more ungodliness You doe not so much as resolve against every known sin but your hearts are fully set in you to doe wickedly you doe not watch against it before it be committed but run your selves upon temptations and after it is committed are you ashamed nay you are not at all ashamed neither can you blush none of you smiteth upon the thigh saying What have I done None of you repenteth him of his wickedness as those holy men did from whose example of sinning but not of turning from their sinne you fetch so much comfort But you hope you shall repent too at last at last Why doe you not endeavour it at present Doe you think you can repent when you will or have you any engagement upon God that whensoever you please hee should work it in you Qui promisit poenitenti veniam non promisit differenti poenitentiam He that hath promised to grant a pardon to the penitent hath no where promised to grant repentance to him that delayes to repent How can you expect it you have rather cause to feare that hee will give you over to a reprobate minde Romans 1.28 and to your owne hearts lusts Psalme 81.12 that you may live all your dayes in your sinnes and at last dye in them John 8.24 and afterwards bee damned for them 2 Thes 2.12 Wherefore as the Holy Ghost saith To day if yee will heare his voice harden not your hearts lest hee swear in his wrath you shall not enter into my rest Heb. 3.7 XI There is a time even in this life after which God will shew no mercy it is possible to sinne away a day of Grace long before you dye and then though you call upon him hee will not answer though you seek him early you shall not finde him for that you hated knowledge and did not chuse the fear of the Lord you would none of his counsell you despised all his reproof Therefore you shall eate of the fruit of your owne way and be filled with your owne devices for the turning away of the simple shall slay you and the prosperity of fooles shall destroy you Prov. 1.28 32. Beware therefore of going on any longer against your light presently abandon every known sin practise every known duty necessity is laid upon you and woe be to you if you doe it not Though you should make never so glorious a profession though you should performe never so many duties if you stick but at one so that you will not performe that too it is impossible but you should bee shut out of heaven as you may see in the Story of the Young man Luke 18.22 And though you should abandon never so many sinnes if you sticke but at one so that you will not abandon that too it is impossible but you should bee turned into Hell out of which there is no redemption there you must lye and lye to all eternity Thinke upon this and then see whether it bee best to gratifie the flesh either by the forbearance of any known duty or practise of any known sinne as you doe Let not the example of the generality of the World move you better goe to Heaven with a few than to Hell in the crowd Thus much Readers I thought fit to preface as a necessary preparative to the profitable reading of this Treatise of SELF-DENIAL The blessing of the Lord goe along with it Not else but that I am Your Servant in the work of the Gospel Theoph. Polwheile To not only the Christian Reader but to any Reader that hath a mind or if not that hee may have a mind to be a Christian and that not only in shew but in truth not only in word but in deed SElf-denial bless us what a strange hard word what a prodigious and monstrous thing is this saith poor selfish man Self-denial forsooth what am not I my self Doe not I my self live and live for my self How can I bee a man and put off the man How can I be my self and deny my self Is it not to be beside my self and that 's to be mad to be without my self Thus alas doth poor man play the foole in wit he rageth and is confident as if there were such good reason for and such good sense in self-seeking as that the Doctrine of Self-denial were but a Paradox yea an absurdity a contradiction and very non-sense He highly applaudes even to admiration that by him mistaken and mis-interpreted saying of Solomon Prov. 9.12 if thou bee wise thou shalt be wise for thy self and for his part he will praise none but them that doe well unto themselves Psal 49.18 he will admit none to the name of wise and worthy persons but dismiss them for a company of un-intelligent in-significant and poore spirited Sneakes yea for dull Sots witless Dolts and God Almighties Fools that preferre not themselves before every thing else Man indeed is so dear to himself that Self-interest seemes to be his all in all the first mover the circumference and center of all he doth the principle from the rule by the end for which he acts any good or forbears to act any evil and this is natural to him but though Nature be master of this Art and can teach man to seek his owne good yet Nature is not such a Doctor in Divinity nor hath attained to such a degree of learning and wisedome as to teach man wherein his true good and interest lies so that it is no wonder that poore man is filled with indignation at such a word much more at such a thing as Self-denial is Alas in what a sad uneasie and restless condition must poor man be that hath a nature so freely inclined and strongly addicted to his owne interest and yet is not owner of a judgement and discretion able and acute enough to tell him what it is and how it may be attained so that did not God who is a God of grace and mercy take pitty on poore man for so I must alwayes call