sweete smell of thine ointmēts running vnto thee I may Abac. 1. reioyce in Iesu my Sauiour Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. The end of the Psalmes ¶ A thankesgiuing of a contrite Sinner obteyning pardon from God of his sinnes I Render vnto thee infinite thankes O most gracious and mercifull God for that remembring my so many sinnes I feare not for them nor am ashamed to confesse mine iniquities against thee to thee that I may confesse vnto thy Name thy mercie towards me For thou hast had mercie vpon earth and ashes and it hath pleased thee to reforme in thy sight all my deformities and to keepe me from many waters least the deapth shoulde swallowe me vp I was going the right way vnto hell carying all my sinnes that I had comitted with me vnlesse thou O Lord my God and my guider diddest bring me that was going downe headlong backe vnto thee who art the way the trueth and the life and diddest inlighten Iohn 14. my cloudie mind with the brightnesse of thy light that seeing my selfe in the land of forgetfulnes and the countrie of vnlikelinesse I might cal vnto thee out of the deepes of my ignorance and knowe that thou art God my Sauiour and deliuerer that hast drawen me frō my most wicked waies and put goades vnto me that I might therewith be pulled away What shall I therefore render vnto thee my beautie my sweetenesse my part God for euermore for the marueilous wayes that thou hast vsed to correct and direct my waies into the way of saluation I was caried away into vanities forgetting thee O my God and made my waies farre from thee when thou moued with mercie ouer me diddest call backe my filthie life from the durt of earthly pleasure and diddest restraine my vntamed Psal 31. minde with the bit and bridle of calamities and labours that I might come neere vnto thee 2. Cor. 1. I wil therefore willingly glory in mine afflictions and infirmities that thy grace may dwell in me to whom I am a debter for that thou hast forgiuen me so many euils and hast dissolued my sinnes like I se And for my sorowes as for thy giftes benefites whereby my soule hath beene saued yeelding thankes vnto thee I Osee 14. Psal 102. will offer vp the calues of my lips saying Blesse the Lord O Psal 102. my soule and doe not forget all his benefites which is mercifull vnto all thine iniquities and healeth all thine infirmities who hath redeemed thy life from death and crowneth thee in pitie and mercie and filleth in good things thy desire Beholde howe the comforts of thy mercies wherein thou hast lightened me O my God haue taken me that I might imbrace thee aboue all seducements that I followed therefore I pray thee my glorie the height of my humilitie and rest of my labour doe not faint in helping me that I also may not faint in confessing vnto thee thy mercies But graciously accept the sacrifice of my confessions from the hand of my mouth and graunt vnto me the spirite of feare that my soule conceauing frō thy promises may henceforth be cherished with heauenly things and bring foorth the spirite of saluation Protect me vnder the shadow of thy hands Esai 49. Prou. 5. and cherish me in the bosome of thy mercies least they that passe in the way treade vpon the vnfeathered fowle But S. Augu. send thine angel that may put him againe into the nest that he may liue vntill he may flie and continually cleaue vnto thee with daily praiers knocke vnto thee possesse thee in himselfe that thou mayest be vnto him all in all As the young swallowes or doues mourning Esai 38. doe call for meate vnto their mother so I mourning weeping in this valley of teares do crie vnto thee my God my helper in time of neede that thou deliuer me from al temptation euen to the ende and nourish me yet as a sucking childe that hauing receiued the strength of thy vertue as Phil. 3. long as I shall runne in the course of this worlde forgetting that which is behind earnestly bending my selfe to that which is before with thy company protection I may goe on to the appointed place to the reward of the heauenly vocation in Christ Iesus our Lord who liueth raigneth with thee in the vnitie of the holy spirit God world without end Amen FINIS EPITAPHIVM D. ANTONII Lusitaniae Regis Serenissimi PAreatibi vitā rapuit diadema Philippus Et simul Oceasus ac Orientis opes Plus tibi restituit pietas tua reddidit atque Quicquid habet tellus sidera quicquid habēt 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 EIVSDEM REGIS LVSITAN PROSOPOPEIA PORTVG ALLORVM Regi mihi Gallia portus Vna fuit mihi Rex hic Deus ille lupus Me patrio Regni solio fraudarat Iberus Electum HENRICVS Rex putate fouet Quaqueregit virtute pari Regina Britannos Lutore suscepit me ELISABETH A sue Grand euum tandem me Rex Coelsque solique In sedem mistrans transtulit aetheream Faults escaped Page 1. line 15. haue reade not haue P. 5. l. 8. knowe reade knewe P. 8. l. 24. selfe reade life P. 12. l. 17. in sinnes reade in my sinnes P. 13. l. 1. a foole reade as a foole P. 13. l. 11. haling reade hating and l. 14. wilfulnes reade wilfulnes to sinne P. 13. l. 22. brought reade bought P. 19. l. 14. girfes reade giftes and l. 19. I fained reade vnrecouerably I fained P. 25. l. 9. reade nation I am thy saluation P. 41. l. 12. strong reade strange P. 52. l. 12. bountifull reade beautifull P. 56. l. 7. liued reade beene
PSALMES OF CONFESSION found in the Cabinet of the most excellent King of Portingal Don Antonio first of that name written with his owne hand Wherein the Sinner calleth vpon the mercie of God for his sinne Translated out of the Latine copie printed at Paris by Federike Morell LONDON Printed by G. Bishop R. Nuberie and R. Barker Anno Domini 1596. PSALMES OF CONFESSION wherein the Sinner calleth vpon the mercie of God for his sinne PSALM I. WHo shal giue water vnto Esai 9. my head and a fountaine of teares for mine eyes that I may be able to lament and bewayle the losses of my soule with griefe agreeable thereunto for there is a manifest and great cause of sorowe when with the sight of my minde I behold mine auncient dayes and my youthfull yeeres in this meditation my Psal 76. spirite hath failed me for I Psal 79. knowe what I was yea rather what I should haue beene and vnderstand what I am and feare what I shall be and the lesse I sorowe