least good but the greatest evil and yet shall I here make bold to tell the world how much I stand bound to fear the Lord for his goodness in delivering me and disposing my fears for good For. 1. As soon as it pleased God that my body recovered out of its distemper I lay under much trouble by reason of the great fears before menâ—â—oâ—ed and this made me seek out for some advice now for my wracked mind And acquainting that blessed Man of God Dr. 〈◊〉 with my trouble he gave me to understand that iâ— was a meer delusion of Satan 2. I found iâ— my self serious thoughts of my eternal state of Heaven and Hell attended with endeavours to seek the one and avoid the other 3. And I sound not only the Lord comming iâ— by his bâ—essed spirit with conviction of sin but also reâ—sing in my soul an high estimation of his love and favour 4. I found my self stirred up to pray God enabling me by his blessed spirit therein so that now it might be said as once of Paul behold he prayeth I could then have spoken to God as one speaketh to his friend 5. Open profession of the truth of the Gospel followed hereon Gladly bearing the reproachful name of Puritan which was the name in fashion in those dayes to revile professors withall 6. Prayer in my Family was set up also by me when young and unmarried 7. Former sins did not only dislike me but also former pleasures and pastimes As Bowling and Cocking c. And. 8. Association with the godly was my delight the Men that feared God were the Men of my choice but especially with much content did I embrace acquaintance with and was much helped by one Mr. The. Hibben of Rowton above others a Gentleman eminently worthy for profession of the Gospel 9. Frequent was my attendance upon the word preached Often went I to Brompton Brrian to hear that holy Man of God Mr. Peirson So that by this time methoughts I could discern a work of God wrought in me whereby I found the new Man as well as the old 10. Going to Brompton I not only founâ— much help for my Soul by the Ministry of the word but it pleased God also to bring me into acquaintance with a noble Family eminent in those dayes for Religion Sr. Robert Harleigh Out of which he gave me a meet helper both for body and Soul Here was the first conflict wherein Satans malice was over matched by the super-abundant grace of God CHAP. II. Victory in and over temptation matter of admiration Satan disappointed in particular temptations Doth not cease them but suspend them Security the unbeseeming consequent of spiritual deliverance The Mother of more and greater miseries Satans Art may vary but his Aime that same the writers experience herein WHo can but admire the Wisdom Might and Mercy of God clearly manifesting it self in holding up poor weak and worthless Man under any one of all those heavy conflicts he hath with the powers of darkness Oh what policy what power what poison is every stratagem of the Devil managed with all how doth that evil one set his All at work that poor Man might be caught kept and confounded by him at once And that temptation might not rise up a second time But such is the heart of God towards Man in misery that he stands not by as an idle spectator of our sufferings but teacheth our hands to war and our singers to fight He makes us to understand what we could hardly believe 2 Pet. 2.9 That he knows how to deliver out off temptation That there is no desperate case with him That our unbelief cannot render the faith of God of none effect 2 Tim. 2.13 That though we believe not yet he abideth faithful and cannot deny himself such may be the anguish of spirit and cruel Bondage under disertion that as the Children of Israel could not hearken to the words of promise spoken to them by Moses Exod. 6.9 Though no condition more needing it so faith of Adoption may be much decayed the Breasts of promise may not let down their wonted consolations The Soul seemeth to be in a languishing condition by reason of its dissability to imbrace the promises 'T is brought to its wits end come to the utmost of faith and patience And yet for all this our God abideth faithful he cannot deny himself he is the only wise God And a Saviour of such as are gone to the utmost end of faith ready to drop away into total unbelief He that can but place Affiance in God the Saviour though God hath not planted Assurance of Salvation in him may yet abide confident of deliverance Dwell in stay thy self upon God by this faith and thou shalt find the want of Assurance may damnifie but cannot damne thee Mark well that passage of the Psalmist Ps 91.1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall ledge under the shadow of the Almighty Give him the honour of his being The most high And Almightiness shall be thy defence Trust in his mercy and thou shalt not need to tremble at his power But remember
saith blessed Mr. Bradford it must be such a trust as may be called a Dwelling Here you must stay here you must abide not suffering your Souls to be outed by violence of temptation nor voluntary giving up the possesion â— is a wonder I say again that when the wind of temptation blows high and strong Psal 62.9 Poor Man lighter then a feather lighter then vanity should be any note found Or that grace should ever be able to shew its head when fiery scorching heats of temptation smite the heart Yet so it is The secret of the most high is a place above all destructive storms the shadow of the Almighty is no Jonahs Gourd but a thick a safe shelter from the scorching beams of temptation the fiery darts of the Devil Wait on the Lord oh my Soul hope in his mercy here stay here wait here dwell in waiting let no force nor fraud of Hell perswade thee to depart hence and thou art safe for ever I have shewed already how Satan missed of his design which he had upon me in his first delusion He would have had me being greatly afrighted at the thoughts of Hell to give up my hopes of Heaven and as a means to effect that did to my apprehension present to my view the Lord Christ departing from me This he did whiles I was under bodily weakness from which God mercifully set me free But as I said before and find since by long and lamentable experience his malicious purpose in that delusion did not end when the terror of it was abated His practice upon me so filled my thoughts for many years after that it wonderfully hindred me from receiving my Lord Christ in that faithfulness as I should have done He departed from me so as that the violence of his temptations were nothing so great as in the time when he first was let loose upon me but so much of them still stuck and staid behind as did make me drive on but heavily in the wayes of God filling me with many slavish fears and doubts and thereby making my closure with Jesus Christ upon the offer of the Gospel the more difficult and his own entrance at another season more possible and easy The Lord indeed gave me a gratious deliverance but Satans war with poor souls is not ended after the first battle His hopes are that that fort which is not won at first onset may be conquered at last He was not out of hope of finding a fitter season to renew his temptations against Christ the head though he found he had enough of him in the first Combate Luke 4.13 The text saith when the Devil had ended all the temptations he departed from him for a season How little doth the thoughts of this affect our hearts we are apt to fall asleep as soon as the fit of trouble is over as if our enemy were afraid to shew himself any more or as if his second attempts would be no worse then the first or we our selves in a better posture for resistance Whereas there is nothing more true then the contrary nor any thing more unbeseeming a Christian then to forget his past dangers or remit his dilligeâ—ne and slacken his hand in services of his God and his pretious soul To grow careless negligent and secure after such deliverances or indeed at any time Is 1. Sinful 1 Thes 5.6 Let others sleep as they will Jesus Christ will not have his people do so Math. 26.41 To watch is a duty then which none more frequently enjoyned A duty that carryeth much mercy in the bowels of it A watchful frame will beget and maintain a praying frame wherever it is And both together will be a good means if not to keep off yet at least to keep up the soul under the heavy load of temptation our blessed Lord who himself hath suffered being tempted and is able to succour us who are tempted Heb. 3.18 Hath yet thought it fit to employ poor souls this way during their lucid intervals and quiet hours Encouraging us thereunto by this It may be a preservative from entring into temptations Watch and pray and pray least ye enter into c. Math. 26.41 2. A careless behaviour after deliverance is not only sinful but foolish The folly of it appeareth in these considerations 1. The Devil himself is not at quiet he is rallying up his forces after every Conquest he is renewing his war again with greater fury What he doth in this matter he knoweth he shall gain nothing by but the fulfilling of his malicious and revengeful pleasure in the downfall of our immortal souls And shall he be thus active in a matter of so small advantage to himself and we remain stupid when the gain is an immortal matchless gain and that our own gain too oh how unbeseeming how foolish a thing is this we may well collect how Satan takes his ejectments out of the souls and bodies of Men by the account that the Disciples brought back to their great Master touching the success of their ministry Luke 10.17 Lord say they even the Devils are subject to us through thy name This was the return they made and the text saith 't was with joy Christ allows it to be matter of rejoycing because hardly effected v. 18. And he said unto them I beheld Satan as lightening fall from Heaven To be permitted to rule in man is the Devils Heaven To be cast out thence is a torment next to Hell It is not more contrary to the nature of flame to move downward then to that evil spirit to be removed out of his place in man meer force mighty force must fetch him thence his fall is as the fall of lightening 2. It animates and armes our enemy for a sooner and sorer onset Satan needeth not stay long to find advantages against a sleepy soul The bed of sloathful security will aford room enough for him but none for Jesus Christ And the onset is like to be more sore as well as more soon Old sores not healed every touch goes to the heart Cant. 3.1 24. Ch. 5.2 c. The spouse had more a do to get â—id of her second disertion then of the first although victorious in both Security and unwary walking in a time of peace when there is liberty and leisure to fortify our selves is but a sorry posture for such especially whose enemies are upon the march Of all enemies none carry greater dread or greater danger then those that come on the sudden Gen. 49.17 As Dan that Serpent in the way and Adder in the path dealt with the men of Laish who dwelt careless quiet and secure Judg. 18.7.10.27 So the Devil that old Serpent the fiery red Dragon abours to do with souls negligent to secure â—heir spiritual peace In a word an heart so stupid after deliverance as not to be deeply and durably affected with its past danger and future duty of love to Jesus Christ and pressing after a more distinct
of the Authour is needless read him a man he is of long standing in profession a Follower of God both up-hill and down-hill for many years one who hath not liv'd so ill as to have all men speak well of him nor common frailties excepted as to deserve the contrary If his zeal for God hath expos'd him to the reproach of some well may he bear it He desires to let the World see nothing in him but his infirmities the rest is God's and not his A man whom long diseases of Soul and many Paroxcisms or heights of distemper have annoyed but not left by the great Physitian How he came at first to any sence of Religion in truth and with how much difficulty through the strong temptations of Sathan he attained to a comfortable hope of the love of God what was the course taken by him for his relief how Faith in the promises and submission to all Gods dealings were and are to be exercised are the cheif things here spoken of The Lord make it as profitable to thee in reading as he testifies they were to him in the experiencing who after many weak fits of Faith and Faithfulness in weakness rejoyceth in hope of the glory of God That thou maist be bettered by this publication is the Authours design and the hearty prayer of To the Saints of the Most High God especially the afflicted in Conscience lying under sad desertions and groaning for deliverance Grace Peace and Victory be given to you from the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour HAving received so glorious a mercy as to be delivered from many delusions and temptations of Sathan under which I lay for many years I look upon it as my great duty to manifest Gods gratious dealings with me to the Sons and Daughters of Men and so much the rather do I thus judge because the wayes of God to me have not been common or ordinary wayes they are but a few of Gods Children as the Authour of the book entituled Dr. Tho. Goodwin A Child of Light walking in darkness witnesseth whom their Father casts into the belly of Hell deep Waters where they feel no bottom letting out Sathan upon them and the manifestation of his glorious grace in saving such to the utmost is the main end one of them he aimeth at in dealing thus with any 't is no wonder Satan should have an access to and converse with the spirits of men and many times when they know it not for he is a Spirit or that with so much vigour and terrour his temptations in times of desertion should be accompanyed for by the evidence of Gods word ana his own ways 't is certain that his work and business is to drink up and devour his nature is not only that of a Roaring Lyon for power and terrour but also of a subtle Serpent for pollicy and poison his season and opportunity is when we are weakest and at the worst and night and day doth he keep watch and ward for taking all the advantage that may be if God for needful ends turns but his back upon his child hides his face from him forsakes him but for a little moment the enemy waiteth at the door to break in as a mighty flood If by Feavor Melancholly or other bodily distempers the natural spirits which are the â—ursitors between the body and the Soul are made uncapable of performing their Office aright then is he sure to be up and doing every affiction is an hour of temptation the dark is his delight now is the time for him to lay his delusions upon the fantasie and to charge sin upon the Soul when he findeth it most unable to resist and ready to embrace and believe it To bring the Soul in to inextricable troubles is his design to accomplish with more then conceiveable pollicy cruelty and mallice are set at work for he is the red Dragon who hath all along traded in persecution of the woman and her seed Christ and his Church For the space of fourty years or thereabouts hath it pleased the hand that took me out of my Mothers Womb to train me up and lead me along in this uncomfortable Wilderness of temptation though I cannot