THE CAPTIVE Taken from the STRONG OR A true Relation of the gratious release of Mistrisse Deborah Huish by the Arm of the Almighty from under the Power of the Tempter by whose firy Conflicts she had been sorely vexed for about fourteen years as it was Faithfully written from her own mouth BY WILLIAM ALLEN Late Adjutant-General in Ireland He brought me up also out of an horrible Pit out of the miry Clay and set my feet upon a Rock and established my goings And he hath put a new Song in my mouth even praise unto our God Many shall see it and fear and shall trust in the Lord. Psal 40.2 3. I will never forget thy Precepts for with them thou hast quickened me Psal 119.93 London Printed for Livewel Chapman at the Crown in Popes-head-Alley 1658. To the Christian READER READER THou hast here a true Narrative of the various and wonderful dealings of the Lord with this his poor Hand-maid now made rich in Faith through grace after fourteen years exercise under great horrour and soul-dismaying distresse as it was taken from her own mouth at several times by my self since the Lord by his grace inlarged her heart causing her thus to speak to his praise The matter herein contained needs not Epistles of commendation at least from one so weak and unworthy as my self who to my grief and shame may say have not yet attained to the least part of this rich portion the Lord hath bless'd her soul with And indeed the whole is an Epistle that may be seen and read by all discerning Christians to have been written on her heart by the Spirit of the living God which I hope will more commend it to every gracious soul then any thing from man can do though when I call to mind the deep distresses of soul I have known her in for some years pass'd with the gratious deliverance the Lord hath now wrought for her agreeable to that pray'd for in Psal 126.4 O Turn again our captivity O Lord as the streams in the south and fulfilling that pretious promise in the 5. and 6. verses of that Psal They that sow in tears shall reap in joy c. I may truely say I am in my own thoughts as to the gratious surprizing nature of this special mercy even as one that dreams Reader be not offended at the homely dresse this comes forth in either as to often repetitions of the same things with little variation the want of Oratory eloquence or what else the wisedom of this world calls ornament this being intended chiefly for the use of those that little mind such things it was judged it 's own natural simple Attire would best become it Besides this gratious soul since her rescue out of Satans power hath been under very frequent and renewed assaults from him who hath set upon her often with the same temptation and the Lord hath taught her to use the same Weapons he gave her at the first with great successe to oppose him at those several times which were thought necessary to be set down accordingly as appears more particularly in the insuing Narrative That so the Devil 's restlesse malice to disturbe and destroy and the Lord's continued faithfulnesse to succour and deliver might the better be observed But if it be substance thou seekest and that will satisfie I dare be bold to say thou wilt here find it yea rich treasure though in a poor earthen Vessel which will render the praise of this pretious mercy more properly due to God unto whom alone it belongs She was when she declared these things much in that frame of Spirit mentioned in 1 Cor. 2.3 In weaknesse in fear and in much trembling And her speech though plain and mean thou wilt find in some measure answering that in the fourth verse of that second Chapter viz. in the demonstration of the Spirit and of Power And of whom I may further say she delights not to make a fair shew in the flesh but rather to be found glorying onely in the cross of Christ Jesus by which the world is crucified unto her and she much crucified unto the world The ends of Publishing this Narrative next to giving the glory of this mercy to the Lord to whom alone it is due are first to warn sinners especially such as make a mock at sin as in Prov. 14.9 to take heed how they make light of that which the Lord can and frequently doth make so weighty when he binds it on the conscience of the sinner as in the insuing Narrative more at large appears which I desire such may with fear and trembling read and consider well If God did so deal with this green Tree what then may be expected he will do to the drie ones that so if possible such might be stopped in their Carreer in wayes of sin and Ruine and caused to return by this poor souls sad experience who having indeed known the terrours of the Lord doth declare them to that end that she may perswade men But secondly and more especially that poor drooping disconsolate discouraged souls who are or may be ready to faint under the weight of their Iniquities and just displeasure of the Lord discovered against them who by reason thereof may be ready to say as in Lament 3.18 That their strength and hope is perished from the Lord and as in Isai 49.14 That the Lord hath forsaken them might hereby be succored supported and incouraged to look towards the Lord and the strength and length of those everlasting Armes mentioned in Deut. 33.27 Which may be underneath when not discerned as in this poor souls case they were encompassing and upholding though not comforting her when she expected nothing but the stretching them out to her eternal ruine In her fourteen years dangerous Voyage through such a tempestuous troubled Sea when all