said I I Humbly Conceive that you are to Pray according to the present Condition of the Souls of your Family Pray Sir said my Lord How is it Possible for me to know the Inward Thoghts and Condition of my Families Souls so as to Order my Prayers accordingly My Lord Reply'd I albeit your Lordship cannot possibly Acquaint your self with all the Secrets of your Family yet you may by Catechizeing your Family and frequently Examining them about the State of their Souls and Gods Dealing with them find Matter enough to Enlarge on in Putting up Prayers to God for them in the General which is as much as the Rule of Duty directs or obliges to My Lord finding that the Truth I was call'd to Vindicate and the Spirit by which I spoke to be too Powerful for his Great Learning he let fall the Dispute which I am very sure was his Wisdom and his best Advantage so to do Considering that none ever yer prospered who continued to fight against God My Lord by this means found how I stood affected in Religion and accordingly Communicated to my Father his Judgement and Apprehensions of me Immediately a Consultation was held about me to Consider what Methods were most proper to take not only to prevent my farther Advancing in that way of Religion which they Accounted Phanaticism But also to bring me Back to the Church of England whereon I had turn'd the Back The Result of their Consultation as soon afterwards appeared Issued in a fixed Resolution to carry it towards me with all the Urbanity and Gentleness imaginable My Relations considering and knowing full well that my Temper and Spirit was to be drawn and won by Fair and Gentle means not to be Forc't by Violence According to the Methods agreed on I was at a strange and unusual Rate Treated by my Father my Lord my Grand-Mothers my Uncles and Aunts with the Rest of my Relations in such ways of Kindness and Love as caused in me some hopes that the Love and Kindness they shew'd and Express'd in their Dealing with me had Sprung from an Apprehension or Conviction in them that the Principles in Religion which I had Embraced in opposition to theirs were the Truth But I soon found that I was herein mistaken For It was not long before great offers were made me of making a Purse to Set me up in the World On condition I would desist going to Meetings and return apain to the Church wherein I was Born and Baptized And not bring such disgrace on the Holy Church of which my Ancestors were such Noted and Eminent Members And besides That I might not stain my Family by occasioning Peoples saying that a B and one who was Son to a Father in the Church was turned Phanatick To which they Added The Consideration of what a hopeful Prospect there was before me of Advancement to Worldly Greatness in Case I did not hinder my self by Continuing a Dissenter from the Church And what hardship and Poverty I must expect to Wrestle with to my own Ruin and the great Disgrace of the whole Family in Case I refused the Offers made me and the Advice and Counsel given for my own good To all which I was enabled with an Holy Magnanimity and becoming Fortitude to Reply that the Sight and Sense I had of a Future Happiness with God in Heaven had Blunted the Edge of my Appetite to these Poor Low and Empty Vanities which I question not will prove unspeakably more Vain Empty and Tormenting to me then they are in themselves should I for the Love of them loose my Soul In Case said I my Friends and Relations who seem so greatly concern'd for my Good can procure from Heaven an Infallible Certificate that my Closing with the Present offer on such a Condition as is now laid before me will not provoke the Holy Trinity and prove a Snare to my Immortal Soul I shall readily comply But if they cannot it will said I Prove your Wisdom to let me alone to Rejoyce in the Choice I have made Had my Relations felt what I have felt for Sinning against God and could they tast the Joy and Sweet Comforts of God which have put me out of Conceit and Love with the present World They would I question not be not only unwilling to Blame and Censure me for the choice I have made but they themselves would readily and Heartily make the same Choice for which I am now slighted and judged to be Miserable My Relations finding how ineffectual their Methods prov'd to gain me they soon turn'd their Smiles into Frowns and their kind Speeches into Discourageing Menaces what severe Courses should be taken with me to reclaim and reduce me to Obedience My Lord threatned severely that he would have me bound with Ropes on a Porters Back and brought into the Church in the time of Divine Service To this I Reply'd That if his Lordship did not as well Gag my Mouth as Bind my Hands and Feet I would