him he would doe nothing but undoe himself and that by seeking himself But God God blessed and to bee blessed for evermore who is a Lover of Soules and the preserver of men who would not that they should perish but that all men should come to the knowledge of the truth and bee saved God I say hath shewn in and by his Word what is mans good and wherein his true interest and happiness doth consist how hee may love seek and save himself which is so dear unto him beside ex abundanti which is a wonder God invites and if I may so speak courts man hereunto not that hee needs man for he is God happy for evermore whether man be saved or damned but by the most obligeing and most indearing way in the World that man himself may be the gainer and injoy himself in the injoyment of a good infinitely better than himself even God himself When God exhorts and perswades man to obedience why is
and calamity that is now upon us and surely it is not for nothing Wee cannot expect that the Lord should turn unto us in a way of mercy and blessing unless wee turn unto the Lord in a way of repentance and obedience Let us therefore consider our wayes if they bee not the wayes of the Lord that wee now walk in we must of necessity turn out of them before wee can turn unto the Lord and this wee cannot do unless wee search and try them for those that are out of their way and yet think they are right will never turn back but go on further and further till they quite lose themselves It is evident then from this Scripture how needful it is in order to the practice of Self-denial that wee search and try our wayes And certainly if ever wee mean to do any thing to purpose herein wee must make a thorough search and scrutiny into our hearts and wayes an exact inquiry into our principles our rules our ends and aimes in all our undertakings wee must throughly sift our thoughts affections that wee may see what bran of selfishness lyes at the bottome For how can a man deny himself that doth not understand any thing in himself that should bee denied The first step toward a cure is to finde out the disease It would bee very advantagious therefore and that which would much conduce to our success in this work to have much in our thoughts these two things The possibility of being deceived and the difficulty of the discovery The one would provoke us to jealousie the other would quicken us to diligence 1 The possibility of being deceived Wee should enter upon the examination of ourselves with such a supposition as this ' There may be much more of Self in mee than I have ever yet taken notice of It is good to have a holy jealousie of our selves this would make us very cautelous and wary in the trial of our selves as when a Magistrate meets with a suspicious person it makes him inquire the more narrowly into him that so hee may discover the better what hee is Object But I have been of the opinion a long time that I have denied my self and have had much peace and comfort in it why then should I suspect my self and thereby create new troubles in my conscience Answ 1. When the strong man keeps the house all is in peace Luke 11.21 So long as Self bears rule and there is nothing to disturb him no wonder that all is quiet 2 Some that have thought so have notwithstanding at the last found that they were deceived Matth. 7.22 3 It is more than probable that thou art the man because that thou art unwilling to come to the trial Joh. 3.20 21. 4 Unless thou hast very good grounds so to think of thy self it is but a meer fancy and imagination Jer. 44.20 5 The comfort that this gives will quickly vanish Eccles 7.6 and leave the greater anguish and vexation behinde it Isa 50.11 But 6 Grant it bee true as thou sayest yet let him that standeth take heed lest hee fall 1 Cor. 10.12 A self-doubting Christian will stand when a self confident one will fall Give mee leave therefore to set before you a few instances out of the word the serious consideration whereof may provoke you to jealousie 1 It is possible for a man to have a forme of godliness and yet to bee altogether under the power of Self 2 Tim. 3.2.5 For men shall bee lovers of themselves having a i 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 speciemant imaginem Grot. L'apparerce Fren. A lively image or face of godliness drawn to the life form of godliness Self and the Form do very well agree wheresoever they meet for though to live in the least sin cannot consist with the power of godliness yet to live in the greatest may consist with the form of godliness because there is nothing in the form to contradict self 2 It is possible for a man to hear the Word and to receive it with joy and yet not to have learnt in any respect truly to deny himself as hee that received the seed into stony places Mat. 13.20 21. Herod heard John Baptist gladly 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 sweetly Mar. 6.20 yet hee could not deny himself hee kept his Herodias still and for her sake afterwards beheaded him vers 27. 3 It is possible to bee much conversant in the performance of the strictest duties and yet to have respect to the satisfying of some base self-end in all that is done as they Isa 58. of whom God saith They seek mee daily and delight to know my wayes as a Nation that did righteousness and for sook not the Ordinance of their God they ask of mee the Ordinances of Justice they take delight in approaching to God vers 2. and yet hee tells them Behold in the day of your East yee finde pleasure and exact all your labours Behold you fast for strife and debate and to smite with the fist of wickedness vers 3.4 4 It is possible to desire and endeavour after spiritual gifts and yet to aime at nothing else but self-advancement in ones endeavours after them as Simon Magus Act. 8.19 5 It is possible to be a zealous preacher of Christ and yet to preach onely out of envy and strife and not of good will Phil. 1.15 16. 