say that in all these years he hath left me to the violence of spiritual conflicts for then the burthen had been too heavy for flesh to stand under so long yet must I needs say my clearest day all that time was but dark and however I seemed to others in point of comfort outwardly sure I am my soul enjoyed not her rest nor could I ever say I was all that while any more then a Prisoner of hope still subject unto bondage and not discharged of the debt nor delivered from my fears 'T was but an hard shift I made to hold up my head when I was at best my worst cannot be expressed until now at last that God for whom I wâ—ited in the way of his Judgements and from whom were my expectations in the use of appointed means all this while came and was found of me when I looked not for him delivered me from my strong Enemy set my Feet upon a Rock and established my goings The same God that was my stay in the day of calamity is now my Glory and the lifter up of my head he is my strength and song and is now become my Salvation Upon the whole I may truly say as once Job said I have heard of God by the hearing of the Ear but now mine Eye hath seen him now hath he made known himself to me by his sweet Spirit and by the manifestation and operation of his glorious power in giving me deliverance And I can say by experience more then ever that now I know there is a God so also now I know there is a Devill such have been the delusions cursed injections of blasphemous thoughts and dreadful temptations wherewith he hath endeavoured to fill my Soul till the day the Lord by his great power delivered me out of his hands that I have cause to know him and to make him known as far as I am able to the World which is the endeavour of this ensuing Relation Every Child of God I am perswaded is somewhat acquainted with the wounds of conscience but God who best knows the frame of his people and what they can bear and for what work they are intended measures not to all alike Some are made to sip onely of the Cup of Trembling while others are made to drink down larger draughts every Soul hath his tast To much as will serve to make an experiment of the evil and bitter nature of sin but some have more then others and though every man is apt to magnifie his own miseries into a Non such because the heart knows his own bitterness and a wounded Conscience who can bear yet without breach of modesty I think I may bolaly affirm that few of the Sons of Men have been in greater danger or more beholden
to the Deliverer To have God deserting a Soul and permitting Satan to Rage and Rule so far that it believeth all his suggestions and is not able to believe the contrary expecting nothing but the lowermost Hell This was my condition and when I have told you so though you might perceive something of my sad and wearysome Life yet cannot the misery be expressed by me nor conceived by you a thousand worlds had I been owner would I have given for a Free Spirit a heart enabled to shake off the meditating and pondering upon Hell torments as the things that methoughts I should for ever dwell with Now I say when all this lay upon my Soul and I expected no deliverance then for the Lord my God to surprize and break in upon me with so glorious and unexpected a mercy who can but set forth the loving kindness of so gratious a God and Saviour I may therefore boldly say to any poor Soul let his distress be never so great yet if he have but so much faith as to believe the Scriptures and that Jesus is the Son of God and died for sinners though he hath no assurance for himself no more hopes then I had not a spark of Grace in his own apprehension Is 50.10 Yet let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God Let him wait for the Lord will come Is 8.17 And such a faith is sufficient for such a Soul in that condition In my distress before my God gave me experience of Light Love and Salvation I engaged by promise that if my God would give me deliverance I would declare to his Saints abroad what he had done for me and that as Satan suggested to me before that I should be a shame to Professors so would I declare his wiles and devices and what a lying unclean and murdering Spirit he is that in what I could his designs of ruine against poor Souls might be frustrated and the Lord having heard my vows setting me at liberty a strong temptation fell upon me to pray that God would assist me in performance of them nor were my prayers single or alone I had the help of such as feared God about me my body at that time was very much disordered Yet he that prepared my heart to pray enclined his Ear to hear enabling with speed and ease to the wonder of some to Write the ensuing discourse I here present to open view with much hope that the same hand that made it easie to me will make it useful to many who may be troubled in Spirit For the comfort of such and the discovery of Sathans subtilty the good of them and hurt of none but Him are the ends I have in publishing this experimental Relation begging that the Lord would exalt his great and glorious Name in magnifying his Mercy to all Eternity by dealing thus with many poor Souls as he hath done with his poor servant Charles Langford The Captive delivered Or a Relation of the great things which the Lord the mighty God of Heaven and Earth did for his poor Servant C. L. in delivering him out of the midst of violent and dreadful temptations April 16. 1669. witnessing to his Soul the greatness of his mercy in the midst of his sins and magnifying his free-grace in sealing it with the comfortable perswasion of his being one of Abrams believing seed and this when under great unworthiness and unbelief all which he now desires in thankfulness and according to his vows in the day of his distress to declare to the people of God and to as many as shall read it CHAP. I. Of the Original cause of all troubles what share the Authour had therein Why seeing all men are by nature the children of wrath do not all thus feel the weight of it the particular occasion of his first awakening Satans design in it Gods over-ruling and turning it to good VVHen I consider the sad estate wherein all the sinful Sons of Adam lye how through the most righteous judgement of God for our wilful transgression of his holy Law which he gave for a rule and tryal of our obedience miserably they are deprived of a most blessed estate Gods Image and blessed presence once had and enjoyed and how dangerously depraved and swollen up into an enmity against God their Maker their nature is I am so far from wondring at the horror that sometimes here and there one is surprized withall that I must confess 't is a far greater wonder to me that any are found to live at ease Dread and horror are the best fruit that can be had for eating of the forbidden tree If meer justice ruled the world the thickets would be every mans habitation Magor Missabib might be the fittest name for Adams race Jer. 20.3 fear round about now degenerated into a brood of vipers 'T is a wonder sin hath not found out and frightned the sinner upon earth that caught him in and cast him out of Paradice If it spared him not there how should it pass him by here if it turned him out of his walk his most delightful walk with the God of bliss there why hath it not tumbled him down into a bed of fire â—ere sure I am sorrow and distress of conscience is as much an attendant upon sin and guilt as the shadow is of the body as hear is of the fire as dark shadows were of the night by this the children of the day are transformed into those of the night and the heirs of God into haters of God and children of wrath and such are all men without exception in a natural condition These considerations make it less to be wondred at I say that any man should groan under the burthen of sin which lyes so heavy upon all it being a far greater wonder as I said before that the just holy and righteous God should so long suspend the execution of the antient sentence past upon Adam and his posterity or that any of the inhabitants of the earth should not sear their dropping into Hell and dread their danger I for my part must to the honour of my strong Redeemer take to my self the guilt of that first transgression and acknowledge that from the loins of the first Adam hath a venemous empoisoned nature been conveyed unto me Let no man say or think that any part of my past misery sprung from any other fountain then this evil nature I know that amidst the numberless number of Satans artifices this is one of his main engines whereby he would keep poor captive souls from the ways of life and peace He labours to bring up an evil report of such ways representing religion as the great incending as well in the Consciences as in the Kingdoms of Men and with as much confidence avers it as wicked Ahab did of the good Prophets that profession of the Gospel attended with it's required strictness is the grand trouble of the world
1. Kings 18.17 Insomuch that I think 't would be no mistake should I affirm this for a certain truth That Satans furious attempts made most what upon the inward peace of Gospel professions who having escaped the polutions that are in the world through lust and committed the keeping of their souls into the hands of an able preserver are not allwayes raised by him in hope of bringing them back into their former bondage or undoing their souls by desperation But that he may stir up a greater dislike in the hearts of his Vassals to the ways of purity Offences are the trade that Satan sets up and drives The miseries of us are the mirth of him But woe to him by whom they come and woe to the world because of them Let the Reader know for a certain truth that however carnall hearts conceive of the way that is called Holy branding it by the names of melancholly mopish and mâ—d wisdom is justified of her Children all her wayes are wayes of pleasantness and all her paths are peace Prov. 3.17 carnal and sensual delights are not in the least to be compared with spiritual and divine Ps 46.4 the River that makes glad the City of God is more deep more durable more delightful then the Egyptian Nilus the waters of Siloam run but softly the consolations of God found in the way of holy obedience make no great noise in the ears of common observers who are meet strangers to such joyes but they are therefore the more deep and solid My long experience hath taught me in the midst of all the intricacies of providence to hold this for a certain truth that godliness never took away any mans peace nor ungodliness never gave it The closest conformity to the commands of God never did any man harm nor did the pleasures of sin ever do any man good the wise lord of all hath thought fit to train me up under many spiritual afflictions and sore temptations I am now arrived at the borders of Death through age of much of my part life may I truly say in the words of the distressed Psalmist that in it my Soul hath been full of troubles Ps 88.3 by reason whereof my life hath oft drawn nigh to the grave yet in the greatest of my extremities have I ever seen a real-worth in holy strictness such a worth have I seen in that that I may truly say not it but Satan taking advantage of my want of it was that which did me harm the bitter cup of external internal or eternal evils receiveth it Fulness from an evil nature a naughty heart whoever is employed in the filling of it the fountain for fetching of it is within our selves destruction when it cometh as a whirl-wind suddenly surroundingly and on every side so that to determine from what particular point it blows may seem impossible yet must it be granted that its ingendring was in the deep and deadly Caverns of an earthly and an evil heart whatever instrumentallity Men or Devils have in the infliction of our troubles our destructions are undeniably not from them but from our selves Oh! then let none say or think that 't is Religion but irreligion preciseness but dissoluteness drawing nigh unto but departing away from the living God much reading praying hearing searching the Scriptures consorting with the godly c. But the contrary have been the causes though the other sometimes the occasions of hellish horrors and disquietness of mind Rom. 7.8.11 Oh! no no 't is sin that is the root of bitterness springing up into troubles a sinful nature a sinful life or the least sinful omission any one act of sin though never so small is enough to infuse that horror into the soul that all the pleasures of time shall never be able to claw off Thus that sinful nature which I brought along with me into the world and by which as soon as I had attained to my ripeness of years I began to manifest whose child I was bringing forth such fruits whereof I am ashamed This I say was the root of all the bitterness I have hitherto tasted of 't was not too much preciseness which the enemies of true Godliness falsly so call that wrought this disturbance in me For at the time when my troubles began I had neither affection to nor acquaintance with any other way of serving the God of heaven then what was common carnal and external Q. How then comes it to pass that the whole Earth upon the matter lyeth still and is at quiet not troubled themselves with such strange kind of doubts fears and distractions of thoughts about their Eternal state as you speak of nor troubling others with their complaint about them Sure coming too near the heels of Religion is the cause of such fractions of the bones of inward peace or else why should not others be thus perplexed Ans I answer that however the Objection is manifestly rooted in the minds of carnal men who by reason of their fondness of their false peace not willing to raise disturbances within themselves like no worship of God save that which biteth not but contrarily bite and devour such as do yet so false and ground less is this Objection that in few words I shall only say 1. That however t is true de facto that most of those who ingage in the ways of God meet with great troubles and distress of conscience at the first entrance yet de jure no sort of men are more the sons of consolation than they 2. Such distresses are most needful most profitable things and such as commend the waâ—es of God above all others For consider 1. How else should the heart of man who by nature drinketh in iniquity as a thirsty man water be put out of his seeming delightful way of sinning 't is the way that Heaven hath pitcht upon to save men from Hell this to acquaint them with the bitterness of sin here 2. How else should the heart of a sinner be prepared to entertain the terms and tidings of a Saviour Christ believed in Christ relyed upon Christ owned and embraced and submitted unto 1 Tim. 3.16 is one of the greatest misteries of Godliness in all the world and nothing prepareth the heart more to hearken to and embrace the tidings the tenders and the terms of so sweet a name as Jesus is then spiritual distress souls weary and heavy laden Mat. 11.28 and none but such have to do or will have to do with Iesus Christ 3. How should the Law of God be found powerful to kill or the Gospel of Christ powerful to quicken any other way We read of Gods magnifying his word above all his name 't is his aim and delight to do so he will have men to know his word to be a word of power an instrument of life or death a two edged sword and therefore not to be jested with and the ordinary way of effecting this is
