God forgive I beseech thee my carnal confidence trusting to the arm of flesh both in reference to my body and soul let me see the vanity of all creature-confidences how little they can avail without thy blessing and however thou crossest my designes for the world Lord succeed my designes for heaven with thy blessings leave me not to the teaching of man but teach me thy self water me with the dew of heaven and let thy clouds drop fatness incline my heart to thy testimonies and not to coveteousness Upon flowers seemingly dead in winter yet flourishing in the spring 23. Med. WHen I observed some flowers in the garden that all the winter long when the sun was remote in the Southern climate hid their heads withered seemed to die and to be extinct and buried themselves in their mother earth yet at the return of the year when their beloved smiled upon them when the sun came to the aequinoctial and began to court them and shine upon them with a more direct ray and warmer gleam they crept out of their grave revived sprang again and flourished like a love sick woman killed with a frown and recovered with a smile those that before go in their mourning-weeds now put on their best apparel This consideration made me compare it to the state of a poor soul in desertion when God the Sun of righteousness her beloved hides his face and stands at a remote distance then it is winter with the soul then it droops hangs down the head and is ready to die and cry out with the spouse stay me with flagons comfort me with apples I am sick of love but there may be life in the root when it appears not in the branches when the Sun of righteousness ariseth in the soul with healing in his wings Mal. 4.2 these dry bones will live these dead branches will bud these swouning fainting souls will revive and these buried flowers will spring out again though they are in the shadow of death light shall spring out to them The hearb of grace will not die in a hard winter when the spring comes it will bud and break forth the best of Saints oft have had their fainting-fits David that man after Gods own heart though well acquainted with the incomes of the spirit the smiles of God and spirituall consolations yet had many qualms and fainting-fits upon the apprehension of Gods departure but God though he seem to be long absent will not forsake those that are not willing to leave him Esay 4.14.15 but Zion said the Lord hath forsaken me and my Lord hath forgotten me can a woman forget her sucking-childe that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb yea they may forget yet will not I forget thee A father sometimes hides himself behinde the wall to try the affections of his little son to see whether he will miss him what moan he will make in his absence or whether he minde his play and be content without him when yet he is so far from forsaking him that every tear goes to his heart so God in his withdrawings from his people is much concerned in the moan they make and his bowels yearn at their complaints as he did at Ephraims when he bemoaned himself Jer. 31.18 19 20. I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself c. Is Ephraim my dear son is he a pleasant child for since I spake against him I do earnestly remember him still therefore my bowels are troubled for him I will surely have mercy upon him saith the Lord who is among you saith the prophet that feareth the Lord and walketh in darkness and hath no light let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God Esay 5.10 Here we see a man may fear God and yet be in darkness sometimes the Sun may he ecclipsed sometimes clouded but it will break forth again those that have their eyes enlightned shall see it though the blinde discern not between day and night light and darkness the greatest part of the world know not what it is to have the Sun of righteousness to arise in their hemisphere But it is the greatest grief to a believer that ever befell him in his life to have the face of his beloved to be clouded from him and his sun to set at noon then he goes with the spouse seeking him sorrowing did ye see him whom my soul loveth Cant. 3.3 when they seek him and cannot finde him when they call him and he gives them no answer Cant. 5.6 they seek from ordinance to ordinance from Minister to Minister and enquire after him every room in the house may witness their moan and their complaint but when they finde they rejoyce with the Martyr Oh Austin he is come he is come oh my soul how stands the case with thee art thou apprehensive of the approaches and departures of God from thy soul dost thou rejoyce in his presence as these poor flowers in the presence of their beloved dost thou mourn at his absence as they do and hide thy head dost thou hunger and thirst after him as the thirsty man for drink or the thirsty land for drops of rain if thou make little matter of him it is a signe thou hast little benefit by him or little love to him or never knewest what it was to have communion with him he is the chiefest of ten thousand therefore the virgins love him get as strong an apprehension of his love to thee and thine to him as possibly thou canst this will keep the soul from stragling thou wilt never leave him whom thou lovest