gracious a liberty of exchanging these worthless thoughts of the world for the deare and precious meditations of heavenly things and now how justly do I fall out with my wretched self that I have given way to secular distractions since my heart can be sometimes in Heaven why should it not be alwaies there II. What is this that I see my Saviour in an Agonie and an Angel strengthening him Oh the wonderful dispensation of the Almighty That the eternal Son of God who promised to send the comforter to his followers should need comfort That he of whom the voice from Heaven said This is my well-beloved Son in whom I am well pleased should be strugling with his Fathers wrath even to blood That the Lord of life should in a languishing horror say My soul is exceeding sorrowfull even unto death These these O Saviour are the chastisements of our peace which both thou wouldst suffer and thy Father would inflict The least touch of one of those pangs would have been no less then an hell to mee the whole brunt whereof thou enduredst for my soul what a wretch am I to grudg a little paine from or for thee who wert content to undergoe such pressure of torment for me as squeezed from thee a sweat of blood since my miserable sinfulness deserved more load then thou in thy merciful compassion wilt lay upon mee and thy pure nature and perfect innocence merited nothing but love and glory In this sad case what service is it that an Angel offers to do unto thee Lo there appeares to thee an Angel from Heaven strengthening thee still more wonder Art not thou the God of spirits Is it not thou that gavest being life motion power glory to all the Angels of Heaven Shall there be need of one single created spirit to administer strength and comfort to his Creator were this the errand why did not all that blessed Chore of celestial spirits joyn their forces together in so high an imployment Where are the multitudes of that heavenly host which at thy birth sung Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace Where are those Angels which ministred to thee after thy combat of temptations in the wilderness Surely there was not so much use of their divine cordialls in the desart as in the garden O my God and Saviour thus thou wouldst have it It is thy holy will that is the rule and reason of all thine actions and events Thou that wouldst make use of the provision of men for thy maintenance on earth wouldst employ thy servants the Angels for the supply of thy consolations and thou that couldst have commanded Legions of those celestial spirits wouldst be served by one not but that more were present but that onely one appeared all the host of them ever invisibly attended thee as God but as man one onely presents himself to thy bodily eyes and thou who madest thy self for our sakes a little lower then the Angels which thou madest wouldst humble thy self to receive comfort from those hands to which thou gavest the capacity to bring it It is no marvel if that which was thy condescent be our glory and happiness I am not worthy O God to know what conflicts thou hast ordained for my weakness what ever they be thou that hast appointed thine Angels to be ministring spirits for the behoof of them who shall be heirs of salvation suffer not thy servant to want the presence of those blessed Emissaries of thine in any of his extremities let them stand by his soul in his last agonie and after an happy Eluctation conveigh it to thy glory III. Many a one hath stumbled dangerously at a wicked mans prosperity and some have fallen desperately into that sin which they have seen thrive in others hands Those carnal hearts know no other proof of good or evil but present events esteeming those causes holy and just which are crowned with outward success not considering that it is one of the cunningest plots of hell to win credit to bad enterprises by the fairest issues wherein the Devill deales with unwary men like some cheating gamester who having drawn in an unskilful and wealthy novice into play suffers him to win a while at the first that he may at the last sweet away all the stakes and some rich mannors to boote The foolish Benjaminites having twice won the field begin to please themselves with a fale conceit of Gibeahs honesty and their own perpetual victories but they shall soon finde that this good speed is but a pit-fal to entrap them in an ensuing destruction It is a great judgment of God to punish sinners with welfare and to render their leud waies prosperuos wherein how contrary are the Almighties thoughts to theirs their seeming blessings are his heavy curse and the smart of his stripes are a favor too good for them to enjoy to judge wisely of our condition it is to be considered not so much how we fare as upon what termes If we stand right with Heaven every cross is a blessing and every blessing a pledge of future happiness if we be in Gods disfavor every of his benefits is a judgment and every judgment makes way for perdition For mee let it be my care that my disposition may be holy and my actions righteous let God undertake for the event IV It is no easie thing to perswade a man that he is proud every one professes to hate that vice yet cherishes it secretly in his bosome for what is pride but an over-weening of our selves and such is is our natural self-love that we can hardly be drawn to believe that in any kinde we think too well of our own Now this pride is ever so much more dangerous as the thing which we over-prize is more excellent and as our mis-apprehension of it mâ—y be more diffusive To be proud of gay-cloathes which is childish or to be proud of beauty which is a womanish vice hath in it more fondness then malignity and goes no further then the brest wherein it is conceived finding no other entertainment in the beholders then either smiles or envy but the pride of knowledg or holy dispositions of the soul as it is of an higher nature so it produceth commonly more perilous effects for as it puffes up a man above measure so it suffers not it self to bekept in within the narrow bounds of his own thoughts but violently bursts out to the extream prejudice of a world of men Onely by pride commeth contention saith wise Solomon Even purse-pride is quarelous domineering over the humble neighbourhood and raising quarrels out of trifles but the spiritual arrogance is so much more mischeivous as the soul is beyond all earthly pelf For when we are once come to advance and admire our own judgments we are first apt to hug our own inventions then to esteem them too precious to be smothered within our own closets the world must know of how
sight of our God whiles we have Christ put on upon us What ever therefore become of the outward man let it be my care that my soul be vested with my Lord Jesus so shall I be sure to be safe rich amiable here and hereafter glorious It was part of our Saviours charge upon the mount Take no care what to put on but it must be the main care of our lives how to put on Christ upon our souls This is the prime stole wherewith the father of the Prodigal graceth his returned son the heaven of heavens is not worth such another when I have once got this on my back I shall say though in a contrary sense with the Spouse in the Canticles I have put on my coat how shall I put it off I have washed my feet how shall I defile them XIIII With how devout passion doth the Psalmist call to all the works of the Almighty to praise him as well supposing that every creature even those that have no tongues to speak for themselves yet have a tongue to praise their Maker The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament sheweth his handy work Day unto day uttereth speech and night unto night sheweth knowledg There is no speech nor language where their voyce is not heard neither is the very earth defective in this duty Every plant sayes look on me and acknowledg the life colour form smell fruit force that I have from the power of my Creator every worm and flie sayes look on me and give God the praise of my living sense and motion every bird sayes hear me and praise that God who hath given me these various feathers and taught me these several notes every beast whiles he bellows bleats brays barks roars sayes It is God that hath given me this shape this sound yea the very mute fishes are in their very silence vocal in magnifying the infinite wisdom and power of him that made them and placed them in those watery habitations Let every thing that hath breath saith the Psalmist praise the Lord. Yea the very winds whistle and the sea roars out the praise of the Almighty who both raises and allays them at pleasure what a shame were it for man to whom alone God hath given an understanding heart a nimble tongue and articulate language wherein he can express his rational thoughts to be wanting to this so universal devotion and to be as insensible of the great works of God as the ground that he treads upon If others shall be thus unthankfully dumb Yet praise thou the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name whiles I live will I praise the Lord I will sing praises to my God whilest I have any being But alas Lord thou knowest I cannot so much as will to praise thee without thee do thou fill my heart with holy desires and my mouth with songs of thanksgiving XV. It may seem a strange errand upon which our Saviour tells us he came into the world I am come to send fire on the earth When the two fervent Disciples would have had fire sent down from Heaven upon but a Samaritan Village our Saviour rebuked them and told them they knew not of what spirit they were yet here he makes it his own business to send fire on the earth Alas may we think we have fire too much already how happy were it rather if the fire which is kindled in the world were well quenched and what is the main drift of the Prince of darkness but fire If not to send fire down from Heaven upon the inhabitants of the earth yet to send the inhabitants of the earth down to the fire of hell As then we finde divers kindes of material fire Celestial Elementary Domestique Artificial Natural so there is no less variety of spiritual fires It was in fiery cloven tongues wherein the Holy Ghost descended upon the Apostles in their Pentecost and even this fire did our Saviour come to send down on the earth Thy word was in mee as fire saith the Prophet and did not our harts burn within us said the two Disciples in their walk to Emaus whiles he talked with us This fire he also came to send Heavenly Love and holy Zeal are fire Many waters cannot quench love My zeal hath consumed me saith the Psalmist and these fires our Saviour came to send into the hearts of men holy thoughts are no other then the beams of celestial fire My heart was hot within me whiles I was musing the fire burned and these we know he sends He maketh his Angels spirits and his ministers a flame of fire These he sends forth to the earth to minister for them that shall be heirs of of salvation Besides these afflictions and persecutions are fire We have passed through fire and water Beloved think it not strange concerning the fiery tryal which is to try you as if some strange thing had happened to you and even these are of his sending The Lord hath kindled a fire in Zion and it hath devoured the foundations thereof There is no evil in the city but the Lord hath done it The Lord hath done that which he had devised he hath thrown down and not pitied But this expression of our Saviour goes yet deeper and alludes to the effect of Separation which follows upon the fire of our tryal When the lump of Oar is put into the furnace the fire tryes the pure mettal from the dross and makes an actual division of the one from the other so doth Christ by his Word and Spirit even he that is the Prince and God of Peace comes to set division in the world Surely there are holy quarrels worthy of his engagement for as the flesh lusteth and warreth against the spirit so the spirit fighteth against the flesh and this duel may well beseem God for the Author and the Son of God for the setter of it these second blows make an happy fray Nothing is more properly compared then discord to fire this Christ the first thing he does sets in every heart there is all quietness secure ease and self-contentment in the soul till Christ come there How should it be other when Satan sways all without resistance but when once Christ offers to enter there are straight civil wars in the soul betwixt the old man and the new and it fares with the heart as with an house divided in it self wherein the husband and the wife are at variance nothing is to be heard but unquiet janglings open brawlings secret opposition the houshold takes part and professes a mutual vexation This Spiritual self-division where ever it is though it be troublesom yet it is cordial it puts the soul into the state of Rebeccaâ—s womb which barren yielded no pain but when an Esau and Jacob were conceived and strugling within yielded for the time no ease
