in it self not to love thee Woe is me answer me for thy mercies sake O Lord my God what thou art unto me Say unto my soule I am thy salvation Speake it out that I may heare thee Behold the eares of my heart are before thee O Lord open them and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I will runne after that voice and take hold of thee Hide not thy face from me that whether I dye or not dye I may see it 2. My Soules house is too streight for thee to come into let it be inlarged by thee 't is ruinous but doe thou repaire it There bee many things in it I both confesse and know which may offend thine eyes but who can clense it or to whom but thee shall I cry Cleanse me O Lord from my secret sinnes and from strange sinnes deliver thy servant I beleeved and therefore I wil speake Thou knowest O Lord that I have confessed my sinnes against mine owne selfe O my God and thou forgavest the iniquity of my heart I will not pleade with thee who art Truth and I will not deceive my selfe lest mine iniquity be a falle witnesse to it selfe I will not therefore pleade with thee For if thou Lord shouldst be extreme to marke what is done amisse O Lord who may abide it CHAP. 6. That he hath received all blessings from God and how hee hath beene preserved by him YEt suffer me to pleade before thy Mercy seate even mee who am but dust and ashes once again let me speake seeing 't is thy Mercie to which I addresse my speech and not man who is a mocker Yet even thou perhaps doest smile at me but turning thou wilt pitty mee What is it that I would say O Lord my God but even this that I know not whence I came hither into this a dying life shall I call it or a living death rather And then did the comforts of thy mercies take me up as I have heard it of the parents of my flesh out of whom and in whom thou sometimes didst forme me for I my selfe cannot remember it The comfort therefore of a womans milk did then entertaine me yet did neither my mother nor nurses fill their own brests but thou O Lord didst by them afford a nourishment fit for my infancy even according to thine owne institution and those riches of thine reaching to the root of all things Thou also ingraftedst in mee a desire to sucke no more than thou supplyedst them withall and in my Nurses to afford mee what thou gavest them for they were willing to dispense unto mee with proportion what thou supplyedst them with in abundance For it was a blessing to them that I received this blessing from them which yet was rather by them than from them For all good things proceed from thee O GOD and from my GOD commeth all my healthfulnesse And so much I observed afterwards when thou didst cry unto me by those instincts of nature which thou induedst mee withall both inwardly and outwardly For then first knew I how to sucke and to hee contented with what did please me and to cry at nothing so much as what offended my flesh After wards I began a little to laugh first sleeping and then waking for thus much was told me of my selfe and I easily beleeved it for that we see other Infants doe so too For these things of my selfe I remember not 2. And behold by little and little I came on to perceive where I was and I had the will to signifie what I would have to those that should helpe me to it but I could not yet cleerely enough expresse my desires to them for these were within mee and they without me nor could the ghesse of their senses dive into my meaning Thereupon would I flutter with my limbes and sputter out some words making some other few signes as well as I could but could not get my selfe to be understood by them and when people obeyed mee not either for that they understood me not or lest what I desired should hurt me then how would I wrangle at those elder servants that were to tend thee and the children that did not aptly humour me and I thought to revenge my selfe upon them all with crying And this is as I have learn'd the fashion of all Children that I could heare of and such an one was I as those who brought mee up told me although they may be said not to know so much rather thā to know it And now behold my infancie is dead long agoe yet I live still But thou O Lord who both livest forever and in whom nothing dyes because that before the foundations of the World and before every thing else that can be said to be Before thou art both God and Lord of all which thy selfe hath created and in whose presence are the certaine causes of all uncertaine things and the immutable patternes of all things mutable with whom doe live the eternall reasons of all these contingent chance med leyes for which we can give no reason tell I pray thee O God unto me thy suppliant Thou who art mercifull tell mee who am miserable did my infancy succeed to any other age of mine that was dead before even to that which perhaps I past in my mothers belly for something have I heard of that too and my selfe have seene women with great bellies 3. What also passed before that age O God my delight Was I any where or any body for I have none to tell me thus much neither could my Father and Mother nor the experience of others nor yet mine owne memory Doest thou laugh at me for enquiring these things who commandest me to praise and to confesse to thee for what I knew I confesse unto thee O Lord of heaven and earth and I sing praises unto thee for my first being and infancy which I have no memory of and thou hast given leave to Man by others to conjecture of himselfe and upon the credit of women to beleeve many things that concerne himselfe For even then had I life and being and towards the end of mine infancie I sought for some significations to expresse my meaning by unto others Whence could such a living creature come but from thee O Lord or hath any man the skill to frame himselfe or is any veyne of ours by which being and life runnes into us derived from any originall but thy workmanship O Lord to whom Being and Living are not severall things because both to Be and to Live in the highest degree is of thy very essence For Thou are the highest and thou art not changed neither is this present day spent in thee although it be brought to an end in thee because even all these have a fixt Being in thee nor could have their wayes of passing on unlesse thou upheldest them And because thy yeeres faile not thy yeeres are but this very day
prey by those flying spirits For by more waies than one is there sacrrifice offered to the collapsed Angels CHAP. 18. That men care more to observe the Rules of Grammar than the Lawes of God 1. BVt what wonder was it if I were thus carryed towards vanity and estranged from thee O my God wheneas such men were propounded to me to imitate who should they deliver any of their owne Acts though not evill with any Barbarisme or Soloecisme they were utterly dasht out of countenance but should they make a copious and neat Oration of their owne lusts in a round and well followed stile would take a pride to bee applauded for it These things thou seest O Lord long suffering and of much mercy and truth and thou keepest silence but wilt thou be silent for ever and forbeare to draw out of this horrible pit that soule that seeks after thee and that thirsts after thy pleasures whose heart saith unto thee I have sought thy face and thy face Lord will I seeke For I had straggled farre away from thy countenance in the mistynesse of my affections 2. For we neither goe nor returne from or to thee upon our feet or by distance of spaces or did that yonger brother seeke Post-horses or Waggons or Ships flye away with visible wings or take his journey by the motion of his hammes that living in a farre Countrey hee might prodigally waste that portion which thou hadst given him at his departure A sweet Father because thou gavest him his portion yet farre sweeter to the poore wretch returning for that he went from thee out of a voluptuous affection that is to say a darkned one and such that is which is farre from thy countenance Behold O Lord God and patiently behold as thou still doest how diligently the sonnes of men observe the Rules of letters and syllables received from former speakers and yet regard not the eternall covenants of everlasting salvation received from thy selfe Insomuch that he who either holds or teaches the ancient Rules of pronunciation if contrary to Grammar hee shall pronounce ominem that is a man without H in the first syllable he shall displease men more than if against thy Rules he should hate a man As if any man should thinke his enemy to be more pernicious to him than that hatred of his own is whereby he is set on against him or imagine that hee does worse skath to another man by persecuting him than he does to his own heart by contriving enmity against him 3. And certainely there is no other inward knowledge of Letters but this Law of Nature written in the conscience Not to doe to another what himselfe would not suffer How secret art thou O thou onely great God! which dwellest in the highest and in silence with an untyred destiny dispersing blindnesses for punishments upon unlawfull desires When a man affects the credit of Eloquence standing before a mortall Iudge a multitude of mortals standing about him inveighing against his Adversary with his fiercest hatred he takes heed most watchfully that his tongue trips not before men but takes no heed at all lest through the fury of his spirit he should destroy a man out of the society of men CHAP. 19. How he was more carefull to avoid barbarisme of speech than corruption of manners 1. IN the Road-way of these Customes lay I wretched Boy and upon that Stage I play'd my Prizes where I more feared to commit a barbarisme in speaking than I tooke care when I committed any not to envie those that committed none All this I declare and confesse to thee my God namely in what things I was by them applauded to please whom I then accounted equall to living honestly For I then discerned not that whirle-poole of filthinesse whereinto I was cast from thine eyes For in thine eyes what was more filthy than I where also I displeased such as my selfe with innumerable lyes deceiuing both my Tutor and Masters and Parents all for love of play out of a desire to see toyes and of imitating them with a ridiculous unrestfulnesse 2. Theevery also I committed out of my Fathers Buttery and Table eyther gluttony oft commanding mee or that I might have something to give my play-fellowes selling-mee their Babies with which they were as much delighted as my selfe In these play-games I being often over-matcht did with a vaine desire to be counted excellent aspire to winne though by foule play And what was I so unwilling to indure and what if I found out the deceipt would I so fiercely wrangle at as even those very trickes which I would put upon others and being my selfe taken with the manner I would rather fall flat out than yeeld to it 3. Is this that childish innocencie It is not LORD it is not LORD I cry thy mercie O my GOD for wranglings about Nuts and Balls and Birds are as much to boyes yet under their Tutors and Masters as the ill getting of Gold and Mannor Houses and Slaves is to Kings and to Governours But this Boyes-play passes over as more yeeres come on just as greater punishments follow after the Ferula Thou therefore O our King hast allowed of the Character of humility in the stature of Childehood when once thou saydest To such belongeth the Kingdome of God CHAP. 20. He thanketh God for his Benefits 1. BVt yet O Lord thankes had beene due to thee our God and most excellent Creator Governour of this Vniverse although thou hadst not beene pleased to have brought me any further than that age of Childhood For even then a Being I had yea Life and Senses even then had I a care of mine owne wel-being which is an impression of that most secret unity of thine whence I had my Being in my inward sense preserved I the intirenesse of my outward senses and in these slender faculties was I delighted with the truth of meane conceipts I would not willingly bee decerved a fresh memory I had in formes of speaking I was well tutored by friendly usage I was made tractable I avoyded all sadnesse dejectednesse and ignorance in such a little Creature what was there not admirable not commendable But all these are the gifts of my God for I bestowed them not upon my selfe Good endowments they were and all these was I. Good therefore is Hee that made me yea he is my God and to him I rejoyce for all my good gifts which of a Child I had But here was my oversight that I sought not my selfe and other pleasures honours and trueths in Him but in his Creatures and therefore rusht I my selfe upon sorrowes disorders and errours Thankes to thee my sweetnesse my honour my trust and my God Thankes to thee for all thy gifts but be pleased to preserve them still vnto me and thus shall my selfe bee preserved and thy Gifts shall be both increased and perfected yea and I shall be with thee for my being is of thy giving *
both these Wills be bad that as ill which carries to their Conventiele as the other which leades unto the Theater But they will not beleeve that Will to be other than good which brings men to them Suppose then one of us should deliberate and through the dispute of his two Wills should be in a quandary whether hee should goe see a Play or come to our Church would not these Manichees be as much in a quandary what to answer For either they must confesse which by their good wills they will never grant That the Will which leades to our Church is the better as it is in them which goe to their Church who are partakers of her sacraments and detained in her obedience or else must they suppose that there be two evill natures and two evill soules in one man which combat one another or must they lastly be converted to the truth and no more deny that in the Act of one mans deliberation there is one soule destracted betweene two contrary Wills Let them no more say therefore that when as they perceive two wills to bee contrary one to another in the same party that there bee two contrary soules made of two contrary substances from two contrary principles one good and the other bad contending one with another 3. For thou O true God doest disprove check and convince them like as when both wills being bad a man deliberates with himselfe whether he should kill a man by poyson or by the Sword whether hee should take in this piece or that of another mans ground when as he cannot doe both whether hee should purchase pleasure with prodigality or keepe close his money by covetousnesse whether hee should goe to the Chariot-race or to the Sword-playes if they were both to be seene upon one day I adde also a third instance whether hee should rob another mans house had he the opportunity and a fourth I add or whether he shold commit adultery had hee the meanes it being presupposed that all these concurred in the same instant of time and that all these acts bee equally desired which cannot possibly be all at one time acted 4. For verily they tare in sunder the soule amongst foure severall Wills cleane contrary to one another yea in such variety of things which are desirable perchance among more than foure yet use they not to affirme that there is any such multitude of divers substances Thus also is it in such Wils as are good For I demand of them whether it be a good thing to be delighted in reading of the Apostle and whether it be a good mind to be delighted in a sober Psalme or whether it be a good art to discourse upon the Gospell They will answere to each of these That it is good What now if all these equally delight us and all together at the same time Doe not divers Wills then rack the minde as it were when as a man is deliberating to which of all these he should chiefly betake him yet are all these Wills good although they all contend with one another till such time as one of the three bee made choice of towards which the whole Will may be carried being now united which was before divided into many Thus also when as eternity delights the superior parts and the pleasure of some temporal good holds fast the inferiour it is but one and the same soule which willeth not This or That with an intire Will and is therefore torne a sunder with grievous perplexities whilest it preferres This overswayed by Truth yet forbeares not That made familiar to it by Custome CHAP. 11. The combat in him betwixt the Spirit and the flesh 1. THus soule-sicke I was and in this manner tormented accusing my selfe much more eagerly than I was wont turning and winding my selfe in my chain till that which held mee might bee utterly broken which though but little yet held it me fast enough notwithstanding And thou O Lord pressedst upon me in my inward parts by a most severe mercy redoubling thy lashes of feare and shame lest I should give way againe and lest the breaking off of that small and slender Tye which now onely was left should recover strength againe and hamper mee againe the faster For I sayd within my selfe Behold let it be done now let it bee done forthwith And no sooner had I said the word but that I beganne to put on the resolution Now I even almost did it yet indeed I did it not yet notwithstanding fell I not quite backe to my old wont but stood in the degree next to it to fetch new breath as it were Yea I set upon it againe and I wanted but very little of getting up to it and within a very little even by and by obtained I to touch and to lay hold of it and yet could I not get up to it nor come to touch or lay full hold of it still fearing to dye unto death and to live unto life and the worse which I had beene anciently accustomed unto prevail'd more with mee than the better which I had never tryed yea the very instant of time wherein I was to become another man the neerer it approacht to me the greater horror did it strike into me But for all this did it not strike me utterly back nor turn'd mee quite off but kept mee in suspence onely 2. The very toyes of all toyes and vanities of vanities those ancient favcurites of mine were they which so fast with-held me they shooke me by this fleshly garment and spake softly in mine eare Canst thou thus part with us and shall we no more accompany thee from this time forth for ever and from this time forth shall it no more bee lawfull for thee to doe This or That for ever And what were those things which they suggested to mee in that phrase This or That as I said what were those which they suggested O my GOD Such as let thy mercy utterly turne away from the soule of thy servant Oh what impurities oh what most shamefull things did they suggest I heard them verily not halfe so neere hand now nor now so freely contradicting and opposing me but muttering as it were softly behinde my back and even now ready to be packing yet giving me a privy pluck to looke once more backe againe upon them yet for all this did they make mee now againe delaying the time much slower in snatching away my selfe and in shaking them off and in leaping from them to the place I was called unto namely when as violent custome thus rowned me in the eare Thinkest thou to be ever able to live without This or That 3. But by this time it spake but very faintly for on that side which I set my face towards and whither I trembled to goe was that chast dignity of Continency discovered cheerfull she was but not dissolutely pleasant honestly tempting me to come to her and doubt nothing yea stretching