by raising the benumbed Souls of sinners from that natural Lethargy and carnal security that lyeth upon their whole inward man understanding will conscience affections the Soul and all that is within the Soul of an unregenerate person standeth not in awe of divine precepts promises or threatnings till awakened by divine power God may speak once yea twice yet man perceiveth it not until in a dream in a vision of the night when deep sleep falleth upon men in slumberings upon the bed then he openeth the ears of men and sealeth their instruction Job 33.14 c. 't is usually some rough dealing that is required to rouze the sinner out of his pleasant but false dreams of peace Sometimes he is chastned with pain upon his bed and the multitude of his bones with strong pains so that his life abhorreth bread and his soul dainty meat His flesh is consumed away that it cannot be sâ—on and his bones that were not seen stick ouâ— his Soul dâ—aweth nigh to the Grave and his lâ—fe to the destroyers Thus God ruineth and tortureth Sinners into the way of Life maketh room for the Messenger the interpreter the One among a thousand to shew unto Man his uprightness verses 20.21 22 23. Mount Sinai's terrible thunderings did not more powerful make way for the reception of the Law then the conviction of sin by the Law doth for the embracement of the Gospel and the embracement of it for the settlement of inward distractions In a word The wounds of conscience plainly shew not only the power of the Law by which sin is strengthned armed and enabled to work death but also the power of the Gospel in setting poor distressed Souls at freedom from The Law Sin and Death 3. 'T is a most senceless imagination to judge any mans person or way to be the more excellent because less troublesome in it By this crooked rule the unblushing forehead of an Harlot may pass for an hopeful sign of her future happiness the Bedlam may boast of his better condition then others because he feels not those prickings of pins and needles which if others had they would cry out of And yet 4. How many instances have the records of time given us of the confounding terrors that wicked men on the sudden have been overwhelmed with how oft may it be observed how God distributeth sorrow to such in dreadful measures and how from the heighth of censuall delights God casts them down into destruction how are they brought into desolation as in a moment they are utterly consumed with terrors Ps 73.18 19. God hath appointed a day wherein he will make known his wrath upon all the vessels of wrath eminently And this is called in Scripture Rom. 25. The day The great and terible day of the Lord The day of wrath But alas how few fear this because t is future the heart of man fears not wrath to come though no wrath like it Things present affect most And the Apostle hath told us why because such are blind and cannot see afar off 2 Per. 1.9 But now let such remember the stoutest siners have been unhorst and perished even in the very way God puts not off all to the gâ—eat and last desires he hath his petty fessions sometimes some are tormented before their time They fall into the hands of a loving â—od when they little thought of it Job 21.17 How oft is the Candle of the wicked put out Gen. 4.14 Who would have thought that that heart of Cain which feared nothing should so suddenly be smitten with the fear of every thing Dan. 5.6 Or that Belshazzar who just now could boldly bid defiance to the God of Israel should upon the first sight of what he understood not be surprized with such an hellish fit of quaking Ch. 4.32 Or that great Nebuchadnâ—zzar now feeding his fancy with the splend our of his own works and swelling himself into a conceited Deity should in the same hour yea while the word was in his mouth became as a Reast v. 37. How easily can God abase such as walk in pride should the Lord commission our own thoughts against us no need of any other enemy to make us miserable and this he hath often done as in the cases already mentioned Stories both sacred and prophane afford us a large account of many more â—ragicall overthrows of the enemies of holyness And few ages pass without some drops of wrath â—mminently falling upon the heads of one siner or other which were we but wise to consider them would fully inform us that Gods dealings with his Saints and servants in desertion of comfort and permission of Satan to agonize them in this world However it seem tedious and tiresome for a while and they apt to speak as once Job did he teareth me in his wrath who â—ateth me he gnasheth upon me with his teeth Yet weighing in an equall Ballance these dealings of God with his Children with those earfull cruptions of wrath that seize upon the â—ngodly and it will soon appear that the wayes of God to his people are not severity but lenity not fury but mercy tender mercy and loving kindness Thus distress oâ— conscience is not so concomitant to profession of the Gospel as the enemies thereof feign Luke 15.7 but that sometimes it may be found among the jovial crew of unrighteous men needing no repentance and whensoever it falleth upon such it is much more lamentable then that which is let out upon poor humble bruised obedient Sinners Because when the Lord riseth up agâ—inst the Souls of those that hate and forget him he comes 1. With greater fury Ps 11.6 An horrible tempest is the portion of their cup. Is 54.8 Now when he troubleth his Children for sin he hideth his face from them in wrath but then it is but in a little wrath Hab. 3 2. and his wrath makes him not at any time to forget his love he can remember that in the midst of it still 2. With sewer advantages there is less hope of such a ones recovery Distresses of whatsoever sort are like violent purges to the body preparatives must be had or else a body full of humors and unaccustomed to such means is beset with dangers who knows which way dreadful convictions of divine displeasure may drive the amaz'd and affrighten'd Soul 't is possible to God but very improbable to man that he who hath hardned his own heart against God and his fear and been forging arguments and studying offences and picking quarrels against the ways and worship of God should ever take to those as his proper remedy in times of temptation Satan will do all he can to keep up a dislike in such a One against those things that make for true peace or if peradventure Satan be cast out of the outward conversation and the man seems to recover his peace by a partial reformation yet how truly hath our Lord set forth the doleful doom of such half begotten
him in the way of his judgements And now publick assemblies which were wont to be a great solace to me in my distress being not to be enjoyed in that purity I expected and the practise of the publique ministers being so contrary to my judgement and conscience I neither could nor would upon any terms become a hearer of them and thereupon did rather choose to expose my self to the scorn and displeasure of men in keeping meetings every Lords day in my Family Spending that day in prayer and praises and as occasion was offered dayes of humiliation These duties having most of them been my practise for many years wherein I served the Lord withall my might though sometimes under much dejection about the beginning of April my good God through the purchase made by the bloud of his Son that blessed seed of the Woman through whom he had covenanted with out first Parents immediately after the fall to give eternal life having by earnest prayer and intercession I humbly claiming this from the Lord that he would account and make me righteous through that purchase and redemption made by Christ now resolved to take up and put an end to the quarrel which he had against me for all my sins yet to let me know my deserving and to manifest a further work upon me did suffer the enemy to break in again upon me in most dreadful manner Charging upon me that one sin as formerly named above others with such violence and power That I believe I was in as great despair for the time as ever man was My soul by that malicious enemy to mankind being stuffed with all abominations of hellish thoughts injections cursed instigations with other base and abominable vile immaginations he at last infused into me as much malice against my blessed God as possibly he could I thought now I was utterly forsaken living in expectation of nothing but the lower most hell and brought now again almost to blaspheme When I saw that I was in this most dreadful case fearing I should I have wilfully blasphemed I could have been well content that God should have damned me and thrown mâ— into hell fear of being over tempted and thereby to blaspheme God made me weary of life When my Wife would put me on to pray for a blessing upon my meat I did it feignedly being willing to be starved if I could And now in this dreadful condition so dreadful that I believe few Sons of Adam were ever in a worse that did not do the things that I feared i. e. blaspheme God and destroy himself I say being in such a condition and the sin so often spoken of lying still heavy upon me and shame withholding me from revealing it for many years it pleased God to over-rule my spirit that I sent for a worthy Minister of Jesus Christ who coming to me the day before my deliverance I acquainted him with that sin which did so lye upon my Conscience and never was revealed before Well remembring how holy David Ps 32.3.5 who while he kept silence his waxed old through his roaring all the day long did but say he would confess his sin and the Lord forgave his iniquity So the Lord the very next day came and set my soul at rest The comfort and help that I found from my natural relations and friends this woful condition was none at all but instead of pitty I met with reproach from many only my dear yoke fellow was my fellow sufferer of whom I can say the Lord gave her to me for such a day as this to be his blessed instrument of my deliverance for when I was even distracted she laid the glory of the Lord deeply to her heart and did daily bring the word of God to my soul reading with great dilligence the holy Scriptures Which being done then powring forth her soul to the Lord with ardent affections and with a mighty faith in our gratious God who had manifested his great love to her in former troubles the experience of which encouraged her to go on still in earnest and frequent prayer and expectation that the Lord would accomplish the work of deliverance And upon the sixteenth day of April 1669. a day for ever to be solemnized as glorious and honourable to the Lord by me his poor creature she going on in her constant course of prayer after she had given the Lord his holy and reverend titles using Moses his arguments brake forth into these words My Father my Father what wilt thou do with mine husband he hath been speaking and acting still in thy cause oh destroy him not for thine own glory Oh! what dishonor will come to thy great name if thou do it Oh! rather do with me what thou wilt oh do with me what thou wilt but spare my Husband c. Thus laying hold of that word of God in the Prophet With a lively faith concerning your Sons and your Daughters command you me and striving mightily in prayer the duty being eâ—ded the Lord immediately appeared and then that Lyon of the tribe of Judah that blessed seed of the Woman that second Adam that promised Messiah the Son of the living God who had formerly broke the Serpents head he who in a single duel had disarmed the Devil in the Wilderness tâ—od the Wine press of his Fathers wrath alone this Jesus the Saviour who knew how to succour tempred souls made hare his holy arm and his own right hand brought dâ—liverance he delivered me from my strong enemy and saved mâ— from him that hated me He that is pleased to stile himself a God hearing prayer and in most of his great works delights to advance his own power by using small and unlikely means after long tarrying and in a time when I looked not for him came now and owned his own ordinance crowned the cryes and faith and patience of a poor Woman with such success that my praise shall be continually of him The proud mâ—y scorn but the humble shall hear ther of and be glad That roaring Lyon mine adversary the Devil that old Serpent that red-Dragon that unclean Spirit that Lyar Accuser Murtherer from the beginning that Apollion to the Geeckâ— Abbaddon to the Jews and destroyer to all for as are the names given him by the word of truth so is his nature and so hath he laboured mightily for a long season to shew himself in me even now when he thought himself almost seated in the pâ—ssâ—ssion of his long sought Dominion and that there was no casting of him out of my soul which â—e abused making it his dunghil whereon he laid all the filth of hellish thoughts and abominations that he could wanting nothing but my will that Fort-royal to have put me under an eternal vassalage to his long laid desigâ—s now I say was that accursed enemy to God and me his poor creature sent to his own place by my dear Lord Christ that holy Son of the blessed God who took