certainly Roar out and Disturb all the People at their Devotion For fear of which no Force of that kind was offered me After some considerable time My Father and Lord finding that neither Fair and Gentle means would Allure and Draw me to the Lyturgy in their Church and that no Severity wherewith they threatened me could Drive me from the Pure Worship of God in the Meetings I was soon Attack't with greater and sharper Opposition than I had before met with from them First By my Father Who in the Presence and Hearing of at least Forty of our Family took me to Task about my Principles and in regard of the small hopes he had of Convincing me by the Arguments he used He openly declared his Resolution never to own me for his Son Unless I forsook the Meetings and came to the Church and Service again as formerly And this Sir said my Father I think fit to tell you before all these Friends to the end you may take it into Serious Consideration whether of the Twain you Judge more Eligible to forsake your Fanatick Opinion and Schismatical Companions or to be deprived of the Love and Affections of a Father And know it Sir said he that I do by the Authority of a Father Command and Require you to fix on whether of these two you intend to Choose and that within a Week If you resolve to hold your New Opinion I charge you to quit my Lords House and Provide another Lodging and as for me I charge you that you come not near my Doors or any of your Brethren or Sisters Doors I 'll see said he which of your Holy Brethren or Sisters will take you in To this I was enabled to Reply thus viz. Sir Though you Resolve according to your present Declaration to cast me out of your Paternal or Fatherly Affections and to disown me for your Son meerly for my Conscience to God because I cannot without greatly offending against God and Wounding my
Improve that Action to the utmost to the Reproach of Dissenters The which afterward fell out as I feared The Alderman refusing to comply with that my but reasonable Request he alledging for his non-compliance with me that he had none but me whom he could trust in an Affair of that Nature Finding the Ineffectualness of my Endeavours to prevail with the Alderman to Excuse or Exempt me from that Service and his strict Commands being Instant upon me a Writ was taken out of which the said Grundy having notice he Absconds for a time on this I took the two special Bayliffs who were to Execute the Writ with nine or ten of the Village he lived in into the House along with me to Witness that I Seized those Goods which were Visible in the House for the use of Alderman Preston and that for the non-payment of Rent I mov'd no Goods but left them where I found them leaving them to the Disposal of the Alderman Immediately on this the wretched Man contrives with some Papist Russians to lay a Plot against me the Substance of which was that on a Day I entred his House to Distrain for such a Man naming Alderman Preston and meeting with a Cabinet I forc'd the Lock and Stole Three Pound Fifteen Shillings which he said his Witnesses would positively Swear they saw me to Reckon and put into my Pocket forthwith he Rides to a Justice of Peace for a Warrant to Bind me over acquainting the Justice with the whole of the concern in all its Circumstances The Justice tho' Enemy enough on the Account of Religion told him plainly that he would not grant a Warrant against me if he would give him Five Hundred Pounds He goes to a Second to a Third and to a Fourth about the same Errand but from none of them could he get a Warrant to Bind me over they being all affraid to meddle at that time with me whether for fear of my Uncle who was at that time Lord Chief Justice of the Kingdom of Ireland or from any restraint from God on their Spirits I do not know He finding all his Hopes of having me for ever disgraced if not Arraigned for my Life frustrated Prepares a Bill of Indictment to Arraign me at my Uncles Barr the Term next ensuing This Assault I confess was a great Tryal of the little Faith and Patience which the Gift of God handed out to my Poor Soul in the instant of Regeneration as ever I have since met with I have sometimes with Holy David thought that my Mountain in respect of Inward and Settled Peace of Concience should never be shaken or mov'd till this Storm arose And albeit it did not influence my Soul inwardly to shake my Comfort and Confidence in God God and my own Conscience knowing mine Integrity and Innocency in the thing laid to my Charge Yet Considering the Reproach which I apprehended would hence arise to the Name Gospel and People of God the Stain and Scandal it would be to my whole Family no Man can fully conceive the disquietude and shame which took