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A39777 Presvyteros diplēs timēs axios, or, The true dignity of St. Paul's elder exemplified in the life of ... Mr. Owen Stockton ... with a collection of his observations, experiences and evidences recorded by his own hand : to which is added his funeral sermon / by John Fairfax ... Fairfax, John, 1623-1700. 1681 (1681) Wing F129; ESTC R7359 101,232 216

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but of God Joh. 1. 13. and that God giveth power to the faint and strength to them that have no might in a way of waiting Isa 40. 29 31. I saw from these considerations further ground of hope and waiting upon God notwithstanding I find my strength perished from me Neither shall the guilt of my Sin discourage me from waiting on God from expecting of his Holy Spirit from going to Christ The whole need not a Physitian Christ deales with Sinners Mar. 2. 17. He hath said he will in no wise cast out them that come to him Joh. 6. 37. why did he shed his blood to wash away our sins How is he the Lamb of God that taketh away the sins of the world if he should cast off guilty Souls when they come unto him Is there not a fountain opened for sin and for uncleanness to wash in Zach. 13. 1. What though I be in my blood yet if I go to Christ he will not loath me Ezek. 16. 6 8. but will sprinkle clean water upon me and wash me from my filthyness Ezek. 36. 25. When therefore I find guilt upon me I will look to Jesus Christ in such promises as these Isa 1. 18. 43. 25 26. 44. 21 22. I will cry unto him that I may have the pardon of my sin Sealed up to my Soul in these promises by his Holy Spirit Neither shall my rebellious heart the perverseness and corruption of my Nature discourage me but I will with David beg a new heart and a right Spirit Ps 51. 10. I will say as Ephraim Jer. 31. 18. Turn thou me and I shall be turned God hath sent Christ to bless us in turning us from our iniquities Act. 3. 26. and to destroy what Satan hath wrought in us 1. Joh. 3. 8. therefore when I feel sin prevail and lead me captive I will with Paul cry out of this body of death Rom. 7. 24. and go to God in Jesus Christ through such promises as these Mic. 7. 18 19. Rom. 6. 14. Math. 11. 28. Isa 45. 22. Jer. 31. 33. Ezek. 36. 26. When I feel my self graceless I will look to him who is full of grace Joh. 1. 14. 16. and hath promised to give grace Ps 84. 11 even an heart to love him Deut. 30. 6. and to put his fear into us Jer. 32. 40. and to withhold no good thing if we endeavour to walk uprightly before him Ps 84. 11. When I find the plague of an hard dead heart upon me I will look unto the Lord who quickens the dead Rom. 4. 17. and can raise Children to Abraham out of Stones Math. 3. 9. I will look unto him in his Covenant promising to take away the heart of Stone and to give an heart of flesh Ezek. 36. 26. In time of desertion when God withdraws the comfortable influences of his presence I will not be discouraged but I will search my heart and try my ways and see what cause I have given the Lord to depart from me Lam. 3. 40. Josh 7. 11. 12 13. Isa 59. 2. I will earnestly seek the Lord that he would return and shine upon me and lift up the light of his countenance upon my Soul Ps 80. 3. 89. 46. Hos 5. 15. I will not only pray but wait for his return Ps 130. 5 6. Isa 8. 17. Lam. 3. 2 3. c. with 26. and in waiting I will look unto the Lord in these or like promises Ps 103. 8 9. Isa 54. 6 7 8. 57. 16 17 18. Lam. 3. 31 32. Hos 6. 1 2 3. Joh. 14. 18. When I have neglected my watch and fallen and been unstedfast in Covenant with God I will not despair but look to God in Christ that he would pardon my sin grant me repentance and restore me The Covenant of grace admits of repentance after sin Levit. 26. 21. 40. 41 42. Yea God hath exalted Christ to give repentance Act. 5. 31. hath promised to heal back-slidings Hos 14. 4. invites backsliders to return Jer. 3. 1 12 13 14. How did David behave himself when Iniquities prevailed over him He goeth to God to purge away his transgression Ps 65. 3. he maketh Supplication to God that he would not cast him out of his presence Ps 51. 11. he confesseth his sin and God pardons him Ps 32. 5. which should encourage all the Godly when they have fallen to return to the Lord ver 6. St. John layeth strict charge upon Believers that they sin not but in case of Sin he would not have them despair 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. Solomon prayed to this purpose 1 Kings 8. and God accepted ch 9 3. When therefore thou hast fallen O my Soul by thine iniquity and God hid his face and withdraws his gracious presence let thy uncircumcised heart be humbled accept of the punishment of thy sin Turn unto the Lord and and say Take away all iniquity and receive me graciously So will I praise thee Lev. 26. 41. Hos 14. 2. Let not thy falls cause thee to depart from the Living God Though thou hast played the harlot with many Lovers yet the Lord calleth thee to return Jer. 3. 1. God commands us to forgive our Brother seven times a day if he return and repent Luk. 17. 4. yea not only seven times but seventy times seven Math. 18. 21 22. And will not God much more forgive us though we fall oft if we return and seek his face Seeing his ways are far above our ways Isa 55. 7 9. Dec. 9. 1655. Having found much formality in my duties on the Sabbath and seeing my self lost in them I put the question to my Soul what if thou die this night What is thy hope How wilt thou appear before God Righteousness of thine own thou hast none to trust to thou seest how thou sinnest every day and how full of sin thy best duties are Upon this enquiry the good Spirit of God brought to my remembrance 1 Cor. 1. 30. God hath made Christ Righteousness to us and Jer. 23. 6. This is the Name by which he shall be called The Lord our Righteousness which was comfort to me and enquiring what warrant I had to believe my self to be a sharer in this Righteousness and that I stand accepted of God by vertue of this Righteousness I saw from Rom. 3. 21 22. that this Righteousness is upon all that believe Now through the Lords goodness and to his Praise be it spoken I have oftimes found my heart not only to long after pardon and renovation but to trust in Christ and in God through him for pardoning mercy and renewing grace and all other good things Dec. 16. I found the Lord graciously present with me in my morning meditation on my Bed And my Soul was much refreshed with Mr. Simond's Sermon God spake a sutable word by him to my Soul from Mat. 15. 23. But he answered her not a word God may sometimes defer to give an Answer to a gracious and well qualified Prayer 1. To correct our
