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A34836 Wit and loyalty reviv'd in a collection of some smart satyrs in verse and prose on the late times / by Mr. Abraham Cowley, Sir J. Berkenhead, and the ingenious author of Hudibras, &c. Cowley, Abraham, 1618-1667.; Birkenhead, John, Sir, 1616-1679.; Butler, Samuel, 1612-1680. 1682 (1682) Wing C6697; ESTC R35660 25,788 40

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Who can such various business wisely sway Handling both Herrings and Bishops in one day Nay all your Preachers Women Boys and Men From Master Calamy to Mistress Ven Are perfect Popes in their own Parish grown For to outdoe the story of Pope Jone Your Women Preach too and are like to be The Whores of Babylon as much as She. They depose Kings by Force by Force you 'd do it But first use fair means to persuade them to it They dare kill Kings and 'twixt ye here 's the strife That you dare shoot at Kings to save their Life And what 's the diff'rence 'pray whether he fall By the Popes Bull or your Oxe General Three Kingdoms thus ye strive to make your own And like the Pope usurp a Triple Crown Such is your Faith such your Religion Let 's view your Manners now and then I 've done Your Cov'teousness let gasping Ireland tell Where first the Irish Lands and next ye sell The English Blood and raise Rebellion here With that which should suppress and quench it there What mighty summs have ye squeez'd out o' th' City Enough to make 'em Poor and something Witty Excise Loans Contributions Pole-moneys Bribes Plunder and such Parl'ament Priv'ledges Are words which you ne'er learnt in Holy Writ 'Till th' Spirit and your Synod mended it Where 's all the Twentieth part now which hath been Paid you by some to forfeit the Nineteen Where 's all the Goods distrain'd and Plunders past For you 're grown wretched pilfring knaves at last Descend to Brass and Pewter till of late Like Midas all ye toucht must needs be Plate By what vast hopes is your Ambition fed 'T is writ in Blood and may be plainly read You must have Places and the Kingdom sway The King must be a Ward to your Lord Say Your Inn'cent Speaker to the Rolles must rise Six thousand Pound hath made him proud and wise Kimbolton for his Fathers place doth call Would be like him would he were Face and all Isaack would always be Lord Mayer and so May always be as much as he is now For the Five Members they so richly thrive That they would always be but Members Five Only Pym doth his Natural right enforce By th' Mothers side he 's Master of the Horse Most shall have Places by these pop'lar tricks The rest must be content with Bishopricks For 't is against Superstition your intent First to root out that great Church Ornament Money and Lands your Swords alas are drawn Against the Bishop not his Cap or Lawn O let not such lewd Sacriledge begin Tempted by Henrie's rich succesful Sin Henry the monster King of all that age VVild in his Lust but wilder in his Rage Expect not you his Fate though Hotham thrives In imitating Henrie's tricks for Wives Nor fewer Churches hopes than Wives to see Buried and then their Lands his own to be Ye boundless Tyrants how do you outvy Th' Athenians Thirty Romes Decemviry In Rage ' Injustice ' Cruelty as far Above those men as you in Number are What Mist'ries of Iniquity doe we see New Prisons made to defend Libertie Our Goods forc'd from us for propri'ti's sake And all the Real Non-scence which ye make Ship-money was unjustly ta'en ye say Unjustlier far you take the Ships away The High Commission you call'd Tyranny Ye did Good God! what is the High-Committy Ye said that gifts and bribes preferments bought By money and blood too they now are sought To the Kings will the Laws men strove to draw The Subjects will is now become the Law 'T was fear'd a New Religion would begin All new Religions now are entred in The King Delinquents to protect did strive What Clubs Pikes Halberts Lighters sav'd the Five You think the Parl'ment like your State of Grace What ever sins men do they keep their Place Invasions then were fear'd against the State And Strode swore last year would be eighty-eight You bring in Forraign Aid to your designs First those great Forraign Forces of Divines With which Ships from America were fraught Rather may stinking Tobacco still be brought From thence I say next ye the Scots invite Which ye term Brotherly assistance right For England you intend with them to share They who alas but younger Brothers are Must have the Moneis for their Portion The Houses and the Lands will be your