thou and art so cast down and disquieted within thy self Dost thou well to be angry with my Chastisements And why art thou offended that I should make thee like my self Causing thee to walk in the way of inward and outward Griefs which I did tread before thee Why refusest thou to take up my Cross and follow me and to taste of that Cup which I drank before and for thee The Soul Oh Lord give me of thy Spirit and all trouble with thee or for thee shall be sweet unto me What ever thou didst Oh Lord it was for me and if I were so disposed as I should then would I be content to bear all that thou my God shouldst be pleased to lay upon me But alas it is my cursed Corruptions that makes me think thy Cross my Burthen Lord therefore uphold me by thy Grace that I may count thy Yoak easie and find joy in these Sufferings with thee The Lord. I know the Cause of thy Grief and Terrour to be the Consideration of thy Sins But I pray thee Why lookest thou so to thy Sins that thou lookest not to my Mercies Why wouldst thou so extol thy evil Deeds that thou shouldst extenuate my rich Mercies or any way compare the one with the other Was it for thy good Deeds that I did first enter into Friendship with thee And thinkest thou now that for thy evil Deeds I will utterly forsake thee Seeing it is among my Praises that the Work which I have begun I will perfect it I like it well indeed to see thee grieved for the Sins thou hast committed against me But I would also have thee comforted in the Mercies that I have shewed thee Call to mind my Works of old what I have done to thee since thou canst remember How cared I for thee in thy young and tender Years Look back now and see Did not the Angel of my Presence lead thee when thou hadst no wisdom nor strength to govern thee Did not I then begin to acquaint thee with the Knowledge and Fear of my Name Canst thou deny now that my Mercy preserved thee from many Sins whereunto thy Nature was prone and ready to have declined And when thou sinnedst with what long patience have I waited thy turning and how lovingly have I winked at thy Transgressions And when I had given thee Grace to repent of thy Sins and to seek for my Favour and Mercy for the Sins of thy youth with a melting heart and a mourning eye Canst thou deny that I have filled thy Heart with my Joys and made thy tongue to burst out in singing and glorying Speeches And why then wilt thou not trust in my Mercies to the end The Soul I were O Lord most unthankful if I should not confess that many a time in the multitude of my thoughts thy Mercies have comforted me But alas I have not answered thy Loving Kindness for after many Mercies received I have sinned against thee contrary to my Light and my sins are now before me witnessing that I am unworthy to taste of the sweetness of thy Mercies any more The Lord Is my Mercy only for a Day or a Year Or is it for ever and ever towards those that I have made mine in Christ Jesus Wilt thou restrain my Mercies and limit them within thy narrow Bounds as to think they cannot be extended over all thy Transgressions Wilt thou measure my Mercies with so narrow a span as to think that I have no more to give than thou hast to receive Is it not among my Praises That I am able to do exceeding abundantly above all that my Children can ask or think of me Knowest thou not that as the Heavens are above the Earth so are my Thoughts above thine Hast thou not considered that my Mercy is above all my Works How much more then is it above thee who art nothing in comparison of my mighty Works And if it be above thee how much more above all thou canst do Why then wilt thou match thy Sins with my Mercies If I require such Mercy in my Children that I will have them to forgive one another not only seven times but seventy times seven times What pitty compassion and readiness to forgive is in my self Therefore my Beloved despair not for the multitude of thy Sins but be comforted with my Promises of Mercy I have made them without Exceptions of Sins For albeit they were Sins of Scarlet they shall be made white as Wool I have made them without exception of Persons For whosoever shall depart from his Wickedness and turn to me I will receive him Let this threefold Vniversality of my Promises sustain thee that thy Infidelity contract not my Mercy into narrower bounds than I have extended them The Soul Be merciful O Lord to my Infidelity I believe in part Lord help my Unbelief Establish and confirm my unstable heart with thy good Spirit My Conscience doth in such sort condemn me that I stand in fear of thy Justice for thou art greater than my Conscience and wilt much more condemn me if thou dost enter into Judgment with me The Lord Oh my Beloved consider that the Cause of thy present Vnquietness is because with the one Eye thou lookest to thy Sins and my Fathers Justice and with thy other Eye lookest not to me in whom his Justice is satisfied and thy Sins punished already Tell me I pray thee Thinkest thou in thy self to get such a Holiness of thy Disposition that which shall exempt thee from the Fear of his Justice Or art thou content to seek it in me If in thy self thou seekest it remember what thou art doing Wilt thou have the Lord bound and oblieged to thee Wilt thou be thy own Saviour Or shall it be said His Mercy Saved thee not If no misery were in thee whereupon should his Mercy be manifested And if thy disposition in the Earth be such as it should be then what remains but that the Praise of his Mercy should fall to the ground Turn thee therefore to me and seek thy Life in me If thou wilt know what is thine thou art a Sinner Let my Praise be reserved to my self I am thy Saviour Esteemest thou that my words are ineffectual or that there is no force in my Suffering Countest thou thy Sins so deadly that my Merit Vertue cannot cure them Will a Physitian pour out a rare Ointment either where no need it or where it cannot profit and thinkest thou that my Father would have my Blood to be shed in vain If his Justice terrifies thee remember his Justice was satisfied in me and that he pronounceth this Sentence Himself This is my Beloved Son in whom I am well pleased I came into the Wâ—â—ld not to call the Righteous but Sinners to Repentance Tarry not from me because thou art a Sinner but for that Cause come unto me I will refresh thee The Soul Oh Lord I know there is a cleansing and recoâ—â—ding
