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then_o he_o will_v not_o depart_v from_o i_o §_o 11._o i_o will_v conclude_v this_o chapter_n with_o a_o country_n poem_n of_o her_o honest_a kinsman_n mr._n eleazar_n careswell_n of_o sheffnall_a in_o shropshire_n who_o i_o never_o know_v to_o poetrize_v but_o now_o that_o tender_a love_n and_o passion_n teach_v he_o it_o signify_v these_o though_o it_o want_v the_o flowery_a part_n her_o danger_n of_o death_n so_o near_o to_o her_o conversion_n be_v very_o grievous_a to_o he_o margaret_z charlton_n anagram_n arm_v to_o late_a change_n the_o prudent_a soul_n refine_v from_o earth_n do_v ever_o arm_n to_o her_o late_a change_n and_o fear_v it_o never_o those_o glitter_a monarch_n who_o seem_v to_o command_v this_o ball_n shall_v be_v by_o death_n impartial_a hand_n put_v out_o and_o doom_v to_o a_o eternal_a state_n no_o mortal_a sinner_n can_v decline_v this_o fate_n death_n conquer_v scepter-swaying_a king_n but_o i_o shall_v conquer_v death_n be_v now_o arm_v to_o die_v arm_v soul_n for_o this_o one_o change_n and_o wed_v thy_o heart_n to_o christ_n and_o then_o no_o death_n shall_v ever_o part_v your_o join_a soul_n and_o thou_o because_o that_o he_o have_v life_n of_o life_n shall_v still_o possess_v be_v death_n will_v but_o this_o snarl_a knot_n of_o life_n untie_v to_o unite_v soul_n in_o a_o more_o bless_a tie_n when_o faith_n renew_v grace_n repent_v tear_n have_v clear_v the_o soul_n from_o filth_n and_o she_o appear_v unspotted_a holy_a pure_a invest_v in_o christ_n milkwhite_a snowy_a robe_n quite_o free_v from_o sin_n whole_o deliver_v from_o this_o fleshly_a thrall_n and_o hell_n black_a monarch_n and_o adorn_v with_o all_o god_n perfect_a grace_n triumphant_o these_o sing_v death_n and_o hell_n conquer_v be_v by_o christ_n our_o king_n faith_n hope_n and_o love_n such_o soul_n now_o fortify_v and_o arm_v thus_o why_o shall_v we_o fear_v to_o die_v though_o death_n divorce_v those_o long_o acquaint_v friend_n and_o lodge_v earth_n in_o the_o earth_n 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raise_v the_o just_a and_o unjust_a at_o the_o last_o of_o day_n then_o the_o refine_a body_n shall_v again_o it_o be_v late_o dislodge_a soul_n re-entertain_a and_o reunite_v chant_v well-tuned_a lay_n unto_o the_o lamb_n who_o soul-enamouring_a ray_n shall_v ravish_v saint_n with_o bless_a perfect_a joy_n free_v from_o whatever_o will_v their_o rest_n annoy_n where_o they_o with_o flame_a love_n and_o pleasure_n sing_v holy_a melodious_a praise_n to_o god_n their_o king_n rise_v then_o my_o soul_n thy_o thought_n from_o earth_n estrange_v the_o first_o be_v wrought_v arm_v to_o thy_o late_a change_n thus_o the_o good_a
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self-judging_a the_o reason_n for_o it_o the_o rule_n for_o perform_v it_o and_o the_o due_a manner_n especial_o in_o danger_n and_o before_o the_o sacrament_n or_o any_o conclusion_n of_o our_o state_n of_o grace_n §_o 5._o but_o these_o conviction_n do_v neither_o die_n nor_o pass_v unto_o despair_n but_o to_o serious_a conversion_n yet_o put_v she_o to_o struggle_v hard_o against_o backwardness_n to_o secret_a duty_n and_o the_o forsake_v of_o some_o vanity_n but_o present_o god_n seem_v sharp_o to_o entertain_v this_o return_a soul._n and_o while_o we_o be_v all_o rejoice_n in_o her_o change_n she_o fall_v into_o a_o cough_n and_o seem_a consumption_n in_o which_o we_o almost_o despair_v of_o her_o life_n mr._n jackson_n the_o physician_n and_o myself_o see_v the_o case_n too_o hard_o for_o we_o describe_v it_o to_o dr._n prujean_n and_o dr._n g._n bates_n who_o both_o judge_v it_o a_o consumption_n arise_v from_o the_o obstruction_n of_o the_o vessel_n in_o the_o lung_n and_o corrupt_v the_o tender_a adjoin_a part_n and_o both_o prescribe_v she_o the_o same_o medicine_n but_o all_o these_o and_o change_v of_o air_n long_o and_o breast-milk_n etc._n etc._n do_v no_o good_a i_o and_o my_o praying-neighbour_n be_v so_o sorry_a that_o such_o a_o change_a person_n shall_v present_o bâ—_n take_v away_o before_o she_o have_v time_n to_o manifest_v her_o sincerity_n and_o do_v god_n any_o service_n in_o the_o world_n that_o in_o grief_n they_o resolve_v to_o fast_v and_o pray_v for_o she_o for_o former_a experience_n have_v late_o much_o raise_v their_o belief_n of_o the_o success_n of_o prayer_n they_o have_v late_o pray_v for_o one_o that_o seem_v demoniac_a that_o after_o some_o year_n misery_n be_v sudden_o free_v of_o that_o disease_n they_o have_v oft_o pray_v for_o i_o in_o dangerous_a illness_n and_o i_o have_v speedy_a help_n i_o have_v late_o swallow_v a_o goldbullet_n for_o a_o medicine_n and_o it_o lodge_v in_o i_o long_o and_o no_o mean_n will_v bring_v it_o away_o till_o they_o meet_v to_o fast_v and_o pray_v and_o it_o come_v away_o that_o morning_n a_o young_a man_n yet_o live_v fall_v into_o a_o violent_a epilepsy_n and_o after_o all_o mean_v long_o remain_v uncured_a they_o set_v to_o fast_v and_o prayer_n in_o his_o hear_n and_o the_o second_o day_n he_o be_v sudden_o cure_v and_o never_o have_v a_o fit_a since_o god_n do_v not_o deny_v their_o prayer_n though_o they_o be_v without_o book_n and_o such_o as_o some_o deride_v as_o extemporate_a i_o be_v not_o with_o they_o in_o any_o of_o these_o but_o lay-man_n that_o be_v humble_a pray_v person_n only_o but_o i_o be_v with_o they_o at_o prayer_n for_o this_o woman_n and_o compassion_n make_v we_o all_o extraordinary_a servant_n and_o god_n hear_v we_o and_o speedy_o deliver_v she_o as_o it_o be_v by_o nothing_o or_o by_o a_o altogether_o undesign_v mean_n she_o drink_v of_o she_o own_o inclination_n not_o be_v direct_v a_o large_a quantity_n of_o syrup_n of_o violet_n and_o the_o next_o morning_n her_o nose_n bleed_v which_o it_o scarce_o ever_o do_v before_o or_o since_o and_o the_o lung_n seem_v clear_v and_o her_o pulse_n sudden_o amend_v her_o cough_n abate_v and_o her_o strength_n return_v in_o short_a time_n chap._n iii_o the_o working_n of_o her_o soul_n in_o and_o after_o this_o sickness_n §_o 1._o she_o be_v of_o too_o timorous_a and_o tender_a a_o nature_n and_o the_o sharp_a work_n of_o her_o repentance_n be_v yet_o upon_o her_o spirit_n for_o death_n to_o come_v and_o seem_v to_o summon_v she_o away_o to_o eternity_n at_o such_o a_o season_n and_o unsettle_a state_n must_v needs_o great_o increase_v her_o fear_n when_o the_o strong_a long_a experience_v christian_n find_v it_o no_o easy_a work_n to_o die_v in_o peace_n and_o willing_a resignation_n but_o she_o have_v still_o a_o conceal_v temper_n which_o make_v it_o never_o the_o easy_a within_o §_o 2._o when_o god_n have_v recover_v she_o her_o mother_n invite_v those_o that_o fast_v and_o pray_v for_o she_o to_o keep_v a_o day_n of_o thanksgiving_n for_o her_o deliverance_n i_o ask_v she_o what_o she_o will_v have_v we_o give_v thanks_o for_o particular_o and_o in_o the_o morning_n as_o we_o begin_v she_o that_o be_v recover_v give_v we_o in_o this_o follow_a paper_n my_o life_n have_v be_v a_o life_n of_o very_o great_a mercy_n and_o these_o have_v aggravate_v my_o sin_n in_o overlook_v they_o some_o of_o those_o which_o god_n have_v most_o affect_v my_o heart_n with_o i_o shall_v here_o mention_v but_o alas_o with_o a_o heart_n very_o insensible_a of_o the_o greatness_n of_o they_o 1._o my_o mother_n restoration_n first_o i_o thank_v god_n do_v for_o and_o next_o for_o many_o mercy_n of_o my_o own_o four_o time_n before_o this_o i_o have_v be_v deliver_v from_o great_a danger_n of_o death_n and_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v his_o mercy_n in_o deliver_v i_o from_o this_o death_n threaten_v disease_n and_o that_o in_o answer_n to_o prayer_n i_o be_o here_o now_o in_o competent_a health_n to_o speak_v of_o the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n 2._o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o a_o mercy_n that_o god_n afflict_v i_o and_o though_o i_o can_v with_o the_o psalmist_n say_v but_o now_o i_o keep_v thy_o statute_n i_o can_v say_v before_o i_o be_v afflict_v i_o go_v astray_o and_o how_o many_o great_a sin_n god_n have_v prevent_v by_o this_o affliction_n i_o can_v tell_v but_o be_o sure_a that_o god_n have_v deal_v very_o gracious_o with_o i_o and_o i_o have_v have_v many_o comfort_n in_o my_o suffering_n which_o god_n have_v not_o give_v to_o many_o of_o his_o beloved_a one_o 3._o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v god_n great_a mercy_n to_o i_o in_o bring_v i_o to_o this_o town_n under_z so_o useful_a mean_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o at_o such_o a_o time_n when_o i_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o engage_v in_o a_o course_n of_o sin_n and_o vanity_n beyond_o what_o i_o have_v former_o live_v in_o this_o mercy_n be_v much_o greatn_v by_o the_o time_n for_o have_v the_o lord_n bring_v i_o hither_o in_o infancy_n and_o remove_v i_o at_o ripe_a year_n the_o mercy_n will_v not_o have_v be_v so_o great_a and_o if_o i_o have_v go_v long_o on_o in_o a_o course_n of_o harden_v sin_n it_o have_v