drops of time are precious with mee and I haue long since had a burning desire to meditate in thy law and by it to confesse both my skill and vnskilfulnesse vnto thee the morning light of thy enlightning mee and the relikes of darknesse in mee so long remayning swallowed vp by till infirmitie bee strength Nor will I suffer my houres to bee squandered away vpon any other thing which I finde free from the necessities of refreshing of my body and the recreating of my minde and the complying in those offices of seruice which wee owe vnto men yea also which wee owe not and yet pay them 2. Giue eare vnto my prayer O Lord my God and let thy mercy hearken vnto my petition because it stryueth not to entreate for my selfe alone but to be beneficiall also to my brethren Thou seest my heart that so it is and that I am ready to sacrifice vnto thee the best seruice of my thoughts and tongue now giue mee what I am to offer vnto thee For I am poore and needy but thou art rich to all those that call vpon thee who not distracted with cares thy selfe takest the care of all vs. From all rashnesse and lying doe thou circumcise both my inward and my outward lippes Let my chaste delights bee thy Scriptures let me neyther be deceiued in them nor deceiued by them Hearken Lord and haue mercy vpon me O Lord my God O thou light of the blind and the strength of the weake yea also the light of those that see and the strength of the strong hearken thou vnto my soule and heare mee crying vnto thee out of the Deepe For if thine eares bee not with vs also in the Deepe whither then shall wee goe to whom shall wee cry The day is thine and the night is thine at thy backe the time passes away 3. Affoord out of it some spure time for my meditations vpon the hidden things of thy Law which I beseech thee shut not vp when they knocke for entrance at it For in vayne it was not that thou wouldest haue so many leaues full of darkesome secrets committed vnto wryting nor are those Fortests without their Harts which retire themselues into them making their range and walkes in them feeding lodging and chewing the Cud in them Perfect me O Lord and reueale them vnto me Behold thy voyce is my ioy yea thy voyce exceedeth the abundance of all pleasures Giue mee what I loue for verily I doe loue it and this loue is of thy giuing Forsake not therfore thine owne gifts nor despise thou him that thirsteth after thy herbage Let me confesse vnto thee whatsoeuer I shall finde in thy bookes and let mee heare the voyce of prayse and let me drinke thee vp and let me consider of the wonderfull things of thy law euen frō the very Beginning wherein Thou madest the heauen and the earth vnto that euerlasting kingdome of thy holy City which is before thee Haue mercy Lord vpon mee and heare my petition for it is not I suppose of the earth not for gold siuer or precious stones or gorgeous apparell or honors and offices or the pleasures of the flesh or necessaries for the body or for this life of our earthly pilgrimage all which shall bee added vnto those that seeke thy kingdome thy righteousnesse Behold O Lord my God what it is that I now desire The vngodly haue sometimes told mee what themselues delight in but they are not like the delights of thy Law See now whence my desire proceedes 4. See Father behold and approue and let it bee pleasing in the sight of thy mercy that I shall find so much grace with thee as that the Secrets of thy Word may bee opened vnto mee when I knocke By our Lord Iesus Christ thy Sonne I beseech thee that man on thy right hand that Sonne of man whom thou hast appoynted a Mediator betwixt thy selfe and vs by whom thou soughtest vs who little sought for thee yet didst thou seeke vs that wee might seeke thee and thy Word by whom thou madest all things and mee amongst them Thy Onely Sonne by whom thou hast called the beleeuing people vnto thee and mee amongst them by Him I beseech thee who sitteth at thy right hand and makes intercession for vs in whom are hid all the treasures of wisedome and knowledge Him doe I seeke in thy bookes of Him Moses wrote this hee sayes this Truth sayes CHAP. 3. Hee desires to vnderstand the holy Scriptures 1. LEt mee heare and vnderstand how thou In the beginning hast made Heauen and Earth This Moses wrote of he wrote and passed away hee passed from hence vnto thee for he is not at this present before mine eyes for if hee were then would I lay hold of him and intreate him and for thy sake would I beseech him to open these things vnto me yea I would lay mine eares vnto his mouth But should he speake in the Hebrew tongue in vayne should hee beate mine eares for neuer should he come neere my vnderstanding whenas if he spake Latine I should well enough know what hee sayd 2. But how should I know whether he sayd true or no and if I could learne this too should I know it by him For within mee in that inward house of my thoughts neither the Hebrew nor the Greeke nor the Latine nor any other language but euen Truth it selfe and that without any helps of the mouth tongue without any sound of sillables should tell me He sayes true and my selfe therupon assured of it would confidently say vnto that seruant of thine Thou speakest truth Seeing I haue not now the meanes to conferre with Moses I beg of thee my God inspired by whom he vttred these truths I beg of thee the pardon of my sinnes and thou that enabledst that seruant of thine to deliuer these Truthes enable mee also to vnderstand them CHAP. 4. The Creatures proclayme God to bee their Creator 1 BEhold the heauens and the earth are already they proclaime themselues to haue beene created for they are changed and altered from what they were Whereas whatsoeuer is not made and yet hath a being hath nothing in it now which it had not before which to haue were indeede to bee changed and altered They proclayme also that they made not thēselues but say Therefore wee are because we are made and therefore were wee not before our time was to bee as if we could possibly haue made our selues Now the euidentnesse of the thing is this voyce of the Speakers 'T is thou therefore O Lord that madest them thou who art full of beauty they beeing fayre also thou who art good they also beeing good euen Thou who hast Being seeing these haue their Beings yet are they neyther so fayre so good nor are so as thou their Creator art compared with whom they are neyther fayre nor good nor are at all Thus much wee know thankes to
it were with gall all the pleasures of those fabulous narrations For I understood not a word of it yet they vehemently pressed me and with most cruell threatnings and punishments to make me understand it The time was also when I was an infant that I knew not a word of Latine yet by marking I gate that without any feare or tormenting even by my nurses pratlings to me and the pretty tales of those that laught upon me and the sports of those that plaid with me 2. So much verily I learnt without any painefull burthen to mee of those that urged me for that mine owne heart put me to it to bring out mine owne conceptions Which I could never have done had I not learnd divers words not of those that taught me but of them that talkt familiarly to me in whose hearing I also brought forth whatsoever I had conceived Hereby it cleerely appeares that a free curiosity hath more force in childrens learning of languages than a frightfull enforcement can have But the unsetlednesse of that freedome this inforcement restraines Thy Lawes O God yea Thy Lawes even from the schoolemasters Ferula to the martyrs Tryalls being able to temper wholesome and bitter together calling us backe by that meanes unto thy selfe even from that infectious sweetnesse which at first allured us to fall away from Thee CHAP. 15. His Prayer to God 1. HEare my prayer O Lord let not my soule faint under thy correction nor let mee faint in confessing unto thee thine owne mercies by which thou hast drawne mee out of all mine own most wicked courses that thy selfe mightest from hence forward grow sweet unto me beyond all those allurements which heretofore I followed and that I might most intirely love thee and lay hold upon thy hand with all the powers of my heart that thou mightest finally draw mee out of all danger of temptation 2. For behold O Lord my King whatsoever good I have learned being a boy unto thy service let it be all directed yea whatsoever I speake or write or reade or number let all serve thee For when I learned vaine things thou didst discipline me and in those vanities thou forgavest the sinfulnesse of my delight in them In those studies I learnt many usefull words but those might have beene also learned in studies not so vaine which is I confesse the safest way for children to be trayned up in CHAP. 16. Against lascivious fables 1. BVt woe unto thee O thou Torrent of humane custome who shall stoppe the course of thee when wilt thou be drye how long wilt thou continue tumbling the sonnes of Eve into that hugie and hidcous Ocean which they very hardly passe who are well shipped Do I not reade in thee of Iupiter sometimes thundering and sometime adulterating but verily both these could not one person doe but this is feyned that hee might have authority to imitate true-acted Adultery false thunder the meane while playing the bawde to him Yet which of our grave Masters can with any patience heare a man that should in his Schoole cry out saying Homer feigned these and ascribed mens faults unto the gods but I had rather he had derived divine excellencies upon us But more truely is it said that Homer feyned these things indeed and that by his attributing divine excellencies to most wicked mortals crimes might not be accounted crimes so that whosoever shal commit the like seemes not therein to imitate desperate people but some heavenly Deities 2. This notwithstanding O thou hellish torrent are the sonnes of men cast into thee with rewards propounded to allure children to learne these fables and a great solemnity is made of it when t is pleaded for openly in the assembles and in the sight of the lawes which allow stipends to the Teachers over and above the reward unto the schollers yet O Torrent thou art still beating upon thy rocks roaring out and crying Here are fine words to bee learned here Eloquence is attained eloquence so necessary to perswade to businesse and with advantage to expresse sentences But for all this should wee never so patheticall have understood these words The golden showre The lappe The deceipt The temple of heaven and such others written â— the same place had not Terâ—nâ— withall brought a lewd your man upon the stage propounding Iupiter to himselfe for a example of his adultery whâ—â— he beholds a certaine picture â—â— the wall wherein was set out tâ— the life the story of Iupiter râ—yning a golden showre into Dâ—â—aes lappe deceiving the simpâ—â— mayden by that meanes Show that young man provoke himselfe to lust as if he had he a celestiall authority for it 3. But what God doe I imitate saith hee even that God who with a mighty thunder shakes the very Arches of heaven may not I then frayle flesh and blood doe as much But I for my part did as much unprovoked yea gladly too Plainly by this filthy matter are not these words so much the more commodiously learned as by these words is this filthy businesse learned to bee the more confidently committed I blame nor the words which of themselves are like vessels choyce and precious but that wine of error which is in them drunke to us by our intoxicated teachers If we refused to pledge them wee were beaten nor had wee liberty to appeale unto any sober Iudges All this notwithstanding O my God I in whose presence I now with securityremember this did willingly learne these things and unhappy I was for this accounted a youth of much towardlinesse CHAP. 17. The way of exercising youth in repeating and varying of verses 1. GIve me leave O my God to tell thee something and that of mine own wit which was thy gift and what dotages I spent it upon-My Master put a taske upon me troublesome enough to my soule and that upon termes of reward of commendations or feare of shame and whipping namely That I should declame upon those words of Iuno expressing both her anger and sorrow that shee could not keepe off the Trojane King from going into Italie which words I had heard that Iuno never uttered yet were we enforced to imitate the passages of these poeticall fictions and to varie that into Prose which the Poet had expressed in verse And hee decliamed with most applause in whose action according to the dignity of the person represented there appeared an affection neerest to anger or griefe set out with words most agreeable to the matter 2. But to what end was this O my true life my God why was my declamation more applauded than so many others of mine owne age and forme Was not all this meere smoke and winde and could no other subject be found to exercise my wit and tongue in Thy prayses O Lord thy prayses might have stayed the tender sprig of my heart upon the prop of thy Scriptures that it might not have beene cropt off by these empty vanities to bee catcht up as a
my soule is not affrighted at it I will love thee O Lord and thanke thee and I will confesse unto thy Name because thou hast forgiven mee this crime and these hainous deeds of mine unto thy grace and mercie doe I ascribe that thou hast dissolved my sinnes as it were Ice yea unto thy grace doe I ascribe whatsoever evils I have not done For what evill was not I apt enough to commit who loved the sinne for the sinnes sake Yea all I confesse to be forgiven me both what evils I committed wilfully and what by thy guidance I have not committed 2. What man is he who upon consideration of his owne infirmity dares so farre to ascribe his chastity and innocency to his owne vertue as that he thereupon should love thee the lesse as if thy mercy by which thou forgivest those that turne unto thee had beene lesse necessary for him Who soever now being effectually called by thee hath obeyed thy voice and declined those transgressions which hee here reades me remembring and confessing of my selfe let him not laugh at me who am now cured by that same Physician who ministred unto him such preservatives that he might not be sicke at all or but a little distempered rather but let him take occasion thereupon to love thee so much yea so much the more since by that Physician he hath observed mee to have beene recovered out of such deepe consumptions of sinfulnesse by the same hand he perceives himselfe not to have beene incumbred by the like CHAP. 8. What hee loved in that his theft 1. VVHat fruite had I wretched man heretofore in these things of the remembrance whereof I am now ashamed In that piece of theeverie especially wherein I loved nothing but the very Theft it selfe whereas that was nothing of it selfe but I much the more miserable by it Yet by my selfe alone I would not have committed it so well I now remember what my disposition then was that alone I would never have done it Belike therefore it was the company that I loved who were with me at it And even therfore I loved nothing but the theft it selfe yea verily nothing else because that circumstance of the company was indeed a very nothing 2. What is this verily who is it that teacheth me but even he that inlightneth my heart and discovers the darknesse of it What is that which came into my head to enquire into and to discusse and consider better of For had I then loved those Peares which I stole I might have done it by my selfe had it beene enough barely to commit the The every by which I might attaine my pleasure nor needed I have provoked that itch of mine owne desires by the rubbing of those guilty consciences But because the pleasure I tooke consisted not in those Peares it must needes therefore bee in the very pranke it selfe which the company of us offenders joyntly committed together CHAP. 9. Bad company is infectious 1. VVHat kinde of disposition was that then For it was too bad plainly and woe to me that I had it But yet what was it Oh wh◠can understand his errours We laught heartily till wee tickled againe that wee could beguile the owners who little thought what wee were a doing and would never have indured it Yet againe why tooke I delight even in this that I did it not alone Is it for that no man doth so readily laugh alone ordinarily indeed no body does but yet a fit of laughter sometimes comes upon men by themselves and singly when no body else is with them if any thing worthy to be laught at comes eyther in their eye or fancies Yet I for my part would not have done this alone I should never have done it alone verily 2. See here my God the lively emembrance of my soule set beforethee Alone I would never have committed that Theft wherein what I stole did not so much content me as because I stole it which would never have pleased me so well to have done alone nor would I ever have done it O friendship too unfriendly thou inveigler of the soule thou reasonlesse greedinesse to doe mischiefe all out of a mirth and wantonnesse thou thirst to doe wrong to others though upon no pleasure of gaine or revenge unto our selves but even because when one cryes Let 's goe let 's doe this or that 't is ashame not to be shamelesse CHAP. 10. Whatsoever is good is in God 1. VVHo can picke out that crooked and intricate knottinesse 'T is filthy I will never give my mind to it I will not so much as looke towards it But thee I desire O Righteousnesse and Innocency most beautifull and comely to all chaste eyes yea with an insatiable satiety I desire to behold thee With thee is Rest assured and a life never to bee disturbed Hee that enters into thee enters into his masters joy and hee shall have no cause of feare and shall be well in him who is the best 〈◊〉 a way from thee and I went astray O my God yea too much astray from thee my stay in these dayes of my youth and I became to my selfe as it were that far Country of misery SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE THIRD BOOKE CHAP. 1. He is caught with love which he hunted after TO Carthage I came where a whole Frying-pan full of abominable Loves crakled round about me and on every side I was not in love as yet yet I loved to be in love with a more secret kind of want I hated my selfe having little want I sought about for something to love loving still to be beloved safety I hated and that way too that had no snares in it and all because I had a famine within me even of that inward food thy selfe my God though that famine made mee not hungry For I continued without all appetite towards incorruptible nourishments not because I was already full but the more empty the more queasie stomackt For this cause my soule was not very well but miserably breaking out into botches had an extreme itch to be scratcht by the touch of these sensible things who yet if they had not a life could not deserve to be beloved It was very pleasurable to me both to love and to be beloved but much more when I obtained to enjoy the person whom I loved 2. I defiled therefore the Spring of friendship with the filth of uncleannesse and I be fullied the purity of it with the hell of lustfulnesse But thus filthy and dishonest as I was with a superlative kind of vanity I took a pride to passe for a spruce and a gentile companion I forced my selfe also into love with which I affected to be insuared My God my Mercy with how much sowrenesse didst thou out of thy goodnesse to me besawce that sweetenesse For obtayning once to be beloved againe and secretly arriving to the bond of enjoying I was with much joy bound with sorrow-bringing