and he will never leave one that loves him his withdrawings are but to try thy affections and he oft loves dearly those he seems to loathe if thou forsake not him he will never forsake thee and an evidence of his love will bear up the heart above trouble the Psalmist when he was so troubled that he could not speak yet comforted himself in considering the days of old and the years of ancient times and calling to his remembrance his songs in the night Psal 77.4 5 6. when there is a calm and tranquillity in the soul examine thy self by Scripture-evidences whether there be the truth of grace in thy soul or no and if thou finde it lay up these records against a stormy-day when the sun is clouded and out of sight then when thou canst not reade thy own heart or see grace in thy soul yet maist thou say at such a time in such a place I examined my self by such and such marks grounded upon such and such Scriptures and plainly and impartially judged my graces were true now true grace cannot be lost and therefore I know there is fire though under the ashes and true grace though buried under corruption and he that then loved me will love me to the end yea with an everlasting love oh my God assist me in this work of examination and not only give
think upon their accompts these are some but not all the drones we have amongst us oh my soul is idleness so detestable a vice take heed of it employ every talent God hath lent thee to thy Masters glory lest thou meet with the doom of the unprofitable servant spend all the time allowed thee in the world either in thy general or particular calling and spend time on nothing thou wilt be unwilling to hear of another day let not Christ when he calls for thee nor the devil when he tempts thee finde thee idle lest thou be not ready to open to the one or resist the other lest Christ reject thee and the devil vanquish thee and death usher thee into outer darkness oh my God I have much work to do and but a little time to do it in and it is work of great concernment and much time already hath been wasted by me Lord incline my heart to diligence and convince me of the necessity of working while it is called to day because the night comes that no man can work Upon the gaudy Wasp 56. Med. OBserving the wasp in her gaudy dress what an enemy she was to the painâ—ul and laborious Bee and was not content her self to be idle but robs also the Bees that do labour and feeds upon that which this painful and industrious creature hath laid up against winter and so oft-times exposes them to want and penury yea to death it self and if the poor bees make resistance kills them and spoils their habitation I observed also that this pernitious insect more hurtful then the drones before-mentioned making no provision for winter before it comes puts her head into a hole and dies the consideration of this occasioned this following Meditation I thought there were many such wasps amongst us that is such as have the nature and disposition of wasps that are hurtful to many helpful to none that live an idle life and live upon others labours and not their own and making no provision for death or eternity are then utterly destitute of what is necessary here with the rich man Luk. 16.19 c. they are cloathed in purple and fine linnen and fare deliciously every day and at last would beg a drop of water to cool their tongues but cannot obtain it but shall have punishment without pitty misery without mercy sorrow without succour crying without compassion mischief without measure torment without end and past imagination Among the rest of these gaudy wasps we may rank many griping Land-lords some Land-lords are of a better complexion but they are too few but too many are guilty of grinding the faces of the poor and the spoil of the poor is in their houses Esay 3.14 15. they make their tenants serve in the very fire and weary themselves for very vanity Hab. 2.13 and are like unto the Egyptian task-masters force the tale of their bricks and not allow them straw they pluck not only the meat from their mouths and the cloaths from their backs but the very flesh from their bones they drink not only their tears but their very sweat and bloud and all too little to satisfy their greedy humours they squeese so many tears from them in their life time that they have none left to shed for them at their death they by racking their rents and their cruel extortion draws many tears from their eyes and sobs from their hearts but God will put those tears into his bottle and those sobs into his book and will vindicate their wrongs how oft may we see greedy Land-lords force their tenants to feed their dogs with what should feed their own children a barbarous custome which will rise up in judgment against them another day They deal with their tenants as they do with their horses when they have tired them or rid them out of breath they call for a fresh one and shew not so much mercy on them as on their dogs whom they cherish if weak or weary but when the poor tenant with all his pains and diligence can no longer satisfy their greedy humours they turn them out of doors seize upon their estates perhaps cast them into prison till they have paid the utmost farthing to the ruinating of