6 It is possible to pretend much to liberality and to speak much on the behalf of the poor and yet bee very covetous as Judas Joh. 12.6 7 It is possible to bee zealous and active in reformation and the execution of justice and yet to do all to serve ones own turn as Jehu 2 King 10.16 8 It is possible to bee zealous in reproving of others and yet continue in the same or worse evils at the very same time as the Hypocrite Matth. 7.3 4 5. and the hypocritical Preacher Rom. 2.21.22 9 It is possible to bee very confident of cleaving unto Christ and yet afterwards to deny him to save ones self as Peter who when our Saviour told the Disciples that they should all bee offended because of him presently returned this answer Though all men shall bee offended because of thee yet will I never bee offended and yet afterwards hee denied him thrice and twice with cursing and swearing Matth. 26.70.74 Many more instances might bee given but these may suffice to shew how easily wee may bee mistaken in our selves and our actions and therefore how needful it is to begin and to proceed in this work of self-trial with a godly jealousie More may possibly bee discovered than at first wee could have imagined was in us and yet when wee have done all much will lye hid And therefore there is another thing that should also bee much in our thoughts and that is 2 The difficulty of the discovery The heart of man is deceitful above all things who can know it Jer. 17.9 Two things there are which render it very
every wicked servant will bee found to have been a slothful servant at the Day of Judgement Matth. 25.26 But 2 If this were true that some such persons act adultimum virium to the uttermost of their power yet it follows not that therefore it is fit that God should give them grace nor doth God give any one grace upon that account for when they have done all that they can in this unregenerate state what is it that they have done why nothing well-pleasing and acceptable unto God because as the Apostle says f Rom. 8.7 8 The carnal minde is enmity against God for it is not subject to the Law of God neither indeed can be whence hee concludes that they that are in the flesh cannot please God Now is it fit that God should give them grace for doing that which doth displease him Again as faith without works is dead so works without faith are dead also and if they be dead works and not the service of the living God as the Apostle saith they are Heb. 9.14 how can a man by such works deserve to have grace What a monstrous thing is it that vice should merit vertue that a man by sinning against God should deserve to bee partaker of his holiness That Natural men may doe some things that are materially good there is none will deny but that they can doe any thing formally good smells too much of the Pelagian Forge and is manifestly contradictory to the Word of God which tells us that whatsoever such men doe is sin Prov. 21.4 Titus 1.15 And therefore most certain it is they can doe nothing to prepare themselves for conversion nothing to move God either to vouchsafe them the means of grace or to make them effectual as these men vainly teach t Dr. Twisse against Hoard Lib. 2. This is the peculiar glory of Gods grace to make us perfect in every good work and to work in us that which is pleasing in his sight through Jesus Christ and this he doth according to his good pleasure Phil. 2.13 Hebrews 13.21 for Grace is not conferred according to works that was condemned as a pestilent Doctrine long agoe in the Synod of Palestine and all along in divers Councels against the Pelagians That the Gospel prevails upon some and not upon others to whom it is preached whom it still leaves in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity our Saviour ascribes it wholly to the good pleasure of God as the only reason of it I thank thee Father Lord of heaven and earth that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent and hast revealed them unto babes even so Father for so it seemed good in thy sight Matth. 11.25 26. And Judas not Iscariot hearing him say that If any man loved him he would manifest himself unto him replies with wonder Lord how is it that thou wilt manifest thy self unto us and not unto the world as if hee had said There was nothing in us more than in them that could move thee to it we were by nature the Children of wrath as well as others It is not only true of Election but of Vocation also It is not of him that willeth nor of him that runneth but of God that sheweth mercy The grace of God is preventing grace it meets us in the way of sin even while wee are running away from God we doe not seek it first but it seeks us and findes us out in our lost condition that wee might seek it afterwards and having found it may be careful to keep it as Isa 65.1 I am sought of them that asked not for me w Non ergo putandum est cum Pelagianis gratiam dari ex merito iis communicari qui eam antea quaesiverunt Non enim quaeritur gratia sine gratia quae prima homisem perditum in se quaerit invenis ut postea eam quaerat censervet inventam