up its Lodging in my Breast Oh! the tossings and workings of my Spirit Lord think I What will this come to Thou knowest mine Innocency in this Matter But the World will readily Believe I am Guilty Blasphemy and sad Reproach will hence Redound to thy Most Holy and Tremendous Name and Gospel which I value unspeakably more than my Life and all the World The truly Godly and Religious the only Men of my delight will with sad Hearts often think how sadly they were mistaken in me what to apprehend this Storm would Issue in any other than what I have already exprest I could not Imagine The guiltless Blushes which daily on this occasion appear'd in my Countenance I concluded would be to all that saw me an Argument of my Guilt The thoughts of the Term approaching encreas'd the Inward Preturbation of my Mind and the Blushings of my Face to think I must stand Arraigned for Felony before a Judge and all my other Relations who but a few Years before had unanimously Censured Condemned and cast me out of their Favours and Affections for being a Phanatick as they term True and Gospel Religion Oh! How close this went secretly wishing but still with humble submission to God that he would please either to break that horrid Plot before I came to be publickly Arraign'd as a Malefactor or else call me off by Death which I did unspeakably prefer before living to be a cause of Reproach and Blasphemy to the Name and Religion of the Most High God As the Term drew very near and the various and restless tossing of my mind on that Account encreased God Infinitely Wise and ever faithful to his Word who best knows how to time Deliverance and break those Nets in which the Enemies hope to catch the Innocent He a very short space before the Term le ts loose the Reins to this wicked Mans Guilty Conscience which wrought so violently with him that all the strength of Reason in him yea the hopes he inwardly cherished of seeing me brought to perpetual Disgrace if not cut off were not able to restrain him from treading the Foot steps of Judas A Rope he gets out he goes to his own Garden in the dusk of the Evening and having fastned the Rope about his Neck just as he was drawing the end of the Rope through the Arm of a Tree on which he designed to Hang himself his Wife and his Man happened to discover what he was about On this the Shout was up and such a Cry made as did presently bring about him all the Neighbours who over powering him prevented his intended design But notwithstanding their cutting the Rope yet could they have no access to that Guilty Conscience of his to asswage or allay the horrible and self Condemning Agonies which like restless Waves and Billows did distract and torment his Soul He being by force stretched on his Bed and with the same Rope he attempted to Hand himself being fast bound to the Bed he fell into raging and desperate Fits like to a Demoniack dashing his Head with all his force against the Bed-Stock Foaming at the Mouth uttering these Words as fast and with a strange vehemency which Frighted all the By-standers as he could viz. I drive away Cows I Sell Cows No I drove away no Cows I Sold no Cows Roger Eckersley and Captain Stopford will give under their Hands that I am an honest man And so in raging Madness expired his last Breath with these Words in his dying Mouth I drove no Cows away I Sold no Cows which were the last Words he spoke The Reader must know that before this Plot designed against my Life and Reputation the same Poor Wretch Commenced a Law Suit against me or which he had not the least appearance of Reason save what he and some others as desperately Wicked as himself had contrived and which was stoutly sworn
to Truth nor the way to him no more than a Poor Pagan who never heard of him I had such low gross and carnal Thoughts and Apprehensions of the Deity that I am very apt to conclude the very Heathen had far Higher and more Sublimate Conceptions of their Fictitious Gods that I had of that Tremendous and unconceiveably Glorious God whom I so Ignorantly Worshipt I was wonderfully Zealous in all Religious Performances wherein I did at any time Engage both in Private and also in the Publick In my Private Duties I was Marvelously Retired and Secret Being full of Apprehensions how ill Constructions would by all sorts be put upon my so Severe and Strict way of Living and for better accomplishment whereof I singled out a very convenient place then which I thought no place better for my turn and purpose It was in a little Room on the Top of the Castle wherein my Father Lived In that Room I spent the most of my time in Fasting Praying and Reading my Books especially my Darling and chief Admired and Beloved Book viz. Mr. Baxter's Call to