prettie conceit Iulio doost see Vulcan with the horning parenthesis in his fore-head I hit indirectly vpon the leaft pap at three passes for a hundred Crownes Iul. Not for a hundred Pol. I st a match Iul. T is done where will you take your stand Pol. Here any where hart has the Arras an ague it trembles so Em. No Vulcans fearefull Pol. And with a feare it comes haue at the Cuckkold Lnr. Oh! Pol. Harke the Arras is in labour Iul. Mas I heard something groane Poly. I le be the Mid-wife and helpe to deliuer it Em. Sweet Prince Pol. Harke Wench I smell Bores grease Em. Will you but heare me Pol. Now excuse what tricke She whispers to him Em. How but a Picture I le trie that presently If you loue me disfigure it not I esteeme it onely for the liuely workmanship Pol. Then let me haue a sight on 't Em. Vpon condition you le neither deface it with weapon nor soile it with your breath Pol. On my Virginities maiden-head wee will not discouer Lurdo behinde the Arras Iul. Hart a the Deuill your Vncle Pol. O forbeare fore God passing good workman indeede Em. Marke but the glance of his eye Iul. The hanging of his neither lip Pol. The blush of his cheeke Win. The curle of his haire Em. The pit of a chin Jul. What a smooth hand a hath Iul. Long fingers like a Lady Win. Not so much but a seale Ring Pol. Armes and all viz a tame Gudgeon Em. And the foole swallowes it rarely you marke him Pol. Is the numbe Asse insensible of Scoffes I le touch him neerer yet mine eye deceiues me And this be not Count Lurdoes counterfeit Iul. You may soone know that my Lord Pol. As How Iul. If it be his a hath the Gowte in his left foote Poll. The verie same his shoe is cut and all Farwell Tris and yet I le startle him a little better afore we leaue him fore-god t is so like him I doubt wether it be the shadow or his substance Iul. A blocke Em. A shadow Win. A meere sencelesse stone Pol. Then t is a counterfeit Em. An absolute counterfeit what doe you meane Pol. Marrie many Counterfeits walke in the likenesse of good mony and so may this doe which to preuent I le naile him to a poast for feare a passe currant on your lips in my absence and so deceiue me Em. I le sweare a shall not gentle Prince be short Length kils the heart of the moste feeling sport Pol. Well Maiden I am content this iest shall repriue your head for this once but beware the next encounter come Ariadnes clew will you vnwinde and light vs through this vault of darkenesse and there 's your Naulum Win. Thanke you my Lord and your businesse stand this way at midnight I le let you in by this token and take this frō me when you come againe bring the Lady a Diamond or some prettie foolish stone for I cā tel you these same paultrie stones are in high request amongst Ladies especially such old mowsers as I haue beene in my time as I say when you come be not asham'd to knock and if I come not knocke lustely and again and neuer giue ouer knocking till you heare my hem did you neuer know Wins hem Pol. Neuer Iul. Why hast thou a priuate hem Win. Haue I Ifaith sir I few Gallants i th town that are of any standing at all but are acquainted with my hem but come close my Lord close be sure the next time you come you doe not forget to knock lustily Exeunt manent Lurdo and Emilia Em. My Lord Lu. My Loue my life oh thou art made Out of the soule of wit and thy conceits Of the best fashion Em. Did you taste the iest Lu: Diuinely oh diuinely tart and quick Pleasing yet not teadious I was wrapt Em. In a knaues skin Lur. My sences were entranc'd Em. Into a fooles Paradice Lur. Oh my sweet Phoenix out of thy ashes Em. Is your loue so hot you meane to burne me Lur. Oh fit honnyed me And then their numnesse didst thou neuer reade Of any Lawyer came to be Duke Em. Neuer but I haue heard of a Cuckold that was an Vsurper Lur. Why such a one would I be Em. What a Cuckold Lur. Yes and an Vsurper too Em. So you are for you Lawyers vsurpe more crowns then halfe a Countrie Lur. Vlisses Tully Lawyers but no Dukes Em. Menelaus and Vulcan were Cuckolds but no Lawyers Lur. Fore-mee t is true but now I doe remember nought to that purpose Em. The most lustfull Goates Weare guilded hornes and goe in Veluet Coates Enter Win. Lu. What newes Win Win. Faith ordinarie houshold newes yonder 's a wel-fac'd Gentleman craues a may change a word with you Lur. His name Win. Horatio Lur. Leaue vs to confer Exeunt ambo A trustie friends the soules high Treasurer Enter Horatio In dumps Horatio what my second selfe clowded with passion Hor. O my honor'd Lord Our soules and our affections are made all of one fashion now the slightest wrong that scars the reputation of my friend stabs daggers to my heart Lu. I know it true and I can proou 't Our loues are twinnes But to the wrong dares any idle tongue Barke at our greatnes