that I was yet unripe for instruction for that I was yet puft up with the new taken-in heresie and that I had already troubled divers unskilfull persons with spurring of questions to them as she had already told him but let him alone a while saith he onely pray to God for him he will of himselfe by reading find his owne mistake and how great his impiety is 2. The Bishop then up and told her how himselfe when hee was a little one had been by his seduced mother commited to the Manichees and how he had not onely read over almost all but also coppied out their books and that it appeared to him without the helpe of any man to dispute against or convince it how much that sect was to be avoyded and how of himselfe therefore he had forsaken it Which words when he had spoken and she would not yet be satisfied but pressed more upon him what with intreating and what with weeping that he would be pleased to see me and discourse with me he a little displeased at her tedious importunity Goe thy wayes saith he and God blesse thee for it is not possible that the sonne of these teares should miscarry Which answer shee then tooke as she often remembred in our familiar discourse afterwards as if an oracle had resounded from heaven SAINT AVGVSTINES Confessions THE FOVRTH BOOKE CHAP. 1. How long and what wayes hee seduced others FOr the space of nine yeeres then that is from the nineteenth yeere of mine ago to the eight and twentieth wee were seduced our selves and others we seduced deceived and deceiving in divers lusts and in publike we did it by those Arts which are called liberall but in private we still peretended the assumed name of Religion Here were we proud there superstitious every where vayne still hunting after the empty noyse of popular reputation even affecting those The atricall hummings and applauses and those contentious strifes of wit and to gaine the grassy garlands the vanity of shewing our selves upon the stage and the intemperancy of ambition But much desiring then to purge our selves from these our naturall corruptions by the helpe of those who were called elect and holy wee carried them certayne chosen meates out of which in the workehouse of their owne paunches they should forge certaine Angels and Gods by whom we were to bee cleansed These things did I then follow these things did I then practise with my friends who were deceived by me and with me 2. Let such deride me now who are arrogant and not yet savingly cast downe nor broken in heart by thee O my GOD but I for all this doe here confesse mine owne shame to thee in thy prayse Suffer me I beseech thee and give me grace to runne over in my present remembrance the errors of my forepassed time and to offer up unto thee the sacrifice of rejoycing For what am I without thee but a guide to mine owne downefall or what am I even at the best but an infant sucking thy milke and feeding upon thee the food incorruptible But what kind of thing is any man seeing at the best he is but a man Let now the strong and the mighty laugh at us but let us weake and needy soules ever confesse unto thee CHAP. 2. Hee teaches Rhetoricke and despiseth a wizard who promised him the victory 1. I Taught in those yeeres the Art of Rhetoricke and my selfe being overcome with a desire of gaine made sale of a loquâ—city to overcome others by Yet I desired rather Lord thou knowest to have honest schollers as they are now adayes accounted and those without all deceipt I taught how to deceive not that I would have them plead against the life of any innocent person though sometimes to save the life of the nocent And thou O God from afarre perceivedst me falling in that slippery course in much smoke sparkling out some small faith which I then made show of in that Schoole-mastership of mine to those that loved vanity and becomming the companion to those that sought a lye In those dayes I kept a Mistresse whom I knew carnally not in that lawfull way of marriage but the way found out by wandring lust utterly voyd of understanding yet had I but that one towards whom I truly kept the promise of the Bed in whom I might by mine owne example learne experience what difference there would be betwixt the knot of the marriage-covenant mutually consented unto for the desire of children and the bargaine of a lustfull love where though children be against our wils begotten yet being borne they even compell us to love them 2. I remember once that when I had a minde to put forth my selfe for the prize in a Theatricall Poeme I was demanded by I know not what wizard what I would give him to be assured to winne the garland but I detesting and abhorring such filthy compacts returnd him answer That though the garland were immortall and of gold yet would I not suffer a flye to lose it's life to gaine me the better of it For he was to kill certaine living creatures in those his sacrifices and by those honours to invite the Divels to favour me in the peoples acclamations But this ill meanes I refused not out of any chast reservation towards thee O God of my heart for then knew I not how to love thee who knew not how to thinke on any thing but certaine Corporeall Glories And did not my soule panting after such fond fictions commit fornication against thee trust in false hopes and feed upon the wind But I would not forsooth that hee should doe sacrifice to the Divells for me and yet did I my selfe offer unto them even by that my superstition For to feed upon the wind what is it else but to feed them that is by our owne errours to make our selves the subjects of their pleasure and derision CHAP. 3. Giving himselfe to Astrologie he is reclaimed by an ancient Physician 1. THose Star-gazers therefore whom they stile Mathematicians I verily did not forbeare to consult with and that because they used no sacrifice not directed their prayers to any Spirit to speed their Divinations and yet doth Christian and true piety consequently refuse and condemne that Art For it is a good thing to confesse unto thee and to say Have mercie upon me heale my soule for I have sinned against thee and not to abuse thy kindnesse for a liberty of sinning but to remember our Lords warning Behold thou art made whole sinne no more lest a worse thing come unto thee All which wholsome advice they endevour to overthrow that say The cause of thy sinne is inevitably determined in heaven and that Man flesh and blood and proud corruption be kept without sinne is of Venus doing forsooth or Saturne or Mars procur'd it meane while the Creator of Heaven and Starres beares the blame of it And who is
turne towards thee but went nuddling on and on towards those fancies which have no being neither in thee nor in mee nor in any body For they were not created for me by thy Truth but devised meerely by mine owne vaine conceipt fancying out a body And I demanded of thy faithfull little ones my fellow-Citizens from whom unbeknowing to my selfe I stood exiled I put the question to them I say prating and foolish man that I was Why therfore doth the soule erre which God hath created But I would endure upon no termes any one should demand of me Why therefore doth God erre And I stiffly maintained that thy vnchangeable substance rather did erre upon constraint than be brought to confesse mine owne changhable substance to have gone astray voluntarily or gone any thing neere it 4. I was at that time perchance sixe or seven and twenty yeere old when I composed those Volumnes canvassing up and downe with my selfe these corporeall fictions which were still buzzing in the eares of my heart which eares I intended rather O sweet Truth to hearken after thy inward melody plodding all this time upon my Faire and Fit and desiring to stay and to hearken to thee and to rejoyce exceedingly at the voice of thy Spouse but could not bring my selfe to it for by the cals of mine owne errours I was drawne out of my selfe and opprest with the weight of my owne proud conceipt I sunke into the lowest pit For thou didst not make me to heare 〈◊〉 and gladnesse that the 〈…〉 which thou hadst not yet enough broken might rejoyce CHAP. 16. The admirable aptnesse to Learning and the great understanding S. Augustine had 1. ANd what was I the better for it when scarce twenty yeeres old that Booke of Aristotles Praedicaments falling into my hands of which my Rhetoricke-master of Carthage and others esteemed very good Schollers would be cracking with full mouthes I earnestly and with much suspence gap't upon it at first as upon I know not what deepe and divine peece but read it over afterwards yea and attained the understanding of it by my selfe alone And comparing my Notes afterwards with theirs who protested how hardly they gate to understand the Booke from very able Tutors not dictating to them onely by word of mouth but taking paines also to delineate out in the dust the Schemes and demonstrations of it they could teach me no more of it than I had observed before upon mine owne reading And it seem'd plaine enough to my capacity when they discourst of Substances such as Man is and of the Accidents inhering to these Substances as for example the figure of a man how qualified he was and of what shape and stature how many foot high and his relation to his kindred whose brother he is or where placed or when borne or whether he stands or sits or bee shod or armed or does or suffers any thing and whatsoever to bee learned besides in these nine Praedicaments of which I have given these former examples or these other innumerable observations in that chiefe Praedicament of Substance 2. What now did all this further me seeing withal it as much hindred mee when as I tooke paines to understand thee O my God whose Essence is most wonderfully simple and unchangeable imagining whatsoever had being to bee comprehended under those tenne Praedicaments as if thy selfe had beene subject to thine owne Greatnesse or Beauty and that these two had an inherence in thee like Accidents in their Subject or as in a Body whereas thy greatnesse and beauty is thy Essence but a body is not great or faire in that regard as it is a body seeing that though it were lesse great or faire yet should it be a body notwithstanding But it was a meere falsehood which of thee I had conceived and no truth a very fiction of mine owne foolery and no solid ground of thy happinesse For thou hadst given forth the command and so it came to passe in me that my earth should bring forth bryars and thornes in me and that in the sweat of my browes I should eate my bread 3. And what was I the better that I the vile Slave to wicked affections read over by my selfe and understood all the bookes of those Sciences which they call liberall as many as I could cast mine eye upon And that I tooke great delight in them but knew not all this while whence all that came whatsoever was true or certaine in them For I stood with my backe to the light and with my face toward these things which received that light and therfore my face with which I discern'd these things that were illuminated was not it selfe illuminated What-ever was written either of the Art of Rhetoricke or Logicke what-ever of Geometry Musicke and Arithmeticke I attain'd the understanding of by my selfe without any great difficulty or any instructor at all as thou knowest O Lord my God even because the quicknes of conceiving and the sharpnesse of disputing is thy gift and yet did I not sacrifice any part of it to thy acknowledgement All this therefore served not mee to any good imployment but to my destruction rather since I went about to get so good a part of my portion into mine owne custody and I preserved not mine own abilities entire for thy service but wandring into a far Country to spend it there upon my Harlotries For what good did it me to have good abilities and not employ them to good uses For I understood not that those Arts were attained with great difficulty even by those that were very studious and ingenuous Schollers untill that my selfe going about to interpret them in others hearing hee was held the most excellent at them who was able to follow me with least slownesse 4. But what at last did all this benefit mee thinking all this while that thou O Lord my God of truth wert nothing but a vast and bright Body and my selfe some peece of that Body O extreme perversenesse but in that case was I then nor doe I blush O my God to confesse thy mercies towards mee to call upon thee who blushed not then openly to professe before men mine owne blasphemies and to barke against thee What good did then my nimble wit able to runne over all those Sciences and all those most knotty Volumes made easie to me without helpe or light from any Tutor seeing I err'd so fouly and with so much sacrilegious shamefulnesse in the Doctrine of Piety Or what hinderance was a farre slower wit to thy little ones seeing they straggled not so farre from thee but that in the Nest of thy Church they might securely plume themselves and nourish the wings of charity by the food of a solid faith 5. O Lord our God under the shadow of thy wings let us hope defend thou hold us up Thou shalt beare us up both while we are little and when we are gray-headed for our weaknesse
unto thee namely that thou shouldst be rather thought to suffer ill than man to doe ill CHAP. 4. God cannot be compelled 1. IN this sort did I endevour now to finde out the rest as I had already found that what was incorruptible must needs bee better than that which was corruptible and THEE therefore whatsoever thou wert did I acknowledge to bee incorruptible For never yet soule was nor ever shall bee able to thinke upon any thing which may be better than thou who art the soveraigne and the best Good But whereas most truely and certainely that which is incorruptible is to be preferred before what is corruptible like as I did then preferre it I might very well have reached so high in my thoughts as something that should bee better than my God hadst not thou beene incorruptible Where therefore I saw that incorruptible ought to bee preferred before corruptible there ought I to have sought out thee and there to observe Whence evill should come that is even whence corruption comes by which thy substance can by no meanes be infected 2. For Corruption does no waies infect our God by no will by no necessity by no unlookt for chance because he is God and what he wils is good and he himselfe is that Good but to be corrupted is not good Nor all thou O God against thy will constrained to any thing for that thy will is not greater than thy power But greater should it be were thy selfe greater than thy selfe For the Will and Power of God is God himselfe And what chance can surprize thee unlookt for who knowest all things Nor is there any nature of things but thou knowest it And what should wee use more arguments to prove Why that substance which God is should not be corruptible seeing if it were so it should not be God CHAP. 5. Hee pursues his enquirie after the root of sinne 1. AND I sought Whence Evill should be and I sought ill nor did I see that evill which was in this very enquirie of mine I set now before the eyes of my spirit the whole Creation and whatsoever I could discerne of it as the Sea the Earth the Ayre the Starres the Trees the mortall Creatures yea and what-ever else in it wee doe not see as the Firmament of the heaven all the Angels moreover and all the spirituall inhabitants thereof But yet as if all these had beene bodies did my fancy dispose of them in such and such places and I made one great Masse of all thy Creatures distinguished by their severall kindes of bodies both those that were Bodies indeed or which my selfe had feyned instead of Spirits And this Masse I made hugie enough not yet so great as in it selfe it was which I could not come to the knowledge of but as bigge as I thought convenient yet every way finite But thee O Lord I imagined on every part environing and penâ—trating it though every way infinite As if there were supposed to bee a Sea which every where and on every side by a most unmeasurable infinitenesse should bee onely a Sea and that Sea should containe in it some hugie Sponge but yet finite which Sponge must needs bee every where and on every side filled with that unmeasurable Sea So thought I thy whole Creation to bee in it selfe finite filled by thee who art infinite and I said Behold God and behold what God hath created and God is good yea most mightily and incomparably better than all these which God being himselfe good created all them good and see how he environeth and full-fils them all 2. Where is Evill then and from whence and how crept it in hither What is the roote and what the seed of it Or hath it at all no being Why then doe wee feare and beware of that which hath no being Or if we feare it in vaine then surely is that feare evill which in vaine so gores and torments the soule Yea and so much a greater evill by how much that wants of being any thing which wee stand in feare of and yet doe feare Therefore is there some evill thing which we feare or else the very act of fearing is evill Whence is evill therefore seeing God who is good hath created all these things good that is the greater and chiefest Good hath created these lesser goods yea and he creating they created are all good Whence now is evill Or of what did God make it Was there any matter evill and as God formed and ordered it did he leave any thing in it which hee did not convert 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 But why did he so Was â— not able so to turne and chanâ—e the whole lumpe that no evill should have remained in it seeing he is able to do any thing Lastly why would he make any thing at all of that and did not by the same omnipotency rather cause that there should be no such thing at all Or to say troth was it able to be of it selfe against His will Or if that evill matter had beene so from eternity why suffered hee it so to continue so infinite spaces of times past and was pleased so long while after to make something out of it 3. Or if hee were suddenly pleased now to goe about some worke this rather should the Omnipotent have done have caused namely that this evill matter should not at all have beene and that hee himselfe should have beene alone that soveraigne and infinite Good â—â— Or if it had not beene good 〈…〉 who was good should 〈…〉 and create something also that were not good then that evill matter being first taken away and brought unto nothing should he immediately have taken order for some good matter whereof hee might create all things For he should not bee omnipotent if he were not able to create something that were good of it selfe unlesse hee were assisted by that matter which himselfe had not created These thoughts tossed I up and downe in my miserable heart overcharged with biting Cares through the feare of death and though I had not found out the truth yet did the Faith of thy Christ our Lord and Saviour professed in thy Church firmly continue in my heart though in divers particulars verily not yet throughly perfected and swarving from the right Rule of Doctrine yet did not my minde utterly leave it off but every day tooke in more and more of it CHAP. 6. Divinations made by the Mathematicians are vaine 1. BY this time also had I rejected those deceitfull Divinations and impious dotages of the Astrologers Let thine owne mercies out of the most inward bowels of my soule consesse unto thee for this O my God For thou thou altogether for who else is it that cals us backe from the death of all errours but even that Life which knowes not how to dye and that wisedome which enlightens those mindes that need it it selfe needing no light by which the whole world is governed even to the falling away of
