after all this wishing and woulding and hoping and expecting it to be better with thee let things run on thus from Day to Day and so from one Year to another until thou art surprized by the King of Terrors and be by him hurried away before ever thou art come to a point or made any resolution what to resolve on or hast gotten thy Heart to a through and a saving closing with the Redeemer Oh now consider what will become of thee if the Case should be so with thee dost thou think that thy Golden or Silver Key will open the Gates of Heaven and shut the Gates of Hell to thee or purchase thee an Inheritance in the Promised Land or canst thou be so Vain and so Foolish as to imagine that the remembrance of thy ease thy pleasure or thy plenty here will alleviate thy Pain or procure thee any kind or manner of ease in thy Eternal Dolours or yield any Comfortable or Refreshing Consolations to thy miserable Soul when it lies Broiling upon the Hot and Scorching Coals of Divine Fury and Frying in the Burning Flame Thou art by this shuffleing and procrastinating Guilty of Monstrous Madness and Folly and art so Mercilesly cruel to thy self that the very Angels blush at thee and are ashamed of thy Brutishness and even the Heavens and the Earth are Amazed and all the Creatures stand Astonished at it This Discourse made him Tremble exceedingly and very much revived his Convictions again and he solemnly promised Conscience that he would now resolve to go on Pilgrimage and promised to begin his Journey on the Morrow protesting that he did really intend to do as he said wherewith Conscience being satisfied held his Peace for that time I looked still when Mr. Affection should have appeared and have Contributed something towards so good a Work since he had formerly been so much for and promised such large Assistance in the performing the Pilgrimage to Celestial Paradise but upon inquiring into it I found he was wholly taken off and diverted by the late Reconciled Companion and so fallen in Love and taken up with him that he had not time or leisure to look towards or so much as think of Paradise but instead thereof as soon as he saw Conscience and the Man was parted he presently stept to him and indeavoured to disswade him from it telling him what new Delights and Sweetness their Friend Fansie had found out in other Objects especially in that which you wot of said he to which I perceive you are by his means together with some little Assistances contributed towards it by my self and Mr. Heart almost wholly reconciled again And Phansie being by seconded him Representing and Guilding things over with such Artificial Glosses and Smooth Appearances of Delight and Advantage that the poor Man was absolutely bewitched and Inchanted thereby so that he presently forgot all the Terrors of Conscience and all the Solemn Promises and Protestations he had made but just before of beginning his Pilgrimage the next Day which made me think of what I had formerly read in Drexelius his excellent Treatise of Eternity I will to morrow that I will I will be sure to do it To morrow comes to morrow goes And still thou art to do it And thus Repentance is deferr'd From one day to another Until the day of Death doth come And Judgment is the other But yet the free Grace and Goodness of him whose Name is I am whose Love is unchangeable and Mercy so unsearchable that it is past finding out and who doth whatsoever he pleases being moved and inclined to do all that he doth only by the Dictates of his own Counsel and the good pleasure of his Will would not suffer it to be so with this Man resolving as I did perceive that the Prince of Darkness should not make a Prey of him nor would he permit him to erect Trophies of Honour and Triumph to himself upon this Mans Overthrow and Ruine notwithstanding the poor wretch himself was freely willing to be a Slave and Vassal with quiet rather than be a King with some little hazard and danger in the Way through which he must pass to his Coronation Wherefore he sent Boanerges to him again Commanding him to Preach another Lecture about the danger and dreadfulness of his Condition and to denounce Judgment against him if he did not immediately Repent and fly to the City of Refuge Having received this Command he presently obeyed and thus he began Thou Wicked Vile and Miserable Wretch said he that hast been so ungrateful as to slight and refuse the Offers of Mercy and Pardon and hast like an hardened wretch made the Son of the Blessed whose Countenance is White and Ruddy and his Person altogether Lovely being the chiefest of ten thousands and in point of Excellency infinitely beyond Comparison stand knocking at thy Door Intreating Perswading and Wooing thee for admittance into thy Heart and a Grant of thy Love until his Head was wet with the Dew and his Locks with the Drops of the Night The Prince of Peace will shortly therefore appear against thee as a Rageing and a Devouring Lion and shall come from Heaven with his Mighty Angels in Flaming Fire to take Vengeance on thee because thou knowest not God nor wilt yield Obedience to the Gospel and shall punish thee with an everlasting Destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the Glory of his Power and Oh how amazing and cuttingly will the very first appearance of the Son af Mans coming in the Clouds with