upon him my nature that he might become my Lord and King Saviour and Redeemer who brake the doors of Brass rescued me from the Rape of Hellish furies cast them out delivered my darling soul from the power of the Dog and barred the Gate that he could enter no more to stuff my thoughts with his detestable injections although he attempted a return Thou hast thrust fore at me oh mine enemy that I might fall but the Lord helped me many a time may I now say have these things afflicted me from my youth many a time have they afflicted me from my youth yet they have not prevailed against me The Plowers plowed upon my back they made long their furrows but the righteous Lord he hath cut asunder the cords of the weeked one I was brought low and the Lord helped me He hath delivered my soul from death mine eyes from tears and my feet from falling Oh Lord my God I will give thanks to thee for ever CHAP. V. Concluding the whole experiment with an account of the unconceivable sweetness of divine consolations the usual consequent of long and sort temptations a more then abundant reason to abide Gods leisure under the heavy load of dâ—sertions Of the cause of writing ANd now at last when the Lord my Lord of whom the Father said sit thou at my right hand until I make thy enemies thy foot-stoolâ— had set my soul at freedom by his mighty power he sent his blessed spirit the holy Ghost that most glorious self evidencing and sweet comforter whose sweetness no heart can conceive but he who hath tasted how good he is who shewed me from the Father and his blessed Son that all the miseries afore mentioned pressing me down were the delusions of Satan and whereas he intended to have made me a shame and reproach to all that should know or hear of my overthrow that now my God hath taken advantage of the greatness of my sins thereby to magnifie his mercy in pardoning thereof according to my cry in the day of my distress and that now I was of Abrahams Family numbred among the spiritual Children of Abraham a priviledge which I often especially under my troubles prized highly and desired earnestly to be partaker off The blessed spirit bearing witness of these things wrought in my soul such unconceiveable joy that in the words of Thomas I cryed out my Lord and my God so ravishing were the kisses of those divine lips of love that my heart was silled with joy unspeakable and glorious my mouth with laughter my body much weakened by the anguish and horror of my soul so that I kept my Chamber for many dayes together was now revived and my youth renewed as the Eagle that casteth her Beak so that I became as lightsome as if I had not known sorrow to the great admiration of my Friends who had known my long confinement to my Chamber by reason of sorrow and heavyness My heart my sorrowful heart of which I was wont to cry out None so fad none so disquieted as thou was now through the joy of the Lord quite altered The spirit of my God now covering me with the glorious robes of his Sons righteousness turned my mourning into dancing put off my Sackcloath and girded me with gladness gave me a garment of praise for the spirit of heavyness so that then and since being upheld by the same hand I could say I carry about me a chearful heart and a much more healthy body notwithstanding the great disappointments I in my worldly condition then met with and still lye under Being now enabled by faith to apprehend my self justified through the righteousness of God even the righteousness of Jesus Christ imputeth to poor sinners the guilt the obligation of my sins to punishment being taken away I can now through the tender mercy of God whereby the day spring from on high hath visited me comfortably give a challenge to Death and the Grave Oh Death where is thy sting oh Grave where is thy victory my dear Lord having ransomed me from the power and fear of the grave and helping me in despight of him that hath the power of death that is the Devil to look upon my self as one of those whom God the Father hath given to the Son as part of the travaile of his soul so that the Lord Christ delights in me as the gift of his Father and the purchase of his own bloud And my God loveth me with the same love wherewith he loveth his Son and all the promises of grace made to sinners in the holy word through Jesus Christ I have an interest in and expect to have fulfilled to me as far as it shall tend to his glory and my good He that gave me his Son will freely also give me all good things Well may I therefore take up the words of the Prophet Oh Lord I will praise thee for though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortedst me For the iniquity of my soul thou wast wroth with me and smotâ—st me but now thou hast healed me and restored comforts to me the Lord Jehovah is my strength and song he also is become my salâ—ation I waited patiently for the Lord and he encâ—â—ned his ear to me and heard my cry he drew my feet out of an horrible pit out of the miry clay and hath set me upon a Rock and established my goings What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits I will call upon him as long as I live I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people When the Lord Jesus is pleased to go away to withdraw the comfortable warm beams of his love and presence from the sight and sence of his poor people Joh. 16.6 like the Apostles their hearts are filled with heavyness they think every day a week and every week a month and every month a year the time seemeth tedious till he return till he lifteth up the light of his countenance till he restores comforts to them like the mother of Sisera they are putting forth their heads crying why are his Chariot wheels so long in coming But oh that such would remember what I now find that it is expedient for them that he should sometimes go away from them withholding his consolations for the holy Ghost the Comforter shall one time or other come to such as wait for it with such joy and peace that passeth all understanding of eye ear and heart of man And then long time spent in waiting shall seem but a little moment Is 40 2. and they shall receive double pay for all the punishments of their iniquities The Children of this world in this are wiser in their generation then the Children of light no discouragement of wind or rain can make them forbear their seasons of sowing in hope nor can the interposition of many perillous months delay work a dissolution of the hope that
they have not seen any cause to cry out of their danger and amend their doings and with all speed and dilligence to enquire for and accept of salvation offered by Jesus Christ in the ministry of the Gospel Such as these who making light of the matters the weighty matters of God and of their own souls of the Scriptures of Heaven of Hell of sin and of holyness of death and of judgement can content themselves with such and so much Religion as will secure them from the lash of humain Laws and the disquieting guilt of a natural Conscience in the mean while spending their pretious hours and days and years in the unprofitable works of darkness serving divers lusts and pleasures using the members of their bodies as servants to all unrighteousness living in the lust of uncleanness adding drunkenness to thirst speaking all manner of evil of and despightfully using and persecuting such whose lives are not of the same fashion thinking it strange that anâ— should not run into the same excess of riot with them and least by the reproofs dropping from the lips and lives of such their sinful pleasures should fail them they make new sins such as God never made and search out iniquities accomplish a dilligent search that somewhat might be had to throw in the faces of faithful reprovers if there be no more then the matters of their God 't is these I mean To you Poor sinners would I fain speak a few words Oh! bless God that you are yet in a capacity to hear and that your case and condition is not quite hopeless Yet whilst you live we may hope that the filthyest Adulterer the most swinish drunstard prophanest sinner may obtain mercy You have a Peradventure left you yet 2 Tim. 2.15 that God may give you repentance to the acknowledging of the truth and that yet you may recover your selves out of the snare of the Devil Yet you may avoid the most sure and fore rewards of ungodlyness unconceivable dread and horror which first or last he will power out in merciless measures upon poor souls that now are Prisoners at large and methinks they should have little heart to hold up their heads a day would they but seriously consider how as birds in a string they are taken Captive by Satan at his will Let me beseech you for the sake of whatsoever is dear to you that you would but heartily believe consider seriously and remember 1. That all that I have here written concerning the dreadfulness and confounding horror arising from my apprehensions of Gods displeasures is true 't is not a thing feigned but really felt by me You think it may be that God cannot be angry or if he be that you can stand under the ftowns of him and that your tranquility and present quiet in the ways of your ignorance and dissobedience is a Mountain that cannot be removed But alas you are utterly mistaken A League with death and Hell is not to be trusted Is 28.15 18. the Devil will break his promise with you one time or other after his fair promises he will fall fowlly upon you You think to be troubled for sin is nothing to have Satan and Conscience let loose upon a man and the Lord withdraw himself from such a soul all the while you think these things are nothing and such thoughts make you venture to hold on in your evil ways and 't is hard to drive them out of you The Law and the Prophets cannot do it easily If you believe not these the testimony of Dives arising from the dead would be doubted to be a meer delusion Luke 16.31 you have had my experience delivered you in fasthfulness I have certainly found that Gods permission of Satan to rage upon the Soul is a woe then which there is not a worse on this side Hell 2 Consider that though what terrour I have already felt was intollerably great yet that which impenitency and impiety will bring upon poor sinners hereafter will be incomparably more This at present is but whipping with Rods that with Scorpions This but a painted Fire that a real burning Fire This hath its mixtures of mercy that 's without mixture This is a state of darkness but that utter darkness Mas. 8.12 This departure of God from the soul may be in love but that is go ye cursed Ch. 25.41 This is made sad by the presence of the Devils that infinitely worse for there are none but Devils to torment no Saint no Angel to give the least ease Here time may make a better change Eccles 9.4 and hope may be a good anchor to preserve the Vessel from present ship-wrack but there eternity admits not the least spark of hope that things shall ever mend and desperation shall so press down the sufferer that nothing but allmighty power can bear him up in his beirg under such eternal dread and pains 3. When terrors begin to arise the height of all your present confidence cannot keep you up under the weight of sin set upon the Conscience do but consider how have the mighty falne those who have been bold as Lyons committing iniquity with greedyness not afraid to put affronts upon God or men speak loftily setting their mouths against Heaven and their tongues walking through the Earth Ps 72.3 insomuch that the confidence of them hath almost made a David diffident to observe it and yet how are these brought into desolation as in a moment they have been utterly consumed with terrors v. 19 ah poor weak man thou wilt never be able to stand under that burden of guilt which sank the mighty Angels that excell in power from Heaven into the lowermost Hell That which makes the whole frame of nature the whole Creation to groan alas how will it squeeze thee into confusion that which the Creator the mighty God was found able only to bear and in bearing it was not able to forbear crying out my God my God why hast thou forsaken me Mat. 27.46 Thinkest thou that this will not be too hard and too heavy for thee poor finner oh think of this in time now thou are confident and bold to commit sin but what wilt thou do in the end thereof will the boldness of thy countenance and the height of thy confidence abide the same for ever where is the courage of Cain the confidence of Judas the craft of Achitophel and the stout hearts of thousands from the days of Cain what 's become of all these how have these sturdy Oaks been when terror came but as stubble before the wind and as Chaff that the storm driveth away are you stronger then these 4. Are not your sins as great as mine and others of whose miseries you hear are not your sins as great and as many as ours have been you think it may be to fare better because you presume you are better then those whom God hath plagued with his displeasure If the sayings of Christ may be your guide he
that tended that way And by reason of the indwelling of sin the remainder of the curse for our first transgression which the best of Gods servants do carry about them taking advantage thereof being like unto Tinder that is ready to take fire as soon as is toucht doth cast his fiery darts into our souls part within us our hearts are ready to opose every truth of God and so we have a daily warfare and great strivings to keep our hearts from consenting to his wicked injections and much ado to bring them into a subjection unto the truths of God and like unto the Bird that hath a dogg tyed unto his legg whereby he is hindred from flying up into the Air and so by his impressions left upon our souls which is so weighty a burden that unders us from soaring up to Jesus Christ by 〈◊〉 and so vigilant is that cursed enemy to the glory of God and mans salvation that he goeth about day and night seeking whom he may davour and taking advantage of our weakness in our sleeps annoying us often with sinful dreams then laying his delusions upon us who still pursuing me according to his former methods lately in the night acted upon me in my sleep as though I had been in the number of them who were dragged from the Tribunal seat to Hell having received the sentance of condemnation with the damned and all this to the end and purpose it possible he could to have blasted that glorious mercy I received from the Lord by the witness of his blessed spirit that God did rather take the advantage of the greatness of my sins for the magnifying of his mercy rather then his justice in my condemnation and that I was of Abrakams family as I have declared in my Narrative in the day when the Lord gave me deliverance out of his hand But so impudent is this fiend of Hell called by the word of truth a lyar from the begining and so the Father of lyes using his old trade towards me with the subtlety of the old Serpent and all this to daunt my faith and to have blasted the mercy which I received from my gratious God who hath laid it upon my soul by such a witness that I believe and know all the Devils in Hell shall not be able to overthrow it And that I may magnifie and set forth the goodness of God I will take up the words of the Prophâ—t Isaiah O Lord my God I will exalt thoe and praise thy name for ever for thou hast done wonderful things according to thy councel of old thou hast been a strength to the needy in his troubles a refuge against the tempest so that the blast of the mighty was as a storâ—â— against the wall the Lord will destroy death and wipe away tears from the faces of his and take of their rebakes the Lord hath spoken it and â—ill make it good and in that day will men say â—â—lo this is our God we have waited for him yea in the way of his judgements he will save us and we will be glad in his salvation He shall bring down the pride of Moab and lay their defensed walls as low as the dust in that day shall this song be sunged in the Land of Judah we have a strong City salvation shall God sâ—t for walls and bulworks Open ye the gates that the righteous Nation may enter therein for by an asured purpose wilt thou preferve in parfect peace for ever because they trusted in thee Trust in the Lord for ever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength Thou wilt make equal the righteous way of the just the desire of our souls is to the remembrance of thy name for when thy judgements are upon the Earth the Inhabitants of the Earth shall learn righteousness even they that fear thy name but the wicked will not do so nor behold the Majesty of the Lord O Lord they will not now behold thy hand but they shall see it and be confounded with the zeal of thy people but unto us thou wilt ordain peace for thou kast wright all our works for us thy dead men shall live and with my body shall they arise even with my body and shall behold the King in his beauty Awake and sing ye that dwell in the dust thy dew is as the dow of kerbs and the Earth will cast out his dead and in that day of this power shall the coming