which do speak of the sinfulness of sin or of the Majesty of God and his terrible Wrath executing judgements upon sinners all which serve rather to terrifie a poor drooping Soul then to comfort it but let him rather Meditate upon those Scriptures which do speak of the merciful nature of God of the full satifaction of Christ and of his great love to poor sinners as to Paul Manasses Mary Magdalen and some such other great sinners whom God hath pardoned 5. Let your meditations be suitable to the Ordinances that you are to be made partakers of as if you are to receive the Sacrament Then meditate upon your preparatory concomitant and subsequent duties Meditate upon the love of God the Father upon the love of God the Son Jesus Christ consider the excellency of his person the greatness of his sufferings and how valid they be to the satisfaction of Gods Justice and so likewise to consider of the excellency nature and use of the Sacrament So if thou hast a Child to be baptized consider the Duties and promises of belonging to that Ordinance the Duties thereof belonging to thee for the present but to the Child for the future 6. The Scripture is not to be meditated on as it is to be read There is no part of the Scripture but what is to be read by us but there is a great deal of Scripture which cannot be a fit Suject for us to meditate upon but such as I shall mention though there be many parts of Scripture besides which may be fit proper Subjects for us to meditate upon but these most especially as the Psalms of David many Chapters of the Proverbs of Solomon some choice places of the Canticles most of the Holy Gospels and most of the Epistles Something of the Revelation and then all promises in general and that for two Reasons The one is because the Promises themselves put us upon the Duty and then the promises bring Comfort Far be it from us to despise the Consolations of our heavenly Lord Meditate also upon the holy and blessed Commands of God and the Examples of Saints and let this be your Meditation to say thus within your selves Why should Abraham love God or David love God more then I Why should the Angels love God more then I God hath forgiven me thousands of Iniquities and transgressions but never forgave the Angels one When thou readest holy Examples of the Old Testament you may see that not only such and such things are feasible but that with far less help it was done then now we in these Gospel times have to do it with 7. Let Christ be very much the Subject of your Meditation when I consider the whole business of the worship of God from the beginning of the World to Christ and how God doth acquiesse in Christ and that the highest Angels desire to know him I fully conclude that Christ is wonderfully worththy to take up our thoughts our chiefest love and our greatest joy so that the question will not be whether Christ be worthy of our love but rather whether our love be worthy of Christ and as the other so this is unquestionable and of doubt that it is not Instances OF Solemn Divine MEDITATION Meditation I. ALas my God I am in a sad condition mine afflictions grow daily upon me and that which is mine unsupportable misery my corruptions grow faster upon me then my affliction What before made me weep will not now make me sigh The heavy burthen of a great abomination doth not lie upon me so much as before I was oppressed with a vain thought in my prayers Alas Lord alas I am undone alas my Corruptions have almost made me love them and make me weary of Duties and careless of Graces My joyes are gone and my sorrows are gone that were suitable to thy Word and now my joys are but the laughter of Fools and my sorrows are Carnal Sensual and more of Hell in them then of Heaven and as now I can scarce tel my sorrows so have I scarce any sorrow to tell I have sate down and wept to consider the great decayes of holiness in me but now I can see my God going from me and when as now he is even out of sight mine eyes are as dry as my heart is hard Alas Lord if thou wilt not return thou wilt lose a poor Soul that hath loved thee and is somewhat troubled Now poorsad Soul that it is so wicked as it is Meditat. II. Lord thou seest the strange distempered temper of mine heart and Spirit ah blessed God I should take more comfort if I should see my heart-blood running forth before mine eye then to see mine eyes so dry and my heart so hard I have worn out almost all Motives to holiness they now take no impression in me which before were too strong for me to bear they ravisht me which now do not move me I scarce ever go to Prayer but I have enough and too many Spiritual complaints to employ it to express If every day I had not just cause to bewail a continued decay of Grace I might have some respite of my griefs But what shall I now do VVhen every day shall bear witness against me and every night my sin shall go to bed with me and lie in my bosome and rise in the morning more strong then at night Ah when my former holy life shall be more terrible then others wicked lives when my former prayers shall be like the Gall of Asps unto me VVhen those Duties which should be my comfort are my terrour Alas what can my poor Soul do when my present sins and my past duties which of them are the heaviest burthen unto me I do not know what shall I do When I consider these things then the thoughts of the affliction that lies upon me makes me weep a tear or two and my vain heart my deceitful heart would perswade me that I weep for my sins Those in desertion are in a blessed condition to me they are sad and I am miserable I am guilty of that which their Consciences do but accuse them off Alas have I my communion with God my sweet Communion and the power I had to prevail with him for any mercy almost that I prayed for now I can pray and pray and pray and go away without a blessing I can almost be content to be wicked Thou knowest mine heart or else my tears would deceive thee as well as me If they are worldly thoughts that have estranged me from thee thou knowest how to cure me if mine utter impoverishings will cure me let me be as poor Job if thou wast not such a Physician as thou art I was past cure Meditat. III. Lord I am come now to power out my soul before thee and my tears in thy bosome to tell thee the sad thoughts and sorrows of my heart Ah my God in this bitterness of my Soul and with tears in mine eyes and pride
it being in the morning will have an influence upon the whole day but this is not an Universal Rule for we read that Isaac went forth in the Evening to Meditate Gen. 24. 36. and in case the subject of your Meditation be a Sermon then it may be the best time is immediately after the hearing of it before your affections cool or your memory fail you 2. For the how long considering the parts of Meditation are so many viz. Preparation Considerations Affections Resolutions c. and none of them are to be past slightly over for Affections are not so quickly raised nor are we to cease blowing the fire as soon as ever it beginneth to flame until it be well kindled half an hour may be thought to be the least for beginners and an hour for those that are versed in this Duty But there are two Rules in this Particular especially to be observed 1. That as we ought not to leave off our prayers before that temper and frame of heart is wrought which is suitable to the matter of our prayers viz. we should not leave off the confession of sin till our hearts are made sensible of and humble for our sins nor should we leave off our praises until our hearts are filled with holy admirings and adorings of God and inflamed with his love So the end of Meditation being affections and resolutions we should not leave off until those are wrought 2. As in private Prayer so long as we finde our hearts enlarged by the pourings of the Spirit of Supplication upon us we are not to leave off unless by our continuance in that duty we must omit another duty to which we were more particularly obliged at that time So in meditation as long as we find the heart affected we are to continue it But this Caution must be given that in such enlargements we must not continue them longer generalâ—y then while they come freely and without much straing and compulsion for that hony that comes freely of it self from the Comb is pure but that which is forced by heat and pressure is not so well relished but this Caution is for extraordinary enlargements for if the heart be dead we must use all means to awaken it But as fire must be blown till it be well kindled but afterwards blowing hinders the boyling of any thing that is set over it So when once our hearts are inflamed and enlarged with holy affections in an extraordinary manner 't is but a hindrance of our affections to return to the Meditation of those Points that raised them CHAP. VI. Rules for the Subject of Solemn Meditation 1. BY no means let it be Controversie for that will turn Meditation into Study 2. Nor nice Speculations for they be sapless without nourishment Besides being so light they float in the brain having no weight to sink them down into the heart and indeed were they there they have nothing in them to affect the heart withall 3. Let the Subject of Meditation be the plainest powerfullest and usefullest Truths of God as Death Hell Heaven Judgement Mercies of God our own sins the Love and Sufferings of Christ c. 4. Let the Subject of your Meditation be that that is most suitable to your Spiritual wants as in time of desertion meditate most of the love and mercies of God c. Rules for meditation it self they are of three sorts 1. Preparatory 2. For the body of the Duty 3. For the Conclusion Two things by way of preparation besides the choice of the Subject the first is be convinced of and to be affected with the presence of God The second is Prayer for assistance from God 2. For the body Meditation it self It consists of three parts The first I call Consideration which is nothing but the convincing our hearts of several Truths that do belong to that Subject whereof we Meditate As if the Subject of our Meditation be Death the Considerations may go thus Alas O my Soul how and when and where we shall die we know not generally men die sooner then they expect and certain it is whensoever that hour comes we must bid adieu to honors pleasures riches friends and at last our own bodies c. The second part is affections whether it be love of God or Christ or spiritual things despising of the world admiring of God or any other spiritual affection The third part are Resolutions to do this or that or leave this or that Now this is the most proper and genuine way of Meditation appears by this 1. Because it is not artificial and such as requires Learning as those Directions are which wish us to consider the efficient final formal material cause of death the adjuncts concomitants c. which though they may somewhat help the learned yet such hard words and artificial methods fright the ignorant â— This is the very method of those Meditations by which every one that is brought home to God is converted For the first thing in conversion is our being convinced of some Truths which conviction raiseth affections for if the truths of God end in conviction and go no no further nay if they end in affections only and never come to resolutions of shunning evil and doing good conversion can never be perfected as for example One is convinced that he is a miserable undone wretch by reason of Original and Actual abomination Upon this conviction fear and sorrow are raised yet if these do not work in us a firm resolution of leaving those sins we are yet in our sins and unconverted 3. There are several things for the concluding of Meditation as shall appear CHAP. VII Directions for the working of our hearts to be convinced of and affected with the presence of God FOR being convinced of and affected with the presence of God it may thus be wrought 1. We are to consider that God is present every where as truly really and essentially as he is in Heaven For God did not create Heaven to continue still but to manifest his presence for the Heaven of Heavens are not able to contain him for God is neither included by nor excluded from any place and though Jacob saith Surely the Lord was in this place and I knew it not Gen. 28. 16. yet we must not imagine that Jacob was ignorant of that Truth but did not actually consider it but David in the 139 Psalm is clear in explaining and clearing up the omnipresence of God 2. We must consider that God doth more peculiarly observe his people while they are performing of heavenly duties whether it be while they are speaking unto him or he speaking unto them he doth then more especially observe the motion and frame of their hearts as when we are in any company we do more especially look upon and observe those to whom we speak or who speak to us yet this is to be understood not as if God did observe us more at one time then another in respect