be_v less_o than_o now_o it_o be_v 4._o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o a_o great_a mercy_n that_o i_o want_v no_o outward_a thing_n but_o be_o enable_v to_o be_v helpful_a unto_o other_o and_o have_v all_o the_o temporal_a mercy_n that_o i_o can_v well_o desire_v for_o my_o encouragement_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n 5._o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o a_o great_a mercy_n that_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o interest_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o prayer_n of_o so_o many_o of_o his_o faithful_a servant_n in_o this_o place_n 6._o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o a_o great_a mercy_n that_o god_n have_v make_v i_o the_o child_n of_o godly_a parent_n and_o a_o child_n of_o many_o prayer_n 7._o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o a_o great_a mercy_n which_o i_o can_v never_o be_v thankful_a enough_o for_o that_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n in_o any_o measure_n willing_a to_o acknowledge_v his_o mercy_n and_o be_v thankful_a for_o they_o and_o that_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o sin_n and_o satan_n have_v do_v to_o hinder_v it_o he_o have_v make_v i_o desirous_a this_o day_n to_o give_v up_o myself_o and_o all_o that_o i_o have_v to_o he_o take_v he_o only_o for_o my_o god_n and_o chief_a felicity_n and_o now_o the_o request_n that_o i_o desire_v you_o to_o make_v to_o god_n on_o my_o behalf_n be_v these_o 1._o that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o more_o thankful_a soul_n that_o i_o may_v praise_v
and_o trouble_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o well_o it_o may_v be_v so_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o day_n have_v be_v very_o great_a my_o heart_n have_v not_o answer_v the_o expression_n of_o thanks_o which_o have_v be_v utter_v by_o the_o mouth_n of_o those_o that_o speak_v they_o to_o god_n no_o no_o my_o heart_n have_v not_o stir_v and_o be_v draw_v out_o towards_o my_o god_n the_o thought_n of_o his_o love_n have_v not_o ravish_v my_o soul_n alas_o i_o scarce_o feel_v any_o holy_a spark_n to_o warm_v my_o soul_n this_o day_n this_o day_n which_o be_v a_o day_n of_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o any_o in_o all_o my_o life_n the_o day_n in_o which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o opportunity_n to_o give_v thanks_o for_o all_o the_o mercy_n of_o my_o life_n and_o thanks_o itself_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n than_o the_o rest_n all_o other_o mercy_n be_v to_o prepare_v for_o this_o this_o be_v the_o work_n of_o a_o glorify_a saint_n even_o a_o saint_n in_o heaven_n before_o the_o bless_a face_n of_o god_n it_o be_v his_o everlasting_a business_n to_o sing_v the_o song_n of_o thanksgiving_n and_o praise_n to_o the_o most_o high_a but_o my_o thought_n have_v not_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o sweet_a foreta_v of_o this_o bless_a work_n which_o i_o may_v have_v have_v this_o day_n o_o god_n i_o beseech_v thou_o forgive_v my_o sin_n and_o lay_v not_o my_o deadness_n to_o my_o charge_n but_o overlook_v all_o my_o transgression_n and_o look_v on_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n i_o be_o thou_o lord_n and_o not_o my_o own_o this_o day_n i_o have_v under_o my_o hand_n and_o seal_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o witness_n nay_o in_o thy_o own_o presence_n who_o art_n witness_v sufficient_a be_v there_o no_o eye_n to_o see_v i_o or_o ear_n to_o hear_v i_o thou_o lord_n that_o know_v all_o thing_n know_v that_o i_o have_v devote_v my_o all_o to_o thou_o take_v it_o and_o accept_v my_o sacrifice_n help_v i_o to_o pay_v my_o vow_n will_v thou_o not_o accept_v i_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o more_o sincere_o and_o believe_o o_o lord_n i_o unfeigned_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o aright_o o_o will_v thou_o strengthen_v my_o weak_a desire_n i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n thou_o that_o can_v make_v i_o what_o i_o be_o not_o o_o make_v i_o what_o thou_o will_v have_v i_o be_v in_o thou_o there_o be_v all_o fullness_n and_o to_o thou_o i_o desire_v to_o come_v by_o christ._n will_v thou_o now_o cast_v i_o off_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o unreserved_o lord_n i_o confess_v the_o devil_n tempt_v and_o the_o flesh_n say_v spare_v something_o what_o let_v all_o go_v and_o i_o find_v in_o i_o a_o carnal_a selfish_a principle_n ready_a to_o close_v with_o the_o temptation_n but_o thou_o can_v prevent_v and_o conquer_v all_o and_o speak_v death_n to_o these_o corruption_n and_o bid_v the_o tempter_n be_v go_v it_o be_v thy_o pleasure_n here_o to_o suffer_v thy_o dear_a child_n to_o be_v tempt_v but_o fuffer_v not_o temptation_n to_o prevail_v against_o thy_o spirit_n and_o grace_n if_o temptation_n be_v like_o a_o torrent_n of_o water_n to_o smother_v quench_v or_o hide_v the_o flame_n yet_o will_v thou_o never_o let_v all_o the_o spark_n of_o thy_o grace_n be_v put_v out_o in_o the_o soul_n where_o once_o thou_o have_v true_o kindle_v it_o but_o lord_n suffer_v not_o such_o flood_n to_o fall_v on_o my_o soul_n where_o the_o spark_n be_v so_o small_a already_o that_o it_o be_v even_o scarce_o discernible_a o_o quicken_v it_o and_o blow_v it_o up_o to_o a_o holy_a flame_n most_o gracious_a god_n o_o do_v it_o here_o who_o have_v do_v it_o for_o many_o a_o soul_n o_o what_o have_v i_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o spark_n of_o grace_n why_o the_o least_o spark_n be_v worth_a ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o thanks_o than_o i_o can_v ever_o express_v and_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a and_o unthankful_a as_o be_v before_o confess_v and_o be_v that_o a_o sign_n of_o grace_n unthankful_a dead_a and_o dull_a i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o but_o yet_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v from_o god_n gift_n in_o i_o that_o i_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o and_o that_o this_o day_n i_o have_v desire_v to_o devote_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o will_v be_v more_o holy_a and_o more_o heavenly_a even_o as_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v i_o be_v nay_o i_o do_v know_v the_o time_n when_o i_o have_v none_o of_o these_o desire_n and_o have_v no_o mind_n to_o god_n and_o the_o way_n of_o godliness_n and_o do_v i_o not_o know_v that_o there_o be_v many_o in_o this_o condition_n who_o have_v no_o desire_n after_o christ_n and_o holiness_n here_o then_o be_v matter_n of_o comfort_n give_v i_o from_o he_o that_o do_v accept_v the_o desire_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n even_o the_o lord_n christ_n who_o will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n i_o see_v then_o that_o i_o have_v yet_o matter_n of_o rejoice_v and_o must_v labour_v to_o be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o remain_a sin_n as_o may_v tend_v to_o my_o future_a joy_n in_o believe_v but_o not_o so_o as_o to_o be_v discourage_v and_o frighten_v from_o god_n who_o be_v long-suffering_n and_o abundant_a in_o mercy_n rouse_v up_o thyself_o then_o to_o god_n my_o soul_n humble_o but_o believe_o repent_v that_o thou_o have_v be_v so_o unthankful_a and_o insensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n this_o day_n receive_v up_o up_o and_o lie_v not_o down_o so_o heavy_o god_n have_v hear_v prayer_n for_o thou_o and_o give_v thou_o life_n and_o opportunity_n to_o serve_v he_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o all_o the_o outward_a mercy_n thy_o heart_n can_v desire_v he_o have_v give_v thou_o dear_a godly_a able_a friend_n such_o as_o can_v help_v thou_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n yea_o he_o have_v set_v they_o to_o beg_v spiritual_a mercy_n for_o thou_o who_o prevail_v for_o temporal_a for_o thou_o and_o oft_o for_o many_o other_o why_o then_o shall_v thou_o not_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o wait_v in_o hope_n that_o he_o have_v hear_v their_o prayer_n this_o day_n for_o thy_o soul_n as_o former_o for_o thy_o body_n they_o be_v thing_n command_v of_o god_n to_o be_v ask_v and_o we_o have_v his_o promise_n that_o seek_v we_o shall_v find_v it_o may_v be_v this_o night_n many_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n will_v yet_o pray_v for_o my_o soul_n i_o doubt_v not_o some_o will_n and_o shall_v i_o not_o be_v glad_a of_o such_o advantage_n i_o hear_v this_o day_n that_o i_o must_v not_o forbear_v thanks_o because_o the_o mercy_n be_v yet_o imperfect_a else_o we_o shall_v never_o give_v thanks_o on_o earth_n though_o therefore_o my_o grace_n be_v yet_o but_o a_o spark_n and_o weak_a my_o body_n weak_a my_o heart_n sad_a all_o these_o administer_v matter_n of_o thanks_o and_o praise_n as_o well_o as_o of_o supplication_n let_v i_o therefore_o keep_v close_o to_o both_o they_o be_v the_o life_n of_o my_o life_n while_o i_o live_v here_o and_o have_v