so much the more I feare I would to God I sorowed more that I might feare lesse But woe to me O Lorde for nowe a long time thou smitest and yet I sorowe not thou callest and yet I heare not thou knockest and yet I open not the barre of my heart The sorowes of death Psal 114. compasse me rounde about and being filled with many sorowes without I feele inwardly no sorowe that may worke vnto saluation And I feele not onely the sorowes of old age but I am a man of sorow from my youth vpward and all my Psal 87. dayes are full of trauaile and griefes and yet I sorowe because that alway sorowing I Psal 53. cannot sorowe O marueilous Eccles 2. and vnspeakeable wisedome of the heauenly Physitian O wonderfull goodnesse of the high King O singular benefite of him that is the giuer of all good things for thou O God giuest vnto me sorowe least I perish in pleasures and that I may learne to reioyce without offence thou giuest me sorowe for a time that I may not suffer euerlasting paines thou afflictest my body that thou mayest saue my soule thou scourgest that thou mayest heale and killest that thou mayest quicken But alas vnwillingly doe I receiue thy salue out of the secrete hand of thy mercie and being ignorant doe not acknowledge the soueraigne medicine of healthfull sorowes wherewith thou art mercifully seuere against me and how doe I acknowledge it If I earnestly desire to be deliuered from sorowes who without sorowes cannot be healed for howe shall he be healed without sorowes who by delightes is made sicke Therfore O Lord make me to sorowe and teach me a sauing sorowe that my griefe may be turned into ioy Iohn 16. Psal 12. and that I may reioyce in thy saluation saying Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. PSALM II. DAyes passe and yeeres slide away but I vnhappie man who after so many corruptions of my soule after so many most grieuous and long falles doe not yet repent nor am afflicted for my sinnes neglect the often falling againe into them care not for rising from them heaping newe vnto olde and greater vnto lesse What shall I doe O Lord or whither shall I goe Psal 138 when my last time shall come where shall I be hidden from the countenance of thy wrath or whither shall I flie away from thy face when thou shalt call me vnto iudgement and require of me accompt of the talent giuen vnto me What shall I answere vnto thee or howe shall I excuse my negligence when thou shalt sit vpon the throne of thy Maiestie and command me to giue accompt of my stewardship to Matth. 5. Luke 16. the vttermost farthing Surely I will say Lord I suffer violence answere for me for who Esai 38. am I that I shoulde answere vnto thee in iudgement But what if thou compel me to answere I will say as a man confounded fearing and trembling O Lord I haue gained Matt. 25. nothing thereupon Yea I haue Luke 15. wickedly and vainely consumed thy talent and by loose liuing I haue spent thy goods surely I haue spoken foolishly by saying liuing for I should better haue sayed by dying But I then thought I liued and loe I was dead because I liued without thee my true life And if I liued at any time with thee I scarce remember it Yea if the life of a wicked man may rather be called death then life I may worthily say that I sooner began to die then liue For I did not perfectly vnderstand what life was whē I had forsaken thee that art the life of liues and the fountaine of life malice did supplie mine age in manifold wickednesse I was scarce come out of my mothers wombe and already was a sinner Comming into the world being yet ignorant of sinne I did bewaile the sinne wherein my parents begotte me neither did I altogether leaue bewailing others sinnes when I cōmitted mine owne which I knowe and did not be wayle Being an infant I followed iniquities and spent my childehood wherein I S. August should haue beene pure vnpurely there breathed sinfull vapours from the slimie concupiscence of my flesh and the spring of my youth and did shadow my heart that it could not discerne light from darkenesse and the cleerenes of the mind from the mist of lust and traitrous and craftie pleasures did carie my weake forgetfull loose age into the headlong rockes of lust so as I boyled vp in whorings desiring to be satisfied in hell from my childehood I grewe to growing yeeres neither was I sooner growing towards youth then my wickednes did growe ripe and I was bold to growe wilde in diuers and shadowie lustes by the which being drawen and entised with the gulfe of wickednesse I was Iames 1. 1. Tim. 6. drowned to death and destruction The euill and wicked dayes of my growing yeeres passed on and I grewe toward youth but I returned backward so much filthie in vanities as I was elder I was a yong man and came to be a man but vice alwayes florished in me in steade of vertue I waxed olde and gray and did not walke in thy wayes but as a child of an hundred yeres being nowe an olde man I liue childishly Where then haue I beene at any time innocent that I would be iudged of thee according vnto the time of mine innocencie though thou diddest appoint it me vnto iudgement For Psal 118. Psal 61. Iob. 9. thou art iust O Lord and righteous is thy iudgement and thou renderest to euery man according to his workes And I feare all mine because they are the workes of darkenesse and I haue beene a worker of iniquitie from the beginning and haue alway willingly followed the pathes of the vnrighteous I haue wallowed in sinne as the swine