Hor. Yes Lur. Their names Hor. Your wife Lur. My wife the manner Hor. Mongst her lustfull Mates She shame's not to giue out that by your greatnesse knowledge credit and friends in highest place You haue diuorc'd her without due desert Lur. We must demurre of this I le haue a tricke By way of Habeas Corpus to remoue This talking Gossip come Horatio Some proiect how what course for her remoue Hor. I cannot counsell but fore-god my Lord My lodgings mightily annoy'd with rats That eate my papers and deface my books How should I rid them Lur. Easily poison them And well remembred this she Rat my wife That eates and teares the leaues of my repute Shall taste like speeding Phisicke in thine eare Canst temper poison Hor. Yes Lur. And kill a Rat Hor. That she shall neuer swell on 't Lur. Mum for that This she Rat is a Deuill Hor. A Limbe of Sathan Lur. Enuy Hor. Destruction Lur. Mallice Hor. Ratsbane doo 't Lur. Ere my disgrace get age rare tricks and I will foole the world woo't doo 't Hor. The Rate shall die Exeunt seuerally Enter Countesse three or foure young Gentlewomen sowing by an houre-glasse Cou. Quick prettie Damsels that your task were done The fore-noones eldest minutes almost runne 1 Gen. Then the glasse runs to fast Cou. I thinke not so Hadst thou my cares thou dst think it ran too slow 2 Gen. I haue my taske forsooth Co. So haue not I Yet with these sands my sorrowes run away I turne them with the glasse the glasse is run Yet my hudge masse of cares is scarse begun Here 's a fault little one what worke make you 1 Gen. True stitch forsooth
how soeuer our practise passe currant with your father for the present our villanyes must needs break forth they are so notorious and publique Po. No matter let 'am haue not we brayns brayns and they be well mincde are sauce for any meate let mine vncle turne Turxe and break forth let the whole towne turne cuckold and blow their hornes in our disgrace I haue brains let the Sunne and the seauen Stars be oppos'd I haue brayns for that too my present wit shall giue 'am all the lye in their throates and may ntayne it at pocket dagger and pistoll when I haue done Enter Horatios page Iu. A mourner boy what solemne funerall Hath hung that sable liuery on thy back Pa. Her death my Lord that hath cut out the like For both your honors the Countesse is deceast Pol. Then will my vncle be a hauy mourner But how the manner of her death Pa. I le tell your honor that hereafter and giue you the ground of an admirable ieast Pol. And we play not true moals and worke it out of the ground let me dye of the greene-sicknsses Iu. The ground then comes Pa. No I le tell you that in priuate the life of a iest thriues in the first reuealing it concernes the manner of your avnts death and a law-trick of your vncle Pol. Come to the solempe rites and weepe at least those being ended we le receiue y our iest Exeunt Solemnpe Musique to a funerall song the Herse borne ouer the stage Duke Lurdo Polymetes Angelo Iulio Horatio and mouners c. Exeunt Manet Horatio Ho. What is a man hart a the Deuill meere fools His rich inuention Machiuilian plots Idle illusiue antick phantasies Apelles grapes I had as full a brayne Fertile inuention and as forward hopes As man could father or his wit bring forth Yet in a minute in bubles age The venomd fury of a bitter spleene Confounded all forgetfull that I was Women are moulded out of bashfulnesse And must be drawne to kindnesse by degrees All this I knew Enter Count Lurdo Lur. Neither the Law nor I Know any reason why Horatio But mum Law-tricks as closely as I can Mine eare shall drinke his meditation Hor. Had she suruiu'd Time Lur. Might haue found vs out Good firme in Law I am a foole to doubt His constant secrecie Hor. But now shee 's dead Lur. The deepest wit could not haue bettered Our smooth conueyance but vpright and streight Vnknowne vnseene I le worke vpon conceit Exit Hor. Had she bene liuing golden promises The smoothe Atturneys to a Louers tongue Might haue in time solicited my suite Guiftes might haue pleaded mournefull Elegies Told her my passions had she bene composde Of steele or flint nay made of womens hearts The most obdurate mettle Time and Art But she is dead oh hell and in her tombe My hopes are buried Enter count Lurdo againe Lur. My conceited braine Hath an odde crotchet call'd me backe againe Hor. To all these bad mis-fortunes should the Corne vse any trickes Lur. Ha a talkes of trickes Of count and tricks for trickes and count are twinns Hor. Yet I regard not Lur. I am right and streight Hor. Say a complaine Lur. Suppose he tell the Duke he gaue the poison Hor. He contriu'd her death and cannot wrong me Lur. Fie I feare him not He doth but father what my braine begot Exit Ho. This comfort yet which many want I haue To follow my faire