daily_a need_n of_o supply_n from_o god_n let_v i_o daily_o be_v with_o he_o and_o live_v as_o in_o his_o presence_n let_v he_o be_v the_o chief_a in_o all_o my_o thought_n my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o let_v i_o remember_v to_o be_v earnest_a for_o my_o poor_a relation_n and_o dear_a friend_n and_o the_o church_n and_o people_n of_o god_n in_o general_n and_o let_v i_o strive_v to_o keep_v such_o a_o moderate_a sense_n of_o sorrow_n on_o my_o soul_n as_o occasion_n require_v i_o have_v now_o cause_n of_o sorrow_n for_o part_v with_o my_o dear_a friend_n my_o father_n my_o pastor_n he_o be_v by_o providence_n call_v away_o and_o go_v a_o long_a journey_n what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v with_o he_o i_o can_v foresee_v it_o may_v be_v he_o be_v prepare_v some_o great_a mercy_n for_o we_o and_o for_o his_o praise_n i_o know_v not_o but_o such_o a_o day_n as_o this_o may_v be_v keep_v here_o on_o his_o account_n the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v for_o he_o be_v wise_a and_o good_a we_o be_v his_o own_o let_v he_o do_v with_o we_o what_o he_o please_v all_o shall_v be_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unprofitable_a under_o mercy_n and_o mean_n it_o may_v grieve_v i_o now_o he_o be_v go_v that_o there_o be_v so_o little_a that_o come_v from_o he_o leave_v upon_o my_o soul._n o_o let_v this_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o be_v more_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o remain_a help_n and_o mean_n and_o if_o ever_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v this_o mercy_n again_o o_o let_v i_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o this_o night_n
thus_o that_o have_v not_o constant_a apprehension_n of_o their_o evidence_n and_o who_o assurance_n be_v hinder_v by_o imperfectious_a you_o have_v hear_v the_o contrary_n but_o suppose_v that_o you_o have_v yet_o no_o saving-grace_n or_o part_n in_o christ_n why_o stand_v you_o complain_v while_o christ_n stand_v entreat_v you_o to_o accept_v his_o mercy_n ishe_v not_o in_o good_a earnest_n the_o offer_n be_v free_a it_o be_v not_o your_o purchase_n and_o merit_n but_o consent_n that_o will_v prove_v your_o title_n why_o do_v you_o complain_v and_o not_o consent_v even_o to_o the_o baptismal_a covenant_n or_o if_o you_o consent_v why_o do_v you_o complain_v as_o if_o christ_n promise_n be_v not_o true_a or_o as_o if_o consent_n be_v not_o a_o a_o proof_n of_o saving-faith_n if_o you_o confess_v that_o you_o shall_v not_o doubt_v and_o be_v deject_v on_o such_o term_n methinks_v the_o cure_n shall_v be_v half_o wrought_v dare_v you_o indulge_v it_o while_o you_o know_v it_o to_o be_v your_o sin_n have_v you_o not_o sin_n enough_o already_o and_o be_v it_o not_o unkindness_n to_o deny_v so_o great_a a_o mercy_n as_o the_o converting-grace_n which_o you_o so_o late_o feel_v and_o to_o suspect_v his_o love_n who_o be_v love_v itself_o and_o have_v so_o large_o express_v his_o love_n to_o you_o will_v you_o easy_o believe_v that_o your_o mother_n will_v kill_v you_o for_o such_o defect_n as_o you_o fear_v that_o god_n will_v damn_v you_o for_o yea_o though_o she_o be_v perfect_o just_a and_o holy_a be_v it_o congruous_a to_o hear_v minister_n tell_v man_n from_o christ_n that_o he_o beseech_v they_o to_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n and_o will_v refuse_v none_o that_o be_v willing_a of_o his_o grace_n and_o cure_v and_o at_o the_o same_o time_n to_o hear_v such_o as_o you_o almost_o ready_a to_o despair_v as_o if_o god_n will_v not_o be_v reconcile_v nor_o give_v grace_n to_o they_o that_o fain_o will_v have_v it_o but_o will_v be_v incline_v to_o reject_v humble_v soul_n reason_v not_o for_o your_o distrustful_a fear_n and_o sorrow_n but_o still_o disowne_v they_o and_o accuse_v they_o and_o then_o they_o will_v vanish_v by_o degree_n and_o die_v yea_o than_o you_o will_v sure_o oppose_v they_o yourself_o and_o god_n will_v help_v you_o can_v you_o look_v that_o god_n shall_v help_v you_o against_o the_o sin_n which_o you_o plead_v for_o and_o defend_v if_o faith_n and_o love_n be_v the_o vital_a grace_n distrust_v of_o god_n and_o deny_v his_o love_n must_v not_o be_v defend_v as_o no_o sin_n as_o the_o ungodly_a can_v expect_v the_o grace_n which_o they_o refuse_v so_o how_o can_v you_o expect_v the_o peace_n which_o you_o oppose_v and_o say_v as_o psal._n 77._o my_o soul_n refuse_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o say_v of_o your_o passionate_a fear_n and_o grief_n as_o jonas_n of_o his_o anger_n i_o do_v well_o to_o be_v angry_a even_o unto_o death_n be_v convince_v that_o christ_n be_v you_o if_o you_o accept_v he_o and_o consent_n and_o then_o that_o comfort_n be_v your_o interest_n right_a and_o duty_n and_o than_o you_o will_v do_v more_o to_o comfort_v for_o it_o yourself_o than_o i_o be_o endeavour_v when_o i_o chide_v you_o for_o your_o fear_n sure_o sinful_a sorrow_n be_v no_o desirable_a thing_n nor_o to_o be_v plead_v for_o you_o dare_v do_v nothing_o to_o the_o murder_n of_o a_o friend_n no_o nor_o to_o his_o grief_n and_o you_o be_v bid_v to_o love_v your_o neighbour_n as_o yourself_o away_o then_o with_o your_o weaken_v grief_n and_o trouble_n lest_o they_o prove_v a_o degree_n of_o self-murder_n if_o you_o care_v for_o yourself_o the_o comfort_n of_o your_o mother_n and_o friend_n and_o the_o honour_n of_o the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o god_n grace_n at_o least_o own_o it_o to_o be_v your_o duty_n to_o oppose_v sinful_a fear_n and_o to_o rejoice_v in_o god_n and_o serve_v he_o with_o delight_n and_o cheerful_a praise_n and_o do_v your_o best_a against_o all_o that_o be_v against_o this_o duty_n and_o suffer_v not_o your_o sore_n to_o fester_v by_o your_o silence_n but_o open_v your_o case_n to_o some_o one_o that_o be_v able_a to_o help_v you_o impartial_o to_o try_v it_o by_o the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o pray_v with_o you_o that_o god_n will_v merciful_o discover_v your_o infirmity_n and_o the_o remedy_n it_o be_v but_o wisdom_n to_o conceal_v your_o case_n from_o other_o if_o you_o can_v well_o be_v cure_v without_o their_o help_n §_o 7._o some_o strive_n against_o her_o fear_n and_o sorrow_n i_o find_v next_o in_o this_o paper_n follow_v date_v by_o she_o april_n 3_o the_o sad_a my_o present_a condition_n be_v the_o great_a be_v the_o mercy_n that_o i_o be_o yet_o alive_a why_o then_o shall_v i_o not_o give_v god_n thanks_o for_o that_o and_o beg_v the_o rest_n which_o yet_o i_o want_v and_o though_o my_o life_n seem_v but_o a_o burden_n to_o i_o sometime_o it_o be_v my_o great_a mistake_n for_o the_o great_a affliction_n be_v nothing_o to_o hell-torment_n be_v they_o as_o great_a as_o ever_o any_o have_v while_o i_o be_o alive_a live_v on_o this_o side_n eternity_n there_o be_v hope_n the_o time_n of_o grace_n be_v yet_o continue_v if_o i_o be_v find_v in_o mercy_n way_n i_o know_v not_o but_o god_n may_v yet_o be_v gracious_a and_o give_v in_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v my_o life_n at_o his_o people_n prayer_n for_o i_o can_v but_o look_v on_o my_o life_n as_o a_o answer_n of_o their_o prayer_n and_o sure_o they_o desire_v my_o life_n only_o that_o i_o may_v live_v to_o god_n i_o desire_v it_o myself_o on_o no_o other_o term_n it_o be_v my_o earnest_a request_n that_o i_o may_v not_o live_v if_o not_o to_o he_o why_o then_o shall_v i_o be_v persuade_v by_o satan_n to_o think_v that_o god_n will_v not_o give_v i_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o life_n may_v i_o not_o rather_o be_v encourage_v with_o patience_n to_o wait_v for_o further_a mercy_n it_o be_v a_o mercy_n that_o i_o be_o in_o any_o measure_n sensible_a of_o my_o danger_n and_o have_v any_o desire_n to_o be_v holy_a i_o will_v therefore_o stir_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o thankfulness_n and_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a i_o will_v acknowledge_v the_o mercy_n i_o have_v receive_v and_o the_o probability_n of_o future_a mercy_n and_o this_o by_o god_n assistance_n the_o devil_n shall_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o do_v §_o 8._o i_o will_v add_v one_o of_o her_o paper_n contain_v her_o resolution_n after_o her_o recovery_n in_o some_o few_o particular_n decemb._n 30._o be_v my_o worst_a day_n i_o do_v not_o then_o think_v to_o be_v alive_a this_o day_n i_o ought_v not_o to_o forget_v it_o on_o jan._n 1._o new-years-day_n i_o first_o bleed_v at_o the_o nose_n large_o and_o after_o mend_v the_o four_o day_n be_v keep_v in_o humiliation_n for_o i_o april_n 10._o be_v a_o day_n of_o thanksgiving_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v die_v i_o be_v more_o than_o ordinary_o sensible_a of_o my_o unprofitable_a life_n and_o have_v such_o conviction_n as_o usual_o people_n in_o my_o condition_n have_v and_o i_o then_o make_v many_o resolution_n as_o in_o such_o case_n other_o do_v i_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v hear_v much_o of_o the_o promise_n that_o