promised I know thou wilt performe it that thou wilt cure mee that thou wilt saue me being thus perplexed in my soule for my sinnes Min. How else can you proue your selfe to bee such a one as God hath promised to saue Con. Hee hath promised to t Re. 21.6 giue to him that is athirst of the fountaine of the water of life freely that is hee which earnestly desires the fauour of God through Christs righteousnesse to the inheriting of eternall life shall bee assured thereof to the allaying of the scalding heat of his boyling conscience and to the endlesse comfort and saluation of his soule thus I doe thirst I doe no lesse truely then earnestly desire saluation 3 Notes of the true desire of saluation First in the right place preferring it before all things in the world Secondly to the right end that I might bee wholly freed from sinne and perfectly glorifie God in Heauen And thirdly in the right manner as well desiring the meanes that leade therto as the end whereto they leade Heerevpon it is that the more grace I receiue the more I hunger after and that I haue alwayes such a spirituall drought and vnsatiable thirst after Christs most precious bloud and perfect righteousnesse that my sinfull soule may bee clothed with this fine white garment and gorgeous attire and oh how I long after the fauour of God and like as the Disciples said vnto our Sauiour when hee told them of the bread of Heauen u Ioh. 6.34 Lord euermore giue vs this bread so I hauing tasted the sweetnesse of Gods fauour cannot choose but pray Lord giue me euermore to enioy this thy fauour yea Euen as the Hart panteth after the water brookes so panteth my soule after thee O God my soule thirsteth for God for the liuing God like to the thirsty Land Well yet his word is good u Ps 107. hee satisfieth the longing soule and filleth the hungry soule with goodnesse and this is my comfort Min. Whom else hath God promised to saue Con. x Mat. 5.3 1. Blessed saith our Sauiour are the poore in spirit for theirs is the Kingdome of heauen and Blessed are they that mourne for they shall be comforted These poore ones and these mourners are they which are humble lowly in spirit seeing feeling their spirituall wants and pouerty their sinnes and misery being heartily sorry for and bewailing the same and so despairing as touching any goodnesse of their owne betake themselues wholly to the mercy of God in Christ which mercy of God is like the y Act. 3.2 beautifull gate of the temple whereat poore creeples lye yea lazers a multitude of impotent folke blinde halt withered spirituall beggers wofull creatures poore sinners humble crauing an almes at the hand of so pitifull a God And well doth Gods mercy deserue to bee called the beautifull gate of heauen for heereby onely doe penitent sinners enter into the presence of God to behold the beauty of the Lord and to enioy his blessed vision for euer in heauen Thus doe a poore creature lye dayly at Gods beautifull gate knocking crauing crying z Ps 57. 51. 86. Haue mercy vpon me O God haue mercy vpon mee according to the multitude of thy compassions put away my iniquities incline thine eare O Lord heare me for I am poore and needy O bow downe thine eare and heare open thine eyes and see for my heart is smitten and withered like grasse and I am in great misery a Psa 25.16 18. O turne thy face vnto mee and haue mercy vpon mee for I am desolate and afflicted looke vpon my affliction and my paine and forgiue all my sinnes O turne vnto mee and haue mercy vpon mee heale my soule for I haue sinned against thee b Dan. 9.19 O Lord heare O Lord forgiue O Lord hearken and doe deferre not for thine owne sake O my God Thus am I poore in spirit and thus doe I mourne and therefore the promise of blessednesse belongs to mee and I haue as good right vnto it as any poore sinner whatsoeuer for the poorer the sinner is in spirit and the greater begger hee is the better right he hath heereunto so then I am blessed according to Christs owne words because I shall be blessed Min. Whom else hath God said he will saue Con. c Ro. 10.13 Whosoeuer shall call vpon the name of the Lord shall bee saued as witnesseth the Apostle that is whosoeuer not onely in outward miseries but also and that especially in spirituall distresses shall pray vnto the Lord in faith both as concerning his power and will to helpe and and yet more whosoeuer fearing that hee hath not faith nor any sauing grace that he is not in the fauour of God nor his sinnes pardoned and that his soule shall not bee saued if hee can but finde a heart to pray vnto the Lord for these things with an honest vpright minde as sure as the Lord is true he shall bee saued and that by vertue of this promise of God Whosoeuer shall call vpon his name shall be saued for thus he flyeth vnto this strong Tower where hee shall be preserued serued safe a while and