in be like the drops of dow that arise from the Womb of the worning Thou hast drunk of the brook in the way therefore shall thy head be lifted in that day for the Lord â—â—mâ—â—h out of his place to visit the iniquity of the Inhabitants of the Earth and the Earth shall disclose his blood And to receive the Kingdoms for his inheritance and the utmost parts of the Earth for his possession beirg Heir thereunto by donatian of the Father and â—hâ—n shall that good word of the Lord be â—â—de good that at the â—â—me of Jesus every knee shall bow both in Heaven and Earth and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is both Lord and King to the praise and glory of the Lord for the Father hath said when he brirgeth his first begotten again into the world 〈◊〉 all the Angels and every Creature worship him And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see together O Sion that bringest good tidings get thee up into the Mountains O Jerusalem that bringest good ridings lift up thy voice with strength be not affraid say to the Cities of Judah behold your God behold he comith with power and his arme shall rule behold his Reward is with him and his work before him and he shall feed his flock like a Shepherd and gather his lambs in his armes and carry in his bosome and guide them with them which are with young It is he that hath measured the waters in his fists covered the Heavens with a span comprehended the dust of the Earth in a measure weigheth the Mountains in Scales and the Hills in Ballances Who hath instructed the spirit of the Lord of whom took he Counsel Who instructed him and taught uim in the way of his judgements Behold the Nation are as a drop of water or counted as the dust oâ— the Ballance He taketh up the Isles as a little thing Lebanon not sufficient for a fire nor the beasts thereof for a burnt Offering to whom the will you liken God he sitteth upon the Circle of he Earth and the inhabitants are as Grasshoppets he spreadth out the Heavens like a Curtain he bringeth the Princes to nothing and maketh the Judges of the Earth as vanity to whom then will ye liken me saith the holy one lift up your eyes and behold who hath Created all these things he bringeth out his Armies by number and calleth them all by their names by the greatness of his strength nothing faileth O ye suffering Saints
in the world The razor that he shaves his people with iâ— an hired one Is 7.20 Acts of punishment arâ— called strange acts Is 28.21 God hath none that he thinks fit to own Sin and Satan t is that he must blame if any thing the one for procuring the other for promoting wrathfull dealings against the Soul All this while God and his ways are free 8. Though the just God should lengthen the chains of the devouring Lyon so far as that grace and peace seem to be lost for ever yet the purposes of God to preserve his Elect shall stand fast for ever Such is the wisdom power and love of God to his own that though Satan hath an allowance to disturb them yet shall he never be able to destroy them All his labour shall become fruitless and his thoughts but vain The over-ruling power is still where it was God that I may alude to that of the Apostle never sends forth any single-warrant against his people If the Devil Gods servant be at any time employed upon a message to tempt to trouble to buffet God hath ever some messenger or other at hand commissioned to support to comfort to succour and save his endangered ones 1 Cor. 10.13 this double warrant beareth an equal date and holds an equal pace This may very well pass for one of the wonders which are wrought in the deep In a word God frustrates the councels of Satan turns his furious attempts into tokens of favour overshoots him in his own bow makes that serve for a means of conversion which was intended for nothing but subversion and perdition I hope the Reader will not account me impertinent in all that is here said My design is oh that I were able to do all the mischief that may be to the Kingdom of darkness I mean the wiles of the Devil whereby he endeavours to represent the ways of open sin or formal Religion as the onely pleasant way and desirable to walk in because not observed to trouble its Passengers with fears doubts and distresses about spiritual and eternal things To all which give leave to sum up my answer briefly which is this 1. The ways of God are the only ways that give a true right to solid peace and comfort 2. Sometimes the ways of God may not aford that joy which is desired but then 't is both needful and gainful to have it so 3. 'T is senceless to imagine any Mans person or way to be the better because not troubled in it 4. And yet no age wherein God doth not visit some one or other of the stoutest of his enemies with confounding terrors 5 But the best time to judge whether strict piety or dissoluteness and formality be the most undisturbed way will not be till time is at an end 6. There are but very few of Gods people that are under long and strong disertions 7. All that are so find cause enough to charge their present sufferings upon their former sinful security and the Devil-their enemy but to acquit God and his ways 8. Whom God suffers Satan to rage violently upon he sends help unto and turns all into good This last particular is clearly exemplified in Gods dealings with my self at the first It pleased the Lord who drew me out of my Mothers Womb to lay upon me a violent sickness and that in the days of my ignorance and while under a meer natural and unregenerate state as I said before in which sickness being a Feavor God who is rich in mercy began first to friâ—hten my secure Soul into serious apprehensions of its eternal concerns I had under that distemper clearly to my apprehension heaven in its glory hell in its misery and confounding torments set before me and which was that that filled me with anguish I lay under strong apprehensions of Christs forsakings and that my portion lay in that lake of fire this made so deep an impression upon me that to this day I still retain the memory of it nor could any thing but wonderful grace in God have freed me from the terror of its remembrance To what a fearful stand such impressions must needs bring poor Souls possessed thereby cannot be expressed by me nor understood by any one who is a stranger to such passages within his own breast only this I must declare that such was the dread and horrour that then I lay under so strong the delusion of the Devil at that time that Satan made no small advantage thereof in the whole course of his temptations This way which God was pleased to use for my first awakening out of my natural estate wherein I never dreamed of any danger at all gives me occasion to speak a word to these three things 1. The nature and usefulness of such means 2. The desperate design that Satan the common Enemy hath in them 3. The merciful over-ruling hand of God that appeareth therein for the frustration of Satans malitious design and the furtherance of his gratious purposes for his elect As to the first of these I would have none to understand me as if I took such occasions and accidents to be a necessary or proper institution for revealing a mans condition to himself Such things may not be called properly converting Ordinances they have no sufficiency of â—heir own to beget any saving apprehension of the misery of sin and excellency of Christ Nevertheless God can and doth many times make use of such ways as preparatory to the Ministry of Christ by the Gospel Acts 9. As in the case of Paul such providences may astonish confound and fetter â—he sinner and by fear bring him into a willingness to entertain the message of the Gospel The preaching of Faith is the setled fixed â—nstituted means to convert and free the Soul from its fears God speaks not by visions and Revelations Heb. 1.1 but by his Son His Ordinances not â—rovidences are the means of grace yet so as â—hat the one may make way for the other when â—nd in whomsoever he will 2. Touching the design that Satan hath in â—hose tumultuous disquietments raised upon such occasion I have learnt that among the rest these are some of the principal ones that he mainly in ends 1. Present overthrow utter shipwrack and destruction of all hope he would dash and split the soul against the rock of damning desperation 2. And as a consequent thereof help on the bodily distemper dry up the humours of the body by the hurries of the Soul and so if it be possible drag the Soul laden with fears and not yet relieved by faith before the seat of judgement where he that believeth not is sure to be condemned Jon 3.18 3. Or if this fails by recovery out of sickness then his design is to make such wearied ones willing to cast off all thoughts of that which so much troubleth them in the remembrance of and glad to flee to the pleasures of sin to seek for a Remedy He hopes by
my duty and safety to become partner with the people of God in all the divine ordinances and providences that should be imposed upon them the sence of which duty made me tye my endeavours with theirs to draw the Ark of the God of Israel to its own place 1 Sam. 6.12 And although like the Kine went on lowing all the way yet to the best of my understanding I kept the strait wayes of the Lord and did not wickedly depart from my God After the intestive broils of those times were somewhat abated and leisure with liberty lay common for any man to be as good as he would Though I thankfully embraced the freedom of the Gospel as a singular favour from Heaven yet I must confess as matter of much sorrow that neither the many afflictions nor mercyes under which I was exercised were so well improved as they should But contrarily I forgot to return to God according to his benefits Not long after this I found my sins growing to so great a bulk that I could not look up My former sin began to grow fresh in my remembrance and the Lord to withdraw the light of his countenance which I had now for a good season and in a good measure enjoyed my communion with him began much to abate and his rod of affliction such as I had not known before began to smart upon my back In my former trials then which I thought once none could be greater I was not brought so near the brink of utter ruins as I was in this and what followed First the Lord began to lay on a load of sore and gauling afflictions upon my loines mainly By bringing a day of silence upon his Ministers from whose lips I had often received sufficient drops of that water of life to quench the thirst of my heart panting after God And blocking up the solemn assemblies of his Saints permitting things so contrary to my judgement to be introduced and added to his worship These together with some other heavy afflictions at home from some of mine own relations did so concur with my former tryals that I now concluded more then at any time before God had withdrawn himself from me Hereupon he was pleased to suffer that cruel enemy Satan that old Serpent to break in upon my soul with such dread and terror that he made my body to quake upon my bed so that I was fain to have one to lye upon me to keep me from shaking thinking then he had an opportunity to accomplâ—sh his hellish tragedy my self being so abused by his former delusions and still entertaining thoughts that God had forsaken me that cursed enemy to the most glorious and ever blessed God would have tempted me as once Jobes Wife dâ—d her husband to curse God and this he pressed with much violence but through the mercy of God was not able to accomplish his wicked design though he seemed to me to affirm with as strong affirmations and as bloudy oaths as ever were heard from any swearing wretch that I was damned territâ—ing me in the night with fearful dreams and visions of a spiritual nature which were most dreadful to my apprehensionâ— and not being be through the goodness of God to make my tongue his cursed instrument departed for a season as though he would have rented the Heavens and the Earth But reviving again his temptations she whom God had given me for a meet helper fighting against him by earnest prayer to Almighty God and likewise many Christian friends that came to see me he now began to desist and fail in that way and therefore began to try another viz. In relation to the former delution as though I should do some murtherous act And now shewing himself to be according as our God hath said of him a murtherer from the beginning he with strong temptations endeavoured to make me imbrue my hands in the bloud of my dearest friend who had been so helpful to me against his former temptations which was most grievous to my poor soul and fearing least his violent temptation might have overcome me I being so much in his hands desired her that she would withdraw her self telling her the temptation But she something amazed thereat undauntedly lifted up her soul to the Lord by holy ejaculations and resolved she would not give that enemy one inch of ground But casting us both upon the protection of the Almighty with a lively faith in the Lord Jesus vanquished the enemy at that time Yet this temptation continnued about two months in all which time my poor soul being most dreadfully afflicted I did again earnestly desire my Wife to get some company in the house by night but having little help or comfort from others she the more uncessantly acted faith and prayer until our gratious God had given us deliverance CHAP. IV. His strugling under and against temptations The means most used and blessed for his support Cast again the fourth and last time into the furnace of fiery hot instigations to blaspheme the means used and owned for coming thence An happy issue ANd having now passed some five or six years since the last grievous visitation all this time labouring for the pardon of sin in the use of means appointed of God to get out of that sad condition wherein I was still haunted with blasphemous and horrible injections and cursed instigations to curse and swear which that wicked enemy could not after his utmost endeavours bring any further then my tongues end Now I say labouring under these temptations and making my condition known to my Godly acquaintance they affirming that these were not my own but Satans suggestions some comfort I had from them labouring in the word of the Lord and prayer This was one good stay Making use also of those blessed streams flowing from the word of God I mean the works of those blessed servants of Christ who have laboured much in writing upon such subjects As namely Dr. Preston upon the attributes which I read above twelve times over Dr. Thomas Goodwins Child of light walking in darkness Mr. Bridges's lifting up of cast down Mr. Simonds his deserted soul And that pretious piece of that worthy Mr. Burroughs Saints walking by faith without sight and sence And Mr. Baxâ—ers thirty two directions traversing these books over through the Lords blessing Were a great comfort and support in bearing up my soul against the enemies cruel attempts and wearisome afflictions under which I strugled having no assurance of the pardon of my sins and lying still under the guilt of that great transgression so long past committed and under many more since Moreover though I could not pray with a free spirit yet under all this heavy load I still followed the Lord by earnest prayer that he would come and take away both guilt and filth of sin and destroy that cursed nature from which Satan took his advantage against me and help me though he tarry yet still to wait for