that time as it were neither Sun Moon nor Stars appeared and her soul with continual Billows going over it was sorely afflicted tossed with tempest and not comforted yet he whose way is in the waters and his footsteps in the great deeps was then with her as in Isai 43.2 when thou passest thorow the waters I will be with thee c. Checking the proud Waves and as is said Job 38.11.8 Hitherto shalt thou come but no further and here shall thy proud waves be staid and his thoughts towards her even all this time as in Jer. 29.11 Thoughts of peace and not of evil c. and doubtlesse shall also in due time appear to be the same towards all his poor tossed troubled ones who for the present may walk in darknesse and see no light as in Isai 50.10 and yet he that hath promis'd to bring the blind by a way that they know not as in Isa 42.16 is leading them in the return in that path mentioned Jer. 31.9 They shall come with weeping and with supplications will I lead them c. And surely such shall have cause in the end with
against all Impenitent Rejectors of him of which number I was one and looking on him as a God of infinite power able to cast me into Hell in a moment and I remaining a Subject of his wrath in a state of unbelief it made me fear exceedingly but withal considering that still to remain in this condition nothing but destruction could be expected as also that there was no flying from his presence before whom all places persons and things are open and bare and from whom nothing can be hid Hell and destruction being open and known to him how much more the hearts of the Sons of Men I hence concluded my condition to be exceeding sad and then considering what a Rebel I had been setting at nought his counsels and casting his Laws behind my back yea despising hating and contemning him it made me afraid to go to him But seeing no way to go from him and my self in this desperate condition I must needs be ruin'd by him if I came not unto him He at last led me to this resolution of flying to him begging mercy at his hands for the sake of Christ as one who saw my self in the High-way to Hell and knowing that his right hand would easily find out all his Adversaries that had hated and opposed him So that there would be no escaping but by flying to Christ there being NO OTHER NAME UNDER HEAVEN GIVEN FOR SALVATION UNTO POOR SINNERS BUT THIS ONELY And so out of this great depth I was inabled to look towards his holy Temple crying to him for mercy without which I saw I was undone for ever so I continued crying to him and striving with my own soul to hope that the Lord would for Christs sake shew mercy to me because he had shewed mercy to very vile sinners though I knew none so vile as I being the chief of sinners having long despised and rejected that mercy that then I sought yet seeing what a woefull condition I should for ever be in without it I cryed to him for it and then had some Meditations given in of the way of God's shewing mercy considering how he had found out a way for mercy and truth to meet together in Christ for the Salvation of poor sinners yea the chief of sinners and the Lord brought at that time some passages to my remembrance that I had heard about the City of refuge provided in the time of the Law which was then minded typed out Christ as the City of refuge prepared of God for poor pursued sinners to flie unto from that wrath that all would be else concluded under to Eternity And the Lord also was gratiously pleased to enable me to have recourse to Christ as the onely refuge left for my poor soul begging hard for mercy upon his account and the account of what he had done and suffered for such poor sinners as I was and I was helpt also to consider the large extent of his mercy to the vilest of sinners and suddenly after I was gratiously helpt to hope in his mercy and supported and incouraged from that good word then brought with power upon my soul (p) John 3.7 He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out which did greatly support me in good hopes of mercy from him and after that this other good word was brought in with great power upon my heart (q) Heb. 7.25 Wherefore he is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him seeing he ever lives to make intercession for them This also added much to the ground of my hope in his mercy that though I had been such a Rebel and great transgressor as I had been yet he having said he would in no wise cast out any that came to him was able to save to the uttermost it much upheld and comforted my soul in looking towards him Another Scripture brought in at the same time to my heart was (r) Esai 43.12 13. I am God and besides me there is no Savior I will work and none shall let it whence I was inabled to believe that he was able to do all things by the word of his power and to break through all oppositions that stand in his way that he was able to break down every strong hold and subject every high thought to his obedience I then had Meditations of the heights and depths lengths and bredths of that infinite mercy that was in Jesus Christ and the Lord by such Meditations on his holy word did greatly incourage strengthen and raise up my poor weak unworthy soul very often and powerfully repeating these Scriptures last mentioned over and over to my poor soul and now was my soul greatly refreshed in hopes of his mercy to me but a little after the same night Her first Assault after comfort received I was sorely assaulted again to call in question all the hopes I had of mercy