true Repentance unto Salvation never to be repented of and for Jesus sake accept a Morning Sacrifice of Prayer and Praise which I do desire at this time in all sincerity to offer to thy Divine Majesty humbly begging the Assistance of thy Grace O Eternal Almighty and most Glorious Lord God in whom I Live Move and have my Being thou art the Mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth thou art the great Creator and Governour of all Things who didst make all Things by the Word of thy Power and dost uphold the same by thy Providence who art the Omnipotent God Dwelling in the highest Heavens and hast Eternity for thy Habitation in that Light which is inaccessable to whom no mortal Eye can approach Infinite in all thy Attributes before whose Glorious Presence the Angels Cherubims and Seraphims those spotless Creatures do cover their Faces the Elders do cast down their Crowns Worshipping thee continually thou art Glorious in Majesty Fearfull in Praises doing Wonders God over all Blessed for evermore from Everlasting to Everlasting Infinitely Happy in the Injoyment of thine own Perfections and needest not the Services of any of thy Creatures and hast an innumerable Company of Angels Arch-Angels Cherubims Seraphims with the Spirits of Just Men and Women made Perfect all the Heavenly and Coelestial Host continually Celebrating thy Praise crying Holy Holy Holy Lord God Almighty which Was which Is and which is to come O where shall I appear that am Vile Sinful Dust and Ashes For Jesus Sake have Mercy upon me I confess that I am very sinful by Nature and more vile by Practice who am of the Seed of Evil Doers and have been a Transgressor from the Womb that I was Conceived in Sin Brought forth in Iniquity and my Life hath been as a continued Act of Sinning against thee as if I had been born for no other Purpose but to dishonour displease and disobey the God that Made me and to destroy that Immortal Soul for whom Christ dyed and the Lord world Save thou hast been very Gracious and Merciful to me in my Creation and Preservation but above all in the Lord Jesus Christ the Fountain and Foundation of all my Mercies and through whom I have Hopes of Eternal Salvation It is a Faithful Saying and worthy all Acceptation That Jesus Christ came into the World to Save Sinners Of whom I am chief and I am never able sufficiently to Admire Adore and Magnifie thy great Name for thy Infinite Love in the Lord Jesus thy Mercy Goodness and Condescention hath appeared in this that thou who art the Mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth a God of all Power Omnipotency it self shouldest find out a way to reconcile those great Attributes of thy Mercy and Justice through the Blood of thy Onely Begotten Son that so poor lost and undone Mortals might be Eternally Saved and this thou hast declared unto me Jesus Christ Crucified and for me who am less than the least of thy Mercies and this thou hast made known by thy Holy Gospel O the Height Length Depth and Breadth of thy Love in Jesus Christ it is above my Apprehension and Comprehension it is past my finding out lâ—t it be Matter of Eternal Praise in the Heavens and through him thou hast been pleased to afford me the meanes of Grace and Salvation in very plentiful manner thy Sabboths thy Word and Ordinances thy Holy and Blessed Spirit to assist me the Checks of my own Conscience and the Light of Nature to instruct me I have had Line upon Line Precept upon Precept here a little and there a little often hearing a Voice within and behind me saying This is the Way walk in it Thou hast lengthened out my Days and afforded me a large time to Repent in exercising thy Patience and Long-suffering towards me I have had large Experience of thy Goodness to lead me to an Amendment of Life and though in all Times Ages and Places thou hast shewed thy self highly displeased with Sin and Sinners yet thou hast been pleased to spare me and I have aggravated my Sins with hainous Circumstances the Angels when they sinned were cast down and are reserved in Everlasting Chains of Darkness made Monuments of thy Justice Wrath and Fury and there was never any Meanes found out for their Recovery Jesus Christ took not upon him the Nature of Angels but the Seed of Abraham my first Parents were banished out of Paradice for their Transgressions and the Old World for their Sin were drownded Sodom and Gomorhea once famous Places for their Sins felt the Divine Vengeance by Fire from Heaven and were consumed with an utter Overthrow yet thou hast spared me the chief of Sinners O Lord grant that thy Severity towards others and thy Goodness towards me may lead me to an Amendment of Life or how shall I escape to neglect such great Salvation O Lord thou hast been very gracious unto me by keeping me Mercifully in my Infancy Child-hood Youth Riper Age Manhood and Age thou hast taken Care of me when I took none of my self I have been Fed Cloathed and Led along by thy good Hand of Providence thou hast given me a Healthy Body a Sound Mind and a Large Memory my Diseases have been Cured I have been Fed both with the Vpper and Nether Springs thou hast not only given me Things convenient for this Life hut likewise the Mercies of Grace and Salvation leading to a better Life even to Life Everlasting thou hast preserved me in Prison beyond my Desert contrary to my Expectation when the World frowned upon me and I was forsaken by my Relations then the Lord was a Sun to comfort and a Shield to defend me thou hast been my present Help in time of Trouble my exceeding great Reward my All in All my God Alsufficient thou hast compassed me about with thy Salvation Songs of Deliverance thy Special Favours