sword my sleepe is troubled with diuers illusions bringing me no rest but trauaile I watch all night in my thoughts when as being wearied I endeuour to giue some sleepe to mine eye lids by and by sleepe departeth from mine eyes and I sleepe alwayes in sorowes being wakened with an vnquiet wearines from the care of the Iob 30. day and all my inward partes are inflamed without rest The Iob 33. meate which before I desired is made abominable vnto my soule and my drinke is mingled Psal 101. with teares and confusion is before mine eies and rednes in my cheekes whē I remember how grieuously I haue offended thee O my God and in howe many sortes I haue abused my strength and thy gitfes I haue spent my dayes in vanities euerlasting cares haue consumed me and being caried hither and thither with senseles cogitations I haue spent my time I fained to my selfe dreames oftentimes and reioyced and vanished away being deluded in my vanities and madnes I ascended into Psal 106. heauen and by and by descended vnto the deepe and while Psal 41. one deepe calleth another my soule did consume in euill I did rot before the eies of men I wished impossible things by the fantasticall fruition of them I was made like vnto them that sleepe and rising from their sleepe haue found nothing in their hands I am a vile worme and yet O Lord I did neuer know thee but with an high forehead haue exalted my selfe alone aboue all I haue rashly boasted of my wordes and in pride thought them to be wisedome I was an enemie vnto my companions and being angrie with many did reproche them without cause I hated patience loued wrath and would be angry without reason I cursed my seruants and familiars yea and my selfe also when I was angrie and scornefully reproched my friends I did vnwillingly beare mine aduersities and haue put my trust in man more then in God I heard the trueth vnpatiently and answered the wise in furie I sought iniuries and reuenges willingly and neuer reserued reuenge vnto God I waxed cruell against him that defended his owne cause neither did a soft answere or a Prou. 6. gentle man please me I tooke pleasure in strife and contention and as a wicked man did often sow discord hatred among brethrē I receiued with mine eares wholesome and good counsels but did not apprehend discipline I did with a milde countenance beholde such counsailours as tickled mine eares but those that spake vnto mee with a free minde I put farre from me I Tobia helde not out my hand to the needie neither did I eate my Tobit bread with the hungrie the beggers and lepers did lie in the streetes and I passed away turning mine eies from them least my bowels should be stirred and I moued with mercie should giue almes vnto them I payed not my debt to them that did lende vnto me and did borowe to satisfie my inordinate desire I coueted to be rich that I might doe vnlawfull things and in all godly dueties shewed my self poore and what I wanted to godlinesse did largely abound vnto my lust I reioyced beyonde measure in all gluttonie and bankets and with vnsatiable greedinesse offended nature that is contented with little My belly was as it were my Philip. 3. god my glory in the shames of those that sauour earthly things I sought the sweetest and most exquisite meates and with the pretence of necessitie I did often shadowe the desire of pleasure I put my Psal 49. portion among the adulterers and my familiar conuersation was among fornicators I was immoderately conuersant in blood and being like vnto bruite beastes I was so ouerthrowne in this vice that I shame to speake what I shamed not to doe Mine eare and my tongue serued vanitie whilest by the one the oile of sinners did make my head fat and with the other I supplied often that which others seemed to want concerning my prayse and as oportunitie serued I did set foorth to others mine owne prayse and did alwayes reioyce to be set foorth both by mine owne and other mens speeches To conclude I liued in all kinde of pleasure of this world being banished farre and wide from the delightes of thy house and if at any time the feare of death and the last iudgement did quicken my slouth and for a litle time call me frō the deepe gulfe of pleasure by and by I returned as a dogge to his vomite Being dead in them I yet liue and abiding in death I hasten to death and see death also swift by comming vnto me But let thy mercy O Lord Psal 78. quickly preuent me before that terrible day of miserie and calamitie doe come the great Psal 25. and bitter day that though I Zeph. 1. die I may liue and declare thy mercies aboue all thy workes Looke backe O Lord and beholde howe my soule lieth in her concupiscences sicke of the palsie and is euill vexed there with deliuer it from the fast birdlime of death that it may cleaue vnto thee alone who onely art the true life and leauing all others follow thee that art aboue all Say vnto my soule O Lord God of my saluation Psal 27. 54. Math. 15 be it vnto thee as thou desirest make me to heare this thy voyce a voyce of reioycing and saluation that I may runne after it and take hold of thee and keepe thee fast and not let thee goe vntill thou sendest me whole away For being sicke to whom shall I goe but to thee that I may be cured or who can heale mine infirmitie but he that for man mankind came downe from heauen that they might be healed of their griefs who can 1. Reg◠quicken but he that doth mortifie quicken all things who can saue but thou O my God my Sauiour in the time of tribulation saue therefore and quicken me thou that art the life and euerlasting saluation of al that put their trust in thee And to thee that art without 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 beginning be glorie without end to thee be praise and honour to thee be cōtinual worship thankesgiuing thou that art the euerlasting spring of mercies for I was gone farre from thee and did runne away and yet thou doest speedily come to him that is sicke and runne away when he calleth vpon thee doest graunt him health before thou hearest his sighes for to be willing to be healed is ynough that thou shouldest heale and to be willing to liue that thou shouldest graunt life and in the blessing of thy sweetenes doest thou preuent the desire Psal 20. of a sinner that doeth knowe himselfe Therefore I will say vnto thee O Lord and it shall suffice vnto me I knowe mine Psal 50. iniquitie what is it to know but I will bee healed and howe doe I know because all my bones are vexed