from the Lord in the sense of which I was made to cry yea roar out in bitter distress to the Lord striving not to let go my hold but to call to mind what he had before spoken Namely That those that come to him he will in no wise cast out together with the rest of the Scriptures before mentioned given in at first for my incouragement and the Lord again in this sore conflict brought in all those Scriptures afresh upon my heart and so relieved me gratiously at this time also Her second Assault But yet the tempter continued his assaults tempting me yet to cast off my confidence in the Lord as also to blaspheme God But the Lord upheld me by putting and keeping under his everlasting Armes By which I was stayed upon him trusting in him and was not left to the will of mine Enemy but was inabled still to hope in his mercy and hang upon that word of his promise He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out then the Lord was pleased eminently to proclaim his name unto my soul The Lord the Lord God pardoning iniquity transgression and sin And thus I was inabled through his infinite mercy and by his Almighty Power to stay my self upon him by hoping still in his mercy for ever blessed be his name And the same Scriptures were kept on my heart all the first day of the week following with great life and power succouring me against Satans temptations that this day also I was assaulted with sometimes to cast away my confidence as aforesaid from thoughts of what I had been and done against Christ but the Lord inabled me to withstand that temptation also by his good word in which he had caused me to trust namely He that comes to me I will in no wise cast out As also that he would work and none should let So that I went to God through Christ desiring he would inable my soul to follow hard after him begging in order thereto that he would uphold me causing my soul to
consumed which was because he had made an everlasting Covenant on my behalf in Christ Jesus my Lord in all things well ordered and sure and that he was ever mindful of his Covenant Oh! this was sweet and this even this was the reason I was not cast off in my rebellions because he hath loved me with an everlasting love therefore with loving kindnesse hath he drawn me and that for his own name sake he deferr'd his anger that he cut me not off nor did he retain his anger for ever because mercy pleased him he delighted to be gratious The coming in of these did even satisfie my soul as with Marrow in the thoughts of his infinite Eternal unchangeable love Which I saw indeed was the reason of my not being consumed because he is God and changeth not and in his protection and infinite love and mercy my soul did now rejoyce seeing its safety under the shadow of his Wings believing I should for ever be kept by him and he would uphold me with the right hand of his righteousnesse and would never fail nor forsake me but would rest in his love The sixth day I was kept up much in the sense of love peace and joy afforded me the night before from God my gratious Father my soul still trusting in his word with which he had refreshed and supported me And still I was inabled to believe to my great comfort That his word should endure for ever from which word last mentioned I have been inabled to plead with God in my conflicts after this manner Lord thou hast promised that they that come to thee thou wilt in no wise cast out and if so then canst thou not turn away from doing thy people good but wilt according to thy good word sprinkle them with clean water and from all their idols and Iniquities thou wilt cleanse them yea thou wilt take away the stony heart and give them hearts of Flesh with thy Laws writen in them and thy fear put so into their inward parts as they shall not depart from thee this Lord is thy word in which thou hast caused my soul to trust Thus have I been inabled to plead his new Covenant-mercy to my souls support and upholding in straits blessed be his name This night I had a good nights rest and was much refresh'd on the seventh day in the morning with thoughts much enlarged upon the great good laid up by the Lord for them that fear him and had many promises presented afresh to my soul for future encouragement so that I was inabled through his grace to admire his infinite love in Jesus Christ and to have my soul fully satisfied in that onely and to testifie my satisfaction therein by desiring and endeavouring for ever to be to the praise of his rich grace made known to me by being dedicated wholly to his service Whose workmanship I am being created in Christ Jesus to good works to the end we should walk in them Giving glory and honour to Christ Who alone is worthy to receive it from us having redeemed us out of all kindreds and tongues c. and having wash'd us in his own Blood and made us Kings and Priests unto God the Father and we shall Reign for evermore I also considered it was for this end that he gave himself to redeem us that we might be a peculiar people to himself zealous of good works And to this end I desired My soul might have Fellowship with him in his death sufferings and resurrection being made conformable to him in his death and raised up and brought forth by the power of his Spirit in the Fellowship of his resurrection Fifth Assault from Satan But this seventh day at night I was again assaulted with blasphemous thoughts and tempted to slighty and low thoughts af all his grace and love made known to me And was seized with much fear as I am usually in all