many_o make_v in_o sickness_n which_o they_o never_o perform_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v gross_a hypocrisy_n to_o speak_v now_o of_o that_o which_o i_o be_v past_o perform_v as_o i_o think_v but_o that_o i_o be_v better_o write_v down_o my_o purpose_n and_o discover_v they_o if_o god_n recover_v i_o that_o they_o may_v be_v as_o strong_a a_o engagement_n on_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v speak_v they_o to_o man_n i._o i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v endeavour_v to_o get_v and_o keep_v a_o sense_n of_o that_o great_a mercy_n of_o god_n restore_v i_o from_o the_o peril_n of_o threaten_a death_n in_o answer_n of_o prayer_n which_o be_v the_o great_a in_o that_o god_n threaten_v to_o take_v i_o hence_o when_o i_o be_v but_o in_o the_o birth_n and_o have_v scarce_o well_o begin_v to_o live_v this_o mercy_n i_o promise_v to_o be_v thankful_a for_o and_o to_o acknowledge_v other_o mercy_n as_o god_n shall_v make_v i_o able_a ii_o i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v endeavour_v to_o be_v in_o a_o fix_a state_n and_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o in_o order_n to_o this_o i_o will_v take_v advice_n of_o one_o who_o be_v i_o conceive_v most_o fit_a to_o advise_v i_o and_o i_o resolve_v by_o god_n assistance_n that_o i_o will_v not_o consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n nor_o study_v my_o carnal_a interest_n but_o resolve_o set_v on_o the_o way_n of_o my_o duty_n and_o free_o discourse_v my_o thought_n so_o far_o as_o be_v requisite_a to_o my_o
do_v it_o resolute_o and_o cheerful_o and_o scorn_v to_o run_v away_o and_o turn_v your_o back_n that_o you_o may_v do_v it_o without_o censure_n where_o you_o be_v unknown_a use_v well_o the_o mean_v god_n here_o vouchsafe_v you_o and_o do_v your_o duty_n with_o a_o quiet_a mind_n and_o follow_v god_n in_o your_o remove_n §_o 8._o much_o more_o of_o such_o counsel_n she_o transcribe_v but_o i_o forbear_v recite_v more_a she_o end_v those_o paper_n with_o these_o word_n the_o best_a creature-affection_n have_v a_o mixture_n of_o creature-imperfection_n and_o therefore_o need_v some_o gall_n to_o wean_v we_o from_o the_o faulty_a part_n god_n must_v be_v know_v to_o be_v god_n our_o rest_n and_o therefore_o the_o best_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o a_o creature_n o_o miserable_a world_n how_o long_o must_v i_o continue_v in_o it_o and_o why_o be_v this_o wretched_a heart_n so_o loath_a to_o leave_v it_o where_o we_o can_v have_v no_o fire_n without_o smoke_n and_o our_o dear_a friend_n must_v be_v our_o great_a grief_n and_o when_o we_o begin_v in_o hope_n and_o love_n and_o joy_n before_o we_o be_v aware_a we_o fall_v into_o a_o answerable_a measure_n of_o distress_n learn_v by_o experience_n when_o any_o condition_n be_v inordinate_o or_o excessive_o sweet_a to_o thou_o to_o say_v from_o hence_o must_v be_v my_o sorrow_n o_o how_o true_a chap._n v._o her_o temper_n occasion_v these_o trouble_n of_o mind_n §_o 1._o the_o soul_n while_o in_o the_o body_n work_v much_o according_a to_o the_o body_n disposition_n 1._o she_o be_v of_o a_o extraordinary_a sharp_a and_o pierce_a wit._n 2._o she_o have_v a_o natural_a reservedness_n and_o secrecy_n increase_v by_o think_v it_o necessary_a prudence_n not_o to_o be_v open_a by_o which_o mean_n she_o be_v oft_o misunderstand_a by_o her_o near_a friend_n and_o consequent_o often_o cross_v and_o disappoint_v by_o those_o that_o will_v have_v please_v she_o and_o as_o she_o can_v understand_v man_n much_o by_o their_o look_n and_o hint_n so_o she_o expect_v all_o shall_v know_v her_o mind_n without_o she_o express_v it_o which_o breed_v her_o frustration_n and_o discontent_n 3._o and_o she_o have_v a_o natural_a tenderness_n and_o troubledness_n of_o mind_n upon_o the_o cross_n of_o her_o just_a desire_n too_o quick_a and_o ungovernable_a a_o sense_n of_o displease_a word_n or_o deed_n 4._o she_o have_v a_o disease_a unresistible_a fearfulness_n her_o quick_a and_o too_o sensible_a nature_n be_v over-timerous_a and_o to_o increase_v it_o she_o say_v she_o be_v four_o time_n before_o i_o know_v she_o in_o danger_n of_o death_n of_o which_o one_o be_v by_o the_o smallpox_n and_o more_o to_o increase_v it_o her_o mother_n house_n apply-castle_n near_o wellington_n be_v a_o garrison_n it_o be_v storm_v while_o she_o be_v in_o it_o and_o part_n of_o the_o house_n about_o it_o burn_v and_o man_n lay_v kill_v before_o her_o face_n and_o all_o of_o they_o threaten_v and_o strip_v of_o their_o clothing_n so_o that_o they_o be_v fain_o to_o borrow_v clothes_n 5._o and_o the_o great_a work_n upon_o her_o soul_n in_o her_o coversion_n move_v all_o her_o passion_n 6._o and_o then_o her_o dangerous_a sickness_n and_o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n to_o so_o young_a a_o convert_n must_v needs_o be_v a_o very_a awake_n thing_n and_o come_v on_o she_o before_o she_o have_v any_o assurance_n of_o her_o justification_n do_v increase_v her_o fear_n 7._o and_o in_o this_o case_n she_o live_v in_o the_o churchyard_n side_n where_o she_o see_v all_o the_o burial_n of_o the_o dead_a and_o keep_v a_o death_n head_n a_o skull_n in_o her_o closet_n still_o before_o she_o and_o other_o such_o mortify_a spectacle_n increase_v her_o sad_a disposition_n §_o 2._o and_o the_o excessive_a love_n which_o she_o have_v to_o her_o mother_n do_v much_o increase_v her_o grief_n when_o she_o expect_v death_n §_o 3._o though_o she_o call_v it_o melancholy_n that_o by_o all_o this_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o yet_o it_o rather_o seem_v a_o partly_o natural_a and_o partly_o a_o adventitious_a disease_a fearfulness_n in_o a_o tender_a over-passionate_a nature_n that_o have_v no_o power_n to_o quiet_v she_o own_o fear_n without_o any_o other_o cloud_n on_o her_o understanding_n §_o 4._o and_o all_o be_v much_o increase_v by_o her_o wisdom_n so_o stifle_v all_o the_o appearance_n of_o it_o that_o it_o all_o inward_o wrought_v and_o have_v no_o ease_n by_o vent_n §_o 5._o and_o have_v keen_a spirit_n and_o thin_a sharp_a blood_n she_o have_v a_o strong_a hemicrania_n or_o headache_a once_o a_o month_n and_o oft_o once_o a_o fortnight_n or_o more_o from_o the_o age_n of_o fifteen_o or_o sixteen_o year_n all_o these_o together_o much_o tend_v to_o hinder_v she_o from_o a_o quiet_a and_o comfortable_a temper_n §_o 6._o and_o in_o a_o word_n all_o the_o operation_n of_o her_o soul_n be_v very_o intense_a and_o strong_a strong_a wit_n and_o strong_a love_n and_o strong_a displeasure_n and_o when_o god_n show_v she_o what_o holiness_n be_v she_o think_v she_o must_v present_o have_v it_o in_o so_o great_a a_o degree_n as_o the_o ripe_a saint_n do_v here_o attain_v and_o that_o because_o she_o have_v not_o as_o much_o heavenly_a life_n and_o sense_n and_o delight_n in_o god_n as_o she_o know_v she_o shall_v have_v and_o desire_v she_o conclude_v of_o it_o that_o she_o have_v none_o that_o be_v sincere_a §_o 7._o one_o of_o the_o first_o thing_n by_o which_o her_o change_n be_v discover_v to_o her_o mother_n and_o friend_n be_v her_o fervent_a secret_a prayer_n for_o live_v in_o a_o great_a house_n of_o which_o the_o middle_a part_n be_v ruin_v in_o the_o war_n she_o choose_v a_o closet_n in_o the_o further_a end_n where_o she_o think_v none_o hear_v she_o but_o some_o that_o overhear_v she_o say_v they_o never_o hear_v so_o fervent_a prayer_n from_o any_o person_n §_o 8._o yet_o she_o desire_v i_o to_o draw_v up_o a_o form_n suit_v to_o her_o own_o condition_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v it_o now_o reserve_v among_o her_o paper_n but_o i_o can_v tell_v whether_o she_o ever_o use_v it_o have_v affection_n and_o freedom_n of_o expression_n without_o it_o i_o have_v think_v to_o have_v annex_v it_o for_o the_o use_n of_o afflict_a penitent_n but_o it_o will_v be_v but_o a_o digression_n in_o this_o narrative_a chap._n vi_o of_o our_o marriage_n and_o our_o habitation_n §_o 1._o the_o unsuitableness_n of_o our_o age_n and_o my_o former_a know_a purpose_n against_o marriage_n and_o against_o the_o conveniency_n of_o minister_n marriage_n who_o have_v not_o sort_n of_o necessity_n make_v our_o marriage_n the_o matter_n of_o much_o public_a talk_n and_o wonder_n and_o the_o true_a open_n of_o her_o case_n and_o i_o and_o the_o many_o strange_a occurrence_n which_o bring_v it_o to_o pass_v will_v take_v away_o the_o wonder_n of_o her_o friend_n and_o i_o that_o know_v we_o and_o the_o notice_n of_o it_o will_v much_o conduce_v to_o the_o understanding_n of_o some_o other_o passage_n of_o our_o life_n yet_o wise_a friend_n by_o who_o i_o be_o advise_v think_v it_o better_a to_o omit_v such_o personal_a particularity_n at_o least_o at_o this_o time_n both_o in_o her_o case_n and_o i_o there_o be_v much_o extraordinary_a which_o it_o do_v not_o much_o concern_v the_o world_n to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o from_o the_o first_o thought_n of_o it_o many_o change_n and_o stoppage_n intervene_v and_o long_a delay_n till_o i_o