the Vn-Converted When I found my self much wearied with Reading I would sometimes divert my self by walking on the Topp of the Castle during which diversion I did often hear the Shouts and enticing Calls of my Wicked Companions to bring me back again to my newly forsaken Sports and sinful Pastime It was no small Matter to encounter with the workings of Nature and the violent Temptations of the Devil both joining together in Suggesting and Framing Arguments to induce to a willing and ready compliance with those Calls and Invitations to what I Lov'd and lik'd as dearly as the daily Food I Liv'd by Oh! the strange workings which I found in my self during those Combates The Ungodly whose Company I had Lov'd and delighted in so dearly Calling and Enviting The strong Bent and inclination of the Flesh drawing And a subtil and violent Devil Tempting and Perswading to return What! Forsake thy dear Companions and thy sweet delightful Sports and Pleasures at this Rate What! To Game or Sport no more for ever Alass Poor Wretch What good wilt thou get by betaking thy self to this Pensive Sad and Melancholly kind of Life Thou hast had Experience of the Sweetness and delightfulness of that way of Living which thou art now forsaking The many and sore Miseries and Troubles attending this new course of Life which thou art so fond of and on which thou art so resolutly bent do not yet appear in their black and formidable Colours therefore be wise in time go back to thy deserted Companions and freely Embrace thy forsaken Sports and Pleasures before thou be'st too far gon in this fond and dangerous way thou art gotten into Or else thou wilt Repent when it is too late Besides these assaults from the Devil and the continual ebullitions of my stinking and vile Nature which did frequently surround me with new and fresh Attacks to draw me back again I met with new and unlookt for Discouragements from my Relations who taking notice of the great and strange Change which evidently appeared in me frequently assail'd my weak and poor beginnings in Piety and Religion with hard Speeches and unbecoming Language against that precise and severe course of Life I had so lately embraced telling me with great asseverations that I should most certainly bring my self to downright Madness by Reading the Scriptures so much Note Reader and Oserve by the way how great an Antipathy there is in the Devil and in Unregenerate Sinners to the Sacred Scriptures a sure Argument that they are the Pure and Infallible Word of God These things accompanied with innumerable Mocks Taunts and Jeers which on all occasions were heaped on my Name and Practice proved some occasion of startling and discouragement to me But the fixt apprehensions I had of being sent to Hell to be Damned in Case I became not and continued a Convert did abundantly out-do all the oppositions which lay or met me in my way of strict and Religious Living On I went notwithstanding the many and great oppositions I found my self encompassed with abounding and encreasing rather than any way declining or abating either in Duties or Ardent Zeal in doing them My proficiency in Morality and the advances I made in Zeal fo the Church and the Liturgie and Service thereof were so Conspicuous and manifest that I became the talk of almost all sorts especially those who stood Related to my Family Letters and Persons who past to and fro giving an Account in City and Country what a strange alteration and admirable change appeared in their Cousen J. B. and what a great and wonderful Practiser of Piety he was become This was so noised abroad that I could scarce look or speak or pass in or out where People were but I had somewhat or other brought into Discourse concerning my forwardness and Zeal in Religion And notwithstanding I was at that time but an Hypocritical Formalist and a Painted Legalist knowing nothing of Jesus Christ and the Covenant of Grace not so much as in the Notion yet I was frequently troubled and exceedingly ashamed to hear mention made of my Activity and Zeal in Serving and Worshipping God So far was I from either designing or desiring to make the World privy to my Intentions of Going to Heaven And that which speaks the thing the more strange is to consider the Circumstances of Time and Place neither of which afforded any thing that might contribute the least part of a Motive or an Inducement to put me on looking towards or so much as thinking of Conversion there being no Preaching in those parts the ordinary means by which Convictions in order to Faith and Conversion are effected Nor yet the Example or Advice and Council of any Person which might occasion in me such thoughts or workings of Soul In this way I contined