these conflicts lest I should be overcome and dishonour God by hearkning consenting to the suggestions of his and my Enemy But the Lord this night also was not wanting to me but did uphold me in waiting upon him inabling me to seek to him rest upon him his word in which he had caused my soul to trust And in this way he came in to me manifesting himself exceeding gratious to my relief and helped me to vanquish those temptations giving me strength against them and inabling me to speak to his praise what he had done for my soul to the end it might be recorded yet when I came this night to speak of these things that so they might be recorded I was much afraid I should not be able being much straitened and shut up but the Lord opened my heart and my mouth spake through his assistance to his praise The seventh day at night I went to bed late and when I awaked in the morning the Lord made my Meditations of him to be sweet to me causing me much still to rejoyce in the love of God my Saviour My first Meditation being of his infinite love and wisdom in finding out a way for recovering and reconciling poor lost fallen man to himself and such a way wherein mercy and truth might meet together righteousnâ—sse and peace might kâ—sse each other And this Scripture was much on my heart g 1 Joh. 1.9 If we confesse our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins And that was sweet to see it was not onely mercy but faithfulnesse and justice to forgive sins unto poor penitent sinners for the sake of Christ The Mediator between God and man in whom God saw himself and Justice fully satisfied and the poor believer might see himself fully acquitted as if he had not sinned And all this I saw as the Fruit of Christs death and resurrection he having in our stead fully discharged our debts which we else could never have satiâ—fied by whom onely we receive the Atonement I had also a far more pretious and inlarged discovery of these things then I am now able to mention with many choice Scriptures brought to my mind as to this head Namely (h) Psalm 68.18 Thou hast ascended on high Thou hast led captivity captive Thou hast received gifts for men yea for the rebellious also that the Lord God might dwell among them and that by Christ all hand-writings that were against us were taken out of the way and nailed to his Cross who hath spoiled principalities and Powers triumphing over them openly And that by him the sting of death and strength of the Law were taken away According to his good word (i) 1 Cor. 15.55 56 57. Oh Death I will be thy death O Grave I will be thy destruction The sting of death is sin and the strength of sin is the Law But thanks be to God who giveth us the Victory through our Lord â—esus Christ Oh! these Scriptures were FOOD AND STRENGTH to my soul At this time also
this late redeemed captive and other pretious ones to admire the Riches of God's infinite grace and say as in Rom. 11.33 O the depth of the Riches both of the wisedom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgements and his wayes past finding out And in the mean time may hereby be helped to put some check to their own troubled thoughts at least so far as not to make them as is too usual the Rule and measure of those infinite transcendent thoughts and wayes of God towards them And truely the bringing forth of such a glorious work as this out of such a barren Womb of apprehended impossibilities when even Faith hopes and hearts of the strongest failed concerning it I cannot but think was given in at such a season to raise our Faith and hope in the Lord by looking upon this signal mercy at a pledge and pattern of what God will yet do not onely for poor disconsolate souls in like conditions but also for the recovery and raising his publicke works so far gone back in these Nations in this sad declining day as causeth many of Zions Friends to speak sadly and doubtfully of them as they of Christ Luke 24.20 21 22 23. Who were sad in the sense of his being taken from them as in v. 17. and to be mourning as Mary in John 20.13 And some of them are ready to faint with crying Lord how long and Help Lord as in Psal 12.1 While their Enemies insult as in Lament 2.16 Saying Certainly this is the day that we looked for And as in Psa 35.20 21. are devising deceitful matters against them that are quiet in the Land and yet are subject to say as in Jer. 50.7 They offend not c. Yea some of Zions pretended lovers raised and lifted up it 's to be feared too highly by her are dealing unkindly with her and that under highest pretences of real affection to the name and cause of God and interest of his people as in Isai 66.5 Saying Let the Lord be glorified c. all so much involved in our late publicke transactions but now almost all given up into the hands of those that hate reproach and scorn them which is a sad cause of lamentation and O that it may lie with due sense upon the hearts of all Zions mourners to spread before the Lord as a lamentation and more especially the causes of it some of which are mention'd as I judge Lament 1.8 9. Jerusalem hath grievously sinn'd c. That so we may be led thereby to the cure which I fear we much want as they of old Jer. 8.6 They spake not aright no man repented him of his wickedness saying What have I done Ah! the Lord hath yet a work to do on Mount Zion before the rod can will be removed as in Isa 10.12 Wherefore it shall come to passe that when the Lord hath performed his whole work upon Mount Zion and on Jerusalem c. And were that done