R. vet in loc Exercitor in Gen 52. I am found of them that sought me not I said behold me be hold me unto a Nation that was not called by my name Therefore if wee have any evidence of a real work of grace in our hearts in any measure wrought by the Spirit of God let us cry Grace Grace unto it let us say unto the Lord as Mephibosheth unto David 2 Sam. 9.8 What are thy Servants that thou shouldest look upon such dead Doggs as we are And thus much for this first particular of Self-denial in respect of inherent grace the not ascribing it to our selves as the cause neither the efficient nor meritorious cause of it In the next place to deny Self in respect of inherent grace is 2 Not to rest upon it as the righteousness whereby wee are justified in the sight of God It is not a righteousness inherent but imputed whereby we are justified Righteousness inherent is a necessary antocedent of glorification 2 Thes 2.13 the subject of reconciliation is an enemy Rom. 5.10 of Justification a Sinner Rom. 4.5 but of Glorification a Saint Acts 26 18 it is also a necessary concomitant of Justification I Corinth 1.30 Rom. 8.29 30. where God doth alter and change the state there hee doth mend the condition by the operation of his holy Spirit but it is not the formal cause of it as Bellarmine and other Papists teach Iustification is a gracious sentence of God whereby for Christs sake apprehended by faith he doth absolve the Beleever from Sin and Death and accounts him righteous unto life x Non est Physica transmutatio qualitatum in haerentium sed moralis vel relativa transmutatia status qualis est mutatio hominis qui per condonationem creditoris ex debitore fit non debitor Ames Bellarmin Enervar Tom. 4.132 It doth not denote any Physical or real change of disposition but a judicial or relative change of state such a change as consists in pronouncing of a sentence and in reputation But to him that worketh not but beleeveth on him that justifieth the ungodly his faith is counted for righteousness Rom. 4.5 where this phrase Faith is counted for righteousness is all one with that in the sixth verse God imputeth righteousness without works What this righteousness is that is there said to bee imputed the Apostle afterwards tells us Cap. 5.19 where he saith that as by one mans disobedience many were made sinners even so by the obedience of one shall many bee made righteous by which hee shews that the righteousness whereby we are justified is the obedience of Christ his active and passive obedience and therefore not a righteousness inherent in our selves but imputed to us for 1. It is the obedience of Christ and 2. The text saith that we are made righteous by that obedience in the same manner as we are made Sinners by the disobedience of Adam which is by y Non potest intelligi quomode in obedientia Adami constitueret posteros
detur alicui pro aliquâsententiâ cum judicio prolata non est meritum sed donum simpliciter River ibi proportion to the reward but betwixt our good works and the reward there is no proportion our good works are not tanti they are not so much worth that eternal life should be given for them our light performances cannot in this sense work for us a farre more exceeding eternal weight of glory Therefore when ever any such proud conceits of deserving doe arise in our hearts as rise they will so long as any thing of Self is in us we must endeavour to suppresse them casting our selves wholly upon the Free Grace and mercy of God in Christ pleading his righteousnesse and expecting whatever wee stand in need of upon his account And so much for this third Subsection of denying Self in respect of good works SVBSECT IV. Of denying Self in respect of a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the things that are in the world 1 Joh. 2.15 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the things of the world 1 Cor. 7.33 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the things that are upon the earth Col. 3.2 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 earthly things Phil. 3.19 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the things of the flesh Rom. 8.5 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 carnal things 1 Cor. 9.11 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the things that pertaine to this life 1 Cor. 6.3 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 things present Rom. 8.38 c. 1 Cor. 3.22 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 things that are seen 2 Cor. 4.18 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 temporal things ibid. worldly Enjoyments THere is much by way of Self-denial also required in respect of worldly enjoyments all which may bee reduced unto these three heads Pleasures Profits and Honours according to that of the Apostle 1 Joh. 2.16 All that is in the world the lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes and the pride of life For the right understanding of the Duty as it is to be practised in reference unto these things I shall speak to it as before in reference to the former particulars both Negatively and Affirmatively 1 Negatively It is not meant that we may not make use of Creature-comforts but only in case of necessity God gives us not only for necessity but delight also There was no necessity that there should be Wine at that Marriage Feast in Cana of Galilee Joh. 2.1 yet for the greater pleasure and delight of those that were bidden and to shew that a more liberal use of the Creatures at