their families and exposing them to beggery and all this is to maintain their pride and luxury these men act as if they were the sole proprietors and must never give an accompt to any other Master but let such remember the parable of the man that owed ten thousand talents and would not forgive his brother a hundred pence but cast him into prison Mat. 18.23 he himself was cast in till he had paid the utmost farthing those shall have judgment without mercy that have shewed no mercy Jam. 2.13 those that will not forgive others shall not be forgiven themselves let such remember the rich man Luk. 16.19 who 't is conceived refusing to give a bit of bread to Lazarus was himself denied a drop of water by Abraham But these are not all the gaudy wasps that trouble the laborious bees there are many rich men that undo their poor neighbours with unjust and vexatious Law-suits that oppress them with wrongs injuries and unjust vexations and make bold thus to do because they are too great for them to grapple with these great flies break through the net there being also too many of these wasps in places of Judicatory civil and Ecclesiastical I accuse not all and I think no wise man will justify all many Lawyers to maintain their state and garb knowingly undo their clients some by taking bribes to prevent justice some by unnecessary delays some for favour and friendship they either break the neck of a good cause or suck the clients dry before they tell them their cause is bad Ecclesiastical Courts are not much better some think far worse many officers there do as greedily prey upon the poor as ever a hungry fly did upon a galled horse back and many times make sores where they finde none and the greatest offences are not always punished with the hardest stroaks but preaching and praying is esteemed worse then swearing and cursing and that reformation of sin is not intended though pretended is apparent when poor adulterers are let alone who are not able to pay the fees of the Court when the richer are made offenders for a word Isa 29.21 let not any that are not guilty apply this to themselves but there are also too many in the Ministry that may reade their character Esay 56.10 c. but the time is coming these causes will be called over again and then it will evidently appear who are the troublers of Israel oh my soul is there such oppression such injustice in the world take heed of having a heart or hand in any such matter come not into their secrets and unto their assembly the time is coming that those that have been fed with sin will vomit up what they so greedily swallowed and those
will become of my wife and children c. as if when the pipe is cut there were no water in the fountain are not these sometimes thy thoughts and fears and though thou hast had many silencing providences and God unexpectedly hath removed thy doubts and answered thy objections yet upon new apprehensions of danger how hard dost thou finde it to trust God upon his bare word when the world frowns and will not pass for payment or to depend upon him when deliverance is out of sight hath not Christ himself told thee that if thou seek first the kingdom of God and the righteousness thereof all other things shall be added to thee Mat. 6.33 grace is the way to glory and holiness to happiness if men be not gracious there is no heaven to be had if they are they shall have heaven and earth also for godliness hath the promise of this life and that to come all earthly enjoyments that are good for thee are entayled upon piety but alass the strength of the ground is so spent in nourishing weeds and trash that the good corn is starved and choaked these thorns do choak the seed and it becomes unfruitful temporall things are nec vera nec nostra but there are certain and durable riches that nec prodi nec eripi nec surripi possunt he that enjoys them cannot lose them hath not God promised he will never leave thee nor forsake thee and is not this better then if all the Kings upon earth had said so to thee that thou shalt want nothing that is good and wouldst thou have that which is hurtful was he ever known to be worse then his word and canst thou imagine he will first fail thee will he that feeds the fowls and cloaths the grass starve the children oh my soul make sure of the main and use diligence for the rest cast thy care upon God and make thy requests known to God and he can as well deny himself as deny thee in any lawful suit five thousand years experience cannot produce an instance of any godly man that was forsaken make sure of the main bargain and all other things will be given in as paper and packthred oh my God I believe help thou my unbelief pardon my distracting and distrustful thoughts increase my faith silence my doubts and fears by clearing up my evidences for heaven Upon provision made for birds in a hard winter 62. Med. WHen after a cold pinching frosty winter wherein the snow had long covered the face of the earth and hid it from man and beast the trees and bushes for many weeks together being loaded and burthened with it I saw and considered the numberless number of birds of all sorts and kindes that escaped in that hard season when all sorts of provision seemed to be cut off and survived