fortunes to the graue Exit ACTƲS QƲINTƲS Enter Horatios Page With a Theeues Lauthorne Page OH shall I venter ha shall I enter Shield me Appollo the groūd is so hollow That euerie step I treade vpon it Methinkes it sings a dead mans Sonnet Fates oh Fates be honest Drabs Feare giues me ten thousand stabs I dare not further t is wilfull murther Thus late to treade the cloyster vaults For though i 'me small I haue great mens faults Then gentle Fates take some remorse I watch an honest kinde quick course Graunt that no Hobgoblins fright me No hungrie deuils rise vp and bite me No Vrchin Elues or drunkards Ghoasts Shoue me against walles or postes O graunt I may no black thing touch Though many men loue to meete such But heere 's the tombe my hopes suffizing I watch a daintie Duckes vprising Her cheekes now are chilly as is the pale lilly Roses But when her eye vncloses thei le looke like two faire Enter Horatio with a light A light my maister or some spright Yet What neede Deuils haue candle-light T is he all hid I le not be seene For once this tombe shall be my screene He hides himselfe Hor. I cannot rest my guilt keepes ope mine eyes My passion rips my bosome and my blood Is turn'd to poysoned water and so swels That my vext soule endures a thousand hels If I chance slumber then I dreame of Serpents Toades altogether and such venomous euils As hale me from my sleepe like forked Deuils Midnight thou Aethiope Empresse of black soules Thou general Bawde to the whole word I salute thee Wishing thy poison dropt vpon my braine For my so rude so rash so heedeles murther In the ambition the height of lust Not giuing my blood libertie to coole To poison such a beautie O black Fate Thus many killd too soone repent too late Soft stay this same 's the chilly monument That huggs her bodie in his marble armes Thou gentle soule of my deceased loue O wert but possible to inioy thy voice Thy sweet Harmonious voice I should be blest But Eene to dally with thy silables O tombe Pa. No tombe but Cesterne fild with teares Ho. O heart Pa. No heart but sinke of greefe and feares Hor. Countesse soule shaddow shadow speak again Pa. Speake agen Ho. What should I speake my hate or thy huge wrongs Pa. Hudge wrongs Hor. Hudge wrongs indeede but charitable soule What ransome shall I pay thee for thy life Pa. Thy life Ho. My life Pa. I I life Ho. Discourteous ayre My blood is frozen with dispaire Pag. Dispaire Hor. Pardon forgiue me shall I goe Pa I goe Hor. But shall your hate pursue me I or no Pa. No Hor. Adieu my greefe and I le go sleepe Pa. Pray God my tongue can my hearts coūsel keep Pa. Ha are you vanisht let me see a may be fallen a sleepe against some pillar for I le be sworn a talk'd verie idely Abut decessit euasit erupit I would fain know that Wag that can put me down for a womans Ghoast extempore especially if it were to be performde vnder a tombe cloath but heere lay the desperate venter had she chaunc'd to haue risen and spoke before hir qu as about this time she must tise or my sleepie drinke plaies the drowsie companion with her Enter Horatio againe Hart a me my maister againe what crosse points are these I see I must betake me to my late refuge Hor. It was no Ghoast subtile opinion Working in mans decayed faculties Cuts out and
had these tryals of me abroade neuer mistrust my secrecie at home Em. I wil credit thee and now receiue this embrion of knauerie brieflie as I deliuer it I vnderstand since our priuate arriuall heere at Genoa that the Duke my father hearing of my surprisal from Monta sancta attended with a hundred Knights is gone to seeke a needle in a bottle of Hay Io. Or rather to catch a quicke Eele by the Em. Teeth as I haue done you sir Io. Nay and you breake iestes a my teeth once I haue done with you Em. If the breaking of the iest kept your teeth whole t was well broken but to the purpose as well to trie what mettle our Genowaies wits are made of as also to put my Brothers humor to the test I intend to dance a prettie change with my name for by nothing else I am sure they can knowe me being in my infancie carried to my Aunts at Pisa then insteed of Emilia call me Tristella Io. Agreed but what man i' th mist is this Em. I know not yet le ts walke and take occasion to confer with them Enter Polymetes reading end Inlis taking Tobacco Ioc. Yet keep without eye-shot so long as you can Poly. O moste Diuine Iul. Tobacco the best in Europe 't cost mee ten Crownes an ounce by this vapor Pol. Art not asham'd Iul. Of your foppish humor yes by this Element villanously asham'd pox on 't leaue it you are a scholler goe but to antiquitie reade the Chronicles you may finde some of your Ancestors chronicled for winning a Wenches fauour for loosing their armour but few for wit and Schollership Souldiers Scollers