of Gods knowledge it self but thus that God is much more offended with us if our carriage and frame of heart be more irreverent and unholy in the time of prayer and Meditation then at such times as we are in the works of our particular calling 3. We may consider with our selves that Christ doth actually behold us especially in these duties of holiness for it is not the distance of place that doth hinder Christs knowledge and exact observing of us Little did Nathanael then think that Christ saw him under the Fig-tree Nathonael did not see Christ nor was he corporally present then yet Christ beheld Nathanael when he prayed so Christ beheld Stephen before the heavens were opened and the opening of the heavens was not that that thereby Christ might be enabled the better to behold Stephen but that Stephen might thereby be the better enabled to see that Christ looked on him without all controversie God knows and observes with what reverence faith love c. we pray for else our prayers would be in vain and our faith also vain for how could he give us according to our faith if he knew not how much our faith were If the inward frame of our hearts were not observed by him then an hypocrite that hath better expressions should get more by his prayers then a true Nathanael that hath a better heart 4. Suppose that thou hadst lived in Christs time or suppose that Christ were now in England consider with what joy reverence and confidence thou wouldest go to him for the pardon of thy sins or for any other mercy thou stoodest in need of Thou maist go so to him now his distance from thee in respect of corporal presence doth not make him less able to know thy wants or hear thy prayers nor his being now glorified makes him less willing to grant them then if it were bodily present in the room with thee in the form of a servant as he was once at Jerusalem the glory of Christ doth not hinder his love and goodness for Christ is the express Image of his Father and Gods Attributes do not not hinder one another The Majesty of God doth not set bounds unto his goodness and make that finite nor doth his goodness make his Majesty less glorious his goodness makes his Majesty more amiable and his Majesty makes his goodness more wonderful So neither doth the exaltation of Christ cause him to abate any thing of his goodness unto his people but if any way his Love be altered it is by being made more then it was and when Christ was upon earth you must have come to him by Faith or you could obtain no mercy from him and by faith though he be in heaven you may obtain any mercy now You may consider any one or two or more of these considerations until your heart be so convinced of and affected with the presence of God that you may thereby be the better fitted for the carrying on the duty of Meditation more effectually CHAP. VIII Concerning the Preparatory Prayer that is to be used before Meditation THE next Preparatory consideration is Prayer and it is to be performed in these words or to like purpose Lord my design in this Duty of Meditation is not to be an hour sequestred from Worldly Employments for that were to be idle an Hour and to encrease my Sinnes not my Graces but my Business at this time is to be so convinced and affected with those spiritual Truths revealed in thy Word that I may fully resolve by thy strenghth and power to reform my Life because I can neither understand the things that belong to my peace nor understanding them be convinced of the certainty and truth of them Nay Lord though my understanding be enlightned yet without thee mine affections cannot be enflamed I can neither know resolve nor perform what is good without thee for from thee comes both the will and the deed of thy good pleasure I beseech thee Lord that thou wouldest give me thy grace to make conscience of performing this duty with my whole strength and not carelesly and perfunctorily And Lord do thou enlighten me with and convince me of thy Truths and so affect my heart with the love of holiness and hatred of sin c. that I may thereby be enabled fully firmly notwithstanding all the opposition that the flesh world or devil can make to run the wayes of thy Commandements with joy and with speed and when thou hast wrought in me the will so to do give me also the deed and that I may not trust to the strength of my resolutions but to the continual gracious assistance of thy Spirit for the performance of those things that through thee I shall resolve to do Holy and blessed God Christ hath sent me wishing me to come to thee in his Name for any mercies I stand in need of grant these things which I have begged for the Lord Jesus sake Amen This or a prayer to the like purpose thou art to put up unto God but it is to be done with thy whole heart for thou must know that it is by the strength which thou shalt get from God by prayer whereby thou shalt be enabled to perform this or any other duty profitably for it is he that teacheth us to profit he that begins a holy duty without God will end it without God also It is a dangerous thing to think that we can by our natural parts Learning or by the strength of Grace already received without Gods further assistance perform any thing that can please God or edifie our own Souls For though our Mountain be made strong yet if he shall hide his face there will be trouble We may with much more Sense say Now the Sunne shines so bright and the Air is so clear that now we can do well enough for a while though the Sunne be Eclipsed then to say though our Hearts be never so much inflamed with the love of God Now we are so filled and inflamed by his Love we shall do well enough by our own strength for at the present we need not Gods further assistance Give us but Fewel Matter to Meditate of and we shall be able to continue and encrease our flames Do not count it a Burthen but a Mercy and Priviledge that God hath necessitated and commanded thee alwayes to draw strength from him CHAP. IX Several Rules for managing the Duty of Consideration 1. THey must be plain Considerations not intricate and abstruse For the main end of meditation being the affecting of our heart and resorming of our lives and not informing of our understandings our considerations should be so plain that they may be without difficulty understood 2. It must be certain and evident not controversial and doubtful For the end of Meditation is not properly to encrease our knowledge but to improve our knowledge 3. Much less should our considerations be Curious and Nice Speculations or if we choose any
Discourse and said Well by the blessing of God I will never swear more and though he was a common Swearer before he was never since heard to swear one Oath to this day 2. Let thy Resolutions be for the time present not for the future Do not say Well I do intend to leave my drinking but for the present I am engaged in such a meeting and for that time I will do as I have done but after that I will think of it and take some order for the mending of it This is but one of Satans wiles whereby he cosoneth thee of the whole life by dayes which he could not do by years If Satan should say unto thee Thou shalâ— never repent never leave thy drunkenness it may be it would startle thee and he would be in danger of getting nothing of thee by asking so much but he tempting thee only to let it alone this week and afterwards for a week longer c. he obtains the same thing at several times which he could not obtain at once 3. The third Rule Let thy resolutions be not only against thy sin but against the means occasions and temptations to it for it is better to discern Satan if it may be then to put a Sword in his hand and say thou canst well enough defend thy self against him This is Solomons advice He doth not say to him that would fly Adultery You may talk with a Harlot but Be not inticed by her words to uncleanness he will not give thee leave to go into her house or so much as by her door Pro. 5. 8. So when he diswadeth the Drunkard from drunkenness he wisheth him not so much as to look upon the Wine For as the beauty of a Harlot so the colour of Wine will enflame our desires after it Prov. 23. 31. after this manner did Job resolve I have made a covenant with my eyes that I will not look upon a woman and he resolved not onely against the sin it self but against the beginnings and temptations to the sin Job 31. 1. and God forbidding the Nazarites Wine forbad them to eat Grapes least by that they should be enticed to drink Wine Now that I may press this Rule I shall answer an Objection which generally wicked men are subject to make as thus When we perswade a Drunkard that he would leave his Drunkenness that he would for two or three Moneths resolve not to go into a Tavern or an Ale house he cries out of preciseness and saith What do you count it a sin to drink in Tavern or Ale-house I answer therefore 1. That when our hearts are affected with the sinfulness of sin and wrought up to a hatred of it we do as when we exceedingly hate any man we avoid all those places where we are likely to meet him I may bid such an one ask God why he forbids the adulterer to walk by the doors of the Harlot May he not say Why she lives in a street and as honest and godly men walk that way as in any other place in the City 2. Consider that Licitis perimus omnes is a good saying we generally perish by lawful things for in things that are unlawful we are generally more watchful 3. Know this that though to be tempted be not a sin yet when we have found by experience that going to a Tavern c. hath been a Snare and temptation that hath generally prevailed over us then to be tempted with such a temptation is a sin though one yields not because by going into temptation which we need not we sin for if one shall say I resolve that though I do speak with the Harlot I will not consent though thou dost so and resisteth all her Enticements thou sinnest notwithstanding for thou plainly breakest the Command Pro. 5. 8. 5. But suppose that it were lawful for thee to drink Wine in a Tavern that thou hast been so often ensnared by it yet one effect of true repentance is an holy revenge by debarring our selves those things which are lawful taking Gods part against our selves 2 Cor. 7 11. 