Owne We thank ye for the wounds which we endure Whilst scratches and slight pricks ye seek to cure We thank ye for true real fears at last Which free us from so many false ones past We thank ye for the Blood which fats our Coast As a just debt paid to great Strafford's Ghoast We thank ye for the ills Receiv'd and all Which yet by your good care in time we shall We thank ye and our gratitude's as great As yours when you thankt ' God for being beat The Character of an HOLY-SISTER She that can sit three Sermons in aday And of those three scarce bear three Words away She that can Rob her Husband to repair A Budget Priest that Noses a long Prayer She that with Lamb-black purifies her shooes And with half Eyes and Bible softly goes She that her Pockets with Lay-Gospel stuffs And edifies her looks with little Ruffs She that loves Sermons as she does the rest Still standing stiff that longest are the best She that will Ly yet swear she hates a Lyer Except it be the man that will Lye by her She that at Christenings thirsteth for more Sack And draws the broadest handkerchief for Cake She that sings Psalms devoutly next the street And beats her maid i th' kitching where none see 't She that will sit in shop for five hours space And register the sins of all that pass Damn at first sight and proudly dares to say That none can possibly be sav'd but they That hangs Religion in a naked Ear And judge mens hearts according to their Hair That could afford to doubt who wrote best sence Moses or Dod on the Commandements She that can sigh and cry Queen Elizabeth Rail at the Pope and scratch out sudden death And for all this can give no reason why This is an holy sister verily THE Assembly-man Written by Sir John Birkenhead in the Year 1647. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 i. e. He seditiously stirs up men to fight he 'll teach others the way whereof himself is most ignorant and persuades men to take an Oath because himself had sworn it before LONDON Printed for W. Davis Anno Dom. 1681 2. READER THis Pamphlet was torn from me by those who say they cannot rob because all is theirs They found it where it slept many years forgotten but they ' waken'd it and made false Transcripts They Exciz'd what they liked not so mangled and Reform'd that 't was no Character of an Assembler but of themselves A Copy of that Reformling had crept to
the Press Iseiz'd and stopt it unwilliug to Father other mens sins Here therefore you have it as 't was first scribled without addition of a syllable I wish I durst say here 's nothing lopt off But men and manners are chang'd at least they say so If yet this trifle seem born with teeth you know whose hands were knuckle-deep in the blood of that renouned Chancellor of Oxon Arch-bishop LAUD though when they cut up that great Martyr his two greatest Crimes were the two greatest Glories Great Britain can boast of St. Paul's Church and the Oxford Library Where you find no coherence remember this Paper hath suffer'd Decimation Better times have made it worse and that 's no fault of J. Berkenhead THE Assembly-man AN Assembler is part of the States ' Chattels nor Priest nor Burgess but a Participle that shark's upon both He was chosen as Sir Nathaniel because he knew least of all his Profession not by the Votes of a Whole Diocese but by one whole Parliament-man He ha's sate four years towards a new Religion but in the interim left none at all as his Masters the Commons had along Debate whether Canáles or no Candles but all the mean while sate still in the Dark And therefore when the Moon quits her oldLight and has acquir'd no new Astronomeres say she is in her Synodes Shew me such a Picture of Judas as the Assembler a griping false Reforming Brother rail's at Waste spent upon the Anointed persecutes most those Hands which Ordain'd him brings in men with swords and staves and all for Money from the Honourable Scribes and Pharisees One Touch more a Line tyed to his Name-sake Elder-tree had made him Judas Root and Branch This Assembly at first was a full Century which should be reckon'd as the Scholiast's Hecatomb by their Feet not Heads or count them by Scores for in things without Heads Six score go to an Hundred They would be a New Septuagint the Old translated Scripture out of Heberw into Greek these turn in to four shillings a day And and these Assemblers were begot in one day as Hercules's fifty Bastards all in one night Their first List was sprinkled with some names of Honour Dr. Sanderson Dr. Morley-Dr Hammond c But these were Divines too worthy to mix with