in respect of the hidden deservings of the soules thou thinkest fit for him to heare To whom let not man say What is this or Why is that Let him not say so never let him ask such a questioÌ„ seeing he is but a man CHAP. 7. He is miserably tortured in his enquirie after the Root of Evill 1. ANd now O my helper hadst thou discharged me from those fetters and presently enquired I whence Evill should be but found no way out of my question But thou sufferedst me not to be carried away from the Faith by any waves of those thoughts by which Faith I beleeved both that thou wert and that thy substance was unchangeable and that thou hadst a care of and passedst thy judgement upon men and that in Christ thy Sonne our Lord and thy holy Scriptures which the Authority of thy Church should acknowledge thou hast laid out the way of mans salvation to passe to that life which is to come after death These grounds remaining safe and irremoveably settled in my minde I with much anxiety sought from what root the nature of Evill should proceed What torments did my teeming heart then endure and what throwes O my God! yet even to them were thine eares open and I knew it not and when in silence I so vehemently enquired after it those silent conditions of my soule were strong cryes unto thy mercy 2. Thou and not man knewest how much I suffered For how great was that which my tongue sent forth into the eares of my most familiar friends And yet did I disclose the whole tumule of my soule for which neither my time nor tongue had beene sufficient Yet did all of it ascend into thy hearing which I roared out from the grones of my heart yea my whole desires were said up before thee nor was I master of so much as of the light of mine owne eyes for that was all turn'd inward but I outward nor was that confined to any place but I bent my selfe to those things that are contained in places but there found I no place to rest in nor did those places so entertain mee that I could say It is enough and 't is well nor did they yet suffer me to turne back where I might finde well-being enough For to these things was I superiour but inferiour to thee and thou art that true joy of me thy Subject and thou hast subjected under mee those things which thou createdst below me 3. And this was the true temper and the middle Region of my safety where I might remaine conformable to thine Image and by serving thee get the dominion over mine owne body But when as I rose up proudly against thee and when I ran upon my Lord with my necke with the thick bosses of my buckler then were these inferiour things made my over-matches and kept me under nor could I get either releasement or space of breathing They ran on all sides by heapes and troopes upon mee broad-looking on them but having in my thoghts these corporeall Images they way-laid me as I turn'd backe 〈◊〉 they should say unto mee Whither goest thou O thou unworthy and base creature And these grew more in number even out of my wound for thou hast humbled the proud like as him that is wounded through my owne swelling was I set further off from thee yea my cheekes too big swolne even blinded up mine eyes CHAP. 8. How the mercy of God at length relieved him 1. THou Lord art the same for ever nor art thou angry with us for ever because thou hast pitie upon dust and ashes and it was pleasing in thy sight to reforme my deformities and by inward gallingsdidst thou startle me that I shouldst become unquiet till such time as it might bee assured unto my inward sight that it was thou thy selfe Thus by the secret hand of thy medicining was my swelling abated and that troubled and bedimmed eyesight of my soule by the smart eye-salve of mine owne wholsome dolours daily began more and more to be cleered CHAP. 9. What he found in some Bookes of the Platonists agreeable to the Christian Doctrine 1. AND thou being desirous first of all to shew unto me how thou resistest the proud but givest grace unto the humble and with what great mercy of thine the way of humility is traced out unto men in that thy WORD was made flesh and dwelt among men thou procuredst for mee by meanes of a certaine man puft up with a most unreasonable pride to see certaine Bookes of the Platonists translated out of Greeke into Latine And therein I read not indeed in the selfe same words but to the very same purpose perswaded by many reasons and of severall kinds That In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and that Word was God The same was in the beginning with God All things were made by him and without him was nothing made that was made In him was life and the life was the light of men And the light shined in the darknesse and the darknesse comprehended it not And for that the soule of man though it gives testimony of the light yet it selfe is not that light but the Word of God is for God is that true light that lighteth every man that commeth into the world And because he was in the world and the world was made by him the world knew him not and because hee came unto his owne and his owne received him not But as many as received him to them gave hee power to become the sons of God as many as beleeved in his name All this did I not read there 2. There again did I read that God the Word was not borne of flesh nor of blood nor of the will of man nor of the will of the flesh but of God But that the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us did I not there reade I found out in those Bookes that it was many and divers waies said that the Sonne being in the forme of the Father thought it no robbery to be equal with God for that naturally he was the same with him But that 〈◊〉 himselfe of no reputaâ—â—â— taking upon him the forme â—â— a servant and was made in 〈◊〉 likenesse of men and was sound in fashion as a man and humbled himselfe and became obedient unto death even the death of the Crosse Wherefore God hath highty exalted him from the dead and given him a name over every name that at the name of Iesus every knee should bow of things in heaven and things in earth and things under the earth And that every tongue should confesse that Iesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father those Bookes have not 3. But that thy onely begotten Sonne coeternall with thee war before all times and beyond all times remains unchangeable and that of his fulnesse all soules receive what makes theÌ„ blessed and that by participation
I had entered against my selfe untill it came to a good issue but which way God thou knowest I doe not Onely I was for the time most soberly madde and I dyed vitally sensible enough what piece of misery for the present I now was but utterly ignorant how good I shortly was to grow Into that Garden went I and Alipius followed mee foot by foot for I had no secret retiring place if hee were neere or when did he ever forsake me when he perceiv'd me to be ill disposed Downe wee sate us as farre yet from the house as possibly we could I fretted in the spirit angry at my selfe with a most tempestuous indignation for that I went not about to make my peace and league with thee my God which all my bones cryed out upon me to doe extolling it to the very skies A businesse it is which we goe not about carried unto in Shippes or Chariots or upon our own legges no not so small a part of the way to it as I had comen from the house into that place where wee were now sitting 3. For not to goe towards onely but to arrive fully at that place required no more but the Will to goe to it but yet to Will it resolutely and throughly not to stagger and tumble downe an halfe wounded Will now on this side and anon on that side setting the part advancing it selfe to struggle with another part that is a falling Finally in these vehement passions of my delay many of those things performed I with my body which men sometimes would doe but cannot if either they have not the limbs to doe them withall or if those limbs bee bound with cords weakened with infirmity or be any other waies hindered If I teare my selfe by the haire beate my forehead if locking my fingers one within another I beclasped my knee all this I did because I would But I might have willed it and yet not have done it if so be the motion of my limbs had not beene pliable enough to have performed it So many things therefore I now did at such time as the Will was not all one with the Power and something on the other side I then did not which did incomparably more affect mee with pleasure which yet so soone as I had the Will to doe I had the Power also because so soone as ever I willed I willed it throughly for at such a time the Power is all one with the Will and the willing is now the doing and yet was not the thing done And more easily did my body obey the weakest willing of my soules in the moving of its limbs at her beck then my soule had obeyed its selfe in this point of her great contentment which was to receive perfection in the Will alone CHAP. 9. Why the soule is so slow to goodnesse 1. VVHence now is this monster and to what purpose Let thy mercy enlighten mee that I may put this question if so be those concealed anguishes which men feele and those most undiscoverable pangs of contrition of the sonnes of Adam may perhaps afford mee a right answer Whence is this monster and to what end The soule commands the body and is presently obeyed the soule commands it selfe and is resisted The soule gives the word commanding the hand to be moved and such readinesse there is that the instant of command is scarcely to be discerned from the moment of execution Yet the soule is the soule whereas the hand is of the body The soule commands that the soule would Will a thing nor is the soule another thing from the soule and yet obeyes it not the command Whence is this monster and to what purpose The soule I say commands that it selfe would Will a thing which never would give the command unlesse it willed it yet is not that done which it commanded 2. But it willeth not entirely therefore doth it neither command entirely For so farre forth it commandeth as it willeth and so farre forth is not the thing done which is commanded as it willeth it not Because the Will commandeth that there be a Will not another will but the same Because verily it doth not command fully therefore is not the thing done which it commanded For were the willing full it would never command there should be a Willing because that Willing was extant before T is therefore no monster partly to Will and partly to Nill onely an infirmity of the soule it is that it being overloaded with ill custome cannot entirely rise up together though supported by Verity Hence is it that there be two Wills for that one of them is not entire and the one is supplied with that wherein the other is defective CHAP. 10. The will of man is various 1. LEt them perish out of thy sight O GOD as those vaine bablers and those seducers of the soule doe perish who when as they did observe that there were two Wills in the act of deliberating affirmed thereupon that there are two kindes of natures of two kinds of soules one good and the other bad Themselves are truly bad when as they beleeve these bad opinions and the same men shall then become good when they shall come to beleeve true opinions and shall consent unto the true that the Apostle may say unto them yee were sometimes darkenesse but now are ye light in the Lord. But these fellowes would be light indeed not in the Lord but in themselves imagining the nature of the soule to bee the same that God is Thus are they made more grosse darkenesse for that they went backe farther from thee through a horrid arrogancie from thee the true light that enlightneth every man that cometh into this world Take heed what you say and blush for shame draw neere unto him and be enlightned and your faces shall not bee ashamed My selfe when sometime I deliberated upon serving of the Lord my God I had long purposed it was I my selfe who willed it and I my selfe who nilled it I was I my selfe I neither willed entirely nor yet nilled entirely Therefore was I at strife with my selfe and ruinated by mine owne selfe Which ruining befell me much against my minde nor yet shewed it forth the nature of another mans minde but the punishment of mine owne I therefore my selfe was not the causer of it but the sinne that dwelt in me and that as a punishment of that farre spreading sinne of Adam whose sonne I was 2. For if there bee so many contrary natures in man as there be Wills resisting one another there shall not now be two natures alone but many Suppose a man should deliberate with himselfe whether he should goe to their Conventicle or goe see a Play presently these Manichees cry out Behold here are 2 natures one good which leades this way and another bad which drawes that way For whence else is this mammering of the wills thus thwarting one another But I answer that
forgiue her trespasses what-euer shee hath drawne vpon her selfe in so many yeeres since her cleansing by the water of baptisme forgiue her Lord forgiue her I beseech thee enter not into iudgement with her but let thy mercy bee exalted aboue thy iustice and that because thy words are true and thou hast promised mercy vnto the mercifull which that people might bee is thy gift to them who wilt haue mercy on whome thou wilt haue mercy and wilt shew deeds of mercy vnto whom thou hast been mercifully inclined And I now beleeue that thou hast already done what I request of thee but take in good part O Lord these voluntary petitions of my mouth 3. For shee the day of her dissolution being at hand tooke no thought to haue her body sumptuously wound vp or imbalmed with spices nor was she ambitious of any choyce monument or cared to bee buried in her owne Country These things shee gaue vs no command for but desired only to haue her name commemorated at thy Altar which shee had serued without intermission of one day from whence she knew that holy Sacrifice to bee dispensed by which that Hand-writing that was against vs is blotted out through which Sacrifice the Enemy was triumphed ouer he who summing vp our offences and seeking for something to lay to our charge sound nothing in Him in whom wee are conquerours Who shall restore vnto him his innocent blood who shall repay him the price with which hee bought vs and so bee able to take vs out of his hands vnto the Sacrament of which price of our redemption this handmaid of thine had bound her owne soule by the bond of fayth 4. Let none plucke her away from thy protection let neyther the Lyon nor the Dragon interpose himselfe by force or fraud For shee will not answere that shee owes nothing lest she bee disprooued and gotten the better of by her crafty accuser but she will answer how that her sins are forgiuen her by him vnto whome none is able to repay that price which hee layd downe for vs who owed nothing Let her rest therefore in peace together with her husband before or after whom shee had neuer any whom shee obeyed through patience bringing forth fruit vnto thee that shee might winne him vnto thee And inspire O Lord my God inspire thy seruants my brethren thy sonnes my masters whom with voyce and heart and pen I serue that so many of them as shall reade these Confessions may at thy Altar remember Monica thy handmayd together with Patricius her sometimes husband by whose bodies thou broughtest mee into this life though how I know not May they with deuout affection be mindefull of these parents of mine in this transitory light and of my brethren that are vnder thee our Father in our Catholicke Mother and of those who are to be my fellow Citizens in that eternall Ierusalem which thy people here in their pilgrimage so sigh after euen from their birth vnto their returne thither That so what my mother in her last words desired of me may the more plentifully bee performed for her in the prayers of many as well by meanes of my Confessions as of my prayers The end of the Ninth Booke Saint Agustines Confessions The tenth Booke CHAP. 1. The Confessions of the heart 1 LEt mee know Thee O Lord who knowest mee let me know thee as I am knowne of thee O thou the vertue of my soule make thy entrance into it and so fit it for thy selfe that thou mayst haue and hold it without spotte or wrinkle This is my hope and therefore doe I now speake and in this hope doe I reioyce when at all I reioyce As for other things of this life they deserue so much the lesse to bee lamented by how much the more wee doe lament them and againe so much the more to bee lamented by how much the lesse we doe lament them For behold thou hast loued truth and hee that does so commeth to the light This will I publish before thee in the confession of my heart and in my writing before many witnesses CHAP. 2. Secret things are knowne to God 1. ANd from thee O Lord vnto whose eyes the bottome of mans Conscience is layd bare what can bee hidden in mee though I would not confesse it For so should I hide thee from mee not my selfe from thee But now for that my groaning is witnesse for mee that I am displeased with my selfe thou shinest out vnto mee and art pleasing to me yea desired and beloued of mee and I will bee ashamed of my selfe yea I will renounce mine owne selfe and make choyce of thee and neuer may I please thee nor my selfe but in thee 2. Vnto thee therefore O Lord am I layd open what euer I am and with what fruit I may Confesse vnto thee I haue before spoken Nor doe I it with words and speeches of the body but with the expressions of my very soule and the crye of my thoughts which thy care onely vnderstandeth For when I am wicked then to confesse vnto thee is no other thing but to displease my selfe but when I am well giuen to confesse vnto thee is then no other thing but not to attribute this goodnesse vnto my selfe because it is thou O Lord that blessest the Iust but first thou iustifiest him being wicked My Confession therefore O my God in thy sight is made vnto thee priuately and yet not priuately for in respect of noyse it is silent but yet it cryes alowd in respect of my affection For neither doe I vtter any thing that is right vnto men which thy selfe hath not before heard from mee nor caust thou heare any such thing from me which thy selfe hath not first sayd vnto me CHAP. 3. The Confession of our ill deeds what it helpes vs. 1. VVHat therefore haue I to doe with men that they should heare my Confessions as if they could cure all my infirmities A curious people to pry into another mans life but slothfull enough to amend their owne Why doe they desire to heare from me what I am who will not heare from thee what themselues are And how know they whenas they heare my selfe confessing of myselfe whether I say true or no seeing none knowes what is in man but the spirit of man which is in him But if they heare from thee any thing concerning themselues they cannot say The Lord lyeth For what els is it from thee to heare of themselues but to know themselues and who is hee that knowing himselfe can say It is false vnlesse himselfe lyes But because Charity beleeueth all things that is to say amongst those whom by knitting vnto it selfe it maketh one I therefore O Lord doe so also confesse vnto thee as that men may heare to whom though I be not able to demonstrate whether I confesse truely yet giue they credit vnto mee whose eares charitie hath set