be_v silence_v and_o eject_v with_o many_o hundred_o more_o and_o so_o be_v separate_v from_o my_o old_a pastoral_n charge_n which_o be_v enough_o to_o take_v up_o all_o my_o time_n and_o labour_n some_o of_o my_o dissuade_v reason_n be_v then_o over_o and_o at_o last_o on_o septemb_n 10._o 1662._o we_o be_v marry_v in_o bennet-fink_n church_n by_o mr._n samuel_n clerk_n yet_o live_a have_v be_v before_o contract_v by_o mr._n simeon_n ash_n both_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o mr._n henry_n ashurst_n and_o mrs._n ash._n §_o 2._o she_o consent_v to_o these_o condition_n of_o our_o marriage_n 1._o that_o i_o will_v have_v nothing_o that_o before_o our_o marriage_n be_v she_o that_o i_o who_o want_v no_o outward_a supply_n may_v not_o seem_v to_o marry_v she_o for_o covetousness_n 2._o that_o she_o will_v so_o alter_v her_o affair_n that_o i_o may_v be_v entangle_v in_o no_o lawsuit_n 3._o that_o she_o will_v expect_v none_o of_o my_o time_n which_o my_o ministerial_a work_n shall_v require_v §_o 3._o when_o we_o be_v marry_v her_o sadness_n and_o melancholy_n vanish_v counsel_n do_v something_o to_o it_o and_o contentment_n something_o and_o be_v take_v up_o with_o our_o household_n affair_n do_v somewhat_o and_o we_o live_v in_o inviolated_a love_n and_o mutual_a complacency_n sensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n of_o mutual_a help_n these_o
to_o supply_v the_o notorious_a necessity_n of_o the_o people_n and_o as_o helper_n of_o the_o allow_a ministry_n the_o good_a woman_n think_v this_o have_v be_v read_v the_o common-prayer_n and_o in_o a_o letter_n which_o i_o now_o find_v accuse_v my_o wife_n with_o five_o or_o six_o vehement_a charge_n for_o tell_v she_o i_o will_v not_o read_v 〈◊〉_d common-prayer_n my_o wife_n be_v of_o my_o mind_n for_o the_o matter_n but_o great_o offend_v with_o i_o for_o seem_v to_o do_v it_o for_o the_o avoid_n of_o danger_n and_o be_v so_o far_o from_o not_o pardon_v these_o false_a smart_a accusation_n that_o she_o never_o once_o blame_v the_o good_a woman_n but_o love_v she_o tender_v she_o and_o relieve_v she_o in_o sickness_n to_o the_o death_n but_o hardly_o forgive_v i_o and_o yet_o draw_v i_o from_o all_o other_o place_n if_o the_o minister_n be_v not_o of_o my_o mind_n by_o prudent_a diversity_n much_o less_o do_v her_o suffering_n from_o the_o time_n distemper_v she_o she_o have_v blame_v i_o for_o name_v in_o print_n my_o loss_n imprisonment_n and_o other_o suffering_n by_o the_o bishop_n as_o be_v over_o selfish_a queralousness_n when_o i_o shall_v rather_o with_o wonder_n be_v thankful_a for_o the_o great_a mercy_n we_o yet_o enjoy_v though_o i_o think_v i_o never_o mention_v they_o as_o over-sensible_a of_o the_o suffering_n but_o as_o a_o necessary_a evince_a of_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o cause_n and_o as_o part_v of_o the_o necessary_a history_n or_o matter_n of_o fact_n in_o order_n to_o decide_v it_o she_z as_o much_o dislike_v the_o silence_v of_o the_o minister_n as_o any_o but_o she_o do_v not_o love_v to_o hear_v it_o much_o complain_v of_o save_v as_o the_o public_a loss_n nor_o to_o hear_v conformist_n talk_v against_o as_o a_o party_n nor_o the_o fault_n of_o the_o conscientious_a sort_n of_o they_o aggravate_v in_o a_o side_a factious_a manner_n but_o 1._o she_o be_v prone_a to_o overlove_v her_o relation_n and_o those_o good_a people_n poor_a as_o much_o as_o rich_a who_o she_o think_v most_o upright_o the_o love_n be_v good_a but_o the_o degree_n be_v too_o passionate_a 2._o she_o over-earnest_o desire_v their_o spiritual_a welfare_n if_o these_o who_o she_o overloved_n have_v not_o be_v as_o good_a and_o do_v as_o well_o as_o she_o will_v have_v they_o in_o innocent_a behaviour_n in_o piety_n and_o if_o rich_a in_o liberality_n it_o over-troubled_n she_o and_o she_o can_v not_o bear_v it_o 3._o she_o be_v apt_a when_o she_o set_v her_o mind_n and_o heart_n upon_o some_o good_a work_n which_o she_o count_v great_a or_o the_o welfare_n of_o some_o dear_a friend_n to_o be_v too_o much_o please_v in_o her_o expectation_n and_o self-made_a promise_n of_o the_o success_n and_o then_o almost_o overturn_v with_o trouble_n when_o they_o disappoint_v she_o and_o she_o too_o impatient_o bear_v unkindness_n from_o the_o friend_n that_o be_v most_o dear_a to_o she_o or_o who_o she_o have_v much_o oblige_v her_o will_n be_v set_v upon_o good_a but_o her_o weakness_n can_v not_o bear_v the_o cross_n or_o frustration_n of_o it_o §_o 12._o but_o the_o great_a infirmity_n which_o tyrannize_v over_o she_o be_v a_o disease_a fearfulness_n against_o which_o she_o have_v little_o more_o free_a will_n or_o power_n than_o a_o man_n in_o a_o ague_n or_o frost_n against_o shake_v cold_a her_o nature_n be_v prone_a to_o it_o and_o i_o say_v before_o abundance_n of_o sad_a accident_n make_v that_o and_o trouble_v of_o mind_n her_o malady_n beside_o as_o she_o say_v four_o time_n in_o danger_n of_o death_n 2._o and_o the_o storm_a of_o her_o mother_n house_n by_o soldier_n fire_v part_n kill_v plunder_v and_o threaten_v the_o rest_n 3._o the_o awakening_n of_o her_o conversion_n 4._o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n by_o sickness_n present_o before_o her_o peace_n be_v settle_v 5._o the_o fire_n next_o her_o lodging_n in_o sweetings-alley_n 6._o the_o burn_a of_o a_o merchant_n his_o wife_n and_o family_n in_o lothbury_n overagainst_a her_o brother_n vpton_n door_n 7._o the_o common_a terror_n and_o confusion_n at_o dunstan_n church_n in_o fleetstreet_n when_o they_o think_v the_o church_n be_v fall_v on_o their_o head_n while_o i_o be_v preach_v and_o the_o people_n cast_v themselves_o down_o from_o the_o gallery_n 8._o her_o mother_n death_n 9_o the_o friendless_a state_n she_o think_v she_o be_v then_o leave_v in_o 10._o the_o great_a plague_n 11._o the_o burn_v of_o london_n 12._o the_o crack_n and_o danger_n of_o her_o chamber_n in_o aldersgate_n street_n 13._o the_o crack_n and_o confusion_n at_o st._n jame_n market-house_n 14._o the_o many_o fire_n and_o talk_n of_o fire_v since_o 15._o the_o common_a rumour_n of_o murdering_n and_o massacre_n 16._o the_o death_n and_o danger_n of_o many_o of_o her_o friend_n and_o my_o own_o illness_n more_o than_o all_o these_o concur_v to_o make_v fear_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v trouble_v to_o be_v her_o disease_n so_o that_o she_o much_o dream_v of_o fire_n and_o murderer_n and_o her_o own_o dream_n work_v half_a as_o dangerous_o on_o she_o as_o reality_n so_o that_o she_o can_v not_o bear_v the_o clap_v of_o a_o door_n or_o any_o thing_n that_o have_v suddenness_n noise_n or_o fierceness_n in_o it_o but_o all_o this_o be_v more_o the_o malady_n of_o her_o body_n than_o of_o her_o soul_n and_o i_o account_v have_v little_a moral_a guilt_n and_o i_o take_v it_o for_o a_o evidence_n of_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n that_o so_o timorous_a a_o person_n 1._o have_v overcome_v most_o of_o her_o fear_n of_o hell_n and_o god_n desertion_n 2._o and_o be_v more_o fearless_a of_o persecution_n imprisonment_n or_o loss_n and_o poverty_n thereby_o than_o i_o or_o any_o that_o i_o remember_v to_o have_v know_v §_o 13._o and_o though_o her_o spirit_n be_v so_o quick_a and_o she_o so_o apt_a to_o be_v trouble_v at_o man_n sin_n who_o she_o much_o love_v she_o great_o differ_v from_o i_o in_o her_o bear_n with_o they_o and_o carriage_n towards_o they_o my_o temper_n and_o judgement_n much_o lead_v i_o to_o use_v my_o dependent_n servant_n and_o friend_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o church-discipline_n and_o if_o they_o hear_v not_o love_v private_a admonition_n once_o twice_o and_o thrice_o to_o speak_v to_o they_o more_o sharp_o and_o then_o before_o other_o and_o to_o turn_v they_o off_o if_o yet_o they_o will_v not_o amend_v but_o her_o way_n be_v to_o oblige_v they_o by_o all_o the_o love_n kindness_n and_o bounty_n that_o she_o be_v able_a and_o to_o bear_v with_o they_o year_n after_o year_n while_o there_o be_v hope_n and_o at_o last_o not_o to_o desert_v they_o but_o still_o use_v they_o so_o as_o she_o though_o be_v like_a at_o least_o to_o keep_v they_o in_o a_o state_n of_o hope_n from_o the_o badness_n which_o displicency_n may_v cause_v i_o can_v not_o have_v bear_v with_o a_o son_n i_o think_v as_o she_o can_v do_v where_o her_o kindness_n be_v at_o she_o own_o choice_n and_o yet_o she_o more_o dislike_v the_o least_o fault_n than_o i_o do_v and_o be_v more_o desirous_a of_o their_o great_a innocency_n and_o exactness_n §_o 14._o indeed_o she_o be_v so_o much_o for_o calmness_n deliberation_n and_o do_v nothing_o rash_o and_o in_o haste_n and_o my_o condition_n and_o business_n as_o well_o as_o temper_v make_v i_o do_v and_o speak_v much_o so_o sudden_o that_o she_o principal_o differ_v from_o i_o and_o blame_v i_o in_o this_o every_o considerable_a case_n and_o business_n she_o will_v have_v i_o take_v time_n to_o think_v much_o of_o before_o i_o do_v it_o or_o speak_v or_o resolve_v of_o any_o thing_n i_o know_v the_o counsel_n be_v good_a for_o one_o that_o can_v stay_v but_o not_o for_o one_o that_o must_v ride_v post_n i_o think_v still_o i_o have_v but_o a_o little_a time_n to_o live_v i_o think_v some_o considerable_a work_n still_o call_v for_o haste_n i_o have_v these_o forty_o year_n be_v sensible_a of_o the_o sin_n of_o lose_v time_n i_o can_v not_o spare_v a_o hour_n i_o think_v i_o can_v understand_v the_o matter_n in_o question_n as_o well_o at_o a_o few_o thought_n as_o in_o many_o day_n and_o yet_o she_o that_o have_v less_o work_n and_o more_o leisure_n but_o a_o far_o quick_a apprehension_n than_o i_o be_v all_o for_o stay_v to_o consider_v and_o against_o haste_n and_o eagerness_n in_o almost_o every_o thing_n and_o notwithstanding_o she_o over_o quick_a and_o feel_a temper_n be_v all_o for_o mildness_n calmness_n gentleness_n pleasingness_n and_o serenity_n §_o 15._o she_o have_v a_o earnest_a desire_n of_o the_o conversion_n and_o salvation_n of_o her_o servant_n and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o so_o many_o of_o they_o though_o tolerable_a in_o their_o work_n go_v away_o ignorant_a or_o strange_a to_o true_a