judgement would soon return to Righteousnesse and all the upright in heart should follow it But alluding to the Acts 26.8 I would yet say Why should it be thought a thing incredible that God should raise the dead considering what he hath done in this late captives case and what is Prophesied and promised he will do more publickely in the most needful season Isai 5.9 from the first to the sixteenth much our case as thou maiest read at leasure and yet his cure reacheth it mention'd in v. 17. compare also Isa 51.3 where he hath promised to comfort Zion with all her waste places c. and in v. 22 23. Thus saith thy Lord the Lord and thy God that pleadeth the cause of his people Behold I have taken out of thine hand the cup of trembling even the dregs of the cup of my fury thou shalt no more drink it again but I will put it into the hand of them that afflict thee c. And many other pretious words of the like import which I shall not mention here being well considered doth afford us in this vally of Achor a door of hope But that I may not detain thee from this Feast of fat things the best of which is last according to Christs old Method John 2.10 I shall haste to a close in the words of the Psalmist Psal 107.43 Whoso is wise and will observe these things even they shall understand the loving kindnesse of the Lord Which that my soul with thine may be taught to do and improve accordingly I beg thy earnest supplications for me at the throne of grace who am the most unworthy to make mention of the name of the Lord or any concerns of his yet desire to be found in this evil day bearing my part with his poor Mourners having much cause under the sence of my own and sight of other abominations abounding in this day calling to that duty Yet cannot but rejoyce in this great deliverance wrought for this poor soul hoping and longing for the remaining deliverances purchased for and promised to whole Zion which the Lord hasten in his time even so AMEN W. ALLEN Sand in Devon the second day of the first Moneth 1657. To every true Mourner over his own and Zion's sins and sorrows especially to such in the Churches of Christ in Ireland to whom the soul-sinking sorrows of Mistrisse Deborah Huish the Subject of the ensuing treatise was well known John Vernon their Brother in Christ and Companion in Heavinesse for Zions sake wisheth grace for strength in weaknesse to wait still in weeping and supplication until the times of refreshment shall come from the presence of the Lord Amen Even so come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen BEloved you have herewith brought unto you an Olive-branch shewing forth the floods abatement and the rest and safety of the soul that is entered into the Ark of God the ransome of a poor Prisoner out of the Pit indeed in which there was no water which will be I know the more welcome to some of you I hope only to the praise and glory of God on high because you so long wept before his Heavenly Throne and made your humble supplication to him almost unto fainting for her who was bound of Satan so many years yet that the height and depth length and breadth of the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord might be the more admired of all and magnified herein And this Monument of mercy may remain in the Churches throughout all ages towards the support of such as sit in darknesse and see no light I am willing though most unworthy to adde my mite towards the compleating this account of the grace of God extended to my poor late distressed Sister Mistrisse Deborah Huish who is now made rich in Faith through grace and the wise Virgin-subject of this ensuing Relation to the truth of which as delivered by her with much fear and joy with trembling received and faithfully written from her lips by my dear
the mercy of God But behold here the God of truth whose grace is sufficient to support under and deliver effectually from such soul-sinking considerations making Satan appear to be what indeed he is a Lier And seasonably succouring this dejected despairing soul who for a long time had the sentence of death in her self and was far from expecting that blessed issue that is fince brought forth in her soul by the mighty Power and naked Arm of the Lord who hath hereby helped her to see what little reason she had or hath to trust in her self and the sure ground he hath now given her to stay on him as the living God who raiseth the dead so that she is now made able yea willing to acknowledge His great gooddesse that hath delivered her from so great a death 2 Cor. 1.9 10. and doth deliver and is still helped to hope and trust that he will yet deliver and strengthen her Faith to quench all the flâ—y darts of the Devil Behold yet further the exceeding Riches of God's grace not a little illustrated by setting free this Prisoner sometimes even past hope in her own and some others apprehensions She that was for a long season sadly concluding with the distressed Church in Lament 3.18 That her strength and hope was perish'd from the Lord Is now saying with Saul in Acts 9.6 Lord what wilt thou have me to do And with the Psalmist thankfully inquiring What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me And in some measure inabled to resolve with him To take the Cup of Salvation and to call upon the name of the Lord as Psal 116.12 13 14. And she that was lately in her own esteem not so good as a Dog yea to use her own words worse then any Devil is now By the Father of mercies and God of all consolations made meet to be