open vnto mee 2 But doe thou O my most private Physicion make apparent vnto mee what fruite I may reape by doing it For the confessions of my passed sinnes which thou hast so giuen and couered that thou mightest make mee happy in thee in changing my life by thy sayth and Sacrament whenas they are read and heard they stirre vp the heart that it may not sleepe in despaire and say I cannot but keepe it selfe wakefull in the loue of thy mercy and the sweetnesse of thy grace by which any weake persons is made strong who is by it made guilty to himselfe of his owne infirmities As for these that are good they take delight to heare of their passed errours those I meane that are now freed from them yet are they not therefore delighted because they are errors but for that they hauing so beene are not so now 3. With what fruit O Lord my God to whom my conscience more secure vpon the hope of thy mercy then in her own inocēcy maketh her daily confession with what fruit I beseech thee doe I by this Booke before Thee also confesse vnto men what at this time I yet am not what I haue beene For as for that fruit I haue both seene spoken of it but as for what I now am behold in the very time of the making of these Cōfessions diuers people both desired to know it both they that personally know mee and those also that did not they that had heard any thing eyther from me or of me but their care ouer-heares not my heart where-euer or what-euer I be They are desirous therefore to heare mee confesse what I am within whither neyther their eye nor eare nor vnderstanding is able to diue yet doe they desire it though they bee tyed to beleeue mee not able to know me because that Clarity by which they are made good sayes vnto them that I would neuer belye my selfe in my Confessions And t is that Charity in them which giues credit to me CHAP. 4. Of the great fruite of Confession 1. BVt to what end would they heare this doe they desire to congratulate with mee when as they shall heare how neere by thy grace I am now come vnto thee and to pray for mee when shall they once heare how much I am cast behind by mine owne heauinesse To such will I discouer my selfe for it is no meane fruite O Lord my God to cause many to me thankes vnto thee and bee intreated for vs by many Let the friendly minde of my brethren loue that in mee which thou teachest is to bee loued and lament in me what thou teachest is to be lamented Let the minde of my brethren not that of the stranger not that of the Strange children whose mouth talketh of vanity and their right hand is a right hand of iniquity but that of my brethren who when they approue of mee doe also reioyce for mee and when they disallow mee are sory for me because that whether they allow or disallow me yet still they loue me To such will I discouer my selfe they will haue a respect to my good deedes and sigh for my ill My good deedes are thine appoyntments and thy gifts my euill ones are my owne faults and thy iudgements Let them receiue comfort by the one and sigh at the other Let now both thanks-giuing and bewailing ascend vp into thy sight out of the hearts of my brethren which are thy Censers 2. And when thou O Lord art once delighted with the Incense of thy holy Temple haue mercy vpon me according to thy great mercy for thine owne names sake and at no hand giuing ouer what thou hast begunne in mee finish vp what is imperfect This is the fruit of my Confessions not of what I haue beene but of what I am namely to confesse this not before thee onely in a secret reioycing mixed with trembling and in a priuate sorrow fulnes allayed with hope but in the cares also of the beleeuing sonnes of men sharers of my ioy and partners in mortality with mee my fellow Citizens and fellow Pilgrimes both those that are gone before and those that are to follow after mee and those too that accompany mee along in this life 3. These are thy seruants my brethren those whom thou willest to be thy sonnes my masters whom thou commandedst mee to serue if I would liue with thee But this thy saying were to little purpose did it giue the command onely by speaking and not goe before mee in performing This therefore I now doe both in deede and word this I doe vnder thy wings and that with too much danger were not my soule sheltred vnder thy wings and my infirmity knowne vnto thee I am but a little one but my Father liueth for euer and my Protector is fit for mee For t is the very same hee that begat me and that defends meet for thou thy selfe art all my goods euen thou O omnipotent who art present with me and that before I am come vnto thee To such therefore will I discouer my selfe whom thou commandest mee to serue not discouering what I haue beene but what I now am and what I am yet But I will not iudge my selfe Thus therefore let mee be heard CHAP. 5. That man knoweth not himselfe throughly and knowes not God but in a glasse darkely 1. BVt thou O Lord doest iudge me because that although No man knowes the things of a man but the spirit of man which is in him Yet is there some thing of man which the very spirit of man that is in him knoweth not But thou knowest all of him who hast made him As for me though in thy sight I despise my selfe accounting my selfe but dust and ashes yet know I something of thee which I know not of my selfe For surely now wee see thorough a glasse darkely not face to face as yet so long therefore as I bee absent from thee I am neerer vnto my selfe then vnto thee and yet know I thee not possible to be any wayes violated whereas for my selfe I neyther know what temptations I am able to resist or what I am not 2. But there is hope because thou art faithfull who wilt not suffer vs to bee tempted aboue that wee are able but wilt with the temptation also make a way to escape that we may be able to beare it I will confesse therfore what I know by my selfe I will confesse yea and what I know not And that because what I doe know by my selfe by thy shewing it mee I come to know it and what I know not by my selfe I am so long ignorant of vntill my darkenesse bee made as the Noone-day in thy sight CHAP. 6. What God is and how knowne 1. NOt out of a doubtfull but with a certayne conscience doe I loue thee O Lord Thou hast strucken my heart with thy word therupon I loued thee Yea also the heauen
in my flesh as that these false visions perswade me vnto that when I am asleepe which true visions cannot doe when I am awake Am I not my selfe at that time O Lord my God And is there yet so much difference betwixt my selfe and my selfe in that moment wherein I passe from waking to sleeping or returne from sleeping vnto waking 2. Where is my reason at that time by which my mind when it is a wake resisteth such suggestions as these at which time should the things themselues presse in vpon mee yet would my resolution re maine vnshaken Is my reason clozed vp together with mine eyes or is it lull'd asleepe with the sences of my body But whence then comes it to posse that wee so often euen in our sleepe make such resistance and being mindefull of our purpose and remaine most chastly in it wee yeeld no assent vnto such enticements And yet so much difference there is as that when any thing hath otherwise hapned in our sleepe wee vpon our waking returne to peace of conscience by the distance of time discouering that it was not wee that did it notwithstanding wee bee sorry that there is something someway or other done in vs. Is not thy hand able O God almighty to cure all the discases of my soule and with a more abundant measure of thy grace also to quench the lasciuious motions of my sleepe 3. Thou shalt increase O Lord thy graces more and more vpon mee that my soule may follow my selfe home to thee wholy freed of that birdâ—ly me of concupiscence that it may no longer rebell against it selfe nor may in dreames not onely not commit these adult erous vncleannesses by meanes of these sensuall Images procuring pollution of the flesh but that it may not so much as once consent vnto them For to hinder that no such fancy no not so much as should neede any checke to restraine it doe its pleasure in the chast affection of those that sleepe not in this life onely but euen in this age of youth is not hard for the Almighty to doe who is able to doe aboue all that wee aske or thinke And for this time in what case I yet am in this kind of naughtinesse haue I confessed vnto my good Lord reioycing with trembling in that grace which thou hast already giuen me and bemoaning my selfe for that wherein I am still vnperfect well hoping that thou wilt one day perfect thy mercies in mee euen vnto a fulnesse of peace which both my outward and inward man shall at that time enioy with thee whenas death shall be swallowed vp in victory CHAP. 31. The temptation of eating and drinking 1. THere is another euill of the day which I wish were sufficient vnto it that we are fayne by eating and drinking to repaire the daily decayes of our body vntill such time as thou destroyest both belly and meat whenas thou shalt kill this emptinesse of mine with a wonderfull fulnesse and shalt cloath this incorruptible with an eternall incorruption Butin this life euen necessity is sweete vnto me against which swetnes do I fight lest I should bee beguiled by it yea a daily warre doe I make bringing my body into subiection by my fastings the pinchings whereof are by the pleasure I take in it expelled Hunger Thirst verily are painefull they burne vp and kill like a feaver vnlesse the physicke of nourishments relieue vs. Which for that it is readily to bee had out of the comfort wee receiue by thy gifts with which both land and water and ayre serue our necessities are our calamities termed our delicacies Thus much hast thou taught mee that I am to take my meat as sparingly as I would doe my Physicke 2. But in the while I am passing from the pinching of emptynesse vnto the content of a competent replenishing does that snare of lickorishnesse euen in the very passage lie in ambush for mee For that passage betweene is a kinde of pleasure nor is there any other way to passe by but that which necessity constraines vs to goe by And whereas health is the cause of our eating and drinking there will a dangerous lickorishnesse goes a-long with health like a handmayd yea endeauours oftentimes so to goe before it as that I eate that for my tooths sake which I eyther say I doe or desire to doe for my healths sake Nor is there the same moderation in both for that which is enough in respect of health is nothing neere enough in respect of lickorishnesse yea very vncertaine it is oftentimes whether the necessary care of my body still requires sustenance or whether a voluptuous deceiueablenesse of Epicurisme supplies lust with maintenance And for that this case is vncertaine does my vnhappy soule reioyce prouides it thereby of a protection of excuse reioycing for that it cannot now appeare what may bee sufficient for health that so vnder the cloake of health it may disguise the matter of Epicurisme 3. These enticements doe I endeauour to resist dayly yea I call thy right hand to help me and to thee doe I referre my perplexities for that I am resolued of no counsell as yet whereby to effect it I heare the voyce of my God commanding Let not your hearts bee ouercharged with surfeting and drunkennesse As for drunkennesse I am farre enough from it and thou wilt haue mercy vpon mee that it may neuer come neere mee But full-feeding hath many a time stolne vpon thy seruant but thou wilt haue mercy vpon mee that it may hereafter bee put farre from mee for no man can bee temperate vnlesse thou giue it Many things thou vouchsafest vnto vs which wee pray for and what good thing soeuer wee haue receiued before wee pray from thee haue we receiued it yea to this end haue wee already receiued it that wee might acknowledge so much afterwards Drunkard was I neuer but I haue knowne many a drunkard made a sober man by thee Thy doing therefore it is that such should bee kept from being drunkards hereafter who haue not beene that way faulty heeretofore as from thee it also comes that those should not continue faulty for euer who haue beene giuen to that vice heretofore yea from thee it likewise proceedes that both these parties should take notice from whom all this proceeded 4. I heard also another voyce of thine Goe not after thine owne lusts and from thine owne pleasures turne away thy face Yea by thy fauour haue I heard this saying likewise which I haue much delighted in Neyther if wee eate are wee the better neyther if wee eate not are we the worse which is to say that neythes shall this thing makes me rich nor that miserable Also another voyce of thine haue I heard For I haue learned in whatsoeuer state I am therewith to be content and I know how to abound and how to suffer neede I can doe all things through Christ that
strengtheneth me See here a souldiour indeed of thy celestiall armies on not of the same moulds that wee are made of but remember Lord that wee are dust and that of dust thou hast made man who was lost and is found Nor yet could Hee doe this of his owne power because hee was of the same dust him I meane whom I did so heartily loue for this saying by thy inspiration I can doe all things sayth hee through him that strengtheneth me Strengthen me that I may be able giue what thou commandest and command what thou wilt Euen S. Paul confesses to haue receiued and when hee glorieth in the Lord hee glorieth Another also haue I heard begging of thee Turne from mee sayth he the greedynesse of the belly By which it appeareth O my holy God that the power is of thy giuing when any thing is done which thou commandest to bee done Thou hast taught mee good Father that Vnto the pure all things are pure but that it is euill vnto the man that eateth with offence And that euery Creature of thine is good and nothing to bee refused which is receiued with thankesgiuing And that meate commendeth vs not to God And that no man ought to iudge vs in meat or drinke And that hee which eateth Let him not despise him that eateth not and let not him that eateth not iudge him that eateth These things haue I learned thankes and prayse bee to thee therefore my God and Master euen to thee that knockest at the doore of mine eares the enlightener of my heart doe thou deliuer mee out of all temptation 6. It is not any vncleannesse in the meate which I feare but the vncleannesse of mine owne gurmandizing I know that liberty was granted vnto Noah to eate of all kinde of flesh that was good for foode That Eliah was fedde with flesh that Iohn Baptist endued with an admirable abstinence was not polluted by those liuing creatures the Locusts which were granted him to feede vpon And on the other side I know that Esau was deceiued by longing after the potage of Lintels and that Dauid was blamed by himselfe for desiring a draught of water and that our King was tempted not concerning flesh but bread and the people in the wildernesse therefore deserued to bee reprooued not so much for desiring flesh but for murmuring against the Lord out of a lust to lickorish meats My selfe therefore amidst these temptations doe striue dayly against mine owne appetite of eating and drinking For t is not of such a nature as that I am able to resolue to cut my selfe short of it once for all and neuer to touch it afterward as I was able to doe concerning carnall copulation The brydle of the throat therefore is to be held betweene a temperate slacknesse and a stiffenesse and who is he O Lord that is not some whit transported beyond the lists of necessity what euer hee is a great man hee is and let him magnifie thy name for it But for mine owne part I am not the man for that I am a sinner Yet doe I magnifie thy name too yea and Her makes intercession to thee for my sinnes who hath ouercome the world who accounts mee among the weake members of his body because thine eyes haue seene my substance being yet vnperfect and in thy booke were all my members written CHAP. 32. Of our delight in smelling 1. AS for the tempting delight of sweete-smels I am not too much taken with it When I misse them I doe not seeke them when I may haue them I doe not refuse them yea alwayes indifferent I am alwayes to bee without them At least to my selfe I seeme to bee though perchance deceiued I may bee For euen that naturall darkenesse is much to be lamented wherein the knowledge of mine owne abilities so farre lies concealed as that when my soule makes enquiry into her selfe concerning her owne powers it conceyues it not safe too lightly to giue credit vnto it selfe because that what is already in it lâ—es many times so closely muffled vp as nothing but experience can reueale it nor ought any man to bee secure in this lift which may well bee called one continued temptation whether that hee whom it hath beene possible of worse to make better may not likewise of better be made worse againe Our onely hope our onely confidence the onely assured promise that we haue is thy mercy CHAP. 33. The pleasures taken in hearing 1. THe delights of mine cares verily haue heretofore more strongly inucigled and ingaged mee but thou hast brought me off and freed mee Yet still at hearing of those Ayers which thy words breat he soule into wheÌ„as they are sung with a well tuned and a well-gouerned voyce I doe I confesse receiue a little contentment not so great though as that I am enchanted by it but that I can goe away when I please But yet for all this that those Ayers may together with these words by vertue of which they receiue life gaine full admission with mee doe they aspire to be entertained into a place of no meane honour in this heart of mine Nor can I scarce affoord them a roome be fitting for them At another time forsooth doe I seeme to my selfe to attribute more respect vnto them then is seemely yea euen whilest together with those sacred ditties I perceiue these mindes of ours to bee farre more religiously and zealously blown vp vnto a flame of deuotion whenas these ditties are thus sung then they would haue been had they not been so sung yea and I perceiue withall how that the seuerall affections of our spirit according to a sweete variety haue their proper Moodes answerable to them in the voyce and singing by I know not what secret familiarity whereof they bee stirred vp 2. But this contentment of my flesh vnto which it is not fit to giue ouer my soule to bee effeminated doeth very oft beguile mee when namely the sence goes not so respectfully along with the reason that it can with any patience endure to come behinde it but vpon this consideration onely that because Reason for the Sences sake gaynd admission therefore would the contentment of the Sence euen runne before Reason and bee her leader Thus in these things I sometimes sinne by surprize but afterwards I finde mine owne fault Againe at another time thorough an indiscreete wearynesse of being inueigled doe I erre out of too precise a seuerity yea very fierce am I sometimes in the desire of hauing the melody of all pleasant Musicke to which Dauids Psalter is so often sung banished both from mine owne eares and out of the whole Church too yea and the safer way it seem'd vnto mee which I remember to haue beene often told me of Athanasius Bishop of Alexandria who caused the Reader of the Psalme to sound it forth with so little warbling