Power and great Glory strike into thy Guilty and Self Condemned Heart then thou wilt begin with inexpressible Grief and Bitterness of Spirit to sigh and say within thy self Oh that strong and Terrible Judge whom I now see sitting down upon yonder Flaming White and Glorious Throne accompanied with all the Blessed Inhabitants and Shining Courtiers of Heaven is that same Blessed Redeemer and Mighty God the Prince of Peace that sweetest Lamb who did most Graciously power out his most precious Blood like Water for me that I might thereby have been Washed and Cleansed Sanctified and Saved and he it was who so fairly and frequently Invited and Wooed me with the most Powerful and Charming Arguments and Tearms of Dearest Love but only to abandon my Lust and bid Adieu to the Prince of Darkness who was my implacable Enemy and then sought and hath now together with my own wilfulness accomplished my utter Ruine promising that if I would give my Consent he even he would become my Alsufficient and Everlasting Husband and if I had then accepted it he would now at this very time have placed an Immortal and Splendid Crown of Heavenly Bliss and Matchless Glory upon my Head with his own Almighty Hand But wo and alas I like a wilful foolish and desperate wretch neglected this great Salvation forsook my own Mercy and so judged my self unworthy of Eternal Life and like a Cruel and Bloody Butcher
now swam in Tears were dim with Blood and darkened at the approach of Cruel Death whose Mouth and Lips although they were wont to speak as never Man spake were now grown Pale and Wan with strokes grim with Death and imbittered by the Gall and Vinegar which he Drank whose Arms wherewith he used to Fathom the World and Imbrace all the Powers of the Universe were now distrained and stretched on the Cross and his Shoulders by the strength whereof he upheld the tottering Creation was beaten and lashed with Knotty Cords and Whips and when so Bruised and Wounded thereby that it would have drawn Tears from the Dryest Eyes and have moved the Hardest and most Obdurate Heart to Pity and Commiseration to behold it he was inforced notwithstanding to bear a Heavy Cross whereon himself was to be Crucified whose Hands whereby the Worlds were made and with which he formed the curious Frames and Fabricks of Heaven and Earth and his Feet which used to move so swiftly to bring Pardon and Relief to the Condemned and the Miserable were now Bored and Pierced through and by Inhumane and Salvage Traytors Cruelly Nailed and Tenter'd on the Cross whose Heart which was never polluted nor defiled and was the very Spring and Fountain of Mercy and Love was now pierced and wounded with a Spear and those Bowels which Yearned with Pity and Rouled with Compassion towards others when in Distress and Misery were now dried up for want of Moisture and Pained and Tortured with straining pulls and the extrremity of his Torments and even broken and rent a sunder by his dying pangs So that from Head to Foot there was no part free but methoughts he appeared covered all over with Blood his Face was sadly Mortified and numerous streams of Blood flowed from the several Wounds the Crown of Thorns had made in his Guiltless Head his Eyes looked Watery and Red his Mouth Wan and Pale his Arms were Distorted and his Flesh beat and torn from his Shoulders his Hands and his Feet were Boared his Heart-strings broken and his Bowels dried up and clung together his Wounded Side ran like a Fountain of Blood the Sacred Streams whereof was indued with such a Cleansing Virtue that being sprinkled on the Pilgrims they were presently washed thereby from all their Pollutions and adorned with a wonderful Beautie and Comliness and withal so Powerful and Perswasive that upon the very sight thereof the Eternal forgave them their Iniquities The Wound in his Side from whence this Fountain of Blood issued was so large and open that as some of the Guests afterwards told me they could through it look into his Breast and see the pantings of his Heart the whole whereof they assured me was Composed of Love The next Course I saw served up was a Dish of Gospel Mysteries every one whereof contained and had inclosed in it a Sacred Wonder the number whereof was so great that my Memory was not able to contain them and having forgotten many of them my self I cannot relate them to you but such of them whereof I took a more particular notice and wherewith I found my Heart more than ordinarily affected were as follow The First Mystery I remember which offered it self to view was God manifested in the Flesh which being opened by the Steward of the Feast the Sacred Wonders inclosed therein for there was more than one contained in this Mystery plainly offered themselves to the view of the Beholders And it contained first as Wonder of Righteousness Justice and Severity in that the Eternal would not spare but punish Sin although upon his own and only Son notwithstanding the Guilt thereof was not contracted by him but only imputed to him The Second Wonder was a Wonder of Wisdom whereby the Eternal had made Light to spring out of Darkness Life out of Death Gain out of Loss Blessing out of a Curse and Victory out of an Overthrow and brought about many other glorious and incredible things by absolute Contrarieties As the rising of the World by the fall of its Upholder