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A31097 A reviving cordial for a sin-sick despairing soul in the time of temptation the same being an extract of the unworthy authors experience of the particular following ... / by Ja. Barry ... Barry, James. 1699 (1699) Wing B971; ESTC R16318 57,560 144

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making to a Window looking into a pleasant Garden I leaned on the Window with my Elbows and so bore up my Body from falling which otherwise had undoubtedly sunk down under its present Load and Weight occasioned by that Temptation Remaining for some little space in a horrible Trembling and amazing Consternation of Spirit I looking out into the Garden began began to consider and Reason with my self thus How came these Trees to grow thus orderly in this place Who Rear'd or Built these Sumptuous Buildings Surely not themselves why then think I if not themselvess then of necessity they must Spring from some Cause Higher and more Noble than themselves viz Man Then from the Consideration of the Trees and the Buildings I began to Exercise my thoughts about Man and other Living Creatures thinking thus And how came Man and these other Living Creatures to have a Being surely think I they could neither Form nor Quicken themselves and if so then of necessity there must be some Cause of their Being and Living which is Higher and more Excellent than they which can thinks my Reason be no other but an Infinitely Glorious God And this said Reason in me might be Evinced not only by considering the Particulars already mentioned but by considering the Frame of the World and the strange Preservation of all things therein and the wonderful Government of the Second Causes wherewith the World abounds These and sundry others of the like Arguments proved so Strong and Nervous to convince me that of necessity there must be a God that that Temtation vanish'd The Devil perceiving himself foil'd in this attempt he sets furiously on me with Blasphemous Thoughts Representing God in such vile shapes and hideous and base Ideas to my Mind that were I to undergo the utmost of Misery that Creatures are capable of Inflicting or I capable of Suffering I do humbly hope in Christ's Strength I should unspeakably choose rather to be Rack'd to Death than but once to Name them so vile hideous and horrible were they Proceeding rather from the Enraged and Revengeful Malice of the Devil against the Majesty of God than from the Corruption and Pravity of Nature These things I do but glance or touch at not from any delight I take in the Remembrance of them But rather for the Relief of some poor Tempted Despairing Soul who probably may be conflicting with the same Fiery Assaults concluding within themselves as I often did that none belonging to God could ever be possess'd with such black and dismal Thoughts Oh! the gastliness and fearful Tremblings Oh! the Sweats and Weariness of my very Life which these Satanical Injections caused in me a sure and convincing Argument they were immediately from the Devil and none else The Sins flowing from the Pravity of Nature being commonly rather Pleasing and Delightful than Amazing and Terrifying to Nature In this sad Condition I continued so long till my very Animal Spirits were even drunk up and the Radical moisture of my Body wasted by that Burning Inflammation which I sensibly felt invade and possess my Body The pittiful and deplorable State I was in both in respect of my Soul which I found was Invaded by the Terrors of God for the breach of his Royal Law and as I verily concluded given up to Satan by God in a Judicial way to be possess'd by him As also in respect of my Body in which the sad Symptoms of my approaching Doom did as I verily thought hourly appear such as the growing and encreasing of that Burning Inflammation already mentioned Decay of my Sight which necessitated the use of Spectacles at the Age of 25 Years the loss of my Smelling and Tasting for about three Months with a great decay of my Hearing So gastly a sight was I to behold that I became a Spectacle of wonderment to all the Family where I Liv'd some concluding that I was Starved by my frequent Fastings others verily concluding that Spirits haunted me which caused in me such gastly looks and caused my Body to bend and bow towards Crookedness so heavy and Insupportable was the Load I lay under CHAP. IV. Discovering how the Spirit of Adoption Succeeded the spirit of Bondage And what Glorious effects ensued thereupon THE last Day of my Bondage State when I look'd for nothing but a going down to the nethermost Hell In the unconceiveable Horror and amazing Consternation of my Spirit there was a place of Scripture which run in my Thoughts from Morning to Bed-time The Place of Scripture was Esa 43. 25. I even I am he that Blotteth out thy Transgressions for mine own sake and will not Remember thy Sins This Scripture got such hold of my Mind and Thoughts that albeit I no more understood the Sense or meaning of the Spirit of God in it or how it came into my Mind that Day than a Pagan that never knew any thing of the True God I could not possibly keep my Thoughts fixt on any thing all the Day but on that very Scripture Rolling and Tumbling the bare Words in my thoughts incessantly thus I even I am he that blotteth out thy Transgressions for mine own sake and will not Rememberthy Sins I even I am he that blotteth out thy Transgressions for mine own sake and will not Remember thy Sins And so all the Day till Bed-Time I was somewhat astonished at the Change which I found in my self in reference to my Thoughts about the Scriptures for whereas before during the State of my Spiritual Bondage which was between three and four Years I could think of no Scriptures but such as Treated of Damnation of Falling away and of Sinning against the Holy Ghost always applying the same to my self desperately concluding that my own Doom was in those Terrible Scriptures set forth and discovered I that Day forgot those Terrifying Scriptures and could as I said think of nothing but that Place in Esa 43. 25 above mentioned And that without the least apprehension what the Sence of the Spirit in these Words should be or how or wherefore that Scripture should make such a forceable entry on my Mind and Thoughts as to Eject and Banish from my Thoughts and Remembrance the other Terrible Scriptures By the wrong Application of which my State and Condition became as to my own Sense and Thoughts equal to that of the Damned At Night after my Lord had Supped and while the inferiour of the Family were Actually at Supper I stole my opportunity Resolving in my self that none should know where I was or suspect what I was about up Stairs I got without a Candle the Night being Moon-Shine I was all of a Sweat and a strange Horrour fell on me occasioned by the Conceit and Apprehension I had that the Devil accompanied me as a Man up Stairs whose Steppings along with mine I strongly imagined I heard which caused me to keep my Eyes closed for fear I should see the Devil in a visible Shape While I was unlocking