such a time was not unlawful our Saviour turned abundance of water into Wine and that the richest Wine too God gives to all men liberally and upbraideth not but especially to Beleevers he envies them not the use of Creatures having bestowed himself upon them A Beleever hath the best right of any unto the Creatures and hee may more warrantably take comfort in them than any other can All things are yours saith the Apostle to the beleeving Corinthians things present as well as things to come 1 Cor. 3.23 It hath been an occasion of much inward trouble and disquietnesse to many especially young Converts that apprehending so much of their owne vilenesse and unworthinesse by reason of their sinfulnesse and being ignorant of their Christian liberty they have thought they might not lawfully make use of those outward comforts and refreshments which God hath given to sweeten their way to Heaven but certainly the due circumstances being observed we may with b The care of the outward man bindes conscience so farre as that wee should neglect nothing which may help us in a cheerful serving of God in our places and tend to the due honour of our bodies which are the Temples of the Holy Ghost and companions with our souls in all performances Doctor Sibbes Soules conflict c. 13. Sect. 13. Our flesh is to bee subdued to reason not to infirmities that it may be a Servant to the Soul but not a burden Rein. treat of Pass 164. better leave make use of them than refuse them There is no vertue in bodily abstinence considered in it self nor is it any otherwise profitable than as it serves to keep the body in subjection to the government of the soul sometimes indeed God calls to extraordinary humiliation and then we must fast wee must afflict our bodies as well as our souls and yet even then if by reason of weaknesse wee should not bee able to hold out in the duty a moderate refreshment by eating and drinking is permitted to us 1 But to fast at c Jejunandum quidem est necessitate corporis castigandi ne superbiat contra spiritum sed non secundum regulam praescriptum Pomeranus set times as if our fasting were more acceptable to God at such times than at other to abstaine from some meats as if they might not lawfully be eaten or to afflict the body as if the whole of mortification did consist in that this is Superstition and though it should be taught or enjoyned us under never so much shew of Devotion and Self-denial we may not submit to it Wherefore if yee be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world saith the Apostle to the Colossians why as though living in the world are yee subject unto Ordinances touch not taste not handle not which all are to perish with the using after the Commandements and Doctrines of men which things have indeed a shew of wisdome in Will-worship and humility and neglecting of the body or punishing or not sparing the body not in any honour d Hoc est pro modo necessitatis quantum carnisitis est pro sustentatione conservatione corporis Marlorat to the satisfying of the flesh Col. 2.20 21 22 23 24. Some place so much of their religion in these and such like forbearances that they are ready to condemne all others of Libertinisme and Prophanenesse that make not like conscience of them that they themselves doe Our Saviour came eating and drinking and they said 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Behold a man gluttonous and a wine-bibber a friend of Publicans and Sinners Matth. 11.19 It is hard escaping a Censure when blinde Zeal is to be Judge Men cannot endure that others should make bold where they themselves out of a superstitious conceit dare not so much as meddle The greatest contests amongst Professors many of them doe arise from hence that they will not allow one another their just liberty in things indifferent but making more sins than God hath made condemn one another at their owne will and pleasure without any warrant from the Word at all what is this but to usurpe the place and authority of God There is one Law-giver that is able to save and to destroy who art thou that judgest another Jam. 4.12 It is not for us to make either sins or duties To condemne men for that which the Law of God doth not condemn is to judge the Law it self Jam. 4.11 and
throughly sensible of the desert of their most horrible Sin in renouncing his most blessed Truth to the undaunted and constant profession whereof notwithstanding out of the superabounding riches of his grace hee recovered them againe so that most resolutely and cheerfully afterwards they sealed it with their bloud But it hapned otherwise to that unparalleld example of Divine Justice Francis Spira who after his Abjuration being suddainly Thunder-struck with the terrible and amazing Sentence of his eternal Condemnation was plunged irrecoverably for ought that appeared to the contrary into the bottomless gulph of Despair This wretched man being accused to the Popes Legate for professing and teaching some of Luthers opinions this especially That wee must only depend on the Free Grace and unchangeable love of God in the death of Christ as the only sure way of Salvation and being summoned to appear before him after some consideration had of the manifold danger hee was in and resolution taken up to stand to his profession and to maintaine his Doctrine notwithstanding hee began to think with himself what misery this his rashnesse would bring him unto that he should lose his substance gotten with so much care and travell undergoe