St. James is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed then when lust hath conceived it bringeth forth sin and sin when it is finished bringeth forth death Lo both the lust and the seducement are our own the sin is ours the death ours There are indeed diabolical suggestions which are immediatly cast into us by that wicked one but there are carnal tentations that are raised out of our own corrupt nature these need not his immediate hand he was the maine agent in our depravation but being once depraved we can act evil of our selves And if Satan be the father of sin our will is the mother and sin is the cursed issue of both He could not make our sin without our selves we concur to our own undoing It was the charge of the Apostle That we should not give place to the Devil Lo he could not take it unless we gave it our will betrays us to his tyranny in vain shall we cry out of the malice and fraud of wicked spirits whiles we nourish their complices in our bosomes XXXVI I cannot but think with what unspeakable joy old Simeon dyed when after long waiting for the consolation of Israel he had now seen the Lords Christ when I hear him say Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace according to thy word for mine eyes have seen thy salvation Methinks I should see his soul ready to flie out of his mouth in an heavenly ravishment and even then upon its wing towards its glory for now his eyes saw and his arms embraced in Gods salvation his own in Israels glory his own How gladly doth he now see death when he hath the Lord of life in his bosome or how can he wish to close up his eyes with any other object yet when I have seriously considered it I cannot see wherein our condition comes short of his He saw the childe Jesus but in his swathing-bands when he was but now entering upon the great work of our redemption we see him after the full accomplishment of it gloriously triumphing in Heaven He saw him but buckling on his armor and entring into the lists we see him victorious Who is this that cometh from Edom with dyed garments from Bozra this that is glorious in his apparel traveling in the greatness of his strength mighty to save He could onely say To us a childe is born to us a son is given We can say Thou hast ascended on high thou hast led captivity captive thou hast received gifts for men It is true the difference is he saw his Saviour with bodily eyes we with mental but the eyes of our Faith are no less sure and unfailing then those of Sense Lord why should not I whose eyes have no less seen thy salvation say Now let thy servant depart not in peace onely but in a joyful sence of my instant glory XXXVII When I think on my Saviour in his agony and on his cross my soul is so clouded with sorrow as if it would never be clear again those bloody drops and those dreadful ejulations methinks should be past all reach of comfort but when I see his happy eluctation out of these pangs and hear him cheerfully rendring his spirit into the hands of his Father when I finde him trampling upon his grave attended with glorious Angels and ascending in the chariot of a cloud to his Heaven I am so elevated with joy as that I seem to have forgotten there was ever any cause of greif in those sufferings I could be passionate to think O Saviour of thy bitter and and ignominious death and most of all of thy vehement struglings with thy fathers wrath for my sake but thy conquest and glory takes me off and calls me to Hallelujahs of joy and triumph Blessing honor glory and power be unto him that sitteth upon the Throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever XXXVIII It is not hard to observe that the more holy any person is the more he is afflicted with others sin Lot vexed his righteous soul with the unclean conversation of the Sodomites Davids eyes gush't out rivers of water because men kept not the Law Those that can look with dry and undispleased eyes upon anothers sin never truly mourned for their own Had they abhorred sin as sin the offence of a God would have been grievous to them in whomsoever It is a godless heart that doth not finde it self concerned in Gods quarrel and that can laugh at that which the God of Heaven frowns at my soul is nearest to me my sorrow therefore for my sin must begin at home but it may not rest there from thence it shall diffuse it self all the world over Who is offended and I burn not who offendeth and I weep not XXXIX The world little considers the good advantage that is made of sins surely the whole Church of God hath reason to bless God for Thomas his unbelief not in the act which was odious after so good assurances but in the issue his doubt proves our evidence and his confession after his touch had convinced him was more noble then his incredulity was shameful All his attendance upon Christ had not taught him so much divinity as this one touch Often had he said my Lord but never my God till now Even Peters confession though rewarded with the change of his name came short of this The flame that is beaten down by the blast of the bellowes rises higher then otherwise it would and the spring water that runs level in the Plain yet if it fall low it will therefore rise high the shaken tree roots the deeper Not that we should sin that grace may abound God forbid he can never hope to be good that will be therefore ill that he may be the better but that our holy zeal should labor to improve our miscarriages to our spiritual gain and the greater glory of that Majesty whom we have offended To be bettered by grace it is no mastery but to raise more holiness out of sin is a noble imitation of that holy God who brings light out of darkness life out of death XL. Every man best knows his own complaints we look upon the outsides of many whom we think happy who in the meane time are secretly wrung with the inward sense of their own concealed sorrows and under a smooth and calm countenance smother many a tempest in their bosome There are those whose faces smile whiles their conscience gripes them closely within There are those that can dissemble their poverty and domestick vexations reserving their sighs till their back be turned that can pick their teeth abroad when they are fasting and hungry at home and many a one forces a song when his heart is heavy No doubt Naomi made many a short meal after her return to Bethlehem yet did not whine to her great kinred in a bemoaning of her want And good Hannah bit in many a grief
Select Thoughts OR CHOICE HELPS FOR A Pious Spirit A Century of Divine Breathings for a Ravished Soule beholding the Excellencies of her Lord Jesus By J HALL B. N. N B London Printed for Nath Brooke at the Angel in Cornhill 1654. TO THE Christian Reader Grace and Peace IT pleased the Alwise and holy GOD who orders all events to his own glory to make use of my late Secession for the producing of divers not I hope unprofitable Tractates wherein I much rejoyce that my declined Age even in that retiredness might be in any measure serviceable to his Church Now I send these Select Notions after their Fellows of which I wish you may finde cause to say with the Wedding-guests at Cana Thou hast reserved the best wine till now The intent of this Labor is to put some good Thoughts Reader into thy minde which would not otherwise perhaps have tendered themselves to thee such as I hope may not a little further thee on thy journey to Heaven And if in my Laboring thitherward I shall through Gods mercy be a means of forwarding any soul but some steps up that steep way how happy am I To which purpose I know no means more effectual then those Meditations which conduce to the animation and vigor of Christian practise Such I have propounded to my Self as most behooveful and necessary especially for this Age into which we are faln an Age of more brain then heart and that hath almost lost Piety in the chase of some litigious Truths And surely had I known how better to have placed my hours I should gladly have changed my task But I must needs say I have found this imployment so useful and proper as that I have looked upon those Polemical Discourses which have been forced from me as no better then meer Excursions I wis it will be long enough ere we shall wrangle our selves into Heaven It must be true contrition pure consciences holy affections heavenly dispositions hearty devotions sound Regeneration Faith working by Love an humble walking with GOD that shall help us thither and whatsoever may tend to the advancing of any of these gracious Works in us is worthy to be dear and precious Such passages Reader if thou shalt according to my hopes meet with here bless GOD with me and improve them to the best advantage of thy Soul Thus shall our gain be mutual and our account happy in the day of the Lord Jesus In whom farewel From Higham neer Norwich Febr. 7. 1647. Select Thoughts One Century I. IF miracles be ceased yet marvails will never cease There is no creature in the world wherein we may not see enough to wonder at for there is no worm of the earth no spire of grass no leaf no twig wherein we may not see the footsteps of a Deity The best visible Creature is man now what man is he that can make but an hair or a straw much less any sensitive creature so as no less then an infinite power is seen in every object that presents it self to our eyes if therefore we look onely upon the outsides of these bodily substances and do not see God in every thing we are no better then brutish making use meerly of our sence without the least improvement of our faith or our reason Contrary then to the opinion of those men who hold that a wise man should admire nothing I say that a man truely wise and good should admire every thing or rather that infiniteness of wisdom and omnipotence which shews it self in every visible object Lord what a beast am I that I have suffered mine eyes to be taken up with shapes and colours and quantities and have not lookt deeper at thee with awful adoration and wonder in every parcel of thy great Creation Henceforth let me see nothing but thee and look at all visible things but as the meer shadows of a glorious omnipotence II. Our affections are then onely safe and right when they are deduced from God and have their rise from Heaven then onely can I take comfort of my love when I can love my wife my childe my friend my self my pleasures and whatsoever contentments in God thus I may be sure not to offend either in the object or measure no man can in God love whom he should not nor immoderately love whom he should this holy respect doth both direct and limit him and shuts up his delights in the conscience of a lawful fruition the like must be said of our joy and fear and grief and what ever other affection for we cannot derive our joy from God if we place it upon any sinful thing or if we exceed in the measure of things allowed we cannot fetch our fear from Heaven if it be cowardly and desperate nor our grief if it be meerly worldly and heartless And if our affections do begin from above they will surely end there closing up in that God who is the Author and orderer of them and such as our affections are such will be the whole disposition of the soul and the whole carriage of our actions These are the feet of the soul and which way the feet walk the whole man goes happy is the man that can be so far the master of himself as to entertain no affections but such as he takes upon the rebound from Heaven III. Whence is this delicate scent in this Rose and Violet It is not from the root that smells of nothing not from the stalk that is as senceless as the root not from the earth whence it grows which contributes no more to these flowers then to the grass that grows by them not from the leaf not from the bud before it be disclosed which yields no more fragrance then the leaf or stalk or root yet here I now finde it neither is it here by any miraculous way but in an ordinary course of nature for all Violets and Roses of this kinde yield the same redolence it cannot be but that it was potentially in that root and stem from which the flowers proceed and there placed and thence drawn by that Almighty power which hath given these admirable vertues to several plants and educes them in his due seasons to these excellent perfections It is the same hand that works spiritually in his elect out of the soyl of the renewed heart watered with the dew of Heaven and warmed with the beams of his Spirit God can and in his own season doth bring forth those sweet odors of Grace and holy dispositions which are most pleasing to himself and if those excellencies be so closely lodged in their bosoms that they do not discover themselves at all times it should be no more strange to us then that this Rose and Violet are not to be found but in their own moneths it is enough that the same vertue is still in the root though the flower be vanished IIII. A man that looks at all things through the consideration of eternity makes no