could neuer set their horses together especially in this kicking age but who comes heere one she-Satyre or other to pitch vp her Tent cast downe her gauntlet and proclaime thee coward for not stabbing her when shee gaue thee the moste plaine apparant and open lye Em. Ioculo we are fallen into their eyes Ioc. Thei le hardly see their way then for we are shrew'd moats but al 's one I le giue occasion of quarreil answert you as you can iustle Iulio Iul. Your reason Sir Ioc. To make thee recoile or with the Souldier to fall off i' st your countrie manner to corriue a leader being vpon or before present seruice as I am Iul. Pardon me sir I did not see your charge Would I had neuer seene her for her eye Hath set my thoughts in a strange mutenie Pol. What in loue Iulio Iul. No Prince loue 's in me I like a slaue indure loues tyrannie Ioc. Madam your Brother Pol. Slaue to all slaues be he that snares his eye In a weake Syrens Cob-web flatterie Iul. God saue faire sweete Em. Amen from such as you Iul. You had said for such had your tongue gone true Em. Why then belike I lye Iul. I would you did within my Curtens Em. Marry loue forbid Iul. Nay loue is willing for he cries le ts goe Em. Then loue hath two tunges for he tels me no so pray let 's part Iul. What and our lips not meete Em. Now fie vpon 't like Broom-men in the street Y' are a young wooer or else much to rude To shew this kindnesse fore a multitude But by the blush that colours ore your face You would scarce doo 't in a more priuate place Po. This same strāge thing i' th likenes of a womā Tastes of much wit though I not loue her sex I le arme my thoughts to cracke a iest with her What graueld lulio Em. No but run a Land Is your wits shipping any better mand Pol. Yes will you board it Em. No I dare not venter Pol. Make but a shot in iest and you may enter Em. You are a Scholler Pol. I haue seene some Schooles Em. You came not ore i' the last fleet of Fooles Pol. You tooke my roome vp Em. I pray tak 't agen Wee le haue no women fooles saile amongst men Pol. Your wit 's much currish Em. Why 't bites not you It feedes on fooles flesh so wisemen adieu Iul. Please you accept the curtsie of the towne Em. I need not I haue curtsies of mine ownes ther 's one for you Pol. How chance your wit 's so free Em. Onely to out-goe Iadish company Iul. Here are none such Ioc. Take heede for if you tire Shee le keepe her pace and leaue you in the mire Pol. A womans feature but a Schollers tongue In quick discourse Philosophers nere wondred More at the strange conception of the windes Then I admire how she attain'd this wit Did not true learning make the soule diuine She hath spoke enough to make me conuertine Iul. My loues are sound wait but your reply A short lin'd accent either no or I Em. I am not too seueare nor yet so kinde To fall for euerie idle puff of winde But farwell I le take counsell of my pillow Pittie fresh youth should wither in greene willowe Iul. Appoint the place sweete I le not misse mine houte Em. At the three fooles Iul. I le meete Em. And make vp foure Pol. Sweet wordes kinde lookes what and a parting kisse Words lookes and lips crie all the wenche is his I am possest deuill loue perswades my minde That if to him to me shee 'le proue more kinde What 's Iulio made of hadst thou soule or sence Thou wouldst not prentise thy affections Nor tie thy fortunes to a strangers loue Iul. A little liking my Lord a ierk a trick or so but no pure loue I protest but be impartiall cast of the furd-gowne of hate and speake out of the naked Doublet and hose of iudgement is she not worthy to be beloued nay might not she and I liue passing well together Pol. Yes if to liue in bondage be no hell I thinke you two might doe exceeding well Iul. Well my Lord because I le bee no example of selfe-will I le breake off our meeting at the three Fooles and send for her to Court where I le put al my loue into one quart of Maligo your melancholly humor into another and he that hath done last shall for penance giue her a kicke a the lips and a pipe of Tobacco be my witnesse that 's all the loue I beare her Pol. Well Iulio How ere you iuggle if you doe agree You must be pleas'd to weare the keepers fee Exennt Actus Secundus Enter Count Lurdo and Adam Adam Sir I doe not loue to double with a womā if my friend much lesse with you my most vpright straight Count my yong Lord as I told you is turnd absolute prodigall Lur. How prodigall Adam Marry thus prodigall to frequent ordinaries is his ordinarie practise rubs out whole weekes together in bowling Allyes bandies away his pocket full of French-Crownes in a morning and counts it a prettie sport to procure heate Lur. Thou telst me wonders he that but last day Was neuer seene to walke without a booke Writ against pleasure and make bitter