as men call Usurers perhaps break besides with Haberdashers Drapers and Tailers all venial Crimes I 'll warrant ' em Pass Though thou art an odde piece of Manhood there 's so much worth in thee besides that I cannot tell how to chide thee heartily Breakb. Let me suffer more than I deserve if I do not love naturally a handsome Woman whether she be honest or dishonest Pass I believe thee Breakb. I mean generously that is to say I love to see Creatures of their excellence gay and fine Do'st hear Whiffler five Guineys at thy peril immediately there 's a Beauty of my acquaintance wants it Remember how lately I commended thy handsome Face and Perriwig Whiff. Cry you mercy Sir you ought to command me Breakb. Thou shalt have the honour to be my Purse-bearer on such charitable accounts Gives Whiffler money Farewel friend Whiffler be sure thou do'st treat thy Women of pleasure kindly lest I have an account of thy Conversation Whiff. I warrant you Sir Exit Breakbond Mald. A brave fellow I pity him Pass And no less a Gentleman bating his extravagance Behold Madam Quickthrift with her demure Lawyer Enter Quickthrift led by Plodwell Quickth. And was your last Purchase just a thousand pounds a year Plod I should be sorry Madam if it rise not to eleven hundred as I may raise my Tenants Quickth. I commend thee thrive well first and love as I finde occasion afterwards Cry you mercy Gentlemen Pass No hurt Madam since you vouchsafe us the beholding of your beautiful form and this Gentleman your Servant Quickth. He is of the Generoso's of the Inns of Court and near the Degree of Barrister though perhaps call'd a Novice in some kind by such wilde ones there who burst out like Bucks of the first head that men scarce hear of their Families after ' em He is none of that Complexion I suppose Plod To serve you Madam is entirely my desire And if I do not finde that treated well in what I have read I 'll burn some Volumes for your sake Quickth. A full expression and next learn though a Lawyer to confer your Estate on my discretion Your proposal of Joynture may in some measure answer my expectation I care not if the world know that my ingenuity is so beneficially devoted as I permit Money to be in great part my loves Idol Plod What you please Lady Quickth. But I had forgot something Hark you Sir have you not lost your Maidenhead Or I 'll take it for granted I know you Inns-of-Court-men lie sometimes out of your Lodgings Plod An account of my Life before I am her's Quickth. However I expect five hundred pounds a year more for my supposition you 'll see the Writings drawn Plod Indeed Madam She 's a quaint one but no matter aside Mald. This bit of Love may puzzle a Learned Palate indeed But the World and Women are most unintelligible things Passal Pass And ever were and will be so Whiff. Let me not breath if you have not a smart movement Lady Quickth. How know you that Sir Whiff. Know it Madam do I know my own Face Quickth. Not so well as you ought I believe Whiff. She commends me already too how I could consume my self on such a Toy Let me beg your diversion Lady I 'll serve you with what kinde of Amour you please besides choice Fricacies Gellies Potato's Washes Baths Nocturnal and Diurnal or any thing Quickth. How now Cock-sparrow Pass I expected you would soon be weary Madam Quickth. You are in the right Sir Mr. Maldrin I am glad to see you Excuse me if I return as I was led hither Your Cosen Nonsuch perhaps shall judge further betwixt us Exit Quickth. and Plod Enter Clevly and Jocalin Pass Ladies you are well met Clev. Thanks kinde Passal Pass Well Madam I could say something more were it to much purpose Clev. I 'm sorry to understand your Wit is so deficient Pass But you know my meaning sufficiently I suppose Clev. Did I ever taste your sence otherwise than by your words What an age do we live in Jocalin a Woman cannot be any thing taking or but acquainted with as passable a Gentleman as some one of these but he thinks himself affronted if he does not immediately secure her by his address Whiff. Not an eye towards me all this while notwithstanding I have put my Face and person in so delicate a garb Jocal Let my virginity be not credited if I do not love the Age exceedingly in spite of its sin the mirth is so great Clev. And by my wish thou shalt have it to thy desire Jocalin I confess thy Genius does deserve the best alacrity of Manhood now living Whiff. Not an eye to this Cheek neither Clev. Maldrin me thinks thou seem'st reserv'd or perhaps soberly warm'd by some Amour I will not undertake to judge However I dare thank you for your last Treat 't was handsome Pass She 'll not skip me for my friend I hope Mald. Madam the mirth I have to spare at some seasons your Sex has it usually I confess Pass But is somewhat out of humour with himself and the world at present I was chiding him for 't Jocal We 'll joyn with you by any means