yea thou hast prevented me with thy very Loving Kindness I have been both Loaded and Cloathed with thy Mercies as with a Garment and they are more in number the very kinds of them than I am able to reckon up O Lord thou hast not only given me a Being but a comfortable and well Being to make me the more fit to Serve thee thou hast kept me from many Deaths and Dangers in the time of War thou didst preserve me from the Peril of the Bloody Sword when I deserved as much as any to have been cut off the Land of the Living thou hast preserved me by Land and by Water and in Forreign Parts from many Evils that I have been subject to thou hast kept me in the Times of Centagion and Visitation from the Noysom and Devouring Pestilence and other Distempers many that lived with me are gone to the Grave before me and as they are dead I am dying not knowing what a Day may bring forth my Breath is in my Nostrils and goes out every Moment and whensoever it shall be stopt I must dye
Sins for thy own Names-sake and thou desirest not the Death of a sinner but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and live and hast promised That at what time soever a sinner repenteth him of his sin from the bottom and ground of his Heart thou wilt put away his Wickedness out of thy sight and remember his Transgressions no more And it is a faithful Saying worthy of all Acceptation That Jesus Christ came into the World to save sinners Of whom I am chief O Lord I Believe help my Unbelief help me to Believe Repent and Obey for Jesus sake have Mercy upon me and work in me a godly Sorrow for my sins which may cause a true Repentance unto Salvation never to be repented of and for thy Names-sake pardon all my sins for thy Mercies-sake do away my Iniquities for thy Promise sake do not remember my Transgressions any more And for Jesus Christ his sake seal a free and a full Pardon of all my sins unto my Soul Say That thou art become my Salvation And let the blood of Jesus cleanse me from all sin Oh this is a great Request I beg who am unworthy of the least Mercy but I beg of thee for the sake of Jesus he is thy Beloved Son in whom thou art well pleased through whom thou canst not be offended he is my Saviour and died to save me according to the multitude of thy Compassions in the Lord Jesus deal with me in the pardoning of all my sins and let not sin nor Satan whom thou hatest destroy the Work of thy hands my Immortal Soul for whom Christ died furnish me with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and give me Believing Grace and Mercy Repenting Grace and Mercy Pardoning Grace and Mercy Restraining Grace and Mercy Comforting Grace and Mercy Renewing Grace and Mercy with Confirming Grace and Mercy Oh renew me in the Spirit of my Mind help me to redeem time because I have mispent much pretious time already and because the days are evil make me consider the shortness and uncertainty of my time I have but a Moment to work for Eternity e're long Death will come and I shall be in a future state then time will be no more and many have been taken off in their sins and for their sins that are now in an Eternal state of Wo. O teach me in this my Day to know the things that belong to my peace before they are hid from mine Eyes my day is already far spent and my Night is at hand I do not know what a Day may bring forth let me not therefore any longer defer my Amendment of Life after so long a time as it is called to day help me to up and be doing and work while it is called to day before the Night comes when none works help me to work out my Salvation with Fear and Trembling and let me be very diligent to make my Calling and Election sure the one thing needful even the Salvation of my Immortal Soul which is of everlasting Concernment that whatever I miscarry in I may not be mistaken in the great business of my Eternal Happiness to that end I most humbly pray thee again for Jesus Christ's sake to free me from the Power of all sin especially those that my Nature is most prone to such as do beset and overtake me daily and be pleased to discover unto me the Deceitfulness of my own Heart which is very naughty and above all things deceitful and desperately wicked the Thoughts and Imaginations of my Heart have been evil and only evil continually O Lord create in me a Clean and New Heart renew a right Spirit within me sanctifie my Nature and help me to sanctifie thee the Lord of Hosts and make thee my Fear and Dread that thou may'st be unto me a Sanctuary O be pleased to convince me of thine Omnisciency and Omniprescency strike me with an Awe and Fear of thy Presence make me to consider that where-ever I am whatever I am about thou knowest it who art a God of purer Eyes than to behold Sin with the least Approbation and that I have always about me an Immortal Soul and that it is against thee that I have sinned who art a Sin-hating and a Sin-revenging God and that I must very shortly appear naked before thy dreadful Tribunal to render an Account for all things done in the Flesh and 〈◊〉 râ—ceive my Eternal Doom from the Righteous Judge of â—ll the World O â—eaâ—h me with the Robes of Christs Righteousness leâ— his Meritorious Death and Passion satisfie thy Justice for my Sins let the Blood of Jâ—â—us clâ—anse me from all sin and make me circumspect in time to come lâ—t me be Sober Watchful and Vigilant because my Aiversary the Devil goeth about as a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour continually and my poor weak frâ—il Nature is ready to yield to every Temptation and Suggestion not able to think a good Thought O let thy Grace be sufficient for me let it shield me from all hurt cloath me with the Righteousness of my Jesus let me be girt with Truth and always shod with the Preparation of the Gospel but above all things give me the Shield of Faith the Breastplate of Righteousness a Helmit of Salvation with the Sword of the Spirit whereby I may be able to fight against the World the Flesh and the Devil resisting the Fiery Darts of Satan fighting against