after shall be remooued by the guard of good Angels to the Palace of None-such in the Kingdome of Heauen which is a priueleged place where sinne Sathan the flesh and the world haue nothing to doe and therfore he shall not bee there molested by any of them in the least measure Now I am one of them that doe thus call vpon the name of the Lord and that dayly when I feele my selfe oppressed by sinne and Sathan and can finde very small or to my thinking sometimes no grace at all in mee yet then can I heartily pray vnto the Lord for his helpe and sauing grace that I may be saued therefore I shall bee saued Min. To whom else hath God promised saluation in his word Con. Christ hath promised that e Reu. 3.21 hee which ouer commeth shall sit with him in his Throne that is hee that holds out to the end continually resisting and fighting against his spirituall enemies the world the flesh and the Diuel shall haue though not equall glory yet fellowship with Christ in glory euerlasting thus do I daily fight that I may ouercome First I account my selfe a spirituall soldier bound sworn to my Captaine the Lord Iesus of whom I haue also taken presse-mony the Sacrament of Baptisme and weare his colours the profession of Christianity and know there is martiall Law eternall death for mee if I should flye from my Captaine Secondly I take notice of the manifold traines and plots of my forreign enemies the world and the Diuell and the treasons and treacheries of my domesticke foes the flesh that Rebell my headstrong passions and vnruly lusts those traytors I see and obserue how they euery where lay snares for mee and spread nettes in my path-way and
not much differ from a bruit beast and * Praestat nasci iumē tum quam comparariiumento better were it to be borne a beast than being borne a man to become thus like a beast But how doe you proue that yours is this sauing knowledge and not rather that common knowledge of Gods word religion which may bee in the very reprobates Con. 5. Notes of true sauing knowledge This will appeare the better by comparing them together First then the common knowledge which may bee found in reprobates is generall they vnderstand spirituall things in a generall confused manner not vnlike the k Mar. 8.24 blinde man cured by our Sauiour who at the first opening of his eyes saw men aloofe off walking as trees they cannot abide to bring it home to themselues but I apply my knowledge to my selfe desiring to know chiefly how things stand at home in my owne soule Secondly their knowledge is partiall they desire not to bee acquainted with all the waies of God but are and will be wilfully ignorant of some things they will not know that to bee euill which they like well of nor that to bee good which they doe dislike though it be made plain and euident vnto them but I desire to know the whole truth of God yea that which is disrelishing at the first vnto mee Thirdly their knowledg puffs them vp with pride thy be not a little proud thereof but mine humbles mee for the more light of knowledge shineth in mee the more I see the corruptions of my heart and life thereby which minister greater matter daily of humiliation to me Fourthly all that they know or speake is onely from heare-say for they haue no experience thereof in themselues they know and learne Gods truth by rote but I learne it by heart my knowledge is experimentall I finde the truth thereof in my owne experience Fiftly their knowledge is not ioyned with conscionable practice whereas that is but raw knowledge that is not well digested into practice these two should alwayes goe inseparably together for knowledge without practice is lame and practice without knowledge is blinde And if the lame and blind were hated of e 2. Sa. 5.5 Dauids soule much more are these hatefull to the soule of the Lord as an abhominable sacrifice but my knowledge is practicall it walks vpon the feet of practice my practice sees with the eyes of my knowledge hereby wee know that wee know God if wee keepe his commandements 1 Ioh. 2.3 Though then there be many which know Christ to professe him which notwithstanding shall not be known of him for hee will say vnto them in that day m Mat. 7.23 Depart from me I know you not because they haue not the sauing knowledge of him yet I can thus bring proofe that I rightly know him or n Gal. 4.9 rather am knowne of him wherby I also know that I shall hereafter liue and raigne for euer with him Min. Thus it appeares that the true knowledge of Christ doth counterpoize yea and far excell all other knowledge whatsoeuer for if one know Christ it matters little though he be ignorant of other things but if hee bee ignorant of Christ it matters nothing though hee knowe all things wherefore the wisest wordly men with all their knowledge shall perish for want of knowledge So that I can well assent vnto him who