partaker of the inheritance of the Saints in light The sad sentences she had oft past upon her self in the sense of her sins being now gratiously reversed by her Heavenly Father who hath set her feet in a large place so that now if sin Satan her own corruptions or any other spiritual Adversary comes to lay any thing to her Clarge she may be ready the Lord assisting to produce her pardon and able to say from blessed experience as in Rom. 8.33 34. It is God that justifâ—eth who is he that condemneth that it is Christ that died yea rather that is risen again who is even at the right hand of God who also maketh intercession for us And I hope this eminent instance of his grace abounding above the abounding of sin added to other Examples of this kind recorded in his holy word will help to support and succour some poor souls under the like discouragement to hope in his mercy who waits to be gratious and surely he hath gratious ends in affording this and such like deliverances which greatly concernes all persons to labour to understand and improve aright First then let sinners of all sorts both in Zion and out of it from the insuing narrative take notice of the sad ensnaring and soul-destroying nature of sin and the wages of it which this poor soul as she feared had certainly found to be eternal death had not the God of grace whose loving kindnesse is better then life caused her to hear the joyful sound of the voice of the Son of God that her soul might live John 5.25 Secondly from the consideration of the mercy she hath obtained let poor sinners be incited and incouraged to come unto God through Christ for mercy who knows how to multiply pardon to the worst of sinners as in Isai 55.7 with Nehe. 9 17. Especially let such as are inquiring the way to Zion with their faces thitherward Though with trembling hands hearts and all that are planted in the house of the Lord be incouraged to wait upon God who will in no wise cast out those that come unto him Let the first of these labour to look to the Lord that they may be enlightened (a) Psalm 34.5 And let the other be confirm'd in the experience they have had of his great goodnesse that so God may have all the glory from both as a Fruit of this special favour afforded to this his hand-maid in so signal a return of many Prayers for which proportionable praises should wait for and be duly rendered unto our God in Zion who is a present help in the needful time of trouble I shall not adde but to intreat thee to read and consider well before thou censurest or seeme to despise the ensuing subject as the day of small things but labour rather to weigh the worth of this mercy in the Balance of the Sanctuary That so thou mayest understand the end and use of it and be help'd to improve it aright to the praise of the Author of every good and perfect gift and the profit of thine own soul that so thou mayest be able to say with the Prophet of old Micha 7.18 Who is a God like unto thee that pardoneth Iniquity and passeth by the transgressions of the remnant of his heritage that retaineth not his anger for ever because he delightin mercy And from thence be incouraged to wait upon him for the fulfilling that faithful word Isai 40.29 30 31. He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength c. Compared with Psal 27.14 Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart wait I say on the LORD ROB. DOYLY To all both small and great that have either tasted of the rich grace of God or desire to be made partakers thereof through Jesus Christ our Lord. Men and Brethren THough we were very much strangers both to the person and state of this gratious hand-maid of the Lord the subject of this ensuing treatise during the time of her sore bondage and captivity of Spirit and so had no share with those that in a solemn manner expresly on her account sympathized sighed and groaned to God in her behalf Yet having now through grace we trust we may say to the advantage of our souls heard out of her own mouth in the midst of the Congregation to which we belong to wit the Church of Christ at Dalwood in Dorset the wonderful deliverance which God hath wrought fâ—r her poor soul We cannot but in a special manner rejoyce with her and blesse the Most High for his unspeakable mercy That this work is of the Lord and soul-work indeed it speaks for it self to all the wise in heart That the Relation is very faithfully made We do hereby testify having as we said before heard out of her own mouth the substance of the whole who then in point of circumstance would have been more particular and large had not time and the earnest sollicitation of a near Relation of hers whom God had used in some good measure