a deep study fixed our eyes upon that which we the while thought not upon neither perceived that we saw So doth the Christian to these worldly glories pleasures profits whiles his minde and affections are on the things above where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God There Lord let me behold those things which cannot yet be seen but shall once in the sight of them make me blessed And let me not look on the things that are seen for the things that are seen are temporary but the things which are not seen are eternal XIII There is not more strangeness then significance in that charge of the Apostle That we should put on the Lord Jesus Christ The soul is as it were a body not really and properly so according to the gross error of Tertullian but by way of allusion This body of the soul then may not be naked but must be clad as our first parents were ashamed of their bodily nakedness and so still are all their not savage posterity so may we of our spiritual Every sinner is naked those rags that he hath are so far from hiding his nakedness that they are part of it his fairest moralities are but glittering sins and his sins are his nakedness Aaron had made Israel naked to their shame not so much in that they were stripped of their earings as that they were enwrapped in the sin of idolatry No marvel if we run away and hide us from the presence of God as our first parents did whiles we are guilty to our selves of our Spiritual deformity As then we are bodily naked when we come into the world so we are spiritually naked whiles we are of the world neither can it be either safe or comely for us till we be covered There is no clothing can fit the soul but the Lord Jesus Christ all other robes in the wardrobe of Earth or Heaven are too short too straight like those which the scorn of Hanun put upon Davids messengers reaching but to the hams for though the soul of man be finite the sin of the soul is scarce so and that sin must be covered else there can be no safety for the soul according to that of the Psalmist Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven whose sin is covered None therefore but the robes of an infinite Righteousness can cover the soul so wofully dressed none therefore but the Lord Jesus Christ who is God blessed for ever can cover the soul that it may not appear unrighteous or can cleanse the soul that it may not be unrighteous and cleansed it must be ere the Lord Jesus can be put on We shall wrong his perfit holiness if we think we can slip him on as a case over our beastly rags It is with us as with Joshua the high Priest The filthy garments must first be taken off and then the Lord shall say unto us Behold I have caused thine iniquity to pass from thee and I will clothe thee with change of rayment We put on a garment when we apply it all over to our body so as that part which is clothed appears not but is defended from the air and from the eye if we have truely put on the Lord Jesus nothing of ours is seen but Christ is all in all to us although this application goes yet deeper for we so put him on that we not onely put our selves into him but also put him into our selves by a mutual kinde of Spiritual incorporation We put him on then upon our Intellectual parts by knowing him by beleeving on him This is eternal life to know thee and whom thou hast sent saith our Saviour and for Faith no grace doth so sensibly apprehend him and make him so feelingly ours We put him on upon our wills and affections when we take pleasure in him when we love him delight in him and prefer him to our chiefest joy Thus do we put him on as our Lord in our humble and dutiful subjection as our Jesus in our faithful affiance as Christ the anointed of God to be our King in all holy obedience our Priest in our willing consecration to him our Prophet in our cheerful readiness to be instructed by him How happy are we if we be thus decked we prank up these poor carcasses of ours gaily with no small expence and when we have done the stuff or the fashion or both wears out to nothing But here is a garment that will never be out of fashion Jesus Christ yesterday and to day and the same for ever yea the same to us here we put him on in Grace there in eternal Glory The Israelites were fourty years in the wilderness yet their shooes not worn their apparel not impaired but this attire shall not onely hold good in the time of our wandring in this desart but after we are come into the Canaan of glory and is best at last Wherefore do we put on our choisest attire on some high days but to testifie the cheerfulness of our hearts Let thy garment be white saith the Preacher for now God accepteth thy works Mephibosheth changed not his raiment since David went out as one that would have the sorrow of his heart seen in the neglect of his clothes although many a one under a gay coat hath an heavy heart but this attire doth not onely testifie but make cheerfulness in the soul Thou hast given me more joy of heart then they had in the time that their corn and their wine increased and In thy presence is the fulness of joy what can this apparel of ours do but keep us from a blast or a showre it is so far from safeguarding the soul that it many times wounds it and that to the death It was one of the main quarrels against the rich glutton that he was every day clothed in purple and byss How many souls shall once wish that their bodies had been ever either naked or clad with hair-cloth But this aray as it is infinitely rich and beautiful so it is as surely defensative of the soul and is no less then armor of proof against all assaults all miseries What a deal of cost and pains do we bestow upon these wretched bodies of ours onely to make them pleasing and lovely to the eye of some beholders as miserable perhaps as our selves and yet when we have all done we are it may be no better then hard-favord and unhandsome creatures and contemptible in those eyes from whom we desired most approbation Jezebel for all her licking is cast out of the window and troden to dirt in the streets But this robe we can not wear and not be amiable in the eyes of the holiest Behold thou art fair my beloved behold thou art fair and there is no spot in thee Lo in this case the apparel makes the man neither is it in the power of any spiritual deformity to make us other then lovely in the
servant would have hated to take upon him the trade of a begger Service is a lawful calling beggery not so he that gave life to all creatures could take a maintenance from them without asking he that did command the fish to bring the tribute money for himself and his disciples and could multiply a few loaves and fishes for the relief of thousands could rather raise a sustenance to himself and his then beg it But here was neither need nor cause even ordinary means failed not many wealthy followers who had received cures and miraculous deliverances besides heavenly doctrine from him ministred to him of their substance neither was this out of charity but out of duty in the charge which he gave to his disciples when he sent them by payrs to preach abroad he tells them the laborer is worthy of his wages and can we think this rule doth not much more hold concerning himself had not himself and his family been furnished with a meet stock raised from hence what purse was it which Judas bore and how could he be a theif in his office if his bags were empty He therefore that could say It is a more blessed thing to give then to receive certainly would not choose when it was in his power rather to receive then give The earth is the Lords and the fulness thereof and he distributes it as he pleaseth amongst the children of men For me I hope I shall have the grace to be content with whatsoever share shall fall to my lot but my prayer shall be that I may beg of none but God XXXII What a madness it is in us to presume on our interest in Gods favor for the securing of our sinfulness from judgment The Angels were deeper in it then we mortals can ever hope to be in these houses of clay yet long since are ugly Devils and they which enjoyed the liberty of the glorious Heavens are now reserved in everlasting chains of darkness And if we look down upon earth what darling had God in the world but Israel This was his first born his lot his inheritance of whom he said Here I have a delight to dwell And now where is it O the woful desolations of that select people What is it to tell of the suffossion of her vineyards vastation of her tents the devouring of her land demolition of walls breaking down Altars burning of Cities spoyling of houses dashing in peices their children ravishing their wives killing of their Priests eating of their own children of but a span long and a thousand such woful symptomes of war the Psalmist hath said a word for all in a just but contrary sense Destructions are come to a perpetual end what destruction can be more when there is no Israel How is that wretched nation vanished no man knows whither so as it was Jezebels curse that nothing was left whereof it could be said this was Jezebel So there is not one peece of a man left in all the world of whom we can say This was of one of the tribes of Israel as for those famous Churches which were since that honored with the preaching and pens of the blessed Apostles where are they now to be lookt for but amongst the rubbish of cursed Mahumetism O that we could not be high-minded but fear XXXIII What a woful conversion is here The sting of death is sin and the sting of sin is death both meet in man to make him perfectly miserable Death could not have stung us no could not have been at all if it had not been for sin And sin though in it self extreamly heinous yet were not so dreadful and horrible if it were not attended with death How do we owe our selves to the mercy of a Saviour that hath freed us from the evil of both having pulled out the sting of death which is sin that it cannot hurt us and having taken such order with the sting of sin which is death that in stead of hurting it shall turn beneficial to us Lord into what a safe condition hast thou put us If neither sin nor death can hurt us what should we fear XXXIV How unjustly hath the presumption of blasphemous cavillers been wont to cast the envy of their condemnation meerly upon the absolute will of an unrespective power as if the damnation of the creature were onely of a supreame will not of a just merit the very name of Justice convinces them a punitive Justice cannot but suppose an offence It is not for us to rack the brains and strain the heart-strings of plain honest Christians with the subtilties of distinctions of a negative and positive reprobation of causes and consequences truths meet for the Schools It is enough that all Christian Divines the Synods both of Dort and Trent agree in this truth that never man is was can be miserable but for sin yea for his own sin The Prophet tells us so in terms Why is the living man sorrowful man suffereth for his sin Nothing can be more true then that of Bildad the Shuhite Behold God will not cast away a perfect man thy perdition is of thy self O Israel It is no less then rank blasphemy to make God the author of sin Thou art the God that hast no pleasure in wickedness neither shall any evil dwel with thee saith the Psalmist our sin is our own and the wages of sin is death he that doth the work earns the wages so then the righteous God is cleared both of our sin and our death onely his justice pays us what we will needs deserve Have I any pleasure at all saith he that the wicked should die and not that he should return from his ways and live wherefore return yea and live What a wretched thing is a willful sinner that will needs be guilty of his own death Nothing is more odious amongst men then for a man to be a felon of himself besides the forfeiture of his estate Christian burial is denied him and he is cast forth into the highway with a stake pitcht through his body so as every passenger that sees that woful monument is ready to say There lyes the carcass but where is the soul But so much more heinous is the self-felony of a wilful sinner because it is immediatly acted upon the soul and carries him with pleasure in the ways of an eternal death O Lord cleanse thou me from my secret faults keep thy servant also from presumptuous sins lest they get the dominion over me XXXV We are wont to say That we ought to give even the Devil his due and surely it is possible for us to wrong that malignant spirit in casting upon him those evils which are not properly his It is true that he is the tempter and both injects evil motions and draws them forth into act but yet all ill is not immediatly his we have enough besides of our own Every man saith