for about Six or Seven Years after my first awakenings frequenting the Church and its appointed Service and growing blind in Pharisaical Zeal for the Moral Law and Divine Service Book Until I had in my own apprehension and conceit arriv'd at a high pitch of Confidence that I was beyond all dispute really Converted and that consequently I should go to Heaven and be Saved Yea I did frequently reckon and account with my self that if but two in the World should go to Heaven I should certainly be one of the two And that because I was certainly Converted and had taken so much and great pains in doing Good and shunning Evil. I had no Fear or Jealousy lodg'd in me about Gods accepting my Person And his having regard to my numerous and zealous Performances of Duty both Private and Publick My Extraordinary Inclinations to the Ministry and that matchless Zeal which appear'd in me for the Church that Love and Veneration I had for its Liturgie Ceremonies and Clergie especially its Prelacy gave my Father and other Relations great hopes that I
Felicity When at any time I heard them talk boastingly of the Honour and Credit of the Family I could not forbear expressing my Contempt of the same Telling them to their very Face that the Blood of Jesus not the Blood of my Progenitors according to the Flesh was that which made me Noble and truly Honourable And that he or she who were advanced to the Highest Degree of Honour whereto an Earthly King could possibly advance and were not wash'd in the Lambs Blood the Higher their Honour and Greatness is the greater and more Intollerable would be the Doom and Condemnaton of such when by Death they go hence Now I began to disrelish and discover what small èsteem I had of the Liturgy and Ceremonies of the Church of which I had formerly been so extreamly Zealous Three Things chiefly occasioned this First The apprehension I had of the Purity and Holiness of God's Nature which requires a Worship suited to his own Pure and Spiritual Being according to that in Joh. 4. 24. Secondly I Considered that no Worship could possibly find acceptance with God but such a Worship as is stamp'd with God's own Institution which I was then apprehensive and am now more fully convinced the Liturgy and Ceremonies of the Church are not the same being Devised by Men and Imposed by Human Authority without any the least Warrant from the Word of God According to Esa 8. 20. Esa 29. 13. Mat. 15. 8. 9. Thirdly The sad Experience I had of the uusuitableness of such a Worship to an Awakened and a Renewed Soul while I was in a Natural State Ignorant of God and the Nature of my Soul and things truly Spiritual I was exceeding Zealous in doing and Performing that Service which now I find is of little avail either to a Pleasing God or profiting an awakened Conscience The Spirit of God having in effectual Calling Taught and Convinced me that no Worship or Ordinance in Religion can be Food to Nourish and Satisfy a Hungry Soul But such Worship as is Instituted by and suited to Please God God will be found Savingly of none but those who seek him in the Ways of his own Institutions According to Prov. 8. 32. 1 Pet. 2. 2. Soon after this The Care and Providence of Christ my Chief Sheppard directed me to attend the Ministry of Mr. Samuel Mather with whom I afterwards sate down in full Communion to my Souls great Comfort and Edification in the Knowledge of Christ Notice being taken in the Family where I lived that I discontinued going to the Cathedral Worship the which I commonly attended with a more than ordinary Zeal sometimes three times and sometimes four times in the same Day And that I was not seen at the Parish Church on Sabbath Days or at the Sacrament as I used to do the Eyes of mine Observers were upon me to watch me what ways I took in Religion Innumerable were the Taunts and Scoffs cast on that way of Worship which I had Espoused and closed with thorough all which I was carried with invincible Courage Many and sharp were the Combates wherewith I Encountered from my own Relations especially the Lord of Santry in whose Family I then liv'd and my Father his Brother who by their Authority over me and the greatness of their Learning and Parts between which and mine there was no more compare than between the Sun and a little twinkling Star did frequently attack me to bring me back to the forsaken Chruch of England but all in vain One time above all others my Lord observing that I absented not only the publick Worship but that of his Family also sent up his Secretary another Brother's Son to call me to Prayer in the Family on Night My Cousin delivering my Lords Command I reply'd that I was under some Indisposition and therefore Pray'd my Cousin to excuse