experience the truth of his word that it doth and shall indure for ever that I might be able from experience to witness to it as so enduring by his never failing nor forsaking me But that I might know him as a God that keeps Covenant and mercy for ever with his people which last words were this day made sweet to my Meditation Also this day hearing in the Family from Psalm 63.8 My soul followeth hard after thee thy right hand upholds me I was able to say I had experienced right hand upholdings and my soul was now taught to beg earnestly for a heart inabled to follow hard after him that hath so upheld that I might follow him resolutely patiently expectingly and constantly as was then minded in that Sermon I also begged I might be kept low in my own eyes under the receipt of mercy looking on the Lord Jesus as the Spring and Fountain of all in me and to me owning the freenesse of his grace to me Especially considering what a Rebel I had been against him and how justly he might have cast me off for ever had it not pleased him to advance riches of grace to me a poor vile undone Creature who desires his name alone may have all the glory and since he hath shewed this mercy to me my souls great fears are lest I should sacrifice to my self But I desire I may for ever be kept in the sence of my own unworthinesse of the least mercy from him upon any other account then the good pleasure of his own will made known in and by Christ to poor sinners Her third Assault Yet this night I was assaulted again with many blasphemous thoughts darted into my soul against God by the tempter causing fears and faintings sometimes Yet I strove against them crying to the Lord for help to resist the Devil desiring he would also work such a holy fear in my heart as I might never more dishonour him who had so gratiously helpt me out of such depths to look towards him and to hope in his mercy who was pleased this night again very gratiously to support me with the same promises at first given in and now again afresh as it were repeated and confirm'd further to my soul And by these he now also upheld me against departing from him after great striving and strugling to keep my hold on the promises I had also a pretious view of the love of God given into my soul though the vilest of sinners which did greatly refresh me enabling me more fully to believe in him and this Scripture (s) 2 Cor. 5.21 was much set upon my heart That he hath made him to be sin for us who knew no sin that we might be made the Righteousnesse of God in him As also that (t) 1 Cor. 1.30 He is made unto us of God Wisdome Righteousnesse Sanctification and Redemption So that I was inabled now to see my self justified and acquit in the sight of God through Christ from all my iniquity which was now hid and covered and God in Christ well pleased with me upon the account of his righteousnesse onely so that I was being thus refreshed inabled to admire his grace to such a poor worthlesse Creature as I was and I had my soul then much enlarged in desires after him that I might be kept in time to come from dishonouring him by unbelief or any other way who had been so gratious yea rich in mercy to one so unworthy yea even unto me who had been such a bitter Enemy unto him Oh this did much commend his love to my soul causing me the more to admire it by reflecting upon what I had been and what I had done against him On the second day of the week I was also carried on for the most part in a holy Admiration of his kindnesse to me Desiring I might still be inabled to depend on him and his grace manifested through Christ Jesus to me and might be inabled still to press hard after him from the manifestation of his love through Christ to my soul as also that I might be inabled to give glory to God by believing and that I might never more by an evil heart of unbelief depart or fly from the Lord or dishonour him by hearkning to the voice of the tempter but might hear and know his voice and follow him and no more the voice of strangers but onely him who had been so abundantly gratious to such an unworthy Creature who never deserved the least dram of his grace or mercy but the greatest of his wrath and fury to be poured out upon me And that such a sence of my undone condition and his right-hand-help extended to me in it might teach me for ever to ascribe grace glory to his name that only it also was now my souls Request that I might be inbled to return thanks in truth to him by my unfeigned obedience to all his commands also by searching after the more clear knowledge of his will in any thing wherein I might yet be dark or ignorant desiring that I might neither despise neglect or contemn any of his Commands though reckoned small or contemptible in the eye of the world but that what ever his mind is I should do I might be inabled to honour him therein freely and sincerely though never so weakly and might never willingly neglect any Command of his but might with full purpose of heart cleave to him and his wayes no more sinfully to depart from them whatever I may be exposed to that the truth and integrity of my heart might even appear to the glory of God in my being sound a follower of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises The second day of the week at night I had a more large view of the Lords love and more refreshings then I had before And I was now inabled to see that all sorts of good was laid up for me in Christ both for soul and body from that Scripture (u) Col. 1.19 For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulnesse dwell And this fulnesse I saw was laid up in him for all believers and I was made to see that all that good contained in any of the promises it was in him and by him given out to believers through the promises and that it should be enjoyed by believers in him with unspeakable safety and certainty he never failing any that trust in him for he hath said None that trust in him shall be desolate nor should any be able to pluck them out of his hand nor out of his Fathers hand who is greater then he These with many other pretious promises did then flow in abundantly to my soul carrying me out of my self by faith to him so that I was inabled to resign up my self and commit the keeping of my soul and all that I have and am to him whom I had found thus faithful and also able to keep what