of the voyce as that it was neerer to pronouncing then to singing 3. Notwithstanding so often as I call to mind the teares I shed at the hearing of thy Church-songs in the beginning of my recouered fayth yea and at this very time whenas I am moued not with the singing but with the thing sung when namely they are set off with a cleare voyce and skilfully gouerned I then acknowledge the great good vse of this institution Thus floate I betweene perill of pleasure and an approoued profitable custome enclined the more though herein I pronounce no irreuocable opinion to allow of the old vsage of singing in the Church that so by the delight taken in at the eares the weaker mindes may be rowzed vp into some feeling of deuotion And yet againe so oft as it befalls me to be more mou'd with the voyce then with the ditty I confesse my selfe to haue grieuously offended at which time I wish rather not to haue heard the musicke See now in what a perplexity I am weepe with me and weepe for mee O all you who inwardly feele any thoughts whence good actions doe proceede As for you that feele none such these things moue not you But thou O Lord my God looke vpon mee hearken and behold and pitty and heale me thou in whose eyes I am now become a torture to my selfe and that 's the perplexity I languish vpon CHAP. 34. The euticements comming in by the eyes 1. THere remaines the pleasures of these eyes of my flesh concerning which I am now to make this Confession vnto thee which let the cares of thy temple those brotherly and deuour eares well hearken vnto that with it wee may conclude our discourse concerning the temptations of the lusts of the flesh which as yet sollicite mee groaning earnestly and desiring to be cloathed vpon with my house from heauen Mine eyes take delight in fayre formes and varieties of them in beautifull and pleasant colours Suffer not these to hold possession in my soule let my God rather be Lord of it who made all these very good they bee indeede yet is Hee my good and not they Verily these entice mee broade waking euery day nor finde I any rest from these sights as I haue had often when silence was kept after sweete voyces For this Queene of Colours the light shedding it selfe into all whateuer wee behold so oft as I enioy the day light glyding by myne eye in its varyed formes doth most sweetely inueigle mee wholy busiec about another matter and taking no notice of it For it so forcibly insinuates it selfe that if at any time it suddenly bee withdrawne it is with much longing lookt after againe and if missing too long it besaddeth the minde O thou light which Tobias beheld when with his eyes cloazd vp hee directed his sonne the way to life himselfe going before with the feete of charity neuer misleading him Or that light which Isaac beheld when as his fleshly eyes being dimme so that hee could not see hee blessed his sonnes not able to discerne which was which though in blessing of them he deserued to haue discern'd them Or that light which Iacob beheld when taken blinde in his old age he with an illuminated heart in the persons of his owne sonnes gaue light vnto the fortunes of the seuerall families of people foresignified to be deryued from them and as when hee layd his hands vpon his grandchildren by Ioseph mystically layd a-crosse not as their father by his outward eye corrected them but as himselfe by a beame of light from within wittingly discerned them This is the light indeed yea the onely light nor is there any other aye and all those are one who see and loue that light As for this corporeall light which I now spake of it be-sawces this present life for her blinde louers with a tempting and a dangerous sweetnesse whereas those that know how to prayse thee for that light doe spend it O God all-Creator in singing thy hymnes and are not taken vp from it in their sleepe Thus desire I to be employed 3 These seducements of the eyes do I manfully resist lest my feete wherewith I am to enter vpon my way should be ensnared yea and I lift vp mine inuisible eyes vnto thee that thou wouldst be pleased to plucke my feete out of that snare yea thou doest euer and anon plucke them out for they are ensnared Thou ceasest not to plucke them out though I entangle my selfe at euery snare that is layd because thou that keepest Israel shalt neyther slumber nor sleepe Oh how innumerable toyes made by diuers Arts and manufactures both in our apparell shooes vessels and such like workes in pictures also and diuers feigned images yea and these farre exceeding all necessary and moderate vse and all pious significations haue men added to tempt their owne eyes withall outwardly following after what themselues make inwardly forsaking him by wom themselues were made yea defacing that Image in which themselues were once made 4. For mine owne part O my God and my beauty I euen therefore dedicate an hymne vnto thee and doe sacrifice prayse vnto my Sanctifier because of those beautifull patternes which through mens soules are conueighed into their cunning hands which all descend from that beauty which is aboue our soules which my soule day and night sighed after But as for these framers followers of those outward beauties they from thence deriue the manner of liking them but fetch not from thence the measure of vsing them And yet there it is though they perceiue it not that they might not goe too farre to seeke it but might preserue their strength onely for thee and not weare it out vpon tyring delicates But for my owne part who both discourse vpon and well discerne these things I verily bend my steps towards these outward Beauties but thou pluckest mee backe O Lord thou pluckest me backe because thy mercy is before mine eyes For I am miserably taken and thou as mercifully pluckest mee backe and that sometimes when I perceiued thee not because I haâ—â— too earnestly settled my thoughts vpon them and otherwhiles grieued to part with them because my affections had already cleaued to them CHAP. 35. Of our Curiosity in knowing 1. VPon this another forme of temptation assayles mee and that many wayes more dangerous For besides that concupiscence of the flesh which lurketh in the delight of all our Sences and pleasures which those that are slanes vnto bee mad in loue with those namely that withdraw themselues farre from thee there is conueighed into the soule by the same Sences of the body a certaine vayne and curious itch not of delight-taking in the flesh but of making experiments by helpe of the flesh which is masked vnder the title of Knowledge and Learning Which because it is seated in the naturall Appetite of Knowing and that for the attaining of knowledge the eyes bee
a little Am I therfore vncertayne of my selfe in this matter Behold O Truth in thee I see it that I ought not so much to be moued at mine owne prayses for mine owne sake as for the good of my neighbour And whether so I be or not verily I know not For I know lesse of my selfe in this then Thou doest 5. I beseech now O my God discouer mee vnto my selfe that I may confesse vnto my brethren who are to pray for me what I now finde my selfe defectiue in Once againe let me more diligently aske my selfe if so I be moued with the good of my brethren in mine owne prayses why then am I lesse moued at another mans being vniustly discommended then at mine owne Why am I more nettled with that reproach which is cast vpon my selfe then at that which is cast vpon another in my presence for the same fault Am I ignorant of this also or is this it at last that I should now seduce my selfe and neyther thinke nor speake what is Trueth before thee This madnesse put farre from mee O Lord. lest mine owne mouth prooue the oyle of sinners vnto mee to breake my head I am poore and needy yet in better case whilest in my priuate groaning I displease my selfe and seeke for thy mercy vntill my wants bee supplyed and perfectly made vp into such an estate of peace which the eye of the proud is not acquainted withall CHAP. 38. Vertue is endangered by Vaine glory 1. THereport of the peoples mouthes and our own famously knowne actions carry along with them that most dangerous temptation of the loue of praise which for the aduancing of a certaine priuate excellency of our owne endeauours to draw vnto it selfe the poorely beg'd voyces of the people And that at such time too whenas I say a secret blame vpon my selfe for it yea euen in that very particular for which I reprehend it For with a greater vanity does a man glory oftentimes of his contemning of vaine-glory for which reason hee cannot be sayd to glory in his contempt of vaine-glory for Hee does not truely contemne it who inwardly glories at it CHAP. 39. Of Selfe loue 1. THere is yet another pâ—iuie disease in the same kinde of temptation where with such people puffe themselues vp as take pleasure in themselues howeuer other be pleased or displeased 〈◊〉 in the regarding to please 〈◊〉 â—oâ—kes These may please themselues but thee doe they dis please highly not onely for pleasing themselues in things not good as if they were good but also for so doing in thy gifts as if they were their owne or if as thine yet as giuen them for their owne merits or if also as proceeding from thy meere grace and not their deseruings yet not as neyghborly reioycing but as enuying others for it In all these perils and trauels and others of the like kind thou seest O Lord a trembling of my heart yea and I well feele my wounds to be by thy selfe rather cured in mee then not inflicted vpon me CHAP. 40. His striuing against sinne 1. WHere hast thou not gon along with me O thou Truth teaching me both what to beware and what to desire when I once made report vnto thee of the surueigh I had taken of these things below so wel as I could askt thy aduice vpoÌ„ them With my outward sences so wel as I might I took a master of this world being heedfull aboue all vnto this bodily life of mine these Sences of mine owne Thence turned I inwardly into the with drawing chambers of my memory those many fold large roomes so wonderfully well furnished of innumerable varieties I considered and stood amazed being able to discerne nothing without thy help yet finding none of all the â—â—to be thy selfe Nor was I the finder of these things I who went them ouer all and who now labored to distinguish to vslew euery thing according to its proper worth taking some things vpon the report of my Sences working out other things that were of a mixt nature by way of Dialogue with mine owne selfe yea and taking particular notice and tale of the Reporters themselues anon throughly canuassing ouer those other things layd vp in the large treasury of my memory storing vp some of them there againe and for my vse drawing out the rest 2. Neyther was I my selfe who did all this that is that ability of mine owne by which I did it no nor was that ability it selfe the same that thou art for thou art that neuersaying light which concerning all these I still aduised with all what her they were what they were and how to be 〈◊〉 they were For â—ouch heard thee directing and commanding life 〈◊〉 and this I doe very 〈…〉 This is delights me yea and 〈…〉 loose 〈◊〉 what 〈◊〉 necessity â—â—ies vpon me vnto thâ—â— pleasure haue I recourse For in all these which I thus runne ouer by thy directions can I not finde any one safe place to settle my soule in but in thy selfe onely into whom let all my scattered pieces be gathered together nor let any thing of mine bee turnd backe from thee At some times thou inwardly infusest into mee a delight that I am not vsually acquainted with a â—â—eeâ—â—nesse of I know not what kinde which could it bee once perfected in me it should be I know not what manner of height which this life shall neuer arriue vnto But by certayne 〈◊〉 some weights aâ—â— I tumbled downe againe yea quite swallowed vp by mine old wort and fast holden by it 〈…〉 I bewayre my selfe â— yet strongly am luistil hâ—â—d downe Such power 〈◊〉 the but then of a bad custome to ouerloade a man In this estate I am able to stay but vnwilling in the other I would willingly bee but am not able thus am I miserable in both conditions CHAP. 41. God and a lye cannot stand together 1. I Considered therfore the ill-disposed habite of my Sinne in that threefold concupiscence and I called thy right hand to my helpe With a wounded heart haue I beheld thy Brightnesse and bâ—ing beaten backe I sayd Who can attaine thither I am cast away from the sight of thine eyes Thou art the Truth which sittest president ouer all Loth I was through my couetousnesse to forgoe thee but gladly would I together with thee haue possessed a lye like as no man there 〈◊〉 desirous to speake safely 〈…〉 that himselfe may be hindred â—y it from knowing the truth Verily therefore haue I lost thee because thou vouchsafest not to be enioyed together with a lye CHAP. 42. Angels cannot bee our Mediators 1. WHom could I finde to reconcile my selfe vnto thee by was that office to be vndertaken by an Angell vpon what prayers by what Sacraments Many a man endeuouring to returne vnto thee and being not able of himselfe hath as I heere made tryall of this way but hath fallen into the desire of curious visions being worthy
therefore to bee deluded For they being high-minded haue sought thee in the pride of their learning strutting out rather then knocking vp on their brests and so by the agreement of their heart haue they drawne vnto themselues the Princes of the Ayre their fellow conspirators in pride by whom through the force of Magick they were decerued euen while they sought for a Mediator by whom they might bee purged but there was none to be found For the diuel it was transfiguring now himselfe into an Angel of light 2. Many wayes therefore was hee able to entice proud flesh for that him selfe was not of any fleshly body For fleshly men were mortall and sinnefulli but thou Lord to whom they this proud way sought to be reconciled art immortall and without sinne A mediator now betweene God and man must haue something like vnto God and something like vnto men lest that being like vnto man in both natures he should be too farre vnlike God or if like vnto God in both natures hee should be too farre vnlike vnto men and so be a Mediator neyther way That deceitfull Mediator therfore by whom in thy secret iudgement mans pride deserued to be deluded hath one thing indeed common with himselfe to men and that 's Sinne and desires to seem to communicate in another thing with God that because hee is not cloathed with any mortality of flesh he might thereby vaunt himselfe to bee immortall But for that the wages of sin is death this hath he common to himselfe with men for which he might together with them â—â— condemned vnto death CHAP. 43. Christ onely in the all-sufficient Intercessor 1. BVt the true Mediator whom out of thy secret mercy thou hast shewed forth vnto the humble and whom thou sentest that by his example they might learne the true humility that Mediator therefore betweene God and man the man Christ Iesus appeared betwixt mortall sinners and the immortall Iust One being mortall as men and iust like God that because the reward of righteousnesse is life and peace hee might by his righteousnesse which was ioyned to God make voyd the death of as many of the wicked as were by him iustified which death his will was to haue common both to them and him Hee was shewed forth vnto Holy men of old to the intent that they might be saued through sayth in his passion to come like as wee are through sayth of it already passed For how farre-forth he was a man so far-forth was hee a Mediator but so farre-forth as he is the Word hee is not meerely midway to God because he is equall vnto God and God with God together with the Holy Ghost one God 2. How hast thou loued vs O good Father that hast not spared thine onely Sonne but hast deliuered him vnto death for vs wicked men how hast thou loued vs for whom Hee that thought it no robbery to bee equall with God was made subiect vnto death euen the death of the crosse hee that was onely free among the dead that had power to lay downe his life and power to take it againe for vs was hee vnto thee both the Conquerour and the Sacrifice yea and therefore the Conquerour because the Sacrifice for vs was hee vnto thee both Priest and Sacrifice and therefore the Priest because the Sacrifice of slaues making vs thy children by being borne of thee and by becomming a seruant vnto vs. Deseruedly therefore is my hope strongly setled vpon him that thou wilt by him cure all my infirmities euen by him that sits at thy right hand and maketh intercession for vs whereas otherwise I should despaire vtterly For many and great are those infirmities of mine yea many they are and great but thy medicine is more soueraigne 3. Imagine we might that thy Word was farre enough from being vnited with man and so despayre of our selues vnlesse It had beene made flesh and dwelt amongst vs. Affrighted thus with mine owne sinnes the burthen of mine owne misery I cast these thoughts in my heart bethinking my selfe of fleeing into the Wildernesse but thou for baddest me and strengthenedst mee saying Therefore Christ dyed for all that they which liue may now no longer liue vnto themselues but vnto him that dyed for them See Lord I hence forth cast all my care vpon thee that I may liue and consider the wonderfull things of thy law Thou knowest both my vnskilfulnesse and my infirmities Oh teach me and heale mee That onely Sonne of thine in whom are hid all the treasures of wisdome and knowledge hath redeemed mee with his blood Let not the proud speake euill of mee now for that I meditate vpon the price of my redemption and do eate drink and giue vnto the poore and being poore my selfe desire to be filled by him amongst those that eate and are satisfied and they shall praise the Lord who seeke him The end of the tenth Booke Saint Augustines Confessions The eleuenth Booke CHAP. 1. Why we confesse vnto God who knowes all CAnst thou that art the Lord of all eternity be ignorant of what I say vnto thee or doest thou see but for a time that which passeth in time To what end then doe I lay in order before thee so many â—arrations not to this end doe I it that thou mightest come to know them vpon my relation but there by to stirre vp mine owne and my Readers deuotions towards thee that wee may say all together Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised Now haue I sayd and againe say it I will For the loue of thy loue make I this Confession For we vse to pray also and yet Truth it selfe hath sayd Your Father knoweth what you haue neede of before you aske T is our affection therefore which wee hereby lay open vnto thee while wee confesse our owne miseries and thy mercies vpon vs that thou mightest thorowly set vs free seeing already thou hast begun to make vs leaue to bee wretched in our selues and to be happy in thee seeing thou hast called vs that wee may become poore in spirit and meeke and mournfull and bungry and thirsty after righteousnesse and mercifull and pure in heart and peace-makers See I haue told thee many things such as I could and such I was desirous to doe because thou desirest first that I should confesse vnto my Lord God For thou art good and that thy mercy endureth for euer CHAP. 2. He sueth to be deliuered from his sinnes and errors and to bee guided vnto the true knowledge 1. BVt when shall I bee able with the pen of my tongue to set forth all thy Exhortations and all thy terrors and comforts and directions by which thou hast brought mee vp to bee a Preacher of thy Werd and a Dispencer of thy Sacrament vnto thy people If I now bee able to declare these things to thee in order the very