godliness_n as_o they_o come_v and_o such_o as_o be_v true_o convert_v with_o we_o she_o love_v as_o child_n §_o 16._o one_o infirmity_n make_v she_o faulty_a in_o the_o omission_n of_o much_o of_o her_o duty_n she_o be_v wont_a to_o say_v that_o she_o have_v from_o her_o childhood_n imprint_v a_o deep_a fear_n and_o hatred_n of_o hypocrisy_n on_o her_o mind_n that_o she_o can_v never_o do_v the_o outside_n of_o her_o duty_n as_o to_o the_o speak_a part_n for_o fear_v of_o hypocrisy_n i_o scarce_o ever_o meet_v with_o a_o person_n that_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v long_o for_o matter_n and_o good_a language_n without_o repetition_n even_o about_o religious_a thing_n and_o few_o that_o have_v more_o desire_n that_o it_o be_v well_o do_v and_o yet_o she_o can_v not_o do_v it_o herself_o for_o fear_n of_o seem_v to_o be_v guilty_a of_o ostentation_n in_o good_a company_n she_o will_v speak_v little_a of_o that_o which_o she_o most_o desire_a to_o hear_v when_o i_o be_v at_o any_o time_n from_o home_n she_o will_v not_o pray_v in_o the_o family_n though_o she_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o be_v without_o it_o she_o will_v private_o talk_v to_o the_o servant_n and_o read_v good_a book_n to_o they_o most_o of_o the_o open_a speak_a part_n of_o religion_n she_o omit_v through_o a_o disease_a enmity_n to_o ostentation_n and_o hypocrisy_n but_o of_o late_a year_n when_o she_o see_v i_o and_o other_o too_o spare_v in_o profitable_a speech_n to_o young_a and_o ignorant_a people_n she_o confess_v that_o she_o see_v her_o error_n and_o that_o even_o a_o hypocrite_n use_v but_o the_o word_n and_o outside_n of_o religion_n be_v better_a to_o other_o than_o silence_n and_o unprofitable_a omission_n be_v §_o 17._o her_o houshold-affair_n she_o order_v with_o so_o so_o great_a skill_n and_o decency_n as_o that_o other_o much_o praise_v that_o which_o i_o be_v no_o fit_a judge_n of_o i_o have_v be_v breed_v among_o plain_a mean_a people_n and_o i_o think_v that_o so_o much_o wash_v of_o stair_n and_o room_n to_o keep_v they_o as_o clean_o as_o their_o trencher_n and_o dish_n and_o so_o much_o ado_n about_o cleanliness_n and_o trifle_n be_v a_o sinful_a curiosity_n and_o expense_n of_o servant_n time_n who_o may_v that_o while_n have_v be_v read_v some_o good_a book_n but_o she_o that_o be_v otherwise_o breed_v have_v somewhat_o other_o thought_n §_o 18._o her_o great_a tender_a impatiency_n lie_v much_o in_o her_o ear_n she_o can_v not_o bear_v without_o great_a reason_n a_o dispute_a contradiction_n nor_o yet_o to_o hear_v sad_a tiding_n nor_o any_o hard_a prognostic_n and_o it_o be_v because_o she_o feel_v the_o weakness_n of_o her_o own_o head_n and_o for_o twenty_o year_n live_v in_o too_o great_a fear_n of_o the_o overthrow_n of_o her_o understanding_n and_o i_o be_v apt_a to_o think_v it_o be_v but_o a_o passionate_a fanciful_a fear_n and_o be_v too_o apt_a to_o be_v impatient_a with_o her_o impatiency_n and_o with_o every_o trouble_n of_o her_o mind_n not_o enough_o consider_v how_o great_a tenderness_n in_o all_o our_o discourse_n she_o need_v though_o i_o remember_v nothing_o else_o that_o ever_o i_o show_v impatience_n to_o she_o in_o but_o ever_o since_o her_o first_o danger_n and_o strong_a affection_n i_o can_v hardly_o bear_v any_o signification_n of_o her_o displeasure_n and_o discontent_n and_o she_o be_v wont_v oft_o to_o say_v it_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n of_o god_n not_o to_o know_v what_o will_v befall_v we_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o how_o we_o shall_v be_v sick_a or_o suffer_v or_o die_v that_o our_o foreknowledge_n may_v not_o anticipate_v our_o sorrow_n though_o in_o the_o general_n we_o shall_v be_v always_o ready_a §_o 19_o she_o be_v the_o great_a honourer_n of_o her_o mother_n and_o most_o sincere_o love_v she_o that_o ever_o i_o know_v a_o child_n do_v to_o a_o parent_n she_o believe_v the_o promise_n of_o the_o five_o commandment_n and_o believe_v that_o it_o do_v imply_v a_o answerable_a curse_n to_o they_o that_o break_v it_o and_o that_o as_o honour_v parent_n have_v even_o the_o promise_n of_o blessing_n on_o earth_n so_o the_o dishonour_v they_o be_v like_a to_o bring_v a_o curse_n upon_o the_o person_n or_o family_n that_o be_v guilty_a of_o it_o and_o that_o how_o great_a soever_o their_o present_a prosperity_n may_v seem_v it_o be_v come_v and_o will_v overtake_v they_o either_o in_o their_o body_n child_n or_o estate_n prov._n 30._o 17._o the_o eye_n that_o mock_v at_o his_o father_n and_o despise_v to_o obey_v his_o mother_n the_o raven_n of_o the_o valley_n shall_v pick_v it_o out_o and_o the_o young_a eagle_n shall_v eat_v it_o and_o such_o by_o moses_n law_n be_v to_o be_v put_v to_o death_n deut._n 27._o 16._o curse_a be_v he_o that_o set_v light_n by_o his_o father_z or_o his_o mother_n and_o let_v all_z the_o people_z say_v amen_o and_o will_v god_n suspend_v it_o till_o the_o sinner_n say_v amen_o o_o no._n and_o what_o be_v that_o person_n case_v that_o live_v under_o this_o curse_n of_o god_n if_o the_o body_n escape_v it_o and_o posterity_n escape_v it_o and_o the_o estate_n escape_v it_o yea_o and_o a_o sear_a conscience_n escape_v it_o few_o year_n the_o soul_n will_v not_o escape_v it_o for_o ever_o without_o deep_a and_o through_o repentance_n for_o christ_n have_v redeem_v none_o but_o sincere_a penitent_n from_o the_o curse_n yea_o even_o such_o seldom_o escape_v the_o temporal_a sharp_a chastisement_n and_o very_o worthy_a be_v her_o mother_n of_o her_o love_n and_o honour_n all_o her_o letter_n to_o she_o when_o she_o be_v from_o home_n i_o find_v now_o lay_v up_o by_o she_o as_o a_o treasure_n sure_a i_o will_v transcribe_v part_n of_o some_o of_o they_o that_o you_o may_v perceive_v her_o plain_a and_o honest_a care_n of_o her_o child_n soul_n §_o 20._o in_o one_o 1657._o to_o this_o daughter_n at_o oxford_n she_o write_v thus_o i_o can_v but_o put_v you_o in_o mind_n of_o your_o duty_n you_o owe_v to_o god_n i_o mean_v that_o you_o see_v that_o you_o lose_v not_o your_o time_n if_o you_o be_v where_o you_o may_v improve_v your_o time_n for_o grace_n and_o get_v down_o sin_n i_o shall_v give_v you_o my_o consent_n for_o your_o stay_n with_o her_o brother_n upton_n canon_n of_o christ_n church_n but_o be_v sure_a you_o do_v not_o deceive_v yourself_o herein_o for_o god_n will_v not_o be_v mock_v he_o that_o do_v righteous_o and_o live_v to_o christ_n shall_v enjoy_v all_o the_o blessing_n promise_v by_o god_n to_o they_o that_o trust_v he_o and_o obey_v he_o i_o bless_v my_o god_n i_o have_v my_o health_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v wish_v and_o my_o heart_n run_v out_o whole_o to_o god_n in_o seek_v a_o blessing_n for_o child_n and_o child_n child_n o_o that_o i_o may_v prevail_v by_o prayer_n to_o see_v such_o hope_n of_o you_o all_o upon_o good_a ground_n as_o will_v be_v a_o gracious_a return_n to_o my_o prayer_n this_o be_v my_o work_n be_v not_o you_o want_v to_o yourselves_o your_o endeavour_n and_o prayer_n also_o be_v necessary_a who_o know_v but_o god_n will_v give_v you_o that_o one_o thing_n necessary_a which_o if_o you_o shall_v make_v it_o your_o chief_a choice_n shall_v never_o be_v take_v from_o you_o let_v the_o word_n of_o god_n dwell_v plentiful_o in_o you_o that_o it_o may_v be_v the_o rule_n of_o your_o life_n which_o be_v the_o prayer_n of_o your_o true_o love_v mother_n mary_n hanmer_n §_o 21._o in_o another_o 1657._o thus_o i_o know_v not_o why_o you_o shall_v write_v in_o tear_n because_o of_o a_o apprehension_n of_o my_o displeasure_n and_o that_o you_o can_v see_v it_o at_o so_o great_a a_o distance_n be_v strange_a to_o i_o if_o your_o information_n be_v of_o god_n to_o who_o you_o appeal_v look_v to_o it_o if_o of_o man_n believe_v it_o not_o many_o false_a fear_n may_v arise_v for_o want_v of_o the_o true_a fear_n of_o offend_v a_o good_a and_o gracious_a god_n all_o your_o fear_n and_o all_o your_o joy_n must_v be_v found_v in_o he_o or_o else_o your_o life_n here_o will_v be_v very_o uncomfortable_a have_v not_o i_o my_o comfort_n from_o my_o god_n and_o not_o only_o in_o the_o creature_n i_o have_v sink_v long_o since_o and_o often_o in_o despair_n take_v my_o experience_n or_o rather_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n which_o say_v it_o be_v better_a to_o trust_v in_o god_n than_o to_o put_v confidence_n in_o riches_n it_o be_v better_a to_o trust_v in_o god_n than_o to_o put_v confidence_n in_o man_n be_v well_o acquaint_v with_o the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o be_v sure_a in_o all_o thing_n to_o please_v he_o and_o then_o all_o other_o care_n and_o fear_n will_v be_v of_o no_o value_n to_o you_o o_o let_v it_o be_v