Principalities Powers and Spiritual Wickedness in High-Places let not the Gates of Hell nor Powers of Darkness prevail against me but let the Grace of God which hath so plentifully appeared toward me teaching to deny all Vngodliness and Worldly Lusts defend me O let me be redeemed from a Vain Conversation help me to bring forth fruits meet for Repentance worthy an Amendment of Life and let thy Holy Spirit seal me up unto the Day of Redemption make me holy here that I may be happy hereafter Oh make me such a one as thou wouldst have me and inable me to evidence unto my self the Assurance of my Justification by the fruits of my Sanctification thou hast promised That what soever shall be asked in thy Sons Name according to thy Will shall be granted Now Lord I know that this is thy Will even my Sanctification for Jesus sake sanctifie me thorowout and write upon my Heart Holiness to the Lord make me walk according to the Pattern of my Jesus who was Humble Holy and Obedient to thy Will in all things even to the death of the Cross make me to consider that I was Redeemed and bought with a Price not of corruptible Things as Silver and Gold but with the precious Blood of Jesus Christ therefore let me live to the Praise of him that hath so dearly bought me with his most pretious Blood let me walk like one that is Redeemed and Translated from Death to Life as one whose Life is hid with God in Christ that when he
who is my Life shall appear I may also appear with him in Glory O help me to walk as an Adopted Son of the mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth the Holy God as an Adopted Brother to the Holy Jesus my Loving Saviour Mighty Redeemer and the Captain of my Salvation as one that is in fellowship with God the Holy Ghast the Blessed Spirit my Mighty Comforter dayly Sanctifier and â—reserver Oh help me to walk as one that is in Communion with and related unto the most Holy and Blessed Trinity Let me never turn to Folly more nor dare to sin any more nor dishonour my Heavenly Relations but help me to walk worthy of the Price of my High-Calling pressing hard to the Mark adorning my Profession walking in all Well-pleasing daily growing in Grace from strength to strength til I shall appear in Zion in perfect beauty in Glory make me to persevere be constant and faithful to the death that so I may receive a Crown of Life Righteousness and Glory that fadeth not away To that end purpose O God wean me from the World take off my Affections from all perishing Vanities make me Heavenly Minded whil'st I am about Earthly Business let my Conversation be above where the Lord Jesus sitteth at thy Right-hand making Intercession for me let me be in earnest for thy Honour and Glory and the Salvation of my Immortal Soul O let me be upon the Wing Heavenward and carry me on upon Divine Principles help me to strive to enter into the Streight Gate Narrow is the Way that leads to Life and few there be that find it Broad is the Way that leads to Destruction and many there be that go in thereat and if the Righteous â—hall scarce be Saved where shall the Sinners and Vngodly appear Come Holy Ghost Eternal God Proceeding from the Father and Son take Possession of my Soul throw down all the Strong-holds of Sin and Satan bring me over unto a Universal Obedience in all Things to thy Heavenly Will O that my Ways were directed to keep thy Commandments then shall I not be ashamed when I have respect unto all thy Holy and most Righteous Laws which are not grievous as Flesh and Blood the World and Devils would perswade me thy Ways are Peace thy Paths Pleasantness in thy Presence is Fulness of Joy and at thy Right-hand are Rivers of Pleasures for evermore then let it be the joy of my Heart and rejoycing of my Soul to do thy Will help me to hate the Garment that is spotted with the Flesh shed abroad a Divine Love into my Heart and lay a Holy Constraint upon me to please thee in all Things O make me consider what great Things the Lord hath done for me who was once a Child of Wrath a Firebrand of Hell Heir to Eternal Death and Damnation but now by the Grace of God in Jesus Christ am become an Heir to an Eternal and Glorious Kingdom O let me be led unto it which way my Heavenly Father pleaseth it being assured to me by the great Charter of Heavenprecious Promises sealed by the Blood of Jesus the New Name and the White Stone O make me to know what the Lord hath done for my Soul and Body my Soul is Redeemed from Hell and my Body from the Grave and both Body and Soul from Eternal Damnation and all by the Blood of my Jesus and my Vile Body shall be made a Glorious Body and my Mortality shall put on Immortality be swallowed up in Life and I shall be a Co-heir with my Blessed Jesus O what shall I render unto the Lord for all his Benefits help me to take the Cup of Salvation and praise the Name of the Lord let me speak to thy Praise and live to thy Praise let my Heart be inlarged to shew it forth in my Generation and let it be Matter of Eternal Praises in the Heavenly Quire when I shall there be joyned with Saints Angels Arch-Angels Cherubiens Seraphims the Spirits of Just Men and Women made perfect all the Heavenly and Celestial Host to sing Hallelujahs and a New Song unto thy Divine Majesty for thy Love in Jesus Christ and in the mean time be pleased to accept of a Morning Sacrifice which thy poor Creature doth desire to offer up in Praise at this time with all humble sincerity most earnestly begging the Assistance of thy Grace blessed be thy Name for keeping me all my Days for my Creation Preservation and above all for ever ever ever blessed be thy Name for the Lord Jesus Christ the Fountain of all my Mercies and through whom I have comfortable Hope and Assurance of Eternal Salvation O let Christ be formed more and more in me and blessed be thy Name for all Temporal Favours for keeping me the Night past for refreshing me with the Comforts of Rest and Sleep and hast kept me from all sad Accidents when thou mightest have made my Bed my Grave and my Sleep my Death