saith that the knowledge of God Greenham is as necessary an Art for Christians as the Art of husbandry is for husbandmen Now if you thinke good name another speciall grace as the signe of your saluation Con. The eight signe of saluation taken out of Rom. 8.24 I haue a true hope of eternall life which who so haue they shall be saued for wee are saued by hope as saith the Apostle this grace also the Lord of his mercy hath vouchsafed mee to bee as an anker to my soule both sure and stedfast to hold mee to the port that I be not driuen backe with boysterous stormes and than beares vp my head aboue water in the seas of dangers in this present world that I sinke not Min. But the hope of most men is a false hope desperate madnesse as if a man hauing his throat cut or being thrust through the heart should yet hope to liue euery body would bee ready to deride his idle fancy or at least to pitie his extreme follie the hope of such o shall perish and be cut off and their trust shall bee as a spiders web how know you then that yours is a true hope Con. Truth it is that the common hope of men is such that they doe rather dream than hope and though they thinke they haue fast hold of it in their hearts yet it is but as a child that catcheth at the shadow on the wall hee thinks he holds it fast closed in his hand but when he openeth his hand there is nothing in it so when their hearts shall be laid open before God the shaddowlike hope being vanished there shall be no such thing found in their hearts and they shall haue hope to seek when it will bee too late to finde it 4 Notes of true hope First therefore I proue that my hope is true from the foundation wheron it is p Heb 11 1. grounded and that is Faith for as it is impossible for a mighty Castle to hang in the ayre or to stand without either ground or foundation euen so and much more impossible is it for hope to be or abide without faith Such therefore as boast of hope and are barren of faith may well be said to dreame of building castles in the ayre I contrariwise beleeue and therefore doe I hope apprehending the promises of God by faith and so hoping and looking for the performance and accomplishment thereof which faith the ground-worke I haue formerly proued to be effectually begun in mee Secondly true hope followes an effectual calling for first God calls men to saluation and then hee giues them to hope for it therefore the Apostle stiles it the q Eph. 1.18 hope of his calling Such therefore as hope for heauen not being effectually called vnto it come before they are called and are like to speed accordingly It was r Ester 4.11 death to rush into the presence of Ahasuerus vncalled and sure eternall death shall cut them off short of comming home which think to rush rudely into the Holiest of all the inner Court of God Almighty euen the highest heauen being neuer inwardly and truely called thither but well may I hope for I am truly called as I haue also proued before Thirdly my hope makes me vse diligently all good meanes appointed by God for the obtaining of saluation for hee that hath good hope to obtaine his wished desire will shew it by his industrious vse of the best meanes for the compassing therof so hee that in the mourning hopes to be 50. miles
the wants weakenesse of grace answered I finde in mee such a poore and weake measure of grace that at times I make question whether there bee any true grace at all in me I haue not such a feeling of faith as I desire nor of that ioy which at other times I haue felt especially at my first conuersion I am also affraide that I grieue not enough for my sinnes sure I am not so much as I would which makes me doubt whether these graces bee in me at all and whether I were euer truely conuerted Min. How do you ouercom this Diuell when hee thus grapples with you Con. Thus I encounter him I remember what I haue learned that they which see and heartily bewail in themselues the want of grace cannot possibly bee without true grace and the Lord respecteth not so much the quantity of grace as the quality thereof not how much but whether it bee of the right kinde so that if it bee truely in mee though but as a graine of mustard-seed it is accepted with him And as for feeling it is no sure rule to try my estate by faith without feeling is stronger and more precious then faith with feeling It was not so much ſ Ioh. 20.29 for Thomas to beleeue when hee saw and felt as if hee had done neither It is nothing for a childe being dandled in the lap to thinke his father loues him but when his father frownes and lowers vpon him then to bee perswaded of his loue is something indeed And I stand bound in conscience as well to beleeue when I want feeling as when I haue it for Gods commandement of beleeuing is not confined to the condition of reason experience and feeling nay he is the best scholar