Give me chearfulness in flesh and blood a man that has always his smiles about him one that loves pleasure drest or naked such a Rider might man a Woman happily Clev. Well thou art mirth in abundance But what figure of Man is that Points at Whiffler Pass One Lady that you may perceive by his posture is most laborious to be taken notice of Jocal Me thinks 't were sport to bestow his Image on a Signe-post Whiff. Madam in this posture of my real self I covet the diversion of your Glove Mald. An amorous term indeed Clev. The attendance on a Ladies Galoches might fit him well he seems to affect cleanness Pass As far as Milk and Water with some other purifications can extend and if he meets not with a Glap 't is odds but he 'll live as neat as Vice will allow Jocal Out on the Creature he 's enough to spoil Loves mirth to think on him Pass Here 's Maldrin knows he may be call'd fool safely Besides he thinks it no disparagement having been told that men of weak brain have been sometimes fortunate on considerable accounts Mald. And conceives Ladies that if you 'd bestow a kiss on him you would strangely admire the mode of his Lip Pass Thou seest thou art commended Whiffler Whiff. By my best outside I thank you Sir you 'll remember to do it more I hope Pass Not to be thy Pimp would'st thou Whiff. No matter if she be honest provided she be a fine one I have such a wheedling smack will make her forget what Vertue means Pass Well for mirth-sake I 'll put thee on something Clev. When saw you Madam Quickthrift Pass But even now and hand in hand with her Law-student Clev. No wonder in
Milk-diet perhaps as 't is usual with some heavie Politicians to refresh that way Swiftsp Start apace Musick The Dance is ended Clev. Me thought Mr. Plodwel mov'd towardly Quickth. I confess with somewhat more grace than the Grave of the Inns of Court move round their Fire at Christmas Swiftsp Who leads Gentlemen Pass My hand to serve you Mald. Or mine Clev. Both if you please Pass More Riddles yet Breakb. Away with this Ceremony a thing in women I least forgive Plod Then I 'll conduct you Takes Quickthrift by the hand Quickth. So confident o' th' sudden Plod Do not I tread tolerably Your judgement Ladies Breakb. God-a-mercy Lawyer I begin to love thee Plod Me thinks I quicken strangely shall we have t'other dance Quickth. Is 't possible Swiftsp In my Conscience he 's a good Horseman too and that 's much for a Student Clev. Enough at this time Our thanks Knight Plod By your leave Ladies Plodwel leads And so ends the Second ACT. ACT the Third Enter Maldrin leading of Glevly Clev. WHere left you Passal Mald. I know not well Lady Clev. Your Address is not so welcome then Mald. Call it my fault Madam Clev. That 's something handsome I confess a single and solitary Courtship why every Chamber-maid has it on most Holy-days I must not think on 't Mald. That I should mingle Love with my other concerns Clev. Not that I 'de have you fall below your merit I know you have been a Souldier and deserve a handsome recompense though men of your Complexion are not always fortunate to finde it as some may read your Stars Mald. Your smiles may make them more propitious with pardon Madam Enter Passal Pass How is 't Lady Me thinks thou art not chearful friend Mald. Never better I know not well for what cause Pass Why then 't is as it should be is 't not Frank Mald. I hope so Clev. Or I have an Intrigue shall oblige you both Pass Again reverting Clev. The very same There 's no such odness in you both or either but I may admit your Rivaldry Mald. She has thrown me back again Clev. A thing very familiar with Ladies that have but two Servants Or suppose I think a way to increase the merit of one in the worth of both would this pose you Pass Next to the Gat with nine Lives a double soul'd Woman you have two Hands two Feet no other Member of Love that must be doubly suppli'd Clev. So you 'll joyn Honour to 't our Senses cannot differ much Mald. Speak it Lady Clev. Take it in a word then 'T is which of you two shall impose the most worthy action on me Pass To be commanded by us Clev. Most obediently There 's nothing more common than for Women to command Men every small Address has it wherefore I 'll invert it to oblige more fully Mald. A Paradox I have not met with Clev. You have time to study it Exit Clevly Mald. To impose on her 't is an odde Devoir and yet me thinks looks generous Pass Abating that expression I should have sworn that thou and I should have come the Caster with her by turns Mald. She 's fair and no less worthy Pass But how to pleasure such fair and worthy Flesh and Blood and not the direct way of Nature is such a Mizmaze to Manhood Mald. 