which her insulting rival might not see On the contrary there are many whom we pity as miserable that laugh in their sleeve and applaud themselves in their secret felicity and would be very loath to exchange conditions with those that commiserate them A ragged Cynick likes himself at least as well as a great Alexander The mortifyed Christian that knows both worlds looks with a kinde of contented scorn upon the proud gallant that contemns him as feeling that heaven within him which the other is not capable to believe It is no judging of mens real estate by their semblance nor valuing others worth by our own rate And for our selves if we have once laid sure grounds of our own inward contentment and happiness it matters not greatly if we be mis-known of the world XLI For one man to give titles to another is ordinary but for the great God to give titles to a poor wretched man is no less then wonderful Thus doth the Lord to Job There is none like him in the earth a perfect and upright man O what must he needs be in whom his maker glories Lo who would have looked for a Saint in so obscure a corner of the east and in so dark a time before ever the Law gave light to the world yet even then the land of UZ yields a Job no time no place can be any bar to an infinite mercy Even this while for ought I see the Sun shined more bright in Midian then in Goshen Gods election will be sure to finde out his own any where out of hell and if they could be there even there also Amongst all those idolatrous heathen Job is perfect and upright his religion and integrity is so much the more glorious because it is so ill neighbored as some rich Diamond is set off by a dark foyl O the infinite goodness of the Almighty that picks out some few grains out of the large chaff-heap of the world which he reserves for the granary of a blessed immortality It is not of him that willeth nor in him that runneth but of God that hath mercy We might well imagine that such a sprig must sprout out of the stock of faithful Abraham what other loyns were likely to yield so holy an issue And if his Sarah must be the mother of the promised seed yet why might he not also raise a blessed seed from Keturah The birth doth not always follow the belly even this second brood yields an heir of his fathers faith it is said That to the sons of the Concubines Abraham gave gifts and sent them away to the East Surely this son of the Concubine carries away as rich a legacy of his fathers grace as ever was enjoyed by the Son of the promise at home The gifts that Abraham gave to Midian were nothing to those gifts which the God of Abraham gives to this son of Midian who was perfect and upright one that feared God and eschued evil I perceive the holy and wise God meant to make this man a patern as of patience so of all heavenly vertues he could not be fit for that use if he were not exquisite and what can be wanting to that man of whom God holily boasts that he is Perfect And now what mettal is so fit to challenge the fire of affliction as this pure gold and who is so fit a match for the great Adversary as this Champion of God Never had he been put upon so hard a combat if God had not well known both the strength that he had given him and the happy success of his conflict little doth that good man know what wager is laid on his head but strongly incounters all his tryals The Sabeans have bereft him of his Oxen the Chaldees of his Camels the fire from Heaven of his sheep the tempest of his children Satan of his health and had not his wife been left to him for his greatest cross and his friends for his further tormentors I doubt whether they had escaped Lo there sits the great Potentate of the East naked and forlorn in the ashes as destitute of all comforts as full of painful boyls and botches scraping his loathsome hide with a potsheard yet even in that woful posture possessing his soul in patience maintaining his innocence justifying his Maker cheering himself in his Redeemer and happily triumphing over all his miseries and at last made the great miroir of divine bounty to all generations Now must Job pray for his freindly persecutors and is so high in favor with God that it is made an argument of extream wrath against Israel that though Noah Daniel and Job were in the land they should deliver none but their own souls O God this Saint could not have had this strength of invincible patience without thee thou that rewardest it in him didst bestow it upon him it is thy great mercy to crown thine owne works in us thy gifts are free thou canst fortifie even my weak soul with the same powers strengthen me with the same grace and impose what thou wilt XLII As it shall be once in glory so it is in grace there are degrees of it The Apostle that said of his auditors they have received the holy Ghost as well as we did not say they have received the holy Ghost as much as we We know the Apostles had so much as to give it to others none besides them could do so It is an happy thing to have any quantity of true sanctifiying grace at all every drop of water is water and every grain of gold is gold every measure of grace is precious But who is there that when he is dry would take up with one drop of liquor when he might have more or if covetously minded would sit down content with one dram of gold in such cases a little doth but draw on a desire of more it is strange to see that in all other commodities we desire a fulness If God give us fruit of our bodies it contents us not to have an imperfect childe but we wish it may have the full shape and proportion and when God hath answered us in that we do not rest in the integrity of parts but desire that it may attain to a fulness of understanding and of stature and then lastly to a fulness of age We would have full dishes full cups full cofers full barns a fulness of all things save the best of all which is the holy Ghost Any measure of spiritual grace contents us so as we are ready to say with Esau I have enough my brother There is a sinful kinde of contentation wherewith many fashionable Christians suffer themselves to be beguiled to the utter undoing of their souls for hereupon they grow utterly careless to get what they think they have already who cares to eat that is full cramed and by this means they live and die graceless for had they ever tasted how sweet the Lord is in the Graces of his
feels nor sees Whiles the coast is clear every man can be ready to say with Peter Though all men yet not I If I should dye with thee I will not deny thee in any wise But when the evil hour cometh when our enemy appears armed in the lists ready to encounter us then to call up our spirits and to grapple resolutely with dangers and death it is the praise and proof of a true Christian valour And this is that which the Apostle calls standing in opposition to both falling and fleeing Falling out of faintness and fleeing for fear It shall not be possible for us thus to stand if we shall trust to our own feet In and of our selves the best of us are but meer cowards neither can be able so much as to look our enemy in the face Would we be perfect victors we must go out of our selves into the God of our strength If we have made him ours who shall yea who can be against us We can do all things through him that strengthens us All things therefore conquer Death and Hell If we be weakness he is omnipotence Put we on the Lord Jesus Christ by a lively Faith what enemy can come within us to do us hurt What time I am afraid I will trust in thee O God In thee O God have I trusted I will not fear what either flesh or spirit can do unto me The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer my God my strength in whom I will trust my buckler and the horn of my salvation I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised so shall I be saved from mine enemies LXXV It is disparagement enough that the Apostle casts upon all the visible things of this world That the things which are seen are temporary Be they never so glorious yet being transitory they cannot be worthy of our hearts Who would care for an house of glass if never so curiously painted and gilded All things that are measured by time are thus brittle Bodily substances of what kinde soever lye open to the eye and being seen can be in no other then a fading condition even that goodly Fabrick of Heaven which we see and admire must be changed and in a sort dissolved How much more vanishing are all earthly glories and by how much shorter their continuance is so much lower must be their valuation We account him foolish that will dote too much upon a flower though never so beautiful because we know it can be but a moneths pleasure and no care no art can preserve it from withering amongst the rest the Hemerocallis is the least esteemed because one day ends its beauty what madness then were it in us to set our hearts upon these perishing contentments which we must soon mutually leave we them they us Eternity is that onely thing which is worthy to take up the thoughts of a wise man That being added to evil makes the evil infinitely more intolerable and being added to good makes the good infinitely more desireable O Eternity thou bottomless abyss of misery to the wicked thou indeterminable pitch of joy to the Saints of God what soul is able to comprehend thee what strength of understanding is able to conceive of thee Be thou ever in my thoughts ever before mine eyes Be thou the scope of all my actions of all my indeavors and in respect of thee let all this visible world be to mee as nothing And since onely the things which are not seen by the eye of sense are eternal Lord sharpen thou the eyes of my faith that I may see those things invisible and may in that sight enjoy thy blessed eternity LXXVI What is all the world to us in comparison of the Bird in our bosome our conscience In vain shall all the world acquite and magnifie us if that secretly condemn us and if that condemn us not We have confidence towards God and may bid defiance to men and devils Now that it may not condemn us it must be both pacified and purged pacified in respect of the guilt of sin purged in respect of the corruption For so long as there is guilt in the soul the clamors of an accusing and condemning conscience can no more be stilled then the waters of the Sea can stand still in a storm There is then no pacification without removing the guilt of sin no removing of guilt without remission no remission without satisfaction no satisfaction without a price of infinite value answerable to the infiniteness of the Justice offended and this is no where to be had but in the blood of Christ God and Man All created and finite powers are but miserable comforters Physitians of no value to this one And the same power that pacifieth the conscience from the guilt must also purge it from the filthiness of sin even that blood of the Son of God who is made unto us of God Sanctification and Redemption That Faith which brings Christ home to the soul doth by the efficacy of his blessed Spirit purifie the heart from all filthiness both of flesh and spirit Being justified by this faith we have peace with God When once the heart is quieted from the uproars of self-accusation and cleansed from dead works what in this world can so much concern us as to keep it so Which shall be done if we shall give Christ the possession of our souls and commit the keys into his onely hands so shall nothing be suffered to enter in that may disturb or defile it if we shall settle firm resolutions in our brests never to yield to the commission of any known enormious sin Failings and slips there will be in the holiest of Gods Saints whiles they carry their clay about them For these we are allowed to fetch forth a pardon of course from that infinite mercy of our God who hath set a Fountain open to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem for sin and for uncleanness by the force of our daily prayers But if through an over-bold security and spiritual negligence we shall suffer our selves to be drawn away into some heinous wickedness it must cost warm water to recover us Neither can it in such a case be safe for us to suffer our eyes to sleep or our eye-lids to slumber till we have made our peace with Heaven This done and carefully maintained what can make us other then happily secure Blessed is he whose conscience hath not condemned him and who is not faln from his hope in the Lord. LXXVII We cannot apprehend Heaven in any notion but of excellency and glory that as it is in it self a place of wonderful resplendance and Majesty so it is the Palace of the most high God wherein he exhibites his infinite magnificence that it is the happy receptacle of all the elect of God that it is the glorious rendezvous of the blessed