but blessed be thy Name whose Compassions never fail thy poor Creature who hast raised me this Morning in good Condition of Health Strength Mind and Memory and being thus brought to the beginning of this day defend me O Lord in the same by thy Almighty Power grant that I may fall into no Sin nor run into any kind of Danger but that all my Doings may be ordered by thy Governance to do that which is righteous in thy Sight through Jesus Christ O Lord have mercy upon thy whole Church inlarge the Kingdom of Grace hasten the Kingdom of Glory send forth thy Word with thy Power thorow the whole World propagate the Gospel and hasten the Kingdom of Glory remember thy Antient People the Jews bring in the Fulness of the Gentiles give the Heathen for thy Sons Inheritance and the utmost Parts of the Earth for his Possession let all Kingdoms of the World become the Lord Christs and let every Scepter submit to his Royal Scepter that the Earth may be filled with the Knowledge of the Lord as the Waters cover the Sea and be gâ—atiously pleased to bless this Sinful Nation of England pardon our Crying Sins heal our Breaches compose our Differences give us a true Repentance and Amendment of Life and be merciful unto us O Lord save the King pour down the choisest of thy Blessings upon his Head and Heart make his Life long his Reign prosperous keep him from the hands of his Enemies let his Life be prerious in thy Sight give him Wisdom and Courage from above make him as an Angel of God to go in and eut before the People over whom thou hast set him and when thou shalt put an end to his Mortal Life Crown him in thy Everlasting Kingdom in Glory Bless him in his Royal Relations our Gracious Queen Katherine James Duke of York and aâ—l â—he Royal Family endue them with thy holy Spirit inrich them with thy Heavenly 〈◊〉 prosper them with all Happiness and bring them to thy Everlasting Kingdom Bâ— pâ—easâ—â—â— to bless all our Privy-Councellors Rulers and Judges teach our Senators Wisdom and the true Fear of the Lord make them Zealous for thy Honour and Glory the Advancement of true Religion Piety and Vertue the Honour and Safety of the King and Kingdom Bless all the Magistrates of this Realm give them Grace to execute Justice and maintain Truth and be pleased to pour down a double Portion of thy Blessings upon the Ministers of thy Word and Sacraments the Clergy of this Land by what Names or Titles soever they are dignified or distinguished make them found in their Doctrine and Exemplar in their Lives let them shine like Stars in the Firmament and let their Light so shine besore Men that seeing their good Works others may glorifie thee the Heavenly Father and O Lord look down in much Mercy upon all Degrees of Men Women and Children of this Nation grant that we may all live in thy Faith and Fear in due Obedieuce and Loyalty to the King and his Laws and in Brotherly-Love and Affection to one another O Lord bless all my Relations especially my Wise and Child pardon their Sins and save their Souls make them near and dear unto thy self season their tender Years with thy Grace and Fear be their satiable good in every Condition and if it be thy blessed Will bring us together again that we may Serve thee better than sormerly we have done and if it shall seem good unto thee O Lord find out a way for my Deliverance out of Prison not mine but thy Will be done O God I have found that thy Service is perfect Freedom and thy Favour is better than Life help me to order my Conversation aright that I may see more of thy Salvation let my ways please thee that my Enemies may be at Peace with me however let all tend to the purging out of Sin making me more fit to enjoy Communion with thee here and eternally hereafter vouchsafe O Lord to keep me this day without Sin keep me in thy Fear diâ—ert me in thy Truth let thy Spirit lead me that I may not offend with my Tongue let me be silent rather than sin and never repine at thy Providence fit me for my future Being make me mindful of Death and let me always have the Assurance of thy Favour which is better than Life G God whose Nature and Property is ever to have Mercy and to forgive receive my humble Petitions and though I am tied and bound with the Chain of my Sin yet let the great pittifulness of thy Mercy loose me for the Honour of my Advocate and Mediator Jesus Christ to whom with thee O Father thy Holy and Blessed Spirit be ascrided and given from the bottom of my Heart and from all Creatures all possible Honour Glory Power Praise Might Majesty Adoration Dominion and what-ever can be Imagined or expressed from this time forth and for evermore Amen Our Father which art in Heaven Hallowed be thy Name Thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven c. FINIS
of thy Servant to sucoour me in my distress and to comfort me with thy Mercies Lord evermore feed me with this Manna and refresh me with the Springs of the Water of Life shew at all times some of thy Mercy to me that my Enemy Satan who laboureth to disquiet me may be ashamed because thou art with me always to succour me If ye will mark and consider you shall find that the Children of God in all their Temptations are not so much Doers with their Will as Sufferers against their Will this Cogitation coming in my Mind suddenly Comfort did spring in the midst of my Trouble God giving me Grace to understand that these Motions wherewith I am troubled were not so many Actions done by me for in truth I do neither like nor allow of them but as Spiritual Oppressions of my Enemy who still warreth against me sometimes with Armies of Fears sometimes with Armies of Doubtings and with Armies of unclean and wandring Motions and sometimes with Bands and Troops of Worldly Cares making Invasion upon my Soul and labouring to quench the sparks of Spiritual Life which the Lord had begun in me therefore answer for me O Lord for I suffer Violence my Enemy would oppress me but Lord my hope is ever in thee succour me with thy strength and I shall live and Lord impute not to me any of those