Truth from whence we are deryued Which is therefore the beginning because vnlesse it should remayne firme there should not when wee erred bee any certainty whither to turne our selues vnto Now when we returne from error it is by knowing verily that wee doe returne and that we may know hee teacheth vs because hee is the Beginning and speaketh vnto vs. CHAP. 9. How the Word of God speaketh vnto the heart 1. IN this Beginning O God hast thou made heauen and earth namely in thy Word in thy Sonne in thy Power in thy VVisedome in thy Truth after a wonderfull manner speaking and after as wonderfull a manner making Who is able to cōprehend it Who can declare it What is that which shines thorow mee and strikes vpon my heart without hurting it at which I tremble with horror and yet burne with loue I tremble in as much as I am vnlike vnto it I burne in as much as I am like it 2. T is VVisedome Wisedome it is which thus shines into mee euen breaking thorow my Cloudynesse which yet againe ouershadowes mee now frequently faynting euen vnder the grosse fogge and heauy loade of mine owne paynes For my strength is puld so lowe in this poore case of mine as that I am not able to endure that which should be for my good till thou Lord becomming fauorable to all mine iniquities pleasest to heale my diseases For thou also shalt redeeme my life from corruption and shalt crowne me with louing kindnesse and tender mercies yea thou shalt satifie my desire with good things because my youth shall be restored like an Eagles For by hope wee are saued wherefore we through patience awaite for thy promises Let him that is able heare thee inwardly discoursing to him For my part in the words of thine Oracle will I boldly cry out How wounderfull are thy workes O Lord in Wisedome hast thou made them all and this wisedome is that Beginning and in that Beginning hast thou made heauen and earth CHAP. 10. Gods Will knows no beginning 1. LOe are they not full of their old leauen which demand of vs How did God imploy himselfe before he made Heauen and Earth For if hee were vn-imployed say they and did no worke why the◠does he not now from hence forth and for euer abstaine from working like as heretofore he did For did any new motion rise vp in God and any new Will to make a creation which hee had neuer made before how can there be a true eternity where then rises vp a new will which was not there before For the will of God is not a creature but before euery creature seeing that nothing could haue beene created vnlesse the will of the Creator had beene before it CHAP. 11. Gods eternity not to be measured by the parts of time 1. THe Will of God therefore is belonging vnto his Substance And if aught be newly risen vp in Gods Substance which was not there before then cannot that Substance bee truely sayd to bee Eternall Againe if the Will of God had meant from eternity that there should bee a Creation why also was not that Creation from all eternity They that prate thus doe not yet vnderstand thee O thou Wisedome of God thou light of our Soules they vnderstand not yet how these things bee made which by thee and in thee are made yea they striue to rellish eternall things though their heart bee flickering hitherto betweene the motions of things partly passed and partly to come and bee very vncertayne hitherto 2. Who is able to hold it hard to and so to fixe it that it may be settled a while and a little catch at a beame of light from that euer-fixed eternity and to compare it with the Times which are neuer fixed that it may thereby perceiue how there is no comparison betweene them and how that a long time cannot be made long but out of a many motions still passing on wards which cannot at the same instant be drawne all together and that all this while in the eternall nothing is flitting but all at once present whereas no time is all at once present and that he may perceiue all time passed to be driuen away by time to come and all time to come to follow vpon the passed and that all both passed and to come is made vp and flows out of that which is alwayes present Who now shall so hold fast this heart of man that it may stay and see howthat Eternity euer still-standing giues the word of commaund to the times passed or to come it selfe being neyther passed nor to come Is this hand of mine able peraduenture to make stay of this heart or is the hand of my mouth by any perswasions able to bring about so important a businesse CHAP. 12. What God did before the Creation of the world 1. SEE I now returne answer to the demand What God did before he made heauen and earth But I will not answere so as one was sayd to haue done merrily to breake the violence of the question God was a preparing hell saith hee for those that would pry into such profound mysteries T is one thing to looke what God did and another thing to make sport This shall bee none of my answere rather had I answere that I know not what indeede I do not know then answere so as may make him laught at that askt such high questions and the other commended that returned so false an answere But this I say O our God Creator of euery creature and if vnder the name of heauen and earth euery creature be vnderstood then I will boldly say That before God made heauen and earth hee did not make any thing For if he did what did he make but a creature And would to God I knew whatsoeuer I desired to know to mine owne profit as well as I know this That no creature was made before there was made any creature CHAP. 13. That before those times which God created there was no time 1. IF any giddy braine now should wildly roaue ouer the images of fore-passed times and wonder with himselfe that thou the God omnipotent and All-creator workmaster of heauen and earth didst if or innumerable ages forbeare to set vpon such a work before thou wouldst make it let him wake himselfe and consider well how that hee wonders at meere faife conceyts For how should such innumerable ages passe ouer which thou madest not thou being the Author and Creator of all ages or what times should these be which were not made by thee or how should they passe ouer if so be they neuer were Seeing therfore thou art the Creator of all times if any time had passed before thou madest heauen and earth why then is it sayd that thou didst rest from thy worke For that very time didst thou make nor could there any time passe ouer before thou hadst made those times But if before heauen and
soules these things that are to come For thou hast already taught thy Prophets which is the way that thou vnto whom nothing is to come dost teach things to come or rather out of Future dost informe vs of things present For that which is not cannot bee taught Too too far is this way out of my kenning it hath gotten out of my reach I cannot by mine owne power arriue vp to it but by thy assistance I may againe euen when thou shalt vouchsafe me that most sweet light of the inward eyes of my soule CHAP. 20. These three differences of times how they are to bee called 1. CLeare now it is and playne that there are neyther things to come nor things past Nor doe we properly say There be three times past present and to come And yet perchance it might bee properly sayd too There be three three times a present time of passed things a present time of present things and a present time of future things For indeede three such as these in our soules ther bee but other-where doe I not see them The present time of passed things is our Membry the present time of present things is our Sight the present time of future things our Expectation If thus wee bee permitted to speake then see I three times yea and I confesse there are three Let this also be sayd There bee three ttmes Past present and to come according to our mis-applyed custome let it so be said See I shall not much bee I troubled at it neyther gaine-say nor find fault with it prouided that bee vnderstood which is sayd namely that neyther that which is to come haue any being now no nor that which is already passed For but a very few things there are which wee speake properly but very many that we speake improperly though yet we vnderstand one anothers meaning CHAP. 21. How time may bee measured 1. AS therefore I was euen now a saying We take such measure of the times in their passing by as we may be able to say This time is twice so much as that one or This is iust so much as that and so of any other parts of time which be measurable We do therefore as I sayd take measure of the times as they are passing by And if any man should now aske mee How knowest thou I might answere I doe know because wee doe measure them for wee cannot measure things that are not and verily times past and to come are not But for the present time now how doe wee measure that seeing it hath no space We measure it therefore euen whilest it passeth for when it is passed then wee measure it not for there will bee nothing to bee measured 2. But from what place and by which way and whitherto passes this time while it is a measuring whence but from the time Future Which way but by the time present whither but into the time passed From that therefore which is not yet by that which hath no space into that which is not still Yet what is it wee measure if not time in some space For wee vse not to say Single and double and triple and equall or any other way that we speake of time but with reference still to the spaces of times In what space therefore doe wee measure the time present Whether in the Future space whence it passed but that which is not yet we cannot measure Or in the present by which it passed but no space wee doe not measure or in the past to which it passed But neither doe wee measure that which is not still CHAP. 22. He begs of God the resulution of a difficulty 1. MY some is all on fire to bee resolued of this most intricate 〈…〉 Shut it not vp O Lord God O my good father in the name of Christ I beseech thee doe not so shut vp these vsuall but yet hidden things from this desire of mine that it bee hindred from piercing into them but let them shine out vnto mee thy mercy O Lord enlightening me Whom shall I make my demands vnto concerning these poynts And to whom shall I more fruitefully confesse my ignorance then vnto thee whom these studies of mine so vehemently burning to vnderstand thy Scriptures are no wayes troublesome Giue mee Lord what I loue for loue I doe and this loue hast thou giuen mee Giue it me Father who truely knowest to giue good gifts vnto thy Children Giue mee because I haue takâ—n vpon mee to know thee and it is painefull vnto me vntill thou openest it 2. Euen by Christ I beseech thee in the name of that Holy of holies let not mans answere disturbe mee For I beleeued and therefore doe I speake This is my hope this doe I pant after that I may contemplate the delights of the Lord. Behold thou hast made my dayes short and they passe away I know not how And wee talke of time and time and times and times How long time is it since hee sayd this how lond time since he did this how long time since I saw that and this syllable hath double time to that single short syllable These words wee heare and these termes wee vnderstand and are vnderstood againe Most manifest and ordinary they are and yet the selfe-same things too deeply hidden yea the finding out of the secret of them would proue a very new deuice CHAP. 23. Hee cleares this question what Time is 1. I Heard a learned man once deliuer it That the motions of the Sunne Moone and Starres and not the yeeres were the very true Times But why then should not the motions of all bodies in generall rather be times But what if the lights of heauen should cease and the potters wheele run round should there bee no time by which wee might measure those whirlings about and might pronounce of it that eyther it moued with equall pauses or if it turn'd sometimes flower and other whiles quicker that some rounds tooke vp longer time and other shorter or euen whilest we were a saying this should wee speake in Time or should there in our words be any syllables short and others long but for this reason onely that those tooke vp a shorter time in founding and these a longer Graunt vnto vs men the skill O God in a little hint to descry those notions as be common to things both great and small 2. The starres and lights of heauen 't is true bee appoynted for signes and for seasons and for yeeres and for dayes They bee indeede yet should I neuer on the one side affirme The whirling about of that fiery wheele to bee the day nor though it were not that therefore on the other side there were no time at all let Him affirme eyther of these I for my part desire to vnderstand the force and nature of time by which we are to measure the motions of bodies as when wee say for example this motion to bee
euery thing is it that discouers the time of it but that matter was sometimes without forme but is now obserued to bee together in time with its forme And yet is there not any thing to bee sayd of that matter but as if it were its forme in respect of time whenas indeede it is considered of as the latter of the two Because doubtlesse better are things that haue forme then things that haue no forme yea they haue precedence in the eternity of the Creator that so there might be something out of nothing of which somewhat might be created CHAP. 30. The Scriptures are to be searched with honourable respect vnto the Penman 1. IN this diuersity of most true opinions let Truth it selfe procure reconcilement And our God haue mercy vpon vs that wee may vse the law lawfully the end of the Commandement being pure Charity By this if a man now demaunds of me which of all these was the meaning of thy seruant Moses such discourses were not fit to be put among my Confessions should I not confesse vnto thee I cannot tell and yet this I can tell That they are all true senses those carnall ones excepted of which I haue fully spoken mine opinion As for those little ones of good hopes them doe not the words of thy Bible terrifie which deliuer high my steries in so humble a phrase few things in so copious an expression And as for all those whom I confesse both to haue seene and spoken the truth deliuered in those words let vs loue one another yea and ioyntly together let vs loue thee our God the fountayne of truth if so bee our thirst bee after truth and not after vanities yea let vs in such manner honour this seruant of thine the dispencer of this Scripture so full of thy Spirit that wee may beleeue him when by thy reuelation he wrote these things to haue bent his intentions vnto that sense in them which principally excels the rest both for light of truth and fruitfullnesse of profit CHAP. 31. Truth is to be receiued whoeuer speakes it 1. SO now when another shall say Moses meant as I doe and another Yea the very same that I doe I suppose that with more religion I may say Why meant hee not as you both meane if you both meane truely And if there may bee a third truth or a fourth yea if any other man may discouer any other trueth in those words why may not Hee bee beleeued to haue seene all these Hee by whose ministery GOD that is but One hath tempered these holy Scriptures to the meanings of a many that were both to see true and yet diuerse things For mine owne part verily and fearelessely I speake it from my heart that were I to endite any thing that should attayne the highest Top of authority I would choose to write in such a strayne as that my words might carry the sound of any trueth with them which any man were apprehensiue of concerning these matters rather then so clearely to set downe one true sence onely concerning some one particular as that I should thereby exclude all such other sences which being not false could no waies offend mee I will not therefore O my God be so heady as not to beleeue that this a man obtained not thus much at thy hands Hee without doubt both perceiued and was aduised of in those words whenas hee wrote them what trueth soeuer wee haue beene able to finde in them yea and whatsoeuer we haue not heretofore beene able no nor yet are prouided that this trueth bee possible to bee found in them at all CHAP. 32. He prayes to obtaine the right meaning 1. LAstly O Lord thou that art a God and not flesh and blood what though a man should not see all yet could any part of that be concealed from thy good Spirit who shall leade me into the land of vprightnesse which thou thy selfe wert by those words to reueale vnto the Readers of all times to come notwithstanding that he that deliuered vs these words might among many true meaning pitche his thoughts perchance vpon one onely Which if so it bee let that meaning then bee granted to bee more excellent then the rest But doe thou O Lord eyther reueale that very same vnto vs or any other true one which thou pleasest that so whether thou discouerest the same vnto vs which thou diddest vnto that seruant of thine or else some other by occasion of those words yet do thou thy selfe edifie vs and let not error deceiue vs. 2. Behold now O Lord my God how much we haue written vpon a few words yea how much I beseech thee What strength of ours yea what ages would bee sufficient to goe ouer all thy bookes in this manner Giue mee leaue therefore brieflyer now to confesse vnto thee concerning them and to make choyce of some one true certaine and good sense that thou shalt inspire mee withall yea and if many such sences shall offer themselues vnto mee where many safely may leaue them also to bee confessed by mee that I may at length preach the same which thine owne minister intended both rightly and most profitably for that is the thing which my duty is to endeauor which if I may not attayne vnto yet let mee preach that which by those words thy Truth was pleased to tell mee which sometimes reuealed also vnto him that which it pleased The end of the twelfth booke Saint Augustines Confessions The Thirteenth Booke CHAP. 1 He calleth vpon God 1. I Call vpon thee O my God my mercy vpon thee that createdst me and who hast not forgotten him that had forgotten thee I enuite thee into my soule which by a desire that thy selfe inspireth into her thou now preparest to entertayne thee Forsake mee not now when I call vpō thee whō thou preuentest before I call'd hauing beene earnest with mee with much variety of repeating calls that I would heare thee from a far and suffer my selfe to be conuerted and call at length vpon thee that now calledst after me For thou Lord hast blotted out all my euill dseeruings left thou shouldest bee forced to take vengeance vpon my hands wherewith I haue fallen off from thee and thou hast Preuented all my well deseruings too that thou mightest returne a recompence vnto thine owne hands with which thou madest mee because that before I was Thou art Nor was I any thing vpon which thou mightest bestow the fauour to cause mee to bee and yet behold I now am meerely out of thine owne goodnesse preuenting both all this which thou hast made mee and all that too whereof thou hast made mee For thou neyther hadst any neede of mee nor yet am I of such good vse as any wayes to bee helpefull vnto my Lord and God nor am I made to be so assistant to thee with my seruice as to keepe thee from tyring in thy working or for feare thy power might