that I am whē I see my selfe estranged from thy protection and forsaken in the middest of mine enemies that fight mightely against me I wil seeke thy face O Lorde and with sighes beseech thy countenance not to leaue me nor in anger to depart from thy seruant for all mine enemies followe me as a fugitiue that they may take kill me and therefore I must seeke refuge at thy hands to whom I doe flie O my God my strength my refuge and my vertue in the day of my tribulation for as there is no Esai 45. God beside thee so also there is no Sauiour besides thee Thou therefore O Lord that knowest all my miseries and Psal 102 from whom the worke of my weakenesse is not hidden cast behind thy backe all mine offences Psal 7◠and doe not remember my old iniquities but saue me Psal 50. according to thy mercie from all those that persecute me and deliuer me because there is none that can redeeme nor saue but thou O Lord who sauest all that trust in thee and Psal 71. deliuerest the poore from the mightie and from the handes of them that are stronger then he hide not therefore thy face from me O Lord neither despise me my sauing God my strength and my deliuerer for Psal 85. Psal 10. I am poore and very needie and thine eyes looke vpon the poore and if thy iustice seeke me hide me in the bosome of thy mercie wherein thou hast with long suffering borne me and inuited me to repentance for thou art long suffering patient Psal 102. and very mercifull and excellent aboue al wickednes Ioel 2. yea nothing is more proper vnto thee then to spare and haue mercie alwayes and therefore thou hast mercie on all because thou canst doe all and dissemblest the sinnes of men for repentance and thou Sapi. 11. sparest all because they are thine O Lorde who louest soules Turne therefore vnto me who am turned vnto thee deliuer mine afflicted soule frō all danger that my mouth may be filled with thy prayse and say vnto thee Blessed be Psal 123. the Lord who hath not suffered me to be deliuered vnto the teeth of mine aduersaries Except the Lorde had beene my helper they had perhaps swallowed mee quicke my soule as a sparrowe was deliuered from the snare of the fowlers the snare is broken and I am deliuered Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. PSALM VI. O Wretched man that I am what shall I doe for the great wilde beast hath deuoured my soule and I haue bene made a praye to the enemie he hath spoiled me of all those goods wherewith thou O Lord hadst beautified me and I am afraide to appeare naked before thee I departed rich and beautifull from thy Esai 37. Ierem. 11 Osee 5. face and went wandring after filthinesse in a corrupt way and in the wickednesse of my heart and my soule is made blacke vpon the coales and the excellent colour thereof is Thren 4. changed and I that was nourished with spices haue imbraced dung and I haue so impouerished and deformed my selfe by wearing the vile garments of sinners according to the likenesse of Adams offence as thou O Lord doest not nowe knowe me according to the image wherein thou hast created me and wilt not suffer mee as a scabbed sheepe to dwell among the sheepe of thy pasture Howe then shal I presume to returne vnto the presence of thine infinite Maiestie in whose sight Iob 15. the Heauens are not cleane being emptie vile and vncleane or howe shall I presume to communicate with thy chosen people being made foolish by offending I would hauereturned vnto thee though ashamed and afraide trusting to thy mercie for thou art a sweete father to thy sonne that is trauailing into a farre countrey but much sweeter vnto him when he returneth from a long pilgrimage But O my God I lacke the power to come vnto thee for I am kept fast bound by a most cruell robber not with strong iron but with the iron of mine owne will whereof the enemie hath made a chaine for me and bringeth my heart in hard workes and all wicked Exod. 1. slauerie to bitternesse My refuge Psal 118 is farre from me for saluation is farre from sinners and I am compelled to die in most miserable bondage vnlesse thou O Lord looking downe from Heauen doest helpe me I sticke fast in the slimie claie of the deepe and a tempest of temptations euen like the waves of the cruel sea hath ouer whelmed and crowned me so that I am in despaire of auoiding these imminent dangers vnlesse thou O God shalt take me vp for the more I endeuour to arise the more am I bruised I am both within and without troublesome vnto my selfe euery where I finde domesticall enemies that doe beate me downe I looke on the right hand and the left and I see none to whom I may safely commit my selfe but euery where feare doeth shake me and to whom so euer I come I finde not a faithfull friend how should I finde any that my selfe doe not keepe my faith giuen to my God I haue sought any to comfort me in my afflictions and calamities and there was none of all my deare Thren 1. friendes that woulde comfort me but I met with men that were too full of wordes nay dumbe rather and therefore dumbe because thy word O my God did not sound from their lips but the offence of Psal 58. their mouth the wordes of their owne lips who did condemne my wantes without compassion and triumphing ouer me did hardly and fiercely prouoke strife against me I haue often consented vnto Prou. 18. foolish deceiuers and swaruing from the right pathe I ignorantly agreed to their opinion and by little and little was by them brought to such toyes and madnes as though by the helpe of thy grace I neuer departed from the true religion yet I did beleeue many fables yet am I an vnexcusable man for that when I did knowe thee to be alwayes a God in trueth I did not worship Rom. 1. thee in spirit and trueth but changed thy trueth into lyes and serued the creatures rather then the Creatour and sought my selfe and my pleasures in corruptible things but thou O Lord my sweetenesse and my trust proceede on and as thou hast made me by true faith to acknowledge thee waken mee vp that sleepe in Psal 12. sinne and open mine eyes that I neuer sleepe vnto death Lighten kindle lift them vp Psal 83. vnto thee that in thy light they may behold thee the euerlasting light the vnquencheable light that neuer faileth the Eccle. 24. sweete and delightfull light that they may see and reioyce Sapi. 4. and couet thy light and know Eccle. 11. Psal 68. that nothing is to be