sinful Motions which mine Enemy raiseth against me and in me to destry my Soul Consider this wisely O my Soul and remember it God that hath entred thee into this Warfare and is a Spectator and Helper will never reckon up to thee Satans Deeds for thine and learn thou wisely how to distinguish them and faint not for them but comfort thy self as long as thou art able to stand to thy Pretestation that thou dost suffer Violence in them and canst say with the Apostle This is not I but Sin that dwelleth in me O Lord deliver me from the rage of this Tyranny many a time have I looked to have been swallowed up of him but thou hast sustained me Blessed be my God for ever and the Lord be my strength to the end O Lord how can it be possible that my Soul can live here in this absense from thee or walk in the midst of these continual Snares or stand against these raging Temptations except it please thee now and then to sheâ— thy Face unto me Joseph 's State in Prison was not so heavy as mine his Temptations in Potiphar's House were not so continual as mine are And Daniel 's Fear in the midst of the Lions was no greater than mine who every day tasted of a thousand Deaths Jeremiah in a dark Dungeon was not vexed with such Horrors as dayly gather themselves together about and against me the only comfort of my Soul is in the multitude of thy Mercies thou wert with Joseph and therefore the Prison was the more pleasant to him than Potiphar 's Palace Thou wert with Daniel and therefore the raging Lions were peaceable to him O Lord be with me and increase thy strength in my Soul and it shall live though the time be not yet come that I shall appear in thy Presence and see thee yet Lord let me have in this Land of my Pilgrimage those glances of thy sweet and loving Countenance that may sustain me for thou Lord art able to let me see as much joy in thy sweet Face in one hour as may sustain me for ever and without this sight how can my Faith but fail my Hope but hover and my Life but languish Therefore O Lord hide not thy Face from my Soul for ever but as thou dost acquaint my Soul with Troubles so let me see at all times that as my Sufferings do abound in me so my Consolations may abound through Jesus Christ I know thou always beholdest me in Mercy but Lord let me see that thou look'st upon me that I may feel thy Mercies sweet unto my Soul and let me find every day by good Experience that Jesus Christ is formed in me and inable me to live a holy Life here so that I may live with thee a happy Life hereafter in thy Heavenly Kingdom for ever IF thou art Learned be also pious for Learning sanctified is an Ornament to Grace but Learning corrupted is an Advocate for the Devil Call in mind and oftentimes examine thy self arcounting thy self by thy Thoughts Words and Deeds especially after much Business Discourses Pastimes c. Silence is commendable in things that appertain not to thee to the end thou mayst the better call to mind the Sufferings of a Crucifi'd Saviour If God hath blessed thee with an Estate relieve thy Brother and so live as having little yet possessing all things for remember that Meat Drink and Cloaths are the Riches of a Christian and since Christ gave Himself for thee well mayst thou give some Fruits of thy Labour to those that are his let Death be oft-times the Subject of thy Meditations yield thy self wholly to God if thou art poor and hast nothing to requite him with but thy Prayers and thy self yet if thou givest thy self to his disposal thou then givest all thou hast the Apostles left their Ships and their Nets the poor Widdow gave only her two Mites to the Poor-mans-Box and she was preferred before a wealthy Craesus He easily disposeth all things of this World that doth but remember that he must dye In open Assemblies use not always Spiritual Things least thou shalt be thought singular except thou mayst edifie others and by thy Example stir them up to the like on all Occasions prefer the Glory of God and his Service above all things be a Comfort to the afflicted reconcile Differences visit the Sick and Imprisoned and forget not to relieve the Poor and Needy above all things have fervent Love for Love shall cover a multitude of sins fast one day in a Month or oftner if the strength of thy Body will bear it and remember to distribute thine Alms for fasting and Alms are the Wings of Prayer if Perturbations or Discontents arise in thy Mind apply thy self to Prayer go not to thy Rest in Wrath least thou givest the Common Enemy to Mankind an opportunity to surprize thee beware of inordinate Cares least you dishonour or deny God for such Cares are needless bruitish bootless and heathenish What need we care when our Heavenly Father knoweth that we have need of these things and saith Be careful for nothing but let us cast our Cares upon him for he careth for us consider the Fowls of the Air and Ravens that he feeds they toil not Which of you by taking care can add one Cubit to his Stature or Penny to his Estate for after these things the Gentiles seek repent dayly let not the Devil have the Flower of thy Age and God the Bran. The Spirit of Prayer is far more precious than Treasures of Gold and Silver Despise not the Ministers of Christ for