these troubles which threatened them with death when neither the rivers which were frozen up nor the fields which were covered nor the trees nor bushes could give them relief yet God provided them their meat and they received it at his hands and were nourished by his providence when in my apprehension they were like to have been lost and starved and famished for want of food especially some of the wilder sort that neither frequent house nor barn from whom all sorts of provision seemed to be lockt up or cut off but God fed them out of his storehouse Psal 147. he gives the beast his food and the young ravens when they cry hence it is that our Saviour Christ sends his querellous and desponding servants to school to the fouls of heaven to learn to depend upon their fathers providence Mat. 6.26 consider the fouls of the air they sow not neither do they reap nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly father feedeth them are ye not much better then they ask the beasts saith Job and they shall teach thee and the fouls of the air and they shall tell thee or speak to the earth and it shall teach thee and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this in whose hand is the soul of every living thing and the breath of all mankinde Job 12.7 8 9.10 as he made them all so he it is that maintains them he takes care for the ostriches young ones and feeds the young ravens when they cry Psal 147.9 they take no care nor have care taken for them yet are they provided for did man but look up to the birds or down to the lillies he would not so dispond and so distrust Gods providence shall the great housekeeper of the world water his flowers prune his plants fodder his cattle feed his birds and yet starve his children it cannot be is there not a sparrow can fall to the ground without his providence nor a hair from our head without his knowledge and can we think he takes no care of us Mat. 10.29 30. one pearl is more worth then many peebles and the righteous is more excellent then his neighbour as one lark is worth many kites God will have a care of his jewels they are as the apple of his eye thousand thousands of those fouls there are that man takes no care of makes no provision for knows not upon what they feed yea seek their destruction some out of envy as birds of prey others to feed upon yet God maintained them in their feveral species almost six thousand years at his own cost and charges Man by all his diligence cannot make provision for them neither can he destroy them by all his cunning God hides them as well as feeds them and they are not beholding to man for their lives The thoughts of this methinks may silence those Athiestical conceipts that are apt to arise in wicked mens hearts that there is no God when they see his providence so plainly asserted and may silence those distrustful thoughts and fears which are too apt to creep in and to disturb the quiet and tranquillity of the hearts of Gods own people upon the apprehension of approaching danger and threatning wants when they observe those lesser creatures guided by an overruling providence and if God preserve every species of his creatures notwithstanding men combine their destruction no wonder if he preserve his own Church amidst their numerous enemies oh my soul while there is life and breath in that body of thine praise bless and magnifie God for his works of providence to his creatures in making provision for all the works of his hands especially for his Church whom he feeds as a few lambs in the midst of innumerable wolves and they are not able to devour them and though many times he suffers some to be worried yet it proves rather the augmentation then the diminution of his flock the blood of the Martyrs proves the seed of his Church yet let these convincing providences to thy self never be forgotten but let them breed
in thee a thankfull remembrance of his benefits and some answerable returns to God for his mercies which thou hast had beyond expectation let his continued series of providences banish out of thy heart all atheistical thoughts and conceipts and also all desponding despairing distrustful thoughts and carking care keep in Gods way and he will never forsake thee he that feeds the young ravens when they cry will not suffer thee to starve nor shut his ear to thy prayer if thou leave him he will leave thee oh my God all my springs are in thee all my mercies flow from thee though the pipe be cut Lord show me the way to the fountain-head Vpon birds building their nests 63. Med. OBserving in the spring time when the fouls of heaven build their nests how variously they did it and every sort had a several way fashion mode or manner which all of that sort kinde or species did exactly observe not by imitation but by a natural instinct those that had never seen nest built before were excellent artists and needed no instruction The several kindes also build in several places as well as use several forms and methods some build in houses in the chimneys thatch and other places others have places provided for them as pigeons stares and such like these are defended from winde and weather which others endure to their sorrow but are less secure some build in high and craggy