6. Consider that if thy hatred of sin and love of God be not strong enough to stop thee from the beginnings and keep thee from the occasions of sin how canst thou expect that it should keep thee from committing the Sinne it self when it hath got some advantage over thee He that cannot stop himself at first will much less when he hath rolled down a steep hil half way be able to stop himself for then he falls with more violence and the same strength to hold will not serve then which would at first therefore I shall continue the advice to resolve not only against the sin but against the occasion c. But I must give you one Caution that though you finde your heart never so much resolving against and abhorring of any sin yet take heed that you build not upon the strength of resolutions but beg of God that he would enable you by his strength and that as he hath given you the will so he would give you the deed also It was well observed by one as follows In effect it is true that we do understand many things by experience which we should not understand by knowledge as this I having oftentimes determined to do many things the one more pious holy and Christian then another and having seen for the most part the issue and effect to be quite contrary to what I determined and on the contrary observing that other pious and Christian things were done by me without my praedetermination or forecast I stood as it were confounded in my self not understanding in what this secret did consist I did not wonder that in things which I determined as a man the contrary should come to pass of that which I would but I did wonder that in the things which I determined as a Christian the same should befall me and finding my self in this Confusion it came to pass that I read that Resolution of Saint Peter Though I should die with thee yet will I not deny thee and considering that though the Resolution was pious holy and Christian the contrary of that which he resolved befel him I understand that my determinations had not their issue and effect according to my desire because I did not well consider mine own utter disability to perform any holy and good work So that I understood by experince that although God punished my inconsiderateness in not suffering that to come to pass which I intended yet on the other side he satisfied my general desire of doing good by suffering that to came to pass which I did not procure nor hope nor pretend unto whence I have gathered that the will of God is that I should depend on him in such manner that I should determine or propound nothing without holding him before mine eyes shewing unto him my good will and referring unto him the issue and success of my
in my heart and sencelesness upon my Spirit I speak these things Ah Lord thou hast scourged me with scorpions for my sins do encrease as well as my afflictions these afflictions to me are scorpions to me they have poyson in them and at once I am scourged and stung with them a sad ease it is when my punishment is heavier than I can bear and yet notwithstanding I go from the presence of God too and that more and more My tears dry up in mine eyes and my love goes out of my heart as soon as kindled When the Candle of the Lord shined upon my Tabernacle in my first conversion when the fire of thy love was kindled in my heart I have had some discourses of devotion that I was not able to bear the ravishment that the remembrance and meditation of them brought to my soul now almost as full of sadness as then of joy after those times as those after the Flood my joyes and the acts and workings of my grace grace grew very short liv'd in comparison of what they were before then they were Methusalems for age and Sampsons for strength to what they are now before though I fell spiritually sick and my strength and comfort was gone yet I was sensible of my weakness it was a pain and a grief unto me that I could not walk into the delightful Garden of the Spouse and to the sweet bed of his Spices I could weep for want of tears if not I could mourn for sorrow but now like a man that groaned and strugled so long that he can struggle no longer but grown senceless can hardly be perceived to breathe or live If the sweetest Musick should be plaid by him or the dearest friend in the world should come and ask him with tears in his eyes Dear Husband or Dear Wife how do you the poor sick one doth not so much as open the eye to see who it is that speaks or if open them they being presently heavy with death fall down again and he dies So is it with my poor Soul sometimes I can hear my Saviour as it were saying unto me for sometimes methinks I see him about my sick Soul Ah poor Soul how dost thou do Is my Joseph yet living But alas Lord thou knowest I have scarce strength or life to lift up mine eye to thee Lord Can these dry bones live Can these dry eyes weep Can this frozen Heart be enflamed Meditat. IV. Lord I am ashamed to consider what I know of thee when I think what I do for thee Ah my God the cares of the world lie heavy upon me Resolutions though never so strong are too weak to overcome my corruptions Alas I can scarce say any more then I have said in the confessing and bewailing my sad spiritual condition though I have said nothing to what I should say Have I not told thee Lord with tears in mine eyes and with a sad heart that I found my Corruptions get ground of me my prayers my tears my resolutions and some endeavours do resist but cannot overcome them these keep them from prevailing so soon but not from prevailing I humbly confess or desire so to do that I may complain to thee but I should add to mine abominations exceedingly if I should complain of thee Mine heart doth alwayes tempt me to it when I consider what I was and what I am it is a Talent of lead upon my soul yet since my preaching thou art glorified and thy people edified more then if I should spend all my time in private Meditation I am willing to submit only I do humbly beseech thee with tears in mine eyes that though I have less time to spend in such private duties yet that my poor Soul may not lose her love to them and though I perform fewer duties I may not perform them worse then I did when I performed more Meditat. V. I do much wonder at my self and at many nay some what at all Christians upon dayes of humiliation but most at my self to hear the tongue of a poor Christian confessing and his eyes weeping for his sins and speaking of them with such expressions and such fighs that one would think Surely this Christian keeps a strict communion with God surely he would not sin for a world surely God is in all this mans thoughts And yet stay but whil'st he hath done his prayer and you find in him such strong thoughts words and actions that are almost incredible loose and idle words and vain thoughts I but too often experience it and makes it even past hope it should be otherwise with me If any Town that was straightly besieged with cruel enemies should send for aid to such or such and when they came they should send out most of the Town to joyn with the enemy against those that came to help them What should we say of such people Lord just thus are we We have a world of corruptions and temptations Sin and Hell and Satan all beset us and violently assault us we pray for the help of God against them day after day We send our prayers to heaven for assistance Well God doth send his holy Spirit to helpt his poor Soul in the Ministery of the Word tells us what we should do to overcome these enemies and sending many motions of the Spirit to bring into our souls grace to strengthen us we will not do what he adviseth us to do nay but we take part with our corruptions and resist and fight against the power of â—he world to come O thy patience is not to be understood I am weary to think before I go to prayer how little fruit I expect from them I pray and pray and weep and hear and sigh and confess these as well as other of my sins and yet as a Ship in the Sea they do divide my corruptions for the present but they presently return to their former course Lord do not the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee to see me thy poor Servant in such a miserable condition as I am in Dost not thou see how sin and corruption do as it were lye gnawing upon me and eating up my very flesh and destroying my soul and I have neither hand nor foot to move against them Lord who is it that must make me hate corruption is it not thy Spirit who must overcome my resisting of thy Spirit is it not thy Spirit Lord I do not know in the World what to do to leave off striving were not only to despair of thy goodness because thou dost not help as much and when I will and besides if I cannot get ground nay though notwithstanding I lose ground yet doubtless I shall not go so swiftly down the stream as if I strove not at all if I must be forsaken by thee to all eternity yet Lord let me not while I live so fall that I should be a scandal to Religion Alass is it come to this O my soul
that I must say if God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me Oh that my heart was ravisht with his love Oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who dyed for the love of me Oh that I could not be stayed but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pittiful as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy word hath made known to us of him I read not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever begged any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in Heaven makes thee not less like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee to give me thy poor hard-hearted servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine heart my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend hath he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a careless temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much ado to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the sudden my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joyes of thy Spirit but with worldly business or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VII To confess my sins without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetness of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant withme and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good if the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alass my hear is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sin brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the silthiness that is in fin thy blessings are more lovely in my eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thouart the father of mercies Oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. VIII Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest Cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sin nor doth the Sacrament of the body and blood of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears if my fears and griefs were not Carnal would they were more but my Carnal joyes eat out my Spiritual grief and my joyes also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my Soul Go cast thy self into the arms and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maiest be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-blood upon thy poor soul for his hear boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh infidelity thou art the poyson of my Soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mâ—ne heart and keep'st it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to believe Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ Oh love me so much as to give me saith to believe it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first Principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames
are gone out that were once kindled in me All the Fruit and Leaves and Boughs are stript from me there are all things to doe beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my Corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have It it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet Communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and Soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. IX I. I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesness under judgements fruitlesness under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulness of mine one wayes and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sins of unkindness to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy Mercies from me I have heard and read the great Mystery of my Redemption of his being Scourged and Crowned and Nailed of his Bleeding and Dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. X. Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my Soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch Evidences and signs from actions done many years since My prayers and other holy Duties were Matter of more joy when I did them than now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace Oh my lost Joyes and my lost Duties where I shall find you I know not the Joyes I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from prayer with a sad heart and a hard heart My prayers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy Motions and the Joyes of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me Why do I walk in this Valley of Tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my Soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but carnal tears and one great cause of my grief and part of my misery is that I can weep no more sometimes indeed tears stand in mine eyes when I consider these things Lord give me Faith O give me Faith I feel a deal of Atheism in my heart Mine heart is so full of Corruption of all kind and all Degrees that I can feel no bottom of this stinking Ditch Mine imagination is divers times a through-fare for Satans blasphemous thoughts which my Soul abhors I may even sit down and spend the remainder of my wicked life in weeping and wailing and wringing of my hands and tearing off the hairs of my head My sad Soul may say to my God Art thou quite gone from me have all my hopes of thee been as dreams and empty shadows unto me and hast thou shown me so much of heaven and wilt thou make hell more terrible and bitter to me Shall thy sweet Mercies be turned into the Gall of Aspes to me not only to be bitter but deadly I have cause I have cause Lord to mingle my drink with my tears to water my couch with weeping Thou art too great a God to be dallyed withall and what do I else As our dearest Friends though we never so much delighted in their company while they were living yet we are afraid to be alone with them they are a terrour to us after the Souls have left their Earthly Tabernacles So my prayers while they were living prayers were a great comfort to my poor soul but now my prayers are without life and my Supplications are dead they are a terrour to me they look gashly upon me and I upon them Meditat. XI My dear God thou art not moved with words if we had the tongue of Men and Angels if we could speak as never man spake if our hearts meant no more than they do what would our vain words do I am ever weary of my life because of my Corruptions I can go no where nor do any thing but my coruptions follow me and tire me even out of my patience O that I could weep over my prayers to see how dead they are which way to turn I know not I have prayed a thousand times for another heart and yet mine heart is as hard as a stone and so full of hypocrisie Lord shall I cast away my confidence and lay down my weapons and put off mine armour because my corruptions are so strong and impetuous and deaden my very soul But alass what am I weary of not of my sins but of the accusations of my conscience that will not let me alone blessed be thy Name that I am troubled that I do not live holily Lord mine heart is entangled in the snares of the world blessed Saviour thou which hast overcome the world deliver me from the cares and love of the world Alass what good do my tears do me Dost thou bottle up such tears such puddle water in thy bottles let the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee towards my poor soul. it is full of sin but my sin is my sorrow though my sorrow itself is sinful if thou standest as a stranger to me I must give over my self for lost then I may say farewell prayers better to say farewel then to add to my former sins a greater guilt by defiling my prayers that are as Chariots to carry out my soul into the bosome of God What am I to stand against corruption or temprations I am no more able to overcome nay to resist them than to remove Mountains I have sinned away my joyes and sinned away mine hopes and even my God if thy mercies be not greater and what remains for my poor soul to do but to sit down in sorrow and even to mourn until my Soul be heavy unto Death It had been better for me that I had not been one to shew the way to others Nay but Oh my God that is best
that enflames all thine Angels with love I have no way but to come before thy presence in hope that at the last shall be thawed if not inflamed thou wilt not put out the smoaking snuff of a Candle I am such an one enlightned and enflamed though now I send forth nothing but an unsavoury stench What shall I stand imperfect as I am thus speaking what I may and what I have to lay to my God Lord. Thou hast commanded in thy Word that if an Adulterer defile a Woman and she cry not out then he shall be put to death Lord Infidelity Hypocrisie and Vain-glory are come to undo me to defile my Soul and they have almost perswaded my Soul not to cry out To be ravished is a great affliction but to embrace the Adulterer is an abomination If I cry to Men for succour if I go to Ordinances Alas the Adulterer is a strong Man he hath locked the Doors of my Soul and none can break them open but thou only Lord do not thou stand knocking at the Door of my heart for the strong man will not and I am kept so fast by my corruptions I cannot come to let thee in Lord break open the Doors and come in to help me before I am utterly undone as it was with the Levites Concubine so will it be with my poor Soul Corruption after Corruption and Sinne after Sinne will so abuse her that she will be at last dead Alas me thinks I look upon my poor Soul as one looks upon a Ship tossed among Rocks in the Seas one sees it and pities it but knows not how to help it there comes a Wave and carries it with violence amongst the mid'st of the Rocks and makes it reel and stagger like a drunken Man and then all in the Ship are fain to pump and toil to save their lives at last it was dasht in pieces and all fain to get upon broken pieces of the Ship to swim to the shore if it may be My Soul is even labouring for life Lord what wilt thou do wilt thou be as a Man astonish't and as a Mighty Man that cannot help then I am undone then I may say if thou wilt not then farewel all my Duties farewel all my Graces and all my Comforts which I have had in the dear embraces of my God Ah must I not pray but with my Tongue Mast I have no more Comforts but what poor Creatures can give me Lord if I must perish let me perish in thy way let me convert many unto thee Though I know my Damnation shall be greater if I perish for living so contrary to mine owne Doctrine Lord I am a poor Miserable Man and a more Miserable Christian thou art I cannot possibly imagine what but I hope Lord I shall know these dayes of ignorance and sin will not alwayes last when my change comes I shall nomore sin and repent and repent and sin as I do now Oh my corruptions I hope one day I shall leave you all in the Grave behind me The day is coming when while I am praising God you shall not come and lie as a Talent of Lead upon my Soul and hinder my flight Come Lord Jesus come quickly Come while my Soul is filled with joy to think of thy coming O my God thou art enough for me for my Soul can hold no more Lord I am afraid of the joyes sometimes I have to think of thee Tears for my sins are fitter for me then tears of joy yet I dare not refuse them nay I cannot if I would they are so sweet so sweet Heaven is but a greater Measure of them Lord thou art enough enough for them that love thee Meditat. XXII To see a dead Man arrayed with all the Richest Clothes still there is more horrour to behold him then delight So my poor Soul looks gashly in all the Duties I perform I have a cold and dead soul for all them and more terrour there is in the deadness then there is comfort in the Multitude of them this I know by experience yet Christ is not sweet unto me My dear Saviour to whom I was so dear Lord Jesus give me a heart that may feel thy sweetness I am convinced that thou art so but my poor heart hath not enough tasted the sweetness of this Truth That all things are Dross and Dung in comparison of Christ Lord here is Mine Estate Mine Health My Life My Liberty and all that I have and had I more I would freely give all give but such a heart as I desire and the same will I consecrate unto thee in Spiritual affections all my dayes now I think thus with my self When I was most desirous of and addicted to Humane Learning it was wonderful delightful to me to be instructed in some new truth or to have some difficult question clearly resolved To read the Mathematicks was wonderful delightful because they prove such strange things then I have recourse to the Word of God and by that I am assured that all the Treasures of Wisdom and knowledge are hid in Christ and in his Gospel then further I have recourse to the experience of the people of God in the Word of God and in particular to Paul who being a Learned Man yet accounted all things as Dross and Dung in comparison of Christ I have also recourse to the experience of several godly persons I know of the abundant sweetness and excellency of the knowledge of Christ therefore Lord though I have not at this present the power and ravishing feelings of Christs Excellency yet assuring my self all these wayes whereby I fully do assent to that truth That it is life eternal to know thee and Jesus Christ I do beseech thee O Lord to give me a fuller knowledge of thee in Christ I beseech thee I beseech thee Let not my undervaluing of this knowledge cause thee to deny it I shall more value it if I had more of it Lord I know if thou shouldest look in me and my life to see what thou canst find to hinder the granting of this request thou maist find enough nay I that know my self not so well as thou dost know enough and enough nay I know nothing to move thee in my self except something I have had from thee those things I have so abused that I know they may be swift witnesses against me But Lord if thou shouldest give me this knowledge of them I might do great things for thee Lord hear me Alas Lord my desires to know Christ do even die while I am praying to know him Alas Lord such an heart as I have is fit for none but thee for none in the world can tell what to do with it but thou only It is past the skill of all in Heaven and Earth but thee it is not in the power of Ordinances and Duties if thou shouldst not set in I would pity the Soul of my greatest Enemy if I should see it in