loued beside thee but in and for thee Iohn 1. Thou O Lord which art the true light that doest illuminate all men comming into this world cause this light to rise in my darkenes and make me to desire thy iustification that my soule being melted away by the force of loue may faint into thy sauing health Psal 188. and thirste after thy delightes my soule I say but let me call it thine because thou diddest make it and giue it vnto me and mine because I receiued it from thee keepe therefore thy creature which thou hast specially framed according to thine owne image and suffer not thy precious gifte to perish wherein thou hast lifted me vp aboue all the workes of thine owne hands vpon my body and members worke whatsoeuer pleaseth thee let my flesh be clothed with rottennesse Iob 33. and consumed with wormes But I beseech thee O Lord onely spare my soule and stretch not out thy hand against it bring me backe againe into thy wayes before the going downe of the Sunne for it groweth towarde Euening and compell me to come vnto thee if to call be too little constraine me as it pleaseth thee so I may come and not perish not for my selfe who hauing so often abused thy mercie haue made my selfe vnworthy thereof but for thy holy Name take from me a stonie heart and giue vnto Exec. 36. me a fleshy heart and place thy Spirite in the middest of me that I may walke in thy precepts keepe thy iudgements I come too late vnto thee O Lorde I confesse I would to God I had come sooner but I knowe and am assured that thou prescribest no time to them that come so they come and receiuest the last as gently as the first for that although thou hatest Sapi. 1. sinne thou hatest not the sinner neither doest thou reioyce in his destruction and therefore though hee tarrie very long thou doest patiently looke for him O how sweete and pleasant is that thy saying O Lord wherein thou hast giuen hope vnto my Psal 118. Hiere 3. soule Thou hast played the harlot with many louers yet returne thou vnto me I wil receiue thee How delightfull and pleasant is that worde wherewith thou comfortest sinners that are in despaire of themselues If a sinner repent Ezec. 18. him from all his sinnes he shall liue and not die for is the death of a sinner according to my will With great ioy I heare thee when thou sayest that the sheepe that Luke 15. had gone astray shall be brought home with ioy vpon the shepheards shoulders and S. Augu. that the groate shall be layed vp in thy treasures neighbours reioycing with the woman that found it and the ioy of the solemnitie of that house doeth force teares from me when I did reade of the yonger sonne that he was dead and liued againe Therefore Psal 67. giue O Lord vnto my soule the voyce of thy vertue and not of thy vertue alone which shaketh off the slouthe of soules but also the beame of thy light which doeth both shewe vnto men their sinnes and giueth light also to the hidden places of darkenesse Cant. 2. Let thy voyce sounde in the eares of mine heart and say vnto my sleeping soule why art thou so long oppressed with a deadly sleepe and kept captiue in bandes It is nowe Rom. 13. Esai 55. Cant. 6. time to rise from sleepe and that thou forsake thy waye and returne to me that haue redeemed thee returne O Esai 44. thou Sunamite returne that we may behold thee returne and deferre no longer to come vnto me for I am the Lorde thy God that call thee I am I am he that blot out thine iniquities Esai 43. for my selfe neither carie in remembrance things past then will I say boldly to my soule turne thee to thy Psal 144 rest for the Lorde hath done well vnto thee goe safely vnto him and though thou art wearied by thy wicked wayes goe the swifter that thou maiest the sooner take rest be not made afraid for thy sinnes for if they be as redde as scarlet Esai 1. 44. they shal be made as white as snow as a cloude they shall be put away and feare not to be accused of boldnes where thou art praysed for obediēce Goe and make haste my soule vnto him that came not to call the righteous but sinners and Matth. 8. if thou art a sinner thy God is the God of sinners Wherefore then doest thou feare to goe thou that art not called by a cruell iudge but by the father of mercies that thou mayest obtaine mercie therefore goe now willing being called to mercie that thou be not compelled hereafter to goe vnto iudgement In thee O Lorde my noble Father doe I trust and will not be ashamed to confesse vnto thee my deformities S. August and blasphemies who was not ashamed to professe them before men and to barke against thee Let the Marke 2. Pharise murmure say who can forgiue sinnes but God alone for it is God that speaketh vnto me whose worde is liuely and effectuall he that Psal 76. calleth me is milde and pitiful and is not wonted to containe his mercies in his wrath And therefore vpon thy words will I assuredly come vnto thee O my God my trust and my portion in the land of the liuing I wil come and fall downe before thee and not feare thy Maiestie because thou callest me and that I offende not thine eyes when I shall appeare vncleane in thy sight I will wash away my filthinesse with continuall teares and mine eye lidde shall not rest from weeping but my bed shall be priuie vnto my sorrowe wherein I please thee though I displease my selfe and being by thee conuerted vnto thee I repent me of those things I haue committed that I may praise thee with a cleane Psal 88. heart saying O Lord who is like vnto thee for then is thy Eccl. 15. Psal 125. praise bountifull in the mouth of a sinner and hee that hath sowed in teares shall reape in gladnesse Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. PSALM VII HAue mercie vpon me O Lord for I am in trouble and vexed with vnspeakeable miseries for floods of iniquitie doe vexe me the waters Psal 58. haue entred euē into my soule as a riuer that is ouerflowen so my sinnes which I haue hitherunto dissembled and neglected to confesse or amend are growen so high that they haue passed ouer my head and Psal 37. bowed my minde and will to the concupiscence of sensuall desires yea made me subiect to the slauerie of the deuil Wo vnto me for I am altogether mortally wounded there is no health in me from the sole of the foote to the crowne of my head for mine enemie hath supplanted me and as