The riches of his People by the poverty of their Inricher and the fulness and glory of the Saints by the emptiness and shame of the King of Saints The Third Wonder was a Wonder of Mercy in that the Eternal notwithstanding he shut his Ears and hardened his Heart against the Cries and Intreaties of his own Son when he submissively begged of him Father if it be thy Will let this Cup pass from me should yet open his Ear to and receive the Cries of Sinners who had Conspired and Rebelled against him The Fourth Wonder was a Wonder of Love A Wonder of Love Ah that was a Wonder indeed and there was more Wealth and Sweetness contained therein and the sight of it afforded more satisfaction and delight than the Bluntness of my Pen will permit me to Describe First The wonderful Love of the Eternal the Everlasting Father of the Prince of Peace in providing such an admirable way for the Saving of Sinners and the making them who were by Nature Children of his Everlasting Wrath Children of his Dearest Love by Grace and the parting with and giving up his own Eternal Son who had never offended him to become a Sacrifice and a Ransome for lost and undone Mankind who were Strangers and Enemies and had ever Rebelled against him Secondly the Wonderful Love of the Blessed Redeemer in consenting to give himself his Blood his Life his Soul a Ransom for his People to Ransom them from Everlasting Misery buy them out of the Hand of Justice purchase for them an Eternal weight of Glory and an Everlasting Inheritance with the Saints in Light but that which added to and increased the Wonder beyond all expression nay beyond conception it self was that all this should be done for Worms and rottenness for Dust and Ashes for the most filthy and polluted for the most worthless and despicable Creatures who were not capable of meriting or any way deserving this Redeeming Love before or answering and Compensating of it after it was beâ—â—â—â—ed upon them The Fifth Wonder was a Wonder of Divine Patience Long-suffering and Forbearance in that the Eternal did not speedily Execute Vengeance upon those Ungrateful Wretches who had slighted his Mercy abused his Love and scornfully refused and trampled upon his Son affronting him for the kindness he offered them and spitting in his Face for the Reward of his Love in tendering them Pardon and Forgiveness Now although those Dishes which were already placed on the Table were Admirable and Splendid yet those which followed far exceeded them in Sweetness and afforded infinitely more delight and satisfaction to those who fed thereon and the First of them was A particular and Effectual Application of Electing Redeeming and Converting Love to the Souls of the Redeemed by the Hand of the Spirit in the preaching of the Gospel which Mystery likewise contained in it several Wonders as that Divine Goodness should chuse them
he could not steal away or force the Seed out of his Heart which the Eternal had Sown there he would Beleaguer and Besiege it so close as to prevent the Eternals sending any relief or succour to it and thereby starve it out or force it to a Surrender And in this sad kind of Condition the Man continued for a long time hanging as it were between Heaven and Hell and halting between two Opinions until at last he came to a place where one of those Temples stood which the Eternal had placed in the Road for Pilgrims to do their Homage and Worship and Adore him in Now when he came to the Door I could easily perceive him to be indifferent whether he went in or passed by but being entred he there met with an Embassador from the King who assured the Pilgrims which came there to Worship that if any of them sinned wilfully after the receiving the knowledge of the Truth there remains no more sacrifice for Sin but a fearful looking for of Judgment and Fiery Indignation which shall devour those Adversaries for if those who despised Moses Law died without Mercy of how much sorer punishment shall you be thought worthy who have trodden under Foot the Son of God and accounted the Blood of the Covenant wherewith you were sanctified an unholy thing and done despite to the Spirit of Grace And I will assure you said he you will find it a dreadful thing to fall thus into the Hands of the living God for our God is a consuming Fire to all of you who are Workers of Iniquity Now Believer looking back and reflecting upon what he had done found that if it were not his very case which had been Treated of yet at least it came somewhat near it looked like it and led directly towards it whereupon he presently applied all that had been said to himself affirming it was all directed at and intended for him and that which made him the more confident it was so was this he fancied that the Embassadour looked on him and pointed at him all the time he was delivering his Embassy whereupon he roared in the bitterness of his Soul and cried out O wo wo and ten thousand woes unto me wretched me deluded and deceived me for I am now lost and undone my hope is cut off from the Lord and the everlasting God hath forsaken me the Blessed Redeemer hath now ceased to interceed for me and the Holy Spirit is withdrawn from me After this manner he lamented and bewailed his backsliding nor were his fellow Pilgrims divers of whom attempted it able to fix any Comfort upon him they told him