me to my Lord down he goes and no sooner had he delivered my Answer but up he comes again with the same Message from my Lord. I threw him off the Second time with the same Excuse alledging that I could not come This Answer brought to my Lord the Second time He in a great Rage sends up my Cousin with a Peremptory Command that I must come to Prayer my Cousin stood some considerable time expecting that I would Answer my Lords Peremptory Command but my Answer was that seeing my Lord had so plainly imposed on my Conscience in Commanding me to Act against my Conscience I thought it was my Duty to declare that untill I better understood it to be my Duty to Obey his Lordship in a thing of this Nature than as yet I did I neither could nor would go to joyn in Prayer with the Family This Reply coming to my Lord's Ear he let me alone for that Night The next Day my Lord took me to Task Examining very strictly and Demanding of me a Reason wherefore I came not to Prayer with the Family seeing they never used the Common-Prayer in the Family To whom I made this Reply My Lord It is not from any Aversion I have to Prayer that keeps me Back from coming to Prayer with the Family But the great Dissatisfaction Lodged in my Conscience For my Lord said I should I under my present Light and Conviction go on my Knees to joyn in such a Service where God is so notoriously Dishonoured and his Glorious Name so greatly Profan'd my Conscience would like a Flame of Fire fly in my Face The Lord then Demanded of me what I could Object against the Service Perform'd in the Family To whom I Reply'd That the Chief Objection I made was against the Person who Perform'd the Service The Lord Demanded what I had to Object against the Person who Pray'd in the Family To whom I Reply'd That I Objected against him for Two things First that he was a Rotten Arminian denying the Doctrine of Election and Justification by the alone Imputed Righteousness of the Son of God And that he also Held falling from Grace Secondly For that he was in his Life and Conversation a notorious Drunkard and a common Curser and Swearer c. My Lord then Demanded Why I did not come to Family Prayer when his Son James said Prayers Reader thou must know That when the Chaplain would be Drinking and Ryotting abroad sometimes my Lords Son would be Commanded to Read one of the Evening Prayers at the end of some Bibles To this I Answered That his Son was but a Child and did not understand what he Read Lord have Mercy on me said my Lord who would you have Pray in my Family My Lord said I I Humbly conceive no Man Living is fitter for a Service of this Nature than your Lordship The Great God having made your Lordship King and Lord over your own Family and hath Endued your Lordship with such Incomparable Gifts of Knowledg and Learning and I hope of Grace too And Pray Sir said my Lord How would you have me Pray My Lord
Conscience Conform to those Inventions of Men in God's Worship for which I can see no Warrant in all the Scripture I think and Judge it my Duty now the Providence of God calls me to be Try'd to be as open free and plain in declaring to you in the Presence and Hearing of the same Relations who have heard yours to me these Two things First That I hope better Things of you than to see you Act so unnaturally in letting your Child Perish for want of Necessaries for Life And that because I dare not Act against my Conscience Secondly That in Case you do Resolve to Persist in this your Resolution I am as fixedly Resolved in Casting my self on the Promise and Providence of God what ever comes of me in this World And before I will Act herein against the Light of God's Word and the Dictates of my Conscience within I hope I shall be Enabled to Choose rather to Dye with Lazarus on a Dung-hill for want of Bread My Father to his Death kept his Resolution and I through the special Grace of God have been Enabled to keep mine and I hope ever shall After this about three Days I had a great and sharp Dispute with my Lord which Continued three Hours and a half by my Lord's Chamber Clock The Subject of our Discourse was about Set Forms of Prayer Whether the Word of God would Warrant ordinary and fallible Men to Compose Set Forms of Prayer and by Humane Authority to Impose the same on the Consciences of the People My Lord peremptorily Affirm'd that Gods Word did Warrant this And I as stiffly denied that it doth For Proof of the Affirmative my Lord Quotes Luke 11. 2. When ye Pray say Our Father c. Sir said my Lord here 's a Positive Command to prove what I have Affirmed To this I shall Humbly offer Two Things to your Lordships Serious Consideration First The apparent differnece between the Two Evangalists in Setting down the Words of this Prayer Luke saying When ye Pray say Our Father c. Matthew as appears Mat. 6. 