is conceived Jam. 5.7 And yet the ground they go upon affords no such footing for hope and trust as doth that of a Christian Mic. 1.6 how of have they sown much and brought in little whereas a Christian under all the improbabillities of outward sensible appearance hath sufficient cause to be confident of a plentiful harvest Under the furrows of dark providences lie the seed of faithful patient endeavours which shall spring up into light and joy Psal 126.5 And doubtless they that sow in a wâ—t weeping season shall meet with a welcome harvest The smallest seeds of faith and patience shall stretch into certain Sheaves of joy When the earth over-wet with showers is become a standing pool who would adventure to bestow his seed Pains and patience had aâ— such a time the Plowman calls imprudence Be it what it will sure I am he never lyed who hath pronounced Is 32.20 Blessed are ye that sow the seeds of pious endeavours beside all waters of deep and drowning afflictions that send forth thither the feet of the Ox and the Ass Venture then to hold on your way keep hope and trust a going in the paths of duty Deep mire shall one day prove a fruitful soil to thee and the joy of the harvest which is a shouting joy shall so fill thy soul that many years of wearisome waiting shall seem no longer then the shortest night This calling to mind those engagements which I had made unto the Lord in my low estate viz. that if the Lord would deliver me I would declare it to the Sons of men and and whereas the wicked enemy had suggested to me that I should be a shame to my friends and a reproach to religion if the Lord would redeem my soul out of his hands then would I declare abroad the glorious and renowned works and wonders of the lifter up of my head and what a great impostor deceiver destroying and lying Spirit the Devil this enemy to mankind is Hereupon having had help from God I have adventured these few pages into the world may the Lord inherit the praises of his people hereby I â—rall not value the reproaches of his enemies May poor dropping souls understanding how Satan hath dealt come to the sight of the net which he hath laid for them and be perswaded to an holy constancy in resistance I shall be much rejoyced in the success Let the Lord do with me and it as seemeth good in his sight I have enough My true Joseph is yet alive I hope shortly I shall goe up to see him here I shall leave this Pillar of remembrance in the land of the living it is mine Eben Ezer Hitherto hath the Lord helped me A Post-script BEfore I withdraw my hand my earnest desire to promote the welfare of all men in generall but espeacially of such who having given up their names to Jesus Christ lye under the furious assaults of the Devil that common enemy doth mightily ingage me to speak a few words more by way of humble and hearty request That man who hath obtained mercy and cannot shew pitty to others in misery is such a monster that hath no mention in the holy Scriptures nor other reason then to call in question whether his seeming deliverances be not real delusions I would gladly leave a testimony of my dearest love to my Redeemer by laying out my once-doleful now-joyful experience of inexpressible horror of mind for the benefit of three sorts of Christians espeacially 1. First such as at present lye groaning under the heavy burden of a wounded Spirit â—onging for deliverance 2. Secondly such as have once had experience of that sad condition but are now mercifully delivered 3. Such as God hath dealt more gently with not suffering them to fall into those horrible depths of disertion and temptation Into the hands of some or all of these 't is possible these lines may come and then my first and main request which I earnestly beg is this that they would offer up at least one freewill offering of thanksgiving to the mighty God of Jacob the hope of Israel and the Saviour thereof in the time of trouble when they shall read what great things he hath done for me poor sinner My poor stock will never reach to furnish the Alter with sufficient Sacrifices of praise oh help me by glorifying God on my behalf As his mercy hath been abundant towards me so oh that it might be abundant to the glory of him by the thanksgiving of many This being the generall request I shall make a few more particular ones to those three sorts of Professors briefly in order 1. To the poor doubting distressed and almost distracted Conscience Pretious Soul my dear fellow and companion in spiritual tribulation the purchase of the precious bloud of the Son of God! conformist to Jesus Christ in his sore agonies of temptation whom the Devil envyeth hateth and seeketh to destroy I know there is no condition under the Sun hath more need of pity and supplyes of comfort then this of thine and yet I know no condition more rarely pityed or more hardly comforted thy heart knows its own bitterness Thou thinkest so much of this that thou canst relish no sweetness in and therefore wilfully refusest the Cup of sweetest and divine consolation Oh poor soul what weary some hours thou art made to possess how tediously thy dismal nights of terrors pass over thee and thou in them reduced to such confounding streights that whither to fly from or how to stand in the face of Gods conceived displeasure the Devils furious representations or thy own fearful apprehensions thou knowest not These things having been mine old acquaintance I hope with freedome I may be permitted to beg two or three things at your hands 1. That thou wouldest not let this mercyful dealing of God with my soul pass without some thankful acknowledgement of thine Lay aside thy sable weed a little and cloath thy self with the Garment of praise Praise the Lord for his goodness and for his wonderful works to the Children of men Conclude not henceforth thy sores to be incurable nor Gods long stay to be a sign that he will never come Consider what he hath done for me and let that put a little heart in thee to conclude that 't is good to continue yet in a waiting posture for surely he can and will at last do so for all such as wait for him I know how apt such a soul as this will be to varie the case tempted souls shall never want arguments against themselves nor skill to manage them while the Devil hath any Thou wilt be ready to say the case is not the same with thee as 't was with me Either the sin thou art troubled for or the manner of thy troubles seizing and the Devils handling thee under temptation is not the same with mine Something or other will be still found as matter of objection against thy self To run over
particulars would be long In a word thou thinkest possibly as once good David in another case that all men are liars thy temptations may beget such hasty expressions as to say the case hath not been with others as they represent it or to doubt their deliverance to be but feigned at the best or else a short parrole a meet reprieve not a discharge from the like or worse enthrallment Or if things have been truly related it only proves what God can do not what Hell will do as if the mercy of God did not bear an equal proportion with his power Think of what thou wilt or canst that may make against thee and yet I shall continue to beg Give not up your hopes hold on seeking after God you have not yet waited forty years he will come in a time when you look not for him Your case is not yet desperate 'T is not so bad with you but 't was as bad with me 2. My earnest suite is also that in stead of regarding dreams visions voices and other delusions you give credit to the un-erring word of God and oppose that against them all The generall drift design and scope of the book of God is to perswade man unbelieving man that God is mercyful That sin never damned any man yet simply and of it self but as qualified by wilfulness and unbelief That though God be a consuming fire a jealous God yet fury is not in him Is 27.4 His jealousie he puts upon him as a Cloak a meer covering a loose garment and this he never puts on till provoked by the obstinate refusals of love and mercy Even under the dark and terrible administrations of the Law how clearly did this doctrine shine forth Exod. 34 6 7. The Lord the Lord gratious and merciful long suffering and abundant in goodness and truth Keeping mercy for thousands forgiving iniquity transgressions and sin This is his name for ever this his memoriall to all generations This the strong tower of souls hungring and thirsting after righteousness Oh le ts not be beaten out of this perswasion by any Hellish suggestion What great advantage the Devil makes of dreams visions and the like now under the Gospel wherein God speaketh to us only by his Son Heb. 1.1 2. the woful experience I have doth in some measure manifest The overmuch credit I gave to the delusion laid upon me in my first sickness was the root of all the rest This is my second request oppose the word of God against all such Hell-hatcht conceipts as would put you upon the wrack of affrighting doubts Fly from these to that least you suffer as I have done 3. Moreover let me begg this that you stand not to hear what every one saith about Religion but fall thou upon the profession and practise of real Godliness with all the speed thou canst He that is a professor in truth and not in hypocrisy to which conscience it self is able most commonly to bear witness hath the name and glory of the Lord engaged for his relief He that beareth his testimony for Gâ—d and his truths in sincerity God cannot find in his heart to do by him what in justice he might The sins of such as these strike high at the honour of God and therefore well might the Lord destroy and blot out their names for ever But yet he will not Dan 9 18 19. They bear his name upon them what would the more wicked part of the world say if God should arm himself with fury against his own would they not say where is now your God what is become of all your prayers and all your services which you pretend were done for his glory The merciful Lord foreseeth this and his own glory restraineth the hands of the destroyer Deut. 32.26 27. I said I would scatter them into corners and blot out their remembrance from among men were it not that I feared the wrath of the enemy God will not doe against the Professors of his name as much as he can for fear least the enemy should say and do more then he ought Our God is seldom employed in long and wrathful rebukes of his own when they are exposed to the outward rage of their enemieâ— He spareth them then however they escape at another time Oh! then let me intreat thee to make choice of the wayes of holiness as the best and safeest wayes to walk in Run not to seek for shelter from your fears and sorrows amidst the prophane rout of merry worldlings Their sparks of joy cast but little light and how soon shall that be put out alas poor souls the way of peace have they not known City of refuge The horns of the Alter is the likeliest place for security against the Avenger of bloud Consort thy self with those that walk in the truths of practical piety according to the mind of God plainly revealed in his holy word My deliverance God wrought for his own name sake There were sins enough in me fuel enough to maintain the fire of divine displeasure for ever But the name and glory of God are pretious to him If thou hast made profession in sincerity and truth thou maist expect deliverance more then others A sincere professor under teoubles hath more reason to hope then others for the glory of the Lord is engaged for his defence 4. I have this further to add from my own experience That though thing expectation of deliverance must be from God yet not without the use of means 'T is the God of peace alone that can make peace in thy troubled soul or else all thy labour will amount to nothing The lips and labours of the most learned are but fruitless Is 57.19 till the Lord create the fruits of them both and make them yeild peace Cent. 1.18 And yet 't is good to feed by the Shepherds tents A faithful Gospel ministry is an unvalluable mercy Their gifts in preaching and writing are the purchase of the bloud of Christ From the fountain of sacred truths are these Buckets filled And all for the use of poor weak souls that want skill and strength of their own God hath crowned the labours of such and made them men of renown for conversion of souls their labours are the issue of the blessed spirit Ob then lets not rob the Lord of his glory in raising up such lights who have spant themselves in guiding our feet in the ways of peace by their pretious labours the word of God hath been so unfolded and the glorious attributeâ— so explained and sweetly applyed that if poor souls have not been much advantaged the fault hath been too much their own Let me begg of you then to praise the Lord for and to make use of and shew all the due respect you can to these they are the horsemen and the Chariots of the Gospel-Israel the best visible assistance that Earth can afford for management of our spiritual war against the powers of Hell By the