in filthines and as he was fed with coddes so was I delighted with filthie and vaine wordes and grieued with earnest profitable sayings I did communicate with those that wrought iniquitie did banquet with the chiefe of them did glorie in sinne Psal 51. being mightie in iniquitie I loued to excuse and could not accuse my selfe and made heauie my heart and the more vncurable is my sinne for that I did not thinke my selfe to be a sinner Neither did I only not seeke a medicine for my soule that was sicke vnto death but refused it being offered yea with an vnreuerent and vntamed mind was wroth against them that would minister it vnto me I persecuted them that reprooued me and imbraced them that spake pleasingly to me and was delighted in their speeches that had not their heart right vnto thee I studied deuises and lies and in all things loued rather darknesse Iohn 3. then light Beholde O Lord I haue declared my selfe vnto thee this is the course of my life wherein I haue deserued thy wrath This will I answere vnto thee when thou shalt aske me of me But doe Psal 25. not remember the offences of my youth nor my ignorances O Lorde and enter not into Psal 142 iudgement with thy seruant for no liuing creature shall be iustified in thy sight but if thou Esai 61. wilt enter because thou art a God that louest iudgement doe iudgement vnto me but not iustice and iudge me according Psal 18. to the iudgement of those that loue thy name that I may sing vnto thee mercie Psal 106. and iudgement Remember O Lord that though I am wicked yet am I thy seruant and the sonne of thy handmaide Psal 81. and doe not looke vnto the multitude of my miseries but vnto the greatnes of thy mercies Abak 3. and when thou shalt be angrie against me for my wickednesse remember thy mercie that thou bee not angrie with me for euer but haue mercie vpon thy afflicted seruant that my soule may praise thee and confesse thy mercifulnesse Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. PSALM III. VVOe vnto me O wretched man because I haue made my Redeemer angrie against me and haue rebelliously neglected his Law I haue willingly forsaken the right way and as a sheepe that Psal 62. refuseth his shepheard I haue beene caried farre and wide round about through drie vnwatered places wandring in the wildernesse and not in the way I haue gone to all rough vnaccessable places and euery Sapi. 3. where was anguish and tribulation I haue beene wearied in the way of iniquitie and perdition and haue walked in hard wayes seeking rest finding none because I did not seeke thee O Lord but was in a barren lande in the countrie of death where is no rest but continuall labour and affliction of the spirit dwelleth there When I was in honour I did Psal 48. not vnderstand but as one of the flocke of brute beastes my dwelling was among the walkes of wilde beasts I dwelt in anguish with pleasures and among thornes did I make my bed and slept in death and hoped for rest in torments Nowe therefore what shall I doe whither shall I turne my selfe in these so great dangers All the hopes of my youth are fallen downe and I am made like one that hath suffred shipwracke who hauing lost his merchandize swimmeth away naked being tossed with wind and sea I am caried farre from the hauen and doe not take hold of the way of saluation but am caried away on the left hand The enemie hath placed nets for me which way soeuer I went and snares for my feete and I despised them and walked securely in slipperie places and flattered my selfe in sinnes I thought youth was not helde by the lawe of death and being deceiued by this confidence I followed the filthie desires of my flesh and gaue the raines beyonde all measure to sensualitie following it whither soeuer the force thereof did carie me and said a foole in my heart wherfore Psal 5◠doest thou thinke of the ende before the middle thou hast many dayes yet remaining and maiest be conuerted when thou listest So waxed I olde in sinnes and a most wicked custome was turned into nature and nowe like a bondslaue vnto Barnard sinne I serue as it were inchained and as a mad man haling his owne flesh seeketh to hurt himselfe all reason of deliberation being quenched so I more grieuously and dangerously haue hated mine owne soule for the impenitence of my heart and obstinate wilfulnesse hath layed violente and wicked hands vpon me and hath torne in pieces and exulcerated my soule and so hauing brought vnto my selfe the heapes of hell euery day more and more according to my hardnesse and impenitent Rom. 2. heart I doe whoord wrath against the day of wrath I haue made triall sometime to shake off the olde yoke but am not able because it cleaueth to my bones O that at length it may fall from my necke that I may loue thee though late it shall surely sal away if thou O Lord command and send me helpe from aboue I confesse I haue not deserued it but thou O most gracious giuer who makest the Sunne to rise indifferently vpon the good and bad and grauntest temporall blessings to the vnworthy euen when they aske them not how canst thou denie spiritual things to those that shall require them Haue mercy therfore vpon me O Lord and fulfill the desire of a poore man thou that art riche in mercie Ephes 2. and art woont cheerefully to Rom. 12. haue mercie and doest purge the will from euill custome and hearest the gronings of Psal 101. those that are bound and loosest vs from the bands which we haue made vnto our selues vnlesse we raise vp against thee the hornes of false libertie Giue thy right hand vnto the Iob 14. Psal 36. worke of thine owne hands that when I fall I may not be bruised and being bruised I may not be drawen into the Esai 14. deepe lake wherein is no water Deliuer me frō the mouth Psal 16. of the cruell lyon that is ready for the praye and gapeth after my soule that he may deuoure it for thou onely art my protectour and deliuerer and in thy mercie alone is all my hope Let thy mercie therefore Psal 3◠Psal 3◠be done vnto me according as I haue trusted in thee I haue trusted and shall not be confounded but obtaining my desire shall sing vnto thee Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. PSALM IIII. MY nightes passe away in griese and vexe me with innumerable terrors my conscience shaketh me while I am awake and I am tormented therewith as if I were wounded with a two edged