my Spirit from those words of the Prophet Isa 40. 27. Why sayest thou O Jacob and speakest O Israel my way is hid from the Lord and my judgment is passed over from my God And did encourage my Soul still to hope in God and wait for his strength from the following words v. 28 29. 31. Hast thou not known hast thou not heard if thou hast not known it by experience having found his everlasting Arms under thee for thy support yet hast thou not at least heard it that the everlasting God the Lord the Creator of the ends of the Earth fainteth not neither is weary He giveth power to the faint c. Continue thou therefore O my Soul to wait upon the Lord. Lord what an accursed hard heart have I that sin which grieves thee Gen. 6. 6. thy Son Mar. 3. 5. thy Spirit Eph. 4. 30. should not grieve me that sin which wearieth thee Isa 43. 24. should not be a burden to me that I should not be troubled for want of thy Presence when as the hiding of thy face made our Saviour cry out My God my God why hast thou forsaken me That Eternity and Judgment to come should make no impression upon me that I can hear yea speak of thy Word thy wrath c. and yet not fear thee not tremble at thy Word nor at this my Condition Feb. 19. Being Sabbath day Having formerly perceived a desperate hardness in my heart that that Word which works upon others should do me no good that no means no mercies did melt my Soul and almost despairing of ever having it softened After Prayer I was encouraged from the Lord in reading Mr. Hooker upon Act. 2. 37. who from those words When they heard these things they who had Crucified our Lord Christ were pricked at the heart raiseth this observation It is possible even for the most stubborn sinner to get a broken heart And now O my Soul Why art thou cast down Is not the Lord greater than thy heart Can Satan be more malicious to destroy thee than the Lord is merciful to save thee Yet the actings of my Faith hereupon are but faint Upon Examination of my self I have sometimes found that to mine own sense and feeling I have been altogether void of any love or fear of God and that I have been at such a time as unable to work up my heart into the Love and fear of God as to say to this Mountain Be thou removed and cast into the Sea Such wonderful deadness hath seised upon my Soul so greatly have I been enslaved and held captive by Satan that I have not been able truly to desire the Spirit of God O that my heart could bleed at the remembrance of this great evil that I should not only be cut off from Communion with God but be contented with this condition that I should have no groanings in Spirit to be delivered from this miserable bondage Be instructed hence O my Soul to ascribe every good motion to God if thou feelest any hungrings after Jesus Christ or any sorrow for want of Gods presence or the like own it as his work and bless him for it I have sometimes found my condition much like the man mentioned Joh. 5. who lay a long time by the pool of Bethesda but was not able to put himself in that he might be healed even so it is with my Soul Though God hath opened a Fountain for sin and for uncleanness to wash in and I find my Soul exceedingly polluted yet I am not able to step into this Fountain that I may be healed O my Soul the Lord seeth thy weakness and that thou hast been now a long time in this case wait thou on God Who can tell but that as the Bowels of Jesus Christ did yearn towards the poor man so may his Compassions be great towards thee and he may heal thee also Cease not to importune him saying Jesus thou Son of God have mercy on me O Lord heal my Soul Having at several times found diverse workings upon my heart as Convictions and thereupon some pantings and breathings after God but as yet nothing come to perfection I thought of and found that I had cause to take up the complaint of Hezekiah in another case It is a day of trouble and rebuke the Children are come to the Birth and there is no strength to bring forth Isa 37. 3. Some time after reading Isa 66. it seemed to me that that word v. 9. was suited to my Case Shall I bring to the Birth and not cause to bring forth saith the Lord Shall I cause to bring forth and shut the Womb saith thy God O my Soul wait thou on God who will perfect his own work in thee He hath said He will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoking Flax till he sent forth judgment unto Victory I have oftimes seen a Law in my Members warring against the Law of my mind and leading me into Captivity to the Law of sin and death So powerful and mighty have been the Actings of some inward corruptions that I have not been able to overcome them but have been hurried Captive by them Hereby I come to see that truth the heart of man is desperately wicked who can know it I cannot fathom the depth of iniquity which is in my heart Hereupon I am made to cry out with St. Paul O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of Death O Lord be not thou far from me but make hast to help me Let the sighing of the Prisoner come before thee proclaim liberty to thy Captive and the opening of the Prison door to him that is bound with the Chain of sin Isa 61. 1. Mar. 26. 1654. I find that though in my judgment and Profession I acknowledge Christ to be my Righteousness and Peace yet upon Examination I observe that my heart hath done quite another thing and that secretly I have gone about to Establish my own Righteousness and have derived my Comfort and Peace from my own Actings For when I have been disquieted by the Actings of my sin that which hath recovered me to my former Peace hath not been that I could find God speaking Peace through the blood of Christ but rather from the intermission of temptation and the cessation of those sins when I have been troubled at an evil frame of heart I do not find that the Righteousness of Christ hath been my Consolation but that which hath relieved me as far as I can find was that afterward I found my self in a better temper Having been in trouble and perplexity I have read the Scripture gone to Prayer and in doing these I have been relieved yet I do not find that at such times I had real true living Communion with God in such duties or that the Spirit of God did in those duties reveal to me my interest in Christ and so quiet my Conscience Hence I come to see