of thy Spirit to blow upon a Garden of Spices is not so much for the advancement of thy Free grace as for thee to shine upon and thy Spirit to breath upon such a Dunghil as I am that sends forth such unisome savours as I do Lord if thou wilt be my God I have a body and a soul I will give thee them 'T is true they are thine already but alas if I had any thing to give that were not thine I would but I have not Meditat. XXXII Lord I wait to see the day of my Salvation and the hour when thou wilt shew me thy loves and when I shall lie in thy bosome and arms and hear the beatings of thy heart in love and the soundings of thy bowels towards me and know thy everlasting thoughts of love to me when thou shalt seal the pardon of my sinnes to me and make me read thee Counterpain of the Covenant of love between thee and me which thou reservest in Heaven and is fair and not blotted as mine is and when shall the day of the love and joyes of my Espousals return and my thoughts be swallowed up in love Lord why shouldest thou with-hold thy love the Manifestations of thy love Can thy love be concealed from thy Beloved I will wait for the Discoveries of thy love I am loth to do any thing before thou comest whom my soul loveth for fear thou shouldest come when I am not looking for thee and thou escapest me I look every Prayer to see thee come leaping on the Mountains and skipping upon the Hills as a Row or an Hinde But I see thee not Why dost thou put a Spark of Love into my heart If thou wilt leave me why didst thou cast thy Mantle upon me and when I low after thee say what hast thou done thy loves are better then Wine sweeter then honey even more to be desired then life it self Lord if the small Sparks and relishes of thy Love be so sweet to me what will the feeding on this heavenly Manna be If a drop of thy love be so sweet what will the overflowing be If thy smiles bring so much joy what will thy embraces do Lord I long till I am undone with thy love All my carnal and Worldly Joyes undone Lord it is not my unworthiness that should hinder me nor will hinder me from bestowing Lord help my unbelief VVell Lord if I must walk in darkness and see no light yet give me thy Grace that I may stay my self upon my God My life is but short and when the hour of my departure shall come then I shall enjoy him whom my Soul loveth and know as I am known then I shall forget the sorrows pains and throws of my travel for the joy that shall be revealed My Bride saith come and the Spirit saith Come Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXIII I wait for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ if thy love be as fire in straw or such like matter lie smoaking and makes ones eyes weep while one strives to find the fire at last it being able to hold no longer breaks forth into a great flame and the longer it is before it discovers it self the greatter is the flame and light when they do break forth Lord whilâ—st I am looking for thy love thou makest me weary let the length of thy stay be made up by the fulness of thy Presence and Greatness of thy Manifestations when thou comest I seek thee in my Prayers and I say O where art thou whom my soul loveth and yet thou sendest me away weeping and mourning I seek on my bed when I awake in the night but I find thee not I speak with those which have found thee and they tell me nay I know it by thy word that thou art near to every soul that seeks thee and when a poor soul cries thou wilt answer it then I multiply my prayers and call lowder and yet my prayers are as the wind that passeth away and returns no more O my Lord and my God thy love was strong enough to suffer and thou didst suffer and thou didst die that thou mightest make known and commend thy love unto the Sons of Men and now thou hast done all this to manifest thy love and wilt thou hide it from me Creature-love hath wrought strange in me I have never been weary of their discourses and humane learning how hath it made me ravisht with some learned saying and if thou wouldest discover thy love and shed that abroad in my heart certainly it would work wonders For the Creatures flames of love are but as a blaze that straw makes but is soon out it hath not substance enough to nourish and maintain what it begets For Creature-Excellencies are not strong enough to keep up the delight we take in them but thou Lord art love and thou art such a treasure of excellencies that the poor soul makes new discoveries of those treasures every day To all Eternity thou art enough to keep alive and in full strength all the love and joys and praises of Saints and Angels Lord thou art enough to answer thine own love but what am I that I should speak of thee thou art so glorious that I am afraid to speak of thee Meditat. XXXIV Lord I call and thou dost not answer I am even tired out if thou dost not support I sink under the burden I long and look to see thy beauty but I cannot behold nor perceive one glympse that thou art excellent I see by the eye of faith but excellencies do not affect me All my prayers are turned unto this Lord shew me Christ and him whom my soul loveth for I have heard of him and the same of his excellencies have come unto me yet mine eyes have not seen him I think with my self Surely Christ manifesting himself and to be filled with all the fulness of God and to have a conversation in Heaven must needs signifie more then ever I have experienced in my self For such poor things as I have found wrought in my soul cannot fill up those expressions Then I hear of those whose lives are spiritual and Christ-like not glorious in out ward mortifications Thou art blameless that way speaking of such things which God hath wrought for them and in them which I have not found but are the very same things which are in my view and I follow after to attain but cannot Then from their relation of the Lords dealings with them I perceive that God did humble them more before he did discover himself unto them then ever he hath as yet humbled me so that I find no rest day nor night in my spirit and yet though I am thus restless in seeking after something which I cannot know what is it I seek for I cannot discern any true sincere constant love to Christ. He neither lets me know that he lovesme nor that I love him so that I stand amazed and know not what
or hear to enflame my heart I had better not set an hour apart and give thee all the day by thinking alwayes of thee Lord I do now acknowledge for then I shall not but if thou shouldest leave me I should be too much given to blaspheme thee Nay blâ—ssed God let that never be Lord it shall never be When I consider the desperate hypocrisie of my heart I may every Morning expect that thou shouldst give me up to a râ—probate sense to commit sin with greediness when I think of these things I pour out my soul within me To think with my self I shall lose my Estate a little troubles me to think I shall lose such a friend it affects me more but to think I shall lose my God and become an Apostate that 's a hell unto me I have begged of thee as for my life that thou wouldest not leave me and now I beg O forsake me not utterly To have such a heart that will neither inflame my words nor be inflamed by them is that which hath not been so Lord except thou wilt follow one that will not stay when thou callest and overtake one that runs from thee when thou followest I am lost Well I am sure my froward and careless carriage will justifie thy justice if thou condemn me and magnifie thy Mercy if thou savest me Meditat. XXXIX Lord this day is thine own and by being thine is the more mine I must now burn without coals about me The time hath been when if I had been cold and dull the Society Exprâ—ssions and Examples of others in dayes set apart to thee would have inâ—lamed me Now the company I have is water and snow Wo is me that I am constrained to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar and yet Lord thou art never wanting Thou sendest forth thy beams of light and heat if I bring not Clouds over mine own head I may have enough light from thee Lord when will these dayes of sin be ended and the time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord come I come into thy presence but when I am come I am silent and deaf neither able to speak to thee nor hear the sweet whisperings of thy Spirit O that I had a heart to give my self unto thee or that thou wouldest take these poor longings of my Soul for a Gift and thereupon take possession of my Soul My dayes of leaping for joy to think of thee are gone and now my dayes of sorrow to see mine own vileness are come My tears are now my Meat and Drink O that I had more of them so they were more Spiritual I am a poor creature but thou art the rich God My poor heart why dost thou not speak why art thou silent what saist thou Is not God a good God what relish or sweetness is there in these words if thou dost not set to thy seal Lord to thy glory though not to my comfort be it spoken Thou hast been a good God to me but I have no comfort from this truth if I never relish it yet if mine heart will be so wicked and vile and base as not to acknowledge it yet my hand shall write that which shall witness for my God against my self Thou art good patient and Merciful unto me enough to make earth and heaven to wonder at thy goodness and my vileness Ah my God my God must my words go beyond my thoughts of love to thee Lord thou art enough for heaven enough for thy self and art thou not enough for me Try O my Soul try thou wilt never trust before thou knowest this by experience thou knowest abundantly that the creature hath told thee It is not in me this thou knowest by experience and by faith thou knowest it is in God Well then lay all thy weight and strength upon him and none upon the Creature Hold upon him with both hands or else thou wilt attribute the greatest failing unto God For as he that stands upon never so strong a place if he lean against a rotten wall he shall fall and one that is asleep when he falls will not know whether fail'd him and so if we do but lean to our own wisdom we shall happily think that God fails Lord I wait I long for thine appearance Thou art enough Lord I know not what to say I am undone without thee Lord I hear the poor fly oh how it flies up and down Now it is warmed and revived with the warmth of the Sun yesterday it lay still as dead surely Lord if thou wilt shine upon my Soul I should be active and chearful in thy service No marvel heaven is so full of thy praises when thou communicatest thy self so fully to them The Crumbs that fall from thy Table are too much for me these temporal blessings are more then I can challenge yet Lord I cannot be content with them give me thy self and it sufficeth for all is nothing and shares without thee Meditat. XL. Alas my God Pride and Despair divide my life When I find any thing I do in some manner as I should I begin to be pust up and think that I do more then some others of Gods people and when I look upon my failings these thoughts begin to arise It is in vain I shall never overcome such corruptions My Sinnes doe me more harm by discouraging me then in the commission Meditat. XLI Lord There is no peace until thou hast all our love while our heart is divided between the world and thee we can have no quiet Natural conscience draws one way and Natural Corruptions another way It is our ignorance that makes us think that there is not enough in thee to satisfie all our desires and supply our wants which makes us joyn the Creature with thee When Lord when shall all my thoughts be of thee I am weary of being thus divided Lord if I can dispose of my self I give my self wholly to thee O refuse not that gift which thou hast so often desired thou hast said give me thy heart Lord my heart longs whilest thou hast it If thou saist that I do not give my self freely and wholly enough alas nor never shall until thou take my heart and discoverest the secrets of thy love unto me when thou dost that I shall run after thee Lord heâ—e's my poor soul it lies at thy feet groveling and gasping for life the Creature hath left me and I have left the creature and would not that it should have any more of my love but it still woes me and follows me for my love unless thou overcomest these strong corruptions I shall never be at quiet Meditat. XLII Sometimes my heart begins to be fill'd with joy so that I am ready to cry out Thou art mine exceeding joy and then I consider what I shall do for I am afraid that my joy is false When I consider how I came by it whether my prayers have been more servent and frequent of