9. saith After this manner therefore Pray ye c. I cannot understand said I how your Lordship can Reconcile these Two Evangelists so as Peremptorily to Conclude from the Place now Quoted that it is the Mind of Christ that these Words are to be Imposed on Believers as a Prayer or as their Prayer Secondly By way of Humble and Submissive Enquiry Doth your Lorship firmly Believe that the Form now Quoted to Prove the Affirmative is in it self a Compleat and Perfect Prayer containing all the parts of Necessary Prayer I Grant it Sir Reply'd my Lord I believe it is a Compleat and a Perfect Prayer containing in it all the Parts of Necessary Prayer I likewise Humbly Presume That your Lordship takes it for Granted that it is the Mind of Christ that this Form of Prayer is to be Imposed on Believers as their Prayer I Grant it Sir said my Lord I take it for Granted that it is the Mind of Christ that that Form should be Imposed on Believers as their Prayer Then my Lord Reply'd I If the Form now mention'd be a Compleat Perfect Prayer to which nothing need to be Added and that the same is to be Imposed on Believers as their Prayer and that by Christ's own Authority To me it is very plain that for any men to Make or Impose any other Prayer on themselves or others it is a manifest Breach and Violation of that Command of Christ I will Instance in a Plain Case for Illustration sake The Ten Commandments in the Law Moral I doubt not but your Lordship owns them to be a Most Perfect Compleat Rule of Righteousness containing all the Parts of our Duty to God and Man I Grant them to be so said my Lord In the next Place said I I Question not but your Lordship as readily Grants That this Perfect Rule of Righteousness is Commanded and Enjoyn'd by God's own Authority I Grant that also said my Lord They are Commanded and Enjoyned by God's own Authority Then said I the Case is Plain and cannot be deny'd That for any to Command or Appoint any Rule of Righteousness besides those which in themselves are Compleat and Perfect and which are Enjoyn'd and Commanded by God's own Authority it is a manifest Breach and Violation of the Supream Law to which nothing may be Added and from which nothing may be Detracted without Incurring the Displeasure and Curse of God Deut. 4. 2. and 12. 32. Pro. 30. 6. Rev. 22. 18. 19 From Prayer My Lord fell off to Discourse of the Liturgy and Ceremonies in General the which he Handled almost in all the Particulars of them And with such Advantagious Success on my side that my Lord at length grew weary and lest off he having I doubt not found that Scripture in Psal 8. 2. made good that Day But whether he became sensible thereof yea or not sure I am that I found that sweet Promise in Luke 21. 15. made good to me that Day Of which such notice was taken that hardly any of my Relations durst Attack me any more except in a way of Reproach and Railing against the Phanaticks and the New Religion I had espoused since I left the Church The Good Lord be for ever Exalted and Praised for his Mercy and faithfullness to his poor and despised Children in a time of need This was the last Encounter I had with my Lord about Religion for that very Night I took my Leave of my Lord rendering humble and hearty Thanks to his Lordship for all his Expressions of Love and Kindness wherewith I met under his Roof since I became a Member of his Family It were endless to Relate the many and sharp Tryals to which the Providence of God called me that I might be brought up in in the School of the Cross and fitted for the Service to which I was afterwards Called out of all which his never never failing Providence brought and delivered me Should I Expose in Print the many streights and difficulties wherewith I have occasionally been Exercised from the time of my closing with Christ in the Gospel to the time of my Call to the Ministry Together with the Methods Providence took to bring me off and working mine Escape and Deliverance I believe it would be Matter of Joy and Rejoyceing to humble and seriously Religious Souls But my intended Brevity forces me to omit many Particulars which would I do not question be of great use both to my self and others From what I have here Published concerning God's Dealing with me Let the following Observations be Practically Improv'd to God's Eternal Praise OBSERVATION I. See and take Notice What a Sweet and Harmonious Concurrence there is between God's Electing Purpose of Grace and his Providential Dispensations The Foundation of all God's Gracious Dealings with an Elected Sinner is his own Gracious Purpose fixed in Eternity Jer. 31. 3 The Lord hath Appeared