a Request to make that is considerable to an Earthly King must not approach without a Present in his Hand but my great Request is to the King of Kings to whose Laws I have been disobedient false to his Government refractory to his Summons and ungrateful to his former Favours and what can I offer him that needs nothing and what can I give him whose both my self and all that I have are His Favour inheed is so sweet so desirable and so universal a Comprehension of all happiness that I could freely give all I have or may procure for the Purchase of it But the whole World is Vanity to him neither can such Triffles blind his Eyes or bind his Hands buy his Mercy to the Unworthy or avert his Judgments from the Sinner I would methinks expose my Body to the sharpest Torments my Soul to the heaviest Sorrows and my Life to the cruellest of Tyrants and would account it a happy purchase if I were sure of his Everlasting Mercies afterwards But it cost more to redeem a Soul I can give nothing but what is his already and I can suffer nothing but what I have deserved What then O where shall I have a Peace-Offering which may not be despised I am told that there is nothing more acceptable than a Broken Heart 'T is strange Can a Heart polluted with the Guilt and inflamed with the Power of Sin slow to begin and unable to perform any thing that is good but vigorous to desire and unwearied to pursue all evil Can a Heart shaken with Fears torn to pieces with Terrours and even a Terrour to it self miserable and poor blind and naked can this Heart be a fit Sacrifice for so Glorious and All-seeing so Holy and Pure a God Can he like that whieh I abhor my self Alas it cannot be But let me recall that rash hasty word for he hath said it who best knows what will please himself and if he vallues it then it is worthy for the true worth of any thing is to be judged by his Esteemation of it who knows but such a broken Heart may be a greater Evidence of his Power and Mercy a fitter Instrument of his Praise and Glory a plainer Table to describe his Grace and draw his Image on than any other Such a Heart I have and if this will serve I am happy I will give it freely to thee O Lord who despisest not the meanest Gifts if there be sincerity in the Giver It was broken before with Fear but now it will be dissolved with Love I am ashamed it is no better but thy Mercy is the greater in accepting it and it will become better by being thine Oh how am I filled with Admiration on the Freeness and Fullness of thy Mercies in comparison of which the greatest humane Compassion is and seems to be Cruelty I dare proclaim it that in thee are all the Mercies in the World united and thou art Mercy it self in the highest Degree If my Disobedience and my Negligence Contempts and Ingratitudes could have seperated thee from thy Mercy I had now met thee in thy Fury taking Vengeance without Pitty for I have seemed to live as if I had designed to dare thee to turn thy self away from me and to try thy utmost Patience the least part of which business would have turned my best Friends in the World against me but behold the Mercies of my God continue still O let me have the shame of an ungrateful Sinner and let thy Name have the Glory of an inexpressable Pitty even to those who are almost ashamed to ask Pardon yea let me to whom thou hast shewed so much Compassion have the Honour to be an Instance of thy Goodness to all the World And have I such a Father Why then do I lye still with this Load of Guilt upon my Soul And with this heavy Burthen of Sorrow upon my Spirit What do I get by these Complaints but waste my Time and double my Misery by sad Reflections I can neither have Help from my self nor any Creature but my Father alone to whom Mercies are as proper as Miseries are to me and if I through Fear and Sorrow sit still here and starve I shew not so much Pitty to my self as he would have for me if he saw my distress Wherefore I will arise and go to him though I think that I shall scarce have the face to ask him more since I spent the last so ill I shall be ashamed to tell him how base I have been but as I was not ashamed when I did evil so I must have shame when I suffer the shame of its desert I will go bathed with Tears blushing for shame accusing my self and relying on the Bowels of a Father and will beg only so much Mercy as may banish despair and if I may have this will be content tho I be not entertained with assurance and certain Expectations for the least favourable Look is more than I have deserved yet behold upon the first sight of the returning Prodigal who came unsent for driven home by his own Miseries his tender Father runs to meet him takes the Words out of his Mouth and receives him with all the Demonstrations of his Love and the Carresses of his dear Affections and is my God less merciful he who hath invited me so often and promised me so largely I have done ill to stay so long but I will go now low in my Desires and high in my Expectations sorrowing for mine Offences and begging his Mercies and I hope though I carry no merits of my own to his Justice yet I carry miseâ—y enough to make his Bowels of Compassion yearn upon me then I cannot perish Is it possible I should be all this while deluded so grosly as to imagine my Eyes to be opened my Ways direct and full of Light when indeed my Eyes are shut my feet are wrong and my Mind is overspred with Aegyptian Darkness of a stupid Ignorance Thy Word O Lord is a Light to my Feet and a Lanthorn to my Pathes not only to shew me which is the right way but to let me know when I am in the wrong But I have given my self to false Guides who least I should enquire after the right way would never acquaint me that I was wandring from it had I followed them still I had stumbled ere this on the threshold of Hell whil'st I expected to have arrived at the Gates of Heaven O blessed be thy Name I now see that I have been straying from the Fountain of all true Happiness and have been in vain seeking Content where it is not to be found till the Disappointment drives me to seek it where it is to be had if I had not been a Stanger to my own Heart I had not been so far out of the right way but I have supposed my self to be clear only because I never considered wherein I was guilty and have flattered my self with the