late or my repentance more profound in the midst of this consideration I can hardly say but think with my self VVhy should I delay or refrain my enjoyment of God and am ready to say within my self The false joyes in God are better then the true joyes of the world these joyes are too sweet to let go Lord Jesus when thou kissest me with the kisses of thy mouth I will kiss the Son lest he be angry Lord thou art too good for me if I may say so how could I ever expect that thou shouldest come near me more the poor love I have makes me say a thousand worlds and a thousand heavens for my God the small beams of the light of thy countenance are so sweet Lord if thou wouldest but continue the joyes thou sometimes affordest I had enough I need not the comforts of the world to make it up nor fear the afflictions of the world though one need continual supplies comforts to support one yet they could not spend them Meditat. XLIII I will go to God saith David he is mine exceeding joy a sweet saying O that there were such a heart in me yet I have an unâ—nflamed heart a frozen heart if I leave all things and my self I should find thee but these poor joyes of the world quench the joys of the Spirit I shut out the glorious beams of thy heat and light and light up the Candles of the Creatures which have neither heat nor light in comparison of thine When I go about to rejoyce in thee My sins come and tell me that they must be mourned for first Any thing Lord any thing so that I may do what is pleasing in thy sight I am willing to stay for my joyes while thou art pleased to give them Only I beseech and desire these three things of thee 1. That I may not want grace though I want joyes 2. That I may not go about to make up the want of thy joyes with carnal joyes let me not kindle a fire walk and rejoyce in the light and sparks of what I have kindled c. 3. That though thou hast kindled joy yet that I may have sorrows that are Spiritual Lord how abundantly good art thou to them that love thee I lie under the weight of thy love and thy joy when I come hungry and thirsty to 〈◊〉 to be satisfied with thy joy to 〈…〉 lie now as a ship upon 〈…〉 while the Tide of thy 〈…〉 and lift me up and carry me into the Ocean of thy goodness When Mary Magdalen stood weeping at the Sepulchre thou didst call her by her name and she forgot all her sorrows she left her tears the Sepulchre and the Aâ—gel and cried out Rabboni My heart makes me believe that I would give the whole world to see Jesus Christ for I think if I could see him I should lie down at his feet and beg his grace and he would not deny me This is part of my weakness and want of faith for he hears my prayers as fully and is as willing to grant them now he is in Heaven as if he were on earth Lord Jesus thou that never did'st deny any poor soul that came to thee for grace and pardon thou never sendest them empty away but grantest their request Have mercy upon me O Lord my need and wants are as many and as great as many and as great as any of them all and if my sense of my misery be not so great my misery is so much the greater Meditat. XLIV Lord I perceive that spiritual sorrows and spiritual joys are wholly thy work for my sins are as many as great and of as deep a dye as any in the world that is not the sin against the holy Ghost and I am fully and sensibly convinced of it that they are so and yet I am as senceless as if my condition were quite hopeless for were it not so could I possibly be so feared as I am Thou hast said I will take away the stony heart Lord if thou wilt work who or what can hinder My corruptions and my sins have and do harden my heart by having and committing them nor will they soften it by considering them What hinders thee from taking away the infidelity and stoniness of my heart If that hardness and infidelity doth why that is the thing to be cured If I were not sick I need not a Physitian Lord I say not this to justifie my self for it is thou of thy free grace that must justifie me for I am lost And so for Joyes and Comforts though I read and hear of the Comforts that thou pourest out on others I am not moved nay those very Stories and sayings which have formerly inflamed me now are as sparks falling into the Sea warm not at all alas when I shall meet thee at the last day thy Mercies they shall testifie against me when they shall witness my sleightings of them my fruitlesness under them and unthankfulness for them What can I say Alas my poor soul we are undone but that day is not come yet one hour more the Lord it may be will give me Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Come into my poor soul for I am afraid to meet thee at the Tribunal of thy Judgement If thou wert on the Earth methinks I could go with confidence to thee that thou wouldest hear me but now thou art in heaven I cannot Blessed are they who have not seen and yet believe Lord I have received double for all my sins in respect of any profit or pleasure I have had by them I have had full measure prest down and running over but alas my vexation of Spirit is more gall then all the pleasures that I have had that have been worldly The loss and want of the discoveries of thy love cannot be recompensed with all that the world hath thy loves are better then wine Indeed in respect of the offence to thee every prayer deserves hell Meditat. XLV Lord I am as afraid of Comforts as of terrours for when I have comforts I am subject to pride my self in them and instead of having sweet thoughts of thee have high thoughts of my self Afflictions breed sorrow and comforts pride Sorrow is better then pride My preaching is my temptation and and my accuser If I preach not the strictest wayes of God my negligence condemns me and if I domy Sermons condemn me For my life is hell I am afraid of publishing something I have by the help of thy Spirit written left my life should do no more harm by scandal then the writings should do good by directing to holiness and yet sometimes I think that if I publish and own such writings they would be a strong Engagement to live more holily But I have something against that also for that Motive would in short time lose its strength Such waxen wings would melt and let me fall to my former wayes and that holiness which is born up with such
Blessed God it is no more in my power to know thee by the strength of mine own abilities if thou dost not manifest thy self and thy truths unto me then it is for me to see the Sun without the Sun therefore Lord do thou take off the Veil that is upon my heart and understanding and that which is upon thy Truths I read in thy Word that my blessed Saviour did rejoyce in Spirit and give thee thanks because thou did'st hide thy Truths from those that were wise and prudent and reveal them unto babies O that I were of the number of those Babes to whom thou wouldest reveal thy Truths Lord give me a powerful Experimental knowledge of the Truths that are included in these words 5. And holy and blessed Father If thou wilt be pleased to let me know thy mind in thy Word though thy commands should be never so cross to my corruptions my base corruptions which have hindred me from a world of joyes grace and Communion with thee which if it had not been for them I might have had long ago I will do them by the power of thy might Lord forbid that I should be so wicked as to enquire of thee the Lord which I do or should do as often as I read the Scripture as we read the Jews did desire the Prophet Jeremiah to enquire of thee for them though they were resolved before-hand what to do Yet they said they would do whatever thou shouldest command whether it were good or evil O that I had at least a heart to resolve to serve thee If I must want let me want riches health liberty rather then grace Rather let me want strength then want a will to serve thee I had as good sin unwillingly as to do what thou commandest unwillingly Lord give me truth in the inward parts 6. Those things that lie plain in these words is That those that are of a poor and contrite Spirit that tremble at the Word of God are highly esteemed of him So that poverty of Spirit and Contrition of Spirit and trembling at the Word of God are the three things that are here so highly commended and prized by God 7. But now let us seriously consider whether we are thus qualified Am I poor in Spirit Those that are so have low thoughts of themselves and are not troubled that others have low thoughts of them too They like reproofs better then praises They do not murmure under afflictions but rather wonder they are no more afflicted Is it thus with us 8. Lord If there be any thing of poverry of Spirit in me if I take reproofs well or afflictions in any measure patiently certain it is it is not at all from my self I was born with as proud a heart as any and certain I am that I did not change mine own heart Thou takest away the stony heart we do not give thee it 9. But alas Lord I am far from being poor in spirit in any measure according to that which thou in thy VVord requirest My passion and the boylings of my heart my loving to be called Rabbi and to be esteemed by others and many other distempers and corruptions of that nature which I have daily to struggle withal evidently prove the pride of my heart nay and the afflictions that thou laeyst upon me plainly show what the corruption is that thou intendest especially to cure By the Medicine oft times one may know what the Disease is and Lord it is in vain if there were no other end in it then to manifest my distempers to thee for me to confess the secret pride of mine heart the strange windings turnings depths and the strange and new Monsters of pride and hypocrisie that I might daily discover in my self alass Lord thou knowest these altogether and since thou dost so what cause have I to wonder that thou shouldest shine upon such a dunghil as I am But Lord thou only canst cure me of this pride and hypocrisie of heart for my prayers cannot nay though I consider and am convinced of rhe desperate wickedness of mine own heart the vileness of my nature the abominations of my life yet these cannot work without thee as a plaister though it be never so excellent laid on the wounds of a dead man it draws not it heals not so are all consideration and convictons to a dead heart 2 But alass what is there in me whereof I should in any measure pride my self For others to have good thoughts of me is no very strange thing for so they had of the Scribes and Pâ—arisâ—es but for one that knows the baseness of his own heart the cernal grounds manner and ends of his actions and a thousand other distempers and corruptions for such an one to have high thoughts of himself is one would think impossible But as to God nothing is impossible that argues power so to such a heart as every one hath by nature nothing isimpossible that argues sin and we have more cause to wonder that we have not committed the sin against the holy Ghost then that we have done the evils that we have For certainly had God but given us up to the strength of our own corruptions and to Satans subtlety and malice to improve them we had committed that sin long ago And alass what good doth the high esteem of others do us are we ever a whit the more holy because they think us so Nay hath it not proved a means to make us more sinful God hath abundantly declared his wrath against this sin by that vengeance which he hath poured out upon Satan for being guilty of it how many severe threatnings are there in the word of God against pride and how many precious promises to those that are humble The Lord beholds the proud afar off but to this man will he look that is of a poor and contrite spirit and trembleth at his word 3. What are the things that cause thee to pride thy self Are they thy gifts either of edification or sanctification Consider that 1. They are very mean scarce any of thy calling hath weaker gifts of edification and no Saint under heaven hath weaker gifts of sanctification 2. Suppose thy gifts were great O what an heavy account must there be for mis-spending such Talents What way canst thou worse mis-spend them then by priding thy self in them Do men praise thee Alass thou mayest go to hell with their praises for so did the Scribes and Pharisees Do all men speak well of thee and dost thou pride thy self and rejoyce in that Fear and tremble at what our Saviour saith Wo unto you when all men speak well of you for so did their Fathers of the false Prophets 3. Consider how unkindly thou dealest with God thou dost as a woman that should deck her self with the jewels that her husband had given her but despighting his love gives away those Jewels to those with whom she played the harlot the more to entice them is