such scandalous Ministers and would not Assemble without the Royal Call Nay the first List had one Archbishop one Bishop and an Half for Bishop Brownrigg was then but Elect. But now their Assembly as Philosophers think the World consists of Atoms petty small Levites whose Parts are not perceptible And yet these inferior postern Teachers have intoxicated England for a man sometimes grow's drunk by a Glister When they all meet they shew Beasts in Asrick by promiscuous coupling engender Monsters Mr Selden visit's them as Persians use to see wild Asses fight when the Commons have tyr'd him with their new Law these Bretheren refresh him with their mad Gospel They lately were gravell'd 'twixt Jerusalem and Jerico they knew not the distance 'twixt those two places one cry'd twenty miles another ten 't was concluded seven for this reason that Fishwas brought from Jericho to Jerusalem market Mr Selden smil'd and said perhaps the Fish was salt Fish and so stopp'd their mouths Earl Philip goes thither to hear them spend when he heard them toss their National Provincial Classical Congregational he swore damnably that a pack of good Dogs made better Musick His Allusion was porper since the Elder 's Maid had a four-legg'd Husband To speak truth this Assembly is the two Houses Tiring-room where the Lords and the Commons put on their Visards and Masques of Religion And their Honors have so sifted the Church that at last they have found the Bran of the Clergy Yet such poor Church-menders must Reform and shuffle though they find Church Government may a thousand wayes be changd for the worse but not one way for the better These have lately publish'd Annotations on the Bible where their first Note on the word CREATE is a Libel against Kings for creating of Honors Their Annotation on Jacob's two Kids is that two Kids are too much for one man's supper but he had say they but one Kid and the other made Sauce They observe upon Herod what a Tyrant he was to kill Insants under two years old without giving them legal Trial that they might speake for themselves Commonly they follow the Geneva Margin as those Sea-men who understood not the Compass crept a long the Shore But I hear they threaten a secoud Edition and in the interim thrust forth a paultry Catechism which expounds Nine Commandements and Eleven Articles of the Creed Of late they are much in love with Chronograms because if possible they are duller than Anagrams O how they have torn the poor Bishops names to pick out the number 666 little dreaming that a whole Bakers dozen of their own Assembly have that beastly number in each of their Names and that as exactly as their Solemn League and Covenant consist's of 666 words But though the Assembler's Brains are Lead his Countenance is Brass for he damned such as held two benefices while himself has four or five besides his Concubine Lecture He is not against Pluralities but Dualities He says it is unlawful to have two of his own though four of other mens and observes how the Hebrew word sor Life has no singular number Yet it is some relief to a sequestred person to see two Assemblers snarl for his Tithes for of all kind of Beasts none can match an Assembler but an Assembler He never enters a Church by the Door but clambers up through a Window of Scquestration or steals in through Vaults and Cellars by Clandestine Contracts with an Expecting Patron He is most sure no Law can hurt him for Laws dyed in England the year before the Assembler was born The best way to hold him is as our King Richard bound the King of Cyprus in silver chains He loves to discourse of the New Jerusalem because her streets are of fine Gold and yet could like London as well were Cheapside paved with the Philosopher's stone Nay he would say his Prayers with Beads if he might have a Set made of all Diamonds This this is it which tempts him to such mad Articles against the Loyal Clergy whom he dresses as he would have them appear just as the Ballad of Dr. Faustus brings forth the Devil in a Friars weed He accused one Minister for saying the blessed Virgin was the Mother of God 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as the Ancients call her Another he charged for a common Drunkard whom all the Country knows has drunk nothing but Water these 26 years But the Assembler himself can drink Widows Tears though their husbands are not dead Sure if Paracelsus's Doctrine were true that to eat creatures alive will perpetuate man's life the Assembler were imortal for he swallows quick Men Wives and Children and devours Lives