by an Irish Papist Witness for but one poor Quart of Ale against me at the Assizes held in the County where he and I Lived God knows I no more knew any thing of what he Charged against me in his Civil Bill then I knew of the Three Pound Fifteen Shillings for which he designed to Arraign me But so it was that upon the Evidence possitively Swearing a Decree was Granted for Seven Pound which was the Sum mentioned in his Bill The Decree contrary to promise being on a sudden while I was from Home about Business Executed Seven Prime Milch Cows of my Stock where taken away and in half an Hours time Appraised and Sold for Seven Pounds tho' the Cows in the Judgment of all that knew them and who understood Cattel were really worth Thirty Pounds between Brother and Brother And thus it pleased God in the Wonder working Providence of his to break these Nets which the Devil by his Instruments laid not only for my Life but also for my Credit and Reputation I do not in the least doubt but the great Advantage which the Devil proposed to himself by putting those Miscreants on Work to bring my Name and Person into the blackest Contempt was to overthrow the efficacy of my Ministry when I should be thereto called For the Devil knew very well how importunate Godly Ministers and others were with me to take on me that great Work of the Ministry And sore guesses no doubt he had how greatly I should be Employ'd in disturbing his Kingdom being in a great measure made acquainted with his Lion and Fox like Devices several Years before I was prevailed with to adventure on so Great and Sacred a Work Many more Strange Deliverances hath the Providence of God wrought for me his Poor unworthy Creature The which I am Necessitated to Omit fearing my Book should Swell to too great a Bulk I heartily wish that both my self and others who Read what I have Faithfully and Impartially Related of the Wonders of Divine Providence towards me might be so rightly Affected with what I have Related as to give God the Glory and Praise of his own Works And be by Reading these things stirr'd up and Encouraged for ever to trust in that Adorable Providence of Heaven which never fails them who belong to Christ CHAP. II. An Account of God's Woderful Dealings with me about the Concerns of my Soul some Years before the Spirit of Bondage took me WHen I was between Fourteen and Fifteen Years of Age or thereabouts as near as I can Remember the Lord was pleased to dart some beginnings of Convictions into my Soul Which was after this manner One Lord's Day as I was in the Height of Vigour in Profaning God's Holy Day with the Rude and Ignorant Papists there was darted into my Conscience like an affrightning flash of Lightening from above this Apprehension and Thought Viz. That I must be either Converted or else sent to Hell to be Damned This Arrow being Shot out of his Bow who never misseth the Mark at which he Shoots took up its Lodging within me But what to make of it or what the meaning of it should be I was as far to seek as a Beast so Ignorant and Bruitish was I the Lord knows But though I knew not from whence it came or what its Tendency would be yet being a Messenger from God it maintained its Ground stuck close by me accompanied me whereever I went putting me sometimes into a Sweat sometimes into inward Shiverings of Soul sometimes into distracting and perplexing Cogitations and Thoughts what it should be Be sent to Hell think I Lord What 's that And be Damn'd Bless me think I What 's this to be Damn'd Dear Reader Believe me I had Read in Scripture the Words Hell and Damn'd with the term Converted But no more did I understand the Sense or the meaning of the one or the other of those three Words than a Beast At length I began in my Thoughts to fix on something what this strange thing should be or mean And the Result came to this I did Conceive and strongly Apprehend that Hell and Damn'd were some ugly frightful and dangerous thing to the which should I be brought I should be a sad and undone Creature for ever As for the other viz. Converted I did verily think it meant no more than the leaving off or ceasing from those Mad and Youthful Pranks of Prophaning the Sunday as I then called the Lord's Day with several other Immoralities to which I been exceedingly and wretchedly adicted and in the stead or room of those vain and wretched Practises to fall upon a serious and sober Living Both of which I fully concluded lay within the compass of my own Free-Will and Natural Power to effect Accordingly I fell to Work Deserting and throwing off both my Wicked Companions and also my dearly beloved Sports and sinful Pastimes To the Bible and Practice of Piety a Book I dearly Lov'd I Adrest my self with all Imaginable Devotion and Seriousness And being fully resolved on a thorow Work of Conversion that so I might shun and escape Hell and being Damn'd I became very Bookish Looking into almost every Book where ever I came to try whether I could meet with any help which might forward me in my new Trade of Religion Among other Books wherewith I met Mr. Baxter's Call to the Vn-Converted came into my Hands the which I did no sooner open but its Title Page invited my Fancy to make choice of it for my chief Companion the which I also did Blessing my self in that Book more than with any other wherewith I had met the more and oftener I Read it the more was I Enamor'd with it even to a preferring it before Gods own Sacred Book So suited was it to the Purpose I had then Engaged in viz. to Work out of my self and in my own Strength that great Work of Conversion To my course of Reading and Praying by those Forms of Prayer in the Common-Prayer-Book and Practice of Piety I joined very strict and severe Fasting Taking up a Resolution that I would in a most Solemn manner observe two Days in every Week viz. Wednesday and Friday for my Fasting Days The which I also did even to such a degree of Pharisaicall severity that I almost rendred my Body unfit for any Service But Converted I must be and Converted I was Resolved to be whatever it cost me in order whereto I kept my Religious doings of Duty both Negatively and Positively with such a Constant and Zealous elaborateness that I verily believe it would be hard to find one among the Romish Monks who could in all respects match me or out do me at the Trade of Serving God in that way I fell in with It can hardly be told much less believed how great Zeal I had for God and how restless my Active and Working Spirit was to be with him in Heaven Tho' I neither knew God according