Worm nay a Viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of Providence and not shake thee off into Hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a Worm to death If we see an Adder or such a venomous Creature we go out of out way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sins and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out arms to imbrace thee Are not these Miracles of Mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatness of his Mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou had just cause to say also O my Soul The Mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are far greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be called the Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Son that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodness of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldest so regard him What am I that am the worst of men Why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my blood to the loathing of my person thou said'st unto me in my blood Live nay not only when I was weltering in my own Blood but in the Blood of Christ thou said'st unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those Mercies or what have I or can I do to require them As thy glorious Name so thy Metcies are extolled above all praises 2 Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellious for mâ— Mercies Hath God heaped upon me many glowings coals of love mercy and is my heart still â—ozen Must God on y be a looser by his blessings If mâ—n who is bound to do me good when iâ— lies in his power â—eâ—â—o vs a small coâ—rtesie on me how do I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one dayes food then I am now for a years Are his Mercies less because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prâ—ze them while we have them and thâ—â— there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction up 〈◊〉 us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful we have enjoyed it so â—ong and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the Mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his Mercies but this that we should love him with all our Heart Soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to Praise and thansgiving Bless the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me bless his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies Not love God not not praise God O my Soul why what could God require less at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sin he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalms the oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happiness of heaven I should find so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the Mercies and Love of God His Mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these Coâ—ls of Mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and prase of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the Mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickneth else Mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy Soul again and again awâ—ken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy â—outh and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no wâ—nt of mâ—ttâ—r and Motives of praise in the Truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what Truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwilingly from this Duty Meditat. III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2 Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors Sin and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they loathe God Zec. 11. 8. and God by his Prophet cryeth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God prosess his hatred of Sin if one should spit in a mans face or lay Toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as Sin is to God he hates it more then we hate hel how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare Dish of Meat which he loved
the multitude of thy tender compassions and thy free grace in Jesus Christ to flie unto Lord lay my sins home to me to humble me and to break my stony heart but lay them not to my charge to condemn me If thou had'st not in thy word promised forgiveness to Sinners through Jesus Christ I could no more hope to obtain pardon then ever the Devils themselves Resolutions It is enough O my soul and too too much that we have been undoing our selves and provoking God thus long That we have as it were with all our power pulled down the vengeance of God upon us and as it were kindling his wrath against us but he hath not suffered his whole Displeasure to arise nor suffered us to perish though we would blessed be his Name that we have not committed the Sinne against the Holy Ghost which we certainly had done had he given us up to the strength of our own corruptions and to the power and malice of Satan to improve them to our destruction Is it true indeed that God saith Yet return and I will save thee doth he stand with stretched out arms doth he indeed stand with stretched out arms to imbrace us is it possible he should be so gracious to forgive such and so many sins and of such long continuance well blessed be God we will go unto him and never offend him more We will hereafter whensoever we are tempted unto sinne say what sinne against such love such mercy such experiences offend that God that hath pardoned us that hath done such things for us and is not content with that but hath promised to doe more I will not hereafter stand parlying with Temptations but I will cry out unto God and say Lord help me for I suffer violence and in particular I am in some measure sensible that I pray not with that servency and reverénce as I ought to do for the time to come I shall by the blessing of God mend that I am too passionate well since God hath been so gracious as to forgive so many so great so grievous sins that mine own heart is not able to understand their vileness or number I will not hereafter be troubled when I hear my neighbour or underling or when I hear my fellow N. use such or such taunting words against me I will not be provoked by this or that despight or contemptuous trick that he or she doth use against me but rather I will endeavour to say or do such a thing to gain his good will and to pacifie his anger conceived against me for certainly his injuries are not comparable to my sinnes and yet God forgives me them there is a difference between I. N. and me I am resolved I will go to him and be reconciled this very day or if I cannot I will pray for him and speak well of him this very day if I have occasion to speak of him at all howsoever I will pray for him now Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would increase thy Detestation of sin and that thou mightest as well hate Sin as leave Sin and that he would not let any Spark that hath been kindled by his own Spirit go out in thee Say unto him Lord I doe not beg Riches I can go to heaven without them please thee without them but I beg of thee Grace and strength against corruptions pardon of sins if thou deniest me these I am undone 2. Praise God Blessed be thy Name that my heart hath been in any measure affected with the hatred of sin that I have in any measure known and considered the things that belong to my peace thou might'st have suffered me to drop into hell and never to have thought of it before I had been there but thou hast not dealt so with me 3. Acknowledge thine one unworthiness of so great patience as God hath exercised towards thee thine inability to think any of those good thoughts that thou hast had c. as in the first Meditation After all think what passages most affected thee 2. Write down thy resolutions c. 3. Go unwillingly from the Duty Meditat. IV. Of Death 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray for his assistance Considerations 1. Canst thou not remember that thou wert by such an one when he died didst thou not see how his countenance failed his eye-strings broke how he grew weaker and weaker at last grew speechless how he throtled in the throat how his teeth grated how he sweated and strugled for life and at last gaspt and died consider that thus thou must do likewise how soon the Lord only knows that thou art well now is nothing that thou art young and strong now is nothing for how many are there that have been strong and well and as young as thou within a very few dayes after have been in their Grave That thou must die is certain when where how none knows but he that made thee only this is true that generally men die sooner then they expect 2. Consider that there will be an end of the World as to thee thou must leave Riches Friends Wife Children Houses Lands and thine one body also Thy friends may stand weeping by but they cannot prolong thy life one minute 3. Consider that when thou comest to die it will certainly not repent thee that thou hast spent so much time in prayer so much in meditation so much in holy duties it was never known since the world began that any one did then say O that I had prayed less though these holy Duties now seem irksome and troublesome to thee doubtless then they shall bring more comfort to thee then all those Riches and Vanities in which thou hast spent so much time and took so much delight in These things are certain and infallible our understandings cannot O that our lives did not deny them Consider how that the dearest friends thou hast in the world will hasten thy filthy carkass out of the doors they will scarce dare to stay with it alone but say as Abraham did Let me bury my dead out of my sight and then how seldom will they think or speak of thee or if they do what good will it do thee 5. Consider alas poor man whether will thy soul go then to hell or to heaven dost thou know to which dost thou not think thou shalt go that way which thou hast gone all thy life long if thou hast walk't in the wayes of hell how canst thou imagine that at the end of that journey thou should'st arrive at heaven 6. Consider what good will all thy wealth all thy pleasures all thy vanities do thee at that day they will all vanish as doth the morning dew Alas who knows not all these things and yet not one of a thousand consider and lay them to heart and to know these Truths live unsuitably to them doth but add to our folly madness O that they were wise saith God