Faith perswades me to the latter telling me that To dye is gain Now whether of these two shall prevail with me Certainly as each of them hath a share in me so shall either of them act its own part in my soul Nature shall obtain so much of me as to fetch from me upon the suddain apprehension of death some thoughts of fear Faith shall strait step in and drive away all those weak fears and raise up my heart to a cheerful expectation of so gainful and happy a change Nature shews me the gastliness of death Faith shews me the transcendency of Heavenly glory Nature represents to me a rotten carkase Faith presents me with a glorious soul Shortly nature startles at the sight of death Faith out-faces and overcomes it so then I who at the first blush could say O Death how bitter is thy remembrance can now upon my deliberate thoughts say I desire to depart and to be with Christ LXXXIIII In the carriage of our holy profession God can neither abide us cowardly nor indiscreet The same mouth that bad us when we are persecuted in one city flee into another said also he that will save his life shall loose it we may neither cloak cowardice with a pretended discretion nor lose our discretion in a rash courage He that is most skilful and most valiant may in his combat traverse his ground for an advantage and the stoutest Commander may fall flat to avoyd a Cannon-shot True Christian wisdom and not carnal fear is that wherewith we must consult for advice when to stand to it and when to give back On the one side he dies honorably that falls in Gods quarrel on the other he that flies may fight again Even our blessed leader that came purposely to give his life for the world yet when he found that he was laid for in Judea flees into Galilce The practise of some Primitive Christians that in an ambition of martyrdom went to seek out and chalenge dangers and death is more worthy of our wonder and applause then our imitation It shall be my resolution to be warily thrifty in managing my life when God offers me no just cause of hazard and to be willingly profuse of my blood when it is called for by that Saviour who was not sparing of shedding his most precious blood for me LXXXV He had need to be well under-laid that knows how to entertain the time and himself with his own thoughts Company variety of imployments or recreations may wear out the day with the emptiest hearts but when a man hath no society but of himself no task to set himself upon but what arises from his own bosome surely if he have not a good stock of former notions or an inward mint of new he shall soon run out of all and as some forlorn bankrupt grow weary of himself Hereupon it is that men of barren and unexercised hearts can no more live without company then fish out of the water And those Heremites and other Votaries which professing onely devotion have no mental abilities to set themselves on work are fain to tire themselves and their unwelcome hours with the perpetual repetitions of the same orisons which are now grown to a tedious and heartless formality Those contemplative spirits that are furnished with gracious abilities and got into acquaintance with the God of Heaven may and can lead a life even in the closest restraint or wildest solitariness neerest to Angelical but those which neither can have Maries heart nor will have Marthaes hand must needs be unprofitable to others and wearisome to themselves LXXXVI There is nothing more easie then to be a Christian at large but the beginnings of a strict and serious Christianity are not without much difficulty for nature affects a loose kinde of liberty which it cannot indure to have restrained neither fares it otherwise with it then with some wilde colt which at the first taking up flings and plunges and will stand on no ground but after it hath been somwhile disciplin'd at the Post is grown tractable and quietly submits either to the saddle or the collar The first is the worst afterwards that which was tolerable will prove easie and that which was easie will be found pleasant For in true practical Christianity there is a more kindly and better liberty Standfast saith the Apostle in that liberty wherewith Christ hath made you free Lo here a liberty of Christs making and therefore both just and excellent for what other is this liberty then a freedome as from the tyranny of the law so from the bondage of sin Being then made free from sin saith Saint Paul ye became the servants of righteousness Here are two masters under one of which every soul must serve either sin or righteousness if we be free from the one we are bond-men to the other we say truly the service of God that is of righteousness is perfect freedom but to be free to sin is a perfect bondage and to serve sin is no other then a vassallage to the devil From this bondage Christ onely can free us If the Son shall make you free yee shall be free indeed and we are no Christians unless we be thus freed and being thus freed we shall rejoyce in the pleasant fetters of our voluntary and cheereful obedience to righteousness neither would we for a world return to those gieves and manacles of sin which we once beld our most dear and comely ornaments and can truly say Thou hast set my feet in a large room I will walk at liberty for I seek thy precepts LXXXVII I cannot but pity and lament the condition of those Christians who for the hope of a little earthly dross do willingly put themselves for a continuance out of the pale of Gods Church What do they else but cast themselves quite out of the Almighties protection who hath not bound himself to follow them out of his own walks or to seek them out amongst Turks and Infidels well may he say to them as to the chief Pastor of Pergamus I know thy works and where thou dwellest even where Satans seat is but have they any reason to expect that he should dwell with them there under the raign of that Prince of darkness These men put upon themselves that hard measure which the man after Gods own heart complains to be put upon him by his worst enemies Wo is me that I am constrained to dwell with Meshech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar That holy man could in the bitterness of his soul inveigh against his persecutors for no other terms then these men offer to themselves Cursed be they before the Lord for they have driven me out this day from abiding in the inheritance of the Lord saying go serve other gods I speak not of those who carry God along with them in his ordinance all earths are alike to us where we may
freely enjoy his presence but of those straglers who care not to live without God so they may be befriended by Mammon How ill a match these poor men make for themselves I send them to their Saviour to learn What is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul God forbid I should give their souls for lost but I must say they are hazarded for herein doubtless they tempt God who hath not promised to keep them in any other then their just wayes and they do in a sort tempt and challenge Satan to draw them on either to a love of error and impiety or at least to a cooling of their care and love of truth How unlike are these men to that wise merchant in the Gospel He sold all that he had to buy the pearl of great price they sell the pearl to buy a little worthless merchandize As the greatest part of their trafick stands upon exchange so I heartily wish they would make this one exchange more of less care of their wealth for more care of their souls LXXXVIII Even when Joseph was a great lord in Egypt second to none but Pharaoh and had the command of that richest countrey of the world yet then his old Father Jacob thought his poor parcel of Shechem worthy to be bequeathed to him and embraced of him as a noble patrimony because it was in the promised land and the legacy of a dying Father How justly do I admire the faith both of the father and son in this donation Jacob was now in Goshen Shechem was in Canaan neither was the father now in the present possession nor were the sons in some ages to enjoy it It was four hundred and thirty years that Israel must be a sojourner in a strange countrey ere they shall enter into the promised Land yet now as foreseeing the future possession which his posterity should take of this spot of earth so long after Jacob gives Shechem to Joseph and Joseph apprehends it as a rich blessing as the double portion of the divided primogeniture Infidelity is purblinde and can see nothing but that which is hard at hand Faith is quick-sighted and discerns the events of many centuries of years yea of ages to come Abraham saw his Saviours day and rejoyced to see it a thousand nine hundred and fourty years off and Adam before him almost four thousand years As to God all things are present even future so to those that by a lively faith partake of him Why do I not by that faith see my Saviour returning in his Heavenly magnificence as truly as now I see the Heaven whence he shall come and my body as verily raised from the dust and become glorious as now I see it weak and decrepit and falling into the dust LXXXIX True knowledg causeth appetite and desire For the will follows the understanding whatsoever that apprehends to be good for us the affective part inclines to it No man can have any regard to an unknown good If an hungry man did not know that food would refresh and nourish him or the thirsty that drink would satisfie him or the naked that fire would warm him or the sick that Physick would recover him none of these would affect these succors And according to our apprehension of the goodness and use of these helps so is our appetite towards them For the object of the will is a known good either true or appearing so And if our experience can tell us of some that can say with her in the Poet I see and approve better things but follow the worse It is not for that evil as evil much less as worse can fall into the will but that their appetite over-carries them to a misconceit of a particular good so as howsoever in a generality they do confusedly assent to the goodness of some holy act or object yet upon the present occasion here and now as the School speaketh their sensitive appetite hath prevailed to draw them to a perswasion that this pleasure or that profit is worthy to be imbraced Like as our first parents had a general apprehension that it was good to obey all the commands of their Creator but when it came to the forbidden fruit now their eye and their ear and their heart tell them it is good for them both for pleasure and for the gain of knowledg to taste of that forbidden tree So then the miscarriage is not in that they affect that which they think not to be good but in that they think that to be good which is not for alass for one true good there are many seeming which delude the soul with a fair semblance As a man in a generality esteems silver above brass but when he meets with a rusty piece of silver and a cleer piece of brass he chooses rather the clear brass then the silver defaced with rust Surely it is our ignorance that is guilty of our cool neglect of our spiritual good if we did know how sweet the Lord is in his sure promises in his unfailing mercies we could not but long after him and remain unsatisfied till we finde him ours would God be pleased to shine in our hearts by the light of the true knowledg of himself we could not have cause to complain of want of heat in our affections towards his infinite goodness Did we but know how sweet and delectable Christ the Heavenly Manna is we could not but hunger after him and we could not hunger and not be satisfied and in being satisfied blessed XC Those which we mis-cal goods are but in their nature indifferent and are either good or evil as they are affected as they are used Indeed all their malignity or vertue is in the minde in the hand of the possessor Riches ill got ill kept ill spent are but the Mammon of iniquity but if well The Crown of the wise is their riches How can it be amiss to have much when he that was the richest man of the East was the holiest Yea when God himself is justly stiled the possessor of Heaven and Earth How can it be amiss to have little when our Saviour sayes Blessed are ye poor And if from that divine mouth we hear a wo to the rich himself interprets it of them that trust in riches If our riches possess us in stead of our possessing them we have changed our God and lost our selves but if we have learnt to use our wealth and not enjoy it we may be no less gracious then rich If a rich man have a large and humble heart and a just hand he inherits the blessing of the poor If a poor man have a proud heart and a theevish hand he carryes away the wo from the rich Riches saith wise Solomon make themselves wings they fly away as an Eagle towards Heaven So as we may use