of the Mercy of the Eternal the Merits of the Redemer the certainty and firmness of those Promises and the unalterableness of the Covenant wherein they had made over and given themselves unto him They told him that the everlasting Jehovah was not as a Man that he should Repent nor as the Son of Man that he should Change all which he acknowledged to be good Plaisters for a wounded Soul But O said he they will not stick upon me And thus he went mourning from them and I saw him retire into a secret place all alone by himself where prostrating himself on the Earth before the Eternal with a dejected Countenance a sad Heart a weeping Eye and a doubting Spirit having his Face covered over with shame and blushing not daring to look up to Heaven as unworthy to behold that place he only laid his Hand upon his Guilty Breast and sighed out Lord be merciful to me a Sinner He would have proceeded further but was not able so that he was forced to sigh out the rest in silent Groanes which he was not able to utter or form into Words Now after he had lain thus grovelling on the Ground for some time I saw him a rise and taking the Records of the Sacred Law into his Hand he opened it just about the middle and the very first thing that he fixt his Eyes upon was the following Promise He that confesseth and forsaketh his Sins shall find Mercy His Eyes were so dim and blared with weeping that he could not see to read it plain at first so that he was forced to look on it again and again before he could read it plainly then turning towards the latter end of it he found another which was not only more full and sweet in it self but also directed him how to make use and improve the other viz. If any Man sin we have an Advocate with the Father even Jesus Christ the Righteous from which two places of the Divine Law he Extracted abundance of Comfort and Hope and resolved presently to put them in practice Wherefore Addressing himself in the most humble manner imaginable upon his Knees to the Eternal he uttered himself after this manner Lord said he I have sinned against Heaven and before Thee and am not worthy to be called thy Son wherefore Thou hast almost consumed me in thine Anger because of my Backsliding And thy wrath hath troubled me because of my sin Mine iniquities are ever before Thee and Thou hast set my secret sins in the Light of thy Countenance Thou makest me to spend my daies in sorrow and pass away my nights in despair Lord who knows the power of thy Anger according to thy fear so is thy wrath the sense wereof lyeth so heavy upon me That I am like one going down into the pit and like a man that hath no strength thy fierce wrath goeth over me and thy Terrors have cut me off so that my daies are consumed as smoke and my bones are burned and consumed within me My heart is smitten and withered like grass so that I forget to take my bread and yet all this I freely acknowledge to be Just because I have sinned against Thee I am destroyed indeed but it is by my self I am wounded but is by my own weapon of my own forming and an arrow out of my own Quiver I am Poisoned but it is by a draught of my own Composing I am Robbed and stripped of all my enjoyments but it was not without my own consent And therefore thou maist justly refuse to Heal or Relieve me Pardon and forgive me But Lord didst not thou tell me that thou wert an Everlasting God that thy Love was unchangeable I have indeed slighted thy Love abused thy Patience trampled upon thy Son despised thy Grace and greived thy Spirit And have not only sinned against and broken and violated all those obligations which thou hast been perpetually laying upon me by the infinite and uncontroulable instances of thy Love and thy Bounty But likewise against all those obligations that I have been laying upon my self too I have violated all my Covenants my promises and my vows and sinned against my own prayers lamentations and Tears And wilt thou therefore O Lord prove as changeable as my self Wilt thou take an advantage against me Wilt thou cut me off
for ever or wilt thou resolve to be favourable no more Is thy mercy clean gone for ever And shall thy promises fail for evermore Hast thou forgotten to be gracious Or wilt thou in anger shut up the Bowels of thy tender compassions Wilt thou who art the God of Grace refuse to be gracious The Fountain of Mercy cease to be Merciful Hast Thou not said in the Records of thy Law that Thou wilt not be alwaies Wrath neither wilt Thou keep Thy Anger for ever lest the spirit fail before Thee and the Soul which Thou hast made And then applying himself to the Son of the Blessed Lord said he Didst not Thou assume me in the day when Thou enteredst into Covenant with me and permittedst me to enter into Covenant with Thee That Thou wouldst become my High Priest and Advocate and that as Thou hadst shed thy most precious Blood as a Sacrifice to Attone for my sins so Thou wouldst appear before thy Father as my Advocate and plead that Blood and the Merits of it to appease his Anger and turn away his displeasure against me and Procure me Pardon and forgiveness from him and Reconciliation with him And wilt Thou now when I am confounded in my self and even environed and overwhelmed with Despair having no hope or possibility of finding relief any where but in thy self forget thy Promise and prove worse