within me and my soule is very much Psal 60. troubled for my sinnes Behold nowe I lay all mine iniquities before thy sight O my God Psal 40. that thou mayest cure heale my soule because it hath sinned against thee For as thou Psal 5. art a God that desirest not iniquitie so wilt thou not the death of a sinner but rather Ezec. 18. that hee should be conuerted and liue For the dead shall not prayse thee O Lord but wee Psal 105. that liue doe blesse the Lord and confesse vnto him for he is good and his mercie is euerlasting Glory be to the Father and to the Sonne and to the holy Ghost As it was in the beginning c. PSALM V. I Haue reuealed my miseries vnto thee O Lord not to make knowen my wayes vnto thee that diddest know them all from the beginning and hast numbred all my steps for Iob 31. thou knowest the hidden places of darknesse and all things Psal 43. are naked and open to thine eyes and thou doest not onely see but also discerne the lurking Hebr. 4. places of our thoughtes and the marrowe of our affections but I vncouer that thou maiestcouer and protect I reueale that thou mayest hide and knowe in me an humble and contrite spirite and by the Psal 50. offring of this sacrifice which is most acceptable vnto thee be mercifull vnto me and forgiue Luke 18. my sinnes I haue spoken many and great things and yet haue saide little for the worme of my conscience doth Barnard pricke me in more I would to God it might gnaw away the rottennesse that by gnawing it might consume it and withall be it selfe consumed and that it begin not to be cherished in immortalitie but let it bite that it may die and by little and little by biting leaue biting But woe vnto me for when I thinke I haue made an ende of telling my euils then am I constrained to begin againe as it were and my memorie being full of vncleannesse doeth more abundantly remember much more filthinesse for I haue sinned aboue the number of the sands of the sea and if I had a hundred tongues a hundred mouths I shall skarse answere one of a thousand thousand yet that increaseth my griefe that I can not remember all my filthines past and the fleshly corruptions of my soule for while I commit newe sinnes I forget the olde but those that I remember I will not hide not that I wil loue them any more but that I may loue thee most earnestly O my God and that I remembring my most wicked wayes in the bitternesse of my remembrance thou mayest S. Augu. be sweete vnto me O sweetenesse that art not deceaueable O amiable sweetenes O happie and secure sweetenes then enuie was familiar vnto me and charitie was estranged frō me I slandered Kings Princes and the Ministers of the Church and did bite them with a lying murmuring I did disgrace the desertes and praises of the iust and allowed the doings of the wicked if at any time there were a commendable Fra. Petrarch speeche concerning good men I obiected false spots and did discouer their secret infirmities for most light things did accuse them to others as guiltie of a greater crime Againe if there were any infamie of the wicked I did by and by set forwarde their slender vertues and preferred them in desert before their betters and so was cause of their greater ruine If I sawe a thiefe I did Psal 44. runne with him and to fulfill mine iniquitie I raysed offence against my mothers sonne spared not to slander and deceiue my kinsefolke I wished to my neighbours sorrow and ill happe and in his death onely did I set my hope I did not defend the cause of the innocent did vpbraide the guiltie as if I reioyced at their torments I rashly iudged many guiltie of faultes and seeing a litle moate in my brothers eie I did not feele a great beame Luke 6. in my owneeie I loued slouthfulnesse as my mother idlenesse was as my brother and I did auoide all honest exercise and labour I waxed heauie from day to day and did not giue God thankes for his dayly benefites bestowed vpon me and thou O Lord knowest howe seldome I did by night meditate vpon thy lawe and thy wonderfull workes I often spent the whole night without sleepe and when my mind did wander from thee hither and thither to many things thou diddest neuer meet with it I went to bed without thee I lay in my bed without thee I rose from my bed without thee without thee the day shined vpon me passed wholly away without thee and therefore was I alway without thee because I was alway with my selfe who in my darke affections am farre from thee yet if at any time thou camest into my minde and that I did begin to consider thy marueilous workes suddenly the burthen of the worlde as in sleepe is vsuall did sweetely presse me downe and my thoughtes wherewith I did meditate on thee were like the endeuours of those that would wake and yet conquered with the depth of sleepinesse are drowned againe I often purposed to determine of the affaires of my conscience but the present day doeth alway delude me with the expectation of that which is to come I rested vnto a brittle and deceitfull foundation and leaned vpon a broken reede when as trusting thereto I thought I stood sure I fell into the fire and when I S. Augu. fell I knewe howe weakely I had stood I gaped with an vnquencheable thirst after honour and gaine and in these desires I suffered most cruell difficulties Euery disordered vndisciplined man was my friend and I defiled the veine of friendship with the filth of concupiscence and obscured the whitenesse thereof with hellish lust Tragicall spectacles full of the showes of my miseries and the foode of my fire did drawe me and I did not only not shut the passages against death but opened also S. Barnar the windowes vnto it and all my members were seuerall windowes through the which death entred into my soule And so newe filthinesse growing on I haue not purged the olde nay rather from thence did spring in me many sinnes for which I am cast out from before thy face O my God being depriued of the comfort of thy presence I fall almost into desperation knowing not whither I goe but departing from thee whither shall I goe and who wil looke vpon my face if thou turne thine away from me and as a reprobate depriue me of thy sight I shall vndoubtedly become hatefull vnto all men and as a wanderer and runnagate in the land I shal be made a shame skorne vnto them when they shall aske of me where is thy God and wherefore Psal 73. hath he put thee frō him what shall I doe therefore O wretched man