flesh but for him God took him and cloathed him living with immortality I finde none but him and Elijah that were thus fetcht to their Heaven It will be happy for us if we may pass in the common road to blessedness O God give me to walk close and constantly with thee and what end thou pleasest let my body pass through all the degrees of corruption so that my soul may be immediately glorious FINIS THE BREATHINGS OF THE Devout Soul I. BLessed Lord God thou callest me to obedience and fain would I follow thee but what good can this wretched heart of mine be capable of except thou put it there thou know'st I cannot so much as wish to think well without thee I have strong powers to offend thee my sins are my own but whence should I have any inclination to good but from thee who art only and all good Lord work me to what thou requirest and then require what thou wilt II. Lord God whither need I go to seek thee Thou art so with me as that I cannot move but in thee I look up to heaven there I know thy Majestie most manifests it self but withall I know that being here thou art never out of thy heaven for it is thy presence onely that makes heaven Oh give me to enjoy thee in this lowest region of thine heavenly habitation and as in respect of my naturall being I live and move in thee so let me not live and move spiritually but with thee and to thee III. Whither now O whither do ye rove O my thoughts Can ye hope to finde rest in any of these sublunary contentments Alas how can they yeeld any stay to you that have no settlement in themselves Is there not enough in the infinite good to take you up but that ye will be wandring after earthly vanities Oh my Lord how justly mightest thou cast me off with scorn for casting any affective glances upon so base a rival Truly Lord I am ashamed of this my hatefull inconstancy but it is thou only that must remedy it O thou that art the father of mercies pity my wildnesse and weak distractions Take thou my heart to thee it is thine own keep it with thee tye it close to thee by the cords of love that it may not so much as cast down an eye upon this wretched and perishing world IIII. Lord I confesse to my shame thou art a great loser by me for besides my not improving of thy favors I have not kept even-reckonings with thee I have not justly tallied up thy inestimable benefits Thy very privative mercies are both without and beyond my account for every evill that I am free from is a new blessing from thee That I am out of bondage that I am out of pain and misery that I am out of the dominion of sin out of the tyranny of Satan out of the agonies of an afflicted soul out of the torments of hell Lord how unspeakeable mercies are these Yet when did I bless thee for any of them Thy positive bounties I can feel but with a benummed and imperfect sence Lord do thou enlarge and intenerate my heart make me truly sensible as of my good received so of my escaped evils and take thou to thy self the glory of them both V. Ah my Lord God what heats and colds do I feel in my soul Sometimes I finde my self so vigorous in grace that no thought of doubt dare shew it self and me thinks I durst challenge my hellish enemies another while I feel my self so dejected and heartlesse as if I had no interest in the God of my salvation nor never had received any certain pledges of his favour What shall I say to this various disposition Whether Lord is it my wretchednesse to suffer my self to be rob'd of thee for the time by temptation or whether is this the course of thy proceedings in the dispensation of thy graces to the sons of men that thou wilt have the breathings of thy Spirit as where so how and when thou pleasest Surely O my God if I did not know thee constant to thine everlasting mercies I should be utterly disheartened with these sad intervals now when my sense failes me I make use of my faith and am no lesse sure of thee even when I feel thee not then when I finde the clearest evidences of thy gracious presence Lord shine upon me with the light of thy countenance if it may be alwaies but when ever that is clouded strengthen thou my faith so shall I be safe even when I am comfortless VI. O my God I am justly ashamed to think what favors I have received from thee and what poor returns I have made to thee Truly Lord I must needs say thou hast thought nothing either in earth or in heaven too good for me and I on the other side have grudg'd thee that weak and worthless obedience which thou hast required of me Alas what pleasure could I have done to thee who art infinite if I had sacrificed my whole self to thee as thou commandest Thou art and wilt be thy self though the world were not it is I I only that could be a gainer by this happy match which in my own wrong I have unthankfully neglected I see it is not so much what we have as how we imploy it O thou that hast been so bountiful in heaping thy rich mercies upon me vouchsafe to grant me yet one gift more give me grace and power to improve all thy gifts to the glory of the giver otherwise it had been better for me to have been poor then ingrateful VII Ah Lord What strugling have I with my weak fears how do I anticipate my evils by distrust What shall I do when I am old How shall I be able to indure pain How shall I pass through the horrid gates of death Oh my God Where is my faith that I am thus surprized Had I not thee to up-hold and strengthen my soul well might I tremble and sink under these cares but now that I have the assurance of so strong an helper as commands all the powers of heaven earth and hell what a shame is it for me to give so much way to my wretched infidelity as to punish my self with the expectation of future evils Oh for the victorie that overcomes the world even our faith Thou O God art my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble therefore will I not fear though the earth be removed and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the Sea VIII Lord I made account my daies should have been but an inch but thou hast made them a span long having drawn out the length of a crazie life beyond the period of my hopes It is for something sure that thou hast thus long respited me from my grave which look't for me many years ago Here I am O my God attending thy good pleasure Thou know'st best what thou hast to do
with me Dispose of me as thou wilt Only make me faithfull in all thy services resolute to trust my self with thee in all events carefull to be approved of thee in all my waies and crown my decayed age with such fruits as may be pleasing to thee and available to the good of many Lastly let me live to thee and die in thee IX How oft Lord have I wondred to see the strange carriage of thine administration of these earthly affaires and therein to see thy marvailous wisdome power goodness in fetching good out of evill Alas we wretched men are apt enough to fetch the worst of evils out of the greatest good turning the grace of thee our God into wantonnesse but how have I seen thee of liveless stones to raise up children to Abraham of sinners to make Saints out of a desperate confusion to fetch order out of a bloudy war an happy peace out of resolutions of revenge love out of the rock water out of a persecuter an Apostle How can I be discouraged with unlikelihoods when I see thee work by contraries It is not for me O my God to examine or pre-judge thy counsailes take what waies thou wilt so thou bring me to thine own end all paths shall be direct that shall leade me to blessedness X. How many good purposes O my God have I taken up let fall to the ground again without effect how teeming hath this barren womb of my heart been of false conceptions but especially when thy hand hath been smart and heavy upon me in mine affliction how have I tasked my self with duties and revived my firme resolutions of more strict obedience which yet upon the continuance of my better condition I have slackened Lord it is from thee that I purposed well it is from my own sinfull weakness that I failed in my performances If any good come me the will and the deed must be both thine The very preparations of the heart are from thee and if I have devised my way it must be thou that directest my steps O God do thou ripen and perfect all the good motions that thou puttest into my soul and make my health but such as my sickness promised XI Every man Lord is unwilling that his name should dye we are all naturally ambitious of being thought on when we are gone those that have not living monuments to perpetuate them affect to have dead if Absolon have not a son he will yet erect a pillar yet when we have all done time eates us out at the last There is no remembrance of the wise more then of the foole for ever seeing that which now is in the daies to come shall all be forgotten O God let it be my care and ambition what ever become of my memory here below that my name may be recorded in Heaven XII Thy wise providence O God hath so ordered it that every mans minde seeks and findes contentment in some thing otherwise it could not be since we must meet with so frequent crosses in the world but that mans life would be burdensome to him one takes pleasure in his hauke or hound another in his horses and furnitures one in fair buildings another in pleasant walks and beautiful gardens one in travailing abroad another in the enioying of the profits and pleasures of his home one in the increase of his wealth another in the titles of his honor one in a comfortable wife another in loving and dutiful children but when all is done if there be not somwhat els to uphold the heart in the evil day it must sink O God do thou possesse my soul of thee let me place all my felicity in the fruition of thine infinite goodness so I am sure the worst of the world hath not power to render me other then happy XIII O Lord God under how opposite aspects do I stand from the world how variously am I construed by men One pities my condition another praises my patience One favors mee out of the opinion of some good that he thinks he sees in mee another dislikes me for some imagined evil What are the eyes or tongues of men to mee Let me not know what they say or think of me and what am I the better or worse for them they can have no influence upon me without my own apprehension All is in what termes I stand with thee my God if thou be pleased to look upon me with the eye of thy tender mercy and compassion What care I to be unjustly brow-beaten of the world If I may be blessed with thy favour let me be made a gazing-stock to the world to Angels and to men XIV Speak Lord for thy servant heareth What is it which thou wouldst have me do that I may finde rest to my soul I am willing to exercise my self in all the acts of piety which thou requirest I am ready to fast to pray to read to hear to meditate to communicate to give alms to exhort admonish reprove comfort where thou bid'st me and if there be any other duty appertaining to devotion or mercy let me serve thee in it But alas O my God howsoever I know these works are in themselves well-pleasing unto thee yet as they fall from my wretchedness they are stained with so many imperfections that I have more reason to crave pardon for them then to put confidence in them and if I could performe them never so exquisitely yet one sin is more then enough to dash all my obedience I see then O Lord I well see there is no act that I can be capable to do unto thee wherein I can finde any repose it must be thine act to me which only can effect it It is thy gracious word Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Lo this rest must be thy gift not my earning and what can be freer then gift Thou givest it then but to those that come to thee not to those that come not To those that come to thee laden and labouring under the sense of their own wretchedness not to the proud and careless O Saviour thy sinner is sufficiently laden with the burden of his iniquities lade thou me yet more with true penitent sorrow for my sins and inable me then to come unto thee by a lively faith Take thou the praise of thine own work Give me the grace to come and give me rest in coming XV. O blessed Saviour What strange variety of conceits do I finde concerning thy thousand years raign What riddles are in that prophesie which no humane tongue can aread where to fix the begining of that marvailous millenary and where the end and what manner of raign it shall be whether temporal or spiritual on earth or in heaven undergoes as many constructions as there are pens that have undertaken it and yet when all is done I see thine Apostle speaks onely of the souls of thy martyrs raigning