rocks in inaccessible places to defend their young and some in lofty trees as the oak the ash the Elme the pine and the cedars far out of danger and dread others that aspire not so high hide their nests in rough hedges bushes brambles and obscure places where the passengers eye shall not behold them and generally all obscure them what they can from sight yet some build upon the ground as the ostrich which layeth her egges in the earth and warmeth them in the dust and forgetteth that the fool may crush them or the wilde beast may break them she is hardened against her young ones as though they were not hers her labour is in vain without fear because God hath deprived her of wisdome neither hath he imparted to her understanding Job 39.14 c. every one acteth according to the wisdome God hath given them to some more to some less I observed also the materials with which they built and these were different also some built with sticks others with straws some with moss some with wooll feathers and many other things the fashion also was various some bigger some less according as need required some built only a bottom some raised up wals some covered it over head to secure the young some daubed their castle and made it weather-proof others not various are the forms and fashions they use and for ought I know no two species or kindes make their nests in every point alike and in the working both the male and the female join heart and hand in the work and use diligence till it be effected and in sitting on their eggs both take their share in the work and relieve each other by courses as the careful observers testify at least of some kindes and undauntedly endure the frost and snow the winde and the weather as also in feeding their young they have a mutual love and a mutual care and take mutual pains Methoughts this did much resemble the love and amity the care and industry between man and wife and oh that there were so much between them as there is between these silly birds they are faithfull each to other and loving and helpfull and that by a natural instinct without the use of reason or any other bond or obligation and thus it should be and oh that it were so between man and wife they have more obligations each to other God hath given them the use of reason the Scriptures and many other helps yet many break all these bands asunder yea the very marriage-knot by their adulteries and neighing after other mens wives and other womens husbands and many times return hatred for love and wish if not practice the death one of another they should lend mutual help to build the nest and feed the young but sometimes both of them are wanting oftentimes the one there are many foolish men as well as foolish women that pluck down their house with their hands and turn off their children into the wide world destitute and neglected many spend that rioteously that their yoak-fellows or their parents have got painfully and prove a hindrance and not a help to their relations and as for the body so much more for the soul they prove ill husbands and hindrances and not helps in the way to heaven God might send these men and these women to school to these silly birds to learn faithfulness love and mutual friendship and assistance as he doth the sluggard to the ant to learn diligence and to the stork the crane and the swallow to observe their times and to the oxe and ass to learn to know their benefactour These poor creatures minded me also of the wise providence of God that hath thus instructed these otherwise silly creatures Job 39.27 doth the eagle mount up at thy command and make her nest on high intimating it is at Gods command it is he that gives goodly wings to the peacock yea wings and feathers to the ostrich Job 39.13 and it is he that takes care of these birds Deut. 22.6 oh my soul learn those lessons from these poor creatures faithfulness diligence and care learn those relative duties here hinted out unto thee fly idleness as the bane of vertue let thy general and particular calling take up all thy time especially be a good husband for thy soul oh my God implant every grace in my soul to this end out with every corruption make me diligent for the world but especially for heaven Upon a small bird feeding many young ones 64. Med. OBserving a little wren one of the smallest of birds that had a dozen young ones lying upon her hands to maintain to take care of and make provision for I heedfully attended to see what the event would be I observed with what unwearied pains she labours for their sustenance how chearfully she imployed her little strength to that end even to the neglect of her own belly how self denyingly she behaves her self sparing that which she should have fed upon to sustain them and from morning till night busieth her self to feed them but that which most put me to a stand was this in her returns with meat they all stand with open mouth to receive the new taken prey which made me admire that such a silly creature void of reason was able to distinguish between those she had fed and those she had not which might in such a multitude have puzled a better head I wondred that some of the most lively did not get all and starve the weaker but that God hath put such an