pleasing Thoughts of my own Innocence so that I have been so secure as if I had been really guiltless I have been glad to spare my self and have flattered my self with the pleasing Thoughts of my own Ignorance I have been glad to spare my self of a further Enquiry most foolishly accounting this a Peace which was no other but want of a sense of my own danger I find my chief design hath been to seem to be good and to perswade my self that I was so that I might be the more at quiet in the ways of Evil and might not be accused of my own Conscience and allaramed by the most dreadful Threatnings which I supposed did not belong to me But alas how miserable would the end of that self-deceit have been For thou O my God didst see and wouldst have condemned me for all my Blasphemous Thoughts and Repinings against thee my malitious and envious Thoughts against thee and my Neighbour thou heardst all those vain and filth words that I uttered with my Mouth those deceitful unjust and cruel uncharitable Works which I committed with my Hands thou sawest yea all that Formality and Hypocrisy Ambition and Pride Lust and Covetuousness that lay in the secret Corners of my Heart was apparent in thy sight and what did it avail me not to see them thy Vengeance would have once as certainly and more terribly because it was not expected It is strange I should not see this vast heap before but surely I have shut my eyes wilfully lest I should discern that which I was loath to believe and unwilling to amend but now I see my Inquities by thy Mercy and believe I have offended thee as much by my Hypocrisy in the concealing them as by my Disobedience in committing them therefore I will ingeniously confess because the graciousness of thy Nature the truth of thy Promises and the Satisfaction of the Lord Jesus are sufficient to procure a Pardon for me who dare so trust in thy Mercy so far as to become my own Accuser Yea my God since thou hasâ— so graciously convinced me of the Evil and Damage of those Courses I have taken I will not rest in a bare Confession that I am in the Wrong but by thy Grace will turn me into the Right Way and will utterly forsake all these my Follies thy Mercy indeed is great enough to forgive me upon my Humble Acknowledgments but to live in my Sin is as inconsistent with my Happiness as it is with thy holy Laws Therefore O my Soul he that desires thy Felicity will not forgive the old Score unless thou cease to run further in Debtâ— Dost thou not see that whil'st thou goest on in Sin thou art in the Way unto Eternal Death and beside art already dead to all Divine Comforts as to the sense of them and Buried alive in Lusts and Pleasures thy Flesh intombs thy precious Soul that is thus made wretched and the Grave-Cloths of vile Affections binds the Hand and Foot from moving towards God or breathing in the pure Air of Heavenly Meditations and canst thou like to stay in this filthy Place still when thou didst not see thy Misery no wonder if thou countedst this Dungeon and Vault a Pallace but now thou must abhor it when Jesus calls and saith Lazarus come forth Dost thou find the more thou followest these the less thou lovest God hast seldom any Converse with him slower Motions towards him and meaner Thoughts of him return then from these Evil Paths for now thou knowest the dead are there do not only seek a Pardon from him but desire a Communion with him who is thy Strength and Life thy Joy and Happiness and will be glad of thy Recovery that forgetting all thy Unworthiness formerly he will make thee happy hereafter there is nothing can hinder thee unless thou lovest thy Sins so well that thou wilt not forsake them and carest so little for God that thou hadst rather dye without him than live with him Holily here and Eternally Happily hereafter it had been well with my Soul if all this while my safty had been equal to my Confidence for none ever thought themselves more secure tho there was no other ground for it but only because I was not resolved to take the pains not to behold my Danger I have multiplyed my Transgressions and lived in Sins unamended yea un-repented of and therefore have had the drawn Sword of Divine Vengeance hanging over my guilty Head by the slender thread of my uncertain Life which every thing can snap in sunder yet have I wilfully shut mine eyes choosing rather to feel the Eternal Smart of it than to behold the dreadful sight which would have long time terrified me into an amendment and have snatcht me from under the approaching Ruine What prodigious Folly hath seized on me What stupid Lazines hath benummed me Are the Pains of escaping greater than the Pains of Suffering Or will the Blow be the lighter because I resolve neither to see it nor avoid it Awake my Soul while there is a Possibility to prevent thy Ruine thy Sins are so numerous and so hainous that thou canst not be ignorant of them the Threatnings of Gods Wrath are so plain and positive that thou mayst see plainly that they aim at thee thy Conscience cryes so loud that thou canst not but hear it and Gods Holy Spirit pleads still so powerfully that thou must take so much Pains to exclude these Friends as would serve to turn out thy Enemies surely God gave me not Wit and Understanding to make a plauceable Cover for the eyes of my Conscience or to contrive Bulwarks of Excuses to entrench my sins in safety and yet I unhappy Wretch have been ingenious in nothing so much as in plotting the Ruine of my precious Soul and designing to perish undisturbed behold and blush to see how and where holy David lies covered with Shame and drowned in his Tears quite overwhelmed with Sorrow not able through Fear and Sorrow to take his Eyes off that one Offence whil'st thou a far greater Sinner art careless and unconverted he sets his sins before his own Face and God he throws them behind his Back when the sight of them will not conduce to the obtaining of my Pardon but the Aggravation of my Eternal Misery the sight of them indeed is most unpleasant the Object odious and ungrateful but the Benefit will most abundantly recompence the Trouble and if I behold them now so as to repent of them I shall see them no more for ever I will Imitate therefore this holy Man and ever view the Guilt and Danger of them that I may humbly confess them with Sorrow and obtain a Pardon for them my wretched Heart hath taken pleasure in the Committing them and it shall have Vexation in Reflecting on them for I will not take my eyes off from them till the horrid Aspect of my grievous Iniquities have humbled my Soul for them and turned my