so long with thee not of thy raigning on earth so long with those Martyrs How busie are the tongues of men how are their brains taken up with the indeterminable construction of this enigmaticall truth when in the mean time the care of thy spirituall raign in their hearts is neglected O my Saviour whiles others weary themselves with the disquisition of thy personall raign here upon earth for a thousand years let it be the whole bent and study of my soul to make sure of my personall raign with thee in heaven to all eternity XVI Blessed be thy name O God who hast made a good use even of hell it self How many Atheous hearts have been convinced by the very operations of Devils Those which would with the stupid Saducees perswade themselves there are no spirits yet when they have sensibly found the marvellous effects wrought even by the base instruments of Satan they have been forced to confesse Doubtless there is a God that rules the world for so great powers of evill spirits must necessarily evince the greater powers of good It is of thy wise and holy dispensation that thy good Angels do not so frequently exhibite themselves and give so visible demonstrations of their presence to thy Saints as the evill Angels do to their Vassals though they are ever as present and more powerfull What need they when thou so mightily over-rulest those malignant spirits that thou forcest from them thine own glory and advantage to thy chosen Lord how much more shall all thy other creatures serve to thy praise when thy very hellish enemies shall proclaim thy justice goodness omnipotence XVII Speculation O Lord is not more easie then practice is difficult how many have we known who as it was said of the Philosophers of old know how to speak well but live ill How many have written books of Chymistry and given very confident directions for the finding out of that precious stone of the Philosophers but how many have indeed made gold Practice is that which thou O God chiefly requirest and respectest who hast said If ye know these things blessed are ye if you do them Knowledg puffeth up but love edifieth O Lord do thou enlighten mine eyes with the knowledg of thy will but above all do thou rectifie my affections guide my feet into the wayes of thy commandements apply my heart to fulfill thy statutes alway and Prosper thou the work of my hands upon me O prosper thou my handi-work XVIII How oft have I wondred O Lord at the boldness of those men who knowing they must shortly die yet dare do those things which will draw upon them eternity of torments What shall I say but The fool hath said in his heart there is no God Surely men love themselves well enough and would be loth to do that which would procure them an inevitable misery and pain Did they therefore believe there were another world and that they must be called to a strict reckoning for all their actions and be doomed to an everlasting death for their wicked deeds they durst not they could not do those acts which should make them eternally miserable Let me say to the most desperate ruffian there is poyson in this cup drink this draught and thou diest he would have the wit to keep his lips close and cast the potion to the ground were it not for their infidelity so would men do to the most plausible but deadly offers of sin O Lord since I know thy righteous judgments teach me to tremble at them restrain thou my feet from every evill way and teach me so to walk as one that looks every hour to appear before thy just and dreadfull Tribunal XIX The longer I live O my God the more do I wonder at all the works of thine hands I see such admirable artifice in the very least and most despicable of all thy creatures as doth every day more and more astonish my observation I need not look so far as Heaven for matter of marvaile though therein thou art infinitely glorious whiles I have but a spider in my window or a bee in my garden or a worm under my feet every one of these overcomes me with a just amazement yet can I see no more then their very out-sides their inward form which gives them their being and operations I cannot pierce into the less I can know O Lord the more let me wonder and the less I can satisfie my self with marvailing at thy works the more let me adore the majesty and omnipotence of thee that wroughtest them XX. Alas my Lord God what poor weak imperfit services are those even at the best that I can present thee withal How leane lame and blemished sacrifices do I bring to thine altar I know thou art worthy of more then my soul is capable to perform and fain would I tender thee the best of thine own but what I would that I do not yea cannot do Surely had I not to do with an infinite mercy I might justly look to be punished for my very obedience But now Lord my impotence redounds to the praise of thy goodness for were I more answerable to thy justice the glory of thy mercy would be so much less eminent in my remission acceptance Here I am before thee to await thy good pleasure thou knowest whether it be better to give me more ability or to accept of that poor ability thou hast given me but since when thou hast given me most I shall still and ever stand in need of thy forgiveness Let my humble suit be to thee alwaies rather for pardon of my defects then for a supply of thy graces XXI O my God how do I see many profane and careless souls spend their time in jollity and pleasure The harp and the Viol the Tabret and the pipe and wine are in their feasts Whiles I that desire to walk close with thee in all conscionable obedience droop and languish under a dull heaviness and heartless dejection I am sure I have a thousand times more cause of joy and cheerfulness then the merriest of all those wilde and joviall spirits they have a world to play withall but I have a God to rejoyce in their sports are triviall and momentanie my joy is serious and everlasting One dram of my mirth is worth a pound of theirs But I confesse O Lord how much I am wanting to my self in not stirring up this holy fire of spirituall joy but suffering it to lie raked up under the dead ashes of a sad neglect O thou who art the God of hope quicken this heavenly affection in my soul and fill me with all joy and peace in believing make my heart so much more light then the worldlings by how much my estate is happier XXII What shall I do Lord I strive and tug what I may with my naturall corruptions and with the spirituall wickednesses in high places which set upon my soul
but sometimes I am foyled and go halting out of the field it is thy mercy that I live being so fiercely assaulted by those principalities and powers it were more then wonder if I should escape such hands without a wound Even that holy servant of thine who strove with thine Angel for a blessing went limping away though he prevailed what mervail is it that so weak a wretch as I striving with many evill Angels for the avoidance of a curse come off with a maime or a scar But blessed be thy name the wounds that I receive are not mortall and when I fall it is but to my knees whence I rise with new courage and hopes of victory Thou who art the God of all power and keepest the keys of hell and death hast said Resist the Devill and he will flee from you Lord I do and will by thy merciful ayd still and ever resist make thou my faith as stedfast as my will is resolute Oh still teach thou my hands to war and my fingers to fight arme thou my soul with strength and at last according to thy gracious promise crown it with victory XXIII Oh Lord God how ambitious how covetous of knowledg is this soul of mine as the eye is not satisfied with seeing nor the eare filled with hearing no more is the mind of man with understanding yea so insatiable is my heart that the more I know the more I desire to know and the less I think I know Under heaven there can be no bounds set to this intellectuall appetite O do thou stop the mouth of my soul with thy self who art infinite Whom have I in heaven but thee and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee Alas Lord if I could know all creatures with all their forms qualities workings if I could know as much as innocent Adam or wise Solomon Yea more if I could know all that is done in earth or heaven what were my soul the better if it have not attained the knowledg of thee Since as the Preacher hath most wisely observed In much wisdome is much grief and he that increaseth knowledg increaseth sorrow Oh then set off my heart from affecting that knowledg whose end is sorrow and fix it upon that knowledg which brings eeverlasting life And this is life eternal to know thee the only true God and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent XXIV O my God what miserable uncertainties there are in these worldly hopes But yesterday I made account of an eminent advantage of my estate which now ends in a deep loss How did we lately feed our selves with the hope of a firme and during peace which now shuts up in too much bloud How confidently did I relie upon the promised favour of some great friends which now leave me in the suds as the scorn of a mis-called fortune In how slippery places O Lord do our feet stand If that may be said to stand which is ever sliding never fixed And not more slippery then brittle so as there is not more danger of falling then of sinking With thee O God with thee only is a constant immutability of happiness There let me seek it there let me finde it and over-looking all the fickle objects of this vain world let my soul pitch it self upon that blessed immortality which ere long it hopes to enjoy with thee XXV Lord God What a wearisome circle do I walk in here below I sleep and dress and work and eat and work again and eat again and undress and sleep again and thus wearing out my time finde a satiety in all these troublesome Lord when shall I come to that state wherein I shall do nothing but injoy thee do nothing but praise thee and in that one work shall finde such infinite contentment that my glorified soul cannot wish to do any other and shall therein alone bestow a blessed eternity XXVI O God how troublesome and painful do I find this Sun of thine whose scorching beams beat upon my head and yet this excellent creature of thine is that to which under thee we are beholden for our very life and it is thy great blessing to the earth that it may enjoy these strong and forceable rayes from it Oh Who shall be able to endure the burning flames of thy wrath which thou intendest for the punishment and everlasting torment of thine enemies And if men shall blaspheme the name of thee the God of heaven for the great heat of that beneficiall creature what shall we think they will do for that fire which shall be consuming them to all eternity Lord keep my soul from those flames which shall be ever burning and never either quenched or abated XXVII Which way O Lord which way can I look and not see some sad examples of misery One wants his limbs with Mephibosheth another his sight with Bartimeus a third with Lazarus wants bread and a whole skin One is pained in his body another plundred of his estate a third troubled in minde one is pined in prison another tortured on the rack a third languisheth under the loss of a deare son or wife or husband Who am I Lord that for the present I enjoy an immunity from all these sorrows I am sure none grones under them that hath deserved them more It is thy mercy thy meer mercy O my good God that any of these calamities have faln beside me Oh make me truly thankful for thine infinite goodness and yet onely so sensible of thy gracious indulgence this way as that when any of these evils shall seize upon mee I may be no more dejected in the sense of them then I am now over-joyed with the favor of their forbearance XXVIII O blessed God what variety of gifts hast thou scattered amongst the sons of men To one thou hast given vigor of body to another agility beauty to a third to one depth of judgment to another quickness of apprehension to one readiness and rarity of invention to another tenacity of memorie to one the knowledg of liberal arts to another the exquisiteness of manuary skill to one worldly wealth to another honour to one a wise heart to another an eloquent tongue to one more then enough to another contentment with a little to one valour to another sagacity These favors O Lord thou hast promiscuously dispersed amongst both thy friends and enemies but oh how transcendent are those spiritual mercies which thou hast reserved for thine own the graces of heavenly wisdome lively faith fervent charity firme hope joy in the holy Ghost and all the rest of that divine beauye For any competency of the least of thy common blessings I desire to be thankful to thy bounty for which of them O God can I either merit or requite but oh for a soul truly and eagarly ambitious of those thy best mercies Oh let me ever long for them and ever be insatiable of them Oh do thou fill my heart