'T is certain she loves one of us Pass And could we not rather wish she was enamour'd of us both unless either of us understood her better To deliver such Problems of Love as make Sense itch to resolve em and yet cannot 't was not so kinde in her Ladyship I conceive Mald. I cannot help it Pass Suppose one of us bid her adieu were it not as well prethee tell me thou know'st I love thee Mald. I grant it but I'faith I cannot do so much for your sake Pass Would thou could'st then Aside Or no matter we are friends and we 'll love together and heartily Mald. Let 's walk and think Pass As chearfully as possible Mald. Thy Hand to assure me Exeunt Enter Luce and Whiffler Luce. No eye near us Looks about Whiff. None but mine and that does make such a pretty Infant in thine Prethee try whether thou canst see it and our selves together in my Looking-glass Offers his Glass and sings The Song BY the Lilies of thy Cheeks and the Roses of mine By every soft dimple And every pretty twinkle That conveys my Beauty to thine Let me decoy thee as my Duck And next teach thee to give suck Or my face I behold wants luck 2. See how my wanton-eye-babes invite thee Or what tickles above measure Take me sprucely together My fineness I 'll yield to delight thee And should'st thou clip more refine Than French or English when they twine My Delicass thou 't prove sublime Luce. But I have to do with such a cautious sinner and one that studies to make me wise Whiff. Hang him course Looby he has no countenance in his face that intimates the agility of a neat Wencher Thou shalt know me in part by this extraordinary kiss Luce. You take me to be a Wench I perceive But were you not a handsome Man and one that has money Whiff. Here 's this Ring I have half the Exchange in my head besides for thee Luce. God Lord and what a fine man are you Whiff. Anon I 'll make thy Limbs so supple in my Bath thou canst not imagine It shall be of white Bread and Milk or Curds and Cream take which thou lik'st Enter Pricknote Luce. But see you must needs withdraw Sir Here 's one of Sir Ralph Nonsuch his Rabbet-catchers There 's scarce a Ferret sees further into a Coney-hole Whiff. Thou know'st where to meet I am gone Luce. Luce. Hold a little your Purse of Guineys first Gives his Purse Away now Exit Whiffler Who would not trust Heaven somewhat to cozen Fools and Knaves Prickn. Mrs. Luce here I should not have thought it Most happily met sweet Mrs. Luce. Luce. Thanks kinde Pricknote Prickn. I could say something more gentle Mrs. Luce Luce. Sir Ralph Nonsuch his Intelligencer but no matter Prickn. Thou art fair indeed Mrs. Luce I could almost compose a Canticle and dedicate it to thee so much the breath of my mouth does warm my words Luce. Ha ha ha an amour of his towards too Prickn. Or thou art more than my Rebecca unto me Isaac Luce. A married Publican it seems Prickn. Thy Knight is most candid I confess no craneys of suspition to be found on his Brow thou maist conceive me Luce. And conceive by thee in a Temporal sense Is 't not so Sneak-face Prickn. Surely I might do much for your sake Luce. Or get a scurvy Christian suitable to the method of your own baptizing well you are a Pricknote indeed and should Sir Ralph know it Prickn. Good honey Mrs. Luce. And what a compleat Sister of your Brother-hood you might enter me in your Note-book Prickn. For
THE MAN OF NEWMARKET As it was Acted at the Theatre Royal. AUTHOR The Honourable EDWARD HOWARD Esq. Licensed April 13. 1678. RO. L'ESTRANGE LONDON Printed by J. C. for W. Crook at the Green Dragon without Temple-bar 1678. The Induction Enter Prologue at one Door and just as he addresses to speak enter Shatteril and Haines at t'other Haines BY your favour Mr. Prologue you must forbear Prologue How forbear mean you Haines Or which is much the same withdraw speechless there may be considerations to induce your silence Shat. Or our Company may be otherwise emploi'd than to act this Play Haines Observe this Sir Shews a Paper Prol. A Prohibition indeed the Kings-bench does issue none of such Authority here You may proceed as you please Exit Prologue Haines No less than a List of two and twenty Wits great and small caball'd against us Shat. O Heavens and to spite so gentile a Mirth too as might represent the acceptable diversion of Newmarket By the best Muse now extant I am apt to believe they would not allow their King neither so much true Comedy as to provoke his smile without their License durst they own so presumptuous a Censure Haines That were bold indeed but no more of that Robbin Shat. It needs not since some spurious Monopolizers of Wit are too well known Haines How Monopolizers of Wit by my best Mimickry I could not have thought it before this day Shat. Yes and by their wills would onely allow so many Writers by Retail or Trade-Poets though we Actors have paid dearly enough for some of the best of their Compositions Haines Let me never utter proper sence on the Stage more if I know what definition can square with these men of Pudder call'd Wits or I suppose it at least as hard as to describe all the variety of