Hell Gates and yet are delivered Let me put you in remembrance of these two or three duties 1. Oh see that you ingage your hearts unto the Lord I will love the Lord with my whole heart I will love him dearly Ps 103.1 c. Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving kindness and tender mercies Oh pray that your love to him who hath delivered your souls from the snares of cruel death and pulled your feet out of the miry Clay where there was no bottom may encrease and abound more and more Josh 24.14 Sincere affections and dissobedience are the only returns that God looks for Deny not these in the highest degree 2. Give up your lives for the Lord. Be content he shall dispose of them in the way he knoweth best for his glory If he shall call you forth to suffer death for a testimony of your love to him and the Gospel of his Son think it not too much for him Well mayst thou undergo ten thousand natural deaths were it possible for Jesus Christs redemption from the hands of thy spiritual enemies is cause enough for thee to serve him without fear of what man can do unto thee Look upon thy past deliverance as things never no never to be forgotten nor sufficiently to be required by thee 3. Take care now thou hast found him whom thy soul loveth oh take care for his undisturbed residence You know what it is to want the comforting presence of Jesus Christ let those who know not the terrors of the Lord and the fearful consequents of his forsakings venture the displeasure of him by their slighting of his precepts and slothfulness in his paths but let not us do so we that know what it is to be thrown into the depths of horror and how hard as well as sweet is our recovery thence oh let not us dare to sleep upon the top of the mast but rather keeping fast hold upon our beloved by the hand of Faith beg of him that he would not depart out of our hearts lay a strict charge over all the cares and comforts and companies and conditions of this life Canticles 2.7 by the Roes and by the Hindes that they stir not up nor awake our Love until he please 4. If the Lord Jesus Christ shall please for his own glory to walk a while out of your hearts again if he shall at any time withdraw the comforts of the Holy Ghost loose not in Satan again by unbelief distress not your selves overmuch by giving way to the least mistrust as if he would never return Ps 77. and more remember his loving kindness and his works and wonders of old think he never goes away but when it is expedient for us Joh. 16.7 and having already sealed us by the holy spirit of promise given us eye-salve enlightning our understandings in the knowledge of his love whereby we are perswaded our names are written in the book of Life Râ—m 11.29 The gifts and calling of God are without repentance 2 Cor. 1.10 He that hath delivered may well be trusted that he will do so again John 10 29. No Man or Devil can take us out of the hands of God John 13.1 Whom be loveth he loveth to the end Phil. 1.6 He that hath begun a good work will carry it on to the day of Christ 5. You have been delivered from the violence of temptations but remember that yet we carry about us such sinful natures the Fruits of our first Parents transgression that would again put up his head against God and his most righteous Laws yea and take part with Satan against him and our selves too there is yet an unregenerate part the remnant of the old Adam remaining in the best and holiest of mâ—n after all the forty years temptations of Israel in an howling wilderness and when they are brought into the Land of rest Judg. 3. yet there the Amorite will be found nothing but dissolution will fetch the leprosie of natural corruption out of our earthly tabernacles Lev. 14.45 and especially will this cursed corruption annoy us with offers to do the same things that Satan before he was dispossessed would have done my experience tells me some of the old filth still sticks behind The wise God will have it so that the vileness and greatness of our old sins might not be forgotten that we may be poised down with humility and put a longing after natures dissolution till which time sin now twisted with our nature will not be removed this remnant of the old man with its stirrings cannot choose but be an heavy burden to the new Rom. 7.24 't is such a body that it made the very soul of a Paul groan and cry out for a deliverance Ex. 17.16 This â—malck God hath sworn it that he will have war with it for evnr As good Souldiers of Christ our Captain let us be perswaded to hold on our war against this party of corruption yet abiding in our natures and in so doing we have the comfort of these ensuing considerations 1. That this remainder of cursed nature though it be not utterly destroyed yet shall it not have dominion over us so as to bring forth Fruits unto death or to be charged upon our persons to condemnation Rom. 8 2. For by Christ our Lord we are dischargea and set at freedom from the Law of sin and death being under the Covenant of grace we have received the spirit of life and power even that blessed spirit that raised our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead which hath quickned us and put life and power into us in a good measure enabling us to crucifie the flesh with its affections and lusts Gal. 5.24 so that its dominion is taken away though its life be continued for a season 2. And it is but for a season that its life is continued in us the war will not hold always there is a time coming when we shall be delivered from this bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the sons of God Rom. 8.19 c. 23. and not onely we but those very Creatures the Heaven and the Earth shall be set free from that bondage of corruption which lyeth upon them by reason of the sin of man in that day we shall be made like unto the Son of God in our measure The transfiguration upon the Mount seemeth to be a resemblance of that glory wherein Jesus Christ shall appear as he was the Son of David when he shall come to take the Kingdom unto himself then shall the poor benighted Sons of the day welcome in that joyful morning with a new Song and Psalms of tryumphant victory in their hands Rev. 15.3 then shall all the enemies of our Souls be totally subdued and even
this Amalek of inbred corruption against which we have been fighting with the sword of the Spirit many a weary day Numb 24.20 I say then this Amalek the first of the nations that warred against Israel our souls his end shall be that he be destroyed for ever 3. Such a sence of sin remaining in us as hinders our rejoycing in expectation of the future glory or joyful thanksgiving for our present deliverances is not our duty but our sin God will not be robbed of his glory under a pretence of mourning for his dishonour as soon as God the Father hath delivered us from the power of darkness and translated us into the Kingdom of his dear Son Col. 1.12 13. 'T is then our duty to give thanks to him who hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance among the Saints in light He that readeth the book of the Acts and considereth how the holy Ghost takes notice of the affection of joy in the converts of those times Act. 2.46 Act. 8.8.39 Act. 9.31 Act. 16.34 may readily conclude that it is as natural for babes in Christ as soon as they are born to rejoyce as it is for others to cry The life of a real Christian should be a continual holy-day And therefore let us keep the feast according to that of our Apostle 1 Cor. 5.8 And follow the advice of that holy man Mr. Downam to that purpose in his Christian warfare who himself was not only troubled with this old man but also with blasphemous suggestions as he himself told me many years past when I went to seek comfort in my condition Let us submit lye down acquiese and be satisfied in the wisdom and goodness of God whose providence is every where and over ruleth all things in Heaven and earth for his own glory and his peoples good And rejoycing in our hopes of glory and interest in all the blessed promises of the word of God so go on in our Christian warfare with good courage not feating men or Devils as to perform out duties towards God and reach out after the end of our faith the salvation of our souls Christ in his word hath given us good assurance of our obtaining this In fidelity is the Devils greatest engine to destroy our rejoycing of hope Would the Lord but go on with his Conquest over unbelief and raise our faith into a more sollid substance of things hoped for Heb. 11.1 And a clearer evidence of things not seen Would he but teach us how to live by faith how rich a living would it afford us how sweetly might we in the contemplation of the truth and worth of that promised glory triumph over all adversities That state wherein poor man shall behold the face of the blessed God in such a fullness that the glorious Angels Heb. 2.16 are not capable of the like man who hath a nearer relation to Jesus Christ hath also a nearer standing to the very throne then the blessed Angels themselves Rev. 4.4 c. is so transporting so ravishing in the foresight thereof that we may well take up that triumphant song Oh Death where is thy stâ—ng oh Grave where is thy victory 1 Cor. 15.55 Behold what manner of love the Father hath loved us withall that we should be called the Sons of God Now are we the Sons of God And it doth not yet appear what we shall be but we know that when he shall appear we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is Oh! the length the heighth the breadth and depth the fulness of that love of Christ that passeth knowledge Now I come to the third sort of Professors â—nd they are such as have never been greatly â—roubled who though they have been scared â—nd lightly touched by the Arrows of the Almighty yet cannot say they have stuck fast â—ithin them and that the Poison thereof â—ath at any time drunk up their spirits To â—hese my request is that they would suffer a â—ord of warning from one who hath more â—â—eply drunk of the Cup of trembling That â—â—up which his Lord and master drank to the â—ottom that so in a little he might be conâ—â—rmable to his head and having obtained â—ercy might be found faithful The main of all I have to say to such is â—â—at my hearty prayer to God for them is â—â—at they all may be strengthened with all might according to his glorious power unto all patience and long suffering with joyfulness Col. 1.11 That they may walk worthy of the Lord in all well pleasing Remembring 1. The gentler dealings of the Lord with them then with others calls for hearty acknowledgement of thanksgiving Judg. 8.16 He might have taught you with the bryars and thorns of the Wilderness whereas he hath led you with the gentle cords of a man Hos 11.4 Spared you as a man spareth his Son that serveth him Mal. 3 17. He hath made you free without serving a long and hard Apprenticeship under the yoke of bondage He hath gone an easier way with yoâ— then the way of the Philistins Exod. 13.17 you have not seen warr as others have done Let the miseries of me and others provokâ— you to thankfulness and fruitfulness in everâ— good work 2. Remember your condition is not yet 〈◊〉 safe your danger is not so farr over but thâ—â— you have need of caution your great caâ—â— should be that your latter end might be peaâ—â— Prize the peace of your Conscience aâ—â— while you are in with God oh keep in wiâ—â— him still if you let sin in you drive God 〈◊〉 of your souls And when he is gone all yoâ—â— peace is gone all your comfort of hope is gone too A privation of the light of his countenance will beget a dismal night of horror sin will tumble you down from your Heaven of Communion with God and then the valley of the shadow of death will be your walk and Hellish fiends shall frighten you there with continual alarums of your falling lower into the depths of Hell And how long it may be thus with you who can tell oh how will you be able to bear such changes as these are learn of me and others in like case and be wise think not that your present favour of men or gain of Silver and Gold or flattering pleasures of vanity will make you satisfaction for the harms done by sin Or that the remembrance of these will ransome you from or purchase you the least gentler usuage under the hand of terror Your profession is no priviledged condition Sin can find out the sinner even when he hath taken Sanctuary in Sion Is 33.14 Nothing but righteousness can deliver from death Prov. 10 2. Be found any where or doing any thing else and be sure your sin will find you out Num. 32.23 Those things that appear to thee to be plainly sinful or of the lawfulness whereof thou makest a doubt peremtorily refuse the one and patiently forbear till thou art well
tels you nay Luke 13.3 but except you repent you shall all likewise perish And moreover let me tell you that if gross grievous and scandalous open sinners or secret falsehearted hypocrites were the only sufferers in this kind the whole book of Job the 73. Psalm and other places of Scripture might have well been spared out of our Bibles Oh no! I for my own part must needs say my sins my unthankfulness my unprofitableness the great unsuitableness of my heart and life to the purity required by the Law and love of my blessed Redeemer are such as that I have had and still have abundant cause to lay my mouth in the dust and to cry out unclean unclean my spot in regard of these hath been very grievouâ— my grapes have had too too much sowerness in them to put my teeth an edge as indeed they have done but yet to the glory of the free-grace of God my spot hath not been the spot of the wicked Your Vine hath been the Vine of Sodom and your Grapes are Grapes of Gall their clusters are bitter Your drunkenness Whoredoms hellish Oaths Cursings and the like sins have been such as make it wonderful that the Almighty should spare you and punish such as mourn under their far lesser sins I do not justifie my self thereby though I must declare I know none of those things by my self Only I repeat the question to thee again Canst thou think God will always pass by thee unpunished seeing be hath not spared such as desire to fear his name oh no he will not be confident he will not If he distribute sorrows in anger if he puts his own willing people on the rack of an accusing tormenting Conscience Where oh where shall the ungodly and the sinners appear 5. Or do you think that it is not sin nor the Devil that are the cause of all those sad things that are here related but a meer mellancholly distemper of body do you think they are but the issue of a mellancholly brain and no more Briefly to this give me leave poor sinner to say 1. For my self if these two things speak any thing in the case then surely thou arâ— quite out in thy conjectures For. 1. When I had my troubles of mind growing upon me I often used the means appointed for prevention or correction of that distemper and yet my condition was the same still 2. When deliverance came it came suddenly Such changes as I have felt from midnight to mid-day without any interposal of twi-light demonstrates my distemper to have been occasioned by another hand and for other causes then that of mellancholly 2. For others I go not about to deny but that 't is possible and ordinary to meet with persons whom the hand of mellancholly hath marvellously dejected Learned experienced men have said so And to say otherwise in me may well pass for presumptions folly Only I would express my fears least it should prove in the ears of carnal men a Doctrine provoking to unwarrantable mirth and in the ears of weak troubled believers an impediment to faith I fear while good men ascribe so much of the troubles of our souls to the humours of our bodies the care of the body should exceed that of the soul and thereby the glory of God and quiet of our own hearts should at once be dangerously assaulted Sure it is not for nothing that a deep silence lyeth over all the holy Scriptures as to this matter that many are the troubles of righteous and that those troubles lye most about the heart one design of the Holy-Ghost in those writings is to set forth examples of which are abundant there but not the least hint at any time as if the black and bitter waters of a disturbed mind sprang from the jarring humours of the flesh Gods anger for sin either by way of dissertion of comfort or infliction of temptation by permission of Satan to tyranize over the soul are the only causes of every trouble the hiding of his face begets trouble Ps 30.7 the causing of that to shine again is the only remedy Job 34.29 This is all the wisdom of God hath thought fit to publish Ps 4 6 7. If we must needs say more le ts look to our inferences Whatever hand this gross and heavy humour may have in the troubles of the soul let the finner willing to hold fast his iniquity by refusing to entertain hard thoughts of it but plainly answer these things thou thinkest that melancholly is the cause of troubles 1. What is the cause why any man is thus troubled with melancholy is it not because of fin is it not the conceived anger of an all-powerful God or if the party troubled find no sense of divine displeasure within himself yet who but an Atheist will deny the wounds made upon the natural spirits or those made upon the spirit to be both of them a punishment for sin as nothing proves a Deity more plainly then the argument which prophane Atheists most urge against it so nothing more sets forth the deadly nature of sin or the dangerous condition of the sinner then that very thing which is so much in use for their extenuation Atheists tell us there had been no talk of a God in the world if it had not been for fear 't was fear say they that found out and founded the notion of a Deity whereas there had been to speak truly no such thing as fear if first there had not been a God In like manner argue poor sinful sinners there had been no talk of spiritual malladies had it not been for melancholly spirits no distress of the mind but by distemper of the humours and who begat this blackness of distempered humours is not the hand of sin in all this sure 't wil be granted and if so I 'le speak a word to thee anon 2. Thou thinkest a wounded Conscience is but a melancholly conceit sure thou dost not think that it is so in all Give me leave to enquire what do you think was that which troubled Adam in she day that he eat of the forbidden Fruit what was that which un-Paradiced him so soon he hastâ—es away to the thickets for an hiding-place Gen. 3.7 8. lays hold on the broadest Leaves he could meet with for a covering of his nakedness What aileth him now is he not in Paradice still as he was before what makes this suddain alteration why so fearful in the cool of the evening who in the dawning of the past morning knew not what did belong to such a state some mighty chance must needs be in him for there was none without him All things about him were the same but he himself was not No external abatement of the pleasures of sense was here as yet to be found The ear had the same melody of the Choristers of the Woods for delight as it had before The mouth the same rarity and variety of pleasant Fruits to feed upon as