your_o daily_a study_n and_o let_v i_o in_o writing_n see_v some_o fruit_n of_o your_o labour_n before_o i_o go_v hence_o and_o be_v see_v here_o no_o more_o be_v not_o want_v to_o your_o own_o comfort_n and_o you_o can_v displease_v god_n nor_o your_o mother_n who_o belong_v more_o after_o your_o eternal_a good_a than_o i_o can_v now_o utter_v my_o love_n to_o you_o all_o and_o prayer_n for_o you_o all_o i_o continue_v your_o most_o tender_o love_v mother_n m._n h._n §_o 22._o in_o another_o to_o oxford_n 1657._o all_o will_v work_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o hope_v you_o be_v one_o of_o those_o the_o lord_n direct_v your_o path_n that_o you_o may_v work_v out_o your_o salvation_n with_o fear_n and_o tremble_a in_o your_o youth_n and_o not_o let_v time_n slip_v till_o age_n which_o will_v come_v or_o death_n before_o it_o on_o all_o flesh_n and_o a_o account_n must_v be_v give_v of_o the_o precious_a time_n which_o we_o now_o neglect_v i_o have_v more_o to_o say_v but_o when_o i_o see_v you_o it_o will_v be_v do_v with_o more_o ease_n the_o lord_n keep_v you_o all_o and_o make_v you_o faithful_a to_o the_o death_n that_o you_o may_v receive_v the_o crown_n of_o glory_n which_o be_v the_o prayer_n of_o she_o that_o tender_v the_o good_a of_o your_o soul_n m._n h._n §_o 23._o in_o 1659._o in_o another_o she_o write_v thus_o my_o dear_a child_n my_o great_a trouble_n be_v that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o better_a account_n of_o your_o health_n of_o body_n yet_o sure_o the_o cure_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v of_o far_o more_o worth_a therefore_o i_o faint_v not_o else_o i_o can_v not_o subsist_v under_o the_o heavy_a stroke_n which_o i_o have_v just_o deserve_v who_o know_v but_o my_o sin_n may_v be_v some_o cause_n of_o thy_o distress_n of_o soul_n however_o let_v we_o return_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o he_o will_v heal_v all_o our_o breach_n and_o will_v bind_v up_o all_o our_o sore_n and_o will_v give_v we_o a_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n eternal_a in_o the_o heaven_n where_o we_o shall_v never_o be_v force_v asunder_o and_o all_o infirmity_n shall_v be_v leave_v behind_o and_o we_o shall_v take_v up_o all_o pleasure_n in_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o our_o heavenly_a redeemer_n in_o the_o mean_a time_n let_v we_o with_o courage_n and_o confidence_n press_v hard_o towards_o the_o mark_n for_o the_o price_n of_o that_o call_n which_o be_v set_v before_o we_o for_o the_o thing_n which_o be_v see_v be_v temporal_a but_o the_o the_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o see_v be_v eternal_a i_o can_v go_v no_o further_o but_o can_v forget_v to_o be_v thy_o true_o love_v mother_n m._n h._n this_o be_v write_v to_o she_o in_o her_o sickness_n when_o for_o better_a air_n she_o lay_v at_o old_a mr._n richard_n foly_n house_n at_o stourbridge_n §_o 24._o i_o have_v transcribe_v these_o to_o show_v the_o mind_n and_o care_n of_o the_o good_a gentlewoman_n and_o what_o cause_n i_o and_o my_o neighbour_n have_v of_o comassion_n to_o she_o in_o 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that_o she_o have_v few_o letter_n of_o i_o yet_o those_o which_o she_o have_v i_o find_v now_o among_o her_o reserve_a paper_n and_o that_o you_o may_v see_v what_o it_o be_v that_o i_o think_v she_o most_o desire_a and_o what_o she_o herself_o most_o value_a i_o will_v here_o add_v one_o of_o they_o not_o venture_v to_o trouble_v such_o with_o more_o as_o be_v affect_v little_a with_o any_o matter_n but_o their_o own_o which_o be_v the_o case_n of_o most_o i_o recite_v this_o rather_o than_o other_o partly_o also_o as_o a_o act_n of_o repentance_n for_o those_o fail_n of_o her_o just_a expectation_n by_o the_o neglect_n of_o such_o help_n as_o i_o shall_v have_v give_v she_o which_o i_o have_v here_o mention_v for_o though_o she_o oft_o say_v that_o before_o she_o marry_v i_o she_o expect_v more_o sowrness_n and_o unsuitableness_n than_o she_o find_v yet_o i_o be_o sure_a that_o she_o find_v less_o zeal_n and_o holiness_n and_o strictness_n in_o all_o word_n and_o look_n and_o duty_n and_o less_o help_n for_o her_o soul_n than_o she_o expect_v and_o her_o temper_n be_v to_o aggravate_v a_o fault_n much_o more_o in_o her_o near_a and_o dear_a friend_n than_o in_o any_o other_o and_o to_o be_v far_o more_o trouble_v at_o they_o but_o this_o use_n she_o make_v of_o my_o too_o cold_a and_o careless_a converse_n and_o of_o all_o my_o impatiency_n with_o her_o impatience_n and_o of_o all_o my_o hasty_a word_n that_o she_o that_o have_v long_o think_v she_o have_v no_o grace_n because_o she_o reach_v it_o not_o high_a than_o almost_o any_o reach_n on_o earth_n and_o because_o she_o have_v many_o passion_n and_o infirmity_n perceive_v by_o i_o and_o many_o other_o esteem_v teacher_n that_o we_o be_v all_o as_o bad_a as_o she_o and_o therefore_o grace_n do_v stand_v with_o more_o faultiness_n than_o she_o have_v imagine_v and_o that_o all_o our_o teach_n much_o excel_v the_o frame_n of_o our_o soul_n and_o life_n and_o be_v much_o more_o worthy_a to_o be_v follow_v and_o therefore_o that_o god_n will_v also_o pardon_v such_o fail_n as_o her_o own_o though_o i_o have_v receive_v none_o from_o you_o but_o one_o by_o mr._n h._n i_o will_v not_o be_v avenge_v on_o you_o by_o the_o like_a i_o have_v nothing_o of_o news_n or_o business_n to_o communicate_v but_o to_o tell_v you_o that_o we_o be_v all_o here_o yet_o as_o well_o as_o you_o leave_v we_o except_v what_o your_o absence_n cause_v and_o yet_o i_o must_v confess_v i_o find_v that_o it_o be_v easy_a to_o be_v oft_o speak_v to_o god_n when_o i_o have_v no_o body_n else_o to_o speak_v to_o than_o when_o there_o be_v other_o competitor_n expectant_n or_o interpellator_n just_o as_o i_o can_v easy_o now_o fill_v my_o paper_n to_o thou_o with_o some_o speech_n of_o god_n when_o i_o have_v nothing_o else_o to_o put_v into_o it_o than_o i_o can_v when_o many_o other_o matter_n be_v crave_v every_o one_o a_o place_n it_o be_v our_o shame_n that_o the_o love_n and_o glory_n of_o god_n do_v not_o silence_v every_o other_o suitor_n and_o even_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o crowd_n and_o business_n take_v we_o up_o and_o and_o press_v every_o creature_n and_o occasion_n for_o their_o service_n but_o while_o we_o be_v weak_a and_o compass_v with_o flesh_n we_o must_v not_o only_o consider_v what_o we_o shall_v do_v but_o what_o we_o can_v do_v it_o be_v our_o great_a fault_n that_o we_o be_v no_o skilfull_a and_o faithfull_a in_o help_v one_o another_o that_o we_o may_v miss_v each_o other_o on_o better_a reason_n than_o mere_o from_o the_o inclination_n of_o love_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v make_v we_o better_o hereafter_o that_o when_o we_o be_v asunder_o each_o of_o we_o may_v say_v i_o miss_v the_o help_n for_o watchfulness_n and_o heavenliness_n for_o true_a love_n and_o thankfulness_n to_o god_n which_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o have_v but_o o_o what_o a_o enemy_n be_v a_o naughty_a heart_n which_o make_v we_o unable_a for_o our_o duty_n alone_o and_o make_v we_o need_v the_o help_n of_o other_o and_o yet_o will_v not_o suffer_v we_o to_o use_v it_o when_o we_o have_v it_o when_o we_o be_v alone_o it_o make_v we_o impediment_n to_o ourselves_o and_o when_o we_o be_v in_o company_n it_o make_v we_o impediment_n to_o other_o yet_o be_v there_o none_o no_o not_o the_o weak_a of_o christian_n but_o there_o be_v much_o in_o they_o that_o we_o may_v improve_v but_o we_o be_v so_o bad_a and_o backward_o at_o it_o that_o satan_n too_o common_o have_v his_o end_n in_o make_v we_o unprofitable_a to_o each_o other_o if_o a_o good_a horse_n or_o a_o good_a house_n be_v a_o valuable_a mercy_n how_o much_o more_o