then thy Word Wilt Thou because I have wickedly and most perfidiously broken my Covenant break thine too Sure it cannot be for thou art the same for ever and canst not change wherefore thou Blessed Jesus thou sweet Redeemer of my Soul I will by thy own Assistance for without it I am sure I shall not be able resolve with an humble boldness to act Faith in thy Promises lay hold on thy Covenant and hang upon the words of thy lips as the Bee doth on the flower from whence she extracts a sweetness wherewith the dews of Heaven hath replenish'd it And according to thy own directions I will now take unto my self words and say unto thee Lord Pardon thou my iniquities and receive me graciously Heal thou my Backslidings and love me freely And do thou who art so Eloquent and Powerful an Orator that thy Father can deny thee nothing Who art so wise an Advocate that none of thy Clients did or shall lose their Cause so prevailing an Intercessor that whatsoever thou Intercedest for and what request soever thou makest on the behalf of thy Members is fully and immediately granted go to the Eternal and plead my Cause at at his Bar and when Thou hast there procured Pardon and Reconciliation for me then send thy Spirit to convey the knowledge and comfortable Assurance thereof unto my Soul that so thou maist cause my heart to sing for joy and put a new song of Praise and Thanksgiving into my mouth that I may rejoice in the Lord and triumph in God my Saviour Amen Amen And methoughts I saw him rise from his knees in a most Humble Serious and sedate Frame having his heart enlarged lifted up to Heaven in Holy and desires and yet his eyes cast down to the Earth as being both ashamed for his having so shamefully Backsliden from and prevaricated with the Infinite Jehovah the Eternal Majesty of Heaven and Earth and withal not absolutely freed as yet from all manner of fear diffidence and doubtings whether the Eternal would be reconciled to him or whether the Blessed Redeemer would intercede for him and endeavor to prevail with the Eternal to consent to a reconciliation having as he afterwards told some of his fellow Pilgrim many mis-givings of Heart that they would never give him credit or trust him more since he had falsified his word violated his promises and broken his Covenant with them so often before wherefore plucking the memorial of his Covenant out of his bosom he first read it over and then began to examine himsef what parts of it he had broken and tried convicted and condemned himself for the same And having so done I heard him say thus to himself Well! since it is so that I have been so foolish and unwary as to suffer my self to be thus wheadled by my subtle Adversary to dally and play with that which I thought I had Eternally shaken hands with and had firmly resolved to have no more to do with it for ever and I am not able to obtain any Assurance within my self whether I am in a state of Grace nor yet whether I am Pardoned by the Eternal for thus Backsliding from him I will now therefore resolve to enter into Covenant anew as if I had never done it before I will give up and make a Resignation of my self to the Blessed Redeemer as tho' all I had hitherto done in that respect were false and fained And when I have done this then I will see if I can take more heed to my ways be more careful to maintain a stricter and more Spiritual Government over my thoughts and affections Whereupon kneeling down before the Eternal he opened the paper and having spread it before him he first bewailed with shame and sorrow his Violation thereof freely acknowledging and confessing his Guilt and that he had thereby justly deserved to be Eternally forsaken by and banish'd the Presence of the Eternal for ever And then he silently sighed out his humble Request That Free Grace might notwithstanding Reprieve and Pardon him and the Divine Goodness Heal and Restore him Then I heard him read over the Conditions of his Covenant and saw him when he had so done in the most Solemn manner imaginable present it to the Divine Majesty as his act and deed setting his hand and subscribing his Name to it as he had done at the first Whereupon methoughts I looked up and saw The Son of the Blessed stand by the Golden Altar which was erected before the Throne of God having a Golden Censor in his hand which was full of incense wherewith he offered up the Prayers and Desires of Believers upon the Golden Altar which was before the Throne and the smoke of the Incense which came with the Prayers of Believers and ascended up before the Eternal out of the hand of the Blessed Redeemer who is the compassionate Advocate and merciful High Priest of all relenting and returning Pilgrims wherewith the Eternal was to exceedingly well pleased that all his frowns were thereby presently changed into smiles his Anger into Love and his indignation into Compassion so that he now spake kindly to believers returning the words of Peace and Truth and comforting him that was cast down saying unto him Behold I have called thee as a man calleth a Woman that was forsak'n and greived in spirit and a wife of youth when thou wast refused saith thy God for a small moment have I forsaken thee but with great mercy will I gather thee in little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment but with Everlasting kindness will I