the mark the trace of which cannot be found even so we as soon as we were born began to draw toward our end and had no sign of vertue to shew but were consumed in our own wickedness By this time the stout hearts of sinners will be brought down those whom the evidence of truth shining in the testimonies of the Prophets and Apostles could not convince or convert from their evil words and ways sad experience will work upon if they cannot remove their pains fain would they diminish or prevent the increase of them I pray thee Father Abraham that thou wouldest send to my Fathers house for I have five brethren lest they also come into this place of torment Luk. 16.27 28. For shame let not Hell have more charity then earth thy old companions in the burning Lake would not by any means be troubled with the company of thee whom they engaged and encouraged in evil ways they have fins and sorrows enough of their own without the addition of others to weight them down into everlasting confusion here it may be some comfort but an envious one to have many companion in the like misery but there in Hell 't is nothing so Think then shall those that have been in the subburbs of Hell by spiritual desertions or those who are really gone down thither never to return wish me to look to it that I never come into that place of torment and shall not I whom it most of all concerns befriend my own pretious soul with a serious seasonable consideration of it's eternal danger God forbid 9. If thou wilt but now at last be willing it is more then possible thou maist be hid from or in the day of the Lords wrath Resolve with thy self fully that thou wilt now enter the ways that God by the Gospel of his Son hath chalked out for the ways of peace and walk therein endure the troubles of an holy Life shun not the spiritual worship of God think not the griefs arising from true repentance or the troubles God by wisdom and love shall permit Satan to inflict upon thee to humble thee for thy past sins or patient passing through many tribulations to be sufficient causes to quarrel with God or his ways or worship or people think not oh think not God the merciful God the God who is Love that he is an hard Master venture thy talent abroad act what thou hast for the glory of the giver thou shalt not complain of thy returns of mercies They shall be sure if not swift mercies that holiness will entitle thee unto Is 15.3 Thou maist be sure where grace leads the Van glory and peace shall bring up the Reer Is 52.12 Complain not that thou wantest power to turn thy self from sin to holiness from self to Jesus Christ from nature to grace till thou hast faithfully employed the power thou already hast if God hath made thee willing he will not fail to make thee able what is hard to the flesh shall be easie and delightful to the spirit John 14.6 the way thou walkest in gives Life Heb. 10 20. a Life of duty and a Life of glory 't is a living way But dally not overlong say not within thy self shall I do it must I leave my old sins when shall I begin make no longer If 's and And 's but be up and doing Behold now is the accepted time now is the day of salvation 2 Cor 6.2 Let it alone till a little longer and then a thousand world will not afford an hiding place from the wrath to come 10. Iâ— God hath spared thee many years not letting out his terrors upon thy soul for sin thou hast no cause to flatter thy self but to tear the more the longer terrors are in coming the more terrible when they come and come they will one time or other As comforts long with-held from the child of God come in greater abundance at the last so do terrors to the wicked Lam. 3.27 In this sence it is good to bear the yo akâ—â—n ones youth Gods forbearance is no forgiveness and greater must that fire be whose fuel hath been long in gathering Rom. 2.5 Thou heapest up wrath against the day of wrath long impenitency and hardness of heart will make thy pile of such a bulk that when the breath of the Lord shall kindle it who can quench it two vials are always filling together the one is here below the other above the vial of sin and the vial of wrath or else the vessel of grace and the vessel of glory look to it then as these vessels fill apace on earth so do those in Heaven unhappy is that Soul whom God doth not take off from his work of filling up the measure of sins by pouring out the vials of his wrath while it is yet little You flee from the pains of repentance to a merry Life you do what you can to gag the mouth of conscience to prevent your own disturbance made by its loud cryes lay aside the Scriptures as bankrupts do their books least too much searching should beget sadness reproach the Godly man because he is your reproof do by the powerful painful Ministers of Christ as the storied town of sluggards did by their Smiths drive them away that you may sleep the longer or in plain terms love darkness rather then light least you should be reproved by the light but silly worm what art thou doing all this while thou flâ—est from the Adder and the Serpent will bite thee thou flâ—est from thy friend to an enemy from the Lancings of a Chyrurgeon to the deadly wounds of an adversary from Gods way of healing thee by gentlet means from pricking of thy heart till a dart strike through thy Liver in a word all thy care is to shift off present needful temporal gentle correction and fatherly chastisement but this is not thy way thou blessest thy self with thoughts that thy conscience shall never trouble thee but it will not be the longer God forbears to handle thee thou shouldst fear the more I have done what I could to employ the talent of my experience for thy profit I know a wounded conscience to be such a Guest that no man can fall in Love with it but rather then abide under an ignorant flattering seared conscience let my portion be a wounded one the next remove of this may be yea shall be in every child of God from horror to healing peace and rest whereas the other labouring to avoid wounds here will fall into woe and a worse condition for ever Do as you like since it will be no otherwise I for my part shall pray heartily with that good man Lord here lance me here burn me here tear me so thou spare me for ever THE END HAving spoken something of Satans stratagems in my preceeding treatise I intended to have spoken no more of that subject But since the writing thereof that wicked one Satan hath made his attempts upon me
why say you my way is hidden from the Lord and my judgement passed over of my God know you not or have you not heard that the everlasting God the Lords of the ends of the Earth is neither weary nor fainteth but giveth strength to him that fainteth the young men shall faint and be weary but they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength and lift up their wings as the Eagle they shall run and not faint In that day when the Mountains of the Lords house shall be established above the Mountains of the Earth for which glorious day I shall not cease to pray for O thou eternal being of beings whose name is Jehovah the Lord of Hosts who hast made the Heavens the earth the great sea and all the Creatures therein for the manifesting of thy blessed self in thine excellency that so by the displaying of thy glorious attributes we might know thy power wisdom and goodness and fear thy great and glorious name and truly Lord thou hadst done a most sweet work in the day wherein thou beheldst the works of thy hands and said they were very good O the great engagements of love and obedience thou hast laid upon us in that day when thou hadst advanced us and made us not only Lords of the works of thine hands and for our use putting all things in subjection under our feet but making us after thine own Image in righteousness and holiness whereby thou didst enable us to the performance of worship and obedience thou requirest at our hands But O the great dishonour and Rebellion we acted against thee our Creator in breaking thy holy Law which thou gavest us to keep as the Tryal of our obedience and by giving more credit unto Sathan in believing him and what he said then the threatnings of thee our God and therefore O Lord how righteous wast thou in thy judgements upon them and us their posterity in delivering us into the hands of Satan so that we who came from their loins came so deformed with that cursed Image of Satan that we are born thine enemies children of wrath and heirs of vengeance and bringing upon our selves a woful necessity of sinning against thee O Lord how justly mightest thou laid upon our first Parents and we their posterity to have born thy righteous punishments for ever without Redemption But blessed Lord thou didst in judgement remember mercy in condescending to treat with our Parents letting out that gratious promise That the seed of the woman should break the serpents head revealing mercy by a second Adam to come and so entring into a new covenant not of works but of grace that believing in him we should have eternal Life O gratious Father how didst thou magnifie thy mercy over the works of thine hands and didst do a work more wonderful then the Creation in giving the eternal word the brightness of thy glory the express Image of thy self thine only begotten Son by an eternal generation to take upon him the nature of man and to be born of the blessed Virgin that so he might by an Hupostatical union joy the humanity to the diety that so he might be enabled to undergo the work of mans Redemption a work so wonderful that all the Angels could not have devised and into which they pry into with admiration that thereby he might make such an attonement that might satisfie for the sins of man to the utmost and that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have Eternal Life And now dear Father thou hast given us the word of reconciliation the witness of thy truth wherein thou hast made known to us that thou hast given us eternal Life by Jesus Christ that immaculate Lamb of God who hath laid down his Life upon the Cross to answer thy justice and by his sufferings merits and Righteousness Resurrection from Death to Life hath cancelled the Law of condemnation taking down the wall of partition and making admission for sinners to come to the Throne of Grace with boldness And now hast given us pretious promises that what we ask in the name of thy son shall be done for us And now dear Father of Heaven what was I or my Fathers family but a sinful generation of men That thou shouldst choose me to salvation before the world was and in due time to call me to the knowledge of this mistery of mans Redemption and by the witness of thy word and blessed spirit should seal unto me the pardon of sin in the day when thou deliveredst me out of the hands of that roaring Lyon And after my seeking thy face for many years with doubtings and fears under many desertions and dreadful temptations and many various dispensations which thou most blessed God hast turned all to my advantage breaking into my Soul with so much love that I know not whom of the sons of men did ever receive a greater mercy And now Lord of thy goodness hast called me from the ways of the world to be of the number of those whom thou hast chosen to eternal Life and therefore having tasted so abundantly of thy strange Love a Love to admiration a Love we are not able to apprehend in the acknowledgement whereof and that I might declare what a God thou art according to mine engagement and that I might exalt thy glorious name and declare thy loving kindness to me to the ends of the earth have made bold to present these lines to the publick view for the magnifying of thy mercies to me the worst of the sons of men and the greatest of sinners if thou shouldest charge my sins upon me and be thou pleased to accept of what I have written in good part and let thy blessing so go along with it that the delusions methods devices and temptationt of Sathan that old cunning Serpent may be so discovered to poor souls that lye under his cruelty may receive advantage thereby When they shall read this small discourse of thy gratious actings with me O let thy blessing be upon iâ— that they may receive comfort thereby that thy goodness may be magnâ—fied which thou knowest Lord to be the only cause I have given it to the publick view who never thought my namâ— should have appeared in such a way And now dear Father I humbly beseech thee manifest thy glorious Gospel of thy Son to the ends of the Earth that all Nations may know thou art a God through Jesus Christ forgiving iniquity transgression and sin and to that end I humbly beseech thee fulfill thy word in pouring out thy indignation upon that whore of Babylon who hath dyed her garments red in the blood of the Saints that we may say Babylon Babylon is fallen and upon all the powers that oppose the righteous Scepter of thy Son the Gospel whom thou hast made King of Kings and Lord of Lords and hast given him the Heathen for his inheritance and the utmost ends of the earth for his possession who