be_v a_o good_a friend_n but_o art_n and_o industry_n be_v necessary_a to_o the_o improvement_n and_o no_o wonder_n when_o we_o fetch_v not_o the_o help_n and_o comfort_n which_o we_o may_v have_v from_o god_n from_o christ_n himself_o from_o heaven_n from_o scripture_n for_o want_v of_o improve_n skill_n and_o industry_n o_o how_o easy_a be_v it_o when_o our_o friend_n be_v take_v from_o we_o to_o say_v thus_o and_o thus_o i_o may_v and_o shall_v have_v use_v they_o rather_o than_o so_o to_o use_v they_o while_o we_o have_v they_o i_o hope_v god_n will_v help_v i_o to_o make_v some_o better_a use_n of_o thou_o while_o we_o be_v together_o and_o at_o a_o distance_n o_o let_v not_o a_o hearty_a request_n to_o god_n for_o each_o other_o be_v any_o day_n want_v dear_a heart_n the_o time_n of_o our_o mutual_a help_n be_v short_a o_o let_v we_o use_v it_o according_o but_o the_o time_n of_o our_o reap_v the_o fruit_n of_o this_o and_o all_o holy_a endeavour_n and_o preparatory_a mercy_n 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be_v faulty_a and_o dull_a and_o my_o strength_n of_o nature_n fail_v be_v sure_a that_o he_o will_v be_v a_o thousand_o fold_n better_o to_o thou_o even_o here_o than_o such_o crooked_a feeble_a useless_a thing_n as_o be_v from_o hampden_n thy_o r._n b._n chap._n ix_o of_o her_o bodily_a infirmity_n and_o her_o death_n §_o 1._o her_o disease_a frightfulness_n and_o many_o former_a sickness_n i_o have_v mention_v before_o a_o great_a pain_n of_o the_o head_n hold_v she_o from_o her_o youth_n two_o or_o three_o day_n every_o fortnight_n or_o little_o more_o and_o upon_o every_o thing_n that_o do_v irritate_fw-la the_o matter_n she_o have_v a_o constant_a straitness_n in_o the_o lung_n a_o great_a incapacity_n of_o much_o exercise_n motion_n or_o any_o heat_a thing_n ever_o since_o her_o sickness_n 1659._o she_o have_v live_v in_o a_o ill-conceited_n fear_v of_o distraction_n which_o great_o hurt_v she_o it_o be_v because_o she_o have_v a_o aunt_n long_o so_o decease_a and_o her_o 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great_o add_v to_o her_o sadness_n and_o expectation_n of_o death_n but_o little_a of_o this_o be_v see_v to_o any_o she_o purposely_o carry_v it_o pleasant_o and_o as_o merry_o to_o other_o when_o she_o be_v trouble_v §_o 5._o the_o fear_n of_o a_o cancer_n make_v she_o take_v the_o water_n for_o physic_n often_o and_o she_o keep_v down_o her_o body_n so_o in_o her_o diet_n that_o about_o five_o ounce_n of_o milk_n or_o milk_n and_o water_n with_o a_o little_a chocolate_a in_o it_o morning_n and_o night_n and_o about_o one_o or_o two_o bit_n at_o dinner_n be_v her_o diet_n for_o many_o year_n §_o 6._o at_o last_o about_o ten_o week_n before_o her_o sickness_n almost_o all_o her_o pain_n go_v out_o of_o her_o breast_n and_o all_o fix_a in_o a_o constant_a pain_n upon_o the_o right_a kidney_n and_o with_o the_o pain_n her_o urine_n stop_v that_o about_o four_o part_n of_o five_o cease_v for_o about_o ten_o week_n she_o divers_a day_n drink_v barnet-water_n but_o i_o think_v they_o be_v the_o last_o occasion_n of_o her_o sickness_n and_o too_o much_o tincture_n of_o amber_n which_o work_v too_o powerful_o on_o her_o brain_n and_o sudden_o cast_v she_o into_o strong_a disturbance_n and_o deliration_n in_o which_o though_o the_o physician_n with_o great_a kindness_n and_o care_n do_v omit_v nothing_o in_o their_o power_n she_o die_v the_o 12_o day_n she_o fall_v sick_a on_o friday_n june_n 3._o 1681._o and_o die_v june_n 14._o §_o 7._o though_o her_o understanding_n never_o perfect_o return_v she_o have_v a_o very_a strong_a remembrance_n of_o the_o affect_a passage_n of_o her_o life_n from_o her_o childhood_n mrs._n corbet_n who_o she_o dear_o love_v and_o have_v new_o get_v into_o the_o house_n to_o be_v her_o companion_n with_o other_o standing_z by_z she_o cry_v out_o to_o i_o my_o mother_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o mr._n corbet_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o thou_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v in_o heaven_n and_o even_o in_o her_o last_o weakness_n be_v persuade_v of_o her_o 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and_o passion_n under_o a_o constant_a watch_n and_o obedience_n to_o god_n and_o know_v first_o whether_o god_n command_v they_o and_o allow_v they_o §_o 7._o and_o this_o history_n may_v teach_v we_o that_o though_o god_n usual_o begin_v as_o be_v say_v our_o conversion_n in_o fear_n and_o penitent_a sorrow_n it_o be_v holy_a and_o heavenly_a joy_n which_o it_o tend_v to_o as_o more_o desirable_a and_o we_o shall_v chief_o seek_v and_o shall_v labour_v to_o moderate_a fear_n and_o sorrow_n and_o not_o think_v we_o can_v never_o have_v enough_o it_o be_v too_o common_a a_o error_n with_o honest_a soul_n to_o think_v that_o a_o hard_a heart_n lie_v most_o in_o want_n of_o sorrow_n and_o tear_n when_o as_o it_o lie_v most_o in_o want_n of_o a_o tractable_a compliance_n and_o yield_v to_o the_o command_n and_o will_v of_o god_n and_o in_o a_o iron_n neck_n and_o obstinate_a disobedience_n to_o god_n and_o to_o think_v that_o a_o new_a and_o tender_a heart_n be_v principal_o a_o heart_n that_o can_v weep_v and_o mourn_v when_o it_o be_v chief_o a_o heart_n that_o easy_o receive_v all_o the_o impression_n of_o god_n command_n and_o promise_n and_o threat_n and_o easy_o yield_v to_o his_o know_a will_n §_o 8._o and_o this_o may_v great_o warn_v we_o to_o fear_v and_o avoid_v self-willedness_a i_o mean_v a_o will_n of_o our_o own_o that_o run_v before_o the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o be_v too_o much_o set_v on_o any_o thing_n which_o god_n have_v not_o promise_v and_o know_v not_o how_o to_o bear_v a_o frustration_n or_o denial_n but_o say_v as_o rachel_n give_v it_o i_o or_o i_o die_v we_o must_v learn_v to_o follow_v and_o not_o to_o lead_v and_o to_o say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v not_o my_o lord_n but_o thou_o and_o in_o every_o estate_n to_o be_v content_a there_o be_v no_o rest_n but_o in_o god_n will_n §_o 9_o yet_o this_o tell_v we_o that_o god_n deal_v better_a with_o his_o weak_a servant_n than_o they_o deserve_v and_o turn_v that_o oft_o time_n to_o their_o good_a which_o they_o deserve_v shall_v have_v be_v their_o great_a suffering_n §_o 10._o this_o history_n and_o my_o great_a experience_n say_v that_o there_o be_v a_o friend_n that_o stick_v close_a than_o a_o brother_n prov._n 18._o 24._o and_o that_o it_o be_v god_n spirit_n that_o say_v prov._n 27._o 10._o thy_o own_o friend_n and_o thy_o father_n friend_n forsake_v not_o neither_o go_v into_o thy_o brother_n house_n in_o the_o day_n of_o thy_o calamity_n for_o better_a be_v a_o neighbour_n that_o be_v near_o than_o a_o brother_n that_o be_v far_o off_o §_o 11._o this_o history_n tell_v we_o how_o great_a a_o mercy_n it_o be_v to_o have_v a_o body_n meet_v to_o serve_v the_o soul_n and_o how_o great_a a_o affliction_n to_o have_v a_o unruly_a inclination_n from_o the_o body_n temper_n and_o what_o a_o tyrant_n excessive_a fear_n be_v and_o how_o great_a a_o blessing_n it_o be_v to_o have_v such_o a_o passion_n as_o faith_n can_v rule_v and_o easy_o quiet_a §_o 12._o it_o tell_v you_o also_o how_o manifold_a temptation_n and_o affliction_n god_n servant_n be_v liable_a to_o in_o this_o life_n §_o 13._o and_o it_o tell_v you_o that_o our_o great_a good_a or_o evil_n be_v near_a we_o next_o god_n the_o best_a be_v in_o our_o soul_n and_o there_o be_v the_o worst_a and_o next_o in_o our_o body_n and_o next_o in_o our_o near_a friend_n and_o it_o may_v teach_v all_o to_o expect_v their_o great_a sorrow_n from_o those_o or_o that_o which_o they_o most_o excessive_o love_v and_o from_o who_o they_o have_v the_o high_a expectation_n only_a god_n can_v be_v love_v more_o than_o he_o deserve_v sorrow_n begin_v in_o inordinate_a love_n and_o joy_n in_o good_a §_o 14._o and_o it_o tell_v we_o that_o god_n service_n lie_v more_o in_o deed_n than_o in_o word_n my_o dear_a wife_n be_v faulty_a indeed_o in_o talk_v so_o little_a of_o religion_n in_o company_n expect_v it_o be_v unresistible_o to_o confute_v in_o few_o word_n a_o opposer_n or_o revile_a of_o 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paul_n conclude_v to_o be_v un-married_n be_v the_o better_a that_o we_o may_v attend_v the_o lord_n without_o distraction_n v._o 35_o 38._o and_o what_o need_v we_o more_o than_o christ_n own_o word_n mat._n 19_o 10_o 11_o 12._o when_o they_o say_v then_o it_o be_v not_o good_a to_o marry_v he_o answer_v all_o man_n can_v receive_v this_o say_n save_v they_o to_o who_o it_o be_v give_v for_o there_o be_v some_o eunuch_n who_o be_v so_o bear_v from_o their_o mother_n womb_n and_o there_o be_v some_o eunuch_n who_o be_v make_v eunuch_n by_o man_n and_o there_o be_v eunuch_n which_o have_v make_v themselves_o eunuch_n for_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n sake_n he_o that_o be_v able_a to_o receive_v it_o let_v he_o receive_v it_o oh_o how_o many_o sad_a and_o careful_a hour_n may_v many_o a_o minister_n have_v prevent_v and_o how_o much_o more_o good_a may_v he_o have_v do_v if_o be_v under_o no_o necessity_n he_o have_v be_v soon_o wise_a in_o this_o §_o 18._o another_o use_n of_o this_o 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another_o and_o do_v not_o sufficient_o know_v it_o farewell_o vain_a world_n and_o welcome_a true_a everlasting_a life_n finis_fw-la
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