the most exquisite torments that malice it self could devise be counted an Heretick of all and in the conclusion dye shamefully Hereupon he goes to the Legate and acknowledgeth his fault in entertaining an Opinion concerning some Articles of Faith contrary to the Orthodox and received Judgement of the Church of Rome professing his hearty sorrow for it and humbly begging pardon for so great an offence The Legate perceiving him to faint pursued him to the uttermost caused him to subscribe this Confession and made him promise that at his returne to his owne Towne hee would declare it to the people acknowledge the whole Doctrine of the Church of Rome and abjure the Opinions of Luther as false and Heretical Spira having promised in this manner forth-with addresseth himself for his journey homeward but as he went along thinking with himself how impiously hee had denyed Christ and his Gospel at Venice and engaged himself to doe it the second time in his owne Country hee thought hee heard a voyce speaking unto him in this manner Spira What dost thou here whether goeft thou hast thou unhappy man given thy hand-writing to the Legate at Venice yet see thou dost not seal it in thine owne Country thou canst not answer for what thou hast already done nevertheless the gate of Mercy is not quite shut take heed that thou heapest not sin upon sin lest thou repent when it will be too late This filled him so full of doubts and perplexing thoughts that hee knew not which way to turne nor what to doe but afterwards being arrived in his owne Country and advised by his friends telling him That it was requisite he should take heed that he did not in any wise betray his Wife and Children and all his friends into danger seeing that by so small a matter as the recitiug of a small Schedule which might be done in lesse space than half an hour he might both free himself from present danger and preserve many that depended on him he goes to the Praetor and proffers to performe his fore-said promise made to the Legate and the next morning hee desperately enters into the publick Congregation where Masse being finished in the presence of friends and enemies and of the whole Assembly yea and of Heaven it selfe hee recites that infamous Abjuration word for word as it was written then was hee sent home restored to his e Hee was a Civil Lawyer an Advocate of great rank and esteeme endowed with outward blessings of Wife and eleven Children and wealth in abundance Dignities Goods Wife and Children but no sooner was he departed but he thought he heard a direful voyce saying to him Thou wicked wretch thou hast denied mee thou hast renounced the covenant of thy obedience thou bast broken thy vow hence Apostate bear with thee the Sentence of thy eternal Damnation Hee trembling and quaking in body and mind fell downe in a swoon and from that time forward never found any peace or ease of his mind but continuing in uncessant torments hee professed that hee was captivated under the revenging hand of the great God and that hee heard continually that fearful Sentence of Christ that just Judge and was utterly undone Phisicians were sent for but they could effect nothing by their skill upon him and therefore after they had understood the whole truth of the matter wished him to seek some Spiritual comfort They that came to administer Spiritual comfort to him propounded many of Gods promises recorded in the Scripture and many examples of Gods mercy but My Sin said hee is greater than the Mercy of God They told him that God would have all men to be saved he answered He would not have damned reprobates to bee saved I am one of that number I know it for I willingly and against my knowledge denied Christ the Mercy of God extends not to me nor any like to me who are sealed up to Wrath I tell you I deserve it my owne Conscience condemnes mee what needeth any other Judge Some bade him consider the example of Peter who denied Christ thrice and with an Oath and yet Christ was merciful to him Hee answered In that he was pardoned it was not because he wept but because God was gracious to him but God respects not mee and therefore I am a reprobate no comfort can enter into my heart there is no place there but only for torments and vexings of spirit I tell you my case is properly my owne no man ever was in like plight and therefore my estate is fearful Then roaring out in the bitterness of his spirit he said It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God Some whispering said that hee was possessed which he over-hearing it said Doe you doubt it I have a whole Legion of Devils that take up their dwellings within mee and possesse me as their owne and that justly too for I have denied Christ Whether did you that willingly or no said they That is nothing to the purpose said hee Christ saith Whosoever denies me before men him will I deny before my Father which is in Heaven Christ will not bee denied no not in word and therefore it is enough though in heart I never denied him They asked him whether he thought there were worse paines than what hee endured for the present hee said That he knew there were farre worse paines for the wicked shall rise to their Judgement but they shall not stand in Judgement this I tremble to think of yet I desire nothing more than that I might come to that place where I may be sure to feele the worst and bee freed from fear of worse to come Why doe you said they esteeme this so grievous a sin when as the learned Legate constrained