call whereby thou saydest Let there be light and there was light Whereas in vs there is distance of time betweene our hauing beene darknesse and our making light but of that creature it is onely sayd what it would haue beene if it had not beene enlightened And this is spoken in that manner as if it had beene vnsetled and darkesome before that so the reason might now appeare for which it was made to bee otherwise that is to say that it being conuerted vnto the light that neuer faileth might it selfe bee made light Let him vnderstand this that is able and let him that is not aske it of God Why should he trouble mee with it as if I could enlighten any man that commeth into this world CHAP. 11. Of some Impressions or resemblances of the blessed Trinity that be in man 1. VVHich of vs does sufficiently comprehend the knowledge of the almighty Trinity and yet which of vs but talkes of it if at least it be that A rare soule it is which whilest it speakes of it knowes what it speakes of For men contend and striue about it and no man sees the vision of it in peace I could wish that men would consider vpon these three that are in themselues Which three be farre another thing indeede then the Trinity is but I doe but now tell them where they may exercise their meditations and examine and finde how farre they are from it Now the three that I spake of are To Be to Know and to Will For I both Am and Know and Will I Am Knowing and Willing and I Know my selfe to Be and to Will and I would both Be and Know. Betwixt these three let him discerne that can how vnseparable a life there is yea one life one mind and one essence yea finally how vnseparable a distinction there is and yet there is a distinction Surely a man hath it before him let him looke into himselfe and see and then tell mee 2. But when once hee comes to finde any thing in these three yet let him not for all this beleeue himselfe to haue found that vnchangeable which is farre aboue all these and which IS vnchangeably and Knowes vnchangeably and Willes vnchangeably But whether or no where these three bee there is also a Trinity or whether all three bee in each seuerall one or all three in euery of them or whether both wayes at once in admirable manner simply and yet manifoldly in its infinite selfe the and vnto it selfe by which end it is and is knowne vnto it selfe and that being vnchangebly euer the same by the abundant greatnesse of its Vnity it bee all-sufficient for it selfe what man can readily conceiue who is able in any termes to expresse it ◠who shall dare in any measure rashly to deliuer his opinion vpon it CHAP. 12. The water in Baptisme is effectuall by the Holy Spirit 1. PRoceede in with thy Confession of the Lord thy God O my faith O holy holy holy Lord my God in thy name haue we beene baptized O Father Sonne and Holy Ghost because that euen among vs also in Christ his Sonne did God make an heauen and earth namely the spirituall and carnall people of his Church Yea and our earth before it receiued the forme of doctrine was inuisible and vnformed and wee were couered ouer with the darknesse of ignorance For thou hast chastised man for his iniquity and thy Iudgements were like the great deepe vnto him 2 But because thy Spirit moued vpon the waters thy mercy forsooke not our misery for thou saydst Repent ye for the Kingdom of Heauen is at hand Repent Let there be light And because our soule was troubled within vs wee haue remembred thee O Lord concerning the land of Iordan and that hill which being equall vnto thy selfe was made little for our sakes and vpon our being displeased at our owne darkenesse wee turned vnto thee and were made light So that behold we hauing sometimes beene darknesse are now light in the Lord. CHAP. 13. His deuout longing after God 1. BVT yet we walke by faith still not by sight for we are saued by hope but hope that is soene is not hope And yet doeth one deepe call vnto another in the voyce of thy water-spoutes and so doeth hee that sayth I could not speake vnto you as vnto spirituall but as vnto carnall euen He who thought not himselfe to haue apprehended as yet and who forgot those things which are behynd and reacht foorth to those things which are before yea he groaned earnestly and his soule thirsted after God as the Hart after the water-brooks saying When shall I come desiring to be cloathed vpon with his house which is from heauen he calleth also vpon this lower deepe saying Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind And Be not children in vnderstanding but in malice be ye children that in vnderstanding ye may be perfect and O foolish Galatians who hath bewitched you 2. But now speakes hee no longer in his own voice but in thine who sentest thy Spirit from aboue by his mediation who ascended vp on high and set open the flood-gates of his gifts that the force of his streames might make glad the City of God Him doeth this friend of the bridegroome sigh after though hauing the first fruites of the Spirit in himselfe alreadie yet groaneth he within himselfe as yet wayting for the adoption to wit the redemption of his body to him he sighes as being a mēber of his Bride towards him he burnes with zeale as being a friend of the Bridegroome towards him hee burneth not towards himselfe because that in the voyce of thy water-spowtes and not in his owne voyce doth hee call to that other deepe for whose sake hee is both iealous and fearefull lest that as the serpent beguiled Eue through his subtiltie so their minds should be corrupted from the simplicitie that is in our Bridegrome thy onely Sonne Oh what a light of beauty will that be when we shall see that Bridegrome as Hee is when all teares shall be wiped from our eyes which haue beene my meat day and night whilest they daily say vnto me Where is now thy God CHAP. 14. Our misery is comforted by faith and Hope 1. ANd so say I too Where art thou O my God see where art thou In thee take I comfort a little while whenas I powre out my soule by my selfe in the voyce of ioy and prayse which is the sound of him that keepes holyday And yet againe is it besadned euen because it relapseth againe and becomes a darkesome deepe or perceiues it selfe rather euen still to bee one Vnto it thus speakes my faith which thou hast kindled to enlighten my feete in this my night Why art thou so sad O my soule and why art thou so
of cares Who Lord but thy selfe who once commandedst That the waters should be gathered together into one place and that the dry land should appeare which thirsteth after thee For the Sea is thine and thou hast made it and thy hands prepared the dry land Nor is the bitter spiritednesse of mens wills but the gathering together of the waters called Sea yet doest thou also restraine the wicked desires of mens soules and settest them their bounds how far the waters may be suffered to passe that their waues may breake one against another and in this manner makest thou it a Sea by th' order of thy dominion which goes ouer all things 2. But as for the soules that thirst after thee and that appeare before thee being by other bounds deuided from the society of the Sea them dost thou so water by a sweet spring that the Earth may bring forth fruite and thou O Lord so coÌ„manding our soule may bud forth her workes of mercy according to their kind when we loue our neighbour in the reliefe of his bodily necessities hauing seede in it selfe according to its likenesse Whenas out of the consideration of our owne infirmity wee so farre compassionate them as that we are ready to releeue the needy helping them euen as wee would desire to be helped out owne selues if wee in like manner were in any necessity And that not in things easie to vâ— aloue as in the greene hearâ— which hath seede in it but also in affording them the protection of our assistance wâ—â— our best strength like the tree that brings forth fruit that is to say some right good turne for the rescuing him that suffers wrong out of the clutches of him that is too strong for him and by affording him the shelter of our protection by the powerfull arme of iust iudgement CHAP. 18. He continues his Allegory in alluding to the workes of the Creation 1. SO Lord euen so I beseech thee Let it spring out as already thou makest it doe as already thou giuest cheerfulnesse and ability Let Truth spring out of the Earth and righteousnesse looke doâ—n from Heauen and let there be lights in the Firmament Let vs breake our bread vnto the hungry and let vs bring the poore that is cast out into our owne house Let vs cloath the naked neuer despise those of our own flesh Which fruits being once sprung out of the earth see that it is good and let our temporary light break forth and wee our selues from this inferiour fruitfulnesse of Action arriuing to that superior word of life in the delightfulnesse of Contemplation may appeare at length like the lights in the world fast settled to the Firmament of thy Scriptures For there by discourse thou so clearest things vnto vs as that we be enabled to deuide betweene Intelligible sensible creatures as betwixt the day and the night or betweene soules giuen eyther to Intellectuall or vnto sensible creatures insomuch as not onely thou thy selfe in the secret of thine owne Iudgement like as before euer the Firmament was made thou deuidest betweene the light and the darkenesse but thy spirituall children also set and rancked in the same Firmament thy grace now clearely shining throughout their Orbe may now giue then light vnto the earth and deuide betwixt the day and the night and bee for signes of times seasons namely that old things are passed with theÌ„ lo all things are become new and that our saluation is now neerer then when we first beleeued and that the night is passed and the day is at hand and that thou wilt crown the yeere with thy blessing send labourers into thy haruest in the sowing whereof others haue taken paines before sowing the seed also for another harwest which shal be in the end of the world 2. Thus giuest thou life to him that seeketh 〈◊〉 and thou blessest the yeeres of the 〈…〉 But thou art the same and in thy yeeres which fayle not thou preparest a beginning for the yeeres that are a passing For thou in thy eternall counsayle doest in their proper seasons bestow thy heauenly blessings vpon the earth for to one there is giuen by thy Spirit the word of wisdome resembling the greater light for them who are delighted with the brightnesse of perspicuous trueth rising as it were in the beginning of the day To another is giuen the word of knowledge by the same Spirit resembling the lesser light To another faith to another the gift of healing to another the working of miracles to another prophecy to another discerning of Spirites to another diuers kinds of tongues and all these resemble the lesser starres All these worketh the same Spirit deuiding what is fit for euery man euen as it will and causing the starres to appeare in their brightnesse vnto ech mans edification 3. But as for the word of knowledge wherein are all the Sacraments contayned which are varied in their seasons like the Moone together with those other notions of gifts which are afterwards reckned vp like the startes they so much come short of the brightnesse of wisdome in as much as their rising is in the beginning of the night But yet are these necessary vnto such as that wisest seruant of thine could not speake vnto as vnto spirituall but as vnto carnall men euen hee who also speaketh wisdome among those that are perfect As for the naturall man like him who is a babe in Christ and a sucker of milke till such time as he growes bigge enough for strong meate and can looke steadily against the Sunne let him not vtterly forsake his night but rest himselfe contented with what light the Moone the Starres affoord him These discourses holdest thou with vs O our most wise God in thy Bible that Firmament of thine that we may learne by it how to discerne of all these things in an admirable contemplation though still but in Signes and in times and in daies and in yeeres CHAP. 19. Our hearts are to be purged from vice that they may be capable of vertue He still continues his Allegory of the creation 1. BVt wash you first make you cleane put away the euill of your doings out of your own hearts and from before mine eyes that the dry land may appeare Learne to doe good iudge the fatherlesse pleade for the widdow that the earth may bring foorth the greene herb for meate and the tree bearing fruite and then come let vs reason together saith the Lord that there may bee light in the Firmament of the heauen let them shine vpon the earth That rich young man demanded of our good master what he should do to attaine eternal life Let our good master tell him whom he thought to bee no more then a man who is good because hee is God let him tell him That if he would enter into life hee must keepe the commandemeÌ„ts let
of speaking it is corporeally expressed and thus doth this Fry of the waters increase and multiply Obserue againe Reader who euer thou art behold I say that which the Scripture deliuers and the voice pronounces one onely way In the Beginning God created Heauen Earth is it not vnderstood many a seuerall way not w th any deceit of errour but in seuerall kinds of very true sences Thus does mans of spring increase and multiply 4. If therefore wee can conceiue of the natures of things not allegorically but properly then may the phrase Increase and multiply very well agree vnto all things whatsoeuer that come of any kinde of Seede But if wee intreate of the words as figuratiuely spoken which I rather suppose to be the purpose of the Scripture which doth not I beleeue superfluously attribute this benediction vnto the increases of watery and humane creatures onely then verily doe we find multitudes both in creatures spirituall and creatures corporeall as in Heauen and Earth and in Soules both righteous and vnrighteous as in light and darkenesse and in holy Authors who haue beene the Ministers of the Law vnto vs as in the Firmament which is settled betwixt the higher and the lower Waters and in the society of people yet in the bitternesse of infidelity as in the Sea and in the studies of holy soules as in the dry land and in the workes of mercy done in this life as in the herbs bearing seede and in the fruitefull trees and in spirituall gifts shining forth for our edification as in the lights of heauen and in mens affections reformed vnto temperance as in the liuing soule in all these instances we meete with multitudes abundance and increase 5. But that such an increase and multiplying should come as that one thing may be vnderstood and expressed many wayes and one of those expressions vnderstood seuerall waies too wee doe no where find except in words corporeally expressed and in things intelligibly deuided By these words corporeally pronounced wee vnderstand the generations of the waters and that for the necessary causes of fleshly profundity by these things intelligibly diuided wee vnderstand humane generations and that for the fruitfulnesse of their reason And euen therefore we beleeue thee Lord to haue sayd to both these kinds Increase and multiply for that within the compasse of this blessing I conceiue thee to haue granted vs a power and a faculty both to expresse seuerall waies that which wee vnderstand but one and to vnderstand seuerall waies that which wee reade to bee obseurely deliuered but in one Thus are the waters of the Sea replenished which are not moued but by seuerall significations thus with humane increase is the earth also replenished whose drynesse appeared by its affections ouer which reason ruleth CHAP. 25. He allegorically compareth the Fruites of the Earth vnto the duties of piety I Will now also deliuer O Lord my God that which the following Scripture puts mee in minde of yea I will deliuer it without feare For I will vtter the truth thy selfe inspiring me with what thy pleasure was to haue me deliuer concerning those words But by no other inspiration then thine can I beleeue my selfe to speake truth seeing thou art the very truth and euery man a lyer He therefore that speaketh a lye speaketh it of his owne that therefore I may speake truth I will speake it from thee Behold thou hast giuen vnto vs for foode euery herbe bearing seede which is vpon the face of all the earth and euery tree in which is the fruit of a tree yeelding seede And that not to vs alone but also to all the Fowles of the ayre and to the beasts of the earth and to all creeping things but vnto the Fishes and to the greate whales hast thou not giuen them 2. Now by these fruites of the earth wee sayd before that the workes of mercy were signified and figured out in an Allegory which for the necessition of this life are afoorded as 〈◊〉 of a fruitfull earth Such an Earth was the doâ— out Quâ—siphâ—rus vnto whose housethou gauest mercy who often refreshed thy Paul and was not ashamed of his chaine With such a crop were those Brethren fruitfull also who out of Mecedonia supplied his wants But how much grieued hee for such trees as did not affâ—â—rd him the fruite due vnto him where hee sayth At my first â—â—swere no man stood by me 〈◊〉 men forsooke me I pray God that it may not be layd to their charge For these fruits are due vnto such as minister the Spirituall doctrine vnto vs out of their vnderstanding of the diuine Mysteries and they are due â—â— vnto them as they are 〈◊〉 yea and due so vnto them also as vnto liuing 〈◊〉 in that they giue themselues as patternes of imitation in all continencie â—nd so are they due vnto them also as they are flying 〈◊〉 for their Blessings which are multiplied vpon the 〈◊〉 because their found i gaue out into all lands CHAP. 26. The pleasure and the profit redounding to vs out of a 〈◊〉 turne done vnto our neyghbour 1. THey now are fedde by these fruites that are delighted with them nor are those delighted with them whose belly is their God Neither yet euen in them that yeeld them is that the fruit which they yeeld but the mind with which they affoord them Hee therefore that serued God not his own belly I plainely see the thing that caused him so to reioyce I see it and I reioyce with him For hee had receiued fruit from the Philippians who had sent it by Spaphroditâ—s vnto him and yet I still perceiue the cause of his reioycing For that which hee reioyced vpon that hee fed because hee speaking as truth was of it I reioyced sayth hee greatly in the Lord that now at last your 〈◊〉 of mâ— hath flourished againe wherein yee were also carefull but it was tedious vnto you These Philippians therefore had now euen rotted away with a longsome irkesomnesse and withered as it were in respect of the fruit of this good worke and he now reioyceth for them not for himselfe that they fliurisht again in asmuch as they now supplyed his wants Therefore sayth hee afterwards This I speake not in respect of want for I haue learned in whatsoeuer state I am therewith to be content I know both how to be abasâ—i and I know how to abound euery where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry both to abound and to suffer neede I can do all things through him which strengtheneth me â— Of what art thou so glad O great Paul of what art thou so glad what is it thou so feedest vpoÌ„ Othou man renued in the knowledg of God after the image of him that created thee thou liuing soule of so much coÌ„tinency thou tongue of the flying fowles speaking such mysteries for to such creatures is this foode due what