in Gods schoole that reasons least vpon these grounds and assents most I must not therefore beleeue according to my feeling of comfort but must beleeue better that I may feele more comfort And as for my ioy I call t Psal 77.6 Psal 143.5 to minde the comfortable experience that I haue had at times heeretofore of my conuersion and the liuely feeling of grace working in mee and that sweet consolation which I haue had in the assurance of the fauour of God in former times Heereby I relieue my selfe and gather that true grace is in mee though at the present it doth not so cleerely manifest it selfe for ioy is more perceiued of some at their first conuersion than euer after but it is because of the newnesse strangenesse and suddennesse of it which makes a deeper impression and causeth greater admiration for it may bee more after like as one that is brought out of some deepe and darke dungeon wherein hee hath been enclosed all his life before into the sun-shine more ioyes in it at his first comming forth then after when he hath been daily wonted to it and yet may enioy more cleare and lightsome daies by farre then at the first and may enioy also more constant and continuall comfort thereby and like as a begger that is aduanced to some very great and vnexpected honor ioyes more at the first therein than afterward and yet his dignities and reuenues may daily increase and grow farre greater than at the first and like as the Ghurch at their first returne out of captiuitie had their u Psal 12 6 2. mouth filled with laughter and their tongue with singing and yet inioyed more good and comfortable dayes after in the peaceable seruice and worship of God then at their first returne As touching my griefe for sinne though it makes mee hang down my head to see the largenesse of Dauids heart this way and the straightnesse of mine for hee u Psal 6. made his bed to swimme and watered his couch with his teares and I can hardly shed on teare for my fins yet in that I am afraid that I doe not grieue enough yea and therefore grieue because I can grieue no more it is heereby euident that I would faine grieue more which the Lord accepts of for if there be first a x 2 Cor. 8.12 willing minde it is accepted according to that a man hath and not according to that hee hath not and secondly though in the intention of my affection Perk. Cas Con. my sorrow for sinne seemes little and lesse then my sorrow for worldly losses yet in the estimation of my minde it is greater because I grieue for my sinne as the greatest euill of all and so in truth of iudgement doe account it and grieue for the losse of Gods fauour as for the losse of the most precious and excellent thing of all and thus I see that my weaknesse in grace is no iust cause to make mee think that I haue no grace no not in the least measure Min. I pray you proceed further to shew Satans cunning in seeking to vnsettle and subuert you Con. The multitude and greatnesse of my sinnes which Sathan sets before me doe now and then much dismay and affright me and make me almost faint I cā say with the Prophet Dauid y Ps 40.12 Innumerable euils haue compassed mee about mine iniquities haue taken hold vpon mee Doubting because of the multitude and greatnesse of sin answered so that I am not able to looke vp they are more then ths hayres of my head therefore my heart faileth mee And beside outward sinnes I am inwardly much oppressed with hardnesse of heart coldnesse of good affection dulnesse of spirit barrennesse of good thoughts motions and desires with manifold foule corruptions I perceiue also sundry imperfections in my prayers and in the best duties so that when I looke backe on the seruice which I performe to God I finde it such simple patched and broken seruice that I feare least hee should account it vs sinne vnto mee and that it should bee as abomination to him and that hee should abhorre both mee and it Min. How doe you beate backe this temptation Con. First for my sins I learn and beleeue that God is able to forgiue my greatest sins as well as the least yea all though bloody sinnes z Esa 1.16 18. as red as scarlet and though they be innumerable for his mercy far passeth my sinnes yea the sinnes of the whole world Great is the Hell of my sinnes saith one But greater is the depth of thy mercies O Lord. This bottomlesse deepe is not like a 2 Kin. 19.24 those pooles about Ierusalem which might bee dried vp with the tramplings of horse and horsemen but such as all the sinnes of a thousand worlds cannot drie vp Augustine I remember a speech of an ancient Father to this purpose who vpon those words of Cain My sinnes are greater then can bee forgiuen saith Thou lyest Caine the mercies of God are greater than the sinnes of all the world and no maruell for the mercy of God hath all dimensions It is so deepe that it brought vp Dauids soule from the