Butter-flies the world abounds with Shat. I care not if I help thee and next be it known to all whose Pates are not over-discompos'd by the extravagant itch of their imaginary Brain-worms that there are at this day in being in spite of ingenuity and some good manners a sort of people call'd Wits and Sub-wits or Criticks and Sub-criticks and these again divided into Poets and Sub-poets c. Haines A series indeed but to pass the rest prethee tell me what thou meanest by a Sub-wit or Sub-poet Shat. Why both or either of them make but in effect one common Zany to some Grand Wit-monger Haines And so compleat their office by some allow'd Jest or Raillery when their conceits are so happy as to come by it Shat. What else man allowing this difference that the Sub-poet whensoever he writes he must refer his Papers with some torment to their inquisition After which perhaps to spite a better Muse they may give his the applause of a favour'd bad one Haines And had but this Poet a little collogu'd with this formidable Cabal and next suffer'd his Wit to be cut lin'd and interlin'd at pleasure we might have perform'd his Play with some security I could scratch my Pate to think it was omitted Shat. Alas for the Gentleman he has otherwise satisfi'd himself and is content we wave his Play and act another Haines Well remembred and that shall be the Comedy alias Farce that has lately past the test of some notorious Town-wits Thou know'st we are perfect in it already Shat. Nothing better Haines Where thou shalt see me Jo. Haines so mimick French and English mixtures thou know'st my Talent that way Besides this fantastical dress will suit it to a wish And when that 's over we 'll soon be provided of another There is a Poet shall be nameless that can scribble such kinde of Mungril Intrigues almost as fast as he can by plain speech tell his five Fingers whilst others are more than six moneths knitting together their French and English Collections Shat. French and English mixtures saist thou the very expression does irritate my Genius Haines They are pretty slight taking things thou know'st and consequently our interest Shat. That 's confest but to lay aside English Wit for a Frenchifi'd Composition well since there 's no remedy Haines 'T is time we began it Shat. I go with thee or now I think better I cannot and next behold with me how many judicious honest Faces are in our eye Haines What of them give us rather those are called the Save-poets of the Town Shat. Save-poets Save-pedlers I say once more in spite of all Gangs give me such National complexions as I now behold Men that in my Conscience will no more consent to betray true English Comedy than they would give up Calice to the Monsieur were it in their power For their sakes I say peremptorily our intended Play shall be acted And mark me Jo. Haines be sure thou play the Fool most egregiously I suppose thou hast a part to that purpose Haines How resolute Numps oblige me to be a Fool and out of Farce too Shat. Yes finical Mr. Haines or else I 'll stop your share Haines Saist thou so give me thy hand and know Gent. that to my best power I am to be this day a Comical Fool. Enter Prologue Mr. Prologue you may return good Mr. Prologue Thus I 'll presume to introduce you Takes him by the hand And next shift for the Poet and your self as you can THE PROLOGUE Spoke by Mr. CLARKE A Bold Induction and to tell you true 'T was fitted purposely for some of you And pity 't is no medium men can finde In being here perpetually unkinde And thus with Wits and Poets runs the strife 'T is thought may last at least this Ages life Or like the long disputes 'twixt France and Spain Besides their Allies and the wrong'd Lorain Not all know which with better sence contest Though most the weaker side allow the best And thus they sometimes rail and sometimes fight Until a juster Power compose their might Such a Confederate we wish for here And though from Nimmegen there none appear Yet something to comply you is design'd A Jest you 'll say indeed to make you kind But 't is no matter or yet stay a while We may have those to spite your Wit can smile Perhaps intreated from Newmarket too To Sham you here as there they others do Nor is it just to blame our Poet's Art If here without your leave he gets the Start The NAMES Passal A generous person and ingenious Mr. Wiltshire Maldrin A deserving Gentleman and friend to Passal Mr. Birt Sr. Ral. Nonsuch A publick ridiculous pretender and a Luxuriast Mr. Powel Whiffler A finical Fop. Mr. Haines Swiftspur A Gentleman-Racer Mr. Clark Trainsted Another Gentleman of Newmarket M. Goodman Bowser Their Friend and lover of Sport Mr. Griffin Plodwell A Lawyer and of a handsome Character Mr. Perin Breakbond A wilde Gentleman obliging the Sex of Women and of a generous character except in payment of Bonds Major Moon Pricknote An hypocritical Sectary and Knave interested in