a most cruell tyrant tormenting me hath depriued me of all my senses leauing onely my vnderstanding that by ioyning the knowledge of my hurt and losse he might also increase my sorow He should litle hurt if he had depriued me altogether of all vse of my senses and had made me vtterly senselesse in all my actions but he hath depriued me thereof for doing that which is good and hath violently inforced me to euill and hath so infected my minde which is altogether bent to outward things with a certaine astonishment of inward senselesnesse that she cannot feele her 1. Tim. 4. inward hurtes for when I should haue heard I was deafe and turned mine eare from the trueth but when it had beene fitte for mee to stoppe mine eares from hearing vnprofitable things and the toyes of many men I was swift to heare and a gentle hearer Heauenly things I tasted vnsauerly my soule lothed all spirituall meate but I iudged earthly things sweeter then the honie the honie combe Psal 100. I was blinde and an earthly man in beholding those things that were Gods but worldly things I looked vpon with a proude eye and desired them with an vnsatiable heart Neither in my senses alone but in my members also which God gaue to me for the seruice of my soule did mine auncient enemie shut vp from me the way of saluation and prepared such ambushes against me in this cruell siege as I was neuer able to auoide them but so often as I tried to flie away I fell into his hands For I did offend both by seeing and refusing to see by hearing and by being deafe speaking and holding my peace standing and sitting sleeping and waking walking and resting to conclude I changed all the peculiar and common vse of my senses and members into a filthie abuse burning in my vncleane desires so that I haue transgressed all the lawes both of God man and nature and haue liued diligent in obseruing onely the law of sinne I would to God I onely had beene so and nowe were not but alas because I am yet the same that before I was and nothing changed from that I followed the worst for my sicke will doeth yet beare rule and my most foule stinking soule that is filled euery where with horrible soares that proceede only from it selfe doeth still perseuere in the old euils I am often angry with my self because I am wearie to liue when I am not weary to sinne I know my folly and am confounded being cōfounded reproue my self saying O carnall louer why doest thou so long wallowe in the mire of thy concupisence why art thou so carefully busie for earthly things and doest so earnestly desire those goods which shall perish or with what reasō callest thou goods those things thou gainest with so much labour and the great hurt of thy soule and being gained possessest in feare and being possessed leesest with griefe O my soule why doest thou forget thine owne proper estate and nobilitie and art not ashamed to endure a miserable and shamefull bondage vnder the corruption of thy corporall senses why art thou deceiued with the vnfaithfull promises of the world markest not that the chiefe good thereof is a vapour that appeareth but a little season and a vanitie of vanities Blush and be ashamed O miserable sinner howe often hast thou departed from thy Creatour and turned to deceitfull creatures and comming againe to thy selfe beholde with any sight of thy minde how cruelly in respect S. Bernar. of a miserable hūting thy soule hath bowelled her selfe whilest with an immoderate desire catching at a vile praye of flies shee hath like the spider made nets for her selfe of her owne bowels Againe and Rom. 6. againe I say Blush at that wherein thou hast had no fruite and lament thy lost time that blushing may bring Prou. 23. thee fruite Yeelde thy heart vnto God and thou shalt pay that thou owest With these speeches I rage against my selfe when being inwardly admonished I enter into my selfe and consider with my heart what I haue lost and what I haue found but I doe Rom. 7. not that good which I like but the euill that I will that I doe for mine enemie holdeth my will and doeth keepe me being fashioned according to the former desires of mine ignorance captiue vnder the law Rom. 8. of sinne But thou O Lorde God of vertues the tower of my strength and the ruler of my life doe not withdrawe thy helpe from me looke vnto my defence and protect me Psal 25 vnder the shadowe of thy wings least I fall in the sight of mine aduersaries and mine enemie reioycing against me say I haue preuailed against him Breake the bands of my reproch vnder which I haue beene made crooked and lose the cordes of my sinnes wherewith I am strongly bounde O most mightie Lorde and make knowen thy power vnto mine enemies that I may offer vnto thee a sacrifice of gladnesse saying Who shall Psal 105 speake the power of the Lord or who shall declare all his prayses that deliuered my soule from death my feete from sliding who hath saued me from the lyons mouth and my lowlinesse from the hornes of Vnicornes To whō should Psal 21. I crie but to thee vpon whom all our fathers haue called and haue beene saued to thee I say who neuer deceiuest them that hope in thee set me therefore neere thee and let any mans hand sight against me for I will feare no euill because thou art with me All my desires are before thee blot out and put away whatsoeuer is strange from thee renue create and confirme whatsoeuer thou hast giuen me that casting away all carnall and vnprofitable desires the sinner may bee praysed in the desire Psal 9. of his heart and coueting to enioy thee the onely Psal 118. true pleasure my request may come before thy face and I may cōfidently say vnto thee Psal 20. graunt vnto him O my God the desire of my soule for I knowe and am assured that Iob 6. no man can desire thee but by thy selfe nor come vnto thee vnlesse thou draw him Drawe me therefore O Lorde and graunt vnto me that I may begin in a good desire that I may ende and perfite it in a good worke before my olde custome oppresse my newe desire my former will strenthened by age conquer my newe will least when right things please me I returne to my old wont Clothe me with the precious garments of thy saluation and thy beautie and put off frō me the vile clothes of my widdowhead wherein Ephes 4. being depriued of thee I walke according to the ancient conuersatiō of the old man doe not any more remember the shame of my widdowhead that being newely clothed in Esai 54. thee become a newe man I may with a newe spirit serue thee in newnes of life and in the