with the desire of them and let that desire never finde it self filled XXIX How comfortable a style is that O God which thine Apostle gives to thine Heaven whiles he cals it the inheritance of the Saints in light None can come there but Saints the roomes of this lower world are taken up commonly with wicked men with beasts with Devils but into that heavenly Jerusalem no unholy thing can enter Neither can any Saint be excluded thence each of them have not only a share but an entire right to thy glory And how many just titles are there O Saviour to that region of blessedness It is thy Fathers gift it is thy purchase it is thy Saints inheritance theirs only in thy right by thy gracious adoption they are sons and as sons heires co-heirs with thee of that blessed Patrimony so feoffed upon them so possessed of them that they can never be disseized And Lord how glorious an inheritance it is An inheritance in light In light incomprehensible in light inaccessible Lo the most spirituall of all thy visible creatures is light and yet this light is but the effect and emanation of one of thy creatures the Sun and serves only for the illumination of this visible world but that supernal light is from the Al-glorious beams of thy Divine Majesty diffusing themselves to those blessed spirits both Angels and Souls of thy Saints who live in the joyful fruition of thee to all eternity Alas Lord we do here dwell in darkness and under an uncomfortable opacity whiles thy face is clouded from us with manifold temptations there above with thee is pure light a constant noon-tide of glory I am here under a miserable and obscure wardship Oh teach me to despise the best of earth and ravish my soul with a longing desire of being possessed of that blessed inheritance of the Saints in light XXX What outward blessing can be sweeter then civill peace What judgment more heavy then that of the sword Yet O Saviour there is a peace which thou disclaimest and there is a sword which thou challengest to bring Peace with our corruptions is warr against thee and that war in our bosomes wherein the spirit fighteth against the flesh is peace with thee O let thy good Spirit raise and foment this holy and intestine war more and more within me And as for my outward spirituall enemies how can there be a victory without war and how can I hope for a crown without victory O do thou ever gird me with strength to the battle inable thou me to resist unto bloud make me faithfull to the death that thou maist give me the crown of life XXXI O Lord God how subject is this wretched heart of mine to repining and discontentment If it may not have what it would how ready it is like a froward child to throw away what it hath I know and feel this to be out of that naturall pride which is so deep rooted in me for could I be sensible enough of my own unworthinesse I should think every thing too good every thing too much for me my very being O Lord is more then I am ever able to answer thee and how could I deserve it when I was not but that I have any helps of my wel-beeing here or hopes and means of my being glorious hereafter how far is it beyond the reach of my soul Lord let me finde my own nothingness so shall I be thankfull for a little and in my very want blesse thee XXXII Where art thou O my God whither hast thou withdrawn thy self it is not long since I found thy comfortable presence with my soul now I misse thee and mourn and languish for thee Nay rather where art thou O my soul my God is where he was neither can be any other then himself the change is in thee whose inconstant disposition varies continually and cannot finde it self fixed upon so blessed an object It will never be better with me O my God until it shall please thee to stablish my heart with thy free Spirit and to keep it close to thee that it may not be carried away with vain distractions with sinful temptations Lord my God as thou art alwaies present with me and canst no more be absent then not be thy self so let me be alwaies with thee in an humble and faithful acknowledgment of thy presence as I can never be out of thine all-seeing eye so let mine eyes be ever bent upon thee who art invisible Thou that hast given me eyes improve them to thy glorie and my happiness XXXIII My bosome O Lord is a Rebeccaes womb there are twins striving within it a Jacob and Esau the old man and the new whiles I was in the barren state of my unregeneration all was quiet within me now this strife is both troublesome and paineful so as nature is ready to say If it be so why am I thus But withal O my God I bless thee for this happy unquietness for I know there is just cause of comfort in these inward struglings my soul is now not unfruitful and is conceived with an holy seed which wrestles with my natural corruptions and if my Esau have got the start in the priority of time yet my Jacob shall follow him hard at the heele and happily supplant him And though I must nourish them both as mine yet I can through thy grace imitate thy choice and say with thee Jacob have I loved and Esau have I hated Blessed God make thou that word of thine good in me That the elder shall serve the younger XXXIV Alas my Lord God how small matters trouble me every petty occurrence is ready to rob me of my peace so as me thinks I am like some little cock-boat in a rough Sea which every billow topples up and down and threats to sink I can chide this weak pusillanimity in my self but it is thou that must redress it Lord work my heart to so firme a setledness upon thee that it may never be shaken no not with the violent gusts of temptation much lesse with the easie gales of secular mis-accidents Even when I am hardest pressed in the multitude of the sorrows of my heart let thy comforts refresh my soul but for these sleight crosses oh teach me to despise them as not worthy of my notice much less of my vexation Let my heart be taken up with thee and then what care I whether the world smile or frown XXXV What a comfort it is O Saviour that thou art the first fruits of them that sleep Those that die in thee do but sleep Thou saidst so once of thy Lazarus and maist say so of him again he doth but sleep still His first sleep was but short this latter though longer is no less true out of which he shall no less surely awake at thy second call then he did before at thy first His first sleep and waking was singular this latter is the same with ours
we all lie down in our bed of earth as sure to wake as ever we can be to shut our eyes In and from thee O blessed Saviour is this our assurance who art the first fruits of them that sleep The first handfull of the first fruits was not presented for it self but for the whole field wherein it grew The vertue of that oblation extended it self to the whole crop Neither didst thou O blessed Jesu rise again for thy self only but the power and vertue of thy resurrection reaches to all thine so thy chosen Vessel tels us Christ the first fruits afterwards they that are Christs at his coming So as though the resurrection be of all the dead both just and unjust yet to rise by the power of thy resurrection is so proper to thine own as that thou O Saviour hast styled it the resurrection of the just whiles the rest shall be drag'd out of their graves by the power of thy God-head to their dreadful judgment Already therefore O Jesu are we risen in thee and as sure shall rise in our own persons The Loco-motive faculty is in the head Thou who art our head art risen we who are thy members must and shall follow Say then O my dying body say boldly unto Death Rejoyce not over me O mine enemy for though I fall yet I shall rise again Yea Lord the vertue of thy first fruits diffuseth it self not to our rising only but to a blessed immortality of these bodies of ours for as thou didst rise immortall and glorious so shall we by and with thee Who shalt change these vile bodies and make them like to thy glorious body The same power that could shake off death can put on glory and Majesty Lay thee down therefore O my body quietly and cheerfully and look to rise in another hue Thou art sown in corruption thou shalt be raised in incorruption thou art sown in dishonour thou shalt be raised in glory thou art sown in weaknesse but shalt be raised in power XXXVI In this life in this death of the body O Lord I see there are no degrees though differences of time The man that dyed yesterday is as truly dead as Abel the first man that dyed in the world and Methuselah that lived nine hundred sixty nine years did not more truly live then the childe that did but salute and leave the world but in the life to come and the second death there are degrees degrees of blessedness to the glorified degrees of torments to the damned the least whereof is unspeakable unconceivable Oh thou that art the Lord of life and death keep my soul from those steps that go down to the chambers of death and once set it for higher I dare not sue to go but over the threshold of glory and blessedness XXXVII O Lord my God I am as very a Pilgrime as ever walked upon thy earth Why should I look to be in any better condition then my neighbours then my forefathers Even the best of them that were most fixed upon their inheritance were no other then strangers at home It was not in the power of the world to naturalize them much less to make them enroll themselves free-Denizons here below they knew their country which they sought was above so infinitely rich and pleasant that these earthly regions which they must pass thorough are in comparison worthy of nothing but contempt My condition is no other then theirs I wander here in a strange country What wonder is it if I meet with forrainers fare hard usage and neglect Why do I intermeddle with the affaires of a nation that is not mine Why do I clog my self in my way with the base and heavy lumber of the world Why are not my affections homeward Why do I not long to see and enjoy my fathers house O my God thou that hast put me into the state of a Pilgrim give me a Pilgrims heart set me off from this wretched world wherein I am let me hate to think of dwelling here Let it be my only care how to pass through this miserable wilderness to the promised land of a blessed eternitie XXXVIII One Talent at the least O Lord hast thou put into my hand and that sum is great to him that is not worth a dram but alas what have I done with it I confess I have not hid it in a napkin but have been laying it out to some poor advantage yet surely the gain is so unanswerable that I am afraid of an Audit I see none of the approved servants in the Gospel brought in an increase of less value then the receit I fear I shall come short of the sum O thou who justly holdest thy self wronged with the style of an austere master vouchsafe to accept of my so mean improvement and thou who valuedst the poor widows mites above the rich gifts cast into thy Treasurie be pleased to allow of those few pounds that my weak indevors could raise from thy stock and mercifully reward thy servant not according to his success but according to his true intentions of glorifying thee XXXIX What a word is this which I hear from thee O Saviour Behold I stand at the doore and knock Thou which art the Lord of life God blessed for ever to stand and knock at the door of a sinful heart Oh what a praise is this of thy mercy and long suffering What a shame to our dull neglect and graceless ingratitude For a David to say I waited patiently upon the Lord Truly my soul waiteth upon God it is but meet and comely for it is no other then the duty of the greatest Monarchs on earth yea of the highest Angels in Heaven to attend their Maker but for thee the great God of Heaven to wait at the door of us sinful dust and ashes what a condescension is this what a longanimity It were our happiness O Lord if upon our greatest suit and importunity we might have the favor to entertain thee into our hearts but that thou shouldst importune us to admit thee and shouldst wait at the posts of our doors till thine head be filled with dew and thy locks with the drops of the night it is such a mercy as there is not room enough in our souls to wonder at In the mean time what shall I say to our wretched unthankfulnes and impious negligence Thou hast graciously invited us to thee and hast said knock and it shall be opened and yet thou continuest knocking at our doors and we open not willingly delaying to let in our happiness we know how easie it were for thee to break open the brasen doors of our brests and to come in but the Kingdome of Heaven suffers not violence from thee though it should suffer it from us Thou wilt do all thy works in a sweet and gracious way as one who will not force but win love Lord I cannot open unless thou that