all Eternity maynifying admiring and adoring God that ever he gave thee leave and grace to serve him then shalt thou see and so thy experience shall make thee confess with joy and wonder that the light afflictions and labours of love that thou endurest in this life are not worthy to be compared to the joyes that shall be revealed in thee VVhen at any time thou beginnest to be weary look to the price of thine high calling and when thou comest to heaven thou shalt admire when thou seest how abundantly thou art over recompensed and thou wilt have just cause to say Lord what is this that thou hast done for me alas what were the things that I either did or suffered in thy service what were my filthy rags that thou shouldest give me such a Robe and Crown of Glory O my Soul what if we do weep now the time is at hand when God will wipe all tears from our eyes O my son these things cannot be believed and slighted and understood and neglected If thou dost not believe them what is the reason Are they too glorious things for God to bestow upon such wretched sinners why dost thou set bounds to the goodness of God and say Hitherto thou shalt go and no further nay doubtless since God hath said that he will do that which shall glorifie his goodness to his people the incredibility of it makes it more credible but if thou art convinced of the truth why art thou not affected with the Excellencies of these Joyes dost thou not relish them well For the time to come I will meditate more of these things I will by giving to the poor lay up my Treasures in Heaven I will part with such and such vain delights for it I will spend more time and communion with God in praising admiring and adoring of him that if it be possible by frequent performing of these Duties I may at last taste and relish the incomprehensible sweetness of them that I may be enamoured more of heaven and because all my endeavours are in vain if the Lord reveals not these things unto me therefore I will beg of God that he will discover the riches oâ— his goodness to me I have not been careful enough nor sensible enough of Sins of Omission when I have had no just thing to take up â—y thoughts yet I have not thought of thee henceforth when my heart is affected with thy Excellencies thy love thy mercies I will praise thee when it is not I will pray to thee that it may and for my master-Master-sin mine iniquity I will be most frequent in those duties that are most contrary to it I will especially in my reading of Scripture take notice of and write down those places and those examples that are most proper for the cure I will speak against my iniquity that if it may be I may thereby the more engage my self to leave it Meditat. VII Of the Excellencies of Christ. 1. BE convinced of and affected with the prefence of God 2. Desire of him who only can to manifest the Excellency of Christ unto thee Considerations 1. Consider that if the holiest man that ever lived lived near thee what high expectations wouldest thou have of his carriage and conference when thou sawest his zeal and patience c. But no man lived ever without Sinne Therefore suppose an Angel should take upon him humane Nature and live amongst us with what enflamed expressions and affections would he speak of God of Heaven and every thing that is Spiritual But alas his carriage his holiness his wisdom where as nothing in comparison of Christs For there was not any word or action that eyer Christ spoke or did that if all the Angels of heaven had studied and set down how it ought to have been done or they themselves should have been to have done it they could not have equalled it nay even God the Father had he taken our Nature he would not have spoke or done any word or thinÌ„g which should have had in respect of it self or any circumstance more holiness or wisdom then Christs words and actions had so that certainly in this respect he that saw Christ saw the Father as he himself saith 2. Consider the wonderful wisdom of Christ Certainly he was greater then Solomon For though he was the humblest man that ever lived yet he himself said so nor did it any more argue pride in Christ to say that he was wiser then Solomon then it would have argued in Solomon that he knew more then a New-born Babe VVhen his most malicious and cunning Adversaries came to eâ—snare him in his words so that they thought it were impossible for him to say I or No to their Questions without extraordinary prejudice to himself yet he Answered with such admirable wisdom and innocence that they went away ashamed of their Folly Nay when Satan himself came and set upon him with his subtilest Temptations that he could possibly find out yet our Saviour without Deliberation and Study immediately answered him so fully that he could not so much as reply but was fain to fly to another Temptation and no marvel for he was the Wisdom of the Father 3. Consider the wondeful and exceeding holiness of Christ when he was in the height of all his Agonies and Sufferings he abated not any thing of his Love and confidence in God For his Sufferings did not make him forget or diminish any thing no not in the least circumstance of his Graces or of any thing that the Law required at his hands To be so freely willing 〈…〉 that Agony continue which was unspeakable and as the Torments of hâ—ll â—f his Father pleased was more then if those in hell should freely submit to endure the Torments they suffer The holiness of those in heaven is not comparably so much greater then the weakest Saint on earth As the holiness of Christ was greater whilest he lived on earth then that of those in heaven Nay all the Saints on Earth are fil'd from his fulness For he is the Fountain that conveyes to his Saints as they are able to receive the infinite Ocean of the holiness of the God-head No marvel that the Angels when they saw his glory cryed out Holy Holy Lord God of Sabbaths 4. Consider that not withstanding all these infinite Excellencies in Christ he thought it no robbery to be equal to the Father yet how exceedingly did he humble himself and how gracious was he The poorest man or woman in the Word nay the greatest Sinner that truly repented with what love did he receive them He was the Son of Righteousness from whom the Angels receive their Glory and yet he disdains not to shine upon such Dunghills as we are It is strange O my soul to consider how willing Christ was to please every one only provided it was in things that were not for their hurt that desired them Many times nay most times when others were with him when he
in respect of himself only would have done otherwise yet he did as their desires required Rom. 15. 3. The Apostle saith even Christ pleased not himself many times when he was hungry If any came to him that needed Instruction or if he were sleepy and any came to him that needed Consolation he would abstain from Meat and Sleep that he might do them good it is not so with great men but it was so with Christ who was the great God Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the Excellencies of Christ O blessed Saviour Thou art the chiefest of ten thousand Thou art altogether lovely Thou hast a Name above all Names That at thy Name every knee should bow Thou Lord art set at the right hand of the Father in the heavenly places Far above all Principality Power and Might and Dominion and every Name that is named not only in this World but also in that which is to come Thou art the brightness of thy Fathers Glory and the express Image of his Person Consider O my Soul what can these words mean Surely if God commanded all the Angel to worship him when he brought him into the VVorld how much more should we for whom he hath done much more admire and adore him in Spirit and in Truth Be confounded and ashamed that thou art no more affected with these things Doubtless O my Soul It is not for want of excellency in Christ for he is the Lord of Glory but for want of a clearer Faith in thee to behold his Excellencies If the Scripture had not spoke the thousandth part of Christ as it doth how could thy thoughts have been lower of him then they are how could thy heart be more senceless It is a shame that every vanity should steal away our hearts from Christ much more abominable is it that our very sins that murthered him should ever prevail with us in the least Pray Blessed God 't is not in man by all his wisdom and industry to know or be affected with the Excellencies of Christ if thou dost not reveal them If I had a thousand worlds they were too small a price for so great a Mercy O shew me thy self and thy Son and it sufficeth And now O my Soul are the Excellencies of Christ nothing unto us Do we indeed admire them Surely all is but meer words and vain thoughts if we do not strive as far as we may to imitate him in those Excellencies for which we pretend to admire him Are we as patient as he was Meck Humble Holy who when he was reviled reviled not again c. We do but deceive our own souls in giving Glorious Titles and speaking high things of Christ and in the mean while not endeavour to transform into his Image It is impossible we should love him for his patience and holiness and not love patience and holiness nor yet never care to practise and get them Therefore for the time to come the Life of Christ shall be the Example whereby I shall endeavour to frame mine And that I may the better do so I will read over especially the New Testament and observe in every particular what Christ did how he spoke to his friends to his enemies how he demeaned himself in every action whether civil or natural or Religious how in all his Relations And when I have written them down I shall often peruse them and shall endeavour in every action that I do and word that I speak to remember if I can whâ—ther there be any parallel instance in the life of Christ if there be I shall make that my pattern and do likewise but if there be none that I can think of then I would do that which in my conscience I think Christ would have done in like case For the Conclusion I refer you to the Directions and Instances of former Meditations The Conclusion of the whole I Found a great deal of difficulty in Writing this small Treatise of Meditation not into the Doctrinal or Directory Part because Christian experience and study are things by which that party is managed but in the setting down of instances and examples therein I found the difficulty to lie For Meditation is an harder work then to give directions thereunto and I have generally found it easier to study a day then to Meditate an hour but of all the kinds of Meditation whereof Instances are set down in this Book I found the greatest difficulty in those of Solemn Meditations they consisting for the most part of Prayer which the devout Soul when it hath ended forgets so that if one might gain a world when the heart is overwhelmed with Grief or inflamed with Love or ravished with Joy one could not remember the powrings out of the Soul In such cases one may say of such Meditations as Saint Paul speaks of those Glorious things which he saw when he was wrapt into the third Heavens they are neither lawful nor possible to be uttered many times the secrets in our communion with God are of that nature that it is not lawful by reason of that scandal nor possible to utter because the affections being so intensly employ'd Invention Memory and intellectual actings of the Soul during that time do almost quite cease and indeed whosoever goes about to invent Instances of Meditation if it be only a Learned Man and not holy his Studies may exceed his Actings that way but if it be an holy experienced Christian as his inward thoughts of Love Joy Grief and admirings of God are above all that his Tongue doth or can utter so those secret expressions which he useth between God and his own Soul when his thoughts are full of heaven and of God are much beyond what he can invent or by study expresseth Therefore since those Meditations that are fullest of Devotion cannot be remembred to set down Instances of Meditations except one should take them from some Saint as he was powring out his soul before God in secret one can never set them fully down in secret I say For the Soul is never so free nor may be before others as with God alone and the truth is if I had not had these Instances of Solemn Meditation by me I think I should hardly have set down any of that kind I should only have referred him to the Psalms It was so that I wrote these from the mouth of one to whom these unseen I was oft-times so near that I could hear his secretest Devotions if uttered though but with an ordinary voice I am very confident for his part he thought that none but God and his own Soul were privy to his Prayers I have sometimes considered it as a case of Conscience whether it was lawful by stealth to hear and afterwards to publish the private Meditations of others but considering how much advantage it may bring to others and how the party himself can suffer nothing in it his Name being concealed by me I resove to publish them